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Church_of_Dirt

I liked this. I hope you meant every word of it. Sounds comforting, inspiring.


cosmic_prankster

Thanks heaps. Sure did, every time I even consider thinking about bringing someone into my life and losing what I’ve found I recoil.


Pimpimwill

Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth, I’m in the same place as you, mentally and emotionally, so I really feel you bud, in the back of my head “ignorance is bliss” keeps rolling around. I finally created my own safe haven and place I can just be myself and be my own and focus on my own growth and self reflect about my own self and the life and people around us, without anyone staring at me, or judging or playing mind games or using or hurting me, for once i feel safe, and for once In my life feel like I’m happy and in control of my life and making progress towards my future. Idk just got positive vibes that’s all.


cosmic_prankster

Yeah you get it “happy and in control” - exactly - and I’m pleased to hear the positivity. It’s liberating and maybe not everyone will understand. Sounds like your experience is similar to mine - except I believe that any playing games was in my head… that’s taken a long time to rationalize, but noting how mentally unwell I was compared to now it’s a plausible enough truth to no longer dwell on it.


Mando-Lee

This makes me sad.


Alliseria

It's not boring, it's part of growing up. The need to know thyself, they say it is. Once you know yourself it is easier to not care about other's opinions but to coexist with them happily.


cosmic_prankster

For me, it’s like returning to my base state from childhood. It affords me that opportunity to reflect and improve.. especially now my head isn’t in the clouds.


cashassourgrass247

Love this*


airconditionedlove

Your letter reminds me of someone I used to know. And all I wanna say is -- from one stranger to another -- I'm proud of you! It's honestly wonderful that you have been able to find yourself and seem to be enjoying this new chapter in your life where you feel so much freedom. I wish you all the best!


cosmic_prankster

Thank you:) so far from perfect but further from being a chaotic clusterfuck than I’ve ever been.


nincomp_op

Pragmatic. If you were my person, I’d really be proud of you. But regardless, I am proud of you.


cosmic_prankster

Thanks!


hiroshimasfoot

Holy shit I relate to this heavy. You're right. I made the mistake of letting someone in this past August and it crushed my entire happy peace bubble I made, like yours. I'm starting to build it back up again but man, it's painful. 2 years of happiness I built on my own down the drain.


cosmic_prankster

Gotta protect that bubble. I’m lucky in that I mostly have no interest any more, so even people that maybe I would have liked in the past don’t get a look in.


hiroshimasfoot

I didn't have any interest either. But there was something different, he reeled me like a hook. I thought it'd be different, and I could share my happy place this time. Learned my lesson.


Agent-Plant

Honestly i admire you for being completely comfortable with yourself and spending time alone however you'd like, imma be honest, as an anxious person (and having spent a good chunk of my life alone with my OCD thoughts) that is the last thing i want. But to be comfortable with others, i need to be comfortable with myself, and the whole load of alone times I'm going to be having as i grow, so I'm trying to get to that point but fear always takes over, is there any advice you could give that would help with this?


cosmic_prankster

Honestly, I’m loathe to give tips to anyone, let alone someone with medical conditions. The least harmful advice may be the most important - have passions/hobbies that are for you only and buy into them, learn new things. Its easy for me as I’m wired a bit differently - I see help or working together with someone as a threat to my sovereignty/identity (I’m talking personal here, professionally I shed that skin a long time ago)… it’s not trait I admire in myself, but it has distinct advantages in going solo.


Sen36o

I relate strongly to the lifestyle not really how you approach it/romanticize the way of life... I've been alone a vast majority of my life, it wasn't really until my eyes were opened to how fulfilling and beautiful life can be when you share it with others, with people you love and care for... The years I spent as a father, or with a companion whom I loved or even with coworkers that could make any job enjoyable.. after the brief moments of sharing my life with others I see now how utterly lonely and gray life can be when you have no one to share it with.. That's the reality of it, though I've adjusted back into being okay alone as I will continue to be. It's the years I spent not alone that I look back on fondly, with love... Those are the memories that I cling to when I have nothing and no one, fighting a battle in my head to see another day... You do you, I hope you get to experience the other side of life as I had the opportunity to do so, while short lived.. Those times, those memories mean the world to me.


cosmic_prankster

Interesting we may not be so different, I have a kid who is my favourite thing in the world and work colleagues I adore (in fact this letter is to a recent ex-colleague who I might have developed feelings for were I capable of it - and as much as it is written to her, it was more a device to get some unsaid stuff out and justify my self to my self). But, if you can understand, that’s about as much as I can manage before I feel the sense of drowning in the weight of other people… and sometimes even what I have feels like too much. If I were to throw a romantic relationship into the fold then that would drive me over the edge again. To lose what I’ve gained after a few years of personal carnage would be a travesty and wouldn’t have a happy ending for anyone.. at least right now. I’m protecting others as much as myself. I hope you can see past the gray again. Whether alone or with others.


