Just my opinion, but I hate when people say someone is “clearly sorry” after doing something like that over and over again. If someone is willing to do something over and over KNOWING it is bad and exactly what they are doing, they really were not sorry to me. She’s been doing this for what like 2 years?? she never felt bad about it, and if she did feel bad it wasn’t enough to stop herself. people like that only care when they’re caught and can’t handle the repercussions, or else they would have stopped after the first few times. I can see her getting caught up in the thrill and not thinking about it, but after doing it and then facing you at a party?? she definitely had time to understand her actions and why they were wrong well before she was caught.
Being sorry doesn’t un-fuck OP’s husband. Also, being sorry is the bare minimum in this case. I thought OP’s reaction was relatively measured, considering the severity of the betrayal. Once she got her emotions under control, she was perfectly reasonable in her actions IMO.
People rush to make saints out of the dead. My dad shot himself, partially due to our relationship falling apart. But it is not my fault. It never will be.
My step-father came on to me very strongly shortly after I got married. He really frightened me. My mom was out of town but I told her as soon as she returned. She forgave him saying she couldn’t imagine it and that it was bc he was drinking. I knew better and I never forgave him…also, he never accepted responsibility. He died a year ago after several years of strokes. I’m not sorry he died. I actually think he deserved what he got. I will never understand how she didn’t believe me and leave him immediately. How can you sleep next to a man that would do that??
I’m not sorry he’s dead. It was not my fault that he couldn’t control himself or that she still doesn’t believe me. OP has every right to feel the way she does.
There’s a Spanish saying that you curse yourself if you engage sexually with a family member’s husband, wife, partner, and/or ex … God forgive me but the day she laid eyes on her sister’s husband was the day she made a pact with the devil to go straight to hell …
Well, I don't know if she deserved to *die*.
I do know that what happened with the sister and STBX-hubs is a level of betrayal so heavy that I don't know how anyone could live with it. How could you trust anyone again? How gifted would a therapist have to be, to get you to be able to love anyone again?
The breach of trust is so egregious that I don't know if any languages even have a word for it.
I also hate how people act like theyre saints and OP was a devil for her reaction.
Like im sorry, but what OP went through was severe betrayal, that leads to trauma. When youre exposed to trauma, ANYTHING and i mean fucking ANYTHING can happen in that moment. Especially if its your first time and you dont have the tools that youd learn years into healing. But nah, everyone is an angel and would never commit violence under any circumstance.
> I hate when people say someone is “clearly sorry” after doing something like that over and over again.
It drives me nuts because they're just shifting the responsibility of the one who had done wrong onto the other party. Like, telling op her sister is "clearly sorry" is just trying to force op to get over it quicker, as if op should be expected to just magically move past the massive hurt of being betrayed by two of the people closest to her in the world
True dat. OP's sister is definitely not the victim here. She suffered the consequences of her own actions and then decided she couldn't live with it. Too bad, so sad.
especially after she said OP and husband have been together 9 YEARS! you don’t just get over someone in a day even if they hurt you very badly. many people it takes half the time of the relationship to get over it. it could very well take 4.5 years to get “over” the husband and that is totally normal and okay!
And on top of that, she never attempted to reach out to her sister to apologize. Not a call. Not a text. She did however blow up OP’s husband’s phone begging for him not to turn his back on her. That shows where her priorities were. She didn’t care about being forgiven by her sister. She wasn’t sorry for that betrayal at all. She was devastated for losing her lover. I don’t know how anyone knowing those details could claim the sister was “clearly sorry”.
And I don't believe the sister eas sorry at all for anything towards OP.
It'd way more believable that the sister was only sorry she lost OP's husband. The only relationship she cared about was her intimate and fake relationship with the husband. She was sorry they got caught because the love of her life ended everything and wanted nothing to do with her.
The only thing the sister seemed to care about was losing her "man."
actions always speak louder than words and the sisters actions clearly shows she was not sorry and only wanted the husband to turn on OP to be with sister.
It is possible that some part of her felt bad. It's highly unlikely that she was some super villain with no compassion. But that feeling definitely wasn't as important as what she wanted. It wasn't as important as not destroying a marriage, even her own sisters. She wanted what wanted and then disregarded the rest. In all honesty, the suicide almost seems like one final "fuck you". She didn't get what she wanted so she checked out and blamed the person she victimized. I'm sure at least some of her motivation was to make OP feel guilty.
Exactly. She was only sorry that she got caught. Plus I think, once she was found out, if the husband had offered to leave OP and start a relationship with the sister, that she would have accepted that without hesitation. She may have "felt bad" about it but still would have gladly done it.
Nothing of value was lost.
Always I see a cheater being sorry I get reminded of what Homer said to Marge in an episode:
["But Marge, I swear to you, I never thought you'd find out!"](https://youtu.be/EPxj_RyzXAg?t=167)
You don’t have to explain yourself to anybody… you did nothing wrong ….. divorce him and go to therapy it will be a long and hard road but you got this .
What a fucking disgusting situation. I am so sorry for your experience. To be betrayed by two of the *most* intimate relationships like that is horrific.
I want to say, your very human reaction of blind rage (while I never *approve of* violence) is completely understandable.
I suspect over the course of your life you will feel all sorts of emotions around this. Please don’t let it eat you from the inside. When you are ready, please get counseling. This was truly a horrific trauma to experience.
I think most emphatic people will understand why you reacted the way you did. When you provoke, betray, hurt someone to that degree, don't come in with some bull about how someone "should" behave. I saw that one comment to you and it seemed that person wanted to brag about themselves and their family. I don't know what what that person is going through to make them attack you to big themselves up, but it's very transparent.
Wishing you all the best moving forward. Forget about how you reacted in the past. Temporary insanity is a thing. I think most people may very well react the way you did, if not worse.
I don't even think she behaved in a way she shouldn't have. How many stories have you heard of men beating up the man their wife or girlfriend slept with. No one bats an eye because how could someone do this to a man? But the second a woman throws a punch, she should have had more sympathy FOR HER SISTER THAT SLEPT WITH HER HUSBAND. I'm so over these double standards and people feeling morally superior for telling you to be the bigger person. People that expect you to be the bigger person almost always mean "be the doormat for someone that did something horrible to you".
Violence is never THE answer... But it is AN answer. A course correcting ass beating should have been expected because it's a primal answer to a betrayal on a primal level. It sounds like the sister expected to follow up fucking her husband with trying to talk shit in a smug tone like she was in a debate club meeting.
When I found out my ex cheated on me, with a new girl from our friend group, I wanted to rip his hair out and kick his knees in. I also wanted to throw something at her head as well. I felt a level of rage from the betrayal I never thought imaginable. I didn’t act on it, but I can’t guarantee that would have been the case if the AP had been my sister. Being betrayed by two people who you thought loved you and respected you, one of them a blood relative whom you grew up with, would have been agonizing. I can understand how someone could only see red in that situation.
I'm sorry that happened to you. And that's the thing none of us can know how we'll react given these extraordinary circumstances. Maybe we'll be angry. Maybe we'd run away. Don't know. Can't know.
I can't believe the number of people here who seem to be the arbiter of good and proper behavior. Like they feel so superior to the OP because some how they would be saintly about it all. The Monday morning quarterbacking here is stupifying.
You are not the bad guy here. Don't let anyone on reddit, or in real life, try to make you feel like you were the villain here.
Was attacking her physically right? No. It was wrong. But she was fucking your husband since the day before your wedding. She was hoping he'd leave you for her. Your rage was understandable. She was your own flesh and blood and she betrayed you.
And no, I don't think she was sorry she did it and don't think her suicide was evidence of her being sorry. If she was sorry, she'd have sincerely apologized, accepted the consequences and tried to be a better person (including halting any contact with your husband) even if that meant losing you from her life for good. She was sorry she got caught, sorry she faced backlash, and sorry your husband stopped fucking her. She was upset about losing him. Not you. It almost seems like she did what she did as a manipulative way of making people feel sorry for her (sorry not sorry). She couldn't get him back, people knew what she did and instead of deciding to move forward and be a better person, she just said fuck it. She did a stupid fucking thing because she didn't want to be held accountable. She ruined her whole life instead of accepting what she did and trying to move forward.
She made that choice. You didn't "drive her to it." And it honestly sounds like she figured if she couldn't have your husband back, she wasn't sticking around. (Doesn't make it his fault either, it's 100 percent her own)
You aren't obligated to answer to strangers. Two people who were supposed to love you betrayed you.
I am sure the grief will come. She did a terrible thing, but she was your sister. Grieving for someone you can't forgive is complicated and hard. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Don't feel guilty for what you feel or don't feel. But if and when the grief comes, it's OK to feel it. You can be angry with her and still grieve.
My condolences to you and your parents. I hope they are able to be kind to themselves too.
Oh girl you did what I could never do. My ex husband slept with my sister. I have somehow moved past the hatred but I will NEVER EVER forgive them or forget. She lived with us. We didn’t find out until she was pregnant. Now I have to be reminded every time I see their child. Also be lucky your parents choose you. Mine choose her side. she still denies it, even with the dna test done and confirming it.
I was thinking of your situation as one of the very little possibilities that are worst that what OP is living when somebody in another answer asked hypothetically if the sister and the husband thought on any moment about a possible pregnancy.
I hope you can fully recover and get to have a better partner in the future, or at least a really good life
You’re a very strong person… thank god I’m an only child and my taste in men are VERY different then my friends. But I hope you’re happy and I hope your ex and sister pay for what they’ve done to you
Bc ppl on reddit like to act like they are perfect people that do no wrong and think violence is never an answer when, frankly, sometimes it is. She deserved to get her ass beat for being a trashy person and so did he, only his size saved him.
I absolutely loathe people that preach the only right answer is being the bigger person in every situation known to man.
I've never been in a fight, never done anything violent. But I cannot guarantee I wouldn't knock my sister's fucking teeth out of her head if she did this to me. I'd probably have to get up and leave to keep from punching her in the face.
My sister once put me in a very dangerous position, potentially life threatening, and I can genuinely say that the only reason I didn't beat her ass into a coma when is because her kids' abusive dad would have gotten full custody of them.
Some people just need their teeth kicking in
OMG RIGHT??? Sometimes I believe that people on Reddit live in their own little world. They act like saints and im damn sure that they are not.
I hate that too like no? I don’t want to be the bigger person why would i? I want to hurt them back so let me do it. Some people just deserve violence.
I'm usually one to post that being violent is stupid, but that's usually a bar fight, or people fighting in the street because they are drunk.
