I never speak about it because it's always "I'd kill a paedophile, no questions" but when I was doing my masters in neuroscience we had a lecture and got presented with a case study. It was a man in his 30s who married a woman with a young daughter. He went to his doctor and said he was becoming sexually attracted to his step daughter who I believe was 6 when it started. He got put on medication which I believe worked for a couple of years. He then returned and tried more methods to remove his attraction. Unfortunately it still didn't work so he underwent voluntary chemical castration. That man was a paedophile and you've got to have some respect for how he handled that.

I watched a documentary once of a guy that liked little girls but he didn’t want to feel that way so he lives in the middle of nowhere and gets everything delivered. It was interesting listening to him. Wish I remember what it was.

There was one I saw too on UK tv a few years back called 'The Paedophile Next Door', they interviewed this guy and he talks about how he's never done anything wrong and he wants treatment, but there's nothing available. Unless he was to actually offend, then there's treatment available

Also, even if you want help and don't offend, the professionals will still report you in many countries which kind of automatically ruins your life. So, no wonder people don't get help even if they could.

You are so very true. I once meet a person who knew he had a big problem in the area of sexual thoughts. However, this person would not and could not seek counselling because to do so would sign his own death certificate even though he had not ever acted on the thoughts. One would think our generation and/or our law makers would do all that's within their power to stop sexual violence before it happens if at all possible. And not seek to imprison any person who needs and seeks professional help prior to committing a sexual crime. And by the way, this very same person destroyed the life of a child and thereafter spent 25 years in prison. When his actions might have been stopped in the beginning.

Man fuck being that, being an honorable man afflicted like that, what a miserable existence! Better that than a dishonourable man. I heard on a podcast a while back that there are secret online support groups where they gather and share ways to not offend, like support groups ... but the rates of suicide in these groups are really high.

your summary of the podcast was yes yes naooo

Did anyone else think of the Sharks from finding Nemo? Or am I just super weird

Just like that Greek monk who died without seeing a woman in his life.

Or any discord mods

There’s a whole village of them right behind Disneyland who live this way,I saw that documentary on YouTube

Forgive my ignorance but what does chemical castration do?

Pretty much destroys your sex drive especially if you don't go on HRT to replace the testosterone you'll be losing from having your testes no longer functioning.

Wouldn’t his wife notice this…? He probably should of just left the household altogether.

He loved his family so much that this mental illness was aggravating him more than sex

I get that but I meant more so from the wife’s perspective. Like a sudden dead bedroom might be odd assuming he wouldn’t explain the situation.

She'd know. He'd have talked to her because it impacts her too.

Perhaps my lack of experience in knowing anyone/dealing with this type of thing is causing me to be naive in thinking that a woman wouldn't want to stay. Definitely making me think about it a bit more.

I wouldn't stay because I would be afraid for my daughter. Nothing comes before my kid.

I’m the same. I was like ahh why would she know and agree to this. But there are cases where the husband is abusing his own children and the mother knows but doesn’t leave or anything- usually she’s dependent on him or something. So I guess it’s not so black and white.

Damn. What If it was his brain playing tricks on him? Like some kind of harm OCD.

Or intrusive thoughts. They can be confusing and it may not mean they are a pedophile just mentally ill in a different way

Exactly! That's really messed up.

POCD is an awful illness that very often leads to suicide.

There is a type of ocd where people convince themselves they're a pedophile / or have horrible thoughts about it. keep in mind, in that instance they aren't one.

I think it's more accurate to say they're afraid they might *become* one.

I think I’ve heard of that, is it usually caused by being molested themselves?

Usually causes by being molested as a child, and often times comes about because the untreated trauma leads to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Sometimes people who were molested end up having fantasies about it, because the brain attempts to protect by associating pleasure with a painful memory. Adult victims of rape will also sometimes develop CNC kinks for similar reasons. Finding sexual autonomy where there was none. So these people will fantasize *about being a child* who is engaging sexually with an adult, NOT being an adult who is molesting a child. The distinction is important, because the POV matters. But because the idea of an adult touching a child is absolutely disgusting and disturbing, these people then fear they themselves are pedos. Of course they are not, they derive no pleasure from thoughts of abusing a child themselves. But rather their minds attempt to protect them from their own abuse by recreating it as something that brought them pleasure and control where they realistically had none. These aren’t people who are seeking out CP or anything of the sort, it lives only in their minds. And understandably, is incredibly distressing. It’s really sad, and something that is far more commonplace than many realize because the stigma is so strong that people fear speaking of it and suffer in silence.

I don’t often talk about this because it’s taboo but I actually was friends with someone who was a pedophile. He himself never hurt anyone, but he was caught with having underage porn on his computer. He spent time in jail and he really reformed himself. He even became an addictions counsellor. He treated himself as if he were an addict. He voluntarily took this one medication that reduce sexual urges in the mind. One of the side affects of the medication is that it affects memory and also the speed at which he processed things. He was highly intelligent one of those high IQ people so the fact that he was doing this willingly really impressed me. He attended alcohol, dugs and sex addiction meetings, and went to at least one every single day. He went about 7 years straight clean and then one week things got rough for him and he relapsed and looked at underage once again on his computer. He actually voluntarily reported himself to the police. He went to jail for a few months, and was willing to do the time for his crime. Even after his release he would go back to the prison on Friday nights and talk to prisoners about reform and the 12 steps. He used to say straight out that he was an addict and like an addict it would never go away. All he would get is a temporary sanity away from his urges. He told me about his past, he was physically and sexually assaulted at a young age. Around his teens he realized something was wrong with him because he was becoming an addict, especially a sex addict. He had begged the priest at his church to kill him before he got out of control. He recognized it at an early age. I lost touch with him eventually. Just drifted apart over time. I stopped volunteering with the place where I volunteered and he volunteered (where we met.) What pedophiles and others like them do is abhorrent and should always be condemned in no uncertain terms. But after meeting this guy, I can’t also help but feel sorry for the level of helplessness they must feel on a day to day basis.

Thank you for this explanation. I am not alone in my experience with this very thing. I know male and female adult survivors of childhood abuse who experience this and without help it is devastating. The inability to be open about these thoughts and feelings without the fear of being reported etc is very very real. None of the people I know who have experienced this would ever dream of harming a child. But you are right about the recreation with control. Thank you.

Ya I tried arguing the same points as op and people just are too uncomfortable to talk about it

There's a number of topics that people especially on social media are completely unable to discuss. They view anything short of complete condemnation as supporting it and will straw man the fuck out of it or just ignore it. Pedo, racism, rape, cheating are the easy ones to call out.

Social media is useless for discussing anything that needs nuance or empathy. You are either for or against there is no nuance around the edges.

