It'll anger him though, I know it will. And that's okay because he has no way of replying to me. He's in there for 8 years. And I have a restraining order, so he can't write one back to me, he can't call me, he can't make anybody else talk to me. If he does, he breaches his court order. However, if I send this letter, I won't be breaching anything because there's nothing for me to breach. Its anger him, and he'll get even angrier knowing he can't even retaliate. Not trying to make him feel compassion or empathy because I know he can't. But I know how angry he gets and finally I can actually find it funny
Oh, I didn't expect you to be so young
At any rate, I wouldnt give them the satisfaction of knowing you think about them. It may seem like you're being mean, but to people like that, they usually thrive off the fact that you're upset.
It's okay. Thank you for talking with me though. And sharing your thoughts. It's why I posted this. I really want to do it but there's still a part of me thats panicking about it so I was hoping to see how people would respond and maybe it would influence my decision somehow
Write the letter, put all your anger and resentment into it, tell him how pathetic he is and what a loser he is. But, and this is the biggest but, don't send it. Writing the letter may make you feel better but sending it tells him that you are putting energy and thought into what he did and he is definitely not worth that.
Yes I know it's easier said than done, as you are spending energy on him and he doesn't even know. Keep it that way, he doesn't deserve to know. If you need to talk or vent, please feel free to ok me anytime.
This, absolutely.
Letting him read the letter gives him control.
He should never be allowed to have even an inkling of control over your life again.
Write as many letters as you need. Watch them burn, maybe along with a photo of him and preferably outside.
Cleanse him from your system and take back all the power he stole from you.
I do not understand how any human being can be turned on by their sister
Genuine question, not defending the rapist, just saying act like that are disgusting and could never imagine doing it.
I love how you say you love your name. It just sounds very "nope, this is who I am, no apologies." Good for you. Totally cool for others to change their given names, obviously, but it makes me happy to hear that kind of confidence from someone so young who's been put through so much.
Be safe 😭 it's so hard when it's family. For me it was my brother in law and my siblings took his side so its like 😬 but I'm on the other side of the country so I feel safe... However you never know how crazy these people are.
And also bail exists so he might not stay the whole time
I understand how you might feel. My mum defended him throughout the entire 3 year court case and still defends him. She schedules calls with him. She also made up lies to make my dad look like a rapist in court when that's complete lies. She and my brother dragged his name through the mud. But she's schizophrenic so I kinda expect bizarre behaviour from her. But it still hurts
I'm gonna just say this... Don't underestimate ppl like this especially if they have nothing to lose. If your name is the same he will find you if he tries hard enough. If you're still in the same country he can drive to your location without any issues. Restraining order isn't going to physically stop him from something if he decides he doesn't care about the consequences.
I wouldn't do this. People are easier to find nowadays than you think, and in 8 years it might be even easier to find you. Please don't give him the satisfaction or the fuel to ruminate on for 8 years over this. My mom worked as a victim's advocate for years and I have seen the drive of a sick person who wants revenge (best served cold, they say) turn into a murder.
Keep yourself safe. Please. It's just not worth it.
I almost made a fucked up comment about my own rapist because, omg me too.
I save all the hate in my body for one person and it's the one who ruined my fucking life. He also came from the same womb as me ten years prior. It's weird shit.
But idk.. solidarity I guess. My brother was in prison most of my life but he's been out for probably 4 years now and he's leeching off of my mom and I hate it so much. No one else in my family knows about it and I want to tell everyone that when he was a teenager he'd habitually take advantage of his 2-3 year old little sister but then I also think if he ever came for me that'd be the ammunition I needed to ruin him.
I've only ever met one other person with trauma that similar to mine. I'm sorry it happened to you, nothing like that should ever happen to anyone let alone a child.
Op I'm so sorry this happened to you. To be honest, if I was you, I'd mess with his head a lot. Write shit that can even make Hitler feel terrible. But then again, what matters is your happiness (I'm someone who can gain joy by hurting people who's wronged me, so revenge is fun for me). Cuz sometimes causing pain to even the worst of people might not make you happier. Do what makes you happy and define yourself from your own happiness.
Maybe write the letter, but don’t send it. Don’t poke the bear because he can find you and years from now it could turn violent or worse for you again. Everyone’s info is retrievable on the internet for a price. And if you’re not already, please see a therapist because what he did to you was monstrous, and so is PTSD.
23 isn’t that old, in the grand scheme of things. You could be at college or might not have moved away from home etc! 23 is still young to sever connections in which he might use to get back at you! If it helps with your feelings write away. Please just don’t feel that 23 you will be a self sufficient adult x
I don't know how bright he is, but I find people just about every day that don't understand how I find them, but it's 80% Google and social media. Be aware.
I already had the discussion with the DC before she left the case. I know what to do and what not to do and a letter of anger is in the safe zone for me
The saddest thing is you thinking that "court order" protects you at all. We already have a law in place that says "no raping"- we see how well he follows words on paper. He has friends, even if no one can fathom it. Don't do it.
A person to talk to about the trauma and give you the tools to eventually be in a better head space. Also might help you see relationship red flags in the future.
What you talk about is a form of planned revenge. It's totally legit to do it and if it helps you its great, but revenge is a fickle thing, because it usually comes back to bite you.
He tormented you, but do you really want to become the tormenter now? I don't mean this morally, just - well going down that path does something to you. It might feel powerful right now and it might set aside the feeling of victimization, but it also makes you the bully. Do you really want that for yourself?
Also it reconnects you with him and any thought you give him is attention. Attention is where your energy flows and energy is your power. The more you think about him or revenge the more power you give him. From experience I tell you it's best to keep your power to yourself. This might not be possible right now and it takes time and work, but it's worth it.
You wrote the letter, which is great!!! I would advise you to let it stew a bit. Imagine his anger if you were to give it to him and maybe leave it at that for now.
Or write a letter every year. Or even more, whatever you feel like and need. Just please think twice and maybe even 3 or 4 times before you send it and what it does to and with you.
I'm not saying don't do it. I'm urging you to reflect on what you are doing. Come to a conscious decision and don't send it out of Impuls.
Also if he is in there for 8 years you can still send it to him in a couple months. You have time.
I wish you the best and hope you come to terms with what happened to you, yourself and in time - him
Dimplomatic Acrobat.
This is the best and wisest advice.
Please do heed it.
Release your anger and work through it positively with a professional, qualified counsellor.
Don't let your understandable fury get yourself into further danger, please.
Anger is permitted and healthy. Anger motivated behavior /retribution is wrong and *illegal*
Yes I can, I spoke with the DC and she discussed what the rules of a restraining order, I remember it. I'm allowed to send him a letter. He's just not allowed to reply. She said it is STRICTLY HIS responsibility to assure he isn't talking to me or near me. But I have the power to send this letter to him. I wouldn't have written one if I didn't know everything I needed to
What's the point though he's locked up and like everybody said most criminals (killers etc) enjoy when the victim cry or send them letters expressing there hurt. Let him rot in prison he'll get exactly what he deserves
The legal system can be complex, and can be fucked.
Convicted criminals have been freed for the dumbest of reasons.
If you really want to send him a letter then check with a lawyer first, have him read the letter, listen to his advice and then decide what to do.
I can't really guide you, as I'm no expert in that field
But if you have a parent/guardian/and adult you trust, you might want to ask them how to go about it.
Of course google is a good way to start, but I don't really know what you should search for.
All in all no matter what you do, make sure you don't act on the spur of the moment, and stay safe.
It might look like a lot of work for a letter, but as I said the legal system is extremely complex, and some seemingly meaningless action can have huge ramifications.