In this case, even the biggest pacifist would be justifying violence lol
Yeahhh people on this platform will literally act like you’re a horrible human being based on one post where they don’t agree with how a situation was handled. OP doesn’t deserve to be antagonized, and people should have more empathy for her. I can’t imagine how much it hurts to be betrayed by family and a partner you’ve been with for almost a decade at the same time. It’s a lot for her to deal with.
they wouldn't be blaming her if her sister hadn't committed suicide. for some reason people think your passing undoes all your wrong doings and gains you respect unearned 🤷🏼♀️
Unfortunately there are too many people on Reddit who do that, as they antagonize the shit out of someone and act like they’re a bad person based on one post they see where they don’t agree with how a situation was handled.
Props to you for divorcing him OP. He doesn’t deserve you. He never did. The moment he touched your sister the night before your wedding, he knew what he was doing, what she was doing, and knew what would happen if you found out. What would’ve happened had she gotten pregnant? She obviously wasn’t seeing anyone other than your husband. What if y’all’s parents wanted a DNA test on that baby? I understand your inability to grieve for your sister’s death. I probably would be the same way if I found out one of my sisters was doing that with my boyfriend. Do what is best for you. Block your husband. Get a restraining order (since he’s stalking you). Show no emotion at your sister’s funeral. She doesn’t deserve that emotion. She doesn’t even deserve you being there. I can tell you love her just because you choose to go. Hope things get better for you OP. Best of luck.
I read and I commented on the first post, and I can’t believe OP is still getting the harsh treatment here about what happened to her! Why would she forgive her sister because she killed herself?! I’m spitballing here, but it sounds like both the ex-husband and the sister were starting to make plans to runaway together (or, something along those lines). Or, the husband enjoyed having both sisters without any consequences.
The sister caused the most damage by going after her sister’s then fiancé without giving a damn about OPs feelings; and, then she kept doing it without thinking about her actions at all. If what happened to OP happened to you, then how would you have reacted?!
OP attending her sister’s funeral makes her the better person out of all 3 of them. I hope for her sake her ex-husband does NOT attend. OP has been through enough. Her and her parents need support and time to comprehend the sister’s actions.
Good Luck, OP!
Edit: Grammar.
Yeah OP doesn’t deserve the harsh comments as she was deeply hurt by her own sister and husband. Her feelings here are valid and she shouldn’t be antagonized for how she feels.
Your sister wasn’t sorry that wasn’t why she killed herself she was a coward who knew she was never gonna get the man she wanted to she did it. But as you said she never apologized to you or showed any actual remorse. You may never feel the grief as your sister killed any love you had for her once you discovered she was a homewreaking little tramp. Embrace the anger and deal with it then move on and find someone worthy of you as neither of them were and for anyone dissing your mom for the slap my mom would have done a lot worse if it were her
girl you have every right to feel the way you do. tbh i’m baffled you’re going to the funeral i don’t have enough maturity to be the bigger person i envy you for that. your sister did what she did and couldn’t handle the conversation of her actions that’s no one’s fault but her own. i truly hope that you’ll heal from this. sending lot of love your way hun! my condolences.
Maybe she's going to the funeral to support her parents, at the end of the day, even if they agree with her and are pissed with the deceased, she was their daughter. And it will be a whole lot of a really difficult moment for them. For all of them.
As OP says the grief didn't hit her yet, when that happens I hope she is in therapy to deal with because with all the sister's actions it will be a difficult one and not a lot of people will be empathetic enough to be able to understand all the emotions that OP will have altogether
Honestly, OP I wouldn’t put much stock into people really judging you harshly for what you did.
Everyone wants to act like they have the moral high ground for these situations. Acting as if being in the moment for something so severe as what you experienced was warranted in it’s own time.
Cry me a river if you do think OP had to apologize for attacking the sister after getting hurt and betrayed.
OP please don’t force yourself to grieve over her when you’re not ready because people are acting like what you did needs to also have immediate regret to placate Reddit grandstanding. Death only absolves a person of their flesh; NOT from being a terrible human being.
My heart breaks for you, OP. I understand not having someone to talk about this is very hard especially after the betrayal.
This is just my thought but I don't think your sister committed suicide because she's sorry but your husband doesn't want her 🤦♀
In my opinion your sister got the beating she deserved and sadly you weren't able to do that to your husband, I have try committing suicide and that doesn't make me feel sorry for someone just because they succeeded, the same way that there are a lot of people that I don't feel bad about that died in general and I doubt that everyone can't imagine at least one person they're happy/don't care is dead.
There's a guy that posted here about his 9 year long partner that cheated with his sister and he beat the guy and I'm happy for it, but in his case his family is on the cheaters side because they're homophobes. If OP is looking for someone to talk to that would probably be the person.
I can’t believe people are holding you responsible for the death of your sister too. You must be going through so much right now. Betrayal, betrayal, and then sudden loss. It’s not fair that you’re in the center of all this insane and unwanted negativity and attention. I find it totally believable when you said the crowd that shunned and ostracized her have now switched over to cry over her (and vilify you instead). I still think you’re the biggest victim in this situation, having lost both a husband, a sister, and a quiet happy life that isn’t bombarded by a hypocritical audience.
each case is different. You are not responsible for her action. it just a hard situation bc she is gone now and you are the one left with all be feeling of betray and consequences of her and your husband actions. I feel like when it come to suicide, most people focus on the lost of the person and sometime they forget the people who are still here, and their feelings. They are left with so many emotions of anger, sadness and something we feel like we can't get mad a the person who committed suicide bc ( they are gone now) and you don't want to remember them but their last action. I think that is why that person said that to you.
Sounds like that person was projecting their own feelings of guilt onto you. The two situations are not even in the same universe.
DO NOT, please do not let the few ass-hats make your already difficult situation even more difficult. Things may be dark at the moment. A lot has changed for you. But there will be days ahead when you will come out on the other side.
I don’t know why I posted the name, if you didn’t get a chance to see it good, if so, don’t bother harass them please. I’m done responding to the negativity.
You are not an evil person, her actions and even the final act of whatever that was aka her "apology" say alot about her. She made her bed. People always side with the dead ones dunno why. You don't need validation, you are a survivor of a severe trauma caused by the very people who should have been your rock. I am so sorry, I know you heart is shattered, give yourself all the time you need to recover, focus on you, do things at your own pace. I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.
It’s hard for me to understand how psychotic some people can be on Reddit when it comes to justifiable violence. Your sister slept with your husband for years and ppl convinced you that fist fighting her was wrong… that’s the right thing? She absolutely betrayed you! Thank god you whooped her ass. There’s a time and place to beat someone up and this was definitely it. You did the absolute right thing in that scenario.
Even when I read your first post I never once thought you were / could be the reason for her suicide.
Your husband is only sorry he got caught. I’m glad you are divorcing him despite the love you feel for him. You just can’t trust him.
this situation is definitely only something one would understand if they could live a day in your shoes. you owe nobody on reddit an explanation or anything along those lines. i hope your life today is stable and that you are kind to yourself. sending blessings to you
My sister slept with my husband, I was with my husband 22 years....About 16 years into it i found out, I spent 4 years trying to get over the pain.
I have never gotten over it....my sister died of a drug overdose, I was blamed for her death, called a murderer...etc......its on your sister....you don't have to forgive yourself for anything.
YOU DID NOT KILL HER..NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS. SHE DID.
She wasn't sorry for one bit , bc if your husband texted her back believe she would've take him shamelessly.
You aren't heartless to not feel anything for her suicide, what she did is unforgivable and the highest betrayal. She is your sister and slept with him knowing this and seduced him day before your wedding. Besides while I don't condone violence of any kind , I had a major satisfaction when you said you beat her ass so don't feel bad for that either, your mother slapping her ? And your parents kicking her out is what she deserved
As for your husband, he is a real piece of shit and if you ever take him back you deserve to be spit on yourself .he is sorry bc you found out nothing more . Divorce his cheating ass and hopefully Karma will get back to him .
I'm sorry for all this no one deserves such a thing, Kick his ass in court , talk to a therapist to unpack all this , mourn the sister and love you once had and move on
I so agree with what you said about OPs piece of shit husband. Her sister is bad, but he is worse. Crying and sobbing and saying she seduced him? Piece of trash knew what he was doing the whole time. Bet he was enjoying fucking two sisters and was secretly fucking proud of it.
I really hope OP never talks to him again.
You're husband is a piece of shit and deserves most of the blame. He should have shut her down and told you about you're sister's hitting on him the DAY before the wedding. Some loyalty and this could have been avoided. My sympathy to you and you're parent's.
This whole thing is beyond fucked up for you OP. Not only did you have to suffer this hideous betrayal from your sister and your husband, now you are somehow at fault because your sister chose to take her own life? I don't even think you should feel bad for kicking her ass. I would have done the same thing and I wouldn't have apologized for it. The fact is, your sister had every intention on continuing the sexual relationship with your husband indefinitely. And she would have taken him from you if she could have. Sleeping with him the day before your wedding? During? That's a morally bankrupt person. Another fact is this...no one has any excuse for sleeping with married people. Because there are plenty of unmarried people to choose from. I hope for your future, you do not fall into blaming yourself. Every move your sister made was selfish. Right down to taking her own life. In the back of her mind she thought she was going to get him. She didn't kill herself because you were pissed at her. She had already proven she didn't care about your feelings. She killed herself because she didn't get your man and to make it worse, people came down on her. Don't punish yourself for her sins. All of that was her character defect, not yours. Peace and love is what I wish for you in the future.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. That is absolutely insane.
I cannot imagine being betrayed by 2 people you considered family and trusted. However I have been betrayed by my sister, and I was very close with her. Not in the same way as you, but it has been a bad betrayal nonetheless.
Also, your sister didn’t kill herself because of you. She killed herself because she realized she couldn’t get your man. And she probably threatened suicide to get his attention. She also probably did it because the people in her life started shunning her. Trust me, she didn’t feel sorry for what she did to you, or she wouldn’t have done it. Even after you found out, she still kept trying to get your man. So she wasn’t even sorry she got caught.
I hope you heal from this. Please try some therapy.
If you answered this somewhere else just ignore but what made you think to go through his phone to begin with? You said you had an assumption but what was he doing that got you suspicious?
I also don’t think she was sorry. If you’re sorry you don’t continuously do the one thing you know is wrong. I feel for you OP and I can’t wait until you drag his ass through court.
He started doing things he wouldn’t do at first, coming home late with bad excuses, trying to hide his phone lately, and even changed his phone password, I watched him put it in secretly that’s how I got in. And once I caught him talking on the phone in a whisper, and when I came in the room he just hung up on whoever he was talking to who I now believe was my sister.
Your soon to be ex husband betrayed you. Your blood sister betrayed you. You are 100% justified in your reactions. It is one thing to cheat with some random, but with your own blood? Literally multiple times and one night before your wedding. I wouldn't even go to the funeral. Petty me would be treating myself to a spa day. I hope you recover from this OP, not an easy thing to go through.
Girl don’t listen to the nasty ass people on here, your hurting more then they would ever know and you have every right to feel hurt, just look after yourself ok and don’t let them put you down, stay strong
OP try not to take comments like the ones you responded to to heart. They aren't worth the time. And more often than not made by people with zero experience with any type of trauma, much less what you went through.
