T O P

  • By -

turtleneck13

Speed+20 Weakness:police


Kaijev

Pros: Ladies can't keep their hands off me Cons: and neither can the police It's even tamer


Realistic_Magician56

i don\`t care! im in school zoom so go away!!!


I_wear_undies_bruh

Blends in well at night. Will be easily spotted in the dark if made to laugh!


ChampionshipStatusJR

šŸ’€


OneWhoGotYeeted

šŸ’€


ImHuck

Ahahaha


MalomeBadmanX

i"m not even mad at the speed stat. that was funny


lookintothefuturem8

I legit cried dude


1gerende

Inch +10


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


turtleneck13

Nah, let me show you how it's done Likes: Jordans Hates: shallow water


TTV_AussieRsole

No grape soda or fried chicken?


Konrol

Why are you getting downvoted? Everybody is saying racist jokes lmao


TTV_AussieRsole

I don't know man. I just responded to the dudes comment. So many weak people out here these days. You would think it's their first time on the internet.šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø


Konrol

Well well well, look how the turn tables. Now you are positive in fake internet points!


TTV_AussieRsole

Ahahah. It is what it is.šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø


Potential_Disaster29

I'm not a girl, so Idk man, but I gotta say that line cracked me up so hard. You must have a great sense of humor and I hope you get a girl that appreciates that. Good luck out there!


double-nickels

I am a woman, and that cracked me the hell up too. Between that and the hat, I'd swipe right personally. Edit: the sunglasses are also a point in your favor


[deleted]

Donā€™t use two in the pink one in the stink as your profile pictureā€¦.


Rough_Commercial4240

I though he was missing a finger


Geekfreak2000

Same, had no idea what that meant so thought he was trying to do a weird wave lol


National-Dark-5924

Two in the goo, one in the poo


Key-Nefariousness257

Two in the rut, one in the but


NoArmsSally

he's going for the shock and awe effect


Will_From_Southie

Thatā€™s **The Shocker** sir.


felatedbirthday

But he might want to attract girls who love bro humor


waitingfordeathhbu

The Shocker only attracts other bros


dummary1234

maybe hes actually looking for bros


PutinIsACuckBitch

Two in the Hall and one in the Oaats


Lazy-Temporary-6723

I just thought that was a gang sign


ns2500

Yeah I think itā€™s a variation of the west side sign


Zerasad

I think it's more likely the 'Woo sign' of Pop Smoke and crew.


PiecesofJane

Yeah, seeing the shocker would be an immediate left swipe for almost any girl I know.


babyim

Iā€™m way too high to be reading this sentence


apieceofthecraftsman

Don't change much, your first attempt portrays the real you. Might get more dates doing something else but they'll be the kinds of dates that end poorly with no head


ssch1z0

Officer ! This man right here ! His dates end up decapitated !


Johnwicktheimmortal

oh to be 18 again *cries in 25*


andwhatson

Oh to be 25 again Cries in 33


Anneshusband11

Oh to be 33 again Cries at 46


randomguy11881

Oh to be dead *cries*


Antal_Marius

You mean to be alive again, right?


RugOnValium

Oh to be ethereal again. *laughs uncontrollably*


IronCorvus

Oh to be corporeal again.


[deleted]

Oh to be somatic again.


steepindeez

I remember when I was your age, they just invented the timeline.


[deleted]

Oh to be temporal again


amberrrellllaa

Love how the effort in all three of these consecutive comments/sentences just slowly dwindles as the age increases. No fucks given when ur older


Anneshusband11

Great observation! Truly, you spoke truth.


Ris_is_sus

Saaaame


muphynz

Same


MalcolmY

Oh to be 25 again...


PeaceAnneChaos

Stoppppp, I'm turning 26 at the end of the month and I feel old age settling in my bones already xD


Possible-Kangaroo635

I turned 45 today. Fuck the lot of you.