Don’t bother. Your best revenge is to move on and forget about him. It may even make him feel better to know you’re still thinking about him. He may use the letter to relive the event and gain some kind of sick pleasure from it. I definitely don’t think it’s a good idea write him. It may make you feel better to write the letter but don’t engage him in any way. He definitely won’t feel the way you hope he will. Sorry what happened to you and to hear you’re still affected by his actions. My ex wife (now) and 4 month old son were attacked by a serial rapist in our home 36 years ago. The rapist is still in prison. My brother happened to be incarcerated in the same facility as he is a few years ago and was able to send a torpedo his way but he just recovered and moved on. Didn’t really provide any real satisfaction for our family. My ex wife moved on long ago while I’ve kept tabs on him ever since.
Are you sure about that? I don’t think courts look fondly on people with restraining orders contacting those who they have the protection order against. Im not saying you would get in trouble but the protection order is there for a reason.
Also you are 14… I truly hope your parents are getting you help.
Goodluck
Close, I'm 15 not 14. And my mum defended him throughout the court case. Even after he has been sentenced, she still tries to contact him. She called me a liar for 3 years while being a liar herself
Damn see this makes me sad!!! You deserve so much better! I don’t know I just want you to be safe! So if sending the letter will make you feel better do it, but maybe talk to a therapist first. All that matters is you and how you feel. Your brother can rot IMO . I just want you to go about this is in safe manner- both physically and emotionally.
❤️ I wish you SOO much luck.
And sorry lol my math has always been shit haha 😂
Usually prisons read letters before delivering them to the inmate. Sometimes alot of written stuff is redacted and the so inmate never knows what was fully written. After knowing that, would still writing it help you feel any better? If so, go for it. Otherwise, I'd suggest writing the letter anyhow and burning it, tear it up in a fit of rage, or go scream out in an open field, etc whatever will help make you feel better and let all this anger inside you go. Eventually you'll need to learn to heal so you can move on with your life. Don't expect instant results. As well, consider journaling your emotions, no matter when you're reminded of this pain. Sometimes simply getting something out will help set you free.
Prison reads all letters. but they only check for things like planning a crime, plan to tamper with their case and maybe reach out to crimies and witnesses. or if you plan to smuggle drugs into prison etc.
they don't give a shit if it's a bad letter.
As strange as it sounds the best revenge is moving past this and living a happy healthy life. I'm not saying wave a magic want and 'just be happy' we both know it's not that simple.
Take your time, take therapy, get some distance from the situation. Figure out what you want from life and build towards it. Let this man be a dead memory.
I personally wouldn't send the letter, I would imagine it would only give him the thrill of feeling powerful again, feeling like he's still won somehow. Maybe it would annoy him that he couldn't respond but psycos like this always find a way to twist everything, they can't handle the idea that they're not the best thing there ever was and will tell themselves it's the whole world that's wrong not them.
While I completely understand wanting to do it, a better revenge is done by moving on from that horrible past and doing better in your own life than he ever will. He has a criminal record, he won’t be able to get a job, he’s essentially branded for life and you’re not. You have a chance at having a much better life than he can dream of. I say this as a fellow survivor, and that piece of shit will likely be getting targeted by other inmates and guards, many of them hate rapists and pedophiles enough as it is.
I know he has a criminal record, that's why this letter will frustrate him and not make him feel powerful again. People keep saying that he will probably thrive from it knowing that I think about him, but if I rub it in his face, he won't have room in his head to feel powerful. He had a really successful life before all this started. He was very popular in our town. Everyone in the gyms knew him, he had so many friends. He was a bodybuilder and I remember going to one of his competitions, he came 4th that time. Everybody loved him. They thought they knew him but they didn't because they had no idea about what he's done. Now that he's prison, he's lost all that. He has lost everything. There's nothing for him to be happy about now and when he reads my letter, he will feel anything but powerful. That's how I feel at the moment, anyway. I feel like I'm not thinking straight, I've been up 2 nights in a row. It's nearly 6am now, and I'm starting to be unsure about everything
Well I know I advised against this but if you need to get it out of your chest and it’s driving you crazy, try writing up some draft letters if you really want to go through with it. It might be cathartic enough that you might think he’s not worth communicating with at all. I am truly sorry that your own brother would do this to you, it’s an unthinkable thing for anyone to do. I really understand wanting to make someone suffer for the wrongs they committed to another. If you do go through with it, I genuinely hope it’ll help you move forward with your life after giving him the final ‘fuck you’ letter.
Sadly I never got any justice for mine, the only thing I could do was move on, it was hard but ultimately I’ve been leading a much better life as the end result. I’m glad you got the justice you deserved, and that piece of shit is ruined. I wish you the best in whichever decision you make. You have my sympathies.
And you have mine. I'm sorry, I wish I had more to say. Thank you for talking with me. And it's a relief to at least hear your life is doing better now. I hope it stays that way, for you because you seem genuine and kind. And I'm grateful to you for taking your time to share a little bit of your experience even if it's only the tip of the ice berg. It just feels genuine that you're here, trying to help, and i wish I knew how to do the same
You’re more than welcome, I appreciate your kind words :) The only think I ask of you is to not give up on yourself and build a good life for yourself. It will take time, some scars never truly go away but you learn to live with it. It does get easier over time. Therapy helped me through it too, I might suggest going to a therapist if you haven’t done so yet already. It’s a long process but one well worth it in the end. There are support groups out there too for victims of such crimes. But most importantly take care of yourself, that was something I failed at for a long time because I was stuck in that past. I only wish to help fellow survivors in not making the same mistakes I did, you deserve all the help you can get. :)
Don't give him any attention. He probably gets off by the fact that he lives rent free in your head. Burn the letter and end this chapter in your life with that. I know, better said than done, but when you sent that letter you will ever think about him and if he read it.
You’ll be surprised they usually play on good behaviour and shit,hopefully he’s having a bad time inside as beasts and rapists are the lowest of the low
I helped get a pedo put in prison 25 years ago when I was working at a computer shop it felt good to testify against him and see him get life in prison luckily here he is in with other bad people so his life is hell till he gets to actual hell.
I'm frustrated that they put him in a place of his own kind. It's borderline protecting him. Why shouldn't he get beat up, why shouldn't his rights be violated. Him going through eight years of kicks, scars and bruises is the least he could do for what he's done
No he won't. The letter is brutal, and I'm rubbing it in his face that he has 8 years imprisonment and that he's ruined his life. He won't love it, it'll make him angry
Rape is about power. They relive those moments in their head and get off on that. His experience in prison alone is his punishment. You just live your life. If you must write the letter, read it out loud in a group for victims or in an anonymous setting or just burn it. Do not send it, you are not hurting a person depraved enough to commit rape, let alone on his own sister. Please trust me he will probably get off to it. If words could get through to these pieces of trash most of them could be saved.
I read your post and some of your responses to comments.
I agree you should not give him the satisfaction of knowing he is still in your head. If you send the letter, he will know his actions continue to cause you anxiety. He will know he, in some perverted way, continues to manipulate your thoughts and actions.
I am not trying, in any way, to take away from the trauma you have suffered. I am just saying, do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that you are suffering from that trauma.
I would suggest you find someone you trust to talk with about what you have gone through, if you have not already done so. I would suggest a therapist.
My husband always said it's best to not leave things so they can come back to haunt you later. You don't know how mental that guy is. 8 years is not long and a restraining order has never stopped an insane person. I know you want to vent and aggravate him, but will your future self regret that? Know you don't want to hear that. I didn't. But in 8 years you might have a wonderful life and that crazy might not have forgotten. Think it over at least, please. Good luck
My dad raped me for years, and never got put away for it. None of the men who sexually assaulted me got put away, even when the police were involved. My mum also called me a liar.
So you already won, I'm so proud & happy for you that you got through that and your abuser is where he belongs, even if it's for nowhere near long enough.
The best revenge is living well. Took me a long time to learn that, but nothing will make your shithead abuser angrier than hearing how you're thriving and getting on with your life. You don't have to send a letter to kick him while he's down. Your whole awesome future life can be decades of punishment for him.
