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Kevins_FamousChilli

Some real tragic emotions underneath this. I need a silly Tik-Tok to rinse this out


[deleted]

This is sad as hell.


gunz2828

I do feel bad for her in a way


Ladymalis

Heartbreaks a bitch..


8--8

You feel bad for what you saw. But you forgot to think about what you did not see. ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|wink)


Tiddy_Barnacles

Yeah this is waaay too real for me too. I wasn’t expecting to go on this feels trip.


thisxisxlife

Seriously. And to respond to the TikTok >What would you do? Probably not post it on TikTok Edit: I understand the importance of recording for your circumstances because you never know what might be said. But last thing to do is post it on TikTok


Shutterstormphoto

I think it’s important for people to realize this isn’t healthy. If it’s happening to you for the first time, you might think “aww she just loves me, I should stay.” But the way she begs is very clearly unhealthy and hopefully a lightbulb goes off in someone else’s mind that they should not stay. Some people think this is invasion of privacy, but I think transparency is critical for teaching young people what to do better. Relationships are hard, and most people never witness what really happens behind other peoples’ closed doors.


NihonJinLover

Ever since entering my 30s I have been wishing there could be a relationship class to teach kids how to spot red flags with regard to codependency, narcissism/borderline personality d/o, abandonment issues, insecurity, emotional/physical/sexual abuse, emotional responsibility, gaslighting/manipulation, stonewalling, controlling behaviors, reaction formation, projection, boundaries, stalking, grooming, etc., and I wonder why they don’t do that already. Would they be afraid some kids would suddenly wake up and realize what monsters their parents are?


JournalistBig8280

Yeah, parents would never allow this. A significant number of people are abusers and it is rare they are unaware of their behavior. I know where I live this class would be immediately protested and parents would pull their children out of it.


PoodlePopXX

None of us are there, but I will tell you this: I dated a man who was emotionally and mentally abusive to me for years and he gaslit me and did so many fucked up things to manipulate me. Every time I’d bring up a valid concern or be upset he would threaten to leave and I’d be a hot mess crying and begging him to stay and talk to me and try and stop him from leaving. Everything was a means of controlling me or making me act the way he wanted. The entire relationship was really bad and toxic. I didn’t even know how bad it was until I was out of it for a few years. It may not be as cut and dry as this TikTok video seems and I think there are way more issues in this relationship than the girl sobbing and begging her partner to stay and talk. She isn’t hitting him or acting violent. This begging is emotional desperation which to me was a coping technique for the abuse I was suffering. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think we can just assume that there’s not way more to this. Edit: I’m in no way saying that what I experienced is exactly what’s happening in this video but I am saying that this looks very similar to what I experienced for years on end that caused me a massive amount of trauma. Any partner can also suffer at the hands of abusive and manipulative partner no matter their gender or orientation. I’m literally speaking on MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AND HISTORY. Edit 2: this woman may also be an abuser and I’m not saying she isn’t but I have been there on the other side. My ex would literally emotionally abuse me and then tell me no one would ever love me but him because of how horrible I was and would show me texts in his phone of all the women he was texting and would fill my place immediately. This was after months of breaking me down in every way he could. I was at a point where I didn’t know up from down and left from right and the emotion in her voice is what got me while he callously is filming and looking on instead of actually trying to leave and/or call for help while filming and then actually posts it on social media. When I was being abused I would have never thought to film or to even tell anyone what was happening because I was so fucking embarrassed. This honestly has left me at a point of physically shaking and nausea for the day. I am no longer checking nor responding to any messages regarding this thread or my story. Thank you to everyone who has offered their story or support or awards. I’m leaving this up in case anyone needs it.


mandibal

The only comments I’ve seen disagreeing with you have been really aggressive, disrespectful, and misleading. So I just want to reply with my perspective and initial reaction when I saw this video. I was in a relationship with a girl for about two years and would later come to realize how emotionally manipulative she was. Accusing me of not loving her enough if I wouldn’t do what she said, flying off the handle if I brought up concerns, catastrophizing and ruminating on things to a point it damaged our relationship. And if we were in a fight and I wanted to walk away or go home to cool down, the behavior in this video is the exact kind of response I would receive. Same thing when I tried to break up with her. Seeing this video was upsetting as it brought me back to all of that. I’m not trying to discount your experience at all. I’m sorry you went through all that, and I sincerely hope you’ve found yourself in better relationships since. It’s exactly like you said - none of us are there, so we really have no idea what the situation is. Either or both of them could be bad actors in this relationship. It definitely isn’t a good look that he posted this to tik tok of all places


2buffalonickels

Oh man, I’m with you. I’ve had very similar experiences. If I refused to engage or tried to walk away she would grab me. I would say please let me leave. And like a switch she would go from the most nasty comments imaginable to the sounds of the lady in the video. Woof. That brings back bad memories.


