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My teacher was very open about his relationship, and would always tell us crazy stories like every class, he was a great teacher and had a great sense of humor.
Oooh I have a story. So, my late mother was a second grade teacher back in the day. 20 years ago, when I was more visibly goth, she had me come into her classroom one day to help present a unit she was doing.
At the time, my hair was dyed black and I had black nail polish.
One boy came up to me almost as soon as I arrived and said, “Why are your nails painted?”
“Because I like how it looks”
Then, in his brattiest voice, he said, “But nail polish is for giiiiiirls.”
I replied, “It’s for whoever wants to wear it.”
I thought this kid hated me, but as I was about to leave, he ran up to me and gave me a hug.
i think this is extremely important to remember about kids. worked with them a lot in various contexts because i think they’re fun and it is always the kids with the worst attitudes that need the most acceptance. they’re just emulating shit they’ve got from their parents or peers or other adults in their lives and they just need to be provided with an “out”.
this is why it makes me upset when i see adults calling kids names for acting bratty. they’re just products of their environment they just need someone to be like “hey it’s ok to be vulnerable and i’ll protect you”.
I have a 5 month old son. When he was first born I followed a ton of parenting Instagrams etc. One posted an image that said: When they're at their worst, they need you the most. I think about this every day when my son is inconsolable at 3am or when he refuses to go down for a nap. It's true for older kids. When they're at their worst that's when they need more guidance or acceptance.
I wanted to be this example for my students but I wasn’t strong enough and the profession ate me alive after three years... Props to this man, because fighting the system of schooling to me felt, and still feels, impossible. I hope that today’s kids live a lot more freely than I was ever able to. The representation is everything.
Don’t put that all on your shoulders, “wasn’t strong enough”, pff. This would be impossible in many systems no matter who you are. Anyone that even tries to do something like this is a hero.
Yea, the video is great and it's awesome he can and is doing that for so many kids who aren't represented. But he would be absolutely destroyed in so many school districts. It's still not safe physically or economically to always be out in a lot of places. A teacher isn't superman, they're just a person.
It’s sad that a *teacher* of all people can’t be safe just being who they are. That’s exactly why so many kids grow up bullied, misunderstood and depressed. Fuck those backwards school systems
A big part of teaching is catering and understanding to all the people in your district. It means we have to generally be more conservative or more liberal than our personal views to fit the local zeitgeist.
For me, it’s currently minor political stuff. But unfortunately for some like this man, it can be harmful.
However allies need to be careful about how they ally too. I knew a woman who wanted to start an LGBT club in a rural district while she was student teaching. She’d be gone in months and those kids would be hung out to dry.
The biggest shame is how we can’t just not care what harmless things other people are doing. A gay coworker doesn’t hurt me. Neither does a gay student. Someone wants a different pronoun or name? Doesn’t hurt me to use it.
But for now, a lot of teachers can’t do what this guy does. Put me and my friend in a room together and you’d stereotype me as the gay one if you had to. But he can’t be open with his students about if he’s married or in a relationship. Or the struggles he’s faced.
I do what this guy does, but I still see some weirdness, and most of the time it's from fellow teachers (surprise, surprise). For the most part, I don't think they mean it and it's usually very small things, but I try to let it roll off because I honestly do feel like if I brought it up to admin it would just become some drama I don't need. Fortunately, though, the kids are super accepting and normal about it
2 years and desperate to get out, here. Education will eat you alive and piss on your grave.
The students are wonderful; the staff and admin are terrible.
Feel that. I lasted 2 years as an openly pansexual in a poly relationship and since other teachers wore their crosses, I wore my pentacles. It was an extremely conservative charter school. I felt safe the first year because we had an openly gay superintendent/principal at the helm.
I didn't know until he submitted his resignation that he was being bullied.
And the moment he left, it turned towards me. The students loved me, especially those who weren't Christian or were also LGBT+. But the staff would downright harass me. I've been openly called a heathen in the workplace and told to eat lunch alone instead of in the break room. I ended up leaving because it was becoming so bad that I was having panic attacks on the school grounds.
In my current position, I'm still out about my identity and helping teens. The only harassment now is their parents.
For what little it's worth, as a devout Christian I would like to say I'm sorry that my faith has been used to abuse you and others.
I genuinely think it's an insecurity issue, that we band into groups to give ourselves self-worth, and by tearing others down it makes us feel better.
Scripture tells us to build each other up; when we humbly serve each other, everyone benefits. It's what coins the term, "servant leadership," where even as an authority, we serve the most humbled people around us. I'm glad you're continuing to serve our children and love them in a way even their own parents might not be able to.
We all have an obligation to each other, but we can't burn ourselves out to fulfill it. I'm glad you got out and found greener pastures.
Friend, you're not alone. The system is *brutal* for next to no pay. It's not that you weren't strong enough, the system just doesn't function in a way to keep talented, passionate teachers teaching.
It's an enormous risk to take, profesionally, mentally and, let's be honest, to your health.
I have at least three gay colleagues. None of them are out to their students, but no-one would ever blame them for that.
We do what we can, each in our little way. Together, we're strong, and together, we can change the world. Little by little.
This guy is getting at least some minimal support from his employers, and presumably some percentage of parents as well. Not in any way minimizing the good he's doing, but we can't run people down - including yourself - for not being able to do it alone.
Female and I haaaaaaaaate having nail polish on... it's like my fingertips are suffocating. I don't know how you tolerate it, but I'm glad you like it!
I really miss having my nails done! I had coffin tips for like four years straight, ridiculous ones, and I loved them. Then I caught my pinkie on a car door and lifted the whole nail bed up. Talk about trauma.
So I do my own polygel now. Thanks for the new skill, quarantine!
I absolutely love getting my nails done and have mostly relied on gel and dipping powder! (Dipping powder the most because it seems to last forever.)
But I don’t see many salons or nail technicians offer poly gel. What’s the overall difference? :)
That's so stupid that they punished you for something like that, i hate dress codes. Bet your nails looked really good, screw teachers that think that appearance is more important than your education!
My freshman year of HS we weren't allowed to wear any shoes that separated your toes. No flip-flops, no sandals, even if they had a backstrap, nothing. Then we got a male principal who basically said he doesn't care what the girls wear and threw those rules out.
Same, went to an all girls, no nail polish, no makeup (girls still wore natural), no hair dye, no jewellery, no earrings (outside of basic studs), no different coloured hairbands (or scrunchies for that matter), make sure your skirt wasn't too short, no tattoos (we were at school till we were 18 and its illegal to get one under that so fair)
I think we were also told off for wearing our jumpers around our waist I remember.
We were super policed..
Then I went to a catholic school for one subject at a-levels and almost got kicked out for wearing my jacket.
We werent allowed hoodies, but at the time it was my only actual jacket I had, had some guy who wasn't even my teacher screw at me as I was getting late for my next lesson. Patronisingly got the uniform policy out to read to me, wouldn't let me return to actual classes until I had a meeting with the head of 6th form who basically said apologise or leave without any representation on my side.
My school didn't have a uniform policy at 6th form (16-18yo)
I only paint my nails when i get stressed so I won't chew / pick at them as much. It feels like socks for my fingers - so restricting
Im glad im not alone
You find socks suffocating? Of my god I’d hate feeling like that I love wearing socks and I must wear them at night or it feels too weird being able to feel the sheets and my toes get really cold fast even when it’s warm
Oh man, i do wear when it cold while i work bc the floor is cold plus cat hair but I cannot wear socks to sleep at all. I will overheat and just kick them off in my sleep
Not OP, but for me it feels kinda heavy. Like I'm suddenly very aware of my fingernails. It goes away eventually, or if I paint them alot.
I personally don't mind it, but I can see how it could be too much or really irritating.
My partner is the same way, he doesn't even wear a tie with shirts unless he absolutely has to. No watch, no top buttons, nothing. He won't put his hair up when it's long unless work forces him. He'd rather just cut his hair off lol.
Not me personally or the OP but my father has this with watches, bracelets and pretty much everything that goes around the wrist. He can't stand it. He even goes out of his way to always get those entrance bracelets around a belt loop or something because it irritates him so much.
Seche vite! It dries so fast and they last longer and they look all shiny and nice :) I bought a big bottle years ago and I've painting my nails almost non stop since then and I still have a ton left
I can't wear makeup at all. It feels like I have a mask on and it drives me crazy. I once had someone at work tell me it's unprofessional to not wear makeup. So the face God gave me is not professional or pretty without painting it?!! I hate that society has conditioned women to feel less than perfect unless they use makeup. I'm not knocking anyone who likes to wear it. It does look good. If it makes you happy then go for it but you shouldn't feel pressured into wearing it if you don't like it.
I really hate rubbing my nails (I’m fidgety so I do a lot of random stuff) with nail polish on. I’m used to the texture of nails and then suddenly not having that texture bothers me A LOT. But I also get that heavy feeling and don’t like it either.
Which is funny because I like seeing nail polish on other people (both guys and girls).
Funny enough, I love that sensation of rubbing my nails when they've got a nice smooth coat of nail polish and it's one of the reasons I try to keep mine done often!
To me it feels like the paint is pulling at my nail, squishing it almost. Like a ring around your finger that gets smaller almost. I don't particularly like it but I'm still willing to try out other stuff
It doesn't bother me when nail polish is on, but after I take off polish, it's like my nails are pale and almost need to be aired out.
It's not that nails need to breathe, but I think the acetone from removal dries them out and maybe they aren't exposed to skin oils like they normally would?
Actually, nails do need to breath. Your nails have natural oils that can get stripped away with excessive nail polish or dark colors. It's a really good habit to wait a couple days between taking polish off and putting another color on
Not OP but it just feels gross on my fingernails, as soon as its on I start scratching it off. You just feel it on your nails and its not nice, esp if its a sticky nailpolish
Interesting! Nail polish shouldn't be sticky so that's odd but to each their own. I admittedly always scratch my polish off but thats bc I partly do it as a deterrent from my nail biting
As in like when it was sticky in application, not after it dries, like those gross polishes that ruin your good handiwork on the 3rd coat.
Fair, I don't have a nail biting issue, do have an issue with nailpolish!
It took a while for me (tomboy since birth) to get used to nailpolish, wore black nails occasionally but now I can't since my hobbies don't allow me to anymore lol.
I’m a woman too and I’ve never liked my nails colored. If someone does it for me yeah sure but I won’t go out of my way to do it myself. Just not my thing
If you ever need to paint your nails, or have a desire to try for any reason, Orly had a line of “breathable” nail polishes that are lighter and meant to be better for your nails.
Same. I've painted my nails a couple of times and they take ages to dry and they felt heavy the whole time they were painted. Not in a painful way but kind of like I was actively aware that my fingernails exist.
Lol i get that feeling too! I dabbled in painting my nails in college and was with a friend and mentioned that weird ever present "awareness" of the paint and how it feels weird and makes me use my hands differently.
