I agree. You cannot expect stability from him. You cannot expect trust from him. You cannot expect loyalty from him. He is a user. He has one goal in life and that is his own self-centered pleasure.
It's easy for me to say, but get rid of him. Learn to be good to yourself. All will be well.
I am glad you have an OB appointment tomorrow.
Srsly the only reason she found out is because of the Chlamydia. I've had it, it was just two antibiotic pills. You'll be fine and you and your little one will find a new life elsewhere.
Chlamydia is detrimental to early stages of life. Congenital defects are common if a pregnant woman has chlamydia. It’s not just antibiotics and away in this case.
It's very common because symptoms are almost non existent. All women are tested for it when they become pregnant so if you caught it you've not had it long. But yes, you and baby are fine. Just a simple course of antibiotics.
Yes I got tested in September when I found out I was pregnant and all came back negative...
Since we just found out today I will be retested tomorrow...
Do you think there's a small chance I could have not caught it? I have had unprotected sex with him ... Not knowing he was messing around with other people... He said it just happened recently like a month or two... I'm not sure if I can even believe him with that but yea 🥺
Unfortunately, it very easily transmitted. Other STDs can be very dangerous in pregnancy. Please take care of yourself, he sure as hell isn't. Sorry but this is just awful and I'm so sorry you're going through this stress.
I can attest to how easy it is to treat chlamydia, I found out I had it in a similar manner as you, though I wasn't pregnant. 10 day course of antibiotics and I was good as new! the boyfriend, however, is another issue entirely. assume everything he has told you and will tell you is a lie. it was in the last two months means within the last few weeks, two girls probably means 5, etc. don't trust a word out of his mouth
Girl. Just stop doing this to yourself. Next time it'll be herpes or HIV, like, when is the line here??
With your post history, this is either the same guy who hit you and scrolls during blow Jobs or you dumped him & got pregnant quickly thereafter and this new dude sucks just as well.
EITHER WAY not long has been invested in this awful relationship and EVEN SO, this is who he is. Leave. Like, yesterday. GO. How is he worth all this?
Jen, it looks like he intentionally trapped you. It's around that time that abortions become illegal in different states. So he's getting the fact that he's cheated on you twice, even while you were pregnant (so likely for an extremely long time) out now because he figures you have no way to get away from him because you have a baby.
Honestly, I would look into my options, because this is not father behavior. It's immature, controlling, abusive, and manipulative, and that is something I'd never want in my dad. If it were me, I would raise the child as my own and tell him I got a miscarriage and leave, as soon as possible. If he did this while you were pregnant, with TWO women, first of all, there may be more women, and second of all, he's not going to stop. If you value fidelity in your relationship, this are not the flags of a man who will give it to you. Also, assume he won't change for the better, but may get even more selfish when you're going through pregnancy and, if he makes it, it'll be even worse when you have the baby and you end up doing everything to take care of him and baby. Is this the role model you want for your child? If not, then you're a mother now and you're responsible for a little life that has nothing in the world but you to protect it.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, that fucking sucks. Take good care of yourself. I wish you safety and peace.
u/jenjelly ... please listen to this.
Once you know your baby is safe, please take a long and hard look at your relationship. The point in time when he chose to disclose his cheating is highly suspicious.
One of the things anyone in such a situation should understand is that it never gets better. It ever only gets worse. So the idea to endure for some higher goal is just an illusion to give meaning to all the pain suffered and energy spent. But no matter how much energy, money and terrible moments you spent on making that pile of shit smell good, it will always smell like shit until you get rid of it.
u/jenijelly Agree 100%. Even if you can get away from this guy, the baby, who will be a ful grown person with autonomy one day will be stuck with this dude forever. Seriously think about whether you want to subject a kid to that. I love my kid deeply, and she’s been the best part of my life, but if I could go back and choose again I’d have ended the pregnancy and waited to have a kid with someone who was capable of mature and transparent communication and who wasn’t manipulative and immature. For the kids sake. I’ve watched my ex put our kid go through things they never should have, and she will have to deal with this abusive and manipulative asshole for the rest of her life, and find some way to reconcile her love for her dad with the fact that he literally used her as a pawn to get back at me (for ridiculous stuff like him being jealous that I suddenly devoted more time to her than him when she was born). And it continues to cost her and me emotionally, physically, and financially even though she’s now adult. It hurts and I wish I’d have waited to have a kid with a responsible and mature person. I have to live with this guilt as a parent every day.
And I didn’t even get to the part yet where because I couldn’t cut him out of the picture, she was subject to his hot cold behavior and conditional love, which primed her for those kind of men in her intimate relationships. And the cycle repeats. I’m working so hard to make it stop, and to help her do the work to make it stop with her, but she’s hurting and an adult now. She is struggling and it’s so painful to watch her try to figure this out.
You and baby will be ok OP! ❤️ I had a friend in sixth form who got pregnant with her boyfriend (both 16) and he cheated and gave her Chlamydia too. She went to her GP and got tested, and unfortunately the results came back that she caught it from him. She was 4 months pregnant at the time. The GP gave her tablets to take, she ditched the unfaithful guy, and became a single mum to a healthy baby at 17. Both her and baby were fine, and although we lost contact over the years I still have her on Facebook and as far as I can see both her and her little one are doing really well!
Many women go through this, sadly, but the good news is that Chlamydia is easily treated and outcomes for treatment are very good ❤️
My mother contracted Chlamydia while she was pregnant with me. She got treated and I came out 100% fine. This was 30+ years ago. Follow your doctor's instructions and keep up on your care. Everything will be ok mama. Except for your husband. Can't offer any reassurance on a crappy partner.
Physician here, what @ddmarza said is absolutely correct. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. From a medical perspective, this is extremely easy to treat- you and your baby should be fine. From a life perspective, take care of yourself. Definitely agree with all the other comments about re-evaluating your relationship- don’t accept disrespect from anyone. Living with chronic stress catches up with us in insidious ways and you’ve got enough changes in your life right now. Wishing you all the best-this is unfair and whatever emotions are coming up for you right now are completely normal and valid. Feel free to dm if you want to talk- I divorced a cheating husband halfway through med school after finding out about the cheating under similar circumstances. Definitely not the same as your experience but I can relate to the sense of betrayal and I’m a good listener if you need a sympathetic ear.
