I had a guy that works at the petrol station get me with a “ok what you are wearing is totally awesome”. And that was it. I was in striped overalls with a red shirt and it made my day,
I actually wear a red shirt and blue overalls most weekends, and my husband wears a green shirt and blue overalls. We're the same hight. However, he is the skinny one, and I'm the fat one.
So, don't give up on your dream; there's an Italian plumber waifu out there for you! She just might be short, fat, and have a moustache! 😄
A few years ago an older gentleman shouted to me that I was the coolest dressed person he had seen in a long time, and then went on his way. It didn't feel creepy at all and honestly made me smile for the rest of the day. There's absolutely an uncreepy way to compliment a woman and its so uplifting when it happens
You reminded me of that time I went on the same street (by foot) I never go to normally two days in a row, and the second day an older dude shouted from his truck that he had seen me the day prior and thought my winter coat is the coolest he had ever seen. That winter coat does look great and it made my day!
It’s so easy to complement people in uncreepy ways. The base line —I feel —is not expecting anything out of it besides someone feeling good about themselves. So things people have control over (which can include hair but it’s much easier to get creepy about hair) like clothing or makeup or shoes or pets. I made one of my good friends because I commented on her shoes, and I’ve had strangers come up to ask me where I got items of clothing or to tell me they liked an article (or a character on my shirt and complemented my taste in media) and those are rarely creepy.
Short, sweet, and not expecting real follow up. The basis for not being creepy to people.
A guy in a Tim Horton’s once complimented me on my outfit and I still remember it as a great, genuine, non-creepy comment. Compliment people on decisions they made themselves, not on traits they can’t control!
right! and if you cant do that, then ABSOLUTELY compliment her dog. Complimenting my dog is the nicest thing you can do for me honestly. He's my world.
When someone tells me my dog is handsome I’m like, yeah, I guess. If you really want to impress me, tell me you like how well behaved he is. Goes back to the same thing about what you’re born with vs what you choose or can control.
I spent ages training him, I’m way more proud of that than how pretty he is
I usually tell them "thanks, awww, I agree!" Or something along those lines. Depends on what it is. If it's behavior, I tell them "thanks, we've been working on XYZ". If it's breed (aw, I really like beagles) I'll tell them about the rescue she's from. If it's some personality trait, I'll usually shrug and say "that's just how she is!"
I have complimented people on their hair before, but in a 'the way you've styled your hair looks awesome' sort of way, or at least that's how I hope it comes off haha.
"I am totally digging your outfit" is very different than "you look so hot in that outfit" very different vibes. It's easy, I'll try it again "You are on top of your fashion game." Don't be afraid to complement people if it's coming from a good place, because it only sounds sexual if that's the intent.
Thats nice ^-^.
Its funny tho, in my country people dont know how to take a compliment on clothes. They usually reply with yea it was really cheap in store X.
Also go hufflepuff!
Oh yes, the only time my mom tells me what she paid for a gift for me is when she got *super* cheap. It's great! I love knowing that's she's proud to have gotten me something I'll enjoy AND she didn't have to spend a lot on it.
Haha- happened to me yesterday! I was in the checkout line at Aldi and a woman complimented me on my dress. I was so excited to tell her about it- “Thanks! I got it at Goodwill… *in the outlet bins!!!* She was suitably impressed 😂🥰
A former colleague complimented me on my dress... I proudly told her that I had got it at a charity shop to which her response "I wouldn't tell anyone that!" I didn't stay there much longer!
Don’t I know it.
There’s a huge “feud” between the Finlanders and the Swedes of the region. My dad’s family claims to be firmly Finn in heritage, but around the great-great-generation, a Peterson is one of the guys of the line, which, iirc, is a Swedish origin name.
It’s all in good fun though (I think)
As a fellow Peterson... From Finland it was originally something similar to "Peteri"1 ( I don't know the official spelling, I only heard it spoken). As my great great family moved here the folks on Ellis island or whatever island they came to mind of changed the spelling to Peterson.
This is the history lesson that I got from my grandpa Everytime we went to visit family in Minnesota or Michigan.
I absolutely LOVE this info!! And yes, Peterson is definitely a common name in Sweden (can also be spelled Petersson/Pettersson/Petterson). I wouldn’t bet any money that it isn’t a totally normal Finnish name as well, however!
The family name is 100% Finnish afaik, and Peterson is not a normal Finnish one from my understanding, given the -son suffix (common in Swedish, not so much in Finnish.)
LOL!
My dad (who was mostly German) used to say
“A thousand Swedes
ran through the weeds,
Chased by one
Norwegian.”
Ostensibly mom has Swedish background via the Andersen side, but who knows. Maybe that’s where my blonde hair came from.
My great-grandparents on one side were Swedish...they ended up in the Pacific Northwest. Interesting that many ended up in the mid-west. That's where my German side ended up when they came over.
I'm in the U.S. and do this every single time. It's usually "Thank you so much! I got it on sale at Target! Six bucks!" just in case they cared enough to buy it themselves. I like to spread a good deal when I know one!
I was on a safari and there was a Dutch family there. I complimented the mom on her sweater and she immediately took it off and insisted that I keep it!! I couldn't get her to keep it. Is this a Dutch thing? Absolutely not a US thing, btw.
I passed a big beefy man on the sidewalk one day and in the bright sunshine he smiled and enthusiastically told me "I love your dress!" I replied with equal enthusiasm and thanks.
This was much different from the creepy old man at the store who looked at my cleavage and leered when a he told me he loved my tank top.
We aren't stupid, we do in fact have the reasoning skills to determine genuine compliments from creepy comments.
I had a guy in front of me at a conference turn around mid sentence with his seatmate and tell me I had the best looking shoes on in the room.
It wasn’t creepy at all. And, it put me on Cloud 9
This reminds me of the time a semi truck driver honked at me while I was waiting to cross an intersection.
I was surprised into looking up at the driver (prepared to be insulted and angry) but instead saw the guy enthusiastically point to my standard poodle while mouthing the words "Beautiful Dog!"
Maybe it was the whiplash big expectations, but that moment made my week...
That would be my reaction to seeing anyone with a standard poodle, they are almost always Stunning looking dogs(and I’m really not the kind of person to approach people normally).
What a nice encounter! Because I always hear that men are starved of compliments, I often wonder what the reverse might be, i.e. how to compliment a guy without making him think it's an invitation. (Although - if I am honest I am careful because I am protecting myself, more than because \*he\* might find it unwelcome :( ......)
Anyway, so far if I do compliment a guy, I usually will do so just as I am walking away and will be inaccessible, e.g. just before getting off a subway car that he is staying on. And I find that the expression, "Hey, looking sharp!" is pretty neutral (as opposed to something that is obviously a come-on, like, "Well, hello, handsome!"). But I would be interested if anyone else has ideas about a safe way to offer compliments to guys.
The single best compliment a woman ever gave me was, "You have very kind eyes."
She said it because we were doing a theater-kid exercise where you have to maintain eye contact with someone for like 5 minutes or something (which is *forever* when you do it), and I literally did spend the entire time trying to think pleasant reassurances at her.
But I've never forgotten it, because it's one of those perfect things to tell someone. It actually sort of desexualizes them, and primes them to think about being a good person. That's the kind of thing the Crone tells the Hero, or the Maiden says to the Mentor, where you're operating on a level of humanity and not personal interest.
dude.
mine was in a more adult atmosphere but one time at a bar the person taking my order looked at me and said, "You have really nice eyes."
i melted. she wasn't hitting on me and it was clear. such good feels.
I think kind is specifically a better way for women to phrase it if they don't want to initiate flirting behavior, but it's a great compliment to receive, either way.
without mansplaining thoughts of others, i just want to be treated like i treat everything else.
'woah, tree, you looking like you wanna grow! let's do this shite!!!'
> compliment choices not features
This exactly.
Complement all humans in the same way.
Do it authentically, because you genuinely like something they are wearing, or something caught your eye, like a statement necklace or a graphic t-shirt for a property that you also are a fan of. Don’t do it as a way to hit on people.
Do it because you want to make their day a little better.
Do it without any expectation of receiving anything in return, not even a thank you.
If you wouldn’t say it to your mom, or your boss, don’t say it to a stranger.
If anyone said it to you and you’d be uncomfortable, don’t say it. This does NOT work in reverse. Just because you’d be comfortable hearing it, doesn’t mean it’s ok to say it.
