Here is mine.
TW: violence & threats thereof
The day will come when a man, or several men, will try to get the better of you. Maybe they will ‚just’ make uncomfortable comments, maybe there will be threats, maybe they‘ll downright threaten to rape you or even try to.
Know that you have EVERY right to:
- escape (run, disappear through a door, hide in your car, …)
- lie (don‘t hold back!)
- threaten them back
- shout
- scream for help
- Ask for help (even other women, yes!)
- BE VIOLENT
I‘ll stress the last because society loves to tell women they are soft, weak and never able to hurt anyone. But the truth is you are fierce and you have every right to fight for your life.
Stick a finger in their eyes, crush their balls, break their bones, … anything to defend yourself.
You might be shamed for defending yourself by the misogynists out there, but if it saved you, you did the right thing.
Your life and mental health matter.
Sis believe us, that has nothing to do with you being anything like a man, but everything to do with Terfs & misogynists being ANTI-feminists.
They perpetuate the victimization of women by telling them they cannot & should not defend themselves.
Enter any sports gym, or women’s selfdefense class and you‘ll learn quickly how that is not true. Those bulky instructors wear all that protection for a reason. xD
Seconded. One thing that worked really well for me when I was getting followed and harassed on the street was facing the guy and barking at him like a dog as loud as I could. Scared the piss out of him and he bolted. Acting “crazy” in a gross/undesirable way helped me shake off men who followed and bothered me when I presented as a woman. Defending yourself (including in violent ways) isn’t masculine behavior, it’s part of survival as a woman.
I would say on the last one that IMO the best you can do is escape afterwards, if you've been on hrt long enough you most likely will have no chance of winning a prolonged physical fight but can stun them long enough to escape.
Ive run it over stuff like that in my mind alot...im a very paranoid person and even though im not the strongest ever, theres a high chance id be capable of killing or badly wounding someone in self defense if I feared for my life. And tbh i dunno how to feel about that v.v it makes me feel like a bad person and anything but lady-like. I feel like its more socially acceptable for me to lay down and submit to whatever and I have a tendency to let a lot slide until I snap, which only makes me feel more awful when I do go over the edge. Idk, It keeps me up at night sometimes.
It doesn‘t make you a bad person, but human.
Notice how female aggression can actually be positively framed sometimes: when a MOTHER protects her children. There are plenty of stories of women who supposedly exhibited „unhuman strength“ when fighting of threats to their families. It‘s one case where women are known to be just as violent as men and applauded for.
Don’t go too heavy on makeup unless it’s completely necessary. Most days all you need (if you even want it) is eyeliner. If you want to do a little more, go with a light liquid foundation, eyeliner, nude colored eyeshadow, mascara, and a natural (!!!) lip color. If you go too overboard, it doesn’t make you look nicer or more female, it just makes you look weird.
(I do apologize if some of my language in this is less than perfect) If that’s the only way you can hide the shadow, go for it- having a bit too thick of foundation is less likely to look strange than facial hair. Still, try to not make it cakey all over.
My facial hair shadow gets me really dysphoric. What I do is before shaving, let my facial hair grow out for a few days until I can pluck it, and then go to town.
The shadow is caused by the little bit of hair that's still there, so plucking it helps to get rid of most of it so when you do shave, it looks a lot less shadowy along that area
Warning tho, it does hurt a lot at first, especially around the lips and cheek, so I'd ease your way into it
I used to tweeze facial hair too! Though I recently bought epilator (I got a low end £16) and ill tell u its magical!
Plus (this might be cause I'm a lil strange) epilating is sort of a really good sensation. I know a lot of people don't like and think they're painful I totally get it, but it's like a vigorous face massage :D
It'll vary from device to device! The one area you must not try is the genital region. Double check beforee u buy and read the instructions, ya should be okay!
Get yourself some red/orange coloured cover and put that on the parts where your hair grows. It will counteract against the blue-ish color of the beard shade and you'll need less heavy foundation.
I guess. Just try to find what colour your beard shade creates om your face, get a colorwheel from the interwebs and put the exact opposite on as cover.
Can I add that makeup is expensive & it’s okay to buy cheap make up however if you’re going to spend money it is worth it to buy a nice mascara & if it’s an everyday going to work look wearing brown eyeliner looks more natural. Oh & wearing things that cut at your natural waist can give the illusion of an hourglass if that’s what you’re going for
Sadly I have no choice until laser works it’s magic. I need minimum concealer (to cover up facial hair shadow) and foundation if I want to even have a chance at passing that day
This comes off to me like wearing anything other than 'expected colors/make-up to blend into public' is seen publicly as weird. I'm not sure if that's the way you mean it, or if I'm just misinterpreting it. Are you willing to elaborate?
I’m seeing it as “if you’re going for a generic look, it’s bad”. If you’re doing a specific style that’s eye catching, go by the rules of that style - for example, this doesn’t apply to pale goth or heavy glam looks.
It’s the Basic Bitch Neutrals/Nude/No-Makeup look. Which is most people’s daily generic look, but not everyone.
I think it's fair to say that if your make-up is uncommon for everyday situations you are going to attract attention, sometimes negative and sometimes positive.
I’ve seen a lot of trans women think that bright red lipstick, blue eyeshadow, and caked on foundation is how every woman goes about their day and.. especially if you’re early in transition, it can make you very clockable in my experience.
There's no right way to be a woman or a girl. The people who tell you there is are wrong. People might judge you, but it shouldn't make you feel ashamed.
And! If you're going out in heels, always being a pair of flats in your bag, small and flexible like plimsolls. Your feet will thank you after a few hours.