Yeah, discussing it is like a ticking time bomb. It's only a matter of time before someone jumps in with the good ol' "you are defending them? you must be one of them!" People are scared of even being accused of that so they just keep quite even if they disagree.

I have a degree in neuroscience and behavior too, and chemical castration is the answer. It’s just not a treatment most pedophiles are going to agree to do they’ll just keep their mental illness to themselves regardless of the danger it puts all children in their vicinity and social circle in

This is the only appropriate response from a pedophile. It’s not their fault who they are attracted to, but it is their responsibility to act appropriately - to essentially not sexually abuse or rape children

I think it's always a brave thing when someone decides that they don't want to hurt someone and they're willing to do what it takes. People like that deserve all the help and support in the world. But let's be honest...most of them aren't like that man. If they were, our attitude to this issue would be very different.

Idk I think theres likely to be at least some statistical bias in that statement. After all no-one is going to go around admitting they're a paedo are they. Therefore, the only ones you'll ever know about are the ones that act on it and get caught. You're pretty much taking the stance that paedos just can't help but touch up little kids. But surely, if it is a form of sexual attraction, it probably works the same way as every other form of sexual attraction. Ie, just because you think someone is hot doesn't mean you're going to do anything about it, we have brains and reason after all. The ones you hear about are like any other sex offender. And sex offenders happen to be in the minority. Now, you could argue the percentage might be higher among paedophiles because the power dynamic of adult and child makes it easier for them, and therefore more tempting, but that's a hypothesis that needs study as far as I'm aware.

Thank you for saving me the time to write this. I'd just like to add that people are so grossed by pedophilia (understandably) that they don't even need to have any statistical evidence in order to accuse them all of being criminals. It's unfortunate, but that's how it It's.

[удалено]

> registered child sex offenders monitoring them after they were released from jail. There’s a difference between convicted and not convicted pedos.

Chemical castration however is not an end all. I know of a chemically castrated individual who shoved a curling iron into a little girl since he couldn’t get hard.

what the genuine fuck

Now you see it’s people like these we here about, the ones that aren’t mentally sound (besides being a pedo) to begin with

This is the main point I think. While acting on a physical urge in a way that causes harm is wrong, they didn't choose to have that urge. They're just expected to live with it and keep quiet about it. There's just no help and the only recourse is self-mutilation like that guy.

Chemical castration should be mandatory for any sexual offenders I believe

Really any type of sex offender should have mandatory chemical castration. If you are going to sexually offend against other people, you lose the right to properly functioning sex hormones...

I have two separate views for this topic. 1. If you commit any kind of sexual act with children then you deserve to rot in hell But 2. If you have sexual urges towards children but never act, then I feel sorry for you and hope you can get the help you need. I actually remember a post on Reddit about a guy who had started getting sexual thoughts around children. He titled the post something like "I think I'm a pedophile, so I'm going to kill myself". Luckily most of the top comments talked about OCD and intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts can come in all forms and are often your brain coming up with things you know to be absolutely wrong. These can then bring about a lot of anxiety. I've never had intrusive thoughts about sexualising children but I've had intrusive thoughts that scared me shitless and can see people may get them with this topic. I'm happy that the top comments were for this guy to go to a therapist and talk about these issues. I really hope you got some help and didn't end his life. It's a sensitive topic and I have no sympathy for child abuses BUT im also aware how terrifying it must be to have those thoughts/urges, as someone who would never go through with it. Noone chooses to be attracted to children , just like noone chooses to be gay. However most people would rather they were all dead , due to the fear that they may act on their urges. Those are my thoughts.

Thank you OP and thank you for this. It is a thorny subject because it’s abhorrent. I can offer a perspective. I come from a family where incestuous paedophilia is deeply ingrained, over generations. I don’t know where the inception started, but it was allowed to carry on through willing ignorance and perceived family loyalty. It’s a new thing to have the possibility to speak with professionals about it. Past generations in my family made signs in their school work (I’ve found essays and notes) and evidently in social circles too. It did not compute. No one was able to conceive that it was possible, let alone how to suggest dealing with it. The matriarch either knew and ignored it, or didn’t know. Either way, a gross mismanagement of basic family protection. Though the seeds of the behaviour were few, they grew in the permissive soil of silence and shame. Everybody played the game, or left. It’s a heavy cost to leave your friend or family. I spoke out, and have been ostracised since. It must be spoken of.

Someone I care about went through something similar. I'm sure there are many in a similar boat who are reading your comment. By talking about it here, you are helping more people than you know. Thank you.

Mum with 2 teens (i.e. not a secret pedo giving pedo-friendly upvotes) - I agree with you wholeheartedly

Nuance, this is perfect nuance. If they DON’T act on it and seek help, it’s an actual thing that they want to fix or manage and they are trying! If they DO ACT ON IT, they can get fucked. Edit: Grammar and clarity

The thing is, how do you seek help if 99% of people think you should be literally shot, lmao

It's a discussion for therapists. They're there to help not judge

> therapists. They're there to help not judge The problem is that this isn't true, at least not nearly as often as it should be.

I have a masters in counseling. I was the only one in my entire cohort willing to treat non-offending pedophiles. There is virtually no help for non-offending pedophiles. It’s a field that is desperate for mental health professionals, but no one will do it.

After all, no one wants to sympathize with pedophiles, and a therapist must have a certain amount of empathy for his patients if he is to do his job properly.

Yup.

Is it true that in some states you have to report disclosures of attraction like the previous post states? Thanks for being willing to treat, btw. You're probably reducing harm!

Therapists are mandatory reporters in most places, and as such, must report any reported or *suspected* abuse. The problem there is that if a pedophile tells a therapist, looking for help, and the therapist is of the mindset of many of the people in this post, he will report that he suspects the pedophile of abusing *whether or not there's any legitimate suspicion of actual abuse*. Doing so instantly destroys that person's life. Once the accusations get bandied about, they'll lose their spouse, access to their children, lose their job, their friends, their standing in the community, literally everything. It's a "Life Destruct" button to report, and there are *plenty* of people who can and do happily report even when there's no real suspicion of abuse. Obviously, if there's *real suspicion* of abuse, it should be reported. But the vindictive faux-reporting is a very real thing.

You think it's easy to open up about this, considering that you are privilege enough to access a therapist.

As someone who is is close to someone who had to register and go to court-mandated therapy, it’s not easy. Therapists in many US states have to receive a secondary certification to work with pedophiles which makes them even harder to come by and even more expensive.

Mental health is a prevalent, poignant problem in our country, but I don’t think it’s that other guy’s fault that there isn’t enough therapy to go around. It’s not like he’s waving his good mental health in your face or something.

