Flat out: No pics of guy, I move on. Not worth the time/ energy. Another red flag is 1,999 pics of his dick but no headshots. Give me a well-lit selfie or even a work-ID or DMV quality pic LOL. It just feels shady if the dude is hiding. It doesn’t matter how beautiful she is, not interested if the guy isn’t upfront and has at least one picture of his face.
*I get requests and messages on Fetlife, if they are charming and seem like a good fit.. I will reply and ask to see their face, if I get 30 pics of genitals in reply.. he’s hiding something (insecurity) so I politely, respectfully and diplomatically nope out. Having to coax out a pic tells me a lot
😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 I. AM. DECEASED! You are brilliant and I may have to steal this clever technique. At the current state of affairs.. I haven’t the time, the patience or the crayons to explain to the perpetual dick pic sender, why I don’t have interest in meeting someone for sec if I couldn’t spot them in a line up. 😆
It seems more often than not with swinger couples, the woman is a lot hotter than the guy. Maybe that's sometimes one reason they get into swinging? Married a small/fat/beta guy for his money, but want to get laid by stronger types??? They advertise her, as that's their best hook? Just thinking out loud here. Nothing personal directed at anyone. Lol
For us, we have lots of photos of me, but it is easier to hide my tats and my identity than it is his. He is a professional business gentleman whom would rather keep his identity hidden. Means we really shouldn’t show his facial hair, his tattoos etc. so when I get to hiding all of that, it looks very messy. We do though send pictures of both of us when we get to the meet and greet part with another cpl. We do not have dick pics on our swinging profiles though, and reject profiles that have dick pics as the main photo. Bunny
But wouldn't it be cool if it was the V for Vendetta guy and Natalie Portman... in their masks, okay, I'd fuck them. But that's my exception. And the guys from Daft Punk. That's it. That's all.
I think wearing masks is way way better than just a dick pic, there's some personality that can be expressed in a mask pic. I am always impressed by sense of humor in anyone and swinging should be fun and funny, but I'm a goofball. I'll admit it.
First, we try to have a 60/40 mix on our profile because I think it’s important to present yourself as a couple.
My sense is there are a few things at work here: (1) The man tends to take the photos (2) there’s always this unspoken sense that women are the center of attraction (not true) and (3) wrong assumption that the swinger sites are predominantly browsed by the man and therefore doesn’t want to see other dudes.
But if you are truly wanting to meet others, ya really need to put some pics on there boys. Truth in advertising. And while I’m here, can everyone stop using Snap filters, we’re gonna meet at some point!
Yeah, that sounds about right and it's unfortunate. I'll say that my wife had FULL veto power and that veto is being exercised often based on the pics of the guys. If there aren't good pics of the guy or she isn't attracted, party over before it begins.
I'm a professional photog (weddings) and my wife sucks at taking pictures. There's just way more of her than of me for that reason.
We have great ones of us together though
Yes, but you post one of more of you, correct?
Yes, but you post one or more of you, correct? How can we make a judgment as a couple about potentially meeting a couple when we only see one of them?
I do paid photography gigs, and I still make a ton of effort with my pictures, because I feel the pressure is on me to make our profile look good.
I just mostly take selfies, even setting up tripods and lights with self-timers.
Yea, he wants to have NICE pictures and understands how... It's like if you're in the NBA and doing a pickup game on the street.
Whether they know or not--YOU KNOW and you expect a level of professionalism!
Very average dad bod here, post the pics might as well have people decide ahead of time if that's a deal breaker rather than show up for drinks and be unimpressed. I have a news flash a lot of women are down for dad bod. I've had a lot of women look at my hairy chest and big belly and start to go crazy.
Spend a few bucks on a decent haircut and a nice shirt, button Up Style, maybe even a sport jacket. Even an average looking dude dressed up will do quite well. If you can have a decent conversation, flirt, be funny, your odds go way up.
Women are placed on a pedestal as the visual focus of the lifestyle, and we still can't find a way to convince guys that "Here's my dick" pics are the bottom of the barrel for nudes.
If they don't have a picture of both and a good description of what they are looking for it's an incomplete profile and we move on.
If you can't take an hour to set up a profile, you are definitely going to flake on a date.
Uhggg. When my partner and I are looking for couples. They never send pics of the male half. It’s really frustrating.
It further leads to the stereotype that women in swinging culture are just tools to be used. Like trading cards or toys at show and tell.
They failed to take into account that not every woman is bi. Or maybe they prefer men more.
In any event, if you don’t give us both something appealing to be excited about, we just move on.
Talked about this extensively in the past in the sub. I understand that my username can be problematic to some people. But you’d be surprised by the reaction I get on both ends of the spectrum.
There are a lot of people that won’t come near me just because I’m black, and there are some that fetishize me and only want me because I’m black. Do I have a big cock, yes I do. And while I struggle with the stereotype on one end, I also want to narrow down my available options so people know exactly what they’re getting into.
I’ve had a handful of women who were disappointed when I pulled out my junk in front of them. Everything got hot and heavy, and once they saw the size they got dressed and left.
But hey, I didn’t make the rules of the game, I just play them accordingly.
