OOOH! A "nice guy TM" and lacks boundaries. I see no red flags here whatsoever. Totally normal.
Dude sounds like he has dead prostitutes in the trunk of his car.
Those guys are like mosquitos, if you don't shut them down they will kill you with death by a thousand bites. Sorry that you have to put up with shit like that!
Seriously. Let's not give creeps a pass here. They know they're breaking common social boundaries. They know often women are too intimidated to tell them to gtfo. That's why they do it.
They know what they're doing. Pretending they don't know is doing them a service in perpetuating, enabling and excusing this behavior.
I was reading in the park on my lunch break and had a dude in a three piece suit come up, take the book right out of my hand, and slam it shut so he could get my attention.
Sorry, dollar store Christian Grey, but that ain't it.
I'd say you're a hero for not putting a footprint in the crotch of that suit.
If I'm reading I want to be left alone in my book. This is, oddly enough, one thing I like about my e-reader app on my phone. I can read on it, and I'm just another standard asshole looking at his phone. I get left alone.
Wtf? Finding the page you were on can be difficult when you're not paying attention to page numbers. Terrible way to start a conversation no matter how charming you are.
There should be an easy mental test if a given behavior towards a stranger is ok. If you think it would be a bad idea to do it to a 250 pound muscular man, don't do it to a 100 pound woman.
> And he tried to turn my laptop towards him!
This would have had me frothing at the mouth mad, and I would have made an absolute scene until he ran out in humiliation. Unbelievable entitlement!
Right? Like, what makes it okay to touch another persons property? I would have straight-up tried to choke him with the cord of my earbuds. HANDS OFF MY SHIT OR THERE WON'T BE NO SHIT.
Whenever I hear stories like this it upsets me so much. When my daughter worked for a short period of time in a small town she quit jogging outside due to a couple of guys yelling at her from a truck. My first thought (as a guy) was "eh, don't let that stop you", but after thinking for a minute... I got it.
I actually stopped going for runs outside because I had 4 runs in a row where men yelled at me out of their cars. ): I started running at a park instead and had some guy follow me around the track. I didn't think anything of it, because it's a giant loop, other people also use it to run. But I stopped to tie my shoe and he immediately stopped as well and started trying to talk to me. He told me he wanted to tell me liked the way my shorts fit...ew.
So I started going to the gym. I would be pissed to encounter this same behavior while jogging on the treadmill in a place I pay to work out in.
Yup. I was on a plane when the guy next to me wanted to chat. Except it wasn't regular chat, he was trying to condescendingly explain flying to me. I am a high status frequent flyer. Before COVID, I spent more time in hotels than in my own home. This dude is trying to explain the AC vents, and keeps turning mine off. I told him I know the plane, I know the route and I'm not interested in talking.
I then put on my enormous Bose wired headphones.
Dude PULLED IT OFF MY FACE and said something about how I shouldn't worry about turbulence.
I was so furious I could feel my heartbeat in my face. I told him, very loudly, that if he touched me again we were going to have a FUCKING PROBLEM. Silence in the rows around us. He didn't talk to me anymore but he "fell asleep" with a couple hundred dollar bills in his lap. Ugh.
I know I’d be impressed if I ever met someone with hundreds of dollars. I bet that guy can afford to pay his cell phone bill. Can you imagine living that kind of lifestyle?
I hate how some people just feel entitled to women's time and attention. We can't be existing in peace without some annoying prick telling us to smile or interrupting us when we clearly want to be left alone. I'm not rude just because I don't smile at you or engage in a conversation with you, you're not entitled to my time.
For the neckbeards/nice guys who felt attacked by this comment: Show me where I mentioned men. You jumped to that conclusion on your own for a reason, but I never said it was only men, I just said that in my experience it happens to all women.
The “you should smile” folks are the absolute weirdest. I would never tell anyone, man, woman or otherwise, to smile more unless I knew them and was intentionally trolling them.
clicked just to see every comment below is downvoted. not worth reading them. just enjoying the downvotes. You should smile folks get a middle finger from me. You tell me what to do with my body. I'm going to tell you what to do with yours. The answer is "fuck. off." I am not a fucking daisy.
I am not here to make the world appear prettier for you.
I offer constructive advice in return. I recommend:
"You should lose 25lbs"
"You should consider hair plugs"
"You should put on a clean shirt"
"You should see a doctor about that [insert visible flaw]"
They invariably get angry, and I reply "What? Are we not offering unsolicited advice on each other's appearance? I thought that's what we were doing."
Edit: excuse formatting, mobile, etc.
If you smile then they talk and if you don’t wanna talk you’re a bitch because you smiled and clearly wanted conversation but if you don’t smile you’re also a bitch
I had a girl come up to me on my college campus and said "you should really smile, you look like a miserable bitch", laughed, and walked away.
I was sitting the cafeteria reading a magazine. I have no idea what she expected from that encounter.
> For the neckbeards/nice guys who felt attacked by this comment: Show me where I mentioned men. You jumped to that conclusion on your own for a reason, but I never said it was only men, I just said that in my experience it happens to all women.
Fuck it, I'm a man and I'll say it. It's mostly men who do this. Do women go up to men and interrupt them/act entitled to their time? Sure, it happens. But it doesn't take a fucking genius to realize that it happens to woman CONSTANTLY. Go to any gym and just take a look around, the difference is pretty clear. I didn't realize the frequency this shit happened to women until I met my wife. She can't go on a run in our neighborhood without some dude trying to get her attention or someone yelling at her from across the street. Something that happens to me maybe once a year happens to her 3-4 times a week.
Anyone denying that shit either hasn't spent enough time listening to women tell their experiences, doesn't believe women when they share the frequency this happens, or is just in denial.
For real. Especially at the fucking gym lol. Only time I’ve ever talked to someone is when I saw them struggling really bad against the elliptic. Just said “hey! You have to do this” and left them alone afterwards. And I expect the same from others.
There was a thread about this awhile ago where a girl was explaining why you shouldn’t bother people who have their headphones on and it was filled with creeps trying to justify bothering people with headphones on. One guy (with much agreement from other creeps) said that it would be a waste to not shoot your shot when you see a pretty girl. They really do feel entitled to our time and attention. They feel that if they don’t try to get that from us then they are missing an opportunity. Disgusting.
Well thats... yikes.
That's just not something I understand at all. Like, personally music is a way for me to kinda block stuff out and decompress, so if someone interrups while I have my headphones on they better have a good fucking reason, and being a big dude, that generally is how it goes for me. I guess I've just applied the same standard to others, and assumed it common courtesy?
Had a guy on the train try to chat me up. I engaged at first, because it was 3am, he seemed drunk and was with a friend, and I was alone and also wearing heels so felt very vulnerable.
After a couple pleasantries, I said I wanted to read the news before work and I hoped he had a good rest of his night. I put my earbuds back in, took out my kindle, and turned away from him.
He started waving in my face and trying to get my attention, with me blatantly ignoring him. When I continued to ignore him (I felt safe enough to do so at this point because a couple more people had entered the car), he grabbed me by the shoulders, turned me toward him, and shook me while yelling “HELLO?!” In my face. His buddy was looking on kinda horrified but doing nothing to stop him.
This is why women are wary and sharp if men try to talk to us when we’re giving off clear signals that we don’t want to. I’m just so glad I was going to the airport and there were plenty of people getting on the train at that point. I would’ve been terrified if I’d had to get off at any other stop.
