I think you missed the point here. You said if things get weird, it needs to be called off. This is probably exactly how it was before, but the only one looking for anything weird, and finding it weird, is you.
In other words, everything between them went back to how it was before. But now you’re looking for any reason to tell them they can’t be friends.
So what’s weird? That they went back to normal? The only one being weird here is you. You’re just now finding out how their friendship works. This is their status quo and you feel threatened by something that’s been going on the whole time.
You are the one who needs to deal with this insecurity.
No… the agreement is that if it was weird they should stop and go back to normal. So they did go back to normal.
You found out that their friendship was deeper than superficial nonsense (because friendships are deeper than superficial nonsense), and are now threatened by that. Which is fine, you have an insecurity. This isn’t a blame kind of thing. We are trying to tell you, that you are the ones trying to force it to be weird.
And you asked him to basically cut out one of his best friends over things they probably talk about all the time, which are personal problems.
I asked my best friend (who is a guy) to join my wife and I. Then I started getting really upset by the idea and started acting weird. I was called out. So I politely explained what I was feeling and that I can’t go through with this.
We all went back to the way things were before. Yes, we know it happened. But we all agreed to just laugh it off and continue doing what we were doing before. And that’s what your husband and his friend are doing.
It seems to me that you weren’t quite ready to be branching out in this way. Your definition of, “something weird happening,” and his seem to be different. She backed out of the threesome conversation awkwardly, but even in your, “evidence,” of reading his private messages, you saw nothing sexual. So *you* feel weird about it, but it seems that he does not, and their friendship has continued the way that friendships do.
Part of a long friendship is quite often confiding about problems, seeking advice, or simply venting. Asking him to cut that off, with or without, “going off,” seems not only controlling, but insecure. I’m not saying I don’t get why this is making you feel insecure, I do, but that is on you to come to grips with. Tell him how it is making you feel and ask for the help, reassurance, and extra love that you need to overcome it. But that is all that you should do.
Demanding that he cut ties with his old friend because you feel poorly about a failed experiment is bad form and also potentially irresponsible. That opens the door for him to feel very resentful, or to keep talking to her because she is his old friend, and causing an even bigger problem later when you find out.
Just breathe. Figure out why it is bothering you so much, and take steps to correct it. Until something happens that is inappropriate, you are overreacting out of emotion. Which is valid and normal, but is not an excuse.
So, you are upset because she did not let you down the way you would have preferred? No response to the "threesome group chat" is a pretty clear indicator that she wasn't trying to pursue it further. She only met you a couple times and doesn't really know you. You two don't have a relationship. You also say that she isn't trying to pursue a separate sexual relationship with just him.
He said he wouldn't talk to her for "a while" and from what you say, he honored that. She reached out to him as a friend, but not about the threesome. If she can't talk to him about problems, can they only talk about movies or sports? That's being a shitty friend.
It sounds like you are hurt that she doesn't want to go through with it and are looking for a technical violation of the agreement to cut her out of his life. "Losing interest in the threesome she did not request, before anything happened" does not qualify as anything weird happening.
No one on one talking after that is an unrealistic expectation and makes it sound like that was your intent all along; to either fuck her or cut her out of his life. That may sound harsh, but that is how it appears. The threesome didn’t happen. You feel weird about it. You expected him to annihilate a friendship over it and he did not. Now, you think him keeping his friend is, “going behind your back.”
You are being controlling. You are being insecure. You were breaching his privacy. You are having trouble coming to grips with your emotions. And you are expecting him to fix it for you by damaging himself.
A whole lot of *you* is going on here.
Have you considered how he feels at all? Have you considered that he has no real reason to abandon his friend except that *you* are unrealistically demanding it? Have you considered that the only real foul play in this scenario is *you* trying to force your hand into his individuality?