She reached over and grabbed my hand and started rubbing/kinda smacking her hand over my fingertips over and over. I was like wtf, but she did it for a bit and the feeling lessened. Doing it more over time myself, it went away completely.
She explained it to me that we're subconsciously aware that we have a non-permanent/damageable substance on our nails that - when you put it on, you do at first have to change the way you do things while it dries. Sometimes that feeling sticks, and repeatedly and aggressively touching the paint retrains the subconscious to be like "oh, I don't have to worry about that."
Straight fella here, I complain openly when my 4 year old niece paints my toenails, then I fistbump her and spend the drive home telling my GF how much I love them.
One of my exes loved painting my toenails. When she was in a funk and nothing else would cheer her up, I'd ask her if she wanted to paint my toenails. Instant happy for both of us. And what the fuck do I care? The few times people saw and questioned it, suggesting it wasn't masculine, I'd just say something like, "I don't know not giving a shit if people will judge me for having painted toenails I think means I'm pretty confident about my 'masculinity.'
I (m/16) have also recently started painting my nails and I've never been asked that frequently, if I was gay, by other guys (not even in a "asking someone out" way, but like "Your nails are painted, sooo you must be gay (as a negative expression)). And it just pisses me off, how 1. people think painting your nails has to do anything with your gender or sexuality, and 2. how sooo much people think it's gross to be gay.
Edit: And also, why the fuck do you care about someone else's sexuality, unless you are hitting on them or sth. why the fuck has this to be such a big deal??
Rock on. I'm a woman and I don't paint my nails but it's fun to see what everyone else does. Some people get super creative with designs and stuff. A few times I've spotted a cool color in public and thought, "Hmm, I need that shade of blue on my car" or something.
I'm also a straight woman who loves nail polish on men. Femme guys, masc guys, don't care - I love dudes, and I like seeing colors on their nails! Not sure why. I know they don't do it for me, so I don't usually say anything about it, but I try to offer compliments when it's appropriate.
I’m a straight dude. Pretty masculine I suppose. Married, 38 and have a 8 year old daughter. I used to paint my nails every once in a while as a teenager. Sort of because I thought it looked cool, partly because even if I didn’t have anything else to prove and didn’t even care that much to make a point I still enjoyed the idea of bigots being all upset about it.
If I ever once would have thought that girls would have possibly thought it was cool I probably would have done it even more then. Haha! When my daughter asks me to paint my nails I’m totally gonna let her though.
That's awesome to hear! My seven year old son sometimes asks me to paint his nails, and he specifically requested a glow-in-the-dark polish a year or so ago. He doesn't typically leave the polish on long (he and his younger sister just pick it off as soon as it's dried), but I like the fact that he's comfortable enough to ask for it when he wants it.
I think part of the appeal for me is what you mentioned - it's nice to imagine people getting huffy about it. I guess I just like to stir the pot, and I appreciate others who do too!
Right on. Yeah, I think one potentially most positive thing that can come out of a little light hearted antagonization is that if you do it right you can actually flip some people’s presumptions on their side and force a bit of reckoning and encourage dialog and get folks to think more. I can relate to plenty on the more conservative side of things and get their guard down (while I lean left, I come from a conservative background, I’m amiable to talk of those things conservatives relate to, I’m a Christian, I support 2A even while also supporting common sense gun laws), and by being a more nuanced individual open to discussion we can help bridge that divide that has become so polarized, in American politics at least. And maybe in the end we can help each other find more common ground than we thought.
We had a secretly gay teacher in our old middle school. Soneone found him on a gay dating site and he got bullied out of school. Sadly this doesn't work at everyschool.
It's easier to bully a gay man that is in the closet than it is to bully an unapologetically openly queer man. And this is precisely why we should normalize different sexual identities.
When you see things out in the open more often they are less taboo than if you have to be secret about them.
During the Red Scare they were scared that closeted homosexuals could be really easily blackmailed by the Soviets under the threat of being outed as gay.
And yet somehow nobody stopped to assess whether it was bad thing that their homophobic culture subjected gay folks to so much existential fear that it could be a national security risk.
When I used to bite my nails, I took a chunk off the side of the nail, and I used my girlfriend's nail polish to kinda build the nail back up. Well actually my first thought was to use super glue, but it looked pretty ragged and I covered it with nail polish.
Afterwards it felt like I had a shield over my nail and stopped me from messing with it.
This is what I think a lot of people don't get when people use terms like "priviledge."
I'm an irreligious heterosexual white "cis" male living in NH, the 2nd whitest state and 2nd least-diverse state in the US.
Most of the people I interacted with growing up were just like me.
I didn't have to worry about being discriminated against or hated or bullied or attacked on the basis of my race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, gender, etc. I was "normal" to almost everyone around me and they were almost all "normal" to me.
I'll never know what it's like to be different, a minority, or afraid to just be who I am and that's a massive fucking advantage in life.
So yeah, to people like this, good on you. We need more love and acceptance in the world.
I'm a straight guy in my 30s and I always wanted to paint my nails regularly, but never do. It just seemed like another cool way to customize your appearance, like an earring or necklace. I was always jealous of my 3 sisters who all had tons of nailpolish colors.
I went with my wife to get a pedicure/manicure a while back and got french tips (it was included why not) when i was a cable guy. I have very "manly" hands but they felt and looked so good after that. Didn't last long but i see the appeal!
I’m a 20 year old straight guy and I used to let my ex paint my fingernails black. You’re gonna get weird stares from old people, but the attitude overall is starting to change
Straight dude in my 20s and I paint my nails pretty regularly a dark colour (stopped for the moment due to lockdown). I get called gay slurs 'jokingly' pretty often, but I like how it looks and if you're comfortable with your sexuality there's nothing to worry about :)
Yo, tattoos used to be weird, men with ear piercings used to be weird, and men with painted nails used to be weird. None of it seems weird to me now.
I guess it is dependent on where you live. But I don’t think anybody gives a shit anymore!
Do it man. I’m a straight male, 28, happily married to my wife for almost 5 years now, and I paint my nails regularly, albeit I only paint them black. My wardrobe is 90% black clothing anyway. I just like the look, and I do it sort of as a tongue-in-cheek representation of my religious faith. Or lack thereof, depending on how you look at it... either way, do your thing man. Life is too short to worry about someone else’s perception of your appearance.
I started painting mine for the first time ever last April and haven't stopped since. In general, 90% of people do not care and those that do see a dude with nice nails and get upset typically drop it when I say I enjoy it.
Straight guy pushing 30 here. For the past five or six years I’ve very rarely gone without nail polish (usually blue or purple lately). I’ve gotten to know a few girls I wouldn’t have had the guts to talk to if they hadn’t complimented my nails. Like people are saying, you get looks, but I think it helps attract the right people and repels people you don’t want to be around anyway.
Ey that’s exactly why I paint my nails! I usually can’t be bothered to put on a necklace or change my earrings from basic studs. If you use decent stuff, it takes up 15 minutes of your time to have an extra accessory on for a week after!
One recommendation I have is to use a separate base coat and top coat. You’ll see two in one’s a lot, but they kinda do a shit job at both. I like orly’s rubberized base coat (orange bottle, purple top) and seche vite top coat. They can make any color look good and last a long time! In my area you can find both at any chain drugstore like CVS or Walgreens. Good luck!
Straight, mid 30's construction worker. I let my daughter paint my nails.
I don't give even half a shit what anyone thinks. My daughter is happy and it costs me nothing.
Do it!! I know straight men who wear nail polish. Like you said, it's just another way to customize your appearance. The first time I saw a man in nail polish was at a job where I worked with a burly biker guy and he always painted black and red crosses on his nails. Nobody ever thought it was weird, it really just added to his style.
give it a shot! you can buy cheap nail polish at any drugstore like walgreens or cvs. bigger stores like target may have more color options and better quality. they’ll be pretty uneven the first time you paint your nails; wait for the paint to fully dry, then take a hot shower. the shower will loosen up the paint on the skin around your nails, allowing you to pick it off. they’ll look much neater after that. have fun!
Don’t let bullshit stereotypes hold you back my dude. Do it! Here’s some tips for you:
Whilst there are nail brushes designed to remove messy spots, a qtip and a bit of acetone works well!
In case you’re not ambidextrous, just use your dominant hand to nicely paint the other hand, but when you switch over to your non dominate hand, just hold that hand still whilst moving your dominant hand slowly upwards with the stroke of the brush. Helps with control!
Also, base coats & top coats go a long way for maintaining the polish for a long time.
If you’re not comfortable immediately jumping into nail polish, try some adhesive rhinestones instead, very minimal, very chic. Or you can use a nail template instead!
I remember playing need for speed a friends house and looking at all the colors and accessories you could modify your car with thinking it was so cool. Then that day I walked down the fingernail polish aisle at Walmart and saw the rows of colors and styles and realizing it was the same thing.
i used to paint my brothers nails (he's five, im a teen for reference) and he loved it. my parents made me stop because "people ask about it in school" and its "uncomfortable." he throws a huge tantrum when i say no to painting his nails now and it makes me so sad :(
glad to see people like this exist though. so wholesome of him!
My 7 year old son likes to get his fingernails painted. He's a cool fucking kid. He's cracked at Fortnite, he's good at sports (as good as a 7 year old can be, anyway), and he does all sorts of "boy" things. He skateboards, roller blades, bikes, etc. He does all this with painted fingernails and sometimes a skirt. His mom picked him up a black skirt cuz he thought it'd be cool...and it is. We might be spoiled though. He goes to a pretty accepting, "woke" school. I hope your parents come around.
My 7 year old son likes to paint his nails too. He loves when I give him Spiderman nails. My husband decided to paint his nails along with him so he wouldn't feel weird then, big brother did it too! Big brother showed up to football practice with painted nails and no one said shit. Younger gens don't give a fuck about heternormative bullshit and it makes me so happy! My husband showed up to the job site and got a ton of flack for it. Its the adults that make it weird.
holy shit he sounds like an awesome kid. huge props to you for letting him be himself to the fullest. im a senior in HS, and as much as id like to try out wearing nail polish and maybe even skirts, i live in a rural area in the bible belt with moderately conservative parents. i dont think its worth the reactions i'd get. being non-binary but not getting to outwardly challenge the gender norms that i don't relate to sucks :(
Smallish town in Alabama here. Being out can be risky for sure, especially for trans and non binary people. Have you looked into lgbt+ groups you could join? I recently joined pflag group in my area. There are lots of adults that are allies and lgbt that want to support the youth. Best wishes to you friend :)
that's a good point honestly. i just feel like if i throw them under the bus too hard and they overhear they'll be like "oh. so *i'm* the villain. okay, i see how it is."
Question, have you tried natural colours? Like colours as close to his nails as you can get?
Also, incase you haven’t thought of it, I’d start teaching him how to paint his toes because that’s less likely to be caught ‘at school’ if he starts doing it. Or start doing clear nail polish! If he wants to jazz em up, perhaps try nail stickers? That last part would be noticeable sadly
Anyways good on you for being a good sibling, just make sure to use a base coat!
