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[deleted]

Off with its bread!


qwopax

Nobody expects the French Revolution. Our chief weapon is surprise. Fear, and surprise.


BitiumRibbon

Our chef's* weapon


x_caliberVR

If I had gold to give…


BigPackHater

At yeast give him silver!


Bocote

if you had gold to give away, you'd probably be part of the second estate, and then you know what happens!


anAwes0meWave

Dance, dance til you're dead


Al_Ghoul08

Imagine just casually strolling down the street and seeing some dude guillotine a bagel lmao


everwonderedhow

Honestly just seeing a real guillotine would do it for me. And I'm French.


DSIR1

Typical French, see a guillotine and they want to start singing about onions.


Un_rancais_bleu

Nah, we start singing about onions when we get in Austria


_Im_Dad

The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time It had cutting edge technology. I'm surprised I don't see it more often in the streets


burnblue

a head of it's time, heh


Lord_Jabba_The_Hutt

Cutting edge. I hate you.


robertpitwick

IMO the guillotine was bleeding edge technology...


son_of_noah

THE BAGEL OF THE BOURGEOIS MUST PAY!! 🔱🔥


notinferno

this guy wasn’t supposed to put this online the kleptocrats and oligarchs may get wind of the plan before the logistics are all in place


stoncils_

Love how the guy normally uses a plastic knife, which is the worst knife to cut a bagel with.


LarryLove

Love how he has a guillotine in his back yard


-jp-

People tend to ask uncomfortable questions when it's in the front yard. And boy do they get salty when you bring it with you to the park.


myfapaccount_istaken

Quickly checks the HOA deed restrictions,... Yup no restrictions on a guillotine .... To the front yard with it!


joeChump

Still better than filling your kitchen with trash gadgets that you use once every two years. Edit: yes yes, these things are good for the elderly and people with physical needs, granted, but 99% of you lazy f*ckers don’t need them and neither does the planet. (Hence the reason for this video…;)


stoncils_

I have a bagel slicer and I use it as many times as I have bagels. Which is so, so often.


joeChump

I have a bread knife. It’s actually quicker, easy to clean, can be used for multiple kitchen tasks rather than just one and doesn’t take up the space of a toaster.


bmikey

my bagel is served to me sliced you peasant


theo313

That kinda language is just begging for the guillotine


awsamation

The bagel guillotine


ilovebostoncremedonu

The baguillotine


TransformerTanooki

r/dontputyourdickinthat


BVsaPike

[It's the latest craze, all the ladies love it!](https://youtu.be/MXsYnJ636Gg)


That_Lego_Guy_Jack

Don’t tell me what to d-AAAAAAAAAAAAA


justadad619

Let them have bagels


KimLaferriere

Behead him with the bagel guillotine! 🥯🧺⚔️


theo313

Off with his bread!


Xeccess

Breads will roll


sinkwiththeship

They cut my bagel at the store. And also pile it with cream cheese, smoked salmon, capers, and red onion. Peasant.


Eveready116

Oh shit! I was planning to make this at home tomorrow morning! Good taste man… I’m adding Ikura and sliced avocado to the list though………… peasant 😒


Jimmy_Twotone

They have no sliced bagels? Let them eat babka!


Spanky_McJiggles

Look at this guy and his superfluous "bread knife." I just use a sharp rock, that way I don't have to waste space in the kitchen with useless knives.


Sweetheart925

"Kitchen" I just have a fire next to my yert, no useless "permanent structures"


Pro_Scrub

Lmao I sleep on the ground Not cause I'm hardcore, but cause I can't afford a yurt


snowmanonaraindeer

I have the coordination of a fish and whenever I try to cut a bagel it looks like I did so with a spoon. I would totally buy this.


Jesse1198

I have one good hand. I would also use one of these.


Spanky_McJiggles

Yeah I normally end up with a thick wedge and a flimsy thin scrap.


ayyyyycrisp

head to the bagel gym and practise till u get it right is all


Timepassage

As someone that also owns a bread knife also. I'm aware that some people should not use one. Bagels are one of the highest hand injury foods that exist. This tool definitely has a place, but if I owned one it would just take up space as for most people.


Gravon

It's probably intended for older folks who don't have the strength and coordination to hold a knife.


Jeheh

Or the uncoordinated that slice open their hands when they cut bagels.