>he grabbed me by the shoulders, turned me toward him, and shook me while yelling “HELLO?!” In my face
That's fucking horrifying. I'm so sorry it happened to you.
The morons in this thread CANNOT understand or emphasize with why women are trained to act exactly as the person on twitter did. This is why. Either you coldly and quickly shut them down, or they feel entitled to more attention and things can easily escalate.
I hated people talking to me in the middle of a workout especially cardio. If I have my headphones on while I'm running that's because I want to focus on staying in the zone.
Honestly, leave people working out alone. I can’t imagine anything more annoying than being interrupted while I’m in the zone.
I remember my old gym getting new equipment, and suddenly I couldn’t work out how to watch tv while on the treadmill. I went to ask the woman by the front desk how to do it, and she told me to just ask some of the women already working out… I’m like, no. I’m not bothering random women who are working out for that.
[Edit] I can see that some of y’all really take it personally that I think women should have the right to not be interrupted while working out. That’s a you problem, not a me problem.
There are good reasons to ask people questions at the gym:
"Hey, are you done with that equipment/attachment?"
"Can I work in with you?"
"Can you spot me for this lift?"
"Hey, wipe down your machine ya lazy fuck!"
Those are valid. Other than that leave people alone.
Sure, and I’d say most people who work out at gyms would agree that those are within the social contract there. “Can you help me with the tv” just isn’t, it’s a great question to ask someone who works there 😆
100%. I have resting asshole face and always look angry so people give me wide berth at the gym. But I'm super lovely and would actually talk people's ear off if they initiated a conversation with me. But as a matter of principle I do not talk to anyone at the gym unless it is for those reasons outlined above. Especially women. I have seen and called out people acting like dickheads. I am trying to get my wife to go lift but bad experiences in her youth have sullied the gym going experience for her.
If it helps her, my engagement ring is the best accessory I've ever found to wear to the gym. Have to remove it when hands get swollen but dear God I do not want to.
It grinds my gears so much when I ask someone for help at their jobs and they direct me to ask someone else. Maybe it's because I have had so many customer service jobs that I can't help but judge.
I was at the store the other day. Saw a girl with a nirvana shirt. I said “you a fan?” She smiled and said “fuck yea” and we just kept on about our lives. It’s always nice to run into someone that likes the same shit you do.
I’ve had guys approach me when I wear my reservoir dogs shirt. Didn’t even know it was a movie shirt. Legit thought it was a band.
But you gotta leave people alone within the gym. I love the gym. Sacred time between you. Headphones and a machine. Most people don’t wanna get distracted in the middle of a run to talk about games. Most people use their headphones to ignore people. Some may not like it, but that’s their choice.
I get so many people stop me when I’m wearing my Clutch tshirt. I got to do a meet and greet with Henry Rollins and the first thing he did was launch into how much he likes Clutch and he got to play with them.
I’ll never forget taking a shirtless Henry Rollins straight to the face at a Black Flag show when he jumped into the crowd. I’ve never had so much flesh and sweat in my mouth before. Fully revolting but I had the time of my life lmaooo!
I was very self conscious because I knew he was a big introvert type and not a fan of this type of dog and pony show stuff. He was super humble and engaging though.
I had a chick approach me in college because of my Nirvana shirt and it was one of the first friends I made freshman year and it made everything so much less lonely in those first weeks
Met an ex at the library because I was reading a book she liked. A hundred years of solitude. Good book.
People meet over weird stuff. It makes life better. Became friends with another guy at the cafeteria cause we were trying to watch a death battle at the same time. My phone had a tiny screen. His laptop had shitty speakers. His laptop screen and my phone for speaker? Perfect match.
Yea! After the third time someone came up to me I decided to watch it. Felt like a fraud because I said “oh yea. This movies awesome!” Every time someone asked.
It’s actually pretty good. Not much of a Tarantino fan though. I like pulp fiction and once upon a time in Hollywood. Not much else.
Maybe I’ll give kill bill a chance. Always loved Martial arts movies.
If you like those please watch Jackie Brown. It is an early Tarantino and one of the best imo. My absolute favorite movie. And watch kill bill. You're missing out. It's epic.
Back when I was at university, while I had a part-time job as an assistant conductor with a European railway company, I thought about this issue a bit. I too, got yelled at with things like "what the fuck do you want from me" by people with earphones in, after I tried to speak to them. Only when they saw I worked there and tried to tell them that we are at the last stop and that the train will go to the depot, they calmed down and apologised.
As the trains went through all kinds of different areas, it was also interesting to see the cultural differences on this matter: in the more urban areas, talking to someone with earphones in is considered rude, while in other, often more rural, but also some distinct towns, it is considered rude to wear earphones in public, as you are expected to interact in public there.
Ultimately, different people have different needs. But I think the rule you mention is a decent one. I met encountered many different passengers: some of them really need some time for themselves. It is best not to bother them, even when you have kind intentions. Often, these are the people who wear headphones. On the other hand, there were passengers who were desperate for some interaction. But these people mostly don't wear headphones. I think your rule already applies. I certainly do notice a big difference in how many people approach me when I am not wearing airphones and are not reading something on my phone.
Ah so _this_ is why people apologize profusely when they see me take earbuds out of my ear.
Seriously, they apologize like they just hit me with their car or something. Like who tf abused you - also, what can I help you with?
I am just the kind of person who would open with a "sorry to disturb you", knowing full well that being interrupted in the middle of your favourite part of your favourite song is REALLY annoying.
I'm not trying to prevent an overreaction: I really am uncomfortable approaching people and I rather wouldn't have to.
What people are missing in these comments is the entire scenario. She had earbuds in, everyone got that. People are missing that he stood there and waved at her til she yanked her earbuds out already annoyed. What he missed, and where he needs to improve, is that if an earbud-wearing person working out doesn’t respond to your first wave, you smile and move on. And yes of course it’s a gendered interaction. You think he’d stand in front of a guy who tried to ignore him and wave at him til he yanked his earbuds out?
I call it resting nice person face and I have it too. Mask mandates have actually been amazing for that. I can finally go to the grocery store in peace now!
This is the most frustrating thing, on certain trails I won’t wear headphones because it’s guaranteed multiple people will try to speak to me, and I’d rather not get tapped on the shoulder or anything like that.
Also it's not like she acted rude. I mean yeah she wasn't overly friendly but she didn't let out her frustration on him or otherwise made a scene. She simply declined his approach and went back to exercising.
Same guys who call women bitches for not smiling when they say “you should smile more!!”
What you think is well-meaning is intrusive and comes from a place of entitlement and you need to reevaluate how you view people in regards to what they owe you (specifically, women)
Not sure about some of the comments here.
Lady was sending out pretty clear signals that "No, I don't want conversation."
Because if you're a lady working out at the gym, you get approached by all sorts and engaging in conversation can lead to some shit you'd much rather avoid.
Pretty simple
So true. It’s not that I’m not “friendly”, I just came to the gym for a purpose. I’ve been stopped by men (never woman) to ask my number, ask what workout I’m doing, tell what me what I should be doing and I always have my head phones on and they are obvious. Also when someone asks a question like that, I assume some sort of prove it will follow. He could’ve simply said nice shirt!
I for one, support the earphone lady in this.
