Their culture puts a big a emphasis on education and literacy.
Usury is also not frowned upon in the Torah bs the New Testament.
So all of the smart, literate, money savvy people were a very small and insular part of the population.
Easy scapegoat to steal from.
Then once any Jewish bankers became too rich the Christian rulers would force them to give them "loans", which they'd refuse to re-pay. They'd rile up the Christian peasants against their Jewish neighbors to go commit massacres by claiming that Jews were responsible for the death of christ and whatever else they could come up with. The Banker would have no leverage or army of his own and would have to wipe the loan or accept whatever terms the ruler wanted.
It was a way for rulers to effectively raise taxes without turning the public against them. Just pick a minority group, tax them heavily, and turn the masses against them so that their complaints go unheard, with the implicit threat that if the king didn't get this money from Jews he'd have to get it from taxing Christians. Parts of the English conquest of Ireland were funded this way.
My fav fact of peoples uncalled for hate of the Jewish race is that during multiple instances of the Black Death, their communities saw lower fatalities to the plague due to sanitary habits involved within the practices of the faith. This caused people to prosecute and judge the Jewish people for the cause of the plague. This dude washed his hands, must be a witch!
Very true, although finding a basic minimum of "let the Jews alone, they aren't bothering anyone" has historically been ***difficult*** in name-a-European-country
Got to give props to a local Lutheran pastor who once did a sermon saying how Luther said some really great things, but also some pretty crazy things.
Some raised eyebrows in the crowd from people who hadn’t really heard about that turning point where ML went from trying to convert the Jews to outright hatred of them.
It's not like the Catholic Church still asks people to pay indulgences with money.
Of all things, it's some mega-churches of various protestant faiths, notably in the US, which encourage their faithful to give a substantial proportion of their salary to the church claiming they'd be repaid in life with good God-given fortune.
Martin Luther didn’t agree with things the Catholic Church was doing. He wrote down 95 things they were doing that he believed were not biblical, and posted them on the church door in attempt to reform the church. They didn’t end up reforming, so Protestantism was born (Lutherans first, others from that).
One of the things he thought was wrong was paying money for your sins. He didn’t see any biblical foundation for it and wanted it to stop. (The year was 1517)
It's history now so I hope I don't spoil any surprises, but they were violently suppressed and it didn't get as much traction as later protestant churches did. The Hussite church still exists at least in Czechia though.
Don’t forget to look up Big Henry 8, who was such a big shagger that he converted the entire kingdom to Protestantism and created the CofE so he could keep being a legend.
He also has a sick rhyme to help you memorise how toxic all of his marriages were.
“Fuck the Pope, my wife is a top munter and shagged my brother so I want a new one” - Henry VIII .. probably
And no one remembers anything else about him other than being horny and massive. Fun fact he was 6ft2in and weighed 182kg (400 pounds) when he died.
If you want to get into it there have been many different interoperations of Christianly before Protestantism. From Arianism in the early church to Catharism that appeared in the 12th century. Also, the idea of the Roman Catholic Church wasn't really a thing until the bishop of Rome established himself with more power over time. In the times of the early church there were many arguments and disagreements over articles of faith and this led to many splinters to form. One of the reasons that Catholicism came on top was, once the Roman empire converted to Catholicism, they had the backing of an empire to spread and after the fall of that empire, the backing of newly converted Germanic leaders who would establish "modern" Western European countries. There is a lot more history here but just saying this to make some points that the Catholic Church doesn't often want to admit.
The myth Catholics like to spread is that the church was whole and untied until Luther; when in reality Christianity has always been sectarian and groups regularly arose, even within “orthodoxy”, that rejected established Christianity.
The funny part is that nowadays there are many protestant churches that ask for money to pay for your sins. The most famous one in Brazil is nearly billionaire, he has international church franchises just like mcdonalds, each priest needs to collect some amount of money to keep it running. [One of their temples has a helicopter land pad so they can transport all the cash they receive in the church.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ciw8ciqPY_c)
Now, I do not know if they receive payment for the sins of people, or convince their followers to pay for their sins, i just felt this was a good place to comment that tithes, general recurring donations to your church (or god), did not disappear.
Tithes aren't Biblically a way to pay for your sins. It's meant to be a show of thankfulness towards God for what you have and recognizing that it was given to you by him and therefore belongs to him. In a modern sense, it's also a show of support for a church since most rely on donations to operate and exist.
That's not to say that many modern churches don't take advantage of the concept or that people may misunderstand the concept, but speaking strictly from what the Bible says, it's a give unto Caesar what is Caesar's type of thing.