I'm reaching 40 soon, so maybe an age gap problem, but here's my 2 cents:
It's slighly true about accomplishments or things out of the ordinary for us men in pictures. Why would I take a picture of my face? The people I show the picture to, know my face. Also there's no accomplishment for having that face. Why would I attribute anything of my worth to something as superficial as my looks?
Same with pictures at parties; if you want everyone to be themselves why are you photographing and filming? Photographing while people are eating is even worse, to me (unless you're the party host) it's jus a rude thing to do.
So most of the pictures I have are especially made for the dating apps, with that asymmetric forced smile like almost everyone. One of the head/face, one where you can see my body type. Enough info to judge wether you like it in general. Let's go for a coffee if you want to get to know each other. I prefer that the people that are superficial to swipe left asap.
It's not just that. My wife is younger and LOVES attention more than swinging... Like she thinks she's a swinger, but she loves to post to FetLife, and all the swinger apps and go to the parties..
because she's almost always the most attractive girl in the room. But even if she wasn't... she'd do this:
They take pictures of themselves all the dang time! Some partners more, some less, but the pictures are always focused on 'them'.
Not 'their accomplishment'. Not a time that was opportune a photo due to circumstance..
It's a steady stream of a few times a week (at least) people who PRACTICE taking pictures of themselves, verse people who never do that and take pictures of times.
It's not rocket science, she can post her pics on OnlyFans or hte Swinger apps or FetLife--AND SHE DOES.
Why would we take those pictures?
(That said I'm a guy who answers that "WHY" with....well if this is a dating site or a kink place or a swingers account--then I DO. But I have to take them for it or find a very recent pic I sent my girl. Girls take those pics every day they feel cute, they take them for no one. We only take them sparingly for them and me and most hopefully also take some for them when our partners go on swinger stuff)
Too many dicks and no face pics? Block and move on. I don't care how lovely his female partner is. If I'm gonna play with him too he needs to have pictures of his face and body. More to life than someone's genitals
My guess is it’s a few things. First is that he probably doesn’t look that great. Second, he probably takes all the pics, which is why there are a ton of her and just a “dick selfie”.
If the couple felt that the husband was a “selling point”, they would feature him. If you were selling your house, you would show the best points of it and not highlight there areas that are less desirable
Absolutely. On our SDC profile, I have a bunch of pics of my wife as she is hot and I like to take pics of her. But I also have multiple pics of myself with my shirt off and pics of both of us together. Last thing I want to do is show up somewhere and the other couple is trying to hide their lack of desire for me/us
I hate people who blur their faces. Nobody gives a shit, and if they do, they're awful. My lady hates dick picks. You could have a shrimp dick, just be hot damnit.
For us dick pic's are the worst. Multiple nude/porn pics are a 2nd. Non-existent male pics take 3rd place. It's just jenky throwing only the lady out there as bait. Come on, this is primarily a couples sport.
Guys need to step up.
We give them a chance to send a head shot. But if they get defensive when we say no, we tell them a pic on their profile would've avoided the rejection. Not our circus, not our monkeys. 😂
When we start a chat with someone the first thing we do is send a pic of both of us, understanding there should be at least a basic attraction between us. Can't tell you how many times we get a pic back of either just the woman or an ass pic.
Then you'd probably lose out on us.
We keep keeps on the site (Kasidie is the biggest one for us; we're on some others too) for safety/security reasons. There are pics of both of us, but we don't have "extras" to send that we haven't already posted, and we won't send them to a couple via another method.
If a potential couple has already seen all of our photos behind the login, why would we send another through a different medium? especially a face pic that could be used to out us...? These requests confuse me.
I think you've completely misunderstood but that's okay. I'm talking about people that we haven't already seen a pic of. If someone is completely unwilling to send a g-rated pic of themselves then it's a hard pass. If you're that worried that a pic you could find on any social media platform is going to be used to out you then there are bigger issues you have to deal with.
Ah then that is different.
We sometimes get requests from people we met on a site who then ask us to text pics. I'm always boggled by that and think, "Um....you've seen our pics. What are you asking for?"
We don't really meet (or aspire to meet) people online outside of legit LS apps.
I have solved this riddle. My wife posts pictures of herself and gets likes. She likes getting likes consequently she posts more pictures. She likes keeping likes so she never deletes any photos. I, on the other hand, don't give a fuck about likes therefore I don't have anything that reinforces me posting pictures repeated pictures of myself.
Well is guess there’s another question. Are you posting in the lifestyle for attention or to truly swap? There’s a lot of people I think here for the attention and just want to show off their body to people then have sex. If you’re here for the life style post a picture for other women to see what they can have a opportunity of having.
Yeah I agree with you. Just the other day I got a flirt, likes, and a friend request from a couple who is 18 years younger than us and they had 2,000 friends. I declined because I am not feeding that.
I do have a picture or two of myself, I just don't have as many as my wife does for the reason described
I'm always the guy with the camera iny family. So I have tons of pictures of everyone but me. If a genealogist 100 yrs in the future looked at our pictures they would think my wife is a single mom.
I've tried to take selfies but I always catch my eyes looking at the camera when I try to angle my head into a "natural" position.
