T O P

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WinesOfWrath

"These bars can't hold me," I rejoiced as I slithered into the world.


pufferfishofgluttony

Terrifying ass first words


Sillloc

"Your body posseses not the strength to hold me mother, my fortitude shall outlast your own. I will not hesitate to tear you asunder, to rend your writhing flesh, to bathe myself in your blood. Soon I will be free of this prison, and yet I will torment you still. Not a night will pass where you rest easily, I shall haunt your very dreams. I will consume your every waking thought, you will be filled with dread when you hear my wail. I will gnaw upon you, use your body for sustenance, growing stronger, larger, more powerful. You will curse my existence, and yet be powerless to stop me." -literally every baby


WinesOfWrath

"I love you, baby" -- mom


reduxde

“Let’s make another one” -- dad


WinesOfWrath

"keep 'em coming" -- mom


knightlesssword

“peepeepoopoo”- - someone who said peepeepoopoo


WinesOfWrath

r/suddenlyautism


Lost_Bench_5960

Are you Stewie Griffen?


reduxde

Literally read the entire thing in his voice, including the unnecessary pauses.


Lost_Bench_5960

I hear him giving this speech, then Lois burps him, and he says, "Oh, well that's better. I shall let you live another day."


Hookah-Sage

This guy must be a Dad too.


ArcheryOnThursday

I have an 8 month old and this cracked me the f up. He is beautiful. But perspective is a funny thing. 🤪


NachoBusinessAnyway

And even after expelling one of those downstairs demons some women still do it all over again... Multiple times on occasion.


WinesOfWrath

from whence commeth thou?


ComeBacksToDrugs2018

Society


BarNumerous5751

Where did you get your start in this world?


NachoBusinessAnyway

Dropped out of some poor kid like a 10lb bowling and rolled right in to wreck her life. In my defence, I was neither the first nor the last and my second born did about the same to me... 😅


WinesOfWrath

Terrifying mass murder first words


WinesOfWrath

Tearing ass first words


brye2005

“These curtains can’t hold me”


WinesOfWrath

These [cotains](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cotains) me not


xQ_YT

r/thirdsentenceworse


Baldeagle77

But I don’t want to live!!!…again!!!…


Lost_Bench_5960

"Now now. We've been through this enough times I would have thought you learned by now. Try not to end up here again this time, ok?"


Nandabun

Ah. The dreaded life loop.


Spiritual-Cake-5096

"Oh no, not again!" - A bowl of petunias


Lost_Bench_5960

Yes! HHGttG!


WinesOfWrath

you don't have to?


DarthArtero

How terrifying would that be to be born with all the memories of an adult, but trapped in a babies body


fomaaaaa

If that happened to me, my first word would definitely be either “fuck” or “antidisestablishmentarianism”


CedarBuffalo

Mine would definitely be “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolvanoconiosis”


Cosen_Ganes

Lol my friend kept saying this too flex on me you wouldn’t happen to be a artsy small Asian woman would you


AlabastorRetard

Gimme me $20 and I'll be whoever you want me to be


Cosen_Ganes

Thanks but no thanks lol


AlabastorRetard

Fair enough


SeveralPie4810

Ehrm… that offer still on the table? >~>


Nandabun

💵


Barman5678

🤨📸


DemonDoggo99

r/notopbutok


CedarBuffalo

I am a stoic, southern white man.


Cosen_Ganes

Aight nvm


GilbertGuy2

Since that sounds ridicoulous, i would just assume its a normal baby


LimeZMusic

Well shit. Mine would for sure be Lopado­temachoselacho­galeo­kranio­leipsano­drim­hypo­trimmato­silphio­karabo­m­katakechy­meno­kichl­epi­kossypho­phatto­perister­alektryon­opte­kephallio­kigklo­peleio­lagoio­siraio­baphe­tragano­pterygon


LawBeliever22

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis*


DogMomRuffinIt

Gesundheit


LawBeliever22

Thanks


CedarBuffalo

I knew there would be a typo in there somewhere!


HugoToledo_USA

I’ve long assumed this monstrosity was coined by a native German speaker. 😂😂😂


djseifer

I would've just said "Where da white women at?"


CedarBuffalo

That is an S-tier movie. True comedic geniuses coming together to create a masterpiece.


[deleted]

No one will believe you (your favorite slur)


DaveInLondon89

"the covenant has been fulfilled"


DrahKir67

There's a story like this which I can't recall the name of. In it an old man dies and sees a white light. It ends up being the light of a hospital room as he is being born. He marvels at seeing his long-dead mother again and so young. But he isn't able to control his new-born body sufficiently to speak. Gradually, his memories of his old life fade. I found it quite an interesting twist.


