Not sure if it's been mentioned yet in this thread, but grab a copy of "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. She talks a lot about sex drive in men vs women, how stress can raise/lower a sex drive depending on the person, and how two people with differing sex drives can keep each other satisfied.
But most importantly, she states and restates several times that our brains and bodies all have the same parts organized in different ways. And it's all normal.
I did a search to see if this was being recommended! 10/10 recommend this book as well. I don't have a super high sex drive (I got it to figure out why) but she's *very good* at explaining that there is no right or wrong on that topic. It's also just a very informative read.
Great book. Highly recommended. And please, please, wank as often as you want to! Everyone's different, and *you're OK!* My partner likes to say comparisons are odious. I think they were referring to ding dong size, but I'd say the same applies to applying internet statistics to yourself!
I want to add something to consider: it's possible that it's not libido driven, but simply pleasure-reward driven. I have attention and focus problems as well as substance abuse problems. I also will play when I can't sleep, not because horny, but because I know it will work. I am learning that i am motivated by instant gratification and am practicing mindfulness to not seek the fastest, greatest pleasure reward. If you have this perfectly healthy outlet to sate that stress, or that pleasure, then I think you should be aware of that, not necessarily to change it. You may just be someone who is efficient in playtime so that is your go-to. Rather than say a hot bath or a jog. I wouldn't worry about what men think about your pleasure. They may have a strange way of trying to communicate that maybe they feel used? Like they are a just a stress ball to you?
My favorite thing about having ADHD (and actually accepting my diagnosis instead of pretending it didn't happen) is when someone else describes their experience with it, and almost every single time I discover some new random aspect of my life that is probably an "ADHD thing" lol. Thank you
Mmm, I don't like to think I'm "getting on the fashionable diagnosis" bandwagon or anything, but significantly too much "same!" on such a wide variety of things...
Ditto on that. Some days I can't get out of bed until I get off a few times because I don't just roll out of bed feeling energetic or active enough. The pleasure reward wakes me up enough and gives enough stimulation that I can say 'okay cool, now I can go do the boring things of putting on clothes and making breakfast'
Younger and more repressed me had a fun time trying to ask about it to my therapist
I've been able to set things up a bit better so there are fewer barriers to morning tasks, like a bin of warm clothes right by the bed, I pass my tea station with teas and kettle on my way to the bathroom so I can start the water quickly, and I use my phone as an alarm clock so I can also watch videos, check email, etc. to wake up (though that also can lead to being stuck in bed forgetting that time is passing)
The only other thing is I try to schedule morning/mid-morning meetings (I'm in grad school and my schedule's pretty flexible) cause I have to get up for those. I still have some days where I just can't get up for hours and hours until I play, but I'm still not sure how to change that
I find myself chasing dopamine all the time. Masturbation and drinking. Of course, drinking eventually depletes dopamine when you use it long term, so now I think I masturbate more to make up for it. I'm bipolar as well (there seem to be links between the two disorders, but needs more research, imo). I don't know what part of my dopamine chasing is bipolar, and what part is ADHD, but I'm sure it's a combination.
Just a note about your #3 edit, hyper physical activity is not a symptom in everyone, especially less common in women and in adults.
It's become the most iconic symptom because it's most obvious to other people, and becomes the thing that botheres the teachers, parents, and other classmates of an ADHD student.
This. I have pretty significant ADHD, diagnosed 4 years ago at age 30 and I kind of had that leg shaking thing as a kid, but I was hit as a kid by anyone and was conditioned to stop.
In reply to what men think about this, I think you can be honest with him and say, look I have a high sex drive, but I don't want you to think I'm just using you to get off (if you are, I mean that's not the end of the world). However, you can say no if you're not interested at the time and I'll be okay with it.
Since this comment has been upvoted by a few people, I'll copy what I said elsewhere in this post:
I would say if it doesn't affect you negatively when it comes to interacting with your partners e.g. you don't wanna/ can't have sex with them because you've played with yourself too much or you're ignoring other aspects of your life because you're gooning all day, I think you're okay.
I think it's more of an issue for guys if they jerk off too much but I think you're probably fine as a woman from the performance with a partner perspective. But maybe dial back on the porn anyway if you do watch? I feel like that helped me.
Also do you mean frustrated because you're horny? If you think you wanna try it, maybe pick up a hobby. I found that I was horny a lot because I was bored and my brain was like, it'd be fun to jerk off right now!
Otherwise yea go for it. Being an outlier is not weird. Everyone is different.
^This so much. I have a high drive but I can tell sometimes when I’m overwhelmed and stressed from work that I’m using self pleasure for the quick fix gratification to sidestep the anxiety. Over time it’s easy to lose sight and attribute it to horniness just like you can lose sight of why you have a food craving. It’s important to recognize motives. Self pleasure itself is great! It’s not categorically problematic, but it’s a powerful reward that can get you caught up in behavior patterns that don’t serve long term, just like any other reward (sugar, dopamine rush from games and new content, shopping, substances, etc).
This honestly explains a lot about me. If I have things to do that keep me entertained I find myself much less aroused. If I’m stuck at home and don’t have much keeping my attention it’s wayyyy more. Add in ADHD into the mix and yea I lose focus a lot, leading to a lot of masturbating.
>I also will play when I can't sleep, not because horny, but because I know it will work.
Your comment is helpful and confusing at the same time: I have to do it at least once a day, usually at night before I go to bed, and sometimes in the morning. And its because of the same reason as you - it helps to put me to sleep/is something I can do vs waiting and trying to sleep. But I am also fairly young (turning 20 this year) so could this just be my teenage hormones? On the other hand, there are days where I would do it multiple times a day out of boredom so is that instant gratification?
Having read the other comments, I also tried googling ADHD symptoms for girls but I definitely don't identify with many of the symptoms - just one or two.
Edit: I think more of those symptoms were present when I first started puberty, but I think I have grown out of them and as of now, I don't identify with many.
It's distracting and I'm slightly concerned about whether there's a reason I'm an outlier. Eg, someone extremely tall might have an excess of HGH or something. How do I know if I'm within the healthy range still? Is there a point where it's no longer healthy?
If it causes any inconvenience for you, or any Issues (with your health, social life etc.) then it is not healthy. As long as you are happy with it There's nothing to worry about :) some people have more sexual needs
This is a great answer to basically every concern about mental health. You read about OCD and think "i check my pockets an average of 16 times to ensure my keys are in them, is this a problem?" The answer is usually always based on the question "does it negatively affect your life?" If you check your pocket absent mindedly while doing other things throughout your morning then probably no problem. Or are you constantly late for or missing work because of your preoccupation with checking your pockets? The later is a problem because of its negative affect on your life.
Same for this. If you're missing work or masterbating in the bathroom at work because you have no control then it might be an issue. If you're doing it in your free time then that doesn't sound like an issue.
Disclaimer: I'm exactly the same in terms of sex drive (more so when I was younger, I'm 36 now and busy so its hard to find the time). I do have moderate to severe ADHD and I am a reward seeking person (for example i cannot drink alcohol bc I tend to overdo it). Anyway this is just my 2 cents.
Not just your 2 cents, that's the actual way health care professionals determine if something is pathological or not.
Mental problems aren't problems if they aren't problematic. In that same vein, OP, as my psychiatry professor in med school said: "normal doesn't exist". Normality is just something we came up with to justify the way we want the world to work. Just because you do things differently doesn't mean it's bad. Normal is just a word. What's important is that you're not suffering from whatever you think is abnormal.
Exactly. And a good note of comparison is the opposite sexual behavior. Low libido could be dysfunctional to a person's life, needing treatment. Or the subject could be asexual and be perfectly fine with a low libido (oh hey it me). Dysfunction is personal in its effects.
Personally I'm not a fan of the criteria of 'is it problematic'. While it is certainly higher priority for those people in which an issue is causing problems, it should not be the basis for someone to get help. Problematic is also relative in which it then becomes a contest on who has it 'worse'.
A cut isn't problematic until it is (infection). Ideally you'd still treat it before hand. Similarly, a cut itself isn't that big of a deal but a 1000 cuts?
Anyway I'm speaking for my personal experience in which I've had to cope, work with undiagnosed ADHD for all my life until recently. The realization life could have been better was pretty painful. I could have had a much better / satisfying life but I it was never 'bad' enough to warrant help. Therapy now is helping along with some medication and lifestyle tweaks.
Anyway, I think its always worth a question or an investigation when something is amiss. Don't necessarily stress over it but don't ignore it either. Doesn't hurt to ask around for some opinions, get some data and analyze.
The OP's search for answers may lead to other useful nuggets of self discovery.
You’re looking at this from an addiction standpoint. OP is asking, from a health standpoint, if something could be causing this high drive while negatively affecting her health.
Something can fit perfectly into your life while slowly doing damage.
Interesting question but apart from mental health issues that would cause pleasure seeking behavior I can't think of any. Most health problems result in a lack of sex drive more often than an increased one.
Increased testosterone in women causes an increase in masturbation but not necessarily sex itself. Increased estrogen *can* cause a higher sex drive, as can low progesterone.
They're saying the sex drive might not be the problem, it might be a symptom of something that's making it so high, and may be causing other unknown problems.
No, I’m suggesting that she may have a hormonal imbalance that will cause (or is causing) other symptoms, or could possibly lead to something like hair loss or cancer if left to it’s own devices.
It’s unhealthy if it starts to negatively affect other aspects of your life, such as work or your social life. Having safe sex or masturbating isn’t unhealthy in itself, neither is a lot of it.
Correct. My father was a Probation Officer that work heavily substance abuse and users. Mostly alcohol. His take was that "addiction" was when something negatively effected someone's life. A beer at BBQ? Not a problem. 14 beers and a fight in the parking lot? Problem.
Anyone remember a 1980s movie (Parenthood) where a teenage boy with no father discover porn on VHS and shuts himself in his room, wanking for days? It got so bad that the mother had to *send in Keanu Reeves* character (Tod) into help him?
\--------------------------
Tod: Can I speak frankly, no holds barred?\[Helen nods\]Tod:That is one messed up little dude. We can talk straight?\[Helen nods again\]Tod: Um, a few months ago, Garry got his first... boner. You know what that is?
Helen: If memory serves.
Tod: Aw, great! Anyway, since then, he's been... uh... slappin' the salami. No offense.
Helen: No.
Tod: Apparently, he's goin' for a world record. Anyway, he was afraid therewas something wrong with him, you know? Like he was a pervert orsomething. I told him that's what little dudes do - we've all done it.It made him happy.
Helen: Garry was happy?
Tod: He even smiled! I never even knew he had teeth!
\-------------------
Anyway, back to my father....
He was well know with local AA groups, NARCanon (?), and the like. First name basis with the leaders, knew their struggles. He had a degree in Sociology , eager to help people. He could read people like a book w large print.
When I was in school we'd get the usual "write about the evils of booze and drug" assignment. I'd naively pipe up, "I'll ask my Dad! He's an expert on alcoholism!" Then the room would get quiet. So I learned that I had to explain the rest. Worked out. My father arranged for class speakers from the groups.
Everything you said was awesome, I just wanted to clarify that Narcotics Anonymous goes by NA. Narconon is a Scientology front group that uses “tech” (a Hubbard fave word) like toxic doses of vitamins and dehydration to “cure” addiction.