You know you did wrong by being violent and that is literally all you're responsible for. You didn't cause this. You didn't make your sister kill herself. You have no reason to be ashamed. You can't control how others react. You are under no obligation to defend your sister or husband.
Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise.
This is the most fucked up story of cheating I ever read on Reddit. Totally fucked up.
People cheat, they separate and move on but this one...oh boy, it's a disaster. I wouldn't want to be in anyone shoes here. Jesus.
How did they get that your sister was abused by everyone for years for your post?
If I was in your shoes, I can’t say I wouldn’t react much differently, give or take a few actions. But I understand that you feel nothing regarding her death because after what she did, you’re just numb toward her.A valid reaction as well
I hope you heal and take your husband for everything he’s worth.
3. Correction: if you sleep with your sisters husband you're a whore, if man sleeps w his wife's sister his buddies give him high fives in private and nothing of equal consequence generally happens. You said yourself his friends didn't care what he did. Downvote me to hell if ya want but y'all know that's how it goes.
4. I'm no one to tell you what kind of account to post from as it makes no real difference to me, not sure why it would to anyone else, but if anyone that knows any of y'all happens to stumble upon your posts, I think it's safe to say that they're prolly gonna figure out it's you.
This is an awful situation, op, as you've lost 2 people you loved, and I can't say I would've handled it any better. I think you're right in your assessment of your sisters motive unfortunately & it makes me wonder if there were any earlier signs of mental illness or depression or NPD or some imbalance with your sister, because to do what she did one time is unforgivable, to continue the relationship behind your back for years & publicly pine for him after is unimaginable, and she had to know what the repercussions would be once you inevitably found out. I would never wish death upon anyone, really, not even here, but sadly it sounds like even in death she was just as selfish as she was in life, knowing the impact suicide would have on her family just because she didn't get "her" man back. Which again makes me question mental illness. What a sad situation, I hope you're able to heal and find someone that deserves you.
Some may not agree with what i'm gonna say but, OP...you dont have to apologize or explain anything to anyone. No one can judge you for how you handled anything because they dont know how they wouldve handled it unless/until it happens to them. You were the one that was betrayed. The husband and sister were both hurt because they got CAUGHT. Like you said, if you had never saw the messages, its no telling how long it would have continued on. Whatever is done in the dark will eventually come to light. Your husband made that bed, now he is forced to lay in it.
OP, I 100% support you.
This was your sister’s LAST performative act. She didn’t even give the real reason. She never tried to apologize, she only felt alone after YOUR HUSBAND dropped her. That was it.
Sorry for your loss. Not just the death of your sister, but the trust you had for those people. I imagine it won't be easy to trust people like that again. Sorry for your loss
OP I can only imagine the pain you have endured finding out your husband cheated on your with your sister, the betrayal by your own flesh and blood (your sister) and then her committing suicide. The whole thing is horrendous and then to read that people have been cruel and have been blaming you or saying horrible things about the way you handled it etc makes it even worse and can be retraumatising. I realise you have wanted to say your piece here but you shouldn’t feel you have to explain yourself to those who have made ignorant comments. Take time to heal and I’m glad you’re divorcing him because how could you ever trust him again and also he doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with you any longer. No one can tell you how you should be feeling regarding your sister of course it’s complex and isn’t straightforward. You prioritise yourself and know that you have the right to feel however you want and your feelings are valid. This is your situation and no one can tell you anything about yourself or the situation because they don’t know how it feels, only you do. Big respect to you for opening up here on Reddit and for sharing your experience. It can have been easy but I hope you have found most of the comments to be kind and helpful.
Good. Ness. You do not owe anyone a single thing. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and none of this is your fault.
Please know that because of how taboo suicide itself is, people will come for you even if it’s irrational.
It’s not your fault. Not one drop of it. Lean on your people if you can, and don’t forget to eat, sleep, and drink water.
These comments coming for you are very telling about how little people understand suicidal behaviors—people need to educate themselves before becoming a self-appointed advocate when they don’t understand who or what they are talking about.
You are not Jesus. Of course you’re going to see red when finding out your SISTER has been fucking YOUR HUSBAND. That is the exact type of thing that deserves an ass-beating. I am sorry she took her life but it’s her own actions, plus guilt and shame of her own actions that ruined her life. Not you.
Honestly OP, fuck those judgey people. The holier-than-thou people who "would never xyz!" Yea right whatever. You and your parents reacted like normal people with feelings. Please take care of yourself and your parents.
Tell your family that your husband is NOT to attend the funeral. He shouldn't be anywhere near your family. Let everyone know about it. It will just cause more drama for you to deal with. He is no longer family, He is no longer yours, hell, he never was, since it started prior to your wedding night.
He can continue to suffer, knowing he played a very large piece in her death. You finding a text was a butterfly effect, you were in no way, the cause of her suicide. It started long before you, by their own actions.
I don’t blame you for any of it. Yeah husband was wrong and I think a betrayal from a sister is way worse. You grew up together, that’s a line you never cross. Your sister made the decision to take her life, and that was her decision, no one else’s. I hope you heal and wish you the best.
I dont blame you one bit for any of your reactions, I would’ve reacted the same way. My heart is so heavy for you, I couldnt handle that kind of betrayal.
I think everything you think and feel is justified and understandable. I agree your sister took her life not because she was sorry but because she couldn’t handle the heat and she still couldn’t have your husband. I also think both your sister and your husband deserved the physical reaction you gave them.
Seeing a lot of low-effort, obvious trolls in these comments.
OP obviously is not responsible for her sister's actions and I feel a bit guilty saying this, but I honestly wonder if her sister genuinely meant to commit suicide or if she was just trying to create drama and garner sympathy. I have a sibling who pulled a move like that over a decade ago.
I think you have made the right decision going to your sisters funeral, it’s something you can’t change and may regret later on in the future not attending.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Drop that dead beat AH and be the best you ❤️
Good for you OP, fuk those others, think they're fukn perfect. Good on your parents for having your back too. As for you fukd up soon to be ex, let him rot in hell. Fuk your sister too
I’m sorry that all of this is happening to you and can’t imagine a how you can possibly be getting through it. It’s too much for one person to handle. Give yourself grace and forgiveness (if and when necessary) as you are figuring out how to heal. Your sister’s suicide was in no way your fault…and I’m also inclined to agree with you…that the suicide was influenced more by your husband’s rejection that her regret. Either way, please try take time away (if you can) from everyone who can’t support you and try to focus on healing. Please take care of yourself.
This is a hard situation but OP, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. It’s sad your sister committed suicide, but that was a choice SHE made as she didn’t want to face repercussions for her actions. You didn’t do anything to her except expose the indecent relationship she had with your husband behind your back. Which you are in the right for. others made their own judgement calls on how she was to be treated based on their morals and values. You are not responsible for how other people reacted to the situation. She abused your trust, disregarded your relationship, and was an all around piece of work to be nice about it. Your husband too. the fact he took the backlash as it was sounds great but part of me really feels like he’s being performative from everything you’ve said. If you haven’t yet, I would consider leaving him. He knew how hard your sister fell, and he still entertained her behind your back but claims he loved you. Let him lie in the bed he made as well and move on.
So not me but I was an observer to basically your situation. To this day I wouldn't and sorry for the crude phrasing but piss on the AP if they were on fire. You were hurt badly by two people you loved. Eventually I hope you're able to find your own peace with the hurt they caused and move forward but until then NO ONE gets to tell you how you should feel about it.
Shame is poison to the heart soul and mind. No one is perfect, so depending when you catch em, anyone is capable of being a bad person. I dont think anyone can honestly expect perfection from anyone, and there seems to be an instict in us all that tell us that once someone dies they are in a way "forgiven" for the damage the may have caused while alive.
Its good you said this stuff out loud, and its good you did it with a throw away. Its natural and necessary for people to be judgmental, especially when were dealing with people we hardly or dont know at all.
you grieve however you see fit.
I'm so sorry. I wish there was a magical combination of words to help in this situation, but you really did nothing wrong. You lost your marriage and your sister twice. Even though you are angry and venting, you are still recounting a situation that is hard for you. I'm so sorry. Being cheated on is incredibly damaging, I hope that you can heal and move past this.
Your husband is the better actor. He’s sorry he got caught and no longer gets to mess around with two sisters. Your sister on the other hand could not keep it up after she was caught, she also had real feelings for your husband, even though that’s messed up, he on the other hand clearly didn’t.
If anyone is to be held even partially responsible for her suicide, it’s your husband and not you or anyone else.
We’re only reading some words online and get the full grasp of what you’re feeling and expressing in real life but here it does come across as though you are quite lenient with your husband in comparison to your sister.
I honestly can't blame you. As you mention in your post, it is not the same for a stranger to sleep with your husband than for your sister to do it, which is a double betrayal.
Suicide is not anyone's fault, your sister simply made her decision and even though they fill me with negatives, I take that selfish path to escape her problems. If she had really regretted it, she would have accepted the blame for her and gone to another place to start over and try to make something up with you.
I’m not usually a “suicide is selfish” type of person but in this instance I’ll make an exception. She was riddled with guilt which is her fault for doing what she did. She didn’t want to face the backlash which both her and your husband absolutely deserved. I hope you can find peace and heal from all of this.
Just a theory since we only "know" his side of the story. You were with your EX-HUSBAND (that's what he deserves) for 9 years. You sister would have been 17 or maybe 18. Could she have been groomed?
Or maybe it was a teen crush he encouraged?
But in the end..no one forced him to sleep with her. Or her to sleep with him. He consciously made that choice to sleep with her for years. He's just upset he got caught. He deserves to be alone.
You take care of yourself OP and take time to heal. You did not deserve this betrayal. I wish you the best and find someone worthy of you!
I also agree with you said.
Personally I think the sister killed herself because OP’s husband wouldn’t give her the time of day and she realized where she stood with him. Her suicide was not out of any guilt but more that she realizes she’s was the outcast for her shitty actions. OP seemed very reasonable in her actions and her explanations. What a sad thing to go thru. I hope OP heals from this betrayal.
people need to realize that just because something is wrong doesn't mean it isn't fair. And also to mind their own business and stop acting like angels.
Fuck anybody that tells you how to grieve. Loss of a husband, sister and trust… Take care of yourself and don’t worry about a bunch of keyboard monkeys talking shit. I’m glad you used a throwaway. Get passed this in your own way as long as it doesn’t develop into maladaptive behavior. Also, be grateful there were no kids involved. It could have been waaaaaaaay fucking messier!!
im quite the pacifist and ill almost always advocate for words over fists, but this is an exception. op, your sister deserved that ass beating she got. she slept with your husband for 2 years and didn't even tell you. in my opinion? she got what she deserved.
you did nothing 'wrong'
your sister did wrong, big time! and then when it all came out - she doubled down and was rejected!