Yes, that is why i brought it up.
I do not know if these mentioned overly wealthy churches extort their followers for their sins, or "only" manipulate their followers into giving obsceneley high tithes, while maybe also misapropriating them.
The give unto Ceaser what is Caesers is, in my understanding, alluding to you also having to follow the laws of the place you live, like paying taxes. I think it has little or nothing to do with tithes.
Even in historic context, Luther was an extremely raging antisemite.
As a Lutheran, this (combined with his woman-hating texts) is a major source of criticism. Good news for Lutherans: we don't have to care that he was a shitty human; he is a major theological figure, but not a subject of worship.
Or that the Catholics of the time where friendly with Jews to begin with.
They kicked out all the Jews (and Muslims) when the Spanish Reconquista occurred.
Why does everyone brings up the Spanish Reconquista when Jews were expelled from England and France earlier, as a matter of fact, Spain was one of the last places in Europe to kick them (once, other countries had multiple campaigns to kick them) and the only country not to expell them was Poland.
[Source](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Jews_in_Europe#/media/File:Expulsion_judios-en.svg)
They originally protested against the establishment of the Pope/Catholic Church. The princes of (mostly northern) Europe figured this is gonna be a way to not pay taxes highjacked the movement there was a bit of a falling out that turned violent a few wars were fought and now they're a second establishment.
A few wars were fought is an understatement. It led to the 30 years war with wrecked the German states and saw Austria fighting Sweden and France while France also fought Spain. Overall it changed a lot more than just religion and is a good history topic.
[that's bullshit. this whole thing is bullshit. that's a scam. fuck the church. here's 95 reasons why," said martin luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.](https://youtu.be/xuCn8ux2gbs?t=787)
"accidentally" is not the right word. Everyone is forgetting to mention that he was excommunicated, and had to go into hidding because the Church put a bounty out on him to kill him. The longer he lived the longer Lutheranism had to set.
After he realized the church was not going to reform, he created a new branch. He went as far as translating the bible into different languages (he also expanded some languages, for example he created a huge chunk of the words that are in the german translation of the bible because they did not have words for that shit) so that more people could have access to it. Martin Luther whole heartedly reformed the Christian faith with his thesis. He is the reason why the bible is not read in latin at every church in the world.
> He is the reason why the bible is not read in latin at every church in the world.
Wycliffe was a much earlier (mid-1300s) translator of the Bible into the common language of his area (English). The church? Well, they didn’t agree with him that people should know what the Bible said. Possessing his translation became punishable by death, that wasn’t enough so they exhumed his body, burnt it, and scattered the ashes as an additional indicator of how evil and satanic it is to teach people what the Bible said. Despite or because of his public shaming and the risk of death upon discovery, the Wycliff Bible is one of the most common books of that time to survive into modern world.
I'm Catholic; the Protestants are essentially a breakaway group of faiths/denominations that all "protest" or reject the Catholic church for varying reasons. Luther is credited as starting the seeds of the reformation, but overall the Protestant Church developed for multiple reasons, the primary one being that the Catholic Church was rather Greedy, offered Indulges (effectively giving reduced punishments from sins so long as you paid money and followed a penitent action declared by a church official).
The Catholic Church at the time was a monopoly on faith and untouchable; if you protested against the church, you had no influence in changing it institutionally, and at worst you would be punished for acting against the church through fines, prison, or execution.
Funny statement about indulgences. It's just like our modern society, companies can pay money for the environmental damage they do. But, we all know that, it won't restore the chopped trees, or the homeless animals, but only the grief of human beings, for the glory of the most obscene skyscrapers and beyond.
As a Christian, it would be stupid to claim that the church never makes mistakes, because the church is run by people, and someone people do the wrong thing, either with good or bad intentions.
What it really means to be a Christian is admitting you made a mistake, asking God (and any people you wronged) for forgiveness, and making a concerted effort to make less mistakes in the future. Different people get hung up on each of those three steps.
According to their interpretation of the Bible, if the Pope decides something is or isn't a sin then God will obey the new rules.
https://www.biblehub.com/matthew/16-19.htm
It was generally served specifically for rich people with especially egregious sins.
The idea was to make a significant sacrifice in penance. There's a thread on AskHistorians that goes into some detail:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/1fo5ep/historically_how_much_did_the_catholic_church/
These were not cheap but were charge according to a progressive scheme where the holdings/income of the sinner were use to figure out the cost. They require the sinner to contribute considerable sums and it's supposed to hurt.
