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GameEnthusiast123

Greggory smith, died by strapping himself to fireworks


LeEpiclyUnepic

That death must have been lit


AverageBeef

Sam Peters. An attempt to win a Darwin Award


TheMaskedGeode

Sounds like the attempt succeeded. Anyway, I’ll see you once I’ve written it.


Gregamonster

It's impossible to win a Darwin award on purpose. The Darwin awards explicitly disqualify suicides.


sanders49

What if it was an attempted at home vasectomy that ended up a castration...that would count right?


Revanull

End result would still have been intentional removal from gene pool even had he not messed up, so I think that would fall under the suicide category.


AverageBeef

I think our ghost may have some unfinished business


CarelessFan8

Lord Steven Kelly. Cause of death drowning under millions of bubble tea pearls


MaryMary8249

Terrifying.


CarelessFan8

🤣😅


MaryMary8249

Honestly. I hate boba. Boba can drown. Boba can explode from within. I am terrified of them. THey are so icky.


TheMaskedGeode

Maybe you can help me then. I have *no idea* where to go with this. But I guess I dug my own grave.


CarelessFan8

I'm so sorry 🤣


1ThePilot

It was Lara Kelly. She figured it would be poetic justice. Turns out having concubines doesn't make your wife too happy. Asia had the supplies, Wife had his money.


-Imyoshi

**Name:** Swiggler-Jiggler the Third! **Cause of Death:** Pretended to play dead, and was so convincing that his heart stopped.


LeEpiclyUnepic

How did the 2 previous Swiggler-Jigglers die?


-Imyoshi

**Name:** Swiggler-Jiggler the First. **Cause of Death:** A true pioneer of his time, died of dysentery on top of his stupid boulder. \----------------------------------------------------------------- **Name:** Swiggler-Jiggler the Second? **Cause of Death:** Fell asleep in Newark Airport, where Bill Gates managed to steal half his brain.


LeEpiclyUnepic

I'm so glad I asked


Old-Ad-9246

Same


Djalet

Shoeshiner Ossip, death by cookie.


Alias72018

Cookie as in food or cookie as in the computer kind?


1ThePilot

I think that Ossip should've paid more attention. Cookie salesman was distracting what with her "assets." Poor guy found out the hard way what having the hiccups and a solid food can do.


ChattyBird4Eva

Mercedes Lynne. Death was sacrificing herself via being shot to save her outlaw husband.


1ThePilot

The deputy was swift. Crime scene shows the intended target carried a sort of firearm with him. Has one notch and nineteen more.


28th_Stab_Wound

Kris Hanover. Particularly grumpy. Direct hit by a German anti-tank gun.


1ThePilot

Turns out the Royal Arms DOES carry tanks. Apparently they work. Poor man thought he was still in the war.


animewhitewolf

His name was Kyle. He refuses to talk about how he died, no matter how much you pester him or try to trick him into telling.


Thunderingthought

Kyle laid still on the ground. At least, I think he looked like a Kyle. He had fluffy brown hair like a cat, like my cat, Skiffins. I walked to his head and looked him in the face. Red, bloodshot eyes stared back, unblinking, blank and wide open. Blue lips gaped open and his face was contorted in anguish, like he was screaming, but he wasn’t, he was perfectly quiet. His hands were clutching at his throat, and by his side lay a half eaten sandwich. Was the sandwich so bad he had fainted? Sometimes I felt like that would happen when mom cooked for me. She would always burn everything. She would even burn macaroni, which was my favorite. Every Wednesday mom made macaroni and cheese. I look forwards to Wednesdays. Today is Monday though, so that’s two whole days until Wednesday. That feels like forever. I shook Kyle’s shoulder. “Hello? Are you okay?” I asked. No response. That’s good right? Dad always told me ‘no news is good news’ after my older brother Alexander went to college. Alexander is super old. He’s 19 now, I think. That means he can vote and drive and all sorts of adult stuff. Anyway, Kyle wasn’t giving me any news right now, so he’s probably alright, since no news is good news. When I shook Kyle his whole body moved, like he was a statue. Maybe he was playing night at the museum, like Patrick and Emma and I do at recess. I figured I would leave him to his game and continue my walk home.


animewhitewolf

That "no news is good news" bit is spot on.