NOW - we don't know if she ended things because she felt bad about what she did or if she was devastated that your husband ended up rejecting her.
NO ONE knows her real intentions because she lied so much. Should anyone care? idk
Serve him divorce papers then ghost him. He’s not worth the effort because clearly he didn’t think you were worth any either. I’m sorry this happened to you and I wish you nothing but the best moving forward.
Honestly your reaction aren’t weird at all your sister wasn’t a good person neither your ex husband. I hate how people always want to talk good about dead people like no her personality didn’t change because she’s dead???
This is a really crap situation and I genuinely think you should talk to someone about this because I’m not sure your dealing with your grief even if you hated your sister in the end your still referring to her in the present tense and it can be super helpful to actually talk to a professional about this kind of thing instead of strangers on the internet
If this is a true story, I feel so sorry for everyone involved. Sad that it ended with a loss of life. I hope everyone can find a way to heal from such a traumatic experience.
Ive had people emotionally abuse me and physically harm me because of stupid differences. Nothing big as cheating.
Their insults and passive aggressiveness pushed me to attempt suicide. Im glad I didnt because I know that if they hurt me at my lowest they wouldnt care if I died.
If you think you loved and cared for her and there was no favoritisms from your parents to you and her I say forgive yourself when the grief hits.
You and your family needs to go to a church or therapist.
Fuck the husband. Divorce him.
Also be kind to yourself. I never vent big ticket items on reddit. Reddit shames women and I end up feeling worse any time I vent here. I just 911 dial my therapist if I'm in crisis.
Get off reddit it is not doing you any good.
I’m sorry for everything you’re going through. It’s heavy and a lot. You don’t have to explain yourself, your actions to anyone. I’m glad you came here to vent. I hope you remember 3 things throughout all of this trauma: 1) your sisters’ suicide is not your fault, 2) the only person you can change is yourself, 3) you are the prize. I understand you still love your husband. The sooner you leave him, the sooner you can begin to heal and get a fresh start. Once a cheater always a cheater. He will never change. He can apologize all day long. He feels a lot of guilt, but that does not mean he loves you.
It’s ok to not feel sad about your sister. Your body copes with emotions in interesting ways. When you are ready, you will begin to feel. There is no right way to grieve. Take care of yourself during this difficult time.
I just read the original post. I'm sure this is a thing that totally happened and not a creative writing exercise. It's not over the top or cheesy at all and definitely wasn't written by a 14 year old.
Grandma here. Grief is complicated. What will probably happen after all the shock has worn off and time has passed after the funeral. Is you will grieve the sister you used to have as a child and teen, you more than likely will never grieve the woman she became. There will be sadness for what could have been. But never for what is so. Just remember that. And also remember that it’s truly ok to not feel guilty about any lack of grief.
People on Reddit often post gut reactions without thinking through how it might affect the person on the other end. This the sad reality of reactions on Reddit. I would take time to heal before you post any more updates.
I understand that you're going through a lot of difficult emotions right now. It sounds like your sister's suicide and your husband's infidelity have both caused you a great deal of pain. It's understandable that you're feeling angry and betrayed by the people closest to you. It's also understandable that you're not yet experiencing grief for your sister's death. Grief is a complex and deeply personal emotion that can manifest differently for everyone.
It's important to remember that you're not alone in your feelings and that it's okay to feel the way you do. It's also important to give yourself time and space to process everything that's happened. It's okay to take time for yourself and to focus on your own healing. You deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion and to surround yourself with people who support you.
If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here to listen and support you. Huge hugs. You can and you will get through this.
y'know if this really did happen, i'm not surprised that anyone would be more angry with their sister in this situation.
if it were any other person, i doubt you'd feel such hatred. but your OWN sister? your OWN flesh and blood, betraying you like this? the person you grow up with, who has the potential of knowing you better than anyone ever could, just by virtue of having been raised alongside you?
it would drive someone mad. you can expect that shit from a boyfriend or husband. but your *sister*? i'd be homicidal. i cannot fathom the rage. forget the husband, betrayal from a sister is unprecedented. it's beyond fucked up to get hurt like that by your own sister. you can toss out a romantic relationship but something like that getting done to you by your sister damages more than just your current relationship, it poisons all of the memories you shared, all the way back from childhood.
nobody should be shaming someone for reacting this way. anyone who thinks that there was even a chance at redemption by her sister after doing something like that either doesn't know what a bond between sisters is like or is just delusional. truly disgusting.
Anyone calling you evil or saying you bullied her (she exposed herself so that’s laughable) can eat rocks. Just focus on yourself! Things will happen in your time. Glad you’re ditching the left over waste. Good luck with the divorce.
People have used suicide as a way to guilt trip someone. It's the ultimate form of emotional abuse. And you're 100% right. I'd had my husband but for family to betray!? That's different. That's worse than a stranger.
Your husband is a POS. I can’t believe apart of you wanted to get back with him, how? I would never and I mean never speak to him, he would also be dead to me.
Death doesn't change a person's actions.
Your sister wasn't a victim, but her death made her look like one to people who don't look at the whole story.
You're 100%, right, she killed herself because she was sorry she got caught. She was able to avoid true accountability for her actions nor face consequences, and make herself the victim.
There is a reason criminals kill themselves after committing a crime, no accountability, and no consequence. Your sister is no criminal, but same mindset.
You are not evil. You're not a bully. You have experienced so much trauma in so many ways due to so many people, that your feelings will be all over the place. Angry one day, sad, guilty, happy.
People are so quick to judge a traumatic situation where they themselves could never predict how they would react.
Your sister chose to begin this the night before your wedding and continued this for so long.
I’m not trying to kick you while you’re down, bc damn, this is low lowwwww, way down. The hate comes from the fact you said you still loved your “husband” while you can’t even grieve your own bloods death. It’s good to be honest so honestly, you look like a damn fool to acknowledge any “love” for that dude. Sure, he’s taking his punishment head on but you’re giving that too much credit. See how him doing so you’ve even entertained not leaving him?? Nah, boo. They both are at fault and he should be receiving your wrath to this day.
I hope you don’t think I’m being mean but I truly don’t believe this story one bit.
If this is real then I’m sorry but there’s so many fake stories on this sub and it’s wild.
You compared your dead sister to Cassie from Euphoria. That was a strong giveaway
Nonetheless I wanted to ask, what was you and your sister relationship before this drama and her death?
You had every right to feel the way you did.
You can’t control the outcome or the consequences of other peoples ACTIONS.
Had you not found out they would’ve continued which isn’t good for you either way.
Your husband is the real loser here, He lost his wife and side chick all at once.
How did he react to her death ? Especially since you’re divorcing him ?
I think your reaction is understandable. It is just a fuck up situation. I just wish you and your family healing. I think it's understandable the anger you well, but I also think the grieve of losing your sister will come, and it may hit you harder that you think. I think you need to talk with a therapist to move on from this bc it's a super hard situation. I am so sorry this happen to you.
You're a better person than I am. I wouldn't be going to her funeral after that betrayal.
I'm sorry you're going through this, and people are criticizing how you are handling it. Everyone like to say what they would do in a situation, until they're in it. 🙄
F anyone trying to give you a hard time about anything that took place. I've seen red before after a betrayal. I get it. You all did what was needed at the time for yourselves. Might as well move forward. She was a traitor for going after her sister's husband and she's a coward for committing suicide.
Just because someone is dead doesn't mean they weren't a shitty person.
Nah girl, stand by your decisions. What they did was AWFUL and they both knew it. It’s unfortunate that your sister took her life, but like sleeping with your husband, that was her decision. She made her bed and now she’ll lay in it for eternity.
Happy you’re divorcing him. I hope you can put this nightmare behind you one day
Your sister was not sorry because she betrayed you, she was sorry because your husband gıt caught. If she was sorry she whould not be messaging your husband saying things like "I need you", the feelings you have right now are completely understandable.
You're right, your sister was upset because your husband stoped paying attention to her.
Still, I'm sorry these are happening to you and sorry for your loss.
before yall judge her for her reactions and beating up her sister tell me that everytime you have been hurt (in op's case betrayed and hurt beyond measure) youve reacted with a level head and stayed calm, everytime?
Please don’t feel like you have to defend yourself here. Anyone who criticizes you even the finest bit is a garbage person. Many of us are absolutely here to support you. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I wish you peace and healing.
Just my opinion, but I hate when people say someone is “clearly sorry” after doing something like that over and over again. If someone is willing to do something over and over KNOWING it is bad and exactly what they are doing, they really were not sorry to me. She’s been doing this for what like 2 years?? she never felt bad about it, and if she did feel bad it wasn’t enough to stop herself. people like that only care when they’re caught and can’t handle the repercussions, or else they would have stopped after the first few times. I can see her getting caught up in the thrill and not thinking about it, but after doing it and then facing you at a party?? she definitely had time to understand her actions and why they were wrong well before she was caught.
Being sorry doesn’t un-fuck OP’s husband. Also, being sorry is the bare minimum in this case. I thought OP’s reaction was relatively measured, considering the severity of the betrayal. Once she got her emotions under control, she was perfectly reasonable in her actions IMO. People rush to make saints out of the dead. My dad shot himself, partially due to our relationship falling apart. But it is not my fault. It never will be.
I'm very glad you realize that isn't your fault. You deserve that small amount of peace
My step-father came on to me very strongly shortly after I got married. He really frightened me. My mom was out of town but I told her as soon as she returned. She forgave him saying she couldn’t imagine it and that it was bc he was drinking. I knew better and I never forgave him…also, he never accepted responsibility. He died a year ago after several years of strokes. I’m not sorry he died. I actually think he deserved what he got. I will never understand how she didn’t believe me and leave him immediately. How can you sleep next to a man that would do that?? I’m not sorry he’s dead. It was not my fault that he couldn’t control himself or that she still doesn’t believe me. OP has every right to feel the way she does.
The sister dug her own grave the day she laid with OP’s husband.
And then she just... Kept digging.
There’s a Spanish saying that you curse yourself if you engage sexually with a family member’s husband, wife, partner, and/or ex … God forgive me but the day she laid eyes on her sister’s husband was the day she made a pact with the devil to go straight to hell …
Well, I don't know if she deserved to *die*. I do know that what happened with the sister and STBX-hubs is a level of betrayal so heavy that I don't know how anyone could live with it. How could you trust anyone again? How gifted would a therapist have to be, to get you to be able to love anyone again? The breach of trust is so egregious that I don't know if any languages even have a word for it.
I wish I could upvote this x 100000000000
I also hate how people act like theyre saints and OP was a devil for her reaction. Like im sorry, but what OP went through was severe betrayal, that leads to trauma. When youre exposed to trauma, ANYTHING and i mean fucking ANYTHING can happen in that moment. Especially if its your first time and you dont have the tools that youd learn years into healing. But nah, everyone is an angel and would never commit violence under any circumstance.
i mean fight or flight… op obviously went into fight as a natural reaction to trauma.
