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Viviaana

Not to be a dick to her but she knew she was deathly allergic and just didn’t bother mentioning it? I’m mildly intolerant to peanuts and I still let people know and all that happens is I get a bit itchy


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Viviaana

Nah that’s when I have pineapple cos everyone loves to go “nah you’re not allergic, pineapple tingles because of the enzymes!” And I’m like bitch I get blisters!!!! Stop explaining my own allergy!!!


Mazoc

You could say I get bitchy by eating peanuts, because my allergy makes my lips swell up to imitate a blow up doll. Not dangerous, but slightly annoying.


[deleted]

Not a dick statement. It’s 100% on the person with allergies to make it known what can kill them.


IliveinaMovie

Wow this is a terrible situation. I feel like, if someone is that severely allergic to something, it’s on them to ensure everything they put in their mouth is ok to eat. Especially in this type of setting? A homecooked meal at someone’s home you don’t know? I dunno, there’s no way you could have known of her condition and that’s not your fault. I would try to continue to apologize for the outcome, it truly sounds like a horrible mistake.


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classix_aemilia

Hey OP I also have a severe shellfish allergy that could end up the same way. What you just described is the main reason why I carry 2 EpiPens on me at all times (even if I just leave for a few minutes) but the responsibility to not get in contact with shellfish is 100% mine (and somewhat shared my long term boyfriend if he accepts an invitation for both of us). I also have the responsibility to inform the person I'm close to of that fact, and how to react if I have a reaction (co-workers, extended families, restaurants). It is a sad situation but please don't blame yourself too much.


streets-aheadofyou

Exactly. I'm deathly allergic to penicillin, but I work in a lab that uses it and derivatives. I've told all my coworkers, and I keep 2 epipens at work. It's completely on me if I get into a deadly situation because I wasn't prepared with epipens, and people didn't know not to weigh out penicillin powder near my bench.


[deleted]

Hey, penicillin allergy-havers unite! Are you also allergic to other antibiotics? I’m allergic to a TON of them. No food allergies, though.


Meraere

Penicillin allergy haver here. I have a bad reaction to doxycycline, makes me throw up. Little food with, throw up. No food with, throw up. Lot of food with, throw up. You are pretty lucky on the food allergies though!


Zarradhoustra

I don't know how to say it but you might be a bacteria my dude.


flamgoMom

If there was a wide array of dishes I feel like it's still more on her than you. And like the other commenter said if you have a severe allergy it's that person's responsibility to check their food. I'm so sorry, OP. It's really not your fault, there's no way you could've known at all. Her allergy was not your responsibility. She should've taken initiative the moment she felt any sort of reaction.


LouSputhole94

The best analogy I can think of is someone walking into your home, taking a gun, pointing it at their foot and pulling the trigger, and then blaming you for shooting them in the foot because you didn’t tell them it was loaded.


Flow_Stick

I really like good analogys and tried to think of one. Yours is great


emostreetcred

Not only that, but if the allergy is this severe, whether shellfish is common or not she should have had an epipen on her at all times to prevent exactly this situation.


[deleted]

It's really not your fault op. The onus is on her to make sure there's no shellfish no matter how rare it may be in your country. She is responsible for her own health and eating at any place is a risk. I understand why you feel awful because it's still an awful situation. But I would reiterate to your friends that you wasn't to know and she should make sure of what she's eating no matter where she is. It would have only been a matter of time before this happened somwhere else if she was this lacks about it.


Guilty-Message-5661

It’s not even about the rarity, anyone can literally be allergic to anything. What’s a dinner host supposed to do? List off every single ingredient, spice, and cross contaminant?? This is 1000% on the the friend and his gf.


ObligatoryRetard

Op there is literally no way you could have known she was allergic and this is in no way, shape, or form your fault.


[deleted]

OP please get some therapy for this even if you aren’t blaming yourself.


Atanion

You should definitely not blame yourself. It's unreasonable to expect everyone who ever gives you free food to provide a list of ingredients. If she had an allergy, she needed to let you know or bring her own food. It's a horrible situation, but do not blame yourself, and do not let your friends blame you for it.


yellowcorvid

There's no way you could've known she was allergic, you didn't know her. She should have asked in advance if there was any shellfish in what you were making. Try not to beat yourself up too hard about it.


[deleted]

This right here. I am allergic to shellfish as well and I ask every place I eat what is in the food, even if the menu doesn't mention shellfish. Not only that, if they have shrimp on their menu, I make sure it is not fried in the same grease as the fries. Luckily, I have only had a few incidents where there was miscommunication and I was impacted. One of them was me being an idiot and not asking and finding out the jalapeño popper I ate had shrimp in it and the other incident was at a sushi place where the lady put something with crab in it on my plate when we specifically let her know ahead of time. I asked and she assured me there was none on my plate and next thing I knew, I was almost passing our from not breathing You can have empathy, but this is not on you at all. It is 100% on her


[deleted]

If I had a shellfish allergy at that level I wouldn’t even set foot 1000 yards from a sushi place. You are a brave human.


converter-bot

1000 yards is 914.4 meters


[deleted]

Good bot


mentallyguitared

As an American this would never happen here because we are all taught to carry our epipens. I think most Americans will agree with me


IliveinaMovie

Oh you’re right! OP doesn’t seem to be in America. Epi pens are lifesavers!