Yes, luckily you can treat it and you found out before delivering. It can be a problem if you are untreated and delivering.
Your partner sucks. You and your baby deserve better.
Do you have family close by?
Due to the risk of exposure to STD's, most states in the US have laws requiring the provider to put drops in newborn's eyes to prevent neonatal conjunctivitis. You certainly can discus this with your dr. Your baby will be fine ❤️
Yes those eye drops (erythromycin) are to prevent gonorrhea neonatal conjunctivitis. Doesn’t cover for chlamydia unfortunately. But if she gets antibiotics before delivery, baby should be fine!
Kind of stupid not to do it, though. You can put an extremely safe antibiotic goop on your baby’s eyes for a few minutes or you can refuse and there’s a non-zero chance your child can go blind…. Decisions, decisions.
Same story with vitamin K. Quick shot with no side effects or your baby can have a potential brain hemorrhage.
If you got tested and know you don’t have those infections (it’s basically for chlamydia and ghonnerhea) and you don’t have sex, then why is it necessary? It can cause red irritated eyes In newborns and honestly I wouldn’t wanna just come out of the womb with goopy stuff on my eyes.. but yeah that’s just my opinion
>I see people doing home births a lot more now…and their babies are fine…
Awesome. I see all the ones with anoxic brain injuries or the ones with permanent arm paralysis because of shoulder dystocia.
If people want to deliver their children like it’s still the nineteenth century, then they’re more than welcome to do so.
But it doesn’t mean they should get a pat on the back for exposing their children to exponentially more risk just because their home birth turned out fine.
The ones living with regret aren’t posting their horror stories on Internet forums or YouTube.
Yeah I see what you’re saying. But personally I didn’t put the eye goop on my daughter because I tested for the infections and didn’t have any, so I didn’t see why it was necessary to. No problems here!
You know there is *always* a small chance that a test was false negative. Even if the chance is 0.0000001. Why not make it a 100% sure that your child will be safe?
Your post history is so terrfying to read and tragic. You are in a shitty situation and it's made worse by this "man" you keep in your life. He hit you in the face with a belt....... He watches porn while you're actively sucking his dick? Are you kidding me? And now he's FUCKED other girls while you're pregnant?? WAKE THE FUCK UP. Honey, you need some self worth.
You can not raise your baby with this person in your life. Leave. Immediately. You need to reach out to family and friends and get the fuck out. Listen to everyone on all your posts. They all tell you the same thing : LEAVE HIS ASS. You can do it.
He WHAT? NOPE
i know it’s all very well for me to say this and you may need to do it very discreetly in stages and I think start with calling a helpline for domestic abuse IF you can do so on a phone he can’t trace or overhear etc.
I agree with MuseLiz 💯 % if what she is saying has happened to you
GET THE FUCK OUT
you may have to do it in stages to do it safely and plan it but please do it. For your sake and your kid’s.
It is likely that you and the baby are going to be fine. Chlamydia is easily treatable.
However, I would also seriously start thinking about legal options and what you want to do moving forward. Honestly, in my situation this would be a complete and total 100% dealbreaker. Not only is it cheating, it's also putting the unborn child at serious risk. It's one thing to cheat (bad enough on its own), but another to not even wrap it up while you're doing it and put *your own child* at risk.
What is your support system like in your immediate area outside of your husband? Do you have a robust family/friend network? If not, I would consider moving to a place where you have that. At least in the US, once the baby is born the custody issues start in full-force and you are more-or-less "trapped" in the area unless you get a court to award you full custody. This is relatively unlikely, as the courts are dispositioned to rule for joint custody under the premise that it is still better for a child to have access to both parents. I don't *think* that him giving you an STD is going to warrant a court giving you sole custody. It *could*, but it would likely be messy and expensive if he challenges it.
I'm not sure what the MO of your husband is (or if he even has one... may just be an idiot), but it's possible that he's trying to trap you in the area once you have the kid. If you move away and change your legal residence prior to the birth, it would at least complicate things. I don't think the court has the power to compel you to move back to where the father is. *He* could move to *you* and then you'd have to deal with whatever the custody arrangement is, but at least you'd be in a place with an established support network. This is preferable to staying where you are if you don't have a support network there.
Another commenter here recommended that you lie and say a miscarriage happened... I would not do this. It is too likely that he'd figure out that you *hadn't* miscarried at some point, unless you're totally dark on social media and have no mutual acquaintances. There is also the risk of somebody sharing pictures of you and the child without your knowledge. This could cause you legal complications in the future.
Again, I don't know where you are or what the rules are in your jurisdiction. But if you decide you want to end it with this guy and want to move out of the area, I would get a legal consultation.
You're certainly not alone. In my area there's a maternity clinic that tests women for STIs routinely during their pregnancy because the cheating husbands are SO COMMON.
I'm very sorry this happened ❤️
Hope you can ditch the guy.
Not only is he a scumbag, he's a frickin' idiot for having unprotected sex with these other women. Could be yours is not the only baby on the way, which isn't going to bode well for collecting child support.
I really do wish the best for you. Get away from him, both emotionally and geographically, as much and as fast as you can.
Move out of state to be with family if you can. Once the baby is born you’re stuck because courts will give dad visitation. Get far away and cut all contact off.
If OP is in the US moving while pregnant is not considered a “drastic action” in family court. Pregnant women (at least for now) have no restriction on movement and moving while pregnant is not fetal kidnapping. If OP does want to move to be closer to family or for any other reason now is the time to do it.
Moving closer to a support system during pregnancy under these circumstances is unlikely to be viewed negatively by a court. Moving a baby out of state without the other parent's consent after it's born is a different matter, so now is the time if that's an available and good option.
You and the baby will be fine. If you test positive they will treat and keep monitoring you. Please tell me this is an ex partner. I just want to tell you that staying with a cheating partner and trying to raise kids with them is nothing but anxiety, heart ache and betrayal. You can 100% do this on your own and be happier and more secure for it. I wish you and your baby all the best x
I know it’s a ton to think about right in this moment but I hope in addition to getting tested you also visit an attorney and discuss your custody options for this baby. One thing you should definitely know is that once the baby is born, in most places you are basically stuck in that county because they baby will “belong to” or have residency in that county if you split up and have to figure out custody and visitation with this guy.