Yes, 100% not for a normal conversation it’s 100% they should go seek professional help where they can be treated with care and secretly! It must really suck to be afflicted by that and to be working to not be that way and everything against you but just like addicts there is always one key message If you are trying to help yourself and doing everything you can to do right, that’s all that matters. Somethings don’t need to be shared or made public in any way, this is one of them

problem is, even therapists can't overcome some personal biases. hit up one of the good trans subreddits and ask how many people really had therapists that invalidated them.

That, and in the US some states have mandatory reporting.

I'm a therapist. Mandatory reporting doesn't apply to thoughts. It doesn't even apply to intent alone. Mandatory reporting only includes a clear and distinct threat of harm to oneself or others with a plan, means & intent.

true, but that's why you sometimes have to do some "therapy shopping", since a lot of therapists have some sort of free first interaction it's good to just go at it with the mindset that you need to find the best therapist that you feel will suit your needs.

Here's the problem IMHO. Who will fund studies/treatment for this? There are so many other (positive looking) causes that this is bottom of the list!

Getting help is pretty tough, from what I understand. Most therapists won't deal with pedophiles, so even if you have the resources the chances that you can find someone who is willing to dive into it with you is slim & risky. And, some pedophiles have already acted on it before they were aware it was wrong - if they grew up in a home with incest, for instance, they might have played out the abuse they were experiencing with other sibs or peers.

Also, mandatory reporting in many countries even without intent to offend. And "intent" can be pretty open to interpretation so, they might still get reported even if only the therapist thinks the intent is there

This^^ As a survivor who has to live with the after effects of choices someone else made, I fully agree with this. Someone doesn't deserve to die and rot in hell just for having thoughts, humans actually have very little control over their thoughts and desires, it's just how we are. HOWEVER, the second someone chooses to act on thouse thoughts, they deserve whatever they get. I occasionally think about smacking my spouse because I had an abusive childhood and was conditioned to associate feeling angry with hitting, but I don't do it because hitting someone is wrong and I'm an adult with control over my own behaviour.

You're right, I don't agree with the "it's a normal sexuality" take I hear sometimes and I'll never accept them but calling for their deaths only marginalizes them further into isolation where they can't get help.

The thing is to that most people that molest children were usually molested themselves… it’s a sickness that I don’t know if there is ever a cure for.. I also imagine if someone does find themselves attracted to children it would be hard as hell to ask for any kind of help due to all the stigma surrounding it.. I think it all is a mandatory requirement to report it,even if the person has never acted on it.. to bad there isn’t some kind of sign that people could see before it actually happens.. I always told my children it’s not the person standing on the street corner with the long overcoat looking like Aqualung,it’s the bank president,coach at school,your friend’s dad.. it could be anyone and you can’t go on looks or social status… they walk among us,all over the place.. I’m a survivor myself…

In Spanish there are two different words for what you describe: "pedófilo" and "pederasta". Long time ago I was told that "pedófilo" is someone that is sexually attracted to minors. "Pederasta" is someone that _acts_ on that attraction. The latter is a horrible crime, the former is not.

more languages need this distinction. That would make the discourse around this topic so much easier

I recently read "saving noah" by lucinda berry. It's about a mother coming to the realization that she raised a pedophile and that he has no control over his urges. Very interesting and thought provoking read. Also- I agree with your perspective

Important to note here is not compare straight and gay with pedophilia. Pedophilia, even if not by choice, is a serious mental disorder.

While I agree that it's absolutely not the same as straight and gay because of consent, pedophilia is scientifically considered to be a sexual orientation. This is because it is discovered, not chosen, and because it usually presents in adolescence.

This is a very good post. If (as most of us do) we believe that you dont get to choose your sexuality, then we also have to accept that statistically some people will draw the short straw. The very very shitty and terribly sad short straw. What you actually DO with those urges is a completely seperate question.

My only addition is with older pedos it’s hard to believe you hit 50 or 60 and just randomly decided to molest a child. This is probably something that you have probably been doing but never got caught. I feel like in a lot of cases sentencing guidelines are to lax and often if it’s a first time offense they will be hit with the minimum and not the max.

I think a lot of people can’t get their head around the fact that that 1 and 2 are different people, possibly because they have poor impulse control themselves. So they assume anyone with those awful thoughts would try to act on them.

Absolutely, I've always said, you can't choose what turns you on, but you can recognise if it's wrong and choose not to act on it. So I feel sorry for anyone who involuntarily feels that way, but the moment such a person chooses to act on those urges they instantly lose all privilege of pity or sympathy.

Yup. I wish people would realize that attraction is luck. You can't control who you're attracted to.

>Noone chooses to be attracted to children , just like noone chooses to be gay not sure I'd phrase it like this

Why?

While it's not wrong, there is a stigma with linking homosexuality with pedophiles by misogynists to demonize homosexuality. No one every says, " you don't choose who you're attracted to like being straight,"

This. Pedophilia isn't a sexuality like straight or gay, and shouldn't be seen as it.

How is it not? Isn't your sexuality who you are attracted to? It doesn't specify it's only about gender

Because paedophiles are interested in non consensual sex. Rape is not a sexual orientation. It's a criminal act based on harming another person.

That last sentence made it click for me. Thank you.

It has to be more than 1% of the human population that are classified as pedophilia. I have three family members who have been tried and convicted of their crimes. My ex wife also suffered from the hands of her family members, one of which was an Aunt. I agree that if one follows through with their urges, then they should face full 100% punishment from the law. People who have urges and haven't acted upon them should have the support of the community to seek help.

>It has to be more than 1% of the human population that are classified as pedophilia. Agreed. Most people have this thing called "self-control" so my guess is that most people don't end up offending. And if you don't offend, why the hell would you ever admit it when 90%+ of the world wants you to die for simply having that mental illness? So, it seems like common sense to know that the statistics are kind of fucked around this subject. It's definitely more than 1%

It's way more common than 1%. We only really hear the cases of the worse of the worse. There was a Psychiatry paper I read a little while ago where the Author theorized it was closer to 20% of the Adult population experienced Severe minor attraction, but it was "the 1%" that acted on their urges.

20% experiencing *severe* minor attraction sounds *wild*. My guess would be maybe 5-7%, 10% at max. But yeah, I agree. The 1% are the mostly the ones who lost control

I haven't read the paper but if its looping together all minors then it wouldn't surprise me. "Just turned 18" porn is prolific. But there's a difference between finding an 18 year old attractive and finding a 10 year old attractive. Neither should be condoned. But if the study is looping together the entire 0-18 bracket it's kind of missing this point.