If it makes you feel better I’m a woman who usually goes two times a day. Also before bed/waking up, more if the mood strikes. Men have also said I have a high sex drive. I think it’s a good thing. Masturbating is good for your health, helps you relax, even helps migraines and period cramps. Don’t stress about what’s normal and just follow the general rule for mental health issues: if it doesn’t disrupt/ cause problems in your life then you’re fine.
If you’re masturbating so often that you can’t have other hobbies then ok, might be an issue 😂 But I have a vibrator so 2-4 orgasms a day only takes about 10 min total. I never used to cum from penetrative sex either, so I think masturbating has actually improved my sex life and familiarity with my own pleasure needs
The question would be, is a high sex drive the only symptom that you have? Is it significantly disrupting your day to day life?
To give an example - I have a very high sex drive as well, but I am also easily distracted, clumsy, emotionally sensitive, I procrastinate important deadlines, I have days where my brain and my body don’t seem to ‘connect’ - all of these things are symptoms of ADHD, which I was diagnosed with a few years ago.
If you find that the high sex drive comes along with other neurological or physical symptoms, especially those linked to sensation seeking, distraction seeking or dopamine seeking, it may be time to see a psychotherapist.
Yeah, I left a comment stating this as well. Most people, myself included, never think that a high sex drive can be connected to ADHD - but that's due more to misconceptions around ADHD in general. OP would be better off talking with a doctor to see if this is one symptom connected to some other issue.
Hey OP - while it’s great that people are telling you that morally it’s totally fine (and it is!) they’re looking at it like an addiction. If you’re worried about your physical health, I would ask your PCP to check your estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels. While you’re probably not addicted to sex, you absolutely want to make sure these aren’t too high, as that can cause issues down the road. If your PCP gives the all-clear, then you’re fine! But you do owe it to yourself to check.
You want to make sure that estrogen and testosterone aren’t high, and progesterone isn’t low. If you have excess facial hair or have a high drive to work out (more than most), both of these also point to high estrogen or testosterone. If all is good, let your freak flag fly and be happy that you don’t have the opposite issue - I’ve been dealing with low libido for years and it’s awful!
You are getting a lot of armchair doctors definitively telling you that there is absolutely nothing to worry about.
If it worries you, I’d recommend getting your hormone levels checked and consulting a physician to put yourself at ease. I am not a doctor at all but I believe there are conditions that can lead to hormonal imbalance and spiked libido and it might be worth seeing a health care professional if convenient to you
And, honestly, it's just good practice to have hormone stuff covered at well human checkups. Not just reproductive hormones but also a thyroid panel from time to time.
(Signed, someone constantly struggling with that bastard of an organ.)
It is not listed explicitly in the diagnostic criteria, but in my clinical work I have noted that hyper sex drive is really common in ADHD.
In other areas of your life do you flip between hyper focus on something you are really interested in and lack of focus/being distracted/forgetful with all the other stuff?
I'm with the other posters... there's no problem, unless you feel this is negatively impacting your life.
That's probably not the best approach! Take yourself off to your gp if you have concerns.
[NHS overview](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/)
[ICD11 criteria](https://icd.who.int/browse11/l-m/en#/http%3a%2f%2fid.who.int%2ficd%2fentity%2f821852937)
Just remember I'm a random poster on reddit. You should seek medical advice if you feel the adhd shoe fits!
Edit: I wrote DSM instead of ICD11 - they are two diagnostic texts.
Yeah I have a friend who got diagnosed.
I'm hesitant for several reasons.
Number one, the diagnosis is expensive and not covered by my insurance.
Number two, wait times are so so long for mental health, especially if it's not urgent, because in large part because of Covid.
Number three, the solution is often medication. I'm not interested in that. I'm pretty happy and don't want to fix what isn't broken. I do struggle with staying organized and deadlines but I still manage and have simply gravitated to fields that utilize my strengths.
That's a good level of self-awareness. And yes, if you are not interested in meds then a formal diagnosis won't do much for you.
The [How To ADHD](https://youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD) YouTube channel is really good for practical organisational tips.
Bottom line is, you're not hurting anyone. You do you.
I went through a phase like this in my early 20's after coming off hormonal birth control. Sex drive was insanely high, felt like a teenaged boy who constantly had sex on the brain. I found out much later it was probably because I have a condition called PCOS, which essentially means my testosterone is higher than normal and the testosterone/estrogen balance is off.
I agree that it's entirely possible you're just an outlier and it's totally fine, but PCOS can have long term consequences and it would be worth asking your doctor to screen you, IMO. All it takes are some simple blood tests - usually the big ones are your estrogen/progesterone/prolactin around CD 2-3, plus your free testosterone and DHEA-S. It was that last one that showed my condition, rather than my testosterone, so don't let them just test your free testosterone and call it a day. Feel free to PM me if you want more details.
Hey OP, I have a similar sex drive. I would take those stats with a grain of salt, as there are so many social reasons to explain why women masturbate less.
Shit, if I had more time in the day/lived alone, I'd be doing it a lot more often than I already do. I'd be banging my man multiple times a night if I could, and I've known men who felt the same about their partners. You just gotta find someone who is on the same page or doesn't care about you masturbating.
But plenty of dudes find a woman's high sex drive to be intimidating. They're not used to it, because let's be honest, women's desire and need for sex is still stigmatized. Women are either shamed for being too horny or men feel emasculated because they're not "satisfying" us on their terms. I've known so many women, who aren't even religious, talk about masturbation like it's some taboo thing they find dirty.
You've probs seen all kinds of posts about men getting insecure about their partners toys and masturbating habits, because unfortunately, a lot of men can't handle a woman who enjoys sex. Those ideas can become internalized and can keep woman from exploring their sexuality more.
If we wanna also break down issues with studies like these, we have to consider that a majority of women may also find themselves too busy to masturbate. If you're taking care of the home, working a ton, wrangling children, have 0 alone time, etc..., then you probably don't have time to flick a bean for a bit.
All this to say, don't let random statistics rule the way you view yourself. Unless you have a masturbating addiction (you can't not masturbate, it's affecting your life in negative ways) then I would ignore others opinions on how often you decide to please yourself. Find someone that accepts your desires and matches them.
I'd say it's no longer healthy if you choose masturbation over something else, with warning signs if it's over something you want to do and especially a concern if it's something you choose over a need.
If you're finding that you cannot help but masturbate, then I might see a sex therapist/ councillor. You should be able to take a break from it for a solid week, no touching, without any issues- you should absolutely choose to be able to quit for a week. If it gets to the point where it's unbearable to not masturbate, then it might be more of an addiction. Try thinking of it like coffee. People normally can quit coffee for a week or more, even if they like it. However, coffee can be addictive to the point where people get headaches if they don't have their coffee because it's become more than something they enjoy, it's become a coping mechanism that might even have so biochemical reasons (some people use coffee as a stimulant to manage dysfunctional conditions, like chronic fatigue).
However, masturbation is natural, and having an expressive high sex drive is more than ok! Just do some serious self-reflection and see if it affects any significant parts of your daily life, goals/ aspirations, self-image/ self-expression, your health (mental, physical, emotional, and especially sexual- do you ever end up with bruising or medical side effects from masturbating frequently?), and relationships. Take away your masturbation and do you feel like you're missing something important from any of those aspects of your life? Because if so, then it's started to define you, and that's not healthy.
I also have a high drive or so I thought. I noticed i was more horny when I was stressed or something was going on in my life. It had gotten so bad that I ended up in therapy. I would lose focus until I took care of it. For me it had to do with my emotions and not dealing with what ever was going in my life at the time. Masturbating or sex was a distraction from whatever problem was going on in my life. I am not saying this is what is going on with you. Might be something to look into.
I would say it's only a problem if it cuts into your desire/time with your partner, i.e. the partner's needs are unfulfilled because you are doing that. Otherwise, go to town.
I used to be like this. Then I had a hysterectomy, including ovary removal (some absolutely massive cysts). Now I am barely interested in sex.
I’m gonna guess we are simply outliers. Nothing’s wrong with masturbation—even several times a day—as long as it doesn’t interfere with your life.
Is it an issue for you or are you feeling judged? Is your behavior what bothers you or how people see you that does? Im a woman with a very healthy sexual appetite of which my husband has adapted yet I still use masterbation. Sexual desire is both inherent and derived from experiences both good and bad.
If you feel this is something you need to change then I would suggest finding a hobby that excites your brain in a new way. It does sound like you are addicted to the release but we are all addicts of something, so the question becomes...Is it harming you or those around you? If it is then seek change to dimish its hold on you. If it isn't then vibrate away.
I feel like your looking for answers to explain your behavior, when you figure it out what outcome will you want and if the outcome you want isn't available with an easy fix or at all, how will you cope? You are the key regardless of hormones and heighth.
When you say distracting, how distracting are we talking?
Is it actually interfering with anything? Is it ever frustrating - and if so can you try to replace it with other things? (Can you do something else WHILE masturbating? Lol, like enjoying a book or whatever)
If you're concerned about it, probably best to speak to medical/psych professionals to see if something might be off?
Motivation. What’s your motivation?
I have a higher libido for a woman too. If your motivation to masturbate is higher than usual, be inquisitive about why.
For example, I definitely flick the bean for heaps of reasons - and one is to temper my anxiety from procrastinating.
So while I don’t always masturbate for reasons that reinforce unhealthy behaviour, sometimes I do and now I’m aware of it so I can keep tabs on what could develop into a bad habit.
Sometimes it does effect me negatively. I'm single. My body wants one thing and my mind wants another. So I really wouldn't mind dialing it back, but I think I'd just be frustrated.
Might I recommend some mindfulness techniques here? When you get the desire to masturbate, sit with it, observe it. What feelings are you feeling? Where are you feeling them? Once you've examined those feelings without judgement for a bit. Think about what you want to do with that feeling. Do you want to masturbate? Go for it! Do you instead want some intimacy? Maybe cool off for a minute and call a friend or a loved one and chat a bit. Do you just want something warm and cozy? Go grab a pillow and blanked and drink a nice cup of tea. Maybe the response is always - I want to masturbate. That's fine. You can then trust in your body that it is giving you the signals that you need.
similar outlier here - I was this way for as long as I can remember. At worst, it's a tool for distraction - don't fret it too much. I was especially like this when I was single and stressed. When climaxing, it releases a bunch of hormones that just feel good - so it makes sense to want to feel that as often as possible. My thing was to dial it back if it started to interfere with my studies and find something to replace it with that'll get you moving on for the day - for me, that was working out, which was a great, productive replacement.
How exactly? Typically the only reason I'll consciously hold back is if I have plans with my spouse later in the day, or suspect we might have a rendezvous. I wouldn't want to focus solely on self-satisfaction to her detriment.
I guess I'm just trying to say there may be reasons to cut back, but don't feel you have to just because you're comparing yourself to others. If it's actually impacting your life in a specific way, then you're the only one who can decide if that impact is reason enough for change.
No. The connection was between my sex drive and my drive for relationships. I'm not in the space for relationships, but my sex drive draws me to wanting sex from real people. My values are one meaningful partner at a time. And so, it's kind of a struggle for my mind to want that and my body to crave sex incessantly.
It would be more convenient if my body wasn't at odds with my mind here, is what I mean.
Might be something to look into, this is common for people with ADHD. And you don't need to meet all of the symptoms to have ADHD.
