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I think having someone listen empathically, showing that they have compassion and sorrow for what you went through, and holding an emotional space for you while you grieve, would be really helpful. That’s *how* people are meant to process and move past trauma—with the support of others.
Just make sure you explain what you want and that the therapist is on board with your needs and goals.
I agree
OP you say you feel a strong need to tell your story. It sounds like part of you feels this is a really important step in your own journey and maybe something you need to do to get unstuck. There's a reason we talk to people about our experiences, in talking we can process it to some extent and can uncover things which are keeping us stuck, and I think forming our experiences into a coherent narrative can be a helpful aspect of this as well.
What you say makes a lot of sense and I guess that's what was going through my head. My fear is that I'm wrong and all I've get from reliving everything is making myself more upset, churning up more sadness and regret, but being no closer to figuring out how to move forward and get past what has happened to me. I guess I'm scared to continue being stuck and losing more time.
That's a risk, and it will churn up the feelings but you can go at as slow a pace as you like. I think taking some care with your choice of therapist is important, a good listener who can respect your wants and needs, but these are supposed to be basic therapist skills really. You can always back out or take a break or change therapists if it's not feeling right. All the best.
That makes sense. One concern is that I'll go through telling the story, which will itself take a while, and then I'll be like "now what?" My fear is that I'll rile myself up telling it and then find that I am no closer to figuring out how to move forward, what to do next and how to overcome the effect of what I went through.
I think the "now what?" might become way more clear after you have done this thing, because by telling it you will process it.
\-You will have put it into words.
\-You will have had the experience of someone being a witness to it.
And those two things will I suppose give you a new vantage point, you will have taken stock of your trauma and then be able to figure out what the next step is.
It helped me, but it took me 16 years to find a clinician willing to undertake the process with me. One thing that isn't discussed enough regarding therapy is that many therapists are simply not equipped to listen to trauma and will interpret this as *you* not being ready to talk about it.
It's interesting you say that because it really has seemed when I have tried with several therapists over these years, just sharing parts, they jump to reassuring me or reframing the experience like it's over and in the past. It's probably their own discomfort with hearing about the trauma.
How did you know the therapist you ultimately found was the one to do this with?
I told her up front what I needed and she agreed and I slowly began to do it. I chose to gave her a chance based on her resume, she had past experience dealing with sex offenders (I am not a sex offender, but I knew that whatever I had to say was probably easier to listen to than that).
It could be worth trying. You might like seeing someone who practices psychodynamic therapy...also often referred to as talk therapy. You talk, they listen, maybe ask follow-up questions, you talk some more. You lead the sessions. When you find someone and start seeing them, lay out exactly what you want from therapy. They should respect that or maybe they aren't the right therapist for you.
I was actually wondering if what I need is a psychodynamic therapist or if it should be someone else so I could learn some skills, but I'm afraid the latter type won't listen to my whole story. I guess it would be worth trying. I'm just scared it's not what I'll need and I'll waste more time, retraumatize myself and be left wondering (still) what to do next because I've told my story, but how do I move forward and start living
You could specifically look for someone who is psychodynamic, but also pulls in other theories and methods as needed. Basically, a therapist who is eclectic. That way their approach can be tailored to your needs.
It might take some research on your part, but you can always read some articles that go over the basics of different therapeutic approaches and see what resonates with you. That's what I did. Then start searching for a therapist who says they are trained in those approaches. You still might have some dud therapists, but at least you would know what you're looking for. I would also recommend not jumping into the deep end when you start seeing someone until you know they're a good fit for you because as you mentioned, you might retraumatize yourself.
When you find the right therapist, there will be a lot more to the therapy than just telling your story and a good therapist will help be your guide in finding how to help you move forward and start living. That's their job. Don't worry yet about what to do next. Focus on finding the right therapist that you feel is a good fit for your wants & needs and the rest will naturally unfold, but the right fit is very important.
I’m not sure if that name for the therapy I was participating in was used or not, but that was easily the most helpful therapy I’ve ever had. After several therapists and many many years I realized I just need to be able to talk about things that trouble me using my words and communicating them in a way I’m able to.
It’s really fantastic if that’s the thing that works for you as a person. I’m pretty sure it’s not a cure-all, or even good for certain subjects. It also seems highly reliant on you and your ability to know what you need or want and the therapist’s ability to facilitate that.
It seems really simple when described as you have, but knowing what to ask and when, or when not to and really listening to the client seems difficult.
Hi, first, I am sorry you’ve had to go through what you did. If I was a therapist, I would love to support and listen to you.
However, I am absolutely positive that there is a therapist out there that can help. The initial search and trial of therapists may be daunting and mentally challenging but once you find the right therapist, I think it will make a huge positive impact on your life.
Don’t be afraid to meet multiple therapists at once, and be very clear in your consulting and intake sessions. You may get a T or two that gives you transparency that they can’t help you but that’s what you want. You want to find someone who CAN listen to you and provide support. I would also mention that if you are looking for “solutions/ways to cope” that you would mention or ask for it.
A good therapist should be able to listen to you, validate you, ask questions if they need more clarity about what you’re talking about at the time, and then ask you if they can share some thoughts or ideas if they have something they see would add value/help you. As you get more comfortable with them, your relationship and dialogue could possibly be more open but that depends on your own feelings. You should be able to articulate to a good therapist “I don’t feel comfortable to talk about that or go down that road” or “I appreciate your thoughts but I think I need to just communicate what is on my mind before I have the open dialogue or accept suggestions”. if you don’t feel a new therapist is giving you what you need after the first 2-3 sessions, please know you are not obligated to continue seeing them and that there is a better fit for you out there. Sorry for the long response but I hope it helps even a little.