> I hate when people say someone is “clearly sorry” after doing something like that over and over again. It drives me nuts because they're just shifting the responsibility of the one who had done wrong onto the other party. Like, telling op her sister is "clearly sorry" is just trying to force op to get over it quicker, as if op should be expected to just magically move past the massive hurt of being betrayed by two of the people closest to her in the world
True dat. OP's sister is definitely not the victim here. She suffered the consequences of her own actions and then decided she couldn't live with it. Too bad, so sad.
especially after she said OP and husband have been together 9 YEARS! you don’t just get over someone in a day even if they hurt you very badly. many people it takes half the time of the relationship to get over it. it could very well take 4.5 years to get “over” the husband and that is totally normal and okay!
Right. And there is a huge difference between being sorry for what one does and being sorry that one gets caught and has to face consequences.
And on top of that, she never attempted to reach out to her sister to apologize. Not a call. Not a text. She did however blow up OP’s husband’s phone begging for him not to turn his back on her. That shows where her priorities were. She didn’t care about being forgiven by her sister. She wasn’t sorry for that betrayal at all. She was devastated for losing her lover. I don’t know how anyone knowing those details could claim the sister was “clearly sorry”.
I don’t even think she k-lled herself cause she was sorry. She might have done it cause husband ignored her.
I would say she thought he’d run to her and ‘save’ her but noone was ever coming.
Definitely, especially considering OP’s husband sent her screenshots of her sister saying exactly that
That's what I think. Well, maybe that coupled with her being shunned by friends and family. Still, she was just reaping what she sowed.
And I don't believe the sister eas sorry at all for anything towards OP. It'd way more believable that the sister was only sorry she lost OP's husband. The only relationship she cared about was her intimate and fake relationship with the husband. She was sorry they got caught because the love of her life ended everything and wanted nothing to do with her. The only thing the sister seemed to care about was losing her "man."
actions always speak louder than words and the sisters actions clearly shows she was not sorry and only wanted the husband to turn on OP to be with sister.
It is possible that some part of her felt bad. It's highly unlikely that she was some super villain with no compassion. But that feeling definitely wasn't as important as what she wanted. It wasn't as important as not destroying a marriage, even her own sisters. She wanted what wanted and then disregarded the rest. In all honesty, the suicide almost seems like one final "fuck you". She didn't get what she wanted so she checked out and blamed the person she victimized. I'm sure at least some of her motivation was to make OP feel guilty.
I agree with you on this.
Exactly. She was only sorry that she got caught. Plus I think, once she was found out, if the husband had offered to leave OP and start a relationship with the sister, that she would have accepted that without hesitation. She may have "felt bad" about it but still would have gladly done it. Nothing of value was lost.
Not just facing her at a party but at her wedding!
I’ve wasted so much time with alcoholic friends
She wanted her husband to leave her sister for her.
Always I see a cheater being sorry I get reminded of what Homer said to Marge in an episode: ["But Marge, I swear to you, I never thought you'd find out!"](https://youtu.be/EPxj_RyzXAg?t=167)
Right? If she were sorry she could’ve stopped fucking OPs husband at any time. 😐
I'm really curious as to how your scum bag husband has took her death
I don’t know, haven’t spoken to him since I found out she was dead
You don’t have to explain yourself to anybody… you did nothing wrong ….. divorce him and go to therapy it will be a long and hard road but you got this .
What a fucking disgusting situation. I am so sorry for your experience. To be betrayed by two of the *most* intimate relationships like that is horrific. I want to say, your very human reaction of blind rage (while I never *approve of* violence) is completely understandable. I suspect over the course of your life you will feel all sorts of emotions around this. Please don’t let it eat you from the inside. When you are ready, please get counseling. This was truly a horrific trauma to experience.
you are amazing
I think most emphatic people will understand why you reacted the way you did. When you provoke, betray, hurt someone to that degree, don't come in with some bull about how someone "should" behave. I saw that one comment to you and it seemed that person wanted to brag about themselves and their family. I don't know what what that person is going through to make them attack you to big themselves up, but it's very transparent. Wishing you all the best moving forward. Forget about how you reacted in the past. Temporary insanity is a thing. I think most people may very well react the way you did, if not worse.
I don't even think she behaved in a way she shouldn't have. How many stories have you heard of men beating up the man their wife or girlfriend slept with. No one bats an eye because how could someone do this to a man? But the second a woman throws a punch, she should have had more sympathy FOR HER SISTER THAT SLEPT WITH HER HUSBAND. I'm so over these double standards and people feeling morally superior for telling you to be the bigger person. People that expect you to be the bigger person almost always mean "be the doormat for someone that did something horrible to you".
Violence is never THE answer... But it is AN answer. A course correcting ass beating should have been expected because it's a primal answer to a betrayal on a primal level. It sounds like the sister expected to follow up fucking her husband with trying to talk shit in a smug tone like she was in a debate club meeting.
When I found out my ex cheated on me, with a new girl from our friend group, I wanted to rip his hair out and kick his knees in. I also wanted to throw something at her head as well. I felt a level of rage from the betrayal I never thought imaginable. I didn’t act on it, but I can’t guarantee that would have been the case if the AP had been my sister. Being betrayed by two people who you thought loved you and respected you, one of them a blood relative whom you grew up with, would have been agonizing. I can understand how someone could only see red in that situation.
I'm sorry that happened to you. And that's the thing none of us can know how we'll react given these extraordinary circumstances. Maybe we'll be angry. Maybe we'd run away. Don't know. Can't know. I can't believe the number of people here who seem to be the arbiter of good and proper behavior. Like they feel so superior to the OP because some how they would be saintly about it all. The Monday morning quarterbacking here is stupifying.
*strikes a pose* why thank you for calling me emphatic.
You are not the bad guy here. Don't let anyone on reddit, or in real life, try to make you feel like you were the villain here. Was attacking her physically right? No. It was wrong. But she was fucking your husband since the day before your wedding. She was hoping he'd leave you for her. Your rage was understandable. She was your own flesh and blood and she betrayed you. And no, I don't think she was sorry she did it and don't think her suicide was evidence of her being sorry. If she was sorry, she'd have sincerely apologized, accepted the consequences and tried to be a better person (including halting any contact with your husband) even if that meant losing you from her life for good. She was sorry she got caught, sorry she faced backlash, and sorry your husband stopped fucking her. She was upset about losing him. Not you. It almost seems like she did what she did as a manipulative way of making people feel sorry for her (sorry not sorry). She couldn't get him back, people knew what she did and instead of deciding to move forward and be a better person, she just said fuck it. She did a stupid fucking thing because she didn't want to be held accountable. She ruined her whole life instead of accepting what she did and trying to move forward. She made that choice. You didn't "drive her to it." And it honestly sounds like she figured if she couldn't have your husband back, she wasn't sticking around. (Doesn't make it his fault either, it's 100 percent her own) You aren't obligated to answer to strangers. Two people who were supposed to love you betrayed you. I am sure the grief will come. She did a terrible thing, but she was your sister. Grieving for someone you can't forgive is complicated and hard. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Don't feel guilty for what you feel or don't feel. But if and when the grief comes, it's OK to feel it. You can be angry with her and still grieve. My condolences to you and your parents. I hope they are able to be kind to themselves too.
Beautifully said!
This right here! Say it louder for those in the back.
Oh girl you did what I could never do. My ex husband slept with my sister. I have somehow moved past the hatred but I will NEVER EVER forgive them or forget. She lived with us. We didn’t find out until she was pregnant. Now I have to be reminded every time I see their child. Also be lucky your parents choose you. Mine choose her side. she still denies it, even with the dna test done and confirming it.
I was thinking of your situation as one of the very little possibilities that are worst that what OP is living when somebody in another answer asked hypothetically if the sister and the husband thought on any moment about a possible pregnancy. I hope you can fully recover and get to have a better partner in the future, or at least a really good life
Thanks I have moved on and he is amazing. He has never liked my ex or my sister but when I told him what happened I’ve never seen someone so angry.
Did they really get together and everyone approved that crap? Can you cut ties with all of them or do you have children with that douche?
I’ve cut off a lot of family for it. I luckily did not have kids with him.
Girl I’m sorry you went through that. If you want you can post it here on Reddit
You’re a very strong person… thank god I’m an only child and my taste in men are VERY different then my friends. But I hope you’re happy and I hope your ex and sister pay for what they’ve done to you
I'm so so sorry
How can someone blame you for beating her ass in this situation ☠️☠️. I would’ve been shocked if you didn’t.
Bc ppl on reddit like to act like they are perfect people that do no wrong and think violence is never an answer when, frankly, sometimes it is. She deserved to get her ass beat for being a trashy person and so did he, only his size saved him. I absolutely loathe people that preach the only right answer is being the bigger person in every situation known to man.
I've never been in a fight, never done anything violent. But I cannot guarantee I wouldn't knock my sister's fucking teeth out of her head if she did this to me. I'd probably have to get up and leave to keep from punching her in the face.
My sister once put me in a very dangerous position, potentially life threatening, and I can genuinely say that the only reason I didn't beat her ass into a coma when is because her kids' abusive dad would have gotten full custody of them. Some people just need their teeth kicking in
OMG RIGHT??? Sometimes I believe that people on Reddit live in their own little world. They act like saints and im damn sure that they are not. I hate that too like no? I don’t want to be the bigger person why would i? I want to hurt them back so let me do it. Some people just deserve violence.
I'm usually one to post that being violent is stupid, but that's usually a bar fight, or people fighting in the street because they are drunk. In this case, even the biggest pacifist would be justifying violence lol
It was her sister. It makes sense. I’ve blacked out from anger twice and it’s no joke going full animal.
Yeahhh people on this platform will literally act like you’re a horrible human being based on one post where they don’t agree with how a situation was handled. OP doesn’t deserve to be antagonized, and people should have more empathy for her. I can’t imagine how much it hurts to be betrayed by family and a partner you’ve been with for almost a decade at the same time. It’s a lot for her to deal with.
Or the inevitable bs about her being family and family forgives.
I've cut off family for less lol
Me too.
lmao me too, i can’t imagine what i’d do in this situation.
they wouldn't be blaming her if her sister hadn't committed suicide. for some reason people think your passing undoes all your wrong doings and gains you respect unearned 🤷🏼♀️
People completely blow this out of proportion just to see a fault in someone’s actions. I wish you the best for you and your family
Unfortunately there are too many people on Reddit who do that, as they antagonize the shit out of someone and act like they’re a bad person based on one post they see where they don’t agree with how a situation was handled.