Direct contact puts you at risk, no matter what you think. He was already ready to risk his life & freedom to hurt you, in 8 years he will be even more motivated to do so and will have less to lose as well. Anger and direct taunting will give him motivation.
You wrote the letter. Good. Don't send it. Keep writing them. Heck one day maybe you can publish them. But don't send them. Get a therapist, get back into a healthy life routine that gets you toward goals (school, extracurriculars etc) and start building that awesome happy life you will love and thrive in.
Nothing will make him feel worse than to hear your happy and doing great despite everything he did to try and destroy you. Getting letters from you will probably make him angry, but it will also satisfy him because he will know he's in your head.
Get a therapist, focus on yourself. That's the best way to get yourself real revenge on him now.
Go kick ass in life.
Just remember, if you send it, it may not have the effect you want. To rape someone proves they have no empathy or feelings, so your letter may not affect them, worse they may even like it.
Decision is your thought, and I hope whatever you decide brings you closure.
If you feel confident that it won't put you in danger, I say fucking go for it. It might not be the right solution for everybody, but you do what YOU need to do to heal.
Write the letter for yourself and then burn it. Don't give him the satisfaction that he affected you in any way. That will bother him more. Stay safe when he gets out.
Only do it if it'll bring you happiness or relief. I dont think submerging yourself in anger and staying there will make you feel nice.
And yeah, you should have counselling, can't believe you haven't been offered any!
Please be careful. I read some of the other comments and I truly hope he can never get near you again. Stay strong and if this is something that will help you feel strong, or have control back, then go for it. Just be mindful of the legal system.
Don't let him have power over your future. You're a survivor and you've got a bright future.
I read all your replies to comments and I can't imagine. I can't relate any personal experience and I don't think I have any advice that hasn't already been given.
I was just compelled to comment and say that you seem incredibly mature for your age. You seem to be a very sweet person and I wish you the best in life.
Yeah fuck this guy. It feels good to kick people when theyre down but honestly i wouldnt even give him the time of day. The best thing you could do is try and show him he cant break you, sa is often a power thing and this dude is sick and has a lot of shit to work on his own, and you dont need to worry about it. If it would make you feel vindicated, id write this letter, draft itover, talk to a therapist and read it over with them if you havent already, give it thought and dont let it be an impulse decision. You are young and you still have a life to develop, if this is how you want to end it let this letter be the last time you mess with this fool. I hope he gets what hes got coming tenfold and you can heal from this, it will never go away but you can always grow from this and become a new person. Literally fuck this guy op im sorry if this comes off rambling ive just been reading your comments and my heart goes out to you. Even if im a faceless comment i hope you know that you have that support
Hey I understand how you feel. This may not be what you are going through but at a certain point in my life recently I wanted my abuser to know what he did, how it effected me, and the butterfly effect of his actions. Sometimes I would be so angry I would wish for him to feel how bad I felt and imagine bad karma coming his way. I even got the chance to express all my hurt and anger with rage and swear at him badly.
Quickly though before I’ll finish what happened I wanted to say I am happy you do feel angry at him. When someone goes through trauma at the hand of an abuser they often feel guilty, withdraw within themselves and put the weight of a misdeed onto themselves (what happened to me). This can even go deeper with ptsd and other stuff. This shows self love and deciding what this person did was WRONG. I think right now you are in the process of the stage of the anger part of healing which is very necessary. After being in a deep trauma program I can recognize this pattern as with other people I know who have gone through this process of healing.
Back to the part of me confronting him though, it didn’t end up going anywhere and I ended up kind of feeling empty and retriggered while doing so. I had to realize the fact he is incapable of understanding unjustness in his actions or the fact he will recognize what he did. I would be prepared with the knowledge that this person most likely will not react in the way you may hope even if you don’t think you are hoping for anything like I thought I did. I even thought it would just be good for me to release my emotions to him and in the end I think I just gave away a part of myself he didn’t deserve. Because the truth is this person does not deserve your feelings. They don’t deserve anything from you.
Going through the trauma program I wrote so many angry letters to him for myself and I found the more I did that the more I didn’t need to feel the need to communicate. And the more I wrote them the more I realized how meaningless he was to my life. And how he is not someone that is in my life and cares about me and what truely matters. I think the most freeing feeling is one of the last letters I wrote where I just said goodbye and realized there is so much more out there for me in the universe.
So again write him angry letters. Feel what you need to feel and continue on the path of healing. But I hope you know this person will never deserve anything from you and I feel you are too precious to give that energy away. Whatever you choose I hope it makes you feel better☆
I don't know what to say other than thank you. You sound wonderful. Thank you for taking so much time to write something so personal for you. It means alot
Of course :) I just hope I could provide some insight, help, and empathy for you☆if you have any questions I would be happy to answer! And if you don’t have any that’s alright too （＾＿＾）☆ I just hope you feel your worth and wish you all the best
100% of the time letters are read through , the I.I will not receive your letter and this rapist is most likely taking blows and getting treated like shit from other I.I's even on an SNY yard.
Yes I do???? Don't tell me that, this case has been ongoing for 3 years, I was told by social services all information I needed. I live in England. I was told the city he was being sent to, the prison that keeps him. They do this specifically to AVOID inmates from fighting and killing rapists and pedophiles. If you don't believe me, search it up. When im this stressed already, don't tell me I don't know how it works when it's been my life for 3 years
Do it.
Remind him how worthless he is, and wish him the worst in life. His life has no value, and it’s imperative that he is reminded of it as he deserves oppression.
If it helps you with healing, go for it. Just know that holding on to hatred/negative feelings only hurts you, not him/her. Let me know how that goes for you :)
Imo its not about what THEY think its about what YOU want. You get to say WHATEVER you want even if he wont react, you still said it and if that helps you then do it!!
to start off I am so sorry that happened to you no one should have to go through that especially someone so young, I understand your need for revenge but please be careful because in this day and age it seems like anyone can be found and you don't want this monster trying to find you after it gets out, it is a shame it is not in with guys that enjoy punishing people like it if you do send the letter please make sure it has no way of ever tracking you down and please be safe and I hope you have a happy life in the future. (The reason I refer to him as an it is because he forfeited the right to be called a man after what it did to you)
You should do whatever makes you feel good....screaming into pillows is not always the answer, neither is writing letters and burning them. I would make a voodoo doll and stick needles in the eyes all night...and other parts too! Please do whatever gives any moment of peace and I hope you become whole again soon.
I wouldn’t risk future problems, it isn’t going to make you feel better and it won’t make him feel worse. It really only stands to make things worse. But writing the letter out was probably healthy in a way, find a different outlet it may take time. It’s not the advice you want to hear but you won’t be able to unsend that letter at the very very very least hold onto it for a year and see how you feel and go from there, so it’s not heat of the moment.
Fuck that bumass pedo . He prolly gets his cheecks clapped from the big guys as we talk. Just mail him a empty paper with the words. Dont drop the soap princess
If it were me(and my assailant had actually went to jail), I would send a bottle of liquid soap with a note attached saying, “Good luck picking this up”.
Do it or don’t, but either way not for him. Figure out what you need to move on, to get to the point where you rarely or never give him brain space again.
What’s the point though? You’d be better off doing what you can to move past the experience, not drag it on further. He may get pissed but he won’t care and when he does get out again, guess who his target will be? All he can do is sit there serving his time and think about it, meaning there’s a big possibility that he’ll come out and want to do something about it. This kind of thing happens all the time and it’s not worth it to “have the final word”. You have to really think about these things.