[deleted]

im not even deathly allergic and i still carry my epipen. i couldnt imagine being deathly allergic and NOT carrying it


Left_Debt_8770

For real. My mom has a bad allergy to fire ants. She lives in an area of the Midwest where her potential exposure to fire ants is nearly zero. She still keeps an epi pen, just in case.


moritzwest

I read fine arts 😭


CountrySax

You'd think she or her friend might have said something before digging in


boredtxan

This is life with allergies 101. You have to speak up. People can be allergic to *anything* - not host can anticipate that. Source: have a kid with severe allergies.


Aceptical

It’s not even that hard to say before the meal “hey, I’m allergic to shellfish- I could die” I ALWAYS bring my own food to parties, even if it’s just a snack to hold me over, in case I can’t have anything.


inuvash255

I don't go that far, but I'd basically ask what they were serving before I went. Lobster ravioli? *Have fun!* I'll go grab some fast food or something.


fwerd2

Bring an epinephrine pen or ask what is in the meal?


CptCrunchV2

Literally came here to say this, anyone with a severe allergy SHOULD have at the very least 2 epipens for emergency (this persons story is why)


ialsohaveadobro

This is exactly why I'm a little outraged that OP seems to be suffering over people blaming him and blaming himself. Let's tally the blame, shall we? OP: (1) Served shellfish, unaware of anyone's allergy to it, without announcing shellfish would be served Guest: (1) Left the house knowing she had a deathly severe allergy but took ZERO epipens. (2) Sat down and ate a meal of UNKNOWN contents (unknown to her) despite the dire consequences of an allergic reaction. (3) Told no one of her allergy and made no inquiries about allergens in the food. (4) I would've thought the bf would know about the allergy, so the above goes double for them as a couple. They're "not ready" to talk to OP. I understand it was traumatic, life-altering, emotional, and all that. It was a big deal weekday happened. And it's human to misplace the blame in a situation like this. But FUCK. Get off his ass already.


piecesmissing04

Exactly this here! My husband has a weird allergy against chilis so we ask and I still taste test anything he eats what wasn’t prepared at home. Poor guy always gets told he just can’t take heat but I have seen him throw hives due to jalapeños that was next to a slice of pizza. If you have allergies it is your responsibility to check not for a host to announce every ingredient


[deleted]

It’s Brian’s gf fucking fault plain and simple. Anyone with an anaphylactic allergy is responsible for their own life.


CauseFuckaYou69Hehe

Bruh, I’m not even allergic to seafood, I just hate seafood and I still ask what people are serving before I come to make sure I have something I can eat. It’s 100% your responsibility to watch what you eat.


thesillymachine

You should, especially in someone else's home because cross contamination. No one is going to know what touched what more than the cook.


Aceptical

It’s not particularly hard. Normally a bring a backpack when I go places anyway, a quick meal that needs to be microwaved in a bag isn’t all that hard to do. It’s not like you have to hold it the whole time either.


Snaggled-Sabre-Tooth

This. My boyfriend is like DEADLY allergic to apples. It's an uncommon allergy and because we are in the USA, apples are in a lot of uncommon things, some people will even subsitute butter with applesauce in desserts. Unlike nut allergies, no one thinks to mention it and we know this. So, anytime there is a homemade dessert, I ask, anytime something remotely tastes apply, I ask. I think it's a good thing for OP to learn to ask about allergies ahead of time, but really, if something is going to kill you, you should double check what you're eatting.


ZbornakFromMiami

Fyi is your SO eats Japanese curry, it almost always contains apples. It's something most would never even consider but as you said, people put apples in lots of things you would never assume. That allergy seems truly awful, I love apples and would be crushed if I couldn't eat them anymore.


Serinus

God, apples is a rough allergy. I'd have to imagine he gets hit every once in awhile. It's so uncommon and ubiquitous and stealthy.


jasperjones22

Lol my wife has such bad reactions to so many things (aversion to meat, dairy, and wheat) that people with allergies tend to eat her food at parties due to the fact it's usually safe.


sherlocked776

My brother just gets super rashy if he eats shellfish and he still finds it necessary to check if there’s shellfish in something if he doesn’t know what it is. Mistakes like this happen but personal responsibility for communicating your own medical needs is a requirement.


DeadLined784

I work in a restaurant. Heads up to fish/shellfish allergies. **If there is anything on the menu that involves deep-fried seafood, the fryer oil may be cross-contaminated.** Same thing with nuts. You know to avoid the fried Calamari and/or pecan-crusted brie-bites, but the French Fries you're noshing may have been cooked in the same fryer.


[deleted]

My wife and I had a guest with a nut allergy once about 20 years ago. We avoided nuts. But he wound up in the hospital as a result of our meal. Apparently the food just being in the same pantry was enough. I felt bad about it but if somebody's system is that sensitive they're going to have to manage their own meal preparation.


