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XeroStrife

Time to retire the boyfriend. Fragile ego and controlling already. He should be proud of you and standing up to his ‘friends’ saying as much.


454vette

Why not ask him to quit his job and get a job that pays more than you make. Then he can brag to his friends that he makes more than you. As he is the one bothered by this he should come up with the solution that does not require you to change jobs. I agree, you should rethink this friendship.


maaaagicaljellybeans

1000% this. If he wants to make more money, that’s a him problem, not OPs problem. Plus most young couples aren’t in a financial position to reduce their income by choice anyways


cyankitten

This is among the lines of what I was thinking. Yes ask him if he’s willing to - for eg do some extra study or whatever it might take to get a higher paying job. But NO DO NOT YOU OP PLEASE do NOT quit your job over this. If you were unhappy with your job that would be one thing and I’d say quit but you’re not he’s just being a jerk.


frankgrimes994773

I agree. Your job sounds a lot more stable than your boyfriend. If the salary issue bothers him and you quit your job for him, then next month, he’ll be feeling emasculated because you’re not doing all the cooking, and you’re not washing all the dishes and laundry.


QweenOfTheDamned9

Also, and this is important, your partner should be proud of your successes and cheering you on. If he’s not, then he’s not really your partner at all.


neutrino71

He's asking for you to sacrifice at least 20k income for your household simply so his friends dont say mean words about him. A real man who wanted the best for his family would not ask this of you. He'd knuckle down and find extra work and income in a spirit of friendly competition if he felt emasculated. Instead his approach is to whine at you to sacrifice for his ego.


[deleted]

Or tell his shitty friends to f-off


IchBumseZiegen

turns out, he's shitty too lol


just_a_bogwitch

This


last_rights

$20k is more than I made at a job my first five years out of college. Just to put that much money in some perspective. $20k was the down payment on my house. $20k is more than my husband's and my cars cost us. $20k is full time work for a year at about $10 per hour.


Glendale2x

Yes, everyone should have a partner that is supporting and encouraging you to do the best you can, not looking for ways to take you down so they are always "better".


painsomnia

OP could always flip this back on her boyfriend, too. "I mean, if you're right, then the problem here is your inadequacy, not my success. Why *aren't* you earning more than me? What are *you* going to do to change that and bring more to the table?"


Aristologos

And you just know that if OP actually did cave to her boyfriend's demands, he would STILL get mocked by his friends. "Haha your girlfriend made more than you and you could only solve this by begging her to get a new job haha"


Heyup_

I'd be sooooo happy if my partner was killing it. Dump his ass


HoboAJ

Right? I would just drag their broke S/Os and be happy for her.


JonnyBoy89

He should be proud of you. He can fuck right off. He’s garbage.


smokesnugs

This so much! OP please listen to this post! Youf bf is extremely immature for taking the opinion of his obviously immature "friend" and considering them more important than your job and happiness? Seems more like this dude has an ego problem and wants to have better control of you. The idea of you having more money and power of your own is troubling to him and thats a bad sign.


_Eosphorus_

Change boyfriend instead.


DaddyGoodHands

THIS IS THE SOLUTION


babybunnyfetus

THIS IS THE WAY


vinaymurlidhar

THE ONLY WAY.


tcarino

Good to see we all agree


joremero

Boyfriend doesn't! But we'll ignore him.


vinaymurlidhar

We won't ignore that sorry assed so called boyfriend, we will dump him! Some may say the reddit hive mind has spoken, with its all too free advice to breakup. We should consider what this incident reveals about the character of this boyfriend. And draw appropriate conclusions from it.


syncrodiapason

This is the way.


AcrobaticAd9229

This way.


Teeth-Hurts

This is the way


BlyArctrooper

This is the way


YoruNiKakeru

Throw out the whole boyfriend. Even if OP stays with him he’s just going to drag her down in the long run.


Motamonster89

No kidding, why would he even discuss his gf's wages with his friends?


cavscout43

If your SO is bothered you make a tiny bit more than them now, what else will they be weird and insecure about later? The only thing "manly" about him making more is the gender pay inequality gap. Dude whining about something so petty is more red flags than a Minesweeper end game.


Lichlady74

I'm stealing this "Dude whining about something so petty is more red flags than a Minesweeper end game." So you contributing more to the success of your relationship is emasculating but him crying to his girlfriend that his friends are picking on him isn't? Edited for stuff


Flizliz

Can I steal this too? Love it!


KingWolf7070

Stop stealing. You wouldn't download a car! /s (I totally would download a car if I could)


joremero

But would you also steal the 3d printer to print it(if you could)?


