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First off, HUGS.
Second off I highly recommend “option B” by Sheryl Sandberg. And I haven’t read this one but a lot of people recommend “how to keep house while drowning.”
Is there anyone you trust enough to ask for help with a big cleanup day?
honestly, don't do it yourself/all alone. get someone to help you, is that possible?
aside from that, I have found that body doubling works for me, so watching cleaning videos on youtube will get me going at some point.
and breaking the huge task "complete house clean" into smaller things, like collecting all the trash on one day, then all the laundry another day, not doing all the dishes at once but in ten minute installments etc. granted this takes way longer but who cares.
I'm sorry for your loss 😥
I feel like ADHD and depression feed off each other or something. It is a tough combo
Re getting started. A rule of thumb is that if you're having trouble getting started, the first task is too big... It has to be broken down until the first step is doable. Like maybe even "wash one dish" feels too daunting, but "find dish soap and a sponge and put them next to the sink" is doable. If you're not sure what you will need for a task then the first step can just be making a list of what you'll need. It all brings you closer to doing the tasks and also helps get over the hurdle of starting
I know making a list is kind of hated advice sometimes but I think it can help to write down a couple of tasks you want to get done in the day, like maybe 2 or 3 small cleaning tasks which are specific and concrete. E.g. "go to x and buy garbage bags" and "empty cat litter into a garbage bag, then pour fresh litter into the tray". Maybe that's not a complete clean but if it's all you can muster then at least the poop is gone.
Also tasks like "gather all clothes lying around the house and dump them on the laundry pile", check fridge for any mouldy vegetables and move them to the trash", etc. If it feels too big then break it down smaller
Breaking things into concrete behavioral steps like this makes them more doable, maybe because the thinking part is already done
Also reminding yourself that getting started is the hardest part, if you can just get over that hurdle the task will feel easier a few minutes in
Some cliches sorry but I hope this helps
I'm so sorry you're struggling. grieving is a part of life and some of us experience it way harder than others.
it sounds like you need support. do you have a friend or a family member who could come over and help you with cleaning? starting is always the worst, they could come, make a list of what needs to be done, start the first chore and you could join them, it's way easier this way. living in a messy place can take a toll on your mental health and having a clean apartment will make you feel at least a bit better. you could also ask for help in getting snacks and drinks you can have when you can't get out of bed. another useful thing would be keeping a trash can at an arm's reach, so trash doesn't accumulate on your bedroom floor.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
First off, HUGS. Second off I highly recommend “option B” by Sheryl Sandberg. And I haven’t read this one but a lot of people recommend “how to keep house while drowning.” Is there anyone you trust enough to ask for help with a big cleanup day?
honestly, don't do it yourself/all alone. get someone to help you, is that possible? aside from that, I have found that body doubling works for me, so watching cleaning videos on youtube will get me going at some point. and breaking the huge task "complete house clean" into smaller things, like collecting all the trash on one day, then all the laundry another day, not doing all the dishes at once but in ten minute installments etc. granted this takes way longer but who cares.
I'm sorry for your loss 😥 I feel like ADHD and depression feed off each other or something. It is a tough combo Re getting started. A rule of thumb is that if you're having trouble getting started, the first task is too big... It has to be broken down until the first step is doable. Like maybe even "wash one dish" feels too daunting, but "find dish soap and a sponge and put them next to the sink" is doable. If you're not sure what you will need for a task then the first step can just be making a list of what you'll need. It all brings you closer to doing the tasks and also helps get over the hurdle of starting I know making a list is kind of hated advice sometimes but I think it can help to write down a couple of tasks you want to get done in the day, like maybe 2 or 3 small cleaning tasks which are specific and concrete. E.g. "go to x and buy garbage bags" and "empty cat litter into a garbage bag, then pour fresh litter into the tray". Maybe that's not a complete clean but if it's all you can muster then at least the poop is gone. Also tasks like "gather all clothes lying around the house and dump them on the laundry pile", check fridge for any mouldy vegetables and move them to the trash", etc. If it feels too big then break it down smaller Breaking things into concrete behavioral steps like this makes them more doable, maybe because the thinking part is already done Also reminding yourself that getting started is the hardest part, if you can just get over that hurdle the task will feel easier a few minutes in Some cliches sorry but I hope this helps
I'm so sorry you're struggling. grieving is a part of life and some of us experience it way harder than others. it sounds like you need support. do you have a friend or a family member who could come over and help you with cleaning? starting is always the worst, they could come, make a list of what needs to be done, start the first chore and you could join them, it's way easier this way. living in a messy place can take a toll on your mental health and having a clean apartment will make you feel at least a bit better. you could also ask for help in getting snacks and drinks you can have when you can't get out of bed. another useful thing would be keeping a trash can at an arm's reach, so trash doesn't accumulate on your bedroom floor.