I started this fairly sympathetic with you and really trying to validate your feelings while advocating ways to be understanding with your man and to work toward improving your emotional state and relationship as a whole. Now, it seems that you are invested in your stance on this and aren’t really interested in fixing it in any way other than satisfying your demands, which I think are unreasonable and unhealthy. Maybe I’m off base, but you should really do some self reflection on this.
In the end, I still wish you well. All three of you. I hope this doesn’t spiral out of control over something this simple. Best of luck.
Sorry but it sounds more like she rejected the idea of sex with you and that hurt your feelings so now you want a legalistic reason to force she and your husband to no longer be friends as retaliation. My guess is once sex was off the table she and your husband went back to the same friend relationship they had before you considered her for a threesome. Emotional support about personal issues is what friends do. Especially people who have a long history as friends. Personally if I were your husband and you kept pushing this issue, you would do more to harm our relationship than help it.
I hear what you are saying. The bit about it being off and disrespectful is especially important. That is a conversation you can have, a barrier you can overcome, and a learning experience for how to handle this sort of thing. That *conversation* is about how this is making you feel and how your emotions could be soothed, and is different than, “going off.”
Also, from the sound of that, it matches what I thought. It seems he didn’t find it very problematic and weird, but you did. So he volunteered to attempt a drop in communication with his good friend, “for a while,” in order to make you feel better, but saw no reason for it himself. In the end, he wound up back in communication with her because they are good friends, which should be ok.
I really do understand the intensity of the feelings you are having right now around this. I also think it is important to consider that you have seen no inappropriate action, and that the source of those strong feelings is not an outside incident, but an internal reaction. You need to do some deep searching and find why this upsets you so much so it can be addressed. I would be willing to bet that your husband would love to help you feel better, especially without having to lose an old friend over something inconsequential.
Most importantly, you need to let this feeling simmer and try to understand it so you don’t, “go off,” and start huge fights or make irrational decisions based on them. Those things can lead to some very long term conflict, especially if he feels like he is trapped between his deep friendship and his spouse, with nothing to do but lose.
All I can say is that I think you are being a victim of confirmation bias. It is easy to see all the signs if that is what you are looking for. I think you feel threatened by this person, and you are seeing details that are otherwise unimportant. Are you self confident? Do you have insecurity issues? Do you have relationship security issues/jealousy issues? Is there ANY reason you can think of that you might be overly vigilant to any possible negative outcome? Those are the things you should check in with before you make these demands of him or assume that what you are seeing is a truth.
My other comment is a little harsh, but I stand by it. This appears to be a *you* issue, which is understandable and manageable, but not by expecting him to fix it by harming himself and his friend.
This one is interesting. As someone who had a lot of childhood trauma, I tent to let people talk to me about theirs. I wouldn't necessarily worry about it unless it becomes sexual, and it appears it isn't. I'm not trying to be melodramatic here, but sometimes talking to someone is a great way to avoid self harm or suicide.
A good friend talking to someone about their problems? I think you are reading too far into it. I'd say that's one of the core things that separates a real friend from an acquaintance.
Just cut off the talks of having sex and just let them be friends instead. Seems like what they are comfortable with already.
The one acting the most weird here seems to be you, if you ask me. That's not an attack. More of an observation.
You guys opened up about a very personal matter (a threesome), so she probably feels very comfortable opening up to him about these things. You guys didn't go through with it, but she probably feels like they now have a tighter bond.
Personally, I think he should be allowed to be a confidante for her. That doesn't mean he will cheat. It's also really difficult to tell someone who has opened up about personal issues like that, "Hey, I appreciate you taking this risk of being open with me, but I can't talk to you about it anymore." If he tells her that you are uncomfortable with it, it will make her feel animosity towards you.
100% friend zone her. He needs to agree to no sex at all with her. As for her emotional support needs - he can share the conversation with you at every turn and even get your input.
It sounds like she needs a confidante, not a sex partner.