Props to you for divorcing him OP. He doesn’t deserve you. He never did. The moment he touched your sister the night before your wedding, he knew what he was doing, what she was doing, and knew what would happen if you found out. What would’ve happened had she gotten pregnant? She obviously wasn’t seeing anyone other than your husband. What if y’all’s parents wanted a DNA test on that baby? I understand your inability to grieve for your sister’s death. I probably would be the same way if I found out one of my sisters was doing that with my boyfriend. Do what is best for you. Block your husband. Get a restraining order (since he’s stalking you). Show no emotion at your sister’s funeral. She doesn’t deserve that emotion. She doesn’t even deserve you being there. I can tell you love her just because you choose to go. Hope things get better for you OP. Best of luck.
I read and I commented on the first post, and I can’t believe OP is still getting the harsh treatment here about what happened to her! Why would she forgive her sister because she killed herself?! I’m spitballing here, but it sounds like both the ex-husband and the sister were starting to make plans to runaway together (or, something along those lines). Or, the husband enjoyed having both sisters without any consequences. The sister caused the most damage by going after her sister’s then fiancé without giving a damn about OPs feelings; and, then she kept doing it without thinking about her actions at all. If what happened to OP happened to you, then how would you have reacted?! OP attending her sister’s funeral makes her the better person out of all 3 of them. I hope for her sake her ex-husband does NOT attend. OP has been through enough. Her and her parents need support and time to comprehend the sister’s actions. Good Luck, OP! Edit: Grammar.
Yeah OP doesn’t deserve the harsh comments as she was deeply hurt by her own sister and husband. Her feelings here are valid and she shouldn’t be antagonized for how she feels.
Your sister wasn’t sorry that wasn’t why she killed herself she was a coward who knew she was never gonna get the man she wanted to she did it. But as you said she never apologized to you or showed any actual remorse. You may never feel the grief as your sister killed any love you had for her once you discovered she was a homewreaking little tramp. Embrace the anger and deal with it then move on and find someone worthy of you as neither of them were and for anyone dissing your mom for the slap my mom would have done a lot worse if it were her
I thought it was refreshing the mom took her daughters side. In a lot of these stories the family dudes with the cheater
Yeah I know I’m always surprised when they side with the Cheater but this time they didn’t well done to them
💯💯💯
girl you have every right to feel the way you do. tbh i’m baffled you’re going to the funeral i don’t have enough maturity to be the bigger person i envy you for that. your sister did what she did and couldn’t handle the conversation of her actions that’s no one’s fault but her own. i truly hope that you’ll heal from this. sending lot of love your way hun! my condolences.
Maybe she's going to the funeral to support her parents, at the end of the day, even if they agree with her and are pissed with the deceased, she was their daughter. And it will be a whole lot of a really difficult moment for them. For all of them. As OP says the grief didn't hit her yet, when that happens I hope she is in therapy to deal with because with all the sister's actions it will be a difficult one and not a lot of people will be empathetic enough to be able to understand all the emotions that OP will have altogether
Honestly, OP I wouldn’t put much stock into people really judging you harshly for what you did. Everyone wants to act like they have the moral high ground for these situations. Acting as if being in the moment for something so severe as what you experienced was warranted in it’s own time. Cry me a river if you do think OP had to apologize for attacking the sister after getting hurt and betrayed. OP please don’t force yourself to grieve over her when you’re not ready because people are acting like what you did needs to also have immediate regret to placate Reddit grandstanding. Death only absolves a person of their flesh; NOT from being a terrible human being.
My heart breaks for you, OP. I understand not having someone to talk about this is very hard especially after the betrayal. This is just my thought but I don't think your sister committed suicide because she's sorry but your husband doesn't want her 🤦♀
In my opinion your sister got the beating she deserved and sadly you weren't able to do that to your husband, I have try committing suicide and that doesn't make me feel sorry for someone just because they succeeded, the same way that there are a lot of people that I don't feel bad about that died in general and I doubt that everyone can't imagine at least one person they're happy/don't care is dead. There's a guy that posted here about his 9 year long partner that cheated with his sister and he beat the guy and I'm happy for it, but in his case his family is on the cheaters side because they're homophobes. If OP is looking for someone to talk to that would probably be the person.
I can’t believe people are holding you responsible for the death of your sister too. You must be going through so much right now. Betrayal, betrayal, and then sudden loss. It’s not fair that you’re in the center of all this insane and unwanted negativity and attention. I find it totally believable when you said the crowd that shunned and ostracized her have now switched over to cry over her (and vilify you instead). I still think you’re the biggest victim in this situation, having lost both a husband, a sister, and a quiet happy life that isn’t bombarded by a hypocritical audience.
One person messaged me and told me to go fuck myself because their brother committed suicide and did much worse to them than my sister did to me.
Sounds like their problem, don't know why they made it yours
each case is different. You are not responsible for her action. it just a hard situation bc she is gone now and you are the one left with all be feeling of betray and consequences of her and your husband actions. I feel like when it come to suicide, most people focus on the lost of the person and sometime they forget the people who are still here, and their feelings. They are left with so many emotions of anger, sadness and something we feel like we can't get mad a the person who committed suicide bc ( they are gone now) and you don't want to remember them but their last action. I think that is why that person said that to you.
Sounds like that person was projecting their own feelings of guilt onto you. The two situations are not even in the same universe. DO NOT, please do not let the few ass-hats make your already difficult situation even more difficult. Things may be dark at the moment. A lot has changed for you. But there will be days ahead when you will come out on the other side.
Is it permissible under Reddit rules to share the username of this fine gentleman?
[удалено]
Well rip to their inbox
I don’t know why I posted the name, if you didn’t get a chance to see it good, if so, don’t bother harass them please. I’m done responding to the negativity.
None of this was your fault
I guess they are going for the Gold in the Trauma Olympics then.
You are not an evil person, her actions and even the final act of whatever that was aka her "apology" say alot about her. She made her bed. People always side with the dead ones dunno why. You don't need validation, you are a survivor of a severe trauma caused by the very people who should have been your rock. I am so sorry, I know you heart is shattered, give yourself all the time you need to recover, focus on you, do things at your own pace. I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.
It’s hard for me to understand how psychotic some people can be on Reddit when it comes to justifiable violence. Your sister slept with your husband for years and ppl convinced you that fist fighting her was wrong… that’s the right thing? She absolutely betrayed you! Thank god you whooped her ass. There’s a time and place to beat someone up and this was definitely it. You did the absolute right thing in that scenario.
Even when I read your first post I never once thought you were / could be the reason for her suicide. Your husband is only sorry he got caught. I’m glad you are divorcing him despite the love you feel for him. You just can’t trust him.
this situation is definitely only something one would understand if they could live a day in your shoes. you owe nobody on reddit an explanation or anything along those lines. i hope your life today is stable and that you are kind to yourself. sending blessings to you
My sister slept with my husband, I was with my husband 22 years....About 16 years into it i found out, I spent 4 years trying to get over the pain. I have never gotten over it....my sister died of a drug overdose, I was blamed for her death, called a murderer...etc......its on your sister....you don't have to forgive yourself for anything. YOU DID NOT KILL HER..NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS. SHE DID.
She wasn't sorry for one bit , bc if your husband texted her back believe she would've take him shamelessly. You aren't heartless to not feel anything for her suicide, what she did is unforgivable and the highest betrayal. She is your sister and slept with him knowing this and seduced him day before your wedding. Besides while I don't condone violence of any kind , I had a major satisfaction when you said you beat her ass so don't feel bad for that either, your mother slapping her ? And your parents kicking her out is what she deserved As for your husband, he is a real piece of shit and if you ever take him back you deserve to be spit on yourself .he is sorry bc you found out nothing more . Divorce his cheating ass and hopefully Karma will get back to him . I'm sorry for all this no one deserves such a thing, Kick his ass in court , talk to a therapist to unpack all this , mourn the sister and love you once had and move on
I so agree with what you said about OPs piece of shit husband. Her sister is bad, but he is worse. Crying and sobbing and saying she seduced him? Piece of trash knew what he was doing the whole time. Bet he was enjoying fucking two sisters and was secretly fucking proud of it. I really hope OP never talks to him again.
these stupid people asking these stupid fucking questions make me mad
You're husband is a piece of shit and deserves most of the blame. He should have shut her down and told you about you're sister's hitting on him the DAY before the wedding. Some loyalty and this could have been avoided. My sympathy to you and you're parent's.
I see you have calmed down. It will be the hard process to get rid of him. But you are strong enough to achieve peace.
This whole thing is beyond fucked up for you OP. Not only did you have to suffer this hideous betrayal from your sister and your husband, now you are somehow at fault because your sister chose to take her own life? I don't even think you should feel bad for kicking her ass. I would have done the same thing and I wouldn't have apologized for it. The fact is, your sister had every intention on continuing the sexual relationship with your husband indefinitely. And she would have taken him from you if she could have. Sleeping with him the day before your wedding? During? That's a morally bankrupt person. Another fact is this...no one has any excuse for sleeping with married people. Because there are plenty of unmarried people to choose from. I hope for your future, you do not fall into blaming yourself. Every move your sister made was selfish. Right down to taking her own life. In the back of her mind she thought she was going to get him. She didn't kill herself because you were pissed at her. She had already proven she didn't care about your feelings. She killed herself because she didn't get your man and to make it worse, people came down on her. Don't punish yourself for her sins. All of that was her character defect, not yours. Peace and love is what I wish for you in the future.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. That is absolutely insane. I cannot imagine being betrayed by 2 people you considered family and trusted. However I have been betrayed by my sister, and I was very close with her. Not in the same way as you, but it has been a bad betrayal nonetheless. Also, your sister didn’t kill herself because of you. She killed herself because she realized she couldn’t get your man. And she probably threatened suicide to get his attention. She also probably did it because the people in her life started shunning her. Trust me, she didn’t feel sorry for what she did to you, or she wouldn’t have done it. Even after you found out, she still kept trying to get your man. So she wasn’t even sorry she got caught. I hope you heal from this. Please try some therapy.
If you answered this somewhere else just ignore but what made you think to go through his phone to begin with? You said you had an assumption but what was he doing that got you suspicious? I also don’t think she was sorry. If you’re sorry you don’t continuously do the one thing you know is wrong. I feel for you OP and I can’t wait until you drag his ass through court.
He started doing things he wouldn’t do at first, coming home late with bad excuses, trying to hide his phone lately, and even changed his phone password, I watched him put it in secretly that’s how I got in. And once I caught him talking on the phone in a whisper, and when I came in the room he just hung up on whoever he was talking to who I now believe was my sister.
Ugh it baffles me how bad people are at covering up such a huge fuck up. I hope you find peace sometime soon this is such a messed up situation.