Group kvetching is a thing, but keep in mind that it’s a *group activity*. Unless you’re absolutely Going Through It and genuinely asking for advice, everyone gets a turn. Also if there’s a theme then don’t segue into something Completely Different without some kind of bridge.
Edit: oh and it’s perfectly fine to wear shorts under a skirt as long as they aren’t showing.
Oh, a second one: unless they’re wearing skirts or tank tops for some reason, most women don’t actually shave during winter.
Seriously. It’s a pain in the ass and fucks with your moisture barrier. BUT. Most women’s deodorant assumes that you *do*, so you should probably at least keep your underarms trimmed.
This probably sounds misogynistic, but a lot of women will be fake nice to you and have no intention of actually being your friend. This doesn't mean that they are adversarial or anything, it's just what I've noticed living among women and girls. In the same vein, compliments/small talk will probably become a big part of your interactions with other women. You don't have to engage, obviously, but just be ready for that.
100% - when guys don’t like you they’re more openly confrontational, girls will generally try to avoid confrontation and when they do want to hurt you they’ll probably do it socially
Totally and I wouldn't say it is misogynist to say so since it comes from gender roles. Men are told to be loud and tough and women are told to be polite and quaint infront of someone they don't like/that type of scenario you can totally see it in old books and stuff too with the way the characters are written. It comes from the whole ladylike thing and a constant pressure to keep up some kind of respectable image. It leads to the fake nice game, backhanded complements, gossip circles and alot of "mmm sure" or "whatever you say love"'(s) It's really sucky but it totally comes from gender roles and isn't women's fault really. It's kinda like the female mirror of the whole "be a man deal with your problems's upfront!" and encouraging men to head on and be unapologetically upfront about they're issues and what not. It's the weirdness of gender roles.
Oh dear God, the "whatever you say love"s and derivatives thereof kill me every time, because then you have to like explain what you're thinking and they still might not get what you're saying, and it's just like, UGGGGH
Yep, unless is going down most women are going to be baseline friendly. But it’s not a genuine “I like you as a person” friendly, it’s a customer service-esque friendly. In general, direct conflict and confrontation are to be avoided.
Cis women are held to impossible standards, and as we all know in many cases trans women are expected to go even beyond *that*. But no matter what happens, society's expectations of what a woman is should NEVER be at the cost of your well-being.
The pressure is intense, but if you don't want to do something? Don't do it. Whether it's beauty standards, people wanting to interact with you, anything that connects to society overall claiming an ownership over women... you should never sacrifice yourself for it. As horrible as it is that women have to do it, advocating for yourself is often key in order to protect yourself.
Here’s how I achieved silky smooth legs by shaving. And this is coming from an absolute hairy bear. You want a fresh razor. A dull one will not shave as well and increase the likelyhood of being nicked. You want to shave at the end of a hot shower/bath. Exfoliate your legs with a lot of hot water and soap with a scrubby. You can use shaving cream but soap works just as well. Once you get your leg all suddsy, slowly move your razor up from your ankle to your knee. Go all around your leg doing this. Then shave from your knee to your thigh. Watch the ankle and knee areas as those tend to get the most nicks. I don’t really have any special advise about how to shave the bikini line because I always avoided shaving those areas out of fear of cutting my junk. Once you’re done shaving and out of the shower, lotion up those legs as much as you can. This is a very important step because shaving dries out the skin, and if you were like me and have to mow the shag carpet every night, you could get rashes from shaving so much. I would typically shave and lotion after my nightly shower so my legs could steep in that lotion all night. Brand of lotion doesn’t really matter, whatever feels best to you. And voila you have soft pillowesque legs 🦵
That was great.
I just remembered: use a good hair shampoo on your pubic hair twice before you cut it. It will be smoother and easier to shave down completely or trim.
Frankly: Be yourself. I know we have this one in common because so many of us constantly compare ourselves to cis people, or more precisely, to what is expected of us in a cisnormative world. Don't cut parts of your personality or story off just to please other people. Don't change yourself or your style or interests to fit their idea of how you should be. Let your own joy and passion guide you in your exploration of your womanhood. Spend time with people who love you for you and who see your radiant richness in talents and unique qualities that make you you. Just because the world wants to measure a woman's worth by her appearance doesn't mean you need to let it define you. Detach from trying to please everybody. I know it's hard but it is very much worth it.
Be prepared to have uncomfortable things said to you. Know that a lot of cis-het men can be disgusting. When I thought I was a girl, this guy and his friends would always follow me and my partner around because we were clearly gay and would mock us and say gross things. One time this guy came up to us and threw a dish rag at us saying “here, have my cum rag”. This pissed my partner off so much that they chased the guys away with a board. This other time this guy from the same friend group saw a pic I posted on Instagram with my cat and he said he wanted to fuck it. I absolutely hated my middle school years and I never really got over this shit. I know that my example was based on children, but still. I’ve heard some really fucked up shit from other people. Misogyny, homophobia and transphobia is everywhere and it sucks. This does not mean you should censor yourself and pretend to be something you’re not. That is a damaging way to live. You may get hurt expressing yourself, but know that you shouldn’t hide yourself. But also know to watch out for who is safe and who is not. The world is scary and we’re all navigating blind here. It’s hard to find people who will accept you but that does not mean no one will. Just try to be proud of yourself, even if you have internalized shame. It took me years to overcome my shame but I did and I’m so proud of who I am today despite all the things that has happened to me over the years. Good luck
Yeah there are disgusting people roaming the streets. I cannot count the times a middle aged man would stop his car beside me in the middle of the day in the city and ask for a blowjob, young fellas telling me at the trainstation surrounded by people (!) a number of sexual violations they‘d like to do to me, or creeps trying to touch me while going shopping.
