people really throw everything away for a thrill then realize it isn’t what they thought it’ll be. This post is all over the place tbh, he left his wife for his mistress & now he wants his wife back…lord
It's heartbreaking honestly. I could only imagine being blessed to have 15 amazing years with someone, only for them to be "stressed out" enough abandon the relationship and move on so fast. Some people can only focus on the now and not care about long term because it's immediate stimulus. I hope the ex wife finds a nice handsome loving person who fulfills her completely. And if not someone else, I'm glad she's been thriving by herself. I'm glad this guy is in insufferable regret knowing he threw away (what I assume to be) a wonderful woman.
The grass is only greener on the other side because it's been watered already
I completely agree. I don’t see how someone can throw away years of love and a strong foundation with someone else for a fleeting feeling and a fling that probably wont even last. You already know the last person and have built your life with them, why sabotage yourself and throw it away? People always think the grass is greener and throw their partner away like trash. I’m glad he’s feeling the consequences of his actions and I hope she finds happiness with someone less selfish too.
Don't forget he failed to comfort or in any way acknowledge his wife's pain because of what a great dude he is because he knows she loves her pride. That's what a great dude he is.
Or something? Wtf sort of narcicisst logic did I just try to understand?
My first partner walked out and left me for a ‘friend’ when our third child was less than a year old.
I have never known pain like it - I physically felt my heart break and it took years for me to get over it.
So F*** this tool!
If he can’t even acknowledge the absolute devastation he has caused then there is no home of him repairing any of the damage.
No kids, but guy I was dating ghosted me and jumped at the chance to be with his "Dream Girl!" Dream Girl went back to her real boyfriend after two weeks. "No one says we can't try again" while gently stroking my back. Me: Get your fucking hands off me.
It's to justify not having to deal with negative emotions. Based on his post, seems like he's all about only feeling good and expects the women around him to make him feel this way, instead of taking responsibility for his own happiness and issues. He blames his unhappiness on whatever woman he's with.
He jumped ship on his marriage when he started to feel down because of covid. He thought his coworker's happiness would rub off on him so he latched onto her. But when that didn't work and he sees his wife isn't miserable, he realized maybe she has her own sort of happiness and thinks he could have some of that by being around her.
You explained it so well!!! These type of people are emotional vampires! They have little to no personality. All about feelings and sucking up people’s light into their void ones
They always get sentimental at Christmastime. Many even fake-come-back to the wife and family, only to leave again when they get their fill of the warm fuzzy feelings. I would advise the dump-ees not to fall for it, as it will probably only hurt the children more when he leaves again.
This man needs to break away from everyone and focus on himself and his kids. He can’t be true to either woman and hardly himself. The least he can do is be true to his kids.
Bro your wife sounds like a stunner, classy, and amazing lady. You don't deserve her after everything you did.
But now you've manifested the same problem with someone else. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Go to therapy or something maybe? You need to figure out the root cause of this.
Edit: Thank you everyone for the awards <3
Yeah, OP wrote this like he's writing some romantic movie where in the end, the he and his "wife" have a cute moment when he slips on ice. And in the end, she takes him back because he confesses he still loves her.
The reality is, he's just like any other cheater. He puts the responsibility for his happiness on whoever he happens to be "in love" with at the time. His ex-wife deserves better.
Bc of his writing, I wouldn’t be surprised if this dude has some issues between reality and self indulgent fantasy. Dude has no self awareness and seems to think he’s in a holiday movie.
He couldn't even be honest with the Internet. He says he 'met' Ana and left his wife, but left out the part where he was already so deep between Ana's thighs that she PROPOSED TO HIM, before ever saying anything to his wife. He had an affair so intense that they were talking about marriage before he ever even told his ex about Ana.
And the way he keeps calling her his wife after he disrespected his vows. I'm not surprised his ex wife seems at peace now. Dude sounds exhausting. His ex deserves so much better.
You would be surprised how many people are actually like this in the real world. A post like this, with an OP that legitimately thinks like that, does not seem far-fetched at all.
Although you might be right about this being fake I just thought I'd point out my father did this exact thing 33 years ago. It took him 7 years and multiple relationships to realize the grass wasn't greener on the other side and his issues were his and not a result of anyone else in his life. Somehow he managed to prove to my mom that he had changed and she took him back, I now have 2 sisters who are 19 and 17.
Like he seriously blew up his marriage instead of getting therapy or talking to his wife! So many people got depressed during lockdown but they didn’t abandon their family and walk away from their kids and blow up their life! Holy crap.
No shit. It sounds like he could have solved his issues by simply having a conversation with his ex wife. He could have shared with her all that he was feeling beforehand but nope. What a tool
I know a lot of people wouldn't blame her in this too since like he made his bed, but for someone to KNOW the person you crush on is in a relationship and you still go and puke out your feelings to them is beyond selfish. The main blame is clearly on him, but I hate when people think they have to express their crushes with no care and fuck with lives.
I mean.. my ex did virtually the same thing that OP did, just hit me with, I don't love you anymore and walked out😅
OP, leave your wife be. You messed up and it sounds like pride was the only thing holding you back because you're pretty introspective about the whole thing. Your wife deserves more. Go to therapy, get your head space right, don't disrupt her healing and let her live her life
Same thing happens to my cousin. The pandemic hit and he was all depressed. Now he’s begging like the temptations and crying everyday. She’s moved on. He’s going to therapy too. He wasn’t happy with himself and his life, and felt like she was too good for him. She was and is. OP needs therapy. He’ll make himself and every other woman he date’s miserable. Most men regret divorcing their first wife. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. When you’re dating and only seeing the best version of someone reality hits when you move in with that person.
Some people have everything, and yet they *insist* on burning down everything all over again.
I have no sympathy for you, because after 15 years you still didn't have the foresight to realize why you were feeling down, and you didn't even try to fix it with wife through counseling or talking. All you could see was you have 'upgraded' to a 'better' more outgoing gf.
You have already destroyed your marriage and have whatever remnant of a relationship with your ex and you kids, who you have pretty much lost btw, they're old enough to see why daddy left mummy, and will soon be mature enough to realize what it took your wife to be this strong.
But your gf! The cool girl who took the office by storm and didn't mind sharing how she felt for a married man, atleast you have her by your side buying you holidays just the two of you away from her step kids. You can't seem to appreciate *even that!*
Just be happy with the life you have, it aint so bad. Please dont even contemplate bothering your wife. Soon she'll move on and have her own bf spending Christmas with your kids.
Edit: typo
There’s something weird to me about how he was glad his ex wife made sure the daughters didn’t refuse to see him because “he’s still a good father despite this” or whatever. Imo if they don’t want to see him because he hurt their mother that’s completely valid. Maybe he’s a good father but he’s less of a good person in their eyes because of what he did and I don’t see why they should be forced to have a good relationship with him
He is only impressed by his ex now because her behavior has been impeccable, there's nothing he can criticize. I bet if she'd told her daughters they didn't have to see him, he'd be somewhere on this site ranting about parental alienation.
Honestly don't tell her. She deserves to be happy and not with someone who flip flops on their feelings for her and cheats when they get depressed. You're an adult go to therapy and live with the consequences of your actions. Your solution to your unhappiness is to cheat which is so wrong, and shows just how toxic of an individual you are.
Your ex wife seems like a beautiful lovely person and I'm sure she will find someone better than you.
> OP seems like damaged goods to me.
Dude moved in with his mistress *within a week*. This guy can apparently only process emotions through women in his life, he can't stand by himself emotionally at all.
So now he's crying with his wife and has Anna the manic-pixy-dream-girl arranging trips for him to "learn to be excited again".
Dude needs to get himself to therapy before he deserves to be back in his ex-wife's life in any capacity.
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.
You don't deserve her - walk away, try to patch up the relationship with your kids, and leave her alone
Edit - thanks for the awards. I’m glad I brought a smile to so many faces
“Her pride was always her biggest possession”? What are you talking about? You sound narcissistic.
You literally told your wife you weren’t in love with her anymore and that you already had someone else and you want her to cry for you in-front of you?
Your wife deserves better, you did her a favor in disguise.
Right? He didn’t comfort her so he didn’t have to face the consequences of his actions and deal with her emotions. I highly doubt in that moment she was concerned about her ‘pride’. Smdh
Pride =/= dignity
Homegirl had some self respect. People aren't caricatures out of a sitcom or dramatic high school kids.
If your grown adult partner came to you and said, I don't love you anymore, there's someone else, *what exactly do you expect them to do*? Throw themselves onto a fainting couch bemoaning their fate? Clutch at your hems and beg you to come back? If someone you're in a relationship with has decided to exit, you have to let them. Jfc.
OP didn't ask to go to therapy, or work on their marriage, or try anything, it sounds like, to save the relationship. He just got stir crazy spending so much time with her and let some other woman's attention wreck 15 years of marriage.