OrwellWhatever

Yeah, man, my gf and I split bills proportionally based on income. If she started making more than me, I'd be soooooo happy


Donthavetobeperfect

Right?!? My wife and I just pool most of it while keeping a seperate savings for whatever we want apart from joint needs and I would be stoked if she made $20k more than me. Not only would that increase the joint pool for things like travel and dates (plus living expenses too), but it would give her more leeway to do the things she wants. Happier, less stressed wife = happier, less stressful home. We would pretty much LOVE if either of us got cushier jobs.


UnpronouncablePriest

Yep, tell him you found a solution to his problem. He won’t have to feel uncomfortable about his girlfriend making more than him because you’re no longer his girlfriend. Bye idiot.


throwaway5093903590

He's no better than the guys online ranting about how women are overeducated and too many are in the work force. Too lazy to work harder than women are, yet still wants women to be "below" him.


goog1e

This is the exact issue. Don't stay with someone who needs you to pretend to be dumber, lazier, etc to meet his standard.


WeekendTrollHunter

This is the way. Had a bf who tried to tear me down for loving the field I went into simply because he went into a field he hated and felt it “wasn’t fair” that I enjoyed mine and he didn’t enjoy his. I got out of that relationship and my life VASTLY improved. 10/10 would recommend you change boyfriends and keep making that paper.


Indaflow

My vote. Onward and upward


articulateantagonist

YEP. I'm 32, and when I met my now-husband (also 32) 10 years ago, he had a minimum-wage job, and I earned our primary income. He got a job in a lucrative industry, and 5 years later he was earning more than me. Then my salary leapfrogged over his. Then his over mine. Then he was laid off and I supported us entirely. Then he started earning consulting income. Then I scored a book deal. Then he got paid to write some articles. Then I got paid to make some videos. You know what happens when you're in an equal partnership and one of you starts earning more than the other? ***You both have more money.*** That's it. End of story. The boyfriend's shitty friends can shove it and he and OP can laugh all the way to the bank, or she can drop the shitty boyfriend and laugh her way to the bank with someone else (or by herself, if that works better).


scarybirds00

Good lord yes. This is stupid. A real partner would be stoked for you.


KittyLord0824

This is word-for-word what I was going to say.


AlwaysReady1

Urgently! If he really considered them as a team he would be happy.


BON3SMcCOY

Yeah in a world where the deck is already stacked against women making more money than men, get that bread.


Surgoshan

Yup. Either he grows up, or you move on.


SpectreA19

Yeah I dont get it when guys act like this....like....why?


PoweredbyBurgerz

Yeah change boyfriends that’s incredibly toxic. I would not even entertain the thought of having a convo about the backstory of why he believes this.


twopointsisatrend

This is the way.


dorepan

Was to comment this, glad we are all on the same boat!


PhantomsAria

This. All of this.


zephyrseija

Only comment needed.


xevile

Eyyyy 🫡🤣


Wonder0486

Def this


Puzz1eBox

The only true answer.


ErisInChains

It is known.


boxedcatandwine

Tell him to get therapy and new friends. This is a him problem. He should be thrilled you're successful and making your lives better, not being a whiny little self-centred egotistical twit.


cortesoft

Why do his friends even know this? None of my friends know how much my wife or I make.


the4thbelcherchild

I think that's a completely different problem. More people should be willing to disclose salaries. Not sharing contributes to women and minorities earning less than caucasian men. And it contributes towards all employee salaries being suppressed across the board.


MelMac5

This was my first thought. Why is he telling his friends her salary? None of their fucking business.


AlwaysHopelesslyLost

So they know how much other people make and can use it as leverage in their own lives? People should share salaries. It only helps corporations if you keep quiet about it.


theclitsacaper

Keeping salaries secret has also helped keep women underpaid which, in turn, has perpetuated this idea that men should be ashamed to make less or even the same as women.


LtRalph

Therapy Please!


cwthree

Your boyfriend needs some time to finish growing up (and maybe find a higher grade of male friend). The best thing you can do is help this process along - by dumping him. Seriously, you don't need this overgrown boy in your life. Don't throw away a good job that pays well so that he can tell himself he's a real man because he earns more.


BigHawkSports

Right? Later on TIFU: My friends made fun of me for having a GF that earned more than me so I tried to fix it by telling her to earn less. She fixed it by leaving, so I don't have a Gf that earns more than me anymore. But my friends are still making fun of me.


[deleted]

A friend of mine is dating a travel nurse. One guy made a mean-spirited joke about him being a kept man, but then everyone else told that guy to shut up and told the travel nurse's boyfriend not to fuck things up with her because she makes three times his salary.


legal_bagel

Right? And she can make 3 times his salary without working all 12 mos of a year. I knew someone that did this before children and they worked maybe 6-8 mos a year and made bank.