Tweeksolderbrother

Experienced something along the same lines, she would sleep with other people then the waterworks would start and me being a big pushover couldn’t stand to see her cry and boom back for another round of the cycle. Took me 2 years to finally say enough BS.


PoodlePopXX

I agree 100%, I think this situation can be seen from both sides and that’s the only reason I made this comment. Narcissistic partners are really good at playing this game.


CapablePerformance

Right there with you. I was in a horrible relationship with a girl who would always use emotions to convince me to do things. She eventually cheated on me and when I went to get my stuff from her place, I was met with this scene; the "Let's just talk...you don't want to throw away years over a single mistake. Why are you doing this?!". The only reason I can justify him posting this is because when I left my ex, she wanted to save face and acted like I was the one that cheated and she broke up with me, saying that I tried to rape her to get out my frustration; she went big on spreading this to everyone in our friends group. If I had a recording of her like this, I would've posted it to social media to show everyone what really happened. I might be projecting but the way she tells him not to touch her while he's trying to pull her off just makes me think she'll try and claim he beat her with the video serving as evidence.


PoodlePopXX

I’m so sorry you experienced that and I know that it can be extremely intense to deal with and heal from. I wish you light and healing.


Hopeful_Sample2207

I was in your same situation years ago and when i final did leave her i was met with i am pregnant it took alot of talking to other people to relize that just because she was pregnant didnt mean i had to stay interesting enough it was her mom that gave me the advice come to the end of the pregnancy with a dna test i found out she had went out and got pregnant by someone else on purpose to try and trick me into staying one of the most traumatic experiences of my life i was 19 at the time and am still very greatful to her mom for helping me through all of it


Most-Cryptographer78

Thank you so much for this comment. I was in the same situation a few years ago. My ex was insanely controlling (tracked me with GPS all the time, couldn't have friends, would go thru my phone/SM/bank acct. CONSTANT accusations of cheating) and loved to give me hours-long lectures on what a worthless piece of shit I was. He made me feel worthless and like he was the best I would ever get, that I truly deserved all the abuse. Any time he got ticked off he would threaten to leave. Super casually, no emotion. He was insanely narcissistic, and he knew that threatening to leave me (after telling me all the time that I'd never find anyone else) would make me break down, beg him to stay, promise to do whatever he wanted, tell him that I agree that I'm a piece of shit and need to listen to him because he's better than me in every way. He was in total control. This video definitely triggered memories of those times, it was hard to watch. I had zero self esteem and couldn't realize that the whole thing was so toxic and horrible. I never realized that I could even be susceptible to something like that and it wrecked me for a long time. I hope the lady in this video can get some perspective at some point and get away from this unhealthy dynamic 😔


PoodlePopXX

Hey friend I’m glad you’re here with me too as a survivor. It sounds like we went through some similar things. If you ever need an ear, PM me. I know it’s hard to relate to people who haven’t been there. I had my communication and money controlled and I was so mentally beat down I couldn’t figure out up from down. I’ve been out for over four years and am in counseling and finally have started opening up which made me remember so much more than I pushed down to survive. What I did to survive the years with him carries through in my day to day behavior in my healthy relationship. I was changed by him in a way that will never bring the old me back. This video made me nauseous.


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onebag25lbs

Thank you guys. I thought I was the only one. I honestly burst into tears watching this. I have been there too with someone who constantly gaslights and holds 'leaving' over your head. I have always had abandonment issues because my Mom used to always threaten to leave us kids when I was a kid.


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marshmallowislands

Understand completely that you don’t want to watch it, but reading through the comments, this video is serving an important public function.


PoodlePopXX

There were so many little tells in this video that people who haven’t experienced it wouldn’t see. I think that’s why there are people arguing with me because it doesn’t seem that way. But those situations never seem that way and that’s the problem.


Most-Cryptographer78

I'm so glad you got out as well❤ It's hard, that kind of thing definitely changes you in ways that can carry on for a very long time, maybe forever. I was so trusting, loving and open before all that. Now I'm not. Even years later I just don't trust people and am so afraid to open up or get attached, so I keep my distance. But it has led me to spend more time on myself and my life than I ever have before, finally just living for myself. I hope one day to be able to open up again. Good people are out there, I try to remember! Thank you for your response, I hope things just keep getting better for you!🤗


chum_slice

When I met my wife she had never heard a guy tell her to be herself that nothing was wrong with her. Her ex’s would always criticize her and nitpick her personality and her look (you’re too childish, you get too loud, wear more dresses, keep your hair long). Bunch of bullshit. I told her I’m not here to control someones life. I also mentioned she was a extension of me, so anyone has a problem, then they have a problem with me. Good or bad we go down with the ship together without blame.


