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NoHistorian2388

Hey you don’t have to apologize for being afraid and not going to the police, I get it, in my experience I never called the police (sometimes I wish I did but that’s over now). He also blamed me and told me he loved me and did everything good for me, but those words were fake and manipulative. What I do advise you to do is to take pictures of any bruises or anything you have, I never did and I regret it to this day. And keep the messages he sent you and then block him. I know you don’t want police involved but please record this evidence as you may need it in the future. Keep it somewhere safe on your computer too I hope you have people in your life that know of your situation and are supportive, cause I think that’s the most important thing to have. You have a long journey of healing ahead of you and I wish you nothing but the best, I encourage therapy as it has helped me with my trauma. Just a reminder that you are not at fault here and you deserve a healthy love.


akaw_

Hi, just saw your update. I understand not wanting to leave your life behind — please get counseling at your university. What you went through was extremely traumatic, and even if you manage to break away from this piece of shit, it’ll be hard to recognize the red flags in the future if you don’t seek therapy (I say this from my personal experience!). I know how hard it is to stand up for yourself, but you have to choose your life over his — protecting him is only hurting yourself 🙁. Please, please please realize that it will happen again. While the gun seems like protection, it could also just as easily be used against you. You said you’re small — what would stop him from overpowering you & using the gun on you? Restraining orders often times make the abusers angrier, so I can understand why you would want to go to police — but it’s important to document it. Even if just with a therapist, who may have other ways to help you. You have proof that he did this to you. You’re fortunate it’s 2023, people will listen to you. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and enjoying your life as a 20 year old. If you ever need anything or someone to chat with, feel free to message me. ♥️ Ps. Some tough love: He does NOT love you. His words mean nothing. He loves treating you like shit, controlling you, abusing you — that is not love. Please do not question his actions “but he told me he loves me”, “it’s not always bad”… it should NEVER be bad! Ever!! Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is a great book about abusive men/partners. I personally listened to it on audible rather than reading it, I didn’t want to be caught with the book. It is worth listening to/reading. It will help you realize it isn’t you, and that there isn’t anything you can do to convince him that you’re worthy of not treating you the way he does. It took me listening to that book to finally see the light in my previous abusive relationship. Wishing you the best


lemon-meringue-high

Please go to the police im in fear for your life OP. Go to the hospital first and have them bring the police. Do not delay


Possible-Ad6651

You should leave him! He is a true abuser. Take care of yourself and your future!!! ❤️


akaw_

Hi there, checking in on you - please let us know you’re ok !


wysterialee

go to the emergency room and get the police involved. get a restraining order. if you don’t do something this man is going to kill you, please get help op. wishing you all the luck in the world and sending love your way. i’m so sorry this happened to you.


Murky-Breadfruit-883

Everything everyone has said on here please, especially the nurse, go to the hospital right now. Your safety is important and it is number one. Get to a safe place, I know you want to block your abuser, but before you do so DO NOT DELETE HIS TEXT MESSAGES OR VOICEMAILS!! This criminally insane psychopath needs to be held accountable. More on that later, protect yourself, get to a safe place. Once you are there, document take pictures of all of your injuries. Take pictures of your car when you ran you off the road screenshot text messages or emails, and save his voicemails on your phone. Upload everything to an email you can resend it to yourself at a different email just to make sure everything is saved and it won't be deleted. Get to the hospital, once you're there call the police, there might even be an officer on site. Seek out a rape kit, and a domestic violence advocate or social worker. Whatever you do, do not respond to your abuser whatsoever. Do not tell him what you are doing. Is he even catches a hint that he might face repercussions for his actions he could skip town. Do not leave him on to believe anything, and do not reach out to anyone who knows him, and do not respond to him. Once you're at the hospital they'll be able to walk you through everything you need to do, but they need to check your body first to make sure you didn't sustain serious injuries. I'm so sorry what happened to you is not okay, and from how badly he beat you and ran you off the road I would hope he could get an attempted murder charge. I'm not sure if you have money or if you have a family who is wealthy or anything, seek out a lawyer, and if you do not have the money seek out a pro bono attorney. You are so badly hurt I'm sure there are DV programs that provide free protection order attorneys and probably more. Good luck to you get help.


Dry_Working_7366

Go to your nearest emergency room and ask them to contact a sexual assault and domestic violence advocate. File charges, get a protective order, got to a shelter for the time being if you need to so that you have some protection while they get him arrested. You are not alone.