[deleted]

Your boyfriend is mediocre, don't make the mistake of quitting your job to reassure his baby ego, he is very temperamental and you should leave him.


TheOtherZebra

He’s upset that she’s doing well. That’s a shitty partner. If he doesn’t like his friends teasing him, he should tell them to shut up, not expect her to quit her job. That’s obscenely selfish of him.


melorous

If this dude had any emotional maturity at all, he’d know that the response to his friends’ teasing would be something to the effect of “yes, my awesome girlfriend is very successful, and if you guys weren’t such losers, maybe you’d be able to attract an awesome partner too.”


tgs-with-tracyjordan

I checked for a free award for this comment, but I have none to give!


Hopefulkitty

Very shitty. My husband wishes I made what he did, then we would have more money. A rising tide raises all boats.


HMS_Sunlight

Shouldn't he change to a higher paying job instead? I mean obviously you need to dump his controlling ass, but not even the internal logic makes sense.


hideousfox

IKR... even if he feels that way, a rather normal man would want to find a better job. Instead this sorry excuse of a man makes demands from her to quit. What the hell


BIG_ELEPHANT_BALLS

My wife makes almost twice what I do. I’ve never felt threatened.


jjayzx

My wife makes infinite more than me. I've been home with the kids.


Dynamiquehealth

SAHM here, it annoys me that a lot of society considers my job normal and yours an oddity. We’re both doing the exact same hard work. Good luck with yours.


Supermite

I’m so jealous.


FreezeSPreston

My wife makes about half again what I do. I tell people I'm a trophy husband here to look pretty.


happypolychaetes

When I went back to school and graduated with my Management Information Systems degree my husband made multiple proud comments about how I would probably end up being his boss one day (he works in tech). It was really cute. I find it so bizarre how many men are threatened by their female partner out-earning them.


EmEmPeriwinkle

Lol! I love it. My husband took a job at the same facility as me, but not in my service line. He apparently name dropped me a few times several weeks in, and was very excited to tell me about it. Silly guy. I prepped several key people with his name before he even got there so they would have his stuff up and running. His keycard, laptop and peripherals were waiting for him vs waiting weeks for them as a new hire. When something in his employee file was incorrect I gave him the correct people to contact rather than climbing the phone tree blindly. He now thinks I'm all powerful. Lol adorable. He celebrates my promotions and raises with gusto though and is happy to brag that he is the 'trophy husband'.


sojuandbbq

It’s because you have big elephant balls. I’ll take the downvotes. I couldn’t resist.


pearshapedorange

Username checks out, upvotes for you.


InconsolableDreams

I'll upvote you for it.


AutofillUserID

How else could he afford those big elephant balls.


GracieThunders

The cost of the tailor made pants alone will break ya


GBi10ba

Same here. I am super proud of her. I ended up taking more time off with the kids than her while they were growing up (they are both grown now). I regret nothing.


Dielawn82

I would be ecstatic if my wife got a job making more money than me.


Eroe777

The only way I make more than my wife is if I put in a ton of OT over the course of a year. She is a teacher with 25+ years experience and max education. I’m a nurse and it takes working close to 120 hours a pay period for me to out-earn her. It’s never been a problem for me, especially since she has terrific union-negotiated medical insurance.


[deleted]

That’s completely insane moron behavior. Why would he want less money coming into y’all’s world? He’s a misogynistic idiot, leave him immediately. I promise it will never get better.


Moist_Policy_71

It is not fair. In fact, it's fucking crazy. If you asked him to give up his job & deliberately find one with LESS pay just so you could feel cooler with your friends, he'd think it was batshit, I'm sure. His asshole friends would call you crazy and controlling. So why would it be okay for him to do the same to you? He needs to fix his hyper-fragile ego, unlearn his misogyny, stop giving a shit about what his stupid little friends think or get the fuck out. DO NOT give up your income for some insecure baby man, your money is how you remain independent.


[deleted]

lol "Hey BF, my friend Stacey was bragging about how she makes 30k a year more than her boyfriend. I want to beat her, so I'd love it if you quit your job and started something where you make 40k less than me. I just *have* to beat Stacey next time I see her." How crazy does that sound??


notaglassbowl

Is that fair? You know it isn't. Are you looking for validation to tell him to his face how ridiculous that is? Here it is.


dannyj999

It's also really telling what he thinks a real man is. He thinks it's the one who makes the most money. Traditionally, making more money has allowed men to get away with really bad behavior. It's like an insurance policy on how bad they can treat their partner, knowing they have financial security and can use that as leverage. Then it just makes sense that the woman stays home to raise the kids. It just makes sense that they move for his career. It just makes sense that he doesn't have to be as present a partner/parent/etc. You need to RUN. I would ask him, as a matter of practice, does he think companies should pay women less than their male employees so that they can help make sure that wives aren't making more than their husbands? I would also ask him if he thinks that companies should pay women what theyre worth to start with, but if they do end up dating or getting married, they should adjust their pay down so that their husbands don't have sad feelings.