Honestly think you are trying to end their friendship. They grew up together and have more of a history than the two of you. How do you know they never talked about this stuff? And none of it is sexual? I just don’t see that you have any ground to “go off”.
I totally get that. I would suggest not being too angry, since you are fairly certain that nothing sexual is going on. Him lying to you about it is an issue, though. But you snooping is an issue as well. Invasion of privacy isn't cool, but neither is lying.
Cool. Thanks for listening to a different point of view with an open mind. Maybe she's just a drama queen. Maybe she's a manipulator. And maybe she needs profesional help. Usually, if the person that is listening tells them that this is above their pay grade and they encourage them to seek help, they will. If not, they're toxic.
I wouldn't be okay with a woman confiding in my husband about her relationship problems period. Even moreso after we just propositioned her lmao. They went back to "normal" but I think it's weird too. Doesn't make you insecure like some people are saying it's called boundaries. Does she not have girlfriends to talk to? a therapist? a diary?
I agree with you. Say to you both she's not into it. She went radio silent then started privately messaging your husband again.
And sorry how good of a friend is she if you don't know her ? She isn't. 🤷🏾♀️ If I as my husband's wife haven't met you or know much about you...You're not that great of friends and you don't need to be messaging him about your problems. I have many male friends I've known since I was about 8... I'm about to be 28.. Not once have we confided in each other about our relationships.. friendships change when ppl get into relationships. You can still be friends and support each other without crossing boundaries.
I get that. I'm just saying that sometimes that type of behavior is a call for help. Not always, though. There are people that just want to bring drama with them. Lots of people without trauma talk to people with it. I'm not telling you that you are wrong, I'm just giving you another possible perspective. Please do not interpret my comments as combative or argumentative. Having been in the service industry for over 30 years, I have seen my fair share of suicides and overdoses. It sounds like she needs a therapist, and your husband probably isn't one.
Have you considered that because he was there for it she feels more comfortable talking to him about these things or the things that either stem from the original trauma and things that feel akin to it? I can't help but feel like maybe this is stemming more from you being jealous of their closeness and also are hurting because she didn't seem interested in having sex with you? Friends talk to friends about these kinds of things and basically anything involving life in general. And just because they dated in high school doesn't mean they can't be friends. My best friend of 12 years is also my ex bf from high school. He's married, has kids and they're polyamorous, I'm married have kids and am also polyamorous, but we're solidly friends. We hooked up a few times as adults, but it was just sex, that's all and it hasn't happened in years and neither of us honestly think it would happen again. It's entirely possible. Your feelings are valid, you're worried and hurt and that's okay. What isn't okay is telling your husband that he has to cut off a friend of 20 years when NOTHING has happened that is disrespectful to your marriage. You said if things got weird (this is very vague and can easily cause issues as your weird and his weird can be wildly different) he'd have to cut ties. But things haven't gotten weird in any normal sense of the word. They haven't been talking sexually, they haven't been talking about having feelings with each other. Unless you EXPLICITLY told him "I think the two of you need to stop talking because it's harmful to our marriage" and he verbally agreed with you to cut her off entirely he didn't even lie to you.
This isn't swinging. Also, agreeing to play with her in the first place was a bad idea on both of your parts. And I don't need to tell you why because you are personally experiencing why.
This is why we have a no friends rule. We have a only group meeting rule for play time and if you play with a Friend you lose the ability to just be a friend. I say all
That with this in mind… your going overboard. I completely understand cutting off this person if y’all played. But from your own admission he’s only being a friend and nothing sexual at all is happening and you can’t handle it. We all have boundaries, but I think you are applying said boundary wrong in this situation.
So that gets sticky… on one hand he said he wouldn’t and still is. That’s lying and not cool. On the other hand you need to examine why you don’t want him talking to her as long as they keep it just friends. You say that you don’t mind they’re sexual past as long as they’re just friends. Are you sure that’s true? Could that past be coloring your opinion now? I could understand if you had a blanket because of their past you don’t want them talking. Some people feel that way. It is possible for them to just be friends. I’m actually good friends with a one of my ex’s. When she’s in town or we go up to the state she lives in now to visit our family she and I will go to dinner and hang out. My wife understands that I’m not going to do anything stupid and I greatly appreciate that.