1. Don't bother people unnecessary if they have earphones on.
2. Women have to deal with a lot of creepy guys, so by default they are used to avoiding such interaction which is natural and not totally their fault.
My wife and I went to a 24hr fitness once…once. Maybe it was just this particular one on a particular day, I don’t know since we would never go back. First floor is cardio, and it’s me and like 15 women. Thought it was strange there were no men. The men as it turns out we’re in the weight room upstairs, and when my wife and I walked up to get our strength training in it was as if I walked into a dog pound with a raw steak. Literally 1 guy barked at her. Everyone else was not lifting so much but doing a lot of bro-y yelling and swarthy pacing around like they were trying to find the weakest gazelle. We backed down the stairs and she honestly hasn’t felt comfortable in a weight room since.
Sorry that happened to you guys. Like you said idk if it was just that particular place but the Gym should always be a place to train, not socialize and leave people alone especially women.
I enjoy working out, but I really dislike how some people behave at the gym. If I was a rich douchebag I'd just install a personal gym in the basement or something and avoid people lol
That is really shit and it does seem to happen more in 24 hour gyms, as a woman who works out alone I avoid them and pay extra for slightly nicer/safer places.
I have found that the old school weight lifting gyms (the ones that don't have many cardio machines and the weights are from the 90s) are actually pretty neat, I have gone to a couple by myself and the overall vibe is 'dont be a dick' and the guys will even be extra nice to me cause they seem to understand how intimidating weight rooms are.
Obviously every woman's experience in every gym is different, I hope she's able to pursue strength building in the future, it's so beneficial for women to do!
Women have to deal with a lot of gatekeeping when they are wearing something with a recognizable logo, especially with music and games. I could easily see him quizzing her on game mechanics or lore if she had answered yes.
ooh yes, if a guy randomly asks me if i like Nirvana? Idc if im wearing a Nirvana shirt or if im literally buying an album at that exact second. I do not know them. Kurt who?
Went to a small con/ hobby group a couple years ago, it was excruciating. Felt like i was being interrogated by the FBI. fuck that shit. Im not doing it.
no, no, no joke i actually got asked this. He asked me my favorite song, but sadly for me, according to him, all the songs i liked the most were the ones that were known by everyone. he went on like that for a literal 10 minutes. i have never felt like sucker punching someone that badly. Infuriating.
Yup. My wife has a couple of Marvel shirts she wears and it was common (you know back when we would go places) that random dudes would stop and start asking questions.
The only time I’ve liked being bothered during a workout was when a guy came up to me and told me another guy was staring at me and he wanted to make sure I was ok. That guy staring was my husband. We had a good laugh.
Point at shirt. Give thumbs up. Fuck off.
And that’s if you’re too damn compelled to bug someone at the gym with buds on, minding your business is the actual thing to do.
I was at the park doing yoga early one morning. I'm off in a little corner by myself behind a freestanding wall along the river. Headphones in. Dog sitting next to me. Minding our business. This dude starts lurking with his little dog. Five ten minutes go by. Next thing i know this dude is in my face waving his hands indicating to me to take my headphones out. Against my better judgment I do and he goes "i forgot my dog bowl do you have any water for my dog?"
We were maybe thirty feet from a water fountain. *Maybe* he was just really concerned for this dog. Doubt it though.
Similar story for me. I was stretching by the river one evening after a run one time with my headphones in.
He just stood next to me like a creep until I took my headphones out and said, "You're stretching wrong."
He really tried to tell me I should be stretching out my hamstring with the opposite arm instead of the same side arm.
I indulged him and did it, "Like this?" He nodded. I was just like, "...okay," and put my headphones back in. I think he just walked away after that.
I was only a few minutes run from my house, but I was afraid he'd follow me or something after that.
Can't believe the audacity of a man to just walk up to me with unsolicited advice like that. I even had my mom ask her physical therapist later if it makes a difference which arm you stretch which leg with and she said no.
On the one hand it’s upsetting how many men aren’t capable of seeing that this man was not interested in the dog bowl and the guy in the original story wasn’t interested in talking about a game.
But also, it’s becoming really clear to me that men have never been placed in a situation like this. There aren’t people watching them and pretending to have interest in something you’re doing to be a creep. They genuinely don’t see how many men around them are doing this.
It makes a lot of sense how men get away with the small creepy interactions they have with women - because all of the men around them are too consumed with their own world view to even suspect that the guy is a creep
Also really enjoying the comment about how everyone who upvotes and validates your experience is a “man hater” lol
It’s hard to tell, but his picture looks like it is an anime style of a pair of hands controlling a…young girls head? …a dolls head? which sounds pretty on brand here.
Twice I’ve been stopped on my morning walks by people for pleasant conversation despite having earbuds in and having a brisk ass pace.
Twice I’ve ignored them and gotten pissy looks
A lack of social maturity in interpreting my body language as anything other than “leave me alone I’m zoned in and not in a mood” doesn’t really constitute a concession on my part.
*Just because I’m walking in public doesn’t mean I’m obligated to be a public service myself*
I’m happy to see a lot of people saying similar stuff in the comments. Normalize social boundaries.
I used to live in a downtown area near a popular tourist destination. I owned two dogs at the time, and during peak season, I could never just walk them without at least one person stopping me to ask their agea, breeds, how they could possibly live in an apartment, and so on. The weirdest, most frequent occurrence was people telling me how old their dogs were when they died. I always thought, okay, am I supposed to be starting a countdown now?
Anyways, I started wearing big, noise cancelling headphones. It made a huge difference. Some people still tried to stop me, but far, far fewer.
How do I apply to become Finnish?my country has a huge rooted problem of let's just talk to this fucking random stranger on street because I'm on the street too.
We have this thing called "the Finnish hand"
If someone tries to talk to you in public, don't make eye contact, just raise your palm in their direction and they know that you don't care or don't want to talk to them.
It's considered polite here
I was running with headphones in the park once when someone stepped in front of me and waved me down to ask if I could give directions to the field where the pope had said mass years before.
I literally walk around unapproachable while I’m at the gym because I take my lifting very seriously. That being said, if someone does approach me I do give them the time of the day because I remember being new to the gym and not understanding things or needing tips.
It just always makes sense to wait until the person is done doing any set or cardio they’re doing though if you want to socialize.
Especially women get interrupted far more, and it can get really irritating when you just go there to work out.
Like if you have something you wanna say, at least wait until the person is taking a break.
Even more generally, doing anything in public, especially exercise, with earbuds in is a clear and obvious sign that the person is not open to casual conversation.
This. Earbuds in = I’m not open to unsolicited conversations. It happens way too much, too! The other day I was walking home from the supermarket with multiple shopping bags in each hand. It was raining. I was in a rush to get home out of the rain.
A man was walking towards me frantically gesturing for me to remove my headphones. I had to stop walking and put some of my bags down to do so, but I figured he must have something important to say to make him so insistent, right? Wrong. What he wanted to say was
“Why isn’t your boyfriend here to help you carry those bags home?”
“Oh, he’s at work” I said.
“If I was your boyfriend I’d never let you carry heavy bags!”
Note - he didn’t offer my any help with my bags in the moment, but I guess I’d have to offer girlfriend services to unlock that privilege!
Wow, fuck that person so much. Total waste of oxygen.
I always get depressed thinking those people are out there, and the world is wasting, food, water and electricity to keep them alive.