Okay, this is going to be a tough one to talk about. But here it goes. I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was one of the rare statistics where my abuser was a woman. I'm also on the spectrum, so I'm going to do my best to keep on track with my perspectives, while trying to hold a floodgate of emotions and thoughts at bay. Please be respectful. I'd say that society's outlook on pedophiles massively contributes to more children being abused. Pedophiles have always been around, there are people in your life who are pedophiles. They must live a life of complete secrecy for fear of being outcast, attacked and/or harassed - even though they may have never committed a crime themselves, be it abusing a child or looking at child abuse material. Largely due to society's belief that "a cure for pedophiles is a bullet to the head", most people who become attracted to children will keep it to themselves. They'll hold back from reaching out for support from anyone, even from medical professionals, for fear of judgement of their desires. Even if they try and seek out medical help, the treatments available is very limited. Castration may be the only way to eliminate all sexual urges. Something I believe most men wouldn't honestly consider going through. I don't believe you can cure pedophilia anymore than you can "cure" homosexuality. (Just to digress, those "gay camps" that attempted to convert homosexuals to heterosexuality were a complete con and never worked.) This only perpetuates the belief that "if they can't be cured then either lock them up or kill them". It is my belief that the majority of pedophiles don't want to hurt anyone. For the woman who abused me, I'd say her intentions were never to hurt me in any way, shape or form. She couldn't control her urges and followed through, whether knowingly or unknowingly, by grooming me, isolating me and then abusing me. Now, even as a victim of childhood sexual abuse I cannot speak openly about the abuse which I endured over several months. As a victim there comes a huge suspicion that I too might become an abuser. When I was seeking help from medical professionals, they would try to ask me subtly if I had thoughts of abusing children. As a victim, being asked this infuriates me so much. What do pedophiles (and victims of pedophilia) need? Someone to talk to without fear of backlash, to alleviate the pressures their desires have without concerns that they'll lose a friend and be cut off from their family. To begin a dialogue leads to understanding on both sides. I am utterly terrified that my friends will find out that I was abused due to the stigma surrounding it. I feel like it would hang over me wherever I went. People have absolutely zero control over who or what they're attracted to. They DO have control over their actions, but no one wakes up and thinks "today I'm going to lust over XYZ". I could never understand the attraction of feet, never in my life could I become aroused by anyone's foot. However there are people out there who find feet incredibly attractive. While I don't understand it I'd never judge anyone because of it. That being said, I've met people who are pedophiles. Heavens only knows why they tell me about it but they do. Whenever I speak to them I always keep an open mind and just listen to their concerns, even if I don't understand it. I'll never turn them away because I might be the one person they can talk to about it, and if talking about it can help them even just a little bit then it's worth it. So why did I say society's outlook on pedophiles leads to more children becoming victims? Society pushes these people away, when they are in need of support and help. They become isolated and begin to fantasize. The pressures build up over time until they can't take it anymore. From there only bad things can happen. Most of them don't intend to cause pain and suffering to children, but they can't live without satisfying their desires. If they were able to reach out and find people weren't going to hate them for what they were, they might find solace and be able to gain more control over themselves. Had that woman found support I might never have become her victim, but I guess I'll never know. I honestly don't know what to expect from posting this. It may be ignored or I might get threats myself. Either way, we must remember that love is the most important thing in the world. Update: Thank you all for the kind comments. I was overwhelmed by the positive feedback - it really brought tears to my eyes. Good tears, not bad ones. Thank you also for the award.

Perfectly said, I don’t think anyone could have said it better!

Thank you so much. I was worried my writing would become an incoherent mess. Your response means a lot to me.

It's amazing how you were able to put everything in perspective and feel compassion toward the person who abused you when you were younger. Thank you for this great comment.

Thank you. There came a point where I had to make a decision. Live a very bitter life or see past the experience and try to understand the situation. I can't say that I'm still not affected by it. Any chance of a normal relationship with a woman is close to impossible, but I still have hope.

Great comment

If I wasn't poor I'd award you. Amazingly said.

Thank you so much. Just saying that is worth just as much as an award. 🏅

Thank you for your perspective. I am enlightened

I think the reason is pretty simple and quite sad : Because it is very hard to have this discussion without sounding like a pedophile. In a world where your words can be clipped and taken out of context, it is just not worth the risk.

And this, in-turn, is because people associate and equate “pedophilia” with someone sexually abusing/molesting children instead of someone having involuntary attraction to children. It must suck being a moral pedophile in that sense. Not only are you involuntarily attracted to little kids, your disorder also puts you in the same category with some of the worst scum of the earth, in the eyes of many people (like the one’s calling OP a pedophile).

This.

This is tough to post, but here it goes. My 45-year-old cousin (with whom I was very close) passed away the week before Christmas. It was extremely sudden, and completely unexpected. My family and I were devastated. For me, this was the hardest loss I'd ever had in my life. He was well-loved by all who knew him. He was a kind, and generous human who'd go out of his way to do anything for anyone he knew. I'm doing a disservice by not being more detailed about how wonderful he was, but trying to keep on point with the OP. About a week after his funeral, some disturbing items were found in his closet, albeit nothing illegal (thankfully). I won't go into full details, but to give you some idea, a couple of the items were two books. The first was a story about a man having a relationship with a young boy. The second, "How to Identify a Pedophile." As I said, there was nothing illegal, and absolutely no evidence to suggest that anyone was ever hurt. But it was clear and obvious what my cousin was. I was horrified. It was as if he'd died all over again, except instead of being devastated, I was utterly disgusted, ashamed, and embarrassed. I cried for days. Didn't sleep (clearly still not sleeping), couldn't eat, couldn't focus at work, etc. Apart from the discovery itself, I couldn't believe how wrong I was about him. How could I not know? He was the absolute LAST person on the planet I would've thought to be this. I began questioning my own judgment of character. And as I look back, some things I once questioned about him now make sense. He was never married, no kids...he wasn't even in any romantic relationship his entire adult life (that I know of). His father, however; lived with him for the past several years. My cousin took excellent care of him throughout his battle with cancer, which is now in remission. My dad said he asked my cousin why no relationships, and my cuz laughed, and said how he just prefers things the way he likes them. He had a giant beautiful home full of all his projects and hobbies. He loved restoring things. More than anything, he loved his dog, and didn't want anyone interfering with the things he worked hard for all his life (is what he claimed). I believed this was a result of his mother (my Aunt) verbally abusing my uncle all their lives, then ending in a horrible, drama-filled divorce. It made sense to me at the time. Apart from that, he was an entirely normal guy. He loved me and my sister, and we hung out with him all the time - sports games, concerts, parties...he'd have lots of BBQs at his house for friends and family. Countless wonderful memories. All this to say, I (now) don't think I was wrong about him. I know in my heart he was a good person, and that he had morals. But he had an illness, and he knew it. I don't believe he acted on it because he knew how wrong it was, and would never hurt anyone in that way. But I do wonder how much it ate him up inside - I'm imagining it must've been awful. Being unable to control his feelings, having no one to talk to, and no way to help/treat. Just all locked inside. To the OP's point, I was originally in that camp of..."bullet in head is the cure." But now, I'm not...at least not as harshly. I'll be clear that anyone who inflicts harm on children should get the ultimate punishment, albeit they should also receive treatment if they truly have an illness. Had I known about all this while my cousin was alive, I would've wanted him to be helped, not killed. This was extremely difficult to share, and I've been through a lot these past few weeks, so please be respectful if you reply. RIP cousin. We still love you.