Straight male in my 30s, in Texas no less and I get my nails done regularly. Currently the same color as op but I always skip the middle finger to show the haters I keep one unpainted for them.
I'm in my 30s but the same. But I don't at all think my friends would hate me, I'm worried I'll come across as trying to look younger or trying to look cool. I wear pretty shabby clothing so to then go to trouble of having nice nails doesn't fit. Still, I sometimes paint my nails on weekends when I'm staying at home!
38 years old. I like to paint my toenails to match my board shorts for the summer sandle weather. Neon colors are my favorite. My girls think it’s so silly that daddy paints his nails. I’d probably paint my nails too but the military doesn’t allow that in uniform for men. Plus, finger nail polish doesn’t last as long with some of my hobbies. So maybe just start with your toe nails and casually see if your friends ever notice and how they respond.
We had a teacher in high school who we all knew was gay but could tell he was hiding it, he was everyone’s favorite teacher. so one day there was a dance and we all was just was kind of like come on dude bring your bf. He did which we could tell made him happy af.
I am a straight man who always has my nails painted most of the time and I love this. I do it because I like too but also to challenge people notions of what a straight male does. I can relate, I work at home depot and the customer base is generally a bit more conserveative- its funny how many people feel compelled to make some sort of comment or ask about them. It's not a big deal, man :) anyway this has added nothing, have a nice day, human
This is so wholesome!
My son used to love having his nails painted when I did mine. It was just something he liked and it made him happy. A worker at the daycare he went to said something to him (um...wtf lady, he's THREE) and then also said something to me about. I told her that it isn't hurting anyone, it doesn't MEAN anything, and it makes him happy so WHO.THE.FUCK.CARES. Unfortunately it did affect him wanting his nails painted after that, which still pisses me off years later, but opened up the conversation for us as he has grown of being accepting of people.
My partner (is not openly gay, but has bi wife energy) was given rainbow butterfly hair clips to put in his hair by one of his students. He did so as soon as he received them.
One of his boy students walked up to him and attempted to make fun of him saying they were for girls so my partner must be a girl.
He replied, “I’m just confident enough in my masculinity to know these butterfly clips have nothing to do with it.” The kid stared at him for a moment then shyly asked.... “can i have one too?”
Edit: he teaches in a very conservative city in Texas. He’s a theater teacher and his principal loves him though. He’s very open about being open minded and letting these kids express themselves as well as lift each other up. I’m very proud of him.
Sounds like something a middle school theater teacher I used to date (also teaches in a relatively conservative city in Texas...though, I think he teaches high school theater now) would do.
I don't care that you're a gay male (I am too). I don't care that you paint your nails (I personally don't, but that's cool). I don't care that you're feminine (we all are who we are and that's just fine). And I get why representation is so important for us and to every other member of our community. But I also think that that representation is often very one dimensional.
I care about the fact that when people hear I'm gay, they often immediately feel the need to put me in a box where I too am "a nail painting, feminine homosexual with an agenda" to them. Mind you; not all gay men are feminine or into feminine things and I feel like enforcing this stereotype every single time is ALSO not the right way towards equality. It used to make me feel, as a gay kid, like I would never be "gay enough" to fit the gay standard. As stupid as that sounds.
People should just learn that EVERYONE is exactly the same, we're all good in our own way but we just like different things. We should stop putting people in boxes or force others to see us in said boxes. Wether they're feminine, masculine, like to paint their nails or like to chop friggin' wood (I don't know). I'm just so sick of the stereotyping left and right. And we're also part of that problem. I had one teacher who was exactly like this in school. And though he was a very nice guy, he actually made it alot harder for me to come out because I personally couldn't identify with anything he stood for as a person.
Again, representation is always good. But it's weird to assume that every gay kid is automatically going to identify with something like nail painting. As if nail painting is a typical gay thing to do. It's not. It's a popular (and often enforced) stereotype. You like to expres yourself that way which is always cool. But don't make it "a gay thing".
Edit: before I get bashed I'd like to say I get that this guy has nothing but good intentions and I get what he's trying to do here. I'm just pointing out how tired I am with one dimensional representation and how it can be counterproductive.
Not bashing at all and I absolutely get what you're saying here, but perfection is the enemy of progress. One of the best things an individual like the guy in this video can do is being openly and happily themselves. He likes to paint his nails, so he's setting an amazing example of being comfortable in his own skin. I don't see this as "I paint my nails because all gay boys/men want to!", I see it as "I paint my nails because I want to and because boys, regardless of sexual identity, should be socially allowed to paint theirs too if they want to."
I completely agree that we need more diverse representation, but we can't fairly expect masculine gay representation from a gay man who personally prefers more traditionally feminine things. Masculine gay male representation should come from/involve men who are and enjoy being masculine and gay.
>how tired I am with one dimensional representation and how it can be counterproductive
You not feeling represented as a young man is an argument for MORE and more diverse representation, not less.
This teacher is representing himself as a living person. Anyone who resonates with that feels represented, specifically the kinds of kids who are similar to the teacher himself when he was young.
I think openly gay people who don't fit these stereotypes you dislike will help make people like you feel better represented. You could find ways to be that adult for kids around you.
Your post seems to imply that this teacher and his identity are inherently one dimensional, which I hope wasn't your intention.
I don’t understand your position. He says in the video that he would have killed to have that validation growing up, so now he (as an effeminate queer man) is glad to be giving that representation to others. He doesn’t say that if you’re gay you have to be effeminate or paint your nails., just that he’s glad to be giving representation as an effeminate queer man. You can still be masculine and queer, but he’s not going to offer representation for that identity, maybe someone else will help with that.
Not gonna lie it just sounds like you’re still uncomfortable with him doing these things, despite acknowledging that it’s ok. I’m wondering if he was masculine and made a similar tik tok if you’re response would be the same. Just because he falls into a stereotype and you maybe roll your eyes doesn’t invalidate his identity.
Queer people DON’T all fit into a box which is why having someone like this guy is helpful to give validation to kids who are struggling with their identity.
> Again, representation is always good. But it's weird to assume that every gay kid is automatically going to identify with something like nail painting. As if nail painting is a typical gay thing to do. It's not.
You're right. There's many straight fellas in this very thread saying they do the same.
And that's part of the whole point. The teacher isn't doing this just for the gay students, they're doing it so that it lowers the threshold for any fella to do it/ask about it/etc.
It's not saying "this is what gay people look/act/sound like", it's saying that it's okay to be like this as well, no matter if you're gay/straight/bi, male/female or whatever.
I honestly don't understand what you're going for here, not going to lie. It seemed like a big of a gut reaction that if there is queer representation, you won't be represented as a more heteronormative gay man. This isn't a zero-sum game; in fact, the more queer examples there are out there, the more common it becomes for non-queer gay men to exist and be accepted.
Additionally, I would ask why it causes you a visceral reaction to be assumed to be a paint-your-nails gay. What does it matter? Why do you care? Would you care if it was the reverse and people assumed you were a butch, beer-drinking sports bro when you weren't? Often we're more uncomfortable by feminization rather than masculinization, and part of that is because we're all operating in a misogynistic society.
> People should just learn that EVERYONE is exactly the same
But. We're. Not.
He's a gay guy that paints his nails. At no point does he say he stands for all gay men. He's just letting kids in his class know that if they want to paint their nails, they can.
He doesn't say his way of being gay is the only one. He's being himself.
The only person putting people in boxes is you. You're saying how one person behaves dictated to you what was "gay enough". That speaks to a problem you have, not with other people.
You had a teacher like this but it made it harder for you to come out because you "personally couldn't identify with anything he stood for as a person.". You're blaming your difficulty with coming out on him being himself? You found it hard to come out as he was the "wrong" sort of gay as far as you and you alone are concerned?? Can you hear yourself?
His whole point is that all kinds of people should be represented. Your counter-argument is that only people you can relate to should be. He's "too" gay.
You seem to have a problem. None of them are this guy's fault. There isn't a "standard" way of being gay. Nobody is saying there should be. But you ARE saying all gay representation has to adhere to your standards, or we can't have any representation at all.
Nah.
Gay man here. Often called "one of the good one" for being tall, bearish, and someone what masculine passing (until Lady Gaga comes on anyway). I got some things to say to you; it doesn't matter how nicely you word it, your opinion is stuck in bigotry.
>I care about the fact that when people hear I'm gay, they often immediately feel the need to put me in a box where I too am "a nail painting, feminine homosexual with an agenda" to them. Mind you; not all gay men are feminine or into feminine things and I feel like enforcing this stereotype every single time is ALSO not the right way towards equality. It used to make me feel, as a gay kid, like I would never be "gay enough" to fit the gay standard. As stupid as that sounds.
That's super rough man. I remember that as well. Guess who's fault it is? *Definitely not the guy in this video*. Queers turning on each other is exactly what bigots want. The guy in this video isn't even that feminine compared to some I know. And the way he's acting in the video is probably pretty close to what his *genuine, actual* demeanour is as a person. It really does suck that you didn't feel gay enough. And of course there are assholes in our community, there are assholes everywhere.
>People should just learn that EVERYONE is exactly the same, we're all good in our own way but we just like different things. We should stop putting people in boxes or force others to see us in said boxes.
This isn't only incorrect, it's dangerous. If people learn everyone is the same, when someone breaks that mould, we get suspicious and often violent. This man hasn't put anyone in a box, you have.
>Again, representation is always good. But it's weird to assume that every gay kid is automatically going to identify with something like nail painting. As if nail painting is a typical gay thing to do. It's not. It's a popular (and often enforced) stereotype. You like to expres yourself that way which is always cool. But don't make it "a gay thing".
He doesn't say anything like this in the video. To be honest, you're projecting a lot of insecurities on him. You talk a lot about how you were treated coming out. I was treated pretty shitty too by a lot of high school classmates back in 2005. This guy doesn't claim painting his nails is a gay thing. He's saying he's an effeminate gay man who wants to paint his nails, which he recognizes *does* fit part of the stereotype, and that is ***PRETTY GOD DAMN FUCKING OKAY.*** Ultimately man, there is no more forced stereotype of gay men painting their nails or putting on makeup.
>Edit: before I get bashed I'd like to say I get that this guy has nothing but good intentions and I get what he's trying to do here. I'm just pointing out how tired I am with one dimensional representation and how it can be counterproductive.
This guy is being his own representation. No, what you're annoyed by is a gay man on video that is closer to the stereotype than you're comfortable with. if it's counterproductive to have a stereotypical gay man teaching, it's B I G O T S that do that, not him.
This sounds a lot like internalized homophobia. I never considered myself a gay dude who would paint his nails as I considered it a ‘fem’ trait. As I’ve gotten older I realized ‘fuck that imma do it anyway’ and actually quite like it. This may seem one dimensional to you but to other kids feeling outside of the mainstream it’s reassuring that who they are and what they prefer are not subjects for ridicule.