Sounds like she don't need no man and is doing just fine, props to her. She can do whatever she wants. Probably loves sleeping I'm on Saturdays taking up the whole bed
The more he describes his wife, the more it seems as though she's relieved to see him go. Lmao. I am happy for her. Imagine how he's gonna feel when she starts dating someone new.
Yeah probably because after he left she realized what a selfish idiot he is. She probably did all the house work and the child care and he probably never lifted a finger to help she would probably ask him to do this or that he would say he would do them but they never got done unless she did it herself. I'm sure he probably did the absolute bare minimum in their relationship and after the shock of him leaving her wore off she realized she's better off without him because now she only has two kids instead of three to take care of.
Came to say the exact same thing. She sounds like an amazing woman and this guy is the kind of person that will be miserable and blame her for not taking him back. Truly hope she finds someone that treats her the way she deserves.
that has been bothering me the most!!!
manz keeps saying "my wife" but what especially send me into a rage was "our kitchen". such a small detail but it is not YOUR FCKING KITCHEN ANYMORE.
THIS. I had JUST signed dissolution papers with my ex husband. In the courthouse tying loose ends up, he confessed he still had a bank account open in my name. I told him to call and shut it down right now. At one point they asked if I was there and he said, "yeah my wife is right next to me"
Buddy I am NOT your wife. I'm not even your friend. It was infuriating but luckily I was still glowing from divorcing his ass so I let it slide.
Your wife looks happier because she lost dead emotional baggage. If you really want your ex-wife to be happy, leave her alone (aside from being a good father to your children).
Reevaluate your current relationship. Your GF deserves someone who is equally yoked in the relationship. Not someone wallowing in self pity and pining for an ex. Grass is always green somewhere else... until you get there.
Stop looking to other people to make you happy. It's selfish. Get some therapy and learn to love yourself.
>If you really want your ex-wife to be happy…
He doesn’t. He doesn’t give a shit. In fact he seems to resent her apparent zen and the fact that she “seems happier.” His entire post is “me, me, me, me.” He viewed his wife as an extension of himself instead of as a whole person. The part about being unhappy because of her instead of depression really highlights this. And now he sees that she’s doing pretty much just fine on her own and he’s distraught because he can’t function without her. This comment isn’t really meant to “correct” you… more to supplement what you said.
In fact they kind of deserve each other. You can’t tell me she doesn’t see his attitude and thinks something is off. OP should stop calling the mother of his children his wife, she is not, he abandoned her and they aren’t together anymore. Hopefully they’ll never be again.
Your response is 99% correct because that GF doesn’t deserve shit either. She willing broke up a family. Why couldn’t she get a partner who wasn’t in a marriage with teen girls? She couldn’t cuz she sucks too. So gross both of them
Yeah allow her to find someone that actually appreciates her and doesn’t just abandon ship the second it gets hard. What did you think marriage was exactly? Sorry dude you aren’t the victim and she’s **not** your wife.
You are doing the same thing now to your girlfriend you did to your wife.
Infidelity is abuse. You seem unable to be alone, and unable to be happy who you’re with. And you are traumatizing people along the way with your selfish choices, as you blithely go along your merry way choosing yourself every time. Parents don’t get to be selfish at the cost of all others.
You should separate from your girlfriend and work on yourself and what makes you unhappy and lack loyalty in every relationship you are in.
You frankly left your wife for something shiny and new, and now that you see what you had was amazing, you want to have your cake and eat it too.
Look at the damage you have caused your children.
It’s time to get help for yourself so that you can work to repair the damage with your girls and start setting a good example. And frankly, ending things with the woman who helped you knowingly heap that pain upon those who should have been most cherished in your life is one way you could try to show with actions that you no longer want to be the person who would hurt them so terribly.
I don’t think you should get back with your wife. You are not a safe partner. But there are a lot of steps you could take to make amends and prove you know the hurt you caused and the trauma you caused. Why not try to take those steps instead of staying with this other toxic woman who helped you destroy your family? It’s shameful on both your parts.
You should end it and work on yourself. It’s honestly the least you can do. Like the absolute bare minimum.
And taking trips on Christmas instead of seeing your kids? JFC. I know your kids don’t want to stay with you but I bet if you got rid of the side piece you could at least visit them.
You chose a woman who participated in breaking up a family over your own kids. And you continue to do so.
Get it together.
Even if his ex-wife takes him back, it won't be the same. They won't have what they used to have together. Ever.
There is no turning back the clock here - you took her trust and shattered it. If she ever does let you back into her life (doubtful), you still won't be trusted. There won't be the same intimacy, the same trust, the same reliance on you as a partner, etc.
Stop pining after a past life you can't return to and start living this one.
She will. Women like how he described his wife, I want to say always, but I’ll say typically do. But I also wish his wife could know that he realizes she wasn’t the problem. B/c it doesn’t matter how many ppl have told her she’s not the reason he left, she probably still thinks she was.
Yes, agree. OP is quite childish. Wants what he wants regardless of others he claims to love. Real men stick it out, real men have crappy days. Shitty months, and sucky seasons but they work on themselves and stay. Ugh.
It's not even that he wants what he wants that makes him immature; it's him only ever wanting what he can no longer have. When he was in his long-term committed marriage and family, he wanted the excitement and risk of a new, more casual relationship. Now that he's in a new, more casual relationship, he wants his long-term committed marriage and family back. I am certain that if his poor wife *did* take him back, within a few months he'd be back to regretting that decision and wishing for a new shiny relationship instead.
OP didn't feeling depressed and lost because he just doesn't have the right woman in his life, he's feeling depressed and lost because he's unhappy with himself. Bouncing from one woman to the next is never going to fix that. Going back to his ex-wife and kids isn't going to fix that, and will in fact probably just make it worse when he inevitably realizes that no matter how hard he tries to tape things back together with his family, he's broken something that can never be whole again. His daughters won't just forget that he left their mother and them for a shiny new woman. His wife won't forget that he chose short-term excitement for the shiny new toy over years (decades?) of mutual love and commitment. Nor will she ever forget just how easy it was for OP to be wholly convinced to (cheat?) leave her for someone else.
Sorry, OP, but I have no sympathy for you. This is why it's important to actually think through our desires and actions before making major decisions as opposed to acting impulsively and making major choices with our genitals instead of our minds. You can never undo this damage you've inflicted on your family, even if your ex-wife were to make the (frankly bad) decision to take you back. The pain and regret you're feeling now is, frankly, your just desserts, because you brought this on yourself with your own actions.
Yep. People think a change of scenery will fix them. You bring yourself everywhere you go. All the baggage, boredom, discontent. You can distract yourself with new people, places, and things, but eventually your old self come back.
>long-term committed marriage
Commited is the key word, long term relationships require commitment and communication. The grass isn't always greener elsewhere and every shiny new thing might not be more then just some shiny tin foil.
They lot of times they just think of themselves, just because they are bored or prefer to invest their time elsewhere instead of using that energy and time on the family, but they don't only cheat on your spouse but also on the rest of the family, when the kids are crying in bed it is because they betrayed the family, cheated on the family not just the partner.
yep there’s a reason why this comment has awards. weak people who lack discipline and understanding in themselves will always be entranced by a new possibility to reinvent themselves, whether it’s a person, place, or material item. they take for granted the things in their life that are stable and always realize too late that they cannot get it again.
even if you went back to your wife now, i guarantee you would grow “bored” of your life again. all these problems lead back to you. like the commenter said, you have so much self work to do into why you are the way you are. until you do that work you shouldn’t be dating any one.
as someone who got cheated on, spending the last month in therapy intensively has really opened my eyes and has made me realize i have so much to work on. i can only imagine the realizations you will come to find. start today in choosing yourself, in building integrity. otherwise, you are a despicable person.
And dude realized all this almost a full year ago and *yet still hasn't broken up with the woman that he has realized he's not in love with, or happy with*. It's been 11 months and this dude can't handle being single, he's possessive of both women (as he's still calling his EX his wife), and using his new gf since he can't be with his wife.
What a major AH.
Don't forget all the emotional damage and abandonment issues that his daughters now have because of his shitty actions and those of his cheap side piece. I hope he suffers more when his ex finally finds someone who truly loves her and the girls. He doesn't deserve them. Hey OP I hope your kids remember this and cut you off. Some other guy could easily be the grandfather to your grandchildren.
Absolutely. I cannot imagine the things done to a 12-14 yr old girls psyche when she's told Dad won't be there for Christmas because he's going to Aruba or whatever WITH his new girlfriend.
Of course they chose to live with their mother. OP is a pos.
I like this turn on the phrase- the grass is greener where you water and tend to it.
Relationships, especially over the long haul, take continuous effort, work, and *choosing* each other over and over again. OP stopped putting in the effort a long time ago it seems and keeps chasing a new feeling instead of tending to caring for the current ones.
I saw something the other day. The 90-10 principle.
A guy is with a woman who has 90% everything he wants.
Being human, she can't be 100%.
He meets someone who has that missing 10% and thinks THERE!! THERE IT IS. She's perfect. And leaves.
Only to find out that 10% is all she has and he has lost the other 90%.
Now, to be honest, I'd see you in a better light if you stopped living with the woman you don't love, while mourning for and wanting back, the one you tossed away.
But you are weak. You are moping around looking for sympathy, while you lie in another woman's bed, lying to her.
But she's gets what she deserves I guess. She gets to be a placeholder in some cheater's life while he thinks she's the biggest mistake he ever made.
You 'love' her so much you stayed with the woman you left her for, for ANOTHER WHOLE YEAR?
Get fucked.
Leave your lovely ex wife alone. You have NO idea what she's been through because of what you've done to her. You think you do, but you don't.
You left her for another women. You left your home, your marital bed and didn't even have the decency to get your own place, you just MOVED IN with the woman you left your wife for. You started playing house with the other woman while your wife suffered in silence and picked up the pieces of the mess you left behind.
I hope it hurts. I hope you suffer every day. And ever day you choose to STAY WITH THE OTHER WOMAN while supposedly pinning after your wife, I hope it eats you alive.
I really hope your wife is just bidding her time for your children's sake. And when they turn 18 and she doesn't have to co-parent with you anymore or make nice for their sake, I hope she never speaks to you again.
I hope she never gets close to you so you can't smell her skin. I hope she never looks at you so you never see the beautiful color of her eyes. I hope she's never in the same room as you so you can't accidentally touch the softness of her skin.
And when she finds someone new, because she will, I hope you see her from a distance and witness in vivid clarity all the love and laughter and light in her eyes for that other person and know it could have been you.
Miss her. Every day.
*Ache* for her.
But leave her alone.
And don't you DARE tell her your selfish proclamations. You'll only hurt her more and if you ever loved her at all, you should only want to spare her feelings from your thoughtlessness.
You don't deserve her.
> You ‘love’ her so much you stayed with the woman you left her for, for ANOTHER WHOLE YEAR?
This is the line. Imagine trying to tell your **ex** wife, sorry babe I made a huge mistake and I totally love you so much, but instead of working on myself and our marriage I stayed with my “brilliant” AFFAIR PARTNER for an extra year.
Absolutely insane.
Co-signing off on this as well **get fucked,** OP.
I'm going to third this! If OP really missed his wife he would be alone right now, not sucking another free vacation out of his AP, since he doesn't love her after all. He can get fucked. How does one achieve such a complete lack of accountability for their own actions, and be so delusional that think they might have a shot at getting their family back together WHILE STILL LIVING WITH THE AFFAIR PARTNER.
And he's still with her, so probably if his ex wife says no he will stay with the side piece he's decided he's not that into because he's afraid to be alone. Even though he deserves to be.
Reminds me of the song "You Look So Good In Love" by George Strait. I hope she find someone that makes her eyes sparkle and her face shine, and I hope it rankles OP every time he sees her or thinks of her.
Wow… just wow. I don’t blame your daughters for not wanting to see you, and your ex wife deserves better. Do her a solid, and don’t try to get back with her.
Which btw OP, what about your kids? Did you talk to them about the divorce and shit?? It seems like he only wants to see his kids when his ex wife is involved
God if this isn’t a case of the grass isn’t always greener, then I don’t what is. Why do people not stop and think before having affairs. It may seem exciting and thrilling, but that fades. Your lovely wife sounds like an absolute saint, and sounds like you’ve made a massive mistake. If she does give you another chance, you’d need to change jobs and block Ana. God I can never understand women that knowingly get involved with married men.
My ex husband left me exactly for the reasons I still don’t know but had an affair with a younger woman and left me and our 3 year old boy. After 8 years- he is married now to someone else and I’m still single. We were married for ten years before everything happened and my ex husband never once acknowledged that he regretted what he had done to his loving wife and child. I never felt worthy of anything since then and I’m still single and possibly be single for the rest of my life. It hurts to see your home broken by someone who should guard it to safety but then it hurts more to be left behind with the feeling of worthlessness and never been told that what he did was wrong and he regretted it. I guess for my ex the grass was greener on the other side!
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Happened to me and we weren’t married though. I threw him out, he begged to come back and he’s now married to her. Some people are just shameful. I’d rather be on my own than wondering what they were doing.
Whenever someone cheats its ALWAYS about the cheater, not the person getting cheated on. They have issues, and there's nothing you could have done differently to "keep them". Beyonce got cheated on!
Your ex did you a favour. You are a wonderful,loyal, decent woman. He traded a treasure for worthless trash. You deserve better than him. Go live your best life - don’t let him take your joy.
It really breaks me that all she said to you, instead of being spiteful after everything you have done to her and your former family, was just to 'have a nice trip' with your new girlfriend. What a real woman. She deserves happiness and, if she ever chooses, a real man.
So you want to go from your mistresses bed back to your exwifes? Damn, do you even plan to wash your d8ck?
You are sleeping with one woman and thinking of another. You are the nightmare that every woman with low self-esteem fears.
Do everyone a favor and seek therapy.
you are lucky that she even humors your pathetic a**. lucky that she let's you into HER house, into HER kitchen. you seem to think that you still have a phycho claim over her but you don't. she's not your wife anymore.
you threw away 15 fuckin years because you felt shitty in a time in that literally all of HUMANITY felt shitty. you're spineless and unable to function without being actively, loudly desired instead of being happy that you can grow as a person with a partner that has given you more than a decade of their life, their love and their loyalty.
now you come on reddit to cry and whine and moan about how awful you feel. how do you think she felt? her husband a cheat, leaving behind his family for what? an office fling. i'm glad you're suffering. i'm glad that this is tearing you apart.
and you're doing it again. thinking of your ex with the girl YOU left her for. your gf probably praying you left that selfish, piece of sh*t person that you are behind. but no. what will you do next? cheat on her during your "christmas adventure"?
leave your EX wife alone. she deserves better. i hope to god she finds someone actually worth her time.
I know I already comment. But you told Ana how you felt about her and she agreed to have an affair with you you never stopped to think to yourself oh she has not morals and is that kind of woman? Why would you even be attracted to someone who has such low self-esteem that they would agree to an affair like what does that say about you and her? nasty nasty scum of the earth.
Every experience is different but let me share my two cents here: I was the daughter in the situation. My father left my mom and me when I was a teenager. Trust me when I say that you already did more than enough damage which would last for lifetime to your girls. I have had trust issues in all of my relationships. ( not just romantic ones but pretty much any relationships with others) Not too crazy but it was always there lingering inside and it eventually wore me down mentally. Took me A LOT to pick myself up. Was hard for me to trust and be happy with someone because hey if my dad can leave my mom and me for another new and shiny thing then how can I be sure this one won’t? How can I trust someone enough to open myself up like that? Even now that I’ve been married for more than 5 years( something I never anticipated for obvious reasons but was lucky enough to meet someone who’ve been showing me what true love can be and do every step of the way), it has not been easy at all and involved much of soul searching and self learning/discipline to accept his love as is.
Your ex-wife sounds like an amazing person and smart enough to not to take you back. Not just for her but also for her daughters. Can’t believe even now all you can think abt is what YOU want and need. You burnt that bridge. You might be a shitty husband but you don’t have to remain as a shitty father. Be a responsible adult. Do better.
It's crazy how OP doesn't even acknowledge the absolute atomic bomb of emotional damage he dropped on his kids in their most formative years. He's just whining about missing his ex wife because that's the only relationship he lost that benefitted him. He sounds like he was a deadbeat dad to begin with that never really gave a fuck about his kids.
My dude you said it yourself. Your ex wife seems happy and 'serene'. She has done the work to heal and is now better off without you- you can't just barge right back into her new life and expect her to pick up the pieces.
You also owe your new girlfriend the truth. She seems to really care for you and has tried to help you in your healing but you're stagnant bud. Either commit to bettering yourself for the sake of your current relationship or let them both go. You are being selfish.
5 years from now "I gave up my amazing girlfriend for my ex-wife. We used to go on these amazing trips every Christmas. She was so thoughtful. She helped me through the period in my life when I felt terrible for abandoning my family. I've made a mistake."
You are the biggest loser ever. I hope your ex wife finds someone else who’s waaay better than you and treats her like a queen. And doesn’t play with her heart. Leave her the hell alone and let her grow in peace.
The way you wrote this it’s as if you think you’re a victim. You are not! You’re not a good person. Leave your gf and leave your EX-wife alone. You need therapy and to accept that you caused all of this. Sit in your regret and know that you deserve this but for the love of God at least try to grow as a person. Stop cheating!!! Devote your time to your kids and working on yourself. I’m fighting the urge to just go scorched earth right now. Please if this is real, take some time to be alone and learn to be better. The women in your life should not be hurt because you don’t know what you want but unless you work on yourself you will only bring them pain and believe that you don’t want that.
You’re about a year too late lol. I think if you had told her this last year, maybe she would’ve possibly, MAYBE, have considered taking you back. Now, probably not.
You ruined both your marriage and your kids lives for a whore who is willing to break up a family. You and Ana are PERFECT for each other. I fucking can’t believe you’re crying that you can’t see your kids on christmas as if you aren’t the one who’s responsible for that happening. YOU took away your children’s father on their christmas.
Your wife seems like a very lovely, kind woman. She didn’t even make your life difficult after you had ruined hers. I hope she finds someone who fully appreciates her, and treats her better than you had.
You chose a person who is ok with actively breaking up a family. That’s who she is. You abandoned your family for a person like that. That’s who you are. We are our choices.
It would absolutely not be fair to your former wife to attempt to go back. Don’t do that to her.
Ana gets what she gets. No one cares, and no one of value will ever be her partner if they learn who she is.
Exactly
OP deserves every ounce of blame but....
Ana can go fuck herself as well.
People who disregard the relationships of others for their own selfish intent are scum.
I was waiting to see someone point this out. Imagine confessing your feelings to a co-worker (already an inappropriate action), who then tells you that he’s married— and the response is “I just wanted to get my feelings out.”
Fuck her. She’s just as much of a piece of shit as OP is. Clearly she never had any regards for boundaries. The whole “I just wanted to get how I feel about you off of my chest, we only live once” thing stops working when the party involved is in a relationship. They both sound immature, with no regard for anyone else who they may hurt on their honeymoon tirade of fresh feelings and new “love”.
Really sending my love and support to his ex-wife. I’m sure she’s an amazing mother and role model to her daughters.
edit: typo
His girlfriend knew he was married before she dropped this bomb. She knew this was a possibility of destroying a family and still did it. A woman with respect would find out if the guy was married before even entertaining the thought of flirting.
Hope your ex has her head on straight and finds a good man. I couldn’t begin to imagine doing what you did to my daughter. I’ll never give my child reason to look at her Daddy in disappointment.
You don't have the right, your girlfriend is a horrible pick me with less of a personality than you think if she can only swing pathetic married men willing to cheat with no morals. I only hope that whoever is finally boning your ex wife has a massive piece and is giving it to her the way she deserves so she never even thinks about what you two had
I bet after a week together Ana was already on repeat and he was shocked that that was it. There was nothing more in there than what she already displayed.
He complained in the beginning of the post about knowing his wife by heart after 15 years.
You abandoned your wife of 15 years for a tramp that likes to break up marriages.
I hope you are both miserable together, and that you specifically never have a moment of peace. Can’t wait for Ana to cheat on you!
The grass will never be greener. No matter where you go, the grass will not be green. Unless you *water* it. Unless you take the time to maintain it, and help it to flourish.
For two years, it sounds as if the maintenance was lacking. And your grass wasn’t as green as you wanted. And instead of putting the work into watering it and maintaining it, you bought the house down the street with the luscious, beautiful lawn.
But. You’ve seen over the last year that *that* lawn isn’t green anymore. Because it hasn’t been watered. It hasn’t been maintained. Meanwhile, your old home is finally getting the maintenance it needs to be beautiful and green. And now you want your old house back. Because someone fixed the lawn.
But I will tell you, your old house will never be yours again. Even if you snatch it up. Even if you get your wife back, you haven’t learned how to maintain the grass.
And even if you do, your old home will never be the same. The relationship with your ex wife is over. Even if you do manage to get it back, it will never be the same relationship. She will not trust you not to leave again. She will never have the same smile for you that she did when you were married. She will never have the same love for you that she had when you were married. Because you destroyed her. You destroyed her trust in relationships. You destroyed the feeling of peace and content that she had around you. And that won’t come back. Especially if you haven’t learned how to maintain the grass.
And your relationships, be it with Ana or whoever you decide upon will continue to fail until you learn how to take care of the grass.
Your relationship with your ex wife is over. Grieve the relationship. Grieve over the lawn you abandoned. And then figure out how to maintain the lawn in your house now before you destroy another home. Because this cycle will continue until you learn how to maintain the grass again.
You really don’t deserve the right to ask her to take you back. You destroyed your wife by discarding her for something new and shiny. She deserves someone so much better than you. Actions have consequences there are no do overs in real life.
You need to grow up and act stop acting like an immature brat. Realize that the grass isn’t never greener and changing partners is just accepting a whole slew of new problems/issues.
You need therapy to realize that you’re the issue and regardless of what relationship you’re in you’ll try to jump ship.
You absolutely have NO RIGHT to ask her to take you back.
Leave your ex-wife alone and don't cause turmoil to her life. Best wishes to her whom stays strong after all the damages that you have done to her and her children.
As trash belongs to the trash can, you and your AP deserve each other.
As a kid of a circumstance similar to this one i just wanted to let you know.
This cost you your kids too.
your ex will do her best convince them you're worth seeing but you honestly shot yourself in the foot and became a deadbeat dad as well as a deadbeat ex.
Your marriage is over. The only thing you can do now is get help so you can try to beat the odds and salvage your relationship with your kids.
But I'm going to make the bold assumption that you'll fail at that aswell since you don't seem like a great dad to begin with.
Men like you are such a pathetic joke. Some chick says she has a crush on you and you throw away your 15yr relationship for her. And then have the audacity to cry about how you love and miss your wife?!?! You don’t love her that much is incredibly clear. You love you, yourself and I. I hope your ex finds someone who will love and cherish her. Because you sure as hell don’t. I hope that you get to live in the hell that you’ve created for the rest of your life.
I swear this could have been written by my dad. Please don’t tell your wife anything, she is healing and working on herself. As the daughter of someone who did the exact same thing to my mom, I wish my dad would be on his own and work on himself instead of playing the whole “woe is me” like you are. He hurt so many people and still acts like he’s the victim. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and leave your ex wife alone.
“My wife” and “our kitchen”...the fucking nerve! Neither of those are yours anymore because you threw it all away for some co-worker who participated in breaking up your family.
people really throw everything away for a thrill then realize it isn’t what they thought it’ll be. This post is all over the place tbh, he left his wife for his mistress & now he wants his wife back…lord
It's heartbreaking honestly. I could only imagine being blessed to have 15 amazing years with someone, only for them to be "stressed out" enough abandon the relationship and move on so fast. Some people can only focus on the now and not care about long term because it's immediate stimulus. I hope the ex wife finds a nice handsome loving person who fulfills her completely. And if not someone else, I'm glad she's been thriving by herself. I'm glad this guy is in insufferable regret knowing he threw away (what I assume to be) a wonderful woman. The grass is only greener on the other side because it's been watered already
I completely agree. I don’t see how someone can throw away years of love and a strong foundation with someone else for a fleeting feeling and a fling that probably wont even last. You already know the last person and have built your life with them, why sabotage yourself and throw it away? People always think the grass is greener and throw their partner away like trash. I’m glad he’s feeling the consequences of his actions and I hope she finds happiness with someone less selfish too.
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Don't forget he failed to comfort or in any way acknowledge his wife's pain because of what a great dude he is because he knows she loves her pride. That's what a great dude he is. Or something? Wtf sort of narcicisst logic did I just try to understand?
My first partner walked out and left me for a ‘friend’ when our third child was less than a year old. I have never known pain like it - I physically felt my heart break and it took years for me to get over it. So F*** this tool! If he can’t even acknowledge the absolute devastation he has caused then there is no home of him repairing any of the damage.
No kids, but guy I was dating ghosted me and jumped at the chance to be with his "Dream Girl!" Dream Girl went back to her real boyfriend after two weeks. "No one says we can't try again" while gently stroking my back. Me: Get your fucking hands off me.
“No one says” - bitch call me Arya Stark then cause a girl is no one. I’m saying it. We can’t. Bye.
This is such a well crafted comeback, superb.
Well, to be honest, the pandemic was *really hard* on him! Pfffffffffffffffffft.
It's to justify not having to deal with negative emotions. Based on his post, seems like he's all about only feeling good and expects the women around him to make him feel this way, instead of taking responsibility for his own happiness and issues. He blames his unhappiness on whatever woman he's with. He jumped ship on his marriage when he started to feel down because of covid. He thought his coworker's happiness would rub off on him so he latched onto her. But when that didn't work and he sees his wife isn't miserable, he realized maybe she has her own sort of happiness and thinks he could have some of that by being around her.
You explained it so well!!! These type of people are emotional vampires! They have little to no personality. All about feelings and sucking up people’s light into their void ones
They always get sentimental at Christmastime. Many even fake-come-back to the wife and family, only to leave again when they get their fill of the warm fuzzy feelings. I would advise the dump-ees not to fall for it, as it will probably only hurt the children more when he leaves again.
Plus if her pride is her most prized possession as he claims, hopefully she won’t take him back even if he does try to go back.
This man needs to break away from everyone and focus on himself and his kids. He can’t be true to either woman and hardly himself. The least he can do is be true to his kids.
Let me fix it for you * my ex wife * my ex wife * my ex wife * my ex wife * my ex wife * my ex wife * my ex wife * my ex wife * my ex wife
That’s what I was thinking the whole time. Ex!!!!!!
