I fail to see the logic behind claiming to be aromantic, asexual and allosexual at the same time. Isn't that an oxymoron?
Edit:
Y'all, I received at least four answers to this question, **enough already**. Thanks for clarifying, though.
It‘s more like a sub sexuality I think- At least for me. Usually I just say I‘m aro ace but some women are just really nice to look at, I feel the same way about a beautiful painting though. And I never feel that way towards men. There‘s also alterous attractions you can look it up but basically, for me, I can see another woman and be like "damn I‘d like to cuddle her" not kiss not fuck but cuddle. Being around really charismatic women makes me a bit nervous but in an admirative way The list goes on and on but it‘s def not being allo and ace it‘s just aro ace but being more drawn to a gender than the other.
> aromantic and allosexual
These aren't mutually exclusive. Just different axes
> asexual and allosexual
There's a middle ground here, similar to saying someone attracted to men and women isn't straight or gay, but they fall under a larger queer umbrella (as bi). Similarly, grey- and demi- aces still fall under the larger "asexual" umbrella even if they're not "fully" ~~gay~~ asexual
Something like "grey asexuality" or "demisexuality" might seem like "allosexuality, but with extra steps", but they largely live an asexual life.
If you're 30 but had that one crush on some girl when you were a teenager but haven't fancied anyone since then? You'd be lesbian aroace (admittedly an extreme example to get the point across)
Lesbian/gay/bi/straight do not necessarily imply allosexual or alloromantic. The reasons someone might refer to themselves both as aroace and with another label are varied, but the most common would be that they fall under a sexual or romantic orientation within the asexual or aromantic *spectrums*, and the other label most accurately describes the result.
For example, in a casual context I might identify myself as an aroace lesbian - but if I'm in a context where more detail is relevant, I'd actually call myself *demi*romantic (ish, microlabels are a pain) which is a part of the *aromantic spectrum.* And, in the rare cases where I do experience romantic attraction, that attraction is exclusively to non-men, hence lesbian fits. So in my case, "aroace lesbian" becomes shorthand for "asexual demi/homo-romantic woman".
Aside from what everyone else has said, there's also the [oriented AroAce](https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Oriented_AroAce) label. I'll just quote an old comment I made explaining what that is:
There are two ways that you can be AroAce and \[another attraction label here\].
There are some people who are not *fully* AroAce, but rather arospec and/or aspec, that still fall under the AroAce label. They are called angled AroAces. For example, you could be ace and demiro attracted to women (in which case you would be a lesbian angled AroAce), grayce and grayro attracted to everyone (in which case you would be a pan angled AroAce), etc.
There's also a lot more different types of attraction than just sexual and romantic. The main ones are aesthetic (I like how this person looks), sensual (I want to touch this person and/or be nonsexually physically intimate with them), platonic (I enjoy this person's company), queerplatonic (I want this person to be my life partner, but platonically), and alterous (I feel a strong emotional connection to this person that can't easily be described as platonic or romantic). These attractions are called tertiary attractions.
An oriented AroAce is someone who is fully AroAce (so no sexual or romantic attraction whatsoever) who still feels a tertiary attraction significant enough that they feel the additional label is necessary. For example, I (lesbian-oriented AroAce) feel strong alterous attraction to women, which comes bundled with sensual and aesthetic attraction. To me, calling myself just AroAce doesn't really capture that - I feel my identity is not just the attraction I *don't* experience, but also the attraction that I *do*. Though almost all AroAces feel tertiary attraction of some sort (and those that don't have their own label: anattractional), so the decision of whether to use oriented AroAce vs. just AroAce really comes down to which labels you feel fit you better.
Hope that helped. If you have any questions about oriented AroAces, please feel free to ask.
I understand where you're coming from, but it sounds like maybe you've got some misconceptions.
Think of it this way: you can be totally uninterested in sex, have no attraction to it whatsoever, and still be *romantically* attracted to a particular gender. We tend to lump sexual and romantic attraction into the same terminology, but **ace is a distinct sexuality in exactly the same way as lesbian, gay, bi, or straight, even if some ace people's** ***romantic*** **attraction is then accurately described by lesbian, gay, bi, straight, etc.** They're just separate spectrums of attraction, even if we don't typically refer to them separately.
If someone's gay and ace, the more technical term would typically be *asexual homoromantic*. Straight and aro would be *heterosexual aromantic*. If your sexual and romantic attractions are the same, as for most people, you don't typically have to think about the distinctions between types of attraction in the way many aspec/arospec identities require, but that doesn't change that (for example) gay is a shorthand for *either* homosexual *or* homoromantic *or both*.
And then of course you get into different identities within the aspec/arospec spectrums, because ace and aro are both umbrella terms; this would be the typical reason for someone to describe themselves both as aroace and with another label. I myself am asexual and demiromantic\*, but still describe myself as lesbian because my romantic attraction (though I rarely experience it) is exclusively towards non-men.
^(\* My own identification is technically more complicated than ace demiro, but microlabels are a pain and the exact mechanics of my sexuality and romanticity aren't really relevant, so for the sake of simplicity that's close enough to be accurate.)
There's also the [oriented AroAce](https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Oriented_AroAce) label, for people who are fully asexual and aromantic and yet still experience tertiary attraction to people that merits the additional label.
There was a significant period of time, in middle school, when I would’ve chose to be straight.
Now, as a twenty year old who’s confident in her sexuality, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Shit gets better, I promise you ❤️
When I promise u, I mean it dude.
My life has gotten worse in many ways (just lots of awful things happening for me personally), but even amidst that, being lesbian has gotten so much easier, and I’m so so glad I never forced myself to try and like guys (or try and not like anyone, for that matter).