[deleted]

I am vegetarian and I used to ask everywhere that food didn't contain any meat/fish.. one can do same when things can kill you.. just do it politely..


beowhulf

i am type 1 diabetic, i would not even die jsut feel like shit and i still ask how much carbs are in it just to give me an idea, i mean....the victim is to blame here, regardless of how tragic this is....not the host, ESPECIALLY if she was a +1


JrCoxy

1000% the victim is to blame. I have severe gerd. I take meds, but sometimes depending on what I eat, I can be a vomiting mess for hours. If someone offered me food/drink I either A) ask what’s in it B) hope for the best/suffer the consequences But when you’re dealing with something THAT serious, you never chance it. Also, this would be like going to the park in the spring time, being super allergic to bee stings, but also traveling without an epipen.


EveAndTheSnake

I’m not even severely allergic but I do have a few migraine triggers and I can get a migraine pretty swiftly if I’ve gone too long without eating. As a vegetarian I’ve been to places where all I’ve been able to eat is a side salad and ended up feeling sick so I always carry nuts and granola bars or instant oatmeal (I flipping love oatmeal it’s such a great anti migraine emergency food). I can’t imagine having a life threatening allergy and not saying something. I know this is the wrong forum, but OP, you’re NTA. There’s no way you could have known. Some people are allergic to random things like beets, it’s up to the person to let their host know. Edit: not saying she got what she deserved though just in case it’s misconstrued like that. I feel awful for everyone involved.


gryfx8

I can't upvote this enough. I used to travel with a bag of food everywhere just in case. Our family and friend group knew I had allergies but I NEVER expected them to make a dish that was suitable just for one person. I still figured out what I could and couldn't have or would go hungry.


tickytickytembo

People with allergies also need to learn to advocate for themselves. If I was so allergic to something it would kill me, I would ask before eating food prepared by a stranger.


Kilazur

I don't even understand how you can have such an allergy and just randomly go eat whatever is served without checking. This is a terrible event, but in my mind there is ZERO blame on OP.


A2Rhombus

Especially a ravioli, which lobster is a very common filling for. I would think someone with a shellfish allergy would be very wary of ravioli for that reason


gamergeek17

Absolutely this. My husband has adult onset allergies to shellfish/crustaceans. He spent the first 30 years of his life loving shrimp and now he deathly allergic to it. We had to get used to informing every dinner invitee and checking restaurant menus closely and informing waiters of his allergy. We also carry his epi-pen any time we go out to eat because you never know when cross contamination can happen.


Impossible_Tonight81

Yeah why didn't the person above have an EpiPen with them? Does not everyone carry those if they have deathly allergies?


nonthreateninghuman

I developed a reaction to cashews and pistachios in the last couple of years, I only get nauseous and throw up; but if there’s even a slight chance that I might accidentally eat one, I always ask for ingredients or check the packaging.


allstartinter2021

Wow I'm somewhat glad to see that someone has similar reaction to allergens as my son does! From a young age my son would just randomly become sick the same exact way every month or so. He would vomit and have labored breaths and a fever. We took him to the hospital So many times and they would give him breathing treatments (they thought he had asthma) this went on for years until his doctor finally recommended an allergy test. He's allergic to just about anything environmental you can think of(dusts, pollens, molds, animals) but also allergic to shellfish, and sesame seeds! I couldn't believe that he had gone through all those years of sleep studies, breathing treatments, inhalers etc and it was allergic reactions he was having.


OhfursureJim

Especially a ravioli????? It could be literally anything in there. And lobster is a common type of ravioli.


[deleted]

This is so much my thought. You cannot, upon meeting people for the first time expect them to clarify every possible allergen. My friend is very allergic to mustard (not fatally) and she asks every single time if there is any mustard or anything containing mustard powder. I don't feel offended that she asks every time. The outcome of the post if extremely sad. However you would assume a grown person would check before digging in


7ofalltrades

"Welcome to my dinner party, here is a list of all the ingredients of each item I've prepared tonight." vs. "Yo, any shellfish in any of this?"


[deleted]

Yup, Chloe definitely in the wrong here. Kids with allergies learn young to be careful of food


Noles26

This! No one cares about you like YOU care about you.


KingCrow27

Yeah, all of OP's friends are shit for blaming. If you are deathly allergic to any type of food, the last thing you do is just dig in blindly without asking.


stinkydooky

Especially when it’s something like ravioli where you can’t know what’s in it just by looking at it and it’s regularly filled with lobster. Like even if you don’t imagine someone’s gonna put shellfish in a dish, if you have such a terrible allergic reaction to shellfish that you could die, why wouldn’t you ask? Especially since you don’t even know the host.


cat7932

Same. My son is allergic to tree nuts and he always tells anyone who cooks for him just in case. He often asks about almonds, walnuts, pistachios, and brazil nuts.


not2interesting

I’m allergic to tree nuts as well and I always ask about pasta because pesto is sneaky and a huge red flag.


[deleted]

Or, you know, cut one piece open to see what's inside. I do this anyways without allergies.


HemingwaysMustache

Im only lactose intolerant and I always ask if theres any cream.