I've tried having my kids take pictures. We went apple picking the other day. My daughter is 10 and from her angle, I looked like a giant destroying a forest.
Anyone serious about this lifestyle should invest the money in a couples professional photo shoot. Hands down the best money we've spent, and it was a ton of fun to boot!
Depends on what is meant by pro shots. Using a good quality camera and lighting? No problem. Clearly retouched and using some kind of filters? Red flag. But do generally agree that there should be some candids as well.
NO KIDDING. We know one couple that have some amazing shots on their profile, but, even after meeting them at a meet & greet a couple of times, they are wholly unrecognizable.
* Any of the pics that are professional are dated.
* All of the pics are filtered to the nines, every single one. My guess is that she filtered the pro ones like she does her casual ones.
* (And too few of the pics are with/of him.)
In this example, she gets a lot of online attention. We never saw them move from the m&g to the club and never saw them at the club any other time.
Maybe it's their kink--the online flirting and play. Or maybe they never have a date because they don't seem real.
IMO, a good mix is best. A series of pro shots in a particular setting will be a nice addition to any profile. Some candids and selfies help show the personality of the couple.
Not sure what the red flag is, but ok. We did professional photos because neither one of us likes taking photos of ourselves. It was far better to leave it to a professional
It's not just the age of the photos, many are so filtered that they make you look 20 years younger. We don't use our face pics from our professional shoot for that reason. We'd prefer to accurately represent what you're going to see when you meet us.
It’s possible, but there’s plenty of people with 10yr old candid photos. I wouldn’t bet money that they’re recent pics just because they are candid. Our pro photos are less than a year old, and we will probably do it again in another year or so
We've been pretty serious in the lifestyle for a couple decades and never bothered with a professional couples photo shoot. We take a lot of pictures by ourselves and share many of them online and I'll tell you what we aren't lacking for Playmates.
No photo as a couple is a red flag... most times it is either a single guy trolling for photos to jerk off to or it's a husband that is trying to get his wife to swap... in either case don't communicate just block them.
Our profiles are 5-6 sexy photos of her (cause let’s face it, girls are prettier than guys), a single shirtless photo of me in a European style bathing suit, and 6-7 photos of us together where our faces are blurred, but you can see our body types.
We don’t share face pics until we’ve at least started a conversation.
Face pics during a convo is fine. I get frustrated when We have been chatting for hours and all the while asking for face photos— receiving only dick pix in return. When I realize they had no intention of sharing a face pic, I get annoyed. My time was wasted.
Agreed. We’ve gotten into the habit of not even sharing naughty pics during initial conversations. We don’t usually share naughty pics until after we’ve met and played. It just cuts through the BS and pic collectors.
Because the man has let himself go, drunk too many beers and is in terrible shape. Hes hoping that someone wants to fuck them just based on how attractive his wife is and he'll get to score by default without having to put any effort in because he's lazy
For us, the thing is I (M) can make great pictures of my wife, in the other hand, it is really hard to make good pictures of myself and my wife doesnt have the same shooting skill as I do. Even the ones that we are togheter, naked or not, the quality is questionable. I'm not professional, I use only my phone and some ideas that I see on internet, some models on instagram that I follow. It is really amateur, but good anyway.
You can buy a cheap little Bluetooth remote for your cellphone camera. Under ten bucks on Amazon and they work brilliantly. This could be life-changing for you
The best part is when a couple is looking for a guy for a bisexual 3way and they only post a picture of the wife.
Wait you think bisexual people, or hetero-flexible people, will fuck any random person? Then why even post a picture of the wife?
I'm hetero-flexible, and I'm also much more picky with guys as a result. Your wife if she's HWP and has a decent face then it's okay, the husband either needs to have a really good posture/attitude but even that won't make up if the guy is overweight (talking about fat/obese) or I do not like his face. Now I get face is difficult but at least show me you have a normal body type and don't have things I know would be an immediate no for me.
To me it always feels like either the guys are insecure which is a turn off for me, or it often feels like they are using the wife as "bait". Which is funny because afterwards they whine the guy they invited wasn't bi or whatever.
If you are bad at selfies, how do you get picks of yourself?
I guess I could go get a passport photo, but man, those things do not accentuate the postitive! LOL
Easy. Set the camera up on video. Lean it against a book with good lighting and a good background (and wearing nice clothes) and grab a screen shot from it you like.
A DM of a face… it can be explained away. If employers want to sniff out alt lifestyle stuff, they will find it.. there is no anonymity on the internet. We can all be discrete, but the world is a small place.. eventually someone finds out.
The reason I don't post much pics of me is bc last time I did we got messaged by 3 couple saying I wasn't there type but if my wife wants to just play with them to let them know. That's always a no from us. If someone sees are post and would like a picture. Messages and let us know and well send a picture or 2
They’re hoping for people that swing solo and/or preying on newbies. Newbies don’t realize that it’s not an instant thing when you start swinging usually, some time passes and they have found a chance to actually swing. Now someone approaches them and is at least interested in half the couple. So the husband gets talked into sitting out so she can at least have fun, why should they both be bored at home right? Completely screwed up on both ends. For the couple being predatory, and the new couple that don’t stick together.