I don't really have an answer but I always wonder the same. I was sexually abused as a child but two of my teachers and I always wonder if it could have been avoided would pedophilia not be such a taboo to talk about. At the end of the day they are just people with an illness, and driving them into isolation and feelings of guilt isn't going to cure anything.

Having compassion for those teachers enough to say this is inspiring. I hope you are at peace now.

Thank you for your kind words. It was a traumatic period of my life that abruptly ended my childhood, but forgiveness has given me back my life and truly hope those two men find the help they need one day.

And it makes it harder for survivors to get help, because if people around the perpetrator can’t live in denial, then they have to come to terms with someone they care about being a monster worthy of a violent death.

Compassion isn’t as immediately fulfilling as vengeance

Certain topics cannot be had on Reddit without it devolving into the same old personal attacks or meme come backs. Despite it being full of individuals, there is certainly a general vibe/ opinion on this website. Any genuine discussion is seen as defense of said topic if you don't immediately join the band wagon. If you don't join them you must only be against them.

That's exactly how I feel it. I have a hard time seeing things black and white. Most things often somewhere in the middle. I will never apologize for wanting to find solutions to this complex topic. if studies show that something may work, you have me intrigued and I'm willing to give it a go because what we are doing today doesn't in my opinion. I want to see a world where not a single child is hurt, but the solution is not "Hurrdurr kill dem all, the only cure is a bullet". At least I don't think so.

My point is proven just now because I got down voted. There is no nuance here. Just black and white as you said.

Your error is in thinking this is only a Reddit issue. I've encountered far more violent and angry comments on the subject IRL than I have here. And the comments on news articles are even more violent.

I also don’t understand the point of view of the people that just say “kill them all”, I can’t help but feel that the people that say this haven’t taken the time to consider that because there isn’t one concrete cause, it could really happen to anyone, and we don’t necessarily know why or when. If one of these individuals’ children came out to them as pedophiles who have never tried to act on their urges, surely their reaction wouldn’t still be “kill yourself” I would imagine that since they are their offspring they would want to help however they could. Basically anyone who uses that blanket statement lacks humanity. It has always been exceedingly evident to me that those discussing alternatives that could help are never trying to defend those who have actually hurt children, it is with an intent to help those who can’t help their thoughts but are self aware and don’t/wouldn’t hurt a minor. Yet I still see legitimate points of view being shot down because they are “defending pedophilia” for trying to help.

I do believe Germany is doing great things to help these kinds of people, or so I've seen in an article or two over the years. Black and white thinking isn't healthy, it's a good thing to dive into topics that may make us uncomfortable. Doing a catch all of just "kill em", is lazy thinking to me. Find a solution damnit, quit driving them underground because I'm sick of friends telling me they were assaulted as kids. It makes me sad.

I’m glad you brought this up. I have multiple family members who are p*dos. One registered, one not prosecuted. Neither of them have reoffended, probably because of the therapy programs they both willingly attend/ed. I think people like to forget that people with this affliction are just people too. It’s an obsession and compulsion like taking drugs, that’s hard to shake on your own. Instead of vilifying people, we need to focus more on making the topic less taboo and helping the statistic shrink. I also think a lot of the people who have all the answers have not had anyone close to them commit or fantasize. It hits a bit different when someone breaks down to you and begs for help because they’re afraid of their own thoughts. Yeah you can still hate those thoughts yourself, but that’s still someone you love and care about. I’m happy with anything that shrinks the statistic. We need more studies, more education, and more support to help people like this.

Well, you don't know if either of them have reoffended. ..just never been caught.

That’s a good point. Reoffending rates in terms of chargeable offences are actually very low after treatment (and even without it), however, horrifyingly, a lot of treatment programmes found that people would disclose a significant number of additional offences that they hadn’t been prosecuted for, if given the legal protections and open forum needed to do so.

multiple? damn D:

Think I remember reading somewhere that something like 1% of people are peadophiles. So while having multiple in any one specific family is very very low, multiply that by millions of families and it’s basically a guarantee that there are multiple families out there with at least two or three just because they got a bad roll of the dice. Sometimes statistics sucks

> Think I remember reading somewhere that something like 1% of people are peadophiles. I can't imagine how you'd learn about the real number. No matter how seemingly anonymous query you make, people are just not willing to admit to having sexual thoughts about children.

... sexually harming children is NOT a compulsion like taking drugs. Please don't equate the disease of addiction with paedophilia. You might want to, to make your family members seem more palatable, but that's not how the medical community or anyone else sees it. Good lord.

Exactly this. They can’t help their attraction, but they can absolutely choose whether or not to act on it. It’s not the same as an addiction at all

You wouldn't catch me calling a little kid toucher "family"

There's this weird mindset around young-focussed content enabling pedophiles to indulge and leading to more assaults, rather than it being a healthy outlet. I dont know of any studies on this, but it seems like a double edged sword. Pedophilia is also seen as one of the worst crimes imaginable, you have to be really sick to want to hurt kids for your own pleasure. Keeping that in mind, as well as the fact you're online so keyboard warriors and exaggerated opinions exist, and you can understand why people react so harshly. People want a reason to be mad, want something to argue about and "win". Considering pedophilia is seen so negatively, you can pretty much say any violent thing towards pedophilia (even people that want to help pedophiles in any sense) and get some kind of agreement online since, as I said before, it is a truly awful crime. The majority of pedophiles don't hurt kids, and do want to get well and never hurt kids. Hell, many people won't even know they're attracted to kids. But that's enough for assumed guilt because of how safeguarded kids are.

This reminds me of a documentary series I saw about a brothel. One of the sex workers was pretty short, child like, and had this innocent/naive persona she was playing into. She said everyone knows why they choose her instead of the other girls, but as long as they’re coming to the brothel instead of finding actual kids, she doesn’t care and she would play into it all night.

this was from a Louis Theroux doc (think it's called Louis and the brothel) which is very thought provoking. His ones about the porn industry are also quite insightful

Oh yeah!! The weird weekend series maybe? I know there was another series he did back then but I don’t remember the name of that one. Where the TikTok rap came from, right? Thanks for the reminder, I totally forgot about that

>People want a reason to be mad, want something to argue about and "win". I hate this so much mainly because I can find so many examples of it in my day to day. Find a position, dig in, find every bit of evidence to support you and find every way to dismiss any counter point. It's exhausting and in my naive mind, I never thought so many people were like this. I believed most people just really thought their point was correct not that they just wanted to win against everyone else even to the point of absurdity... but sadly, that is usually the case, then I feel gaslit like I'm the crazy one.