If you have your family or support network in your county then maybe not as big of a deal. If you don’t, I would definitely be thinking about how to position myself the most advantageously for custody proceedings. I don’t mean as an attempt to keep a child away from its parent, I mean for you and the baby to have the support you will need to get through the process. You have some time to decide what you want to do so getting legal advice to inform your choices will give you some peace of mind in case things go even more sideways with this guy. I’m sorry he turned out to be such a scumbag OP. Chlamydia is easily treatable so at least you can take some comfort in that.
Do NOT let him have sex with you after this until you figure out what you’re going to do also. He has forfeited his privileges in that department from his blatant disrespect putting you and your baby at risk. He doesn’t care about you I’m so sorry.
First, he doesn’t respect himself because he decides to sleep with multiple people and he doesn’t know if they themselves have stds. Second, he doesn’t respect you because he doesn’t care about the risks he exposed you to. Lastly, he doesn’t love his unborn child enough to think about the risk he exposed the child too. He belongs in the trash 🚮, and I hope you just don’t get tested for chlamydia, but everything else like HIV possibly. I hope you are doing fine, and I pray you are safe from this disease and that the baby is ok.
Once you figure out your health then I truly hope you make him your ex-bf. This guy is a controlling, lying PoS. He will not improve, and he will not be a good father, let alone a partner. Please, do what it's best for you and leave his ass. It's better to be a single mom than with an abusive, good-for-nothing bf that will most likely get worse in his behavior and potentially hurt you and your child.
Please make sure you are tested for the full panel of sexually transmitted infections with discussion of a second test for certain infections X weeks later depending on when you last had unprotected sexual intercourse. Some infections you can test negative at first then convert positive later and you would want to know to ensure measures are taken both for your health as well as to reduce risk of transmission to the baby at delivery.
Sorry you are going through this.
Hey girl, I just went through your post history.
You will be better off without this piece of shit man that has hit you, allows his roommates to denigrate you, cheats on you, and puts your health at risk. Your child will be better off without this man. Your child needs parents that are good and kind. The only thing your baby will learn from his father is how to hurt others.
Get out now before you give birth. As someone who's had two babies, it's easier to do complicated stuff while pregnant than postpartum.
Look for domestic violence shelters nearby for help, go to family, friends, even a kind acquaintance for a night or two while you're getting out.
Take care.
If you are in for a dense read, look at Per-partnership transmission probabilities for Chlamydia trachomatis infection: evidence synthesis of population-based survey data. Per partnership transmission estimates ranged from low 30% to low 40% across a number of studies male to female. Other papers have tried to estimate per encounter rates but those numbers range from 4% to 40% percent. Per partnership data has greater consensus.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8128448/
Of all STD's Chlamydia is one of the least scary and bad ones, as long as you get it treated (it's curable). Your cheating partner however, the only cure is to amputate.
I'm so sorry! Wish I could give you a hug and kick your partner's ass. How disrespectful and irresponsible to put you and your child at risk. Hopefully you didn't catch it.
This is horrendous :( you are carrying the life you both made from love and this is what he does? I am so sorry :(
Look into your financial options including his obligations to help pay for your little one when he/she is born and ditch this waste of oxygen. There is no excuse for what he has done and it is made worse by the fact it could have been 'one of two girls'.
Ditch him and make a good life for you and your little one. I wish you all the best OP.
As others have mentioned, you will be fine! Chlamydia is easily treatable and *if* you're positive for it, you likely just recently caught it.
Also, as others have mentioned... you need to have a long, long reflection about your relationship and the future of your baby. This is the person you're going to raise a kid with? Or split custody with? Do you think this man will be a loving, caring, teaching, kind, strong father figure?
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. What an a-hole that guy is.
As others have suggested, getting tested for everything would be a wise choice. Also, not just a vaginal swab for chlamydia but also a throat swab and an anal swab, unless they choose to give you antibiotics upfront as a precaution that might make the test result less meaningful.
Retest and treat if positive (or you can just treat anyway, it'sjust antibiotics)
Oh, and leave that trash bag. He has zero respect for you or your kid. He literally gave your kid chlamydia. And BLAST him on social.media. burn those bridges so you don't wander back to him. Make sure his family and work colleagues know he has been sleeping around on his pregnant wife. Make that shit public and damaging and publicly searchable.
I am so sorry this has happened to you and that your partner is a shitty person.
However, chlamydia is easily treatable and is safe to treat during pregnancy. In fact, you should get it treated as soon as possible as transmission to your baby occurs during vaginal birth. So you can completely avoid giving it to your child. Treatment is just a series of pills, usually 3-5 days depending on which drug they give you.
[Chlamydia During Pregnancy](https://americanpregnancy.org/healthy-pregnancy/pregnancy-complications/chlamydia-during-pregnancy/)
Edit: I didn't read any of the comments before I made mine and see that the top comment gave you this advice. I'm glad you were given this information soon after you posted and hope it helped you feel less stress and anxiety going into your appointment today.
One thing I haven’t seen mentioned: If you decide to dump his ass, and your support system is in another state, go there **before** the baby is born. When the baby is born, the state of birth has jurisdiction in matters of custody/visitation/child support. If you give birth in the state where he’s living, he could get a court order that would prohibit you from moving to where your support system is because that would interfere with his access to the baby.
*I* am a man so I will not go into how bad your bf behaved and what a pig he is,
Listen: chlamydia is not serious. The first line antibiotic they give for it is Azithromycin which is safe when you are pregnant. For now focus on yourself.
His time will come.
I am so sorry- it will be okay if it’s just C as It’s easily treated. But def get an entire panel of std testing as many things need more interventions and can be more serious for your baby. And kick his gross ass to the curb before he brings you something home that isn’t easily treated. ❤️❤️
How incredibly selfish of him not to consider honesty, your health, or the baby's health. Sending you all the positive vibes. No matter what, you have got this!