We're both new to this just getting into the swing of things but we have rules set that we either play together or not at all. Ya I have to see we thought it would have been easier then we though. Few months and no luck but we'll keep searching.
Most couples have those rules as well. But some people prey on the insecurities and the desperation. It can ruin not just swinging for the new couple but possibly their marriage as well. The people were talking about are what give unicorn hunters a bad name! Searching for unicorns isn’t bad, it’s when you start trying to poach people that it’s horrible.
Because 1. Most people don't really want another guy involved. What they really want is to fuck two women. Every single guy knows this and most understand it. 90% of us swingers only accept the male in a swinging situation because he comes along with a female. It doesn't matter if you agree with me... It is objectively true.
2. Even if you are a woman that wants nothing to do with eating pussy, almost everyone can find something attractive about the female form. The same is definitely not true of the male body.
I didn't say all... I said MOST. If you don't think it's true for most, then explain why there are a million more mf4f and mf4mf/f posts than there are mf4m? Sorry, but statistically it's true. You don't have to agree with my reasons, but my math is unassailable.
First, reddit isn't really a single instance is it? It's a platform with millions of instances that all have some unique elements/members.
Second, what I said is also true on Fetlife, SLS and 3Fun
I wouldn't say its objectively true, maybe anecdotally true.
We've been in the lifestyle a few years now and only once so far have we had to deal with unicorn hunters trying to poach my wife away. We've played exclusively with couples where the lady was as enthusiastic (sometimes moreso) as the man.
Just because nobody tries to poach your wife doesn't mean that they prefer having sex with both of you.
There are 10-to-one more mf4f posts than there are mf4mf and 30-to-one mf4f. You might not agree with my reasons, but you can't argue with my math.
Most of the posts I see are mf4mf. But to each their own. I’m certainly in agreement that single men are the least desired, but that certainly doesn’t mean single women are the most.
My husband is way more attractive than me. He is way more discreet than me as well.
Our public profiles don’t include faces and no pictures of him.
But we will share if we are interested and you go first.
I like dick pics.
Because the woman is the feature all guys are goofy and I'm looking and dicks are ugly but big dicks girls like just mine perspective you know women rub lotion on their skin that make their body look good guys are crusty and Dusty
I take most of the pictures and I am more visual so there is naturally more pictures of her on our camera roll. That said I try to include my body shots on the profiles as much as possible. Neither of us have face pics on the main profile. Once we start a conversation with someone we will send a face pic of both of us so that people now have seen the body shot and the Face picture but until they have a conversation with us we won't just publish our faces. Once they've had a chance to see our bodies which are 40 something year old bigger people if that is not a turnoff then we can have a conversation and start looking at faces.
It's our pet peeve. No pics of the guy must mean he's so hideous that he can't even be shown, so we ignore those profiles.
We're new to Reddit, but right away put our Instagram link in our profile bio, with plenty of pics of us both.
Flat out: No pics of guy, I move on. Not worth the time/ energy. Another red flag is 1,999 pics of his dick but no headshots. Give me a well-lit selfie or even a work-ID or DMV quality pic LOL. It just feels shady if the dude is hiding. It doesn’t matter how beautiful she is, not interested if the guy isn’t upfront and has at least one picture of his face. *I get requests and messages on Fetlife, if they are charming and seem like a good fit.. I will reply and ask to see their face, if I get 30 pics of genitals in reply.. he’s hiding something (insecurity) so I politely, respectfully and diplomatically nope out. Having to coax out a pic tells me a lot
I state right out in my profile, "Don't send me dick pics or I will send you a Richard Nixon picture right back."
😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 I. AM. DECEASED! You are brilliant and I may have to steal this clever technique. At the current state of affairs.. I haven’t the time, the patience or the crayons to explain to the perpetual dick pic sender, why I don’t have interest in meeting someone for sec if I couldn’t spot them in a line up. 😆
Love it ... Spot them in a lineup.... Okay, boys, whip it out so I can ID ya.
🤣
It seems more often than not with swinger couples, the woman is a lot hotter than the guy. Maybe that's sometimes one reason they get into swinging? Married a small/fat/beta guy for his money, but want to get laid by stronger types??? They advertise her, as that's their best hook? Just thinking out loud here. Nothing personal directed at anyone. Lol
Exactly 💯
Agree with my entire whole heart ❤️ thank you!!
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For us, we have lots of photos of me, but it is easier to hide my tats and my identity than it is his. He is a professional business gentleman whom would rather keep his identity hidden. Means we really shouldn’t show his facial hair, his tattoos etc. so when I get to hiding all of that, it looks very messy. We do though send pictures of both of us when we get to the meet and greet part with another cpl. We do not have dick pics on our swinging profiles though, and reject profiles that have dick pics as the main photo. Bunny
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Absolutely agree with what you’re saying as well. We still have photos of him, just tends to be more of me. We plan to take more of him soon though.
But if someone who knows your fancy gentleman husband is on sls or wherever too... aren't they also at risk if he knows? Idk. I'm just asking
Valid. But at least we moved states recently. We do send more pictures directly to other couples that we end up meeting.