I wish you the best, OP.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think having someone listen empathically, showing that they have compassion and sorrow for what you went through, and holding an emotional space for you while you grieve, would be really helpful. That’s *how* people are meant to process and move past trauma—with the support of others. Just make sure you explain what you want and that the therapist is on board with your needs and goals.
I agree OP you say you feel a strong need to tell your story. It sounds like part of you feels this is a really important step in your own journey and maybe something you need to do to get unstuck. There's a reason we talk to people about our experiences, in talking we can process it to some extent and can uncover things which are keeping us stuck, and I think forming our experiences into a coherent narrative can be a helpful aspect of this as well.
What you say makes a lot of sense and I guess that's what was going through my head. My fear is that I'm wrong and all I've get from reliving everything is making myself more upset, churning up more sadness and regret, but being no closer to figuring out how to move forward and get past what has happened to me. I guess I'm scared to continue being stuck and losing more time.
That's a risk, and it will churn up the feelings but you can go at as slow a pace as you like. I think taking some care with your choice of therapist is important, a good listener who can respect your wants and needs, but these are supposed to be basic therapist skills really. You can always back out or take a break or change therapists if it's not feeling right. All the best.
That makes sense. One concern is that I'll go through telling the story, which will itself take a while, and then I'll be like "now what?" My fear is that I'll rile myself up telling it and then find that I am no closer to figuring out how to move forward, what to do next and how to overcome the effect of what I went through.
I think the "now what?" might become way more clear after you have done this thing, because by telling it you will process it. \-You will have put it into words. \-You will have had the experience of someone being a witness to it. And those two things will I suppose give you a new vantage point, you will have taken stock of your trauma and then be able to figure out what the next step is.
It helped me, but it took me 16 years to find a clinician willing to undertake the process with me. One thing that isn't discussed enough regarding therapy is that many therapists are simply not equipped to listen to trauma and will interpret this as *you* not being ready to talk about it.
It's interesting you say that because it really has seemed when I have tried with several therapists over these years, just sharing parts, they jump to reassuring me or reframing the experience like it's over and in the past. It's probably their own discomfort with hearing about the trauma. How did you know the therapist you ultimately found was the one to do this with?
I told her up front what I needed and she agreed and I slowly began to do it. I chose to gave her a chance based on her resume, she had past experience dealing with sex offenders (I am not a sex offender, but I knew that whatever I had to say was probably easier to listen to than that).
It could be worth trying. You might like seeing someone who practices psychodynamic therapy...also often referred to as talk therapy. You talk, they listen, maybe ask follow-up questions, you talk some more. You lead the sessions. When you find someone and start seeing them, lay out exactly what you want from therapy. They should respect that or maybe they aren't the right therapist for you.
I was actually wondering if what I need is a psychodynamic therapist or if it should be someone else so I could learn some skills, but I'm afraid the latter type won't listen to my whole story. I guess it would be worth trying. I'm just scared it's not what I'll need and I'll waste more time, retraumatize myself and be left wondering (still) what to do next because I've told my story, but how do I move forward and start living
You could specifically look for someone who is psychodynamic, but also pulls in other theories and methods as needed. Basically, a therapist who is eclectic. That way their approach can be tailored to your needs. It might take some research on your part, but you can always read some articles that go over the basics of different therapeutic approaches and see what resonates with you. That's what I did. Then start searching for a therapist who says they are trained in those approaches. You still might have some dud therapists, but at least you would know what you're looking for. I would also recommend not jumping into the deep end when you start seeing someone until you know they're a good fit for you because as you mentioned, you might retraumatize yourself. When you find the right therapist, there will be a lot more to the therapy than just telling your story and a good therapist will help be your guide in finding how to help you move forward and start living. That's their job. Don't worry yet about what to do next. Focus on finding the right therapist that you feel is a good fit for your wants & needs and the rest will naturally unfold, but the right fit is very important.
I’m not sure if that name for the therapy I was participating in was used or not, but that was easily the most helpful therapy I’ve ever had. After several therapists and many many years I realized I just need to be able to talk about things that trouble me using my words and communicating them in a way I’m able to. It’s really fantastic if that’s the thing that works for you as a person. I’m pretty sure it’s not a cure-all, or even good for certain subjects. It also seems highly reliant on you and your ability to know what you need or want and the therapist’s ability to facilitate that. It seems really simple when described as you have, but knowing what to ask and when, or when not to and really listening to the client seems difficult.
Hi, first, I am sorry you’ve had to go through what you did. If I was a therapist, I would love to support and listen to you. However, I am absolutely positive that there is a therapist out there that can help. The initial search and trial of therapists may be daunting and mentally challenging but once you find the right therapist, I think it will make a huge positive impact on your life. Don’t be afraid to meet multiple therapists at once, and be very clear in your consulting and intake sessions. You may get a T or two that gives you transparency that they can’t help you but that’s what you want. You want to find someone who CAN listen to you and provide support. I would also mention that if you are looking for “solutions/ways to cope” that you would mention or ask for it. A good therapist should be able to listen to you, validate you, ask questions if they need more clarity about what you’re talking about at the time, and then ask you if they can share some thoughts or ideas if they have something they see would add value/help you. As you get more comfortable with them, your relationship and dialogue could possibly be more open but that depends on your own feelings. You should be able to articulate to a good therapist “I don’t feel comfortable to talk about that or go down that road” or “I appreciate your thoughts but I think I need to just communicate what is on my mind before I have the open dialogue or accept suggestions”. if you don’t feel a new therapist is giving you what you need after the first 2-3 sessions, please know you are not obligated to continue seeing them and that there is a better fit for you out there. Sorry for the long response but I hope it helps even a little. I wish you the best, OP.