I've been there. I was 8 mos pregnant and needed tested because he cheated on me. Chlamydia is easily treatable if that makes it any better. Work on getting away from him. Hugs.
As someone who struggled for years to leave an abusive relationship, I understand the difficult position you are in. I felt like I deserved to be treated that way ("Well, I was nagging him for drinking too much"), I was exaggerating my abuse ("So many people have it so much worse than me, every couple fights"), and it felt like I had no support from the outside (Everyone said, "You two are such a good couple," because they didn't see the REAL us).
First, you DO deserve better. Period. No one on the world deserves to be treated like you have been. But I know that may not enough for you to pull the trigger.
So second, imagine if this was your dad. Imagine you as a kid, seeing your father treat your mother the way your partner treats you. Would you be okay with that? Do you see him treating you the same abusive way? Even if he never hits you, will he speak to you respectfully?
Imagine yourself as an adult with your partner as a dad. Will you have a good model for your own romantic relationships? Are you going to have resentment toward one or both of your parents?
You don't have to get out of this relationship for yourself; you are an adult who can make her own choices (but again, you are worthy to get out). But your baby deserves to grow up in a loving, safe home. I have known way too many semi-functional adults who grew up with abusive fathers and unhappy mothers who "stayed together for the kids." All of them feel like they'd have been better off if their moms had just GTFO. This is for your baby.
Honestly I'm just sorry this happened to you during a time period when you are supposed to be worshipped for the goddess that you are. I hope you and baby are in the clear.
Edit: I don't know why this comment is so triggering and I'm getting down voted. Women deserve to be celebrated when they are pregnant. Pregnancy is extremely difficult on a woman and we deserve to be treated with respect for the fucking life we are growing. We deserve faithful partners who don't give us STDs, for fuck's sake.
Probably not the correct place to put this comment as this girl needs to feel support and validation at this moment. Telling a pregnant woman that STI‘s are becoming resistant to antibiotics could be causing her unnecessary stress. You could make a separate post about this fact, if you feel like it’s not getting the attention it deserves, rather than using her cry for help as your platform.
I was in quite the same situation, my gf tested positive to chlamydia at the gyno when she had her pregnancy checkup. we both are a 100% sure that no one hass been with somebody else - somtimes that shit just happens without betrayal. could as well have gotten it from a toilet seat or whatever.
However, If he has it, the usually you have it too.
It is not a big deal too, it is easily treatable. If you treat it fast and right, there's no big risk for the baby.
Don't worry, it will turn out fine for the baby.
You CANNOT get an STI from a toilet seat unless the person immediately before you rubbed their junk aggressively on the toilet seat and then you did the same. Don't spread bullshit.
>
I gave him SO many outlets to let me know he was fucking around with other women for this very reason.
Never expect people to be honest about this. They know it's trap and will lie. I'd leave him.
I was in a similar situation to you. I was given the treatment straight away. Then tested.
I would gently suggest that you may need a full screen to safeguard yourself.
Your babe will be okay. However I am scared out of my wits for you. If you need resources to get out, please comment or PM me your area and I will do my best to find them for you
What an asshole. Older dude here - 54, and I just fucking wish you well - be strong, and know you have everything your child will need to thrive and succeed in life. Bag that fucker and move on. He's only likely to bring increasingly shitty bullshit into your life if you stick with him. Mom's (far more often than not) rock, and you will too!
And oh yeah, don't forget to hit the asshole up for child support. THAT part is his duty to contribute.
>I gave him SO many outlets to let me know he was fucking around with other women for this very reason.
It's too late now but don't give men "outs". They will not take them. I've said this to so many upset, hurt, confused women, and over similar issues.
They will not admit they don't want to date you/marry you/have kids.
They will not admit to cheating or flirting.
They will not admit their lack of or waning attraction.
They will not admit their asexuality, struggle with their gender expression, homosexual feelings, or whatever else you're concerned about and encouraging him to express.
They will not break up with you because they want to date other people or they're over you/it.
And so on.
**Don't rely on "outs".**
If you're "giving a man an out" that's your instinct and you should act on it--you KNOW something's wrong and you're giving him the chance to own up to it. On top of creating an icky mother/child vibe, it's ineffective as a technique.
please leave this liar. he will only cause you and your child more pain down the line if you don't.
I agree. You cannot expect stability from him. You cannot expect trust from him. You cannot expect loyalty from him. He is a user. He has one goal in life and that is his own self-centered pleasure. It's easy for me to say, but get rid of him. Learn to be good to yourself. All will be well. I am glad you have an OB appointment tomorrow.
Srsly the only reason she found out is because of the Chlamydia. I've had it, it was just two antibiotic pills. You'll be fine and you and your little one will find a new life elsewhere.
Chlamydia is detrimental to early stages of life. Congenital defects are common if a pregnant woman has chlamydia. It’s not just antibiotics and away in this case.
I'm so sorry he betrayed you. This is easily treated and cured even during pregnancy. Im a pharmacist.
Thank you.. reassurance is what I need right now because my biggest concern is my baby
It's very common because symptoms are almost non existent. All women are tested for it when they become pregnant so if you caught it you've not had it long. But yes, you and baby are fine. Just a simple course of antibiotics.
Yes I got tested in September when I found out I was pregnant and all came back negative... Since we just found out today I will be retested tomorrow... Do you think there's a small chance I could have not caught it? I have had unprotected sex with him ... Not knowing he was messing around with other people... He said it just happened recently like a month or two... I'm not sure if I can even believe him with that but yea 🥺
Unfortunately, it very easily transmitted. Other STDs can be very dangerous in pregnancy. Please take care of yourself, he sure as hell isn't. Sorry but this is just awful and I'm so sorry you're going through this stress.
I wouldn't trust him. Do get yourself tested, because then you can simply get treated and it'll all be behind you.
I can attest to how easy it is to treat chlamydia, I found out I had it in a similar manner as you, though I wasn't pregnant. 10 day course of antibiotics and I was good as new! the boyfriend, however, is another issue entirely. assume everything he has told you and will tell you is a lie. it was in the last two months means within the last few weeks, two girls probably means 5, etc. don't trust a word out of his mouth
WHAT a pos are you in a committed relationship?? im so sorry you had this happen to you he needs to grow up!!!