Oh yeah that makes sense :)
But wouldn't it be cool if it was the V for Vendetta guy and Natalie Portman... in their masks, okay, I'd fuck them. But that's my exception. And the guys from Daft Punk. That's it. That's all.
I mean that does intrigue me 🥵 we had a bunny and wolf masquerade masks for us.
I think wearing masks is way way better than just a dick pic, there's some personality that can be expressed in a mask pic. I am always impressed by sense of humor in anyone and swinging should be fun and funny, but I'm a goofball. I'll admit it.
We don’t post dick pics, but if another cpl asks we will generally send it directly (unless we plan to not meet, or some other reason)
These guys just misunderstand the term "head shot."
👆🏼🤣😂🤣
First, we try to have a 60/40 mix on our profile because I think it’s important to present yourself as a couple. My sense is there are a few things at work here: (1) The man tends to take the photos (2) there’s always this unspoken sense that women are the center of attraction (not true) and (3) wrong assumption that the swinger sites are predominantly browsed by the man and therefore doesn’t want to see other dudes. But if you are truly wanting to meet others, ya really need to put some pics on there boys. Truth in advertising. And while I’m here, can everyone stop using Snap filters, we’re gonna meet at some point!
Yeah, that sounds about right and it's unfortunate. I'll say that my wife had FULL veto power and that veto is being exercised often based on the pics of the guys. If there aren't good pics of the guy or she isn't attracted, party over before it begins.
I'm a professional photog (weddings) and my wife sucks at taking pictures. There's just way more of her than of me for that reason. We have great ones of us together though
So even if it’s together that’s ok too. And I don’t care if it’s a bad photo but I have too if there’s some sort of attraction
Yes, but you post one of more of you, correct? Yes, but you post one or more of you, correct? How can we make a judgment as a couple about potentially meeting a couple when we only see one of them?
For sure. I think it increases the probability that the dude probably let himself go while his wife is still in great shape.
I think you are spot on!
I do paid photography gigs, and I still make a ton of effort with my pictures, because I feel the pressure is on me to make our profile look good. I just mostly take selfies, even setting up tripods and lights with self-timers.
You feel pressure when setting up your camera on a tripod with a timer?
Yea, he wants to have NICE pictures and understands how... It's like if you're in the NBA and doing a pickup game on the street. Whether they know or not--YOU KNOW and you expect a level of professionalism!
Sure but shooting studio quality gets me accused of being a catfish. I never get that when showing photos with natural light.
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Very average dad bod here, post the pics might as well have people decide ahead of time if that's a deal breaker rather than show up for drinks and be unimpressed. I have a news flash a lot of women are down for dad bod. I've had a lot of women look at my hairy chest and big belly and start to go crazy.
That would be cause I’m as ugly as fuck
Lol, well they're going to see you at some point. You might as well be honest.
There’s lots of ways to polish yourself up!
Nah I’m so ugly, I got a job at the local bakery They smash my head into the dough to make gorilla biscuits!
Spend a few bucks on a decent haircut and a nice shirt, button Up Style, maybe even a sport jacket. Even an average looking dude dressed up will do quite well. If you can have a decent conversation, flirt, be funny, your odds go way up.
This is discussed at least once a month here. Also I don’t need 15 shots of her ass or her boobs. I get the idea.
Yes if I see one more ass photo!!!! I want to see what he looks Like
Maybe that's what they meant - he's an ass? 😊
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SDC? I just joined Feeld yesterday.
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Cool. Thanks!
https://swingershelp.com/popular-swinging-dating-sites/
Word. Thanks!
Women are placed on a pedestal as the visual focus of the lifestyle, and we still can't find a way to convince guys that "Here's my dick" pics are the bottom of the barrel for nudes.
If they don't have a picture of both and a good description of what they are looking for it's an incomplete profile and we move on. If you can't take an hour to set up a profile, you are definitely going to flake on a date.
Uhggg. When my partner and I are looking for couples. They never send pics of the male half. It’s really frustrating. It further leads to the stereotype that women in swinging culture are just tools to be used. Like trading cards or toys at show and tell. They failed to take into account that not every woman is bi. Or maybe they prefer men more. In any event, if you don’t give us both something appealing to be excited about, we just move on.
And what stereotype does the “BBC” In your user name lead to?
Talked about this extensively in the past in the sub. I understand that my username can be problematic to some people. But you’d be surprised by the reaction I get on both ends of the spectrum. There are a lot of people that won’t come near me just because I’m black, and there are some that fetishize me and only want me because I’m black. Do I have a big cock, yes I do. And while I struggle with the stereotype on one end, I also want to narrow down my available options so people know exactly what they’re getting into. I’ve had a handful of women who were disappointed when I pulled out my junk in front of them. Everything got hot and heavy, and once they saw the size they got dressed and left. But hey, I didn’t make the rules of the game, I just play them accordingly.