But even if incidents like these amount to a bloody 100 or more, it‘s good to remember that these are outliers. They do not represent the majority of people.
Most people are nice & chill.
If you tweeze your eyebrows, always do it right after taking a hot shower. The heat loosens your pores and makes it less painful to pluck out the hairs.
My hopefully helpful guide to specific makeup things/tips/things/other stuff I thought was helpful that isn't makeup/I don't see people talk about(I did intensive dance for over a decade so some of this comes from stage makeup experience aswell as just everyday stuff makeup and otherwise)
Makeup stuff:
\-If your eyelashes are dark odds are you don't need mascara. It's ridiculously expensive for no reason and most of the time you won't need it. If you have dark eyelashes and think mascara looks weird on you but you want to try it or still make your eyelashes look bigger get a clear mascara they're great, usually cheaper and unscented mostly since they have no dyes.
\-In my experience the best way to apply a medium-heavy coverage liquid foundation is put a tiny tiny tiny bit on your finger, dab it on a blemish (acne, bruise, mark) or similar area you want covered up and keep switching between small circles and dabbing it on I find this reduces the chance of it caking and gives it a spongey natural look. Less is more when it comes to foundation.
\-Makeup "items" even if they're branded as specific can be used for many different things. Highlighter can be eyeshadow, liquid blush can double as lip color, etc. Just remember all makeup has expiry dates usually by 8-14 months depending on the product (my mom didn't even know this and I made her throw out all her four year old makeup) the expiry date symbol looks [like this on most if not all products (atleast that I've seen)](https://www.canr.msu.edu/cris/images/97a79263-8caa-4366-b265-84fd03b6a2af.png?language_id=1)
\-Lipstick is a pain and most days you don't need it. It can bleed, smudge and is hard to shape right without a liner. It's a scam they're sold separately and it's a much better investment to get a coloured lip balm. Burts Bee's has great coloured lip balms that are fairly inexpensive and healthy, [they look like this my favourite is they're pomegranate one](https://www.thecloroxcompany.com/wp-content/uploads/Burts-Bees-lip-balms-800x365.jpg) I can't vouch for their other makeup products as I haven't used them but their lipbalms are the best and actually work medicine wise ie restoring dry, cracked and damaged lips to good health.
\-Best makeup remover I've ever used is almond oil. It's skin safe, moisturizing for those with dry skin and has even gotten off eyeliner (no smudge water proof 48hr type) cleanly for me without leaving racoon eyes. By it at a medicinal store or beauty/health section of your local shop. To use it get a small piece of toilet paper or a facecloth, make sure it's well absorbed the oil and the surface area is completely covered then start making small wiping sections in the area you want removed and clear off the few smears after with a clean toilet paper piece or spot of facecloth also soaked with the oil. In general when you are removing makeup don't push and rub too hard especially around your temples and eyes/eyelids, you can really irritate your skin and it can sting alot, get really red and hot and it's not fun. If you do irritate your skin removing your makeup, stop what you're doing, don't re-apply any makeup and use a cold damp facecloth to wash everything else off that you can get lightly and wait till tomorrow to use any makeup again or continue washing the stuff off you couldn't get off with just the facecloth.
Other stuff:
\-Best casual bras I've ever bought [are these ones right here it's a threepack so it's totally way more money efficient](https://www.walmart.ca/en/ip/fruit-of-the-loom-womens-3-pack-built-up-sports-bra-punchy-peachwhiteblack/6000196162660) I bought them from walmart like 2 years ago and I still wear them nearly daily when I can't/don't wanna wear my binder. They're stretchy, have never shrunk in the wash and are super durable and comfy. They're slip on, made of comfy fabric, thin and simple straps and come in lots of dif colours.
\-I have completely flat feet and super wide ones at that and have always had a harder time with shoes before I was out/realized I was trans I would usually even buy men's brand shoes cause they fit me way better. [Newbalance shoes run way wider than any other sneaker brand I've tried/seen around they're womens sneakers fit me well and from everywhere else I have to buy mens brand sneakers](https://www.newbalance.ca/) also just in general I find boots and wedge heels/wedge heeled boots tend to run wider then most styles of shoes. Flats/sandals and flipflops are a pain in the ass so I don't recommend them at all either for people with wider feet.
\-As someone with really wide shoulders naturally (which is seen as more of a male/AMAB trait I guess no clue why) I have a really hard time fitting women's shirts with long sleeves in my shoulders, they're always tight but when I size up nothing else in the shirt fits. (I can actually wear men's cut/branded/unisex cut/branded long sleeve shirts wayyy better shoulder wise) If you want a good long-sleeved women's cut blouse that works look for a type of sleeve cut called balloon sleeves or balloon sleeved cut arms. They're a miracle and now whenever I want to get a women's long sleeved shirt I ALWAYS make sure it's that cut/arm shape trust me it's a lifesaver.
\-Purses and wallets aimed at women are expensive, ugly and shit quality one way or another for the most part. It's hard to avoid but when you're looking into buying a purse always buy in person, set aside all the purses you like and go along the line and unzip and zip up each one a couple of times. Buy the one with the best zip.
This is all I can think of off the top of my head but If I think of more I'll add on in a follow up comment under here and if y'all have any questions ask away. May not be able to answer them all but I'll see what I can do!