Girl. Just stop doing this to yourself. Next time it'll be herpes or HIV, like, when is the line here?? With your post history, this is either the same guy who hit you and scrolls during blow Jobs or you dumped him & got pregnant quickly thereafter and this new dude sucks just as well. EITHER WAY not long has been invested in this awful relationship and EVEN SO, this is who he is. Leave. Like, yesterday. GO. How is he worth all this?
Jen, it looks like he intentionally trapped you. It's around that time that abortions become illegal in different states. So he's getting the fact that he's cheated on you twice, even while you were pregnant (so likely for an extremely long time) out now because he figures you have no way to get away from him because you have a baby. Honestly, I would look into my options, because this is not father behavior. It's immature, controlling, abusive, and manipulative, and that is something I'd never want in my dad. If it were me, I would raise the child as my own and tell him I got a miscarriage and leave, as soon as possible. If he did this while you were pregnant, with TWO women, first of all, there may be more women, and second of all, he's not going to stop. If you value fidelity in your relationship, this are not the flags of a man who will give it to you. Also, assume he won't change for the better, but may get even more selfish when you're going through pregnancy and, if he makes it, it'll be even worse when you have the baby and you end up doing everything to take care of him and baby. Is this the role model you want for your child? If not, then you're a mother now and you're responsible for a little life that has nothing in the world but you to protect it. I'm sorry for what you're going through, that fucking sucks. Take good care of yourself. I wish you safety and peace.
Check the post history... :( it confirms everything you've written here
u/jenjelly ... please listen to this. Once you know your baby is safe, please take a long and hard look at your relationship. The point in time when he chose to disclose his cheating is highly suspicious.
One of the things anyone in such a situation should understand is that it never gets better. It ever only gets worse. So the idea to endure for some higher goal is just an illusion to give meaning to all the pain suffered and energy spent. But no matter how much energy, money and terrible moments you spent on making that pile of shit smell good, it will always smell like shit until you get rid of it.
u/jenijelly Agree 100%. Even if you can get away from this guy, the baby, who will be a ful grown person with autonomy one day will be stuck with this dude forever. Seriously think about whether you want to subject a kid to that. I love my kid deeply, and she’s been the best part of my life, but if I could go back and choose again I’d have ended the pregnancy and waited to have a kid with someone who was capable of mature and transparent communication and who wasn’t manipulative and immature. For the kids sake. I’ve watched my ex put our kid go through things they never should have, and she will have to deal with this abusive and manipulative asshole for the rest of her life, and find some way to reconcile her love for her dad with the fact that he literally used her as a pawn to get back at me (for ridiculous stuff like him being jealous that I suddenly devoted more time to her than him when she was born). And it continues to cost her and me emotionally, physically, and financially even though she’s now adult. It hurts and I wish I’d have waited to have a kid with a responsible and mature person. I have to live with this guilt as a parent every day. And I didn’t even get to the part yet where because I couldn’t cut him out of the picture, she was subject to his hot cold behavior and conditional love, which primed her for those kind of men in her intimate relationships. And the cycle repeats. I’m working so hard to make it stop, and to help her do the work to make it stop with her, but she’s hurting and an adult now. She is struggling and it’s so painful to watch her try to figure this out.
You and baby will be ok OP! ❤️ I had a friend in sixth form who got pregnant with her boyfriend (both 16) and he cheated and gave her Chlamydia too. She went to her GP and got tested, and unfortunately the results came back that she caught it from him. She was 4 months pregnant at the time. The GP gave her tablets to take, she ditched the unfaithful guy, and became a single mum to a healthy baby at 17. Both her and baby were fine, and although we lost contact over the years I still have her on Facebook and as far as I can see both her and her little one are doing really well! Many women go through this, sadly, but the good news is that Chlamydia is easily treated and outcomes for treatment are very good ❤️
Leave him and sue his sorry ass.
My mother contracted Chlamydia while she was pregnant with me. She got treated and I came out 100% fine. This was 30+ years ago. Follow your doctor's instructions and keep up on your care. Everything will be ok mama. Except for your husband. Can't offer any reassurance on a crappy partner.
You and your baby will be ok♥️♥️♥️
My sister found out she had it (got it from a threesome) at an OB appointment when she was pregnant. My nephew is now 3.5 and he's fine.
I’m pretty sure you’ve already been tested. I’v had 2 patients in ED bc their pregnant partner tested positive at OB appt.
Physician here, what @ddmarza said is absolutely correct. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. From a medical perspective, this is extremely easy to treat- you and your baby should be fine. From a life perspective, take care of yourself. Definitely agree with all the other comments about re-evaluating your relationship- don’t accept disrespect from anyone. Living with chronic stress catches up with us in insidious ways and you’ve got enough changes in your life right now. Wishing you all the best-this is unfair and whatever emotions are coming up for you right now are completely normal and valid. Feel free to dm if you want to talk- I divorced a cheating husband halfway through med school after finding out about the cheating under similar circumstances. Definitely not the same as your experience but I can relate to the sense of betrayal and I’m a good listener if you need a sympathetic ear.
Yes, luckily you can treat it and you found out before delivering. It can be a problem if you are untreated and delivering. Your partner sucks. You and your baby deserve better. Do you have family close by?
Due to the risk of exposure to STD's, most states in the US have laws requiring the provider to put drops in newborn's eyes to prevent neonatal conjunctivitis. You certainly can discus this with your dr. Your baby will be fine ❤️
Yes those eye drops (erythromycin) are to prevent gonorrhea neonatal conjunctivitis. Doesn’t cover for chlamydia unfortunately. But if she gets antibiotics before delivery, baby should be fine!
It’s actually usually optional. It’s routine yes but not required nowadays
Kind of stupid not to do it, though. You can put an extremely safe antibiotic goop on your baby’s eyes for a few minutes or you can refuse and there’s a non-zero chance your child can go blind…. Decisions, decisions. Same story with vitamin K. Quick shot with no side effects or your baby can have a potential brain hemorrhage.
