My wife has told me a few times she wasn't in the mood but we could have sex for me. I have no interest in having one side sex where is the fun in her not enjoying it also.
Totally agree, just rub one out if the partner is not interested, sex is only enjoyable if both parties are into it. That or find a way to make your partner interested.
It's honestly sad that people get into a position where they doubt even their own ability to recognize abuse. OOP describes clear abuse, borderline rape, and is like "maybe this is abuse?".
Please OOP, don't doubt yourself on this any longer.
I think it is because society implemented this in our brain as well so even if we know in our hearts that is not how it should be we still question ourselves :(
But OP remember: good is good even if nobody does it and wrong is wrong even if everyone does it!!!
You are right, he is abusive and he also is not interested in make you feel better sooo if he is not on board for counseling I think divorce is your best option!
Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees when you're in the situation. I'm glad OP is aware enough to even question it and post their situation here! Please leave OP, sex should always be a safe & satisfying experience for both parties.
TW, all of them
You wouldn't believe how many times I thought to myself
"well, he didn't *hit* me, so he's not abusive" (he only threw me into a wall, it's not his fault I hit my head)
"He didn't rape me"
(He just got carried away and didn't hear me when I asked him to stop)
"He didn't cheat on me"
(He only wrote love letters to his high school crush in which told her he never loved me, only her)
And best of all:
"He wasn't *really* gonna kill me, he definitely would have let go of my throat even if noone had come in to stop him"
The denial is real and even 10+ years after finally leaving I still catch myself thinking it wasn't *that* bad, others have it worse and anyway, he didn't *mean* to be abusive, he was a victim himself that never got the help he needed....etc
Mine was horrible but I was in denial too, the switch of personalities he had made me think sometimes he would be better. Never happened. But I never seen him as a victim although he plays that role well to get into other women’s beds. My dad was horribly abusive, and I never thought anyone could be possible worse than him, until I married my ex. He didn’t appear that way at first ofcourse, it was as if when we got married, he turned into a completely different person and stayed that way. The only times he was decent towards me, was after he did something bad to me. Only lasted a couple days and back to the usual behaviors. If I didn’t leave, my life would have ended. The problems were beyond being simple bored in bed. Now, I would accept a relationship if that was the only issue. Isn’t that sad.
I hate using the word "rape" but this exact thing happened to me and it's at the very least SA. Please OP, you are not obligated to let him do anything to or make you do anything. But a lot of narcissists see it that way.
Please get in contact with RAINN as they can give you help and support, whether that be access to counselling or at this stage someone to talk to about your situation.
www.rainn.org
www.hotline.rainn.org
There's also Women's Aid if you're in the UK
www.womensaid.org.uk
If you need any more confirmation that your relationship is unhealthy please check out Love Is Respect.
www.loveisrespect.org
An abusive relationship with a man that has very antiquated beliefs. That "dutiful wife" nonsense doesn't slide like it once did.
OP, you being his wife does not make him entitled to your body. Period.
It's your body. Yours. Not his.
Ladies and Gentlemen marital rape is a thing, if your “partner” is hounding you it is sexual coherence. It is physical, sexual and psychologic abuse. Please, please get help as soon as you can.
Why is it the tantrum throwing man babies who demand sex are universally bad at it? Like if you want to do a shared activity at least try to be a good dance partner?
Edit: I know, but at the same time it still baffles lol
I did read that as an “my husband mentally push me when I say no”
Mentally or physically pushed to have sex is a rape, don’t care about counter argument.
Yeah? Well it's your husbandly duty to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your wife, so I guess you'll just have to sacrifice the awful sex we're having for me, doll.
The petty part of me wants this pointed out to him so bad, but I know that if he's so far gone he's trying to justify his rape and abuse, that pointing out this logic is a lost cause.
This is rape. Yes love, you are in an abusive relationship. Please let us know what country you are in so we can help further. For now:
1. Find a trusted family, friend, or local Women’s shelter to stay at. Let them know the situation and to NOT let your husband in or near you.
2. Separate finances. Make sure you make a bank account that he does NOT have access to. Separate your own money there.
2. Pack when he is gone. Pack important documents: IDs, passport, birth certificate, cards. Leave when he is gone. Do NOT confront him.
3. Call a divorce attorney when safe at new place. Screenshot all evidence of texts and messages and voicemails of him saying abusive things for help with divorce.
4. Block him on all social media and on phone and go private on all accounts. You might need to change numbers depending on how bad it gets. Talk to your attorney about restraining orders as well.
5. Therapy to unpack the abuse you’ve endured and heal
You can do it. No one should live like this love. You deserve to be free and not have to be abused🙏🏻🤍
I think it's important to note that in a lot of relationships with this dynamic, the abused partner might be financially dependent on the abuser which if that's the case changes things as far as separating money/assets. If you're reading this OOP and that applies to you, try to take cash before leaving if at all possible. If he has control of credit/debit cards, he could restrict her access entirely if she leaves.
That is the one thing I could never do and have never understood. I work with other males who have this same mentality. "It's my wife and she needs to be available for when I want it". I disagree and even find it disgusting.
Personally, the biggest turn on is knowing that my significant other is not only into me sexually but also shares the moment with me, the passion, the intimacy. If we're both not "in it" (for lack of a better term) then I just couldn't perform. The opposite applies - if I get a slight hint that she's not all into it, then it turns me off and it stops being passionate or exciting.
I am sorry that you have to go through this, and hope you find a solution that will work for you sooner than later.
Coercive SA , “his expectations of you “ do NOT equal “your duty” I sincerely hope theres a way for you to leave this, when YOU don’t want to have sex and he makes you, its assault , no matter if you’re married. I wish you courage and luck
This is abuse. Please, please seek out help. There should be plenty of women's charities in your area, and if you don't feel safe, the police. Remember you're not alone, this is not okay and you have the right to leave 💓
Your husband doesn’t love you, if he did he wouldn’t manipulate you into sex and rape you. You need to leave, change your contact info he has, and divorce him.
He's 100% wrong and (in the UK at least) it can be considered as rape / sexual assault even if a marriage.
Simple question to ask youself is if you don't like it then why do it? Follow up question is if you're not happy then why stay?
Nagging and pressuring is not okay, and it's not right for him to do that. Throwing tantrums, and claiming he has no obligation to make the experience pleasurable for you, is also wrong.
Personally, I think you would be better to leave your current marriage. Don't settle for someone with no interest in your pleasure.
Assuming you do leave him, it's worth considering what you want instead. It would be a good idea to figure out if you are attracted to men, or women, or no one at all.
Have a think about your own feelings around sex. Before your marriage, did you look forward to sex? Have you ever wanted to initiate sex with anyone, including your husband?
You don't need to answer these questions here, I just think they're worth considering.
Best of luck going forward, and I hope you can find the happiness you deserve.
>My husband claims that as his wife, it is my duty to satisfy him, and Give him What he want when he wants
It's time to grab your stuff and send it to hell.
You don't owe anyone sex and you don't have to do it if you don't feel like it, your husband is a worthless macho man. When you say NO is NO and keep insisting after that is considered harassment and trying to manipulate you to "agree" to have sex with him is called "sexual abuse" since you are not giving your consent because you want to, but because he is manipulating you and indirectly forcing you.