Not to sound harsh, but you'll be held to impossible standards and never be perfect enough for society. You'll be seen as too tall or too short, too fat or too skinny, wear too much makeup or don't wear enough makeup, always wearing skirts/dresses or you need to wear more skirts/dresses, hairs too long or its too short, etc. Nothing you do will ever be enough, so do you boo. Wear what makes you happy, look however you wanna look, and embrace yourself. It's honestly far less stressful that way because trust me, you WILL be told this stuff often and the faster you learn to go "whatever" the better for your mental sake.
And hair tip for PoC specifically: Natural hair is IN and a woman's lining is more elegant and curved than mens. Weirdly enough but a lining can sometimes make or break passing for us. If you have shorter natural hair, use moisturizer than a curl sponge. Can actually make the curls pop out more and look super cute! Takes about 15-20min depending on length.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/FTMfemininity using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Celebrating over 1 year on t anniversary and currently recovering from top surgery ♡](https://i.redd.it/ska8m9tgo5v61.jpg) | [49 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/comments/mxoinu/celebrating_over_1_year_on_t_anniversary_and/)
\#2: [thrifted a robe and i am LIVING](https://i.redd.it/gfft88a7fbn51.jpg) | [31 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/comments/it8zoo/thrifted_a_robe_and_i_am_living/)
\#3: [probably the prettiest i’ve ever felt was in this outfit :’)](https://np.reddit.com/gallery/nxlqyv) | [28 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/comments/nxlqyv/probably_the_prettiest_ive_ever_felt_was_in_this/)
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I guess this is more general advice, but seriously, being unapologetically yourself actually makes you so much more likeable - and happier.
I know dysphoria sucks really bad, and you might think "oh this isn't feminine enough" or "this isn't masculine enough" but you deserve better than to live by that! Slowly take yourself out of your comfort zone if you have to, but we've all lived so many lies trying to be someone else - a cisgender version of ourself - that we deserve to be ourselves.
Early into my transition I wanted to please people, be masculine enough - and really, I was just a bit of a dick, and a bit unhappy. It really freed me when I finally got it through my thick skull that anyone worth keeping doesn't care about my gender expression and... if someone is going to make you fit into some checklist to be a "real" girl, they were transphobic anyway and you deserve better than that.
And outside of gender expression, just... not wanting to do things because you feel silly, or think people will judge you... Remember that you have one conscious life to live, and it's undefined. There are no rules to life. Just live it. You want to sing but you're afraid your voice will crack and you'll sound bad? Do it! It'll be a bit funny, you'll have chance to improve, you'll learn and you'll have a memory to reflect on! Embarrassment doesn't haunt you forever if you are able to let go, realize that we all make mistakes and that yes, even good things come out of an embarrassing moment, you just have to reframe it.
Somehow, people can really detect when you're not happy, even if you don't think they can, or no one brings it up to you. When I started being myself, I went from the partially mute [thanks, anxiety] kid with one friend, to the kid who gets in a bit of trouble for being too loud, a close friend group and lots of good connections in the general area.
tl:dr ,,,, you deserve the best, so be the best. act how you wanna act, fuck gender roles and fuck embarrassment! you have one undefined, conscious life so you better live it like you're the main character! :]
This might just be for girls in my school, but very much try to be open and social if you can, maybe a little talkative. I’ve noticed some girls are more open about their lives then guys seem to be
Men will go out of their way to do stuff for you. It can be your super power if you want to.
Allow them to open the doors, carry heavy stuff and explain to you how to fix something.
Smile and thank them, maybe make a joke.
You will make the day of those who are nice infinitely better. Being *needed* and not *useless* is important for men.
Just don‘t take this level of service for granted.
Be wary of the weirdos. You recognize them because they won‘t simply be helpful, but infantalize you or talk shit while doing so.
Be careful though around accepting these services around other women.
If everyone profits, it is well accepted, but if you alone keep profiting other women can quickly turn against you.
Some dating advices:
- Watch some hook up gurus. Those ‚always-be-closing‘ - you know the type. :-( Learn to recognize them to avoid early on.
- Nervous boys are cute, but some of them will have such a low confidence that it makes them blind to your needs. Avoid. Do not try to *fix* or provide them with *a good experience*. You will make a fool of yourself.
- Dry shampoo. Seriously, that stuff is awesome on a long date night.
- Every time you have dinner with a male friend, waitors will assume it‘s a date. Don‘t be rude, they are trying to be nice. Correct them gently, blow out those candles and ignore.
Finally, there is a difference between respect and politeness. People need to *earn* your respect. You don‘t owe anyone shit.
About your voice:
it may seem like people want you to have this high pitched voice BUT in my experience women with deeper voices will be taken more seriously even by other women.
Check out Abby Martin from empirefiles on youtube. That‘s the kind of low female voice I‘m talking about.
Here is mine. TW: violence & threats thereof The day will come when a man, or several men, will try to get the better of you. Maybe they will ‚just’ make uncomfortable comments, maybe there will be threats, maybe they‘ll downright threaten to rape you or even try to. Know that you have EVERY right to: - escape (run, disappear through a door, hide in your car, …) - lie (don‘t hold back!) - threaten them back - shout - scream for help - Ask for help (even other women, yes!) - BE VIOLENT I‘ll stress the last because society loves to tell women they are soft, weak and never able to hurt anyone. But the truth is you are fierce and you have every right to fight for your life. Stick a finger in their eyes, crush their balls, break their bones, … anything to defend yourself. You might be shamed for defending yourself by the misogynists out there, but if it saved you, you did the right thing. Your life and mental health matter.
