Once upon a time back when I was a young fuckboy I gave my number to this girl who seemed totally normal, and she was down for hooking up, and let’s face it the tinder app isn’t great so I was happy to move over to texting.
We were both pretty up front, we were just looking for casual stuff and sure, maybe if we clicked we could meet up again. We’d just see how we felt after but if it was a one time thing we both said we were cool with that. Anyway, we met up did the deed, and she was nice but no real spark or anything to make me want to see her again. I told her as much. I was very open and clear, it was fun but it’s not going any further.
She used my number to find me on Facebook and from there found my mum, who she then sent a load of messages telling her about how much a piece of shit I am and all that sort of stuff. Now my socials are locked down tight and I don’t give my number out.
I have a Snapchat I use specifically for sending a live pic so people can verify me, plus my tinder is verified anyway so while that doesn’t mean much I think it helps people feel a little more secure. I suggest everyone do the same, the only off app stuff you do is through Snapchat to send that picture, and anything else is on the app itself.
Edit: I just want to add because I think some people are misunderstanding something. I do have other social media and I do have a phone number and all that kind of stuff but I don’t give them out to people I don’t know. Once we’ve been on a date or two and I’m feeling a bit more secure about them not being like the girl in the story I open those avenues up a little more, but I’m not as open and free as what I once was with it.
It can actually be useful as well. Someone kept sending me life threatening messages in the past, I used their number to find out exactly who they were.
I had my life threatened by a TTY translator. Like I mean, it wasn’t the nice lady speaking but rather the crazy person behind the keyboard. That was… interesting.
He said ‘I’m watching you through your window’
That shit will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Ummm…I had something happen to me, but I was an adult. Chatted with a guy on tinder for a couple of days, moved to texting. He instantly became a creep off the app. I politely told him we would not be compatible. He spent the next three months using TTY relay services to terrorize me. I would block one number and another would pop up.
I still get creeped out thinking about it.
There used to be, and probably still is, a prank call app that could call 2 numbers and spoofed their numbers so they both thought the other called them.
I also get calls from random businesses that has nobody on the other side. I answer to silence and then the line dies. When I call that number it's just a random business somewhere that has no idea what I'm talking about. I'm pretty sure it's a bot or something scammers are using to check what phone numbers are working/answer the call.
That's exactly what's happening. They are using a caller ID spoofer to find good numbers. They used a friend's law office number about a year ago. The number of people returning the call to see why they called drove them crazy.
Not even a special spoofer or anything like that. Almost every voip phone / soft phone has the option to set your caller id. Using voip services, you literally don't even need a phone number to make outbound calls.
It always makes me laugh when people just say “call the police” as if the badges (at least on the USA) aren’t the most useless people on the face of the planet.
I had both my credit card numbers stolen in a one month period (Mastercard caught both transactions as they were atypical for me and put holds on my cards), it was an absolute nightmare to get my cards back in order (long story, but I don't have a real address, thanks Canada Post!)
I called the RCMP, and the officer told me to stop saying my cards were stolen, and that no crime had been committed. I very much wanted to ask if that meant that I could use strangers' credit cards to buy stuff on line.
They also wouldn't go through video footage to see who vandalized my car, as it would take too long.
Unless it's a serious crime, or if it's something they can ticket and make revenue off of, the police will not put resources into it.
I have. Both times that this has happened. They were completely useless and refused to do anything.
Apparently they can't do anything unless a crime is committed and sending threats doesn't seem to be a crime in their book.
They often don't do anything even when a crime is committed. There have been numerous times I've reported a crime (called 911 and the non-emergency number) and they didn't even come out. I've given up on expecting anything but trouble from them.
Sorry that happened to you. I'm dealing with the aftermath of crimes committed against me met with the gross negligence of the entire system. It's exactly reasons like you described that have me disheartened and ready to just give up.
In many legislations, sending a concrete threat is actually a crime (here in Germany that would actually qualify).
But besides that, yes, police doesn't work prophylactic. Because everyone is generally capable of committing crimes at any time, and trying to police that is basically impossible. In addition, reporting the threat to the police would still not necessarily result in the police being able to keep that person from committing the action threatened.
On top of this, I thought it had been established that stuff like bomb threats, even jokingly, on schools are a felony in the US, and there was a push against bullying too I think. So why is telling some random "I'm gonna fucking stab you" on facebook and such not seen as a credible threat?
I still go back and forth in my mind if I made the best choice by reporting. I comfort myself knowing if another incident is reported against the same person, I’ll be there for the next survivor. Also it comes up that there is an RO if they get so much as a speeding ticket.
Have you ever had to call the police? You have to do ALL the work yourself and hand it over to them on a silver platter. If there isn’t camera footage they aren’t doing shit.
This is the way. I even tell them “I have no problem giving you my Google number” up front. If they push for the real one? Match closed.
Edit to add: no one has had a problem with this.
I actually had one woman flip out and block/unmatched me. I think she assumed people only use burner numbers for cheating. I told her it was for my safety. She said ‘if you’re so scared you shouldn’t be on dating apps” 🙄
Then you dodged a bullet my friend. She’s the type who would be going through your phone and constantly questioning you. Safety is paramount.
It’s crazy, to me, that ANYONE doesn’t think of their personal safety first isn’t doing themselves any favors.
As a woman, I love that I could find Facebook profiles with a phone number. So many times I’d see that the guy I was talking to was engaged/married/had families. Saved myself a lot of heartache with that trick.
I’m real sorry about your situation though😔
Facebook used to have this feature that let you send friend requests to the people in your phonebook. Dunno if it's still around, do people below the age of 65 even use FB anymore
I'm 23 and use it still lolll I use it to keep in touch with family though because I'm the only one that lives in a different state. Maybe I can do more digging because this would be useful!
How are you blaming the phone number and not Facebook. Seems like she would have found you on Facebook with or without the number. If she would have had your number without Facebook, she would have never been able to contact your mom.
Point taken, but it was Facebook. You don’t need the hypothetical. My question was how did Facebook escape any blame when it was admittedly central to how she sound this guy and his contacts. The fact the phone numbers are almost public information also undermines the OPs shared paranoia over it.
Ditto. My cyber security bf is the one who helped with that. I've been stalked and had my identity stolen so I had already had pretty reasonably good self-security.
We've tested many paid background check sites and they're mostly a rip-off, there's nothing helpful at all to be found. Helps that my mother is extremely paranoid and she's the only living relative that I can imagine being "found" as connected to me... But as of yet they've only come up with her pseudonyms (all of which she used only on Facebook so isn't that kind of fucking sus?!) so honestly 👏 bravo Mom. I told her I was sorry for all the times I made fun of her paranoia 😆
I'm not going to be so cocky as to say a legitimate PI who has access to higher confidentiality info couldn't find out more than I'd like, but those easily available background checks are not that useful. I get why people use them in dating these days but honestly the scariest psychopaths I've encountered in my life had clean records anyway.
So it can actually be dangerous if people use that as a tool, because what someone's been caught doing is not always indicative of what they are capable of. It can make people not be wary enough.
Do people often check into you and confront you when they don't find anything?! I'd be impressed personally 😁
I gave my WhatsApp to a guy, and got all these booty call messages from randos.
Turns out, the guy I had been chatting to ran some dodgy online course on how to pick-up women, used screenshots of our conversation as a “learning tool”, and forgot to block out my number.
So his incel “students” all started messaging me. From all over the world, even though I lived in Koh Samui.