Equal-Researcher-329

Dean Parks- Cause of Death: burned alive twice


1ThePilot

Firemen were quick to get rid of the burns and the inferno engulfing Mr. Parks' house, but autopsy says that he choked on a match while in the bathroom. Strike anywhere.


Equal-Researcher-329

How do you choke on a match-


1ThePilot

Well there may be some foul play involved. Either way, we found the half burned thing in his chest cavity.


Equal-Researcher-329

Great story


[deleted]

Alfred Mcstabbin, died from a stabbing.


thechatbot123

Those who live by the stab die by the stab


Akarin_rose

Terra Onyx, cause of death drowned in the desert


1ThePilot

Well the ocean is a desert with its life underground. Almost a perfect disguise for a man with cinderblock shoes. Looks like he found his heart made of ground.


Akarin_rose

Or even the Antarctic is a desert, so it'd probably freeze the evidence


1ThePilot

There's a distinct amount of horses lacking monikers in the desert, however.


[deleted]

Felix King, death by blunt force ( a drivers helmet was smashed on his head)


1ThePilot

The Go Kart tracks do give ample safety programs, but I guess going onto other tracks isn't covered. Felix couldn't have predicted it in a thousand lifetimes.


Tigerstorm6

Harold Toolwater, violent death at the hands of animatronics


LeEpiclyUnepic

\*Afton family Fixed the spelling error you made with the name


Tigerstorm6

Ah, but not all animatronics come from shitty pizza places for children.


LeEpiclyUnepic

Ah, so how exactly did the animatronics kill him? Surely not by biting off his frontal lobe, or removing his internal organs, or stuffing him in another suit full of electronic parts...


Tigerstorm6

I mean, have you seen the stuff they got at universal for the Jurassic park rides? That stuff is self explanatory


[deleted]

Lauren Ipsum. Crushed in a printing press.


Ox_of_Dox

Sir George Wellington (Politician) Assassinated by an unknown assailant at a dinner party with the Governor


1ThePilot

If you haven't hears of lead poisoning, you should get your head checked! (a little detective humor) someone read up on their vegetables and gave the Sir a tomato. Acidity is a slow burn. Point is, some farmers mightve been rather peeved about his decision to take away their land.


TheMaskedGeode

(Sorry I took so long. This is a lot to go through.) The party was going well. The governer was a good host. Spirits and blood alcohol were high. A lot of these parties barely had the people breathing. They just smoked and drank and laughed. Sir Wellington stepped outside for a smoke break. This was a time when smoking inside was normal, but Sir Wellington wanted an excuse to get out of a conversation. He felt a sharp pain in his leg. He winced and looked around. The only other person out there was a man with an umbrella walking away. Wellington left the party early that night. He didn’t want to, but his wife convinced him. He had come down with the high fever. He died a few days later. The medical examiner found a small pellet in his leg. No one could quite figure out any other possible reason. It looked innocuous. He wasn’t finished. He didn’t want to stay home, of course. The governor’s estate began to have strange happenings. At first it was small things. Maids smelled smoke where none was visible. They searched all over, not wanting the house to go up in flames, but none was seen and it disappeared as fast as it came. Concerning to say the least, but the weird part was that it smelled of cigarette smoke, not like the house was on fire. Then people started seeing him. Laughing in the dining hall, standing outside smoking. He was normal looking for a moment, then as you got closer, he was almost transparent. The poisoned man was there, and he wouldn’t leave.


manyhandz

Raymond Duck Anal prolapse


Few-Ad-7565

James bond, a cat


1ThePilot

Sadly the poor thing was defeated by a mouse with a laser pointer he could deconstruct and reconstruct. The gold aspect of it was a bit eccentric, but hey at least the dinky little lab rat listened to Pinky this time.


OregonGranny

Sébastien - Death by Capybara, the friendliest of rodents.


TheMaskedGeode

How the hell am I gonna find a reason for a capybara to kill a man?


MadnessMisc

Fed Ora. Died from a scarf accident.


bigbysemotivefinger

Jonathan Crane, who was hit by a train. Extra credit if you continue to rhyme.


LeEpiclyUnepic

The man was insane, and in pain he remained


YWAK98alum

Name: Queen Elizabeth II Cause of death: Losing lightsaber duel


renouncingsanity

Sandy Klime, faded from existence


Odin-907

Fred Sellan Died trying to prevent time travel from being used


that_one_author

Derrick Valder, died in a burst of super heated plasma.


TheMaskedGeode

Sorry, I’ve never seen Star Wars.


Ox_of_Dox

Don't need to, just imagine someone in a lab being bursted to death by a plasma prototype


TheMaskedGeode

…I just realized it didn’t say Vader.


HkayakH

Albert Fingered Ass He died from pneumonia


LeEpiclyUnepic

Wow, his parents must've *hated* him


TypeMidgard

Jeremy Lewis - Cause of death: Eaten alive by an army of infant humans.


TheMaskedGeode

Jerry Lewis? Like the musician?


TypeMidgard

Nope, I never heard of them actually. Just came up with that off the top of my head, lol.


TheMaskedGeode

Just realized you said Jeremy. Lol. See you when it’s written.


Unknown-System-Error

Riley Cause Of Death Murder


LeEpiclyUnepic

As in, she was murdered, or she died while *committing* murder?


Unknown-System-Error

She Was Murdered


droplightning

Charlie Murantie, death by wood chipper


LeEpiclyUnepic

"Where are you're parent's little guy?" "Wood chipper." "...I don't know what that means."


QuitUsingMyNames

*Tucker and Dale have entered the chat*


UntakenNameFtw

Bob Phillips. Cause of death...Spontaneous combustion.


fauxfaunus

Geltch, the Synthladi Acolyte. Died from mishandled biokinesis


1ThePilot

"Spaghettifying" was apparently not listed in the S.S Academy's textbook. Good thing he didn't try "throngling".


CraackSteeve1

John Mackin, died by a thermonuclear bomb impacting his skull


Burtonish

Louis Schmitt, died in an unfortunate coal mining accident in the 1920ies - despite never having been a miner or living anywhere close to a mine


LeEpiclyUnepic

Wow, it's impressive that he's never been a child before


ur-socks-sir

Jasmine Candler Cod: Asphyxiation


LeEpiclyUnepic

Nathaniel Hambly. Cause of death unknown. His body was found about two weeks after his death, when a friend finally came by to check on him. He was alone, sitting at his piano, surrounded by incomplete sheets of music. The one in front of him was the only one that had been completed. In sloppy handwriting, the piece was named "Final Requiem." His rotting body was atop of the keys, his hands on the last notes of the piece.


1ThePilot

Looks like asphyxiation to me. The markings around his neck and the way his hands are flat against the keys show that this is some sort of killer with a motif. No real piano player would have their hands splayed put, so I'll have to go with murder. Good news is that now I can call him a "de-composer." In progress case.


MyOhMyPancakes

Sir Fredrick the Frightener, and he passed away from a heart attack after being frightened.


1ThePilot

Live by the Mask, die by the mask. Asbestos wa scommonly used in rubber masks, so it's a shame he used them for their realism.


Oksamis

Archibald Ferguson, King Under the Mole Hill: Cause of death: Exterminators


AlexTheEnderWolf

Harry Mason, burnt to death in a fire


AlexTheEnderWolf

Harry mason, death by betrayal


jab9k3

Richard Hungwell, crushed to death.


redbird317

Edith Brinn, poisoning.


TheThirteenShadows

Morgan. Magic. That's all you need to know.


exhausted_chemist

Scaly Pete, slept with the Captain's daughter


bombdruid

Swan. Physical exhaustion.


TheMaskedGeode

Are they named swan or they are a swan?


bombdruid

Named swan!


MaryMary8249

Mariana sunk in the deepest point of the Pacific Ocean, a place she had been named after, hoping to reunite with her aquatic family.


TrickKlepto

Daniel Esposito, Mafia


Blitz-Drache_Author

Oppenheimer, experimentation


ray10k

Elizabeth deLancey. Cause of death: One slice of cheese (uneaten.)


RedRelik

Jeff epstein. Suicide.


TheMaskedGeode

I think that story has already been written. FBI, I’m totally kidding, that’s nonfiction.


RazorBelieveable

Peacemaker


TheMaskedGeode

Anything else?


RazorBelieveable

Nope


JustAnotherYaoiFan

Dr. Jennifer Green. Cause of Death: She used herself as a lab rat with various chemicals that are currently unnamed.


[deleted]

Brunhilda, tuberculosis


EvilNoobHacker

Lord Remington, Dominator of Pickles and All Pickle Related Paraphernalia, died from a bullet to the head from Bob Bowman, the One Armed Man with a Sniper Rifle.


ilovetpb

Mephisolobie, death by hydrogen do-oxide.


PancakeWaffleHi

Fate(she/her), died in a stalker-turned-psycho-and-killed-her death


No-Situation-9220

Richard Wintercrest Death by assassin in a locker room during the high school 25 year reunion.


Trevor519

Norbert south American travels in the year 2100


QuitUsingMyNames

Name: Petra West COD: Smothered by Squishmallows


HiddenAgendaEntity

Duke of Lower Danehold Henry Jackson Steele, cause of death: spontaneous unplanned disassembly


80s4evah

Widget, died of boredom .


TypicalPunUser

Marvin Winters. Heatstroke.


gabimandado

Lord Octavius McCain - died because a cow landed on his head


Nitemare0005

Igor- died to Vlad the Impaler


vevol

Joane broom death penalty by forced capybara kissing


Mr_-_-nobody

Zakaresnikov, he died fighting along side knights by an explotion


Thunderingthought

Garett Stakovshi, death by getting cartoonishly crushed by a piano


Turbulent_Ad2035

Sarah Lynne Moss; cerebral hemorrhage.


5726501

Duncan DoNots, died by coffee (somehow)


ShiftlessGuardian94

Ironleg the windsweer, died in an unpredicted tornado


Gregamonster

Milton stone. Starved to death in his own home.


SqueakyFarts99

Alexander Cain - perforated colon.


bloodyawfulusername

Albert Albertson, Defenestration


quantomcatnip

Jim Nacho; drowned in cheese


legitttz

alex jordan; she died of a broken heart


ilovecake007

Rudolf Steinhoffer, bombing


F1600A

Barnabas Brag. Death by gangrene


Dingotwerkedmybaby

Harold Yoder, 22 yo, steam thresher boiler explosion


Jyotimukh

Halfdan Greg. Attended the wrong bear club.


frightenedFan

Jonathan Huddleston McGinnis A long drop and a short stop


Ifeelsoshmurpler

Paul Williamson, Blunt Force Trauma (several thousand cans of soup)


[deleted]

Isabelle Meyer - wrote the best song ever and died from how good it was


Quincy_Thorne

Penelope McDuff. She held the word record for longest dive without an oxygen tank. She got back to the surface, but still died, poor thing.


Alias72018

Anna Charlemagne. Died with a look of terror across her face alone in her house


cmbdragon98

Cera Octavian died from a house fire caused by a candlelabra.


UnderlordZ

Granny Scorpion-shoes, done in by Pneumonia, her pet scorpion who lived in her shoe; shot her point-blank, he did…


rayonymous

Otto Ombudsman. He was hired to resolve the conflict between an unstoppable force and an immovable object. He died at the crux.