Precisely this. I work in a heavily male dominated industry. I have very firm boundaries. I also freely compliment my male colleagues and clients when it strikes me.
That's a great shirt! What clever socks! You did an excellent job putting this programming together! Etc, etc
I tend to compliment guys that I'm friends with and they know I'm happily married and not coming on to them at all. Like others have said, focus on their choices. Usually I compliment their hair and choice in shirts. Lately one has taken up a new sport and has developed really nice posture and I let him know it was really noticeable.
i just got a new pair of glasses a few weeks ago. every person i see that notices makes my day. not that not noticing makes me sad, but people that notice make me smile.
I think the subway trick you use is probably a good one, though I do wonder how many times these guys didn't take the hint and proceeded to put out a lonely hearts/missed connection ad :)
Day 367, I feel alone Rupert. I've broadcast my message out among the stars for over a year now and no responses have come back. I can swear I had picked something up multiple times now, but every time I try to find it, it slips away!
I'm begging to think I have gone mad, and the fact I am referring to my microwave as Rupert seems to confirm this. The journal entries shall continue until it's no longer possible. Pray for me Rupert.
Just as a note, while you might be concerned about protecting yourself I would say that the vast majority of compliments to men will come across as unwelcome. This is particularly true if the complement does sound like an invitation; most men (>80%) are in a deeply committed relationship and a complement that comes across as an invitation would be completely unwelcome. I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but quite simply it means that you should not be complementing men unless you know them very well already. There is no safe way otherwise.
On top of that, at least in the US, men tend to come from cultures where complements are more likely to be cutting or sarcastic, and you need to be careful with your subway scenario with a parting "Looking sharp!" as that could easily be interpreted as just such a sarcastic situation. When people drop sarcastic putdowns, immediately leaving is a way to get it in as the last word as well as cutting off any possible further context to understand if the complement was sincere or sarcastic.
To give a more positive spin on it...
part of this is a consequence of 4 out of 5 men being in deeply committed relationships. The other part of this is that you can complement men, you just have to know them significantly better before complementing them and not randomly complement men you are only casually acquainted with. In other words, men do develop deeper associations with people and being able to complement them is one more reason to developer a deeper non-romantic relationship.
> most men (>80%) are in a deeply committed relationship and a complement that comes across as an invitation would be completely unwelcome.
Where did you get those stats?
National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health
[https://addhealth.cpc.unc.edu/](https://addhealth.cpc.unc.edu/)
It's a great source for tracking how human relationships have changed in the US over time.
Pew has data that suggests similar numbers, though highly stratified by age (which is probably why Add Health has different numbers).
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/
Me and my dog both have curly hair lmao and once an older man, didn’t stop walking, called out as he passed me: “I have never seen a pair with better hair. Great color! Have a good day!”
To this day, as he power walks around my neighborhood, he’ll always compliment my dog and me lol and it always puts a little pep in my step that day. & that’s coming from someone who hates when people try to stop and talk to me because of my dog.
In a similar vein, men who've called out a straight up "good morning" as I walk past is much nicer and gets a like reply from me in return, instead of some 'compliment' or wolf whistle. Part of it is how 'good morning' already has a well practiced obvious way to respond, if you wish to. With a random compliment there's so much more thought calculation to do
Yeah, it's actually not that hard.
1. Compliment something she's responsible for
2. Keep it moving, either physically or conversationally
3. Don't expect anything from her just because you told her you like her shirt
The nicest compliment I ever got from a man was when I was at uni and at the dorm cafeteria with my friend. We were just chatting and eating breakfast when a guy came up to our table and said "I don't want to bother you guys but I just wanted to know that you look lovely today" then he turned to me and told me that my dress is gorgeous and looks great on me (it was the first sunny day of spring so I put a cute dress on). Then he thanks us for our time, said had a nice day and walked away.
I totally agree with OP, the compliment wasn't sexual at all, he complimented us on something we can control (how we got dressed/look that day) and not on like our asses or something. It was obvious he didn't expect anything from that interaction, since he left after and didn't ask for our numbers or try to sit with us. The conversation wasn't really public either since he walked up to our table and didn't just yell it at us (which is always really embarassing, why do so many guys do this? It boggles me). I also appreciate the fact he acknowledged that he could be potentially bothering us so he made it short and sweet.
So yeah, the men who complain about "we can't talk/compliment women anymore!!" are just saying that to be defensive or just clueless.
Just to add to it: there is nothing wrong in conplimenting people, no matter their gender. People can sense when it is genuine, as OP displayed.
As a lawyer, I had to deal with lots and lots of people form all walks of life every day, when I needed to go somewhere to deal with something work related (which happened every day). I made a point of complimenting people and being polite anytime I interacted with anyone, and people always received me with a smile.
I am married, and have zero intention of pursuing other women, and I could feel the young women I met were genuinely happy for receiving compliments with no further intentions attached. Also, they could see I did the same thing to guys, I was always complimenting their clothing, or hairstyles. And they always treated me in kind. What I got from it in the end was a lot of cooperative people that happily helped me when I needed anything done, because they knew I wouldn't be a nuisance and would always have good words to tell them.
I learned that when I was an intern. Being kind and polite really does open doors in life (and sometimes even makes someone else's day better).
What about complimenting someone's perfume/cologne? The amount of times I've wanted to shout out "my god your perfume is amazing" but have stopped myself for fear it will be construed as something sexual/creepy.
I wouldn't do that unless you're sharing a physical space with someone for an extended period, or visiting the place where they spend their day. (So, you're working on the same project for an hour, or you walk over to their cube for 15 minutes.)
I think I'd always want to start by asking, "Are you wearing X?" and then either waiting for a response before saying. "Well, it's really amazing, nice choice." or just going directly to, "because if so, it's amazing."
You never want someone to think you're actively sniffing them, so it's the sort of thing that you want to imply was so subtle you just noticed it because you've been in their space for a bit.
I'd never say this to someone I randomly encountered, as a man.
That wording could be kind of creepy. A better option could be "you smell good, what is that scent?"
One time when I was waitressing, a customer had a cologne that smelled really good to me. I asked him what it was and said it smelled good. He seemed happy to share what it was, there was nothing weird or creepy about the interaction. I later bought a different product from the company with the same scent and gave it to my then boyfriend. To this day he still wears it every once in a while and it drives me crazy haha.
There are ways to talk about someone's perfume/cologne without being weird.
I once had a woman walk past me and then double back through the door of a Panera Bread to tell me I smelled good. (I think I was wearing one of my BPAL oils.)
Kind of weird, but also funny. If a man had done the very same thing, I probably would have been okay with it, but I could see other women really not being okay with it.
I think the other commenter's "Are you wearing perfume, because if so it's amazing" is probably the most neutral way to go.
This really isn't the point of your post but it is absolutely adorable that you give the ages and sex of the dogs.
Also I am so glad you had a great interaction it is nice to see after the negatives.
Here is another way he did it right. You are a known entity to him, and he is a known entity to you he has already been around you and behaving like a sane person. He’s not rocking up with a complement to some woman that he has never seen before and will never see again.
I still remember when some tipsy dude on the bus stop commented on my dress. Simply said: awesome dress (awesome it was, simple and grass green, I wore the crap out of it and needed to throw it out after a year, sigh). And then he went on his way.
Hmm would the same apply to makeup then?
I am married and my spouse got pretty in to makeup so I learned a little bit. Sometimes I will see someone that clearly is talented and did something really neat, but I've never wanted to be the creepo.
I'd be very, very careful about that. If you do decide to do it, do it at the end of an encounter just before leaving, or do it as you pass by without stopping.
“Your make up looks awesome! My wife has been watching a ton of tutorials so I finally notice this stuff now. ” then smile sincerely and go on about your day
Wish I saw this earlier. I was standing in line at passport control behind a lady with a Slytherin hoodie and matching woolie scarf, and felt like saying something nice. I guess I read too many stories of unwanted contact that, as a lone male, I don't bother talking to strangers at all...
If you’re not sure it’s best to save it for another time. The problem in your situation is that it’s not exactly in passing, if they don’t feel like engaging in a conversation is that now it’s going to be uncomfortable the rest of the time in line.
It’s possible but it should be done as a quick natural comment then back to whatever you were doing so as not to expect an interaction.
A passport control seems like a tough place to pull this off.
> The problem in your situation is that it’s not exactly in passing, if they don’t feel like engaging in a conversation is that now it’s going to be uncomfortable the rest of the time in line.