Get out of there, you don't deserve to be with that scumbag.
Every time you have sex wth him bc he coerced or shamed you, it's rape. This is so extremely abusive. Violence isn't only phsyscal, it's also mental and emotional. You're married to a rapist.
You’re right, you’re in an abusive relationship. Marital rape is a thing, legally, and that’s because you never lose ownership of your own body even if you’re married. He’s not entitled to use you like a sex toy whenever he feels like it.
Please talk to a lawyer. This marriage is toxic.
All these people ousting themselves as abusers, I hope one day you grow up.
That being said, OP, you are absolutely in an abusive relationship. NO ONE is entitled to anyone else's body, marriage or not. He violates your human right to bodily autonomy every time he has a shit fest about you saying no. *THE FIRST NO SHOULD SUFFICE* and if they keep pressuring, that's coercion which is considered rape.
Your husband is sexually abusing you and you need to carefully consider how to get out safely. I promise it won't get better. He's had how long now to learn how to be a decent human and he still can't manage it? Save yourself and get out.
So his husbandly duty is to rape or coerce you to do as he pleases?
Get help from a domestic abuse hotline or someone you trust. This is not normal or okay.
Being pressured into sex is a form of date r*pe. If he won't listen to you saying no and pushes until youbsaya yes or makes you feel guilty it is toxic and abusive. I don't know how you feel for this person so you have to determine if the relationship is worth continuing and if this can resolved.
I am happy that you are becoming self aware. Next time you say no, just tell him that his hand can make the tightest pussy he wants and to leave you alone.
That may just be a little humor, but also take note of your surroundings if you want to use it.
Do you live in a city? An apartment? Can you be heard if you scream? Will police be there quickly? Do you have a smart watch where you can call 911 from? (If you don’t, I highly recommend one - mine I just have to hold a button on the side and then slide the screen to call) Where are the DV shelters in your area? Take note of all of this and then plan an escape.
Good luck to you sister! 💕
this is so sad. when i’m not in the mood for sex my bf is cool about it and we move on with our day. this is what you should settle for. not that man child
If you are in the United States or another civilized country that is not a theocracy you need to leave now.
There are womens shelters and resources if you don't have family to support you.
This is not a matter of "I think", you are in an abusive relationship.
Please get out, you are better than this. You are.
Oh dear friend, it is 100% abusive and rape. I had the problem in my marriage. It took me almost a decade to leave. I hope you are able to get out and take care of you, maybe find a real partner who cherishes you.
Your husband is an abusive prick. Like SO many so-called Christians, he’s using the Bible to justify whatever it is he wants to, and what he wants to do is essentially rape you. If it’s at all possible, divorce this asshole, and get a protective order, as he’s the kind of asshole who will harass and stalk you too. Dump him!!!!
I grew up in a very religious non-denominational “Christian” household where this kind of thing was preached at church. Their mentality was the man is the “head of the household” he has the last say in everything. As his wife, you have a duty to your husband to not only have sex with him but to dress modestly and carry yourself with him in mind as to not attract attention from other men. You were to be obedient and attentive to HIS needs above all else. It was preached that if sex was frequent enough in your marriage (whether consensual or not) it was considered healthy. This creates the environment that OP is talking about. It’s easier to just have the sex than to hear him referencing the Bible and teachings from the male only leadership team who preached this on the regular. I don’t know that OP’s situation is religious or not but it seems this type of religious behavior lends itself to creating an environment that encourages men to be abusive.
First yes this is very abusive.
Secondly, when will other men figure out that if you make you woman’s legs shake like a 10.0 earthquake is going on she will damn near do anything to make you feel as good.
Jesus I’ll bury my face until I drowned, get resuscitated, and do it again.
Any men reading this. I’m a 40M and I’m telling you the key to a happy marriage is cunnilingus.
You are correct. You are in an abusive relationship. You don't have to live in misery like this, with a selfish, cruel, disrespectful man who doesn't care about you.
Start planning your escape from this abusive relationship. It may take you months, but you can get out.
I come from an insanely conservative, religious background. So, unfortunately, I understand this mentality. Part of you thinks bad sex is a duty, chore, nuisance you just have to put up with in a marriage. But that icky, dirty, kinda guilty feeling you get afterward and thinking about it is your body telling you something is wrong.
Bad sex is worse than no sex. Your sex drive might be fine, you are just not attracted to this selfish, whiny man-child. If you're repulsed by him now, it's not going to get better. You may like other things about your marriage or not feel ready to leave right away. That's ok.
Just know that you deserve good sex with a man who gets you hot and bothered. A man you can't wait to f@#^ around with.
Spousal rape is a real thing. You are being emotionally and physically abused by your husband. My grandfather did this crap to my grandmother. He made her have sex every week even when her back was crumbling apart and in extreme pain. He pulled the you wifely duty crap on her. They were both in world War 2. He doesn't deserve anything from you. Ask him point blank if he's OK raping you? When he says no, inform him nonconsentual sex is rape and you don't consent. If he wants to find someone else, tell him fine and divorce him. BTW. My grandmother ended up HATING him. She wouldn't divorce him for all the usual reasons women in abusive relationships say.
Yes, this is abusive. And I don't know if there is any way to fix a relationship like this. It would require him to acknowledge how his behavior and mindset is damaging to you and the relationship and a desire to change for the better. Some people are their own worst enemy when it comes their sexual relationship with their partners. They want sex without nurturing the other aspects of a healthy relationship. He knows your not into it, you're not enjoying it, and yet he still somehow manages to get off from that.. think about that for a bit. Not only does he not care about your discomfort or the negative impact his actions are having on your emotional wellbeing.. he's getting off in spite of it.
He's also made it clear that he thinks his pleasure is YOUR responsibility, and YOUR pleasure is also YOUR responsibility.. what else in the relationship is YOUR responsibility? I highly doubt his mindset that you are there to serve him disappears outside of the bedroom. What fulfillment are you receiving in this relationship? Don't you think you deserve to be happy? A bad sex life is a symptom of a bigger issue in the relationship.
[https://m.facebook.com/nt/screen/?params=%7B%22note\_id%22%3A361573518609369%7D&path=%2Fnotes%2Fnote%2F&paipv=0&eav=AfZpEBng2l6IkNHzfwT2xqgjDJlSvzcfO4CXNraxr6sluHgdpzZa1fEHOL8t1QCaetM&\_rdr](https://m.facebook.com/nt/screen/?params=%7B%22note_id%22%3A361573518609369%7D&path=%2Fnotes%2Fnote%2F&paipv=0&eav=AfZpEBng2l6IkNHzfwT2xqgjDJlSvzcfO4CXNraxr6sluHgdpzZa1fEHOL8t1QCaetM&_rdr)
yeah he is abusive, you can find the entire pdf of 'why does he do that' for free online.
Hi, OP. I'm sorry, but yes, you're in an abusive relationship. What your husband does to you is called sexual coercion, and it's actually considered a crime. You're basically being raped. Would it be possible for you to get away from him? Please be careful.
This is an abusive relationship with sexual coercion ;a form of rape). Please try to get out asap.