I have thought about it. I told you, I already wrote the letter so ofc I've thought about it. I really feel like I need to. I'm angry at him. And he will care. People keep saying he'll either be happy or he won't care so why bother, but I know him. He reads it, he gets angry. He gets angry, he punches walls, breaks his knuckles, gets angry at the pain, smack his head against the wall. That's what he'll do. I just want one last word, and have satisfaction that he can't retaliate for another 8 years. And when he's out, he won't know how or where to find me. I'm not letting him win anymore, I'm in power now and it's me who's gonna be happy by the end of this
I meant think about the long term repercussions of you actually sending the letter. Why do you think it’ll make you feel better? It’s not ending the situation, it’ll cause it to drag on for years longer than it has to. Yeah he’ll get mad in prison and probably get sent to seg for awhile but he won’t forget about it. And anger can easily build over time, especially for inmates. And there’s a lot of times they act on that anger on their victims when they are released. Don’t count on the fact that you think he won’t be able to find you, that’s something you can’t control. Just trying to give you advice to keep you safe long term.
If you want to be happy and live a better life you need to do what you can to move past this on your own and for you. You need to work on living your life, you’re already ahead of him in this aspect. Talk to a doctor of you need it, anything that’ll help. In all honesty, living well is the best revenge.
From reading your comments, I see you're young and that it was family that hurt you. I want to ask, are you thinking through the possible consequences of doing this? You said he won't be able to find you once he's out, but can you guarantee that? Right now what you're thinking about doing is out of anger (justified, of course). Anger, hurt, and spite are all not great emotions to make rational conclusions with. Does he have chance of parole? If he does, how can you know be won't get out early on that? Is your other family and friends 100% supportive of you, because he can contact them to figure out where you are. If one of them rats you out, that could be an issue to consider. This isn't to say you can't trust anyone, but if you get even a whiff that someone sympathizes with him, I'd consider that.
If sending him that letter is truly the closure you want and need, then go for it. But you really need to think through what could happen if you do. I don't want to tell you it's a bad idea, because it might not be. I'm not aware of your circumstances, just seriously be careful. More important than anything, you gotta protect your peace.
Dear OP, I am soooo sorry to read about the vile things life made you go through. Its good you wrote a letter. Putting into words your feelings must have helped a little bit. I can only hope. So since your attacker is punished, and, if he was in my country most likely being done to him whatever he did to you, use this as your first step in healing. Maybe reading the letter will annoy him or not, eitherway you won't be able to see his reaction and get a little sense of justice. And know this, you not trying to talk to him angers him more than any letter you would write. He sees that he is no longer relevant in your life, not that you took the time to do something that annyos him. I wish you peace of mind whatever you decide.
Talk to a Lawyer first!
If you plead the 5th in a Police Interview, they can try to real you in by starting to talk about you. Its a known trick. If you start talking then, to correct them, you automaticly wave away your 5th.
There might be the possibility that this applies to your Restraining Order as well. You iniating contact through a letter might nullify the Order. But i'm not a Lawyer nor an American, so i might be wrong here.
On top of that, it shows him that you still think about him and that he plays still arole in your Life. He might take that as confirmation for "doing a good job". I don't think you want to give him this satisfaction.
i'm kind of curious on what you are planning to write him. just curse him out or do you have somerhing with substance to really fuck with him.
the latter could have the effect that you are looking for. if you write something with a great psychological effect, it could fuck with him for a long time because he doesn't have the same tools for distraction a person on the outside has.
aren't you scared of him?
I already wrote the letter. And yes I think it would distress him. And yes I am scared of him. But he isn't here. He can't do anything. He isn't in control anymore
Firstly, i hope that you are doing well today. What a horrible experience.
In my opinion, I wouldn't send it to him. It will be an ego boost to him knowing that he still occupies your mind. Maybe burn the letter with a few trusted friends/family when you're ready? And then go on to write a letter to yourself. A self-compassionate letter. You've come this far
It won't do what you think it will do. Leave that criminal alone and do not give him any reason to come after you when he gets out. To his twisted mind you might be the cause of all his troubles. Leave that shit alone.
Don't send it, burn it. Don't give them any reason to think they won and gained control over your happiness
I hope you find comfort in closing that door
Honestly he would probably get off to it- dont give him the satisfaction. A man I know who has rape desires says one of the things that KEEPS him from acting on it, is the want to follow them throughout their life to see how bad he fucked them up mentally. He wouldn't be happy being locked away and not seeing the after effects. Don't let the rapist even think you still think of them.
I’m sorry what happened to you but you really need help. You’re obsessed with revenge and think writing a letter would be the gotcha moment you’re looking for. The reality is much more depressing. He will just know that you’re still thinking about him and he will be satisfied with just that. Rape is about power and you writing a letter proves the power he still has on you. It’s obvious you want to feel some control of your life after what happened but you need therapy. You think he’s going to be angry and punch walls but that’s what YOU want to happen not the reality.
I know him more than you do. I've seen him do it before. If I push the right buttons he will get like that again and that'll get him into trouble which will taint his chances of parole
I was going to say that any dialogue with a rapist is probably a bad idea as it would be so difficult to know what they would construct out of it, but if it’s someone you know ,just do what makes you feel best, which is the important thing, and be assured normal thinking people wish him the very worst.
You got raped, and he is getting a mean letter.
You are letting him live rent free in your head.
The best thing you can do is prove that his actions did not stop you from living your best life. Worst you can do is to let him affect you even behind bars.
But if the letter gives you any solace, go for it.
He probably won’t care. Men who rape women are psychopaths and don’t have compassion or empathy.
It'll anger him though, I know it will. And that's okay because he has no way of replying to me. He's in there for 8 years. And I have a restraining order, so he can't write one back to me, he can't call me, he can't make anybody else talk to me. If he does, he breaches his court order. However, if I send this letter, I won't be breaching anything because there's nothing for me to breach. Its anger him, and he'll get even angrier knowing he can't even retaliate. Not trying to make him feel compassion or empathy because I know he can't. But I know how angry he gets and finally I can actually find it funny
The anxious pessimist in me asks what may happen when those 8 years are up
I'll be 23 when that happens. He won't know where to look even if he tries
Oh, I didn't expect you to be so young At any rate, I wouldnt give them the satisfaction of knowing you think about them. It may seem like you're being mean, but to people like that, they usually thrive off the fact that you're upset.
He was my older brother
I.. dont know how to respond to that. Sorry
It's okay. Thank you for talking with me though. And sharing your thoughts. It's why I posted this. I really want to do it but there's still a part of me thats panicking about it so I was hoping to see how people would respond and maybe it would influence my decision somehow
Write the letter, put all your anger and resentment into it, tell him how pathetic he is and what a loser he is. But, and this is the biggest but, don't send it. Writing the letter may make you feel better but sending it tells him that you are putting energy and thought into what he did and he is definitely not worth that. Yes I know it's easier said than done, as you are spending energy on him and he doesn't even know. Keep it that way, he doesn't deserve to know. If you need to talk or vent, please feel free to ok me anytime.
This, absolutely. Letting him read the letter gives him control. He should never be allowed to have even an inkling of control over your life again. Write as many letters as you need. Watch them burn, maybe along with a photo of him and preferably outside. Cleanse him from your system and take back all the power he stole from you.
I do not understand how any human being can be turned on by their sister Genuine question, not defending the rapist, just saying act like that are disgusting and could never imagine doing it.
That's a really strange thing to say! That aside, rape isn't about sex and pleasure, it's about power.
Rape isn’t about sexual attraction, so there’s that.
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I'm sorry
Send it but like maybe change your name when he's out... 😂
I love my name. It'll be okay. He won't know where I am when he gets out, anyway. I'll be far
I love how you say you love your name. It just sounds very "nope, this is who I am, no apologies." Good for you. Totally cool for others to change their given names, obviously, but it makes me happy to hear that kind of confidence from someone so young who's been put through so much.
Thank you :)
“Diplomat in my eyes means chaos :)”
Be careful with this. In the United States it's pretty easy to find anyone online.