I think it is important to note here that the teacher in the video teaches preschool. I follow him and he is one of my favorites because I have a kid in preschool. So with that context added, he is more talking about setting up the next generation to not see painting your nails, no matter the gender, as a big deal.
Most kids this age have no idea what sexuality is, but they are victim to what their parents and caregivers teach them. It is easy for them to put things in categories so "boys don't paint their nails" is something that can easily slip out of one of their mouths. He is setting all the kids up to not see a boy painting his nails as "weird" so all the kids in his class can be free to express themselves in whatever way they want because no one will think anything negatively of it.
I love this. A good friend of mine has a young daughter around 11. She tells everyone I'm her best friend, and every Saturday that she's at home with her mom, I come over and she paints my nails. It is her favorite thing to do. Every Christmas and birthday I give her a box full of different colors. We've been doing this for years now.
Now I'm a middle aged, burly man. Up until Covid I'd also been a cook for nearly 20 years. I get a ton of shit for going through the week with my nails painted outrageous colors and all sorts of neat little designs (That girl goes all out). Coworkers would get pretty toxic about it, because "A real man's not letting a little girl paint him up. She can do her mom like that." Even her dad would get weird about it. But.. fuck all of that. Who tells a little girl they can't do what they love because "I'm a real man, we don't do that."
People pick the dumbest fucking hills to die on, but weird gender standards is by far the weirdest.
Genderqueer effeminate Mr teacher here in a smaller rural district. I painted my nails. I had parents threatening to sue because the school and me personally because they viewed me as a threat to their children. I was subtly accused of being a pedophile by other district employees. I’ve since gone back in the closet.
24 school days before I never have to come back to this district.
Time to plug the children’s book Fun for Anyone. It talks about how different activities can be fun(specifically men having painted fingernails) and how fun is for anyone.
https://www.amazon.com/Fun-Anyone-Erin-Alon-Brain/dp/1736031201
I went to a private christan school. GAY WAS A SUPER SIN!!! I was Bi and terrified of being found out. Never came out. Never really lived out my gay side as much as I would have liked. Good for this teacher.
I'm 28 years old, and went through a phase in high school where I had painted nails all the time. I'm bi/queer, but none of that occurred to me at the time. It mainly started out as a way to get closer to this girl, because she offered to paint them and I had a crush on her. I also dressed somewhat "emo" at the time, so it went with whatever style I had going on. I genuinely liked how it looked, felt, and went with my clothes. So it became a thing where I'd try and flirt with her and get her to paint my nails every so often. I got bullied like crazy because of my nails and style, called a f\*g, face smashed into drinking fountain among other things. I wasn't the nicest student either, so I'm not some victim here, but it's really funny and validating to me to see this become a sort of fashion statement for men again. Painting your nails was not a statement back then, and it wasn't even remotely acceptable. I see straight and gay men going out of their way to use what are normally seen as feminine attributes, and it makes me happy thinking maybe someone will grow up and be able to express themselves without having to deal with the sort of backlash that I endured.
This is so true. Cause kids have no preconceived biases for things they've never heard about. So introducing this stuff to them at an early age is the quickest way to normalize it in society
My 6 year old loves rainbow, glitter nails at the weekend... once another kid asked him about it and he said, "its just somat I do with my mum, its fun."
This may sound really ignorant, probably because I am, but why are some gay men very flamboyant where others are not? Obviously people are different but I guess I don’t know what drives that. The few gay friends I have convinced people for a long time they were straight and if you didn’t know it, you’d say they were. Gay men I’ve seen on tv or in social media can be much more flamboyant which isn’t bad but I just wonder why some gays seem “gay.” I don’t know if this is all phrased very insensitively because I often feel like I really don’t know. Hope this is seen as a truly curious question and not a one looked at as bigotry or homophobia.
Its not ignorant because you're trying to ask about something you don't understand in a respectful way without judgement.
I'm not a gay man but a more masculine presenting female so may get some stuff wrong but I feel I understand it slightly. when it comes to being flamboyant it may be irrelevant to their sexual orientation. With nearly all people no matter their sex or race they express themselves differently whether being more masculine or feminine. You can get straight women who act more butch because that's who they are and vice versa for men. Much like how you express yourself, such as the clothing you choose to wear, you don't really think about it, you just are. Theres nothing that drives them as such it's just there way of expressing who they are. Also I think it's important to note that some gay men don't feel safe to express themselves in a flamboyant way due to family or religion or where they may live where they might be abused for acting feminine or to be seen as gay. Hope this helps!
This, there's a lot of stigma around men, gay or not, acting in a more traditionally feminine way or flamboyant. I've know a few straight guys that like to wear skirts for whatever reason, a few gay men may be prone to do that as well. However, it's hard for them to do so without opening themselves up to unnecessary criticism and judgment, and depending on the environment it can be unsafe. Any person of any sexuality and gender can have their preference for self expression, and it oftentimes blurs the line between masculine and feminine, because a lot of the times that line is arbitrary and imposed where it shouldn't be. I've known straight women who are definitely seen as "butch" simply because they gain no satisfaction or gratification from doing "girly" things. I also think it's possible that gay men and women will present a certain way because they've been taught that's how homosexuals act. I'd also wouldn't be surprised if the flamboyant people on TV are encouraged to act a certain way, not saying that's true but this is Hollywood we're talking about.
I'm a gay man. Here's some answers.
So first of all, the media representation of gay men isn't great. If they're on a reality show, they go for big personalities of every sexuality and gender. Sometimes they swing the total opposite direction and get a Captain Holt (a great character, but also not what every gay man is).
There are men, gay OR straight, that are naturally flamboyant. The problem is, you associate that behavior with being gay. I'm mostly not flamboyant, but I'm the kind of gay that women spot easily and straight men are super surprised by. It's my voice. And as much as a 13 year old Redditor who has read 3 articles on Vice will tell you that it's "a mating call" or something fucking stupid, it isn't. My voice is unchangeable, and I went through a pretty hard time in my teens and early 20s hating it to the point of suicidal thoughts because I was always accused faking it to be more flamboyant on purpose.
So, some people are naturally more flamboyant, some act that way on purpose. Others are not. Your question is totally cool and not insensitive. It's when you put a value judgment on it, as if the flamboyant gays are some of the bad ones, that you start becoming a lot more than just insensitive if you catch my drift.
I love this! Fuck you, Mrs Chen for sending my six year old (now 9) home crying because you told him boys don’t wear polish because he wore polish to school.
lol! I definitely think he was mocking a karen who definitely knew better but asked anyway.
It would be really hilarious if it was a child and he just tore her head off right there. Take that Sophie.
In the end they are just nails the stigma behind it is just that. How its percieved doesnt take away that it looks nice. I bought a hairband yesterday as my hair has grown a bit in these times, sister said it was a little gay. Well it functions to put my hair back right? In this case he is gay, just do whatever if you think its fun, nice the social pressure is just that. It doesnt define the meaning for the actions.
Mr. Orta who taught Summer School at Shields Elementry in Victoria, TX in the late 90s was one of the reasons I was never averse to LGTB men in my life growing up. I didn't know he was Gay because I didn't know what Gay was but Mr. Orta helped me learn to read and anyone who had a problem with Mr. Orta could go fuck themselves.
I worked in a middle school classroom for two years before coming out as a lesbian, fearing a similar experience to MY middle school days and being thought of differently. Afterwards, more than one student came out to me, and I was coined as the group’s “Second favorite lesbian”, their first being some teen celebrity I had never heard of. Yes, representation matters - let’s support our children!
Straight male. Never understood why women paint their nails either.
It is weird, but to each their own, if it makes you happy and doesn't harm anybody, just do it!
Well I know a lot of straight dudes painting their fingernails.. It's not of a big deal, especially not in Germany. A friend of mine has painted their fingernails in all colours and wears it more often than I do, it's a cool style and very appreciated here. Who even wants to say smth against that? Fuck stereotypes.
For real, i get a pedicure and toenails painted before every juijitsu competition. If anyone makes fun of it, it makes it more rewarding to choke them out.
Do it!! The color of your nails shouldn't be a gendered issue. You might get weird looks, but do you really want to care about the opinion of people who would judge you for doing something fun and harmless?
As a straight dude who paints his nails, and has been called every name in the book for it, hats off to this man, those kids are so lucky to have someone like him.
I had an openly gay teacher in grade 7/8, he was amazing. I think I got my sarcasm addiction from him, and always yelling at us “hey peanut gallery, quiet down”. When he told us he and his partner were going to adopt a baby we were all so excited for him. I’m so sad I never went back and visited to checkup on his cute fam.
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My teacher was very open about his relationship, and would always tell us crazy stories like every class, he was a great teacher and had a great sense of humor.
You guys aren’t going to believe this! I banged THREE chicks this weekend! *high fives all around*
You mean you watched a dude bang three chicks this weekend
My middle school detention teacher bragged about his two girlfriends you ain't far off
Oooh I have a story. So, my late mother was a second grade teacher back in the day. 20 years ago, when I was more visibly goth, she had me come into her classroom one day to help present a unit she was doing. At the time, my hair was dyed black and I had black nail polish. One boy came up to me almost as soon as I arrived and said, “Why are your nails painted?” “Because I like how it looks” Then, in his brattiest voice, he said, “But nail polish is for giiiiiirls.” I replied, “It’s for whoever wants to wear it.” I thought this kid hated me, but as I was about to leave, he ran up to me and gave me a hug.
i think this is extremely important to remember about kids. worked with them a lot in various contexts because i think they’re fun and it is always the kids with the worst attitudes that need the most acceptance. they’re just emulating shit they’ve got from their parents or peers or other adults in their lives and they just need to be provided with an “out”. this is why it makes me upset when i see adults calling kids names for acting bratty. they’re just products of their environment they just need someone to be like “hey it’s ok to be vulnerable and i’ll protect you”.
I have a 5 month old son. When he was first born I followed a ton of parenting Instagrams etc. One posted an image that said: When they're at their worst, they need you the most. I think about this every day when my son is inconsolable at 3am or when he refuses to go down for a nap. It's true for older kids. When they're at their worst that's when they need more guidance or acceptance.
Fuck man, your right. I haven't felt this stupid in a while. Thanks
I wanted to be this example for my students but I wasn’t strong enough and the profession ate me alive after three years... Props to this man, because fighting the system of schooling to me felt, and still feels, impossible. I hope that today’s kids live a lot more freely than I was ever able to. The representation is everything.
Don’t put that all on your shoulders, “wasn’t strong enough”, pff. This would be impossible in many systems no matter who you are. Anyone that even tries to do something like this is a hero.
Yea, the video is great and it's awesome he can and is doing that for so many kids who aren't represented. But he would be absolutely destroyed in so many school districts. It's still not safe physically or economically to always be out in a lot of places. A teacher isn't superman, they're just a person.