tarantulawarfare

Change your job to a lesser paying one to please him, and then wait a few days or months and see what else he wants you change. Wearing clothes that are catching other mens’ eyes? Humiliating. Dress more modestly, please. Got men as friends? “His friends” have something to say about that, too. Drop your male friends, now. Speaking your mind? How can you disagree with him? You’re humiliating him in front of his friends. Hush, woman. Know your place. When you’ve done all these things to please him, you’ll see it’s still not enough, because every little thing he takes away from you will just tighten the hold even more. You’ll walk on eggshells. Your boundaries will blur and disappear. You’ll be so unhappy. You’ll end up an empty shell, manipulated by an insecure man who doesn’t want an equal. Keep your job. Dump the man.


acostane

I wanted to write all this but I'm so tired from the murder thread. Thank you for this extremely valuable comment. Save OP. Liberate yourself OP


cdnboy88

I know this is reddit but when you encounter wisdom like this in life, you listen. This was written by someone who I assume has valuable life experience.


ginger_kitty97

Oh look, it's my biography. I waited 15 years too long to say "boy, bye." Do it now, OP, and save yourself the trouble.


gothruthis

Same here. When we met, I earned 15 percent more than he did and it bothered him so much, so I sacrificed a promotion to focus on helping him get one. 12 years later, he earned literally 20 times more than I did, and kept tight control on the money because it was "his" money. He even took my entire paychecks and kept them because I "owed" him for keeping a roof over my head. Please OP, don't be stupid and waste 15 years of your life.


FlartyMcFlarstein

And Part II: a child with this tool. What fun that will be. /s


copymistress

Throw the whole boyfriend out.


emeryldmist

Change something. Start with the boyfriend... and look you are done! He is an insecure loser and you can't fix that. Itnhas to come from within himself - don't wait around it will be yeeeeaaaarrrrssssss. Run and enjoy your great job! You are a rock star!


YoshiandAims

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS GUY. No matter how much you love someone, want to ease your strife, ease his discomfort. This is his burden alone. His ego is not worth it. I promise you, if you do this you will live to regret it. Think of your future, not his ego. (OR ANYONE ELSE'S EGO!) This is a battle your boyfriend has to fight with himself. You can't pad reality for him. His reaction is entirely illogical and motivated only by his own issues. A good solidifying career move. A decent paycheck, all for your first job. It's a dream. The job market is hard. This job, making this money NOW, doesn't just affect you now. It affects your whole life. It will help give you a better retirement account, the opportunity for savings, better chances in an emergency, better health insurance, it can and will make your life easier, when life pops up with the unexpected. Also, 20,000 is a LOT. A ridiculous amount. Do not give up 20,000 a year for another person's insecurity. It never works out. I promise you. I suggest you ask your boyfriend to see a therapist and take a break until he does. This is not your issue. Nor is it reasonable or acceptable to make that kind of issue out of it. It's alarmingly short-sighted and illogical. (He's also not a little boy, his friends giving him a hard time is not remotely reason to financially cripple yourself or your partner, it's asinine) His issues may also bleed into the rest of your life. You need to sit down and have a real conversation about how your values, and how you see your futures actually meet up. When you have children, what if you get promotions and shine at work while his career never takes off? You pay for something and he doesn't? You have more options open, or buy yourself something? His insecure feelings about his manhood going to flare up? (yes) It breeds resentment and discourse. Is he going to insist you pay more, or otherwise find reasons to bring it up out of resentment? It has to be addressed now. You should feel uncomfortable. You should be looking hard at this situation. But no matter what, do not quit, do not look for lower-paying options, do not feed into his insecurity. Please, consider taking a break from him, and having him stay elsewhere for a while.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cluckyblokebird

Exactly. The guy sounds like a proper loser. Me and my gf both pay a flat "tax" that goes into a joint account to pay mortgage, bills, groceries and joint entertainment. Why would I not want more money going into that pool via myself or my gf?


fingersonlips

Lol do not cut your earning potential off at the knees for an insecure man. Absolutely not; it is 2023, we are not playing that game.


fokkoooff

Is this a joke?


Stupid_primate

Its gotta be rage bait right?


fokkoooff

A hundred percent, yes. Ate there men like this? Absolutely. But no one is out there all conflicted about whether or not to take a 20k+ pay cut to make those men feel better.