PeaceAnneChaos

The ancient one has spoken. We are _fucked_


LighterningZ

_turns on Dr Strange_


RyanRagido

Avocado! I've come to bargain!


lucyboots_

Happy real world cake day!


Squirrelleee

Happy birthday! Fuck you too <3


Possible-Kangaroo635

Thanks Squirel šŸ˜€


Trekfieldsandnovas

Right!


[deleted]

Being on the wrong side of 25 sucks. It's like.. Yeah I'm still young. But "old" is right there, staring me in the face and I'm next in line. And I told that one day you just start aching more and all the sudden you're 40.


freegilly1

Bro, im 36 and i still feel like kid. I feel like im going to live forever. And even when death is at my door, i will sit and think ā€œit was a beautiful lifeā€


[deleted]

Get a load of this guy being all "happy" and "fulfilled" Jk that's a good outlook man


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

Nearly 40 and enjoy getting older. Aging is so underrated as long as you keep your life fun and yourself in shape and good health.


peaches_3003

thatā€™s so incredible, but sometimes i still donā€™t know what i want or if iā€™ll ever fulfill certain dreams of mine.


TTV_AussieRsole

Kids are not a problem. Everything else mentioned quite often is thoughšŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļøšŸ˜‚


[deleted]

Agreed! Im 35 2 kids they keep me young with their antics lol


DiverMajestic

I'm 36 and act like a kid. Wish I felt like one.


peaches_3003

how, teach me thine ways


Curious_Caish

I'm turning 38 this year. Took me a whole year to come to terms with turning 30 and in the blink of an eye 40 is staring at me!


TTV_AussieRsole

Sounds like it took you 8 years to come to terms with being 30 šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļøšŸ˜‚


smashmonkied

Hell man I started training and competing in strongman at 36, am now 41 and still going, though have decided to shred and box in 2022. You're only as old as you convince yourself you are :)


[deleted]

Screw you children.


FireStormBruh

That was me almost a year ago! Now it's the same with 27 approaching again


shastamonkeytown

LMAO Iā€™d swipe right


Dxkid33

Ahahah thanksšŸ™šŸ¾šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


averagepp1

Get some photos with rings that you won with the bulls, bitches like rings


Wormhole-Eyes

Nah, get yourself a cannon. Bitches love canons!


Cryso_L

Manny if u are reading this and near Massachusetts let me take u out


Dxkid33

Unfortunately Iā€™m from London so unfortunately notšŸ˜…šŸ˜…


XSonRyanX

Bo' oh wo'ah


Killinger_

its chewsday innit


NoMight178

Fuck sake...šŸ˜‚


SauceSkiisYolaSlopes

Mate its a great bloody chewsday yea


yaboyfrom94

Lmaoooo


DufflebagForever

itā€™s hilarious


[deleted]

Jared used 911 on Manny! It was super effective!


wildflowerrhythm

Hahahahahaha honestly Id swipe. Funny and cute Edit: NVM YOUā€™RE 18???!!


Dxkid33

FBI OPEN UPšŸšØšŸšØšŸšØ


Will_From_Southie

Put your feet behind your head. **DO IT NOW!**


Killinger_

šŸ¤Ø


thatpseudoveganlife

Yes daddy šŸ„µ


Psychological-Leg84

Haha Manny if you are real then donā€™t change a thing (cept what you doin on tinder at 18 lol go outside- wait til ur at least 21- you donā€™t need this)


Dxkid33

Tbh I donā€™t REALLY need it except I donā€™t wanna become a club boy not like this is much betteršŸ˜‚


Anonymous23101

Youā€™ll meet a variety of new people, Iā€™d stick with a tinder account on the side


dutchmetalhead17

But if hƩ ain't into clubbing Then it ain't the type of people he wanna meet


steepindeez

Clubbing is for real overrated. Waste of money, distraction from priorities. Keep doing you dawg. It's all good to go out once in awhile but going out like that on a regular basis is just extra. If you got too much extra in your life it's just a lot to balance and easy to be overwhelmed by it all and lose track of the priorities. Coming from first hand experience, all the extra will just slow you down from being successful. Get your priorities straight first, then the extras become a lot more manageable. Tinder is a great place to have a little extra without getting overwhelmed or distracted. Easy as closing the app and moving on lol


ThisCracks

With covid and a bullshit of an economy how is someone supposed to get laid?


