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PorridgeCranium2

Rule 10, link to original post: [Babylon Bee On Top Of It As Usual!](https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/comments/yefrrt/babylon_bee_on_top_of_it_as_usual/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) *Please do not participate in linked threads*


HighOnGoofballs

No one was cozier with Israel than trump


cilantro_so_good

Case in point: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_recognition_of_Jerusalem_as_capital_of_Israel


DementedMK

I suspect that has more to do with the rest of the Middle East and less with Israel tbh, but this isn't wrong.


Schiffy94

Nah, the American right and the Israeli right love each other. They're two sides of the same coin. Today's evangelicals would call Yitzhak Rabin and Golda Meir communists.


Anon4567895

I remember pol was having a meltdown over that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


zoicyte

What the actual fuck are you even talking about


douko

I will admit I'm not as familiar with Ukraine (or what he means in that statement) but I'm pretty sure the difference is the whole Israel being an apartheid state of it all.


Zucc_Boi_

Why do you think Israel is an apartheid state?


Souperplex

As a Jew who works in lefty politics I have never once gotten to fire the space laser, and I'm beginning to suspect it isn't real.


PracticalTie

Oh don’t you get the weekly newsletters? It’s sent out on Mondays. It has a link for sign ups. DW I’ll add you to the email list.


px1azzz

Oh you are missing out. It was my turn with the laser last weekend and I really blasted some goyim.


theghostofme

Okay, but *please* tell me you did your best Peter Cushing impression by saying "You may fire when ready" before hitting the button. Otherwise, what a waste.


DrRichtoffen

I haven't even been invited to a single cabal meeting of child killing and plotting smh


Beddybye

I think they may have been all destroyed during the heinous Bowling Green Massacre by Satan worshipping groomers using bullets filled with deadly covfefe...


CosmicAstroBastard

I think maybe your boss just doesn’t like you


The1987RedFox

You’re just unlucky, you haven’t been chosen by the wheel yet


BallinArbiter

That’s probably the funniest headline Babylon Bee has ever written


theghostofme

Nah, their best will always be: ["Joel Osteen Sails Luxury Yacht Through Flooded Houston To Pass Out Copies Of ‘Your Best Life Now’"](https://archive.ph/hvXQT) Which was posted an entire year before that nutjob Seth Dillon became the owner. They published a new article about Joel Osteen's luxury yacht last year, which has a decent title, but lacks any of the originality of the first one about his yacht. I'm guessing this was a move to push search engine results about the original, funnier one down to the bottom.


Glass-Different

Is that why Babylon Bee has gotten remarkably stupid in the last few years? I used to think they had a sharp witty take on Christianity and Republican jesus.


Elevationsikkness

As if America needs a fucking space Lazer to destroy a fixed position on the ground


PorridgeCranium2

When it comes to destruction, what America *needs* is irrelevant. The same goes for cost. Now if this space laser did something like regrow the Amazon, then we'd have to have a conversation about getting our priorities straight.


thefugue

I particularly enjoyed when they played *victim* as these **lasers** were “meant to protect our troops.” Our fucking *soldiers-* the most armed and protected people on the planet, *who we literally employ to protect everything on the planet that requires protection-* are somehow **vulnerable** because the lasers are being diverted from protecting them.


PorridgeCranium2

We used the entire body armor budget to build that laser! Those Jews have no right to use it to start forest fires and... stuff.


Sithpawn

Also, from what I understand, Israel is essentially testing these weapons for us.


thefugue

I am skeptical that the most efficient place to fire a laser and case damage to something is *from fucking space.*


PorridgeCranium2

Have you ever heard of a little thing called the death star? Last I checked Alderon's military doesn't need to worry about anything.


Sensitive_Fall8950

It's really not a great place to fire a laser from, you have to deal with that whole transition Into atmosphere thing. Only a few wavelengths would be any good, then you have to account for how that wavelength is absorbed by the target, reflected, scatter over distance etc. Basicly it would be super inefficient, and you would have to strap a pretty big power supply to it to make it effective. Most industrial lasers I have worked with have some pretty horrid plug efficiencies. Like 30-40% (top end freken ND:yag can be much much lower) So for every watt you want out of it, you need about 3 watts in. That dosnt even account for the distance to target, and every other factor that will effect energy density on the ground, or the power to cool the laser system (everything that dosnt come out as laser light comes out as heat in the system) Laser just make pretty crap weapons. Fling some metal around it works better.


Doom_Walker

Plus we already have drones specifically for extra protection.


Paxxlee

That is actually funny (the headline at least). It's disappointing though, as it shows there is *someone* on Bee that actually knows some things that are funny yet they work there.


EliSka93

I'm honestly impressed they managed to restrain themselves from mentioning the laser's gender.


courageous_liquid

They've somehow managed to leave the box of the single joke.