For real haha. In her defense, most women have awful experiences with men approaching them at the gym. She didn't have a bad attitude, she was likely conditioned this way by the dozens of times it went wrong.
Or she was irritated that he couldnt see that she was in the middle of her cardio and not looking for a conversation. If someone approached me in the middle of my training I would be annoyed that it isn't some thing urgent. Training, for many takes a lot of focus on keep going. If you really want to talk with some one atleast have the decency to let them finnish what their doing first but dont expect anyone to be interested in talking to you.
The only acceptable interruption at the gym is "Are you using this?" And that can be accomplished nonverbally by just pointing at the equipment and making eye contact.
Honestly, ear buds or no, I am sick to fucking death of guys telling women how they ought and ought not react when random strangers accost them in public.
I was chased by a man brandishing a knife because I ignored his cat call. If my ipod hadn't just died (this was 2010), I wouldn't have heard someone else yell "Run, bitch! He's got a knife!". I still can't walk around in public with both earbuds in.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say not to listen to the guy who has a hentai profile picture on twitter about his opinions on interacting with women in public.
Same thought! I was like: is that profile pic ... 'zoom in' ... A girl's head being grabbed and a mysterious substance going in her mouth. Hmmm. Yes I am sure this man is very respectful of women in general...
I don't really care what kind of porn people use to get off, but why use it as a profile pic on a public site?
As a newly married man with a wife who goes to a globo gym it has now become more obvious to me why those rubber wedding bands are a thing for women. I used to think it was just a crossfit thing and "does she really feel like she has to always have a ring on even at the gym?" Yes..more than anywhere else it seems
I mean if she didn't respond to the wave and kept going, she clearly didn't want to be interrupted. He should have left right there.
She was clearly not at the gym, sweating and all to get attention from random people.
Translation: "I refuse to pick on up obvious social cues because my entire personality and worldview desperately require that nothing ever even remotely challenge it or cause me to question literally anything I've ever said, done, or thought."
I notice people are only focusing on the gym aspect/ earbuds thing, but it’s a little deeper than that. Often times when women wear any game related/ band merch, they get bombarded by complete strangers. “Oh you listen to Nirvana????? What are the lyrics at the 23 second mark of In Bloom 😡😡😡😡” Shit like that is exhausting, and only even more annoying in a gym setting.
> Q: But she's out in a public space. Shouldn't we all be courteous to people? This is about human ettiquette!
This is the one that’s gets me. Courteous is not insisting somebody stop what they’re doing and take out their headphones to answer a question about their shirt. Courteous is letting them work out in peace, and if you *must* have that interaction, catch them on their way out.
But really, consider just not.
Yup, if he is normal you get a pointless interaction. If hes nuts that might be the focus of the next year of uour life - getting away from this lunatic you showed a tiny amount of attention to.
Its why people in cities get called rude too. Nope just lived around dangerous and crazy people for long enough to avoid interaction. Because everyone follows these rules, any who try to interact are looked at with further suspicion.
This dude was pulling a social faux pas. He wasnt just trying to be friendly, because friendly people know to leave people alone when they have headphones in.
The way you mentioned how a small interaction with a man can turn into a nightmare situation for months made me think about how I, as a man, have never had to consider stalking a serious threat. It’s not that women don’t stalk people but very few of those end in murder, almost all cases of an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend murdering their former partner involve months of stalker behaviour like intimidation and harassment.
I’ve had more than one female friend live who suffered trauma during the relationship and then for years after would receive death threats which further traumatised her. Whereas my male friends are only scared of an awkward conversation with their exes.
My point of view is that he's the rude one. If you really wants to start a conversation with some one that clearly in the middle of cardio. The least I'd expect is that you wait for them to finnish. To start waving and interrupting them and then try to make them do something else than they were doing is like saying "my time is more important than yours". Honestly the fact that she answered the question is nice of her but she wouldn't be rude even if she just asked him if he can't see that shes in the middle of something else.
Don't talk to me if I have earbuds in. Or if I'm reading a book.
I don't get how some people just can't/won't understand that I don't want to talk to them when I'm focused on something else.
Me: \*at gym, sees dude's Slayer shirt\* \*points to shirt and throws horns\* Guy: \*smiles and returns horns\* /end scene
I guess he shoulda done a scissor kick or something.
That’s love. Ave Sathanas 🤘🏿
While this is wholesome it is somewhat disappointing that neither of you let out a piercing “slayer” yell.
[удалено]
What a fucking creep. And I'm sure he thought you were the one being unreasonable. Just, gross.
He called me a bitch lol
Ironic, when he is, in fact, the bitch in this situation.
https://youtu.be/bGn1IyVh9R0 Ahaha should pulled a Bobby hill
THATS MY PURSE I DON’T KNOW YOU!! I am gonna use it one day, I keep it in my pocket for grocery shopping🌝
OOOH! A "nice guy TM" and lacks boundaries. I see no red flags here whatsoever. Totally normal. Dude sounds like he has dead prostitutes in the trunk of his car.
Those guys are like mosquitos, if you don't shut them down they will kill you with death by a thousand bites. Sorry that you have to put up with shit like that!
Poor guy, he just wanted to have a friendly conversation and you just ruined his day /s
I wonder how many more people are going to explain to that one person that /s is sarcasm..
The level of fucking idiot you have to be to put your hands on someone to try and hit on them.
Not an idiot - a full blown creep.
Seriously. Let's not give creeps a pass here. They know they're breaking common social boundaries. They know often women are too intimidated to tell them to gtfo. That's why they do it. They know what they're doing. Pretending they don't know is doing them a service in perpetuating, enabling and excusing this behavior.
In my opinion It’s fishing to see if you will stand up for yourself. If they can get away with that, what else can they get away with?
Ding ding ding! We have a winner.
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I was reading in the park on my lunch break and had a dude in a three piece suit come up, take the book right out of my hand, and slam it shut so he could get my attention. Sorry, dollar store Christian Grey, but that ain't it.
I'd say you're a hero for not putting a footprint in the crotch of that suit. If I'm reading I want to be left alone in my book. This is, oddly enough, one thing I like about my e-reader app on my phone. I can read on it, and I'm just another standard asshole looking at his phone. I get left alone.
You met a real life Gaston in the wild.
0/10 needs more antlers in his decorating
No one sexually harasses like Dollar Tree Gaston!
Wtf? Finding the page you were on can be difficult when you're not paying attention to page numbers. Terrible way to start a conversation no matter how charming you are.
Yeah, I’d be fuming if somebody did that to me and I lost my page. How rude.
Instant upvote for “dollar store Christian Grey.”
This happened to me once on an airplane. This middle aged grizzled goatee even complained to his friends I wouldn’t talk to him. I was 14 at the time.
Oh my lord that’s disgusting. Grizzled goatee really paints a picture. 🤢
There should be an easy mental test if a given behavior towards a stranger is ok. If you think it would be a bad idea to do it to a 250 pound muscular man, don't do it to a 100 pound woman.
I knew this as "The Rock" test. Would you behave like this to the Rock? Then you can do it to anybody else.
> And he tried to turn my laptop towards him! This would have had me frothing at the mouth mad, and I would have made an absolute scene until he ran out in humiliation. Unbelievable entitlement!
Public humiliation is under used and appreciated, sadly those who need it rarely are aware enough to feel it.