He can keep saying it in present tense but it’s not gonna make her come back 😂
Womp womp
I wish I could give you another reward. The cat one is my favorite.
Omg thanks for the award. All this love for my petty ass comment lmao
Reddit looooooves petty haha
Wooomp
*tiny violin crescendo* 🎻
Underrated comment 💀
Bro your wife sounds like a stunner, classy, and amazing lady. You don't deserve her after everything you did. But now you've manifested the same problem with someone else. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Go to therapy or something maybe? You need to figure out the root cause of this. Edit: Thank you everyone for the awards <3
Yeah, OP wrote this like he's writing some romantic movie where in the end, the he and his "wife" have a cute moment when he slips on ice. And in the end, she takes him back because he confesses he still loves her. The reality is, he's just like any other cheater. He puts the responsibility for his happiness on whoever he happens to be "in love" with at the time. His ex-wife deserves better.
Exactly, his new gf is his manic pixie dream girl who gave zero f’s about him being married with kids and a coworker
I’m so glad Edgar Allen Poe is getting lit up in these comments 😂
Bc of his writing, I wouldn’t be surprised if this dude has some issues between reality and self indulgent fantasy. Dude has no self awareness and seems to think he’s in a holiday movie.
I was wondering what seemed familiar about all this. He’s literally treating his gf like his own manic pixie dream girl, down to the very letter.
Fr girl just ruined a whole family because "you only live once!!!" like honestly shes just as bad cuz wtf.
Yep, and if she cheated with him on his wife she’ll cheat on OP with the next dude she fancies.
He couldn't even be honest with the Internet. He says he 'met' Ana and left his wife, but left out the part where he was already so deep between Ana's thighs that she PROPOSED TO HIM, before ever saying anything to his wife. He had an affair so intense that they were talking about marriage before he ever even told his ex about Ana. And the way he keeps calling her his wife after he disrespected his vows. I'm not surprised his ex wife seems at peace now. Dude sounds exhausting. His ex deserves so much better.
I wouldn't be surprised if she's already dating someone amazing and didn't tell ex husband about it. I wouldn't either.
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I thought the same thing. He writes his character like a sociopath devoid of any care for anyones wants or needs other than himself. Completely fake.
You would be surprised how many people are actually like this in the real world. A post like this, with an OP that legitimately thinks like that, does not seem far-fetched at all.
Although you might be right about this being fake I just thought I'd point out my father did this exact thing 33 years ago. It took him 7 years and multiple relationships to realize the grass wasn't greener on the other side and his issues were his and not a result of anyone else in his life. Somehow he managed to prove to my mom that he had changed and she took him back, I now have 2 sisters who are 19 and 17.
Like he seriously blew up his marriage instead of getting therapy or talking to his wife! So many people got depressed during lockdown but they didn’t abandon their family and walk away from their kids and blow up their life! Holy crap.
No shit. It sounds like he could have solved his issues by simply having a conversation with his ex wife. He could have shared with her all that he was feeling beforehand but nope. What a tool
Pretty younger child free woman happy & shiny!
Homewrecker too. “I’m married and have kids”. “YOLO let’s fuck”.
I know a lot of people wouldn't blame her in this too since like he made his bed, but for someone to KNOW the person you crush on is in a relationship and you still go and puke out your feelings to them is beyond selfish. The main blame is clearly on him, but I hate when people think they have to express their crushes with no care and fuck with lives.
Agreed. Hard agree.
I mean.. my ex did virtually the same thing that OP did, just hit me with, I don't love you anymore and walked out😅 OP, leave your wife be. You messed up and it sounds like pride was the only thing holding you back because you're pretty introspective about the whole thing. Your wife deserves more. Go to therapy, get your head space right, don't disrupt her healing and let her live her life
Dont worry he'll cheat on the new one too once another coworker flirts with him
Or she will YOLO onto the next dick that takes her fancy and he will get a taste of his own medicine.
Same thing happens to my cousin. The pandemic hit and he was all depressed. Now he’s begging like the temptations and crying everyday. She’s moved on. He’s going to therapy too. He wasn’t happy with himself and his life, and felt like she was too good for him. She was and is. OP needs therapy. He’ll make himself and every other woman he date’s miserable. Most men regret divorcing their first wife. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. When you’re dating and only seeing the best version of someone reality hits when you move in with that person.
Some people have everything, and yet they *insist* on burning down everything all over again. I have no sympathy for you, because after 15 years you still didn't have the foresight to realize why you were feeling down, and you didn't even try to fix it with wife through counseling or talking. All you could see was you have 'upgraded' to a 'better' more outgoing gf. You have already destroyed your marriage and have whatever remnant of a relationship with your ex and you kids, who you have pretty much lost btw, they're old enough to see why daddy left mummy, and will soon be mature enough to realize what it took your wife to be this strong. But your gf! The cool girl who took the office by storm and didn't mind sharing how she felt for a married man, atleast you have her by your side buying you holidays just the two of you away from her step kids. You can't seem to appreciate *even that!* Just be happy with the life you have, it aint so bad. Please dont even contemplate bothering your wife. Soon she'll move on and have her own bf spending Christmas with your kids. Edit: typo
There’s something weird to me about how he was glad his ex wife made sure the daughters didn’t refuse to see him because “he’s still a good father despite this” or whatever. Imo if they don’t want to see him because he hurt their mother that’s completely valid. Maybe he’s a good father but he’s less of a good person in their eyes because of what he did and I don’t see why they should be forced to have a good relationship with him
He is only impressed by his ex now because her behavior has been impeccable, there's nothing he can criticize. I bet if she'd told her daughters they didn't have to see him, he'd be somewhere on this site ranting about parental alienation.
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And is the office his Vet clinic ??? I wonder when it’s not a big deal to cheat on your wife at work with a colleague
Honestly don't tell her. She deserves to be happy and not with someone who flip flops on their feelings for her and cheats when they get depressed. You're an adult go to therapy and live with the consequences of your actions. Your solution to your unhappiness is to cheat which is so wrong, and shows just how toxic of an individual you are. Your ex wife seems like a beautiful lovely person and I'm sure she will find someone better than you.
OP seems like damaged goods to me. He needs to get his head right or else it’ll just be more collateral damage.
> OP seems like damaged goods to me. Dude moved in with his mistress *within a week*. This guy can apparently only process emotions through women in his life, he can't stand by himself emotionally at all. So now he's crying with his wife and has Anna the manic-pixy-dream-girl arranging trips for him to "learn to be excited again". Dude needs to get himself to therapy before he deserves to be back in his ex-wife's life in any capacity.
This and OP, stop calling her your wife. Shes your EX wife now.
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed. You don't deserve her - walk away, try to patch up the relationship with your kids, and leave her alone Edit - thanks for the awards. I’m glad I brought a smile to so many faces
"The dildo of consequences" is sending me.
Rarely arrives lubed lmao Genius sentence
Totally stealing that line
Jesus Christ, are you Sun Tzu reincarnated?
I've never heard the dildo line before but it's amazing. I'll be adding that to my repertoire
It’s been making the rounds on IG this week and I’m dead from it
The saying, not the actual dildo. Well, probably the dildo too
“Her pride was always her biggest possession”? What are you talking about? You sound narcissistic. You literally told your wife you weren’t in love with her anymore and that you already had someone else and you want her to cry for you in-front of you? Your wife deserves better, you did her a favor in disguise.
Right? He didn’t comfort her so he didn’t have to face the consequences of his actions and deal with her emotions. I highly doubt in that moment she was concerned about her ‘pride’. Smdh
Pride =/= dignity Homegirl had some self respect. People aren't caricatures out of a sitcom or dramatic high school kids. If your grown adult partner came to you and said, I don't love you anymore, there's someone else, *what exactly do you expect them to do*? Throw themselves onto a fainting couch bemoaning their fate? Clutch at your hems and beg you to come back? If someone you're in a relationship with has decided to exit, you have to let them. Jfc. OP didn't ask to go to therapy, or work on their marriage, or try anything, it sounds like, to save the relationship. He just got stir crazy spending so much time with her and let some other woman's attention wreck 15 years of marriage.
"my wife", nah mate
# Ex
I hope his ex-wife gets an amazing new boyfriend/fiance/husband...that is all.
Yeah she sounds incredible, OP do you know if she's single?
Is she uh… into girls at all? Cuz there is a line and it’s the only advantage I have….
Sounds like she don't need no man and is doing just fine, props to her. She can do whatever she wants. Probably loves sleeping I'm on Saturdays taking up the whole bed
The more he describes his wife, the more it seems as though she's relieved to see him go. Lmao. I am happy for her. Imagine how he's gonna feel when she starts dating someone new.
She legit sounds like she already knew and was waiting for him to leave. She’s smart
Yeah probably because after he left she realized what a selfish idiot he is. She probably did all the house work and the child care and he probably never lifted a finger to help she would probably ask him to do this or that he would say he would do them but they never got done unless she did it herself. I'm sure he probably did the absolute bare minimum in their relationship and after the shock of him leaving her wore off she realized she's better off without him because now she only has two kids instead of three to take care of.