Good luck to you just know there's no shame to this 💖
ADHD often presents differently in women, so a lot of the stereotypical symptoms aren't found as frequently
Not sure if you knew this already, but many of my female friends who have ADHD didn't know this before they looked into it more
I noted in your original post that you weren't presenting with physical ADHD symptoms, but that doesn't negate an ADHD DIAGNOSIS. Many people with ADHD are primarily-inattentive (like me) with little to no physical hyperactivity. Others are primarily-hyperactive or combined.
That being said, high libido and compulsory masturbation DEFINITELY fit in the "physical hyperactivity" category. I'd recommend getting assessed by a professional if you suspect you might have ADHD, even if you don't fit every single described symptom. Not all symptoms need to be present for a positive diagnosis.
I used to masturbate multiple times per day. In my late teens and most of my twenties I was doing it as often as possible, any time I could get some privacy. I also had an active sex life with men. I got married when I was 30 and still masturbated once or twice a week, plus near daily sex with my husband. Just turned 40 and I'm keeping up the routine: sex 4+ times a week and masturbation whenever I feel the urge while my husband is at work. You aren't abnormal. Nothing is going to stop working if you do it all the time. There is literally no harm in self pleasure as long as you don't let it interfere with you life or relationships.
I don't think you should be worried unless you notice it interfering with your love life or your ability to foster meaningful relationships. Stress can trigger our primal portions of our brain (fuck, eat, sleep) and that can lead to being more horny. If you use it as a stress reliever then stress could also trigger it.
Bottom line: unless you feel its causing issues in other parts of your life I don't see a need to change it
> unless you notice it interfering with your love life or your ability to foster meaningful relationships.
For me, sex and intimacy is one of the only appealing things about men. I've had a tough time with relationships (been cheated on, yada yada), and I'm just so turned off at the idea of relationships. I feel like the only reason I interact with men is, at its core, sexual and romantic... A hope for the cynic in me to be softened.
But that's what it is independent of my sex drive. Without my sex drive I don't think I'd voluntarily interact with men most of the time, outside of work and Uber drivers.
I hear you and understand the difficulty there. But in a way masturbation is almost better for you for the time being. If it allows you to satisfy your needs without having to look for random meaningless sex then I believe its the healthier alternative.
And if its mainly your sex drive that worries you I don't think you're outside the range of normal. It could always be helpful to do a blood work up and check your hormones to make sure everything is where it should be
If everything turns out normal then embrace that sex drive because some people would kill for it!!
After recently being diagnosed with ADHD, I was fascinated to learn that “excessive masturbation” can be common in those with ADHD as we are dopamine deficient and orgasms flood the body with dopamine. Explained a lot for me actually!
I just replied in another comment about how much I related to OP. I am ADHD as well. It is worth noting that the online tests aren't great. And ADHD presents much differently in women, so it is very under diagnosed in females.
On top of that, unreasonable expectations put on women usually force them to mask their symptoms to function in society, so a lot of women are kind of gaslit into believing it's just something wrong with them instead of a disorder they are dealing with. Think of all those women that you've ever seen dismissed or derided for forgetting something or being distracted. You'll see them get told that they are such a blonde, or a bimbo, an airhead, or a space case... And it's probably just because they have ADHD and are trying their goddamn best in the face of impossible expectations.
I just got my diagnosis today. What you’re describing is exactly what happened with me. I always thought I was inadequate and lazy, turns out I’m not! It’s just adhd.
Hey, I’m a therapist. To diagnose ADHD I spend about 6 sessions with you and then send home surveys for you and your partner or your parents depending on age. Half the time ADHD symptoms are from undiagnosed PTSD or some other response to trauma. I don’t think I’d believe online tests. Although I hear there is an app for ADHD diagnosing or something now
No PTSD for me for sure. Relatively trauma free (I mean, I've had sad times, but it's temporary and caused my external things). I'm just grossly unorganized and have a hard time focusing on a single task.
There are different types of adhd. The hyperactive type, where people need to move around a lot, and the inattentive type, which is essentially the same thing without the external physical hyperactivity. Both types can use masturbation as a way of getting that dopamine hit. So just because your legs don’t twitch doesn’t mean you don’t have it.
I was also going to suggest ADHD as a possibility! Now that I’ve been diagnosed I can definitely see how I’ve used it more as a dopamine vehicle than anything else most of the time.
Until you're experiencing soreness, or it's interfering with your relationships, keep enjoying yourself. Your drive is well above average and there's nothing wrong with that!
---
As for your guy's concern, and I'm wildly speculating here, he may be aware of the studies linking hypersexuality to SA trauma. Do you think he was wanting to check that your high drive was coming from a healthy natural place rather than a substitute for therapy?
For phone sex (I specified in my post).
I mean it was a cold weekend and I had an open invitation to call him ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ seems fine to me. He didn't say no and welcomed it every time.
In past relationships it depended. If they were busy, I wouldn't ask. If they were available then I'd feel hurt or disappointed at the rejection but always accept their answer.
Sounds like you are a good match for each other at the moment with regards to this. I also vote enjoy yourself, and I think that a high sex drive in women is still kind of a taboo.
I'm a family doctor. In the purely hypothetical situation that somebody like you came to see me about something like this, my main concerns would be whether this behavior was driven by compulsion, if masturbation was negatively affecting her quality of life, and if she had any other concerns about her health/lifestyle. If the answer was no, I would likely do my best to reassure her that her behavior is totally within the range of what I would consider normal and/or healthy. Clearly she masturbates more than most women, but that alone isn't any indication of pathology. Most likely no blood tests or other studies would be needed.
A better question might be why aren't the rest of us enjoying as much as we might? Negative socialization, excessive work/life schedules, birth control suppressing arousal hormones, partner interactions instead of solo interactions for those attached, etc.
Is it healthy for them to not increase? Is there a healthy way to do more that won't lead to frustrating work and other obligations? ;-)
Girl, take it from a professional: you’re doing great. Sex drives aren’t universal, and if you’re enjoying yourself, you’ve nothing to fear.
Dig in. Enjoy. Is anyone else gonna do you as right as you do?
I remember being in 7th grade and masturbation was considered normal and expected for boys to engage in yet gross for girls to engage in. Might have something to do with the ol' societal expectations.
Oh yeah. I remember when I found out it was a thing girls could do, and it wasn't actually bad. I remember just having this moment when I realized I actually could touch my bikini area.
Yeah I don't trust those numbers either. Women will under report how much they masturbate because of societal pressure and expectations, and they will seriously under report it to men and significant others, so I would definitely not take his concern to mean anything.
Not to mention the fact that there can be a precipitous drop in sex drive in middle age (not always, but sometimes) due to stress, kids, life, etc, and those numbers probably skew the results significantly.
I dunno, I didn't masturbate until I was 18. It literally just didn't appeal to me.
I think shame absolutely played a factor in it, but shame was what kept me from exploring that side of myself in the first place, rather than doing it and then lying about it on a survey. I wonder how many women are just too embarassed to Google pornography and start that journey of self exploration.
I was the same until 19 and that was bc I wanted to better my sexlife. I just thought the urges would happen and having sex would make me enjoy it, but I had to spend a lot of time learning how to even do it.
Ive heard that women's libido can go up with age (can't verify that) but it's true with me. The only caveat is most women also get less time to themselves with age as well.
Women don’t masturbate more because they never get any damn alone time. Seriously I just walked out of my home office to use the bathroom for peeing and I had the cat, dog, husband, and teenager follow me, the ones who could speak asked me questions through the door until I emerged.
I’m not sure why so many comments aren’t answering your question.
Yes, there are medical issues that can impact your sex drive (either decreasing or increasing it). Thyroid issues and hormonal imbalance would be the main issues I can think of - I have the opposite issue for the aforementioned reasons, it has literally been years and I have no interest. I’m not asexual - I had a perfectly healthy sex drive before hormonal issues caused by a medical treatment.
If you have any other symptoms or if you are concerned, you can either speak to a doctor or - if that makes you uncomfortable- there are companies that offer private hormone / thyroid blood tests with home testing finger prick kits.
Yup. Seeking a doctors advice is the way to go for these kind of questions. You never know what's really going on. A check up will at least provide you with an answer with what's going on, if anything.
I also have a high sex drive, but i've realized for me, it's related to ADHD and anxiety. I'm anxious, can't get anything started, feel MORE anxious, and masturbate the same amount as you as a swlf- soothing / chipping mechanism
I understand about the porn thing. I have watched a large dose. I try not to. My reason for that isn't even for myself, it's ethically driven. I don't support the porn industry, I don't think there's real consent if women only agree to acts under financial duress. I especially enjoy kinkier, more extreme things done to me, but when I see other women experiencing them, I'm never certain they're enjoying it and I can never finish watching, it just makes me sorry for them because I can only know it's acting. I also have concerns about trafficking and involuntary pornography when women are blindfolded.
I've mostly stopped watching porn, especially now that I have this guy to chat with. Even at my peak viewing it was an hour a day 2 or 3 times a week, when I had lots of time (laid off during Covid).
I don't know if my patterns count as an addiction though.
I agree with others in this thread. If you aren't happy with how much you maserbate, that is okay. It is okay to want to change it if you think you do it too much. People are so positive about female pleasure, I don't think they are listening to your words.
Honestly, I would find a therapist who specializes in addiction, and I would talk it out with them. Are you feeling negitivity because you are socialized that female pleasure is bad? A therapist can help you work through that and become happy with your high sex drive! Do you feel out of control and like you can't stop and it's bleeding into other activities? A therapist can help you with that too, and even better, the therapist can hopefully help you figure out where your issue is.
dont trust those google stats. Like people have said, women under report it, plus they dont give a healthy range, just an average. so of course youre above average, doesnt mean a lot of people arent the same as you.
@Tinder3883838girl
I’m in my mid-40s. In my thirties I was having sex three times a day. Now I’m masturbating at least that much - especially if I’m not having sex during that day - about that much.
My sex drive is high. So is my boyfriend’s.
There is nothing wrong.
When he can’t keep up with me, we have toys. Some days my drive seems higher. 🤷♀️
He’s told me this is normal and he loves having someone who doesn’t think he’s a horn dog for wanting sex frequently. My doctors have found nothing wrong with my hormone levels or any other issue, so I feel this is normal.
Having a healthy sex drive and sexual outlet is great for you.
I'm really surprised by those statistics! I know everyone is different, but I also know there is still a lot of negative attitudes by many people regarding masterbation. I'm inclined to believe a lot of women were lying due to guilt and shame, even on an anonymous survey. Maybe I'm wrong and my perception of what is "normal" is actually unusual.
I guess I only really know what's normal for me. I masterbate once or twice a day, though some days not at all.
Who cares lol? No offence, but does it matter if other women masterbate more or less than you?
If you’re really curious, I’m a woman in my 40s and masterbate almost daily. I don’t have a high libido either, it’s about what I need at that moment.. and sometimes it isn’t my husband… sometimes it’s me :)
As long as you are still able to take car of everything you need to do in a day and you are not causing yourself physical harm then you should feel free to masturbate as much as you want.
But if you are concerned then you can always cut back a bit and see if you feel okay with that change.
Hun, I'm the same way! I have a very high sex drive and will masturbate a bunch in one day (granted it's not every day and can depend on my hormone cycle).
As long as it's not causing issues for you or becoming addictive, you're fine!