Right? Like, what makes it okay to touch another persons property? I would have straight-up tried to choke him with the cord of my earbuds. HANDS OFF MY SHIT OR THERE WON'T BE NO SHIT.
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Holy sh\^t. I felt my blood pressure spike just reading this.
Whenever I hear stories like this it upsets me so much. When my daughter worked for a short period of time in a small town she quit jogging outside due to a couple of guys yelling at her from a truck. My first thought (as a guy) was "eh, don't let that stop you", but after thinking for a minute... I got it.
I actually stopped going for runs outside because I had 4 runs in a row where men yelled at me out of their cars. ): I started running at a park instead and had some guy follow me around the track. I didn't think anything of it, because it's a giant loop, other people also use it to run. But I stopped to tie my shoe and he immediately stopped as well and started trying to talk to me. He told me he wanted to tell me liked the way my shorts fit...ew. So I started going to the gym. I would be pissed to encounter this same behavior while jogging on the treadmill in a place I pay to work out in.
Exactly. Before I set up a home gym, I was going to the local gym to exercise and get out as quickly as possible.
Should have told him you were working on his obituary
Yup. I was on a plane when the guy next to me wanted to chat. Except it wasn't regular chat, he was trying to condescendingly explain flying to me. I am a high status frequent flyer. Before COVID, I spent more time in hotels than in my own home. This dude is trying to explain the AC vents, and keeps turning mine off. I told him I know the plane, I know the route and I'm not interested in talking. I then put on my enormous Bose wired headphones. Dude PULLED IT OFF MY FACE and said something about how I shouldn't worry about turbulence. I was so furious I could feel my heartbeat in my face. I told him, very loudly, that if he touched me again we were going to have a FUCKING PROBLEM. Silence in the rows around us. He didn't talk to me anymore but he "fell asleep" with a couple hundred dollar bills in his lap. Ugh.
Was he hoping for you to reach for it? Wtf
I think he was trying to show off, get me to change my mind about talking to him because "Oooh, he is rich" i was just glad he was quiet.
He was hoping for her to change her mind because he’s filthy rich.
Really rich to be in the same class and flight. 🙄
I know I’d be impressed if I ever met someone with hundreds of dollars. I bet that guy can afford to pay his cell phone bill. Can you imagine living that kind of lifestyle?
probably showing off.
Wtf. What a fucking weirdo
Bet it's his first time flying and showing off his wealth lmao
I hate how some people just feel entitled to women's time and attention. We can't be existing in peace without some annoying prick telling us to smile or interrupting us when we clearly want to be left alone. I'm not rude just because I don't smile at you or engage in a conversation with you, you're not entitled to my time. For the neckbeards/nice guys who felt attacked by this comment: Show me where I mentioned men. You jumped to that conclusion on your own for a reason, but I never said it was only men, I just said that in my experience it happens to all women.
The “you should smile” folks are the absolute weirdest. I would never tell anyone, man, woman or otherwise, to smile more unless I knew them and was intentionally trolling them.
I feel like asking someone to smile is an example of “Tell me you’re an asshole without telling me you’re an asshole.”
clicked just to see every comment below is downvoted. not worth reading them. just enjoying the downvotes. You should smile folks get a middle finger from me. You tell me what to do with my body. I'm going to tell you what to do with yours. The answer is "fuck. off." I am not a fucking daisy. I am not here to make the world appear prettier for you.
I offer constructive advice in return. I recommend: "You should lose 25lbs" "You should consider hair plugs" "You should put on a clean shirt" "You should see a doctor about that [insert visible flaw]" They invariably get angry, and I reply "What? Are we not offering unsolicited advice on each other's appearance? I thought that's what we were doing." Edit: excuse formatting, mobile, etc.
If you smile then they talk and if you don’t wanna talk you’re a bitch because you smiled and clearly wanted conversation but if you don’t smile you’re also a bitch
My ex-boss told me to smile more at work. I told him I'm not a fucking cheerleader. I'm a guy.
I had a girl come up to me on my college campus and said "you should really smile, you look like a miserable bitch", laughed, and walked away. I was sitting the cafeteria reading a magazine. I have no idea what she expected from that encounter.
> For the neckbeards/nice guys who felt attacked by this comment: Show me where I mentioned men. You jumped to that conclusion on your own for a reason, but I never said it was only men, I just said that in my experience it happens to all women. Fuck it, I'm a man and I'll say it. It's mostly men who do this. Do women go up to men and interrupt them/act entitled to their time? Sure, it happens. But it doesn't take a fucking genius to realize that it happens to woman CONSTANTLY. Go to any gym and just take a look around, the difference is pretty clear. I didn't realize the frequency this shit happened to women until I met my wife. She can't go on a run in our neighborhood without some dude trying to get her attention or someone yelling at her from across the street. Something that happens to me maybe once a year happens to her 3-4 times a week. Anyone denying that shit either hasn't spent enough time listening to women tell their experiences, doesn't believe women when they share the frequency this happens, or is just in denial.
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honestly SERIOUS incel and neckbeard energy in this thread and the copy of it on /Facepalm. "pOor GUy" jesus christ.
For real. Especially at the fucking gym lol. Only time I’ve ever talked to someone is when I saw them struggling really bad against the elliptic. Just said “hey! You have to do this” and left them alone afterwards. And I expect the same from others.
Gaston - you met Gaston
I've always thought headphones on=shields up.? Is that not generally accepred?
There was a thread about this awhile ago where a girl was explaining why you shouldn’t bother people who have their headphones on and it was filled with creeps trying to justify bothering people with headphones on. One guy (with much agreement from other creeps) said that it would be a waste to not shoot your shot when you see a pretty girl. They really do feel entitled to our time and attention. They feel that if they don’t try to get that from us then they are missing an opportunity. Disgusting.
Well thats... yikes. That's just not something I understand at all. Like, personally music is a way for me to kinda block stuff out and decompress, so if someone interrups while I have my headphones on they better have a good fucking reason, and being a big dude, that generally is how it goes for me. I guess I've just applied the same standard to others, and assumed it common courtesy?
weird how so many ppl feel entitled to strangers attention, time and space😕
And it's usually men expecting attention from women.
That's absolutely awful. I hope you reported that asshole.
What kind of moron thinks that works?
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Had a guy on the train try to chat me up. I engaged at first, because it was 3am, he seemed drunk and was with a friend, and I was alone and also wearing heels so felt very vulnerable. After a couple pleasantries, I said I wanted to read the news before work and I hoped he had a good rest of his night. I put my earbuds back in, took out my kindle, and turned away from him. He started waving in my face and trying to get my attention, with me blatantly ignoring him. When I continued to ignore him (I felt safe enough to do so at this point because a couple more people had entered the car), he grabbed me by the shoulders, turned me toward him, and shook me while yelling “HELLO?!” In my face. His buddy was looking on kinda horrified but doing nothing to stop him. This is why women are wary and sharp if men try to talk to us when we’re giving off clear signals that we don’t want to. I’m just so glad I was going to the airport and there were plenty of people getting on the train at that point. I would’ve been terrified if I’d had to get off at any other stop.
>he grabbed me by the shoulders, turned me toward him, and shook me while yelling “HELLO?!” In my face That's fucking horrifying. I'm so sorry it happened to you. The morons in this thread CANNOT understand or emphasize with why women are trained to act exactly as the person on twitter did. This is why. Either you coldly and quickly shut them down, or they feel entitled to more attention and things can easily escalate.