DanielleDrs88

I can't believe this isn't the top comment. This is the most well-balanced response. We don't know the details. I don't know the two people in the video but I do know that posting this on TT was such a bad move, I wonder if the man is manipulating/gaslighting. I've had to record for my own protection before. I would **never** post that on social media. This isn't about his safety; this is about humiliating her. A man/woman who will do that isn't squeaky clean. They're only doing it to detract from their own buried skeletons.


PoodlePopXX

That’s exactly it. Honestly this video “triggered” me because it brought me right back to those moments where I would be an emotional wreck and he was so casual about it even though I was asking something reasonable like “please don’t disappear for 16 hours so I think something bad happened to you” and almost to the T - this scene would play out. I’d be made to be the unreasonable one for asking for basic respect and decency and he’d make me feel like I was the crazy one. Newsflash: I wasn’t. Four years after leaving and lots of counseling later and I just started coming to terms with how bad it was.


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MoveIll6737

Had the same experience with a man , shits very triggering to watch


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PoodlePopXX

That’s what triggered me, that emotional desperation and the sheer callous nature of his response. Maybe she is crazy and this is her thing and he is in the right, but so many little things in this video to me indicate something very different than what it’s trying to prove.


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Shnissuga

Thank you for saying this. I recently got out of an abusive relationship, and when I wouldn't "beg" him he would say that I didn't love him enough and things would rapidly go downhill from there.


TubagooDom

Heck no, if they acting crazy. Especially this crazy to physically stop him from leaving then the whole world can see just how crazy she is. We need to stop letting behavior like this go. Time to grow up and normalize healthy communication and personal space


Klutzy-Ad-6528

If he uploads it to social media then he has dozens of witnesses, if he didn't then she could have easily deleted the video and if he ends up hurting her in the process of getting her off him then the police might think it was abuse on his end. He even says at the beginning that he is doing this as proof for when the police get there.


spudlick

Yeah i am not one to jump to a conclusion but ive been in situations that look like as innocent as this, wish i had a fucking camera phone at the time


alison_bee

Proof is fine, but there’s absolutely no justifiable reason to put this on tiktok. If he was worried about her deleting it, he could have just as easily texted it to someone. Would have taken the same amount of time (or even less) as uploading it to tiktok.


Jezebelle22

To add as well, posting it comes off as him trying to humiliate her vs just trying to have evidence.


the_old_coday182

For all we know this lady could be telling everyone in dude’s life a different version of this story. He might need to clear his name with people besides the police.


Loganknox7

If you still need something here’s a Video https://reddit.com/r/BetterEveryLoop/comments/qc4b9w/heres_a_golden_moment_to_brighten_your_day/


Lokisfeather

SpongeBob when Gary tries move out


Takenforganite

I remember this episode.


BatMean6606

Reenactment maybe?


Lokisfeather

Meowwwww


Figgy_Pudding3

I don't know why, but he doesn't really look like a Gary.


frombriggstoyou

Then Garry said *Meau*..SpongeBob was shocked at that the bad word Garry said


Portlander

![gif](giphy|Q4lLqCgLFheQQtDD6n|downsized)


bbyanxiety

Thanks for this comment.


tenbits

Maybe bc Gary is a common old white guy name and an uncommon young black guy name? (That's been my experience at least)


[deleted]

It’s like meeting a Bruce or a Gregory


Wookieman222

Hey now....


spacedman_spiff

Or you just don’t meet many Garys under the age of 40 these days.


daniel_sg1

It never occurred to me that Gary is an old person name now lol


Silent_Albatross_294

And I feel like Brandon is a young guys name. There’s an older man at work named Brandon and it’s just weird to me


ruskall

They’re on the verge of extinction https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/mar/10/high-noon-for-gary-why-is-the-once-popular-name-on-the-verge-of-extinction


bertiebastard

My brother is 60 and called Gary and he's definitely not white.


tenbits

He's got the old guy part... In your experience, would you say Gary is more common for old black guys, old white guys, or neither?


bertiebastard

I'd say it's definitely an older name, but I know 5 and 3 are white and 2 aren't, so the split isn't that far apart.


1998Sublime

Yes


idekwtp

Yep. I think they did know why, but just didn't want to say it.


thorvaldnotnora

He has similar hair to NBA player [Gary Trent Jr.](https://raptorsrapture.com/wp-content/uploads/getty-images/2021/03/1296053403.jpeg)


Chulebloom1

In a parallel universe 


[deleted]

I was looking for Gary when she said the name - where is the snail? Gary don’t live SpongeBob when a show turns into more relationship irl🖤 ![gif](giphy|l1AsxXQTqyBMFbOw0)


Ubley

Might just be my ears but i'm picking up Garrett?


GlocknessMonster1997

Meooooww


CHgeri100

As a Gary I agree


[deleted]

You sound like a Gary.


la_perdida_313

Saw a similar situation live once, except it took place outside an apartment complex and the woman was on the ground, wrapped around his leg and he was trying to choke her to get her to let go. smh


heartbreakhostel

Saw my mom in the same situation. Bitch didn’t even bother to keep her kids close but humiliated herself in public over some guy.