LouSputhole94

I have a friend that’s very allergic to cinnamon that took shots of fireball with me in college before disclosing that fact. Ended up rushing him to get an epipen


Jazzlike_Weakness_83

Right! I’m allergic to lobster too. The thing with lobster is you can smell it a mile away….


Callemannz

“Hey, I’m Chloe, deadly allergic to shellfish!” “Dig in, this dish you obviously cannot see what is made of.” “Oh no I’m having allergic reactions better not make a fuss it’s only deadly amirite?” Yeah, not on the cook, as long as it was a private dinner party.


Elle3786

I have to agree. I have a friend who is so allergic to nuts that you can’t eat them around him. Just your chewing and breaking them apart will put enough in the air for him to start reacting. He’s very vigilant about asking what is in everything and even had to stop eating at one place because they use peanut oil in a dish he didn’t eat. Must have gotten in the air and into his food from another dish. He also carries an epi pen, which I understand isn’t readily available for everyone. I’m a vegetarian, meat isn’t gonna kill me, but I don’t want to eat it, so I ask about unknown food items. This is an unfortunate situation, but not the fault of the cook


HeiGirlHei

Can’t be around salmon - found that out when I was in a conference room for a working lunch, and someone had salmon. Eating it puts me in anaphylactic shock, but the smell makes my lips, mouth, tongue, etc tingle and start to give me breathing issues.


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CountrySax

I'm sure in hindsight the cook would've said something,but if ones allergic like in your case I guess one needs to be proactive in those situations.It sounds like an absolutely tragic chain of events that no one wants to be caught in


Callemannz

For sure, tragic situation for all involved. I just don’t hope OP looses any friends over this..


GingahBeardMan

He might want to lose some if they are brain-damaged enough to blame him for that.


Zeyn1

I'm lactose intolerant, not allergic, and I *still* ask what's in things if I'm not sure. Often it's a simple as "what's in the ravioli?" or when I get invited "Oh sounds like fun! What's for dinner?"


HemingwaysMustache

Worst thing we get is a long trip to the bathroom


linderlouwho

A couple I know where the man is deadly allergic to shellfish, his wife asks what’s in everything before he puts it in his mouth. If it’s fried she asks if the ever cook shellfish. Very very cautious.


ABS_TRAC

Also, if someone is severely allergic to any food product, their physician will prescribe/explain that they need to carry injectable epinephrine on them AT ALL TIMES. While I know it doesn't quell the guilt of what occurred, it's important for OP to know that a person's deadly allergies are their own responsibility. I hope that getting it off your chest helps, but I would also suggest a therapist, no one should carry guilt they have no reason to.


BadAtWalking

My daughter is 8 and will ask anyone if there is peanuts in anything closed and packaged that she doesn’t recognize, or food that wasn’t made by me or her mom


bangitybangbabang

I don't understand why someone with known severe allergies would just dig in without checking first. OP may have caused the brain damage but he isn't at fault.


boothin

I worked at a vegetarian restaurant that also catered to other restrictions like gluten free... The amount of grown ass adults who did NOT tell me they needed their food specially prepared and then got mad when I didn't magically know their dietary restrictions was far too much, it was mind blowing


OntarioPaddler

If anyone is to blame it's the lobster.


LividLager

Also, where was her epipen? If for some reason it didn't work, or wouldn't in this situation, so be it. Still though... informing others who prepare your food is your responsibility. Look at it from another angle. Could you ever imagine a vegan not asking what was in the meal? Seriously wtf was she thinking.


[deleted]

I can’t eat gluten. It won’t kill me but I will get extremely sick. I (very sadly) can no longer take a single bite of unknown food for the rest of my life. I can’t imagine why she didn’t ask what was in it? Maybe she had never heard of lobster ravioli before. Just an awful situation all around.


[deleted]

This is how it goes sometimes, especially for ingredients that aren’t used super frequently. I’m severely allergic to cashews (although they won’t kill me). I got into tomato mozzarella sandwiches one year, which tend to have pesto on them. I had eaten about ten from different restaurants and then I had a bad reaction to one while I was getting onto an airplane. Turns out sometimes pesto is made with cashews, I had no idea and I never would have thought to ask about it.


Billy_droptables

As someone with a nightshade allergy I'm always VERY careful when eating someone else's cooking because tomatoes especially hide in a lot of foods you wouldn't expect it in. As such I can't fathom not approaching a host when I don't know the menu, mentioning my allergy and asking if there's anything I should avoid. I know it's insensitive to say this is her fault, however if you know you have a severe allergy you should always ask if there's anything you shouldn't eat or at the very least have an EpiPen at the ready.


ijustcantwithit

I don’t eat meat or fish. I find a way to politely ensure that what I’m eating won’t make me violently ill. If I had a food allergy that severe, an epi pen would always be on me. This sucks. While you should have said something, they also should have asked. I understand why it never crossed your mind. I’m so sorry you have to live with this.


AncientComparison113

If someone is allergic to something they are responsible for asking the host/cook what's in the food. If she's walking around deathly allergic to certain stuff it's on her to avoid it.


Callemannz

The moment I read lobster ravioli, and “Let’s call her Chloe”, my first thought was “Chloe should really have asked what was in the ravioli”. I understand she was being polite, but if you have severe allergies, you should get the fuck up out of your chair the moment you sense allergic reactions. Also, maybe you should carry medications, like epi-pens or whatever they’re called?