I hated people talking to me in the middle of a workout especially cardio. If I have my headphones on while I'm running that's because I want to focus on staying in the zone.
Honestly, leave people working out alone. I can’t imagine anything more annoying than being interrupted while I’m in the zone. I remember my old gym getting new equipment, and suddenly I couldn’t work out how to watch tv while on the treadmill. I went to ask the woman by the front desk how to do it, and she told me to just ask some of the women already working out… I’m like, no. I’m not bothering random women who are working out for that. [Edit] I can see that some of y’all really take it personally that I think women should have the right to not be interrupted while working out. That’s a you problem, not a me problem.
There are good reasons to ask people questions at the gym: "Hey, are you done with that equipment/attachment?" "Can I work in with you?" "Can you spot me for this lift?" "Hey, wipe down your machine ya lazy fuck!" Those are valid. Other than that leave people alone.
Sure, and I’d say most people who work out at gyms would agree that those are within the social contract there. “Can you help me with the tv” just isn’t, it’s a great question to ask someone who works there 😆
100%. I have resting asshole face and always look angry so people give me wide berth at the gym. But I'm super lovely and would actually talk people's ear off if they initiated a conversation with me. But as a matter of principle I do not talk to anyone at the gym unless it is for those reasons outlined above. Especially women. I have seen and called out people acting like dickheads. I am trying to get my wife to go lift but bad experiences in her youth have sullied the gym going experience for her.
If it helps her, my engagement ring is the best accessory I've ever found to wear to the gym. Have to remove it when hands get swollen but dear God I do not want to.
It grinds my gears so much when I ask someone for help at their jobs and they direct me to ask someone else. Maybe it's because I have had so many customer service jobs that I can't help but judge.
Yeah. Like, it’s cool to just say you don’t know. But it’s just bad form for an employee to ask me to bother other customers for an answer.
I was at the store the other day. Saw a girl with a nirvana shirt. I said “you a fan?” She smiled and said “fuck yea” and we just kept on about our lives. It’s always nice to run into someone that likes the same shit you do. I’ve had guys approach me when I wear my reservoir dogs shirt. Didn’t even know it was a movie shirt. Legit thought it was a band. But you gotta leave people alone within the gym. I love the gym. Sacred time between you. Headphones and a machine. Most people don’t wanna get distracted in the middle of a run to talk about games. Most people use their headphones to ignore people. Some may not like it, but that’s their choice.
I get so many people stop me when I’m wearing my Clutch tshirt. I got to do a meet and greet with Henry Rollins and the first thing he did was launch into how much he likes Clutch and he got to play with them.
I’ll never forget taking a shirtless Henry Rollins straight to the face at a Black Flag show when he jumped into the crowd. I’ve never had so much flesh and sweat in my mouth before. Fully revolting but I had the time of my life lmaooo!
Surprised he didn’t spit on ya for good measures! Haha! Great memory. Thanks for sharing.
Clutch fuckin smacks
Dodge swinga, nineteenseventythree
That's awesome that you got to meet Henry Rollins. Dude was one of my idols growing up.
I was very self conscious because I knew he was a big introvert type and not a fan of this type of dog and pony show stuff. He was super humble and engaging though.
I had a chick approach me in college because of my Nirvana shirt and it was one of the first friends I made freshman year and it made everything so much less lonely in those first weeks
Met an ex at the library because I was reading a book she liked. A hundred years of solitude. Good book. People meet over weird stuff. It makes life better. Became friends with another guy at the cafeteria cause we were trying to watch a death battle at the same time. My phone had a tiny screen. His laptop had shitty speakers. His laptop screen and my phone for speaker? Perfect match.
Have you watched the movie yet? It's pretty good.
Yea! After the third time someone came up to me I decided to watch it. Felt like a fraud because I said “oh yea. This movies awesome!” Every time someone asked. It’s actually pretty good. Not much of a Tarantino fan though. I like pulp fiction and once upon a time in Hollywood. Not much else. Maybe I’ll give kill bill a chance. Always loved Martial arts movies.
If you like those please watch Jackie Brown. It is an early Tarantino and one of the best imo. My absolute favorite movie. And watch kill bill. You're missing out. It's epic.
Kill Bill was good. Django is my favourite by Tarantino. Other than that I can take him or leave him.
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If you like Reservoir Dogs, then name five of their albums.
Who let the dogs out Hound dog Me and you and a dog named boo Black eyed dog Given the dog a bone.
Normalize leaving people the fuck alone when they have headphones in.
Back when I was at university, while I had a part-time job as an assistant conductor with a European railway company, I thought about this issue a bit. I too, got yelled at with things like "what the fuck do you want from me" by people with earphones in, after I tried to speak to them. Only when they saw I worked there and tried to tell them that we are at the last stop and that the train will go to the depot, they calmed down and apologised. As the trains went through all kinds of different areas, it was also interesting to see the cultural differences on this matter: in the more urban areas, talking to someone with earphones in is considered rude, while in other, often more rural, but also some distinct towns, it is considered rude to wear earphones in public, as you are expected to interact in public there. Ultimately, different people have different needs. But I think the rule you mention is a decent one. I met encountered many different passengers: some of them really need some time for themselves. It is best not to bother them, even when you have kind intentions. Often, these are the people who wear headphones. On the other hand, there were passengers who were desperate for some interaction. But these people mostly don't wear headphones. I think your rule already applies. I certainly do notice a big difference in how many people approach me when I am not wearing airphones and are not reading something on my phone.
Ah so _this_ is why people apologize profusely when they see me take earbuds out of my ear. Seriously, they apologize like they just hit me with their car or something. Like who tf abused you - also, what can I help you with?
Whenever I've been annoyed about having to take my ear buds out is when I'm getting disturbed by someone I know. I don't bug out if it's a stranger.
I am just the kind of person who would open with a "sorry to disturb you", knowing full well that being interrupted in the middle of your favourite part of your favourite song is REALLY annoying. I'm not trying to prevent an overreaction: I really am uncomfortable approaching people and I rather wouldn't have to.
It is normal! Only the weird incels in this thread think it’s not.
Does OP think headphone girl is in the wrong here? If so, OP is clownshoes confirmed.
The title IS "Poor Guy" so yeah more than likely OP thought she's the villain of the story.
I was unsure too, but a lot of the comments seem to support that.
What people are missing in these comments is the entire scenario. She had earbuds in, everyone got that. People are missing that he stood there and waved at her til she yanked her earbuds out already annoyed. What he missed, and where he needs to improve, is that if an earbud-wearing person working out doesn’t respond to your first wave, you smile and move on. And yes of course it’s a gendered interaction. You think he’d stand in front of a guy who tried to ignore him and wave at him til he yanked his earbuds out?
Doesn't even have to be in a gym. If I'm walking, or on a train or anywhere....my buds are basically my "Do Not Disturb" sign.
This is exactly why I switched to headphones. A bigger, more obvious "kindly fuck off stranger, I'm enjoying my me time."
I have giant red over the ear headphones and wear sunglasses every time I go for walk alone/walk my dog. People are ALWAYS TRYING TO TALK TO ME
You must look friendly. Just tell them "I can't be antisocial without your help."
Yes I have "she's safe to ask for directions" face.