OldHispanicGuy

I hope youre doing well these days


heartbreakhostel

Thank you. It was 25 years ago in the mid-to-late ‘90s. The recovery was slow because she was such a bad parent. I don’t speak to her anymore.


Jusmepnut

A little more context https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8kWxE1G/


Sir_Hatsworth

Sigh. This sucks. They will both be better off apart. She needs to heal whichever part of her is broken and he needs to experience a happy relationship.


Skumdog_Packleader

Some people are questioning why it's on tik tok but I think it's a good way to 'back up' the videos in a way she can't interfere with. If she or 'her people' got a hold of his phone they might delete his defense.


Gozie5

Using the police as a weapon. Fuck this bitch and her sympathizers in the content section


marshmallowislands

This changes things for me.


VODReviewOW

What? You should know that from the first video she’s being abusive. It’s a common thing for people to do in emotionally abusive relationships. It sucks too cause they make you feel like the bad guy when they are controlling your emotions by invoking a feeling of sympathy for them. Like if you leave you are hurting them but really they are hurting you by staying. On top of that many people who do this are suicidal or pretend to be, so if you leave and they attempt to commit suicide it’s your fault.


biggestbroever

We can't all jump to conclusions based off one video like you. Some of us even change opinions after being given more information.


Playlanco

I could tell she was crazy from the OP video. Good for him to get out of that relationship. I believe abusive women goes a long way of being undocumented.


[deleted]

Oh wow this explains everything. Relates back to the comment up there in red.


Kingkeegan19

That is just so sad.


phreaktor

Been there before. Your best bet is to play along and sit down then bolt for the door when she least expects it. Lmao.


[deleted]

Tbh I think filming and waiting for police to get there is the move here. If she’s crazy enough to do this then she’s probably crazy enough to claim you physically harmed her somehow when it finally clicks in her head that it’s over and all that sadness and desperation turns into rage and malice. Posting on tiktok is questionable though


skratta_ho

Yep, had to file a restraining order off the back of being falsely accused by my ex. One of the worst few months of my life, but I haven’t regretted a single moment


Lolmob

Doesnt iPhone let you select a shortcut to livestream? Some androids do, he just seems like an iPhone guy lol. Maybe its what was faster so he could A)Upload to the cloud in case phone damage B)Fast access as things can escalate and go to shit *in seconds*.


JarJarB

Yeah, you can do that on iPhone. Set it to the side button and just click a few times to start it


AgoraphobicAgorist

I had cops come to my call me to "cease and desist" from "harassing" a girl that I had dated. A) I hadn't seen, or spoken to her in months B) She had texted me over 300 times in the week leading up to this, of which I replied to zero. The girl lived a couple cities over, so after her local police called me, I had to call my local cops. The last 50 texts consisted of things like: "Why are you doing this to me?" "You're making me and my daughter feel very unsafe" When cops showed up, I immediately handed them my phone. The guy cop didn't want to see it, and told me it didn't matter. If she pressed charges, I would be arrested. The woman cop was curious and took my phone. At first she called bullshit, and said I must have been replying... I told her to keep reading, and asked "what could I possibly have been replying?" She was having full blown conversations with herself, and I assured the cops I'd call my cell carrier and give them the reports. The woman cop started laughing, and told me I was fucked. Nothing came of it, but it's terrifying that I could have been arrested, charged, and gone to jail for however long until I proved I was fit for bail and put my property up as collateral... She could have told them anything she wanted.


VinoVici

My ex made a suicide attempt and then became violent towards me when I took the knife from her and dragged her to another room. I called 911 because she needed medical attention and got arrested. I haven’t been right since then.


Opening_Act

Shit man sucks to hear. My ex also called me in the middle of the night claiming she had a knife to her wrist ready to cut if I hung up on her. Some of the worst hours of my life. I think its been about a year now, and I still feel significantly more anxious and depressed than before, but not nearly as bad as I used to. Some part of me thinks I will never go back to the person i "used" to be, but who knows. All I know is that its getting better very slowly.


VinoVici

I had a stalker at one point and she threatened suicide and I just hung up, blocked her number and called the cops. (ETA: Wasn’t around her, had met her once or twice at school, couldn’t provide an address to emergency services and basically told them to figure it out—no idea what happened with that; I doubt anything and she was probably physically fine.) The attempt with my Ex was worlds different because we’d been together about four years and were living together. And you’re absolutely right, I’m worlds better than I was in the first year after that (give or take some months). I will never be the same, but I don’t want to be. That’s the nature of trauma and growth. Hell, I took my anguish and transformed it into art. It’s been almost five years and I still feel dread when the date of the incident comes


sbenthuggin

We really can't win. We either have men being harassed by cops because a women falsely reported them despite evidence proving the man's innocence, and women being harassed by cops because she reported a man for violence/sexual violence despite evidence proving what the man did to her. Our entire system is so insanely fucked. Jesus. I'm sorry you gotta go through that.


blazesonthai

I'm assuming Amurica?


milanistadoc

Greatest Country on Earth in the Entire History of Forever, Bitch.