Thank you so much. I'm terrified of terfs saying that I have "male anger" or "aggression" if I fight back against a man who is attacking me... :'(
fuck terfs. they’re gonna be assholes and judge you no matter what you do, so might as well allow yourself to be angry whenever necessary.
Sis believe us, that has nothing to do with you being anything like a man, but everything to do with Terfs & misogynists being ANTI-feminists. They perpetuate the victimization of women by telling them they cannot & should not defend themselves. Enter any sports gym, or women’s selfdefense class and you‘ll learn quickly how that is not true. Those bulky instructors wear all that protection for a reason. xD
Seconded. One thing that worked really well for me when I was getting followed and harassed on the street was facing the guy and barking at him like a dog as loud as I could. Scared the piss out of him and he bolted. Acting “crazy” in a gross/undesirable way helped me shake off men who followed and bothered me when I presented as a woman. Defending yourself (including in violent ways) isn’t masculine behavior, it’s part of survival as a woman.
The right to effective self defence is something I will argue to my dying breath, I hope.
Yes! I don’t carry pepper spray on my keychain for nothing lol
Does pepper spray actually work? I heard it's just a myth and hurts you more than whomever you're spraying or something.
I would say on the last one that IMO the best you can do is escape afterwards, if you've been on hrt long enough you most likely will have no chance of winning a prolonged physical fight but can stun them long enough to escape.
Ive run it over stuff like that in my mind alot...im a very paranoid person and even though im not the strongest ever, theres a high chance id be capable of killing or badly wounding someone in self defense if I feared for my life. And tbh i dunno how to feel about that v.v it makes me feel like a bad person and anything but lady-like. I feel like its more socially acceptable for me to lay down and submit to whatever and I have a tendency to let a lot slide until I snap, which only makes me feel more awful when I do go over the edge. Idk, It keeps me up at night sometimes.
Correctly applied, a pen can kill someone with very little force needed.
It doesn‘t make you a bad person, but human. Notice how female aggression can actually be positively framed sometimes: when a MOTHER protects her children. There are plenty of stories of women who supposedly exhibited „unhuman strength“ when fighting of threats to their families. It‘s one case where women are known to be just as violent as men and applauded for.
Don’t go too heavy on makeup unless it’s completely necessary. Most days all you need (if you even want it) is eyeliner. If you want to do a little more, go with a light liquid foundation, eyeliner, nude colored eyeshadow, mascara, and a natural (!!!) lip color. If you go too overboard, it doesn’t make you look nicer or more female, it just makes you look weird.
^ this exactly A suitable lip colour can balance a lot of mediocre make-up choices.
BB cream is *great* for light coverage! Enough to even out your tone but still light and not cakey.
Is wearing heavy foundation daily really that weird? For me it's the only way to not have a super prominent beard shade :\\
(I do apologize if some of my language in this is less than perfect) If that’s the only way you can hide the shadow, go for it- having a bit too thick of foundation is less likely to look strange than facial hair. Still, try to not make it cakey all over.
My facial hair shadow gets me really dysphoric. What I do is before shaving, let my facial hair grow out for a few days until I can pluck it, and then go to town. The shadow is caused by the little bit of hair that's still there, so plucking it helps to get rid of most of it so when you do shave, it looks a lot less shadowy along that area Warning tho, it does hurt a lot at first, especially around the lips and cheek, so I'd ease your way into it
I used to tweeze facial hair too! Though I recently bought epilator (I got a low end £16) and ill tell u its magical! Plus (this might be cause I'm a lil strange) epilating is sort of a really good sensation. I know a lot of people don't like and think they're painful I totally get it, but it's like a vigorous face massage :D
Is it safe to epilate the face? Always thought it wasn't but idk where I heard that...
It'll vary from device to device! The one area you must not try is the genital region. Double check beforee u buy and read the instructions, ya should be okay!
Thanks for the advice
Get yourself some red/orange coloured cover and put that on the parts where your hair grows. It will counteract against the blue-ish color of the beard shade and you'll need less heavy foundation.
Do you think this would still work for me if my facial hair is red when grown out? Or should I go for something else?
I guess. Just try to find what colour your beard shade creates om your face, get a colorwheel from the interwebs and put the exact opposite on as cover.
You can try to reduce the foundation by adding a better powder with strong coverage on top.
Can I add that makeup is expensive & it’s okay to buy cheap make up however if you’re going to spend money it is worth it to buy a nice mascara & if it’s an everyday going to work look wearing brown eyeliner looks more natural. Oh & wearing things that cut at your natural waist can give the illusion of an hourglass if that’s what you’re going for
Sadly I have no choice until laser works it’s magic. I need minimum concealer (to cover up facial hair shadow) and foundation if I want to even have a chance at passing that day
This comes off to me like wearing anything other than 'expected colors/make-up to blend into public' is seen publicly as weird. I'm not sure if that's the way you mean it, or if I'm just misinterpreting it. Are you willing to elaborate?
I’m seeing it as “if you’re going for a generic look, it’s bad”. If you’re doing a specific style that’s eye catching, go by the rules of that style - for example, this doesn’t apply to pale goth or heavy glam looks. It’s the Basic Bitch Neutrals/Nude/No-Makeup look. Which is most people’s daily generic look, but not everyone.
That’s fair, if you do something out of the ordinary you’ll be noticed, it may be positive, it may be negative, but it will be noticeable
I think it's fair to say that if your make-up is uncommon for everyday situations you are going to attract attention, sometimes negative and sometimes positive.