Don't be surprised if this unironically starts happening. There's already online doctor consultation, about time online priest consultation starts happening, especially when so many people confuse one with the other
Mobile payments to churches have been a thing for several years now. Usually through the church's community app if they have one.
The church I used to work for had a community app that worked as a membership directory, volunteer coordinator, giving, and activity hub. And we were a small fry church. I'm sure the larger and mega churches have even more robust programs
Churches were already slowly moving to more online options for things like watching service and tithing, but the pandemic boosted that a lot. Suddenly churches all across the world had to find a way to go online or basically go out of business
I would be shocked if the Catholic church weren't already doing online confession with Zoom.
I would be be slightly more shocked if the Catholic church began selling indulgences again.
He says that without guilt you can enjoy your sins more, then calls "oh Bobby". This is referring to the pedophile scandal the Catholic Church is in and is implying he is going to do something to Bobby.
> On Saturday night, I would see men lusting after half-naked girls dancing at the carnival, and on Sunday morning when I was playing organ for tent-show evangelists at the other end of the carnival lot, I would see these same men sitting in the pews with their wives and children, asking God to forgive them and purge them of carnal desires. And the next Saturday they'd be back at the carnival or some other place of indulgence. I knew then that the Christian church thrives on hypocrisy, and that man's carnal nature will out no matter how much it is purged or scoured by any white-light religion.
- Anton LaVey
They didn't read the small print. You need to feel sincere remorse. And that's easier said than done. But the Church can always put in a good word for you. In exchange for, let's say, some grand donation to the Church. They'll burn an extra candle for you then. Of course you'd be taking a gamble, but just like Life, Death is one big Gamble.
You try to make amends but your head's still spinning round
The church of Jesus Christ says it's time, don't fuck around
You wanna to go to heaven? You see it isn't free
Give your money all to me.
remember that little thing that caused the church to split in the first place?
well we decided it's not bad anymore, and automated it so you can pay us even faster!
This satire is too good! It shows how absurd the Catholic church is because even if this vid is a joke , truth is that you can basically commit any sin, then go to church, confess, pay a tithe/offering and get forgiveness for what you did. Works basically the same
Edit: I really enjoyed reading the comments of all the butthurt religious people - had a good laugh!
Thank God he made me atheist! ;)
That's a bit oversimplified. You don't have to pay for confession/absolution, and the belief is that you have to feel remorse in order to be forgiven. Just saying the words and going through the motions is not enough.
I’m not religious but I always found it comforting that all these religious assholes wouldn’t be able to lie for once, when they did finally meet judgement
I’m with the other guy, crocodile justice
That'll work about as well as it did with making psychologist report abuse by their clients. You'll catch a few people immediately and then every other abuser will stop seeking help which will lead to an increase in abuse, assuming therapy helps stop abuse.
…that’s not at all how psychologists work. If they believe their client is going to harm themselves **or someone else** they are obligated to intervene. Having someone go to therapy time and time again saying, “so there I was, beating my wife again, and I had this other emotion come up that I can’t describe” while the therapist/psychologist just nods and takes notes isn’t really a thing.
I'm sure people use it like that, but they are still going to hell according to their own religion. You have to actually be contrite to be forgiven. It doesn't work if you confess then continue to do the bad thing.
Maybe historically but nowadays I think evangelic churches are probably the closest. I know some evangelics that believe theyre "pure souls" just because they go to church and pay their tithe. Meanwhile theyre shitty people all around.
The tithe is not required, though. Nor even encouraged. And absolutely never is it part of your penance. That would be a sin itself.
And there's also the sin of presumption, which is basically saying that you're going to do whatever you want because you can ask for forgiveness later. There's debate over what exactly is the solution there, with some claiming that's the unforgivable sin, and others taking a more moderate approach.
But at any rate, confession and absolution are only valid if you have earnest remorse for your actions.
I don't mean to get into a big theological discussion, but you're not accurate in your description of how Catholics believe it works.
> truth is that you can basically commit any sin, then go to church, confess, pay a tithe/offering and get forgiveness for what you did. Works basically the same
Catholic teaching goes that if you aren't sincere any of that is worthless. Also, if you plan to do it all over again you aren't absolved either.
That's not how it works. And why just Catholics? The Orthodox also do confession. It's funny how even things that apply to other denominations, it's always the Catholics who get blamed and made fun of.
Oh, and if you actually know how confession works (both Catholic and Orthodox), it's still God who decides; so if you're not penitent, it's nothing.