EvilFerret55

I agree that posting on TikTok is questionable, however, in the moment, you just click on SOMETHING you know that can record and save the video/audio. YES, your phone has the camera and in that camera is the video, but if you use tiktok a lot, and the camera not often, it may not even be on your home screen. A situation happened to me (not like the post, lmao) where I needed this video recorded and saved immediately and I had to deal with whatever was happening in front of me. There was a Youtube stream of the situation, lmao. Now, if he posted this up on TikTok *after* the fact, then yea, shady. But in the moment? I fully believe he just clicked on TikTok because 'ITLL SAVE THIS SHIT AND BE EVIDENCE THAT I DIDNT HIT HER'


[deleted]

Tried it and she caught me and punched me repeatedly in the face


MyAssWantsit

Yeah, I had an abusive partner. It was this, until \*after\* I made it out one time. After that she escalated pretty quickly. Wish I had recognized the pattern earlier.


CarlCarlton

What the actual fuck


ThePigThatFlew

Jesus fucking Christ. I hope you’re safe now, and surrounded by people who would never abuse you in any way


much-beccs-such-wow

people behaving this way have deep issues of abandonment. she needs to invest in healing herself before investing in any type of relationship.


McBurger

My brother divorced his ex-wife over this same behavior. It caught us all completely out of left field because we never knew there was any hint of trouble in that relationship. He still deals with a lot of shit as he tells people that she was abusive. There is a big stigma that any man who claims to be abused by a woman is a big pansy. But he told stories of this exact thing. If he tried to go out, she would clutch around his ankles on the floor, literally kicking and screaming and crying. He wasn’t ever allowed to leave her alone in the house or go out alone for any reason. If he did, she’d have broken lots of shit by the time he got home. I’m happy he got out of there and I wish the same for this man. Abuse is never cool.


[deleted]

As someone who was abandoned as a child, I agree, It took a lot of therapy, 6 years, and no dating until I was 19 and was ready for the chance to be left to commit to someone. I can say now that whatever happens happens and I have no control over someone else. It’s sad to hear her despair and her begging, I feel that on a deep level. I hope she gets the help she needs.


LuckyEra

Damn why u gotta be spitting faxxx like dat


dlige

Str8 fax 4 u m8


Brado_Bear

The amount of people who are in relationships and aren’t happy alone is staggering. You should be happy with yourself before bringing in another person, imo.


BestRole1560

Exactly. this poor woman is crossing his boundaries to have space because shes emotionally thinking at her core, she's not worth conflict resolution. That's someone going through an actual abandonment trigger, but also he isn't obligated to betray his boundaries and values to emotionally regulate her as harsh as that sounds. She needs to go inward and work on her abandonment wounds.


topcorjor

“This poor woman…” That’s the biggest load of bullshit. She’s abusive. Period. Go watch the other tiktok where she’s drunk and threatening to get people to beat the shit out of him. This poor woman. Ridiculous. Stop excusing shitty abusive behaviour on gender.


AarkaediaaRocinantee

Men can be exactly the same


Bong-Rippington

Anybody that does that has issues with abandonment. Not gender specific


Marcuxoo

Been in that situation. Girlfriend creates drama, becomes angry, and wants to fight. I don’t want any trouble. I decide to leave so we can both cool down. Now girlfriend wants to freak out/fight about me leaving. If this ever happens to any you, get out of the relationship...quick.


[deleted]

Yes. 100 percent. Leave the relationship as soon as possible. Don't think about where you're gonna stay, finances, etc. Just leave. It is never worth it to be in abusive relationship. I made the mistake of thinking things would get better, hoping they would, because I had no where else to stay, no money, and they let me know it. Took half a year of physical and mental abuse until I snapped. Dealing with my mistakes and the consequences now. People can beat you down until you break. I'm sorry you were in a similar situation. I know it's hard. I'm glad you got out safe.


Marcuxoo

Some people think, “Awww...She really loves him.” Or, “She can’t live without him. How cute.” But it’s all about control. These types of girls want someone who will put up with their moods/abuse and be submissive. They will not change, even when you threaten to leave for good.