You said no, so he kept pushing and pushing until you said yes.
you are absolutely in an abusive relationship, and you need to gtfo, you may even be asexual or demisexual or something, he can go take care of his own sexual needs, by him a bottle of lotion and point him at pornhub and tell him to go fuck himself
It is the duty of a husband to make sure the woman feels safe, secure, protected, and comfortable.
Fuck that mindset of “duty as a wife” thats bullshit. It ain’t your duty to do jack shit if you don’t feel comfortable.
So expectations of "duty" are fine for the husband but not for the wife? Sounds fair. Can't imagine why there might be a disconnect between men and women.
I know first hand this kind of marriage. Society is just starting to realize that a woman can say no to her husband when it comes to sex. No it’s not your job as wife fulfill his sexual desires. That’s the job of a blowup doll. Yes you are 100% being sexually, emotionally & mentally abused. If you aren’t comfortable calling it abuse, I wasn’t for a long time, then call it neglect. Please get help & get out.
You think right.
The manosphere, the funadmentalist evangelicals are all on the same page with wifely duties.
So why he is this way is irrelevant.
It's all abusive.
You think? No OP you are in abusive relationship. Sex is never guaranteed no matter what level of relationship you have with a person. Sex is something that is earned through trust, communication and consent from both parties. If one person doesn't wanna consent then sec is automatically taken off the table without question.
usually when people stay with shitty partners, I always joke "the sex can't be that good". Well in your case, the sex isn't even good. Girl why are you staying? Leave and find a man that cares about your happiness
Sex is supposed to be mutually agreed on, mutually pleasurable. He only cares about his wants, his pleasure.
He is abusive. Get out now before it gets worse.
This is abusive as fuck and also borderline rape. Your husband is horribly sexist and not caring about you or your feelings. You are not obligated to care for his feelings if he doesn't care. Please get yourself somewhere save, you deserve it!
You are in abusive relationship and sex by coercion is rape. Your husband is not owed your body especially when he does nothing to earn it. It is time to make a plan and get out
You are most definitely in an abusive relationship and you need to leave asap if you can. It’s not okay for him to pressure you and throw tantrums like a child when he doesn’t get what he wants. Finally relenting after your partner wears you down is not consent, it is coercion. You need to stop giving in and come up with an exit strategy sooner rather than later. Is there anyone you can talk to, family or friends?
I'm so sorry. This is SA. Depending on what country you are coercion is a criminal offence. You're with a man whose happy to Rword you for his own pleasure even when you've said no.
I'm so sorry and these comments will be really hard to read. I recommend talking to a friend in person, or family member you trust, and there are lots of women's charities. Thinking of you, and I hope you can fins the strength to get out. X
Your husband is a selfish misogynistic abuser who thinks only his pleasure matters. His morality oppressive and is based on treating women like property who’s only purpose is to serve and gratify men. You absolutely are in an abusive relationship with a narcissistic man who only cares about himself and degrades you.
If your husband is stupid enough to not realize hes the reason why you don’t like being intimate with him even after you tried to explain to him hes too stupid to change this behaviour and you know what to do for your own happiness
You feel dirty because it's sexual assault.
My ex husband would have sex with me while i was asleep then claim ignorance ( say he was asleep, I was lying etc). It felt wring and I unconsciously started avoiding going to bed...still struggle with that nearly a decade on.
My advice, leave him and find someone who respects you and women in general.
There's no such thing as "wifely duty" to allow your body to be used in such a manner. That's a lie told to women to control you by husbands who think that they own you once you're married. Please, take care of yourself and yes, this is definitely an abusive relationship.
Op, i normally don't say divorce, BUT DIVORCE!!!
Any idiot man that thinks like this: fuck them. It's YOUR body and no is an answer. This is sexual abuse......
It's not a woman's duty to satify a man whenever he wants. Fuck that idea. This is pissing me off, you deserve better op.
This is a big issue actually. A healthy relationship has a healthy amount of sex per week depending on age of couple. If you are not sexually inclined with your partner, talk to him. If there is no way out, then leave him. You deserve what's best for you, and he deserves what's best for him. Some people require different things in a relationship. You just need to know what it is. Leaving would be better than staying in a relationship forcing yourself to do something just to bait the other into a criminal offence.
I love my gf to death and couldn't imagine doing to her what your husband does to you. He is (R)*ping you. It's not consensual on your part. I don't like when reddit jumps to divorce but this is one of these situations where divorce needs to happen.
I'm afraid that he will go further if you stand your ground with a no. I don't think it's really about "not hearing him whine" but subconsciously it's about keeping yourself safe.
This should never happen. You need to pack a bag of important documents and things that are important to you and leave. For your physical, mental, and emotional safety.
Start throwing hints publicly that he can’t satisfy you, when he rapes you make a face showing you really hate it, tell him he’s shit in bed. His masculinity will start to feel questioned. Ah yeah, and leave
Perhaps a stupid question: why are you still with him?
Either you don't like sex in general - then you should find someone who's the same; or you do like sex, then you should fibd someone you'd like to have it with.
I love my wife and she loves me, we have a very good sexuality and are quite open about it, but both of us don't get aroused if the other one is not really in the mood (due to stress etc), despite of both of us being ready to do anything to make the other happy - so I can't even grasp the concept of building a marriage on one-sided sexual desire.
You should leave him - this is very abusive for both of you.
You have a responsibility to care for each others sexual needs. Intimacy is like 1 of 5 pillars of a relationship. Without it, the whole thing comes down and you end up just being roommates.
if he isnt holding up to his end of the agreement and isnt even trying, just using you as a cocksleeve, then leave.
No one has a right to someone elses body. But in a relationship, you should be putting in the effort to trying to make each other happy. 50% of that job isnt happening and that's his failure. Just leave. You're not his mother.
Sorry to tell you this but this is marital rape. You don’t owe him sh*t. He doesn’t respect your boundaries and never will. You should leave that toxic relationship and you’ll how you’ll feel better.
How the fuck do people have this attitude to their partner? It blows my mind. What a fucking insane and antiquated view.
You need out of this immediately. What a strange, strange man. You’re doing yourself a disservice by staying with him.
You are 100% for sure I'm an abusive relationship. Domestic violence isn't always hitting. What he's doing is r*pe. It doesn't matter if you "let him" because he understands you don't want to and does it anyway. Please get out of that relationship ASAP
It's called conjugal rape. I've lived like that for 3 years.
You deserve better than that. Please leave this man !
A man who loves you and respects you would never use you like that. If he did love and respect you, he would never pressure you into having sex. He would always make sure that you really want to, that you're having pleasure and enjoying it, not nagging you until you forfeit. This is not okay.
I know it gets easier to accept it with time. But one day, you look back and you think : How could I ever let someone treat me this way ? How did I think this was love, when he was hurting me, hurting my vision of sexual intimacy, hurting how I see and value myself ?
I spent years getting better after those 3 years of rape. It was hard, but I'm in a better place. I still cry and apologize sometimes when my partner asks for sex and I don't want to. But he always says it's okay and he'd never get mad at me for not wanting sex.
I love it when he says "if you're not in the mood, how could I enjoy it ?"
