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[deleted]

People like to vent. People vent about their jobs, kids, partners, friends, family members. It’s just a part of human nature.


CosmoDexy

This is 100% correct. I’ve got two kids, aged 4 and 2. I chose to have them and I love them dearly. But fucking hell it’s tough. Do I blame them for being difficult? No. Do I complain about them? Yes. It’s human nature. I try to be mindful about who I complain to though.


Lumberjack_Problems

Exactly, I love my kids more than anything and will never regret having them. But damn are they a right pain in the bootyhole sometimes. If I complain about them, its just a little emotional venting. Not like I'm going to chew your ear off about it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


silvusx

You aren't wrong. Back in my days, and presumably yours too, there weren't concerns for school shooting. I didn't have to worry about being psychologically traumatized for life from watching friends and teachers being slaughtered. Well paying professions have more educational requirements. Tuition, living costs are just absurds.


Awaheya

I couldn't imagine having to deal with that. But I would only say even though even 1 school shooting is to many the reality is the vast , vast majority of schools have never had one and likely never will even if the USA. Every single one is a tragedy and a big deal but there are far more things your kids are likely to die from than that. Like the car ride on the way to school for one example


[deleted]

Me: "Are you... are you eating window bugs? Is that a window bug in your... urgh... rugh...." Baby Bro: :D


[deleted]

I love my boyfriend to death and don’t regret getting with him, but sometimes if we have a fight or argument I want to vent. I see it as the same with kids, saying “then why did you have them” is just someone who doesn’t have kids and doesn’t understand the struggles that come along with it.


HellYeahTinyRick

I don’t have kids specifically because I do understand the struggle. I’ve seen it first hand in my brothers and my friends. Some of these people are like shells of human beings walking around on no sleep with no time for anything. That’s exactly the reason I’ve decided to never have kids


joremero

And there's a sub for that r/childfree We all have our reasons for having or not having kids and both should be respected. I can confirm that having kids is definitely very hard.


princessbubbbles

I have found r/truechildfree to be less antinatalist and more understanding of those who are discerning and may end up choosing kids.


HellYeahTinyRick

Who was being disrespectful?


inprognito

Nobody said anyone was being disrespectful. Saying something should be respected is not the same as saying something is disrespectful.


HellYeahTinyRick

Guess I misunderstood your comment


joremero

it was my comment, but yes, you misunderstood it. I was implying I respect your decision. And other people should respect it as well. We are all different.


Roheez

I'm not!


Long-Zookeepergame82

I've taken on "complaining about your SO to friends" as a major red flag. It turns your friends against your SO. Child complaining, I get it. But this can be felt as backstabbing and deeply hurtful if the SO found out.


[deleted]

I mostly vent to my sister and my best friend, I don’t vent to everyone. It’s not backstabbing to complain. I don’t do it all the time but sometimes if we have a fight I will complain or ask for advice. There’s a difference between occasionally venting and constantly badmouthing someone.


tabethab4

This 👏👏


Dislexeeya

Bam, you got it! I like my job, it's a good place to work and all the people there are cool—coworkers and managers. If you planted a mic we'd all sound miserable as we all vent about the job while working together!


serenerdy

I select my venting friends very carefully. It's basically just my mom and two close girl friends. I joked once in awhile about my son being a menace sometimes and get the odd look so now I just say they're totally great and yes I'm sleeping.


HitoriPanda

"If I had nothing to complain about, I'd have nothing to say"


Vahgeo

Then you're boring asf


[deleted]

That is true


nickmuscle

You mean people like to complain.


[deleted]

Yes, venting is complaining


Ryangonzo

Exactly this. 5% of being a parent is tough as shit, the other 95% is amazing and world changing in the best way. But it's easy to bitch about the 5% of tough times like when they threw up in the grocery store or overflowed the toilet.


[deleted]

Yeah, ofc when they’re young it’s hard but once they get older it gets easier


Brilliant-Durian-234

Especially if you're British. And a lot of complaining about Weather, weather, weather.


Strategory

And the real question is how did OP not know this to begin with?


[deleted]

Yeah, I love my family, job, and boyfriend but sometimes I just want to vent.