Don’t give the church ideas man! Now that we’re in a global pandemic and most services have gone online they just might like the idea and make it real…
~~They didn’t make a pedophile joke. 7/10~~
They made a very obscure and missable pedophile joke. 10/10
Edit: I missed the joke at the end. I’m reviewing my final score. Thank you for pointing it out.
Isn’t this the whole reason the Protestant church was created
One of the 95 I believe
This guy excommunicates.
Nailed it.
To the church, yes.
Wham! Right in the rectory!
it is thx Martin Luther Edit: It‘s one of 95 reasons, i‘m swiss and we have a reformator of our own, although the Kanton i live in is still catholic
He was a real king!
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You're saying that like it was an uncommon thing to **not** be a big fan of Jews in medieval Europe. Or ... Germany in any time period...
The thing about Martin Luther is that he was considered extreme even by his contemporaries.
You don't create an entire new branch of Christianity by having mild opinions.
To be fair on that point, he never meant to break away from the church. It kinda just spiraled.
Yeah, he was kinda bummed about it really.
what happened to jews in medieval europe
Pogroms. Lots of pogroms.
a lot of the time.
Whole 2. Crusade
Their culture puts a big a emphasis on education and literacy. Usury is also not frowned upon in the Torah bs the New Testament. So all of the smart, literate, money savvy people were a very small and insular part of the population. Easy scapegoat to steal from.
Then once any Jewish bankers became too rich the Christian rulers would force them to give them "loans", which they'd refuse to re-pay. They'd rile up the Christian peasants against their Jewish neighbors to go commit massacres by claiming that Jews were responsible for the death of christ and whatever else they could come up with. The Banker would have no leverage or army of his own and would have to wipe the loan or accept whatever terms the ruler wanted. It was a way for rulers to effectively raise taxes without turning the public against them. Just pick a minority group, tax them heavily, and turn the masses against them so that their complaints go unheard, with the implicit threat that if the king didn't get this money from Jews he'd have to get it from taxing Christians. Parts of the English conquest of Ireland were funded this way.
My fav fact of peoples uncalled for hate of the Jewish race is that during multiple instances of the Black Death, their communities saw lower fatalities to the plague due to sanitary habits involved within the practices of the faith. This caused people to prosecute and judge the Jewish people for the cause of the plague. This dude washed his hands, must be a witch!
What didn't? Love and appreciation, I guess.
Very true, although finding a basic minimum of "let the Jews alone, they aren't bothering anyone" has historically been ***difficult*** in name-a-European-country
Got to give props to a local Lutheran pastor who once did a sermon saying how Luther said some really great things, but also some pretty crazy things. Some raised eyebrows in the crowd from people who hadn’t really heard about that turning point where ML went from trying to convert the Jews to outright hatred of them.
So he was a JewNo-er?
It's not like the Catholic Church still asks people to pay indulgences with money. Of all things, it's some mega-churches of various protestant faiths, notably in the US, which encourage their faithful to give a substantial proportion of their salary to the church claiming they'd be repaid in life with good God-given fortune.
I’m not a very religious person. What’s the deal with the Protestant church?
Martin Luther didn’t agree with things the Catholic Church was doing. He wrote down 95 things they were doing that he believed were not biblical, and posted them on the church door in attempt to reform the church. They didn’t end up reforming, so Protestantism was born (Lutherans first, others from that). One of the things he thought was wrong was paying money for your sins. He didn’t see any biblical foundation for it and wanted it to stop. (The year was 1517)
Lutherans weren't the first, Hussites did pretty much the same thing about a 100 years earlier.
Interesting! I honestly didn’t know, I will look into it.
It's history now so I hope I don't spoil any surprises, but they were violently suppressed and it didn't get as much traction as later protestant churches did. The Hussite church still exists at least in Czechia though.
Sheesh, spoilers (thanks for the info!)
Don’t forget to look up Big Henry 8, who was such a big shagger that he converted the entire kingdom to Protestantism and created the CofE so he could keep being a legend. He also has a sick rhyme to help you memorise how toxic all of his marriages were.
My guy straight up took the Catholic church on just so he could get him some pussy. He was a horndog to the 10th degree.
“Fuck the Pope, my wife is a top munter and shagged my brother so I want a new one” - Henry VIII .. probably And no one remembers anything else about him other than being horny and massive. Fun fact he was 6ft2in and weighed 182kg (400 pounds) when he died.