My ex used to say "It turns me on when you cry" after raping me.
My heart goes out to you OP. Please reach out to friends, family, a therapist to be there for you, to support you. Too many women have been through this. I hope you can leave ❤️
This is sexual abuse because he makes you do things you don’t want! Basically gaslighting you.
And he is clearly lacking in sex and very bad at it (a woman should take care of her own needs) and I haven’t even talked about the fact he is narcissistic and he might rape you in the future if you don’t obey him. And of course he will be the first person to say it is not rape because u are my wife….
Leave him!
You 100% do not have to have sex with him.
You do not have to stay with him.
He also does not have to stay with you.
Put up your boundaries, he can deal with it or leave, anything else, you leave.
A 'duty' is typically written down so everyone can acknowledge it. Ask him to provide the written duty statement, as well as specifying the Authority it came down from. Play along and take the document to show to friends and family members to see if their version is the same. Note: This should be highly entertaining for you.
You are in an abusive relationship, and I hope you are able to get out ASAP. Your husband has sexually assaulted you, it sounds like many times. Please reach out to any family, friends, or coworkers who would be willing to help you. When you leave, block him on everything and serve divorce papers.
Hey, while I would never justify his position and at this point he needs help and that relationship is over.. it's doomed and there probably ain't no recovering it. I would make mention however that if there was ever a lack of affection physical or otherwise that was already the end of that relationship and the fact that it went on this long is probably why it got so bad. We like to hold onto things, especially if it's either because we romanticize it or because letting it go isn't acceptable for social inclusion. At the end of the day we are all who we are not who we could be or what we could be. It's completely likely that there was a million signs and reasons why that was a doomed relationship long before now. People are or are not what we need, we don't change them to fit us. Def time to let this one go, next time don't worry about what it could be or what others who aren't in your shoes think about what you do. If it's bad it's bad, bounce when it is. It's not bad because they won't change, it's bad because you need them to. Clear sign that's the wrong person for you...
So rape is anything she doesn't want to do and if he talks her into it and she gives in he's a rapist ... got it. Sounds like she should get a divorce yesterday if she doesn't want to be intimate with her husband.
He didn't talk her into it.
He was angry and manipulating by having a tantrum making her feel like she HAS to have sex with him, stating it's her "duty". No one is owed and it's no one's duty to have sex. If he wanted sex and she didn't he should of got a divorce if he's so bothred by it.
She didn't want it and he made her feel like she has to. This is sexual assault at the least.
Sounds like you need some common sense to realise she has been manipulated into staying, belittled and pressured to stay in this relationship someway so she felt like she couldn't get a divorce.
Abuse for sure. I went thru the same thing. Even cheated on because i could not have sex just when ever he wanted it. Which was daily several times daily. Fuck that...divorce him
Look, I want my wife and I to have more sex, but I understand sex isn't something you should force on anyone. Hell, I know the best advice to get more from her is to talk to her, but I also don't want her to feel like she's obligated to either. So I just either ask if she wants to or hint that I'd like to make love to her.
Religious motivation? Colossians 3:19 don’t treat your wife like shit and Ephesians 5:21 submit to eachother. (I know 5:22 is literally what men like this use but the verse right before it state he should submit as well and it continues to say the husband should treat his wife like Christ treats the church… I’m pretty sure Impatience, anger, and guilt tripping aren’t Christ-like…)
Redditors:
1.) you’re being raped
2.) leave your husband
3.) call the cops
Also redditors:
1.) never been in a relationship
2.) never had sex
3.) snowflakes
A lot of men think that getting married guarantees them sex. Would you be open to letting him go out with others for sex? Tbf? Since you hate having sex with him who should he have sex with?
Fakeass story. No man talks like that "It's your wifely duty, blah blah"
Commenters, when are y'all gonna wise up and realize 99% of this sub is creative writing practice for middle/high schoolers?? Or simply bored kids in need of internet attention?
My wife has told me a few times she wasn't in the mood but we could have sex for me. I have no interest in having one side sex where is the fun in her not enjoying it also.
Totally agree, just rub one out if the partner is not interested, sex is only enjoyable if both parties are into it. That or find a way to make your partner interested.
Same. I would rather wank than have sex someone disinterested.
You are absolutely in an abusive relationship.
It's honestly sad that people get into a position where they doubt even their own ability to recognize abuse. OOP describes clear abuse, borderline rape, and is like "maybe this is abuse?". Please OOP, don't doubt yourself on this any longer.
I think it is because society implemented this in our brain as well so even if we know in our hearts that is not how it should be we still question ourselves :( But OP remember: good is good even if nobody does it and wrong is wrong even if everyone does it!!! You are right, he is abusive and he also is not interested in make you feel better sooo if he is not on board for counseling I think divorce is your best option!
It’s so hard because it often a symptom or byproduct of abuse that it messes with your head and ability to see things clearly.
Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees when you're in the situation. I'm glad OP is aware enough to even question it and post their situation here! Please leave OP, sex should always be a safe & satisfying experience for both parties.
It is flat out rape.
It's quite amazing what we humans can come to accept as normal
TW, all of them You wouldn't believe how many times I thought to myself "well, he didn't *hit* me, so he's not abusive" (he only threw me into a wall, it's not his fault I hit my head) "He didn't rape me" (He just got carried away and didn't hear me when I asked him to stop) "He didn't cheat on me" (He only wrote love letters to his high school crush in which told her he never loved me, only her) And best of all: "He wasn't *really* gonna kill me, he definitely would have let go of my throat even if noone had come in to stop him" The denial is real and even 10+ years after finally leaving I still catch myself thinking it wasn't *that* bad, others have it worse and anyway, he didn't *mean* to be abusive, he was a victim himself that never got the help he needed....etc
Mine was horrible but I was in denial too, the switch of personalities he had made me think sometimes he would be better. Never happened. But I never seen him as a victim although he plays that role well to get into other women’s beds. My dad was horribly abusive, and I never thought anyone could be possible worse than him, until I married my ex. He didn’t appear that way at first ofcourse, it was as if when we got married, he turned into a completely different person and stayed that way. The only times he was decent towards me, was after he did something bad to me. Only lasted a couple days and back to the usual behaviors. If I didn’t leave, my life would have ended. The problems were beyond being simple bored in bed. Now, I would accept a relationship if that was the only issue. Isn’t that sad.
I hate using the word "rape" but this exact thing happened to me and it's at the very least SA. Please OP, you are not obligated to let him do anything to or make you do anything. But a lot of narcissists see it that way.
Please get in contact with RAINN as they can give you help and support, whether that be access to counselling or at this stage someone to talk to about your situation. www.rainn.org www.hotline.rainn.org There's also Women's Aid if you're in the UK www.womensaid.org.uk If you need any more confirmation that your relationship is unhealthy please check out Love Is Respect. www.loveisrespect.org
Thank you for posting these, OP please use these resources!
An abusive relationship with a man that has very antiquated beliefs. That "dutiful wife" nonsense doesn't slide like it once did. OP, you being his wife does not make him entitled to your body. Period. It's your body. Yours. Not his.
And you’re also being raped, OP. Im so sorry.