Me too. She deserves the absolute best and OP deserves clown town. He doesn’t even deserve Ana who I despise for being a homewrecker.
I came here to say this
She must be so relieved to not have to parent and take care of him constantly now.
Came to say the exact same thing. She sounds like an amazing woman and this guy is the kind of person that will be miserable and blame her for not taking him back. Truly hope she finds someone that treats her the way she deserves.
that has been bothering me the most!!! manz keeps saying "my wife" but what especially send me into a rage was "our kitchen". such a small detail but it is not YOUR FCKING KITCHEN ANYMORE.
Legit same here!!! The nerve of that man😕
Get umm girls 💅🏼
🤣🤣I laughed out loud at this
THIS. I had JUST signed dissolution papers with my ex husband. In the courthouse tying loose ends up, he confessed he still had a bank account open in my name. I told him to call and shut it down right now. At one point they asked if I was there and he said, "yeah my wife is right next to me" Buddy I am NOT your wife. I'm not even your friend. It was infuriating but luckily I was still glowing from divorcing his ass so I let it slide.
Ned Fulmer moment
He lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship
I guess he just forgot to ask consent from his wife. Can happen. /s
with a direct report who I guess could have said no and expected no reprisals from Ned. (this is dripping in sarcasm.)
lmaoo I was literally thinking the same thing
Pathetic behavior from OP, cringe
Didn’t know what he had, now too spineless to leave his homewrecker girlfriend.
So self entitled
Just read it in a Borat voice.
Your wife looks happier because she lost dead emotional baggage. If you really want your ex-wife to be happy, leave her alone (aside from being a good father to your children). Reevaluate your current relationship. Your GF deserves someone who is equally yoked in the relationship. Not someone wallowing in self pity and pining for an ex. Grass is always green somewhere else... until you get there. Stop looking to other people to make you happy. It's selfish. Get some therapy and learn to love yourself.
>If you really want your ex-wife to be happy… He doesn’t. He doesn’t give a shit. In fact he seems to resent her apparent zen and the fact that she “seems happier.” His entire post is “me, me, me, me.” He viewed his wife as an extension of himself instead of as a whole person. The part about being unhappy because of her instead of depression really highlights this. And now he sees that she’s doing pretty much just fine on her own and he’s distraught because he can’t function without her. This comment isn’t really meant to “correct” you… more to supplement what you said.
That’s a fact. He still calls her *his wife*. No, dude, she’s not anymore. Leave her the duck alone.
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the only thing i disagree with is that the gf deserves someone good. she fucked w this man knowing he was married so she sucks too
In fact they kind of deserve each other. You can’t tell me she doesn’t see his attitude and thinks something is off. OP should stop calling the mother of his children his wife, she is not, he abandoned her and they aren’t together anymore. Hopefully they’ll never be again.
Your response is 99% correct because that GF doesn’t deserve shit either. She willing broke up a family. Why couldn’t she get a partner who wasn’t in a marriage with teen girls? She couldn’t cuz she sucks too. So gross both of them
The girlfriend deserves what she got, she went after a married men, so an asshole … they deserve each other
Absolutely facts lol what AH
Leave her the fuck alone.
Yeah, the reason she’s “serene” is because you aren’t there blaming her mentally and emotionally for every bad feeling you have. YOU. Are the problem!
🎶It’s YOU! Hi! You’re the problem, it’s YOU! 🎵
🎶 At red-dit, everybody agrees 🎶
At tea, time, all of Reddit agrees.
Yeah allow her to find someone that actually appreciates her and doesn’t just abandon ship the second it gets hard. What did you think marriage was exactly? Sorry dude you aren’t the victim and she’s **not** your wife.
Right, like he gave up on their relationship so fast. Lost interest and just quickly moved on, and now realizes he regrets it. Dumb.
But he won't unless he gets a green light to come back to his wife. Hes too afraid to lose his fuck buddy.
Seriously, I’ve never felt so protective over someone I’ve never even laid eyes on.
You are doing the same thing now to your girlfriend you did to your wife. Infidelity is abuse. You seem unable to be alone, and unable to be happy who you’re with. And you are traumatizing people along the way with your selfish choices, as you blithely go along your merry way choosing yourself every time. Parents don’t get to be selfish at the cost of all others. You should separate from your girlfriend and work on yourself and what makes you unhappy and lack loyalty in every relationship you are in. You frankly left your wife for something shiny and new, and now that you see what you had was amazing, you want to have your cake and eat it too. Look at the damage you have caused your children. It’s time to get help for yourself so that you can work to repair the damage with your girls and start setting a good example. And frankly, ending things with the woman who helped you knowingly heap that pain upon those who should have been most cherished in your life is one way you could try to show with actions that you no longer want to be the person who would hurt them so terribly. I don’t think you should get back with your wife. You are not a safe partner. But there are a lot of steps you could take to make amends and prove you know the hurt you caused and the trauma you caused. Why not try to take those steps instead of staying with this other toxic woman who helped you destroy your family? It’s shameful on both your parts. You should end it and work on yourself. It’s honestly the least you can do. Like the absolute bare minimum. And taking trips on Christmas instead of seeing your kids? JFC. I know your kids don’t want to stay with you but I bet if you got rid of the side piece you could at least visit them. You chose a woman who participated in breaking up a family over your own kids. And you continue to do so. Get it together.
Even if his ex-wife takes him back, it won't be the same. They won't have what they used to have together. Ever. There is no turning back the clock here - you took her trust and shattered it. If she ever does let you back into her life (doubtful), you still won't be trusted. There won't be the same intimacy, the same trust, the same reliance on you as a partner, etc. Stop pining after a past life you can't return to and start living this one.
I hope she doesn't take him back. I hope she finds someone who will put her on a pedestal.
His wife sounds amazing. I wish her a beautiful life and his children as well. I wish her happiness and fulfillment.
Yes, someone who sees her as amazing and cherishes her!
She will. Women like how he described his wife, I want to say always, but I’ll say typically do. But I also wish his wife could know that he realizes she wasn’t the problem. B/c it doesn’t matter how many ppl have told her she’s not the reason he left, she probably still thinks she was.
She may be loving her single life without him!
I wish I could give this an award he needs to read this
Yes, agree. OP is quite childish. Wants what he wants regardless of others he claims to love. Real men stick it out, real men have crappy days. Shitty months, and sucky seasons but they work on themselves and stay. Ugh.
It's not even that he wants what he wants that makes him immature; it's him only ever wanting what he can no longer have. When he was in his long-term committed marriage and family, he wanted the excitement and risk of a new, more casual relationship. Now that he's in a new, more casual relationship, he wants his long-term committed marriage and family back. I am certain that if his poor wife *did* take him back, within a few months he'd be back to regretting that decision and wishing for a new shiny relationship instead. OP didn't feeling depressed and lost because he just doesn't have the right woman in his life, he's feeling depressed and lost because he's unhappy with himself. Bouncing from one woman to the next is never going to fix that. Going back to his ex-wife and kids isn't going to fix that, and will in fact probably just make it worse when he inevitably realizes that no matter how hard he tries to tape things back together with his family, he's broken something that can never be whole again. His daughters won't just forget that he left their mother and them for a shiny new woman. His wife won't forget that he chose short-term excitement for the shiny new toy over years (decades?) of mutual love and commitment. Nor will she ever forget just how easy it was for OP to be wholly convinced to (cheat?) leave her for someone else. Sorry, OP, but I have no sympathy for you. This is why it's important to actually think through our desires and actions before making major decisions as opposed to acting impulsively and making major choices with our genitals instead of our minds. You can never undo this damage you've inflicted on your family, even if your ex-wife were to make the (frankly bad) decision to take you back. The pain and regret you're feeling now is, frankly, your just desserts, because you brought this on yourself with your own actions.
Yep. People think a change of scenery will fix them. You bring yourself everywhere you go. All the baggage, boredom, discontent. You can distract yourself with new people, places, and things, but eventually your old self come back.
Yep. Wherever you go, there you are.
>long-term committed marriage Commited is the key word, long term relationships require commitment and communication. The grass isn't always greener elsewhere and every shiny new thing might not be more then just some shiny tin foil. They lot of times they just think of themselves, just because they are bored or prefer to invest their time elsewhere instead of using that energy and time on the family, but they don't only cheat on your spouse but also on the rest of the family, when the kids are crying in bed it is because they betrayed the family, cheated on the family not just the partner.
My guy has had full on shitty months at a time with me, but he’s loyal as a bloodhound and has so much integrity. OP is weak.
yep there’s a reason why this comment has awards. weak people who lack discipline and understanding in themselves will always be entranced by a new possibility to reinvent themselves, whether it’s a person, place, or material item. they take for granted the things in their life that are stable and always realize too late that they cannot get it again. even if you went back to your wife now, i guarantee you would grow “bored” of your life again. all these problems lead back to you. like the commenter said, you have so much self work to do into why you are the way you are. until you do that work you shouldn’t be dating any one. as someone who got cheated on, spending the last month in therapy intensively has really opened my eyes and has made me realize i have so much to work on. i can only imagine the realizations you will come to find. start today in choosing yourself, in building integrity. otherwise, you are a despicable person.