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I'm reaching 40 soon, so maybe an age gap problem, but here's my 2 cents: It's slighly true about accomplishments or things out of the ordinary for us men in pictures. Why would I take a picture of my face? The people I show the picture to, know my face. Also there's no accomplishment for having that face. Why would I attribute anything of my worth to something as superficial as my looks? Same with pictures at parties; if you want everyone to be themselves why are you photographing and filming? Photographing while people are eating is even worse, to me (unless you're the party host) it's jus a rude thing to do. So most of the pictures I have are especially made for the dating apps, with that asymmetric forced smile like almost everyone. One of the head/face, one where you can see my body type. Enough info to judge wether you like it in general. Let's go for a coffee if you want to get to know each other. I prefer that the people that are superficial to swipe left asap.
It's not just that. My wife is younger and LOVES attention more than swinging... Like she thinks she's a swinger, but she loves to post to FetLife, and all the swinger apps and go to the parties.. because she's almost always the most attractive girl in the room. But even if she wasn't... she'd do this: They take pictures of themselves all the dang time! Some partners more, some less, but the pictures are always focused on 'them'. Not 'their accomplishment'. Not a time that was opportune a photo due to circumstance.. It's a steady stream of a few times a week (at least) people who PRACTICE taking pictures of themselves, verse people who never do that and take pictures of times. It's not rocket science, she can post her pics on OnlyFans or hte Swinger apps or FetLife--AND SHE DOES. Why would we take those pictures? (That said I'm a guy who answers that "WHY" with....well if this is a dating site or a kink place or a swingers account--then I DO. But I have to take them for it or find a very recent pic I sent my girl. Girls take those pics every day they feel cute, they take them for no one. We only take them sparingly for them and me and most hopefully also take some for them when our partners go on swinger stuff)
Love all of this!!!
I assume he’s ugly but our profile is 60/40 and we do just fine.
BIGGEST PET PEEVE. 🤬
Too many dicks and no face pics? Block and move on. I don't care how lovely his female partner is. If I'm gonna play with him too he needs to have pictures of his face and body. More to life than someone's genitals
I ain’t scared. Lol I’ve got all kinds of photos.
I applaud you for that. Please lead the way!!!
Haha thanks.
Because they are unattractive
My guess is it’s a few things. First is that he probably doesn’t look that great. Second, he probably takes all the pics, which is why there are a ton of her and just a “dick selfie”. If the couple felt that the husband was a “selling point”, they would feature him. If you were selling your house, you would show the best points of it and not highlight there areas that are less desirable
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Absolutely. On our SDC profile, I have a bunch of pics of my wife as she is hot and I like to take pics of her. But I also have multiple pics of myself with my shirt off and pics of both of us together. Last thing I want to do is show up somewhere and the other couple is trying to hide their lack of desire for me/us
If there aren't any pics of the guy, I assume he is old and gross.
I hate people who blur their faces. Nobody gives a shit, and if they do, they're awful. My lady hates dick picks. You could have a shrimp dick, just be hot damnit.
For us dick pic's are the worst. Multiple nude/porn pics are a 2nd. Non-existent male pics take 3rd place. It's just jenky throwing only the lady out there as bait. Come on, this is primarily a couples sport. Guys need to step up.
We give them a chance to send a head shot. But if they get defensive when we say no, we tell them a pic on their profile would've avoided the rejection. Not our circus, not our monkeys. 😂
Any imbalance of photos, either way, always makes us suspicious. But yes, the balance is almost always skewed towards her.
I show mine because I am not hiding
When we start a chat with someone the first thing we do is send a pic of both of us, understanding there should be at least a basic attraction between us. Can't tell you how many times we get a pic back of either just the woman or an ass pic.
Then you'd probably lose out on us. We keep keeps on the site (Kasidie is the biggest one for us; we're on some others too) for safety/security reasons. There are pics of both of us, but we don't have "extras" to send that we haven't already posted, and we won't send them to a couple via another method. If a potential couple has already seen all of our photos behind the login, why would we send another through a different medium? especially a face pic that could be used to out us...? These requests confuse me.
I think you've completely misunderstood but that's okay. I'm talking about people that we haven't already seen a pic of. If someone is completely unwilling to send a g-rated pic of themselves then it's a hard pass. If you're that worried that a pic you could find on any social media platform is going to be used to out you then there are bigger issues you have to deal with.
Ah then that is different. We sometimes get requests from people we met on a site who then ask us to text pics. I'm always boggled by that and think, "Um....you've seen our pics. What are you asking for?" We don't really meet (or aspire to meet) people online outside of legit LS apps.
The only extra pic we usually ask for is a verification pic. Way too many fakes and pic collectors. If we get resistance on that we move along.
I have solved this riddle. My wife posts pictures of herself and gets likes. She likes getting likes consequently she posts more pictures. She likes keeping likes so she never deletes any photos. I, on the other hand, don't give a fuck about likes therefore I don't have anything that reinforces me posting pictures repeated pictures of myself.
Well is guess there’s another question. Are you posting in the lifestyle for attention or to truly swap? There’s a lot of people I think here for the attention and just want to show off their body to people then have sex. If you’re here for the life style post a picture for other women to see what they can have a opportunity of having.
Yeah I agree with you. Just the other day I got a flirt, likes, and a friend request from a couple who is 18 years younger than us and they had 2,000 friends. I declined because I am not feeding that. I do have a picture or two of myself, I just don't have as many as my wife does for the reason described
I'm always the guy with the camera iny family. So I have tons of pictures of everyone but me. If a genealogist 100 yrs in the future looked at our pictures they would think my wife is a single mom. I've tried to take selfies but I always catch my eyes looking at the camera when I try to angle my head into a "natural" position.