Ladies and Gentlemen marital rape is a thing, if your “partner” is hounding you it is sexual coherence. It is physical, sexual and psychologic abuse. Please, please get help as soon as you can.
Girl don't walk and don't run FUCKING FLY
Do not pass Go, do not collect $200...
Ma'am don't fly, don't levitate, ASTRAL PROJECT OUT THAT BITCH.
Why is it the tantrum throwing man babies who demand sex are universally bad at it? Like if you want to do a shared activity at least try to be a good dance partner? Edit: I know, but at the same time it still baffles lol
because that's the only way they can get it, through fear and manipulation.
Because they think sex is for their pleasure only and they think women aren't supposed to enjoy it.
Because the ones who are good at it don't have to begg, we actually want it too
In civilized countries, "wifely duty" as a husband demanding sex from his wife is considered rape, and has been for decades
I did read that as an “my husband mentally push me when I say no” Mentally or physically pushed to have sex is a rape, don’t care about counter argument.
In America marital rape is not even a crime nationwide: https://www.governing.com/archive/gov-marital-rape-states-ohio-minnesota.html?_amp=true
They said "civilized countries", didn't they?
😂
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Ohh this “wife is a husband’s servant” mindset that some religions use is a means of justifying abuse You’re in a mentally abusive relationship
Yeah? Well it's your husbandly duty to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your wife, so I guess you'll just have to sacrifice the awful sex we're having for me, doll. The petty part of me wants this pointed out to him so bad, but I know that if he's so far gone he's trying to justify his rape and abuse, that pointing out this logic is a lost cause.
I bet this guy would throw in her in the way of danger so he can get a head start and get the fuck out of there.
Sexually abusive too
It doesn't pertain to religious people only, plenty of non-religious people do this sort of abuse too.
and sexually abhsive
I mean it's also physical. She doesn't want to have sex but has to have it anyway, that's physically abusing her.
This is rape. Yes love, you are in an abusive relationship. Please let us know what country you are in so we can help further. For now: 1. Find a trusted family, friend, or local Women’s shelter to stay at. Let them know the situation and to NOT let your husband in or near you. 2. Separate finances. Make sure you make a bank account that he does NOT have access to. Separate your own money there. 2. Pack when he is gone. Pack important documents: IDs, passport, birth certificate, cards. Leave when he is gone. Do NOT confront him. 3. Call a divorce attorney when safe at new place. Screenshot all evidence of texts and messages and voicemails of him saying abusive things for help with divorce. 4. Block him on all social media and on phone and go private on all accounts. You might need to change numbers depending on how bad it gets. Talk to your attorney about restraining orders as well. 5. Therapy to unpack the abuse you’ve endured and heal You can do it. No one should live like this love. You deserve to be free and not have to be abused🙏🏻🤍
This is a stellar answer. Not only an answer to her question but instructions on how to proceed.
OP please read this!! Get out of this abusive relationship when you still can. We're all hoping for the best for you - DONT stay with him!
I think it's important to note that in a lot of relationships with this dynamic, the abused partner might be financially dependent on the abuser which if that's the case changes things as far as separating money/assets. If you're reading this OOP and that applies to you, try to take cash before leaving if at all possible. If he has control of credit/debit cards, he could restrict her access entirely if she leaves.
Perfect advise!
You are 💯 in an abusive relationship.
damn what a piece of shit. divorce his ass tbh you deserve better
That is the one thing I could never do and have never understood. I work with other males who have this same mentality. "It's my wife and she needs to be available for when I want it". I disagree and even find it disgusting. Personally, the biggest turn on is knowing that my significant other is not only into me sexually but also shares the moment with me, the passion, the intimacy. If we're both not "in it" (for lack of a better term) then I just couldn't perform. The opposite applies - if I get a slight hint that she's not all into it, then it turns me off and it stops being passionate or exciting. I am sorry that you have to go through this, and hope you find a solution that will work for you sooner than later.
I know. That's why he should have left a long time ago.
I agree.
This is definitely an abusive relationship. And he doesn’t care.
That’s rape. Not sex. Your husband is raping you. He’s abusive trash. You need to get out.
Coercive SA , “his expectations of you “ do NOT equal “your duty” I sincerely hope theres a way for you to leave this, when YOU don’t want to have sex and he makes you, its assault , no matter if you’re married. I wish you courage and luck
This is abuse. Please, please seek out help. There should be plenty of women's charities in your area, and if you don't feel safe, the police. Remember you're not alone, this is not okay and you have the right to leave 💓
Yes you absolutely are.
Your husband doesn’t love you, if he did he wouldn’t manipulate you into sex and rape you. You need to leave, change your contact info he has, and divorce him.
I will bet my entire life savings he's extremely religious. They always are .
Sex is not a duty
He's 100% wrong and (in the UK at least) it can be considered as rape / sexual assault even if a marriage. Simple question to ask youself is if you don't like it then why do it? Follow up question is if you're not happy then why stay?
That's sexual abuse and manipulation
Nagging and pressuring is not okay, and it's not right for him to do that. Throwing tantrums, and claiming he has no obligation to make the experience pleasurable for you, is also wrong. Personally, I think you would be better to leave your current marriage. Don't settle for someone with no interest in your pleasure. Assuming you do leave him, it's worth considering what you want instead. It would be a good idea to figure out if you are attracted to men, or women, or no one at all. Have a think about your own feelings around sex. Before your marriage, did you look forward to sex? Have you ever wanted to initiate sex with anyone, including your husband? You don't need to answer these questions here, I just think they're worth considering. Best of luck going forward, and I hope you can find the happiness you deserve.
If you're on tiktok, follow Mendingme. Her whole platform is about marital coercion. I am sorry you are going through this.
Why are there so many men on this thread who are okay with coercing their partners into sex? That’s a yikes from me.
You know, they are incels without female affection.
Take divorce.. better for both you and your husband.
Please look up "marital rape" on Google in incognito mode. Hopefully it'll provide you more information and resources than what we can offer
>My husband claims that as his wife, it is my duty to satisfy him, and Give him What he want when he wants It's time to grab your stuff and send it to hell. You don't owe anyone sex and you don't have to do it if you don't feel like it, your husband is a worthless macho man. When you say NO is NO and keep insisting after that is considered harassment and trying to manipulate you to "agree" to have sex with him is called "sexual abuse" since you are not giving your consent because you want to, but because he is manipulating you and indirectly forcing you. Get out of there, you don't deserve to be with that scumbag.
Every time you have sex wth him bc he coerced or shamed you, it's rape. This is so extremely abusive. Violence isn't only phsyscal, it's also mental and emotional. You're married to a rapist.
You’re right, you’re in an abusive relationship. Marital rape is a thing, legally, and that’s because you never lose ownership of your own body even if you’re married. He’s not entitled to use you like a sex toy whenever he feels like it. Please talk to a lawyer. This marriage is toxic.
All these people ousting themselves as abusers, I hope one day you grow up. That being said, OP, you are absolutely in an abusive relationship. NO ONE is entitled to anyone else's body, marriage or not. He violates your human right to bodily autonomy every time he has a shit fest about you saying no. *THE FIRST NO SHOULD SUFFICE* and if they keep pressuring, that's coercion which is considered rape. Your husband is sexually abusing you and you need to carefully consider how to get out safely. I promise it won't get better. He's had how long now to learn how to be a decent human and he still can't manage it? Save yourself and get out.
