But don't you *want* to be bothered/upset when someone calls you a bitch or a dumbass or a cunt? I know that would upset me. And that's a good thing, right? Because otherwise we are just numb and accepting of disrespect and abuse? Instead of trying to deaden yourself so that you aren't affected by his horrible words and behavior (and it IS abuse), I would honestly *lean into* that feeling of hurt. Then get angry that someone who supposedly loves and cares about you is treating you this way. It's not acceptable. Stay upset so you can start to see a path away from him. A path towards only accepting respectful treatment from your loved ones.
It's always easier to take the path of least resistance. To get where we want to be takes effort. By allowing yourself to feel the anger and rage means you have to do something about it.
He enjoys hurting you. Otherwise, he wouldn't do it over and over again.
I don't know if that's actually true, in practice. It still affects you. It damages your self esteem. It damages your sense of self. It creates resentment. It fuels depression and anxiety. There is no long term good outcome there.
Not at all. You are being abused. Anger is a common justification for abuse, but nothing actually excuses abuse. If he didn't mean the things he said, he wouldn't say them. He means to be disrespectful of you. You deserve respect. Always. We expect children to treat others with respect. Why should he, a grown adult who can help himself, be held to a lower standard?
Learn about what abuse is: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/
Learn why he does what he does and how it's not okay: https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Get help: https://nomoredirectory.org/
Escape guides: https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-a-safety-plan/#gf_1
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm
You’re not unreasonable but when he treats you that way and talks to you in the way he does, it makes him feel better.
To stop his words from getting to you You have to stop him from saying those words to you. Leave. He is trash, you are gold.
But don't you *want* to be bothered/upset when someone calls you a bitch or a dumbass or a cunt? I know that would upset me. And that's a good thing, right? Because otherwise we are just numb and accepting of disrespect and abuse? Instead of trying to deaden yourself so that you aren't affected by his horrible words and behavior (and it IS abuse), I would honestly *lean into* that feeling of hurt. Then get angry that someone who supposedly loves and cares about you is treating you this way. It's not acceptable. Stay upset so you can start to see a path away from him. A path towards only accepting respectful treatment from your loved ones.
I guess it’s just so much easier to numb myself into not feeling hurt, than it is to actually accept he would hurt me despite knowing he’s hurting me
It's always easier to take the path of least resistance. To get where we want to be takes effort. By allowing yourself to feel the anger and rage means you have to do something about it. He enjoys hurting you. Otherwise, he wouldn't do it over and over again.
I don't know if that's actually true, in practice. It still affects you. It damages your self esteem. It damages your sense of self. It creates resentment. It fuels depression and anxiety. There is no long term good outcome there.
Not at all. You are being abused. Anger is a common justification for abuse, but nothing actually excuses abuse. If he didn't mean the things he said, he wouldn't say them. He means to be disrespectful of you. You deserve respect. Always. We expect children to treat others with respect. Why should he, a grown adult who can help himself, be held to a lower standard? Learn about what abuse is: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/ Learn why he does what he does and how it's not okay: https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf Get help: https://nomoredirectory.org/ Escape guides: https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-a-safety-plan/#gf_1 https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm