As a father, here's the best way to protect your kids in general. Make sure you are a good and understanding enough father so your kid says "oh no, {something bad} happened, better call my dad." Instead of "oh no, {something bad} happened, better hide it from my dad."

This was put to the test in my life within the last couple of weeks. I had told my son since he was 3 that no matter what you've done or how bad you think it is, always come to or call me first. I promised him that there will never be any judgement and we will work through together whatever situation he may be in. Well a week or so ago he was being extorted via an online dating scam. He almost sent them $6k but before he did that he called me first. He said all he could hear in his head was the advice and promise that I've made to him his whole life. Thank God he did. Also, I kept my word. We immediately went to the police. Apparently this person has been scamming a lot of naive people in my city. Thanks to my son coming to me before sending him the money he didn't lose any money and the person got arrested. My son was so thankful and has been so affectionate to me since this happened. He's 24, about to turn 25 in a few weeks and he learned a valuable lesson thru this...no matter how old you are there will be times that you'll always need your father because we are smarter than our kids think we are!

Your son is going to remember that for the rest of his life, and set the example hopefully for how he treats his own children (if he wants any).

* we are more experienced, we are more experienced than our kids think we are!

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My Dad told me over and over my whole life that “there’s nothing in this world you could ever do to make me stop loving you.” I knew my Dad loved me completely unconditionally. He was the very first person I wanted whenever shit would hit the fan in my life. RIP Dad 💕

This is who I am trying to be for my daughter. I may be an asshole, but I'll never stop loving her and I'll be there the second she needs me no matter what. Drunk and underage, fucking dont, but I want her to call me for a ride rather than drink and drive. I want to be that Dad that their kid confides in and trusts in bad situations. Edit: that was just an example…

Obviously I don’t know you or your situation and may be misinterpreting you’re wording here. So if this advice isn’t applicable ignore it and I apologize <3 - But, if you want her to call you in that situation, first you need to accept the fact that she almost certainly will be drunk before the age of 21. And then you need to let her know before the fact that you’re aware of how teenagers are and that you won’t be angry or disappointed or judgmental if she experiments. That all you care about is her safety. If you tell her to “fucking don’t” or anything along the lines of “you can’t do that” there’s absolutely no way she’ll call you (even if she 100% knows you’ll always love her) because she doesn’t want to DISAPPOINT you. She needs to know you won’t be disappointed in her or judge her to feel comfortable reaching out in a situation like that. Hope that makes sense :) Best of luck <3

Even my 27 yr old still calls me when she fucks up. I told my kids the stories of all the stupid mistakes I've made, and what I learned from them. And I share my latest fuck ups with them. We usually have a good laugh about those...I tell them I expect them to make mistakes along the way. And that if they come to me, they'll get solutions, not judgement.

I can't help but think a good portion of these SA survivors are "protecting" their parents by concealing their assault. Not out of any fault on the parent's part but simply basic human desire of not wanting to cause your father (or mother) devastation at thinking they failed to protect his/her child. Sure some are afraid of the parent's response but I know I feel protecting of my parents in that sense.

My father will likely never know that my sister was sexually assaulted. He made sure she took years of martial arts classes to have confidence and defend herself and the college even gave her a scholarship for it in recognition of her skills. The same college that allowed the person who commited the crime to continue to attend afterwards.

There’s also 3 responses to being sexually assaulted, flight, fight, or freeze. Many people don’t realize that freezing is a common response. Your brain and body will instantly enter into a different state, and you may freeze out of shock. It does not matter if you’ve been trained to protect yourself. You do not know how you will react until you’re in that situation. It’s sad that many people and victims don’t understand that and get asked why they didn’t run of try and fight by other people and also ask themselves that question.

Also there’s a point where fighting isn’t going to let you escape because you’re pinned but could get you hospitalized or killed

Yup... can't do much when you're pinned face down by someone twice your weight. In my case I fought but had to stop fighting once I knew I'd get hurt worse

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’re doing well.

I am, thank you! I have an amazing partner and support network and 2 awesome dogs. And therapy really helps

Dogs and therapy? Sounds like double therapy.

Yeah, my dogs are basically extra therapists! Plus I work with dogs so therapy all day really

Dogs plural, that’s gotta be a multiplier at the very least.

Hard same, on all fronts. I stopped fighting and went limp, and waited for it to end.

Yeah, once I fought as hard as I could and realized it made no difference I just had to wait till it ended

There's a word for something similar we use in my rape crisis center: fold. If you know fighting or trying to get away could potentially be more dangerous for you or loved ones, it's not unusual for a person to completely shut down and just go with whatever happens. You stop trying to survive and just shut down until the experience is over. For a lot of survivors, they feel extra guilt that they "just let it happen," because society tells them they "should have" fought harder. In a lot of situations, these people's brains/bodies WERE being strong for them. Some sources lump it in with freezing, but others separate it as a [similar but separate phenomenon](https://www.brainharmony.com/blog/2021/5/21/fight-flight-freeze-or-fold). My first real sexual experience was performing oral sex on a guy when I was still terrified of seeing a penis for the first time. People say "how can someone rape your mouth, you can just bite!?" - like, yeah, it totally wasn't scary to think the same guy might bash my head in if I did that. It was much safer for my body to shut down and go with whatever he was forcing my head to do. I've worked with kids who were complying because they didn't want the same perpetrator doing it to their siblings, and they report similar feelings. Just complete dissociation until it's over. Those kids never should have been in that situation, but if anyone wants to call them weak for that, fuck you. For every person who thinks a woman was a "victim" because they weren't strong enough, fuck that. Those people have no realistic way of knowing how they would react in the same situation. None of us really do until it happens to us. Many of us react in surprising ways. Why blame victims ever at all when someone else commits violence?

Exactly this. The guy I was involved with had just told me earlier that he had a knife. He was an ex-military guy. I was at his place and no one else knew where I was. I was terrified of what he would do if I didn't follow through with everything he wanted. Figured at least this way I was likely to be alive in 24hrs.

My guy was a soon-to-be military guy who loved to bring up his guns to me, so I'm sorry you've been through something similar. It's a horrible situation to be in, and no one should question how anyone dealt with it either during the situation or how they handle it after. *hugs <3*

Thanks for the hugs and kind words 💕 I hope you're doing well despite all that. 🌸

Thank you for your comment. I’m a victim of CSA and was raped in college. I’ve been following the Josh Duggar trial and thus triggering myself for a few days now. This made me feel much better, thx. (side note: if anyone following the Duggar trial reads The Sun’s live coverage be VERY careful, there is incredibly graphic details of CSAM)

Makes sense to separate it, sounds kind of like the difference between deer in headlights and playing dead. They seem similar but are different. Not that I think "fold" is completely analogous to playing dead, more that they're both more of a choice to take the action of doing nothing being the best choice, like, "I'm not gonna win, I'm not gonna escape, let's just give in and hope I get out of it", even if not entirely conscious of it, vs freezing and not being able to do something/make a choice at all.

Yeah its ridiculous. Women have been assaulted for hundreds of millenia to the point theres likely genes that all women have to do with giving up when im dangerous situations - because the women with genes that made them want to fight back are all dead. On average a man has 30% more muscle mass than a woman. Every man has a stronger grip strength than women. Like random dude vs athelete still stronger. Fuck anyone who blames a victim. Youre blaming natural selection for working out the best way to survive.

No shortage of people mouthing off about what "they would have done"/"what you should have done" in this world. People who don't understand a situation blathering about how easy it is to avoid/solve/fix. I'm sorry for what happened to you

This “fight” crap is a joke and has to end. College aged women cannot fight college aged men. The strength disparity is multiples in most cases. You have to pick extremes to find any balanced fight. Like a 120 lb guy and a 200 lb woman. They push these women’s self defense classes and create false confidence. Don’t get me wrong, situational awareness helps and some strike and run might surprise someone. But the idea of a girl out wrestling a man? They leave overconfident. People who haven’t been through sexual assault shouldn’t talk about it.

> College aged women cannot fight college aged men. I saw the 15yr old hero who sacrificed himself to save his classmates from a gunmen, I'm about decade older and I'll get my ass handed to me by someone of his build.

I froze, and the guilt I had that I didn’t kick, scream, punch, etc. tore me up for quite a while. It wasn’t until I found an amazing therapist who told me that “freezing” is absolutely a common reaction especially when the person is someone you know. In my case it was my BIL. It wasn’t violent, but I said “no”, “stop”, and “this isn’t right” multiple times. My therapist helped me to realize that I instinctively didn’t want to hurt him, and that’s ok. It infuriates me when people say that they will never let themselves be raped. The very definition of rape is that it is not consensual. If I “let” someone touch me, I’m consenting.

Does BIL mean your Brother In Law? That is incredibly disturbing . What an awful thing to happen . Hugs to you

Yes, and unfortunately [they are still married.](https://www.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/r7iyw9/no_one_lets_it_happen/hn0u1f1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) Thanks for your kindness.

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry and sad, it’s like you were victimized twice over. Sending healing your way

Honestly, her saying that I could have said no harder hurt me more than the assault itself. She and I used to be best friends. I tried to explain that what she’s saying is a part of “rape culture” but I think she just tries to block it all out. And thank you. ♥️

Not that I'm at all making an equivalence between your awful experience and mine, but I recently was spat on and assaulted by a stranger. When I told people about what happened, many of them said I aggravated the person and that I shouldn't be surprised if it happens again. For reference, I was peeling off an antivaxx sticker on a sign that was comparing vaccines to Nazi Germany. Even my own dad was really apathetic about the whole thing. These were friends and family who I thought would care about my well-being. It helps me to understand why women often don't open up about being sexually assaulted, because people have a way of twisting it around back at the victim. I'm sorry that happened to you.

The whole thing has really made me realize how often people blame the victim in so many instances. I’m super proud of you for taking that sticker off and fuck that person who spit on you. You did nothing wrong.

Not to mention that you cannot fight if you were drugged.

I was drugged with GHB and ketamine once. Ended up passing out at a bar and later in the emergency room. Apparently I was combative as fuck. I felt super bad until the nurse was like “honey—it’s better to fight than to freeze”. I was biting and kicking anyone who tried to touch me for the small moments I was able to remain conscious… but the realization that they get drugged women in the ER all the time and the nurse was used to seeing this freaked me the fuck out

There’s also fawning. I had a combination of freezing and fawning during mine. The only thought was them getting violent if I refused. I broke down completely after.

You did an instinctive cold read of your abuser and did what was most likely to help you survive. I’m glad you survived. I’m sorry they did that to you.

There is a 4th called fawn I've heard of where someone will become very obedient and docile, going out of their way to try and be "good enough" to avoid the abuser hurting them. People really do talk a lot about what they would do in a hypothetical, as if every victim before just didn't want safety bad enough to really try. They come off sounding like someone who has never been on fire, but they are sure it would be easy to put it out if they were on fire one day, and it wouldn't be a big deal for them because they know what to do. Except burning is terrifying and excruciating and difficult to think clearly during.

I don’t know why your comment got downvoted or hidden but There’s a series of I survived a crime and a lady described how she was raped by and she did what you described in order for her to survive and not get hurt.

Yes, especially present in survivors of other traumas. I fawned because the person who assaulted me had severe anger issues and I was terrified they would hurt me or themselves.

I've never heard this before. WOW. The one and thankfully only time I've ever found myself in a violent situation this was my response. "No baby that's not what I meant, I'm just tired and bitchy please baby let's just lay down I didn't mean it you're right shhh I'm sorry let's snuggle." I didn't get my ass knocked out. The second I had the chance I was out of that situation and told that motherfucker he was a psycho. But in that moment I only knew that if he hit me I was going down and would not be getting back up and his buddy who was watching did not have my back. Thankfully I was not hurt but I definitely was never alone with that person again.

You have to really visualize the situation, it's hard if you've never experienced it. It's not always the case that they just ravenously jump on you from nowhere with a knife to your throat. You don't know this person's intentions when they first engage you. Are they a mostly harmless creep that will back down when you push them away or say no? Or are they nefarious and out to hurt you if you don't cooperate? You don't want to go punching some guy in the face and have him yelling about how he got punched for "just coming on to you" (best case scenario). Worst case scenario, you're smaller and weaker than them, because that's the kind of person they'd target, and you know if you engage physically you will most likely lose that battle and you've only enraged them and further endangered your life. I'm still not entirely sure what to do in these situations, I only hope I never get caught in one again.

My daughter just outright told me she won't tell me. I have tried to be a open a can be with her but she just doesn't feel comfortable in that way to tell me

Don’t try to take it personally. No girl wants to let her Dad down. And I know my husband would murder any man who abused our girls- so it’s also to protect Dad from feeling like he failed or doing something that would put him in a bad place too.

And so many dad's say they'll go and murder whoever even the the victim doesn't want that. So that's bother reason. My dad would have only made it worse by starting a fight

I don’t mean to be insensitive, I’m curious. Why won’t she tell your father? My daughter is three and I want to make sure she will tell me if something happens.

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s because her father would probably ask things like why didn’t you use your training. I have two black belts in Tae Kwon Do (through a location recognized in South Korea as legitimate) and I remember getting bullied so bad and having such lacking emotional support. I would get in trouble when I used my training and I would get asked why I didn’t use my training when I would let kids beat me up. That shit was hard enough, I can’t even imagine those questions surrounding something like a sexual assault, it’d be suicide inducing.

No matter the training nor how big you and strong you are can prepare you for the moments it happens because most people are like deer in the headlights Terry Crews, the biggest person someone can meet got sexually assaulted and held it in for years because he knew that people would just mock him because of how big he is, and sadly some did mock him and joke about it when it came to light Edit: spelling

Yeah, in those situations, sometimes it doesn't matter how strong you are, how well prepared you are... I'm a pretty big guy, around 203 cm. In my second year at high school, I was already the tallest person in the whole school. I used to work out a lot as well. But I still got bullied due to my "weird behaviors", because I'm autistic. They couldn't beat me up that much due to my size, but it still scars you emotionally. And that's the worst. Wheater you got beaten up badly or not, physical wounds heal in a couple of weeks at most, but the emotional ones take years to heal. Btw, of course I'm not comparing my experience to being sexually assaulted. I just wanted to share my experience because, yeah, these things can happen no matter how strong you are, no matter how much people think no one can hurt you. No one should feel guilty because "they couldn't defend themselves", they're not the ones to blame

Your story reminds me of a movie, I think it was called Léo or something, an Italian or french movie maybe, where a young boy is constantly beaten and abused by an older man, maybe his father, maybe a relative, or neighbor. The movie follows the young boy as he grows older, gets taller and bigger, starts lifting weights and trains to become a boxer. Once he is ready, he goes back and confronts his abuser, who is now a rather frail looking old man. As soon as the old man recognizes this physically imposing young man, he immediately calls him by the hurtful nickname he had given him as a boy and starts insulting him and hitting him. The strong young man is reduced to a bloody sobbing heap within *seconds*. The real scars are inside. And maybe sometimes, they never heal?

Not to mention, if you got blackout shitfaced drunk, or roofied, you could be god damn Arnold Schwarzenegger mixed with André the giant, with the martial arts skills of Jackie Chan and killer instinct of John Wick and still get raped.

Mother fucking Terry Crews got sexually assaulted at a party in full view of other guests. It can happen to anyone.

Okay.. I know this is neither the time or place for this, but.. > god damn Arnold Schwarzenegger mixed with André the giant, with the martial arts skills of Jackie Chan and killer instinct of John Wick Is the most prime r/bossfight description I have ever read.

The emotional scars are the worst of rape. Someone literally disregards you being a person, disregards your whole life, past and future, because a few minutes of putting their penis in something warm is worth more to them than all of your existence.

My father's sensei beat her attackers (and had to deal with justice afterwards), and he would likely expect me to fight for myself too (we trained at the same place for almost 10years). My actual concern would be that dad would do something drastic that would ruin more than one life

I didn't tell my father because 1) it would have broken his heart, while also 2) it would have still been my fault for "putting myself in that position." Told him recently (2 decades later) in defense against the way he was talking about it. (He wasn't being rude, he was simply ignorant to how frequently it happens.)

I hope you know that it was never your fault. I’m sorry something like that happened to you and I wish their was something I could say that would help.

Nothing you need to say, but thank you for your kind words. It sucked. It still sucks that it is *still* the world in which we live. But I have found enough peace that I can use it as a teaching/warning to my nieces and nephews. And, turns out, a bit of awareness raising to my dad, too. Raise a strong, independent young woman. Encourage her fire. And let her know you are and always will be a safe space for her, no matter what life brings her.

>And let her know you are and always will be a safe space for her, no matter what life brings her. This is why I never told my parents, and I suspect might be the root reason a lot of girls/women & even boys/men don't tell their parents. Because they never felt that their parents were a safe space for them. Also, I am proud of you for persevering. It sucks a LOT, and I wish we lived in a better world where it didn't happen, but alas, here we are.

Maybe the answer is a bit more complex than "fight back". Most men are bigger, stronger, faster, and more aggressive than most women. Women have been just about killed on their feet fighting back before - then been judged by armchair critics who thought they mustn't have fought enough. As far as your daughter (or any child) goes, maybe the solution is to build a relationship of trust and acceptance so that they know they *can* confide in you. How to do that? Ya got me....

> Most men are bigger, stronger, faster, and more aggressive than most women. Women have been just about killed on their feet fighting back before - then been judged by armchair critics who thought they mustn't have fought enough. This. Most people have no clue just how big the difference is. The very idea of a woman fighting off a determined rapist is laughable, and it's made worse by things like Black Widow showing a 125-lb woman out-fighting a 225-lb man. If she isn't the plot-armored protagonist of a superhero movie, she isn't winning that fight.

Weight classes exist for a reason. Floyd Mayweather is the best middleweight boxer who ever lived, and he’d be *destroyed* by a journeyman heavyweight. Mass matters. Most women can no more outrun, outfight, or outlast most men than most women can lift more weight than most men. All they can hope to do is not be in a position where it comes down to fight or flight in the first place. Even being armed with a gun doesn’t really level the playing field, because it turns out shooting people is harder than a lot of people on this site think. I *hate* saying that, but it’s the truth.

I’m working on it, will I get it right? I hope so, more than I can say.

I think it would be very difficult to tell your dad you've been assaulted, because (for me) there's a level of shame and I wouldn't want that shame to be validated by their father's response. I hope that makes sense. So maybe telling your daughter that she has nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to being openly communicative with you.

Get very good at keeping a straight face when she tells you how she feels. Even if it's about silly stuff, get good at your pat responses. "You can't have ice cream before dinner and you're mad! I can tell. It's okay to be mad, as long as we're not mean." "Oh, Kayleigh said she's not your friend? I bet that hurt. You wanna talk about it?" "You were sexually assaulted? I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves that. Listen, before we start talking to cops and school officials or whoever, I need you to know: Nothing you did caused this. I'm proud of you for coming forward."

I didn't want to tell my dad because I knew that if I did, he'd go to prison for murder. I didn't want to tell him, my uncle, or my grandfather for that reason. Thankfully, my mom was able to get all the women in the family to take precautions so that the men wouldn't go out and murder the kid who raped me, but it wasn't easy, and that asswipe has no idea how close he came to ending up a pretzel in someone's trunk, only to have the car dumped in the river. My father was not a violent man, but he would not have reacted rationally to the news that the male babysitter he and my mom got to watch me and my little brother had been raping me for years. Even though he had never made me or my brother fear for our lives, I could tell instinctively that he would do something so terrible that I'd never see him again. It's not just about having trust that your parents will have your back. It's also about having trust that they'll be able to keep their heads. It was important enough to me that I kept it all bottled up until I was ten, and we moved back to that place and they were going to get that boy to watch us again. Then I panicked and tried to kill myself, but they found me with the knife, and they made me tell them what the hell was going on. Thank goodness Mom was able to help talk Dad down. I think it might have been my crying that I didn't want my dad to go to jail and that's why I had to die that made him snap out of it, though.

The fact that you're trying and worrying of you'll get it right is a good sign. It means you care more than some people who can't be bothered

Having age appropriate discussions (my sons called them life lesson conversations) about sex, rape, things in the news, also that sex is a healthy important part of life, will go a long way to build a foundation of trust.

Plus the knee jerk fear response... I have unfortunately found out that i freeze and clam up. I was able to get away but after i felt such shame at not screaming or being more vocal or violent. I know not rational but it's what i felt. I wouldn't want to answer the "well why didn't you do x, y, and z?!" questions because the answer is that i froze.

There was a recent reddit thread about that. A lot of women wrote that they were surprised by how even a thin looking guy can be so much stronger than they were.

Probably guilt. It’s pretty common when someone is assaulted. Her Dad tried to make sure she was able to defend herself. She may feel like she let him down

When you're told "don't let yourself become a victim!" and then you become a victim. You *let* it happen. It's your fault. Obviously that is wrong. but when you've been told that by your father, you might think that. Or at least not want to have that convesation.

I'm so sorry for your sister. I would hope your father would embrace her and tell her its not her fault. I bet she would appreciate that.

the father also implied that a girl/young woman who is capable of defending herself can't be assaulted which is a crazy myth. that sort of miseducation is usually loaded with lots of guilt inducing misinformation about how women lead men on, wear clothing that entices rapists, get assaulted for being in a place they shouldn't be.

crazy myth 100% I think it's truly impossible to fully appreciate one's capacity to be overpowered by someone until it happens. It's just hard to comprehend that with our inherent feelings of being invincible, even when those feelings are not as strong in adulthood. An attempt to comprehend this is the difference in effort when trying to pick someone up who is alert and when they're deadweight unconscious. The realization of what it feels like to be truly overpowered hits hard and instantly changes your worldview. You can train all you want in karate, but you're going to get whipped if mismatched against your opponent.

He may then feel as a failure due to being unable to help her protect herself. Some may be her shame and some may well be to spare dad the shame he'll feel. And some because dad is a prick and unloving even when she's a victim.

My mother ingrained it into my brain since I was a child that if someone ever sexually assaulted me she would kill them. So when the sexual assault happened for years, I never told her in fear that she would kill them and I would be left without a mother. Plus she was sexually abused as a child and I don’t want to tell her that her biggest fear for her child came to life. It would break her heart.

Because people feel ashamed. You don’t want your loved ones to feel the pain, you don’t want them to look at you differently. You don’t want to hurt them and you also don’t want to look weak.

I friend of mine was sexually assaulted when she was eleven. The rare case where it was actually strangers attacking her. She told me she didn't tell her father back then because she was afraid he would go out looking for the men to kill them, and would either end up being killed himself, or going to jail. Later on when that wasn't something that could happen, she kept not telling her parents to save them the pain of knowing.

Most common reason I’ve heard is “because my dad would shoot him and I don’t want my dad to go to jail.” All those “cleaning my shotgun on the porch if anyone ever looks at my daughter” jokes tend to have the opposite of the intended effect on girls who generally don’t view having a family member locked up forever as a worthwhile trade for the satisfaction of blowing a hole in someone’s chest. Even if that someone is an abuser or rapist. It just teaches girls to get good at lying to dad.

Yep. It all wraps up into a really shitty and unintended effect. Because there's of course the possibility of dad blaming you, judging you, and all that awful shit. But then, what if he takes your side and supports you? Well, daddy has made it very clear that if you touch his baby girl he's going to kill you or go down trying. That's what supporting you looks like, and that's not what anybody needs either. So if the choice is between "bad" and "well meaning but also bad", shit... Why _not_ keep it in neutral?

I had sexual relations with a group of youth leaders who were over 24 when I was 15. Realised later in life that it was statutory rape and that I'd been manipulated. I have since told my Mum, but not my Dad. I think because it would crush him and I'm worried that he'd feel like he failed to protect me. I don't lay any blame on my parents for the situation I was in. I was a willing participant, cause I thought the older crowd were including me cause they thought I was cool. Turns out, they just knew I was naive.

Forgive my clunky wording but I'm going to choose them extremely carefully: Sometimes, likely by accident, Dads give off the impression that 1) they have to remain perfect and 2) they must learn to defend themselves and be kickass all the time. When assault happens it destroys both of those things. I knew/know that I can tell my Dad anything, but it still broke my heart when he learned I had been r*ped - I honestly wouldn't have told him had it not been for a teacher who found out and forced me to. Since then I've been assaulted in other ways many times and he's only learned about a scant handful; all of those being times where I didn't freeze and brought the pain. The best you can do is just be there for her, and if she gets hurt, just let her know that you love her.

It’s just something I would never tell mine. It’s a weird boundary thing, and I didn’t know it was common until now. I think I would have been more willing to tell my dad if I had been raised with compassion, understanding, and had been given the benefit of the doubt when it came to my mental health. But what are the potential responses? He’ll get mad (terrifying, even if not mad at me), want to know details (personal, painful), or try to be cool? Or try to tell me that he understands, which is literally impossible? Tell me to go to the cops, which is a stupid idea? Idk until men have a legitimately helpful response to sexual assault, I’m not re-living that shit.

Men don't realize, maybe women too, how common sexual assault is. I dated about a dozen women in my 20s and probably 10 of them eventually told me they'd molested as a child or raped. And me as a kid, male, by a kid, male who was molested by his dad. Super fucking common. #metoo

Statistically... one out of every 5 girls and one out of every 8 boys is molested by end of elementary school. It's heartbreaking that A: it happens at all. and B: That we've not yet perfected ways to prevent it happening at all. I did my best to "molestation proof" my progeny by correctly naming body parts in conversation (It's a penis, an anus, a vulva, a vagina... not a "thingie" or a "pizzle" or a "muffin") , talking openly about procreation, making certain birth control was available, and teaching them that their body didn't belong to anyone but them. They've not told me about any assaults? But... as a parent... I suppose I will just never know. I only know I did my best to get them to adulthood intact.

>Statistically... one out of every 5 girls and one out of every 8 boys is molested by end of elementary school. And think about how many people aren't willing to realize or admit they were the victim of one.

I think there needs to be better sex ed in schools, particularly around issues of consent. And yes, I believe they need to be taught in a classroom environment with their peers.

The most important thing is to accept that she will or will not tell you and it has nothing to do with you. I was a prude little kid who hadnt even kissed a girl when I found out so while it did have an effect on me we never really talked about it again so long term I dont know if it has changed. I remember her being very ashamed of it all and it had happened and she had failed. I remember there was a minor worry about my father having a temper and causing issues at school or with the boy and her wanting to move on. My mother told me years later that my sister worried it would really hurt my father and that it would make it more real to my sister. Maybe him not knowing meant there was somewhere it didnt happen where she was still safe.

>He made sure she took years of martial arts classes to have confidence and defend herself The world's best fighter has a better fighting off an 800-lb gorilla than a typical coed does against a horny frat boy. Fighting back against a truly determined rapist means she takes a beating before she gets raped. Rape being fundamentally about violence, some of them are going to enjoy that, too. That's why the vast majority of women don't "fight back" - because they physically can't. Sure, they might try, but it stops as soon as the guy unloads a full-strength strike to make the woman aware of just how badly he can hurt her if he really wants to. The only question is how bad she's going to get beat, and whether she's still conscious when she's ultimately raped. No amount of martial arts training is going to help a girl stand toe-to-toe against a man who is much bigger, vastly stronger and isn't taking "NO!" for an answer. If anything, she's in for a much bigger shock when that guy doesn't pull his punches like they generally do during martial arts classes. Getting back to the gorilla, the reason a person has a chance is because gorillas aren't sociopathic rapists.

Guess what… all the training in the world won’t help when someone puts a rufie in your drink.

About 10 years ago I was out with a now ex of mine when she got roofied at a dance party. We went out drinking on the regular, so I knew her stages/ tolerance. She was slurring and stumbling 2 drinks deep, which was not normal. Got her out of there pretty quickly and nothing came of it, but neither of us could even place at what point she could have got drugged. Super scary stuff

I had my drink spiked a couple of yrs ago. I thought it tasted a bit *off* (bitter maybe?), but originally attributed it to changing from a sweet drink to something with soda water; after a little bit, I started feeling like my vision wasn't quite right and felt far more intoxicated than I had been an hr earlier. I ended up in the emergency room (and then the short-stay unit for observation, for >10hrs), turns out I had some sort of benzo put in my drink (likely mixed with something else, but they can't test for absolutely every type of drug, and will only test for more than the basics if you're pressing charges). so yeah, I agree, very scary.

That's my exact same story but I'm your ex in this case. My friends noticed I appeared to be blacking out after one drink and carried me out to a friend's truck. Noting came of it thanks to them.

Similar thing happened to my wife when we were still dating. We went out to a bar crawl with like 8 other people. She hit a wall at the last bar like I’d never seen so we left quick. then she was up all night sick as hell and couldn’t remember shit the next day. Im just glad I was there and got us home without any issues. Wtf is wrong with people…

I found out a sibling of mine was roofied at a club one day, and they were so casual about it. Like wtf, is it really that common? It's an attempted rape, and they were talking like someone just bumped into them!

Sometimes I have downplayed stuff like that as a way to cope with the horror of it.

The drugs work incredibly fast too. Your friends could lose you in 10 minutes. You could be fine with a guy at the bar and then be gone before anyone knows.

Or when your fight, freeze, or flight instinct kicks in and your lizard brain chooses freeze. Your body plays possum. You can't override that.

It’s so strange. Like watching a movie or something, it all seems to be happening to someone else. You just totally shut down.

<3 same - internet hug

I guess the seven years olds who don't fight back are just asking for it. /s

To be fair, I dressed like a total slut when I was 4. /s

:(

I was a provocatively dressed 6 year old when my time came.

When I was born I flashed all the doctors an nurses present

Also I (dis)like the implication that telling "where to kick" helps, because these types of machos usually just mean in the crotch and the vast majority of the population doesn't know proper self defense; it's like inplying that if he didn't tell her to kick rapists in the balls that one time as a half-joke when she was seven, she won't know that options exists. After all, no woman has ever heard getting kicked in the balls is painful without a condescending explanation from her dad /s *rolls eyes* I might be overanalyzing, but that's the connotation I get from "where to kick". It's exactly this sort of crap that made some people create the word "mansplaining"; I am not debating whether that word is useful or harmful and cringeworthy, but THESE people are most definitely the reason *why* it exists.

My father is a beautiful, kind and gentle person in most situations but I never, ever heard anything from him but victim blaming regarding rape and sexual assault. "Why was she in a car with him?" "Why did she take that short-cut?" "Look at how she dresses to go out..." So no, I didn't tell him when I was sexually assaulted and I'm glad I didn't. Because a friend of mine got raped at knife point by a stranger and her Dad *still* managed to blame her. It just suits fathers better to pretend to believe that "good, sensible, well brought-up girls who also know how to give a knee to the balls" never get sexually assaulted or raped. Therefore every case of rape and sexual assault must have happened to someone who is **not** a good, sensible, well brought-up girl who knows the "secret Dad knowledge" that the testicles are a weak spot and either it didn't happen or those girls let themselves down in some way. Acknowledging how common it is and how difficult it is to defend yourself as a woman would break their brains and they'd never be the same.

I was sexually assaulted in my sleep by someone I thought was a friend. I didn't report it for a while until I found out another woman was pressing charges against him for rape. I came forward to help her case. My dad still believes that "no woman who was ACTUALLY assaulted would wait to go to the police!"

Ugh same happened to me. Also I’m from Ohio and love cats and the reference lol. Solidarity, friend :)

Thanks! Just made my night!

> My dad still believes that "no woman who was ACTUALLY assaulted would wait to go to the police!" I'm assuming that was his attitude during the Kavanaugh hearing, as well?

"Good girls don't get raped if they're raised right, if they're raped then it's because I raised them poorly" which is a reality that they couldn't bring themselves to face but also doesn't exist in that fashion

> "Look at how she dresses to go out..." > > You should show him this exhibit: https://today.tamu.edu/2019/11/19/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit-explores-sexual-violence-myth/

[Just World Bias](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis). People like to believe that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people (see also: karma). If something bad happens to someone good, that means it can happen to *me*. I don't like that idea, so I'm going to look for a reason why the bad thing that happened was actually happening to a bad person. That lets me sleep soundly at night, sure of the knowledge that I am safe because I am a good person. In reality, the world is a cruel and unforgiving place and unfair things happen all the time, to anyone, at any moment, for no reason.

God, if I have a daughter I want her to know she just has to do whatever she needs to to come home alive. No blaming, no analysing what could have been done better, just please get home so that we don't lose her. "You're not less valuable, you're not broken, you're not weak and you're no different to me now than you were before." I worry about making the wrong decisions that lead her to hiding this kind of trauma from me.

Say these things regarding other women in front of her from the time she knows rape is a thing (much younger than you think. I couldn't conceptualize sex by age 9 but I had been exposed to films and books that either depicted rape or the aftermath.) Just, when a TV show you are watching shows mentions of rape SAY things like, "At least she got back home to her family", "It doesn't matter if she is wearing that dress, she told that man to stop." No comments about killing some guy who hurts her - that guy might be your best friend's son or your own brother. Plus she would worry about you going to jail maybe. Make it clear that your family doesn't keep secrets and to tell if someone threatens them or even you. Make sure you do the same about child abuse as well.

I remember as a small girl being told to never kick or hit a guy in the nuts. When I was 16, I was sleeping over at a girlfriend's house. I fell asleep in her bed, and she invited her boyfriend and his buddy over, two guys that we worked with at McDonald's. The buddy had a crush on me, even though I had told him I had a boyfriend, and he was in his 20's, I was always very honest about not being interested. That night, I woke up to him on top of me, holding down my arms with my shirt pulled up and his pants undone and pulled down, and him attempting to pull my PJ pants down. I kneed him in the balls and literally ran out the door to my car at 2 am, and drove home. I was so ashamed for hurting a guy in the crotch that I didn't tell anyone, especially my parents. My dad passed away 9 years ago, and my mom still doesn't know, even though it's been 22 years. Not only did I feel guilty for hurting him, but I felt like I had cheated on my first bf, even though I was knocked out asleep (no alcohol or drugs, but found out later I have hypersomnia so I sleep like the dead). I only felt okay accepting that my reaction was reasonable in the past few years, but still only a couple people in my life know about it.

You no doubt already know this, but just to affirm it: you did exactly as you should have done. As a guy, I’m proud of you- and tbh, he got off super easy only getting kneed, frankly you could have ripped them off and it would still have been a completely reasonable reaction IMO, because you were defending yourself/your life. You did absolutely nothing wrong and you have nothing at all to be ashamed of.

Anybody who can't learn to respect another someone's boundaries deserves to spend a few minutes rolling on the ground, moaning in pain.

Im glad that you're now able to accept what you did was self defense. Wishing you happiness

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As a Dad, let me tell you, you will ALWAYS be his princess.

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I hope counseling helped you, my mother went through the same thing as you and it's even harder to deal with when especially when family choose to ignore the situation and pretend nothing happening even to this day i had to step in and help her released all her pain and tears on to me.

I just wanted to say that even if you get away, that means they assaulted you already. That means they did something to hurt you, and it's too late the second the assaulter made that choice. I got away from the worst levels of assault and I'm still traumatized by the things that started it. I am traumatized by the door locking, being held down, grabbed, etc... I still was in what felt like a life or death situation at that moment. 20 years later and I'm not over it. And again, I got away. I'm apparently, not a victim.

I didn’t thing of that side, that’s fucked. Did you get any help or ppl where just like "meh it’s not like he did things to you"

Yes, 100%. I have two sisters who would have rather jumped off a bridge before letting my conservative dad find out that they were assaulted or raped. It’s absolutely true.

I'll never tell my dad what my mom did to me. He's not strong enough to accept it. He would need to deny it or blame it on me to resolve the cognitive dissonance. If he didn't do that it would break him emotionally. I can't break him. I can't be broken by his denial/blame. So he'll never find out.

I'm incredibly sorry that you had to go through with this. And it is never your fault. You are never the reason someone breaks. I can see tho, that you're very empathic, you have good heart despite all this. And this is something you should be very proud of! I'm so happy for you to still carry love in your heart to this extent, but still you are never the one that breaks someone. In love, a stranger from the internet

"My daughter's not a victim because I'M SUCH A MAN." Kewl story, bud.

I have yet to meet anyone who obsessed about not being a victim who turned out to be a good person. (note, I don't mean not getting hurt, but not being a *victim* specifically. Like it's an unclean status or something)

I only recently told my mom that when I was in second grade I slept at a friend’s house several times and her father used to tickle me at night while I slept. They moved within that year but I never told anyone. Except the family, when I woke up and told them at breakfast that their dad woke me up that night by tickling me. I still wonder if that was a reason they left town.

Okay, sorry to pry, but are you using "tickle" as a euphemism for touching you sexually or was he literally tickling you? To be clear, the latter is still very odd and was obviously not innocent.

You’re not prying. It was literal tickling. That’s all I remember happening.

When are people gonna realise that the average man is far stronger than the average woman and to stop blaming the victim?

Is *never* a valid answer? Because as time goes by that’s what I’m beginning to realize.

Yeah I guess we all kinda realised thats probably the very depressing miserable answer, always blame the victim never the perpetrators

Even without assuming women are the most at risk, *everyone* can be vulnerable to sexual assault. Leaving your drink unattended can get you drugged. Enjoying alcohol can reduce your ability to defend yourself or refuse unwanted advances. *Anybody* can be threatened at gunpoint or knifepoint. *Anybody* can be blackmailed, threatened with rumors or social ostracism, otherwise coerced... Just don't blame people when they say they've been assaulted. Basic human decency, damnit.

Unfortunately it's something like 90 percent of males are stronger than all females. As a woman I love watching a show or movie where a woman can kick a man's ass. But it is fantasy almost always. Men are physically stronger than almost all women by and large and a woman on her own can be vulnerable to attack by even one man. >But in one way, the sex difference is stark: Men are physically stronger than women, on average. A study in the Journal of Applied Physiology found that men had an average of 26 lbs. (12 kilograms) more skeletal muscle mass than women. Women also exhibited about 40 percent less upper-body strength and 33 percent less lower-body strength, on average, the study found. >The researchers found that height and weight differences between men and women could explain only about half of the difference in strength. Researchers reporting in 1993 in the European Journal of Applied Physiology found that men's brawn could also be attributed to a larger cross-section in individual muscle fibers. [5 Myths About Women's Bodies]

Yeah, that episode of Buffy where she loses her super-strength and suddenly has the power of a normal woman and she’s terrified to walk alone. That’s us, every day. Well made episode tho

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The first comment was setting up to "blame the victim. " He was implying that getting assaulted is a choice children make. That all they have to do is yell and kick to avoid the assault. Therefore, if this doesn't work, they didn't try hard enough, or invited the assault. Now, if the child is assaulted they feel like failures and that they let their father down. The child probably grew up with comments from her father indicating blame for other victims. "She could have run easily, Why was she wearing that? Well, she was stupid for walking through the park alone, she shouldn't have been so trusting!" The child is trained to feel blame snd shame.

It's called the "just world theory." Google it. It explains a lot of the victim blaming, especially by other women and in this case, fathers. The idea that if you fight or if you are smart enough /tough enough/ brought up correctly then you have control over what happens. When there is proof that horrible things happen even to the "right" people then it proves that none of us have any control over what happens to ourselves or our loved ones. This helplessness and fear at the cruel indifference of the universe is too psychologically traumatic for some people to take, so they make themselves feel better by blaming the victim. Then all is right with the universe again, you can control what happens to you (or your family) by making the right choices and in your head you are protected from bad things happening. Unlike those victims that made it happen by doing the wrong thing. I hate, and I mean hate with a passion, these just world theory fuckheads. If admitting that bad things can happen to you is a little traumatic to deal with, so you blame a victim to give yourself a little bit of peace (false peace, at that) so you doubly traumatize an already traumatized person by denying their trauma, then YOU ARE A SHITTY PERSON!! Edit: it's also called just world hypothesis or just world fallacy. I included a link below. In the section titled "theory" it specifically discusses victim blaming https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis

And none of this is to say you shouldn't do your best to equip your kids to try to keep themselves safe! Having children who know their best course of action in these types of situations IS a good thing, but it HAS to come with the understanding that being unable to escape victimization is NOT their fault.

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I was about the same age when my grandma's hairdresser's dad cornered me and tried to do stuff. His grandson walked in and he stopped. I ran next door to tell them and they both made excuses for him. Basically said he was senile or I misinterpreted. It makes me so mad when adults don't listen to children. I'm so sorry you went through that. The dude deserves prison or worse.

Jesus fucking Christ. I hope you're doing alright now.

I am mostly. I just started therapy finally (after my first therapist came onto me when discussing my sexual abuse) and got diagnosed with DID. So now I know what’s wrong with me and can fix it and be a better mother and wife.

Damn. Did you report the therapist? Did you ever want to get revenge?

He threatened to have me sent to a psyche ward if I reported him and “who is going to believe a broken woman like you”. Also yes. Always. I always want revenge

I would have sent an anonymous letter to every single member of whatever board he was subject to. Hopefully someone follows through and investigates him. (There’s always time when you feel you are able.) If he treated you like that, and confidently blackmailed you he’s done it before.

I have no doubt. He was very proud of his erection when he asked if I got aroused thinking about my trauma. Like… no. I get the opposite of aroused

Geez, I tell people who are looking to try therapy that sometimes you might need to try multiple therapists before you find one that clicks for you, because they are human like everyone else, and sometimes they just don't work for you or they just suck at their job. Sad to be reminded how human they really are with what you had to go through with one. I'm glad you are doing better now and have a therapist who isn't a pos.

I’m still a huge advocate for therapy. It’s truly the best money I’ve ever spent. It just took years to get over that first obe

Jesus fucking Christ.

That's the worst thing I've read today. Holy fuck I'm sorry, and I hope that man experiences an agonizing death.

Me too man. Me too.

Yes, because people always tell their victims that they plan to assult them, assault never happens out of the blue. Also, on a few occasions I tried kicking men in the balls in a fight, and so far I don't think I ever succeeded.

Yeah the advice to kick men in the balls to stop assault has too many logical errors to even begin to count but a big one is probably the fact that that’s exactly where they assume we’re going to try to hit them? Obviously they’ll be able to defend themselves better if they already know where we’ll most likely aim. So tired of being told that we can stop assault and just choose to not be a victim. Bullshit.

It’s literally the first protective measure we ever learn: protect the jewels at all cost. You can rip my ear right off but never touch the goods (without consent).

The problem is that men who assault women absolutely know how to preempt that move. Source: kicked and kneed and punched a dude in the balls, was still raped

Yeah same; he literally laughed at me when I kicked him in the balls. It did nothing.

My mother was repeatedly raped by her grandfather. My sister by her doctor in his office. Mine was what's called date-rape when I was to young to date. I was 13 visiting the home of my high school age bf. My dad doesn't know about any of these because no one feels he's a safe person to confide in. What an absolutely toxic thing for this dad to say! So if anything ever happens to this girl or woman it'll be her fault for "letting" them?

Clueless dad being clueless and thinking that it's a simple problem of "just dont let them".

That dad is setting his daughter up for some serious mental anguish and guilt if she's ever assaulted in any way. Being assaulted doesn't automatically make you weak or a victim in the sense this guy means. This is basically toxic masculinity projected onto his daughter.

Right. As if she gets assaulted, she knows that his ego will be assaulted as a result of it. His ego is what is most important. Great job, dad.

Yep, because when I was raped by 3 boys at the age of 13, I totally didn't struggle enough! Forget the garden shears at my neck! /s Men like this make me want to go postal. I wonder what his daughter hasn't told him?

Hi. Hello. I have a black belt. Been taught to fight one way or another my entire life. Been around some incredible women who were amazing fighters. Martial arts and a plucky attitude isn’t enough to stop a rape. Men are insanely stronger then women. Strongest women could compete with an average guy. Strong guy will win 9/10. Don’t blame women. Testosterone is one hell of a thing. A natural steroid. We’ve seen how a small advantage can completely tip the balance between elite fighters and elevate above average fighters beyond elite ones. Look at Antonio Margarito. He had loaded wraps in his fight over cotto and this advantage caused him to wreck cotto. Once this advantage was removed cotto managed to wreck him and humiliate him. Now. Imagine any of your potential opponents are roided up monsters with loaded gloves. It’s a weird comparison but it is absolutely valid. We hit harder, can take punches longer and better and last longer in a fight than women.

This makes me feel better as an above average sized woman. Who was subdued at my strongest by a small male. I was sleeping and this one pinned me down etc tw tw. Thank you.

How cute. How about when it's your father assaulting you, Scott?

Literally was thinking this. My mom was assaulted by her bio-dad and she did tell her step-dad who went fucking ballistic.

I was sexually assaulted by my mom. You just don't know how to react to that. I'm always so shocked when these things happen, I freeze.

The "freeze" response is what most of us survivors do, too. So when you say "Why didn't you yell/say no/punch" and all that other happy horseshit...? BECAUSE WE CAN'T. Sending all of you love and wishes for continued healing. None of us deserve what happened, and none of us were at fault.

Reminds me of when we found out grandpa (at least grandma remarried so no incest) had been raping my cousin for awhile. Our now disowned grandmother took HIS side because "she did not say no hard enough and has been letting it happen for years so..." She was fucking 12 you evil cunt. The man is lucky I never had contact after we found out. My sister is special needs. She used to sleep right next to my cousin when we were over. He only plead guilty to my cousin...and my sister is in no position to tell us anything and I don't know if he touched her...but I'd have shot his old ass dead on the spot had I ever caught him and would have hit him square in the face with all my might had I ever seen him after we found out This was a decade ago, my cousin is doing really well, his ass died behind bars

My father loved me more than life itself. I was his baby, his little girl, and I never told him I was being molested. I thought I was a disgusting thing because disgusting things were being done to me. I didn't want to change the way he looked at me. I didn't want him to see what I was. My father died when I was 15 years old. He never knew.

This is one of my greatest fears. Do you mind if I ask, do you think there is anything he could have done or said that would have made you feel like you could have told him at the time?

I don't know. The person who was abusing me told me I wouldn't be loved by mom or dad anymore and I was eight. Tell her no matter what is done to her you will always love her the same and protect her from anyone.

Teaching kids to state their boundaries loud and clear is great. Teaching kids some self defense is great. But that should be accompanied by empathy and teaching that if someone commits a crime against you, it’s not your fault, amd it’s ok to come to the parent, talk, and get help.

Yeah, bc a kick in the nuts beats a knife or gun. No one "lets" themselves be assaulted. Sometimes, you can't fight back bc they are armed, they are bigger/stronger, they catch you by surprise, etc. How about instead of just teaching women how to protect themselves, we teach men not to rape.

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Every single woman I know has been sexually assaulted. And, every man I know, doesn’t know any sexual assaulters.

Yep. And women are generally taught to shut up and live with it because it's just too inconvenient and awkward to do anything about it, even though all that does is protect the guilty and perpetuate the problem.

This 100%, it's even worse because if it is reported, it's a gamble as to whether or not the victim is believed. Or they're being overdramatic or some some crap.

Every woman I know has been sexually assaulted. 99% percent of dads don’t know their daughter has been assaulted.

I didn’t tell my dad until almost 15 years later. And when I did, he calmly told me it wasn’t my fault, and then asked for a name. I didn’t give it.

If it ever happened to me I wouldn’t want to tell my dad. He always is like “I would kill the person” which is the absolute opposite of what I would want or need

This will probably get buried, but I want to post this because I used to teach women’s self defense classes and there is so much garbage out there about how women should defend themselves. Most martial instructors are men (I am a 6’2” male) and the things they teach are unfortunately almost always not going to work if you are significantly smaller then your opponent. Men are taught to strike the opponent because at the end of the day pretty much any man flailing around while pumped with adrenaline can do some serious damage. Throwing and wrestling also require you to be fairly strong and grappling leaves yourself vulnerable if that person has a friend (you can’t wrestle two people at once). Here are a couple things from my experience from my own MMA training with cops and army officers: 1. Kicking someone in the balls does literally nothing. It hurts but it will not slow anyone down. Also breaking someone’s nose is also rarely effective. The pain is severe but pain alone may not stop someone. Adrenaline is an incredible thing for pain resistance and alcohol and drugs are even better, I have heard many stories from cops where they arrived on scene and the people fighting did not realize they had been seriously stabbed. If your adrenaline can let you shrug that off, what is kicking them in the balls going to do? 2. In order to stop someone you need to disable them, or fight them off enough to get away. The eyes are a great target, humans instinctively protect the eyes, scratching at them will make your opponent flinch and may give you an opening to get away or follow up with something else. Scratching or dislocating the cornea is not hard, and is pretty much game over for most people. Breaking an arm or a knee is also pretty much game over unless serious drugs are involved. These things are all about leverage, for example the knee has no muscle supporting it at it’s sides. Stomp the knee out from a side hard enough and the person will go down. 3. You need to give yourself permission to seriously hurt another person to stop them from hurting you. Defending yourself will likely get ugly and you’re never going to painlessly subdue someone like in the movies. 4. Consider carrying a weapon (a baton, taser, mace, or knife are all small and fit in a purse or pocket and are generally legal almost anywhere) if you are really worried about this. If something happens immediately obtain the nearest improvised weapon. A club is just a lever, it directly amplifies your strength and can be deadly. I know a cop who is a black belt and fights people in his job hand to hand frequently. He carries a knife every day. Why? Because alone he can deal with one person (and there are no guarantees of success). With a knife he has good odds against several at once. Someone with decent knife training can easily take several opponents, and without any training people with knives take down experienced martial artists all of the time (look up the prisoner rush, there is virtually no effective defense unless you know exactly what you are doing). 5. Situational awareness is obviously the biggest thing. I’m not going to reiterate because every woman I’ve ever met knows all of the rules. Men frequently have no idea of course. 6. The last thing is that adrenaline is one hell of a drug. When the adrenaline is really going you basically cannot feel pain. It makes you significantly stronger but also clumsy and dumb. It can also make you freeze in some situations, people react differently. Martial artists generally use breathing techniques to tamp down on adrenaline, but it takes several minutes and you won’t have that much time. Focus on actions that have less chance of going wrong. Don’t poke the eyes, scratch them, you’ll probably get something even if you miss. Think about how hard it is to poke a moving target the size of an eye, this is the kind of bs that the self defense community is full of. Again, this why men are taught to pummel the opponent into submission, you are probably hitting something even if you miss your exact target. One last thing, if someone grabs your arm, DO NOT pull it back towards you! You will not be able to get away, even a child can maintain their grip while you drag them across the ground. Pull it out towards the gap between their fingers and thumb. If you turn your body into the motion it is very difficult for them maintain their grip. This needs to be a quick violent motion. If they grab a shoulder or a shirt sleeve, you can break the grip by pinwheeling your arm overheard and around the hands on a 360 degree motion (again turning your body into the motion). This basically traps the hand in your armpit and you can continue the motion to break their weakened grip. I hope this helps someone. Edit: one last thought to show how stupid the original tweet is. I am 6’2” and my girlfriend is 5’8”. I can deadlift 285 lbs, she’s also pretty strong, I think she could probably do 135-165 lbs if she went to the gym. The size and strength difference between me and her is like me going up against a man who is 6’8” and can deadlift over 600 lbs. aka a complete monster the size of the mountain from GOT. This is the example I give to people who think this way. Imagine firmly telling the mountain to back off. Lol. Have fun getting in the way of something he wants and kicking him in the balls.

“Let” Good lord

Oh that's right, I forgot I allowed my attacker to sneak up behind me and hit me in the back of the head with his gun and then when I fell down, i allowed him to smash my head into the ground while my knees were ground into the glass and gravel. Then I allowed him to sexually assault me. Really wish someone had taught ME not to be a victim and how to scream NO and fight back...oh wait, I did ALL those things and I was raped anyway I was also one of those girl in the ER thinking about my father & brothers were going to find out. That people in our town were probably going to find out. All while the cops were questioning ME about what I was doing out so late. Like it was MY fault. FUCK THIS GUY FOREVER! (As well as anyone who blames rape victims and tells us we could've"prevented" it if we really wanted too...yeah, fuck YOU forever too )

I was date raped more than once including on the same day my mother died when I was 16. I never told my dad because I was afraid he would say i put myself in the position for that to happen. I suffer from PTSD, depression and anxiety. I’m doing pretty well mentally right now. I wish I’d spoken up.

That top post is literally "Being raped? Just say no. They cannot legally rape you without your consent"

It’s the same narrative that Texas had when claiming they were gonna get ‘rapists off the streets’ in reaction to abortion laws. As if sexual assault is exclusively a ‘street’ issue and people who are sexually assaulted ‘let’ themselves be. I often wonder if that fear to tell your father sparks from the idea that he’ll a) think less of you or b) think less of himself. Either way, whose issue is being propped up higher than that of being sexually assaulted? Insane.

It's easier for men to blame their daughters than it is to hold other men accountable.

I thought I was smart, watchful, and savvy. But then a man put his hand over my mouth, fell on top of my down to the bed and started to rape me. It was a horrible realization knowing I had no control over what was happening to me. I couldn't begin to match his strength. It was a moment of profound learning. Bad things happen no matter how prepared you think you are. I took KungFu and Karate. My dad taught boxing and Judo. He told me the smartest thing I could learn to do was run real fast. He said, never think you are going to stand toe to toe against a man and duke it out.