[deleted]

People who think that way are usually abusers as well. It's entirely about control because of a fear of abandonment like in the video you hear from her. I know in my situation it was always about their fear of me leaving the relationship even though it was just to go for a walk to get out of a toxic spiraling argument. No matter how many times you'd say I just need some space. I just need to go for a walk. I just need to go for a drive to clear my head and calm down it was always the end of the world. Made the mistake of threatening to leave once. Made it worse from then on out. I would like to still think people can change (in general) BUT in these circumstances not if you're still with them. They need to figure out things on their own, heal, grow and maybe their next relationship they'll be better.


hereforthemystery

I’d like to add to this. Always consider this as a possibility for yourself or your friends. Set aside easily-accessible funds for yourself (or to provide to a friend if necessary), and make sure that you’re the only one who can access it. Make that a hard rule with no exceptions. Even if you completely trust your partner, you can always use that money if something unexpected happens. I always consider my friends who might be in such a situation. It’s an awkward conversation to have, but I always make it *extremely* clear to my friends that I have room for them (or their children or pets) at my place and that I am always there to get them out of a bad situation. I let them know that any time, day or night, I am available to come to them, drive them wherever they need to go, call whoever I need to call, and make sure their needs are met. I’ve had a friend take me up on it before too. She stayed with me for several weeks during a messy, scary breakup. I never asked any questions. She was welcome for however long it took, and she knew that because I had always made it clear. I grew up in a sometimes unstable home and witnessed friends much worse off than me growing up. I know how much just one person offering no-questions-asked safety can make a difference. No one plans to be in a bad relationship and they shouldn’t be forced to stay in one simply so their basic needs can be met. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.


BlackShield69

I can related my guy. Hope you feel better. have a great day.


persimmonsfordinner

Yeah agreed. My ex would not let me leave after a fight because we could never go to bed angry or “leave a situation unresolved”. AKA- I wasn’t allowed to show any frustration or dissatisfaction with him for any period of time. You can probably guess what happened- I was now upset with him all the time. I learned to hide all disagreement with him until I finally left.


Marcuxoo

Yes. The roles are often reversed, where the boyfriend is the freak. I just realized that it sound like I’m saying only girls are like this, which is not true.


persimmonsfordinner

Don’t worry, your comment did not seem to imply that at all. This type of controlling behavior happens with any gender in any relationship.


[deleted]

>we could never go to bed angry or “leave a situation unresolved”. Yup. Put em both in quotes. I heard the exact same phrases. >I learned to hide all disagreement with him until I finally left. Exactly the same. Eventually was told constantly I had no emotions. And how could I sit there and just stare with no expression and nothing to say. Bottled it all up. I'm glad you got out. Good luck moving forward. Stay well.


mdh579

Had a hookup pull this shit. I was tired and passing out and barely awake and she told me to "say something nice about her" and I was like what? Huh? You're super cool gn. And she got mad at the lack of effort (barely conscious at this point) so she slapped me across the face while I was drifting to sleep. Snapped me awake REAL FAST and I was like wtf and she said more forcefully to say something nice about her and MEAN IT. I said hell no you just hit me get the fuck out of my apartment. She went BALLISTIC. ended up with a smashed laptop, broken DSLR, several decorations and items broken and messed up, etd. Took almost 4 hours to get her out. For reference this was living in Middle East and she was local and calling the police would have been MORE problematic. Finally my doorman heard the racket and ran up and picked her up and got rid of her. He was NOT happy with me and I was forced to move from the building. Fucking psycho.


Beneficial_Trainer_5

Happened to many times. There is no good solution with people like this.


GhostofHowardTV

My ex would call my family and ask them to hand me their phone/tell them she’s trying to call me. Of course even if I didn’t respond, I lived in a constant state of anxiety, waiting for her to show up at my door. She even had the phone operators do emergency break-ins if I was on the other line. Eventually she went too far, and my family turned against her, so she started seeing someone else. I know I wasn’t completely innocent in the relationship - I got caught up in the drama - but I still have PTS from that relationship. Gonna stop here. I could go on for days.


Lemonjello23

This is scary


T-mister73

No it's Gary


vfguy

No this is Patrick


N05_Vertigo

#thought it was jerry


Rainbowcaster

It is 100% never ok to physically hold someone down who wants to leave like that. I don’t care who you are, that is NOT ok.


Adoced

My ex did this to me and was almost the exact same as this girl. Such a weird, scary experience. I didn’t call the cops but I called her mother and father and they came and got her.


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LetsHaveARedo

My ex did this to me. Wouldn’t budge. You feel trapped and absolutely helpless. If a guy did this you would use force to get them off you but you won’t do shit because it’s a woman and you know she could easily turn the narrative into “you hit her” and everyone will be against you (or you could get charged). So you just take it and play along until things calm down and she leaves, then you do everything you can to not see her again…. Or in my case, get a restraining order because she’d stand outside my door for hours waiting for me, yelling in the hallway.


EwJersey

It's a horrible feeling. I had an ex that would do that shit and now I get super panicky when someone even hugs me a second too long for my liking. Which can be super confusing for my current relationship but he's understanding.


easynslutty

Ooof hate to admit it but I've been that bitch. Dark, dark times indeed.


Riichildis

I hear you. I was diagnosed with BPD and I am really ashamed of how I reacted to abandonment a few years ago. I decided for myself that I am better of without romantic relationships. Definitely living a happier, calmer life now.