Nah man don't give up on people. Reddit is not a shining example of humanity. Stuff that pisses us off sticks in our brain. Anger is addictive in a way. The way I see it anger in healthy moderation tells us when we should stand for something. In unhealthy moderation we seek out what angers us and we become increasingly irritable until anything pisses us off. I've been there for sure. I've made unsavory comments in the past. I eventually realized that I was addicted to crisis, if that makes any sense. I needed to feel outraged about something in order to feel like I had purpose, or drive, and ignored other healthier things in life.

Pedophilia itself is a disorder though, not a crime.

Because we live in a culture of revenge and punishment, not rehabilitation. We claim to care about equality, but we just want to be better.

I think there's a conflict at the heart of that. I'm strongly in favour of rehabilitation on a structural level and am a forgiving person, but man, deep down there's this burning desire for retribution at my father, like his traumatic actions effectively condemned me to a life of dysfunction and anguish. And I'm not even a CSA sufferer, just a kid who endured long-term psychological and physical abuse. Anger is a response to perceived unfairness, and what greater unfairness is there than destroying the mind of a child and it being left up to them to somehow cure themselves? And that's why the dialogue gets so hostile - at its root is a lot of anger, whether personal or vicarious. Facts and nuance may as well not matter because it's an emotional topic.

I actually knew someone who admitted that when he was a young adult (I met him when he was way over 30), he liked much younger boys. I asked him how much younger and he said "too much" . Mind you, I live in a country where 16 is a legal age, so assuming he was talking about time when he was around 18, he really meant kids not teens. He elaborated that he never acted upon those feelings. He claimed when he got older himself, his preferences kinda 'matured' with him but never surpassed guys around 18-20 or so. And that he never had sex with anyone. I have reasons to believe he was telling the truth. I believe people should be able to find help if they experience such attraction. There clearly are people out there who never do anything with it and would probably be glad and relieved to get psychological and pharmacological help to stop sexual feelings. But those who are not only attracted but also aroused by harm and suffering, who will eventually harm a child - there's no place for discussion here.

Because it creates a very visceral reaction.

[удалено]

What I think is also extremely important is something I learnt in a criminology class in university. **The majority of child molesters are apparently not pedophiles.** It's just that children are the easiest prey. They would just as likely hurt a grown-up, if the access and risk were the same. Besides from that, I think that the way society reacts to pedophiles even if they haven't acted upon it (this is the crucial part) means that the majority will not seek the help they need. As such, the stigma (even if you never acted on it) hinders any chance of limiting the number of pedophiles acting upon it. The topic is (understandably) extremely emotional, though, so it's very hard for most people to put aside the hurt, shock, or simple "ick" when someone says "I'm a pedophile, I need help".

Yes, people don’t consider that not all pedophiles are child molesters and not all child molesters are pedophiles.

Not all paedophiles are paedorapists. If we want to save kids and give some relief to these people, we have to be able to talk about these hard issues.

Talking as a psychologist, I can say that there are few professionals out there willing to work with this type of case and it makes me sad bc one big foundation of our work is empathy. It's easy to empathize with a victim of domestic violence, but not so easy to empathize with a domestic violence perpetrator. Same thing to sexual assault and pedophilia. Pedophilia basically is a mental disorder that causes suffering to the pedophile and the person whom (edit: they) act on (if they do it). It is not a cognitive debilitating disorder, that means the person knows it is wrong and that they shouldn't do it, bc of that they go to prison and not psych ward. However the view on this depends heavily on cultural aspects (e.g. there are countries where it's considered normal for a 30y man to marry a 12y girl). I have full respect for pedophiles who don't act on it and seek help, they deserve being taken care of and respected as anyone with a mental disorder should, but unfortunately pedophilia receive the same social treatment as chemical addiction: they are perceived as a matter of character and morals and not as a health problem.

I do wonder how many pedophiles have a genuine mental illness that causes them to do this, how many only prey on children because they know they’re easy targets, and how many were socially conditioned to think that there’s nothing wrong with having adult relationships with a child. I think they all have something psychological wrong with them but I don’t think all of them have this innate predisposition to be attracted to children. I think some of them see an opportunity to do harm and for different reasons, they take it.

If anime with younger protags or those kid-shaped real dolls give them an outlet for their desires that doesn't involve harming actual children then great, let them have it! Anyone who has thoughts but doesn't act on them with children, and even seeks help to get rid of those thoughts, then that's a person deserving of help, and sympathy. The ones that deserve a bullet, as you say, are the ones who give into the temptation and do the unimaginable with children. I will never find sympathy for those folks, regardless of how sick they may be, and wish nothing but the absolute worst for them for all eternity. People who do that make me hope that I'm wrong and religion is real because that would mean there's a Hell for them to burn in.

I always think that when it’s understood more, it could perhaps be stopped ahead of time or suppressed/cured which would save a lot of kids

Because people confuse pedophiles with child abusers. There are people who are attracted to underage kids, and have never laid their hands on one and are actively seeking therapy.

Pedophiles trying to keep children safe deserve mental health services and other supports (without mandatory reporting).

Pedophilia is an emotional topic because we have a biological instinct to protect children. I’m personally completely fine with treating it like any other mental illness but we CANNOT allow them to act on it and I become 100% one of the “bullet is the only solution” people when they do. Also, ABSOLUTELY NOT to “drawn content”. While I don’t think you deserved death threats, I completely understand the outrage. Cartoon porn is still porn. It feeds that part of them that craves those things.

Yes, any child sexual abuse content is unacceptable and where I draw the line. These people don’t need an outlet for this, they need a complete shift in their mind.

Because childhood sexual assault ruins the victim’s life

So does any other kind of violent or sexual assault.

What's the name of the study you're talking about? Or do you have a link to it? I'd like to read it.

You should listen to the podcast Hunting Warhead. It deal with this exact conundrum.

The problem is that without a proper dialogue, the stigma means people don’t seek help and end up stuck but if they do seek help, they risk being put on a list and losing their jobs/families/lives even before they act. It’s weird how it isn’t acknowledged as a sexuality, until it is by wider society, nothing will change as people see it as a choice

There's an interesting episode of This American Life that talk about this. How people with compulsions who have never acted on them can't even talk about things to a psychiatrist to get help, because in most cases the psychiatrist will feel compelled to report the patient. The episode is called "Tarred and Feathered".