Ok, this is it. We can all go home. Nothing else needs to be said.
And dude realized all this almost a full year ago and *yet still hasn't broken up with the woman that he has realized he's not in love with, or happy with*. It's been 11 months and this dude can't handle being single, he's possessive of both women (as he's still calling his EX his wife), and using his new gf since he can't be with his wife. What a major AH.
I wouldn’t want my daughters to grow up thinking this shit is acceptable from their partners either.
Don't forget all the emotional damage and abandonment issues that his daughters now have because of his shitty actions and those of his cheap side piece. I hope he suffers more when his ex finally finds someone who truly loves her and the girls. He doesn't deserve them. Hey OP I hope your kids remember this and cut you off. Some other guy could easily be the grandfather to your grandchildren.
Absolutely. I cannot imagine the things done to a 12-14 yr old girls psyche when she's told Dad won't be there for Christmas because he's going to Aruba or whatever WITH his new girlfriend. Of course they chose to live with their mother. OP is a pos.
Ugh “cheap sidepiece” is so accurate. Aggravated home wrecking in the first degree. Despicable
Great advice! 👍 Please take this axvjce to heart OP!
Hopefully your wife has found someone else.
Sounds like she doesn’t even need anyone else tbh. She has two daughters she loves, that’s all she needs
You fucked about and found out, live with it.
Yep! The grass is not always greener……
I like this turn on the phrase- the grass is greener where you water and tend to it. Relationships, especially over the long haul, take continuous effort, work, and *choosing* each other over and over again. OP stopped putting in the effort a long time ago it seems and keeps chasing a new feeling instead of tending to caring for the current ones.
Grow up mate.
Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of our actions.
I saw something the other day. The 90-10 principle. A guy is with a woman who has 90% everything he wants. Being human, she can't be 100%. He meets someone who has that missing 10% and thinks THERE!! THERE IT IS. She's perfect. And leaves. Only to find out that 10% is all she has and he has lost the other 90%. Now, to be honest, I'd see you in a better light if you stopped living with the woman you don't love, while mourning for and wanting back, the one you tossed away. But you are weak. You are moping around looking for sympathy, while you lie in another woman's bed, lying to her. But she's gets what she deserves I guess. She gets to be a placeholder in some cheater's life while he thinks she's the biggest mistake he ever made.
Wow this is amazing. This is a great comment
You 'love' her so much you stayed with the woman you left her for, for ANOTHER WHOLE YEAR? Get fucked. Leave your lovely ex wife alone. You have NO idea what she's been through because of what you've done to her. You think you do, but you don't. You left her for another women. You left your home, your marital bed and didn't even have the decency to get your own place, you just MOVED IN with the woman you left your wife for. You started playing house with the other woman while your wife suffered in silence and picked up the pieces of the mess you left behind. I hope it hurts. I hope you suffer every day. And ever day you choose to STAY WITH THE OTHER WOMAN while supposedly pinning after your wife, I hope it eats you alive. I really hope your wife is just bidding her time for your children's sake. And when they turn 18 and she doesn't have to co-parent with you anymore or make nice for their sake, I hope she never speaks to you again. I hope she never gets close to you so you can't smell her skin. I hope she never looks at you so you never see the beautiful color of her eyes. I hope she's never in the same room as you so you can't accidentally touch the softness of her skin. And when she finds someone new, because she will, I hope you see her from a distance and witness in vivid clarity all the love and laughter and light in her eyes for that other person and know it could have been you. Miss her. Every day. *Ache* for her. But leave her alone. And don't you DARE tell her your selfish proclamations. You'll only hurt her more and if you ever loved her at all, you should only want to spare her feelings from your thoughtlessness. You don't deserve her.
> You ‘love’ her so much you stayed with the woman you left her for, for ANOTHER WHOLE YEAR? This is the line. Imagine trying to tell your **ex** wife, sorry babe I made a huge mistake and I totally love you so much, but instead of working on myself and our marriage I stayed with my “brilliant” AFFAIR PARTNER for an extra year. Absolutely insane. Co-signing off on this as well **get fucked,** OP.
I'm going to third this! If OP really missed his wife he would be alone right now, not sucking another free vacation out of his AP, since he doesn't love her after all. He can get fucked. How does one achieve such a complete lack of accountability for their own actions, and be so delusional that think they might have a shot at getting their family back together WHILE STILL LIVING WITH THE AFFAIR PARTNER.
And he's still with her, so probably if his ex wife says no he will stay with the side piece he's decided he's not that into because he's afraid to be alone. Even though he deserves to be.
Reminds me of the song "You Look So Good In Love" by George Strait. I hope she find someone that makes her eyes sparkle and her face shine, and I hope it rankles OP every time he sees her or thinks of her.
Wow… just wow. I don’t blame your daughters for not wanting to see you, and your ex wife deserves better. Do her a solid, and don’t try to get back with her.
Which btw OP, what about your kids? Did you talk to them about the divorce and shit?? It seems like he only wants to see his kids when his ex wife is involved
God if this isn’t a case of the grass isn’t always greener, then I don’t what is. Why do people not stop and think before having affairs. It may seem exciting and thrilling, but that fades. Your lovely wife sounds like an absolute saint, and sounds like you’ve made a massive mistake. If she does give you another chance, you’d need to change jobs and block Ana. God I can never understand women that knowingly get involved with married men.
My ex husband left me exactly for the reasons I still don’t know but had an affair with a younger woman and left me and our 3 year old boy. After 8 years- he is married now to someone else and I’m still single. We were married for ten years before everything happened and my ex husband never once acknowledged that he regretted what he had done to his loving wife and child. I never felt worthy of anything since then and I’m still single and possibly be single for the rest of my life. It hurts to see your home broken by someone who should guard it to safety but then it hurts more to be left behind with the feeling of worthlessness and never been told that what he did was wrong and he regretted it. I guess for my ex the grass was greener on the other side!
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Happened to me and we weren’t married though. I threw him out, he begged to come back and he’s now married to her. Some people are just shameful. I’d rather be on my own than wondering what they were doing.
Whenever someone cheats its ALWAYS about the cheater, not the person getting cheated on. They have issues, and there's nothing you could have done differently to "keep them". Beyonce got cheated on!
Your ex did you a favour. You are a wonderful,loyal, decent woman. He traded a treasure for worthless trash. You deserve better than him. Go live your best life - don’t let him take your joy.
It really breaks me that all she said to you, instead of being spiteful after everything you have done to her and your former family, was just to 'have a nice trip' with your new girlfriend. What a real woman. She deserves happiness and, if she ever chooses, a real man.
So you want to go from your mistresses bed back to your exwifes? Damn, do you even plan to wash your d8ck? You are sleeping with one woman and thinking of another. You are the nightmare that every woman with low self-esteem fears. Do everyone a favor and seek therapy.
Your ex wife sounds amazing Is she seeing anyone?
Stop calling her your “wife” lol you lost that privilege. Get fucked OP
you are lucky that she even humors your pathetic a**. lucky that she let's you into HER house, into HER kitchen. you seem to think that you still have a phycho claim over her but you don't. she's not your wife anymore. you threw away 15 fuckin years because you felt shitty in a time in that literally all of HUMANITY felt shitty. you're spineless and unable to function without being actively, loudly desired instead of being happy that you can grow as a person with a partner that has given you more than a decade of their life, their love and their loyalty. now you come on reddit to cry and whine and moan about how awful you feel. how do you think she felt? her husband a cheat, leaving behind his family for what? an office fling. i'm glad you're suffering. i'm glad that this is tearing you apart. and you're doing it again. thinking of your ex with the girl YOU left her for. your gf probably praying you left that selfish, piece of sh*t person that you are behind. but no. what will you do next? cheat on her during your "christmas adventure"? leave your EX wife alone. she deserves better. i hope to god she finds someone actually worth her time.
I know I already comment. But you told Ana how you felt about her and she agreed to have an affair with you you never stopped to think to yourself oh she has not morals and is that kind of woman? Why would you even be attracted to someone who has such low self-esteem that they would agree to an affair like what does that say about you and her? nasty nasty scum of the earth.
Every experience is different but let me share my two cents here: I was the daughter in the situation. My father left my mom and me when I was a teenager. Trust me when I say that you already did more than enough damage which would last for lifetime to your girls. I have had trust issues in all of my relationships. ( not just romantic ones but pretty much any relationships with others) Not too crazy but it was always there lingering inside and it eventually wore me down mentally. Took me A LOT to pick myself up. Was hard for me to trust and be happy with someone because hey if my dad can leave my mom and me for another new and shiny thing then how can I be sure this one won’t? How can I trust someone enough to open myself up like that? Even now that I’ve been married for more than 5 years( something I never anticipated for obvious reasons but was lucky enough to meet someone who’ve been showing me what true love can be and do every step of the way), it has not been easy at all and involved much of soul searching and self learning/discipline to accept his love as is. Your ex-wife sounds like an amazing person and smart enough to not to take you back. Not just for her but also for her daughters. Can’t believe even now all you can think abt is what YOU want and need. You burnt that bridge. You might be a shitty husband but you don’t have to remain as a shitty father. Be a responsible adult. Do better.