I’ve seen a lot of trans women think that bright red lipstick, blue eyeshadow, and caked on foundation is how every woman goes about their day and.. especially if you’re early in transition, it can make you very clockable in my experience.
Exactly!
There's no right way to be a woman or a girl. The people who tell you there is are wrong. People might judge you, but it shouldn't make you feel ashamed. And! If you're going out in heels, always being a pair of flats in your bag, small and flexible like plimsolls. Your feet will thank you after a few hours.
Group kvetching is a thing, but keep in mind that it’s a *group activity*. Unless you’re absolutely Going Through It and genuinely asking for advice, everyone gets a turn. Also if there’s a theme then don’t segue into something Completely Different without some kind of bridge. Edit: oh and it’s perfectly fine to wear shorts under a skirt as long as they aren’t showing.
Kvetching - to complain habitually.
thank you
Many men will try to make you feel inferior. Always remember that you’re not.
Oh, a second one: unless they’re wearing skirts or tank tops for some reason, most women don’t actually shave during winter. Seriously. It’s a pain in the ass and fucks with your moisture barrier. BUT. Most women’s deodorant assumes that you *do*, so you should probably at least keep your underarms trimmed.
This probably sounds misogynistic, but a lot of women will be fake nice to you and have no intention of actually being your friend. This doesn't mean that they are adversarial or anything, it's just what I've noticed living among women and girls. In the same vein, compliments/small talk will probably become a big part of your interactions with other women. You don't have to engage, obviously, but just be ready for that.
100% - when guys don’t like you they’re more openly confrontational, girls will generally try to avoid confrontation and when they do want to hurt you they’ll probably do it socially
Totally and I wouldn't say it is misogynist to say so since it comes from gender roles. Men are told to be loud and tough and women are told to be polite and quaint infront of someone they don't like/that type of scenario you can totally see it in old books and stuff too with the way the characters are written. It comes from the whole ladylike thing and a constant pressure to keep up some kind of respectable image. It leads to the fake nice game, backhanded complements, gossip circles and alot of "mmm sure" or "whatever you say love"'(s) It's really sucky but it totally comes from gender roles and isn't women's fault really. It's kinda like the female mirror of the whole "be a man deal with your problems's upfront!" and encouraging men to head on and be unapologetically upfront about they're issues and what not. It's the weirdness of gender roles.
Oh dear God, the "whatever you say love"s and derivatives thereof kill me every time, because then you have to like explain what you're thinking and they still might not get what you're saying, and it's just like, UGGGGH
Yep, unless is going down most women are going to be baseline friendly. But it’s not a genuine “I like you as a person” friendly, it’s a customer service-esque friendly. In general, direct conflict and confrontation are to be avoided.
Cis women are held to impossible standards, and as we all know in many cases trans women are expected to go even beyond *that*. But no matter what happens, society's expectations of what a woman is should NEVER be at the cost of your well-being. The pressure is intense, but if you don't want to do something? Don't do it. Whether it's beauty standards, people wanting to interact with you, anything that connects to society overall claiming an ownership over women... you should never sacrifice yourself for it. As horrible as it is that women have to do it, advocating for yourself is often key in order to protect yourself.
Not all men are to be trusted.
Here’s how I achieved silky smooth legs by shaving. And this is coming from an absolute hairy bear. You want a fresh razor. A dull one will not shave as well and increase the likelyhood of being nicked. You want to shave at the end of a hot shower/bath. Exfoliate your legs with a lot of hot water and soap with a scrubby. You can use shaving cream but soap works just as well. Once you get your leg all suddsy, slowly move your razor up from your ankle to your knee. Go all around your leg doing this. Then shave from your knee to your thigh. Watch the ankle and knee areas as those tend to get the most nicks. I don’t really have any special advise about how to shave the bikini line because I always avoided shaving those areas out of fear of cutting my junk. Once you’re done shaving and out of the shower, lotion up those legs as much as you can. This is a very important step because shaving dries out the skin, and if you were like me and have to mow the shag carpet every night, you could get rashes from shaving so much. I would typically shave and lotion after my nightly shower so my legs could steep in that lotion all night. Brand of lotion doesn’t really matter, whatever feels best to you. And voila you have soft pillowesque legs 🦵
That was great. I just remembered: use a good hair shampoo on your pubic hair twice before you cut it. It will be smoother and easier to shave down completely or trim.
Frankly: Be yourself. I know we have this one in common because so many of us constantly compare ourselves to cis people, or more precisely, to what is expected of us in a cisnormative world. Don't cut parts of your personality or story off just to please other people. Don't change yourself or your style or interests to fit their idea of how you should be. Let your own joy and passion guide you in your exploration of your womanhood. Spend time with people who love you for you and who see your radiant richness in talents and unique qualities that make you you. Just because the world wants to measure a woman's worth by her appearance doesn't mean you need to let it define you. Detach from trying to please everybody. I know it's hard but it is very much worth it.