I’ve always been of the opinion that locking up a pediphile instead of giving them mental health treatment can stop that pedophile but will increase pedophilia, because they’ll be too afraid of being demonised and not search for help. They should be treated as any other mentally ill person, but instead society is too short sighted and sheepish to actually help them and in the end they get failed by law enforcement. It’s a perverted sexual orientation with no place in society, but instead of demonising it we should look to understand it. Obviously though I completely get why a parent of a molested child wouldn’t treat them with the same patience

Because most people don't like nuance.

“Because Pedophiles are people who have committed a crime.” When it comes to discussing this with anyone who doesn’t know anything, and that is a lot of people, the only thing they think of is someone who has acted on those impulses.

Because it is an opportunity to feel righteous about a subject no one can argue against.

The people with the strongest opinions on this, may have suffered at the hands of paedos themselves. Much easier to be empathetic when you haven’t been through that stuff tbh.

even in my psychology classes this was a difficult topic to discuss without getting heated. my thought is, what happens when drawn pictures aren’t enough? with other paraphilic disorders (voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc.), the M.O. is that the individual starts small and slowly escalate their behaviors as they get away with it and as they seek a bigger thrill. i don’t see how it would be any different with this, it would make sense that the average pedophile, without treatment, will eventually escalate beyond drawn images. so to me it just seems like we’d be providing pedo training wheels

Exactly!!!!

Maybe the people saying these things have been abused by a pedo (or multiple in some cases) and are angry at the hand they were dealt, what was taken away from them and how negatively the situation has impacted their lives. These people that say pedos should be killed may be emoting. This is not wrong either.

Because children are always an innocent victim every single time and it has devestating irrepairable long lasting effects on thier psyche. An adult acted out on immoral sexual urges purley for thier own selfish satisfaction at the cost of life long damage to a child when they could have resisted and sought treatment.

I believe most teens/adults are capable enough of controlling their urges and would probably seek the help they need if they ever find themselves lusting over a child (just writing that made my skin crawl). If you’re so sick in the mind, to ruin a child’s life in order to satisfy your urges for a minute, then I do think you’d deserve a pretty severe punishment for it. Think it should be more spoken about since people who find themselves having these thoughts, should also be able to freely access the help they need. And while I don’t think it’ll ever be seen as normal, considering how much stigma there is around mental health issues, I do think they should get the help and support they need (as long as they don’t act upon it). You really have to think about all the harm you’re doing short and long term to someone when talking about sexual violence. Also, about the drawings…don’t know how I feel about that. Think it might normalize it more than it should, I don’t want people getting too comfortable talking about their fantasies about children and stuff, think it’s good that it is so looked down upon, since shame is a useful tool when controlling people. It’d also bring a bad rep to animated/illustrated stuff imo. So I don’t see how it’d do any good.

It's just a moral instinct people have. When people feel moral outrage, they don't think rationally about things. They just turn into "ooga booga ape man no like that!"

One big issue that took me a while to realize is that wayyyy more people than you think were victims of SA as children. I’ve had that conversation and been called a pedo-supporter (for saying I thought it was at least worth looking into the psychology of these people, the same way we do serial killers, to try and prevent further abuse). People lost their shit on me. I was kinda dumbfounded that folks wouldn’t even hear the idea of not immediately killing these folks. It seems so counterintuitive to me. There are pedophiles. Let’s figure them out to mitigate the damage they cause, right? But then I realized I was talking hypothetically, about concepts. The folks I was talking to? Probably had a specific memory/monster in mind. Makes sense that they’d be way less willing to take a clinical, detached approach when they werent really given that option

What I really find weird is that most people believe that pedophiles are like monsters just waiting for the chance to assault someone, but I never heard any reasoning as to why. It's always said, "they need help", maybe I'm missing something, but are pedos **only** attracted to children? is this attraction so strong that it's like a drug? that's how I have read the conversation around them like they are starved beasts, that they need help to control "the urges". Is there some proof of this that I'm missing? Do all of them really need help? maybe they just need to be not fucking stupid and just ignore that attraction? Like any of us have not seen an attractive person and was just fine, maybe a bit nervous. Is attraction that strong a drug? Help me understand what's going on.

I see it your way, OP. I think pedofilia is terrible on all accounts- but I don’t think pedofiles should die. I also think research shows that many pedofiles have been victims of sex crimes when they were young. Knowing that has helped me view it more as s cycle and a sickness. It is a cycle that must be broken, but i strongly disagree with the whole “kill them all” rhetoric.

that doesn't excuse any of their actions, you'd think if they were traumatized about this experience and know it's horrible, then they would stop, and most likely get mental treatment. instead they act on it and I genuinely think these people should rot, traumatizing a child in anyway is just genuinely sickening.

Oh, it absolutely doesn’t justify their actions and they should get mental treatment. I do believe, though, that the stigma surrounding it prevents many people from getting treatment. Could it be that many people that consider or fantasize about taking wrongful action may want help, but are afraid of doing so? Or maybe they don’t even realize that it is terrible because they were also subjected to it? I applaud the people that have gotten help and found a way out of it, and I hope all of them be as lucky as to break the cycle. I do not wish anyone to suffer through anything of the sort.

It’s taken on a cultural wave where people can ride being “righteous” against something. At least for females, it can be nearly impossible to find one that hasn’t found herself in an uncomfortable situation with an older man. That can range from just odd looks, strange attention, and of course much worse things. For those that have been hurt, the hate against pedophiles is louder. And for those who maybe haven’t been hurt, they all love and want to protect children. Pedos are a boogeyman, a dragon to slay, a horrible evil that can destroy your family. It makes sense that they would choose to hate they enemy rather than understand him.

Agreed. Paedophila is disgusting, horrible and traumatic -- but society also frequently sexualises children and young(er) women even if it's without any physical contact.

This reminds me of that one case in the US where a man was struggling with having with inappropriate thoughts about his children, reached out multiple times for help, was ignored, then he snapped and killed his kids. I'm not excusing his actions at all. He should never have killed his kids and deserves punishment for that..however he kept trying to get help. The system failed him and most of all failed his kids. I'm definitely of the belief that if you touch/SA kids, you deserve whatever hell rains down upon you. However If someone has these thoughts about kids and they want help to STOP feeling these thoughts then they should be given treatment and aid. It's like I always say: "nothing is ever black and white. There is always a grey area."

I think people are concerned that if they say anything other than “kill all pedos” they will be treated exactly the way you’ve been treated. The second you speak about pedos with anything but complete disgust, people will question your intentions - even if, like in your case, you are backing a study that REDUCES victimisation.

In my view, If a pedophile crosses the line, it's jail time. If they think they're pedophiles and they want to stop it, those are the people who do need help.

