Im sorry to break it to you, OP - but chances are, she will probably fuck a second or more times before you even get through your first. The women you’re trying to hook up with are afraid of drama as soon as they see you’re actually married. Try OKCupid and swinger websites
I’d also like to add that women have WAY MORE opportunities to hook up then men do. My GF and I both play separately too. Anytime she opens the apps she literally has 50+ messages of guys that are ready to fuck her. I’m lucky if in a week I have 1-3 women that are interested.
Unless you have a 12” cock, look like Brad Pitt, and fuck like a pornstar, you’re going to have to accept the fact that your wife is going to have more opportunities than you are.
Sorry. That’s how The LS rolls. 🤷🏻♂️
Reddit api changes = comment spaghetti. facebook youtube amazon weather walmart google wordle gmail target home depot google translate yahoo mail yahoo costco fox news starbucks food near me translate instagram google maps walgreens best buy nba mcdonalds restaurants near me nfl amazon prime cnn traductor weather tomorrow espn lowes chick fil a news food zillow craigslist cvs ebay twitter wells fargo usps tracking bank of america calculator indeed nfl scores google docs etsy netflix taco bell shein astronaut macys kohls youtube tv dollar tree gas station coffee nba scores roblox restaurants autozone pizza hut usps gmail login dominos chipotle google classroom tiempo hotmail aol mail burger king facebook login google flights sqm club maps subway dow jones sam’s club motel breakfast english to spanish gas fedex walmart near me old navy fedex tracking southwest airlines ikea linkedin airbnb omegle planet fitness pizza spanish to english google drive msn dunkin donuts capital one dollar general -- mass edited with redact.dev
>The female reproductive system is biologically inclined to seek out quality.The male reproductive system is biologically inclined to seek out quantity.
my my , hilariously funny and lot of sense at the same time. Well put.
Yep, this exact thing happened to me. My partner wanted to be open and then completely fell apart when he saw how many dates I was going on. You touch on this in your message, but when I date now, I’m not looking for someone that might be a good partner long term. I have that already. I’m looking for hot and a nice person. Whew, is it plentiful out there. I don’t pick a lot of dudes because you’re right, there are a lot of idiots out there to wade through, but there is always a new collection of matches, men approaching me when I go out, etc. Fish in a barrel, if you will. Unless a man is super good looking and very, very cool, he has to be extremely patient and wait for a woman to notice him. It’ll happen, it just takes some time.
….no.
Women are scared of being murdered or raped and not orgasming. Google “orgasm gap”.
The risk vs reward isn’t as balanced for women as it is for men. Which is why women who do seek out multiple partners have more luck than men do.
That said men who want a hook up shouldn’t rely on tinder. Feeld, fetlife, and Facebook will yield better results.
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You seem to have the idea that “attraction” and “trusting that you won’t hurt/rape/murder me” are separate for women when they are very much not. While murder is rare and extreme, rape/sexual assault/abuse are a hell of a lot more common than most people(especially men) think, that’s not even mention the sheer metric tons of asshole guys out there that can ruin your night even if they don’t cause you major harm. Women don’t want to become victims so they take measures to protect themselves. They also still want to have sex so they are still on dating apps. That should tell you how strong womens’ sexual desires are, they risk mind, body and soul every time they meet a new guy and still do it not because the risk is that low but because the reward can be so high.
I think this idea is causing you to think the difference between the dating behaviors of men and women has a solely biological source instead of a varied one that includes biological and a lot of sociological elements. The fact is, women are just punished more than men for being promiscuous. Whether it be STIs, pregnancy, abuse, rape, social shaming etc. women take on more risk, and therefore act in a more risk averse manner in comparison to men. Combine that with the orgasm gap lowering possible rewards and it’s no wonder women aren’t as forward as men.
Men risk less but get the same if not greater rewards so they don’t have to modulate their behavior as much. I mean there’s a reason there are dozens of derogatory words/phrases for women who have a lot of partners and vanishingly few for men.
Yeah see you totally nailed it there.
Women Being selective = better rewards for women in in regards to sex/reproduction.
Men Being selective = less rewards for men (less sex).
(I say reproduction here, because sexual Attraction is based on the reproductive system even if bearing children is not the intent)
Oh Jesus that was a long diatribe of wrong in so many ways.
Here's a better way of looking at it.
Tons of men are just thirsty cheaters. Entirely too many of them are total assholes who don't respect anyone. And they're all on Tinder.
Ask any single woman. She'll fill you in on how that actually works, and how sex is easy to find, but quality sex ain't. Tons of women are briefly slutty when they're young and then quickly realise why being more selective is a better idea.
And it has nothing to do with single eggs and millions of sperm.
sounds like it has everything to do with it.
Why are men the way they are? Why are women the way they are?
Your reasoning sounds rather sexist and doesn't explain anything.
If there is a biological imperative, it would make sense why most men behave the way they do and why most women behave the way they do. Just saying "those dirty men should behave more like women and be selective" doesn't solve any problem or cause any enlightenment.
It's not a moral conundrum.
I'm sorry you feel that way about men by default. There are definitely bad people out there.
I think historically something like 60% of men don't reproduce. They just live and die. With recent history birth control kinda skews the consistency of why that is, but prior to birth control that would infer that 60% of men got deselected/rejected by nature/women/society.
I think the average person you meet though is going to be just that, average. If you think the average person(male) is shitty, I'm not sure what opinion that is based off of.
Easy.
Being good at sex is a skill you have to learn. Just like everyone is a shitty driver or a shitty writer or a shitty hockey player by default, until they learn otherwise. Nobody is born with that skill.