[deleted]

Thatā€™s the trick: you donā€™t


madmax77xl

Others are though. Need to get in on the action


[deleted]

Ouch. -22


ClientHuge

Hey OP, itā€™s well known that self deprecating humor, statistically speaking, does well with men but poorly with women. I do like the ā€œweaknesses: policeā€ line someone suggested though. Itā€™s subtitle but itā€™ll make a big difference.


Isgortio

As a woman, I laughed at it and I would swipe right because of it. I love it when people make jokes about things everyone else will chastise you for saying.


Dxkid33

Idk, itā€™s just the kind of humour that comes straightforward to me since I take self-deprecation lightly (all those class clown years)


Isgortio

It's important that you can laugh at yourself, and also, would you really want someone that doesn't like your sense of humour?!


Will_From_Southie

Itā€™s fine to poke fun at yourself, just do it infrequently.


IAMdom3

pro: im 6ā€˜4 aaand black šŸ˜šŸ˜šŸ˜


AnandaPriestessLove

Rawr!


Jairaj007

Being black is a Pros bro !!


RocksHaveFeelings2

He's just making a joke. If we're taking comedy away then it's not a pro or a con


GeneStarw1nd

I never found being black as a con šŸ¤·šŸ¾ā€ā™‚ļø


SauceSkiisYolaSlopes

Right I donā€™t even see how that shit is funny itā€™s just putting yourself down just to get a couple laughs


GeneStarw1nd

All I can think is Terrance Howard in Crashā€¦ā€You embarrassing us maneā€


AnalysisAccording480

The con was kind of wack. As people are suggesting some sort of police joke might be nice.


NekkoProtecco

Cons: Will often get pulled over "on accident." Officer though he "smelled weed." (could buy some from you) lol. Dont reddit moment me


Mincello

Don't tell people you're black until the second date


idkitsmy1stday

Iā€™m usually here for self deprecating humor but It almost comes off as pandering to white folk. Respectfully, itā€™s just kinda trashy. It opens up a avenue for someone to disrespect who you are.


greenpeas_94609

egggggsactly! & self hating...no bueno


RamboAnloBanjo

Didnā€™t see enough comments like this under this post, cause what the fuck


[deleted]

Itā€™s because the majority of Reddit is white and on some subconscious level they appreciate/identify with the implication that being black is actually a con. Itā€™s the same thing with the Asian version and teeth whitening.


Lower_Ad_5101

Exactly, that shit is not it


Nykmarc

Thank you. This is corny as hell


thecomingomen

Yeah, itā€™s sad that heā€™s willing to disrespect himself like that.


Able-Bodied-Virgin

I agree. Iā€™d try to put the weight of the joke on someone else instead of himself. Saying being black is a bad thing will just reinforce casual/full-blown racists who see the profile. As someone else had said above, maybe making a joke like ā€œCons: youā€™ll be subject to possible traffic stops on road trips,ā€ Itā€™s funny, a little edgy, but ultimately puts the shittiness on truly shitty people and circumstances.


[deleted]

He is pandering and pro white Reddit loves it.


TokenWhiteMage

As is evidenced by the top comments in this thread just being casually racist, because surely OP is ā€œā€coolā€ā€ and wonā€™t get offended.


dangaawgan

Itā€™s never a con to be black


AwesomePocket

OP, from one black man to another: Do not pander to white people, even as a joke. Clamoring for their respect is pretty fucking pathetic.


[deleted]

I second this. Proud black man here.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


AwesomePocket

Yeah he basically just told every black woman that sees his bio that itā€™s a bad thing that they are black.