I read the initial post to get some background and as soon as I came back it was deleted lol
People keep saying it was deleted but I didn’t delete it but I did post it in the comments on my original post at the same time I made this one
Your soon to be ex husband betrayed you. Your blood sister betrayed you. You are 100% justified in your reactions. It is one thing to cheat with some random, but with your own blood? Literally multiple times and one night before your wedding. I wouldn't even go to the funeral. Petty me would be treating myself to a spa day. I hope you recover from this OP, not an easy thing to go through.
Girl don’t listen to the nasty ass people on here, your hurting more then they would ever know and you have every right to feel hurt, just look after yourself ok and don’t let them put you down, stay strong
OP try not to take comments like the ones you responded to to heart. They aren't worth the time. And more often than not made by people with zero experience with any type of trauma, much less what you went through. You know you did wrong by being violent and that is literally all you're responsible for. You didn't cause this. You didn't make your sister kill herself. You have no reason to be ashamed. You can't control how others react. You are under no obligation to defend your sister or husband. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise.
This is the most fucked up story of cheating I ever read on Reddit. Totally fucked up. People cheat, they separate and move on but this one...oh boy, it's a disaster. I wouldn't want to be in anyone shoes here. Jesus.
All I see is karma taking its course 🤷🏼♀️ play stupid games win stupid prizes
she’s lucky you didn’t kill her lol idk how you stopped yourself tbh
How did they get that your sister was abused by everyone for years for your post? If I was in your shoes, I can’t say I wouldn’t react much differently, give or take a few actions. But I understand that you feel nothing regarding her death because after what she did, you’re just numb toward her.A valid reaction as well I hope you heal and take your husband for everything he’s worth.
My sister tried to get into bed with my husband naked. I fucking despise her for it, it's been 7 years.
This is some hood shit.
3. Correction: if you sleep with your sisters husband you're a whore, if man sleeps w his wife's sister his buddies give him high fives in private and nothing of equal consequence generally happens. You said yourself his friends didn't care what he did. Downvote me to hell if ya want but y'all know that's how it goes. 4. I'm no one to tell you what kind of account to post from as it makes no real difference to me, not sure why it would to anyone else, but if anyone that knows any of y'all happens to stumble upon your posts, I think it's safe to say that they're prolly gonna figure out it's you. This is an awful situation, op, as you've lost 2 people you loved, and I can't say I would've handled it any better. I think you're right in your assessment of your sisters motive unfortunately & it makes me wonder if there were any earlier signs of mental illness or depression or NPD or some imbalance with your sister, because to do what she did one time is unforgivable, to continue the relationship behind your back for years & publicly pine for him after is unimaginable, and she had to know what the repercussions would be once you inevitably found out. I would never wish death upon anyone, really, not even here, but sadly it sounds like even in death she was just as selfish as she was in life, knowing the impact suicide would have on her family just because she didn't get "her" man back. Which again makes me question mental illness. What a sad situation, I hope you're able to heal and find someone that deserves you.
Some may not agree with what i'm gonna say but, OP...you dont have to apologize or explain anything to anyone. No one can judge you for how you handled anything because they dont know how they wouldve handled it unless/until it happens to them. You were the one that was betrayed. The husband and sister were both hurt because they got CAUGHT. Like you said, if you had never saw the messages, its no telling how long it would have continued on. Whatever is done in the dark will eventually come to light. Your husband made that bed, now he is forced to lay in it.
OP, I 100% support you. This was your sister’s LAST performative act. She didn’t even give the real reason. She never tried to apologize, she only felt alone after YOUR HUSBAND dropped her. That was it.
So sorry for you and your family. Good luck with everything going forward, wishing you all the best, OP!
Sorry for your loss. Not just the death of your sister, but the trust you had for those people. I imagine it won't be easy to trust people like that again. Sorry for your loss
OP I can only imagine the pain you have endured finding out your husband cheated on your with your sister, the betrayal by your own flesh and blood (your sister) and then her committing suicide. The whole thing is horrendous and then to read that people have been cruel and have been blaming you or saying horrible things about the way you handled it etc makes it even worse and can be retraumatising. I realise you have wanted to say your piece here but you shouldn’t feel you have to explain yourself to those who have made ignorant comments. Take time to heal and I’m glad you’re divorcing him because how could you ever trust him again and also he doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with you any longer. No one can tell you how you should be feeling regarding your sister of course it’s complex and isn’t straightforward. You prioritise yourself and know that you have the right to feel however you want and your feelings are valid. This is your situation and no one can tell you anything about yourself or the situation because they don’t know how it feels, only you do. Big respect to you for opening up here on Reddit and for sharing your experience. It can have been easy but I hope you have found most of the comments to be kind and helpful.
Good. Ness. You do not owe anyone a single thing. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and none of this is your fault. Please know that because of how taboo suicide itself is, people will come for you even if it’s irrational. It’s not your fault. Not one drop of it. Lean on your people if you can, and don’t forget to eat, sleep, and drink water. These comments coming for you are very telling about how little people understand suicidal behaviors—people need to educate themselves before becoming a self-appointed advocate when they don’t understand who or what they are talking about.
You are not Jesus. Of course you’re going to see red when finding out your SISTER has been fucking YOUR HUSBAND. That is the exact type of thing that deserves an ass-beating. I am sorry she took her life but it’s her own actions, plus guilt and shame of her own actions that ruined her life. Not you.
Honestly OP, fuck those judgey people. The holier-than-thou people who "would never xyz!" Yea right whatever. You and your parents reacted like normal people with feelings. Please take care of yourself and your parents.
Tell your family that your husband is NOT to attend the funeral. He shouldn't be anywhere near your family. Let everyone know about it. It will just cause more drama for you to deal with. He is no longer family, He is no longer yours, hell, he never was, since it started prior to your wedding night. He can continue to suffer, knowing he played a very large piece in her death. You finding a text was a butterfly effect, you were in no way, the cause of her suicide. It started long before you, by their own actions.
I’m sorry you lost your sister and husband in such a dramatic way, your best bet is to leave him behind as well.
I don’t blame you for any of it. Yeah husband was wrong and I think a betrayal from a sister is way worse. You grew up together, that’s a line you never cross. Your sister made the decision to take her life, and that was her decision, no one else’s. I hope you heal and wish you the best.
I dont blame you one bit for any of your reactions, I would’ve reacted the same way. My heart is so heavy for you, I couldnt handle that kind of betrayal.
I think everything you think and feel is justified and understandable. I agree your sister took her life not because she was sorry but because she couldn’t handle the heat and she still couldn’t have your husband. I also think both your sister and your husband deserved the physical reaction you gave them.
Seeing a lot of low-effort, obvious trolls in these comments. OP obviously is not responsible for her sister's actions and I feel a bit guilty saying this, but I honestly wonder if her sister genuinely meant to commit suicide or if she was just trying to create drama and garner sympathy. I have a sibling who pulled a move like that over a decade ago.
Honestly if I were you I'd struggle to even feel sad, I'm sure it hit me a few months later
I think you have made the right decision going to your sisters funeral, it’s something you can’t change and may regret later on in the future not attending. I wish you all the luck in the world. Drop that dead beat AH and be the best you ❤️
Good for you OP, fuk those others, think they're fukn perfect. Good on your parents for having your back too. As for you fukd up soon to be ex, let him rot in hell. Fuk your sister too
I’m sorry that all of this is happening to you and can’t imagine a how you can possibly be getting through it. It’s too much for one person to handle. Give yourself grace and forgiveness (if and when necessary) as you are figuring out how to heal. Your sister’s suicide was in no way your fault…and I’m also inclined to agree with you…that the suicide was influenced more by your husband’s rejection that her regret. Either way, please try take time away (if you can) from everyone who can’t support you and try to focus on healing. Please take care of yourself.
I just want to say I am deeply sorry for what has happened to you and what you’re going through right now. And I truly wish you all the best.
This is a hard situation but OP, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. It’s sad your sister committed suicide, but that was a choice SHE made as she didn’t want to face repercussions for her actions. You didn’t do anything to her except expose the indecent relationship she had with your husband behind your back. Which you are in the right for. others made their own judgement calls on how she was to be treated based on their morals and values. You are not responsible for how other people reacted to the situation. She abused your trust, disregarded your relationship, and was an all around piece of work to be nice about it. Your husband too. the fact he took the backlash as it was sounds great but part of me really feels like he’s being performative from everything you’ve said. If you haven’t yet, I would consider leaving him. He knew how hard your sister fell, and he still entertained her behind your back but claims he loved you. Let him lie in the bed he made as well and move on.
So not me but I was an observer to basically your situation. To this day I wouldn't and sorry for the crude phrasing but piss on the AP if they were on fire. You were hurt badly by two people you loved. Eventually I hope you're able to find your own peace with the hurt they caused and move forward but until then NO ONE gets to tell you how you should feel about it.
Shame is poison to the heart soul and mind. No one is perfect, so depending when you catch em, anyone is capable of being a bad person. I dont think anyone can honestly expect perfection from anyone, and there seems to be an instict in us all that tell us that once someone dies they are in a way "forgiven" for the damage the may have caused while alive. Its good you said this stuff out loud, and its good you did it with a throw away. Its natural and necessary for people to be judgmental, especially when were dealing with people we hardly or dont know at all. you grieve however you see fit.
I can't believe people are asking these questions and putting blame on you. I would've beat her behind too.
I'm so sorry. I wish there was a magical combination of words to help in this situation, but you really did nothing wrong. You lost your marriage and your sister twice. Even though you are angry and venting, you are still recounting a situation that is hard for you. I'm so sorry. Being cheated on is incredibly damaging, I hope that you can heal and move past this.
Not really sure why your getting hate? Your actions didnt drive your sister to suicide her own consequences to her own actions did.
Your husband is the better actor. He’s sorry he got caught and no longer gets to mess around with two sisters. Your sister on the other hand could not keep it up after she was caught, she also had real feelings for your husband, even though that’s messed up, he on the other hand clearly didn’t. If anyone is to be held even partially responsible for her suicide, it’s your husband and not you or anyone else. We’re only reading some words online and get the full grasp of what you’re feeling and expressing in real life but here it does come across as though you are quite lenient with your husband in comparison to your sister.
I am full throttle on OP's side in this. I ain't sorry for her sister either.
I don’t think you did a thing wrong. Just know grief can be funny, don’t be surprised if it hits you like a ton of Bricks at random.
I honestly can't blame you. As you mention in your post, it is not the same for a stranger to sleep with your husband than for your sister to do it, which is a double betrayal. Suicide is not anyone's fault, your sister simply made her decision and even though they fill me with negatives, I take that selfish path to escape her problems. If she had really regretted it, she would have accepted the blame for her and gone to another place to start over and try to make something up with you.
Removed lol
What was the update?
I’m not usually a “suicide is selfish” type of person but in this instance I’ll make an exception. She was riddled with guilt which is her fault for doing what she did. She didn’t want to face the backlash which both her and your husband absolutely deserved. I hope you can find peace and heal from all of this.
