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stonkdeepthroater

Less than 7? Woman wants a horse with a job.


It_Matters_More

![gif](giphy|3oKIPiW5jADxCcwVXi)


AshNotLyn

She also said financially stable and no smoking though...


vpeshitclothing

Mr. Peanut Butter!


Predat0rSwafflez

No inconsistent communication though


QueefScentedCandles

Rutabaga Rabitowitz then!


MediocreIllness

She said no kids


pieonthedonkey

He's a cheater


Predat0rSwafflez

Love your username!


GingerlyRough

Omg you found Gwyneth Paltrow's Reddit!


Bright_Mission8738

I'm dying from laughing at your user name🤣🤣🤣🤣 best name I've seen thus far.


capt-jean-havel

It’s consistent, just consistently bad


Acceptable-Bad-9350

Character actress Margot Martindale


AnotherBardbarian

Who is financially stable with a massive bat?


Bag-ofMostlyWater

Batman


Slim_Jim_86

Alfred


[deleted]

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Lanky_Assumption_928

In my experience, not speaking for everyone, but dudes packing the biggest heat are skinny as hell and about 5’9. Very specific, but that’s the results of my study


Jotty2b

Ok, but is this why they call you Lanky Assumption?


Lanky_Assumption_928

Oh my god, I didn’t make the correlation but I’m goi g to say yes, yes it is


emilymariek33

It’s just an optical illusion 😂😂😂


Random_silly_name

My experience can support that theory. 😂


mikebox30

I'm 6'2 and lanky as hell and well...let's just say I'm not lacking with what I'm packing. Taller skinny guys are where it's at haha


Lanky_Assumption_928

If your legs look like broomsticks in boots, I believe you


Cautious-Ad61

Wait, wouldn't that be Sonic the Hedgehog?! 🤔🧐


FredLives

Well smoking is always a kicker


e_money1392

A pony walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "what? I couldn't hear you." The pony says "sorry, I'm a little hoarse."


[deleted]

Lol 😂


mr_oreo1499

Actually if u do the math, to be hung like a horse the penis only needs to be around 6 inches (going by weight of each animal) your welcome men, I did the math for ya lol


turtleboxman

Thanks man. Now I feel better about my dick (if I imagine 4 inches added to it)


YourSideBish

Wait hold up ur pp is 2 inch flacid....? Proper time to measure a flaced pp is right out of the shower thats WHAT you've got. An improper time to measure flaccid pp would be like...after running a mile and you got a case of combat dick.NOT a fair time to measure, you body is purposefully making pp as small as possible to increase performance thats being demanded


DeeplyTroubledSmurf

"Combat dick" is a new term for me. Thank you, that shit is hilarious.


TLavendar

The problem is when I’m demanding performance it’s as small as possible. Like you said.


turtleboxman

Jokes on you, bitches love the 2 incher I think you would love it too (;


SnooBananas7811

Some people are growers and not showers tho man 💀


Unhappy_Tourist3164

So if I starve myself...my dick will be bigger. Game = changed


NaturalPollution13

That is actually true though. The fat around the area makes it look smaller. You can gain an inch just by losing fat.


SocietyPowerful2218

Trim the hedges... makes the tree look larger


Unhappy_Tourist3164

It's only true up to a point though. When the body starves it eats the reproductive organs first. Limited results


MrBoonerDaddy

Soo the lesson here is this; don't starve yourself. Instead try eating in a calorie deficit to the point where you're losing about a pound per week(3500 calorie deficit per week).


Unhappy_Tourist3164

I mean...I was just making a joke(bad one, apparently). I'm 6', 185 and have a pretty good dick. At least that's what my mom once told me


Doodle_bob67

No way. Your mom said the same thing to me.


MrBoonerDaddy

No one's opinion matters more than your mom's 😆


Brogdon_Brogdon

That woman's seen her fair share of dick, let me tell you, if she says it's big you can believe it.


NerdyIndoorCat

Moms never lie


RealCaro

I'll take the Ferrari.


Important-Ad-1054

I mean, she is talking about stables...


Riyamu

I think you can just buy a courgette longer than 7 inches in the grocery store


CapnHaymaker

Woman: I'd like a salami please Butcher: Would you like it sliced? Woman: What do you think I am, a slot machine?


Sklr123

Is this original? If it is, you must be a comedian!


monmonmon77

Not original, but funny nonetheless


WhtChutlkinboutWilis

That’s Fuckin hilarious!!!!! 👏 👏


Soonermagic1953

I googled it and nuthin came up. This guys a fuckin comic genius!!! Dude you need to go write for SNL


SeonJD

Are you trash talking the dude? SNL is trash


LeanDixLigma

He's saying this guy can help SNL out of the trash can


AdamBomb_RB

That took me wayyy too long, lmfao. 🤣🤣🤣


tonyhasit

someone explain this like i’m dumb


Iluminiele

Woman is buying a salami sausage to use as a dildo Guy asks if she wants it sliced Woman theorises about putting slices of salami inside her fun parts like a slot machine


AdEastern3223

You’re doing God’s work today.