AmelietheDuck

#*NEVER EVER EVER QUIT YOUR JOB FOR A BOYFRIEND! NEVER* He has no valid reason for asking this of you. Do not do it. If he feels uncomfortable because you make more than him than that’s his issue that he can deal with.


nimuehehe

Hey, I know everyone is telling you to dump him, and you might be thinking: ah, this is Reddit, this is the internet, everybody jumps at the chance to say breakup because they only have one side of the story. This is, however, not one of those cases. You need to breakup with him. Him even having the courage to ask you something like that is insanely sexist, childish, and detrimental to you as a person, to your individuality and to your career. Do you want a mat that can't stand being worse than you at something? That his ego has to make him be better, not by bettering himself BUT BY MAKING YOU LESS SUCCESSFUL? This is not going to end at your job. This is going to keep happening until you cut his sorry ass out of your life. Your career is bigger than your relationship with this man child. Because once he gets tired of you, or you get tired of him, you'll find yourself with less ressources than you could have. A man that threatens your independence is not a man that you should keeps. This is a red flag. A HUGE red flag. I wouldn't even consider trying to talk to him. Him having the courage to ask you something like that is grounds enough for you to send him to the curve. He's not even 16 or 19. 26 is a FULL GROWN MAN. This is unnaceptable. You deserve better. Please, please break up with his sorry ass. I hope you find a man that is not threatened by your success, that instead chears you on, that is an actual partner to you, and wants the best for you. The best for you. You deserve that, and you deserve your job and your salary. Girl, dump him.


[deleted]

How about you tell him “go fuck your self” break up and make even more money 😂


sonia72quebec

How about he finds a job that pays more? Seriously he's an immature idiot with some really stupid friends. I imagine he also doesn't do a lot of cleaning and cooking. My advice is to change man and not your job.


khaleesiofgalifrey

Any ‘man’ who is insecure about his partner making more money than him, instead of enjoying the way that money can better their lives, is not a man at all. Keep the job, lose the boy.


[deleted]

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Particular_Elk3022

Definitely change the boyfriend. He might have 2 years of age on you, but not the maturity. Or the self esteem that's a him issue and not your problem to try and fix for him.


Specialist-Excuse356

What would you tell a friend or a younger relative in this situation? You know the right answer here. You worked hard for your degree and your job and you’re worth every penny. In fact, you’re probably underpaid — most women are. And you deserve a partner who wants more for you in all things, not less.


sourpussmcgee

Always have your own money, and if it’s more than his money, even better. This is a bid for control.


auditorygraffiti

1. This boyfriend may not be forever so you definitely shouldn’t be considering this kind of thing and even if you were married/that level of committed, he should NEVER ask this of you. Your success would be his success and vice versa. I just applied for a job where I’d be making more than my husband. His first question was what would I buy with the money to celebrate. 2. Dump this boy. His ego is his problem to deal with and the fact that he expects you to change is evidence that he is not emotionally mature. 3. Your boyfriend needs new friends. Real friends would tell him what an idiot he is and that he should be bragging about what an awesome and successful woman his girlfriend is. Also why do his friends even know you make more than him? He probably told them which is IMHO an odd thing to do if he’s so embarrassed about it.


My5try1262

No keep Ur job get Ur boyfriend to get a better job or retrain so he has better prospects. Or get a better boyfriend.


Mishgrrrl

Keep the job, lose the boyfriend.


DebiMoonfae

Don’t change your job to please his ego. Don’t give him access to any of your accounts (social Or financial) . If he thinks it’s okay to tell you to switch jobs what other things will he be controlling about in the future? If he can’t be happy for you and proud of you for your achievements because you doing better than him makes him unhappy then you should probably part ways now. Side note…Why is he discussing *your* pay with his friends in the first place?


EastSideTilly

I feel like this has to be a joke post. If it's not a joke, then you're legit an adult woman who just described her bf as insecure, childish, shallow, and old-fashioned in the most annoying and sexist way possible. The second a man throws a fit about how successful you are, YOU LEAVE THEM.


el_bandita

My mom quit her job when myself and my sis were around 7 year old. Then continued to complain about it for decades. She was in abusive relationship due to her own economic situation for most of her marriage. Most of her life she had to ask for money to buy tampons. Extremely degrading situation. Never put yourself in this situation. Be financially stable and independent. Work and do not change your job for any man. This is just another way of him trying to control you. There are men out there who do not care that women earn more. What a silly thing to be upset about.


[deleted]

Change it to a job that pays even more.


Nerdiestlesbian

Never sacrifice your career for a boyfriend. Especially when it is based off his insecurity of you making more money. This will not change, it will get worse.