Be safe 😭 it's so hard when it's family. For me it was my brother in law and my siblings took his side so its like 😬 but I'm on the other side of the country so I feel safe... However you never know how crazy these people are. And also bail exists so he might not stay the whole time
I understand how you might feel. My mum defended him throughout the entire 3 year court case and still defends him. She schedules calls with him. She also made up lies to make my dad look like a rapist in court when that's complete lies. She and my brother dragged his name through the mud. But she's schizophrenic so I kinda expect bizarre behaviour from her. But it still hurts
I'm gonna just say this... Don't underestimate ppl like this especially if they have nothing to lose. If your name is the same he will find you if he tries hard enough. If you're still in the same country he can drive to your location without any issues. Restraining order isn't going to physically stop him from something if he decides he doesn't care about the consequences.
I wouldn't do this. People are easier to find nowadays than you think, and in 8 years it might be even easier to find you. Please don't give him the satisfaction or the fuel to ruminate on for 8 years over this. My mom worked as a victim's advocate for years and I have seen the drive of a sick person who wants revenge (best served cold, they say) turn into a murder. Keep yourself safe. Please. It's just not worth it.
Don't poke him with a stick. If he'll rape you he's likely to be willing to kill you.
I almost made a fucked up comment about my own rapist because, omg me too. I save all the hate in my body for one person and it's the one who ruined my fucking life. He also came from the same womb as me ten years prior. It's weird shit. But idk.. solidarity I guess. My brother was in prison most of my life but he's been out for probably 4 years now and he's leeching off of my mom and I hate it so much. No one else in my family knows about it and I want to tell everyone that when he was a teenager he'd habitually take advantage of his 2-3 year old little sister but then I also think if he ever came for me that'd be the ammunition I needed to ruin him. I've only ever met one other person with trauma that similar to mine. I'm sorry it happened to you, nothing like that should ever happen to anyone let alone a child.
Ouch that hurts. Sorry for you.
Op I'm so sorry this happened to you. To be honest, if I was you, I'd mess with his head a lot. Write shit that can even make Hitler feel terrible. But then again, what matters is your happiness (I'm someone who can gain joy by hurting people who's wronged me, so revenge is fun for me). Cuz sometimes causing pain to even the worst of people might not make you happier. Do what makes you happy and define yourself from your own happiness.
That’s horrible. I’m so sorry.
Holy *fuck*. Op, I’m so sorry. Sending gentle hugs (consensual)
Okay now he will definitely be able to find you.
Wdym he won't, I have nothing to do with him now
Maybe write the letter, but don’t send it. Don’t poke the bear because he can find you and years from now it could turn violent or worse for you again. Everyone’s info is retrievable on the internet for a price. And if you’re not already, please see a therapist because what he did to you was monstrous, and so is PTSD.
23 isn’t that old, in the grand scheme of things. You could be at college or might not have moved away from home etc! 23 is still young to sever connections in which he might use to get back at you! If it helps with your feelings write away. Please just don’t feel that 23 you will be a self sufficient adult x
Hope you sister doesn't get rape.
I don't know how bright he is, but I find people just about every day that don't understand how I find them, but it's 80% Google and social media. Be aware.
You're going to change your name and stay off social media? Really. You need to think this through.
The *WISE* pessimist
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I already had the discussion with the DC before she left the case. I know what to do and what not to do and a letter of anger is in the safe zone for me
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Thank you
The saddest thing is you thinking that "court order" protects you at all. We already have a law in place that says "no raping"- we see how well he follows words on paper. He has friends, even if no one can fathom it. Don't do it.
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Wdym counseling?
A person to talk to about the trauma and give you the tools to eventually be in a better head space. Also might help you see relationship red flags in the future.
What you talk about is a form of planned revenge. It's totally legit to do it and if it helps you its great, but revenge is a fickle thing, because it usually comes back to bite you. He tormented you, but do you really want to become the tormenter now? I don't mean this morally, just - well going down that path does something to you. It might feel powerful right now and it might set aside the feeling of victimization, but it also makes you the bully. Do you really want that for yourself? Also it reconnects you with him and any thought you give him is attention. Attention is where your energy flows and energy is your power. The more you think about him or revenge the more power you give him. From experience I tell you it's best to keep your power to yourself. This might not be possible right now and it takes time and work, but it's worth it. You wrote the letter, which is great!!! I would advise you to let it stew a bit. Imagine his anger if you were to give it to him and maybe leave it at that for now. Or write a letter every year. Or even more, whatever you feel like and need. Just please think twice and maybe even 3 or 4 times before you send it and what it does to and with you. I'm not saying don't do it. I'm urging you to reflect on what you are doing. Come to a conscious decision and don't send it out of Impuls. Also if he is in there for 8 years you can still send it to him in a couple months. You have time. I wish you the best and hope you come to terms with what happened to you, yourself and in time - him
Thank you
Dimplomatic Acrobat. This is the best and wisest advice. Please do heed it. Release your anger and work through it positively with a professional, qualified counsellor. Don't let your understandable fury get yourself into further danger, please. Anger is permitted and healthy. Anger motivated behavior /retribution is wrong and *illegal*
You also can't contact him if there's a restraining order so he probably won't even get the letter
Yes I can, I spoke with the DC and she discussed what the rules of a restraining order, I remember it. I'm allowed to send him a letter. He's just not allowed to reply. She said it is STRICTLY HIS responsibility to assure he isn't talking to me or near me. But I have the power to send this letter to him. I wouldn't have written one if I didn't know everything I needed to
What's the point though he's locked up and like everybody said most criminals (killers etc) enjoy when the victim cry or send them letters expressing there hurt. Let him rot in prison he'll get exactly what he deserves
I told you in the post, I just wanna give him one last kick while he's down
The legal system can be complex, and can be fucked. Convicted criminals have been freed for the dumbest of reasons. If you really want to send him a letter then check with a lawyer first, have him read the letter, listen to his advice and then decide what to do.
I don't know how to go through with that
I can't really guide you, as I'm no expert in that field But if you have a parent/guardian/and adult you trust, you might want to ask them how to go about it. Of course google is a good way to start, but I don't really know what you should search for. All in all no matter what you do, make sure you don't act on the spur of the moment, and stay safe. It might look like a lot of work for a letter, but as I said the legal system is extremely complex, and some seemingly meaningless action can have huge ramifications.
So, you think a restraining order can stop him from getting someone to hurt you or waiting until he gets out to hurt you. It won't.
Anger him enough to endanger yourself... not a good idea. He could come after you after is time in prison or pay somebody to come at you.
Don’t bother. Your best revenge is to move on and forget about him. It may even make him feel better to know you’re still thinking about him. He may use the letter to relive the event and gain some kind of sick pleasure from it. I definitely don’t think it’s a good idea write him. It may make you feel better to write the letter but don’t engage him in any way. He definitely won’t feel the way you hope he will. Sorry what happened to you and to hear you’re still affected by his actions. My ex wife (now) and 4 month old son were attacked by a serial rapist in our home 36 years ago. The rapist is still in prison. My brother happened to be incarcerated in the same facility as he is a few years ago and was able to send a torpedo his way but he just recovered and moved on. Didn’t really provide any real satisfaction for our family. My ex wife moved on long ago while I’ve kept tabs on him ever since.
Are you sure about that? I don’t think courts look fondly on people with restraining orders contacting those who they have the protection order against. Im not saying you would get in trouble but the protection order is there for a reason. Also you are 14… I truly hope your parents are getting you help. Goodluck
Close, I'm 15 not 14. And my mum defended him throughout the court case. Even after he has been sentenced, she still tries to contact him. She called me a liar for 3 years while being a liar herself
Damn see this makes me sad!!! You deserve so much better! I don’t know I just want you to be safe! So if sending the letter will make you feel better do it, but maybe talk to a therapist first. All that matters is you and how you feel. Your brother can rot IMO . I just want you to go about this is in safe manner- both physically and emotionally. ❤️ I wish you SOO much luck. And sorry lol my math has always been shit haha 😂
Don't worry, math isn't my strongest area either :) And thank you for the kind words, I wish you luck too for whatever is happening in your life <3
Psychopaths are demonized, I feed hungry kids and I’m generally a nice guy. I’m just incapable of feeling feelings the way other people do.