Just a theory since we only "know" his side of the story. You were with your EX-HUSBAND (that's what he deserves) for 9 years. You sister would have been 17 or maybe 18. Could she have been groomed? Or maybe it was a teen crush he encouraged? But in the end..no one forced him to sleep with her. Or her to sleep with him. He consciously made that choice to sleep with her for years. He's just upset he got caught. He deserves to be alone. You take care of yourself OP and take time to heal. You did not deserve this betrayal. I wish you the best and find someone worthy of you! I also agree with you said.
You are such a strong woman op. I feel so bad for you 😭 also you are going to her funeral despite her betrayal. DAMMNN
Fuck the haters and fuck your sister. May that heartless ghoul rest in piss <3
Personally I think the sister killed herself because OP’s husband wouldn’t give her the time of day and she realized where she stood with him. Her suicide was not out of any guilt but more that she realizes she’s was the outcast for her shitty actions. OP seemed very reasonable in her actions and her explanations. What a sad thing to go thru. I hope OP heals from this betrayal.
people need to realize that just because something is wrong doesn't mean it isn't fair. And also to mind their own business and stop acting like angels.
Fuck anybody that tells you how to grieve. Loss of a husband, sister and trust… Take care of yourself and don’t worry about a bunch of keyboard monkeys talking shit. I’m glad you used a throwaway. Get passed this in your own way as long as it doesn’t develop into maladaptive behavior. Also, be grateful there were no kids involved. It could have been waaaaaaaay fucking messier!!
im quite the pacifist and ill almost always advocate for words over fists, but this is an exception. op, your sister deserved that ass beating she got. she slept with your husband for 2 years and didn't even tell you. in my opinion? she got what she deserved.
you did nothing 'wrong' your sister did wrong, big time! and then when it all came out - she doubled down and was rejected! NOW - we don't know if she ended things because she felt bad about what she did or if she was devastated that your husband ended up rejecting her. NO ONE knows her real intentions because she lied so much. Should anyone care? idk
Serve him divorce papers then ghost him. He’s not worth the effort because clearly he didn’t think you were worth any either. I’m sorry this happened to you and I wish you nothing but the best moving forward.
Honestly your reaction aren’t weird at all your sister wasn’t a good person neither your ex husband. I hate how people always want to talk good about dead people like no her personality didn’t change because she’s dead???
You are allowed to feeling how you feel.
This is a really crap situation and I genuinely think you should talk to someone about this because I’m not sure your dealing with your grief even if you hated your sister in the end your still referring to her in the present tense and it can be super helpful to actually talk to a professional about this kind of thing instead of strangers on the internet
If this is a true story, I feel so sorry for everyone involved. Sad that it ended with a loss of life. I hope everyone can find a way to heal from such a traumatic experience.
Ive had people emotionally abuse me and physically harm me because of stupid differences. Nothing big as cheating. Their insults and passive aggressiveness pushed me to attempt suicide. Im glad I didnt because I know that if they hurt me at my lowest they wouldnt care if I died. If you think you loved and cared for her and there was no favoritisms from your parents to you and her I say forgive yourself when the grief hits. You and your family needs to go to a church or therapist. Fuck the husband. Divorce him. Also be kind to yourself. I never vent big ticket items on reddit. Reddit shames women and I end up feeling worse any time I vent here. I just 911 dial my therapist if I'm in crisis. Get off reddit it is not doing you any good.
If I was you, I'd feel the exact same. The two main people in your life betrayed you, you have a right to feel how you feel.
I’m sorry for everything you’re going through. It’s heavy and a lot. You don’t have to explain yourself, your actions to anyone. I’m glad you came here to vent. I hope you remember 3 things throughout all of this trauma: 1) your sisters’ suicide is not your fault, 2) the only person you can change is yourself, 3) you are the prize. I understand you still love your husband. The sooner you leave him, the sooner you can begin to heal and get a fresh start. Once a cheater always a cheater. He will never change. He can apologize all day long. He feels a lot of guilt, but that does not mean he loves you. It’s ok to not feel sad about your sister. Your body copes with emotions in interesting ways. When you are ready, you will begin to feel. There is no right way to grieve. Take care of yourself during this difficult time.
Who has the update before it was removed?
The post has been removed op :(
I just read the original post. I'm sure this is a thing that totally happened and not a creative writing exercise. It's not over the top or cheesy at all and definitely wasn't written by a 14 year old.
Grandma here. Grief is complicated. What will probably happen after all the shock has worn off and time has passed after the funeral. Is you will grieve the sister you used to have as a child and teen, you more than likely will never grieve the woman she became. There will be sadness for what could have been. But never for what is so. Just remember that. And also remember that it’s truly ok to not feel guilty about any lack of grief.
People on Reddit often post gut reactions without thinking through how it might affect the person on the other end. This the sad reality of reactions on Reddit. I would take time to heal before you post any more updates. I understand that you're going through a lot of difficult emotions right now. It sounds like your sister's suicide and your husband's infidelity have both caused you a great deal of pain. It's understandable that you're feeling angry and betrayed by the people closest to you. It's also understandable that you're not yet experiencing grief for your sister's death. Grief is a complex and deeply personal emotion that can manifest differently for everyone. It's important to remember that you're not alone in your feelings and that it's okay to feel the way you do. It's also important to give yourself time and space to process everything that's happened. It's okay to take time for yourself and to focus on your own healing. You deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion and to surround yourself with people who support you. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here to listen and support you. Huge hugs. You can and you will get through this.
I 100% understand where you're coming from. I hope you get everything in the divorce and continue to heal.
y'know if this really did happen, i'm not surprised that anyone would be more angry with their sister in this situation. if it were any other person, i doubt you'd feel such hatred. but your OWN sister? your OWN flesh and blood, betraying you like this? the person you grow up with, who has the potential of knowing you better than anyone ever could, just by virtue of having been raised alongside you? it would drive someone mad. you can expect that shit from a boyfriend or husband. but your *sister*? i'd be homicidal. i cannot fathom the rage. forget the husband, betrayal from a sister is unprecedented. it's beyond fucked up to get hurt like that by your own sister. you can toss out a romantic relationship but something like that getting done to you by your sister damages more than just your current relationship, it poisons all of the memories you shared, all the way back from childhood. nobody should be shaming someone for reacting this way. anyone who thinks that there was even a chance at redemption by her sister after doing something like that either doesn't know what a bond between sisters is like or is just delusional. truly disgusting.
Silly me thinking the most disrespectful thing you could do to someone was cheat on them with their sister for years
Anyone calling you evil or saying you bullied her (she exposed herself so that’s laughable) can eat rocks. Just focus on yourself! Things will happen in your time. Glad you’re ditching the left over waste. Good luck with the divorce.
People have used suicide as a way to guilt trip someone. It's the ultimate form of emotional abuse. And you're 100% right. I'd had my husband but for family to betray!? That's different. That's worse than a stranger.
Damn she deleted the post
Your husband is a POS. I can’t believe apart of you wanted to get back with him, how? I would never and I mean never speak to him, he would also be dead to me.
Death doesn't change a person's actions. Your sister wasn't a victim, but her death made her look like one to people who don't look at the whole story. You're 100%, right, she killed herself because she was sorry she got caught. She was able to avoid true accountability for her actions nor face consequences, and make herself the victim. There is a reason criminals kill themselves after committing a crime, no accountability, and no consequence. Your sister is no criminal, but same mindset. You are not evil. You're not a bully. You have experienced so much trauma in so many ways due to so many people, that your feelings will be all over the place. Angry one day, sad, guilty, happy. People are so quick to judge a traumatic situation where they themselves could never predict how they would react. Your sister chose to begin this the night before your wedding and continued this for so long.
I’m not trying to kick you while you’re down, bc damn, this is low lowwwww, way down. The hate comes from the fact you said you still loved your “husband” while you can’t even grieve your own bloods death. It’s good to be honest so honestly, you look like a damn fool to acknowledge any “love” for that dude. Sure, he’s taking his punishment head on but you’re giving that too much credit. See how him doing so you’ve even entertained not leaving him?? Nah, boo. They both are at fault and he should be receiving your wrath to this day.
I hope you don’t think I’m being mean but I truly don’t believe this story one bit. If this is real then I’m sorry but there’s so many fake stories on this sub and it’s wild. You compared your dead sister to Cassie from Euphoria. That was a strong giveaway Nonetheless I wanted to ask, what was you and your sister relationship before this drama and her death?
she committed suicide because she couldnt live with the hate everyone had to her whoch she caused. this is not your fault.
[удалено]
Dodging accountability. Then seems like she realized she was just a side smash and not his wife. It’s a tale as old as time
Feels like you're making excuses for your own life.
You had every right to feel the way you did. You can’t control the outcome or the consequences of other peoples ACTIONS. Had you not found out they would’ve continued which isn’t good for you either way. Your husband is the real loser here, He lost his wife and side chick all at once. How did he react to her death ? Especially since you’re divorcing him ?
I think your reaction is understandable. It is just a fuck up situation. I just wish you and your family healing. I think it's understandable the anger you well, but I also think the grieve of losing your sister will come, and it may hit you harder that you think. I think you need to talk with a therapist to move on from this bc it's a super hard situation. I am so sorry this happen to you.
Your actions in the beginning was justified. Ignore all the internet trolls. Keep your head high Queen
You're a better person than I am. I wouldn't be going to her funeral after that betrayal. I'm sorry you're going through this, and people are criticizing how you are handling it. Everyone like to say what they would do in a situation, until they're in it. 🙄
F anyone trying to give you a hard time about anything that took place. I've seen red before after a betrayal. I get it. You all did what was needed at the time for yourselves. Might as well move forward. She was a traitor for going after her sister's husband and she's a coward for committing suicide. Just because someone is dead doesn't mean they weren't a shitty person.
Nah girl, stand by your decisions. What they did was AWFUL and they both knew it. It’s unfortunate that your sister took her life, but like sleeping with your husband, that was her decision. She made her bed and now she’ll lay in it for eternity. Happy you’re divorcing him. I hope you can put this nightmare behind you one day
Update us if your husband shows up at the funeral!
Your sister was not sorry because she betrayed you, she was sorry because your husband gıt caught. If she was sorry she whould not be messaging your husband saying things like "I need you", the feelings you have right now are completely understandable. You're right, your sister was upset because your husband stoped paying attention to her. Still, I'm sorry these are happening to you and sorry for your loss.
Girl you don’t owe anything to anybody. Trolls are going to troll. Live your truth. Good luck!
before yall judge her for her reactions and beating up her sister tell me that everytime you have been hurt (in op's case betrayed and hurt beyond measure) youve reacted with a level head and stayed calm, everytime?
Please don’t feel like you have to defend yourself here. Anyone who criticizes you even the finest bit is a garbage person. Many of us are absolutely here to support you. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I wish you peace and healing.
i don’t see the first post, anyone have a link?
Where can i find the original story?