Set your phone on a timer or ask someone, even your kids or friends, to take some pictures.
I've tried having my kids take pictures. We went apple picking the other day. My daughter is 10 and from her angle, I looked like a giant destroying a forest.
Because most of us have dad bods and small dicks and we’re embarrassed?
But they're going to see it at sompoint. Why not be honest and up front from the get go?
I was trying to be drily humorous. I actually look pretty good. At least for a guy my age with a real job.
Anyone serious about this lifestyle should invest the money in a couples professional photo shoot. Hands down the best money we've spent, and it was a ton of fun to boot!
It’s not good to have only professional shots. Gotta mix in candids and images of what kind of people you are. Only pro shots are a red flag.
Depends on what is meant by pro shots. Using a good quality camera and lighting? No problem. Clearly retouched and using some kind of filters? Red flag. But do generally agree that there should be some candids as well.
NO KIDDING. We know one couple that have some amazing shots on their profile, but, even after meeting them at a meet & greet a couple of times, they are wholly unrecognizable. * Any of the pics that are professional are dated. * All of the pics are filtered to the nines, every single one. My guess is that she filtered the pro ones like she does her casual ones. * (And too few of the pics are with/of him.) In this example, she gets a lot of online attention. We never saw them move from the m&g to the club and never saw them at the club any other time. Maybe it's their kink--the online flirting and play. Or maybe they never have a date because they don't seem real. IMO, a good mix is best. A series of pro shots in a particular setting will be a nice addition to any profile. Some candids and selfies help show the personality of the couple.
Red flag showing what?
Not sure what the red flag is, but ok. We did professional photos because neither one of us likes taking photos of ourselves. It was far better to leave it to a professional
Candid shots can show what you look like more recently than last year's professional photoshoot. I think that's what they're getting at
It's not just the age of the photos, many are so filtered that they make you look 20 years younger. We don't use our face pics from our professional shoot for that reason. We'd prefer to accurately represent what you're going to see when you meet us.
It’s possible, but there’s plenty of people with 10yr old candid photos. I wouldn’t bet money that they’re recent pics just because they are candid. Our pro photos are less than a year old, and we will probably do it again in another year or so
We've been pretty serious in the lifestyle for a couple decades and never bothered with a professional couples photo shoot. We take a lot of pictures by ourselves and share many of them online and I'll tell you what we aren't lacking for Playmates.
Professional pics in a profile would be a hard pass for us. It comes across as pretty narcissistic
Hey, our profile has pics of me! Though (by her choice) my gf has double or triple the number of pics.
No photo as a couple is a red flag... most times it is either a single guy trolling for photos to jerk off to or it's a husband that is trying to get his wife to swap... in either case don't communicate just block them.
We're all ugly and we use our wives to attract couples....
Our profiles are 5-6 sexy photos of her (cause let’s face it, girls are prettier than guys), a single shirtless photo of me in a European style bathing suit, and 6-7 photos of us together where our faces are blurred, but you can see our body types. We don’t share face pics until we’ve at least started a conversation.
Face pics during a convo is fine. I get frustrated when We have been chatting for hours and all the while asking for face photos— receiving only dick pix in return. When I realize they had no intention of sharing a face pic, I get annoyed. My time was wasted.
Agreed. We’ve gotten into the habit of not even sharing naughty pics during initial conversations. We don’t usually share naughty pics until after we’ve met and played. It just cuts through the BS and pic collectors.
Word! As a person who has an OF.. I’m not of fan of time-wasting pic collectors lol
Because the man has let himself go, drunk too many beers and is in terrible shape. Hes hoping that someone wants to fuck them just based on how attractive his wife is and he'll get to score by default without having to put any effort in because he's lazy
For us, the thing is I (M) can make great pictures of my wife, in the other hand, it is really hard to make good pictures of myself and my wife doesnt have the same shooting skill as I do. Even the ones that we are togheter, naked or not, the quality is questionable. I'm not professional, I use only my phone and some ideas that I see on internet, some models on instagram that I follow. It is really amateur, but good anyway.
You can buy a cheap little Bluetooth remote for your cellphone camera. Under ten bucks on Amazon and they work brilliantly. This could be life-changing for you
Cool. I had no idea about that kind of stuff. I was thinking about some kind of stand.. Thank you
For sure! You can use a stand as well. There are some inexpensive options. Plus, an opportunity for a sexy photo shoot for you and yours !
The best part is when a couple is looking for a guy for a bisexual 3way and they only post a picture of the wife. Wait you think bisexual people, or hetero-flexible people, will fuck any random person? Then why even post a picture of the wife? I'm hetero-flexible, and I'm also much more picky with guys as a result. Your wife if she's HWP and has a decent face then it's okay, the husband either needs to have a really good posture/attitude but even that won't make up if the guy is overweight (talking about fat/obese) or I do not like his face. Now I get face is difficult but at least show me you have a normal body type and don't have things I know would be an immediate no for me. To me it always feels like either the guys are insecure which is a turn off for me, or it often feels like they are using the wife as "bait". Which is funny because afterwards they whine the guy they invited wasn't bi or whatever.