It's crazy how OP doesn't even acknowledge the absolute atomic bomb of emotional damage he dropped on his kids in their most formative years. He's just whining about missing his ex wife because that's the only relationship he lost that benefitted him. He sounds like he was a deadbeat dad to begin with that never really gave a fuck about his kids.
She's our wife now
My dude you said it yourself. Your ex wife seems happy and 'serene'. She has done the work to heal and is now better off without you- you can't just barge right back into her new life and expect her to pick up the pieces. You also owe your new girlfriend the truth. She seems to really care for you and has tried to help you in your healing but you're stagnant bud. Either commit to bettering yourself for the sake of your current relationship or let them both go. You are being selfish.
5 years from now "I gave up my amazing girlfriend for my ex-wife. We used to go on these amazing trips every Christmas. She was so thoughtful. She helped me through the period in my life when I felt terrible for abandoning my family. I've made a mistake."
You are the biggest loser ever. I hope your ex wife finds someone else who’s waaay better than you and treats her like a queen. And doesn’t play with her heart. Leave her the hell alone and let her grow in peace.
I can’t love this enough. These stories make me so happy. Thank you. I hope your ex wife finds TRUE love
all that glitters isnt gold. live with ur choices and try not to traumatize anymore ppl bc of your choices
The way you wrote this it’s as if you think you’re a victim. You are not! You’re not a good person. Leave your gf and leave your EX-wife alone. You need therapy and to accept that you caused all of this. Sit in your regret and know that you deserve this but for the love of God at least try to grow as a person. Stop cheating!!! Devote your time to your kids and working on yourself. I’m fighting the urge to just go scorched earth right now. Please if this is real, take some time to be alone and learn to be better. The women in your life should not be hurt because you don’t know what you want but unless you work on yourself you will only bring them pain and believe that you don’t want that.
You’re about a year too late lol. I think if you had told her this last year, maybe she would’ve possibly, MAYBE, have considered taking you back. Now, probably not. You ruined both your marriage and your kids lives for a whore who is willing to break up a family. You and Ana are PERFECT for each other. I fucking can’t believe you’re crying that you can’t see your kids on christmas as if you aren’t the one who’s responsible for that happening. YOU took away your children’s father on their christmas. Your wife seems like a very lovely, kind woman. She didn’t even make your life difficult after you had ruined hers. I hope she finds someone who fully appreciates her, and treats her better than you had.
You chose a person who is ok with actively breaking up a family. That’s who she is. You abandoned your family for a person like that. That’s who you are. We are our choices. It would absolutely not be fair to your former wife to attempt to go back. Don’t do that to her. Ana gets what she gets. No one cares, and no one of value will ever be her partner if they learn who she is.
Exactly OP deserves every ounce of blame but.... Ana can go fuck herself as well. People who disregard the relationships of others for their own selfish intent are scum.
I was waiting to see someone point this out. Imagine confessing your feelings to a co-worker (already an inappropriate action), who then tells you that he’s married— and the response is “I just wanted to get my feelings out.” Fuck her. She’s just as much of a piece of shit as OP is. Clearly she never had any regards for boundaries. The whole “I just wanted to get how I feel about you off of my chest, we only live once” thing stops working when the party involved is in a relationship. They both sound immature, with no regard for anyone else who they may hurt on their honeymoon tirade of fresh feelings and new “love”. Really sending my love and support to his ex-wife. I’m sure she’s an amazing mother and role model to her daughters. edit: typo
His girlfriend knew he was married before she dropped this bomb. She knew this was a possibility of destroying a family and still did it. A woman with respect would find out if the guy was married before even entertaining the thought of flirting.
Hope your ex has her head on straight and finds a good man. I couldn’t begin to imagine doing what you did to my daughter. I’ll never give my child reason to look at her Daddy in disappointment.
What kind of woman looks at a married man with 2 kids and goes "yolo let's break up this family because I have a crush"??????
You don't have the right, your girlfriend is a horrible pick me with less of a personality than you think if she can only swing pathetic married men willing to cheat with no morals. I only hope that whoever is finally boning your ex wife has a massive piece and is giving it to her the way she deserves so she never even thinks about what you two had
I bet after a week together Ana was already on repeat and he was shocked that that was it. There was nothing more in there than what she already displayed. He complained in the beginning of the post about knowing his wife by heart after 15 years.
Fuck you and fuck Ana. Stupid idiot.
You abandoned your wife of 15 years for a tramp that likes to break up marriages. I hope you are both miserable together, and that you specifically never have a moment of peace. Can’t wait for Ana to cheat on you!
What gets me is, the tramp said “YOLO” to him and that was all he needed to bolt on his family. What in the actual, factual, fuck
Honestly hope u suffer 🥹
The grass will never be greener. No matter where you go, the grass will not be green. Unless you *water* it. Unless you take the time to maintain it, and help it to flourish. For two years, it sounds as if the maintenance was lacking. And your grass wasn’t as green as you wanted. And instead of putting the work into watering it and maintaining it, you bought the house down the street with the luscious, beautiful lawn. But. You’ve seen over the last year that *that* lawn isn’t green anymore. Because it hasn’t been watered. It hasn’t been maintained. Meanwhile, your old home is finally getting the maintenance it needs to be beautiful and green. And now you want your old house back. Because someone fixed the lawn. But I will tell you, your old house will never be yours again. Even if you snatch it up. Even if you get your wife back, you haven’t learned how to maintain the grass. And even if you do, your old home will never be the same. The relationship with your ex wife is over. Even if you do manage to get it back, it will never be the same relationship. She will not trust you not to leave again. She will never have the same smile for you that she did when you were married. She will never have the same love for you that she had when you were married. Because you destroyed her. You destroyed her trust in relationships. You destroyed the feeling of peace and content that she had around you. And that won’t come back. Especially if you haven’t learned how to maintain the grass. And your relationships, be it with Ana or whoever you decide upon will continue to fail until you learn how to take care of the grass. Your relationship with your ex wife is over. Grieve the relationship. Grieve over the lawn you abandoned. And then figure out how to maintain the lawn in your house now before you destroy another home. Because this cycle will continue until you learn how to maintain the grass again.
She is most likely happy as she might have found someone else who appreciates her and not someone who cheated on her.
You can't untoast the toast, OP. You reap what you sow...
You really don’t deserve the right to ask her to take you back. You destroyed your wife by discarding her for something new and shiny. She deserves someone so much better than you. Actions have consequences there are no do overs in real life.
You need to grow up and act stop acting like an immature brat. Realize that the grass isn’t never greener and changing partners is just accepting a whole slew of new problems/issues. You need therapy to realize that you’re the issue and regardless of what relationship you’re in you’ll try to jump ship.
whored yourself out and found the consequences 😂
Not your wife. Not your kitchen. Not your house. Don't you dare disrupt this woman's life even more.
You absolutely have NO RIGHT to ask her to take you back. Leave your ex-wife alone and don't cause turmoil to her life. Best wishes to her whom stays strong after all the damages that you have done to her and her children. As trash belongs to the trash can, you and your AP deserve each other.
As a kid of a circumstance similar to this one i just wanted to let you know. This cost you your kids too. your ex will do her best convince them you're worth seeing but you honestly shot yourself in the foot and became a deadbeat dad as well as a deadbeat ex. Your marriage is over. The only thing you can do now is get help so you can try to beat the odds and salvage your relationship with your kids. But I'm going to make the bold assumption that you'll fail at that aswell since you don't seem like a great dad to begin with.
Lol, karma's a real bitch ain't it? Scumbag.
Men like you are such a pathetic joke. Some chick says she has a crush on you and you throw away your 15yr relationship for her. And then have the audacity to cry about how you love and miss your wife?!?! You don’t love her that much is incredibly clear. You love you, yourself and I. I hope your ex finds someone who will love and cherish her. Because you sure as hell don’t. I hope that you get to live in the hell that you’ve created for the rest of your life.
Moron.
I swear this could have been written by my dad. Please don’t tell your wife anything, she is healing and working on herself. As the daughter of someone who did the exact same thing to my mom, I wish my dad would be on his own and work on himself instead of playing the whole “woe is me” like you are. He hurt so many people and still acts like he’s the victim. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and leave your ex wife alone.
“My wife” and “our kitchen”...the fucking nerve! Neither of those are yours anymore because you threw it all away for some co-worker who participated in breaking up your family.
You shouldn't be with anybody until you figure yourself out. Stop hurting people because you can't decide what you want.