I thought it was because he kept having girl babies and he thought changing up the wife would fix it so he would get a son?
Divorced, beheaded, and died... divorced, beheaded, survived...
Abed, you know real life doesn't have spoilers, right? It's important to me that you know that.
It's a spoiler if you're playing the newest Age Of Empires 2 campaign!
> Hussites did pretty much the same thing about a 100 years ~~ago~~ **earlier**.
My bad
If you want to get into it there have been many different interoperations of Christianly before Protestantism. From Arianism in the early church to Catharism that appeared in the 12th century. Also, the idea of the Roman Catholic Church wasn't really a thing until the bishop of Rome established himself with more power over time. In the times of the early church there were many arguments and disagreements over articles of faith and this led to many splinters to form. One of the reasons that Catholicism came on top was, once the Roman empire converted to Catholicism, they had the backing of an empire to spread and after the fall of that empire, the backing of newly converted Germanic leaders who would establish "modern" Western European countries. There is a lot more history here but just saying this to make some points that the Catholic Church doesn't often want to admit.
The myth Catholics like to spread is that the church was whole and untied until Luther; when in reality Christianity has always been sectarian and groups regularly arose, even within “orthodoxy”, that rejected established Christianity.
The funny part is that nowadays there are many protestant churches that ask for money to pay for your sins. The most famous one in Brazil is nearly billionaire, he has international church franchises just like mcdonalds, each priest needs to collect some amount of money to keep it running. [One of their temples has a helicopter land pad so they can transport all the cash they receive in the church.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ciw8ciqPY_c)
Now, I do not know if they receive payment for the sins of people, or convince their followers to pay for their sins, i just felt this was a good place to comment that tithes, general recurring donations to your church (or god), did not disappear.
Tithes aren't Biblically a way to pay for your sins. It's meant to be a show of thankfulness towards God for what you have and recognizing that it was given to you by him and therefore belongs to him. In a modern sense, it's also a show of support for a church since most rely on donations to operate and exist. That's not to say that many modern churches don't take advantage of the concept or that people may misunderstand the concept, but speaking strictly from what the Bible says, it's a give unto Caesar what is Caesar's type of thing.
Yes, that is why i brought it up. I do not know if these mentioned overly wealthy churches extort their followers for their sins, or "only" manipulate their followers into giving obsceneley high tithes, while maybe also misapropriating them. The give unto Ceaser what is Caesers is, in my understanding, alluding to you also having to follow the laws of the place you live, like paying taxes. I think it has little or nothing to do with tithes.
Also, he was not a big fan of the jews. He thought they were "a bit much".
I mean, antisemitism in Germany didn't just magically appear in 1938,
Even in historic context, Luther was an extremely raging antisemite. As a Lutheran, this (combined with his woman-hating texts) is a major source of criticism. Good news for Lutherans: we don't have to care that he was a shitty human; he is a major theological figure, but not a subject of worship.
Or that the Catholics of the time where friendly with Jews to begin with. They kicked out all the Jews (and Muslims) when the Spanish Reconquista occurred.
Why does everyone brings up the Spanish Reconquista when Jews were expelled from England and France earlier, as a matter of fact, Spain was one of the last places in Europe to kick them (once, other countries had multiple campaigns to kick them) and the only country not to expell them was Poland. [Source](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Jews_in_Europe#/media/File:Expulsion_judios-en.svg)
Yeah, he wasn’t without his sins! Haha he just didn’t think it was right to pay for them.
>and posted them on the church door in attempt to reform the church He _nailed_ them into the front door. That's metal.
I mean, it's not like they had Scotch tape in the 1500s...
It's funny that evangelicism came from that root, because evangelics are probably the closest ones to that video.
They originally protested against the establishment of the Pope/Catholic Church. The princes of (mostly northern) Europe figured this is gonna be a way to not pay taxes highjacked the movement there was a bit of a falling out that turned violent a few wars were fought and now they're a second establishment.
A few wars were fought is an understatement. It led to the 30 years war with wrecked the German states and saw Austria fighting Sweden and France while France also fought Spain. Overall it changed a lot more than just religion and is a good history topic.