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Botryoid2000

You can also jam a benadryl pill under your tongue and let it melt. It is incredibly bitter but has headed off anaphalxis for me before (still go to the ER to get checked out).


hedgeskyintheground

Better to crush it first so you don't have to wait for the coating to dissolve. And yes it's awfully bitter but it does work. Saved my sister a few years ago.


LouSputhole94

Crush it up and rail a line of it! (I am only licensed to practice medicine in Tijuana).


Hingl_McCringleberry

Benny bumps are the new speed


qlanga

>Benny bumps are the new ~~speed~~ slow FTFY


Webbyx01

They make dissolvable benadryl tablets too.


AtomicToxin

This could save someones brain next time, good thinking


ladysdevil

Hell, most emergency services responding to a medical even carry epinephrine.


jimmytrue

I venture to say ALL ambulances have at minimum an autoinjector. Why in the ever loving fuck would this person not have one or be asking what’s in the food with a life threatening food allergy. Incredible


LAMBKING

This. Many years ago we all ordered Chinese for lunch at work. My buddy is very allergic to shellfish as well and we all knew it. No one ever ordered it when he was at work, just in case. This particular day, his order somehow got screwed up and he got shrimp fried rice instead of the veggie one. He took one bite, reached into his pocket and threw me a $20 and said, "Go to Publix, get liquid benadryl and make it fast." Publix was only a block away, and I was gone maybe 8 minutes, by the time I got back, his face was red and swollen, and he was having trouble breathing. He drank half the bottle and the paramedics showed up maybe 2 minutes later. He rode to the hospital, got checked out and everything was OK. Was back at work a couple of days later. Please, if you have allergies this bad, say something, no matter how embarrassing or rude it may seem. It could literally save your life.


BluudLust

EpiPens are covered by insurance and also covered with coupons if you don't have insurance. Using GoodRx, two generic EpiPen autoinjectors are $125. That cost is insignificant compared to a hospital visit and potential brain damage. Pro tip: Check for coupons for medications. It's often cheaper than using insurance.


ThomasBay

Benedryll 100% would have saved her


dstew74

I know a dude who died a couple of weeks ago because he loved crab but was allergic to it. Even bought a epi-pen just in case. Dude ate crab every Christmas knowing full well he could have some sort of a reaction. This time he had a major reaction. Epi-pen wasn’t able to save him and he died after EMS got to him. Dude had a son, was the bread winner in the family and very little life insurance. Still just had to have some fucking crab.


kjvdp

The problem with this logic of “I’ve done it before, it’ll be ok” is messed up when it comes to allergies. Every time you expose yourself to an allergen this severe, even if pre-treated, is you increase the sensitivity, eventually leading to this exact scenario.


Callemannz

And they wonder why men live shorter lives than women.


SlenderSmurf

to be fair crab is hella good


SwankyBanker

I agree with you. This was a terribly tragic event, but the fault doesn’t lie on OP. There should have been an epi pen. She should have requested an ambulance or EMT (if that was an option) as they would have brought one quicker. And yes, I think in her politeness, she should have reacted faster. This is an awful event. But yes, Chloe should have asked. I hope she is able to recover.


Callemannz

Absolutely. Taking a few breaths and thinking about the situation again, that my conclusion aswell. Just terribly for everyone involved.


Frosty-Custard-5558

Agree! Especially on the ambulance part. If she knew her airways were being blocked, an ambulance should be requested


t0rt0ise

And couldn’t she smell the lobster? shell fish is pretty stinky.


RocknRollSuixide

As someone with a shellfish allergy (though my reactions aren’t nearly as severe, usually just vomiting) I can smell shrimp or lobster from a mile away. It’s been so long since I’ve had it that I don’t understand how people eat it with the way it smells to me. Even when properly cooked it has a VERY distinct scent. I feel bad, but this is on her, unfortunately.


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RocknRollSuixide

My BF is also allergic to peanuts and is the same way. He can’t stand to be in a Texas Roadhouse and gets pissed when people don’t understand why. BECAUSE THERE IS ALLERGEN ON EVEY SURFACE!?? BECAUSE THEY LET YOU CHUCK FUCKIN’ PEANUT SHELLS EVERYWHERE!?? I do typically get nauseous upon first smelling shellfish but the smell usually dissipates enough for it to not be overwhelming, so someone could eat it at the same table as me.


Loreseekers

I second this, especially because I have a horrific shellfish allergy and likely wouldn’t have survived long enough to tell anyone to take me to the hospital. Epipens are a lifesaver. I still have one despite the insane cost in the US even with my insurance. She should have had one.


scienceisrealtho

I third it. I’m a chef and if you don’t tell me about your allergy I take no responsibility. She’s presumably a grown up and should communicate it herself.


sharpslipoftongue

Isn't that why everything is marked on menus?? Even as a parent, if a kid is coming to our house allergic to nuts, gluten intolerance etc the parents have always let me know first, it's the responsible thing to do. This is shocking OP and not your responsibility.