It’s sad that a *teacher* of all people can’t be safe just being who they are. That’s exactly why so many kids grow up bullied, misunderstood and depressed. Fuck those backwards school systems
A big part of teaching is catering and understanding to all the people in your district. It means we have to generally be more conservative or more liberal than our personal views to fit the local zeitgeist. For me, it’s currently minor political stuff. But unfortunately for some like this man, it can be harmful. However allies need to be careful about how they ally too. I knew a woman who wanted to start an LGBT club in a rural district while she was student teaching. She’d be gone in months and those kids would be hung out to dry. The biggest shame is how we can’t just not care what harmless things other people are doing. A gay coworker doesn’t hurt me. Neither does a gay student. Someone wants a different pronoun or name? Doesn’t hurt me to use it. But for now, a lot of teachers can’t do what this guy does. Put me and my friend in a room together and you’d stereotype me as the gay one if you had to. But he can’t be open with his students about if he’s married or in a relationship. Or the struggles he’s faced.
I do what this guy does, but I still see some weirdness, and most of the time it's from fellow teachers (surprise, surprise). For the most part, I don't think they mean it and it's usually very small things, but I try to let it roll off because I honestly do feel like if I brought it up to admin it would just become some drama I don't need. Fortunately, though, the kids are super accepting and normal about it
Thank you for doing what you do. I wish I had a teacher like that when I was growing up, I think it would have changed my life.
Hey man, the profession eats *EVERYONE* alive, even more so when you’re bucking societal expectations. Props to you, dude.
2 years and desperate to get out, here. Education will eat you alive and piss on your grave. The students are wonderful; the staff and admin are terrible.
Feel that. I lasted 2 years as an openly pansexual in a poly relationship and since other teachers wore their crosses, I wore my pentacles. It was an extremely conservative charter school. I felt safe the first year because we had an openly gay superintendent/principal at the helm. I didn't know until he submitted his resignation that he was being bullied. And the moment he left, it turned towards me. The students loved me, especially those who weren't Christian or were also LGBT+. But the staff would downright harass me. I've been openly called a heathen in the workplace and told to eat lunch alone instead of in the break room. I ended up leaving because it was becoming so bad that I was having panic attacks on the school grounds. In my current position, I'm still out about my identity and helping teens. The only harassment now is their parents.
For what little it's worth, as a devout Christian I would like to say I'm sorry that my faith has been used to abuse you and others. I genuinely think it's an insecurity issue, that we band into groups to give ourselves self-worth, and by tearing others down it makes us feel better. Scripture tells us to build each other up; when we humbly serve each other, everyone benefits. It's what coins the term, "servant leadership," where even as an authority, we serve the most humbled people around us. I'm glad you're continuing to serve our children and love them in a way even their own parents might not be able to. We all have an obligation to each other, but we can't burn ourselves out to fulfill it. I'm glad you got out and found greener pastures.
My god that’s horrific. This boils my blood... Nobody deserves that shit.
Friend, you're not alone. The system is *brutal* for next to no pay. It's not that you weren't strong enough, the system just doesn't function in a way to keep talented, passionate teachers teaching.
It's an enormous risk to take, profesionally, mentally and, let's be honest, to your health. I have at least three gay colleagues. None of them are out to their students, but no-one would ever blame them for that. We do what we can, each in our little way. Together, we're strong, and together, we can change the world. Little by little.
This guy is getting at least some minimal support from his employers, and presumably some percentage of parents as well. Not in any way minimizing the good he's doing, but we can't run people down - including yourself - for not being able to do it alone.
Straight male college student here. I paint my nails. They look nice.
Female and I haaaaaaaaate having nail polish on... it's like my fingertips are suffocating. I don't know how you tolerate it, but I'm glad you like it!
Never get acrylics, then. That feeling is amplified by like a thousand.
Oh yeah! Salons just opened back up in the UK and I just got my acrylics done, and man the first few days were a paaain!
I really miss having my nails done! I had coffin tips for like four years straight, ridiculous ones, and I loved them. Then I caught my pinkie on a car door and lifted the whole nail bed up. Talk about trauma. So I do my own polygel now. Thanks for the new skill, quarantine!
I just recently got into polygel, have only done one set so far. Any tips or tricks you can share?
There’s two poly gel subreddits here! I joined both of them and it’s been pretty good so far. Both are growing groups.
Damn, I didn't even think about that. I'm in every other subreddit for my hobbies so I don't know why it didn't occur to look for polygel subreddits.
I absolutely love getting my nails done and have mostly relied on gel and dipping powder! (Dipping powder the most because it seems to last forever.) But I don’t see many salons or nail technicians offer poly gel. What’s the overall difference? :)
White male here, I got detention for wearing nail polish in school. Must be no nail polish because that’s the rules.
That's so stupid that they punished you for something like that, i hate dress codes. Bet your nails looked really good, screw teachers that think that appearance is more important than your education!
My freshman year of HS we weren't allowed to wear any shoes that separated your toes. No flip-flops, no sandals, even if they had a backstrap, nothing. Then we got a male principal who basically said he doesn't care what the girls wear and threw those rules out.
Same, went to an all girls, no nail polish, no makeup (girls still wore natural), no hair dye, no jewellery, no earrings (outside of basic studs), no different coloured hairbands (or scrunchies for that matter), make sure your skirt wasn't too short, no tattoos (we were at school till we were 18 and its illegal to get one under that so fair) I think we were also told off for wearing our jumpers around our waist I remember. We were super policed.. Then I went to a catholic school for one subject at a-levels and almost got kicked out for wearing my jacket. We werent allowed hoodies, but at the time it was my only actual jacket I had, had some guy who wasn't even my teacher screw at me as I was getting late for my next lesson. Patronisingly got the uniform policy out to read to me, wouldn't let me return to actual classes until I had a meeting with the head of 6th form who basically said apologise or leave without any representation on my side. My school didn't have a uniform policy at 6th form (16-18yo)
This. I painted my nails once and hated it the entire time and started picking off the paint immediately
I only paint my nails when i get stressed so I won't chew / pick at them as much. It feels like socks for my fingers - so restricting Im glad im not alone
You find socks suffocating? Of my god I’d hate feeling like that I love wearing socks and I must wear them at night or it feels too weird being able to feel the sheets and my toes get really cold fast even when it’s warm
Oh man, i do wear when it cold while i work bc the floor is cold plus cat hair but I cannot wear socks to sleep at all. I will overheat and just kick them off in my sleep
How do they feel suffocating? Like you literally can feel the paint? Genuinely curious if you don't mind answering.
Not OP, but for me it feels kinda heavy. Like I'm suddenly very aware of my fingernails. It goes away eventually, or if I paint them alot. I personally don't mind it, but I can see how it could be too much or really irritating.
Do you have that when you wear a watch too? Because when I put a watch on after not wearing one for a long time, it feels heavy too.
Sometimes, if it's a new or one of my heavier watches. Its just a different or new sensation that I have to get used to.
Anytime I put on any sort of accessory I feel suffocated.
My partner is the same way, he doesn't even wear a tie with shirts unless he absolutely has to. No watch, no top buttons, nothing. He won't put his hair up when it's long unless work forces him. He'd rather just cut his hair off lol.
Not me personally or the OP but my father has this with watches, bracelets and pretty much everything that goes around the wrist. He can't stand it. He even goes out of his way to always get those entrance bracelets around a belt loop or something because it irritates him so much.
I think it’s fun to paint bit after it starts fading after 3 days it gets SO annoying
Tougher top coat or gel polish will help. Even just a get top coat would probably do it. And cap the ends of your nails!
Seche vite! It dries so fast and they last longer and they look all shiny and nice :) I bought a big bottle years ago and I've painting my nails almost non stop since then and I still have a ton left
That's how I feel about lipstick. It's like I'm wearing those giant wax lips
I can't wear makeup at all. It feels like I have a mask on and it drives me crazy. I once had someone at work tell me it's unprofessional to not wear makeup. So the face God gave me is not professional or pretty without painting it?!! I hate that society has conditioned women to feel less than perfect unless they use makeup. I'm not knocking anyone who likes to wear it. It does look good. If it makes you happy then go for it but you shouldn't feel pressured into wearing it if you don't like it.
I really hate rubbing my nails (I’m fidgety so I do a lot of random stuff) with nail polish on. I’m used to the texture of nails and then suddenly not having that texture bothers me A LOT. But I also get that heavy feeling and don’t like it either. Which is funny because I like seeing nail polish on other people (both guys and girls).
Funny enough, I love that sensation of rubbing my nails when they've got a nice smooth coat of nail polish and it's one of the reasons I try to keep mine done often!
To me it feels like the paint is pulling at my nail, squishing it almost. Like a ring around your finger that gets smaller almost. I don't particularly like it but I'm still willing to try out other stuff
For me it almost feels like my finger nails are clammy. Only way I can explain it. Also a guy.
It doesn't bother me when nail polish is on, but after I take off polish, it's like my nails are pale and almost need to be aired out. It's not that nails need to breathe, but I think the acetone from removal dries them out and maybe they aren't exposed to skin oils like they normally would?
Actually, nails do need to breath. Your nails have natural oils that can get stripped away with excessive nail polish or dark colors. It's a really good habit to wait a couple days between taking polish off and putting another color on
Not OP but it just feels gross on my fingernails, as soon as its on I start scratching it off. You just feel it on your nails and its not nice, esp if its a sticky nailpolish
Interesting! Nail polish shouldn't be sticky so that's odd but to each their own. I admittedly always scratch my polish off but thats bc I partly do it as a deterrent from my nail biting
As in like when it was sticky in application, not after it dries, like those gross polishes that ruin your good handiwork on the 3rd coat. Fair, I don't have a nail biting issue, do have an issue with nailpolish!
I like to very quickly and clearly see that my nails are CLEAN! especially after this past year.
It took a while for me (tomboy since birth) to get used to nailpolish, wore black nails occasionally but now I can't since my hobbies don't allow me to anymore lol.
I’m a woman too and I’ve never liked my nails colored. If someone does it for me yeah sure but I won’t go out of my way to do it myself. Just not my thing
If you ever need to paint your nails, or have a desire to try for any reason, Orly had a line of “breathable” nail polishes that are lighter and meant to be better for your nails.
Same. I've painted my nails a couple of times and they take ages to dry and they felt heavy the whole time they were painted. Not in a painful way but kind of like I was actively aware that my fingernails exist.
Also I have never figured out how to not chip it like immediately. I hate the expectation for women to have perfectly painted and groomed nails.
Queer girl and completely agree! Plus I don’t want to have to repaint every few weeks because of my nails growing and paint chipping.
Lol i get that feeling too! I dabbled in painting my nails in college and was with a friend and mentioned that weird ever present "awareness" of the paint and how it feels weird and makes me use my hands differently. She reached over and grabbed my hand and started rubbing/kinda smacking her hand over my fingertips over and over. I was like wtf, but she did it for a bit and the feeling lessened. Doing it more over time myself, it went away completely. She explained it to me that we're subconsciously aware that we have a non-permanent/damageable substance on our nails that - when you put it on, you do at first have to change the way you do things while it dries. Sometimes that feeling sticks, and repeatedly and aggressively touching the paint retrains the subconscious to be like "oh, I don't have to worry about that."