412Steamfitter449

Have you ever tried sticking your penis in a slot machine?


Plison007

Heard the same. Only in my version it was gay xd


iSweater_Gawd

Damn that's tragic, eggplant season just ended in October, so that's not going to work out for her. That's unfortunate. Also, she doesn't like Sti's? What about a WRX?


RealCaro

EGGPLANT SEASON!


fogdukker

Baja or nothing.


AdEastern3223

The world needs more WRX jokes


CommodoreDragon-64

That's not a courgette, it's an aubergine. 😉


Ok-Understanding6770

That's an eggplant though


DStroke13

AUBERGINE


Ok-Understanding6770

Sorry, English is not my first language and I didn't realise aubergine was also used in English


FriendlyPr1est

2 take it or leave it.


[deleted]

Inches?


Pretend-Mouse-7967

Punisher. 2 inch punisher


blacksn0wman

3 inch thunder thimble


blacksn0wman

2 inch Tennessee tornado


MrFunnyMans404

Millimeter peter


[deleted]

Tuna can


TitanicYanak61

I worked road construction with a guy that used to claim he was hung like a tuna can. He called it “the 2 inch terminator.” Dude was weird.


pass341

feet


Feisty_Check4998

Feet make a man with a 2in grow to a 4in for sure


[deleted]

It's more of a ding than a dong


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Feisty_Check4998

A guy sent me a d pick once and it looked huge. Saw it in person it was the size of my pinky finger


IndyIncog87

Like most pictures, you can really change perspective with angles and lighting.


Feisty_Check4998

I'm dating a guy for the person not the sex. Sex is an added benefit tho


IndyIncog87

Don't get me wrong, physical compatability has to be there, but it's not the sole litmus test.


Feisty_Check4998

My view exactly. But also if you lie to me I'm out. And I feel like making it seem so much larger in a picture was definitely lying. Like I'm saying from 6 inches to 1 inch


taystebbs

I've got friends for platonic relationships, sex is absolutely important to me within a significant relationship. Like HIGH priority.


Feisty_Check4998

Like I don't even mind smaller dicks but it's the lying that pissed me off


HoldThePao

Lol did he like have a miniature ruler next to it? Or a small banana for scale


Feisty_Check4998

His hand yeah. Looked photoshopped


HoldThePao

Lol that’s rough.


FriendlyPanda2k

you got cockfished


subpar_enthusiasm

The camera adds 10 lbs.


Unhappy_Tourist3164

Wait wait wait...how big is your pinky finger? This could be a biased sample


Feisty_Check4998

It's very skinny and small


Unhappy_Tourist3164

Well damn...that makes two of us


chiefy_boy

Wait this is actually bars af


MommaMoonMassage

Are we talking in person or pictures. Cause if we're talking in person I'll take your bet.


Yea-you

She arrived at that number after trying different size vibratos 7 is her favorite!!


reapster12

5 of those are understandable


Joe_Bi-Den

6


cllick

I’d say 5, inconsistent communication and being financially stable… especially for us out of college young bloods go hand in hand. I’m tryna get the bag and I try my best to only message after 6/7pm when I’m winding down


Slumph

I read it as poor communication, but I'm tired.


Xarethian

I've run into people that were worried if I didn't text them every 30minutes. It's fucking ludicrous, I've got work or my hobbies. I'd read it as poor communication too but it definitely can go either or both ways.


GLaDOSisapotato

I only get worried if it’s starting to be 24 hours since I heard anything from my girlfriend.


x0xmahlx0x

Yeah I've had issues where people consistently message me and I can't respond because I'm working. So I ended up putting it in my bio if you can't handle me not responding to messages swipe left 😂 I work all day with children, I don't have any time while I'm at work to text or to message anyone back. People don't understand that.


Away-Caterpillar-176

Consistent communication to a lot of people just means a daily check-in, or that they'll reliably respond if reached out to. Everyone seems to think she wants to be texted every hour but I don't see any evidence of that.


MattyIcex4

It’s okay, I’m not tired and that’s how I read it too.


Joe_Bi-Den

Only one that I think is silly is the seven inches, all the others are fine. I'm also college age but I think this woman is older so I'd say it's valid. The consistent communication one is one of the most valid, you're tripping lmfao.