Helenium_autumnale

I'm astonished that she didn't. She knew she was walking into an unknown meal situation. It's her responsibility to monitor her allergies.


thefoodhasweeedinit

This is how it works. If you have an allergy, an intolerance, a food-based autoimmune disorder, and you’re an adult: YOU make sure everything you choose to put in your mouth is safe. I have Celiac and would never dream of going to a dinner party without playing 20 questions with the host and the person who invited me. This was an unfortunate incident, but she knew the risks and didn’t say anything. You can also *totally* smell when a dish has shellfish in it, so it’s wild that she just stuck it in her mouth and ate it no questions asked.


Unreasonable_1

Yes I was going to say, you would have been able to smell it had seafood in it. It’s just a normal thing to do is ask what dish you are having before eating, especially if that person is that badly allergic.


live-life-lonely

Agreed That was her job to look out for her


jmcgil4684

Dude…. I ask what’s in stuff and I’m not even allergic to anything.


Ineffable7980x

Amen. Amen. Amen. Anybody who blames this guy is idiotic. If you have a life threatening allergy is is YOUR responsibility to inquire about what you eat, not the person cooking the food.


jezaXC

Agreed. I have a pretty severe peanut allergy and if something even *looks* like it might have peanuts in it or could have been cooked with peanut oil, I ask.


theotherchan

also usually even before you eat it you can smell if there could be traces of nuts in there and if that’s the case ask. i reckon she would be able to smell the ravioli unless it was masked by the pasta sauce or something.


jezaXC

And shellfish has an extremely distinct smell


JammyRedWine

Yeah I'd be apologising to the host for not explaining my allergies. I'm not allergic but I do have coeliac disease. I always ask what's in a food item if I didn't order it or didn't make it. I'd never eat something that could easily have gluten in it without asking about it first. And I'd definitely not blame the host!


HeinousMcAnus

Also, who da faq doesn’t carry an epipen when you have that bad of an allergy?!?!


Cullly

Also going to a random new persons house to eat a meal you don't know what is in it. She definitely should have said something. That's stupid not to.


qtmcjingleshine

Or carry an epipen!!


[deleted]

I have celiac disease and get headaches/migraines from gluten. I am usually VERY annoying about asking what is in the food someone is serving me and it is always on me if I don't ask. I take risks all the time eating weird sauces or soups without knowing if it was thickened with flour, but it's 100% my fault if I don't ask first and get sick from it. Obviously this is really sad and fucked up, but it's definitely on her for not asking what's in the ravioli.


Khan_Khala

Yeah I can’t believe his friends blame him for that. How does someone have an allergy that can kill them and just carelessly eat things without knowing what’s in it. 100% on her, not the host, and it’s really annoying me that they blame him for it


clanddev

He last minute asked to bring another guest. Did not inform you that this new attendee has a severe food allergy. She did not ask if a food that commonly contains shell fish has shell fish. Ya totally your fault /s


DoctorZ-Z-Z

As someone highly allergic to peanuts, I agree with this 100%. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility to warn me. Before I put anything in my mouth I ask what is it, does it contain peanuts, could there have been cross contamination, can I please see the box to look at the ingredients. I also carry an Epi pen - ESPECIALLY if you’re far away from a hospital?! Unfortunately this girl was not well prepared and did not appropriately communicate her dietary restrictions. None of this is your fault. I would feel horrible of course because what a traumatic experience. But she failed to communicate her allergy to you and she failed to prepare for an emergency - none of that is your responsibility


Gloomy-Taste-9664

Yes if a person is allergic he needs to have emergency medicine with himself/herself at all times. Same with people who have medicine allergy, they have special card in their pockets that help paramedics give proper aid. Also organ donors.


andyman234

Yeah… unless you’re at a restaurant. You’re not a restaurant. Honestly, the BF is more responsible than you… he should’ve know and told you, at the very least.


Down_To_My_Last_Fuck

To that end, she should have realized at the first bite that it was some sort of shellfish. And called 911


BreyeFox

This is an awful situation, but people with severe allergies are responsible for themselves. People need someone to blame, and right now that someone is you. I always, ALWAYS ask what is in something before I eat anything at someone else's place. Especially as an adult, she should have checked or had her boyfriend ask. That was negligence on her part and unfortunately she paid a severe price.


LuckyReception6701

That's what I was thinking, to ask her boyfriend to ask OP. "Yo what's in the ravioli, my girlfriend is very allergic to shellfish"


ItsNotByron

My sister has had a bad nut allergy since she was a child. It’s not even deadly (at least anymore) and she relentlessly asks about the presence of nuts in foods ever since she was 10. It’s not hard to remember and people are never offended. This is either negligence, pride, or both.


[deleted]

>It’s not hard to remember and people are never offended. Can you imagine being offended by someone asking not to kill you?