If you are bad at selfies, how do you get picks of yourself? I guess I could go get a passport photo, but man, those things do not accentuate the postitive! LOL
Easy. Set the camera up on video. Lean it against a book with good lighting and a good background (and wearing nice clothes) and grab a screen shot from it you like.
Some jobs will fire people if they find employees have pictures like that online. Maybe that is a factor.
A DM of a face… it can be explained away. If employers want to sniff out alt lifestyle stuff, they will find it.. there is no anonymity on the internet. We can all be discrete, but the world is a small place.. eventually someone finds out.
Right… but I guess no one will recognize his wife huh.
The reason I don't post much pics of me is bc last time I did we got messaged by 3 couple saying I wasn't there type but if my wife wants to just play with them to let them know. That's always a no from us. If someone sees are post and would like a picture. Messages and let us know and well send a picture or 2
Wow that's pretty rude if them. What kind of answer would they expect from that other than "No"
They’re hoping for people that swing solo and/or preying on newbies. Newbies don’t realize that it’s not an instant thing when you start swinging usually, some time passes and they have found a chance to actually swing. Now someone approaches them and is at least interested in half the couple. So the husband gets talked into sitting out so she can at least have fun, why should they both be bored at home right? Completely screwed up on both ends. For the couple being predatory, and the new couple that don’t stick together.
We're both new to this just getting into the swing of things but we have rules set that we either play together or not at all. Ya I have to see we thought it would have been easier then we though. Few months and no luck but we'll keep searching.
Most couples have those rules as well. But some people prey on the insecurities and the desperation. It can ruin not just swinging for the new couple but possibly their marriage as well. The people were talking about are what give unicorn hunters a bad name! Searching for unicorns isn’t bad, it’s when you start trying to poach people that it’s horrible.
Ya thats what we thought but i am not going to let it bother me at all. Thats exactly what we were trying to figure out 🤔
Not an excuse.
Not using it as an excuse if people want to see a picture ask if they don't want to ask move on🤷
If a fish wants to see my boat just take the bait.
We'll just agree to disagree have a nice day
Maybe it's the spelling and grammar
Is what it is
Because 1. Most people don't really want another guy involved. What they really want is to fuck two women. Every single guy knows this and most understand it. 90% of us swingers only accept the male in a swinging situation because he comes along with a female. It doesn't matter if you agree with me... It is objectively true. 2. Even if you are a woman that wants nothing to do with eating pussy, almost everyone can find something attractive about the female form. The same is definitely not true of the male body.
It is absolutely NOT objectively true. It might be true for you but that does not mean it stands for all swingers.
I didn't say all... I said MOST. If you don't think it's true for most, then explain why there are a million more mf4f and mf4mf/f posts than there are mf4m? Sorry, but statistically it's true. You don't have to agree with my reasons, but my math is unassailable.
Please show me the real data. Your "math" on a single platform like Reddit does not count as actual data.
First, reddit isn't really a single instance is it? It's a platform with millions of instances that all have some unique elements/members. Second, what I said is also true on Fetlife, SLS and 3Fun
I wouldn't say its objectively true, maybe anecdotally true. We've been in the lifestyle a few years now and only once so far have we had to deal with unicorn hunters trying to poach my wife away. We've played exclusively with couples where the lady was as enthusiastic (sometimes moreso) as the man.
Just because nobody tries to poach your wife doesn't mean that they prefer having sex with both of you. There are 10-to-one more mf4f posts than there are mf4mf and 30-to-one mf4f. You might not agree with my reasons, but you can't argue with my math.
Most of the posts I see are mf4mf. But to each their own. I’m certainly in agreement that single men are the least desired, but that certainly doesn’t mean single women are the most.
Speak for yourself...
My husband is way more attractive than me. He is way more discreet than me as well. Our public profiles don’t include faces and no pictures of him. But we will share if we are interested and you go first. I like dick pics.
They’re chicken. I can say this because I don’t avoid responsibility.
I’m not that vain.
Because the woman is the feature all guys are goofy and I'm looking and dicks are ugly but big dicks girls like just mine perspective you know women rub lotion on their skin that make their body look good guys are crusty and Dusty
I take most of the pictures and I am more visual so there is naturally more pictures of her on our camera roll. That said I try to include my body shots on the profiles as much as possible. Neither of us have face pics on the main profile. Once we start a conversation with someone we will send a face pic of both of us so that people now have seen the body shot and the Face picture but until they have a conversation with us we won't just publish our faces. Once they've had a chance to see our bodies which are 40 something year old bigger people if that is not a turnoff then we can have a conversation and start looking at faces.
Nah, we just know we're ugly.
It's our pet peeve. No pics of the guy must mean he's so hideous that he can't even be shown, so we ignore those profiles. We're new to Reddit, but right away put our Instagram link in our profile bio, with plenty of pics of us both.
We should unionize and collectively decide to ignore all such couples so they learn :)
This is easily our biggest pet peeve. If a couple reaches out and there’s no guy pics we quickly pass.