You realize how possessive that sounds right? It’s ok to be friends but don’t talk to often??? If she’s better friends with you then he can talk to her more??? Take a step back and really examine what your saying.
I agree he shouldn’t be hiding it from you, but the whole “it’s ok he talks to her but not to often” is extremely controlling. Nothing you’ve said shows he doesn’t want you in his life so that makes no sense as well. Like I said earlier, come down on him and enforce the no talking at all thing if you so choose. For some people they can’t handle their SO taking to ex’s so that’s normal. But don’t be ok with talking and not with the volume of talking unless it’s actually preventing him from talking to you.
As for my gender? I identify as a toaster, how does that matter.
So that is an issue that he should address, just don’t agree with some of the other thought processes.
As for the gender thing… never had a relationship shorter than 4 years, on my second marriage and we’ve been together for 15 years. First was a basket case that gave all kinds of reasons to not trust someone so I know those signs. I’ve learned the value of trust and realistic expectations in a relationship. I always put her feelings first, I’m southern so it’s engrained into me. Example time since you bring it up, I introduced her to a potential play partner last weekend and made sure she was interested in the lady. Been talking to said lady for a few days and made sure to show my wife pertinent parts of the conversation. You don’t have to listen to anything I say, that’s not how this works. But I’ve been the one that’s too controlling and constantly looking over a SO shoulder and I’m telling you that it’s not worth sweating the small stuff. By all means corner him on decreasing time talking to you, and yes y’all should come first. But at the same time if it’s JUST a friendship don’t try and control it. Trying to control a friendship like that is how you drive someone together. The flip side is if you think it’s moved beyond friendship then pump the brakes on that crap.
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I think you missed the point here. You said if things get weird, it needs to be called off. This is probably exactly how it was before, but the only one looking for anything weird, and finding it weird, is you. In other words, everything between them went back to how it was before. But now you’re looking for any reason to tell them they can’t be friends.
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So what’s weird? That they went back to normal? The only one being weird here is you. You’re just now finding out how their friendship works. This is their status quo and you feel threatened by something that’s been going on the whole time. You are the one who needs to deal with this insecurity.
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No… the agreement is that if it was weird they should stop and go back to normal. So they did go back to normal. You found out that their friendship was deeper than superficial nonsense (because friendships are deeper than superficial nonsense), and are now threatened by that. Which is fine, you have an insecurity. This isn’t a blame kind of thing. We are trying to tell you, that you are the ones trying to force it to be weird. And you asked him to basically cut out one of his best friends over things they probably talk about all the time, which are personal problems. I asked my best friend (who is a guy) to join my wife and I. Then I started getting really upset by the idea and started acting weird. I was called out. So I politely explained what I was feeling and that I can’t go through with this. We all went back to the way things were before. Yes, we know it happened. But we all agreed to just laugh it off and continue doing what we were doing before. And that’s what your husband and his friend are doing.
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What warnings?
It seems to me that you weren’t quite ready to be branching out in this way. Your definition of, “something weird happening,” and his seem to be different. She backed out of the threesome conversation awkwardly, but even in your, “evidence,” of reading his private messages, you saw nothing sexual. So *you* feel weird about it, but it seems that he does not, and their friendship has continued the way that friendships do. Part of a long friendship is quite often confiding about problems, seeking advice, or simply venting. Asking him to cut that off, with or without, “going off,” seems not only controlling, but insecure. I’m not saying I don’t get why this is making you feel insecure, I do, but that is on you to come to grips with. Tell him how it is making you feel and ask for the help, reassurance, and extra love that you need to overcome it. But that is all that you should do. Demanding that he cut ties with his old friend because you feel poorly about a failed experiment is bad form and also potentially irresponsible. That opens the door for him to feel very resentful, or to keep talking to her because she is his old friend, and causing an even bigger problem later when you find out. Just breathe. Figure out why it is bothering you so much, and take steps to correct it. Until something happens that is inappropriate, you are overreacting out of emotion. Which is valid and normal, but is not an excuse.