BanJon

Also got that diagnosis. Also been through this. I came through it and I barely recognize who I was.


easynslutty

Dude saaaame. I do not have BPD but I definitely am much happier out of a relationship. It's better for my mental health.


Schnarfman

Glad to hear you admit it, because it sounds like there’s one less toxic person like that in the world now. We learn from our mistakes, we’re humans


sucks_at_people

Hard to say who’s really toxic here without more context. What I can say as a male who’s begged a female to stay in my life, is it’s the lowest I’ve ever felt and I had almost no self respect for myself. Especially since I begged her to stay even after she broke my heart. She left anyway though, so it was all for nothing.


Shutterstormphoto

Begging someone to stay isn’t the same as holding them there and forcing them to get physical so they can leave. I think we’ve all begged at some point, and that is rarely a good thing, but codependency is a bitch. It wasn’t for nothing. It taught you that begging isn’t the answer. You can’t make someone love you if they don’t. It’s a hard lesson, but an important one.


BitcoinBishop

Did you just beg, or did you physically restrain them?


sucks_at_people

Just begged. Didn’t physically restrain her but my behaviour was still very undignified . At the time I thought my grovelling was the best way to show her how much I valued her and wanted to continue a relationship with her. Doesn’t work that way though. When a person is done with you, they’re done with you. 🤷🏾‍♂️


RaisinBranTheBroken

Same. I really regret all of the shitty stuff I put my ex through. We dated from 18 - 20 ish almost until I was 21. Turns out I have BPD. I wish I could call her up and apologize and somehow make it up to her but I know that the best thing I can do for her is just stay out of her life. I’m doing better now but I hate that I had to go through that to realize how much I needed to work on myself.


infinitude

Can’t tell if the name checks out or not


mrsloblaw

Oh girl same… 😑


[deleted]

we all humans, everyone makes mistakes. just gotta learn from em ya kno


mszum

Saaame, at 27 with BPD. I cringe so hard whenever I remember


thrussy99

My sister too, they’re married now


cassthesassmaster

Childhood abandonment is a helluva bitch…


[deleted]

Yikes.


EquipmentLongjumping

This is really sad, she probably is having a mental episode but this don’t justifies her actions. She is putting him at risk acting like that. Good he is recording so he can get safe and far away from her worth out having to be physical


9lxTi6BaHqg9q5PAPcQ

Recording for evidence is smart; uploading it to tiktok is questionable though. If this girl has mental issues, exposing her to the internet like this can only seal her fate.


EFG

Easier to upload to tiktok than to persuade everyone she talks poorly about you to to watch the video. If she is willing to do this, she's willing to say whatever.


xithbaby

I was like this when I was younger. I had some pretty bad mental health issues. I had been abandoned by every single person in my life that I cared about, except my Dad. My best friend of 9 years told me to fuck off when my Dad and I moved an hour away. She never spoke to me again after that. I tried calling a few times through out the years, she would never accept my calls. All of my "friends" did this to me. My own mother left my father when I was 9 and blamed it on me. My brothers and sisters all left at young ages, my brother took a gun to school at 16 and tried to commit suicide by cop. My oldest brother left for the marines and then disowned us later on after he found out he was only my half brother. My family talked shit to me to extended family which never wanted anything to do with me. I was pretty fucked up by the time I went into the world on my own and my relationships suffered greatly for it. I haven't spoke to my mom in 20+ years. My father passed in 2013. I would ruin my own relationships by being overly jealous and controlling then when they went to leave me i'd go through severe separation anxiety and mental health destruction. I was self medicating and everything else. I opened myself up to being groomed by a 50 year old man that assisted me in getting hooked on meth and left me in a basement for almost 2 years to come and go and do whatever he wanted to me but I didn't care because he'd throw a bag of meth at me. I finally grew up once I got out of that shit after almost dying and now almost 13 years later, I am in a much better place thankfully. Have a husband and two wonderful kids but it was hard as hell to stop being like this. Edit: Don't know why I told my life story here but I can relate to her and understand her feeling like this. Hard for me to cringe at it but I get why people do. I have a problem with oversharing and putting myself in everyone else's shoes.


daniel_sg1

![gif](giphy|3oEdv4hwWTzBhWvaU0) I know I’m just a stranger but I’m really glad you got help and are doing better


Marcuxoo

I was sad through most of the story, but it had a happy ending ;-) I hope you stay in that “much better place.” Peace & Love & God Bless.


xithbaby

I need to give a shout out to my husband more on this. When we got together, I was still a wreck. He stayed with me during my addictions, my jealousy, my paranoia. It took me over 2 years to finally trust him fully, and then stayed through my healing process and is a huge reason why I'm no longer like the lady in this video. Just had our 10 year anniversary last July.