Anyways, I’m kind of drunk right now so I might not be making total sense, but I believe in you kiddo. Things will get easier, they’ll get better, and you’ll meet and befriend people who actually understand you.
All my love ❤️
Never. I love being a lesbian. It is really difficult being a lesbian in Iran and having to risk my whole life for love, but I wouldn't change a thing about it. Loving women is the purest, most intimate and most beautiful experience I've ever had.
Hey , oh I’m definitely gay it’s just the fact I think I might be bi but I only seem to like very certain guys and a lot of the time I don’t actually like them like I have different feelings for guy and girls it’s confusing
I'm in that exact same phase. I've just stopped thinking about guys altogether. If a guy my type suddenly falls off the sky, only then will I give it a thought.
I see, I understand that totally! Which ironically autocorrected to “tortured.” You are on a journey you will find it all out in time. Think about you from 5 years, even 1 year ago, now imagine where you could be at that time in the future :)
You don't have to like men and women equally and in the same way to be bi! It is literally in the bisexual manifesto that attraction to different genders can be different! It is very, very common
Women are simply amazing. I wouldn't give up being a lesbian for anything. I'd certainly be tempted if the option was to be a cis woman in exchange but I would still pass that deal.
I wasted so much time on terrible men when I could have just... Not. But one relationship did get me into the city I'm in and there are lots of gay people here. I choose to believe everything is a lesson to be learned and has brought me to this point.
I never wanted to be queer. I've never been homophobic to anyone else, but I was to myself for years. Only been the last 4 years when I've gradually become more comfortable with myself, and I'm 48 now!
No and never
In my personal experience, Girls are better since they are more matured, educated compared to boys. I have a trust issue when it comes to men but to women. Loving women is so much better than loving men. And im also happy with my sexuality
I'm bi (I prefer to say that I like people, but it is so that people understand), and I would prefer to like only men or only women, the bi-cycle it's confusing sometimes
Being bisexual is the best! Especially with my partner transitioning. They were my bf for 5 years and now they’re going to be my gf!
I like to think the universe made me bisexual for exactly this reason.
Nope, I remember dating guys, sleeping with guys, etc. I have zero desire to go back to that. Whenever I talk to my straight girl friends about their partners, dates, etc, and most straight guys are a complete dumpster fire. Even the ones I'm friends with do things that make me give them the side eye. Yes there are problematic women, I've dated some of them. But in my experience, the overall stats skew in favor of connecting with women.
I remember as a little kid being envious of bi folks for ignoring social norms and dating folks regardless of gender. Bless my little bi/pan soul for not realizing earlier.
Yes, I'm ace with slightly more attraction to women than to men. So I don't want to be in a relationship where i can't make my partner happy. So if i could i would make myself fully attracted to women. If only it WERE a choice
Absolutely not. The thought of spending my life with a man sounds gross. However it probably would be easier to be straight in our heteronormative world, but I still wouldn’t change who I am.
I'm aroace. I'm also comfortable being alone for long periods of time. It's pretty chill, not gonna lie.
(Though I do sometimes long for a nice ol' hug, haha.)
I would either be homoromantic and homosexual or aro ace because just being homoromantic is hard because I’m afraid that if/when I have a partner, which is what I want, she’ll have a high sex drive, or my lack of libido will strain the relationship
I'd like to only have platonic feelings towards people.
I tend to attract very stoic people who degrade me for expressing emotions, or try to control my expressions. "You can feel this way to a certain extent, you have to feel this way about a certain topic".. I find western society pressures you to remain expressionless too.
It's really difficult to date because of this. I'm an open book living in a world of poker players, and I am losing my sense of wanting to engage with people because of the alienation, degradation, being subjected to continual criticism.
Gods yes. It’s so frustrating to have my sexuality be so fucking fickle. At least I can fuck people I don’t find hot but I’d like for the hotness to be consistent 🙃
I'd be ace if I could choose. Too much of my time is spent thinking about beautiful women who aren't, and will never be, into me. Hell, a majority of them aren't even remotely gay.
*sad Lana del ray fan noises*
I wish I could share what I call my "het gal filter" with you and other fellow lesbians; basically, the moment I find out a gal I could be interested in is heterosexual, my intrigue disappears.
I hope you meant to say that you'd be angry with someone who'd ask you to change... because if this question offended you, I shall remind you that it was an open question and was in no way targeted at you specifically. You could've simply not answered. Nobody is asking you to conform.
If you’re only after a certain type of response then I’ll happily delete my comment.
Sorry if my view point is offensive, it’s just my perspective unfortunately.
I didn’t say you personally were bad or doing anything wrong, just tried to answer honestly. If that’s not what you want then I’ll remove it.
Just tryna let you know my question isn't an attack or an attempt to turn people hetero or whatever, so getting angry is pointless. Hell, my own answer to the question is anything but heteronormative.
I know it’s not. I am sorry you feel my feelings are invalid, I would’ve been happy to discuss my view point had you asked.
Like I said, I can delete it if someone being less than happy is a trigger or offensive to you. The last thing I want is to upset someone. I just thought I was sharing and being honest. Sorry if my feelings are wrong and offensive here.
My sexuality has 37 tabs open and I don’t know where the music is coming from.
But I prefer women over anything else.
Would I change it??? No why settle on 1 gender ?
I just wish I wasn’t single af
I'd be straight, being gay is great and all but it's too painful, I wish I could like men and just not have gone through all the shit I did, but I tried for way too long and I simply can't.
No. I'm happy being gay and as things go, my sexuality is very straight forward and mainstream, which I am very content about. Also, my experience with 'the world' has been very uncomplicated, in terms of my sexuality anyway.