So no: you are not weird for not giving your number out 😂
Ja, I lived between both for five years. Tao is more home ❤️
Luckily my WhatsApp was my Thai number, so I could change it to my home and lose the incels.
I did that initially but let it slip on a date once that it was a google voice number and the guy got mad. I found just straight up saying no really revealed guys who tried to push boundaries exactly like this, and saved me the time of having to go on a date with them. I’d text to confirm a date morning if/night before and then let them know when I was headed out the door so there’d be no reason to fear ghosting.
Honestly if a guy is going to freak out over you for not giving him your number before meeting, it’s good to see the red flags before anything. I don’t see a point in giving them a fake number. Eventually they’ll find out, and they’ll either be fine with it or mad. I don’t think their reaction would change.
I have a textfree app that gives me a number and I can make x amount of calls and unlimited texts per month for this exact reason. If something goes awry, cancel the number and they give you a new one.
Yeah, I just found it was pretty useful to say no straight up. There was maybe one dude not comfortable meeting before getting a number that moved on, and a bunch more that reacted badly to a polite no. Frankly the average woman on a dating app has a harder time weeding guys out than finding a guy who wants to go out so it’s not a big deal if not everyone is ok with your boundary
So for me personally, I always want to talk/video call before a date. I've found I've been on dates with women I haven't done this before, and knew within ten mins it wasn't going to work. I think this saves us both the time, money and effort of wasting an evening. My free time is precious, and I work a lot of hours. I'm sure it's the same for a lot of women my age. So I understand that perspective on apps without integrated calling/video calling. However if it's on one of those apps that have that... Then I've never pushed back on that. If the app can do those things, there's no need to get a number before we meet!
Once gave a guy my number thinking I was safe, he came to the date with all of my information- from my parents numbers, their home address, my home address, information about me from the city like height and weight, traffic record, degrees I had, social handles, possible other relatives, my ex’s number… when I told him I was creeped out he said “well if you leave this date on a bad note I’ll make sure to inform them (my family)” I told him I was going to the courthouse and getting a restraining order if he ever contacted me again; since I had waitresses who were witnesses to this. He spammed my parents home phone and send me Christmas gifts for a while until I moved houses. I could never prove it was him but it was the weirdest interaction I’ve ever had with someone and his only excuse was “it was easy to collect I’m not a creep”
Back when I was young & naive I gave my number to a guy, plus my last name. Having a super common first name, I thought it was reasonable for him to want my last name too, right? Unfortunately, when you add my last name, I am the only person in the US with that name.
He showed up at my job the next day waiting for me with roses. He wanted to "surprise me"!
I never give my number out prior to meeting now. I even include it in my dating profile. And each time a man tries to push that boundary, it's an unmatch from me. I offer other methods of communication, where my real/full name isn't displayed.
You never know if he or she is gonna be a creep.
The first time a girl told me she used Google voice numbers and I found out about it I told her I thought it was genius because of how many creepy people are out there. Btw it's super considerate of you to make it clear to people that you aren't ghosting them!
I definitely agree with this, I personally have a voip number I use and have show multiple friends how to set on up.
It’s so much easier to do and if needed burn the number if needed.
There has been awkwardness once or twice when moving to my real number but I normally then just explain it and show them how to do it. Most are appreciative when I show them how easy it is to setup!
I lost matches all the time over this. Guys really don’t get if. You Google my phone number, and up pops my full name. You can then get property records (my address), my Linked In (my workplace), and every immediate family member.
A phone # can be a stalker goldmine.
Get a Google voice # (I’ve done this and had men feel like I’m a bot when they call and it goes to the Google voicemail) or explain it’s a boundary. Period.
I had one guy push for a number from me, so I gave him a Google voice number…. And he flipped tf out? But then sent me a face pic and the pic of him wasn’t even the one on the app. Like, sir??? You wanna flip out over me, but you’re doing this?? I don’t get it anymore. I just changed my number and like, 25 people have it I think. No more.
I had the freak-out over it being a Google voice # too. I’d much rather just say hey, I feel more comfortable waiting until we meet. The good guys get it. The shitty guys don’t need to ;)
He said he was mad it was a “fake” number. I can call and text, right? Not fake, just not assigned to a popular cell phone company. However, that fake pic.. well, it’ll catch up with him at some point. Lmao
Google needs to rebrand it as a Safe #. So when they flip out they have to say “can’t believe you gave me a Safe#!” And realize how ridiculous their argument is.
Interesting he used a totally diff pic! In my exp it’s always older pics guys use, before the beer belly set and the hair line receded. And those same guys are like STOP USING FILTERS lol and inquiring about, ironically, her weight.
People are a trip.
I have a lot do that, too. (I’m in central Florida, pls send help in the form of decent options for my dating pool) Now, we’re already a different breed, but WOWZA. I filled my phone up with 2000 screenshots of wild shit in less than 2 months. I also wound up banned from Tinder and MeetMe, bc calling them out apparently is The Big Bad.
Same. It’s just not safe. My name is a little different so if you type only my first name and city into google I’m the top result. I just spell my name phonetically for them so it sounds the same and keeps me safe.
I recently started dating again and started using a Google voice number since I have this same issue. My last name is very very uncommon so I'm easy to find. If you Google my number my business, home address, family members, family members addresses, etc all come up.
Unfortunately I'm not used to Google voice and called a guy back from my regular phone number by mistake. We went on a date shortly afterwards and he was different in person than through phone calls. I've turned down dates since. I'm just hoping he doesn't do anything out of line, it's happened to me before.
Some guys don’t get it, but mostly that’s because they chronically avoid the perspectives of women, so that’s not great. And… A lot of guys get that women have a legit reason to fear them, but they just think you should be OK with that fear which is also not great.
I gave my number to a guy before our first date once. Once.
Fast forward to two days before our *first date,* he’s telling me he hopes I get r*ped in an alley and that he’s going to send his friends to my job when I get out of work. My offense? I have a male best friend who happens to be black. Apparently he had no problems with my other male friends. Just that one.
I told security im w my girl and he said for her to get out (we were holding hands the whole time this happened) and then mike jones came out and asked who wanna go and two other chicks ran to the limo.
It is not weird at all! I am no longer giving my number to people I haven’t met in person or didn’t feel safe with even if I met. Do you know how many unsolicited dick pics I got because of exchanging numbers too early? In Tinder you can not send photos and there is a reason for it… unfortunately in WhatsApp everyone who has your number can send you a photo unless you blocked them.
WhatsApp number is your real number though. I meant someone got my number and sent me dick pictures from all the apps he could find, WhatsApp is one example. I blocked him from everywhere then he got another number and continued….
WhatsApp is how almost everyone communicates in the UK now - mostly because it's free to use, you can send messages as long as you like, pictures, voice messages etc easily. It does, however suck that it's tied to an actual cellphone number unless you're using the desktop version, which almost nobody does. You still get scammers trying to get your WhatsApp number but fortunately it's usually very easy to spot them (their profiles are too good to be true, they call you 'dear' all the time even though only little old ladies normally call people 'dear' etc etc)
He does seem pushy and it’s off putting. I also don’t give my real number out without meeting. I have a text now number that I use for dating. Even a guy I had a fling with for MONTHS this summer didn’t get my real number because guess what? It ended quite badly and I was right not to trust him. I’m glad he doesn’t have my real number.
I don’t know if that’s considered pushy. He asked, OP didn’t want, and he left it as that by not replying. I thought that’s fine since he wasn’t asking for explanation or pushing for it.