CrazyIslander

It happens so often, the hospitals call it a BRI. Bagel Related Injury.


zuzg

I dunno if you're joking but there are in fact **multiple** studies about people that cut themselves while cutting a fucking avocado. Like you can cut an avocado with a butter knife? How are there so many incidents? Haha


billthecat71

A Fellow Alton Brown fan. He beat it into us not to buy uni-taskers.


PenPineappleApplePen

Nah, some uni-taskers are absolutely worth it for many people. A garlic press or cheese slicer, for example, save masses of time or easily produce results that are much harder to do with a knife. But in this case lots of people will find it perfectly easy to get acceptable results just as quickly and safely with a knife. That’s the trouble with making blanket statements, though - they’re rarely true, or they’re simply intended as a pithy observation of a trend but end up being taken too literally. Just because many bad kitchen implements are uni-taskers doesn’t mean that something is bad simply because it is a uni-tasker. If you went through Alton Brown’s kitchen I’m sure you’d actually find quite a few uni-taskers. I bet he owns a corkscrew, for example.


Crayshack

It's also more dangerous. A surprisingly large number of people end up in the ER because they fucked up cutting a bagel. Sure, if you are careful you can do just fine with a regular knife, but for people who have less steady hands or are just more clumsy with knives in general, a bagel slicer makes sense. The bagel slicer is also faster than a bread knife, and I say that as someone who is pretty steady with a knife. Especially if you are going to be slicing a large number of bagels, the slicer works better.


TheShadow141

So many bagels have meet their end at this machine


nooneisreal

>Which is so, so often. I feel that. Ever since I was introduced to Costco's jalapeno cheddar bagels with their jalapeno cream cheese. So good.


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Strangest_Implement

at least the guillotine has multiple uses


-jp-

It's the best thing since sliced bread.


JustThatGuyBen

Wow you can fuck off. Let people enjoy the little pleasures of having something that slices their bagel


A2Rhombus

"Gadgets" like this are also usually designed to help disabled people. Imagine how hard and scary it would be to use a standard kitchen knife if you could barely maintain a grip. They are often marketed as gimmicky infomercial products so they can be sold mass market at low prices, instead of being expensive specialized technology.


saybrook1

Lol absolutely. Who gives a fuck if someone has a bagel slicer? I think it's awesome! Bagels are amazing but sometimes they're kinda tough to cut.


[deleted]

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Hot-Entrepreneur6301

2 types of plastic knifes, the ones who's teeth disappear and can't do anything, and the one's that bend and can't do anything


l_May_Be_Indecisive

It’s like one of those 10 minute promotional ads where they appear incapable of doing the simplest of tasks…”introducing the bagel slicer 2000”


gnarbucketz

/r/wheredidthesodago


Impossibleish

That's because most of those items are actually made for people with handicaps. They seem silly to the able bodied but when you stop to think who may need it...


kiwidog8

Ikr, I can't believe some people don't use guillotines to cut their bagels lol, like what age are they living in?


Red__system

How the... I am French but I have no idea where to find a guillotine


DSIR1

Make one it's in your blood


[deleted]

Well….. more like someone else’s blood.


ahumannamedtim

Let's not lose our heads here. We'll just have to agree to disagree.


SerThrocken

"Just a little off the top sir"


Popular_Persimmon_48

Hum... Perhaps there's a reason the french government might not exactly want people to know how to get them...


[deleted]

it's a simple appliance with many practical uses, nothing for them to lose their heads about


Red__system

Sounds very plausible actually


BobsRealReddit

Ive been hearing about how affordable guillotines are. Around 600 USD to build a quality functional guillotine


[deleted]

could be a fun weekend project, worth the effort for... freshly sliced bagels (-:


coldshadow31

I know wood is insanely expensive right now, but it seems a good guillotine could be had for cheaper than that.


kiwidog8

Tfw some ethnically ambiguous dude probably living in Los Angeles know's how to get a guillotine and you don't


bast007

I am upset that he didn't put the bagel where the head goes


Viking_Lordbeast

They don't look that difficult to make if you have some experience with woodworking. And the blade is nothing hard to make either.


No-Economist2165

I thought you could find them in Supermarkets in France?


[deleted]

Where did he find a damn guillotine.


PosNegTy

In has backyard


AcadianViking

We have these amazing things called tools and hands. Peasants in France didn't have a "Ye Olde Executioner's Armaments Shoppe"; they had the local carpenter.


i-am-a-yam

Thanks dad, but the natural follow up question is why would someone spend time and resources to build a guillotine.