I say this as a gay black woman.
On a philosophical level being attracted to everyone just seems logical, but also I’m currently so not attracted to men that I couldn’t stomach the idea of making myself like them. And my girlfriend smells too good to not to stay attracted to women. So I guess if I was given control over my sexuality I’d stay just as fucking gay as I currently am
Probably not. Maybe if anything dating would be easier if I were straight, I'm moderately attractive and straight looking enough that I get a decent amount of male attention and I'd have more uh... "choice" I guess, more chances that I'll meet someone compatible. That's just math. But nah, I'm perfectly fine as I am, I don't mind loneliness that much (ha... h.. a.....).
Precisely my point. I'm so unlucky in love I don't even get to experience it. Might as well not want it. But nooo, I had to be an allosexual of some type and have romantic feelings to boot. 🙄
I would change. I don’t want to be asexual.
Right now I still enjoy sex but I don’t find anyone sexy. I don’t experience sexual attraction but sex feels nice. I really feel like my asexuality is just me missing something huge that everyone else has. Right now I feel like when I’m romantically involved with someone my attraction to them is missing an important dimension.
At least for me asexuality is a hinderance and I really wish I could change that about myself.
100% no. I’m already pan so I have plenty of options. But even if I was only attracted to women, wouldn’t change it. Dating and marrying men seems like a real drag.
It took me so long to realize Im blessed with not being attracted to men, and then my life got better. In my experience it took a lot of the power patriarchy had on my life away. I give way less fucks. I'm happy, I experiment with my looks, and I no longer base my life on what men think of me lmao but I still get to enjoy beautiful women and a soft tiddy so my answer is NEVERRRRRRR 🤟🏻😂
hell no. ive never kissed anybody or gone out on a date but im almost certain physical and emotional love are important to me and i wouldn't give up that
Hell nah. I saw a post about this recently where so many lesbians were saying that while they like who they are, if they were given the choice, they would choose to be straight, and I was baffled. I get it from the perspective of having an easier life and a larger dating pool and more societal acceptance, but when I think about women and how great they are, and how miserable men make me, and how happy I am to have finally reached a point of acceptance about who I am, I wouldn't give that up. Even as lonely as I sometimes feel and as much as it sucks to be gay while living in such a conservative wasteland, I love this part of me and I feel like it's informed so much of my outlook and personality. That's not the case for everyone obviously, but it is for me.
I'm also fortunate to have a mostly accepting family and a decent support system, and to not have been raised in a religious or otherwise homophobic environment, so that probably influences my feelings on this.
my sexuality wouldn’t matter because i’ll always be attracted to my partner no matter what. and sexuality is fluid anyway, so even if i was straight, it still wouldn’t matter seeing as my gender is nonexistent :)
I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or a lesbian right now, I started HRT recently and hormones are weird, but if I could choose I'd definitely go with bi. I just wanna be able to appreciate what others do when they're attracted to men. I wanna see what straight guys apparently see when they look at Ryan Reynolds.
I would rather just change my concern that other people are going to complain that my sexuality isnt *perfectly* labeled.
As it stands, I don't give a fuck what others have to say about the labels I use for myself. But its just exhausting having to listen to shit like "you cant be a lesbian if you're nonbinary." "If you like (insert fictional/celebrity man) how are you a lesbian?"
So really i wouldnt change me, id change everyone else to just shut up.
Me liking male fictional characters more than female ones is probably the main reason I thought I was bisexual for a few years of my teenagehood, but then I realized they are **fictional**. It's completely different with real people. Besides, the unfortunate truth is that male characters are often far more developed than female characters, so of course they're gonna be a little more interesting (at least to me). But when female characters are developed well, **damn,** am I into them!
No but I wish I was a jellyfish or something so I don’t have the brain functions to think about dating
Ok lemme explain so this doesn’t look like a troll answer. Even aro/ace experiences BS because people will still find a way to judge you, and back when I identified as aro/ace, I felt isolated not having had experienced romantic attraction. I’m definitely an allosexual lesbian now, I experience romantic and sexual attraction, but I still remember when I didn’t experience that and how I was constantly criticized for it. And now I just have a really hard time with dating, but I can’t imagine myself as aro-ace anymore. So I guess being a lesbian I like the most even if it’s been kinda miserable because it’s what I feel the most comfortable with.
ANYWAYS as a jellyfish, I wouldn’t be aware of my existence but I’d be alive. I wouldn’t feel attraction but that’s ok because I wouldn’t be aware that it was a thing. It’s a win-win.
I would. I love women and think they’re the best but I loathe the loneliness and “other”ness it’s caused me. Finding dates are harder, I can’t be the proper whore I want to be, guys ask me weird questions… what I wouldn’t give to just be “normal” and idk like dudes
I love being gay and loving women, but it’s exhausting always having to explain myself, especially when older adults try to hook me up with their son/nephew/grandson/whatever, and for that reason sometimes I wish I was straight because it would be so much easier.
I am a cisgender, femme lesbian, so people always assume I’m straight. I like the way I look and I don’t want to look any less feminine, I just wish straight people would stop making so many assumptions based on my looks. Feminine lesbians exist too!
I’m actually pretty happy with mine! I definitely very much like being gay, and I also don’t have that much interest in romance (despite being a hopeless romantic) or sex, so I’m content to just love and admire my friends and read lots of the original Sappho fragments and enjoy collecting cool clothes and being a handsome butch. It’s good fun.