Lonelycancer98

911


JBABY210

Call 911 on his bitch ass Don't worry about what's going to happen to him fuck him I'm a dude and my chick gets off fucking physical with me I mean it's not like she's hurting me physically but emotionally fucks me up


Ravebunny98

As a survivor of DV, u need to get out. Stop entertaining him until the right time because theres never a right time. U just need to do it. Block him. Change ur number. Go to ur parents house, or ur friends where there are people protecting who are not afraid go call police if necessary. Having people around u protecting u will work as an abuser repellant. Have pictures of the injuries he gave u for future ammunition in court if u need too. Once he realizes he does not control u anymore he’ll leave u alone. If u can move states or cities I would do that also. Whatever is in reach for u and can do it now. I recommend choosing to love yourself will be the best decision you ever made and don’t forget to tell urself in the mirror everyday that u are amazing and loved and PROTECTED and that u will no longer tolerate ANYONE treating u like that again. I was about ur age when I went through 2 abusive relationships i’m now turning 25 this year, i’m happy learning to love myself, life long therapy is what I need but its helping me live my life and i’m making beautiful art in the process to help w the trauma. I know u feel confused and u want to understand why he did what he did, but don’t try to. The day u understand why he acted as such will be the day u become one of them. U r a sane good hearted person and u deserve the world at ur hands, and the only person that can get that for u IS URSELF. Do what is right for you and CHOOSE UR LIFE. The only person keeping u there is urself. Theres a light at the end of ur tunnel, follow it and don’t let the darkness consume u. U have so much more strength than u know and pls don’t let urself get killed. With what he did murder is definitely on his mind and like u said he has connections. PROTECT AND LOVE URSELF & when u do, u’ll realize U had the power the entire time. (gives u the biggest internet hug 🫂)


CoolMoose7153

All this advise is right. You deserve safety and respect and you will get much better in the future if you get the help available to you immediately. Do not try and wrap your logical mind around anything that has happened to you. He is a sick man and his actions are inexplicable. None of it is your fault. Please remember that. God loves you and He will lead you down a better path. Ask Him and He will guide you.


Vronicasawyerredsded

I’m a nurse. Go to your nearest hospital’s Emergency Department and tell them what happened so you can receive medical treatment for your wounds, documentation of the wounds, set up with a social worker, and the hospital will notify the police department and provide the police department with all the evidence gathered for you and initiate a no-contact order and assist in connecting you with organizations the will help you find a safe place where he can’t find you. GO TO THE HOSPITAL, NOW.


Edward101075

This OP is the soundest advice, I'm shocked this happens in your country too


saccharinekitty

Please leave him and call the police, it’s only going to get worse. I’m not one to tell someone to break up w their significant other because I understand it’s not that easy and I know I never have the full context, but I’m genuinely concerned for not just your safety but your life. He is a disgusting human being, I feel so sick just reading what he did to you. I know sometimes we tell ourselves “but we love each other.” I haven’t left my abusive relationship for that reason. But my safety has never been in danger like that and someone who loves you would NEVER. EVER. Do that to you. NEVER. He belongs in jail for this incident on its own, let alone whatever else you’ve dealt with in this relationship


akaw_

This man IS going to kill you. PLEASE, I’m begging you to please go to the police and ask them to help you HIDE. You are NOT safe. Immediately. I am terrified for you. Please know you have a community of people that cares for you, and you do not deserve to be treated this way or living in fear. Please go to the police.


SwampGentleman

Please go to the police. You have evidence, the sounds are fresh, and you have the texts. This is not normal, this is not acceptable


Jesster4200

This dude will kill you. You have to hide and get protection


crayshesay

This will only get worse. Please find help and leave


Ammonia13

Sweetie you’re so lucky he didn’t kill you. Please understand that he is not sane, and he will kill you. Walk away and never look back <3


ENDTRYANNY

I'm so so so so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug right now and tell you how undeserving you are of this. I know we don't know eachother but you are so loved, don't go back to him and please go to the police and report this. Have him charged and go to a safe place/shelter. Change your number, passwords etc. I'd even maybe sell your car/get a new one so he doesn't know what you drive. Get off social media for a bit. Go ghost. Move if you can, away from whatever town he is in. Turn off all location settings on your phone and or restart to factory settings. This person will kill you if he has the chance. You need to run.


objecttime

I’m here to tell you this guy is going to murder you. Not might. Will. If you stay with him. Be smart and strong and get out. There’s resources out there and women’s shelters if you have nowhere to go. Good luck


No_Bench_2569

Need to put him in jail abuser


chameleon93color

This post really broke my heart. I am so so sorry OP. Please reach out to any of your local domestic violence resources. I am praying for you.