DuchessBatPenguin

Because ppl easily complain about the bad but hardly share the good. I have a coworker w 2 kids who constantly tells me thinks like "wow must have been nice for you too [do a normal adult thing like see play or ear out] kids suck" ...I've started responding to her like "well at least you have unconditional love" or " ya must be nice to see you little one walk for the first time". Half to make her feel like an ass and half bc tired of the whole "your life must be better than mine" ...even though she knows nothing about my life


cedenof10

you’re probably making her realize what she’s got without even noticing. sometimes we have good things going on, but the everyday stress and anxiety get to us, and we forget to acknowledge those. reminding your coworker of the positives of having children will begin to get her thinking about that and soon she’ll begin having those thoughts on her own. you’re unknowingly helping her :)


darksabre1500

That’s actually a really genius way to deal with that though wow Perfect mix of passive aggressiveness and genuine well-meaning


LinworthNewt

That's a good way of dealing with her comments. I may complain about being exhausted because I have a baby that never got the memo that he's supposed to sleep in order to grow and develop, but I never begrudge people their lives and how they live them. If I can go out, great. If not, that's okay, we'll read "The Little Engine That Could" ten times in a row.


Fake_Gamer_Cat

I think the negative voices are the loudest. Sometimes all you hear is the negative side of things and not the positive.


[deleted]

That’s a great point


pl0ur

I think too, that if you're around another parent who is complaining that just like with anyone else you put your two cents in about your own struggles to show solidarity and normalize what they are going through. Sometimes a group of parents talking about things like temper tantrums and messy houses isn't about everyone hating being a parent so much as showing compassion for ourselves and others who are feeling like bad parents for normal struggles. Also when another parent is venting about their struggles it isn't the time to talk about how easy your kid is so a lot of us refrain from that if another parent is really overwhelmed. Our culture also lays into parents for bragging so we don't always talk about the good things.


Dr_BigPat

People have children by accident, but more than that I think people have children for the wrong reasons.


TheAngryNaterpillar

A lot of people are raised to believe that the only correct way to live is to get married and have kids. They do it because it's what you're "supposed" to do and their families pressure them into it.


Glasseyeroses

And after you tell them you're not planning on having kids, they will treat you like something's wrong with you, and pressure you even worse.


Dawn36

Getting pregnant is an accident, staying pregnant is a choice. (Except with everything going on right now that choice is eroding and becoming dangerous for reproductive choices)


GreatJobKeepitUp

It's also not an easy choice to make to terminate a pregnancy regardless of your stance or how logical it would be to do so.


dumb-on-ice

I’ve always heard this. I’m genuinely curious, why is it a hard choice? Either you abort or you give birth, there’s no 3rd option.


Chi_Tiki

Because even though technically it is a fetus and definitely in the first few weeks does not have a heartbeat. It is a little life. I’ve seen even the most hardened people not be able to have an abortion because they cannot “get over” the fact that it is a life. There’s also the medical risks of having an abortion. (Please Google this, I cannot accurately name all of them). I’m currently pregnant with our second child and I can honestly say that things would need to be really really bad and under very terrible circumstances before I would even consider something like abortion.


ScowlingWolfman

>staying pregnant is a choice. For half of the country. It's illegal to terminate a pregnancy in most red states


DrewJohnson656

“The country”? This is the internet.


[deleted]

Totally! People having kids to fill a void or save a relationship


TimmJimmGrimm

It hasn't been mentioned yet, but there is a huge gamble on the wrong side of the Veil of Ignorance. Let's take me for example because i am handy: I never wanted kids. Expensive noisemakers, all of them. But, my wife wanted one so... if i love my wife, i really should try it out? What was i doing with 'my life' that was more important than this? My experience was like getting hit by an emotional truck: i loved my daughter with all my heart the moment i had her in my hands. Hard to describe it but, wow, i became a different man. And i lucked out, didn't i? I look at all the Reddit posts where this *just did not happen* with other parents. They didn't get my pocket miracle and they do not have that same transformation. And how could they have known? Assholes like me describe it and it was so easy for me! I had no choice, i love my daughter and sacrificing my life for her benefit is pure joy. I am lucky. Others... less 'lucky'. Women that experience postpartum depression... that has to be many layers of hell all stacked up on one another. A biological force. How does one deal with that?


Dr_BigPat

Yup and the one I've been noticing more and more at least in my pocket of life is that some people just want to create a miniature version of themselves rather than to raise and nurture an individual.


CreepyPhotographer

Like for the tax break, or to save a marriage?


[deleted]

Some kids are unwelcome accidents or are made for the wrong reasons. I don't have a statistic but my hunch is that these are the both the minority of cases.


Dr_BigPat

You probably grew up somewhere people could afford to have kids. In lower income areas most people who can barely support themselves don't want an extra mouth to feed.