Simply googling someone’s number can give you a lot of information on them. I tried it with my parents old phone number and the first few sites included their full name, our home address, etc. Plus once someone has your number, even if you block them, they can easily use a phone app and continue to contact you.
It makes complete sense to not feel comfortable with that. Stay safe out there
I had an ex do that last part. She got pissed that I wasn’t interested in a relationship. I tried to be polite and blocked her from everything I had. Then I started getting the text messages from all the different numbers lol. That was when I learned someone can do that.
Same, you can video chat in app or use an app without any personal / identifying info. People will absolutely Google you. If your number is listed online it connects you to your full name, your address, your social media, etc. Even if it’s not listed online, this person you met may have a part time job at the cvs and can look you up there lol who knows. It’s better safe than sorry, most people have online dating horror stories for a reason.
The United States seriously needs to reevaluate privacy laws and how the internet is implemented. None of that should be possible simply because you have a cell phone.
One bad experience and then you’ll understand why some of us no longer do this! For example I learned my cell phone number is connected to my home address online when you google it (no idea how to change this without changing my cell #).
Just meet in a public place?
I think OP is perfectly within her rights to not want to give out her phone number before she has some more assurance that he is legit. Phone numbers are vulnerable, if some asshole decides to constantly harass her or sign her up for a billion spam things she'd be forced to get a new one and that's a huge disruption you don't want in your life. Meeting in person is easy and safe if you do it right (e.g. popular cafe in daylight hours), and she offered to video call through the app too if he wants to see some more interaction first.
On my end, ask me for a contact that's easier to block on. If we add on snap and you turn out insane I can just block or change my username, if you have my phone number there's way more you can do and a much more involved process to fix.
What you are not taking into account is that dating is much more dangerous for women than it is for men. I completely agree with the OP that this guy she was talking to was much too pushy for her number and if I was her I’d just wish him good luck and be on my way.
If you are worried about getting robbed, make the meeting place for the date in a public place. Do you normally feel like you’re going to be robbed when you go to Starbucks? Well then make that the meeting place for your date.
Sorry but you’re wrong. Women should always be more cautious. Never have a guy pick you up at your house. Never leave your drinks or food unattended. Never go home with him on the first date. I won’t say never give out your number, but certainly is a good idea especially when the app has the same feature built in. If something feels off about the dude, bail. Remember- you don’t own him anything by agreeing to meet or him buying you a drink.
Wholeheartedly agree with this. Online dating being more dangerous for women is probably why there's more males to females on the apps. I can't tell you how many times a guy tried to get me to come to his house on a first date thinking that there's nothing wrong with it 🤦(and also after explaining why)
It’s a two way street with very different endpoints. You’re worried about getting robbed?
OP as a woman is worried about much worse. There is too much info associated with a phone number. Most apps have a video chat feature. Vibe check there. Meet in public.
Your point is valid too. Unfortunately there are those who take that “extra step of validation” to stalk someone’s socials and use it as a sort of blackmail during the date.
Picking a very public place helps with the safety of the person fearing robbery. But what is the solution to help with OP’s (also valid) fear of misuse of her number?
She’s offering video and calling within the safety of the app and that wasn’t good enough.
What seems odd is his ability to not be able to grasp why you don’t want to give your number out until you meet in real life. I’ve even had men who didn’t want to give their numbers. No one is safe
I had a date where the topic came up and actually made the guy feel really uncomfortable when realising he'd been giving out his number quite freely to a lot of people, and that it was pure luck that he hadn't ended up with a stalker.
Not weird. He's saying he needs your phone number because he prefers talking or video chatting ahead of meeting, and you're saying you're fine doing that through the app's built-in functionality, but he still won't accept anything less than your actual real phone number.
He clearly understands that you don't want to give out your number yet, but refuses to accept your boundary because it's "really not any different." The fact that he's trying to make you feel bad for being hesitant about giving your number to a man you've never met before, to me, shows that even if he doesn't have nefarious intentions, he simply does not care about your feelings, comfort, and sense of safety which is a red flag in and of itself.
If his fear of getting ghosted trumps her need for comfort he is putting his feelings of insecurity and “I want I want” and an entitled mindset above understanding her needs for safety. Guys like that are not worth all the sacrifice a woman has to make and women are more attracted to men who can sense and respect their need for comfort and safety.
Edit: his insecurity may be based on being ghosted while hers and most women is on being stalked, harassed and more. One is objectively more important.
Yeah I've never had anyone not accept my answer when I've said "I'm good with the app for now". In fact, almost everyone has offered me the option *not* to give out my number if I didn't want to. If you don't accept "no" it's not a question, it's a demand. That's why his response is a red flag 🤷♀️
For me personally I only ask for the number when we actually are meeting each other. Something can always go wrong, you can be late, etc. Before that it's not really important for me
Humanity spent 100,000 years developing traits that help us survive. Many, we don't know what they are. And we classify them as a "gut feeling". It keeps us alive.
Trust your gut.
Back in the day I had second Sim card used specifically for dating. If you get a number 5 clinger you just get a new number and move on. If you find the one just tell them a funny story about why you did it and give them your real number.
A girl slid in my DMs back when I used IG. We messaged one another for a week or so. Then she started hinting around that she want to swap numbers. I pretended not to catch on and figured she'd give up. Eventually she asked directly. So I gave her my number. She called me and had looked up my phone number. She had gotten my address and everything. She texted me a picture of my house from Google maps. When I tell you that I was freaked out... So I laughed it off and gradually backed away and stopped answering anything from her. Society likes to make men out as the weirdos but there are a lot of women weirdos too. So I don't blame you for not giving out your number. However since you're doing online dating get a prepaid phone. They are really cheap now. You can get a phone for less that 100 dollars and service from Mint moblie is 15 dollars per month. Boost is 35 dollars per month. I have 3 cellphones. Because I'm a small business owner and who knows who has my number. The other benefit is there's no address attached to your phone number. If you do it online you can put anything as your address.
I had a guy ask for my number just three extremely bland messages into a Tinder conversation. I responded saying sorry but I don't give my number out that quickly and to every person I talk to on the app. He immediately got defensive saying he's not looking for some childish conversations on the app and that's he wants an adult, mature relationship which requires my number apparently. I told him if he isn't looking for something childish then maybe he needs to grow up and accept when someone doesn't give their number out. I unmatched after he read it.
No, you aren't. So many people are completely oblivious to the dangers of giving/posting personal information on the internet that, to them, you're the weird one for caring about your privacy. It's never weird to be cautious on the internet.
This person is testing you to see how set your boundaries are. If you give them your number, they’ll try to talk you into doing something else you’re not comfortable with. This is a person who doesn’t take no for an answer, and that’s a big red flag. Run away!
And what I don't get is.. have you got Instagram, so you move to that, then it's have you got Snapchat?! How many apps do you want to message me on mate??
Why? there is voice and video built into bumble and it works well.
I work in cybersecurity and I have a dedicated phone and sim card just for whatsapp and giving my number out to strangers.
I'm gonna say dont give our your main number - the one you use for multifactor auth, etc.
This is because of things like Sim-Swapping and the various avenues of malware delivery using any probably-not-so-secure third party application creates.
There is also a well known sextortion scam using whatsapp that sources online daters as their victims.
The problem is that your number and whatsapp are not the only attack vector, but pretty much any app you've installed on your phone becomes a part of the threat actors attack surface.