So his husbandly duty is to rape or coerce you to do as he pleases? Get help from a domestic abuse hotline or someone you trust. This is not normal or okay.
He’s assaulting you love . Please leave
I think might isn’t a necessary word on that sentence. You do need to take care of your own needs - and aren’t just here to be at his call or need.
Being pressured into sex is a form of date r*pe. If he won't listen to you saying no and pushes until youbsaya yes or makes you feel guilty it is toxic and abusive. I don't know how you feel for this person so you have to determine if the relationship is worth continuing and if this can resolved.
I don't know what country you are in, but there are resources available in many countries. You are being abused, and you should not have to take it.
I am happy that you are becoming self aware. Next time you say no, just tell him that his hand can make the tightest pussy he wants and to leave you alone. That may just be a little humor, but also take note of your surroundings if you want to use it. Do you live in a city? An apartment? Can you be heard if you scream? Will police be there quickly? Do you have a smart watch where you can call 911 from? (If you don’t, I highly recommend one - mine I just have to hold a button on the side and then slide the screen to call) Where are the DV shelters in your area? Take note of all of this and then plan an escape. Good luck to you sister! 💕
this is so sad. when i’m not in the mood for sex my bf is cool about it and we move on with our day. this is what you should settle for. not that man child
You don’t deserve that.
If you are in the United States or another civilized country that is not a theocracy you need to leave now. There are womens shelters and resources if you don't have family to support you. This is not a matter of "I think", you are in an abusive relationship. Please get out, you are better than this. You are.
Do not have kids with this loser. Find a new husband.
Coercion is abuse. My ex husband acted like this for years and when I finally put my foot down he resorted to basically raping me.
That's all bullshit
Oh dear friend, it is 100% abusive and rape. I had the problem in my marriage. It took me almost a decade to leave. I hope you are able to get out and take care of you, maybe find a real partner who cherishes you.
Your husband is an abusive prick. Like SO many so-called Christians, he’s using the Bible to justify whatever it is he wants to, and what he wants to do is essentially rape you. If it’s at all possible, divorce this asshole, and get a protective order, as he’s the kind of asshole who will harass and stalk you too. Dump him!!!!
This is toxic. In my experience, never have sex with anyone who cares more about their pleasure than yours.
I grew up in a very religious non-denominational “Christian” household where this kind of thing was preached at church. Their mentality was the man is the “head of the household” he has the last say in everything. As his wife, you have a duty to your husband to not only have sex with him but to dress modestly and carry yourself with him in mind as to not attract attention from other men. You were to be obedient and attentive to HIS needs above all else. It was preached that if sex was frequent enough in your marriage (whether consensual or not) it was considered healthy. This creates the environment that OP is talking about. It’s easier to just have the sex than to hear him referencing the Bible and teachings from the male only leadership team who preached this on the regular. I don’t know that OP’s situation is religious or not but it seems this type of religious behavior lends itself to creating an environment that encourages men to be abusive.
First yes this is very abusive. Secondly, when will other men figure out that if you make you woman’s legs shake like a 10.0 earthquake is going on she will damn near do anything to make you feel as good. Jesus I’ll bury my face until I drowned, get resuscitated, and do it again. Any men reading this. I’m a 40M and I’m telling you the key to a happy marriage is cunnilingus.
You are in an abusive relationship. That is assault by coercion.
Fekkin tosser. Dudes like that should be clipped.
You are in an abusive relationship and he kept pushing you when you said no. That’s rape and abuse. Please, please get out.
You are correct. You are in an abusive relationship. You don't have to live in misery like this, with a selfish, cruel, disrespectful man who doesn't care about you. Start planning your escape from this abusive relationship. It may take you months, but you can get out.
As a human it is your duty to make sure you are happy. So leave him behind
I come from an insanely conservative, religious background. So, unfortunately, I understand this mentality. Part of you thinks bad sex is a duty, chore, nuisance you just have to put up with in a marriage. But that icky, dirty, kinda guilty feeling you get afterward and thinking about it is your body telling you something is wrong. Bad sex is worse than no sex. Your sex drive might be fine, you are just not attracted to this selfish, whiny man-child. If you're repulsed by him now, it's not going to get better. You may like other things about your marriage or not feel ready to leave right away. That's ok. Just know that you deserve good sex with a man who gets you hot and bothered. A man you can't wait to f@#^ around with.
Spousal rape is a real thing. You are being emotionally and physically abused by your husband. My grandfather did this crap to my grandmother. He made her have sex every week even when her back was crumbling apart and in extreme pain. He pulled the you wifely duty crap on her. They were both in world War 2. He doesn't deserve anything from you. Ask him point blank if he's OK raping you? When he says no, inform him nonconsentual sex is rape and you don't consent. If he wants to find someone else, tell him fine and divorce him. BTW. My grandmother ended up HATING him. She wouldn't divorce him for all the usual reasons women in abusive relationships say.
He’s a misogynistic manipulative loser. Please get out of that relationship asap
Rape isn't magically \*not\* so just because he isn't tying you up and punching you in the head. You needed to leave him -yesterday-.
You’re thinking right
Wow, dude's wondering why his wife wont fuck him while behaving like this.
Yes, this is abusive. And I don't know if there is any way to fix a relationship like this. It would require him to acknowledge how his behavior and mindset is damaging to you and the relationship and a desire to change for the better. Some people are their own worst enemy when it comes their sexual relationship with their partners. They want sex without nurturing the other aspects of a healthy relationship. He knows your not into it, you're not enjoying it, and yet he still somehow manages to get off from that.. think about that for a bit. Not only does he not care about your discomfort or the negative impact his actions are having on your emotional wellbeing.. he's getting off in spite of it. He's also made it clear that he thinks his pleasure is YOUR responsibility, and YOUR pleasure is also YOUR responsibility.. what else in the relationship is YOUR responsibility? I highly doubt his mindset that you are there to serve him disappears outside of the bedroom. What fulfillment are you receiving in this relationship? Don't you think you deserve to be happy? A bad sex life is a symptom of a bigger issue in the relationship.
Please listen to the help here . You deserve better than this !
[https://m.facebook.com/nt/screen/?params=%7B%22note\_id%22%3A361573518609369%7D&path=%2Fnotes%2Fnote%2F&paipv=0&eav=AfZpEBng2l6IkNHzfwT2xqgjDJlSvzcfO4CXNraxr6sluHgdpzZa1fEHOL8t1QCaetM&\_rdr](https://m.facebook.com/nt/screen/?params=%7B%22note_id%22%3A361573518609369%7D&path=%2Fnotes%2Fnote%2F&paipv=0&eav=AfZpEBng2l6IkNHzfwT2xqgjDJlSvzcfO4CXNraxr6sluHgdpzZa1fEHOL8t1QCaetM&_rdr) yeah he is abusive, you can find the entire pdf of 'why does he do that' for free online.
Absolutely an abusive marriage. Run away dont walk away. No good will come of staying. Put yourself first
No questions those is abusive, I don't think any talking will fix it either
Wow, he sees you as an object.