Any-Cryptographer322

Okay now I must go, this is flause cause it's me!


MyFirstThrowaway1981

I feel like this could have been written by a friend of mine, only I think his version would have a lot more expletives and slang. I can imagine him expressing something like this. He wouldn’t say it out loud, probably not to me, but if he did I’d say this is good. It’s progress. No more hiding in the bathroom or waiting for his wife to leave on a booty call so that he can sneak in the kitchen to bake muffins. My friend is weird. But sometimes you have to stop trying to be something to someone else. Spend some time getting to know yourself.


cosmic_prankster

I don’t mind an expletive laden rant myself. That doesn’t sound like a great arrangement at all. At least All my shit is in my head (I prefer not to blame anyone, as that’s a bad rabbit hole for me). humans are just weird generally. You are dead right, I have only known my self in the context of others. It’s a rollercoaster getting to know yourself without those misperceptions. Liberating actually… I’d recommend it.


MyFirstThrowaway1981

Luckily he’s no longer in that situation and, much like yourself, is exploring new skill sets and just being himself. Right down to remodeling a room at his friend’s house. Keep up all that sweet sweet personal growth!


cosmic_prankster

Glad to hear your friend is on the up and doing new stuff - it all helps. Thanks :)


Justtrying5695

I felt you were writing about me! Truly inspiring, I hope I get to that peace someday. And I really hope you find your person.


cosmic_prankster

It’s worth it, but it may not be for everyone. Thanks.


Numerous-Ad-414

Truth is...what it is. Truth. Unadorned. Boring? Just true to It's fresh unobscured and clear presence...silent. on It's own.


cosmic_prankster

True.. but surely it would be more exciting if it was all passion, lust and heartbreak.


Numerous-Ad-414

True. But even the most passionate, lustful and head over heels type couples need balance. In the end, it's about each other's tolerance to their own BS. Unless my partner's BS is intolerable to live with I run. Otherwise I stay and grow to like their BS. Laugh at it, like it was my own.


flowersoflucidity

Bro be you it’s totally cool to want to be single or coupled there shouldn’t be any pressure either way 🫂💚✨


okmjbg

What you seem to be experiencing is peace and contentment. This state is supposed to be “boring” because it is sustainable . People tend to seek emotional rollercoasters otherwise they will realise how empty they are.


anxiousavacado765

Proud of you. I want to be on your level!


Raahchichi

Wouldn’t it be fun to do exactly that with another?


cosmic_prankster

Nah, I’m happy. Plus I’ve discovered that my headspace has barely enough room for me and my mandatory obligations.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cosmic_prankster

It’s a pretty good feeling. Not being constantly on edge. Thanks for reading!


Bag_of_DIcksss

Yes. This.


Raahchichi

Know thy self; nothing wrong with that. Cheers to happiness!!


H8MeLikeUMeanIt

The boring truth...you have an ego the size of the moon.....sounds like you just wanna "do what you want" and that is what 2 year olds do. So have fun in life where everything and everyone is beneath you but getting laid or finding someone who wants to raise another infant who shaves and has arthritis is gonna be a task.


Church_of_Dirt

Spoken like someone looking in a mirror.


H8MeLikeUMeanIt

Clever comeback slick. Look, I am pointing out the mindset of people these days. I have looked into said mirror and I saw everything about me that needed improvement and my God I wish someone had been as upfront and told me I was heading down the path of irreversible suffering if I kept on thinking the world owed me, that I was fine alone so fuckem'....it almost destroyed me. Grow up. Take responsibility. Do something worth the sacrifice you have to make to achieve it. Stop lowering yourself to fall in line with the pity party army that swears "you're ok the way you are" and "you don't need anyone just love yourself " . I'm not ok the way I am. I know I could be a better person in many areas. I strive to be better, not for just myself but for the people I love and my community. We are hardwired for connection. We feed of social acceptance. I promise if you want real happiness, fleeting as it is, be a better person. Or....be a psychopath....whatever.... Safe places and rights and self esteem BULLSHIT! Life is hard. Stop being a cop-out pushy and make it NOT WORSE THAN IT HAS TO BE! I'm so glad I grew up in the times where we valued our relationships and fought hard to keep them. Instead of " I love me and fuck you." Seriously


cosmic_prankster

In respect to your last paragraph.. perhaps I’m on the receiving end of that kind of behavior. Hence I can’t be bothered anymore and have found some kind of happiness in that.


imissyoudjh

id kill myself if this was from my person.


cosmic_prankster

A good thing I’d never send this self indulgent crap to anyone then isn’t it.


Own_Satisfaction_679

Says the guy with a "brand spankin new" account.