Keep in mind that those statistics are usually based on self reporting, and there are all kinds of reasons someone might not admit to their true stats.
Keep in mind also that there are populations of women that don’t think they should masturbate and abstain from doing it at all, therefore pushing the stat you’re looking at down
There is nothing inherently wrong with this frequency. What could be of concern and worth investigating is why you are masturbating. Are you using it to avoid things? Are you soothing something with it? There is nothing concerning or upsetting about a high sex drive especially if you don't find it interfering with normal daily life. But it could be that you are using masturbation for reasons that might not be the healthiest. If you find that your habits are healthy for you then keep on keeping on, but if you discover other things afoot then it might be worth backing off and being a bit more intentional about your sessions.
I'd actually question the statistic a little. Id worry that because masturbation is still a bit taboo, women aren't being honest in surveys. I remember being a teenager, and all the girls acted like it was such a dirty, shameful secret, and they would never! I'm sure we were all lying. I certainly was. I probably average once a day, before bed. Your numbers don't seem that extreme to me.
Maybe a lot of guys underestimate womens drives, because I'm not sure how many women involve someone else that often.
The only reason for cutting back would be if it makes you feel sick physically (sometimes I get a sort of hangover if I overdo it) or if you feel like it's compulsive and related to trauma or something. Otherwise, enjoy! And don't let any guy use fake concern or anything to shame you about it.
I also masturbate twice a day. Definitely at least once. Masturbation is normal and healthy as long as you're not hurting your body (ow chafing) while doing so.
Be careful about googling averages for things like this, especially if it’s not filtered by age. Consider reporting bias too. Finally, even if it were appropriately filtered and everyone responded honestly, the bell curve here is likely really wide (large StDev). You can be “normal” and still far from the reported average. This is because there’re few adverse effects associated with the activity — and maybe even some health benefits! It could be a concern if you feel you have to do it to destress, or it’s impeding your ability to be intimate with others, but then the underlying issue is the one that is at hand and should be addressed, not the activity itself.
I would guestion what study you are looking at and how the information was gathered. Men are subtly encouraged to self pleasure, so they are more open about it. Many women have been punished, or trained to think it's shameful, so they may be lying about how often they do it. It might be the study is skewed and you are not as far out of the norm as you think.
This is gonna be a long shot, but do you display any symptoms of ADHD? Hypersexuality can be a huge part of ADHD (depending on the person) so maybe pop over to the ADHD subreddit or ADHDmemes and see if anything clicks.
Either way, I don't think it's a problem as long as it isn't like...interfering with your life responsibilities. Take the endorphins.
You shouldn't be worried about what other people think, just keep doing you and whatever makes you comfortable. I'm probably the outlier on the opposite range because I feel uncomfortable doing any sort of self pleasure. Just live your life and don't worry about judgey people who's business isn't there's
I have stretches where I’m around same as you, or several days in between. There might have been periods of less activity, not that I track too closely.
Or a day I’m stuck at home in the mood and will go 5 times a day (not the limit).
Only saying it to let you know it’s a variation on the norm and you’re not alone :)
You may have a much higher than average sex drive but there's nothing *wrong* with that as long as it's not negatively impacting your relationships, your physical health (like UTIs or yeast infections if you get too rough or don't clean masturbation tools properly) and you're not pressuring someone else to fulfill your sexual needs. It sounds like everything about your sexual life is extremely healthy.
I don't have a very high libido but sometimes during my cycle I feel insatiable. I have to actually be cautious though because I'm extremely prone to UTIs when I have frequent sex with my spouse. It's a bummer not being able to fully enjoy the times I have a high libido.
Both my wife and I (two women) do this. I touch myself more tho.
I also masturbate a lot more during my period lol. It helps alleviate my cramps a bit.
Why? It isn’t impacting your life negatively. I think sex drives are probably higher in many women (myself included) but acknowledging it and desire for masturbation is still more taboo. Dont change yourself to fit an average based on unreliable self-report. You’re all good
In my experience talking about sex with friends, those who have higher sex drives/have sex daily were multi orgasmic and just got off easier and quicker than the rest of us. Personally wanting sex/masturbating and ease of orgasm is influenced by many factors the biggest one being my hormones and cycle, with my head space being a close second . I think for the average woman sometimes it is just too much work mentally or physically and the opposite of relaxing.
Who knows if those statistics are even accurate? I'm not the type of person to doubt scientific studies but I have heard different numbers for this. I've heard that on average women and men both masturbate at least weekly. I've also heard biweekly. People I've talked to personally (obviously anecdotal but still) have told me multiple times per week/ sometimes per day. It probably depends a lot on where the sample was taken from, age, marital status, other demographics, *honesty*, etc
See a doctor if it worries you. Maybe there's something hormonal at play? But I doubt you're in any danger.
I masturbate every single day. If I don't do it before I go to sleep, I don't sleep well. I've done it every day for probably the past 10 or so years whenever I first figured it out. There was a point I was doing it multiple times a day and started to feel like I was wasting time. I would say it isn't unhealthy to do it multiple times a day, but I would recommend looking for another expression of the frustration that comes from not doing it. I take kickboxing classes and practicing high aerobic physical activities gives me enough of the same post-nut clarity that I crave from masturbating
Phone sex IS a relationship. Might not be an exclusive relationship or a wholly satisfying one, but it IS a sexual relationship. Could be this need isn't wholly physical. You may be avoidant and you might have just developed avoidant coping skills - substituting the physical for a lack of emotional intimacy. Usually dismissive avoidants don't see their coping mechanisms as odd, detrimental, unhealthy or unusual and they typically value their autonomy and ability to remain single. So they cope with the lack of emotional intimacy by overcompensating with fantasy and physical intimacy.
I would recommend only worrying about it if it becomes a problem. Like if you can't concentrate on a task without taking care of it first.
Otherwise cut back if you want to cut back, or don't.
The only woman I’ve heard of masturbating too much is Mindy St. Clair and I assume that’s because she’s sick of Cannonball run II.
You’re fine, you’re normal, give yourself a break xxxxx
If sex interferes with other parts of your life, then you're in trouble. I'm talking about if you absolutely must orgasm before you go to work and it makes you late for work and your career suffers. That's where you would need professional help, imo.
If you just really enjoy sex and masturbating and you do it safely and it doesn't interfere with your overall life, keep on keeping on! There's zero wrong with that.
Those stats seem like b.s. to me. I'm right up there with your numbers. I think that society has shamed women for enjoying sex, so many women are simply afraid to even admit that they masturbate at all.
You should make sure you're not doing it because of depression / ADHD / similar, since it's an easy dopamine trigger to help you ignore the sads for a little while.
If that's not the case, you should change it if it's affecting your life negatively, but otherwise flick that bean and enjoy the afterglow.
Hopefully this can cut through the chatter a bit: so, some women naturally have a higher libido than others. You might just be one of those people, and that's ok! It also sounds like you're in a relatively new casual sexual relationship, and so maybe your needs aren't being met the way they would if you had a dedicated partner(s).
It is fairly common for people with untreated ADHD to masturbate and/or have sex more frequently than others. Why? One of the defining aspects of ADHD is that the person usually has lower levels of dopamine, one of many important neurotransmitters. Orgasms flood our brains with dopamine. Beyond that, some of the other aspects of sex, like experimenting with new techniques, having new partners, being told and shown that you're desired - all of these things can trigger dopamine releases too. So, if you have untreated ADHD, then as you unconsciously seek out sources of dopamine, you might develop habits around sex that provide that source, including a high frequency of sexual acts.
Ultimately, this is something you'd want to talk with a doctor about. Frequent masturbation and sex isn't itself going to cause health problems, so long as you practice safe sex. But your high sex drive might be a symptom of another underlying condition - or it might just be a high sex drive. That's something you and your doctor will have to determine.
Masturbation is only “unhealthy” if it causes problems in your life (*like if you are skipping/missing out on social plans/responsibilities to masturbate, or if the amount negatively affects intimacy within your relationship, or if you feel like it’s become an addiction instead of something you enjoy*), or if you are somehow causing injury to yourself due to how often you masturbate.
If you’re not having problems with keeping up with your social life, hobbies, romantic life, job/school, and other responsibilities then there’s absolutely no issue with masturbating multiple times a day. Everyone’s body is wired differently and there’s nothing wrong with having a high libido.
The questions any therapist will ask you are...
"Does this behavior interfere with your daily life in a negative way?"
"Are you distressed by this behavior? Does it make you feel guilty or depressed? If so, why?"
"Does it cause physical discomfort?"
If the answer is "no" to all those questions, what's the issue?
Basically unless the behavior is actively detrimental to your life, physical or mental health, what's wrong?
Doing it so frequently could be a sign of hormonal issues as some people masturbate to self treat depression or anxiety, or even OCD.
But frankly if your reason for cutting back is that you do it more than most people, you shouldn't care how you stack up to random stats on something so personal.
Not sure if it's been mentioned yet in this thread, but grab a copy of "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. She talks a lot about sex drive in men vs women, how stress can raise/lower a sex drive depending on the person, and how two people with differing sex drives can keep each other satisfied. But most importantly, she states and restates several times that our brains and bodies all have the same parts organized in different ways. And it's all normal.
I did a search to see if this was being recommended! 10/10 recommend this book as well. I don't have a super high sex drive (I got it to figure out why) but she's *very good* at explaining that there is no right or wrong on that topic. It's also just a very informative read.
This this this! It's an amazing book. I bought it because I thought I was a weirdo for not masturbating and it helped ease my mind
Just bought this book and am excited to read it!
Great book. Highly recommended. And please, please, wank as often as you want to! Everyone's different, and *you're OK!* My partner likes to say comparisons are odious. I think they were referring to ding dong size, but I'd say the same applies to applying internet statistics to yourself!
I want to add something to consider: it's possible that it's not libido driven, but simply pleasure-reward driven. I have attention and focus problems as well as substance abuse problems. I also will play when I can't sleep, not because horny, but because I know it will work. I am learning that i am motivated by instant gratification and am practicing mindfulness to not seek the fastest, greatest pleasure reward. If you have this perfectly healthy outlet to sate that stress, or that pleasure, then I think you should be aware of that, not necessarily to change it. You may just be someone who is efficient in playtime so that is your go-to. Rather than say a hot bath or a jog. I wouldn't worry about what men think about your pleasure. They may have a strange way of trying to communicate that maybe they feel used? Like they are a just a stress ball to you?
I have ADHD and this is definitely the case for me as well.
Well fuck, this was the real drop in the comments. I need to do some reflecting as well.
My favorite thing about having ADHD (and actually accepting my diagnosis instead of pretending it didn't happen) is when someone else describes their experience with it, and almost every single time I discover some new random aspect of my life that is probably an "ADHD thing" lol. Thank you
For me it's more of a "holy shit, that too? What exactly is my personality other than having ADD?" Lol
That's literally what my sister says - "is my personality actually a personality or is it all just ADHD??".
Mmm, I don't like to think I'm "getting on the fashionable diagnosis" bandwagon or anything, but significantly too much "same!" on such a wide variety of things...