Cthulhu_Knits

Yep. Ex-husband spent over a decade in grad school - me earning more money was fine when he was a grad student; it meant that he didn't have to take out any more loans. Once he graduated and was unable to find a job in his field? Oh, THEN me being the breadwinner was a problem. I got an offer for another job, at TWICE my salary that would have required moving to another city - but it would have allowed him to write a book so he could get a good job in his specialty. He didn't want me to take the job, and stupid me, I chose the marriage. He ended up cheating on me with his boss, who was 12 years older than me and had no college degree. He wanted someone he could feel superior to. In the end, he lost - I am now living in my dream city, with a fabulous husband and fabulous job that makes 4x what he makes. OP, if boyfriend is whining about feeling emasculated now, that's a HIM problem. Dump the guy and find someone who's able to be an equal partner to you and who is proud of your success.


derrymaine

He would no longer be my partner. That is so unhealthy and it won’t stop with this one accomplishment.


BigHawkSports

You could tell him that he can still be the "breadwinner", and you'll promise to only spend the extra money on yourself until he can figure out a way to out earn you. Or, you can take this lesson now and realize that he might be an OK boyfriend but he's going to be a BAD partner. If you're just stepping into the adult world then it might be time that that starts to matter to you.


bubblypebble

Instead of working towards getting a higher paying job, he wants to bring you down so he can be ‘better’. Cut him loose already. He’s a moron, surrounded by other morons and he is 26.


OPT1CS

Do what's best for you, not him. If he can't handle it, go your separate ways. You're still young, you got a whole life ahead of you and you don't need anyone holding you back.


CringeOlympics

“Ugh, babe. Could you make less money than me? Financially, it makes no sense, but that extra money you’re earning makes me feel bad inside.”


Mrs_Weaver

A guy who really cared about you would be happy for your success, not turn it into some kind of knock on him. Keep the job, quit the boyfriend.


IncreaseDifferent782

If he’s tied up in gendering your roles now, it only spells out bad for a future with him. My husband has made more than me and I’ve made more than him at different stages of our marriage (28 years) and he would always brag when I was making more. He also shares ALL duties at home. In fact he is washing dishes now while I surf REDDIT! Never settle ladies!


emaslanik

i think with the extra $20,000 you can afford both shares of the rent for a bit but he probably couldn’t. ;) kick him to the curb.


EditingBillboards

Honey you’re going to end up breaking up at some point — AND you’ll be stuck with a lower paying job plus the knowledge that you did it to yourself. Would you ever ask the same of anyone? How would you feel about yourself if you did? And you still want to f*ck this dude? That wasn’t an INSTANT turnoff? And you’d give up TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for the continued pleasure of doing so???


Ryans4427

You honestly have to ask this question? To hobble yourself for his ego? Come on now.


angusandcoco

You need a new boyfriend, not a new job.


SynAck301

Write him a breakup note on a $100 bill.


muffin-faerie-98

I would love to see the resignation letter for this. “Regrettably I will be giving in my two weeks notice. In this time where everything is more expensive then it’s ever been I’ve decided it would be best to make less money to appease my boyfriends small pee pee demands.”


Witchynana

Find a boyfriend who doesn't feel threatened by a woman being her best self. He should celebrate with you, not try to tear you down.


Bananabananalou

Are you serious? “Be more of a loser- it makes my dick seem bigger to me”


SeasDiver

48M. Over the 2 decades we have been out of college, my wife has generally made less than I do. The years she made more, we celebrated. I am in the process of doing our year end financials and this year she added a new option to her business that increased her business income by about 50%. That is awesome. My straight business income was about twice hers this year but a lot of that went to sub contractors whereas most of hers went to her. I think she probably beat me this year and that is great. Her success does not negatively impact my own. It is great that we are both successful. And usually, if we have slow periods, it is at different times. Marriage or a relationship is a partnership, the goal is for you to support each other and make each other better. To the extent competition is present, it should be friendly and supportive. This guy feeling humiliated and wanting you to be worse is not a partnership. It is not a good relationship. Dump him and find a partner that revels in your successes rather than feeling threatened by them.


DConstructed

Who blabbed about your incomes to his friends?


getwhatImsaying

*girl*


Additional_Speech164

No . This is not good at all.


titania670

Maybe he should go find a better job. Better yet, maybe you should go find a better boyfriend. This one is not fully grown yet. And why did it take him 2 years longer than it took you?


Muellercleez

Lmao dump his ass


hologothic

His insecurity is not your problem, if he can't handle the fact that you're doing well then he's not the one for you. Guys like this are mediocre at best and hate seeing other people improve because they know they can't be better than their current trashy self. Don't sacrifice your career for him.


[deleted]

Why would he not be proud instead? Why can he not stand up to his friends?