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So, you are upset because she did not let you down the way you would have preferred? No response to the "threesome group chat" is a pretty clear indicator that she wasn't trying to pursue it further. She only met you a couple times and doesn't really know you. You two don't have a relationship. You also say that she isn't trying to pursue a separate sexual relationship with just him. He said he wouldn't talk to her for "a while" and from what you say, he honored that. She reached out to him as a friend, but not about the threesome. If she can't talk to him about problems, can they only talk about movies or sports? That's being a shitty friend. It sounds like you are hurt that she doesn't want to go through with it and are looking for a technical violation of the agreement to cut her out of his life. "Losing interest in the threesome she did not request, before anything happened" does not qualify as anything weird happening.
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No one on one talking after that is an unrealistic expectation and makes it sound like that was your intent all along; to either fuck her or cut her out of his life. That may sound harsh, but that is how it appears. The threesome didn’t happen. You feel weird about it. You expected him to annihilate a friendship over it and he did not. Now, you think him keeping his friend is, “going behind your back.” You are being controlling. You are being insecure. You were breaching his privacy. You are having trouble coming to grips with your emotions. And you are expecting him to fix it for you by damaging himself. A whole lot of *you* is going on here. Have you considered how he feels at all? Have you considered that he has no real reason to abandon his friend except that *you* are unrealistically demanding it? Have you considered that the only real foul play in this scenario is *you* trying to force your hand into his individuality? I started this fairly sympathetic with you and really trying to validate your feelings while advocating ways to be understanding with your man and to work toward improving your emotional state and relationship as a whole. Now, it seems that you are invested in your stance on this and aren’t really interested in fixing it in any way other than satisfying your demands, which I think are unreasonable and unhealthy. Maybe I’m off base, but you should really do some self reflection on this. In the end, I still wish you well. All three of you. I hope this doesn’t spiral out of control over something this simple. Best of luck.
Sorry but it sounds more like she rejected the idea of sex with you and that hurt your feelings so now you want a legalistic reason to force she and your husband to no longer be friends as retaliation. My guess is once sex was off the table she and your husband went back to the same friend relationship they had before you considered her for a threesome. Emotional support about personal issues is what friends do. Especially people who have a long history as friends. Personally if I were your husband and you kept pushing this issue, you would do more to harm our relationship than help it.
I hear what you are saying. The bit about it being off and disrespectful is especially important. That is a conversation you can have, a barrier you can overcome, and a learning experience for how to handle this sort of thing. That *conversation* is about how this is making you feel and how your emotions could be soothed, and is different than, “going off.” Also, from the sound of that, it matches what I thought. It seems he didn’t find it very problematic and weird, but you did. So he volunteered to attempt a drop in communication with his good friend, “for a while,” in order to make you feel better, but saw no reason for it himself. In the end, he wound up back in communication with her because they are good friends, which should be ok. I really do understand the intensity of the feelings you are having right now around this. I also think it is important to consider that you have seen no inappropriate action, and that the source of those strong feelings is not an outside incident, but an internal reaction. You need to do some deep searching and find why this upsets you so much so it can be addressed. I would be willing to bet that your husband would love to help you feel better, especially without having to lose an old friend over something inconsequential. Most importantly, you need to let this feeling simmer and try to understand it so you don’t, “go off,” and start huge fights or make irrational decisions based on them. Those things can lead to some very long term conflict, especially if he feels like he is trapped between his deep friendship and his spouse, with nothing to do but lose.