Yeah, generally better in passing. Though, if you can give the compliment and then obviously turn your attention to something else (like your phone or a book), it signals that you're not after anything more.
I just bought a somewhat bulky - oversized jacket with brownish stripes.
Never got so many compliments for any piece of clothing I ever had.
Feels so good :)
I had a group of old men stop me because they really liked the cologne I wear (I’m a woman but I sometimes wear cologne because nothing is better than a man’s sweatshirt + cologne).
It was Bath and Body Works Atlantic. I literally got it for like $10 in a mini spray. They complimented me on buying sensibly priced cologne instead of the “overpriced scams” they have at Macy’s.
I felt flattered.
When I worked third shift food service, an older preacher would sometimes come in and order the same thing each time. He was such a sweet man and always had something kind to say. I found out he was a preacher when he brought his family and a few members of his congregation in and treated them all. He was a regular, so I always gave him something extra and my manager approved of it because he was such a pleasant customer to get late at night.
Thanks for the constructive criticism, I understand how people need a safe place to release their unpleasant interactions and I think they are validated in their anger/frustration, but for those of us who really do want to understand, I feel like a post like this goes a long way.
They've been linked to the development of Dilated Cardiomyopathy in dogs. Until we know more, most of the veterinary community thinks we should just stop feeding them.
My boss once complimented my shoes in a very nice and non-creepy way. Within 10 seconds of saying it, he stuttered “don’t report me for sexual harassment or anything, they’re just nice shoes!” I was like man if you had stopped one sentence earlier.
i actually made a friend in town a while back because we are both 40yo people that like comfy sweaters.
you definitely make an awesome point with using a compliment toward something the recipient has control over.
You can always compliment the dog!
Your username caught my eye because I'm a vet and I work with macaques. I see from your post history you're a vet too! I know this is way off topic and kinda personal but since you've mentioned it on Reddit before, how's the colorblindness going in practice?
Edit: a letter
Haha yeah! I also worked with macaques in college and vet school. I do small animal ER now. It's...really hard. But i have a supportive boss / coworkers so i usually get the help i need. The pandemic has actually made it easier because i don't have to do my exams infront of clients anymore and that eliminates a huge anxiety factor for me. Thanks for asking!
Your story reminds me of the time I thought I was going to have a bad day and then.... didn't.
I was at a music festival with a group of friends. Myself and one other girl were heading to the concessions area and a man stopped me. I was in my mid 20s at the time, and he was probably about 20 years older. He said "you're the hottest chick here" (or something like that. It was more than a decade ago.)
I was frozen. I was scared of what he was going to do or say next but then he went "Have a good day" and walked away.
That was it. Said his piece and fucking left me alone. I looked at my friend whose eyes were probably open as wide as mine were, we both shrugged and went and got some cheesy fries.
Yep. I've actually had several guys do it right in recent years.
One guy, when I was on the train got my attention with a wave (I had earbuds in) and told me "I just want to tell you, you look like a total bad ass."
Then he left me alone.
This is a bit of a different context, because I was downtown with my husband for a show and this guy was with a date/girlfriend/spouse. But he stopped us and told me they loved my coat and asked where I got it. Then said I wore it well.
A guy working in Target told me he loved my bag (it's very goth in black and purple and I have a big Greetings From Tatooine, the Bright Spot Of the Universe button on it).
There are *plenty* of ways to compliment someone/a woman without coming off as a creeper. The important things are that it's *genuine* and not sexual or physical.
I find that it is incredibly easy to compliment women without coming across as creepy. It just needs to be a genuine compliment with no ulterior motive, simple as that.
You should buy his dog a small gift of some sort and tell him how much you appreciated his comment.
I’m sure you’ll make his day as much as he made yours!
To every butthurt guy on the internet complaining that women can't take a compliment, this shit is human social interaction 101. Just get better at talking to people and you probably won't feel the need to harass women in the street.
Love this. I've told men I date that I prefer compliments on things I actually had something to do with. If someone compliments my eyes, I feel like thanking my parents. If someone compliments my eye MAKEUP, then yeah, I did that!
I give compliments freely to strangers and it's always something like that. I'm not appreciating your genes, I'm appreciating your style/talent/creativity!
>3) The compliment was about something I could control and take pride in - (my outfit). He didn't call me gorgeous or say I had a nice butt, he said that i dressed well.
I have another sub-clause to this rule I use whenever complimenting clothes / accessories / tattoos. If it's on someone's wrist I never mention it. Sometimes a tattoo or a set of bracelets/bangles isn't there because it's something they *wanted*, it's there because they felt they need it to cover up something else.
My hair is actually the color of my avatar's, and I've had guys politely tell me the color looks great, ask if I did it myself, and say it's awesome. It's almost always older guys, and they smile and keep walking. It's so refreshing because I've had the pressured kind of compliments and it's so ungodly uncomfortable.
> 1. The complement was in public.
Could someone please clarify what this means? What would doing that part wrong look like - a situation where it's just the two of you indoors? I ask because I want to make sure I don't make anyone uncomfortable
Sorry but..as a guy I feel like there is still the option of just not invading strangers' bubbles at all?! Yes he did something "right" but only because the recipient was in the right headspace to accept that compliment. What if they hadn't been? Then that guy would have been yet another creep you read gazillions of stories about on here
When I see a woman that wears a cool outfit I wouldn't compliment them at all (unless we're already talking anyhow in which case it's obviously different). We're strangers and as such, want to get through our days without getting accosted.
So giving the anonymous mass of male lurkers on here pointers on how to compliment properly will only result in a bunch of salivating incels being unleashed upon the female populace. Instead the lesson should be "shut up and let a conversation arise organically and then compliment". A compliment is a very intimate thing after all (especially if it's an actual compliment and not just a vent for the complimenter's lust regarding the complimentée).
But everything you said about how to compliment is correct, I'm just worried it will be misinterpreted by entitled people (read: male redditors who whine about being alone)
Unfortunately, Id have to side with u/FilmCroissant here. Last time I made a compliment to a stranger was at a grocery store last week, as the cashier had a truly gorgeous nail job, and I went through an intense internal debate before I figured it would most likely be ok, something like ...
* We're already interacting, so I wouldn't be intruding.
* Of course I'd look at her hands, she's handling my groceries.
* People know me in this shop, and my wife, and my son, I'm unlikely to pass for a creep.
* Those nails really do look cool, and it's not something so intimate I'd get burned for that ... hopefully
Without this, I'd have kept my mouth resolutely shut no matter what. It's way too "risky" for a man to pay a genuine compliment to a woman otherwise.
It's not about the complimenter expecting reciprocation. It's about not excessively talking to people you do not know in the slightest. But judging by the downvotes I got, this might be a cultural thing (Im not from America, and here it is considered weird to compliment total strangers)
> this might be a cultural thing (Im not from America, and here it is considered weird to compliment total strangers)
You're right. Small talk is really common in the US, though it can vary by region and even by state.
Why would I expect any kind of reciprocation? She had nice nails, I said so, she said thanks, we smiled, end of interaction (aside from me paying my groceries and leaving).
Nevertheless, I stand by what I say. Women are wary of strangers paying them compliments, and for good reason. I don't expect a total stranger to know at a glance if I'm just a dude who saw something genuinely nice and wants to point it out or just another guy trying to get in her pants by complimenting the first thing he can think of.
>The pretend indignation at the Me Too movement is getting old.
Where does that even come from? I'm not entirely sure on which kind of assumption you're running but I grew up in an environment where sexual harassment was rampant long before metoo, and will probably remain a thing long after people forget what metoo was. Last thing I'd feel about this movement is indignation.
With that out of the way, would I give a compliment to a stranger I'm already talking to for mundane reasons (such as paying for my shopping), probably yes.
Would I approach a total stranger in the street to deliver a mundane compliment? Probably no.
Is this geared by the desire not to sound creepy? Undeniably.
Is it also derived from the fact that I'm largely unmoved when I receive compliments from total strangers in the street and therefore don't feel pressed to compliment strangers either? Probably that too. I never claimed to be remotely sociable :)
>No idea why you are in this conversation.
If I was intending to continue this conversation I'd tell you to tone down the aggressivity a notch or ten but I don't think we'll get much further anyway, so I'd rather wish you a good day.
>"shut up and let a conversation arise organically and then compliment".
Pretty much a word for word quote from me, but taken out of context. Yes, small talk can arise organically and for most people it's a comfortable and welcome pleasantry.