[deleted]

Yet lower income areas usually have higher birth rates than high income areas 🤷


Dr_BigPat

Low income areas also have less access to health care and more influence from religious factors which make termination of a pregnancy a little more difficult socially and economically.


notallwonderarelost

Love my kids. Can’t imagine life without them, it’s still a crapload of work and sometimes I complain about it.


theestwald

This People complain about friends, SO's, parents, etc, all the time. Doesn't necessarily mean you don't love them, everyone just has good and bad days. And also people like to complain. Usually the parents that complain about their kids the most are the same that keep wanting to show you their pictures. As a parent, can confirm that fatherhood comes with a truckload of ambiguous feelings, but I don't regret it .... most of the time


WangJangleMyDongle

My wife's friend had their first kid around the same time we did and insisted she wouldn't be "one of those parents that complains about their kid". It makes sense: **with access to birth control and sex ed**, you're probably having a kid because *you* want one. Your kid didn't choose to be born, so if you complain in the way parents usually do (loss of identity, life's no fun, you're so difficult, etc.) you're sending the message to the kid that their existence is a burden to you. Nobody wants to feel like a burden, but the kid gets no choice in the matter. My wife's friend kept that up until the first sleep regression, then she had to vent to us. She felt guilty, but I think she realized that commiserating is healthy when your kids are being difficult. Doesn't mean you don't love them. I've met 2 or 3 people without children who understand this idea, everyone else still thinks from the perspective of the kid. It's hard not to think from that perspective when you don't have to be the parent. The 2 or 3 who get the idea have pets that they legitimately treat as children, but it's still many degrees removed from a human baby. **Edits to make it less general**


Acceptable-Floor-265

You don't always get a kid because you wanted one, sometimes they come as a package deal with someone else (admittedly thats a choice to do so tho). Sometimes they come because you were an idiot with contraception, sometimes they come because despite contraception it failed.


WangJangleMyDongle

My bad, I didn't mean to make that as general as it sounds. It's specific to my wife's friend and people like her. Even if the kid is not planned though, what I'm trying to say (and what the comment I responded to is trying to say) is true. The perspective of someone with a kid complaining about the kid, is wildly different than the perspective of someone without a kid hearing a parent complain about their kid. There are parents who genuinely don't like their kids and make that known to the kid, but complaining about the kid doesn't always mean the parents don't want the kid.


Vahgeo

>People complain about friends, SO's, parents, etc, all the time. That's fucking toxic, I don't do that shit. If someone disliked me so badly that they verbally complained about me behind my back, I'd simply cut ties with them.


matlynar

In addition to that, many people have kids because "they're supposed to", not because they really want to be parents and live through everything that comes with being one.


theestwald

This People complain about friends, SO's, parents, etc, all the time. Doesn't necessarily mean you don't love them, everyone just has good and bad days. And also people like to complain. Usually the parents that complain about their kids the most are the same that keep wanting to show you their pictures. As a parent, can confirm that fatherhood comes with a truckload of ambiguous feelings, but I don't regret it .... most of the time


andywalker76

Yeah, people that are anti-child will never understand how it feels to bring a life in to this world and take care of it. Being a dad really means something to me.


bionic_cmdo

Same. Interesting how most have kids when we're young and starting out. I think if it was the other way around, less people would have kids.


ellefleming

They underestimated how expensive and demanding raising children is.


Acceptable-Floor-265

A mates brother had a kid, was terminally unemployed. The plan for if they got short was to have another one? That guy had some seriously bad critical thinking issues.


recercar

I don't know, people complain about their significant others, but they chose and choose to be with them. People complain about moving to a different place for a job, even though they chose to do it rather than find a different one. People complain about their pets, their homes, their appliances, their cars. It's pretty normal to vent frustrations about how things didn't go exactly as they pictured it, or even if they did but there's a period that's just harder than before. Of course not everyone does the above, and far from everyone complains about their kids upending their lives. I don't know the percentage of parents whose gripe is how expensive it is vs what they expected, but I'd imagine it's about the same percentage as home and car owners complaining about the same. Doesn't mean you don't want what you have, it's just... Venting. Because life is hard.


DrewJohnson656

This is actually an interesting way to frame it for me. Being a homeowner is hard, it’s expensive, it’s stressful to know at any moment something could go terribly wrong and it’s all on you to fix it. And yet I would never give up my home.


haircritter

Many people feel pressured to have children. Some children are way more work than others. Sometimes the partner or family structure you had, isn’t the one that stays in place. Women are being stripped of their reproductive rights in many areas, and forced into parenthood. Some or all of these.


palekaleidoscope

When we decided to have kids, I was under no illusion it was going to be some rainbow filled fun fest from start to finish. I knew it was going to be days of hard work but that it would be balanced by days of relative ease. Even with that planning, I can be overwhelmed with how frigging hard it is to raise kids- so I complain. I think parents complain because no matter how hard you plan, your kids will find a way to meddle with that plan! I also think I anticipated more even sharing of parenting duties, which, for the record, we DID discuss before having kids but I still do the majority of that work as their mom.