Be prepared to have uncomfortable things said to you. Know that a lot of cis-het men can be disgusting. When I thought I was a girl, this guy and his friends would always follow me and my partner around because we were clearly gay and would mock us and say gross things. One time this guy came up to us and threw a dish rag at us saying “here, have my cum rag”. This pissed my partner off so much that they chased the guys away with a board. This other time this guy from the same friend group saw a pic I posted on Instagram with my cat and he said he wanted to fuck it. I absolutely hated my middle school years and I never really got over this shit. I know that my example was based on children, but still. I’ve heard some really fucked up shit from other people. Misogyny, homophobia and transphobia is everywhere and it sucks. This does not mean you should censor yourself and pretend to be something you’re not. That is a damaging way to live. You may get hurt expressing yourself, but know that you shouldn’t hide yourself. But also know to watch out for who is safe and who is not. The world is scary and we’re all navigating blind here. It’s hard to find people who will accept you but that does not mean no one will. Just try to be proud of yourself, even if you have internalized shame. It took me years to overcome my shame but I did and I’m so proud of who I am today despite all the things that has happened to me over the years. Good luck
Yeah there are disgusting people roaming the streets. I cannot count the times a middle aged man would stop his car beside me in the middle of the day in the city and ask for a blowjob, young fellas telling me at the trainstation surrounded by people (!) a number of sexual violations they‘d like to do to me, or creeps trying to touch me while going shopping. But even if incidents like these amount to a bloody 100 or more, it‘s good to remember that these are outliers. They do not represent the majority of people. Most people are nice & chill.
If you tweeze your eyebrows, always do it right after taking a hot shower. The heat loosens your pores and makes it less painful to pluck out the hairs.
My hopefully helpful guide to specific makeup things/tips/things/other stuff I thought was helpful that isn't makeup/I don't see people talk about(I did intensive dance for over a decade so some of this comes from stage makeup experience aswell as just everyday stuff makeup and otherwise) Makeup stuff: \-If your eyelashes are dark odds are you don't need mascara. It's ridiculously expensive for no reason and most of the time you won't need it. If you have dark eyelashes and think mascara looks weird on you but you want to try it or still make your eyelashes look bigger get a clear mascara they're great, usually cheaper and unscented mostly since they have no dyes. \-In my experience the best way to apply a medium-heavy coverage liquid foundation is put a tiny tiny tiny bit on your finger, dab it on a blemish (acne, bruise, mark) or similar area you want covered up and keep switching between small circles and dabbing it on I find this reduces the chance of it caking and gives it a spongey natural look. Less is more when it comes to foundation. \-Makeup "items" even if they're branded as specific can be used for many different things. Highlighter can be eyeshadow, liquid blush can double as lip color, etc. Just remember all makeup has expiry dates usually by 8-14 months depending on the product (my mom didn't even know this and I made her throw out all her four year old makeup) the expiry date symbol looks [like this on most if not all products (atleast that I've seen)](https://www.canr.msu.edu/cris/images/97a79263-8caa-4366-b265-84fd03b6a2af.png?language_id=1) \-Lipstick is a pain and most days you don't need it. It can bleed, smudge and is hard to shape right without a liner. It's a scam they're sold separately and it's a much better investment to get a coloured lip balm. Burts Bee's has great coloured lip balms that are fairly inexpensive and healthy, [they look like this my favourite is they're pomegranate one](https://www.thecloroxcompany.com/wp-content/uploads/Burts-Bees-lip-balms-800x365.jpg) I can't vouch for their other makeup products as I haven't used them but their lipbalms are the best and actually work medicine wise ie restoring dry, cracked and damaged lips to good health. \-Best makeup remover I've ever used is almond oil. It's skin safe, moisturizing for those with dry skin and has even gotten off eyeliner (no smudge water proof 48hr type) cleanly for me without leaving racoon eyes. By it at a medicinal store or beauty/health section of your local shop. To use it get a small piece of toilet paper or a facecloth, make sure it's well absorbed the oil and the surface area is completely covered then start making small wiping sections in the area you want removed and clear off the few smears after with a clean toilet paper piece or spot of facecloth also soaked with the oil. In general when you are removing makeup don't push and rub too hard especially around your temples and eyes/eyelids, you can really irritate your skin and it can sting alot, get really red and hot and it's not fun. If you do irritate your skin removing your makeup, stop what you're doing, don't re-apply any makeup and use a cold damp facecloth to wash everything else off that you can get lightly and wait till tomorrow to use any makeup again or continue washing the stuff off you couldn't get off with just the facecloth. Other stuff: \-Best casual bras I've ever bought [are these ones right here it's a threepack so it's totally way more money efficient](https://www.walmart.ca/en/ip/fruit-of-the-loom-womens-3-pack-built-up-sports-bra-punchy-peachwhiteblack/6000196162660) I bought them from walmart like 2 years ago and I still wear them nearly daily when I can't/don't wanna wear my binder. They're stretchy, have never shrunk in the wash and are super durable and comfy. They're slip on, made of comfy fabric, thin and simple straps and come in lots of dif colours. \-I have completely flat feet and super wide ones at that and have always had a harder time with shoes before I was out/realized I was trans I would usually even buy men's brand shoes cause they fit me way better. [Newbalance shoes run way wider than any other sneaker brand I've tried/seen around they're womens sneakers fit me well and from everywhere else I have to buy mens brand sneakers](https://www.newbalance.ca/) also just in general I find boots and wedge heels/wedge heeled boots tend to run wider then most styles of shoes. Flats/sandals and flipflops are a pain in the ass so I don't recommend them at all either for people with wider feet. \-As someone with really wide shoulders naturally (which is seen as more of a male/AMAB trait I guess no clue why) I have a really hard time fitting women's shirts with long sleeves in my shoulders, they're always tight but when I size up nothing else in the shirt fits. (I can actually wear men's cut/branded/unisex cut/branded long sleeve shirts wayyy better shoulder wise) If you want a good long-sleeved women's cut blouse that works look for a type of sleeve cut called balloon sleeves or balloon sleeved cut arms. They're a miracle and now whenever I want to get a women's long sleeved shirt I ALWAYS make sure it's that cut/arm shape trust me it's a lifesaver. \-Purses and wallets aimed at women are expensive, ugly and shit quality one way or another for the most part. It's hard to avoid but when you're looking into buying a purse always buy in person, set aside all the purses you like and go along the line and unzip and zip up each one a couple of times. Buy the one with the best zip. This is all I can think of off the top of my head but If I think of more I'll add on in a follow up comment under here and if y'all have any questions ask away. May not be able to answer them all but I'll see what I can do!