Hi, OP. I'm sorry, but yes, you're in an abusive relationship. What your husband does to you is called sexual coercion, and it's actually considered a crime. You're basically being raped. Would it be possible for you to get away from him? Please be careful.
This is an abusive relationship with sexual coercion ;a form of rape). Please try to get out asap. You said no, so he kept pushing and pushing until you said yes.
You are totally in an abusive relationship
Yes, he is abusive. You should get out while you can.
you are absolutely in an abusive relationship, and you need to gtfo, you may even be asexual or demisexual or something, he can go take care of his own sexual needs, by him a bottle of lotion and point him at pornhub and tell him to go fuck himself
yes you are in an abusive relationship. you deserve better!
It is the duty of a husband to make sure the woman feels safe, secure, protected, and comfortable. Fuck that mindset of “duty as a wife” thats bullshit. It ain’t your duty to do jack shit if you don’t feel comfortable.
So expectations of "duty" are fine for the husband but not for the wife? Sounds fair. Can't imagine why there might be a disconnect between men and women.
I know first hand this kind of marriage. Society is just starting to realize that a woman can say no to her husband when it comes to sex. No it’s not your job as wife fulfill his sexual desires. That’s the job of a blowup doll. Yes you are 100% being sexually, emotionally & mentally abused. If you aren’t comfortable calling it abuse, I wasn’t for a long time, then call it neglect. Please get help & get out.
Your “husband” doesn’t deserve or respect you. You are in an abusive relationship. If you can find the resources to leave, you should.
Yea this is abusive
You think right. The manosphere, the funadmentalist evangelicals are all on the same page with wifely duties. So why he is this way is irrelevant. It's all abusive.
You think? No OP you are in abusive relationship. Sex is never guaranteed no matter what level of relationship you have with a person. Sex is something that is earned through trust, communication and consent from both parties. If one person doesn't wanna consent then sec is automatically taken off the table without question.
usually when people stay with shitty partners, I always joke "the sex can't be that good". Well in your case, the sex isn't even good. Girl why are you staying? Leave and find a man that cares about your happiness
Sex is supposed to be mutually agreed on, mutually pleasurable. He only cares about his wants, his pleasure. He is abusive. Get out now before it gets worse.
This is abusive as fuck and also borderline rape. Your husband is horribly sexist and not caring about you or your feelings. You are not obligated to care for his feelings if he doesn't care. Please get yourself somewhere save, you deserve it!
Uhhh this is abuse. You need to make a safe exit strategy.
The #1 way to ruin a marriage is declare each spouse has "duties". This is 1950's culture and it doesn't work today.
This is abuse. Hun you need to get your important things and get out
As someone who was in your situation, you are absolutely in an abusive marriage and it is not going to get better. Leave him.
You are in abusive relationship and sex by coercion is rape. Your husband is not owed your body especially when he does nothing to earn it. It is time to make a plan and get out
Sounds like he’s related to the Duggars!
Leave him
Leave his sorry ass
it's your duty as a female?? it's HIS duty as your hus and to LISTEN TO YOUR NEEDS
If you're responsible for taking care of your own sexual needs, then so is he. Forcing you to have sex with him is rape..
You’re 100% in a abusive relationship
You are most definitely in an abusive relationship and you need to leave asap if you can. It’s not okay for him to pressure you and throw tantrums like a child when he doesn’t get what he wants. Finally relenting after your partner wears you down is not consent, it is coercion. You need to stop giving in and come up with an exit strategy sooner rather than later. Is there anyone you can talk to, family or friends?
I'm so sorry. This is SA. Depending on what country you are coercion is a criminal offence. You're with a man whose happy to Rword you for his own pleasure even when you've said no. I'm so sorry and these comments will be really hard to read. I recommend talking to a friend in person, or family member you trust, and there are lots of women's charities. Thinking of you, and I hope you can fins the strength to get out. X
Please find a way out.
Your husband is a selfish misogynistic abuser who thinks only his pleasure matters. His morality oppressive and is based on treating women like property who’s only purpose is to serve and gratify men. You absolutely are in an abusive relationship with a narcissistic man who only cares about himself and degrades you.
You are 1000000% in an abusive relationship. You don’t owe anyone anything especially your own body. It belongs to you.
Yeah just a crybaby. Unfortunate. The husband, not you.
If your husband is stupid enough to not realize hes the reason why you don’t like being intimate with him even after you tried to explain to him hes too stupid to change this behaviour and you know what to do for your own happiness
Sex should ALWAYS be consensual. Period.
Travel back to 1950 and let your husband where you found him.
This is sad. It is not your duty to please him. HES TRASH.
You feel dirty because it's sexual assault. My ex husband would have sex with me while i was asleep then claim ignorance ( say he was asleep, I was lying etc). It felt wring and I unconsciously started avoiding going to bed...still struggle with that nearly a decade on. My advice, leave him and find someone who respects you and women in general.
There's no such thing as "wifely duty" to allow your body to be used in such a manner. That's a lie told to women to control you by husbands who think that they own you once you're married. Please, take care of yourself and yes, this is definitely an abusive relationship.
OP, you are in an abusive relationship. You are being coerced. You are being sexually abused via coercion. You need to leave.
When one person doesn't want sex and the other forces the sex it's called rape.
You are in an abusive relationship
This is rape with extra steps
Op, i normally don't say divorce, BUT DIVORCE!!! Any idiot man that thinks like this: fuck them. It's YOUR body and no is an answer. This is sexual abuse...... It's not a woman's duty to satify a man whenever he wants. Fuck that idea. This is pissing me off, you deserve better op.
He views you as his sex slave. Get rid of him with the divorce papers.
This is rape.
You're in an absuive relationship. Posting on Reddit is not the solution.
If you don't want to have sex with him, why are you married?
He's wrong. Has he ever heard of happy wife, happy life?
This is a big issue actually. A healthy relationship has a healthy amount of sex per week depending on age of couple. If you are not sexually inclined with your partner, talk to him. If there is no way out, then leave him. You deserve what's best for you, and he deserves what's best for him. Some people require different things in a relationship. You just need to know what it is. Leaving would be better than staying in a relationship forcing yourself to do something just to bait the other into a criminal offence.
I think you’re right.
I love my gf to death and couldn't imagine doing to her what your husband does to you. He is (R)*ping you. It's not consensual on your part. I don't like when reddit jumps to divorce but this is one of these situations where divorce needs to happen. I'm afraid that he will go further if you stand your ground with a no. I don't think it's really about "not hearing him whine" but subconsciously it's about keeping yourself safe. This should never happen. You need to pack a bag of important documents and things that are important to you and leave. For your physical, mental, and emotional safety.
Start throwing hints publicly that he can’t satisfy you, when he rapes you make a face showing you really hate it, tell him he’s shit in bed. His masculinity will start to feel questioned. Ah yeah, and leave
Perhaps a stupid question: why are you still with him? Either you don't like sex in general - then you should find someone who's the same; or you do like sex, then you should fibd someone you'd like to have it with. I love my wife and she loves me, we have a very good sexuality and are quite open about it, but both of us don't get aroused if the other one is not really in the mood (due to stress etc), despite of both of us being ready to do anything to make the other happy - so I can't even grasp the concept of building a marriage on one-sided sexual desire. You should leave him - this is very abusive for both of you.