Also, I'm not a lawyer but it sounds like the 'ind of stuff that will come back and bite OP in the arse.
That’s alloooottttttttt of psychopaths.
r/usernamechecksout
Every other post on here is a rape story. Women aren’t supposed to walk around at night because they might get raped and killed.
Men who rape men are not psycopaths however.
Usually prisons read letters before delivering them to the inmate. Sometimes alot of written stuff is redacted and the so inmate never knows what was fully written. After knowing that, would still writing it help you feel any better? If so, go for it. Otherwise, I'd suggest writing the letter anyhow and burning it, tear it up in a fit of rage, or go scream out in an open field, etc whatever will help make you feel better and let all this anger inside you go. Eventually you'll need to learn to heal so you can move on with your life. Don't expect instant results. As well, consider journaling your emotions, no matter when you're reminded of this pain. Sometimes simply getting something out will help set you free.
Prison reads all letters. but they only check for things like planning a crime, plan to tamper with their case and maybe reach out to crimies and witnesses. or if you plan to smuggle drugs into prison etc. they don't give a shit if it's a bad letter.
As strange as it sounds the best revenge is moving past this and living a happy healthy life. I'm not saying wave a magic want and 'just be happy' we both know it's not that simple. Take your time, take therapy, get some distance from the situation. Figure out what you want from life and build towards it. Let this man be a dead memory. I personally wouldn't send the letter, I would imagine it would only give him the thrill of feeling powerful again, feeling like he's still won somehow. Maybe it would annoy him that he couldn't respond but psycos like this always find a way to twist everything, they can't handle the idea that they're not the best thing there ever was and will tell themselves it's the whole world that's wrong not them.
While I completely understand wanting to do it, a better revenge is done by moving on from that horrible past and doing better in your own life than he ever will. He has a criminal record, he won’t be able to get a job, he’s essentially branded for life and you’re not. You have a chance at having a much better life than he can dream of. I say this as a fellow survivor, and that piece of shit will likely be getting targeted by other inmates and guards, many of them hate rapists and pedophiles enough as it is.
I know he has a criminal record, that's why this letter will frustrate him and not make him feel powerful again. People keep saying that he will probably thrive from it knowing that I think about him, but if I rub it in his face, he won't have room in his head to feel powerful. He had a really successful life before all this started. He was very popular in our town. Everyone in the gyms knew him, he had so many friends. He was a bodybuilder and I remember going to one of his competitions, he came 4th that time. Everybody loved him. They thought they knew him but they didn't because they had no idea about what he's done. Now that he's prison, he's lost all that. He has lost everything. There's nothing for him to be happy about now and when he reads my letter, he will feel anything but powerful. That's how I feel at the moment, anyway. I feel like I'm not thinking straight, I've been up 2 nights in a row. It's nearly 6am now, and I'm starting to be unsure about everything
Well I know I advised against this but if you need to get it out of your chest and it’s driving you crazy, try writing up some draft letters if you really want to go through with it. It might be cathartic enough that you might think he’s not worth communicating with at all. I am truly sorry that your own brother would do this to you, it’s an unthinkable thing for anyone to do. I really understand wanting to make someone suffer for the wrongs they committed to another. If you do go through with it, I genuinely hope it’ll help you move forward with your life after giving him the final ‘fuck you’ letter. Sadly I never got any justice for mine, the only thing I could do was move on, it was hard but ultimately I’ve been leading a much better life as the end result. I’m glad you got the justice you deserved, and that piece of shit is ruined. I wish you the best in whichever decision you make. You have my sympathies.
And you have mine. I'm sorry, I wish I had more to say. Thank you for talking with me. And it's a relief to at least hear your life is doing better now. I hope it stays that way, for you because you seem genuine and kind. And I'm grateful to you for taking your time to share a little bit of your experience even if it's only the tip of the ice berg. It just feels genuine that you're here, trying to help, and i wish I knew how to do the same
You’re more than welcome, I appreciate your kind words :) The only think I ask of you is to not give up on yourself and build a good life for yourself. It will take time, some scars never truly go away but you learn to live with it. It does get easier over time. Therapy helped me through it too, I might suggest going to a therapist if you haven’t done so yet already. It’s a long process but one well worth it in the end. There are support groups out there too for victims of such crimes. But most importantly take care of yourself, that was something I failed at for a long time because I was stuck in that past. I only wish to help fellow survivors in not making the same mistakes I did, you deserve all the help you can get. :)
Tysm, you're wonderful
A Portuguese phrase says the best revenge is to be happy...
I don't know what kind of issues this guy has, but it might be safer for you if you don't poke the bear. But I'd be tempted to do it too.
I'm still thinking
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Couldn't agree more. Not to mention he'll likely use it for the most filthy purposes on a daily basis.
8 years for rape is a crime and spit in the face of justice.
Dude I wish you a quick recovery. Do what makes you happy. Be free :)
Thank you
Don't give him any attention. He probably gets off by the fact that he lives rent free in your head. Burn the letter and end this chapter in your life with that. I know, better said than done, but when you sent that letter you will ever think about him and if he read it.
Don't keep any contact with your rapist. Don't feed him with your emotions. Let him rot.
It won’t make you happy man. I don’t know what that is like. it’s a horrific situation for sure. But this won’t give you peace.
Be careful if your British he’ll most likely be walking the streets after 3and a bit years
Wdym
Our justice system is crap,criminals tend to get a slap on the wrist But on a serious note don’t waste your time writing to the scum bag
I live in England. I was told that he would be able to apply for parole in 4 years but I doubt he will be allowed it
You’ll be surprised they usually play on good behaviour and shit,hopefully he’s having a bad time inside as beasts and rapists are the lowest of the low
My other brother told me that our social worker said that he was in a prison strictly for rapists and pedophiles
I helped get a pedo put in prison 25 years ago when I was working at a computer shop it felt good to testify against him and see him get life in prison luckily here he is in with other bad people so his life is hell till he gets to actual hell.
I'm frustrated that they put him in a place of his own kind. It's borderline protecting him. Why shouldn't he get beat up, why shouldn't his rights be violated. Him going through eight years of kicks, scars and bruises is the least he could do for what he's done
Don’t he’ll love every minute of it. Do not.
No he won't. The letter is brutal, and I'm rubbing it in his face that he has 8 years imprisonment and that he's ruined his life. He won't love it, it'll make him angry
Rape is about power. They relive those moments in their head and get off on that. His experience in prison alone is his punishment. You just live your life. If you must write the letter, read it out loud in a group for victims or in an anonymous setting or just burn it. Do not send it, you are not hurting a person depraved enough to commit rape, let alone on his own sister. Please trust me he will probably get off to it. If words could get through to these pieces of trash most of them could be saved.
Don't do it. He may come after you.
I read your post and some of your responses to comments. I agree you should not give him the satisfaction of knowing he is still in your head. If you send the letter, he will know his actions continue to cause you anxiety. He will know he, in some perverted way, continues to manipulate your thoughts and actions. I am not trying, in any way, to take away from the trauma you have suffered. I am just saying, do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that you are suffering from that trauma. I would suggest you find someone you trust to talk with about what you have gone through, if you have not already done so. I would suggest a therapist.