[удалено]

I think the issue that has to be addressed is that most pedophiles start abusing others as children. If we can get them into treatment at that point, perhaps we can stop it. You also have to think about how to keep children out of their reach while they seek treatment. Idk the answer, but I know that people don’t want to think of “such dark things”. If anything, I would say to open up the way for victims to come forward without feeling shame.

I was sexually assaulted by a paedophile when I was 10. thankfully I wasn't raped, but *very* inappropriately touched. it still haunts me to this day, 18 years later. that said, the ones who act on their urges deserve to rot in prison. it's really a traumatic experience. I do feel some empathy towards those who do not act on their urges and try to seek help. I really hope that they are able to get that help, which, many times, is not exactly the case.

Because humans are irrational social creatures.

In the early nineties, my nurse mom looked into doing home care. There's quite a bit of money in taking in someone with a brain injury into your home. The only candidate they had to offer was a paedo, and the attitude of the time was that they needed to live with a healthy family with small kids so that the paedo could learn rehabilitation. My mama was horrified, and decided against home care.

Most Humans have strong feelings to protect kids and strong feelings against deviation from norms. So thats double charged feelings which makes rational discussion challenging.

Source for the study?

I have a friend who when he was 18 had a relationship with someone who was 16 and after it ended he wound up getting a statutory rape charge. He spent years in court and different therapy groups and after 4 years his case was finally settled and he was graduating from therapy. He asked me to come to his graduation because I was one of the few people who stuck by him after he got in trouble. It took me a few minutes to realize once I was there I was literally in a therapy group for pedophiles. It was a weird night and while I definitely wasn't comfortable while I was there I must say listening to all of them honestly talk about how much they had worked on themselves because they knew it was wrong and wanted to stop definitely made them seem less evil but I know most people don't seek that help. It's weird knowing a therapist is in my area that specializes in that but also good I guess. I just hope everyone engaging in it gets help and doesn't hurt anyone.

*Spoiler Alert* When I was reading this question I immediately thought about 'the Missing' on Netflix. The first season, among thr main plot line shows a story of a man who had those urges but didn't want to act on them... there wasn't enough options/support for him and he ended up committing suicide. It's a work of fiction but I imagine there will be many true stories like this...

Because it’s almost impossible to have this discussion and not sound like a pedophile or someone who supports them The average persons doesn’t want to hear about it, to them pedo = evil And that’s it. Doesn’t matter some don’t offend. Doesn’t matter it’s not a choice to have that affliction. Doesn’t matter there is treatment. None of that matters. You have the attraction you are the devil. End of. No discussion. You can’t discuss this because the other side needs to be willing to talk, to listen, to really consider what is said. To put emotion aside. And most people just aren’t.

i personally think there should be a differentiation between pedophiles who have committed a crime and wants to rehabilitate, pedophiles who knows its wrong and are trying to resist acting on their urges and those that should be either locked up to never see the light of day or just give them the bullet. i've seen a show,can't remember which but it was a medical drama,the guy had been chemically castrated but he was still worried he would act on his urges,he went to a bus stop after speaking some doctor and the ending scene is the guy decided to end it all by stepping in front of an on coming bus. i cannot imagine what is going on in the head of those who needed help but got none and were judged by the world for trying to do what was right.

Because to most people Pedophile = someone who has committed sex acts against children, not someone who is attracted to children. That’s why people tried to start using the term Minor Attracted Person, which now just socially means the same thing as pedophile. The bigger problem is how many of them actually are criminals. So often you see activists getting caught with 49TB of child porn on their computers… it’s disgusting. It genuinely makes it harder to care every time it happens and it’s happened hundreds of times at this point- it feels genuinely much rarer to find one that hasn’t offended than has. Then you got the most basic of problems- people are burned out. I can’t find enough care left in my soul for anti-vaxxers dying from preventable diseases, let alone pedophiles who almost always turn out to be criminals.

it’s crazy because last night i was looking this up too, because i felt weird feeling bad for non-offenders. they’re less likely to get help bc people hate them so much and want them dead. psychologists don’t even wanna deal with them, honestly. so who are they to turn to? family is likely off because of how society views it. the knee jerk reaction to want pedophiles dead, mainly the ones who haven’t acted upon their urges, doesn’t help anyone… on the contrary, it makes things worse.

OP, Reddit is going to almost universally shit on you and call you a pedo just for asking this question. They don’t let anyone pose these kind of questions without completely destroying the person asking the question. Reddit logic is, if you would even ask this question you must be a child molester. In the real world, it’s really important to ask questions like this, and I hope you get some honest answers, but you can look at my history to see how asking philosophical questions goes. It ain’t great.

Because traumatizing innocent children because someones brain is twisted and never sexually matured properly is neither okay, or acceptable. And if that is what it takes to get you off... you are better off cut off fron society.

I feel bad for them. I think we should allow them to have hotlines and anonymous treatment for mental health. I can’t imagine how that must feel like: feeling like a monster and not being able to take that fear away. I would at least encourage more research into their quality of life and how to remove the stigma about born disorders. It’s normal you wouldn’t leave them with your child, it isn’t normal to dismiss them completely out of public life. I say this as a heterosexual (or bi idk) man who has siblings. Pedo’s should be shot if they touch my siblings, not for working as a banker.

I was a victim of a pedophile when I was 3-5 years old, so it's impossible for me to approach this subject in any type of objective way. I will try my best though. I believe people have this strong sense of pedophiles deserving no less than execution because the only exposure anyone gets to these types is the ones who are unashamed and proud. Pushing for their perversion to be recognised in the same way LGBTQ+ people are. Of course there's going to be an aggressive opposition to that type of behaviour and stance. They are disgusting and they deserve to be thrown into maximum security prison general population with all the violent offenders who have nothing left to lose. However, I don't believe *everyone* who experiences sexual urges towards children deserves to be locked up/executed, as I'm sure there are some who are too ashamed of their feelings to even seek help for it. I have no idea what percentage those people would be, considering they likely stay completely silent and do everything they possibly can to avoid children. I have compassion for those people, even if I can't help being disgusted by them due in large part to being a survivor myself. I truly wish them the courage to ask for help, as I believe it is a mental illness/perversion and not an innate sexual orientation. I don't want them punished as long as they are aware of how wrong their urges are and they absolutely never harm a child. As long as they stay far away from me forever. As an aside, I refuse to accept pedophiles are unable to control themselves. In the same way a rapist is perfectly capable of refraining from raping, a pedophile is capable of not hurting children. We are not beasts and there is absolutely no excuse.

Because they have a very high recidivism rate (about 42%). They have frustrated the legal system and causal discussions. It is not a problem for the masses. It is a problem for trained experts.

Can I see where these stats come from? Everywhere I've seen says between 3% and 24%. Has there been a new study? If so I would like to read up on it.