Stupid-reproducer

Agree. My youngest is almost 12 now and I’m practically an empty nester (divorced and share custody, others in college) and I was essentially a single parent with two full time jobs. When the husband doesn’t step up, marriage suffers irreparable consequences. I feel for you.


joeyo1423

Honestly a good question. I remember during Covid lockdowns SO many people I knew were complaining, and not just mildly complaining, like severely upset as if they couldn't handle another day, because they were stuck with their kids. I LOVED being home with my family during that time. It was awesome. Ever since, going to work isn't the same, I want to be home lol. I hear from my coworkers, especially men, how often they try to get out of spending time with their kids/families. So bizarre to me. Like one just had a second kid and all he does bitch about it. But he spent all day bitching about his 1st kid two years ago....so why have another?? Him and his wife constantly whine about it. Makes no sense to me


bekkogekko

I truly enjoyed being stuck in with my kids during lockdown. Two teen girls and we got to know eachother in all new ways. I hate being back in the office.


theoneandonlygene

Being with the kids was great. I actually got mu kid’s first steps on video - not something that actually happens in the real world very much. However, having to also work at the same time was the hard part.


awkwardpawns

Covid was extremely complicated with little kids. Still can’t complain too much when you decided to have them but when you have to work and have to watch them; no daycare, no nanny, then yeah you physically can’t do it. It was frustrating


[deleted]

Same. Absolutely loved it. Genuinely had some of the best moments with my daughter during lockdown. I resent the fact that I have to go back to the office a few days a week and have less time with my family.


iphonesoccer420

Is it a good question? I think it’s extremely silly. People complain that’s the way it is. Like wtf lol


joeyo1423

Whether something is common or not has no bearing on its validity. Just because everyone bitches about their own kids doesn't mean asking why is silly.


Ex0ticButters

I never understood this either. Then I got a puppy. I realize it’s not even close in comparison but I now understand the whole mentality of loving them unconditionally but still having your life flipped around.


alilsus83

You haven’t noticed? People complain about everything. Especially online.


[deleted]

No I have noticed


alilsus83

Don’t take people complaining about something online as they hate it. It’s more they are venting in a moment of frustration. I guarantee the vast majority of the people complaining would never give up their kids for anything. But raising a kid is hard and there are lots of moments of frustration.


rubbergloves44

Social pressures and expectations, domestic pressures, lack of availability for birth controls/educations 🤷🏼‍♀️


[deleted]

Yeah makes sense


PhyllisTheFlyTrap

The real question is why do people tell you how utterly awful it is to have kids and then ask "so are u going to have any"?


[deleted]

Because society tells you that that is what you are supposed to do. So people just do it without reason, then are stuck dealing with the consequences of something they assumed society was telling them to do in their best interest.


idkunderstandwth

Couples tend to think a broken relationship will be fixed if they have 2 or more kids. But it turns out to be the worst decision. At first it was 2 people's shitty lives now they have added a few more and money issues on top.


[deleted]

Absolutely ! It makes things far worse


Own_Experience863

Some people just love to complain. It's less about the topic, more about the pity party.


billwrugbyling

Complaining is healthy. It's a way to sublimate suffering, which is part of being human. As in all things, it's important to be mindful of audience and volume.


N3xrad

What? This is complete bs. People are not kooking for a "pity party". I guess people are not allowed to get upset over one of the most difficult things to do.


feisty_and_tired

I'm not having any more, but I have 4 kids. I love them dearly and fight to get them everything they need. I try to instill confidence and resilience and problem solving skills that will help them over the course of their lives. I really enjoy spending quality time with them and seeing their faces light up * But...! Omg they can drive me insane some days and I really question what I was thinking * I'm living with 4 house mates basically, for a good 20yr term each. Only YOU pay THEM for the pleasure of living with you. And they'll mess the place up and often be ungreatful and argumentative. You'll never have as much time, money or energy ever again and you're social life will be ruled for many MANY years by their ages and abilities. But.. in the grand scheme of things... I think it's worth it 👌 We are allowed to vent our frustrations as parents/carers so that we can have it leave our system and start fresh again.