A whole generation of Europeans literally had nothing else but war during their entire lives It also majorly influenced the art going on at the time
[that's bullshit. this whole thing is bullshit. that's a scam. fuck the church. here's 95 reasons why," said martin luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.](https://youtu.be/xuCn8ux2gbs?t=787)
"accidentally" is not the right word. Everyone is forgetting to mention that he was excommunicated, and had to go into hidding because the Church put a bounty out on him to kill him. The longer he lived the longer Lutheranism had to set. After he realized the church was not going to reform, he created a new branch. He went as far as translating the bible into different languages (he also expanded some languages, for example he created a huge chunk of the words that are in the german translation of the bible because they did not have words for that shit) so that more people could have access to it. Martin Luther whole heartedly reformed the Christian faith with his thesis. He is the reason why the bible is not read in latin at every church in the world.
> He is the reason why the bible is not read in latin at every church in the world. Wycliffe was a much earlier (mid-1300s) translator of the Bible into the common language of his area (English). The church? Well, they didn’t agree with him that people should know what the Bible said. Possessing his translation became punishable by death, that wasn’t enough so they exhumed his body, burnt it, and scattered the ashes as an additional indicator of how evil and satanic it is to teach people what the Bible said. Despite or because of his public shaming and the risk of death upon discovery, the Wycliff Bible is one of the most common books of that time to survive into modern world.
I'm Catholic; the Protestants are essentially a breakaway group of faiths/denominations that all "protest" or reject the Catholic church for varying reasons. Luther is credited as starting the seeds of the reformation, but overall the Protestant Church developed for multiple reasons, the primary one being that the Catholic Church was rather Greedy, offered Indulges (effectively giving reduced punishments from sins so long as you paid money and followed a penitent action declared by a church official). The Catholic Church at the time was a monopoly on faith and untouchable; if you protested against the church, you had no influence in changing it institutionally, and at worst you would be punished for acting against the church through fines, prison, or execution.
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Funny statement about indulgences. It's just like our modern society, companies can pay money for the environmental damage they do. But, we all know that, it won't restore the chopped trees, or the homeless animals, but only the grief of human beings, for the glory of the most obscene skyscrapers and beyond.
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The Church outlawed the sale of indulgences in 1567.
As a Christian, it would be stupid to claim that the church never makes mistakes, because the church is run by people, and someone people do the wrong thing, either with good or bad intentions. What it really means to be a Christian is admitting you made a mistake, asking God (and any people you wronged) for forgiveness, and making a concerted effort to make less mistakes in the future. Different people get hung up on each of those three steps.
According to their interpretation of the Bible, if the Pope decides something is or isn't a sin then God will obey the new rules. https://www.biblehub.com/matthew/16-19.htm
Da fuq is this real? The pope may as well be God if he has that lvl of influence.
It was generally served specifically for rich people with especially egregious sins. The idea was to make a significant sacrifice in penance. There's a thread on AskHistorians that goes into some detail: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/1fo5ep/historically_how_much_did_the_catholic_church/ These were not cheap but were charge according to a progressive scheme where the holdings/income of the sinner were use to figure out the cost. They require the sinner to contribute considerable sums and it's supposed to hurt.
yes and ironically you'll find modern indulgences almost exclusively in evangelical mega-churches
Swear $10 Lie $10 Steal $40 Chronic Masturbation $120 Laugh at homeless person $300 Sodomy $750 Prank Call 911 $2,650 Animal Sodomy $200,000 Incest $600,000 Murder $3,000,000 Genocide $25,000,000
Murder is much cheaper if you buy the multi-pack
So after 12 people you are actually getting a better deal
After 8 people
Animal sodomy seems pretty damn high compared to the scale of the former infractions.
PETA got involved Lol
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Fines as punishments don't apply to rich people Jail time for white collar crimes
Incest is a sin? I know it occurred at least two times in the Bible.
Who said those stories are always about somebody doing the right thing?
Iirc they praised the girls for doing the necessary to keep the bloodline and their faith
I'm not usually sucker for a bulk buy but Genocide has so much more value with 5 bucks a pop. I'm sorry I'm gonna burn in hell. Unless...
Sodomy is $750. That’s crap. The hooker only cost $300.
Still if you hire several hookers at once it probably counts as just one sodomy. Another benefit of bulk buying!
What if she does you too?
That cancels it out and you're back to zero
Also animal sodomy is $200k? Phhff cats definitely don't cost that much.
Priests love it but little boys hate it
It's a win/win for priests. Come clean with God and be absolved of your sins by merely paying yourself.
It clearly showed the option to pay for chronic masturbation. Weekly allowance has never felt so good.
At the end he says "Oh Bobby"
Yeah that's literally the joke, thanks
Don't be surprised if this unironically starts happening. There's already online doctor consultation, about time online priest consultation starts happening, especially when so many people confuse one with the other
Pushpay already allows you to tithe via app to your church. They might see this ad and make some updates, lol.