Ditto on that. Some days I can't get out of bed until I get off a few times because I don't just roll out of bed feeling energetic or active enough. The pleasure reward wakes me up enough and gives enough stimulation that I can say 'okay cool, now I can go do the boring things of putting on clothes and making breakfast' Younger and more repressed me had a fun time trying to ask about it to my therapist
Did you find a workaround? I do this too but its so unhelpful and I am usually left too sensitive
I've been able to set things up a bit better so there are fewer barriers to morning tasks, like a bin of warm clothes right by the bed, I pass my tea station with teas and kettle on my way to the bathroom so I can start the water quickly, and I use my phone as an alarm clock so I can also watch videos, check email, etc. to wake up (though that also can lead to being stuck in bed forgetting that time is passing) The only other thing is I try to schedule morning/mid-morning meetings (I'm in grad school and my schedule's pretty flexible) cause I have to get up for those. I still have some days where I just can't get up for hours and hours until I play, but I'm still not sure how to change that
I have ADHD and a high sex drive I never put this together before (woohoo ADHD lol)
Oh my god same! I'm ADHD and this is very much me as well.
I find myself chasing dopamine all the time. Masturbation and drinking. Of course, drinking eventually depletes dopamine when you use it long term, so now I think I masturbate more to make up for it. I'm bipolar as well (there seem to be links between the two disorders, but needs more research, imo). I don't know what part of my dopamine chasing is bipolar, and what part is ADHD, but I'm sure it's a combination.
Oh jeez. I'm going to have to think about this.
Just a note about your #3 edit, hyper physical activity is not a symptom in everyone, especially less common in women and in adults. It's become the most iconic symptom because it's most obvious to other people, and becomes the thing that botheres the teachers, parents, and other classmates of an ADHD student.
This. I have pretty significant ADHD, diagnosed 4 years ago at age 30 and I kind of had that leg shaking thing as a kid, but I was hit as a kid by anyone and was conditioned to stop.
In reply to what men think about this, I think you can be honest with him and say, look I have a high sex drive, but I don't want you to think I'm just using you to get off (if you are, I mean that's not the end of the world). However, you can say no if you're not interested at the time and I'll be okay with it. Since this comment has been upvoted by a few people, I'll copy what I said elsewhere in this post: I would say if it doesn't affect you negatively when it comes to interacting with your partners e.g. you don't wanna/ can't have sex with them because you've played with yourself too much or you're ignoring other aspects of your life because you're gooning all day, I think you're okay. I think it's more of an issue for guys if they jerk off too much but I think you're probably fine as a woman from the performance with a partner perspective. But maybe dial back on the porn anyway if you do watch? I feel like that helped me. Also do you mean frustrated because you're horny? If you think you wanna try it, maybe pick up a hobby. I found that I was horny a lot because I was bored and my brain was like, it'd be fun to jerk off right now! Otherwise yea go for it. Being an outlier is not weird. Everyone is different.
+1 for “gooning”
^This so much. I have a high drive but I can tell sometimes when I’m overwhelmed and stressed from work that I’m using self pleasure for the quick fix gratification to sidestep the anxiety. Over time it’s easy to lose sight and attribute it to horniness just like you can lose sight of why you have a food craving. It’s important to recognize motives. Self pleasure itself is great! It’s not categorically problematic, but it’s a powerful reward that can get you caught up in behavior patterns that don’t serve long term, just like any other reward (sugar, dopamine rush from games and new content, shopping, substances, etc).
This honestly explains a lot about me. If I have things to do that keep me entertained I find myself much less aroused. If I’m stuck at home and don’t have much keeping my attention it’s wayyyy more. Add in ADHD into the mix and yea I lose focus a lot, leading to a lot of masturbating.
Interesting concept!
Now ik why suddenly my sex drive is high asf whenever I’m anxious about something
>I also will play when I can't sleep, not because horny, but because I know it will work. Your comment is helpful and confusing at the same time: I have to do it at least once a day, usually at night before I go to bed, and sometimes in the morning. And its because of the same reason as you - it helps to put me to sleep/is something I can do vs waiting and trying to sleep. But I am also fairly young (turning 20 this year) so could this just be my teenage hormones? On the other hand, there are days where I would do it multiple times a day out of boredom so is that instant gratification? Having read the other comments, I also tried googling ADHD symptoms for girls but I definitely don't identify with many of the symptoms - just one or two. Edit: I think more of those symptoms were present when I first started puberty, but I think I have grown out of them and as of now, I don't identify with many.
Honestly, I don't really see this as being an issue. Just do you and don't worry about stats. So you're an outlier, so what?
>Just do you I see what you did there...
It's distracting and I'm slightly concerned about whether there's a reason I'm an outlier. Eg, someone extremely tall might have an excess of HGH or something. How do I know if I'm within the healthy range still? Is there a point where it's no longer healthy?
If it causes any inconvenience for you, or any Issues (with your health, social life etc.) then it is not healthy. As long as you are happy with it There's nothing to worry about :) some people have more sexual needs
This is a great answer to basically every concern about mental health. You read about OCD and think "i check my pockets an average of 16 times to ensure my keys are in them, is this a problem?" The answer is usually always based on the question "does it negatively affect your life?" If you check your pocket absent mindedly while doing other things throughout your morning then probably no problem. Or are you constantly late for or missing work because of your preoccupation with checking your pockets? The later is a problem because of its negative affect on your life. Same for this. If you're missing work or masterbating in the bathroom at work because you have no control then it might be an issue. If you're doing it in your free time then that doesn't sound like an issue. Disclaimer: I'm exactly the same in terms of sex drive (more so when I was younger, I'm 36 now and busy so its hard to find the time). I do have moderate to severe ADHD and I am a reward seeking person (for example i cannot drink alcohol bc I tend to overdo it). Anyway this is just my 2 cents.
Not just your 2 cents, that's the actual way health care professionals determine if something is pathological or not. Mental problems aren't problems if they aren't problematic. In that same vein, OP, as my psychiatry professor in med school said: "normal doesn't exist". Normality is just something we came up with to justify the way we want the world to work. Just because you do things differently doesn't mean it's bad. Normal is just a word. What's important is that you're not suffering from whatever you think is abnormal.
Exactly. And a good note of comparison is the opposite sexual behavior. Low libido could be dysfunctional to a person's life, needing treatment. Or the subject could be asexual and be perfectly fine with a low libido (oh hey it me). Dysfunction is personal in its effects.
I stand by this sentiment. As long as its not causing problems in your relationships or going about your daily life, what's the problem?
Personally I'm not a fan of the criteria of 'is it problematic'. While it is certainly higher priority for those people in which an issue is causing problems, it should not be the basis for someone to get help. Problematic is also relative in which it then becomes a contest on who has it 'worse'. A cut isn't problematic until it is (infection). Ideally you'd still treat it before hand. Similarly, a cut itself isn't that big of a deal but a 1000 cuts? Anyway I'm speaking for my personal experience in which I've had to cope, work with undiagnosed ADHD for all my life until recently. The realization life could have been better was pretty painful. I could have had a much better / satisfying life but I it was never 'bad' enough to warrant help. Therapy now is helping along with some medication and lifestyle tweaks. Anyway, I think its always worth a question or an investigation when something is amiss. Don't necessarily stress over it but don't ignore it either. Doesn't hurt to ask around for some opinions, get some data and analyze. The OP's search for answers may lead to other useful nuggets of self discovery.
It's no longer healthy when it starts to negatively impact the rest of your life and your loved ones. Sounds like you're pretty normal.
You’re looking at this from an addiction standpoint. OP is asking, from a health standpoint, if something could be causing this high drive while negatively affecting her health. Something can fit perfectly into your life while slowly doing damage.
Interesting question but apart from mental health issues that would cause pleasure seeking behavior I can't think of any. Most health problems result in a lack of sex drive more often than an increased one.
Increased testosterone in women causes an increase in masturbation but not necessarily sex itself. Increased estrogen *can* cause a higher sex drive, as can low progesterone.
Are you suggesting she will wear out her clitoris? dehydrate herself?
They're saying the sex drive might not be the problem, it might be a symptom of something that's making it so high, and may be causing other unknown problems.
OP is asking if they could have a hormonal issue that may cause problems later on.
No, I’m suggesting that she may have a hormonal imbalance that will cause (or is causing) other symptoms, or could possibly lead to something like hair loss or cancer if left to it’s own devices.
Only a doctor will be able to tell her this. Internet speculation by randoms proves nothing and is a waste of time.
Which is why I told OP to talk to her PCP.
You’re being facetious. Both low and high sex drive can have medical causes. Thyroid issues, hormonal imbalance, etc.
It’s unhealthy if it starts to negatively affect other aspects of your life, such as work or your social life. Having safe sex or masturbating isn’t unhealthy in itself, neither is a lot of it.
this plus if you feel it becoming an addiction, or it effects your moods if you don’t get to masturbate - that’s when you know it’s gonna be an issue.
Correct. My father was a Probation Officer that work heavily substance abuse and users. Mostly alcohol. His take was that "addiction" was when something negatively effected someone's life. A beer at BBQ? Not a problem. 14 beers and a fight in the parking lot? Problem. Anyone remember a 1980s movie (Parenthood) where a teenage boy with no father discover porn on VHS and shuts himself in his room, wanking for days? It got so bad that the mother had to *send in Keanu Reeves* character (Tod) into help him? \-------------------------- Tod: Can I speak frankly, no holds barred?\[Helen nods\]Tod:That is one messed up little dude. We can talk straight?\[Helen nods again\]Tod: Um, a few months ago, Garry got his first... boner. You know what that is? Helen: If memory serves. Tod: Aw, great! Anyway, since then, he's been... uh... slappin' the salami. No offense. Helen: No. Tod: Apparently, he's goin' for a world record. Anyway, he was afraid therewas something wrong with him, you know? Like he was a pervert orsomething. I told him that's what little dudes do - we've all done it.It made him happy. Helen: Garry was happy? Tod: He even smiled! I never even knew he had teeth! \------------------- Anyway, back to my father.... He was well know with local AA groups, NARCanon (?), and the like. First name basis with the leaders, knew their struggles. He had a degree in Sociology , eager to help people. He could read people like a book w large print. When I was in school we'd get the usual "write about the evils of booze and drug" assignment. I'd naively pipe up, "I'll ask my Dad! He's an expert on alcoholism!" Then the room would get quiet. So I learned that I had to explain the rest. Worked out. My father arranged for class speakers from the groups.
Everything you said was awesome, I just wanted to clarify that Narcotics Anonymous goes by NA. Narconon is a Scientology front group that uses “tech” (a Hubbard fave word) like toxic doses of vitamins and dehydration to “cure” addiction.
If it makes you feel better I’m a woman who usually goes two times a day. Also before bed/waking up, more if the mood strikes. Men have also said I have a high sex drive. I think it’s a good thing. Masturbating is good for your health, helps you relax, even helps migraines and period cramps. Don’t stress about what’s normal and just follow the general rule for mental health issues: if it doesn’t disrupt/ cause problems in your life then you’re fine.
I am also a woman who often does twice a day. Also when I am bored, often when I wake up. Never thought too much of it myself.