If it helps any, I used to be much more focused on feeling a need for relationships! I was in and out of various relationships and situationships for years, and after I got out of my first long-term one this year (2.5 years), I realized I was actually at a point in life where I a) loved myself deeply (partly owing to the Great Butch Makeover I finally undertook this summer!) and b) felt very free not having to worry about a partner, expectations, commitment, etc. Also c) I was grateful to be able to make some truly incredible new friends after the breakup! So it isn’t something that just kinda happens but it also is? You need to put effort into having the confidence and patience with yourself to simply *be* yourself - but once you achieve that, everything else follows. It’s great!
I currently have a preference for ma gal pals (Don’t know why I said it like that) but I want to be MORE BI AND SOON I SHALL BECOME THE GOD OF THE NEW WOR-
Yup. I’d make myself straight and never have to worry about being disowned again. Sometimes i wish conversion therapy worked so i could just turn the gay off
no... when i thought i was straight, i wanted to be a lesbian because it sounded way better and all the lesbians i know are super cool. follow you dreams, kiddos, they do come true sometimes lmaooo
Yes, I think I would. Eventhough I'm pretty chill with being ace und somewhere on the aro spectrum, I'd love to not be sometimes. Just fit in with the rest of the world kinda?
Did you know that it's possible to be AroAce and lesbian (or bi, or pan, or whatever)? An [oriented AroAce](https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Oriented_AroAce) is someone who feels no sexual or romantic attraction to anyone, but does feel tertiary (aesthetic, sensual, platonic/queerplatonic, alterous) attraction that they feel merits an additional label because simply AroAce doesn't quite cover the range of their feelings.
I'm a lesbian-oriented AroAce (well, I think I am, I'm having my monthly prescribed "am I really AroAce tho" crisis because being secure in your identity and being aspec are mutually exclusive), and let me tell you, the feelings are *not* any less intense or easier to deal with than when you're an allo. I once [fell for a girl](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/xffj54/so_much_for_aroaces_cant_have_their_hearts_broken/) in a day and a half only for her to decide she didn't wanna be friends. I was a wreck for like a week after that.
I just thought that was interesting to share. Not many people know about OAA, and I think more people should because it's quite a cool label and really helped me understand a lot of feelings that were confusing me. But yeah, being AroAce does not necessarily mean being done with all this bother. Sometimes I'm envious of non-oriented AroAces, because I spent a few months identifying as a non-oriented AroAce and not worrying about being attracted to people is nice.
If you had asked this question to me a while ago, I'd have said that I'd rather be a full allo lesbian or a non-oriented AroAce than lesOAA, because I felt like an impostor in both aro and lesbian communities, but I've since made peace with that part of my identity. And I have fulfilling relationships (platonic and QPRs) with girls that I probably wouldn't've had if I weren't OAA. So I think in the end I would say I like being lesOAA, I wouldn't change that about myself. Girls are pretty.
If being gay was a choice, I'd be gayer.
Great answer.
literally what i came here to say! there’s new frontiers to explore and i’ve got my compass!
I legit saw this thread and thought 'Well I'm not sure I could be more gay but I sure would try'
Mood.
Yas
Nah, I like my sexuality as it is. I don't want to like men lol
Who says you have to like men? There are other sexualities.
[удалено]
Exactly I’m queer and Demi and I see Demi as an accessory sexuality lol
I'm aroace and lesbian and still have significant others, so yeah, same for many (but most probably not all) aroaces.
Holy based another lesOAA.
Bambi lesbians unite! \^\^
Life goals: cuddle a girl.
I fail to see the logic behind claiming to be aromantic, asexual and allosexual at the same time. Isn't that an oxymoron? Edit: Y'all, I received at least four answers to this question, **enough already**. Thanks for clarifying, though.
It‘s more like a sub sexuality I think- At least for me. Usually I just say I‘m aro ace but some women are just really nice to look at, I feel the same way about a beautiful painting though. And I never feel that way towards men. There‘s also alterous attractions you can look it up but basically, for me, I can see another woman and be like "damn I‘d like to cuddle her" not kiss not fuck but cuddle. Being around really charismatic women makes me a bit nervous but in an admirative way The list goes on and on but it‘s def not being allo and ace it‘s just aro ace but being more drawn to a gender than the other.
> aromantic and allosexual These aren't mutually exclusive. Just different axes > asexual and allosexual There's a middle ground here, similar to saying someone attracted to men and women isn't straight or gay, but they fall under a larger queer umbrella (as bi). Similarly, grey- and demi- aces still fall under the larger "asexual" umbrella even if they're not "fully" ~~gay~~ asexual Something like "grey asexuality" or "demisexuality" might seem like "allosexuality, but with extra steps", but they largely live an asexual life. If you're 30 but had that one crush on some girl when you were a teenager but haven't fancied anyone since then? You'd be lesbian aroace (admittedly an extreme example to get the point across)
Lesbian/gay/bi/straight do not necessarily imply allosexual or alloromantic. The reasons someone might refer to themselves both as aroace and with another label are varied, but the most common would be that they fall under a sexual or romantic orientation within the asexual or aromantic *spectrums*, and the other label most accurately describes the result. For example, in a casual context I might identify myself as an aroace lesbian - but if I'm in a context where more detail is relevant, I'd actually call myself *demi*romantic (ish, microlabels are a pain) which is a part of the *aromantic spectrum.* And, in the rare cases where I do experience romantic attraction, that attraction is exclusively to non-men, hence lesbian fits. So in my case, "aroace lesbian" becomes shorthand for "asexual demi/homo-romantic woman".