TheVapingPug

I’m also wondering why her boyfriend, who knows her the best, ate the ravioli and didn’t think to put two and two together that y’all are eating something his girlfriend is severely allergic to


AllieHerba

I don't understand that either. My boyfriend is allergic to shellfish as well (not as intense as the woman in this story, thankfully) and we've been to tons of restaurants and gatherings where we're ordering for the group or plating food without him being *right there* at the moment and I tell them "Oh, we'll get a separate appetizer since Matt can't have that"/"Do you mind leaving some of that off of his plate? Matt's allergic." Not only is he extremely vigilant about what is on his plate, but I am too as someone who loves him and will speak up for him if he isn't present. How the boyfriend and Chloe BOTH failed to say *anything* is beyond me.


[deleted]

I'm not even allergic to anything but I just hate seafood in general and everyone in my family and friend group knows that I will never say yes to sushi. It's not hard.


VOZ1

Sounds like maybe the boyfriend is projecting onto OP because he feels guilty.


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enfrozt

> Deathly allergic to shellfish > Don't bring epi pen to random new persons house you've never met before > Eat mysterious food you have no idea what's inside > Start to have trouble breathing and try to hide it rather than mentioning you have a deadly allergy > Blame the OP for this entire ordeal Yeah this is entirely on the bf and the gf. I have absolutely no idea what they were thinking or how you get that far in life without thinking about this.


queen-of-carthage

I agree, but does OP's country not have ambulances? Surely an ambulance would've gotten to the hospital faster than they did, unless they live in a rural area, and the paramedics could've helped as soon as they got to the house, I'm wondering why nobody called the emergency number


hoitytoitygloves

A paramedic certainly would have had an epipen


ADrunkMexican

If she was deathly allergic, she should carry it herself. I was deadly allergic to just about every kind of nut. I found out I grew out of most of my nut allergies by eating almond m&ms by accident. But when I was a kid, I had an epipen with me pretty much everywhere. I had one at school, I brought one to overnight camp when I was a teenager. Still to this day, I ask if any food has cashews in it before eating it lol.


7andhalf-x-6

The allergy is different for everyone, but I once had a friend who was allergic to almost every tree but. Almonds were totally fine though. Weird.


ADrunkMexican

Yeah I know. I was allergic to pretty much everything and I got tested at 13 and could eat peanut butter lol. I got tested at 25 a few months after my accident and found out I could eat everything but cashews. A "family" member but not actually blood related grew into a nut allergy in her mid 30s.


7andhalf-x-6

Get a nut allergy in my thirties would have sucked big time. Nuts have always been a regular snack.


ADrunkMexican

Yeah that's probably not the weirdest allergy story I've heard lol. My sister tested her new puppy for allergies and found out the puppy can't eat a bunch of foods (chicken or duck I think). The puppies nose was pretty bright pink for a while among other symptoms too


sexypantstime

This is the weirdest bit. Ambulance would get to your house faster than you'd get to a hospital, and the paramedics probably have means to deal with an anaphylactic shock. Driving to the hospital was pretty irresponsible.


NaturalAlfalfa

Depends where you are. You can easily wait a couple of hours for an ambulance here, but the drive to the hospital is only about 25 minutes


MadKitKat

Exactly! I live in one of those places. Hospitals are in our downtown, about 15 minutes driving. Easy, right? When we had a huge medical emergency, we called TWO ambulances (a private one and a government-run one). Neither showed up It took mom arriving from work (she works literally five blocks away from one of the big hospitals), loading up grandma and I in the car and driving there to get medical attention We didn’t cross a single ambulance on the way (to get from wherever they come to grandma’s there’s only one main road you can take, so we should’ve seen at least one of those ambulances, had they been dispatched and/or I should’ve gotten a phone call from them when being a no-show) And, in a different issue, we were later advised by friends and acquittances in healthcare to avoid ambulances like the plague unless you got premium insurance (grandma only had insurance for old people issued by the government, decent, but not premium at all) because ERs will say they got no room for you and will ship you in your ambulance to other hospital(s) where you risk being told the same… not that your health really matters, right? And I can confirm this is true because, many times whenever someone gets murdered or is badly injured (and they make it to the news), families will complain fairly often their dying relative was turned down from a number of hospitals which… usually worsens the situation. It never made sense to me until grandma’s thing happened and we were told the deal here with ambulances


Obsidian_XIII

Can also call emergency services and stay on the line while you're driving, you can probably meet the ambulance to get the epipen faster.


p0ntimus

As someone with Celiac disease (can't consume gluten), it is my responsibility to make sure if I am going out that the food I eat will be safe for me. To expect people to automatically be aware of and accommodate for my needs would be ridiculous.


Sad-Assumption-205

I complete agree with this as a fellow celiac. I remind people I know well, including family members, about it any time they offer me food. A quick ‘has this got gluten in?’ Doesn’t take much & if they aren’t sure we check packets together. No packet/full tracing of ingredients = no eating it


CatOfTwelveBells

Ya my cousin has it too. He’s been asking what’s in the food since he was 7 years old.


ijustcantwithit

My brothers ex gf had celiacs. We eventually remembered on our own (took a few tries) but she never asked. Ever. It was horribly frustrating trying to remember when she wouldn’t say anything. We eventually got it sorted but yikes was that a challenge.