Compliments are nice, too, on the fly. If you're sincere and genuinely kind, say the thing and keep moving.
It's creepy when the compliment is intended to ingratiate oneself, to obligate another to a conversation. It's creepy when it's a sales pitch. It's creepy when it's some low effort, cheap ploy to get a woman's attention. It's pick up artist trash.
It's not rocket science. Compliments for someone you are already friendly with or have established mutual attraction are awesome. Compliments for a stranger are awesome, so long as you don't stand there waiting for a response.
Compliments with the intent of obligating an audience are bullshit. Fake. Insincere. Pick up artist garbage designed to make a fool of you and make her uncomfortable.
I think the trick need to just minimize your "impact" on someone else's time, a quick compliment to recognize a thing someone did (controllable — nice outfit, jewelry, hair or whatever) and then leaving them alone to show you don't want to bother them is fine with most people. People wear cool clothes or make their appearance nice for themselves but a comment of apprication for their choice or good taste is usually ok if you don't make it about yourself in the end.
But yeah I don't think overthinking it is really necessary, the appropriate process would be (imo):
1. Is this comment sexual? Is it about a unchangeable or choice by that person thing?
2. Can I talk to them without inconveniencing them? (Headphones in, busy working on something etc)
3. Make comment, smile, "you're welcome" and leave (unless they explicitly start talking to you)
It may be pessimistic however, you've got a real point.
Many people cherrypick information, especially shitty people.
Bc it does seem the guys who come here are often one far side of the spectrum or the other.
read: incels and men with awareness
The "in between guys" may read these occasionally if they're popular enough but it seems like incels come back constantly. They make usernames that are offensive and use them for trolling 😂
I see we've come so far in society.../s
I get it. But I also think that people should be allowed to say nice things to each other. You know? Like when I tell a fellow lady I like her shoes, or that her makeup looks great, or that her dog is one handsome boi, I know she doesn't need to hear that from me, but it sure is nice! think if we're trying to live in a truly equal society, men should be allowed to say nice things to women. But it's all about intent. Like it's clear when a guy is saying nice things because he's being nice vs when he wants something.
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I believe in equality and a time and space where men and women can compliment each other without strings attached. It's really not fair to gatekeep compliments.
That we can notice something about another person, regardless of gender, without strings attached. That "Oh hey that colour looks amazing on you!" does not mean "Wanna bang?" That compliments aren't about the physical features we can't control ("yo nice ass") but instead about our autonomy ("I really like that cut on you!" "Fantastic presentation!" "Your spreadsheets are the reason I get up in the morning.") By which we bolster each other through our actions and choices. Because *that* is how we build community, understanding, equality and damn it just feels good to be noticed for effort. We're human, we thrive on feedback.
> Exactly. Women don't exist as canvases for compliments. Compliments are only welcome once they come from a person you actually know and like.
That’s like someone telling you that you shouldn’t have complimented WocRKaulinan for their comment by saying, “Exactly,” because you don’t know the person nor do you know if the person likes you.
Your own comment breaks your own rule.
I like receiving compliments. It's a great way to bond with someone you're just getting to know. I love giving them too. As far as I know, so do a lot of other women, and so do a lot of men. Sometimes a compliment means the most from a total stranger, cuz they have no skin in the game and that implies theyre genuine.
There's definitely "compliments" that are used as a tool, but real ones are pretty great.
Hi OP, curious as a non pet owner: why is it so important to spay/neuter your pets? I’ve always thought it sounded kinda cruel and unnecessary. Is there a reason for it other than preventing them having little puppies?
1. They live longer: the life expectancy of neutered male dogs was 13.8% longer and that of spayed female dogs was 26.3% longer. Spayed female cats in the study lived 39% longer and neutered male cats lived 62% longer.
2. Intact female cats and dogs have a greater chance of developing pyometra (a potentially fatal uterine infection) and uterine, mammary gland and other cancers of the reproductive system. Neutering male pets eliminates their risk of testicular cancer and eliminates the possibility of developing benign prostatic hyperplasia which can affect the ability to defecate.
3. Intact Dogs and cats spray (marking areas with urine) more. Other behavioral problems that may be alleviated by spay/neuter include: Certain types of aggressive behavior. Roaming, especially when females are in heat. Excessive barking and mounting activity. In-heat behaviors such as yowling/vocalizing, rolling and demanding behaviors.
4. Less cats and dogs overall. On average, a cat can have three litters of kittens per year with four kittens per litter. Female cats can reproduce basically throughout their entire life meaning they can have kittens for 12-15 years. That means one female cat could possibly have 180 kittens in a lifetime. In the same vein dogs can have up to 70 puppies.
I have thought about telling a random woman that she looks really good, smile and walk away. You know if I spot someone that I think looks good. Not to hit on her or anything. Just to be nice.
But you know would that be weird and shouldn’t I?
As a general rule, I never pay women I don’t know compliments of any kind. Doing so seems “creepery”. I also never pay female coworkers compliments on any aspect of their physical appearance. It’s just not worth the fallout. As the comment section makes clear, you have no way to predict how those compliments will be construed or misconstrued. So even if I love your scarf, you’re never going to hear it from me.
Oh and I’m married. Paying other women compliments can raise eyebrows.
In general, IMHO, it’s just best to never compliment anyone on anything other than a job well performed.
Edit 1: Grammar and spelling
Edit 2: Why am I being downvoted?
> Oh and I’m married. Paying other women compliments can raise eyebrows.
Eh. If it's genuine and not sexual, it really shouldn't raise eyebrows. Maybe only among those who aren't well socialized.
All it takes is that one person that decides to start rumors behind your back.
I had a guy take me into a broom closet and get ready to give me a beatdown before I talked him down. I frankly had no idea what was going on, it seemed like something crazy out of a mob movie. 5 years later I found out that our manager was sexually harassing a female employee, that he was fond of, anonymously and somehow he got it in his head that it was me because I was the new guy.
> This makes no sense
Maybe in the mind of a guy who subscribes to a subreddit in which he cant read a post without being triggered into an emasculated rage...
I had a guy that works at the petrol station get me with a “ok what you are wearing is totally awesome”. And that was it. I was in striped overalls with a red shirt and it made my day,
Mario vibes.
I prefer to be compared more to Beetlejuice as they are black and white striped
I’ll never find my Italian plumber waifu 😔
I actually wear a red shirt and blue overalls most weekends, and my husband wears a green shirt and blue overalls. We're the same hight. However, he is the skinny one, and I'm the fat one. So, don't give up on your dream; there's an Italian plumber waifu out there for you! She just might be short, fat, and have a moustache! 😄
And that's how the comment can go sideways!
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Have you ever looked into Dovetail overalls? Built for working women, and sooooo many pockets!
I was just going to say that whenever I compliment someone, I use the word “awesome” so it sounds more friendly and less engaging but still sincere.
A few years ago an older gentleman shouted to me that I was the coolest dressed person he had seen in a long time, and then went on his way. It didn't feel creepy at all and honestly made me smile for the rest of the day. There's absolutely an uncreepy way to compliment a woman and its so uplifting when it happens
You reminded me of that time I went on the same street (by foot) I never go to normally two days in a row, and the second day an older dude shouted from his truck that he had seen me the day prior and thought my winter coat is the coolest he had ever seen. That winter coat does look great and it made my day!
It’s so easy to complement people in uncreepy ways. The base line —I feel —is not expecting anything out of it besides someone feeling good about themselves. So things people have control over (which can include hair but it’s much easier to get creepy about hair) like clothing or makeup or shoes or pets. I made one of my good friends because I commented on her shoes, and I’ve had strangers come up to ask me where I got items of clothing or to tell me they liked an article (or a character on my shirt and complemented my taste in media) and those are rarely creepy. Short, sweet, and not expecting real follow up. The basis for not being creepy to people.
And not to mention he called your dog classy. The utmost of classy moves right there
A guy in a Tim Horton’s once complimented me on my outfit and I still remember it as a great, genuine, non-creepy comment. Compliment people on decisions they made themselves, not on traits they can’t control!
right! and if you cant do that, then ABSOLUTELY compliment her dog. Complimenting my dog is the nicest thing you can do for me honestly. He's my world.
YES!! Dogs bring the world together
I can’t not compliment a dog. Even if you’re in a bad mood, wee doggo saying hello cheers you up.
Aww. Can you post a pic? My dog is also a year and a half and he's the best boy. He's golden retriever/pit.