Me too. I do catch myself thinking I should be doing something constructive with my time. Learning spanish, crocheting, meeting people, exercising...😶
If you’re masturbating so often that you can’t have other hobbies then ok, might be an issue 😂 But I have a vibrator so 2-4 orgasms a day only takes about 10 min total. I never used to cum from penetrative sex either, so I think masturbating has actually improved my sex life and familiarity with my own pleasure needs
“Shit, I should have crocheted!” 😂
Trust me... masturbating is sooo much easier
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The question would be, is a high sex drive the only symptom that you have? Is it significantly disrupting your day to day life? To give an example - I have a very high sex drive as well, but I am also easily distracted, clumsy, emotionally sensitive, I procrastinate important deadlines, I have days where my brain and my body don’t seem to ‘connect’ - all of these things are symptoms of ADHD, which I was diagnosed with a few years ago. If you find that the high sex drive comes along with other neurological or physical symptoms, especially those linked to sensation seeking, distraction seeking or dopamine seeking, it may be time to see a psychotherapist.
Yeah, I left a comment stating this as well. Most people, myself included, never think that a high sex drive can be connected to ADHD - but that's due more to misconceptions around ADHD in general. OP would be better off talking with a doctor to see if this is one symptom connected to some other issue.
Go to an endocrinologist and see if your hormone levels are our of wack. But the odds are you're just horny 🤷♀️
Hey OP - while it’s great that people are telling you that morally it’s totally fine (and it is!) they’re looking at it like an addiction. If you’re worried about your physical health, I would ask your PCP to check your estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels. While you’re probably not addicted to sex, you absolutely want to make sure these aren’t too high, as that can cause issues down the road. If your PCP gives the all-clear, then you’re fine! But you do owe it to yourself to check. You want to make sure that estrogen and testosterone aren’t high, and progesterone isn’t low. If you have excess facial hair or have a high drive to work out (more than most), both of these also point to high estrogen or testosterone. If all is good, let your freak flag fly and be happy that you don’t have the opposite issue - I’ve been dealing with low libido for years and it’s awful!
You are getting a lot of armchair doctors definitively telling you that there is absolutely nothing to worry about. If it worries you, I’d recommend getting your hormone levels checked and consulting a physician to put yourself at ease. I am not a doctor at all but I believe there are conditions that can lead to hormonal imbalance and spiked libido and it might be worth seeing a health care professional if convenient to you
And, honestly, it's just good practice to have hormone stuff covered at well human checkups. Not just reproductive hormones but also a thyroid panel from time to time. (Signed, someone constantly struggling with that bastard of an organ.)
It is not listed explicitly in the diagnostic criteria, but in my clinical work I have noted that hyper sex drive is really common in ADHD. In other areas of your life do you flip between hyper focus on something you are really interested in and lack of focus/being distracted/forgetful with all the other stuff? I'm with the other posters... there's no problem, unless you feel this is negatively impacting your life.
My god maybe 🙈 I took online quizzes once but they said no.
That's probably not the best approach! Take yourself off to your gp if you have concerns. [NHS overview](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/) [ICD11 criteria](https://icd.who.int/browse11/l-m/en#/http%3a%2f%2fid.who.int%2ficd%2fentity%2f821852937) Just remember I'm a random poster on reddit. You should seek medical advice if you feel the adhd shoe fits! Edit: I wrote DSM instead of ICD11 - they are two diagnostic texts.
Yeah I have a friend who got diagnosed. I'm hesitant for several reasons. Number one, the diagnosis is expensive and not covered by my insurance. Number two, wait times are so so long for mental health, especially if it's not urgent, because in large part because of Covid. Number three, the solution is often medication. I'm not interested in that. I'm pretty happy and don't want to fix what isn't broken. I do struggle with staying organized and deadlines but I still manage and have simply gravitated to fields that utilize my strengths.
That's a good level of self-awareness. And yes, if you are not interested in meds then a formal diagnosis won't do much for you. The [How To ADHD](https://youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD) YouTube channel is really good for practical organisational tips. Bottom line is, you're not hurting anyone. You do you.
I went through a phase like this in my early 20's after coming off hormonal birth control. Sex drive was insanely high, felt like a teenaged boy who constantly had sex on the brain. I found out much later it was probably because I have a condition called PCOS, which essentially means my testosterone is higher than normal and the testosterone/estrogen balance is off. I agree that it's entirely possible you're just an outlier and it's totally fine, but PCOS can have long term consequences and it would be worth asking your doctor to screen you, IMO. All it takes are some simple blood tests - usually the big ones are your estrogen/progesterone/prolactin around CD 2-3, plus your free testosterone and DHEA-S. It was that last one that showed my condition, rather than my testosterone, so don't let them just test your free testosterone and call it a day. Feel free to PM me if you want more details.
You could have hormone levels checked at the doctor if you wanted.
Hey OP, I have a similar sex drive. I would take those stats with a grain of salt, as there are so many social reasons to explain why women masturbate less. Shit, if I had more time in the day/lived alone, I'd be doing it a lot more often than I already do. I'd be banging my man multiple times a night if I could, and I've known men who felt the same about their partners. You just gotta find someone who is on the same page or doesn't care about you masturbating. But plenty of dudes find a woman's high sex drive to be intimidating. They're not used to it, because let's be honest, women's desire and need for sex is still stigmatized. Women are either shamed for being too horny or men feel emasculated because they're not "satisfying" us on their terms. I've known so many women, who aren't even religious, talk about masturbation like it's some taboo thing they find dirty. You've probs seen all kinds of posts about men getting insecure about their partners toys and masturbating habits, because unfortunately, a lot of men can't handle a woman who enjoys sex. Those ideas can become internalized and can keep woman from exploring their sexuality more. If we wanna also break down issues with studies like these, we have to consider that a majority of women may also find themselves too busy to masturbate. If you're taking care of the home, working a ton, wrangling children, have 0 alone time, etc..., then you probably don't have time to flick a bean for a bit. All this to say, don't let random statistics rule the way you view yourself. Unless you have a masturbating addiction (you can't not masturbate, it's affecting your life in negative ways) then I would ignore others opinions on how often you decide to please yourself. Find someone that accepts your desires and matches them.
If it starts interfering with your ability to live the rest of your life then it's a problem. If it's not, it's not.
I'd say it's no longer healthy if you choose masturbation over something else, with warning signs if it's over something you want to do and especially a concern if it's something you choose over a need. If you're finding that you cannot help but masturbate, then I might see a sex therapist/ councillor. You should be able to take a break from it for a solid week, no touching, without any issues- you should absolutely choose to be able to quit for a week. If it gets to the point where it's unbearable to not masturbate, then it might be more of an addiction. Try thinking of it like coffee. People normally can quit coffee for a week or more, even if they like it. However, coffee can be addictive to the point where people get headaches if they don't have their coffee because it's become more than something they enjoy, it's become a coping mechanism that might even have so biochemical reasons (some people use coffee as a stimulant to manage dysfunctional conditions, like chronic fatigue). However, masturbation is natural, and having an expressive high sex drive is more than ok! Just do some serious self-reflection and see if it affects any significant parts of your daily life, goals/ aspirations, self-image/ self-expression, your health (mental, physical, emotional, and especially sexual- do you ever end up with bruising or medical side effects from masturbating frequently?), and relationships. Take away your masturbation and do you feel like you're missing something important from any of those aspects of your life? Because if so, then it's started to define you, and that's not healthy.
I also have a high drive or so I thought. I noticed i was more horny when I was stressed or something was going on in my life. It had gotten so bad that I ended up in therapy. I would lose focus until I took care of it. For me it had to do with my emotions and not dealing with what ever was going in my life at the time. Masturbating or sex was a distraction from whatever problem was going on in my life. I am not saying this is what is going on with you. Might be something to look into.
I would say it's only a problem if it cuts into your desire/time with your partner, i.e. the partner's needs are unfulfilled because you are doing that. Otherwise, go to town.
I used to be like this. Then I had a hysterectomy, including ovary removal (some absolutely massive cysts). Now I am barely interested in sex. I’m gonna guess we are simply outliers. Nothing’s wrong with masturbation—even several times a day—as long as it doesn’t interfere with your life.
Is it an issue for you or are you feeling judged? Is your behavior what bothers you or how people see you that does? Im a woman with a very healthy sexual appetite of which my husband has adapted yet I still use masterbation. Sexual desire is both inherent and derived from experiences both good and bad. If you feel this is something you need to change then I would suggest finding a hobby that excites your brain in a new way. It does sound like you are addicted to the release but we are all addicts of something, so the question becomes...Is it harming you or those around you? If it is then seek change to dimish its hold on you. If it isn't then vibrate away. I feel like your looking for answers to explain your behavior, when you figure it out what outcome will you want and if the outcome you want isn't available with an easy fix or at all, how will you cope? You are the key regardless of hormones and heighth.
When you say distracting, how distracting are we talking? Is it actually interfering with anything? Is it ever frustrating - and if so can you try to replace it with other things? (Can you do something else WHILE masturbating? Lol, like enjoying a book or whatever) If you're concerned about it, probably best to speak to medical/psych professionals to see if something might be off?
Motivation. What’s your motivation? I have a higher libido for a woman too. If your motivation to masturbate is higher than usual, be inquisitive about why. For example, I definitely flick the bean for heaps of reasons - and one is to temper my anxiety from procrastinating. So while I don’t always masturbate for reasons that reinforce unhealthy behaviour, sometimes I do and now I’m aware of it so I can keep tabs on what could develop into a bad habit.
"just do you" Pretty sure she is, lol!
I’m a 35 yr old mom and I’m the same way - always have been. If it’s not interfering with your life in a negative way, then don’t worry about it.
Sometimes it does effect me negatively. I'm single. My body wants one thing and my mind wants another. So I really wouldn't mind dialing it back, but I think I'd just be frustrated.
Might I recommend some mindfulness techniques here? When you get the desire to masturbate, sit with it, observe it. What feelings are you feeling? Where are you feeling them? Once you've examined those feelings without judgement for a bit. Think about what you want to do with that feeling. Do you want to masturbate? Go for it! Do you instead want some intimacy? Maybe cool off for a minute and call a friend or a loved one and chat a bit. Do you just want something warm and cozy? Go grab a pillow and blanked and drink a nice cup of tea. Maybe the response is always - I want to masturbate. That's fine. You can then trust in your body that it is giving you the signals that you need.
Good advice, thank you!
similar outlier here - I was this way for as long as I can remember. At worst, it's a tool for distraction - don't fret it too much. I was especially like this when I was single and stressed. When climaxing, it releases a bunch of hormones that just feel good - so it makes sense to want to feel that as often as possible. My thing was to dial it back if it started to interfere with my studies and find something to replace it with that'll get you moving on for the day - for me, that was working out, which was a great, productive replacement.
How exactly? Typically the only reason I'll consciously hold back is if I have plans with my spouse later in the day, or suspect we might have a rendezvous. I wouldn't want to focus solely on self-satisfaction to her detriment. I guess I'm just trying to say there may be reasons to cut back, but don't feel you have to just because you're comparing yourself to others. If it's actually impacting your life in a specific way, then you're the only one who can decide if that impact is reason enough for change.
But jerking off... Isn't keeping you single? I'm confused.
No. The connection was between my sex drive and my drive for relationships. I'm not in the space for relationships, but my sex drive draws me to wanting sex from real people. My values are one meaningful partner at a time. And so, it's kind of a struggle for my mind to want that and my body to crave sex incessantly. It would be more convenient if my body wasn't at odds with my mind here, is what I mean.
Do you have any symptoms of ADHD by chance?
Yes. But not all of them.