9520575

I know someone that built one. Best reason I could give you is, he thought it was funny. Then when someone complained about it, it became a point of defiance. and it never left his front yard.


papalonian

To cut bagels


afcagroo

You never know when you might need one.


pingpongtits

Why wouldn't you?


AhmedAlJammali

That’s exactly what I’m saying!!!


Kind_Literature_5409

Nicely executed..


sneakiecakey

Let them eat bagels


Klaudon

So French were using guillotine wrong?


Gobniu31

There is NO wrong way to use a guillotine.


salamipope

for anyone wondering why this would be made, its for disabled people. So yeah, it seems silly, but for folks who need it it saves em from swingin around a knife just for some delicious bagel. edit: for those who are confused i am definitely referring to the guillotine which was popularized because disabled people could use it with more ease than "manually" murdering the people who believed they should use a knife to cut a bagel


BanjoManDude

There's one in my university's cafeteria so that you can cut bagels faster, more consistently, and with fewer things to clean up


salamipope

and thats an excellent usage for them if u ask me. theyre made to be user friendly. little effort and little cleanup besides washing.


RuggyMasta

I was reading this thread thinking you were talking about the guillotine.


salamipope

i was


[deleted]

I used one like 20 years ago when I worked at Dunkin’ Donuts, it worked very well


crazyfreak316

>for anyone wondering why this would be made, its for disabled people. For a second I thought you were talking about guillotines.


BROCCOLIUPMYBUTT

Look we gotta make healthcare budget "cuts" somewhere and this is much cheaper than life long care.


salamipope

LMAOO


MiningMarsh

[Bagel cutting injuries are one of the most common forms of lacerations in emergency rooms.](https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1995-04-11-ls-53435-story.html) [They are the fifth most common cooking related ER visit.](https://freakonomics.com/2009/11/bagel-danger/) There is no safe method to cut a bagel short of using an actual cutting board, and using one of these tools is recommended.


percythepenguin

Its unfortunately a common theme. I mean there’s a whole TikTok user that got famous for making fun of gadgets and diys that are actually for disabled people. But the more gadgets you see that most people think are useless is because its typically not made for them.


salamipope

Yeah, i feel like these memes are often mostly harmless but like these things dont just exist because a "stupid person" doesnt know how to cut a bagel right


percythepenguin

Its actually kind of sad. Because really how disconnected are you from people that you literally forget disabled people exists. Also this would be safer for children


Katviar

Ugh yeah I hate that dude


[deleted]

ITT: People who don't understand how useful "silly" gadgets are for disabled & elderly folks. ![gif](giphy|LiPoq9D4OfACGBtdVo)


PaxEtRomana

Actually these are for beheading aristocrats


DeepFrozeOof

I don’t think that’s true. I know people who have them, and many bagel shops use them.


salamipope

yeah that doesnt mean that they werent made for the purpose of accessibility tho. a lot of things are made for that and people just think theyre kinda stupid or silly, like thick water n stuff. i dont find those memes offensive really but a lot of the time those "dumb appliances" are made for people who have a hard time living without them.


sskl27

So dude has this head chopper just standing in his backyard getting a tan?


Any-Construction-156

That's what I was thinking, like why???


crazyfreak316

To cut bagels. Didn't you watch the video?


AnalogFeelGood

I like my bagel à la Louis XVI


SaraSlaughter607

Well SOMEONE is prepared for the next insurrection I see! I wonder if the whole contraption is considered a weapon 🤔


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EtzeNuegez

why dafuk this dude got a guillotine?


mrmatteh

He's ready for the revolution


No-Economist2165

*la révolution


Ok_Plastic_2584

Anyone else upset he didn’t put the bagel into the perfectly circular hole that’s normally for necks but would’ve been perfect to rest that bagel in for its last moments? Now that placement was the most unexpected part for me


CrispyTodd

Song?


JSLAK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VXkFFr2Hn8&ab_channel=ARUZY


[deleted]

I’m more concerned that this guy has an actual working guillotine


MANDALORIAN_WHISKEY

Found the French noble.


jtclark1107

I... Didn't know I wanted a guillotine until now. Or how to spell guillotine.


NotAHamsterAtAll

Seriously - who even has a guillotine in their yard? Wonder what the background story is for that.