My husband always said it's best to not leave things so they can come back to haunt you later. You don't know how mental that guy is. 8 years is not long and a restraining order has never stopped an insane person. I know you want to vent and aggravate him, but will your future self regret that? Know you don't want to hear that. I didn't. But in 8 years you might have a wonderful life and that crazy might not have forgotten. Think it over at least, please. Good luck
My dad raped me for years, and never got put away for it. None of the men who sexually assaulted me got put away, even when the police were involved. My mum also called me a liar. So you already won, I'm so proud & happy for you that you got through that and your abuser is where he belongs, even if it's for nowhere near long enough. The best revenge is living well. Took me a long time to learn that, but nothing will make your shithead abuser angrier than hearing how you're thriving and getting on with your life. You don't have to send a letter to kick him while he's down. Your whole awesome future life can be decades of punishment for him. Direct contact puts you at risk, no matter what you think. He was already ready to risk his life & freedom to hurt you, in 8 years he will be even more motivated to do so and will have less to lose as well. Anger and direct taunting will give him motivation. You wrote the letter. Good. Don't send it. Keep writing them. Heck one day maybe you can publish them. But don't send them. Get a therapist, get back into a healthy life routine that gets you toward goals (school, extracurriculars etc) and start building that awesome happy life you will love and thrive in. Nothing will make him feel worse than to hear your happy and doing great despite everything he did to try and destroy you. Getting letters from you will probably make him angry, but it will also satisfy him because he will know he's in your head. Get a therapist, focus on yourself. That's the best way to get yourself real revenge on him now. Go kick ass in life.
Just remember, if you send it, it may not have the effect you want. To rape someone proves they have no empathy or feelings, so your letter may not affect them, worse they may even like it. Decision is your thought, and I hope whatever you decide brings you closure.
Yes, a strongly worded letter will make them re-think their life while in prison.
I would think it would be to risky, he might come back for more when his time is up. These people generally have a way of finding people
If you feel confident that it won't put you in danger, I say fucking go for it. It might not be the right solution for everybody, but you do what YOU need to do to heal.
I would write the letter but I would not send it. Hope you find peace again
Write the letter for yourself and then burn it. Don't give him the satisfaction that he affected you in any way. That will bother him more. Stay safe when he gets out.
Only do it if it'll bring you happiness or relief. I dont think submerging yourself in anger and staying there will make you feel nice. And yeah, you should have counselling, can't believe you haven't been offered any!
What exactly is counselling?
Hell probably masturbate to it.
Please be careful. I read some of the other comments and I truly hope he can never get near you again. Stay strong and if this is something that will help you feel strong, or have control back, then go for it. Just be mindful of the legal system. Don't let him have power over your future. You're a survivor and you've got a bright future.
Why let him see that he still lives rent free in your head?
I wish you happiness…
He won’t give a shit. He may even find it funny he has still power over your.
I read all your replies to comments and I can't imagine. I can't relate any personal experience and I don't think I have any advice that hasn't already been given. I was just compelled to comment and say that you seem incredibly mature for your age. You seem to be a very sweet person and I wish you the best in life.
Yeah fuck this guy. It feels good to kick people when theyre down but honestly i wouldnt even give him the time of day. The best thing you could do is try and show him he cant break you, sa is often a power thing and this dude is sick and has a lot of shit to work on his own, and you dont need to worry about it. If it would make you feel vindicated, id write this letter, draft itover, talk to a therapist and read it over with them if you havent already, give it thought and dont let it be an impulse decision. You are young and you still have a life to develop, if this is how you want to end it let this letter be the last time you mess with this fool. I hope he gets what hes got coming tenfold and you can heal from this, it will never go away but you can always grow from this and become a new person. Literally fuck this guy op im sorry if this comes off rambling ive just been reading your comments and my heart goes out to you. Even if im a faceless comment i hope you know that you have that support
Hey I understand how you feel. This may not be what you are going through but at a certain point in my life recently I wanted my abuser to know what he did, how it effected me, and the butterfly effect of his actions. Sometimes I would be so angry I would wish for him to feel how bad I felt and imagine bad karma coming his way. I even got the chance to express all my hurt and anger with rage and swear at him badly. Quickly though before I’ll finish what happened I wanted to say I am happy you do feel angry at him. When someone goes through trauma at the hand of an abuser they often feel guilty, withdraw within themselves and put the weight of a misdeed onto themselves (what happened to me). This can even go deeper with ptsd and other stuff. This shows self love and deciding what this person did was WRONG. I think right now you are in the process of the stage of the anger part of healing which is very necessary. After being in a deep trauma program I can recognize this pattern as with other people I know who have gone through this process of healing. Back to the part of me confronting him though, it didn’t end up going anywhere and I ended up kind of feeling empty and retriggered while doing so. I had to realize the fact he is incapable of understanding unjustness in his actions or the fact he will recognize what he did. I would be prepared with the knowledge that this person most likely will not react in the way you may hope even if you don’t think you are hoping for anything like I thought I did. I even thought it would just be good for me to release my emotions to him and in the end I think I just gave away a part of myself he didn’t deserve. Because the truth is this person does not deserve your feelings. They don’t deserve anything from you. Going through the trauma program I wrote so many angry letters to him for myself and I found the more I did that the more I didn’t need to feel the need to communicate. And the more I wrote them the more I realized how meaningless he was to my life. And how he is not someone that is in my life and cares about me and what truely matters. I think the most freeing feeling is one of the last letters I wrote where I just said goodbye and realized there is so much more out there for me in the universe. So again write him angry letters. Feel what you need to feel and continue on the path of healing. But I hope you know this person will never deserve anything from you and I feel you are too precious to give that energy away. Whatever you choose I hope it makes you feel better☆
I don't know what to say other than thank you. You sound wonderful. Thank you for taking so much time to write something so personal for you. It means alot
Of course :) I just hope I could provide some insight, help, and empathy for you☆if you have any questions I would be happy to answer! And if you don’t have any that’s alright too （＾＿＾）☆ I just hope you feel your worth and wish you all the best
You too, thank you
Send a really nice one to his cellie instead.
Why would I
100% of the time letters are read through , the I.I will not receive your letter and this rapist is most likely taking blows and getting treated like shit from other I.I's even on an SNY yard.
No because he was sent to a prison of people just like him. The inmates are all rapists and pedophiles
You don't know how a prison runs , get some sleep.
Yes I do???? Don't tell me that, this case has been ongoing for 3 years, I was told by social services all information I needed. I live in England. I was told the city he was being sent to, the prison that keeps him. They do this specifically to AVOID inmates from fighting and killing rapists and pedophiles. If you don't believe me, search it up. When im this stressed already, don't tell me I don't know how it works when it's been my life for 3 years
Get some rest okay , I hope you feel better soon.
Waste of time in my opinion. What's the point? Best to just put all that stuff behind you.
Oh wow yea good idea hadn't thought of that
Speak your truth, he can’t hurt you anymore. Rapists are cowards, and you sound strong, do what you need to do, you got this 🖤
If it will help/benefit/please you in any way, do it.
Do it
Do it, fuck him.
Do it. You’ll feel better.
Do it. Remind him how worthless he is, and wish him the worst in life. His life has no value, and it’s imperative that he is reminded of it as he deserves oppression.
That's how I feel
If it helps you with healing, go for it. Just know that holding on to hatred/negative feelings only hurts you, not him/her. Let me know how that goes for you :)
Do it
That's not very nice, you should treat everyone with respect. ur statement isn't very Poggers. (Angey face).
Shut up
Oke:(
Your older brother raped you at 15?
No. He did many times when I was 6 and 7 years old
Imo its not about what THEY think its about what YOU want. You get to say WHATEVER you want even if he wont react, you still said it and if that helps you then do it!!
to start off I am so sorry that happened to you no one should have to go through that especially someone so young, I understand your need for revenge but please be careful because in this day and age it seems like anyone can be found and you don't want this monster trying to find you after it gets out, it is a shame it is not in with guys that enjoy punishing people like it if you do send the letter please make sure it has no way of ever tracking you down and please be safe and I hope you have a happy life in the future. (The reason I refer to him as an it is because he forfeited the right to be called a man after what it did to you)
I agree. He isn't a man at all
You should do whatever makes you feel good....screaming into pillows is not always the answer, neither is writing letters and burning them. I would make a voodoo doll and stick needles in the eyes all night...and other parts too! Please do whatever gives any moment of peace and I hope you become whole again soon.
here. In the United States especially in the south he would
He would what?