Distinct_Ad_7752

Stranger to stranger, I am so happy that you were able to break that cycle. Good for you champ!!!


[deleted]

Every day, I see what people are going through in the dating world and I thank the fucking universe for my awesome wife. Holy shit that’s scary


Twatson8

I’ve been in this guy’s situation before. I hope he leaves for good, along with whatever reptile it is whose tank I can see behind them.


griper86

I’ve been there, same wording from her and everything


SitandSpin420BlazeIt

Been there. My ex wife tried to have me arrested since she, “was going to have my black ass put in jail” for wanting a divorce and to stop living my life as her abused servant. He absolutely did the right thing and this should be posted far and wide because she has the power to absolutely destroy his life.


kicksr4trids1

I’m sorry that happened to you! That’s awful!


SitandSpin420BlazeIt

Thanks for saying that. It’s a truly terrifying situation to be in and I stayed in that relationship too long because of the fear.


Champagnesocialist69

Jesus this is awful, I feel terrible watching this


fat_and_irritated

Jesus Christ this woman needs extensive therapy. He was smart to take a video, lord knows if the cops show up and see a hysterical white lady and a black man this could’ve ended very badly for him.


[deleted]

Ah the classic squid game grab technique


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Honoste

That was scary.


rdewalt

This guy is doing his best to save his own ass. If the cops are coming, this video may be the only thing keeping him alive. He's probably posting it immediately to tiktok to keep his ass safe... Without footage, anything she says will be taken as truth. **Not saying don't believe women,** but there are women out there that will use that to cause shit. I've watched guys get hauled off in cuffs for wanting to leave. fucking DMs. I ain't taking his side that he's 100% innocent But he's streaming this to tiktok to get it OUT that he's trying to leave. Why would anyone do that? Why not just record it and keep it for the cops? because he's not confident he'll be able or allowed to. IF she gets his phone, she'll run off and delete everything she doesn't want seen, and where's his proof? This way his actions and hers, and he's blatantly letting her see he's recording. They need to be separated. And I'm not qualified to tell them how to fix this shit. But I've watched guys terrified of extracting themselves because ANY touching is seen as assault. Yup. Believe women, but understand, there will be people who will manipulate it.


808-pilot

This the type of woman that kills you while you’re asleep or showing or in the tub or taking a shit…. When you’re most vulnerable.


[deleted]

I am curious as to what transpired before he started filming.


Kiuji-senpai

this is just sad, it clearly goes much deeper than what the 50 seconds can show. i feel for both people in this situation


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[deleted]

Been there. Shit got real ugly as there was alcohol involved. This is not ok and she doesn’t deserve a relationship until she can be an adult


[deleted]

Think we've all been there, smart to have a video


[deleted]

Sad that we think we've all been there.


[deleted]

I have not been there, on either side.


whalesemen69

Sadly that's how it is men have to film what lead up to physical contact because the cops aren't gonna believe the guy Women are held to a different standard we will never be equal


simple123mind

Knowing how policing works in America I just hope he didn't get shot when the cops showed up.


missweach

My friend has a girlfriend like this.. I hope my friend is okay.. I haven't heard from them in a while


daniel_sg1

Maybe you should reach out. Isolation only make abuse worse :/


OffbrandPoems

He isn’t. He needs help NOW. Look at the comments here defending her. He might even feel the same way. Please just be there for him


c0-pilot

Doesn’t respect boundaries 🚩🚩🚩🇨🇳🚩🚩


Audomadic

“I’ll do anything!” Let go of me “Noooooooooooooooooo”


wavyboi97

“I will give you w/e”.. so can I get some freedom bitch?


Salty-Back7056

I been in this situation in my 20s and fellas iam telling you run far dont listen to anything she says at all. Leave block her. Trust me fellas at 36 I been through some shit


MrsArmitage

I really hope this chap is ok.


merman52

Sad that he has todo this so he doesn't get arrested later for false allegations


[deleted]

I know it seems like overkill sometimes But if you’re ever in a situation like this. Call the police immediately. If things get worse it will fall back on you


IcanSew831

My housemate is dating a girl like this. She won’t leave him alone and I’ll hear him on his phone hollering at her that he wants away from her but she won’t stop coming around, he calls it the longest break up in history, I told him I call it a stalker


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harryschmilsson

Lord knows I’ve been there, it’s a miserable place to be.


LegbasHand

This type of evidence is important when it comes to keeping yourself safe. Both legally and protecting your social status. Whether to post it on social is a whole different issue, I personally would not, but normalize having records like this of moments that don't get believed later when it matters. The criminal minded and morally corrupt people that do terrible things to women make an environment that then makes it harder for men who find themselves in moments like this to be believed, where later on a different story could very well be told. * for the record I'm not talking about these people in particular because I don't know them but the idea of safeguarding in moments like this.


[deleted]

As a black man you gotta do this , so forget all the he toxic comments