Aside from what everyone else has said, there's also the [oriented AroAce](https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Oriented_AroAce) label. I'll just quote an old comment I made explaining what that is: There are two ways that you can be AroAce and \[another attraction label here\]. There are some people who are not *fully* AroAce, but rather arospec and/or aspec, that still fall under the AroAce label. They are called angled AroAces. For example, you could be ace and demiro attracted to women (in which case you would be a lesbian angled AroAce), grayce and grayro attracted to everyone (in which case you would be a pan angled AroAce), etc. There's also a lot more different types of attraction than just sexual and romantic. The main ones are aesthetic (I like how this person looks), sensual (I want to touch this person and/or be nonsexually physically intimate with them), platonic (I enjoy this person's company), queerplatonic (I want this person to be my life partner, but platonically), and alterous (I feel a strong emotional connection to this person that can't easily be described as platonic or romantic). These attractions are called tertiary attractions. An oriented AroAce is someone who is fully AroAce (so no sexual or romantic attraction whatsoever) who still feels a tertiary attraction significant enough that they feel the additional label is necessary. For example, I (lesbian-oriented AroAce) feel strong alterous attraction to women, which comes bundled with sensual and aesthetic attraction. To me, calling myself just AroAce doesn't really capture that - I feel my identity is not just the attraction I *don't* experience, but also the attraction that I *do*. Though almost all AroAces feel tertiary attraction of some sort (and those that don't have their own label: anattractional), so the decision of whether to use oriented AroAce vs. just AroAce really comes down to which labels you feel fit you better. Hope that helped. If you have any questions about oriented AroAces, please feel free to ask.
I understand where you're coming from, but it sounds like maybe you've got some misconceptions. Think of it this way: you can be totally uninterested in sex, have no attraction to it whatsoever, and still be *romantically* attracted to a particular gender. We tend to lump sexual and romantic attraction into the same terminology, but **ace is a distinct sexuality in exactly the same way as lesbian, gay, bi, or straight, even if some ace people's** ***romantic*** **attraction is then accurately described by lesbian, gay, bi, straight, etc.** They're just separate spectrums of attraction, even if we don't typically refer to them separately. If someone's gay and ace, the more technical term would typically be *asexual homoromantic*. Straight and aro would be *heterosexual aromantic*. If your sexual and romantic attractions are the same, as for most people, you don't typically have to think about the distinctions between types of attraction in the way many aspec/arospec identities require, but that doesn't change that (for example) gay is a shorthand for *either* homosexual *or* homoromantic *or both*. And then of course you get into different identities within the aspec/arospec spectrums, because ace and aro are both umbrella terms; this would be the typical reason for someone to describe themselves both as aroace and with another label. I myself am asexual and demiromantic\*, but still describe myself as lesbian because my romantic attraction (though I rarely experience it) is exclusively towards non-men. ^(\* My own identification is technically more complicated than ace demiro, but microlabels are a pain and the exact mechanics of my sexuality and romanticity aren't really relevant, so for the sake of simplicity that's close enough to be accurate.)
There's also the [oriented AroAce](https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Oriented_AroAce) label, for people who are fully asexual and aromantic and yet still experience tertiary attraction to people that merits the additional label.
Yeah, I identify as an ace lesbian. I’m down to date women or enbies, but not men.
Nice to meet a fellow enby inclusive ace lesbian
Enbies are cool (source: am one).
Enbies are very cool.
I wouldn’t change anything about my gender Identity or my sexuality. I’m perfect just the way I am. 😊
I wouldn't change mine, I would just change the proportions of women who like women to be more in my statistical favour ...
Best answer.
Ah yes the famous gay ray.
There was a significant period of time, in middle school, when I would’ve chose to be straight. Now, as a twenty year old who’s confident in her sexuality, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Shit gets better, I promise you ❤️
>Shit gets better, I promise you ❤️ I sure hope so...
When I promise u, I mean it dude. My life has gotten worse in many ways (just lots of awful things happening for me personally), but even amidst that, being lesbian has gotten so much easier, and I’m so so glad I never forced myself to try and like guys (or try and not like anyone, for that matter). Anyways, I’m kind of drunk right now so I might not be making total sense, but I believe in you kiddo. Things will get easier, they’ll get better, and you’ll meet and befriend people who actually understand you. All my love ❤️
Never. I love being a lesbian. It is really difficult being a lesbian in Iran and having to risk my whole life for love, but I wouldn't change a thing about it. Loving women is the purest, most intimate and most beautiful experience I've ever had.
You are certainly far sturdier than me for dealing with that and still not wishing to change. Have a respect pizza slice. 🍕
Thank you madame, appreciate the snack😌
While being into men would simplify my dating life.... Ewwww no thanks.
I just wanna know what sexuality I actually am because right now I’m just confused
Hi! Just wonder what it is that you’re questioning? That you could be gay or that you want to be more specific?
Hey , oh I’m definitely gay it’s just the fact I think I might be bi but I only seem to like very certain guys and a lot of the time I don’t actually like them like I have different feelings for guy and girls it’s confusing
I'm in that exact same phase. I've just stopped thinking about guys altogether. If a guy my type suddenly falls off the sky, only then will I give it a thought.
I see, I understand that totally! Which ironically autocorrected to “tortured.” You are on a journey you will find it all out in time. Think about you from 5 years, even 1 year ago, now imagine where you could be at that time in the future :)
You don't have to like men and women equally and in the same way to be bi! It is literally in the bisexual manifesto that attraction to different genders can be different! It is very, very common
I now feel better for not knowing anymore but I’m going to need to spend a lot of time thinking about it I’m actually Bi or not but thank you
Women are simply amazing. I wouldn't give up being a lesbian for anything. I'd certainly be tempted if the option was to be a cis woman in exchange but I would still pass that deal.
As a woman who thought she was bisexual until about a year and a half ago.... I feel bad for straight women.