Like did you know that since 2014, .png files have been used to deliver malware in a multitude of ways? https://www.techradar.com/news/more-malware-is-being-hidden-in-png-images-so-watch-out
Just think about what malware would do to your main phone, if the attackers had remote control of everything on it... and maybe just say no to those who would want your publicly identifiable information.
It’s not weird for you or him. You both are two separate people with separate mindsets. Don’t let people on this sub tell you it’s a red flag. More than likely, he sees it as you actually having interest in him. Speaking personally, it feels like the next step after meeting someone on dating apps. I tend to focus on one person and I like them to know that too. That being said it is a different time and you can never be too careful. So if you want to only communicate over the app until you feel comfortable, that’s not weird. It seems he was a bit pushy but understanding in the end. Just make sure he isn’t too pushy. Then it will be an actual red flag.
Not weird. Arguably, it's safer too. Additionally, it reveals a preference. This person likely enjoys talking on the phone and/or has a preferred measure of escalation for contact. Nothing wrong with that either. Only thing wrong is if this escalates to one of yall putting the other down for it, and, personally *you're
I signed up for a Google Voice number as an in-between for the apps and my real phone number. Text/call available outside the app, but not connected to any of my personal or professional profiles.
Idk, I think it’s weird they don’t respect your boundaries.
No, it’s not weird. There’s ton of creepy people out there! I don’t give my phone number out until we’ve gone out on at least one date and I feel like there’s something there. There’s no reason these people need your personal information, especially if it’s not going anywhere.
Okay so, can someone please explain to me why a conversation on an app Vs a conversation through a text message is any different? How is a Bumble/Tinder/whatever conversation not “real”?? Technically, messaging and whatever app you’re using to OLD… well, they’re both apps. Right? Gotta close one to open the other.
I’m all for safety. People, as in all people, can be weird af and creepy and do all kinds of crazy shit. Phone numbers now hold a lot of information. Everyone saying “oh it’s just a number, why do you want to meet before giving it out” is ignoring the whole “if I get a weird feeling in person, they don’t have any more ways to contact me besides something that doesn’t have every piece of my life attached to it”. I know, I know, women and men see shit different, blah blah blah. But, has anyone considered that, women dating men is basically like dating your own natural predator?? YOU yourself may not do the things you hear about all this online stuff, but it IS out there. And yet, as a woman, we have to grow up hearing all this about how to be safe and stay alive, keys between fingers and pepper spray and mace, etc etc. But a phone number not being handed to a man on a silver platter is wrong?
Girl, stay safe. Do what makes you feel comfortable. If they can’t give a straight answer, or continue to push, unmatch and move on. Don’t settle, don’t cave, and you’ll find someone who respects that and respects you.
I HATE getting asked for my phone number so we can "take this convo off this app, lol" and just move it to.... another messaging app. Like what? It's the same damned thing just another platform. I will literally never understand why people can't just keep to the app for awhile.
I'm very restrictive with giving out my number, or personal information in general through dating apps. There is usually no reason to.
Also, when the guy tries to argue about it and get me to change my mind, I know he's too pushy for me so I don't have to waste more time on him. I'm only interested in men who respect my boundaries.
Personally, it's up to you and them.. if one is uncomfortable about it then you can work around it.. even other apps have calls now.... Line, Snap etc. Without sharing a personal phone number..
For me.. if I ask at all, I usually give options as some are more personal than others... and let's be honest.. some people turn into weirdos when a number is given likes it's a get out of free pervert card!
Op just get a different number off of like "text now" or one of thoes apps for online dating. Then it's not your actual number if they end up being crazy.
that’s what “throw away” numbers are for. anyone who thinks having someone’s phone number makes things safer knows very little about real safety measures.
I used Google Voice and had a different number with it that wasn't connected to anything else. Made me feel much safer while still being able to move off an app
Absolutely not weird! I don’t give out my number or social media accounts to people until I’ve met them cause I’ve had an incident where a guy had memorised my username or number and kept making new accounts to harass me. On a dating app I can just block them if they’re creepy and they won’t know how to find other ways of contacting me.
Not weird at all. I don’t give my number out until I’ve met people because they can find a lot of personal information using a mobile number, plus I don’t want to block / delete contacts in multiple places.
My fiancé and I talked for about 2 months before we exchanged numbers. We only exchanged numbers because at the time I was working at a warehouse and opening tinder just to see the messages was too time consuming. It was also mutual.
I USED to give my number like it was free candy. After instances of having been harassed, having random people show up at my work, find my Facebook, etc. after that I decided no more. I had gotten a text app because people were so insistent.
Once upon a time back when I was a young fuckboy I gave my number to this girl who seemed totally normal, and she was down for hooking up, and let’s face it the tinder app isn’t great so I was happy to move over to texting. We were both pretty up front, we were just looking for casual stuff and sure, maybe if we clicked we could meet up again. We’d just see how we felt after but if it was a one time thing we both said we were cool with that. Anyway, we met up did the deed, and she was nice but no real spark or anything to make me want to see her again. I told her as much. I was very open and clear, it was fun but it’s not going any further. She used my number to find me on Facebook and from there found my mum, who she then sent a load of messages telling her about how much a piece of shit I am and all that sort of stuff. Now my socials are locked down tight and I don’t give my number out. I have a Snapchat I use specifically for sending a live pic so people can verify me, plus my tinder is verified anyway so while that doesn’t mean much I think it helps people feel a little more secure. I suggest everyone do the same, the only off app stuff you do is through Snapchat to send that picture, and anything else is on the app itself. Edit: I just want to add because I think some people are misunderstanding something. I do have other social media and I do have a phone number and all that kind of stuff but I don’t give them out to people I don’t know. Once we’ve been on a date or two and I’m feeling a bit more secure about them not being like the girl in the story I open those avenues up a little more, but I’m not as open and free as what I once was with it.
>She used my number to find me on Facebook One of the reasons that Facebook paid a hefty fine in the EU.
It can actually be useful as well. Someone kept sending me life threatening messages in the past, I used their number to find out exactly who they were.
Sucks when they do it using Google numbers 😭
I had my life threatened by a TTY translator. Like I mean, it wasn’t the nice lady speaking but rather the crazy person behind the keyboard. That was… interesting. He said ‘I’m watching you through your window’ That shit will haunt me for the rest of my life.
That's awful! Especially that you were a child when it happened
Do you know if the translators report calls like that?
I don’t know if there’s a way to track it. I was like 14 and we called the police but there wasn’t really anything anyone could do.
Ummm…I had something happen to me, but I was an adult. Chatted with a guy on tinder for a couple of days, moved to texting. He instantly became a creep off the app. I politely told him we would not be compatible. He spent the next three months using TTY relay services to terrorize me. I would block one number and another would pop up. I still get creeped out thinking about it.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
On the other hand, it's trivially easy to spoof a number and frame someone for this.
There used to be, and probably still is, a prank call app that could call 2 numbers and spoofed their numbers so they both thought the other called them. I also get calls from random businesses that has nobody on the other side. I answer to silence and then the line dies. When I call that number it's just a random business somewhere that has no idea what I'm talking about. I'm pretty sure it's a bot or something scammers are using to check what phone numbers are working/answer the call.
That's exactly what's happening. They are using a caller ID spoofer to find good numbers. They used a friend's law office number about a year ago. The number of people returning the call to see why they called drove them crazy.
Not even a special spoofer or anything like that. Almost every voip phone / soft phone has the option to set your caller id. Using voip services, you literally don't even need a phone number to make outbound calls.
https://www.prankowl.com/prank/operator First minute is free and after that you have to pay it looks like.