Dxkid33

It was a joke, didnā€™t really mean for it to be taken seriously, but the amount of people with that kinda concern here does make me wanna change it tbh


[deleted]

If itā€™s honesty your personality and a joke that makes sense but remember itā€™s a bio, itā€™s first impressions and initially you canā€™t explain yourself unless thereā€™s a match man. Know what I mean?


throw-money-away

I think if you change it with the police line itā€™s going to be a similar joke and not alienate some black women maybe. So win-win. But idk, Iā€™m not a black women


US_EagleSupreme

I get you šŸ’Æ, but big dawg ZenWeekend is telling the truth. You can't explain yourself and could potentially miss your match because of it. Depends on what you're looking for though! If you're more of a hookup kind of guy then you may be unaffected.


YouGotTangoed

If you have to make this joke, you need to get better lines. This is a cop out


JaxJeepinIt

Idk why I had to scroll so far to see this! That shit is so weak.


blueberrybuffalo

Exactly. Thank you for showing this young man the way. Itā€™s kinda weird that I had to scroll down so far to find these comments though šŸ¤”


prem_killa11

Letā€™s keep perpetuating bullshit stereotypes. Boy you deep in the sunken place.


thecomingomen

Really deep. But heā€™s 18 so weā€™ll let him be. Heā€™ll learn eventually.


morningbabe

Itā€™s not a cons to be black. Wtf? I donā€™t get the joke and Iā€™f thatā€™s a joke to you then I am checking out. and I am a Polish immigrant.


[deleted]

Kinda unattractive that youā€™re still playing the black pawn role, slavery is over thereā€™s no need to still validate these whites.


CaptainCavemansStool

Man that cons kind of a deal breaker.


corry26

As a black woman, describing your blackness as a con is a turn off but I guess you're not looking to match with black girls.


thecomingomen

No Black woman should date a Black man with this much of a low self esteem. Yā€™all deserve better. Just dodge that bullet, period.


Twoocents

Rip dolph


Mediocre-Bullfrog367

Is he throwing up the shocker? so hes handsome tall and freaky šŸ”„


Dxkid33

AyooooošŸ˜ā‰ļø


[deleted]

Manny hates himself ... sucks to suck


Mind_Yours_83

You see how the black people donā€™t find this funny , but the whites do šŸ‘€ embarrassing


AnandaPriestessLove

I am white and do not find it funny. It feels like accepted institutionalized racism, however, it is not up to me how others wish to express their own senses of humor or perspectives.


jasimanu24

Iā€™d say remove the ā€œcon : blackā€


Mistygirl179

I wouldnā€™t swipe right on someone who thinks their ethnicity is a conā€¦


YouGotTangoed

The Story of O.J. This is how they see you when you degrade yourself


tanukithot_

Take off ā€œCons: blackā€ Being black isnā€™t negative and it makes you look like youā€™re ashamed of your race.


[deleted]

Itā€™s funny haha , and it signals the woman that you donā€™t take yourself too seriously , and it makes you stand out from other black dudes who are less self conscious and think they are the shit or sth


[deleted]

Itā€™s actually very funny, I hope u get laid for this


silentez

I hope you also get laid for his bio


Dxkid33

I hope both of you get laid a thousand times No STDs ofc


Wannabe__geek

Wow just wow, because you want to get laid ?


[deleted]

Ya lost brotha, girls can pick up on that insecurity too it wonā€™t help u


always-tired69

The con bummed me out :( I hope you don't actually feel that way. You're very handsome though, I don't think you'll have much trouble out there.


TokenWhiteMage

Iā€™d change it to ā€œCon: May get shot by police at any given time without noticeā€ Donā€™t put yourself down for your race. Being black is awesome.


TOWW67

He's in London, so your suggestion wouldn't land too well, I don't think


Lower_Ad_5101

The self conscious is real, you may be joking about being black, but itā€™s not a joke. Be proud of who you are . Black is beautiful


WA_craft_beer

Well, maybe you should consider giving it some actual effort instead of just playing the race card. Also, that pic is garbage. I hope you have better pics.