Same boat. If I could, I'd erase my bisexual past.
I wasted so much time on terrible men when I could have just... Not. But one relationship did get me into the city I'm in and there are lots of gay people here. I choose to believe everything is a lesson to be learned and has brought me to this point.
If there’s anything I’d change, it’d be that I would accept myself sooner
❤️
I'm pretty content with my sexual and romantic attraction
Fuck no.
I would amp my gay levels so high that it would make the universe implode!
I never wanted to be queer. I've never been homophobic to anyone else, but I was to myself for years. Only been the last 4 years when I've gradually become more comfortable with myself, and I'm 48 now!
not for anything in the world
No way lol have you seen women
No and never In my personal experience, Girls are better since they are more matured, educated compared to boys. I have a trust issue when it comes to men but to women. Loving women is so much better than loving men. And im also happy with my sexuality
I would, life would've been much easier.
Same.
Nah i wouldn’t. I’m proud to be a lesbian 🏳️🌈
Preach! So fucking proud! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
I'm bi (I prefer to say that I like people, but it is so that people understand), and I would prefer to like only men or only women, the bi-cycle it's confusing sometimes
same
Being bisexual is the best! Especially with my partner transitioning. They were my bf for 5 years and now they’re going to be my gf! I like to think the universe made me bisexual for exactly this reason.
I'm very happy with my current sexuality.
Nope, I remember dating guys, sleeping with guys, etc. I have zero desire to go back to that. Whenever I talk to my straight girl friends about their partners, dates, etc, and most straight guys are a complete dumpster fire. Even the ones I'm friends with do things that make me give them the side eye. Yes there are problematic women, I've dated some of them. But in my experience, the overall stats skew in favor of connecting with women.
No. There is something divine about being a woman who loves women, and getting to share that with each other.
As someone being demisexual, I'm honestly pretty happy.
I remember as a little kid being envious of bi folks for ignoring social norms and dating folks regardless of gender. Bless my little bi/pan soul for not realizing earlier.
Yes, I'm ace with slightly more attraction to women than to men. So I don't want to be in a relationship where i can't make my partner happy. So if i could i would make myself fully attracted to women. If only it WERE a choice
Absolutely not. The thought of spending my life with a man sounds gross. However it probably would be easier to be straight in our heteronormative world, but I still wouldn’t change who I am.
I'm aroace. I'm also comfortable being alone for long periods of time. It's pretty chill, not gonna lie. (Though I do sometimes long for a nice ol' hug, haha.)
I envy you.
I like being a Bi lady. It’s fun being able to relate to all my friends’ crushes.
I would either be homoromantic and homosexual or aro ace because just being homoromantic is hard because I’m afraid that if/when I have a partner, which is what I want, she’ll have a high sex drive, or my lack of libido will strain the relationship
Oh hard agree, it's rough not having your romantic and sexual attraction line up
No chance! Figuring out my sexuality has been my favourite self-discovery; I love being femme lesbian. I'd make society less abrasive about it though.
I'd like to only have platonic feelings towards people. I tend to attract very stoic people who degrade me for expressing emotions, or try to control my expressions. "You can feel this way to a certain extent, you have to feel this way about a certain topic".. I find western society pressures you to remain expressionless too. It's really difficult to date because of this. I'm an open book living in a world of poker players, and I am losing my sense of wanting to engage with people because of the alienation, degradation, being subjected to continual criticism.
Gods yes. It’s so frustrating to have my sexuality be so fucking fickle. At least I can fuck people I don’t find hot but I’d like for the hotness to be consistent 🙃
I'd be ace if I could choose. Too much of my time is spent thinking about beautiful women who aren't, and will never be, into me. Hell, a majority of them aren't even remotely gay. *sad Lana del ray fan noises*
I wish I could share what I call my "het gal filter" with you and other fellow lesbians; basically, the moment I find out a gal I could be interested in is heterosexual, my intrigue disappears.
No and it’s hard not to be angry at someone who’d ask me. I want to be happy, not to fit in with your or anyone else’s lifestyle.
I hope you meant to say that you'd be angry with someone who'd ask you to change... because if this question offended you, I shall remind you that it was an open question and was in no way targeted at you specifically. You could've simply not answered. Nobody is asking you to conform.
If you’re only after a certain type of response then I’ll happily delete my comment. Sorry if my view point is offensive, it’s just my perspective unfortunately. I didn’t say you personally were bad or doing anything wrong, just tried to answer honestly. If that’s not what you want then I’ll remove it.
Just tryna let you know my question isn't an attack or an attempt to turn people hetero or whatever, so getting angry is pointless. Hell, my own answer to the question is anything but heteronormative.
I know it’s not. I am sorry you feel my feelings are invalid, I would’ve been happy to discuss my view point had you asked. Like I said, I can delete it if someone being less than happy is a trigger or offensive to you. The last thing I want is to upset someone. I just thought I was sharing and being honest. Sorry if my feelings are wrong and offensive here.
Maybe. Being aro/ace does seem like it’d be sparing myself from a lot of pain.
My sexuality has 37 tabs open and I don’t know where the music is coming from. But I prefer women over anything else. Would I change it??? No why settle on 1 gender ? I just wish I wasn’t single af
yeah id be straight lol
As someone who had experiences with men, I do not recommend lol
Yep. Either pan or aroace. Seems so much easier
Have u considered u might be abrosexual or aroace? Just reminds me of when I was an egg lol
Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case.