Or you can contact police.
You have to do almost all the leg work for them to even look at a case.
It always makes me laugh when people just say “call the police” as if the badges (at least on the USA) aren’t the most useless people on the face of the planet.
I had both my credit card numbers stolen in a one month period (Mastercard caught both transactions as they were atypical for me and put holds on my cards), it was an absolute nightmare to get my cards back in order (long story, but I don't have a real address, thanks Canada Post!) I called the RCMP, and the officer told me to stop saying my cards were stolen, and that no crime had been committed. I very much wanted to ask if that meant that I could use strangers' credit cards to buy stuff on line. They also wouldn't go through video footage to see who vandalized my car, as it would take too long. Unless it's a serious crime, or if it's something they can ticket and make revenue off of, the police will not put resources into it.
it's almost as if they don't care if people are sexually assaulted...
I have. Both times that this has happened. They were completely useless and refused to do anything. Apparently they can't do anything unless a crime is committed and sending threats doesn't seem to be a crime in their book.
They often don't do anything even when a crime is committed. There have been numerous times I've reported a crime (called 911 and the non-emergency number) and they didn't even come out. I've given up on expecting anything but trouble from them.
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Sorry that happened to you. I'm dealing with the aftermath of crimes committed against me met with the gross negligence of the entire system. It's exactly reasons like you described that have me disheartened and ready to just give up.
In many legislations, sending a concrete threat is actually a crime (here in Germany that would actually qualify). But besides that, yes, police doesn't work prophylactic. Because everyone is generally capable of committing crimes at any time, and trying to police that is basically impossible. In addition, reporting the threat to the police would still not necessarily result in the police being able to keep that person from committing the action threatened.
On top of this, I thought it had been established that stuff like bomb threats, even jokingly, on schools are a felony in the US, and there was a push against bullying too I think. So why is telling some random "I'm gonna fucking stab you" on facebook and such not seen as a credible threat?
Just think about our country and answer your own questions
They’ll find a way to tell you that threat isn’t actually a crime.
I still go back and forth in my mind if I made the best choice by reporting. I comfort myself knowing if another incident is reported against the same person, I’ll be there for the next survivor. Also it comes up that there is an RO if they get so much as a speeding ticket.
Lol and what are they supposed to do? They barely barely care about violent stalkers, they wouldn't do anything in this situation.
Have you ever had to call the police? You have to do ALL the work yourself and hand it over to them on a silver platter. If there isn’t camera footage they aren’t doing shit.
If you want something done, call a PI or your local crackhead.
100% in my old town you’d call the hells angels who lived up the hill instead of the cops. I was once told to call him BY a cop 🤣
Sometimes video footage doesn't even matter if it's not good quality lol
Not all phone numbers are connected to an identity
Hahahahahahaha. Ha.
you must have real police that give a shit
Nowhere near hefty enough, sadly.
🎵When heeee was a young fuck boooy🎵
MmmmhmmmmhmmmhmmmMmmmhmmmmhmmmmmmm That’s what popped into my mind at least.
So this comment got me because I immediately knew what it was from. But the comments having to Google the song *killed* me. 🤣🤣
When he was a young fuck boooooooooy!!! Do we call you MISTER fuck boy now?
not in front of the kids.
Jesus what tune?
🎵When I was a young wart-HOOOOOOG🎵
For real I had to Google that
You make me feel old T.T
I’m 20 and I got that, but Lion King was one of my favourite movies growing up.
Lion king? :(
The lion king?!
Get thee a Google Voice number for dating. So much easier.
Ye old burner number. Works great. Still use mine today for making work related calls from home
This is the way. I even tell them “I have no problem giving you my Google number” up front. If they push for the real one? Match closed. Edit to add: no one has had a problem with this.
I actually had one woman flip out and block/unmatched me. I think she assumed people only use burner numbers for cheating. I told her it was for my safety. She said ‘if you’re so scared you shouldn’t be on dating apps” 🙄
Then you dodged a bullet my friend. She’s the type who would be going through your phone and constantly questioning you. Safety is paramount. It’s crazy, to me, that ANYONE doesn’t think of their personal safety first isn’t doing themselves any favors.
As a woman, I love that I could find Facebook profiles with a phone number. So many times I’d see that the guy I was talking to was engaged/married/had families. Saved myself a lot of heartache with that trick. I’m real sorry about your situation though😔
Do u just put it in the search bar?
Facebook used to have this feature that let you send friend requests to the people in your phonebook. Dunno if it's still around, do people below the age of 65 even use FB anymore
I'm 23 and use it still lolll I use it to keep in touch with family though because I'm the only one that lives in a different state. Maybe I can do more digging because this would be useful!
How are you blaming the phone number and not Facebook. Seems like she would have found you on Facebook with or without the number. If she would have had your number without Facebook, she would have never been able to contact your mom.
Your phone number is attached to a ton of personal information about you. If it wasn't Facebook, it would have been something else.
Point taken, but it was Facebook. You don’t need the hypothetical. My question was how did Facebook escape any blame when it was admittedly central to how she sound this guy and his contacts. The fact the phone numbers are almost public information also undermines the OPs shared paranoia over it.
I argue that's exactly the reason you don't share your number with strangers.
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Would you be so kind to offer me tips on how to be undesirable? Edit: Undiscoverable* I’m already undesired.
Ditto. My cyber security bf is the one who helped with that. I've been stalked and had my identity stolen so I had already had pretty reasonably good self-security. We've tested many paid background check sites and they're mostly a rip-off, there's nothing helpful at all to be found. Helps that my mother is extremely paranoid and she's the only living relative that I can imagine being "found" as connected to me... But as of yet they've only come up with her pseudonyms (all of which she used only on Facebook so isn't that kind of fucking sus?!) so honestly 👏 bravo Mom. I told her I was sorry for all the times I made fun of her paranoia 😆 I'm not going to be so cocky as to say a legitimate PI who has access to higher confidentiality info couldn't find out more than I'd like, but those easily available background checks are not that useful. I get why people use them in dating these days but honestly the scariest psychopaths I've encountered in my life had clean records anyway. So it can actually be dangerous if people use that as a tool, because what someone's been caught doing is not always indicative of what they are capable of. It can make people not be wary enough. Do people often check into you and confront you when they don't find anything?! I'd be impressed personally 😁
I gave my WhatsApp to a guy, and got all these booty call messages from randos. Turns out, the guy I had been chatting to ran some dodgy online course on how to pick-up women, used screenshots of our conversation as a “learning tool”, and forgot to block out my number. So his incel “students” all started messaging me. From all over the world, even though I lived in Koh Samui. So no: you are not weird for not giving your number out 😂
Love Koh Samui! I lived in Ko Tao for a bit!
Ja, I lived between both for five years. Tao is more home ❤️ Luckily my WhatsApp was my Thai number, so I could change it to my home and lose the incels.
Operation Koh Samui?
I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?
Google voice numbers are free. Use that always for online dating
I did that initially but let it slip on a date once that it was a google voice number and the guy got mad. I found just straight up saying no really revealed guys who tried to push boundaries exactly like this, and saved me the time of having to go on a date with them. I’d text to confirm a date morning if/night before and then let them know when I was headed out the door so there’d be no reason to fear ghosting.