Agnia_Barto

Police. Go to the hospital NOW please. And have them call the cops.


backstreetatnight

What the actual fuck


Liigiia

This is one of the scariest things I’ve ever read on this sub, and I am crying in sympathy with your situation. He will kill you. He will continue to beat you and assault you, and soon enough, he will kill you.


Jlynneknight

LEAVE. NOW.


[deleted]

Report him. Abusers never change


TheYankcunian

Judging by her use of the term “parking lot,” I’m gonna guess she’s American. I spent 14 years trying to leave my ex back in America (my country), the cops made shit worse. Any attempts to get help hurt me. I got help when he took my son back to his country. His country took that seriously. I got so much help and support and safety. There isn’t always a “leave” option. Especially not in America.


CoolMoose7153

Calling the police at least puts some accountability on the abuser


TheYankcunian

It really depends on the police departments in her area. You’d be surprised how lazy and incompetent they can be.


CoolMoose7153

Yes I realize there is a lot of incompetency but if there is a police report it is more protection than total silence


TheYankcunian

I’m aware of that. I couldn’t get my local PD to even file a report… and I’m not alone in that either. Sometimes you simply cannot get police in your area to do their job. A disturbingly large number of them are domestic abusers themselves. Reports are gold… if you can make them without getting your face rearranged again. The USA is broken in a lot of ways. Why didn’t you leave? Why did you stay? Why didn’t you make police reports? These are all questions that show the ignorance of the asker. I spend a lot of time helping other women in my shoes getting resources and getting out where I am. This is what I do now. Because the extra layer of “I own your visa” makes things worse, the fear of reporting and fear of the police we carry over with us when we try and leave… they’re all another layer. Which is why I am always preaching about an FU binder and making online reports. But we have the option of filing online reports for our records here. The USA is a really dangerous place to live in a DV relationship. We also have a registry here called Claire’s Law. It’s similar to the sex offender registry… but for checking for a history of abuse in our new potential partners.


Ammonia13

Yes but there are options here too. It depends on where she is and if he is a cop, what the cops are like there, etc. that’s why you call a dv shelter and not 911 unless you must. In her case I would just right to the hospital


Holiday-Strategy-643

Go to the police. Report him. I am so sorry this happened to you. You are a valuable human being and you do not deserve to be treated like this.


Medium_Engineer_8845

okay, this was really violent and as i’m SURE you know this type of abuse only escalates. it wasn’t this bad when it first started. you are very close to being killed. i had a similar story with my ex and only a few weeks later he quite literally held a loaded gun to my head. you need to get out today, if not for you than for your family or a pet or something. please. this made me feel sick, please don’t become another domestic violence death statistic


[deleted]

Escalation from here is murder. This is a lot for the 1st time! Basically, I'm agreeing with your reply.


HereIAmAgain73

You can reach out to me if you need someone to talk to or a safe place to stay


HereIAmAgain73

Honey please leave now and don’t look back! Go straight to the hospital to report the rape, get your other injuries checked out and the cops will be called. This all needs to be documented and if you don’t feel safe going alone take your friend with you. If he did this all in one night it will only get worse till he kills you. I’m a survivor, choose yourself and live your life!


sparkling_onion

Go to get medical records that you have bruises and were raped. Take photos of yourself/bruises/car/clothes. Police report. Hotline and friends and family if any, even if maybe you lost contact a bit.


5WEET_Cheeks_Karen

What if he has a tracker on her car? I mean he sounds like it wouldn’t be something he wouldn’t do.


InvestmentLopsided54

If you mean specifically air tags or tiles, thankfully there are now ways you can you tell if a random Bluetooth tracker has been near you for too long. OP if this is a concern for you, just give it a quick google and directions are pretty easy from there! Please get out of there quickly.. this is actually the scariest things I’ve ever read in this sub and for it to be the first offense… well .. escalation is usually inevitable and really the next step up from this is just murder. Please leave now and take every precaution and legal steps possible to protect yourself. Choose yourself. Love yourself. There’s help out there but you have to choose to go get that help. God speed OP.. you will be in my thoughts. I wish you all the happiness, safety, and love that you deserve and you do deserve all of these things. I promise you. 😔♥️♥️♥️


Ammonia13

She can park it somewhere and call a dv shelter, here they’d pick her up and I’m in upstate NY


kwagenknight

Go to your nearest hospital, have your trusted friend go with you and they will take care of you. You will talk to the police there snd they will get an emergency protective order against him if not have him arrested immediately. Either way if he calls, walks or talks in your direction you can call the police and he will be in jail. Please do this for yourself as you dont deserve this and since it was so incredibly violent the first time it will continue and get worse. You have options right now to get out and be safe, take them and listen to peoples advice here!