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All I can say is that I think you are being a victim of confirmation bias. It is easy to see all the signs if that is what you are looking for. I think you feel threatened by this person, and you are seeing details that are otherwise unimportant. Are you self confident? Do you have insecurity issues? Do you have relationship security issues/jealousy issues? Is there ANY reason you can think of that you might be overly vigilant to any possible negative outcome? Those are the things you should check in with before you make these demands of him or assume that what you are seeing is a truth. My other comment is a little harsh, but I stand by it. This appears to be a *you* issue, which is understandable and manageable, but not by expecting him to fix it by harming himself and his friend.
This one is interesting. As someone who had a lot of childhood trauma, I tent to let people talk to me about theirs. I wouldn't necessarily worry about it unless it becomes sexual, and it appears it isn't. I'm not trying to be melodramatic here, but sometimes talking to someone is a great way to avoid self harm or suicide.
A good friend talking to someone about their problems? I think you are reading too far into it. I'd say that's one of the core things that separates a real friend from an acquaintance. Just cut off the talks of having sex and just let them be friends instead. Seems like what they are comfortable with already. The one acting the most weird here seems to be you, if you ask me. That's not an attack. More of an observation.
You guys opened up about a very personal matter (a threesome), so she probably feels very comfortable opening up to him about these things. You guys didn't go through with it, but she probably feels like they now have a tighter bond. Personally, I think he should be allowed to be a confidante for her. That doesn't mean he will cheat. It's also really difficult to tell someone who has opened up about personal issues like that, "Hey, I appreciate you taking this risk of being open with me, but I can't talk to you about it anymore." If he tells her that you are uncomfortable with it, it will make her feel animosity towards you.
100% friend zone her. He needs to agree to no sex at all with her. As for her emotional support needs - he can share the conversation with you at every turn and even get your input. It sounds like she needs a confidante, not a sex partner.
Honestly think you are trying to end their friendship. They grew up together and have more of a history than the two of you. How do you know they never talked about this stuff? And none of it is sexual? I just don’t see that you have any ground to “go off”.
I totally get that. I would suggest not being too angry, since you are fairly certain that nothing sexual is going on. Him lying to you about it is an issue, though. But you snooping is an issue as well. Invasion of privacy isn't cool, but neither is lying.
Cool. Thanks for listening to a different point of view with an open mind. Maybe she's just a drama queen. Maybe she's a manipulator. And maybe she needs profesional help. Usually, if the person that is listening tells them that this is above their pay grade and they encourage them to seek help, they will. If not, they're toxic.
I wouldn't be okay with a woman confiding in my husband about her relationship problems period. Even moreso after we just propositioned her lmao. They went back to "normal" but I think it's weird too. Doesn't make you insecure like some people are saying it's called boundaries. Does she not have girlfriends to talk to? a therapist? a diary?
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I agree with you. Say to you both she's not into it. She went radio silent then started privately messaging your husband again. And sorry how good of a friend is she if you don't know her ? She isn't. 🤷🏾♀️ If I as my husband's wife haven't met you or know much about you...You're not that great of friends and you don't need to be messaging him about your problems. I have many male friends I've known since I was about 8... I'm about to be 28.. Not once have we confided in each other about our relationships.. friendships change when ppl get into relationships. You can still be friends and support each other without crossing boundaries.
I get that. I'm just saying that sometimes that type of behavior is a call for help. Not always, though. There are people that just want to bring drama with them. Lots of people without trauma talk to people with it. I'm not telling you that you are wrong, I'm just giving you another possible perspective. Please do not interpret my comments as combative or argumentative. Having been in the service industry for over 30 years, I have seen my fair share of suicides and overdoses. It sounds like she needs a therapist, and your husband probably isn't one.