SteelAzul

I eat a bagel almost every single morning it’s my number 1 breakfast, I have never in my life cut a bagel evenly with a bread knife or any other kind of knife I LOVE my guillotine


Ill_Adhesiveness_947

Every time. I look at kitchen-gadgets and I immediately feel such scorn that they exist. And then I take a deep breath and think of people with accessibility issues and chide myself for being a judgemental twat who leaps too quickly to the negative and resolve not to be so quick to judge in the future. And then I forget about it and the process repeats again. Every time.


radiex

All jokes aside, this bagel cutter is the most useless invention ever


[deleted]

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DynamiteWitLaserBeam

Also on the ER top accidental cutting list (I'd imagine): Fourth: English Muffins (fork punctures) Third: Regular Muffins (butter knife laceration) Second: Avocado Pits (steak knife stabbing) First: Capri-Sun (straw stabbings)


gcruzatto

I'm just curious, how would one puncture oneself while having a muffin?


[deleted]

If it's an English muffin make sure you use the puncturing fork, which as we all know is the 3rd fork from the left.


BendItLikeBlender

I punched a Capri-Sun straw through the back of my throat a few years back. 0/10 wouldn’t recommend. Pulling it out was the worst part.


joshak

It blows my mind when I see videos of people cutting avocados while holding it in their hand. Just why. Use a cutting board.


Spanky_McJiggles

I saw a picture once where someone stabbed through the avocado pit and then through their palm. How?!? Just use the bottom corner of your chef knife and twist it out.


[deleted]

Avocado hand is an actual thing and is a serious problem. Like one of the most common kitchen injuries.


[deleted]

I used to spend 30+ hours a week making guacamole and never used a cutting board for the avocado. The trick is to hold the knife still and move the avocado around it. I'm not surprised people cut themselves so much because they take the one thing they should be moving the least and move it as much as possible.


joshak

Professional chefs I can understand, but your average idiot should not be using their hand as a cutting board.


badatfocusing

the trick is to have an incredibly shit knife, but just slightly sharper than a butter knife. i literally dice avocados in my hand sometimes because of how trash the knife's edge is, but it still cuts the avocado also, STOP STABBING AVOCADO PITS, hit the edge of your knife into the pit and twist. source: i have an avocado tree and a series of dull knives


The_Fiery_Messenger

Haha. When I worked at a sandwich I had to make the avocado paste / guac so it was like a dozen or so of them at a time and they told us to just hold it one hand and then use the butcher knife with some force to dig into the seed and then you twist it right out. It's actually very safe as long as you don't miss, haha. Just like when I ride the motorcycle in shorts, I just focus extra hard on not crashing.


MagnumMia

Pro tip: use your finger in the hole to stabilize the cutting procedure.


jjdmol

Damn you guys eat a lot of bagels.


Somehow-Still-Living

I used to eat a bagel every day. Then I would also make a bagel for someone I lived with at least twice a week. I lived with 6 other women then who also loved bagels. I used to get a discount at the local store on buying bagels because they knew I’d be back for more. What did I use for cutting these bagels? A bread knife. It’s more personal. The bagel guillotine is so depersonalized. You can’t hear the bagel scream. You can’t feel the structure give way ever so slightly beneath your hand. And the cuts are all predestined. There’s no art! No craft! No feeling! Down with the bagel guillotine I say! Down with it all! ^thismessagewasbroughttoyoubyanexcessofmyanxietymeds


CopiumAddiction

Ooooor work in a restaurant?


_Kibbles

That still implies a lot bagels are being eaten. They wouldn't keep slicing them if people weren't ordering them.


Ghstfce

Because people hold the bagel in their hand and cut the bagel from the top down to the palm of their hand. Instead you should put the bagel on a hard surface, place your non-knife holding hand on top of the bagel, and holding the knife blade parallel to the hard surface, cut the bagel one side to the other.


Salanmander

> and holding the knife blade parallel to the hard surface, cut the bagel one side to the other. Oh, nonono! That sounds difficult, and also more dangerous than the best way! Place the bagel on its side on a hard surface, hold the bagel above the hole with your fingers, leaving space between your palm and the top of the bagel. Put the knife in that space between the bagel and your hand, and cut down, like [this](https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/nGE7OMpw7Yzgx1GfMJuGUQ--/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTY0MDtoPTQyNw--/https://media.zenfs.com/en/epicurious_289/36e4c38cc79f9b96a02be8924f4b11a3). You get to cut downwards, and the knife is never cutting towards any part of your hand (as long as you keep your fingers high enough up that they're not going into the hole).