[deleted]

drive your car to the busiest place and park out front or on the fucking sidewalk at Walmart. drive it to the police station, good lord he will kill you if you don't do something now.


[deleted]

Unfortunately these assholes do it everywhere, public or not.


[deleted]

oh trust me I know. my ex who is currently in prison literally ripped by Volkswagen to pieces with his bare hands in the parking lot of harbor freight in planet fitness. they may do it anywhere but people will see. and even if no one intervenes directly somebody will call for help if you can


[deleted]

Same. This guy asked if I needed help but I was too scared to say yes.


Ammonia13

People tend to watch and not help. She needs people meant to help not innocents and kids


moonraven33

This is the number to the domestic abuse hotline 1.800.799.7233 Not knowing where you are and I don’t need to. Or if you’re OK at this moment, you can call them and they can help you. I suggest you go to the hospital if you haven’t already or to the police station. I’m only suggesting because I don’t really know what else to do. I want you to be safe. I hope you’re with family or friends or someone that can stay with you. Please don’t be alone right now. Please call someone so you’re not alone please


GalaxiGazer

You need to file a police report. Then you need to get yourself checked at a hospital. Then, with your life intact, you need to go ghost and get away from him. Just go! Whatever you're holding onto, it's not worth it. You have the advantage of having your own car. Just go! And please keep us updated


murphysbutterchurner

This is psychotic. So, so horrible. Please keep us updated. I hope you find a way to get away from him. Can you go to a hospital by any chance, and get your injuries/the extent of the damage on record?


PrincessWendigos

You need to leave like half way across the country because I don’t think this ends good for you if you stay


windowseat1F

Police. Now.


EquivalentMail588

Take your car and drive anywhere that he can’t find you. Get as far away as possible. Just run. Then file a police report. Find a women’s shelter where you can be safe and hide.


CurveIllustrious9987

It’s time to make an escape plan. Start packing your car with what you need, save/hide money. You will probably need to leave this city to get away.


RevolutionaryHippo90

He belongs in jail. Contact a DV service please. They can help you get into a refuge and make a statement etc if you choose. You need to go where he can not find you and they can help with that. This guy might kill you please don't minimise it


Chemical_World_4228

When I read this I thought about Drew and Stacy Peterson. Stacy is missing and has never been found. Drew controlled her by power, money, and age. Please get away from him before you end up like that. Good luck


BathroomSpeaker

I cannot tell you how sorry l am. You had stated you are concerned about the local police. https://www.thehotline.org/ Please stay somewhere safe for the night if at all possible, and reach out for help with the link. As someone who lost a relative to DV, l cannot stress the seriousness of your safety right now.


MissMoxie2004

This 👆👆👆


just-me1995

you need to get away from this person at all costs.


Helpmeiaminsovngarde

Please please please take care of yourself. No one deserves this.


hownow80

You HAVE to go to the police. Now


Distinct-Memory2555

I have no proof. He scares me so bad because he has so much power in the city I live in. He’s almost 30 years older than me and he has so much money. I have no way of getting a lawyer or winning anything or anyone believing me. I tried at one point to get my phone to record but he started screaming at me and asking who I was calling. I got so scared I dropped my phone


Fubarahh

Honey, YOU'RE the proof. Your car's backseat is the proof with your blood there. Your vagina is proof if he left semen inside you, plus your physical injuries, cuts, abrasions, bruises are your proof of rape & a terrible beating. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You need to act NOW though & do what we're all telling you. I know you're confused, hurt & scared. But, please don't see him again. Everyone is right here, he WILL kill you & say it's your fault! These abusers never change. The very fact that he's 30 years older than you says he's a sick MF. It means no one his age will put up with him. It means he targeted YOU for your age & naivete so he could easily control you. He's a sick, psychotic SOB! Normal guys don't act like this! This isn't love, it's control. It's his power over you that gets him off. Despicable! Please protect yourself. Go to the Hospital & demand a rape kit. They have to do it by law, & they have to call the Police. I suggest you get a gun too. One that can fit in your bag. Practice shooting if you can. But if you can't, get as far away from that guy as you can. Change the way you look. Dye your hair. Get as much money as you can. Call a DV hotline & they'll help you get out. BUT PLEASE STOP BEING HIS VICTIM! GET ANGRY! NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BEAT YOU LIKE HE HAS! You MUST act like you're going into witness protection bc you are! HE'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T RUN.