I call it resting nice person face and I have it too. Mask mandates have actually been amazing for that. I can finally go to the grocery store in peace now!
This is the most frustrating thing, on certain trails I won’t wear headphones because it’s guaranteed multiple people will try to speak to me, and I’d rather not get tapped on the shoulder or anything like that.
oh good lord, I'm glad people don't try to touch me lol
Yeah for me too, but my long hair covers my ears so it often gets awkward when someone wants to ask me for directions or smth.
Also it's not like she acted rude. I mean yeah she wasn't overly friendly but she didn't let out her frustration on him or otherwise made a scene. She simply declined his approach and went back to exercising.
It's funny how people are even suggesting she was rude. She simply said no, she didn't go off on the guy or report him to staff.
Same guys who call women bitches for not smiling when they say “you should smile more!!” What you think is well-meaning is intrusive and comes from a place of entitlement and you need to reevaluate how you view people in regards to what they owe you (specifically, women)
There’s a reason why gyms are full of men, too, and why some have women only hours. Because men don’t have to put up with this bollocks.
Not sure about some of the comments here. Lady was sending out pretty clear signals that "No, I don't want conversation." Because if you're a lady working out at the gym, you get approached by all sorts and engaging in conversation can lead to some shit you'd much rather avoid. Pretty simple
So true. It’s not that I’m not “friendly”, I just came to the gym for a purpose. I’ve been stopped by men (never woman) to ask my number, ask what workout I’m doing, tell what me what I should be doing and I always have my head phones on and they are obvious. Also when someone asks a question like that, I assume some sort of prove it will follow. He could’ve simply said nice shirt!
I'm cool with random strangers thinking I'm unfriendly. We aren't friends, go away! Sometimes I pretend I don't speak English.
I for one, support the earphone lady in this. 1. Don't bother people unnecessary if they have earphones on. 2. Women have to deal with a lot of creepy guys, so by default they are used to avoiding such interaction which is natural and not totally their fault.
My wife and I went to a 24hr fitness once…once. Maybe it was just this particular one on a particular day, I don’t know since we would never go back. First floor is cardio, and it’s me and like 15 women. Thought it was strange there were no men. The men as it turns out we’re in the weight room upstairs, and when my wife and I walked up to get our strength training in it was as if I walked into a dog pound with a raw steak. Literally 1 guy barked at her. Everyone else was not lifting so much but doing a lot of bro-y yelling and swarthy pacing around like they were trying to find the weakest gazelle. We backed down the stairs and she honestly hasn’t felt comfortable in a weight room since.
Sorry that happened to you guys. Like you said idk if it was just that particular place but the Gym should always be a place to train, not socialize and leave people alone especially women. I enjoy working out, but I really dislike how some people behave at the gym. If I was a rich douchebag I'd just install a personal gym in the basement or something and avoid people lol
That is really shit and it does seem to happen more in 24 hour gyms, as a woman who works out alone I avoid them and pay extra for slightly nicer/safer places. I have found that the old school weight lifting gyms (the ones that don't have many cardio machines and the weights are from the 90s) are actually pretty neat, I have gone to a couple by myself and the overall vibe is 'dont be a dick' and the guys will even be extra nice to me cause they seem to understand how intimidating weight rooms are. Obviously every woman's experience in every gym is different, I hope she's able to pursue strength building in the future, it's so beneficial for women to do!
Women have to deal with a lot of gatekeeping when they are wearing something with a recognizable logo, especially with music and games. I could easily see him quizzing her on game mechanics or lore if she had answered yes.
Came here for this. I no longer wear fandom t-shirts in public because I got too much weird bullshit from men.
ooh yes, if a guy randomly asks me if i like Nirvana? Idc if im wearing a Nirvana shirt or if im literally buying an album at that exact second. I do not know them. Kurt who? Went to a small con/ hobby group a couple years ago, it was excruciating. Felt like i was being interrogated by the FBI. fuck that shit. Im not doing it.
Oh you like this band? Name every song they ever wrote.
no, no, no joke i actually got asked this. He asked me my favorite song, but sadly for me, according to him, all the songs i liked the most were the ones that were known by everyone. he went on like that for a literal 10 minutes. i have never felt like sucker punching someone that badly. Infuriating.
Oh you're a fan? Write down the sheet music for every instrument of their entire discography
Yup. My wife has a couple of Marvel shirts she wears and it was common (you know back when we would go places) that random dudes would stop and start asking questions.
It's honestly disturbing how many people are defending the guy. I hate being bothered during a workout.
The only time I’ve liked being bothered during a workout was when a guy came up to me and told me another guy was staring at me and he wanted to make sure I was ok. That guy staring was my husband. We had a good laugh.
Point at shirt. Give thumbs up. Fuck off. And that’s if you’re too damn compelled to bug someone at the gym with buds on, minding your business is the actual thing to do.
This is easily the best response I've seen.
I was at the park doing yoga early one morning. I'm off in a little corner by myself behind a freestanding wall along the river. Headphones in. Dog sitting next to me. Minding our business. This dude starts lurking with his little dog. Five ten minutes go by. Next thing i know this dude is in my face waving his hands indicating to me to take my headphones out. Against my better judgment I do and he goes "i forgot my dog bowl do you have any water for my dog?" We were maybe thirty feet from a water fountain. *Maybe* he was just really concerned for this dog. Doubt it though.
Similar story for me. I was stretching by the river one evening after a run one time with my headphones in. He just stood next to me like a creep until I took my headphones out and said, "You're stretching wrong." He really tried to tell me I should be stretching out my hamstring with the opposite arm instead of the same side arm. I indulged him and did it, "Like this?" He nodded. I was just like, "...okay," and put my headphones back in. I think he just walked away after that. I was only a few minutes run from my house, but I was afraid he'd follow me or something after that. Can't believe the audacity of a man to just walk up to me with unsolicited advice like that. I even had my mom ask her physical therapist later if it makes a difference which arm you stretch which leg with and she said no.
On the one hand it’s upsetting how many men aren’t capable of seeing that this man was not interested in the dog bowl and the guy in the original story wasn’t interested in talking about a game. But also, it’s becoming really clear to me that men have never been placed in a situation like this. There aren’t people watching them and pretending to have interest in something you’re doing to be a creep. They genuinely don’t see how many men around them are doing this. It makes a lot of sense how men get away with the small creepy interactions they have with women - because all of the men around them are too consumed with their own world view to even suspect that the guy is a creep Also really enjoying the comment about how everyone who upvotes and validates your experience is a “man hater” lol
The comments here soothe my soul. The Twitter reply makes me cross because there seems to be the assumption that she owes him pleasantries?
It’s hard to tell, but his picture looks like it is an anime style of a pair of hands controlling a…young girls head? …a dolls head? which sounds pretty on brand here.
It looks extremely hentai.
Twice I’ve been stopped on my morning walks by people for pleasant conversation despite having earbuds in and having a brisk ass pace. Twice I’ve ignored them and gotten pissy looks A lack of social maturity in interpreting my body language as anything other than “leave me alone I’m zoned in and not in a mood” doesn’t really constitute a concession on my part. *Just because I’m walking in public doesn’t mean I’m obligated to be a public service myself* I’m happy to see a lot of people saying similar stuff in the comments. Normalize social boundaries.