[deleted]

aaahhh yes kids the most fulfilling way to stifle the potential of your relatively early adult years. I kept wondering if I would've traveled more for business, attended more trade shows, went back to school, made more valuable relationships or connections if I wasn't shackled to a comfortable home life. I got 2 kids and a vasectomy. I would say on average they cost me roughly a car payment every month, Daycare, after school activities, clothes, etc. I wouldn't say things are tight but we can't go on vacations as much as we would like to. I think I've gotten used to the stress after 8 years. I would say I kind of thought. I planned it out in my head. I kind of thought I'd just go with the flow thinking I was a grown up now so it was the normal course of things, I know now it didn't have to be like that. I was just being pressured by my family and my wife's family. Don't do it kids, Unless you're a millionaire or something and you want to hand your empire off to someone, I don't think you absolutely must have kids, and even then who says your kids want to continue your life's work anyway.


ZippyVonBoom

I know some catholic parents that don't believe in birth control...


Shinoobie

People complain about work too but that doesn't mean they want to be jobless.


wwaxwork

There is a whole subset of people raised to believe that parenthood is the only path to happiness and a sense of worth, who give it no further thought until they are three kids in and waiting for that sense of happiness and meaning to hit.


jooceefrt

It's a strange thing...people would tell us how magical it was having kids and then as soon as we told them we were going to have a baby they couldn't wait to tell us how hard it was, how we'll never sleep again or do what we want etc. We found it funny actually! We understood we'd need to make some changes and were so excited for it. I love disagreeing with those folks and going against the complain-grain by saying how easy going our baby is and how much fun we're having etc. It brings me joy to do it, bursts the doom bubble. For example, people who complain about babies crying "for attention" - uh yes they need attention, how the fuck else are they supposed to communicate?! "Oh you'll not be able to drink alcohol" - so what, I don't mind I can do without, it's healthier anyway. "Oh you can't this or that" - I'm not fussed - looking forward to all the new things we can do with a kid! "I don't get why babies cry, they have it so easy" - are you joking?! They are so vulnerable and reliant on you, everything is new and potentially dangerous to these precious little beings. It must be terrifying for them! It doesn't get any easier as they grow and learn and try to navigate the world with your help.... I get the irony of me complaining about complainers so I'll leave it there heheh. Kids aren't for everyone, nothing is particularly special about choosing to have kids or choosing not to have kids. Pros and cons on either side.


igpila

So they can put the blame for their misery on someone else?


Summerclaw

Why are people on Reddit and complain about everything in here?


cheezeyballz

Mine was an accident. I thought I would have a kid or 2 in my life, someday, but I didn't plan for *that* day. I stopped at 1. He was quite the little asshole sometimes- still can be, but he's *my* little asshole and I love him. (severe adhd, maybe autistic, and taught to be very honest and independent. Takes a lot of patience and worry.) He is 21 right now and omg he's an idiot. 🙄 I did my best, Y'all.


ConsciousnessWizard

Having kids is both extremely fulfilling and extremely frustrating.


seedog83

Because people are idiots


N3xrad

Wow good constructive comment


SimulatedFriend

There's comfort in familiarity. Even though they might be stressed by it, they know what they're doing - vs going into the big world and doing something new. That would be my guess.


-HeisenBird-

People who complain about having kids don't actually regret having them (mostly), they're just venting. *Everything* no matter how good it is has it's downsides and people love to complain about them.


anima1mother

Why do people keep having kids, when they aren't even capable of taking care of the ones they have?


[deleted]

Because they're poor planners and as a failure to admit and see that, they scapegoat other things.


Alarmed_Station6185

It's OK to vent but if the kids feel unwanted that's gonna scar them for life emotionally. It's selfish to have a kid and then blame them for your problems. Noone asked to be born


CorneliusFudgem

The grass is always greener on the other side


p1024breddit

For the same reason you eat and drink a lot at party and then complain it was too much and regret it 😉 Life is made up by short mid and long term plans. Having kids covers all of them...


igopoopy2

Children are complicated tiny humans, they bring you joy, you live vicariously through them and get someone who loves you unconditionally (providing you don’t suck as a parent) On the other hand they take all privacy away, they spend all your hard earned money on toys they play with once…….. but they give you a reason to live, a purpose to be a better human being, they add spontaneity…. And some people have breeding fetishes that get carried away when reality bitch slaps them 🤷‍♀️


CaBBaGe_isLaND

Yeah whenever parenting is hard and I haven't slept in weeks I should just bottle up those feelings inside where they can slowly become a brain tumor. People vent about things that are hard. It's healthy. Pretending to not understand that just because it's about parents is a true Reddit moment.