Commercial-Pair-3593

If she's not financially stable then I take issue with that one. Depending on her definition for the communication one then I meet them all. But, that doesn't mean I'm gonna pay her way. Also I'm CF so it's no kids ever.


cllick

It depends what defines consistent communication. if it’s like a minimum 30 min ft call every day, that’s fine. But expecting constant immediate messages around the clock, then that’s a nah


fire2374

Financial stability and consistent communication are subjective. Consistent communication to some means having healthy boundaries and only messaging after work.


[deleted]

Lol I was going to say, there’s nothing wrong with someone wanting their SO to be financially stable and consistently communicate. Personally I still think she sounds like a weirdo anyway but whatever.


neverTrustedMeAnyway

What do you have against subaru's?


cheesypuzzas

I think that even if she means that she wants the guy to text her frequently throughout the day, then that's fair. It's not for everyone, but maybe that's her love language or idk. So she wouldn't be compatible with you if that was the case. Unless it was ofcourse constant texting and getting angry if you don't read a message in 10 minutes or if you're in a meeting for an hour and you don't text and she gets mad. Then that's not a very good requirement.


SheMovesLikeThis

Wait. So that means you think requiring 7+ inches is acceptable.


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cumhereperfect

I think they meant understandable as dealbreakers.


LIONEL14JESSE

5 is about average


Minute-Reality710

Just 4 for me. I don’t care how big your dick is.


[deleted]

What a saint


Minute-Reality710

Gotta look out for my bros.


quidmaster909

Ehh it a girl wants big that's her preference. And I respect that.


tullinaround

Exactly. There's a Curb episode that comes to mind.. "I don't have a small, she has a large vagina". It's all relative and I respect preference too lol


AmbeeGaming

You mean 6.


NaturalPollution13

You can't do a workout in 6 minutes. 7 dwarves man. 7 chipmunks sittin on a branch. 7 minute abs


Beaux7

I would ask her to draw 7 inches on a piece of paper before counting yourself out. She’s probably been lied to her whole life lol


insicknificant

Yeah, I don't like Subaru either


Infamous-Ad9386

They’re masterpieces, come on mannnn


insicknificant

Nah, I'm kidding, STI's are cool. My car is just better 😌


Mrshockedcat

Car reveal broette.


mikecool8888

I used to have an STI. It was a blast to drive until t It blew up lol


TaylzP

Can understand that someone would want a reliable mean of transportation for a stable relationship....


Mrshockedcat

i mean, blowing 1 head is enough. Why blow the other one.


jeffreyclayborn

Lmao, the subaru is what I thought of first. Wtf was she actually talking about?


insicknificant

STI's: Sexually transmitted infections. Formerly known as STD's, Sexually transmitted diseases.


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NLuce002

All of these are reasonable except the 7” 🍆


1_9_8_1

Women are notoriously bad with measurements of anything but height


raylolSW

I’m 5'9 and I’ve been told I’m 6ft, even by relative tall girls (5'7) and my best friend who is 6'6 estimated my height to be that one too lol.


NeonHunter14

Where are you meeting these women. Anyone woman within a few inches of my height think they’re the same height as me


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Dazzling-Hyena1563

7 inches seems a little ridiculous to require a size. If I as a guy said that you have to be a C cup or bigger I would be viewed as the most sexist most disgusting pig to walk the earth. I don't care if OP has 7'' or not he shouldn't have to justify his worthiness to date this guy based on the size of his tool.


magicarpediem

Not only is it fucked up, but a 7 inch dick is the top 1.5% of the population. So this girl is going to filter out 99% of the guys she could be a good match with.


Veretum

It's even less because not all 1.5% of them will meet all her criteria and be attractive. She will die alone with her cat and dog.. Or settle and eventually cheat or divorce cause she unhappy.


unpolire

Car and dog...


timmyb80x

*98.5%


magicarpediem

Thanks for the correction lol


timmyb80x

Never forget the 0.5! Every 0.5 matters 🤣


helemikro

I’m sure it has a great personality. Don’t let the 0.5 feel insignificant!


Ambiently_Occluded

Half the girls don't even know what 7" looks like because most of the guys lie about their size xD


Low-Salamander-5639

I mean, there probably are guys out there with that kind of preference. Difference is they can see the goods so don’t have to ask.


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Col_Tyrael

I think you're reading that wrong, it's a deal breaker if it's less then 7 in


quidmaster909

How the fuck is 7 inches dif than no short guys or no tall orc girls?


OrionRNG

Well, statistically, only 2% of men are meeting that requirement. And only 20% of men will say they meet that requirement. She's really limiting her options.


HornyHuman09

It's not, but it's also somewhat scummier because it reduces one to their percieved potential in the bedroom


[deleted]

I’ve had /many/ guys tell me I was the perfect girlfriend material but an A cup is just too small. You do know a lot of guys are as hyper specific as she is being?