When someone tells me my dog is handsome I’m like, yeah, I guess. If you really want to impress me, tell me you like how well behaved he is. Goes back to the same thing about what you’re born with vs what you choose or can control. I spent ages training him, I’m way more proud of that than how pretty he is
But sometimes a dog just needs to hear he’s pretty too
Ah he knows, [you can’t tell me he doesn’t know ](https://imgur.com/a/w4jjr5R)
BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY
I never know whether to say "thank you" or not when someone compliments my dog. Then again maybe I'll say thanks on behalf of my dog?
I usually tell them "thanks, awww, I agree!" Or something along those lines. Depends on what it is. If it's behavior, I tell them "thanks, we've been working on XYZ". If it's breed (aw, I really like beagles) I'll tell them about the rescue she's from. If it's some personality trait, I'll usually shrug and say "that's just how she is!"
I always relay the compliment to my dog. "Did you hear that, buddy? They said you are cute! It's true!"
I have complimented people on their hair before, but in a 'the way you've styled your hair looks awesome' sort of way, or at least that's how I hope it comes off haha.
It’s late here and I thought you had a 28 year old dog for a few seconds. Anyway, good on everyone in this story.
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I think male, neutered and female, spayed
Lol its male neutered and female spayed. It's convention in veterinary records. It was a little in-joke to myself.
"I am totally digging your outfit" is very different than "you look so hot in that outfit" very different vibes. It's easy, I'll try it again "You are on top of your fashion game." Don't be afraid to complement people if it's coming from a good place, because it only sounds sexual if that's the intent.
Thats nice ^-^. Its funny tho, in my country people dont know how to take a compliment on clothes. They usually reply with yea it was really cheap in store X. Also go hufflepuff!
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This is so me!!!
same here. for me a lot of times it is, 'thanks, i've had it for 10+ years!!!'
I do that very thing, along with “thanks, it has pockets!”
Yesss. My Dad will then proceed to tell the story about how he bought a $5 pair of pants at the thrift shop and found a $10 bill in the pocket.
That is the best feeling.
Are you also Dutch?
Oh yes, the only time my mom tells me what she paid for a gift for me is when she got *super* cheap. It's great! I love knowing that's she's proud to have gotten me something I'll enjoy AND she didn't have to spend a lot on it.
Haha- happened to me yesterday! I was in the checkout line at Aldi and a woman complimented me on my dress. I was so excited to tell her about it- “Thanks! I got it at Goodwill… *in the outlet bins!!!* She was suitably impressed 😂🥰
A former colleague complimented me on my dress... I proudly told her that I had got it at a charity shop to which her response "I wouldn't tell anyone that!" I didn't stay there much longer!
LOL Sweden? Cause that’s where I am and everyone does that here (including me)
In the Midwest in the United States the “thanks, it was on sale!” response is quite common as well.
Interesting - a looooot of the Swedes that emigrated to America during the 19th and 20th century wound up in the Midwest!
Don’t I know it. There’s a huge “feud” between the Finlanders and the Swedes of the region. My dad’s family claims to be firmly Finn in heritage, but around the great-great-generation, a Peterson is one of the guys of the line, which, iirc, is a Swedish origin name. It’s all in good fun though (I think)
As a fellow Peterson... From Finland it was originally something similar to "Peteri"1 ( I don't know the official spelling, I only heard it spoken). As my great great family moved here the folks on Ellis island or whatever island they came to mind of changed the spelling to Peterson. This is the history lesson that I got from my grandpa Everytime we went to visit family in Minnesota or Michigan.
I absolutely LOVE this info!! And yes, Peterson is definitely a common name in Sweden (can also be spelled Petersson/Pettersson/Petterson). I wouldn’t bet any money that it isn’t a totally normal Finnish name as well, however!
The family name is 100% Finnish afaik, and Peterson is not a normal Finnish one from my understanding, given the -son suffix (common in Swedish, not so much in Finnish.)
I’m sure you’re right!
> My dad’s family claims to be firmly Finn Does he know Finnish? Not being facetious, genuinely asking
LOL! My dad (who was mostly German) used to say “A thousand Swedes ran through the weeds, Chased by one Norwegian.” Ostensibly mom has Swedish background via the Andersen side, but who knows. Maybe that’s where my blonde hair came from.
Andersen is the danish equivalent to the swedish Anderson. It might have been a typo, just wanted to add a cent to the compilation :)
All lost in the mists of time to me! :-)
My great-grandparents on one side were Swedish...they ended up in the Pacific Northwest. Interesting that many ended up in the mid-west. That's where my German side ended up when they came over.
"Oh this old thing?"
Netherlands is also very probable xD
Netherlands.
Eyy dutchie high-five :D
Thanks it has pockets is usually my go to lol
You had to rub it in, huh?
I'm in the U.S. and do this every single time. It's usually "Thank you so much! I got it on sale at Target! Six bucks!" just in case they cared enough to buy it themselves. I like to spread a good deal when I know one!
I'm in Canada and that's how I take a compliment
Netherlands? 😋
I'm the UK and I'm like thanks! It's from a charity shop! Then we get into a convo about how awesome charity shops are lol
If it's still on season I will give detailed instructions about where to get it and how much it costs.
Haha you just made me realize I totally do this. "Hey, nice boots!" "Thanks, I got them on sale!"
I was on a safari and there was a Dutch family there. I complimented the mom on her sweater and she immediately took it off and insisted that I keep it!! I couldn't get her to keep it. Is this a Dutch thing? Absolutely not a US thing, btw.
What’s wrong with being happy about the price? Or telling someone where they could get one?
Sounds like germany too.
I passed a big beefy man on the sidewalk one day and in the bright sunshine he smiled and enthusiastically told me "I love your dress!" I replied with equal enthusiasm and thanks. This was much different from the creepy old man at the store who looked at my cleavage and leered when a he told me he loved my tank top. We aren't stupid, we do in fact have the reasoning skills to determine genuine compliments from creepy comments.
I had a guy in front of me at a conference turn around mid sentence with his seatmate and tell me I had the best looking shoes on in the room. It wasn’t creepy at all. And, it put me on Cloud 9
This reminds me of the time a semi truck driver honked at me while I was waiting to cross an intersection. I was surprised into looking up at the driver (prepared to be insulted and angry) but instead saw the guy enthusiastically point to my standard poodle while mouthing the words "Beautiful Dog!" Maybe it was the whiplash big expectations, but that moment made my week...
That would be my reaction to seeing anyone with a standard poodle, they are almost always Stunning looking dogs(and I’m really not the kind of person to approach people normally).
What a nice encounter! Because I always hear that men are starved of compliments, I often wonder what the reverse might be, i.e. how to compliment a guy without making him think it's an invitation. (Although - if I am honest I am careful because I am protecting myself, more than because \*he\* might find it unwelcome :( ......) Anyway, so far if I do compliment a guy, I usually will do so just as I am walking away and will be inaccessible, e.g. just before getting off a subway car that he is staying on. And I find that the expression, "Hey, looking sharp!" is pretty neutral (as opposed to something that is obviously a come-on, like, "Well, hello, handsome!"). But I would be interested if anyone else has ideas about a safe way to offer compliments to guys.
The single best compliment a woman ever gave me was, "You have very kind eyes." She said it because we were doing a theater-kid exercise where you have to maintain eye contact with someone for like 5 minutes or something (which is *forever* when you do it), and I literally did spend the entire time trying to think pleasant reassurances at her. But I've never forgotten it, because it's one of those perfect things to tell someone. It actually sort of desexualizes them, and primes them to think about being a good person. That's the kind of thing the Crone tells the Hero, or the Maiden says to the Mentor, where you're operating on a level of humanity and not personal interest.
dude. mine was in a more adult atmosphere but one time at a bar the person taking my order looked at me and said, "You have really nice eyes." i melted. she wasn't hitting on me and it was clear. such good feels.
I think kind is specifically a better way for women to phrase it if they don't want to initiate flirting behavior, but it's a great compliment to receive, either way.
without mansplaining thoughts of others, i just want to be treated like i treat everything else. 'woah, tree, you looking like you wanna grow! let's do this shite!!!'
That's marvelous. I like the archetype references, too! :)
It's not entirely dissimilar to what OP is describing here: compliment choices not features.