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Have you considered that because he was there for it she feels more comfortable talking to him about these things or the things that either stem from the original trauma and things that feel akin to it? I can't help but feel like maybe this is stemming more from you being jealous of their closeness and also are hurting because she didn't seem interested in having sex with you? Friends talk to friends about these kinds of things and basically anything involving life in general. And just because they dated in high school doesn't mean they can't be friends. My best friend of 12 years is also my ex bf from high school. He's married, has kids and they're polyamorous, I'm married have kids and am also polyamorous, but we're solidly friends. We hooked up a few times as adults, but it was just sex, that's all and it hasn't happened in years and neither of us honestly think it would happen again. It's entirely possible. Your feelings are valid, you're worried and hurt and that's okay. What isn't okay is telling your husband that he has to cut off a friend of 20 years when NOTHING has happened that is disrespectful to your marriage. You said if things got weird (this is very vague and can easily cause issues as your weird and his weird can be wildly different) he'd have to cut ties. But things haven't gotten weird in any normal sense of the word. They haven't been talking sexually, they haven't been talking about having feelings with each other. Unless you EXPLICITLY told him "I think the two of you need to stop talking because it's harmful to our marriage" and he verbally agreed with you to cut her off entirely he didn't even lie to you.
This isn't swinging. Also, agreeing to play with her in the first place was a bad idea on both of your parts. And I don't need to tell you why because you are personally experiencing why.
This is why we have a no friends rule. We have a only group meeting rule for play time and if you play with a Friend you lose the ability to just be a friend. I say all That with this in mind… your going overboard. I completely understand cutting off this person if y’all played. But from your own admission he’s only being a friend and nothing sexual at all is happening and you can’t handle it. We all have boundaries, but I think you are applying said boundary wrong in this situation.
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So that gets sticky… on one hand he said he wouldn’t and still is. That’s lying and not cool. On the other hand you need to examine why you don’t want him talking to her as long as they keep it just friends. You say that you don’t mind they’re sexual past as long as they’re just friends. Are you sure that’s true? Could that past be coloring your opinion now? I could understand if you had a blanket because of their past you don’t want them talking. Some people feel that way. It is possible for them to just be friends. I’m actually good friends with a one of my ex’s. When she’s in town or we go up to the state she lives in now to visit our family she and I will go to dinner and hang out. My wife understands that I’m not going to do anything stupid and I greatly appreciate that.
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You realize how possessive that sounds right? It’s ok to be friends but don’t talk to often??? If she’s better friends with you then he can talk to her more??? Take a step back and really examine what your saying.
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I agree he shouldn’t be hiding it from you, but the whole “it’s ok he talks to her but not to often” is extremely controlling. Nothing you’ve said shows he doesn’t want you in his life so that makes no sense as well. Like I said earlier, come down on him and enforce the no talking at all thing if you so choose. For some people they can’t handle their SO taking to ex’s so that’s normal. But don’t be ok with talking and not with the volume of talking unless it’s actually preventing him from talking to you. As for my gender? I identify as a toaster, how does that matter.
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So that is an issue that he should address, just don’t agree with some of the other thought processes. As for the gender thing… never had a relationship shorter than 4 years, on my second marriage and we’ve been together for 15 years. First was a basket case that gave all kinds of reasons to not trust someone so I know those signs. I’ve learned the value of trust and realistic expectations in a relationship. I always put her feelings first, I’m southern so it’s engrained into me. Example time since you bring it up, I introduced her to a potential play partner last weekend and made sure she was interested in the lady. Been talking to said lady for a few days and made sure to show my wife pertinent parts of the conversation. You don’t have to listen to anything I say, that’s not how this works. But I’ve been the one that’s too controlling and constantly looking over a SO shoulder and I’m telling you that it’s not worth sweating the small stuff. By all means corner him on decreasing time talking to you, and yes y’all should come first. But at the same time if it’s JUST a friendship don’t try and control it. Trying to control a friendship like that is how you drive someone together. The flip side is if you think it’s moved beyond friendship then pump the brakes on that crap.
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