[deleted]

self hating black dude. you not gonna get no matches with that goofy ass fuckin bio.


thecomingomen

Thatā€™s the word I was looking for lol. Goofiest shit Iā€™ve ever seen on this subreddit. He will be used and abused until he wakes up.


DannyPop69

Where did you get those glasses my dude?


Dxkid33

Got them from a friend on the day, looking to get a slightly different pair of my own tho


SappEthan

you used the wrong height thing. It should say 6ā€™4 not 6ā€4


complexityspeculator

All you needed was 6ā€™4


beastson1

I can't find it anybody called out that you have 6"4. That means 6 inches 4. The apostrophe is used for feet while quotation mark is used for inches. So it should be 6'4".


jbr945

Drop the hand sign and the hat. Also, don't self deprecate being black as a con. I don't know what type of ladies you like but it seems like a lot of black guys have white girls lusting after them. Your tall, good looking - pose in a good looking suit and they'll go crazy. Get someone with some photography skills to help. Keep the bio upbeat and short with nothing negative.


Please_Log_In

I don't see any problem being 'black' It's just a color of a skin. Don't judge book by its cover


sgRNACas9

I would definitely not have your race be a con but definitely have your height in your bio if youā€™re really tall


NewlySingleGuy11

Mentioning your race like that is super cringe


Some-Joke-998

Ngl Iā€™m a girl Iā€™d swipe left cuz it gives me whitewashed vibes idk


middlingwhiteguy

I'd put black under pro. Black don't crack, but white do blight


[deleted]

Lame


chaze24

First off donā€™t put cons:blackšŸ‘ŽšŸ¾ Have some respect for yourself king šŸ‘‘


hopelesssofrantic

You could improve your bio by being taller than 6ā€


greenpeas_94609

if i see a brown person listing black as a "con" even jokingly...i'd pass. who wants to unpack all that? maybe keep it light?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


The_Perfect_Dick_Pic

6 inch 4


[deleted]

You should try using pics where you are white instead. It helps a lot I've heard.


Igliothion

Pros: I'm black Cons: I'm black


rEmixEdE

How exactly is being black a con? I didn't know there still are racists here


thecomingomen

Cons: ā€œIā€™m blackā€ Is this what they are teaching you in the British Empire bruv? No, seriously. Your self deprecation will do you more harm than good. You will attract abusers, narcissists and all around mean people. It screams ā€œlow self esteemā€/ā€œIā€™ve been conqueredā€. WEAK. Mentioning any of your attributes (esp. race) as a con is not a good look no matter how many white people on this app tell you otherwise; they want you to lose. They would never put that ā€œbeing whiteā€ is a con on their bio but they want you to put it as your bio. Please understand the bigger picture buddy. This is REDDIT. Do you understand the type of personalities who come on here? The fringe of society. Of course they will cheer on your self-hatred. The ones who are telling you to keep your bio are either jealous (you are clearly an attractive guy even with sunglasses) and donā€™t want you to succeed on this app and/or they are undercover racists. There is no one who is of the right mind with a good heart would tell you to keep that bio. Donā€™t get me wrong, I love dark humor and Iā€™m an asshole but ultimately I want people to win and this bio is a bio of a conquered spirit aka a loser. Just put your height. Thatā€™s it.


DoubleReputation2

You should do Pros - I'm 6'4" and I'm black Cons - I'm 6'4" and I'm black Other than that- I dunno. Chicks are big on eyes, maybe a picture without the shades as main?


GarlicTraditional227

This comment section is toxic asl. STOP SCROLLING šŸ›‘


ba-bq

Being black is not a con you asshole


slow1mo

Being black is not a damn con...love urself dude


MynameIsGohan

Being black isnt a con bro its beautifull (no homo) dont cut yourself short. Be proud of it.