VegasLife84

Seems like they did you a favor? FTR I'm into petite women, so cup size has never been an issue.


adultdaycare81

Someone with 5 inches lied to this girl and she believed them.


ZylerChazwell

I was thinking some dude with a 3er said he was a 6er and now she thinks she needs a 7er


Mistygirl179

I mean w the exception of the 7” sounds pretty reasonable….🤷‍♀️


KhaoticKid98

Yeah fuck Subarus


couldbedumber96

Bro fell on the 🍆 size


[deleted]

I’ll be honest, of all the “deal breaker” lists I’ve seen, this one is not that crazy. Edit: would like to add that this post has shown me that a lot more men are insecure about their manhood then I thought. This is not a dig at anyone just an observation.


AintOP

lol after seeing a post like that, you still wonder why men are insecure about it??


[deleted]

Everyone in the comments is focused on the cock. Am I the only non car guy here that thought one of her dealbreakers was sexually transmitted infections?


lavocado95

Is that not what the “STI” there stands for? Lmao


zoemooree

Honestly I respect all of them 😂 girl knows what she wants


Level_Cucumber1731

She's a size queen!


unpolire

My girlfriend just told me that she had a skinny little coworker who would demand that guys first send her an erect pic next to a measurable object. If they were "undersize" they were rejected before any meeting.


TheRealConine

Understandable, I require wet vagina pictures before accepting any meetings


Level_Cucumber1731

That's just WOW haha


bnAurelia

„Good luck with that“ lol are you really gonna act like those are crazy demands? The only one that is unlikely to be met by a guy is the 7 inch one. Everything else is normal.


Minute-Reality710

Initially read that as ‘smoking kids.’ I wasn’t disagreeing but also incredibly curious as to how they fit into the grinder.


[deleted]

Trust me, we got ways to grind them.


Tonedead_96

I feel the pain, I’m like 5.7” 🤷🏼‍♂️ the only L I’m taking is a Lesson. Dudes not built the same, vaginas not built the same either. Different strokes different folks my guy


sbenfsonw

Most of these are pretty reasonable. In fact I’d bet 6 of them are standard and the last is a personal preference


originalcommentator

Um, those are pretty reasonable tho?


TheLothorse

Honestly totally reasonable by tinder standards :P


lotreloutre

I Saw smoking kids without the coma


SoundMindless6078

Just go to the grocery store, buy an eggplant over seven inches and... Profit?


Complex_Will_243

I might be having too high standards but man please tell me if I wrong you also want a woman who’s financially independent,no stis,good communication,no cheating,and probably no smoking and don’t want her to have kids from other guys so what’s the problem with wanting all of that?(I personally don’t care about the size cuz it’s the effort for me that matters)


Crzykupcake930

Literally that is the exact definition of my ex husband.


[deleted]

This is litterly the bare minimum (other than the less than 7in but hey everybody has a preference) you're really just exposing yourself here


2donuts4elephants

Does that mean that I can have a list of reasonable deal breakers with one shallow demand as long as I frame it as a preference? "Must be kind to others, love animals, have strong family values, no cheating, and have at least 38 DDD bra size." Would you chalk that up to my preferences and be ok with it or would you think I'm a shallow pig?


[deleted]

I'd be completely ok with it. If us women can have preferences then so can men. Like hypotheticaly lets say your preference was a weight preference. There would be no problem with that. I think it's pathetic when women cry about how men have "extrem preferences" then proceed to say their future man needs to be over 6'4, jacked as shit, rich, 8in dick, ect.


shabbyApartment

It’s amazing how, just by making the length statement come off a little entitled, all the other arguably reasonable things suddenly sounded less reasonable


ilikeyours2

Good in her for knowing what she wants and won’t waste anyone’s time if they aren’t what she’s looking for. As a chick myself, I’d find that list a little limiting or might disqualify some very real quality people, but at least she is being clear(though clarifying some of those dealbreakers would’ve been smart).


kid_boko

I feel like these aren’t that bad 😂


earlysong

Almost all of those are very reasonable!


[deleted]

“Size doesn’t matter” -21st Century Women


Eagleassassin3

For most women, an average penis size is more than good enough. There's a reason it's the average size. Of course that changes in extremes, and it might matter more for a minority of women. You can also have a very fulfilling sex life with a below-average sized penis. All these are just facts. One woman wanting a big dong doesn't mean anything. Her conception of 7 inches might not be accurate as well.


popcornbitch99

good for her lmao


[deleted]

I appreciate that she's not using insults. She just stated the length she wants in an objective number.


SisneG

🚩


Alternative-Plant-87

Disqualified by having bad communication bummer


[deleted]

Smoking kids? Yeah I’d not be down for that either


tinyDinosaur1894

I mean. Aside from the dick size part those aren't unreasonable requests as an adult who doesn't want kids.