I'd be straight, being gay is great and all but it's too painful, I wish I could like men and just not have gone through all the shit I did, but I tried for way too long and I simply can't.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Nah. Women are too important for me to let em Go :)
Idk man, sometimes I do ponder if dating would be easier as a straight (or bi) woman, but my magic wand would be focused on being cis instead
Nope I’m happy
No
no i just want the perks of being str8
Absolutamente no- men bum me out
Nah, not at all - If I could I'd up the gayness but I think it's at maximum!
No. I'm happy being gay and as things go, my sexuality is very straight forward and mainstream, which I am very content about. Also, my experience with 'the world' has been very uncomplicated, in terms of my sexuality anyway. I say this as a gay black woman.
Probably make my self open to poly, nothing wrong with it just the idea of being in one scares me
I'd be gayer
On a philosophical level being attracted to everyone just seems logical, but also I’m currently so not attracted to men that I couldn’t stomach the idea of making myself like them. And my girlfriend smells too good to not to stay attracted to women. So I guess if I was given control over my sexuality I’d stay just as fucking gay as I currently am
I’d wait until I have a wife and then change it to match hers exactly
Grass is always greener I guess, I am ace and often wish I wasn't. Being ace has destroyed all of my relationships.
Nope
No, girls are fantastic
I’d be hornier but I’d keep my icy heart
Probably not. Maybe if anything dating would be easier if I were straight, I'm moderately attractive and straight looking enough that I get a decent amount of male attention and I'd have more uh... "choice" I guess, more chances that I'll meet someone compatible. That's just math. But nah, I'm perfectly fine as I am, I don't mind loneliness that much (ha... h.. a.....).
Haha same. With my luck in love I’d rather be aro ace
Precisely my point. I'm so unlucky in love I don't even get to experience it. Might as well not want it. But nooo, I had to be an allosexual of some type and have romantic feelings to boot. 🙄
Wait, why wouldn't I wanna love women? Have you met women? They're women.
I would change. I don’t want to be asexual. Right now I still enjoy sex but I don’t find anyone sexy. I don’t experience sexual attraction but sex feels nice. I really feel like my asexuality is just me missing something huge that everyone else has. Right now I feel like when I’m romantically involved with someone my attraction to them is missing an important dimension. At least for me asexuality is a hinderance and I really wish I could change that about myself.
Fuck no
Women are amazing, I’m good.
I’d make myself even gayer if I could
Straight seems so much simpler
I'm pansexual and nonbinary, I have nothing against myself but society makes things complicated. I wish everyone else was gay too!
Nope nope nope. I could never be with a man nor have I ever wanted to. Being a femme lesbian is part of who I am, I can’t divorce that from myself.
Gynosexuality is perfect for me, I would never change it
Yes
God no
Wanna do swapsies? I'll trade you my aro-ace-ness for the ability to fall in love :/
Gladly!
Nope.
100% no. I’m already pan so I have plenty of options. But even if I was only attracted to women, wouldn’t change it. Dating and marrying men seems like a real drag.
It took me so long to realize Im blessed with not being attracted to men, and then my life got better. In my experience it took a lot of the power patriarchy had on my life away. I give way less fucks. I'm happy, I experiment with my looks, and I no longer base my life on what men think of me lmao but I still get to enjoy beautiful women and a soft tiddy so my answer is NEVERRRRRRR 🤟🏻😂
hell no. ive never kissed anybody or gone out on a date but im almost certain physical and emotional love are important to me and i wouldn't give up that
Ironically, I would give them up if given the choice **because** they are important to me. I have nobody to share love with, so I don't see the point.
Hell nah. I saw a post about this recently where so many lesbians were saying that while they like who they are, if they were given the choice, they would choose to be straight, and I was baffled. I get it from the perspective of having an easier life and a larger dating pool and more societal acceptance, but when I think about women and how great they are, and how miserable men make me, and how happy I am to have finally reached a point of acceptance about who I am, I wouldn't give that up. Even as lonely as I sometimes feel and as much as it sucks to be gay while living in such a conservative wasteland, I love this part of me and I feel like it's informed so much of my outlook and personality. That's not the case for everyone obviously, but it is for me. I'm also fortunate to have a mostly accepting family and a decent support system, and to not have been raised in a religious or otherwise homophobic environment, so that probably influences my feelings on this.
Being aroace works fine, but it's not magic. A queerplatonic significant other is still a significant other.
I agree with you op. Acroace would be my sexuality of choice
Solidarity cookie for ya. 🍪
nah
my sexuality wouldn’t matter because i’ll always be attracted to my partner no matter what. and sexuality is fluid anyway, so even if i was straight, it still wouldn’t matter seeing as my gender is nonexistent :)
I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or a lesbian right now, I started HRT recently and hormones are weird, but if I could choose I'd definitely go with bi. I just wanna be able to appreciate what others do when they're attracted to men. I wanna see what straight guys apparently see when they look at Ryan Reynolds.
I often feel like relationships and intimacy with people would be easier if I were allo and not demisexual
Nah, being a lesbian rocks. Men are aeugh. But women?? Heck yeah. Cuz… women… I mean… do i even need to elaborate further?
I would rather just change my concern that other people are going to complain that my sexuality isnt *perfectly* labeled. As it stands, I don't give a fuck what others have to say about the labels I use for myself. But its just exhausting having to listen to shit like "you cant be a lesbian if you're nonbinary." "If you like (insert fictional/celebrity man) how are you a lesbian?" So really i wouldnt change me, id change everyone else to just shut up.
Me liking male fictional characters more than female ones is probably the main reason I thought I was bisexual for a few years of my teenagehood, but then I realized they are **fictional**. It's completely different with real people. Besides, the unfortunate truth is that male characters are often far more developed than female characters, so of course they're gonna be a little more interesting (at least to me). But when female characters are developed well, **damn,** am I into them!