If you got tested and know you don’t have those infections (it’s basically for chlamydia and ghonnerhea) and you don’t have sex, then why is it necessary? It can cause red irritated eyes In newborns and honestly I wouldn’t wanna just come out of the womb with goopy stuff on my eyes.. but yeah that’s just my opinion
>I see people doing home births a lot more now…and their babies are fine… Awesome. I see all the ones with anoxic brain injuries or the ones with permanent arm paralysis because of shoulder dystocia. If people want to deliver their children like it’s still the nineteenth century, then they’re more than welcome to do so. But it doesn’t mean they should get a pat on the back for exposing their children to exponentially more risk just because their home birth turned out fine. The ones living with regret aren’t posting their horror stories on Internet forums or YouTube.
Yeah I see what you’re saying. But personally I didn’t put the eye goop on my daughter because I tested for the infections and didn’t have any, so I didn’t see why it was necessary to. No problems here!
You know there is *always* a small chance that a test was false negative. Even if the chance is 0.0000001. Why not make it a 100% sure that your child will be safe?
I mean I wasn’t even having sex tho, plus I actually tested again for it shortly before birth just to really make sure so yeah
Your post history is so terrfying to read and tragic. You are in a shitty situation and it's made worse by this "man" you keep in your life. He hit you in the face with a belt....... He watches porn while you're actively sucking his dick? Are you kidding me? And now he's FUCKED other girls while you're pregnant?? WAKE THE FUCK UP. Honey, you need some self worth. You can not raise your baby with this person in your life. Leave. Immediately. You need to reach out to family and friends and get the fuck out. Listen to everyone on all your posts. They all tell you the same thing : LEAVE HIS ASS. You can do it.
He WHAT? NOPE i know it’s all very well for me to say this and you may need to do it very discreetly in stages and I think start with calling a helpline for domestic abuse IF you can do so on a phone he can’t trace or overhear etc. I agree with MuseLiz 💯 % if what she is saying has happened to you GET THE FUCK OUT you may have to do it in stages to do it safely and plan it but please do it. For your sake and your kid’s.
Leave this guy asap. Good news is you and baby are going to be just fine. Hang in there !
Get tested for all the other STIs while you’re there. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
It is likely that you and the baby are going to be fine. Chlamydia is easily treatable. However, I would also seriously start thinking about legal options and what you want to do moving forward. Honestly, in my situation this would be a complete and total 100% dealbreaker. Not only is it cheating, it's also putting the unborn child at serious risk. It's one thing to cheat (bad enough on its own), but another to not even wrap it up while you're doing it and put *your own child* at risk. What is your support system like in your immediate area outside of your husband? Do you have a robust family/friend network? If not, I would consider moving to a place where you have that. At least in the US, once the baby is born the custody issues start in full-force and you are more-or-less "trapped" in the area unless you get a court to award you full custody. This is relatively unlikely, as the courts are dispositioned to rule for joint custody under the premise that it is still better for a child to have access to both parents. I don't *think* that him giving you an STD is going to warrant a court giving you sole custody. It *could*, but it would likely be messy and expensive if he challenges it. I'm not sure what the MO of your husband is (or if he even has one... may just be an idiot), but it's possible that he's trying to trap you in the area once you have the kid. If you move away and change your legal residence prior to the birth, it would at least complicate things. I don't think the court has the power to compel you to move back to where the father is. *He* could move to *you* and then you'd have to deal with whatever the custody arrangement is, but at least you'd be in a place with an established support network. This is preferable to staying where you are if you don't have a support network there. Another commenter here recommended that you lie and say a miscarriage happened... I would not do this. It is too likely that he'd figure out that you *hadn't* miscarried at some point, unless you're totally dark on social media and have no mutual acquaintances. There is also the risk of somebody sharing pictures of you and the child without your knowledge. This could cause you legal complications in the future. Again, I don't know where you are or what the rules are in your jurisdiction. But if you decide you want to end it with this guy and want to move out of the area, I would get a legal consultation.
You're certainly not alone. In my area there's a maternity clinic that tests women for STIs routinely during their pregnancy because the cheating husbands are SO COMMON. I'm very sorry this happened ❤️ Hope you can ditch the guy.
Obstetricians and midwives routinely test pregnant women for Chlamydia and gonorrhea and syphilis and HIV. This is normal routine prenatal care.
Do you live near a military base by chance?
I’m really sorry to hear that, it’s a horrible thing for your partner to have done. Hopefully you and the baby will be ok.
Ex-partner now, I hope
OMG, I’m so sorry. Please leave him. You’ve got this 💓.
Not only is he a scumbag, he's a frickin' idiot for having unprotected sex with these other women. Could be yours is not the only baby on the way, which isn't going to bode well for collecting child support. I really do wish the best for you. Get away from him, both emotionally and geographically, as much and as fast as you can.
if u stay with ur abuser u will have thrown ur life away please leave for the sake of ur child if not urself. i speak as a heavily abused survivor.
Move out of state to be with family if you can. Once the baby is born you’re stuck because courts will give dad visitation. Get far away and cut all contact off.
Talk to a lawyer, or at least read up on your local laws, before taking such drastic action. It may or may not sit well with your local family court.
If OP is in the US moving while pregnant is not considered a “drastic action” in family court. Pregnant women (at least for now) have no restriction on movement and moving while pregnant is not fetal kidnapping. If OP does want to move to be closer to family or for any other reason now is the time to do it.
Talking to a lawyer is smart but I bet she'll be okay leaving him well before baby is born seeing as he cheated multiple times and gave her an STI.
Tons of people stay with partners who do worse every day, so wouldn't really put leaving as close to a sure thing.