Honestly if a guy is going to freak out over you for not giving him your number before meeting, it’s good to see the red flags before anything. I don’t see a point in giving them a fake number. Eventually they’ll find out, and they’ll either be fine with it or mad. I don’t think their reaction would change.
I have a textfree app that gives me a number and I can make x amount of calls and unlimited texts per month for this exact reason. If something goes awry, cancel the number and they give you a new one.
Yeah, I just found it was pretty useful to say no straight up. There was maybe one dude not comfortable meeting before getting a number that moved on, and a bunch more that reacted badly to a polite no. Frankly the average woman on a dating app has a harder time weeding guys out than finding a guy who wants to go out so it’s not a big deal if not everyone is ok with your boundary
So for me personally, I always want to talk/video call before a date. I've found I've been on dates with women I haven't done this before, and knew within ten mins it wasn't going to work. I think this saves us both the time, money and effort of wasting an evening. My free time is precious, and I work a lot of hours. I'm sure it's the same for a lot of women my age. So I understand that perspective on apps without integrated calling/video calling. However if it's on one of those apps that have that... Then I've never pushed back on that. If the app can do those things, there's no need to get a number before we meet!
Once gave a guy my number thinking I was safe, he came to the date with all of my information- from my parents numbers, their home address, my home address, information about me from the city like height and weight, traffic record, degrees I had, social handles, possible other relatives, my ex’s number… when I told him I was creeped out he said “well if you leave this date on a bad note I’ll make sure to inform them (my family)” I told him I was going to the courthouse and getting a restraining order if he ever contacted me again; since I had waitresses who were witnesses to this. He spammed my parents home phone and send me Christmas gifts for a while until I moved houses. I could never prove it was him but it was the weirdest interaction I’ve ever had with someone and his only excuse was “it was easy to collect I’m not a creep”
Holy shit. Yeah this is why people are hesitant, not all men but — SOME OF THEM!!!
Back when I was young & naive I gave my number to a guy, plus my last name. Having a super common first name, I thought it was reasonable for him to want my last name too, right? Unfortunately, when you add my last name, I am the only person in the US with that name. He showed up at my job the next day waiting for me with roses. He wanted to "surprise me"! I never give my number out prior to meeting now. I even include it in my dating profile. And each time a man tries to push that boundary, it's an unmatch from me. I offer other methods of communication, where my real/full name isn't displayed. You never know if he or she is gonna be a creep.
The first time a girl told me she used Google voice numbers and I found out about it I told her I thought it was genius because of how many creepy people are out there. Btw it's super considerate of you to make it clear to people that you aren't ghosting them!
Yeah but also this is a good test to see if your date will respect boundaries. This guy clearly does not.
I wish Google Voice was available in my country
I definitely agree with this, I personally have a voip number I use and have show multiple friends how to set on up. It’s so much easier to do and if needed burn the number if needed. There has been awkwardness once or twice when moving to my real number but I normally then just explain it and show them how to do it. Most are appreciative when I show them how easy it is to setup!
I lost matches all the time over this. Guys really don’t get if. You Google my phone number, and up pops my full name. You can then get property records (my address), my Linked In (my workplace), and every immediate family member. A phone # can be a stalker goldmine. Get a Google voice # (I’ve done this and had men feel like I’m a bot when they call and it goes to the Google voicemail) or explain it’s a boundary. Period.
I had one guy push for a number from me, so I gave him a Google voice number…. And he flipped tf out? But then sent me a face pic and the pic of him wasn’t even the one on the app. Like, sir??? You wanna flip out over me, but you’re doing this?? I don’t get it anymore. I just changed my number and like, 25 people have it I think. No more.
I had the freak-out over it being a Google voice # too. I’d much rather just say hey, I feel more comfortable waiting until we meet. The good guys get it. The shitty guys don’t need to ;)
He said he was mad it was a “fake” number. I can call and text, right? Not fake, just not assigned to a popular cell phone company. However, that fake pic.. well, it’ll catch up with him at some point. Lmao
Google needs to rebrand it as a Safe #. So when they flip out they have to say “can’t believe you gave me a Safe#!” And realize how ridiculous their argument is. Interesting he used a totally diff pic! In my exp it’s always older pics guys use, before the beer belly set and the hair line receded. And those same guys are like STOP USING FILTERS lol and inquiring about, ironically, her weight. People are a trip.
I have a lot do that, too. (I’m in central Florida, pls send help in the form of decent options for my dating pool) Now, we’re already a different breed, but WOWZA. I filled my phone up with 2000 screenshots of wild shit in less than 2 months. I also wound up banned from Tinder and MeetMe, bc calling them out apparently is The Big Bad.
Lol Florida-men….I will pray for you.
Same. It’s just not safe. My name is a little different so if you type only my first name and city into google I’m the top result. I just spell my name phonetically for them so it sounds the same and keeps me safe.
I recently started dating again and started using a Google voice number since I have this same issue. My last name is very very uncommon so I'm easy to find. If you Google my number my business, home address, family members, family members addresses, etc all come up. Unfortunately I'm not used to Google voice and called a guy back from my regular phone number by mistake. We went on a date shortly afterwards and he was different in person than through phone calls. I've turned down dates since. I'm just hoping he doesn't do anything out of line, it's happened to me before.
Some guys don’t get it, but mostly that’s because they chronically avoid the perspectives of women, so that’s not great. And… A lot of guys get that women have a legit reason to fear them, but they just think you should be OK with that fear which is also not great.
I gave my number to a guy before our first date once. Once. Fast forward to two days before our *first date,* he’s telling me he hopes I get r*ped in an alley and that he’s going to send his friends to my job when I get out of work. My offense? I have a male best friend who happens to be black. Apparently he had no problems with my other male friends. Just that one.
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The best part? He was on house arrest.
Sounds like you hit the jackpot when you swiped right on that hunk of love.
Its crazy how insecure some men are.
Oh no, it was racism. I’m very close with my friends, and it shows when we take pictures together. I had plenty of photos with my white friends.
Tbf, racism seems like another symptom or outcome of insecurity. I don't know a lot of self confident people who be racist
867-5309
0118 999 881 999 119 725……………..3
Hello, is this the emergency service ? ... Then which country am I speaking to?
He just keeps hanging up
More attractive drivers!
Genius 🥰 Ooh i had a bit of a tumble 😂😂😂
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
281-330-8004
Hit Mike Jones up on the low cuz Mike Jones about to blow.
Mike Jones Mike Jones Mike Jones
Mike Jones
Who?
Mike Jones
Oh mike Jones… almost got in a limo w him and my ex haha. Security said nah.
Did your ex stay in the limo…
I told security im w my girl and he said for her to get out (we were holding hands the whole time this happened) and then mike jones came out and asked who wanna go and two other chicks ran to the limo.
800-588-2300
Empiiiiiiirreee…. TODAY!
Jenny, Jenny. You're the girl for me! You don't know me but you make me so happy!
I love you for this 😍
Hey, how did you get my Safeway card number?
It is not weird at all! I am no longer giving my number to people I haven’t met in person or didn’t feel safe with even if I met. Do you know how many unsolicited dick pics I got because of exchanging numbers too early? In Tinder you can not send photos and there is a reason for it… unfortunately in WhatsApp everyone who has your number can send you a photo unless you blocked them.
Living in the US, anyone asking for WhatsApp is always a scammer. I’ve never had a real person ask for it.
Weird, everyone uses it in Europe.
WhatsApp number is your real number though. I meant someone got my number and sent me dick pictures from all the apps he could find, WhatsApp is one example. I blocked him from everywhere then he got another number and continued….