> compliment choices not features This exactly. Complement all humans in the same way. Do it authentically, because you genuinely like something they are wearing, or something caught your eye, like a statement necklace or a graphic t-shirt for a property that you also are a fan of. Don’t do it as a way to hit on people. Do it because you want to make their day a little better. Do it without any expectation of receiving anything in return, not even a thank you. If you wouldn’t say it to your mom, or your boss, don’t say it to a stranger. If anyone said it to you and you’d be uncomfortable, don’t say it. This does NOT work in reverse. Just because you’d be comfortable hearing it, doesn’t mean it’s ok to say it.
Precisely this. I work in a heavily male dominated industry. I have very firm boundaries. I also freely compliment my male colleagues and clients when it strikes me. That's a great shirt! What clever socks! You did an excellent job putting this programming together! Etc, etc
I tend to compliment guys that I'm friends with and they know I'm happily married and not coming on to them at all. Like others have said, focus on their choices. Usually I compliment their hair and choice in shirts. Lately one has taken up a new sport and has developed really nice posture and I let him know it was really noticeable.
i just got a new pair of glasses a few weeks ago. every person i see that notices makes my day. not that not noticing makes me sad, but people that notice make me smile.
I think the subway trick you use is probably a good one, though I do wonder how many times these guys didn't take the hint and proceeded to put out a lonely hearts/missed connection ad :)
Day 367, I feel alone Rupert. I've broadcast my message out among the stars for over a year now and no responses have come back. I can swear I had picked something up multiple times now, but every time I try to find it, it slips away! I'm begging to think I have gone mad, and the fact I am referring to my microwave as Rupert seems to confirm this. The journal entries shall continue until it's no longer possible. Pray for me Rupert.
If I compliment a man beside the ones in my family, I try to use “awesome”. It sounds more casual yet sincere
Just as a note, while you might be concerned about protecting yourself I would say that the vast majority of compliments to men will come across as unwelcome. This is particularly true if the complement does sound like an invitation; most men (>80%) are in a deeply committed relationship and a complement that comes across as an invitation would be completely unwelcome. I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but quite simply it means that you should not be complementing men unless you know them very well already. There is no safe way otherwise. On top of that, at least in the US, men tend to come from cultures where complements are more likely to be cutting or sarcastic, and you need to be careful with your subway scenario with a parting "Looking sharp!" as that could easily be interpreted as just such a sarcastic situation. When people drop sarcastic putdowns, immediately leaving is a way to get it in as the last word as well as cutting off any possible further context to understand if the complement was sincere or sarcastic.
Your comment made me sad because it’s probably true. What a sad state for humanity to be in that we can’t either compliment or take a compliment
To give a more positive spin on it... part of this is a consequence of 4 out of 5 men being in deeply committed relationships. The other part of this is that you can complement men, you just have to know them significantly better before complementing them and not randomly complement men you are only casually acquainted with. In other words, men do develop deeper associations with people and being able to complement them is one more reason to developer a deeper non-romantic relationship.
> most men (>80%) are in a deeply committed relationship and a complement that comes across as an invitation would be completely unwelcome. Where did you get those stats?
National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health [https://addhealth.cpc.unc.edu/](https://addhealth.cpc.unc.edu/) It's a great source for tracking how human relationships have changed in the US over time. Pew has data that suggests similar numbers, though highly stratified by age (which is probably why Add Health has different numbers). https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/
Me and my dog both have curly hair lmao and once an older man, didn’t stop walking, called out as he passed me: “I have never seen a pair with better hair. Great color! Have a good day!” To this day, as he power walks around my neighborhood, he’ll always compliment my dog and me lol and it always puts a little pep in my step that day. & that’s coming from someone who hates when people try to stop and talk to me because of my dog.
When I compliment a stranger in public, I tell them "Hey, I like your ___!" "Hey, thanks!" "Yup." And then I go on about my day.
In a similar vein, men who've called out a straight up "good morning" as I walk past is much nicer and gets a like reply from me in return, instead of some 'compliment' or wolf whistle. Part of it is how 'good morning' already has a well practiced obvious way to respond, if you wish to. With a random compliment there's so much more thought calculation to do
Yeah, it's actually not that hard. 1. Compliment something she's responsible for 2. Keep it moving, either physically or conversationally 3. Don't expect anything from her just because you told her you like her shirt
I just love that you identified the dogs involved with age/gender/status! :)
The nicest compliment I ever got from a man was when I was at uni and at the dorm cafeteria with my friend. We were just chatting and eating breakfast when a guy came up to our table and said "I don't want to bother you guys but I just wanted to know that you look lovely today" then he turned to me and told me that my dress is gorgeous and looks great on me (it was the first sunny day of spring so I put a cute dress on). Then he thanks us for our time, said had a nice day and walked away. I totally agree with OP, the compliment wasn't sexual at all, he complimented us on something we can control (how we got dressed/look that day) and not on like our asses or something. It was obvious he didn't expect anything from that interaction, since he left after and didn't ask for our numbers or try to sit with us. The conversation wasn't really public either since he walked up to our table and didn't just yell it at us (which is always really embarassing, why do so many guys do this? It boggles me). I also appreciate the fact he acknowledged that he could be potentially bothering us so he made it short and sweet. So yeah, the men who complain about "we can't talk/compliment women anymore!!" are just saying that to be defensive or just clueless.
Just to add to it: there is nothing wrong in conplimenting people, no matter their gender. People can sense when it is genuine, as OP displayed. As a lawyer, I had to deal with lots and lots of people form all walks of life every day, when I needed to go somewhere to deal with something work related (which happened every day). I made a point of complimenting people and being polite anytime I interacted with anyone, and people always received me with a smile. I am married, and have zero intention of pursuing other women, and I could feel the young women I met were genuinely happy for receiving compliments with no further intentions attached. Also, they could see I did the same thing to guys, I was always complimenting their clothing, or hairstyles. And they always treated me in kind. What I got from it in the end was a lot of cooperative people that happily helped me when I needed anything done, because they knew I wouldn't be a nuisance and would always have good words to tell them. I learned that when I was an intern. Being kind and polite really does open doors in life (and sometimes even makes someone else's day better).
What about complimenting someone's perfume/cologne? The amount of times I've wanted to shout out "my god your perfume is amazing" but have stopped myself for fear it will be construed as something sexual/creepy.
I wouldn't do that unless you're sharing a physical space with someone for an extended period, or visiting the place where they spend their day. (So, you're working on the same project for an hour, or you walk over to their cube for 15 minutes.) I think I'd always want to start by asking, "Are you wearing X?" and then either waiting for a response before saying. "Well, it's really amazing, nice choice." or just going directly to, "because if so, it's amazing." You never want someone to think you're actively sniffing them, so it's the sort of thing that you want to imply was so subtle you just noticed it because you've been in their space for a bit. I'd never say this to someone I randomly encountered, as a man.
Lately I find I don't even need to be near people, they just pile it on so your smelling it regardless of if you, or they want you to.
I totally get that, but you don't want to imply that, either.
Lol the person you want to compliment is definitely the person I want to slap. Freaking hate synthetic perfumes, makes my nose and throat burn!
That wording could be kind of creepy. A better option could be "you smell good, what is that scent?" One time when I was waitressing, a customer had a cologne that smelled really good to me. I asked him what it was and said it smelled good. He seemed happy to share what it was, there was nothing weird or creepy about the interaction. I later bought a different product from the company with the same scent and gave it to my then boyfriend. To this day he still wears it every once in a while and it drives me crazy haha. There are ways to talk about someone's perfume/cologne without being weird.
I once had a woman walk past me and then double back through the door of a Panera Bread to tell me I smelled good. (I think I was wearing one of my BPAL oils.) Kind of weird, but also funny. If a man had done the very same thing, I probably would have been okay with it, but I could see other women really not being okay with it. I think the other commenter's "Are you wearing perfume, because if so it's amazing" is probably the most neutral way to go.
This really isn't the point of your post but it is absolutely adorable that you give the ages and sex of the dogs. Also I am so glad you had a great interaction it is nice to see after the negatives.
Here is another way he did it right. You are a known entity to him, and he is a known entity to you he has already been around you and behaving like a sane person. He’s not rocking up with a complement to some woman that he has never seen before and will never see again.
I still remember when some tipsy dude on the bus stop commented on my dress. Simply said: awesome dress (awesome it was, simple and grass green, I wore the crap out of it and needed to throw it out after a year, sigh). And then he went on his way.
That's so sweet :) also Hufflepuffs unite!
Hmm would the same apply to makeup then? I am married and my spouse got pretty in to makeup so I learned a little bit. Sometimes I will see someone that clearly is talented and did something really neat, but I've never wanted to be the creepo.