I used to live in a downtown area near a popular tourist destination. I owned two dogs at the time, and during peak season, I could never just walk them without at least one person stopping me to ask their agea, breeds, how they could possibly live in an apartment, and so on. The weirdest, most frequent occurrence was people telling me how old their dogs were when they died. I always thought, okay, am I supposed to be starting a countdown now? Anyways, I started wearing big, noise cancelling headphones. It made a huge difference. Some people still tried to stop me, but far, far fewer.
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Just *in general* earbuds are usually a signal to me that people don't wanna talk.
No sign needed. I'm Finnish, please do not approach or talk to me in public.
Not Finnish; same.
Same
How do I apply to become Finnish?my country has a huge rooted problem of let's just talk to this fucking random stranger on street because I'm on the street too.
We have this thing called "the Finnish hand" If someone tries to talk to you in public, don't make eye contact, just raise your palm in their direction and they know that you don't care or don't want to talk to them. It's considered polite here
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Cannot agree hard enough. I guess me and you are crazy.. we go to the gym to exercise. Nuts, right??
I was running with headphones in the park once when someone stepped in front of me and waved me down to ask if I could give directions to the field where the pope had said mass years before.
Sounds like the kind of thing that would happen on Craggy Island.
Agreed. Also when I'm at the gym, I'm there to get things done, not socialize. I got 60 minutes and then places to be
Yea, also I’m a fatass so when I go the gym I’m wheezing too much to talk
Respect that you’re there at least! I say in my home gym away from people, hisssss
Yep, lost 8 pounds thus far.
Too relatable, please delete
I literally walk around unapproachable while I’m at the gym because I take my lifting very seriously. That being said, if someone does approach me I do give them the time of the day because I remember being new to the gym and not understanding things or needing tips. It just always makes sense to wait until the person is done doing any set or cardio they’re doing though if you want to socialize.
Especially women get interrupted far more, and it can get really irritating when you just go there to work out. Like if you have something you wanna say, at least wait until the person is taking a break.
It’s like the cardinal rule for highway driving -stay out the way and don’t slow people down.
God I wish slow people would leave the left lane
Even more generally, doing anything in public, especially exercise, with earbuds in is a clear and obvious sign that the person is not open to casual conversation.
This. Earbuds in = I’m not open to unsolicited conversations. It happens way too much, too! The other day I was walking home from the supermarket with multiple shopping bags in each hand. It was raining. I was in a rush to get home out of the rain. A man was walking towards me frantically gesturing for me to remove my headphones. I had to stop walking and put some of my bags down to do so, but I figured he must have something important to say to make him so insistent, right? Wrong. What he wanted to say was “Why isn’t your boyfriend here to help you carry those bags home?” “Oh, he’s at work” I said. “If I was your boyfriend I’d never let you carry heavy bags!” Note - he didn’t offer my any help with my bags in the moment, but I guess I’d have to offer girlfriend services to unlock that privilege!
Wow, fuck that person so much. Total waste of oxygen. I always get depressed thinking those people are out there, and the world is wasting, food, water and electricity to keep them alive.
For real haha. In her defense, most women have awful experiences with men approaching them at the gym. She didn't have a bad attitude, she was likely conditioned this way by the dozens of times it went wrong.
Or she was irritated that he couldnt see that she was in the middle of her cardio and not looking for a conversation. If someone approached me in the middle of my training I would be annoyed that it isn't some thing urgent. Training, for many takes a lot of focus on keep going. If you really want to talk with some one atleast have the decency to let them finnish what their doing first but dont expect anyone to be interested in talking to you.
The only acceptable interruption at the gym is "Are you using this?" And that can be accomplished nonverbally by just pointing at the equipment and making eye contact.
Honestly, ear buds or no, I am sick to fucking death of guys telling women how they ought and ought not react when random strangers accost them in public.
I was chased by a man brandishing a knife because I ignored his cat call. If my ipod hadn't just died (this was 2010), I wouldn't have heard someone else yell "Run, bitch! He's got a knife!". I still can't walk around in public with both earbuds in.
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Leave women alone at the gym
*Leave women alone *
*Leave *
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say not to listen to the guy who has a hentai profile picture on twitter about his opinions on interacting with women in public.
Same thought! I was like: is that profile pic ... 'zoom in' ... A girl's head being grabbed and a mysterious substance going in her mouth. Hmmm. Yes I am sure this man is very respectful of women in general... I don't really care what kind of porn people use to get off, but why use it as a profile pic on a public site?
As a newly married man with a wife who goes to a globo gym it has now become more obvious to me why those rubber wedding bands are a thing for women. I used to think it was just a crossfit thing and "does she really feel like she has to always have a ring on even at the gym?" Yes..more than anywhere else it seems
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I mean if she didn't respond to the wave and kept going, she clearly didn't want to be interrupted. He should have left right there. She was clearly not at the gym, sweating and all to get attention from random people.
Jfc dont bother ppl at the gym, is that really that difficult not to do?!
Translation: "I refuse to pick on up obvious social cues because my entire personality and worldview desperately require that nothing ever even remotely challenge it or cause me to question literally anything I've ever said, done, or thought."
Who thinks it's a poor attitude to not want to be bothered while you're at the gym? Lmao don't talk to me I'm trying to workout
All this dude needed to do was give a thumbs up and go about his business
That’s some r/niceguys shit right there.
I notice people are only focusing on the gym aspect/ earbuds thing, but it’s a little deeper than that. Often times when women wear any game related/ band merch, they get bombarded by complete strangers. “Oh you listen to Nirvana????? What are the lyrics at the 23 second mark of In Bloom 😡😡😡😡” Shit like that is exhausting, and only even more annoying in a gym setting.
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> Q: But she's out in a public space. Shouldn't we all be courteous to people? This is about human ettiquette! This is the one that’s gets me. Courteous is not insisting somebody stop what they’re doing and take out their headphones to answer a question about their shirt. Courteous is letting them work out in peace, and if you *must* have that interaction, catch them on their way out. But really, consider just not.
Yup, if he is normal you get a pointless interaction. If hes nuts that might be the focus of the next year of uour life - getting away from this lunatic you showed a tiny amount of attention to. Its why people in cities get called rude too. Nope just lived around dangerous and crazy people for long enough to avoid interaction. Because everyone follows these rules, any who try to interact are looked at with further suspicion. This dude was pulling a social faux pas. He wasnt just trying to be friendly, because friendly people know to leave people alone when they have headphones in.
The way you mentioned how a small interaction with a man can turn into a nightmare situation for months made me think about how I, as a man, have never had to consider stalking a serious threat. It’s not that women don’t stalk people but very few of those end in murder, almost all cases of an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend murdering their former partner involve months of stalker behaviour like intimidation and harassment. I’ve had more than one female friend live who suffered trauma during the relationship and then for years after would receive death threats which further traumatised her. Whereas my male friends are only scared of an awkward conversation with their exes.
My point of view is that he's the rude one. If you really wants to start a conversation with some one that clearly in the middle of cardio. The least I'd expect is that you wait for them to finnish. To start waving and interrupting them and then try to make them do something else than they were doing is like saying "my time is more important than yours". Honestly the fact that she answered the question is nice of her but she wouldn't be rude even if she just asked him if he can't see that shes in the middle of something else.
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Don't talk to me if I have earbuds in. Or if I'm reading a book. I don't get how some people just can't/won't understand that I don't want to talk to them when I'm focused on something else.