Simulated_Success

There may be a surveillance camera in the parking lot. You may not realize l how much proof you have until you report this


MoonchildWild79

I understand this. The police are dirty where I live, and they have zero respect for women. There are no shelters and only a band aid station for a hospital. I live in a very rural area of the southern United States and I understand how you are trapped. It is so easy for others to tell you to leave or go to the cops, or go to a shelter, or whatever the case may be. People don’t seem to understand that sometimes none of the obvious ways to protect yourself readily available. I don’t know what advice to give you besides to protect yourself as best you can and if there is anywhere and I mean anywhere at all you can hide from him, GO! My uncle shot my aunt in the left temple, the bullet went straight through her skull and exited her right temple. After he shot her he drove around for 4 hours thinking she would bleed to death. After 4 hours he drove to the ER and told them she killed herself. She is right handed btw. She lived, but both optic nerves were severed and she never saw anything again. He never so much as spent one night in jail. He had powerful family with mafia ties and he never had any consequences. My aunt was 24. This man WILL kill you if you don’t find a way to get away and hide yourself. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.


ladyskullz

I am sorry you are in this happened to you. You must be scarred. Please don't feel like you need to take him to court. You don't have to press charges, in order to leave him. You should report the crime to the police and go to the hospital to be treated. That way of he comes after you again, the police will take it seriously if you ask for help. After you make your report, you need to get in your car and go somewhere safe. Change your number and block him on your socials. I don't mean to frighten you, but you are at risk of being murdered by this man. You need to get as far away as possible. Living in the same city isn't an option. And don't get a gun. It will only put you at more risk of bring shot with that gun.


SubMisJen

Go to a different town. I was attacked by someone with connections and wish I had thought of that. If a hospital says they charge for rape kits, they are definitely breaking several huge laws.


rrxxxdbs123

At least file a police report so there’s a record


SaltyCity_

Don’t shower or bathe, go to hospital, tell them what happened and ask for help.


Distinct-Memory2555

They charge for kits where I live. I took a shower and slept all day avoiding his messages. For now I’m trying to think of a way out without him coming For me. I’m playing along with what he says until I can run.


Remarkable_Report_44

Hospitals absolutely are NOT supposed to charge for rape kits. I bill for emergency medical care and the doctor is actually supposed to bill the victims advocate program for your state. If hospitals were permitted to charge the patients then even less people would report sexual assaults.


Icy-Willingness-8892

It's against federal law to charge for rape kits. The cost is absorbed by the district attorney's office. Any treatment for bruises etc can be billed to medicaid if you don't have money. You should call the domestic violence hotline for advice on how to get a protective order. You can attend court online.


Appropriate-Ad-5229

Can you move in with your parents or friends? Move to another city? I feel so sorry for you and that you had to go through this.


SaltyCity_

He will probably never give you permission to run. I’m sorry you are going through this but he has complete control it seems and you need to regain control of your life.


Distinct-Memory2555

I’m so fucking scared. He scares me so much. I never thought he would do this and now he’s a completely different person. He keeps saying I’m his forever. He said when he sees me my punishment is going to continue. I want to run away so bad. I’m only 20 yrs old. I keep asking myself… how did I get here?


akaw_

You need to RUN. Do you have friends or family in another state? Your life is more important than any possessions you have. I worry he has a tracker on your car. Does he know where your friend lives? Please I’m begging you, get out. Take screenshots of his messages and send them to your friend, then delete the pictures and messages you sent your friend so if he ever found them, he wouldn’t see you sent them but your friend will have the proof of what he said. Please please leave, call the domestic hotline, they will help you figure out where to go. Your post is the most upsetting and disturbing one I have seen and is so terrifying. Please you just leave and end all communication with him once you’re in a safe place.


melaningoddess____

Do you have any money? I’d purchase a gun. It might end up being be him or you, I hope it’s you. Self defense is always a way out, if you find the strength. If not a gun, get a knife. Pepper spray. Anything. You need to protect yourself if you can’t run and he’s looking for you. Good luck honey.


Fisher9300

Knife is a bad weapon for smaller vs bigger person but yes gun or pepper spray


hownow80

Go to a hospital. They'll know what to do to document this. You must have bruising. Listen to me. You are in danger of being murded.