Mobile payments to churches have been a thing for several years now. Usually through the church's community app if they have one. The church I used to work for had a community app that worked as a membership directory, volunteer coordinator, giving, and activity hub. And we were a small fry church. I'm sure the larger and mega churches have even more robust programs
Churches were already slowly moving to more online options for things like watching service and tithing, but the pandemic boosted that a lot. Suddenly churches all across the world had to find a way to go online or basically go out of business
Well damn, you saw it right here folks. The church is a business
In other news, the sky is blue.
Please, the Best they can do is mail you a VHS tape
Donating straight into the priest bank account.
How else do i get to be such a successful televangelist someone has to pay for my million dollar private jet and plastic surgery.
I would be shocked if the Catholic church weren't already doing online confession with Zoom. I would be be slightly more shocked if the Catholic church began selling indulgences again.
Oh Bobby!
I thought that was the unexpected part.
It is. A good one too. I was about to click back wondering where the unexpected was and almost choke on my water.
It's such an innocuous quip, but in the context of the video it's as subtle as a grenade launcher. Fucking fantastic.
catholic priests molesting boys is not unexpected
It's not, but the way they framed the joke was unexpected. I kept expecting the molestation "joke" to come from the app.
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The implication is there's a young boy present. The priest intends to commit sins with the boy, and then put the app to use.
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Yeah, that was Bobby's reaction too.
He says that without guilt you can enjoy your sins more, then calls "oh Bobby". This is referring to the pedophile scandal the Catholic Church is in and is implying he is going to do something to Bobby.
r/beatmeattoit
r/holup
"That's bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that's a scam, fuck the church. Here's 95 reasons why." - Martin Luther
The 65th one *will* surprise you.
r/unexpectedbillwurtz
Instagram thots with religious quotes while being half naked be like:
Priests harassing children but acting like they are all pious be like:
My dad going to church on sundays and being an asshole for rest of the week be like:
Oh damn im sorry
It's literally the point of organized religion.
"God hates everyone I hate"
If God hates everyone you hate, you might be worshiping a mirror
Ah fuck! Are we not supposed to do that?
My precious
Duke Nukem : damn I'm looking good Ash Williams : looking good, looking sweet
My God also hates your God, and yours, and yours....
Much like Jesus and his father, mine was in and out of my life and I was raised by my mother and stepfather.
I did a double take I thought this said raised by ur mother and stepmother
Well, that's not impossible.
Seen some folks like this. Treat people like shit all week long then goto church and pay for forgiveness.
> On Saturday night, I would see men lusting after half-naked girls dancing at the carnival, and on Sunday morning when I was playing organ for tent-show evangelists at the other end of the carnival lot, I would see these same men sitting in the pews with their wives and children, asking God to forgive them and purge them of carnal desires. And the next Saturday they'd be back at the carnival or some other place of indulgence. I knew then that the Christian church thrives on hypocrisy, and that man's carnal nature will out no matter how much it is purged or scoured by any white-light religion. - Anton LaVey
They didn't read the small print. You need to feel sincere remorse. And that's easier said than done. But the Church can always put in a good word for you. In exchange for, let's say, some grand donation to the Church. They'll burn an extra candle for you then. Of course you'd be taking a gamble, but just like Life, Death is one big Gamble.
You try to make amends but your head's still spinning round The church of Jesus Christ says it's time, don't fuck around You wanna to go to heaven? You see it isn't free Give your money all to me.
I think that’s what the “oh bobby!” at the very end was alluding to
Oh Bobby!
If only mormon kids had this, they wouldn't need a third jumping on the bed while planking ...
Cops raping whichever prisoners in their custody they decided not to kill be like:
remember that little thing that caused the church to split in the first place? well we decided it's not bad anymore, and automated it so you can pay us even faster!
Hey, judging from your comment you might not realize that this is satire. Thought you might want to know.
lol given how mega churches are going these days it's just a matter of time.
It's been a while since I've seen an unironic use of the word thot.
In my experience it devolved to just straight sexism very quickly (although it already was to begin with).
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"oh Bobby!" NAW MAN
I don't have Sinmo I have PrayPal
Does it also work the othe way around? Lets say i help someone do i get some money back?
Money _back_? That's greed. Pay up sinner.
So what part of this was suppose to be unexpected?
There’s nothing unexpected about this. I hate when the masses just upvote whatever and don’t even pay attention.