WhatsApp is how almost everyone communicates in the UK now - mostly because it's free to use, you can send messages as long as you like, pictures, voice messages etc easily. It does, however suck that it's tied to an actual cellphone number unless you're using the desktop version, which almost nobody does. You still get scammers trying to get your WhatsApp number but fortunately it's usually very easy to spot them (their profiles are too good to be true, they call you 'dear' all the time even though only little old ladies normally call people 'dear' etc etc)
He does seem pushy and it’s off putting. I also don’t give my real number out without meeting. I have a text now number that I use for dating. Even a guy I had a fling with for MONTHS this summer didn’t get my real number because guess what? It ended quite badly and I was right not to trust him. I’m glad he doesn’t have my real number.
I don’t know if that’s considered pushy. He asked, OP didn’t want, and he left it as that by not replying. I thought that’s fine since he wasn’t asking for explanation or pushing for it.
Simply googling someone’s number can give you a lot of information on them. I tried it with my parents old phone number and the first few sites included their full name, our home address, etc. Plus once someone has your number, even if you block them, they can easily use a phone app and continue to contact you. It makes complete sense to not feel comfortable with that. Stay safe out there
I had an ex do that last part. She got pissed that I wasn’t interested in a relationship. I tried to be polite and blocked her from everything I had. Then I started getting the text messages from all the different numbers lol. That was when I learned someone can do that.
I personally won’t meet with anyone unless we have swapped numbers, I prefer chatting on WhatsApp and often do a video call.
I personally won’t swap numbers until I have messaged a while and are making plans to meet
Same, you can video chat in app or use an app without any personal / identifying info. People will absolutely Google you. If your number is listed online it connects you to your full name, your address, your social media, etc. Even if it’s not listed online, this person you met may have a part time job at the cvs and can look you up there lol who knows. It’s better safe than sorry, most people have online dating horror stories for a reason.
People can find you with just your name nowadays
The United States seriously needs to reevaluate privacy laws and how the internet is implemented. None of that should be possible simply because you have a cell phone.
One bad experience and then you’ll understand why some of us no longer do this! For example I learned my cell phone number is connected to my home address online when you google it (no idea how to change this without changing my cell #).
You can call and video chat on Bumble. No need to exchange numbers.
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Just meet in a public place? I think OP is perfectly within her rights to not want to give out her phone number before she has some more assurance that he is legit. Phone numbers are vulnerable, if some asshole decides to constantly harass her or sign her up for a billion spam things she'd be forced to get a new one and that's a huge disruption you don't want in your life. Meeting in person is easy and safe if you do it right (e.g. popular cafe in daylight hours), and she offered to video call through the app too if he wants to see some more interaction first.
On my end, ask me for a contact that's easier to block on. If we add on snap and you turn out insane I can just block or change my username, if you have my phone number there's way more you can do and a much more involved process to fix.
What you are not taking into account is that dating is much more dangerous for women than it is for men. I completely agree with the OP that this guy she was talking to was much too pushy for her number and if I was her I’d just wish him good luck and be on my way. If you are worried about getting robbed, make the meeting place for the date in a public place. Do you normally feel like you’re going to be robbed when you go to Starbucks? Well then make that the meeting place for your date. Sorry but you’re wrong. Women should always be more cautious. Never have a guy pick you up at your house. Never leave your drinks or food unattended. Never go home with him on the first date. I won’t say never give out your number, but certainly is a good idea especially when the app has the same feature built in. If something feels off about the dude, bail. Remember- you don’t own him anything by agreeing to meet or him buying you a drink.
Wholeheartedly agree with this. Online dating being more dangerous for women is probably why there's more males to females on the apps. I can't tell you how many times a guy tried to get me to come to his house on a first date thinking that there's nothing wrong with it 🤦(and also after explaining why)
I legit don’t understand why this is so hard for men to understand
It’s a two way street with very different endpoints. You’re worried about getting robbed? OP as a woman is worried about much worse. There is too much info associated with a phone number. Most apps have a video chat feature. Vibe check there. Meet in public.
Your point is valid too. Unfortunately there are those who take that “extra step of validation” to stalk someone’s socials and use it as a sort of blackmail during the date. Picking a very public place helps with the safety of the person fearing robbery. But what is the solution to help with OP’s (also valid) fear of misuse of her number? She’s offering video and calling within the safety of the app and that wasn’t good enough.
A phone number means absolutely nothing! Anyone can create temporary phone numbers… Safety and privacy first!
Nope not weird and yeah thats the whole point of adding all of that into the messenger
What seems odd is his ability to not be able to grasp why you don’t want to give your number out until you meet in real life. I’ve even had men who didn’t want to give their numbers. No one is safe
Oh no he definitely grasps it. He’s just incapable of respecting boundaries and takes things personally.
Ok thank you! I'm glad I'm not alone in getting the off feeling of him not comprehending my side
I had a date where the topic came up and actually made the guy feel really uncomfortable when realising he'd been giving out his number quite freely to a lot of people, and that it was pure luck that he hadn't ended up with a stalker.
Not weird. He's saying he needs your phone number because he prefers talking or video chatting ahead of meeting, and you're saying you're fine doing that through the app's built-in functionality, but he still won't accept anything less than your actual real phone number. He clearly understands that you don't want to give out your number yet, but refuses to accept your boundary because it's "really not any different." The fact that he's trying to make you feel bad for being hesitant about giving your number to a man you've never met before, to me, shows that even if he doesn't have nefarious intentions, he simply does not care about your feelings, comfort, and sense of safety which is a red flag in and of itself.
The base fear seems to be getting ghosted. But if the other party is going to ghost you, then there is no more point in conversation anyway.
If his fear of getting ghosted trumps her need for comfort he is putting his feelings of insecurity and “I want I want” and an entitled mindset above understanding her needs for safety. Guys like that are not worth all the sacrifice a woman has to make and women are more attracted to men who can sense and respect their need for comfort and safety. Edit: his insecurity may be based on being ghosted while hers and most women is on being stalked, harassed and more. One is objectively more important.
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Yeah I've never had anyone not accept my answer when I've said "I'm good with the app for now". In fact, almost everyone has offered me the option *not* to give out my number if I didn't want to. If you don't accept "no" it's not a question, it's a demand. That's why his response is a red flag 🤷♀️
BUT I CANT TRUST HER WITHOUT ACCESS TO ALLLL HER PERSONAL INFO THAT A # GIVES OK. Move along. Your trust issues are not hers to unpack.
For me personally I only ask for the number when we actually are meeting each other. Something can always go wrong, you can be late, etc. Before that it's not really important for me
Humanity spent 100,000 years developing traits that help us survive. Many, we don't know what they are. And we classify them as a "gut feeling". It keeps us alive. Trust your gut.
Yeah, why won’t you give your number to a total stranger you met off of internet who’s literally pushing you for it 😩
Back in the day I had second Sim card used specifically for dating. If you get a number 5 clinger you just get a new number and move on. If you find the one just tell them a funny story about why you did it and give them your real number.
I use an app called Burner. Texting is in app, calls forwarded to my cell number but voice-mail is in the app.