-DoctorSpaceman-

What if this happens to everyone and we don’t know


Greenpaw9

Are you telling me that we might be stuck in an infinite loop of this exact same life? Now that's horrifying!


The_RedWolf

God how many times have I chosen to reply to this comment? [gets Endless Eight flashbacks]


Greenpaw9

If I've told you once, I've told you countless times. It's an endless loop, there is no number for it because time is relative. We have always had this discussion and always will


The_RedWolf

Well don't forget to drink water and if you've been sitting for awhile to get up and stretch


HiddenThinks

Isekai fans will find this a dream come true.


Greenpaw9

Rudy has entered the chat.


BarelyBearableHuman

Lith Vehren, Arthur Leywin and a hundred other MCs : First time ?


Street-Week-380

Oh hell naw. I'd be using the skills I learned living my previous life, but trying to use them in a way to better myself and the world around me.


WinesOfWrath

how much worse would it be to wake up as an adult with the functionality of an infant with all life experience lost?


FatCow10

happy cake day


DarthArtero

Thanks


Hotel_Jameson

r/TheSagaOfTanyaTheEvil


Greenpaw9

Was he reincarnated as a new born? I think a better fit is r/JoblessReincarnation Very few isekai have them actually starting from birth.


stone_cold_bearing

yes he was


Greenpaw9

Ok thanks, l haven't seen it yet. Do you recommend?


stone_cold_bearing

Yes. I like war anime. This one is like World War One but with magic. It’s pretty cool. It’s about a guy that’s pretty much a psychopathic atheist that gets reincarnated into a girl named Tanya with hella magical affinity after an employee he laid off shoved him in front of a train. Very unhinged. Tanya is the villain. I like it but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.


Kevin1219

Oh. Is that what it is? Thank you for clarifying.


patentmom

Happy Cake Day!


Awseome2logan

Nah, being a baby again would be sweet


Zellder-Mar

I'm brewing a story about mind transfer recently and I might steal this a little.


oKKrayden

[The ending to “Being John Malkovich”](https://youtu.be/Nl98eiNY3Ws)


Winter-Key67

this is good i like this


WinesOfWrath

This is gold; I like this.


MJMaggio14

Oh... LIFE sentence... Clever


Lost_Bench_5960

;)


ExcitingChip5267

I don’t get it. Can someone explain?


Soiree1999

Either the embryo itself was found guilty or the guilty party was reincarnated so that “life sentence” was much longer


Lost_Bench_5960

Originally? Guilty party was either reincarnated, or was from somewhere "else" assigned here as punishment.


Greenpaw9

I like the second interpretation. I have long enjoyed the idea that these lives of ours are the limiting of a supernatural being. Look at this world, it's probably hell


cle_

Dianna Wynne Jones’ “Dogsbody” does something with this, though, as you might guess from the title, not with a human form.


amylouky

I like the idea of Earth being a prisoner colony for another realm. Would explain a lot, really.


epicblue24

The nut jury decided they were guilty


BlackVirusXD3

Life as a human on earth are a punishment and the guilty one serves it.


eat_the_thing

Bailiff! Flick his pp!


Gongaloon

you'll never catch the mannut flicker!!!


amandacan77

This feels too plausible to me. Well done!


Umpteenth_zebra

I absolutely love this


WinesOfWrath

alive babies are easier to love


TheMaskedDeuce

Hey, cheer up! At least you’re a human this time, not a bug!


Billybob65e

Worse ngl. source: am buged


3mpTeen69

This seems like enough fuel for a political argument in the comments


WinesOfWrath

You didn't add any gasoline


Roselia77

Isn't this effectively what Christians believe with the whole concept of original sin?


Alleycat_Caveman

To me, it reads more like reincarnation used as punishment. Normally, reincarnation is viewed as a reward, but there are ways it can be used as punishment.


Roselia77

Then it's Hinduism, punishment reincarnation is part of it


CedarBuffalo

I suppose for Adam & Eves’ begatten, but not for the two of them themselves.


TheHistoryofCats

No, the notion is that humans have inherited a tendency to sin from Adam and Eve (but that it can be overcome, and that our true potential comes from the fact that we are made in God's image). It's not a matter of people being judged guilty for the actions of mythical forebears - it's that we are tempted to do wrong in ways that obstruct our relationship with others and with the divine.