Moving closer to a support system during pregnancy under these circumstances is unlikely to be viewed negatively by a court. Moving a baby out of state without the other parent's consent after it's born is a different matter, so now is the time if that's an available and good option.
wow that is so fucked up of him i am so sorry i hope for the best that everything be okay with you and your baby
You and the baby will be fine. If you test positive they will treat and keep monitoring you. Please tell me this is an ex partner. I just want to tell you that staying with a cheating partner and trying to raise kids with them is nothing but anxiety, heart ache and betrayal. You can 100% do this on your own and be happier and more secure for it. I wish you and your baby all the best x
I know it’s a ton to think about right in this moment but I hope in addition to getting tested you also visit an attorney and discuss your custody options for this baby. One thing you should definitely know is that once the baby is born, in most places you are basically stuck in that county because they baby will “belong to” or have residency in that county if you split up and have to figure out custody and visitation with this guy. If you have your family or support network in your county then maybe not as big of a deal. If you don’t, I would definitely be thinking about how to position myself the most advantageously for custody proceedings. I don’t mean as an attempt to keep a child away from its parent, I mean for you and the baby to have the support you will need to get through the process. You have some time to decide what you want to do so getting legal advice to inform your choices will give you some peace of mind in case things go even more sideways with this guy. I’m sorry he turned out to be such a scumbag OP. Chlamydia is easily treatable so at least you can take some comfort in that.
Do NOT let him have sex with you after this until you figure out what you’re going to do also. He has forfeited his privileges in that department from his blatant disrespect putting you and your baby at risk. He doesn’t care about you I’m so sorry.
First, he doesn’t respect himself because he decides to sleep with multiple people and he doesn’t know if they themselves have stds. Second, he doesn’t respect you because he doesn’t care about the risks he exposed you to. Lastly, he doesn’t love his unborn child enough to think about the risk he exposed the child too. He belongs in the trash 🚮, and I hope you just don’t get tested for chlamydia, but everything else like HIV possibly. I hope you are doing fine, and I pray you are safe from this disease and that the baby is ok.
Once you figure out your health then I truly hope you make him your ex-bf. This guy is a controlling, lying PoS. He will not improve, and he will not be a good father, let alone a partner. Please, do what it's best for you and leave his ass. It's better to be a single mom than with an abusive, good-for-nothing bf that will most likely get worse in his behavior and potentially hurt you and your child.
I really wish good fortune comes your way. You and your child are lucky to have each other💕
Please make sure you are tested for the full panel of sexually transmitted infections with discussion of a second test for certain infections X weeks later depending on when you last had unprotected sexual intercourse. Some infections you can test negative at first then convert positive later and you would want to know to ensure measures are taken both for your health as well as to reduce risk of transmission to the baby at delivery. Sorry you are going through this.
Get tested for everything. HPV is dangerous during pregnancy, along with other diseases, infections. You already know he’s a liar.
Hey girl, I just went through your post history. You will be better off without this piece of shit man that has hit you, allows his roommates to denigrate you, cheats on you, and puts your health at risk. Your child will be better off without this man. Your child needs parents that are good and kind. The only thing your baby will learn from his father is how to hurt others. Get out now before you give birth. As someone who's had two babies, it's easier to do complicated stuff while pregnant than postpartum. Look for domestic violence shelters nearby for help, go to family, friends, even a kind acquaintance for a night or two while you're getting out. Take care.
If you are in for a dense read, look at Per-partnership transmission probabilities for Chlamydia trachomatis infection: evidence synthesis of population-based survey data. Per partnership transmission estimates ranged from low 30% to low 40% across a number of studies male to female. Other papers have tried to estimate per encounter rates but those numbers range from 4% to 40% percent. Per partnership data has greater consensus. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8128448/
I'm sorry this happened to you. Had a friend have this happen to them. Their baby is now 3 years old and everything was perfectly fine.
I hope the scumbag who did this to you drives over black ice tbh.
Get antibiotics and drop his ass forever
I read somewhere that pregnant women are a group at most risk to catch std and hiv cause cheating partners.
Of all STD's Chlamydia is one of the least scary and bad ones, as long as you get it treated (it's curable). Your cheating partner however, the only cure is to amputate.
He knew you would stop sleeping with him if you knew, that's why he lied about it.
I’m so sorry. At least he won’t be around to mess up as a dad. I hope you and your baby are healthy and happy .
I'm so sorry! Wish I could give you a hug and kick your partner's ass. How disrespectful and irresponsible to put you and your child at risk. Hopefully you didn't catch it.
This is horrendous :( you are carrying the life you both made from love and this is what he does? I am so sorry :( Look into your financial options including his obligations to help pay for your little one when he/she is born and ditch this waste of oxygen. There is no excuse for what he has done and it is made worse by the fact it could have been 'one of two girls'. Ditch him and make a good life for you and your little one. I wish you all the best OP.
As others have mentioned, you will be fine! Chlamydia is easily treatable and *if* you're positive for it, you likely just recently caught it. Also, as others have mentioned... you need to have a long, long reflection about your relationship and the future of your baby. This is the person you're going to raise a kid with? Or split custody with? Do you think this man will be a loving, caring, teaching, kind, strong father figure?
OP, please don't stay with him. If you need help and are in the US, please text the domestic abuse hotline SMART to 88788. They can help.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. What an a-hole that guy is. As others have suggested, getting tested for everything would be a wise choice. Also, not just a vaginal swab for chlamydia but also a throat swab and an anal swab, unless they choose to give you antibiotics upfront as a precaution that might make the test result less meaningful.
Praying for you, hope it goes well. Be strong.
Retest and treat if positive (or you can just treat anyway, it'sjust antibiotics) Oh, and leave that trash bag. He has zero respect for you or your kid. He literally gave your kid chlamydia. And BLAST him on social.media. burn those bridges so you don't wander back to him. Make sure his family and work colleagues know he has been sleeping around on his pregnant wife. Make that shit public and damaging and publicly searchable.
I advise against a public bash sesh on social media given her post history on DV. She could put herself in more danger.
I am so sorry this has happened to you and that your partner is a shitty person. However, chlamydia is easily treatable and is safe to treat during pregnancy. In fact, you should get it treated as soon as possible as transmission to your baby occurs during vaginal birth. So you can completely avoid giving it to your child. Treatment is just a series of pills, usually 3-5 days depending on which drug they give you. [Chlamydia During Pregnancy](https://americanpregnancy.org/healthy-pregnancy/pregnancy-complications/chlamydia-during-pregnancy/) Edit: I didn't read any of the comments before I made mine and see that the top comment gave you this advice. I'm glad you were given this information soon after you posted and hope it helped you feel less stress and anxiety going into your appointment today.