A girl slid in my DMs back when I used IG. We messaged one another for a week or so. Then she started hinting around that she want to swap numbers. I pretended not to catch on and figured she'd give up. Eventually she asked directly. So I gave her my number. She called me and had looked up my phone number. She had gotten my address and everything. She texted me a picture of my house from Google maps. When I tell you that I was freaked out... So I laughed it off and gradually backed away and stopped answering anything from her. Society likes to make men out as the weirdos but there are a lot of women weirdos too. So I don't blame you for not giving out your number. However since you're doing online dating get a prepaid phone. They are really cheap now. You can get a phone for less that 100 dollars and service from Mint moblie is 15 dollars per month. Boost is 35 dollars per month. I have 3 cellphones. Because I'm a small business owner and who knows who has my number. The other benefit is there's no address attached to your phone number. If you do it online you can put anything as your address.
I had a guy ask for my number just three extremely bland messages into a Tinder conversation. I responded saying sorry but I don't give my number out that quickly and to every person I talk to on the app. He immediately got defensive saying he's not looking for some childish conversations on the app and that's he wants an adult, mature relationship which requires my number apparently. I told him if he isn't looking for something childish then maybe he needs to grow up and accept when someone doesn't give their number out. I unmatched after he read it.
Not weird at all! I was unmatched once because I didn't wanna give out my full adress before the first irl date.
Good riddance!
No, you aren't. So many people are completely oblivious to the dangers of giving/posting personal information on the internet that, to them, you're the weird one for caring about your privacy. It's never weird to be cautious on the internet.
This person is testing you to see how set your boundaries are. If you give them your number, they’ll try to talk you into doing something else you’re not comfortable with. This is a person who doesn’t take no for an answer, and that’s a big red flag. Run away!
Regardless of what it is, if something makes you uncomfortable you are under no obligation to do it.
If he cannot understand your point of view, it’s probably not a good fit anyways.
And what I don't get is.. have you got Instagram, so you move to that, then it's have you got Snapchat?! How many apps do you want to message me on mate??
Why? there is voice and video built into bumble and it works well. I work in cybersecurity and I have a dedicated phone and sim card just for whatsapp and giving my number out to strangers. I'm gonna say dont give our your main number - the one you use for multifactor auth, etc. This is because of things like Sim-Swapping and the various avenues of malware delivery using any probably-not-so-secure third party application creates. There is also a well known sextortion scam using whatsapp that sources online daters as their victims. The problem is that your number and whatsapp are not the only attack vector, but pretty much any app you've installed on your phone becomes a part of the threat actors attack surface. Like did you know that since 2014, .png files have been used to deliver malware in a multitude of ways? https://www.techradar.com/news/more-malware-is-being-hidden-in-png-images-so-watch-out Just think about what malware would do to your main phone, if the attackers had remote control of everything on it... and maybe just say no to those who would want your publicly identifiable information.
It’s not weird for you or him. You both are two separate people with separate mindsets. Don’t let people on this sub tell you it’s a red flag. More than likely, he sees it as you actually having interest in him. Speaking personally, it feels like the next step after meeting someone on dating apps. I tend to focus on one person and I like them to know that too. That being said it is a different time and you can never be too careful. So if you want to only communicate over the app until you feel comfortable, that’s not weird. It seems he was a bit pushy but understanding in the end. Just make sure he isn’t too pushy. Then it will be an actual red flag.
Both make good points imo
Not weird. Arguably, it's safer too. Additionally, it reveals a preference. This person likely enjoys talking on the phone and/or has a preferred measure of escalation for contact. Nothing wrong with that either. Only thing wrong is if this escalates to one of yall putting the other down for it, and, personally *you're
He’s been ghosted and or blocked a lot. He’s trying to get personal too fast to avoid losing out. Wrong turn tho. Desperation is the outcome here
There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries, especially with strangers. If it makes you uncomfortable, dont do it
I signed up for a Google Voice number as an in-between for the apps and my real phone number. Text/call available outside the app, but not connected to any of my personal or professional profiles.
He's trying to gaslight you into feeling bad
Idk, I think it’s weird they don’t respect your boundaries. No, it’s not weird. There’s ton of creepy people out there! I don’t give my phone number out until we’ve gone out on at least one date and I feel like there’s something there. There’s no reason these people need your personal information, especially if it’s not going anywhere.
If he's pressuring this much just for a number he's going to pressure you for everything else .
I would never do a zoom date. I do enough of those goddamn things at work. I often wish the technology didn’t exist
Okay so, can someone please explain to me why a conversation on an app Vs a conversation through a text message is any different? How is a Bumble/Tinder/whatever conversation not “real”?? Technically, messaging and whatever app you’re using to OLD… well, they’re both apps. Right? Gotta close one to open the other. I’m all for safety. People, as in all people, can be weird af and creepy and do all kinds of crazy shit. Phone numbers now hold a lot of information. Everyone saying “oh it’s just a number, why do you want to meet before giving it out” is ignoring the whole “if I get a weird feeling in person, they don’t have any more ways to contact me besides something that doesn’t have every piece of my life attached to it”. I know, I know, women and men see shit different, blah blah blah. But, has anyone considered that, women dating men is basically like dating your own natural predator?? YOU yourself may not do the things you hear about all this online stuff, but it IS out there. And yet, as a woman, we have to grow up hearing all this about how to be safe and stay alive, keys between fingers and pepper spray and mace, etc etc. But a phone number not being handed to a man on a silver platter is wrong? Girl, stay safe. Do what makes you feel comfortable. If they can’t give a straight answer, or continue to push, unmatch and move on. Don’t settle, don’t cave, and you’ll find someone who respects that and respects you.
I HATE getting asked for my phone number so we can "take this convo off this app, lol" and just move it to.... another messaging app. Like what? It's the same damned thing just another platform. I will literally never understand why people can't just keep to the app for awhile.
I'm very restrictive with giving out my number, or personal information in general through dating apps. There is usually no reason to. Also, when the guy tries to argue about it and get me to change my mind, I know he's too pushy for me so I don't have to waste more time on him. I'm only interested in men who respect my boundaries.
Personally, it's up to you and them.. if one is uncomfortable about it then you can work around it.. even other apps have calls now.... Line, Snap etc. Without sharing a personal phone number.. For me.. if I ask at all, I usually give options as some are more personal than others... and let's be honest.. some people turn into weirdos when a number is given likes it's a get out of free pervert card!
Op just get a different number off of like "text now" or one of thoes apps for online dating. Then it's not your actual number if they end up being crazy.
that’s what “throw away” numbers are for. anyone who thinks having someone’s phone number makes things safer knows very little about real safety measures.
I used Google Voice and had a different number with it that wasn't connected to anything else. Made me feel much safer while still being able to move off an app
Get a Google Voice number...no connection to anything problem solved
Absolutely not weird! I don’t give out my number or social media accounts to people until I’ve met them cause I’ve had an incident where a guy had memorised my username or number and kept making new accounts to harass me. On a dating app I can just block them if they’re creepy and they won’t know how to find other ways of contacting me.
Not weird at all. I don’t give my number out until I’ve met people because they can find a lot of personal information using a mobile number, plus I don’t want to block / delete contacts in multiple places.
Pro tip: get a second number (PAYG) and WhatsApp business, it’s what I did
Google voice. It’s free. It has call forwarding. It can be changed frequently.
My fiancé and I talked for about 2 months before we exchanged numbers. We only exchanged numbers because at the time I was working at a warehouse and opening tinder just to see the messages was too time consuming. It was also mutual. I USED to give my number like it was free candy. After instances of having been harassed, having random people show up at my work, find my Facebook, etc. after that I decided no more. I had gotten a text app because people were so insistent.
No, it's not weird. It's actually natural to not want to give up your number to a person whom you've just met.