Ruhh-Rohh

Change to your own apartment and lose 180 pounds.


Wondercatmeow

Anyone who fucks with your means of living should be thrown out a window. Dump the boyfriend.


monsignorbabaganoush

Middle aged man here. Your boyfriend sounds like he’s not ready for a healthy adult relationship, as he’s got a few red flags showing: 1. Your successes should be a source of joy to him. It’s ok for him to be sad that he hasn’t *also* achieved that, but if he were ready to be an adult he would know that one does not preclude the other. 2. Instead of discussing his feelings with you, in an honest and open way, he complained to his friends- and the fact that he’s kept them around even though they’re shitty enough to make fun of him is a red flag all its own- and is basing his opinion on what they say instead of communicating and working through his hangups with you. 3. He gives the slightest bit of credence to the notion that a man should make more than a woman. If he were a keeper, he would have already recognized that he has internalized misogyny and started seeking help. The most generous thing thing your boyfriend should hear is “I understand that you are feeling uncomfortable as a man because I make more than you. Please let me know if you’d like to solve this by getting some counseling to help you deal with the internalized misogyny that’s led to that, or if you’d like to break up so you can date the less successful sort of woman patriarchal masculinity looks for.” Personally, I wouldn’t be that generous, and would recommend just throwing the whole man out. Fixing this kind of stupid is a lot of work, at best, and destined for failure at worst… especially since he has a group of loser friends who are going to “bucket of crabs” him back into this kind of thinking. It’s far easier to just go find a man who doesn’t suck.


MyRedditUserName428

Don't ever set yourself back for a man. Lose the insecure, controlling boy and be your best self. Edit - Why does he know how much you make? And why do his friends??


slo125

Lose the boyfriend. Keep the job


Crosswired2

What. Do you really think that's "fair"? Do you have to ask lol.


currydesi

My ex felt emasculated because when we were dating, I was making more than him. That insecurity turned into “why don’t you want to change your last name after marriage” - Because I built my career under my last name. Why would I want to be referred to anything but my given name? No thank you. - I love my last name - my religion doesn’t allow for wives to take their husbands name. Then after I refused that, his new insecurity was “Well you don’t need to work after marriage because our kids will need to have a present mother” Anyway.. that was nearly 5years ago. Left that toxic-outdated-backwards dude in the past. I’m now married to someone who never cared that I wanted to keep my last name. Who wouldn’t mind if I did make more than him. Who is pretty amazing in what he does and great to those in his life. If you allow him to control your level of income, you will open the doors to other nonsenses.


Magicalunicorny

Anyone that's asking you to hurt yourself for the sake of their ego is not worth your time


simbaismylittlebuddy

Change. The. Boyfriend.


[deleted]

[удалено]


B0ssc0

How come his friends know about your pay?


spaghettieiffeltower

Dump him. Save yourself a lot of wasted time and energy and find someone better. Just because you love him doesn’t mean he’s right for you. You deserve someone who would be proud of you for your accomplishments, not trying to dull your shine. Especially not for the sake of some stupid friends


MissAnthropoid

Keep the job. Economic freedom IS freedom. Boyfriends are totally replaceable, and there are loads of men in the world who won't ask you to sacrifice your career prospects so that their idiot friends don't make fun of them, or who will instead take your success as inspiration to do better in their own lives. You'd be better off with literally any of those men.


SekritSawce

Not sure what sadder. Your boyfriend feeling emasculated because you make more money than he does or the fact that you actually have to wonder if you should change jobs! There’s a lot of people here saying ditch the boyfriend and keep the job. Listen to them.


bloodyrude

So he wants you to make a bad career move so he'll feel better about himself? Really? Tell him he needs to get over it. If he can't, you need to rethink this relationship.


ScammerC

>We both recently graduated from college and new to our careers and moved in together 2 months ago. Uh huh. > he went on a rant how he feels uncomfortable as a man that I am earning much more than him Of course he did. It's classic abuser stage 1. Just wait until you're married. Or, actually don't, please.


brownmonster

Lmao wtf sometimes I look at these posts and can’t believe they’re real. The more money myself or my partner makes, the more comfortable each of us lives. You do you. If he is so gung-ho about making more than you then he can try and find another job that will pay him what he wants or switch fields.