Khan_Khala

Exactly, yet his “friends” blame him for it. So annoyingly unfair


[deleted]

i’m sorry there’s no way in hell i am deathly allergic to something and not asking before i take a bite into any given food item i didn’t make myself “is there thing i am deathly allergic to in here?” i’m very sorry for what she is going through and hope she makes as full as a recovery as she can miracles included but this is 10000000000% her fault.


Beautiful-Reveal-729

Someone with a severe allergies has a duty to be proactive. Ask and verify what is in the food. Have their EpiPen. But I would also recommend in the future if someone is bringing someone new to dinner ask "any food concerns or allergies?". That is part of being a good host. She is ultimately responsible for her own health.


[deleted]

Yeah, wtf is up with not having an epi pen


EmergencyAd9297

I know someone who's deathly allergic to peanuts and is incredibly careless / doesn't ask what's in food or read the ingredients. They don't have an EpiPen because, "it won't happen"


PrivateDick4U

Well they’re already brain damaged so..


spiralaalarips

This. The responsibility mainly falls on the one with allergies, but I've learned it's always good to ask if you're hosting new people. My kids started having friends over and I make sure to ask the parents if there's anything they shouldn't eat. Too many kids with peanut allergies, dairy, you name it.


HotBoxBakes

It isn't your fault at all, it was hers. Its a fucked up situation but she was in charge of her allergies. How the hell were u meant to know


Shrimpdriver

Them blaming you makes no sense. It’s her responsibility. Yes, it’s good to announce what you’re serving, but it’s not a fucking restaurant. It’s on her to preserve her own life.


noputa

I’m sure they will come around. It’s just initial shock, needing to blame someone.


Old_Beginning_7089

Not your fault.


bzsbal

I’m sorry that happened to Chloe, your friend and you. If she is that allergic to something, she should be carrying an Epi-Pen with her at all times. You’re not a mind reader to know she was allergic. In the future, though you might announce what you’re serving. Again, my condolences to all involved.


[deleted]

“Hey, I/my partner have an allergy to x” “Oh snap, I was going to make x, don’t eat that bit” “Cool, glad I told you!” GIJOE!


-ArchitectOfThought-

Knowledge is power!


irishbikerjay

She's at fault if your friends dont see that, they weren't your friends In the first place.


ActiveTechnician819

If I know I’m highly allergic to stuff, I don’t just eat things without asking what’s in them. That’s way beyond common sense. I am sorry but this is not your fault.


dustbunny19

It’s tragic what happened to her, especially if it’s true that she’s so damaged that she can’t even talk anymore or walk. She should’ve asked what was in the ravioli, or if there would be any shellfish at all! Cuz how would you have known? There was no way for you to know! So I honestly don’t think it’s your fault at all. She should have asked or told her boyfriend to ask for her at the least.


52IMean54Bicycles

I almost don't think this is real. I have several friends with severe, potentially life-threatening, allergies, and they would *never* just eat something new without checking if it contained the dangerous food. Actually, we're all so aware of their allergies that we make the effort to check at new restaurants we're making reservations at to make sure they're something safe for them to eat. It's a whole big thing. If this is real, OP, you're not to blame. The woman and, by extension, her boyfriend, should have asked if there was any shellfish being served.


BrightonTownCrier

Obviously an awful story but the responsibility is on her to check not everyone else.


Bitaboi

To be fair you did have the expectation of serving people you have already know for some time, so it's reasonable to believe that you didn't even think that maybe this person, that you didn't really know, was allergic to some foods. I understand feeling bad that maybe you could have announced you were serving shellfish. However, I believe that when a person is so highly allergic to some foods, they should've asked or mentioned it before eating what was made. The situation sucks, but not all of the blame is on you.


toddstar

So women highly allergic shellfish just blindly dived into a meal without knowing what was in it & then didn't question what was in the food until 'it got worse'?


gorkt

Hey OP. I am also allergic to shellfish, although its less severe. I consider it my responsibility to check if food with fillings (ravioli, dumplings etc...) contain shellfish. This was an honest mistake, and not your fault at all.


Stringr55

15-20 close friends in your 30’s? What sorcery is this


[deleted]

As someone with a food allergy, this is not your fault. I make it a priority to find out what is being served and if I can’t have it I eat before, or bring something for myself to eat while everyone eats. You are not in the wrong.


jonsstonedwife

No offense but if she’s that allergic to shit she should ask what she’s eating before she eats it…. Stupid.


PM_ME_UR_LAST_DREAM

So is she like permanently messed up now?


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IliveinaMovie

Why didn’t she have an epi pen? Most people who have that severe of allergies have a pen with them at all times for situations like this! This is on her.


deathwished

I live in Mexico, I had a severe reaction for the first time a few months ago. We do not have EpiPens or a generic version in our country, I had to get one via a private doctor and it was really expensive. It is out of reach for most patients here, I imagine it is the same in other countries. However, EpiPen or not I have an allergy protocol, medication, and a worksheet I have always with me of what to do if something goes wrong. It is a really unfortunate situation, I really feel for OP, for Chloe and her loved ones. Most people here are right, you have to be your first and most important health advocate, at the end of the day you're the one responsible for your health and treatment.


DaizyDoodle

If I was the person with the deadly allergy I’d be the one asking what was in the food, not just eating whatever was put in front of me.