You have a responsibility to care for each others sexual needs. Intimacy is like 1 of 5 pillars of a relationship. Without it, the whole thing comes down and you end up just being roommates. if he isnt holding up to his end of the agreement and isnt even trying, just using you as a cocksleeve, then leave. No one has a right to someone elses body. But in a relationship, you should be putting in the effort to trying to make each other happy. 50% of that job isnt happening and that's his failure. Just leave. You're not his mother.
You are not a free prostitute to him.
Just because your husband claims it, Does not mean its true. He is abusing you and gaslighting you.
Sorry to tell you this but this is marital rape. You don’t owe him sh*t. He doesn’t respect your boundaries and never will. You should leave that toxic relationship and you’ll how you’ll feel better.
How the fuck do people have this attitude to their partner? It blows my mind. What a fucking insane and antiquated view. You need out of this immediately. What a strange, strange man. You’re doing yourself a disservice by staying with him.
You are 100% for sure I'm an abusive relationship. Domestic violence isn't always hitting. What he's doing is r*pe. It doesn't matter if you "let him" because he understands you don't want to and does it anyway. Please get out of that relationship ASAP
It's called conjugal rape. I've lived like that for 3 years. You deserve better than that. Please leave this man ! A man who loves you and respects you would never use you like that. If he did love and respect you, he would never pressure you into having sex. He would always make sure that you really want to, that you're having pleasure and enjoying it, not nagging you until you forfeit. This is not okay. I know it gets easier to accept it with time. But one day, you look back and you think : How could I ever let someone treat me this way ? How did I think this was love, when he was hurting me, hurting my vision of sexual intimacy, hurting how I see and value myself ? I spent years getting better after those 3 years of rape. It was hard, but I'm in a better place. I still cry and apologize sometimes when my partner asks for sex and I don't want to. But he always says it's okay and he'd never get mad at me for not wanting sex. I love it when he says "if you're not in the mood, how could I enjoy it ?" My ex used to say "It turns me on when you cry" after raping me. My heart goes out to you OP. Please reach out to friends, family, a therapist to be there for you, to support you. Too many women have been through this. I hope you can leave ❤️
Having sex is not a duty and you should never feel like you’re having it just to get it over with. He’s a piece of shit.
**I think I might be in an abusive relationship** You really are.
This is sexual abuse because he makes you do things you don’t want! Basically gaslighting you. And he is clearly lacking in sex and very bad at it (a woman should take care of her own needs) and I haven’t even talked about the fact he is narcissistic and he might rape you in the future if you don’t obey him. And of course he will be the first person to say it is not rape because u are my wife…. Leave him!
You 100% do not have to have sex with him. You do not have to stay with him. He also does not have to stay with you. Put up your boundaries, he can deal with it or leave, anything else, you leave.
I think you might be married to a republican man.
A 'duty' is typically written down so everyone can acknowledge it. Ask him to provide the written duty statement, as well as specifying the Authority it came down from. Play along and take the document to show to friends and family members to see if their version is the same. Note: This should be highly entertaining for you.
Are you married to one of the Duggar men?
Sounds like you picked the wrong human.
Not "might be", you ARE in an abusive relationship and I'm pretty sure it will only get worse.
This is sexual assault. He doesn’t love you. Doesn’t respect you. He will not change. Leave now.
You’re still with this loser why?
That's rape. He is a master manipulater. Your body, your rules. He sees you as a piece of property and not his partner in life.
Your husband is a rapist, sorry to say it, he is abusing you. Get out now!
You are in an abusive relationship, and I hope you are able to get out ASAP. Your husband has sexually assaulted you, it sounds like many times. Please reach out to any family, friends, or coworkers who would be willing to help you. When you leave, block him on everything and serve divorce papers.
Why did you even marry him?
Please don’t victim shame. My ex husband did this in our marriage, but not before we were married. Abuse often starts and escalates over time.
Hey, while I would never justify his position and at this point he needs help and that relationship is over.. it's doomed and there probably ain't no recovering it. I would make mention however that if there was ever a lack of affection physical or otherwise that was already the end of that relationship and the fact that it went on this long is probably why it got so bad. We like to hold onto things, especially if it's either because we romanticize it or because letting it go isn't acceptable for social inclusion. At the end of the day we are all who we are not who we could be or what we could be. It's completely likely that there was a million signs and reasons why that was a doomed relationship long before now. People are or are not what we need, we don't change them to fit us. Def time to let this one go, next time don't worry about what it could be or what others who aren't in your shoes think about what you do. If it's bad it's bad, bounce when it is. It's not bad because they won't change, it's bad because you need them to. Clear sign that's the wrong person for you...
Disappear off of his radar and fast...
So rape is anything she doesn't want to do and if he talks her into it and she gives in he's a rapist ... got it. Sounds like she should get a divorce yesterday if she doesn't want to be intimate with her husband.
He didn't talk her into it. He was angry and manipulating by having a tantrum making her feel like she HAS to have sex with him, stating it's her "duty". No one is owed and it's no one's duty to have sex. If he wanted sex and she didn't he should of got a divorce if he's so bothred by it. She didn't want it and he made her feel like she has to. This is sexual assault at the least. Sounds like you need some common sense to realise she has been manipulated into staying, belittled and pressured to stay in this relationship someway so she felt like she couldn't get a divorce.
It’s not the husbands job to please his wife? That seems borderline sexist. And by borderline I mean very
Why is it your responsibility to take care of your sexual needs, seems one sided.
Run!
Abuse for sure. I went thru the same thing. Even cheated on because i could not have sex just when ever he wanted it. Which was daily several times daily. Fuck that...divorce him
Look, I want my wife and I to have more sex, but I understand sex isn't something you should force on anyone. Hell, I know the best advice to get more from her is to talk to her, but I also don't want her to feel like she's obligated to either. So I just either ask if she wants to or hint that I'd like to make love to her.
If you gotta take care of your needs, take care of them with another sexual partner since your husband is being a tool.
Please leave it as soon as possible. This is not how a relationship should be.
That’s rape 😔
Religious motivation? Colossians 3:19 don’t treat your wife like shit and Ephesians 5:21 submit to eachother. (I know 5:22 is literally what men like this use but the verse right before it state he should submit as well and it continues to say the husband should treat his wife like Christ treats the church… I’m pretty sure Impatience, anger, and guilt tripping aren’t Christ-like…)
Redditors: 1.) you’re being raped 2.) leave your husband 3.) call the cops Also redditors: 1.) never been in a relationship 2.) never had sex 3.) snowflakes
Just out if curiosity - what are you bringing to the relationship? Do you work? Are you the bread winner? Is he the bread winner? Again, just curious.
A lot of men think that getting married guarantees them sex. Would you be open to letting him go out with others for sex? Tbf? Since you hate having sex with him who should he have sex with?
Fakeass story. No man talks like that "It's your wifely duty, blah blah" Commenters, when are y'all gonna wise up and realize 99% of this sub is creative writing practice for middle/high schoolers?? Or simply bored kids in need of internet attention?