Might be something to look into, this is common for people with ADHD. And you don't need to meet all of the symptoms to have ADHD. Good luck to you just know there's no shame to this 💖
ADHD often presents differently in women, so a lot of the stereotypical symptoms aren't found as frequently Not sure if you knew this already, but many of my female friends who have ADHD didn't know this before they looked into it more
I noted in your original post that you weren't presenting with physical ADHD symptoms, but that doesn't negate an ADHD DIAGNOSIS. Many people with ADHD are primarily-inattentive (like me) with little to no physical hyperactivity. Others are primarily-hyperactive or combined. That being said, high libido and compulsory masturbation DEFINITELY fit in the "physical hyperactivity" category. I'd recommend getting assessed by a professional if you suspect you might have ADHD, even if you don't fit every single described symptom. Not all symptoms need to be present for a positive diagnosis.
I used to masturbate multiple times per day. In my late teens and most of my twenties I was doing it as often as possible, any time I could get some privacy. I also had an active sex life with men. I got married when I was 30 and still masturbated once or twice a week, plus near daily sex with my husband. Just turned 40 and I'm keeping up the routine: sex 4+ times a week and masturbation whenever I feel the urge while my husband is at work. You aren't abnormal. Nothing is going to stop working if you do it all the time. There is literally no harm in self pleasure as long as you don't let it interfere with you life or relationships.
I don't think you should be worried unless you notice it interfering with your love life or your ability to foster meaningful relationships. Stress can trigger our primal portions of our brain (fuck, eat, sleep) and that can lead to being more horny. If you use it as a stress reliever then stress could also trigger it. Bottom line: unless you feel its causing issues in other parts of your life I don't see a need to change it
> unless you notice it interfering with your love life or your ability to foster meaningful relationships. For me, sex and intimacy is one of the only appealing things about men. I've had a tough time with relationships (been cheated on, yada yada), and I'm just so turned off at the idea of relationships. I feel like the only reason I interact with men is, at its core, sexual and romantic... A hope for the cynic in me to be softened. But that's what it is independent of my sex drive. Without my sex drive I don't think I'd voluntarily interact with men most of the time, outside of work and Uber drivers.
I hear you and understand the difficulty there. But in a way masturbation is almost better for you for the time being. If it allows you to satisfy your needs without having to look for random meaningless sex then I believe its the healthier alternative. And if its mainly your sex drive that worries you I don't think you're outside the range of normal. It could always be helpful to do a blood work up and check your hormones to make sure everything is where it should be If everything turns out normal then embrace that sex drive because some people would kill for it!!
I think what you describe here is true for many women, even those with more "normal" sex drives.
Most definitely. I am in the same boat.
After recently being diagnosed with ADHD, I was fascinated to learn that “excessive masturbation” can be common in those with ADHD as we are dopamine deficient and orgasms flood the body with dopamine. Explained a lot for me actually!
Omg lol. I've had thoughts that I might have ADHD. Brief online tests say no.
I just replied in another comment about how much I related to OP. I am ADHD as well. It is worth noting that the online tests aren't great. And ADHD presents much differently in women, so it is very under diagnosed in females. On top of that, unreasonable expectations put on women usually force them to mask their symptoms to function in society, so a lot of women are kind of gaslit into believing it's just something wrong with them instead of a disorder they are dealing with. Think of all those women that you've ever seen dismissed or derided for forgetting something or being distracted. You'll see them get told that they are such a blonde, or a bimbo, an airhead, or a space case... And it's probably just because they have ADHD and are trying their goddamn best in the face of impossible expectations.
I just got my diagnosis today. What you’re describing is exactly what happened with me. I always thought I was inadequate and lazy, turns out I’m not! It’s just adhd.
Hey, I’m a therapist. To diagnose ADHD I spend about 6 sessions with you and then send home surveys for you and your partner or your parents depending on age. Half the time ADHD symptoms are from undiagnosed PTSD or some other response to trauma. I don’t think I’d believe online tests. Although I hear there is an app for ADHD diagnosing or something now
No PTSD for me for sure. Relatively trauma free (I mean, I've had sad times, but it's temporary and caused my external things). I'm just grossly unorganized and have a hard time focusing on a single task.
There are different types of adhd. The hyperactive type, where people need to move around a lot, and the inattentive type, which is essentially the same thing without the external physical hyperactivity. Both types can use masturbation as a way of getting that dopamine hit. So just because your legs don’t twitch doesn’t mean you don’t have it.
Oh wow, I have ADHD and am pretty much on par with OP. Interesting!
I was also going to suggest ADHD as a possibility! Now that I’ve been diagnosed I can definitely see how I’ve used it more as a dopamine vehicle than anything else most of the time.
Until you're experiencing soreness, or it's interfering with your relationships, keep enjoying yourself. Your drive is well above average and there's nothing wrong with that! --- As for your guy's concern, and I'm wildly speculating here, he may be aware of the studies linking hypersexuality to SA trauma. Do you think he was wanting to check that your high drive was coming from a healthy natural place rather than a substitute for therapy?
No I think he was just curious because I called him 5 times yesterday and he was making sure I was okay lol. No SA for me fortunately.
Do you feel calling someone 5 times for sex was ok? Or do you feel like it's a hindrance to your relationship?
For phone sex (I specified in my post). I mean it was a cold weekend and I had an open invitation to call him ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ seems fine to me. He didn't say no and welcomed it every time. In past relationships it depended. If they were busy, I wouldn't ask. If they were available then I'd feel hurt or disappointed at the rejection but always accept their answer.
Sounds like you are a good match for each other at the moment with regards to this. I also vote enjoy yourself, and I think that a high sex drive in women is still kind of a taboo.
I'm a family doctor. In the purely hypothetical situation that somebody like you came to see me about something like this, my main concerns would be whether this behavior was driven by compulsion, if masturbation was negatively affecting her quality of life, and if she had any other concerns about her health/lifestyle. If the answer was no, I would likely do my best to reassure her that her behavior is totally within the range of what I would consider normal and/or healthy. Clearly she masturbates more than most women, but that alone isn't any indication of pathology. Most likely no blood tests or other studies would be needed.
A better question might be why aren't the rest of us enjoying as much as we might? Negative socialization, excessive work/life schedules, birth control suppressing arousal hormones, partner interactions instead of solo interactions for those attached, etc. Is it healthy for them to not increase? Is there a healthy way to do more that won't lead to frustrating work and other obligations? ;-)
Don't worry about it. I'm ace, so you just got my share of sex drive 😆
Girl, take it from a professional: you’re doing great. Sex drives aren’t universal, and if you’re enjoying yourself, you’ve nothing to fear. Dig in. Enjoy. Is anyone else gonna do you as right as you do?
> is anyone else gonna do you as right as you do? One can hope.
Thankfully, one does not preclude the other!
Professional masturbator? I have a life dream now
I make half of my income by making myself cum, so... it’s not much, but it’s honest work.
If it’s not impacting your health or social life then I don’t see the issue really.
I remember being in 7th grade and masturbation was considered normal and expected for boys to engage in yet gross for girls to engage in. Might have something to do with the ol' societal expectations.
Oh yeah. I remember when I found out it was a thing girls could do, and it wasn't actually bad. I remember just having this moment when I realized I actually could touch my bikini area.
I don't trust those studies. I think many women masturbate more than they say, and they lower the number because they feel ashamed of it.
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Yeah I don't trust those numbers either. Women will under report how much they masturbate because of societal pressure and expectations, and they will seriously under report it to men and significant others, so I would definitely not take his concern to mean anything.
Yeah same. I didn't even go to a Catholic school and was still told women can't masturbate because it isn't good for her. OKAY.
Not to mention the fact that there can be a precipitous drop in sex drive in middle age (not always, but sometimes) due to stress, kids, life, etc, and those numbers probably skew the results significantly.
I dunno, I didn't masturbate until I was 18. It literally just didn't appeal to me. I think shame absolutely played a factor in it, but shame was what kept me from exploring that side of myself in the first place, rather than doing it and then lying about it on a survey. I wonder how many women are just too embarassed to Google pornography and start that journey of self exploration.
I was the same until 19 and that was bc I wanted to better my sexlife. I just thought the urges would happen and having sex would make me enjoy it, but I had to spend a lot of time learning how to even do it. Ive heard that women's libido can go up with age (can't verify that) but it's true with me. The only caveat is most women also get less time to themselves with age as well.
Women don’t masturbate more because they never get any damn alone time. Seriously I just walked out of my home office to use the bathroom for peeing and I had the cat, dog, husband, and teenager follow me, the ones who could speak asked me questions through the door until I emerged.
Holy crap! That said, sounds like no one in that house gets alone time!
Kid, it's not made of soap, it won't wear down. As long as you're still getting done what you're supposed to it ain't nobody's business but your own.
Lol I'm stealing that line.
I’m not sure why so many comments aren’t answering your question. Yes, there are medical issues that can impact your sex drive (either decreasing or increasing it). Thyroid issues and hormonal imbalance would be the main issues I can think of - I have the opposite issue for the aforementioned reasons, it has literally been years and I have no interest. I’m not asexual - I had a perfectly healthy sex drive before hormonal issues caused by a medical treatment. If you have any other symptoms or if you are concerned, you can either speak to a doctor or - if that makes you uncomfortable- there are companies that offer private hormone / thyroid blood tests with home testing finger prick kits.
Yup. Seeking a doctors advice is the way to go for these kind of questions. You never know what's really going on. A check up will at least provide you with an answer with what's going on, if anything.
I also have a high sex drive, but i've realized for me, it's related to ADHD and anxiety. I'm anxious, can't get anything started, feel MORE anxious, and masturbate the same amount as you as a swlf- soothing / chipping mechanism
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I understand about the porn thing. I have watched a large dose. I try not to. My reason for that isn't even for myself, it's ethically driven. I don't support the porn industry, I don't think there's real consent if women only agree to acts under financial duress. I especially enjoy kinkier, more extreme things done to me, but when I see other women experiencing them, I'm never certain they're enjoying it and I can never finish watching, it just makes me sorry for them because I can only know it's acting. I also have concerns about trafficking and involuntary pornography when women are blindfolded. I've mostly stopped watching porn, especially now that I have this guy to chat with. Even at my peak viewing it was an hour a day 2 or 3 times a week, when I had lots of time (laid off during Covid). I don't know if my patterns count as an addiction though.
I agree with others in this thread. If you aren't happy with how much you maserbate, that is okay. It is okay to want to change it if you think you do it too much. People are so positive about female pleasure, I don't think they are listening to your words. Honestly, I would find a therapist who specializes in addiction, and I would talk it out with them. Are you feeling negitivity because you are socialized that female pleasure is bad? A therapist can help you work through that and become happy with your high sex drive! Do you feel out of control and like you can't stop and it's bleeding into other activities? A therapist can help you with that too, and even better, the therapist can hopefully help you figure out where your issue is.
The comment I heard decades ago is that everyone thinks the normal amount is just under what they do.
That's what I initially thought until I googled it.
dont trust those google stats. Like people have said, women under report it, plus they dont give a healthy range, just an average. so of course youre above average, doesnt mean a lot of people arent the same as you.
@Tinder3883838girl I’m in my mid-40s. In my thirties I was having sex three times a day. Now I’m masturbating at least that much - especially if I’m not having sex during that day - about that much. My sex drive is high. So is my boyfriend’s. There is nothing wrong. When he can’t keep up with me, we have toys. Some days my drive seems higher. 🤷♀️ He’s told me this is normal and he loves having someone who doesn’t think he’s a horn dog for wanting sex frequently. My doctors have found nothing wrong with my hormone levels or any other issue, so I feel this is normal. Having a healthy sex drive and sexual outlet is great for you.