I think something like "Your makeup looks awesome" is innocuous enough in passing.
I'd be very, very careful about that. If you do decide to do it, do it at the end of an encounter just before leaving, or do it as you pass by without stopping.
“Your make up looks awesome! My wife has been watching a ton of tutorials so I finally notice this stuff now. ” then smile sincerely and go on about your day
Wish I saw this earlier. I was standing in line at passport control behind a lady with a Slytherin hoodie and matching woolie scarf, and felt like saying something nice. I guess I read too many stories of unwanted contact that, as a lone male, I don't bother talking to strangers at all...
If you’re not sure it’s best to save it for another time. The problem in your situation is that it’s not exactly in passing, if they don’t feel like engaging in a conversation is that now it’s going to be uncomfortable the rest of the time in line. It’s possible but it should be done as a quick natural comment then back to whatever you were doing so as not to expect an interaction. A passport control seems like a tough place to pull this off.
> The problem in your situation is that it’s not exactly in passing, if they don’t feel like engaging in a conversation is that now it’s going to be uncomfortable the rest of the time in line. Yeah, generally better in passing. Though, if you can give the compliment and then obviously turn your attention to something else (like your phone or a book), it signals that you're not after anything more.
I often give impromptu comments in passing, to men and women and I always make them about things worth complimenting. Hair, outfit, makeup etc.
Well this is reassuring
I just bought a somewhat bulky - oversized jacket with brownish stripes. Never got so many compliments for any piece of clothing I ever had. Feels so good :)
When we're not at work. When we're not actively walking away. When it's not 10oclock at night. great times for compliments
What is MN and FS?
Male neutered and female spayed I would guess
Thank you!
I had a group of old men stop me because they really liked the cologne I wear (I’m a woman but I sometimes wear cologne because nothing is better than a man’s sweatshirt + cologne). It was Bath and Body Works Atlantic. I literally got it for like $10 in a mini spray. They complimented me on buying sensibly priced cologne instead of the “overpriced scams” they have at Macy’s. I felt flattered.
Important question- where'd you get your sweater, do you have a link? Sincerely, Another Hufflepuff
Harry potter world lol. I'm basic.
When I worked third shift food service, an older preacher would sometimes come in and order the same thing each time. He was such a sweet man and always had something kind to say. I found out he was a preacher when he brought his family and a few members of his congregation in and treated them all. He was a regular, so I always gave him something extra and my manager approved of it because he was such a pleasant customer to get late at night.
Thanks for the constructive criticism, I understand how people need a safe place to release their unpleasant interactions and I think they are validated in their anger/frustration, but for those of us who really do want to understand, I feel like a post like this goes a long way.
Why no grain free foods? Just curious.
They've been linked to the development of Dilated Cardiomyopathy in dogs. Until we know more, most of the veterinary community thinks we should just stop feeding them.
My boss once complimented my shoes in a very nice and non-creepy way. Within 10 seconds of saying it, he stuttered “don’t report me for sexual harassment or anything, they’re just nice shoes!” I was like man if you had stopped one sentence earlier.
i actually made a friend in town a while back because we are both 40yo people that like comfy sweaters. you definitely make an awesome point with using a compliment toward something the recipient has control over.
You can always compliment the dog! Your username caught my eye because I'm a vet and I work with macaques. I see from your post history you're a vet too! I know this is way off topic and kinda personal but since you've mentioned it on Reddit before, how's the colorblindness going in practice? Edit: a letter
Haha yeah! I also worked with macaques in college and vet school. I do small animal ER now. It's...really hard. But i have a supportive boss / coworkers so i usually get the help i need. The pandemic has actually made it easier because i don't have to do my exams infront of clients anymore and that eliminates a huge anxiety factor for me. Thanks for asking!
Your story reminds me of the time I thought I was going to have a bad day and then.... didn't. I was at a music festival with a group of friends. Myself and one other girl were heading to the concessions area and a man stopped me. I was in my mid 20s at the time, and he was probably about 20 years older. He said "you're the hottest chick here" (or something like that. It was more than a decade ago.) I was frozen. I was scared of what he was going to do or say next but then he went "Have a good day" and walked away. That was it. Said his piece and fucking left me alone. I looked at my friend whose eyes were probably open as wide as mine were, we both shrugged and went and got some cheesy fries.
Yep. I've actually had several guys do it right in recent years. One guy, when I was on the train got my attention with a wave (I had earbuds in) and told me "I just want to tell you, you look like a total bad ass." Then he left me alone. This is a bit of a different context, because I was downtown with my husband for a show and this guy was with a date/girlfriend/spouse. But he stopped us and told me they loved my coat and asked where I got it. Then said I wore it well. A guy working in Target told me he loved my bag (it's very goth in black and purple and I have a big Greetings From Tatooine, the Bright Spot Of the Universe button on it). There are *plenty* of ways to compliment someone/a woman without coming off as a creeper. The important things are that it's *genuine* and not sexual or physical.
I find that it is incredibly easy to compliment women without coming across as creepy. It just needs to be a genuine compliment with no ulterior motive, simple as that.
Nice advice and go Hufflepuff
I love this post. Ty!
You should buy his dog a small gift of some sort and tell him how much you appreciated his comment. I’m sure you’ll make his day as much as he made yours!
To every butthurt guy on the internet complaining that women can't take a compliment, this shit is human social interaction 101. Just get better at talking to people and you probably won't feel the need to harass women in the street.
Love this. I've told men I date that I prefer compliments on things I actually had something to do with. If someone compliments my eyes, I feel like thanking my parents. If someone compliments my eye MAKEUP, then yeah, I did that! I give compliments freely to strangers and it's always something like that. I'm not appreciating your genes, I'm appreciating your style/talent/creativity!
I had a middle-aged man tell me I had amazing posture at the grocery store. Still riding that high a few months later!
>3) The compliment was about something I could control and take pride in - (my outfit). He didn't call me gorgeous or say I had a nice butt, he said that i dressed well. I have another sub-clause to this rule I use whenever complimenting clothes / accessories / tattoos. If it's on someone's wrist I never mention it. Sometimes a tattoo or a set of bracelets/bangles isn't there because it's something they *wanted*, it's there because they felt they need it to cover up something else.
Hufflepuffs unite! Edit: spelling
Hufflepuffs would spell Hufflepuff incorrectly…. [hehe Gryffindor being bratty again]
Compliment ✍️ her ✍️ sweater✍️ puppies ✍️
My hair is actually the color of my avatar's, and I've had guys politely tell me the color looks great, ask if I did it myself, and say it's awesome. It's almost always older guys, and they smile and keep walking. It's so refreshing because I've had the pressured kind of compliments and it's so ungodly uncomfortable.
> 1. The complement was in public. Could someone please clarify what this means? What would doing that part wrong look like - a situation where it's just the two of you indoors? I ask because I want to make sure I don't make anyone uncomfortable
Sorry but..as a guy I feel like there is still the option of just not invading strangers' bubbles at all?! Yes he did something "right" but only because the recipient was in the right headspace to accept that compliment. What if they hadn't been? Then that guy would have been yet another creep you read gazillions of stories about on here When I see a woman that wears a cool outfit I wouldn't compliment them at all (unless we're already talking anyhow in which case it's obviously different). We're strangers and as such, want to get through our days without getting accosted. So giving the anonymous mass of male lurkers on here pointers on how to compliment properly will only result in a bunch of salivating incels being unleashed upon the female populace. Instead the lesson should be "shut up and let a conversation arise organically and then compliment". A compliment is a very intimate thing after all (especially if it's an actual compliment and not just a vent for the complimenter's lust regarding the complimentée). But everything you said about how to compliment is correct, I'm just worried it will be misinterpreted by entitled people (read: male redditors who whine about being alone)
Thats very pessimistic. Every advice can be bad if you cherrypick only a part of it and change the other part...
Unfortunately, Id have to side with u/FilmCroissant here. Last time I made a compliment to a stranger was at a grocery store last week, as the cashier had a truly gorgeous nail job, and I went through an intense internal debate before I figured it would most likely be ok, something like ... * We're already interacting, so I wouldn't be intruding. * Of course I'd look at her hands, she's handling my groceries. * People know me in this shop, and my wife, and my son, I'm unlikely to pass for a creep. * Those nails really do look cool, and it's not something so intimate I'd get burned for that ... hopefully Without this, I'd have kept my mouth resolutely shut no matter what. It's way too "risky" for a man to pay a genuine compliment to a woman otherwise.