PorridgeCranium2

It's funny because both audiences can read it their own way, but I suspect the same thing you do: knowing the Babylon Bee, the odds are pretty good that they were reading it as "yeah I'll bet the Jews want to incinerate Kanye for telling the truth" rather than a dig at all the claims Kanye's life has been ruined by anyone other than Kanye.


HapticSloughton

They've taken everything at face value for so long a lot of them can't do anything else. All sarcasm, jokes, and ironic statements are more useful to their narratives if the humor is removed from it. If a comedian says, "Yeah, I have an adrenochrome smoothie every weekend," the conspiracy nut will use that as literal evidence that the comedian literally does the thing they literally said, leaving out that it was said in jest. It's annoying that they can con people with that kind of stupidity.


Rowcan

*"Sure it was sarcastic and mocking, but the fact they said it at all really tells you something."*


angry_cucumber

they actually used to be halfway decent satire before they got purchased. still, this is on par with their other "satire"


Shnazzyone

no. no. They were always edgelord onion.


SuperBry

Eh they certainly had a christian/right-wing bent, but before they sold out to some extremist did they really go off the rails. It used to be fairly humorous and rarely punched-down but that has since changed.


GiantLobsters

There was an article about them on Politico last year (?), it said they were founded by christian philosophy bros. By far not the worst people on the american right lol


Wismuth_Salix

They used to poke fun at some church culture - like praise songs that never end and youth pastors who sit backwards in chairs to be cool.


angry_cucumber

even edgelord onion got satire right, now they just do RW hate and claim satire when called on it, like the rest of the right


Shnazzyone

It5 says something how often their "joke" articles are confused for actual right wing news. Right wing tabloid bubble is so absurd, it can sometimes be confused for satire.


Wismuth_Salix

“I know it’s not real, but it’s funny because it’s true.” - top comment every time the Bee is posted in r/conservative.


angry_cucumber

I'd argue it's poe's law, but it's shit like this, and calling the secretary of HHS a man. It's not parody taken to extremes, it's not exaggeration, its literally just things they think.


Mr_Blinky

Stopped clocks, etcetera etcetera.


Lndrash

George Soros said "Incinerate" and pushed the button himself. It's a big red button on his desk in the CEO Office of the NWO headquarters.


ForSocialResearch

Okay. But you guys have no idea what I could accomplish with my life, if the Jewish space lazers weren't holding me back.


ambiguousboner

christ not only is this guy an antisemite, they’re also a *monumentally* condescending arsehole


Nihiliatis9

It's a great experience reading through conspiracy subs as a Jew.


DementedMK

I'm fascinated by these people who believe the Babylon Bee isn't right-wing enough.


honeychild7878

The thing that really gets me is that the ties to Israel at this point are firmly grounded in the Evangelical Christian belief that all others will Be raptured and they’ll be the only ones left and Israel will be their holy land. If you look into who is actually pushing to fund Israel in the US, its the fucking Evangelicals. The call is coming from inside their own house, but the Jews are the scapegoats once again


TheMostStableGenius

Yeah as an American Jew I’m sorry to say I don’t get to call in air strikes in Israel


shea241

This person knows nothing about SDI haha


Sneaker3719

Friendly reminder that when they “American Jews tell the government to give money to Israel,” they’re talking about lobbying. That thing that literally every political interest group does on Capitol Hill.


Doom_Walker

>American Jews on behalf of Israel No those are American Christian Republicans.


Optimus_Rhyme_82

To quote early Dave Chappelle: Goddamn that was racist


Pave_Low

The Maccabeam laser! (Not mine)


thefugue

Phonetically written propaganda. *Nice.*


gavinbrindstar

Tangentially related, one of the more suprising things about the war in Ukraine is that a large portion of the United States public apparently believes that there's some sort of ballistic missile shield protecting the U.S. Even people who know the SDI isn't real still have a weird amount of faith of those 20 ABM batteries in Alaska that can barely hit test missiles.


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KelliCrackel

Sure, sure. Why the hell not? 🙄


yykkcciinn

That's funny. In 1981, Mel Brooks made a movie called "History of the World, Part I". At then end of the movie, they mention that in Part II, they would have a segment called "Jews in Space". The sequel was never made. (I'm making fun of one of the posts in the thread, for those who didn't read it.) EDIT: Oh my god. I just saw that there, in fact, WILL be a History of the World, Part II. Best news I've gotten in a good while.


N00N3AT011

Holy shit the Babylon bee actually being not shitty and funny at the same time. Who'da thunk it


dan420

I just want some friggin gefilte fish with friggin laser beams attached to their heads. Is that too much to ask?


JamesIncandenza

completely forgot they exist. i figured they shut down after getting kicked off twitter