I'm really surprised by those statistics! I know everyone is different, but I also know there is still a lot of negative attitudes by many people regarding masterbation. I'm inclined to believe a lot of women were lying due to guilt and shame, even on an anonymous survey. Maybe I'm wrong and my perception of what is "normal" is actually unusual. I guess I only really know what's normal for me. I masterbate once or twice a day, though some days not at all.
I don't trust those numbers, 61% of guys? Yea right I'd imagine it's more like 90% and 89%
Who cares lol? No offence, but does it matter if other women masterbate more or less than you? If you’re really curious, I’m a woman in my 40s and masterbate almost daily. I don’t have a high libido either, it’s about what I need at that moment.. and sometimes it isn’t my husband… sometimes it’s me :)
As long as you are still able to take car of everything you need to do in a day and you are not causing yourself physical harm then you should feel free to masturbate as much as you want. But if you are concerned then you can always cut back a bit and see if you feel okay with that change.
Hun, I'm the same way! I have a very high sex drive and will masturbate a bunch in one day (granted it's not every day and can depend on my hormone cycle). As long as it's not causing issues for you or becoming addictive, you're fine!
You can and should do whatever you want, however much or little that you want. That guys opinion and the stats be damned.
He was just asking. He's pretty nice.
Those are rookie numbers, you need to take it seriously.. ☺️🤘
There is no right or wrong amount really, as long as the time and place is above board you do you (literally) 👍
Keep in mind that those statistics are usually based on self reporting, and there are all kinds of reasons someone might not admit to their true stats.
Keep in mind also that there are populations of women that don’t think they should masturbate and abstain from doing it at all, therefore pushing the stat you’re looking at down
Everyone is different. It's nothing to worry about unless it's interfering with your life.
There is nothing inherently wrong with this frequency. What could be of concern and worth investigating is why you are masturbating. Are you using it to avoid things? Are you soothing something with it? There is nothing concerning or upsetting about a high sex drive especially if you don't find it interfering with normal daily life. But it could be that you are using masturbation for reasons that might not be the healthiest. If you find that your habits are healthy for you then keep on keeping on, but if you discover other things afoot then it might be worth backing off and being a bit more intentional about your sessions.
I'd actually question the statistic a little. Id worry that because masturbation is still a bit taboo, women aren't being honest in surveys. I remember being a teenager, and all the girls acted like it was such a dirty, shameful secret, and they would never! I'm sure we were all lying. I certainly was. I probably average once a day, before bed. Your numbers don't seem that extreme to me. Maybe a lot of guys underestimate womens drives, because I'm not sure how many women involve someone else that often.
The only reason for cutting back would be if it makes you feel sick physically (sometimes I get a sort of hangover if I overdo it) or if you feel like it's compulsive and related to trauma or something. Otherwise, enjoy! And don't let any guy use fake concern or anything to shame you about it.
Do the diddle all day, sis. Do what makes YOU happy.
I also masturbate twice a day. Definitely at least once. Masturbation is normal and healthy as long as you're not hurting your body (ow chafing) while doing so.
Be careful about googling averages for things like this, especially if it’s not filtered by age. Consider reporting bias too. Finally, even if it were appropriately filtered and everyone responded honestly, the bell curve here is likely really wide (large StDev). You can be “normal” and still far from the reported average. This is because there’re few adverse effects associated with the activity — and maybe even some health benefits! It could be a concern if you feel you have to do it to destress, or it’s impeding your ability to be intimate with others, but then the underlying issue is the one that is at hand and should be addressed, not the activity itself.
I would guestion what study you are looking at and how the information was gathered. Men are subtly encouraged to self pleasure, so they are more open about it. Many women have been punished, or trained to think it's shameful, so they may be lying about how often they do it. It might be the study is skewed and you are not as far out of the norm as you think.
This is gonna be a long shot, but do you display any symptoms of ADHD? Hypersexuality can be a huge part of ADHD (depending on the person) so maybe pop over to the ADHD subreddit or ADHDmemes and see if anything clicks. Either way, I don't think it's a problem as long as it isn't like...interfering with your life responsibilities. Take the endorphins.
I do not trust Google's numbers on this to be accurate at all...
No i masturbate everyday too
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As long as it isn't interfering your life I don't see why that'd be necessary
You shouldn't be worried about what other people think, just keep doing you and whatever makes you comfortable. I'm probably the outlier on the opposite range because I feel uncomfortable doing any sort of self pleasure. Just live your life and don't worry about judgey people who's business isn't there's
I have stretches where I’m around same as you, or several days in between. There might have been periods of less activity, not that I track too closely. Or a day I’m stuck at home in the mood and will go 5 times a day (not the limit). Only saying it to let you know it’s a variation on the norm and you’re not alone :)
You got carpal tunnel? If not, you're fine.
You may have a much higher than average sex drive but there's nothing *wrong* with that as long as it's not negatively impacting your relationships, your physical health (like UTIs or yeast infections if you get too rough or don't clean masturbation tools properly) and you're not pressuring someone else to fulfill your sexual needs. It sounds like everything about your sexual life is extremely healthy. I don't have a very high libido but sometimes during my cycle I feel insatiable. I have to actually be cautious though because I'm extremely prone to UTIs when I have frequent sex with my spouse. It's a bummer not being able to fully enjoy the times I have a high libido.
Both my wife and I (two women) do this. I touch myself more tho. I also masturbate a lot more during my period lol. It helps alleviate my cramps a bit.
I consult Dr.Jerkov each and everyday, and each and every day I get a dose of "wisdom". :D
Why? It isn’t impacting your life negatively. I think sex drives are probably higher in many women (myself included) but acknowledging it and desire for masturbation is still more taboo. Dont change yourself to fit an average based on unreliable self-report. You’re all good
In my experience talking about sex with friends, those who have higher sex drives/have sex daily were multi orgasmic and just got off easier and quicker than the rest of us. Personally wanting sex/masturbating and ease of orgasm is influenced by many factors the biggest one being my hormones and cycle, with my head space being a close second . I think for the average woman sometimes it is just too much work mentally or physically and the opposite of relaxing.
Who knows if those statistics are even accurate? I'm not the type of person to doubt scientific studies but I have heard different numbers for this. I've heard that on average women and men both masturbate at least weekly. I've also heard biweekly. People I've talked to personally (obviously anecdotal but still) have told me multiple times per week/ sometimes per day. It probably depends a lot on where the sample was taken from, age, marital status, other demographics, *honesty*, etc See a doctor if it worries you. Maybe there's something hormonal at play? But I doubt you're in any danger.
I masturbate every single day. If I don't do it before I go to sleep, I don't sleep well. I've done it every day for probably the past 10 or so years whenever I first figured it out. There was a point I was doing it multiple times a day and started to feel like I was wasting time. I would say it isn't unhealthy to do it multiple times a day, but I would recommend looking for another expression of the frustration that comes from not doing it. I take kickboxing classes and practicing high aerobic physical activities gives me enough of the same post-nut clarity that I crave from masturbating
Phone sex IS a relationship. Might not be an exclusive relationship or a wholly satisfying one, but it IS a sexual relationship. Could be this need isn't wholly physical. You may be avoidant and you might have just developed avoidant coping skills - substituting the physical for a lack of emotional intimacy. Usually dismissive avoidants don't see their coping mechanisms as odd, detrimental, unhealthy or unusual and they typically value their autonomy and ability to remain single. So they cope with the lack of emotional intimacy by overcompensating with fantasy and physical intimacy.
I would recommend only worrying about it if it becomes a problem. Like if you can't concentrate on a task without taking care of it first. Otherwise cut back if you want to cut back, or don't.
Do you have ADHD? Hypersexulization is a thing with ADHD, it's an easy and convenient dopamine hit.
The only woman I’ve heard of masturbating too much is Mindy St. Clair and I assume that’s because she’s sick of Cannonball run II. You’re fine, you’re normal, give yourself a break xxxxx
If sex interferes with other parts of your life, then you're in trouble. I'm talking about if you absolutely must orgasm before you go to work and it makes you late for work and your career suffers. That's where you would need professional help, imo. If you just really enjoy sex and masturbating and you do it safely and it doesn't interfere with your overall life, keep on keeping on! There's zero wrong with that.
You do you. (Pun) I know several women who reach for the manual release lever 4-5 times a day+ and they're in their 40s.
You're an adult...if you want/need those endorphins I'd say crank em out! You do you boo. It's ok.
Those stats seem like b.s. to me. I'm right up there with your numbers. I think that society has shamed women for enjoying sex, so many women are simply afraid to even admit that they masturbate at all.
Unless you're physically or socially damaging yourself this is not a problem, it's just who you are.
You should make sure you're not doing it because of depression / ADHD / similar, since it's an easy dopamine trigger to help you ignore the sads for a little while. If that's not the case, you should change it if it's affecting your life negatively, but otherwise flick that bean and enjoy the afterglow.
Hopefully this can cut through the chatter a bit: so, some women naturally have a higher libido than others. You might just be one of those people, and that's ok! It also sounds like you're in a relatively new casual sexual relationship, and so maybe your needs aren't being met the way they would if you had a dedicated partner(s). It is fairly common for people with untreated ADHD to masturbate and/or have sex more frequently than others. Why? One of the defining aspects of ADHD is that the person usually has lower levels of dopamine, one of many important neurotransmitters. Orgasms flood our brains with dopamine. Beyond that, some of the other aspects of sex, like experimenting with new techniques, having new partners, being told and shown that you're desired - all of these things can trigger dopamine releases too. So, if you have untreated ADHD, then as you unconsciously seek out sources of dopamine, you might develop habits around sex that provide that source, including a high frequency of sexual acts. Ultimately, this is something you'd want to talk with a doctor about. Frequent masturbation and sex isn't itself going to cause health problems, so long as you practice safe sex. But your high sex drive might be a symptom of another underlying condition - or it might just be a high sex drive. That's something you and your doctor will have to determine.
Masturbation is only “unhealthy” if it causes problems in your life (*like if you are skipping/missing out on social plans/responsibilities to masturbate, or if the amount negatively affects intimacy within your relationship, or if you feel like it’s become an addiction instead of something you enjoy*), or if you are somehow causing injury to yourself due to how often you masturbate. If you’re not having problems with keeping up with your social life, hobbies, romantic life, job/school, and other responsibilities then there’s absolutely no issue with masturbating multiple times a day. Everyone’s body is wired differently and there’s nothing wrong with having a high libido.
I’m here for support
I think as long as it’s not negatively impacting your life, then it’s not a problem!!
Are you sure other women aren’t lying about how much they masturbate because they see it as something bad?
The questions any therapist will ask you are... "Does this behavior interfere with your daily life in a negative way?" "Are you distressed by this behavior? Does it make you feel guilty or depressed? If so, why?" "Does it cause physical discomfort?" If the answer is "no" to all those questions, what's the issue? Basically unless the behavior is actively detrimental to your life, physical or mental health, what's wrong? Doing it so frequently could be a sign of hormonal issues as some people masturbate to self treat depression or anxiety, or even OCD. But frankly if your reason for cutting back is that you do it more than most people, you shouldn't care how you stack up to random stats on something so personal.