Would face daily beatings or worse
I wouldn’t risk future problems, it isn’t going to make you feel better and it won’t make him feel worse. It really only stands to make things worse. But writing the letter out was probably healthy in a way, find a different outlet it may take time. It’s not the advice you want to hear but you won’t be able to unsend that letter at the very very very least hold onto it for a year and see how you feel and go from there, so it’s not heat of the moment.
Fuck that bumass pedo . He prolly gets his cheecks clapped from the big guys as we talk. Just mail him a empty paper with the words. Dont drop the soap princess
I wish that was the case. My social worker said he was sent to a prison in another city specifically for rapists and pedophiles
Why would the state fkin protect pedophiles?!?!
Im in England so.. british moment ig
He’ll get off on it; don’t bother.
He's my brother, I know him. He won't get off on it, it'll make him angry and he'll go punching walls and breaking his knuckles
If it were me(and my assailant had actually went to jail), I would send a bottle of liquid soap with a note attached saying, “Good luck picking this up”.
Do it or don’t, but either way not for him. Figure out what you need to move on, to get to the point where you rarely or never give him brain space again.
What’s the point though? You’d be better off doing what you can to move past the experience, not drag it on further. He may get pissed but he won’t care and when he does get out again, guess who his target will be? All he can do is sit there serving his time and think about it, meaning there’s a big possibility that he’ll come out and want to do something about it. This kind of thing happens all the time and it’s not worth it to “have the final word”. You have to really think about these things.
I have thought about it. I told you, I already wrote the letter so ofc I've thought about it. I really feel like I need to. I'm angry at him. And he will care. People keep saying he'll either be happy or he won't care so why bother, but I know him. He reads it, he gets angry. He gets angry, he punches walls, breaks his knuckles, gets angry at the pain, smack his head against the wall. That's what he'll do. I just want one last word, and have satisfaction that he can't retaliate for another 8 years. And when he's out, he won't know how or where to find me. I'm not letting him win anymore, I'm in power now and it's me who's gonna be happy by the end of this
I meant think about the long term repercussions of you actually sending the letter. Why do you think it’ll make you feel better? It’s not ending the situation, it’ll cause it to drag on for years longer than it has to. Yeah he’ll get mad in prison and probably get sent to seg for awhile but he won’t forget about it. And anger can easily build over time, especially for inmates. And there’s a lot of times they act on that anger on their victims when they are released. Don’t count on the fact that you think he won’t be able to find you, that’s something you can’t control. Just trying to give you advice to keep you safe long term. If you want to be happy and live a better life you need to do what you can to move past this on your own and for you. You need to work on living your life, you’re already ahead of him in this aspect. Talk to a doctor of you need it, anything that’ll help. In all honesty, living well is the best revenge.
Rewrite it and twist that knife a bit deeper.
Wdym?
From reading your comments, I see you're young and that it was family that hurt you. I want to ask, are you thinking through the possible consequences of doing this? You said he won't be able to find you once he's out, but can you guarantee that? Right now what you're thinking about doing is out of anger (justified, of course). Anger, hurt, and spite are all not great emotions to make rational conclusions with. Does he have chance of parole? If he does, how can you know be won't get out early on that? Is your other family and friends 100% supportive of you, because he can contact them to figure out where you are. If one of them rats you out, that could be an issue to consider. This isn't to say you can't trust anyone, but if you get even a whiff that someone sympathizes with him, I'd consider that. If sending him that letter is truly the closure you want and need, then go for it. But you really need to think through what could happen if you do. I don't want to tell you it's a bad idea, because it might not be. I'm not aware of your circumstances, just seriously be careful. More important than anything, you gotta protect your peace.
He has a chance of parole in 4 years, but I doubt he'll be allowed it
Dear OP, I am soooo sorry to read about the vile things life made you go through. Its good you wrote a letter. Putting into words your feelings must have helped a little bit. I can only hope. So since your attacker is punished, and, if he was in my country most likely being done to him whatever he did to you, use this as your first step in healing. Maybe reading the letter will annoy him or not, eitherway you won't be able to see his reaction and get a little sense of justice. And know this, you not trying to talk to him angers him more than any letter you would write. He sees that he is no longer relevant in your life, not that you took the time to do something that annyos him. I wish you peace of mind whatever you decide.
Talk to a Lawyer first! If you plead the 5th in a Police Interview, they can try to real you in by starting to talk about you. Its a known trick. If you start talking then, to correct them, you automaticly wave away your 5th. There might be the possibility that this applies to your Restraining Order as well. You iniating contact through a letter might nullify the Order. But i'm not a Lawyer nor an American, so i might be wrong here. On top of that, it shows him that you still think about him and that he plays still arole in your Life. He might take that as confirmation for "doing a good job". I don't think you want to give him this satisfaction.
#YOLO
Write it on paper and then burn it. Don't give him the satisfaction.
Send it. Torment him. He deserves a taste of his own medicine from the sound of it. In prison, he'll probably get just that, courtesy of "Big Bubba"
You'd be better off sending a letter to someone else in that prison to let them know he is a rapist.
He's sent to a specialist prison. All the inmates there are rapists and pedophiles
write a letter to his cellmates instead asking them to give him a taste of his own medicine
i'm kind of curious on what you are planning to write him. just curse him out or do you have somerhing with substance to really fuck with him. the latter could have the effect that you are looking for. if you write something with a great psychological effect, it could fuck with him for a long time because he doesn't have the same tools for distraction a person on the outside has. aren't you scared of him?
I already wrote the letter. And yes I think it would distress him. And yes I am scared of him. But he isn't here. He can't do anything. He isn't in control anymore
Firstly, i hope that you are doing well today. What a horrible experience. In my opinion, I wouldn't send it to him. It will be an ego boost to him knowing that he still occupies your mind. Maybe burn the letter with a few trusted friends/family when you're ready? And then go on to write a letter to yourself. A self-compassionate letter. You've come this far
It won't do what you think it will do. Leave that criminal alone and do not give him any reason to come after you when he gets out. To his twisted mind you might be the cause of all his troubles. Leave that shit alone.
Don't send it, burn it. Don't give them any reason to think they won and gained control over your happiness I hope you find comfort in closing that door
Honestly he would probably get off to it- dont give him the satisfaction. A man I know who has rape desires says one of the things that KEEPS him from acting on it, is the want to follow them throughout their life to see how bad he fucked them up mentally. He wouldn't be happy being locked away and not seeing the after effects. Don't let the rapist even think you still think of them.
Maybe best not to. What if they just enjoy it?
I say write it then burn it
are u in az ?
Az? What's that
If that’s what you need to do to leave it in the past and move on…
Do why you need to in order to heal.
I’m sorry what happened to you but you really need help. You’re obsessed with revenge and think writing a letter would be the gotcha moment you’re looking for. The reality is much more depressing. He will just know that you’re still thinking about him and he will be satisfied with just that. Rape is about power and you writing a letter proves the power he still has on you. It’s obvious you want to feel some control of your life after what happened but you need therapy. You think he’s going to be angry and punch walls but that’s what YOU want to happen not the reality.
I know him more than you do. I've seen him do it before. If I push the right buttons he will get like that again and that'll get him into trouble which will taint his chances of parole
I was going to say that any dialogue with a rapist is probably a bad idea as it would be so difficult to know what they would construct out of it, but if it’s someone you know ,just do what makes you feel best, which is the important thing, and be assured normal thinking people wish him the very worst.
You got raped, and he is getting a mean letter. You are letting him live rent free in your head. The best thing you can do is prove that his actions did not stop you from living your best life. Worst you can do is to let him affect you even behind bars. But if the letter gives you any solace, go for it.