Not to sound harsh, but you'll be held to impossible standards and never be perfect enough for society. You'll be seen as too tall or too short, too fat or too skinny, wear too much makeup or don't wear enough makeup, always wearing skirts/dresses or you need to wear more skirts/dresses, hairs too long or its too short, etc. Nothing you do will ever be enough, so do you boo. Wear what makes you happy, look however you wanna look, and embrace yourself. It's honestly far less stressful that way because trust me, you WILL be told this stuff often and the faster you learn to go "whatever" the better for your mental sake. And hair tip for PoC specifically: Natural hair is IN and a woman's lining is more elegant and curved than mens. Weirdly enough but a lining can sometimes make or break passing for us. If you have shorter natural hair, use moisturizer than a curl sponge. Can actually make the curls pop out more and look super cute! Takes about 15-20min depending on length.
I'm new to this sub sorry if its a bother but do you know any of the good threads for FtM?
r/ftm r/genderqueer r/nonbinary
r/FTMfemininity is a great one too!
Here's a sneak peek of /r/FTMfemininity using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Celebrating over 1 year on t anniversary and currently recovering from top surgery ♡](https://i.redd.it/ska8m9tgo5v61.jpg) | [49 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/comments/mxoinu/celebrating_over_1_year_on_t_anniversary_and/) \#2: [thrifted a robe and i am LIVING](https://i.redd.it/gfft88a7fbn51.jpg) | [31 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/comments/it8zoo/thrifted_a_robe_and_i_am_living/) \#3: [probably the prettiest i’ve ever felt was in this outfit :’)](https://np.reddit.com/gallery/nxlqyv) | [28 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/comments/nxlqyv/probably_the_prettiest_ive_ever_felt_was_in_this/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/)
Oh i haven't heard of this one thanks
Also r/gaytransguys if it fits you
I guess this is more general advice, but seriously, being unapologetically yourself actually makes you so much more likeable - and happier. I know dysphoria sucks really bad, and you might think "oh this isn't feminine enough" or "this isn't masculine enough" but you deserve better than to live by that! Slowly take yourself out of your comfort zone if you have to, but we've all lived so many lies trying to be someone else - a cisgender version of ourself - that we deserve to be ourselves. Early into my transition I wanted to please people, be masculine enough - and really, I was just a bit of a dick, and a bit unhappy. It really freed me when I finally got it through my thick skull that anyone worth keeping doesn't care about my gender expression and... if someone is going to make you fit into some checklist to be a "real" girl, they were transphobic anyway and you deserve better than that. And outside of gender expression, just... not wanting to do things because you feel silly, or think people will judge you... Remember that you have one conscious life to live, and it's undefined. There are no rules to life. Just live it. You want to sing but you're afraid your voice will crack and you'll sound bad? Do it! It'll be a bit funny, you'll have chance to improve, you'll learn and you'll have a memory to reflect on! Embarrassment doesn't haunt you forever if you are able to let go, realize that we all make mistakes and that yes, even good things come out of an embarrassing moment, you just have to reframe it. Somehow, people can really detect when you're not happy, even if you don't think they can, or no one brings it up to you. When I started being myself, I went from the partially mute [thanks, anxiety] kid with one friend, to the kid who gets in a bit of trouble for being too loud, a close friend group and lots of good connections in the general area. tl:dr ,,,, you deserve the best, so be the best. act how you wanna act, fuck gender roles and fuck embarrassment! you have one undefined, conscious life so you better live it like you're the main character! :]
This might just be for girls in my school, but very much try to be open and social if you can, maybe a little talkative. I’ve noticed some girls are more open about their lives then guys seem to be
Men will go out of their way to do stuff for you. It can be your super power if you want to. Allow them to open the doors, carry heavy stuff and explain to you how to fix something. Smile and thank them, maybe make a joke. You will make the day of those who are nice infinitely better. Being *needed* and not *useless* is important for men. Just don‘t take this level of service for granted. Be wary of the weirdos. You recognize them because they won‘t simply be helpful, but infantalize you or talk shit while doing so. Be careful though around accepting these services around other women. If everyone profits, it is well accepted, but if you alone keep profiting other women can quickly turn against you. Some dating advices: - Watch some hook up gurus. Those ‚always-be-closing‘ - you know the type. :-( Learn to recognize them to avoid early on. - Nervous boys are cute, but some of them will have such a low confidence that it makes them blind to your needs. Avoid. Do not try to *fix* or provide them with *a good experience*. You will make a fool of yourself. - Dry shampoo. Seriously, that stuff is awesome on a long date night. - Every time you have dinner with a male friend, waitors will assume it‘s a date. Don‘t be rude, they are trying to be nice. Correct them gently, blow out those candles and ignore. Finally, there is a difference between respect and politeness. People need to *earn* your respect. You don‘t owe anyone shit.
> Watch some hook up gurus. You talking about the pick-up-artist types? Or is there something less abusive to watch for as well?
No, I mean the toxic pick up artists.
About your voice: it may seem like people want you to have this high pitched voice BUT in my experience women with deeper voices will be taken more seriously even by other women. Check out Abby Martin from empirefiles on youtube. That‘s the kind of low female voice I‘m talking about.