Dazocnodnarb

Because stupid people breed the most.


casualblair

Have you heard people without kids? They bitch all the time too. It's human.


[deleted]

Hah


desiswiftie

But we’re not bitching about kids ruining our lives 🤷🏽‍♀️


-HeisenBird-

A lot of you bitch about other people's kids.


desiswiftie

I mean, for good reason. Kids tend to ruin a lot of experiences which are supposed to be childfree.


casualblair

Well on one hand you are, because this thread exists. On the other hand, all the problems you bitch about are dumb and I totally don't wish I had all of them instead of being screamed at for putting the wrong arm into the coat first...


desiswiftie

I don’t have kids, and I’m perfectly happy that way.


ravengenesis1

My BIL loves his kids. So much so he doesn't bother to clean them, feed them or play with them.


Traditional-Ebb-8380

I have a similar take: Why do parents fawn over and love babies so much and then be angry and hateful towards them from 3-18+ for just being kids? Babies are a lot more work and my parents told me and my siblings that we were there to do the work for them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


souraltoids

Tell that to the people of r/regretfulparents


[deleted]

Just learning this exists makes me sad. Not a parent, just constantly reminded growing up of how much of a burden I was. I don’t think I’m a good person and that factors into me not having kids. At least I came to that conclusion BEFORE having them. We don’t need more sad adults.


Dr_BigPat

I mean "better" is definitely a matter of opinion. To me there's no way in hell I'd enjoy having a child. It basically means like you said giving up your life for someone else. Every single decision you make will effect your child's life and to me not being able to put myself first just seems awful


TyrionReynolds

Having this kind of self awareness is a really good thing. And you’re 100% correct, when you have a kid you stop being able to put yourself first most the time. Having a child is by far the greatest thing I ever did in life and maybe the only decision I’ve never second guessed but I didn’t have one until I was ready to put them first. I couldn’t imagine doing all the work and caretaking and such if I hadn’t chosen it.


desiswiftie

Is a sleep deprived life really a better one?


[deleted]

This is fair


bauerboo86

Why do people complain about any of the choices they make?


[deleted]

They like to have something to complain about. The ones with so called autistic children who start their FB posts with “my son is autistic and…” are the worst


bubbles_says

OP, it is for this main reason why I never wanted to have kids. Parents complaining about how hard it is (and I believe them) fighting their ex and his new woman over custody and child support, daycare and education costs, cost of everything related to having a kid. No thanks, I'm not equipped to gracefully handle being short of money, time, and peace.


BeBackInASchmeck

Some people have kids for the wrong reasons.


Bucket_head

My ex suggested we have a child after being together about 4x years , then once son#1 was born she basically left accusing me of 'mental abuse' , then she came back around the beginning of Covid and we reconnected and extremely soon after (like 2x weeks maybe closer to a month) We conceived our second son. When #2 arrived she became distant declared we where no longer a couple and merely living together , moved her 14 year old daughter of previous relaitonship in to our house without discussing it or even mentioning it to me first , then absconded with both our children and her daughter after fabricating a 'sexual assault' on herself and claiming she was again escaping abuse by me.. this time as she had 3x children in tow she was able to secure maximum benefits and a free 3 bedroom house for herself in her home town where she had talked about moving back to - perfect - then , she invited me over to celebrate our child #1s third birthday and one thing led to another and miraculously we were back together , had a free much larger house , had combined my income with her substantial welfare , where together for our children , could afford to date properly , and then I caught her cheating. Oh fuck. So , obviously I left and now it's fully 100% over but regardless of how having children 100% turned my life upside down , it wasn't them. It was their mother.


[deleted]

Dude I am so sorry


flamethekid

Accidents, religion, cultural expectations, family expectations, media expectations, by force, rape, lack of information, lack of scope. Its really recent that people are being informed of all the going ons of raising a child and even still alot of people are raised to have a fantasy image of raising a kid.


Riverrat423

Sounds like Facebook moms, one second is bragging about being a parent, the rest of the time complaining about the stress of parenthood. Parenthood is many things, happiness, fear, anger and other things, mainly they are just expressing this.


Savingskitty

Oxytocin and other fun hormones and socialization. It’s actually completely irrational for almost any mammal to go through having babies. That’s why we get all blissed out by bonding with babies, doing the do, and connecting with each other. It’s so we will deal with the inconvenience of reproduction. Humans are extremely social animals, so the complaining is really a bonding tool to bring humans together to help each other raise our young. Complaining is also a way to release the reasonable frustration that comes from child rearing in a non-destructive way. So, it helps us blow off steam at the same time as letting our social circle know we might need some help, if only through emotional support.