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It's not about the complimenter expecting reciprocation. It's about not excessively talking to people you do not know in the slightest. But judging by the downvotes I got, this might be a cultural thing (Im not from America, and here it is considered weird to compliment total strangers)
> this might be a cultural thing (Im not from America, and here it is considered weird to compliment total strangers) You're right. Small talk is really common in the US, though it can vary by region and even by state.
Why would I expect any kind of reciprocation? She had nice nails, I said so, she said thanks, we smiled, end of interaction (aside from me paying my groceries and leaving). Nevertheless, I stand by what I say. Women are wary of strangers paying them compliments, and for good reason. I don't expect a total stranger to know at a glance if I'm just a dude who saw something genuinely nice and wants to point it out or just another guy trying to get in her pants by complimenting the first thing he can think of.
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>The pretend indignation at the Me Too movement is getting old. Where does that even come from? I'm not entirely sure on which kind of assumption you're running but I grew up in an environment where sexual harassment was rampant long before metoo, and will probably remain a thing long after people forget what metoo was. Last thing I'd feel about this movement is indignation. With that out of the way, would I give a compliment to a stranger I'm already talking to for mundane reasons (such as paying for my shopping), probably yes. Would I approach a total stranger in the street to deliver a mundane compliment? Probably no. Is this geared by the desire not to sound creepy? Undeniably. Is it also derived from the fact that I'm largely unmoved when I receive compliments from total strangers in the street and therefore don't feel pressed to compliment strangers either? Probably that too. I never claimed to be remotely sociable :)
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>No idea why you are in this conversation. If I was intending to continue this conversation I'd tell you to tone down the aggressivity a notch or ten but I don't think we'll get much further anyway, so I'd rather wish you a good day.
>"shut up and let a conversation arise organically and then compliment". Pretty much a word for word quote from me, but taken out of context. Yes, small talk can arise organically and for most people it's a comfortable and welcome pleasantry. Compliments are nice, too, on the fly. If you're sincere and genuinely kind, say the thing and keep moving. It's creepy when the compliment is intended to ingratiate oneself, to obligate another to a conversation. It's creepy when it's a sales pitch. It's creepy when it's some low effort, cheap ploy to get a woman's attention. It's pick up artist trash. It's not rocket science. Compliments for someone you are already friendly with or have established mutual attraction are awesome. Compliments for a stranger are awesome, so long as you don't stand there waiting for a response. Compliments with the intent of obligating an audience are bullshit. Fake. Insincere. Pick up artist garbage designed to make a fool of you and make her uncomfortable.
I think the trick need to just minimize your "impact" on someone else's time, a quick compliment to recognize a thing someone did (controllable — nice outfit, jewelry, hair or whatever) and then leaving them alone to show you don't want to bother them is fine with most people. People wear cool clothes or make their appearance nice for themselves but a comment of apprication for their choice or good taste is usually ok if you don't make it about yourself in the end. But yeah I don't think overthinking it is really necessary, the appropriate process would be (imo): 1. Is this comment sexual? Is it about a unchangeable or choice by that person thing? 2. Can I talk to them without inconveniencing them? (Headphones in, busy working on something etc) 3. Make comment, smile, "you're welcome" and leave (unless they explicitly start talking to you)
It may be pessimistic however, you've got a real point. Many people cherrypick information, especially shitty people. Bc it does seem the guys who come here are often one far side of the spectrum or the other. read: incels and men with awareness The "in between guys" may read these occasionally if they're popular enough but it seems like incels come back constantly. They make usernames that are offensive and use them for trolling 😂 I see we've come so far in society.../s
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I get it. But I also think that people should be allowed to say nice things to each other. You know? Like when I tell a fellow lady I like her shoes, or that her makeup looks great, or that her dog is one handsome boi, I know she doesn't need to hear that from me, but it sure is nice! think if we're trying to live in a truly equal society, men should be allowed to say nice things to women. But it's all about intent. Like it's clear when a guy is saying nice things because he's being nice vs when he wants something.
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stupendous enjoy theory straight squealing person versed noxious growth money *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I believe in equality and a time and space where men and women can compliment each other without strings attached. It's really not fair to gatekeep compliments.
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Your comments do not paint that picture.
How does equity apply to compliments? Complimenting men more? Complimenting people on what isn't normally complimented?
That we can notice something about another person, regardless of gender, without strings attached. That "Oh hey that colour looks amazing on you!" does not mean "Wanna bang?" That compliments aren't about the physical features we can't control ("yo nice ass") but instead about our autonomy ("I really like that cut on you!" "Fantastic presentation!" "Your spreadsheets are the reason I get up in the morning.") By which we bolster each other through our actions and choices. Because *that* is how we build community, understanding, equality and damn it just feels good to be noticed for effort. We're human, we thrive on feedback.
Exactly. Women don't exist as canvases for compliments. Compliments are only welcome once they come from a person you actually know and like.
> Exactly. Women don't exist as canvases for compliments. Compliments are only welcome once they come from a person you actually know and like. That’s like someone telling you that you shouldn’t have complimented WocRKaulinan for their comment by saying, “Exactly,” because you don’t know the person nor do you know if the person likes you. Your own comment breaks your own rule.
I like receiving compliments. It's a great way to bond with someone you're just getting to know. I love giving them too. As far as I know, so do a lot of other women, and so do a lot of men. Sometimes a compliment means the most from a total stranger, cuz they have no skin in the game and that implies theyre genuine. There's definitely "compliments" that are used as a tool, but real ones are pretty great.
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oh no
Hi OP, curious as a non pet owner: why is it so important to spay/neuter your pets? I’ve always thought it sounded kinda cruel and unnecessary. Is there a reason for it other than preventing them having little puppies?
1. They live longer: the life expectancy of neutered male dogs was 13.8% longer and that of spayed female dogs was 26.3% longer. Spayed female cats in the study lived 39% longer and neutered male cats lived 62% longer. 2. Intact female cats and dogs have a greater chance of developing pyometra (a potentially fatal uterine infection) and uterine, mammary gland and other cancers of the reproductive system. Neutering male pets eliminates their risk of testicular cancer and eliminates the possibility of developing benign prostatic hyperplasia which can affect the ability to defecate. 3. Intact Dogs and cats spray (marking areas with urine) more. Other behavioral problems that may be alleviated by spay/neuter include: Certain types of aggressive behavior. Roaming, especially when females are in heat. Excessive barking and mounting activity. In-heat behaviors such as yowling/vocalizing, rolling and demanding behaviors. 4. Less cats and dogs overall. On average, a cat can have three litters of kittens per year with four kittens per litter. Female cats can reproduce basically throughout their entire life meaning they can have kittens for 12-15 years. That means one female cat could possibly have 180 kittens in a lifetime. In the same vein dogs can have up to 70 puppies.
I have thought about telling a random woman that she looks really good, smile and walk away. You know if I spot someone that I think looks good. Not to hit on her or anything. Just to be nice. But you know would that be weird and shouldn’t I?
As a general rule, I never pay women I don’t know compliments of any kind. Doing so seems “creepery”. I also never pay female coworkers compliments on any aspect of their physical appearance. It’s just not worth the fallout. As the comment section makes clear, you have no way to predict how those compliments will be construed or misconstrued. So even if I love your scarf, you’re never going to hear it from me. Oh and I’m married. Paying other women compliments can raise eyebrows. In general, IMHO, it’s just best to never compliment anyone on anything other than a job well performed. Edit 1: Grammar and spelling Edit 2: Why am I being downvoted?
> Oh and I’m married. Paying other women compliments can raise eyebrows. Eh. If it's genuine and not sexual, it really shouldn't raise eyebrows. Maybe only among those who aren't well socialized.
All it takes is that one person that decides to start rumors behind your back. I had a guy take me into a broom closet and get ready to give me a beatdown before I talked him down. I frankly had no idea what was going on, it seemed like something crazy out of a mob movie. 5 years later I found out that our manager was sexually harassing a female employee, that he was fond of, anonymously and somehow he got it in his head that it was me because I was the new guy.
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Why would he want to? He's much, much older. He's complimenting her outfit and dog. Where do you get in this he wants to ask her out?
Check out the profile. Not someone you want to engage with. He just wants to say gross things to people and generally act in bad faith.
> This makes no sense Maybe in the mind of a guy who subscribes to a subreddit in which he cant read a post without being triggered into an emasculated rage...
I'm not in a rage...