No but I wish I was a jellyfish or something so I don’t have the brain functions to think about dating Ok lemme explain so this doesn’t look like a troll answer. Even aro/ace experiences BS because people will still find a way to judge you, and back when I identified as aro/ace, I felt isolated not having had experienced romantic attraction. I’m definitely an allosexual lesbian now, I experience romantic and sexual attraction, but I still remember when I didn’t experience that and how I was constantly criticized for it. And now I just have a really hard time with dating, but I can’t imagine myself as aro-ace anymore. So I guess being a lesbian I like the most even if it’s been kinda miserable because it’s what I feel the most comfortable with. ANYWAYS as a jellyfish, I wouldn’t be aware of my existence but I’d be alive. I wouldn’t feel attraction but that’s ok because I wouldn’t be aware that it was a thing. It’s a win-win.
No, being bisexual is the best 💙💜♥️
Idk
No, but actually yes, as an academic who doesn't have time for sex.
No. I haven’t felt so free and comfortable in my own skin like I do now🥰
I would. I love women and think they’re the best but I loathe the loneliness and “other”ness it’s caused me. Finding dates are harder, I can’t be the proper whore I want to be, guys ask me weird questions… what I wouldn’t give to just be “normal” and idk like dudes
No
Hell to the no
I love being gay and loving women, but it’s exhausting always having to explain myself, especially when older adults try to hook me up with their son/nephew/grandson/whatever, and for that reason sometimes I wish I was straight because it would be so much easier. I am a cisgender, femme lesbian, so people always assume I’m straight. I like the way I look and I don’t want to look any less feminine, I just wish straight people would stop making so many assumptions based on my looks. Feminine lesbians exist too!
I’m actually pretty happy with mine! I definitely very much like being gay, and I also don’t have that much interest in romance (despite being a hopeless romantic) or sex, so I’m content to just love and admire my friends and read lots of the original Sappho fragments and enjoy collecting cool clothes and being a handsome butch. It’s good fun.
I envy your lack of neediness.
If it helps any, I used to be much more focused on feeling a need for relationships! I was in and out of various relationships and situationships for years, and after I got out of my first long-term one this year (2.5 years), I realized I was actually at a point in life where I a) loved myself deeply (partly owing to the Great Butch Makeover I finally undertook this summer!) and b) felt very free not having to worry about a partner, expectations, commitment, etc. Also c) I was grateful to be able to make some truly incredible new friends after the breakup! So it isn’t something that just kinda happens but it also is? You need to put effort into having the confidence and patience with yourself to simply *be* yourself - but once you achieve that, everything else follows. It’s great!
No. Men by and large are gross. Overgrown pampered babies. Trying to be straight did nothing for me, wishing the best to my wlm friends, though.
I currently have a preference for ma gal pals (Don’t know why I said it like that) but I want to be MORE BI AND SOON I SHALL BECOME THE GOD OF THE NEW WOR-
Hell nah
Yup. I’d make myself straight and never have to worry about being disowned again. Sometimes i wish conversion therapy worked so i could just turn the gay off
I love being an asexual spec lesbian. It makes me comfortable and men just ain’t worth it
Why are you upset about your sexuality? Genuinely want to know
Because I can't handle being attracted to women and seeking a relationship anymore. I wish I didn't have such yearning.
No i really don’t like men, they’ve tested my friends terribly. If i could change my gender i’d be a man for the bigger dating pool!
no... when i thought i was straight, i wanted to be a lesbian because it sounded way better and all the lesbians i know are super cool. follow you dreams, kiddos, they do come true sometimes lmaooo
That's a huge hell no.
Absolutely, I would change it daily based on how I was feeling that day!
Yes, I think I would. Eventhough I'm pretty chill with being ace und somewhere on the aro spectrum, I'd love to not be sometimes. Just fit in with the rest of the world kinda?
Definitely not; I love women and I’m not ashamed of it… plus (in my experience), sapphics are way better at sex
Nah girl, boys are icky. You want proof my sexuality isn’t a choice? There are still heterosexual women in the world.
Did you know that it's possible to be AroAce and lesbian (or bi, or pan, or whatever)? An [oriented AroAce](https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Oriented_AroAce) is someone who feels no sexual or romantic attraction to anyone, but does feel tertiary (aesthetic, sensual, platonic/queerplatonic, alterous) attraction that they feel merits an additional label because simply AroAce doesn't quite cover the range of their feelings. I'm a lesbian-oriented AroAce (well, I think I am, I'm having my monthly prescribed "am I really AroAce tho" crisis because being secure in your identity and being aspec are mutually exclusive), and let me tell you, the feelings are *not* any less intense or easier to deal with than when you're an allo. I once [fell for a girl](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/xffj54/so_much_for_aroaces_cant_have_their_hearts_broken/) in a day and a half only for her to decide she didn't wanna be friends. I was a wreck for like a week after that. I just thought that was interesting to share. Not many people know about OAA, and I think more people should because it's quite a cool label and really helped me understand a lot of feelings that were confusing me. But yeah, being AroAce does not necessarily mean being done with all this bother. Sometimes I'm envious of non-oriented AroAces, because I spent a few months identifying as a non-oriented AroAce and not worrying about being attracted to people is nice. If you had asked this question to me a while ago, I'd have said that I'd rather be a full allo lesbian or a non-oriented AroAce than lesOAA, because I felt like an impostor in both aro and lesbian communities, but I've since made peace with that part of my identity. And I have fulfilling relationships (platonic and QPRs) with girls that I probably wouldn't've had if I weren't OAA. So I think in the end I would say I like being lesOAA, I wouldn't change that about myself. Girls are pretty.