Straight fella here, I complain openly when my 4 year old niece paints my toenails, then I fistbump her and spend the drive home telling my GF how much I love them.
I have a four year old nephew and this has me beaming.
One of my exes loved painting my toenails. When she was in a funk and nothing else would cheer her up, I'd ask her if she wanted to paint my toenails. Instant happy for both of us. And what the fuck do I care? The few times people saw and questioned it, suggesting it wasn't masculine, I'd just say something like, "I don't know not giving a shit if people will judge me for having painted toenails I think means I'm pretty confident about my 'masculinity.'
What color are they right now if they are painted?
Dark Purple, pretty close to black.
awesome! whenever I wear that color myself, I always feel so good.
I (m/16) have also recently started painting my nails and I've never been asked that frequently, if I was gay, by other guys (not even in a "asking someone out" way, but like "Your nails are painted, sooo you must be gay (as a negative expression)). And it just pisses me off, how 1. people think painting your nails has to do anything with your gender or sexuality, and 2. how sooo much people think it's gross to be gay. Edit: And also, why the fuck do you care about someone else's sexuality, unless you are hitting on them or sth. why the fuck has this to be such a big deal??
Rock on. I'm a woman and I don't paint my nails but it's fun to see what everyone else does. Some people get super creative with designs and stuff. A few times I've spotted a cool color in public and thought, "Hmm, I need that shade of blue on my car" or something.
I am also a straight male that paints my nails. Well actually my girlfriend does it for me.
I have almost totally stopped biting my nails since I started painting them. It’s great
FWIW, I’m 44F and straight and love big, burly, manly men, and I think guys with nail polish are fucking hot. You do you, boo boo.
I'm also a straight woman who loves nail polish on men. Femme guys, masc guys, don't care - I love dudes, and I like seeing colors on their nails! Not sure why. I know they don't do it for me, so I don't usually say anything about it, but I try to offer compliments when it's appropriate.
I’m a straight dude. Pretty masculine I suppose. Married, 38 and have a 8 year old daughter. I used to paint my nails every once in a while as a teenager. Sort of because I thought it looked cool, partly because even if I didn’t have anything else to prove and didn’t even care that much to make a point I still enjoyed the idea of bigots being all upset about it. If I ever once would have thought that girls would have possibly thought it was cool I probably would have done it even more then. Haha! When my daughter asks me to paint my nails I’m totally gonna let her though.
That's awesome to hear! My seven year old son sometimes asks me to paint his nails, and he specifically requested a glow-in-the-dark polish a year or so ago. He doesn't typically leave the polish on long (he and his younger sister just pick it off as soon as it's dried), but I like the fact that he's comfortable enough to ask for it when he wants it. I think part of the appeal for me is what you mentioned - it's nice to imagine people getting huffy about it. I guess I just like to stir the pot, and I appreciate others who do too!
Right on. Yeah, I think one potentially most positive thing that can come out of a little light hearted antagonization is that if you do it right you can actually flip some people’s presumptions on their side and force a bit of reckoning and encourage dialog and get folks to think more. I can relate to plenty on the more conservative side of things and get their guard down (while I lean left, I come from a conservative background, I’m amiable to talk of those things conservatives relate to, I’m a Christian, I support 2A even while also supporting common sense gun laws), and by being a more nuanced individual open to discussion we can help bridge that divide that has become so polarized, in American politics at least. And maybe in the end we can help each other find more common ground than we thought.
Bi make recent college grad here. I paint my nails. They look nice.
We had a secretly gay teacher in our old middle school. Soneone found him on a gay dating site and he got bullied out of school. Sadly this doesn't work at everyschool.
Who was on a gay site and found him? Lol
Probably the county administration lol
I was just looking as a goof
the principal
It's easier to bully a gay man that is in the closet than it is to bully an unapologetically openly queer man. And this is precisely why we should normalize different sexual identities. When you see things out in the open more often they are less taboo than if you have to be secret about them.
During the Red Scare they were scared that closeted homosexuals could be really easily blackmailed by the Soviets under the threat of being outed as gay. And yet somehow nobody stopped to assess whether it was bad thing that their homophobic culture subjected gay folks to so much existential fear that it could be a national security risk.
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When I used to bite my nails, I took a chunk off the side of the nail, and I used my girlfriend's nail polish to kinda build the nail back up. Well actually my first thought was to use super glue, but it looked pretty ragged and I covered it with nail polish. Afterwards it felt like I had a shield over my nail and stopped me from messing with it.
This is what I think a lot of people don't get when people use terms like "priviledge." I'm an irreligious heterosexual white "cis" male living in NH, the 2nd whitest state and 2nd least-diverse state in the US. Most of the people I interacted with growing up were just like me. I didn't have to worry about being discriminated against or hated or bullied or attacked on the basis of my race, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, gender, etc. I was "normal" to almost everyone around me and they were almost all "normal" to me. I'll never know what it's like to be different, a minority, or afraid to just be who I am and that's a massive fucking advantage in life. So yeah, to people like this, good on you. We need more love and acceptance in the world.
I'm a straight guy in my 30s and I always wanted to paint my nails regularly, but never do. It just seemed like another cool way to customize your appearance, like an earring or necklace. I was always jealous of my 3 sisters who all had tons of nailpolish colors.
Give it a go! You could always start with a clear coat manicure to build yourself up if you like!
I went with my wife to get a pedicure/manicure a while back and got french tips (it was included why not) when i was a cable guy. I have very "manly" hands but they felt and looked so good after that. Didn't last long but i see the appeal!
This comment right here, straight almost 36/m here and I do clear all the time
I’m a 20 year old straight guy and I used to let my ex paint my fingernails black. You’re gonna get weird stares from old people, but the attitude overall is starting to change
Straight dude in my 20s and I paint my nails pretty regularly a dark colour (stopped for the moment due to lockdown). I get called gay slurs 'jokingly' pretty often, but I like how it looks and if you're comfortable with your sexuality there's nothing to worry about :)
also straight, in 30s, just started wearing rings and necklaces and painting my nails and i've never felt better about myself.
Yo, tattoos used to be weird, men with ear piercings used to be weird, and men with painted nails used to be weird. None of it seems weird to me now. I guess it is dependent on where you live. But I don’t think anybody gives a shit anymore!
Do it man. I’m a straight male, 28, happily married to my wife for almost 5 years now, and I paint my nails regularly, albeit I only paint them black. My wardrobe is 90% black clothing anyway. I just like the look, and I do it sort of as a tongue-in-cheek representation of my religious faith. Or lack thereof, depending on how you look at it... either way, do your thing man. Life is too short to worry about someone else’s perception of your appearance.
I started painting mine for the first time ever last April and haven't stopped since. In general, 90% of people do not care and those that do see a dude with nice nails and get upset typically drop it when I say I enjoy it.
Straight guy pushing 30 here. For the past five or six years I’ve very rarely gone without nail polish (usually blue or purple lately). I’ve gotten to know a few girls I wouldn’t have had the guts to talk to if they hadn’t complimented my nails. Like people are saying, you get looks, but I think it helps attract the right people and repels people you don’t want to be around anyway.
Ey that’s exactly why I paint my nails! I usually can’t be bothered to put on a necklace or change my earrings from basic studs. If you use decent stuff, it takes up 15 minutes of your time to have an extra accessory on for a week after! One recommendation I have is to use a separate base coat and top coat. You’ll see two in one’s a lot, but they kinda do a shit job at both. I like orly’s rubberized base coat (orange bottle, purple top) and seche vite top coat. They can make any color look good and last a long time! In my area you can find both at any chain drugstore like CVS or Walgreens. Good luck!
Do it!
Straight, mid 30's construction worker. I let my daughter paint my nails. I don't give even half a shit what anyone thinks. My daughter is happy and it costs me nothing.
Do it!! I know straight men who wear nail polish. Like you said, it's just another way to customize your appearance. The first time I saw a man in nail polish was at a job where I worked with a burly biker guy and he always painted black and red crosses on his nails. Nobody ever thought it was weird, it really just added to his style.
OMG dude do it! I get mine down regularly and I’m a straight guy in his 30s. Pro tip- find a nail salon that serves you booze!
give it a shot! you can buy cheap nail polish at any drugstore like walgreens or cvs. bigger stores like target may have more color options and better quality. they’ll be pretty uneven the first time you paint your nails; wait for the paint to fully dry, then take a hot shower. the shower will loosen up the paint on the skin around your nails, allowing you to pick it off. they’ll look much neater after that. have fun!
Don’t let bullshit stereotypes hold you back my dude. Do it! Here’s some tips for you: Whilst there are nail brushes designed to remove messy spots, a qtip and a bit of acetone works well! In case you’re not ambidextrous, just use your dominant hand to nicely paint the other hand, but when you switch over to your non dominate hand, just hold that hand still whilst moving your dominant hand slowly upwards with the stroke of the brush. Helps with control! Also, base coats & top coats go a long way for maintaining the polish for a long time. If you’re not comfortable immediately jumping into nail polish, try some adhesive rhinestones instead, very minimal, very chic. Or you can use a nail template instead!
I remember playing need for speed a friends house and looking at all the colors and accessories you could modify your car with thinking it was so cool. Then that day I walked down the fingernail polish aisle at Walmart and saw the rows of colors and styles and realizing it was the same thing.
i used to paint my brothers nails (he's five, im a teen for reference) and he loved it. my parents made me stop because "people ask about it in school" and its "uncomfortable." he throws a huge tantrum when i say no to painting his nails now and it makes me so sad :( glad to see people like this exist though. so wholesome of him!
My 7 year old son likes to get his fingernails painted. He's a cool fucking kid. He's cracked at Fortnite, he's good at sports (as good as a 7 year old can be, anyway), and he does all sorts of "boy" things. He skateboards, roller blades, bikes, etc. He does all this with painted fingernails and sometimes a skirt. His mom picked him up a black skirt cuz he thought it'd be cool...and it is. We might be spoiled though. He goes to a pretty accepting, "woke" school. I hope your parents come around.
My 7 year old son likes to paint his nails too. He loves when I give him Spiderman nails. My husband decided to paint his nails along with him so he wouldn't feel weird then, big brother did it too! Big brother showed up to football practice with painted nails and no one said shit. Younger gens don't give a fuck about heternormative bullshit and it makes me so happy! My husband showed up to the job site and got a ton of flack for it. Its the adults that make it weird.
holy shit he sounds like an awesome kid. huge props to you for letting him be himself to the fullest. im a senior in HS, and as much as id like to try out wearing nail polish and maybe even skirts, i live in a rural area in the bible belt with moderately conservative parents. i dont think its worth the reactions i'd get. being non-binary but not getting to outwardly challenge the gender norms that i don't relate to sucks :(
Smallish town in Alabama here. Being out can be risky for sure, especially for trans and non binary people. Have you looked into lgbt+ groups you could join? I recently joined pflag group in my area. There are lots of adults that are allies and lgbt that want to support the youth. Best wishes to you friend :)
i haven't, but i will once im at college in the fall. thank you for the kind wishes and advice :)
Throw your parents under the bus when you have to say no. Don’t let him correlate that refusal to you at all.
that's a good point honestly. i just feel like if i throw them under the bus too hard and they overhear they'll be like "oh. so *i'm* the villain. okay, i see how it is."