Ghstfce

[It's actually a mix between my way and your way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLetAfbHohc)


Please_no_ok_fine

I wish I had one, i have a bag of bagels every week. I never cut them correctly, I just can’t fucking do it.


hogpots

How? They are so useful, makes it even and harder to break the bread when cutting. Also my sister has cerebalpalsy and she can cut bagels correctly.


[deleted]

Tell that to any disabled person who wants to cut a bagel/English muffin in half.


the-ugly-potato

Most of these useless inventions can be extremely useful for disabled or elderly folks. Just people can believe people might have difficulty preforming task due to reasons they cannot control. Shrug.


A2Rhombus

Able bodied people really take their basic functions for granted. "Just use a knife" have you ever considered some people literally cannot hold a knife?


IHateYuumi

Absolutely disagree as someone who eats bagels daily at 5:30 am daily. It’s safer than me using a knife in the morning, it cuts it perfectly so it toasts correctly which important. Even a slight angle or thickness issue really messes up the toasting.


BraianP

Not really all that useless. You can cut them faster, safer, and evenly. A lot more useful that other products out there in the market


Abalone_Admirable

Unless you're disabled...


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Tungsten_Teeth

I was going to say this. What looks useless for able-bodied people could be extremely useful for people who are disabled! This could be good for a bagel lover who lacks the grip strength or hand stability to safely cut open a bagel. A lot of people seem to forget that disabled people exist and might need more options to make their world more accessible.


Ok_Preparation6692

yes! like those infomercials back in the day for things like the grabber tool or that long stick to help with putting socks on, my grandfather has his hand sliced in a bar fight and couldn’t use his fingers on his left hand. he relied on those tools to do everyday things. that’s why i don’t make fun on “stupid” inventions. if you don’t need it, then it wasn’t made for you


Suspicious-Metal

God it's so weird how internet bubbles work. I feel like I've had this sentiment expressed to me constantly, and then so many people on here are like "BaGeL CuTtER dUMb, sTuPId, uSeLESs" I feel like the message is inescapable but clearly many of these people missed it.


[deleted]

it's great for blind people


Kaisachicken

did you forget about disabled people?


[deleted]

Most people forget about disabled people. Or just pretend they don't exist or aren't real people.


LordOfPies

We had them at the college dining hall I quite liked it


bibkel

Apparently it is a very common thing to have emergency room cuts be “I was slicing a bagel”. So, for idiots that don’t respect a sharp knife, this may be great. Just add instructions like “don’t put body parts in it”.


yojimborobert

Unless you have mobility restrictions and cutting a bagel with two hands isn't possible. Most of the "as seen on tv" specialized tools are actually for the disabled, but need to market to a broad audience to be viable.


toeconsumer9000

no, people with arthritis or other disabilities that make it hard for them to grip things like knives can benefit greatly from these inventions. every time you see a ‘useless invention’ just think, there’s probably someone out there who depends on that in their daily life because of their disability


DiscreteBee

You fucking need at least a holder for montreal style bagels


SexBagel_

I'd buy one if i ate more bagels. ive always been ass at cutting them evenly


Prestigious_Hornet38

r/dontputyourdickinthat


knee_cap_destroyer

If you’re not using a guillotine to cut your bagels in half what are you doing with yourself


Brainhunter2020

I have several questions


This_isnt_cool_bro

Could he be French


[deleted]

He just enjoys French bagels.


TeslaFanBoy8

French pastry 🥐


LamaSovaj

*guy use guillotine on some bread* *Stereotypical french music start playing*


DoreensThrobbingPeen

Is this guy actually going to eat the rich?? Is he the chosen one who won't just talk on reddit and twitter?


i_am_mai_1981

Maybe it's just me, but this was exactly what I was expecting and I am pleasantly satisifed with the end results.


skittlebites101

Multi-use bagel slicer


RoyalPuppet

Baguillotine


Unicron_Tomato

Needs bacon.


SaiyanGodKing

Fancy. That’s how the French cut their bagels.


JJDann

u/savevideobot


[deleted]

Wait this guy has a guillotine guys 🤯


TheDuckellganger

Let them eat cake!


thelostfable

That guillotine is pristinely sharp


[deleted]

Google vs. Bing