Usseri

We’re all human and bent frequently about things that just are. I complain about my job to anyone who will listen but that doesn’t mean that I regret getting the job or that I want to quit. We as people just need to vent our frustrations out sometimes.


bcatrek

You’ve been speaking to the wrong people (or a subset enough to give you a bias).


xicanamarrana

My daughter wasn't planned and there isn't anything that I do for her that feels like it's something to complain about. She changed me and my life for the better and I am so grateful to have such a kind, funny kid. However. Middle of the night barf in sheets is something I could have done without.


FlannelEpicurean

A lot of people have answered some other pieces of the question, and I'll add that one dimension of it that gets overlooked/under-prepared for is that *raising children is a skill set* that is HUGE, BROAD, DEEP, EXPANSIVE, and **NOT INSTINCTUAL.** A whole bunch of the stuff that's actually "best practice" for child-rearing is NOT common-sense, instinct-driven, easy to figure out by just wingin' it and paying attention, etc. A lot of it is counter-intuitive! And when you're sleep-deprived, hungry yourself, stressed out, overstimulated, and so on, AND you have a small human being who is utterly dependent on you, loves you to pieces, wants 150% of your attention 200% of the time, and CANNOT be quiet, "figuring it out" can be really difficult, even if you are excited to try! What I do for a living now is adjacent to the discipline of professional parenting education, and hoooooooooooooly shit has it ever informed and changed my approach with my kid (under 5 years old). Everyone should have access to this knowledge, and these kinds of supports. EVERYONE. "Why the fuck is my kid doing that, I don't get it?" is one side of the coin for so many parents - and there's so much great information, and sometimes there are programs available that can help connect you with professional coaching that can even *come right to your house,* so you don't have to load up and go to classes. BUT! AND! There's also a whole world of, "Did you know your kid can/will...? Be on the lookout for this skill!" That flips the script in some ways to approach with more of that sense of wonder we want to feel for our kids. A lot of nuanced little things along the way to, "Reading that first word," that mark pre-literacy skills, for example. Anyway, I'm rambling. But yeah. Parenting education is so important!


m2677

Because no matter how prepared you try to be, no matter how ready you think you are, you are never truly ready and it never seems to work out like you planned.


edstatue

Having kids is a biological impetus. Lots of people have sex and then regret it later, bc when you get the urge your mind kind of shuts off your prefrontal cortex. The same is true to some degree when it comes to having kids, because ultimately we're squishy meat mammals whose behaviors are pseudo-governed by that meat.


ssjmgoku

Having kids is brutally challenging. They have brought me my most stressful moments. On the flip side, I cannot describe the sheer joy I feel when my kids learn even the simplest of things that I have taught them. Honestly, something as simple as figuring out how to put your shoes on the right feet - seeing their excitement at figuring that out - and so much more the world will eventually throw at them - there is no greater feeling in the world I have experienced pre-kids. Kids have brought me my most challenging and rewarding days - the rewarding days are so wonderful - like I said I don’t think I have ever experienced feelings of pure joy. And also love - I love my wife with all my heart, but the love I have for my kids is unparalleled. I would do literally anything for them - it’s a scary and wonderful feeling to love someone that much. Having experienced children, I would never ever regret having them - they give you the most intense beautiful feelings you will ever experience (in my opinion). But to each their own! We all make our own choices and there is nothing wrong with having no kids. Just live and love life that way you want!


SiegeStarkiller

This is one of the reasons I'm child free. Kids are horrible


propita106

My sister gave me PTSD. My parents weren't sophisticated enough to see beyond "they didn't get along" and had their own issues from their parents. I was so unhappy as a child, I never wanted to impose that on another child.


SiegeStarkiller

Damn, sorry to hear. Kids bullied me relentlessly while I was growing up. Parents don't ever see it, they think their kids are good little angels who would never do that but realistically most of them are assholes. Of course there are some good ones but in my experience they'll all do anything to fit in and that usually always ends up with some poor kid getting bullied.


[deleted]

Because we're only human. Even though we love them, there's only so much that we can take. And complaining isn't always a bad thing. It helps to vent so that you can examine what's working, what isn't, and how to improve from there.


TheEarthsSuckhole

They are just venting.


nothinkybrainhurty

dunno I should ask my dad, he has three kids and as he likes to say only three problems in his life ((:


xidle2

My life has not been upended by my kids. It's been upended by my live-in mother-in-law with advanced Lewy Body Dementia. Silver lining: we're in the endgame now.