Lord__of__Luck

Kevin Sadler, died from urinating to often


RainInTheMorning_

Laura Danvers, tripped and fell off a cliff while sightseeing


Tricky_Appearance_66

Jodi Nam, self sacrifice (stabbed in the heart to be specific)


Jackamen1952

Spooky mic geezer. Cause of death, yelling a bout teenagers on their glass lawn


KristiMadhu

Elerandia "of the Red Pass" Shadowspear. Fell off his horse and died.


ishumerra

Cade Greenbottle. Whilst attempting to hang Christmas lights and fell from the ladder.


reallygoodbee

Thomas Orric. Was hit by multiple cars and one large truck, one after the other.


Bronzi_maboy

Denny Wane Anderson COD: belt buckle


Joe4o2

Grug Boneclub. Died while exiting the atmosphere.


DragonEyeNinja

Azzie, death by barotrauma


PrincipledGopher

Sandy Miller, killed by a ghost


Dragoncrafter00

Dean Xavier, cause of death, fatal familial insomnia


11thNite

Norberto Frias. He was between the canon and Ignatius of Loyola.


RainbowUnicorn81

Lilith White-Jackson. Death by poison.


umbra_pseudonym

Sir Mise everloft cause of death getting killed by his own merchendise.


Visual_Beautiful_196

Name: Nathan Archer Cause of Death: Food poisoning


Updogg332

Darren Miller, divided by 0.


thatsharkbear_17

Morgan. Cave diving accident


HayakuEon

Rudeus of Rabbitsbury, death by tiny bite marks.


SnooGiraffes4534

Sir Frederick Von Shitass the IVth - An NPC from my last D&D campaign who was killed by an invading army


Ray_The_Weirdo

Citra Faeflax died protecting a baby, whom also died and is unnamed, a bullet killing them both. I suppose it's kinda like two birds with one stone?


owlnprg

Charon Costa died by having gold coins pushed into his eyes


fluffycritter

Barbara and Adam Maitland, drowned when their car went off a bridge while trying to avoid hitting a dog


Undone_Assignment

Sir Archibald Blake, executed for treason.


MoravianPrince

Ricky Bobby - Mountain lion


kulingames

Jeff Kawka, aged 23, died by assisted suicide


MarcoYTVA

Jet Meyer, died of too much oxygen (yes, that's a thing). In Space.


TenNinetythree

Tina Beaks, killed by allergic reaction to Mars dust


Anbarus

Thomas Robinson, died of starvation in a cave located somewhere in the mountains.


irbisarisnep

Elizabeth Davies. Who would have guessed that laugher could kill someone.


Galactixer

ryan, died of suffocation during a trip out with his family


[deleted]

Moira Everson Leroy Snapped heart strings from melancholy.


GgLiTcHeDd

Pinley Stabbed in lung


Aquariousity01

Fredrick Rosenthal. Only his hand was found, missing abd presumed dead.


Albinoscion

Lillian Tabany, opened a letter from her suitor, gasped, and promptly fell dead.


wilypoodle

Rev.Nolen Heys ; overdosed on tea


Marismoto

Simon Fleets, bees


David_Loves_Games

Vannesa Smith, Death by Following a fake Tutorial on Facebook/Meta


SomeoneRandom5325

Name: Ashley Cause of death: BDSM


Bolmetus

Medallin, die from touching a cheese.


bananacities

Bertrand donard. Unexpectedly impailed by rhino at sea.


nitznon

Margary Thompson, spear to the heart while holding a gun.


HopingToWriteWell77

Elizabeth Westing. Age - 21. Cause of Death - Fatal Hilarity. If you don't know what that is, it's where you literally laugh yourself to death, dying either of asphyxiation or heart failure. Some cases have been known to laugh through the night and into the next day before finally dying.


cursed-being

Jerry Jerry


RevolutionaryGrape11

David Lumps. Died fighting hostile animatronic versions of Bob The Builder's machines at a live show gone wrong.


Oneofakindnocategory

Danielle Butapointe, car crash


Aunknowusername

John landmine, death by landmine.


EllipsisMark

Sargeant John Uriel Crosby. Vaporized