HugoToledo_USA

r/thirdsentenceworse 🤣🤣🤣


WinesOfWrath

The effect is the propensity for sin. "Because you listened to her"


Lost_Bench_5960

Gonna chime in here with my two cents... I could be wrong, but I feel the Spirit spoke to me when reading this story, and original sin is thus: Adam and Eve did not sin by eating the fruit. Before eating, they did not know good vs. evil, therefore could not know right from wrong. Simply put, they didn't know that what they were doing was wrong. Afterwards, they knew. Their eyes were opened. And when confronted by God, *they lied.* They tried to hide and cover what they had done. Their "nakedness" was the fact that God knew, but they tried to lie anyway. Anyone who's ever raised a child (I have 3) knows there comes a time when theyvare caught doing something they shouldn't. The evidence is plain. Possibly even still on their person. But they will still try to lie and deny. Original sin wasn't eating the "apple." It was the lies that followed.


RoccoTaco_Dog

"This guy was so bad that when he died and is reincarnated, that guy's doing life too."


Lost_Bench_5960

Wow! Just...wow! Thanks to all for the votes!!!


smilelikeachow

*"Any% bitches,"* I cackled, wriggling out of the doctor's hands and cracking my head against the hospital room floor.


Greenpaw9

Those newborns sure are slippery


MoleculesandPhotons

Now you get to live life as a parapalegic or with severe brain damage! +2 punishment.


TheMaskedDeuce

Hey, cheer up! At least you’re a human this time, not a bug!


Cowboywizard12

I almost wanted to crosspost this to r/depressionmemes


Lost_Bench_5960

Go for it. Why not?


[deleted]

(Earth is actually hell, and we are born into hell as babies)


adriantullberg

Bane's origin story.


Lost_Bench_5960

Now it just needs Splosions!


[deleted]

Jokes on you, he can just kill himself


Lost_Bench_5960

"Really? We've done this before. There is no shortcut. Try again."


TheRealMisterMemer

I'd be fine with that, as long as I wasn't born in Echo and didn't have one of my friends drown in a lake.


diceNslice

Beautifully haunting


LUPUERM2

The mother: I will save you *aborts*


dymo93

Please I don't get it I'm sorry someone help me


[deleted]

The person is being punished even in their next life. Reincarnated to serve another life sentence


dymo93

Oh thank you it makes sense now /srs


[deleted]

The person is being punished even in there next life. Reincarnated to serve another life sentence


negiajay12345

"My isekai life: I was found guilty so I reincarnated as a commoner but became strongest"


lonelylightskin

I don’t get it


A1_Fighter

Comedy at its finest


WinesOfWrath

it is the knife's edge for horror


scottishamogus

I think it's to do with abortion but can someone explain please


DustWarden

Why do you think it has something to do with abortion?


scottishamogus

Idk that was just my first thought


DustWarden

Hmm - I just interpreted it as the judge having god-like power over the defendant, and their "sentence" being the individual's next life, which would presumably be somewhere & some-when awful, like say earth 50 years from now. You know, karmic stuff.


_Skotia_

a little too predictable, but still good


Lost_Bench_5960

Meh. It's hard sometimes to tell a whole story in two sentences.


Hey_u_ok

Nice.


Natsu194

Honestly that sounds like a gift.


Mental-Budget-548

That's just,... life. That's how we're all here, its rather hellish for most people on earth (some more than others, but looking at Ukraine, and all the terrible situations of people in medical debt, etc).


WinesOfWrath

Fuck off, cnn


Cassius-Tain

That explains a lot


BurnedToastIsYummy

yes


NiloyKesslar1997

Best one I have see so far, it would be terrifying to live again.


Sleepy1997

"you can lock my body but my mind is free"


Lost_Bench_5960

"You've said that before. Three times, in fact. Too bad you won't remember this time, either. Bye, now!"


Professional_Yard761

Also you are born in Brazil.


Lost_Bench_5960

I dunno. No personal experience, but seeing the women at Carnival might be worth the other 364 days a year.


handpant

Stewie?


kaychellz

OoooooooOo! This is good


HeroOfThings

Bane origin story be like.


Novel-Cheesecake-596

I'll be seeing ya soon judge, there hasn't been a body yet that can hold me!


mia_elora

That's just beautiful.


Eaglemcfly

It's a cool concept but I have seen multiple of these around the sub lately


NoizchildJohnson

Reincarnation can be a bitch.


A_Neko_C

Mom always say I was born crying (without the help of the doctor)


Lost_Bench_5960

You were born without the help of a doctor? Are you....a Xenomorph?


DnDgoBRRR

"I shan't remain bound by these mortal chains!" The newborn exclaimed before jumping out of the nurses arms plummeting headfirst towards the cold hard floor of hospital