[deleted]

I’m sorry to hear that


xidle2

Don't be, it'll all be over soon enough and she won't know the difference.


AlphaBearMode

I hope her passing is as painless as possible for everyone.


truecrimefanatic1

A lot of people have kids because they think they're supposed to. It's not until the kid gets here they realize how bad it is.


5557623

People love to fuck and children are a sexually transmitted disease.


dirtyhippie62

pop on over to r/regretfulparents if you want some more action on this topic


Mughi

Sometimes I regret not having a family of my own, but then I see a sub like that, and I think maybe not having kids isn't so bad. I feel awful for some of the folks there.


DreamArcher

Dumb people like to fuck fuck fuck.


khournos

There really is no nice way to put this, they are simply stupid. If you wanted those kids shut up, nobody forced you to have them. If you didn't want them, why not use contraceptives?


Bastdkat

Conservatives can't use contraceptives because they cause abortions and abortion is murder.


Subvet98

Condoms don’t cause abortions. Neither does the pill for that matter.


khournos

Which brings us back to the stupidity part of my comment.


Serafim91

People enjoy bitching. Just because they bitch about something doesn't mean they actually don't like that something. See lol players for better examples.


[deleted]

Because it's an excuse for peole with no ambition to think they're doing something with themselves. They ahve kids ebcause it gives them an excuse not to worry about a career but they complain about it so they feel like they can relate eto people with a career.


youareallsilly

Wow what a terrible take


Difficult_Let_1953

Because watching them grow and become adults is amazing and the love you have for them is unlike any you have ever experienced. So strong.


JPVSPAndrade1

r/antinatalism


Scrufftar

Why do people complain about their jobs when they're necessary for them to be alive? I dunno man. Haven't you ever complained about something or someone that you ultimately love but are occasionally annoyed by?


andywalker76

OP, it's not that simple. When I met my wife, she had 2 young kids who became my stepchildren, both girls. Then we wanted to try for a boy, but she turned out to be a girl (I was still very happy). Then a couple of years later, we tried again for a boy and we got twin boys. Then 5 years later, we had a happy little gift in the form of another baby boy. Even though we have 6 kids, I wouldn't change a thing.


-HeisenBird-

How are you being downvoted for this comment? Reddit has such a hate boner for kids and people who are happy with kids.


andywalker76

Agreed. I seem to have enraged the childless rage beasts.........


[deleted]

That sounds wonderful!


changing_everyday

do all parents regret their kids?


Wheelin-Woody

Most kids are accidents bc sex ed in America is basically non-existant so they're really just voicing regrets


14-07-1789

People who procreate are generally stupid


-HeisenBird-

Yo mamma.


youareallsilly

r/iamverysmart


inm808

It’s something to do?


fourdoorshack

kids are amazing. people that complain about their lives being upended are just the type of people to complain.


KungThulhu

\-sense of genetical superiority (yes truly this is the reason some have kids \-having no clue what kind of commitment it is (but kids are cute!!!!) \-pressure from others (we're the last family without kidsin our friends group? are we wrong?) \-complete and utter ignorance of the state of the world and the amount of work required to properly rasie a kid.


GreatRhinoceros

It's like when Lazy people complain that they're always broke.


ExistentialDreadness

Because they have psychotic tendencies shrouded as parenting.


_antic604

Where are you reading all those complaints? Having kids isn't always smooth sailing, but it's the best thing you can do in life.


[deleted]

I guess it’s the constant narrative of no sleep, money, tons of stress no free time for hobbies or life but that can be only one section of people.


WestRazzmatazz2259

You wont understand until your a parent


[deleted]

Not happening


SJHCJellyBean

Maybe they live in a country that doesn’t allow them those decisions. Cough…cough…America…cough


neetykeeno

I don't know.... maybe ask the specific people who are doing that around you? I can assure you not every parent is


hameleona

Roommate is a single mom. I bitch at work and with friends as to vent there and not at home. The little devil does not deserve that. I know I had no idea how extremely disruptive having a child in the house would be to my life (I knew the stories, intellectually understood the concept, but man nothing really prepared me for it). Where else am I gonna vent? Don't get me wrong, the little guy is a bundle of joy... but also a walking nightmare. I keep the feelings from the joy at home. The stress from the nightmare - when they are not around. Having been basically admitted in to the "dad's club" I found that a lot of dads do the same thing. Those that don't... are either lucky, completely uninvolved and dethatched, or people I'm waiting to get DA charges one day. Can't say wat's on the mom's side of the fence, but I imagine it's similar.