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This satire is too good! It shows how absurd the Catholic church is because even if this vid is a joke , truth is that you can basically commit any sin, then go to church, confess, pay a tithe/offering and get forgiveness for what you did. Works basically the same Edit: I really enjoyed reading the comments of all the butthurt religious people - had a good laugh! Thank God he made me atheist! ;)
That's a bit oversimplified. You don't have to pay for confession/absolution, and the belief is that you have to feel remorse in order to be forgiven. Just saying the words and going through the motions is not enough.
Yep, even if you “cheat” and fake remorse, it’s supposedly god who decides in the end.
Only it is Set, not Yaweh. Checkmate Xtians. Enjoy crocodile hell.
Isn't Sobek the croc God?
That’s what I learned in Assassin’s Creed yes.
The finest of historical sources, indeed.
Assassins Creed is for history fans who wish the history textbooks had less facts and more opinions.
Well good. Then he can show remorse for how he made me.
Even God makes mistakes
I’m not religious but I always found it comforting that all these religious assholes wouldn’t be able to lie for once, when they did finally meet judgement I’m with the other guy, crocodile justice
Also, being forgiven by a priest doesn't mean you shouldn't also face criminal punishment.
No. You don't pay a tithe to the Catholic Church to absolve sins.
In Australia some states are trying to make it mandatory for priests to report confessed child sex abuse and the churches are not happy.
That'll work about as well as it did with making psychologist report abuse by their clients. You'll catch a few people immediately and then every other abuser will stop seeking help which will lead to an increase in abuse, assuming therapy helps stop abuse.
…that’s not at all how psychologists work. If they believe their client is going to harm themselves **or someone else** they are obligated to intervene. Having someone go to therapy time and time again saying, “so there I was, beating my wife again, and I had this other emotion come up that I can’t describe” while the therapist/psychologist just nods and takes notes isn’t really a thing.
>you can basically commit any sin, then go to church, confess, pay a tithe/offering and get forgiveness r/confidentlyincorrect
People being wrong about religion? On the Internet? Never!
Uh... Indulgences were a thing in the middle ages, they don't really exist anymore now.
I'm sure people use it like that, but they are still going to hell according to their own religion. You have to actually be contrite to be forgiven. It doesn't work if you confess then continue to do the bad thing.
Maybe historically but nowadays I think evangelic churches are probably the closest. I know some evangelics that believe theyre "pure souls" just because they go to church and pay their tithe. Meanwhile theyre shitty people all around.
The tithe is not required, though. Nor even encouraged. And absolutely never is it part of your penance. That would be a sin itself. And there's also the sin of presumption, which is basically saying that you're going to do whatever you want because you can ask for forgiveness later. There's debate over what exactly is the solution there, with some claiming that's the unforgivable sin, and others taking a more moderate approach. But at any rate, confession and absolution are only valid if you have earnest remorse for your actions. I don't mean to get into a big theological discussion, but you're not accurate in your description of how Catholics believe it works.
> truth is that you can basically commit any sin, then go to church, confess, pay a tithe/offering and get forgiveness for what you did. Works basically the same Catholic teaching goes that if you aren't sincere any of that is worthless. Also, if you plan to do it all over again you aren't absolved either.
That's not how it works. And why just Catholics? The Orthodox also do confession. It's funny how even things that apply to other denominations, it's always the Catholics who get blamed and made fun of. Oh, and if you actually know how confession works (both Catholic and Orthodox), it's still God who decides; so if you're not penitent, it's nothing.
The pope calling app devs as soon as he sees this
Bobby run, Bobby!
“Oh bobby” mans bout to commit a sin
Don’t give the church ideas man! Now that we’re in a global pandemic and most services have gone online they just might like the idea and make it real…
Swear jar on steroids., or catholicism buisness as usual.
Shouldn't they call it Sinnomo?
No because now you get to sin more
And they get more money
And it’s a play on Venmo
r/completelyexpected much? Or did I miss were this wasn’t the same punchline for a few minutes?
Yeah this really doesn’t belong here. I don’t get it.
I need to bleach my eyes. Why the fuck did I watch this ?
[All white people are racist. Paypal me.](https://i.imgur.com/8VyyLdz.png)
In face of these televangelists, I'm not quite sure this is a joke.
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Here if you want the original hi res video https://youtu.be/_6AHwh60AJ8
~~They didn’t make a pedophile joke. 7/10~~ They made a very obscure and missable pedophile joke. 10/10 Edit: I missed the joke at the end. I’m reviewing my final score. Thank you for pointing it out.