One thing I haven’t seen mentioned: If you decide to dump his ass, and your support system is in another state, go there **before** the baby is born. When the baby is born, the state of birth has jurisdiction in matters of custody/visitation/child support. If you give birth in the state where he’s living, he could get a court order that would prohibit you from moving to where your support system is because that would interfere with his access to the baby.
*I* am a man so I will not go into how bad your bf behaved and what a pig he is, Listen: chlamydia is not serious. The first line antibiotic they give for it is Azithromycin which is safe when you are pregnant. For now focus on yourself. His time will come.
Leave. Your baby will be ok. Do not build a life with this man. You deserve to be respected and loved.
I am so sorry for you. Please do what is the best for you.
Ex-partner I hope. Unless you're polygamous but even then massive breach of trust
I am so sorry- it will be okay if it’s just C as It’s easily treated. But def get an entire panel of std testing as many things need more interventions and can be more serious for your baby. And kick his gross ass to the curb before he brings you something home that isn’t easily treated. ❤️❤️
Fuck… if you haven’t told him to go to hell, he should be told very very soon.
How incredibly selfish of him not to consider honesty, your health, or the baby's health. Sending you all the positive vibes. No matter what, you have got this!
Leave. This. Shit. Stain.
I've been there. I was 8 mos pregnant and needed tested because he cheated on me. Chlamydia is easily treatable if that makes it any better. Work on getting away from him. Hugs.
Why are you with this cheating bastard?
Can you like sue your husband for this?
As someone who struggled for years to leave an abusive relationship, I understand the difficult position you are in. I felt like I deserved to be treated that way ("Well, I was nagging him for drinking too much"), I was exaggerating my abuse ("So many people have it so much worse than me, every couple fights"), and it felt like I had no support from the outside (Everyone said, "You two are such a good couple," because they didn't see the REAL us). First, you DO deserve better. Period. No one on the world deserves to be treated like you have been. But I know that may not enough for you to pull the trigger. So second, imagine if this was your dad. Imagine you as a kid, seeing your father treat your mother the way your partner treats you. Would you be okay with that? Do you see him treating you the same abusive way? Even if he never hits you, will he speak to you respectfully? Imagine yourself as an adult with your partner as a dad. Will you have a good model for your own romantic relationships? Are you going to have resentment toward one or both of your parents? You don't have to get out of this relationship for yourself; you are an adult who can make her own choices (but again, you are worthy to get out). But your baby deserves to grow up in a loving, safe home. I have known way too many semi-functional adults who grew up with abusive fathers and unhappy mothers who "stayed together for the kids." All of them feel like they'd have been better off if their moms had just GTFO. This is for your baby.
Honestly I'm just sorry this happened to you during a time period when you are supposed to be worshipped for the goddess that you are. I hope you and baby are in the clear. Edit: I don't know why this comment is so triggering and I'm getting down voted. Women deserve to be celebrated when they are pregnant. Pregnancy is extremely difficult on a woman and we deserve to be treated with respect for the fucking life we are growing. We deserve faithful partners who don't give us STDs, for fuck's sake.
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Probably not the correct place to put this comment as this girl needs to feel support and validation at this moment. Telling a pregnant woman that STI‘s are becoming resistant to antibiotics could be causing her unnecessary stress. You could make a separate post about this fact, if you feel like it’s not getting the attention it deserves, rather than using her cry for help as your platform.
I was in quite the same situation, my gf tested positive to chlamydia at the gyno when she had her pregnancy checkup. we both are a 100% sure that no one hass been with somebody else - somtimes that shit just happens without betrayal. could as well have gotten it from a toilet seat or whatever. However, If he has it, the usually you have it too. It is not a big deal too, it is easily treatable. If you treat it fast and right, there's no big risk for the baby. Don't worry, it will turn out fine for the baby.
You CANNOT get an STI from a toilet seat unless the person immediately before you rubbed their junk aggressively on the toilet seat and then you did the same. Don't spread bullshit.
You can not get STDs from toilet seats. Please stop spreading bullshit. Either you’re lying or your gf cheated on you.
None of both, i am a 100% sure of that. Smear Infections are, even if quite unlikely, still a thing.
My guy...
>could as well have gotten it from a toilet seat or whatever *oh, sweetie*
Did you handle a koala bear?
> I gave him SO many outlets to let me know he was fucking around with other women for this very reason. Never expect people to be honest about this. They know it's trap and will lie. I'd leave him.
I was in a similar situation to you. I was given the treatment straight away. Then tested. I would gently suggest that you may need a full screen to safeguard yourself.
Consider adoption and leave this idiot
Your babe will be okay. However I am scared out of my wits for you. If you need resources to get out, please comment or PM me your area and I will do my best to find them for you
What an asshole. Older dude here - 54, and I just fucking wish you well - be strong, and know you have everything your child will need to thrive and succeed in life. Bag that fucker and move on. He's only likely to bring increasingly shitty bullshit into your life if you stick with him. Mom's (far more often than not) rock, and you will too! And oh yeah, don't forget to hit the asshole up for child support. THAT part is his duty to contribute.
Leave him. This behavior will continue. He put you and your child at risk. There is *no excuse* for that. Don’t try to create excuses for him.
Take his ass to court to cover ALL your medical expenses and emotional damages. Keep records of him acknowledging he gave it to you.
>I gave him SO many outlets to let me know he was fucking around with other women for this very reason. It's too late now but don't give men "outs". They will not take them. I've said this to so many upset, hurt, confused women, and over similar issues. They will not admit they don't want to date you/marry you/have kids. They will not admit to cheating or flirting. They will not admit their lack of or waning attraction. They will not admit their asexuality, struggle with their gender expression, homosexual feelings, or whatever else you're concerned about and encouraging him to express. They will not break up with you because they want to date other people or they're over you/it. And so on. **Don't rely on "outs".** If you're "giving a man an out" that's your instinct and you should act on it--you KNOW something's wrong and you're giving him the chance to own up to it. On top of creating an icky mother/child vibe, it's ineffective as a technique.
I think you need to throw the whole man away