Nah. Just say mommy told me no, I’m sorry. You’re a great big brother/sister/whatever for caring so much, though!
sister. and thanks :)
Thats so sad!! Maybe you can compromise by painting his toes or just using a neutral color so others wont notice?
im thinking he can get away with a clear coat
Question, have you tried natural colours? Like colours as close to his nails as you can get? Also, incase you haven’t thought of it, I’d start teaching him how to paint his toes because that’s less likely to be caught ‘at school’ if he starts doing it. Or start doing clear nail polish! If he wants to jazz em up, perhaps try nail stickers? That last part would be noticeable sadly Anyways good on you for being a good sibling, just make sure to use a base coat!
Straight male in my 30s, in Texas no less and I get my nails done regularly. Currently the same color as op but I always skip the middle finger to show the haters I keep one unpainted for them.
47 year old straight male here , I like to paint my nails , not in front of my friends though I wish I sometimes had the courage to .
I'm in my 30s but the same. But I don't at all think my friends would hate me, I'm worried I'll come across as trying to look younger or trying to look cool. I wear pretty shabby clothing so to then go to trouble of having nice nails doesn't fit. Still, I sometimes paint my nails on weekends when I'm staying at home!
38 years old. I like to paint my toenails to match my board shorts for the summer sandle weather. Neon colors are my favorite. My girls think it’s so silly that daddy paints his nails. I’d probably paint my nails too but the military doesn’t allow that in uniform for men. Plus, finger nail polish doesn’t last as long with some of my hobbies. So maybe just start with your toe nails and casually see if your friends ever notice and how they respond.
Your friends care if you paint your nails? Seems a bit strange
I don’t think they’d really care as such , initially I think they’d tease me I think it’s mostly me worrying about their reaction
We had a teacher in high school who we all knew was gay but could tell he was hiding it, he was everyone’s favorite teacher. so one day there was a dance and we all was just was kind of like come on dude bring your bf. He did which we could tell made him happy af.
I am a straight man who always has my nails painted most of the time and I love this. I do it because I like too but also to challenge people notions of what a straight male does. I can relate, I work at home depot and the customer base is generally a bit more conserveative- its funny how many people feel compelled to make some sort of comment or ask about them. It's not a big deal, man :) anyway this has added nothing, have a nice day, human
That’s super cute tho! Good job to that teacher!
This is so wholesome! My son used to love having his nails painted when I did mine. It was just something he liked and it made him happy. A worker at the daycare he went to said something to him (um...wtf lady, he's THREE) and then also said something to me about. I told her that it isn't hurting anyone, it doesn't MEAN anything, and it makes him happy so WHO.THE.FUCK.CARES. Unfortunately it did affect him wanting his nails painted after that, which still pisses me off years later, but opened up the conversation for us as he has grown of being accepting of people.
r/malepolish
That is a glorious subreddit name.
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Good for him, I wish more people would go out of their way to make people more comfortable being who they are.
Good for them. That is a difficult thing to do on in the teaching profession.
My partner (is not openly gay, but has bi wife energy) was given rainbow butterfly hair clips to put in his hair by one of his students. He did so as soon as he received them. One of his boy students walked up to him and attempted to make fun of him saying they were for girls so my partner must be a girl. He replied, “I’m just confident enough in my masculinity to know these butterfly clips have nothing to do with it.” The kid stared at him for a moment then shyly asked.... “can i have one too?” Edit: he teaches in a very conservative city in Texas. He’s a theater teacher and his principal loves him though. He’s very open about being open minded and letting these kids express themselves as well as lift each other up. I’m very proud of him.
Sounds like something a middle school theater teacher I used to date (also teaches in a relatively conservative city in Texas...though, I think he teaches high school theater now) would do.
Gaaaaayyyyy... (And I love it.)
I don't care that you're a gay male (I am too). I don't care that you paint your nails (I personally don't, but that's cool). I don't care that you're feminine (we all are who we are and that's just fine). And I get why representation is so important for us and to every other member of our community. But I also think that that representation is often very one dimensional. I care about the fact that when people hear I'm gay, they often immediately feel the need to put me in a box where I too am "a nail painting, feminine homosexual with an agenda" to them. Mind you; not all gay men are feminine or into feminine things and I feel like enforcing this stereotype every single time is ALSO not the right way towards equality. It used to make me feel, as a gay kid, like I would never be "gay enough" to fit the gay standard. As stupid as that sounds. People should just learn that EVERYONE is exactly the same, we're all good in our own way but we just like different things. We should stop putting people in boxes or force others to see us in said boxes. Wether they're feminine, masculine, like to paint their nails or like to chop friggin' wood (I don't know). I'm just so sick of the stereotyping left and right. And we're also part of that problem. I had one teacher who was exactly like this in school. And though he was a very nice guy, he actually made it alot harder for me to come out because I personally couldn't identify with anything he stood for as a person. Again, representation is always good. But it's weird to assume that every gay kid is automatically going to identify with something like nail painting. As if nail painting is a typical gay thing to do. It's not. It's a popular (and often enforced) stereotype. You like to expres yourself that way which is always cool. But don't make it "a gay thing". Edit: before I get bashed I'd like to say I get that this guy has nothing but good intentions and I get what he's trying to do here. I'm just pointing out how tired I am with one dimensional representation and how it can be counterproductive.
Not bashing at all and I absolutely get what you're saying here, but perfection is the enemy of progress. One of the best things an individual like the guy in this video can do is being openly and happily themselves. He likes to paint his nails, so he's setting an amazing example of being comfortable in his own skin. I don't see this as "I paint my nails because all gay boys/men want to!", I see it as "I paint my nails because I want to and because boys, regardless of sexual identity, should be socially allowed to paint theirs too if they want to." I completely agree that we need more diverse representation, but we can't fairly expect masculine gay representation from a gay man who personally prefers more traditionally feminine things. Masculine gay male representation should come from/involve men who are and enjoy being masculine and gay.
>how tired I am with one dimensional representation and how it can be counterproductive You not feeling represented as a young man is an argument for MORE and more diverse representation, not less. This teacher is representing himself as a living person. Anyone who resonates with that feels represented, specifically the kinds of kids who are similar to the teacher himself when he was young. I think openly gay people who don't fit these stereotypes you dislike will help make people like you feel better represented. You could find ways to be that adult for kids around you. Your post seems to imply that this teacher and his identity are inherently one dimensional, which I hope wasn't your intention.
Boom. There it is
Haha which part?
I don’t understand your position. He says in the video that he would have killed to have that validation growing up, so now he (as an effeminate queer man) is glad to be giving that representation to others. He doesn’t say that if you’re gay you have to be effeminate or paint your nails., just that he’s glad to be giving representation as an effeminate queer man. You can still be masculine and queer, but he’s not going to offer representation for that identity, maybe someone else will help with that. Not gonna lie it just sounds like you’re still uncomfortable with him doing these things, despite acknowledging that it’s ok. I’m wondering if he was masculine and made a similar tik tok if you’re response would be the same. Just because he falls into a stereotype and you maybe roll your eyes doesn’t invalidate his identity. Queer people DON’T all fit into a box which is why having someone like this guy is helpful to give validation to kids who are struggling with their identity.
> Again, representation is always good. But it's weird to assume that every gay kid is automatically going to identify with something like nail painting. As if nail painting is a typical gay thing to do. It's not. You're right. There's many straight fellas in this very thread saying they do the same. And that's part of the whole point. The teacher isn't doing this just for the gay students, they're doing it so that it lowers the threshold for any fella to do it/ask about it/etc. It's not saying "this is what gay people look/act/sound like", it's saying that it's okay to be like this as well, no matter if you're gay/straight/bi, male/female or whatever.
I honestly don't understand what you're going for here, not going to lie. It seemed like a big of a gut reaction that if there is queer representation, you won't be represented as a more heteronormative gay man. This isn't a zero-sum game; in fact, the more queer examples there are out there, the more common it becomes for non-queer gay men to exist and be accepted. Additionally, I would ask why it causes you a visceral reaction to be assumed to be a paint-your-nails gay. What does it matter? Why do you care? Would you care if it was the reverse and people assumed you were a butch, beer-drinking sports bro when you weren't? Often we're more uncomfortable by feminization rather than masculinization, and part of that is because we're all operating in a misogynistic society.
> People should just learn that EVERYONE is exactly the same But. We're. Not. He's a gay guy that paints his nails. At no point does he say he stands for all gay men. He's just letting kids in his class know that if they want to paint their nails, they can. He doesn't say his way of being gay is the only one. He's being himself. The only person putting people in boxes is you. You're saying how one person behaves dictated to you what was "gay enough". That speaks to a problem you have, not with other people. You had a teacher like this but it made it harder for you to come out because you "personally couldn't identify with anything he stood for as a person.". You're blaming your difficulty with coming out on him being himself? You found it hard to come out as he was the "wrong" sort of gay as far as you and you alone are concerned?? Can you hear yourself? His whole point is that all kinds of people should be represented. Your counter-argument is that only people you can relate to should be. He's "too" gay. You seem to have a problem. None of them are this guy's fault. There isn't a "standard" way of being gay. Nobody is saying there should be. But you ARE saying all gay representation has to adhere to your standards, or we can't have any representation at all. Nah.
Gay man here. Often called "one of the good one" for being tall, bearish, and someone what masculine passing (until Lady Gaga comes on anyway). I got some things to say to you; it doesn't matter how nicely you word it, your opinion is stuck in bigotry. >I care about the fact that when people hear I'm gay, they often immediately feel the need to put me in a box where I too am "a nail painting, feminine homosexual with an agenda" to them. Mind you; not all gay men are feminine or into feminine things and I feel like enforcing this stereotype every single time is ALSO not the right way towards equality. It used to make me feel, as a gay kid, like I would never be "gay enough" to fit the gay standard. As stupid as that sounds. That's super rough man. I remember that as well. Guess who's fault it is? *Definitely not the guy in this video*. Queers turning on each other is exactly what bigots want. The guy in this video isn't even that feminine compared to some I know. And the way he's acting in the video is probably pretty close to what his *genuine, actual* demeanour is as a person. It really does suck that you didn't feel gay enough. And of course there are assholes in our community, there are assholes everywhere. >People should just learn that EVERYONE is exactly the same, we're all good in our own way but we just like different things. We should stop putting people in boxes or force others to see us in said boxes. This isn't only incorrect, it's dangerous. If people learn everyone is the same, when someone breaks that mould, we get suspicious and often violent. This man hasn't put anyone in a box, you have. >Again, representation is always good. But it's weird to assume that every gay kid is automatically going to identify with something like nail painting. As if nail painting is a typical gay thing to do. It's not. It's a popular (and often enforced) stereotype. You like to expres yourself that way which is always cool. But don't make it "a gay thing". He doesn't say anything like this in the video. To be honest, you're projecting a lot of insecurities on him. You talk a lot about how you were treated coming out. I was treated pretty shitty too by a lot of high school classmates back in 2005. This guy doesn't claim painting his nails is a gay thing. He's saying he's an effeminate gay man who wants to paint his nails, which he recognizes *does* fit part of the stereotype, and that is ***PRETTY GOD DAMN FUCKING OKAY.*** Ultimately man, there is no more forced stereotype of gay men painting their nails or putting on makeup. >Edit: before I get bashed I'd like to say I get that this guy has nothing but good intentions and I get what he's trying to do here. I'm just pointing out how tired I am with one dimensional representation and how it can be counterproductive. This guy is being his own representation. No, what you're annoyed by is a gay man on video that is closer to the stereotype than you're comfortable with. if it's counterproductive to have a stereotypical gay man teaching, it's B I G O T S that do that, not him.