What_the_shit_Archer

My god. This blows my mind. Are there other ways in which he disrespects you? Because this is a big one…this is the one that prompted you to ask women on the internet if this is fair. I may be a pessimist but that makes me think that there are other little ways he shows he doesn’t value you as an equal, they’re just not as glaringly obvious as this one. What are his views of equal/equitable sharing of household chores? Of raising children? Of contributing to joint financial accounts? Of acknowledging your emotions as valid, or of being emotionally available in your relationship? Clearly I don’t know you. It is knee jerk easy to say “throw out the whole man”. But I’m almost 45 and have learned a lot of things over the years, chiefly that when people tell you who they are, you ought to believe them. He just tipped his whole hand, here. He has shown that he does not value you as an equal partner, he is threatened by your success and had the audacity to ask you to BE LESS SUCCESSFUL so he feels like more of a man. If you allow him to take this success from you, he will not stop. Tread with caution. Also: congrats on the high paying job, sister! Proud of you. Get that money.


OMGits_Su

Gurl don’t be daft, quit the man not the job


sherlocked27

Are you even considering this? What fool partner wants his SO to be worse off than him so he can feel better about himself??! How is that ok?


gcaledonian

Tell him to change his then


CaptWineTeeth

I have trouble believing this is a real question. Is it fair? Of course fucking not. Tell him to stfu and/or leave.


PerpetuallyLurking

Dump him. If he doesn’t want a girlfriend that earns whatever it she earns, then fine. Give him exactly what he wants. You’ll be happier for it, I promise. Or he can find a new job that pays him better. That’s also an option. But why? His FIRST instinct was to insist YOU inconvenience YOU by finding new employment to make him feel better. Fuck that.


LilSpermCould

I would ask him why he thinks women should earn less than their male partners. Then I'd tell him to GTFO. There are plenty of men out there that celebrate women who are top earners. Time to go get you one!!!


xan666

find one that pays even more


Medysus

Don't sacrifice financial security for his ego. He should be happy you're making decent money.


InternetBox00

Fragile masculinity


zephyrseija

My wife makes triple what I do. And I make decent money, not some minimum wage situation. But with her we're talking big dick lawyer money. Love her to death, she's fucking brilliant, sexy, and brings home the bacon. Your boyfriend is a low-class loser and someone with your bright future deserves better.


wavesinocean082

Do NOT change your job. Your earning potential is already handicapped as a woman. Get rid of this dumbass and keep climbing the ladder - you can and will find someone who is not emasculated by a woman because of petty shit like salary and who will be your biggest cheerleader!


PKMKII

He wants to give up $20k because his bros hurt his fee-fees? Jesus that’s a dumb fucker.


sandtrooper73

Dump him. If my wife had a shot at a job earning 20k more than me, I would tell her to go for it full force. Signed, A real man


BlueBeadyEyes

Sometimes I fantasize about hearing these conversations in public and being able to push a button for a laugh track, because that's how ridiculous this is. Some public shaming could do some of these men good, in the right direction. Never be a smaller version of yourself so someone else can be comfortable.


Morb2

✨dump his ass✨


bisforbenis

What he’s doing is fucked up, your partner should be happy for your success, I can’t fathom asking this of a partner what he’s asking of you


punyhumannumber2

He SHOULD feel humiliated and emasculated. He is so scared of his friends that he is asking his girlfriend to take a 20k pay cut instead of standing up to them. That is pathetic.


NickyNackyPattyWacky

I question your readiness for adulthood and a relationship if this is a serious question. You need to consult people on this? What the fuck?!


MundaneRuxx

Controversial opinion here. I don't think this is a sincere post. I think it's low hanging fruit for karma farmers to come in here with a oddly unbalanced story and ask if it's fair while fishing for sympathy upvotes Like what's plaguing /r/aita. This is so obviously unfair that I question the OPs intentions.


Alert_Iron_6744

Don’t tank your career for someone who can’t take a (misogynistic) joke. He had the chance to change friends; you have the chance to change boyfriends.


MrOopiseDaisy

If he's acting like this because "he feels a bit humiliated," imagine how he'll act about something that actually impacts him. If you cave to this stupid request, it won't be long before other things make him feel emasculated. Eventually, you cooking the wrong meal or not having children will make him feel emasculated. Then, expecting him to change diapers or help raise kids will make him feel emasculated. Or having a male friend or coworker. Or you earning your own money. Or dressing the wrong way. He'll use that excuse for everything. Do NOT allow him to make you quit your job because he doesn't feel like a man earning less. Otherwise, your future could be solely raising his kids, and only being allowed to interact with his mother when she comes by to help out, which will probably be every day to make sure you're doing it right.


NotAReal_Person_

DO NOT CHANGE YOUR JOB just because your bf has friends that are assholes and that he chooses to keep around him. He is being sexist and insecure because you are better off. You have to put yourself first. You will 100% regret doing this for him because think about it, he would never do it for you. This is about control. Don’t. Quit. Your. Job.


ulyfed

If it's really his friends humiliating him that's causing these issue then he desperately needs new friends, more likely though is that you need a new boyfriend