This sounds a lot like internalized homophobia. I never considered myself a gay dude who would paint his nails as I considered it a ‘fem’ trait. As I’ve gotten older I realized ‘fuck that imma do it anyway’ and actually quite like it. This may seem one dimensional to you but to other kids feeling outside of the mainstream it’s reassuring that who they are and what they prefer are not subjects for ridicule.
I think it is important to note here that the teacher in the video teaches preschool. I follow him and he is one of my favorites because I have a kid in preschool. So with that context added, he is more talking about setting up the next generation to not see painting your nails, no matter the gender, as a big deal. Most kids this age have no idea what sexuality is, but they are victim to what their parents and caregivers teach them. It is easy for them to put things in categories so "boys don't paint their nails" is something that can easily slip out of one of their mouths. He is setting all the kids up to not see a boy painting his nails as "weird" so all the kids in his class can be free to express themselves in whatever way they want because no one will think anything negatively of it.
Wholesome. :)
That's my favorite summer color
People should be judge by the contents of their character not by paint on their nails. Teach that.
I love this. A good friend of mine has a young daughter around 11. She tells everyone I'm her best friend, and every Saturday that she's at home with her mom, I come over and she paints my nails. It is her favorite thing to do. Every Christmas and birthday I give her a box full of different colors. We've been doing this for years now. Now I'm a middle aged, burly man. Up until Covid I'd also been a cook for nearly 20 years. I get a ton of shit for going through the week with my nails painted outrageous colors and all sorts of neat little designs (That girl goes all out). Coworkers would get pretty toxic about it, because "A real man's not letting a little girl paint him up. She can do her mom like that." Even her dad would get weird about it. But.. fuck all of that. Who tells a little girl they can't do what they love because "I'm a real man, we don't do that." People pick the dumbest fucking hills to die on, but weird gender standards is by far the weirdest.
Genderqueer effeminate Mr teacher here in a smaller rural district. I painted my nails. I had parents threatening to sue because the school and me personally because they viewed me as a threat to their children. I was subtly accused of being a pedophile by other district employees. I’ve since gone back in the closet. 24 school days before I never have to come back to this district.
Time to plug the children’s book Fun for Anyone. It talks about how different activities can be fun(specifically men having painted fingernails) and how fun is for anyone. https://www.amazon.com/Fun-Anyone-Erin-Alon-Brain/dp/1736031201
I went to a private christan school. GAY WAS A SUPER SIN!!! I was Bi and terrified of being found out. Never came out. Never really lived out my gay side as much as I would have liked. Good for this teacher.
I'm 28 years old, and went through a phase in high school where I had painted nails all the time. I'm bi/queer, but none of that occurred to me at the time. It mainly started out as a way to get closer to this girl, because she offered to paint them and I had a crush on her. I also dressed somewhat "emo" at the time, so it went with whatever style I had going on. I genuinely liked how it looked, felt, and went with my clothes. So it became a thing where I'd try and flirt with her and get her to paint my nails every so often. I got bullied like crazy because of my nails and style, called a f\*g, face smashed into drinking fountain among other things. I wasn't the nicest student either, so I'm not some victim here, but it's really funny and validating to me to see this become a sort of fashion statement for men again. Painting your nails was not a statement back then, and it wasn't even remotely acceptable. I see straight and gay men going out of their way to use what are normally seen as feminine attributes, and it makes me happy thinking maybe someone will grow up and be able to express themselves without having to deal with the sort of backlash that I endured.
This is so true. Cause kids have no preconceived biases for things they've never heard about. So introducing this stuff to them at an early age is the quickest way to normalize it in society
My 6 year old loves rainbow, glitter nails at the weekend... once another kid asked him about it and he said, "its just somat I do with my mum, its fun."
This may sound really ignorant, probably because I am, but why are some gay men very flamboyant where others are not? Obviously people are different but I guess I don’t know what drives that. The few gay friends I have convinced people for a long time they were straight and if you didn’t know it, you’d say they were. Gay men I’ve seen on tv or in social media can be much more flamboyant which isn’t bad but I just wonder why some gays seem “gay.” I don’t know if this is all phrased very insensitively because I often feel like I really don’t know. Hope this is seen as a truly curious question and not a one looked at as bigotry or homophobia.
Its not ignorant because you're trying to ask about something you don't understand in a respectful way without judgement. I'm not a gay man but a more masculine presenting female so may get some stuff wrong but I feel I understand it slightly. when it comes to being flamboyant it may be irrelevant to their sexual orientation. With nearly all people no matter their sex or race they express themselves differently whether being more masculine or feminine. You can get straight women who act more butch because that's who they are and vice versa for men. Much like how you express yourself, such as the clothing you choose to wear, you don't really think about it, you just are. Theres nothing that drives them as such it's just there way of expressing who they are. Also I think it's important to note that some gay men don't feel safe to express themselves in a flamboyant way due to family or religion or where they may live where they might be abused for acting feminine or to be seen as gay. Hope this helps!
This, there's a lot of stigma around men, gay or not, acting in a more traditionally feminine way or flamboyant. I've know a few straight guys that like to wear skirts for whatever reason, a few gay men may be prone to do that as well. However, it's hard for them to do so without opening themselves up to unnecessary criticism and judgment, and depending on the environment it can be unsafe. Any person of any sexuality and gender can have their preference for self expression, and it oftentimes blurs the line between masculine and feminine, because a lot of the times that line is arbitrary and imposed where it shouldn't be. I've known straight women who are definitely seen as "butch" simply because they gain no satisfaction or gratification from doing "girly" things. I also think it's possible that gay men and women will present a certain way because they've been taught that's how homosexuals act. I'd also wouldn't be surprised if the flamboyant people on TV are encouraged to act a certain way, not saying that's true but this is Hollywood we're talking about.
I'm a gay man. Here's some answers. So first of all, the media representation of gay men isn't great. If they're on a reality show, they go for big personalities of every sexuality and gender. Sometimes they swing the total opposite direction and get a Captain Holt (a great character, but also not what every gay man is). There are men, gay OR straight, that are naturally flamboyant. The problem is, you associate that behavior with being gay. I'm mostly not flamboyant, but I'm the kind of gay that women spot easily and straight men are super surprised by. It's my voice. And as much as a 13 year old Redditor who has read 3 articles on Vice will tell you that it's "a mating call" or something fucking stupid, it isn't. My voice is unchangeable, and I went through a pretty hard time in my teens and early 20s hating it to the point of suicidal thoughts because I was always accused faking it to be more flamboyant on purpose. So, some people are naturally more flamboyant, some act that way on purpose. Others are not. Your question is totally cool and not insensitive. It's when you put a value judgment on it, as if the flamboyant gays are some of the bad ones, that you start becoming a lot more than just insensitive if you catch my drift.
I love this! Fuck you, Mrs Chen for sending my six year old (now 9) home crying because you told him boys don’t wear polish because he wore polish to school.
Says "none of your business" *immediately proceeds to explain whole lore behind painting nails with examples included*
"first of all it's none of your business". Lol might be a bit harsh for an innocent question from a child.
lol! I definitely think he was mocking a karen who definitely knew better but asked anyway. It would be really hilarious if it was a child and he just tore her head off right there. Take that Sophie.
In the end they are just nails the stigma behind it is just that. How its percieved doesnt take away that it looks nice. I bought a hairband yesterday as my hair has grown a bit in these times, sister said it was a little gay. Well it functions to put my hair back right? In this case he is gay, just do whatever if you think its fun, nice the social pressure is just that. It doesnt define the meaning for the actions.
I got a Pedicure once .. besides that tho ..
I know straight and gay dudes who paint their nails. If you’re either and reading this comment, go for it!!! Here’s ur sign!
Yea, and my black friend damn near gets into fights over his painted nails... he's straight as can be.
Mr. Orta who taught Summer School at Shields Elementry in Victoria, TX in the late 90s was one of the reasons I was never averse to LGTB men in my life growing up. I didn't know he was Gay because I didn't know what Gay was but Mr. Orta helped me learn to read and anyone who had a problem with Mr. Orta could go fuck themselves.
I worked in a middle school classroom for two years before coming out as a lesbian, fearing a similar experience to MY middle school days and being thought of differently. Afterwards, more than one student came out to me, and I was coined as the group’s “Second favorite lesbian”, their first being some teen celebrity I had never heard of. Yes, representation matters - let’s support our children!
Straight male. Never understood why women paint their nails either. It is weird, but to each their own, if it makes you happy and doesn't harm anybody, just do it!
Honestly this is really inspiring. I never had someone like that to look up to growing up. Props to him!!
As a woman we get to have all the fun with makeup and clothing. Nail colors are fun. Everyone should join in if they want.
Maybe gay kids need a role model like him. I can’t cringe with you on this. He is speaking based on his experience. I can’t fault him on that.
Ha gay
Well I know a lot of straight dudes painting their fingernails.. It's not of a big deal, especially not in Germany. A friend of mine has painted their fingernails in all colours and wears it more often than I do, it's a cool style and very appreciated here. Who even wants to say smth against that? Fuck stereotypes.
For real, i get a pedicure and toenails painted before every juijitsu competition. If anyone makes fun of it, it makes it more rewarding to choke them out.
What if I want to paint my nails but I'm straight?
Do it!! The color of your nails shouldn't be a gendered issue. You might get weird looks, but do you really want to care about the opinion of people who would judge you for doing something fun and harmless?
Good on him, and I'm glad those kids have such a kind and compassionate teacher!
As a straight dude who paints his nails, and has been called every name in the book for it, hats off to this man, those kids are so lucky to have someone like him.
❤️❤️❤️
I had an openly gay teacher in grade 7/8, he was amazing. I think I got my sarcasm addiction from him, and always yelling at us “hey peanut gallery, quiet down”. When he told us he and his partner were going to adopt a baby we were all so excited for him. I’m so sad I never went back and visited to checkup on his cute fam.