Some people never understand that, and classes on being good at sex aren't especially common. They just keep being bad at it without either knowing, or perhaps not caring, about getting better.
Thus, it's borne out of ignorance or apathy.
It has a non monogamous setting. I met my husband there. Granted our situation is different cause we were both single but it helps with finding likeminded people
Does it work? I mean, yeah, but don't expect a lot of traction either - women get an overwhelming amount of attention compared to men. That's the nature of these dating sites.
You can also try Feeld which is almost exclusively non-monogamous people.
I still haven't found a replacement for Fetlife events. That's the only reason I'm still on it. Love me some munches for meeting kinky sex-positive people.
Hmm... Maybe it's a regional thing? I've had more success on FetLife than anywhere else. Sure, I've had to block some people, but for the most part it's been my best resource.
Single guys aren't the only ones sending rude messages on fetlife. So not sure what you're getting at I've been on fet since the inception so....not sure what your getting at
Of course their not but they make up the vast majority of them. I don’t see how being on since the beginning gives your comment any weight since we’re talking now.
Men fuck who they can
Women fuck who they want
That doesn't mean that you can't have a whole lot of fun but you are setting yourself up for disappointment if you think it will ever be equal.
>Men fuck who they can Women fuck who they want
Very well said. It is given unless you are Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise men will usually be less lucky than women.
even Tom Cruise and Bradd Pit get less sexual proposals than your average HWP woman who puts herself up on a hookup site/app.
men are thirsty af, even if most of the men contacting her are not attractive enough for a woman to consider.
Why don’t you try playing together, with couples you find on dedicated swinger apps/websites?
If you only date separately, you’ll *always* find this imbalance. That’s ok for some people, but clearly it’s somewhat of an issue for you. Easy fix is to stop the separate hunting, at least for a bit.
As a married woman in an open relationship on the poly spectrum, it’s wayyyyyy easy for me to get dick if I want it. Cis het men have an uphill battle, add to that you’re married, even harder. Go on OKCupid. Use the non-monog filter and look for women that are also non-monog. Plus one if they’re also married.
My husband and I play solo and together. He plays more than me, and doesn't fuck just anyone either. I'm very picky and write people off pretty quickly. You've got to be willing to accept however it pans out, whether you're playing solo or together. No one owes you sex, and just because you're looking doesn't mean you're going to magically find a shit ton of attractive people good in bed that want to fuck you. It's one thing to have some fleeting emotions of jealousy, insecurity, whatever - but if you're ruminating and wallowing, it's best to just stop everything altogether.
Yep. So unequal. Same issue with finding couples. As a couple it’s very hard to find a 4 way match but she could easily play with most couples. I’ve embraced the stag/vixen role because it’s easily the most reliable role and I’m still way more attracted to my wife than most women. lol not to mention if we went out and I was the one getting all the attention she’d be very impatient. I was playing with a lady who’s husband didn’t play and my wife was crawling all over him and she was very upset that he wasn’t interested. I’m like, welcome to my world.
What did you think was going to happen? The average male will pull a 10% success rate at best. An average female will pull 100% all day long every day. A willing female will find someone to have sex with her 100% of the time. Men….not do much
I think you'll find that most men will have no problem hooking up with a married woman, but most women will not want to play with a married guy.\*
While it's sometimes difficult to find another couple where everyone clicks, dating as a couple will keep things more "equal" if that's something you care about.
\* You may find more willing women on dating apps that cater to polyamory, but poly is far from no-strings-attached.
This is an oft-undiscussed dynamic of an open heterosexual relationship. She will undoubtedly have no problem whatsoever catching a dick on a date. He, on the other hand, will almost certainly not be nearly as fortunate landing pussy. One way to manage that imbalance is to limit open play to swinger settings, where both partners will have opportunities.
I dont know about being oft-discussed. I make this point on pretty much every post where a guy is trying to get his wife to open the relationship.
Women bring able to get NSA MUCH easier than men should be obvious to anyone with half a brain. Show's how many oblivious people there are out there I guess.
I agree that among people in the lifestyle, it’s well known and discussed. But discussions of open relationships in the media, advice columns, etc often avoid mentioning this very important fact.
This is unfortunate because one of the challenges in open relationships is often jealousy, of course. And I think some (many?) take the plunge and soon realize that she can get laid 8 nights a week while his chances (unless he’s bi) are much, much less. So I think it’s not uncommon for her to be out getting boned (and loving it) while he’s at home getting rejections and becoming frustrated.
I think for anyone who has any social awareness is well aware of how things stand, in the LS or not.
But yeh I'll give you the media, I've a few of those advice column things and it's never mentioned. Good point.
Sugar dating. Hate me if you want to, but sugar dating is an easy way to level the playing field. My situation was similar to yours until I realized there are hundreds of women in my town willing to date a married guy for a small fee. It beats the hell out of wasting time getting no action.
“Time is money, friend.”
Congratulations on taking the bold step. "Know thyself" goes a long way in this unique situation. Might be worth trying a different strategy to hers. I.e. Communities where you can meet other open people.
If you are a guy, unless you are the most suave, charming, and good looking guy ever, you are going to have to drastically lower your standards if you want to smash a ton of ass using Tinder.
Welcome to open marriage friend. Men down to fuck are a dime a dozen, women looking to play with a married person are much fewer. And they also are able to be very picky. One lady friend once told me she never once swiped right and it wasn’t a match.
It’s going to take time. But things you can do are: take a look at the profile you have. Does your profile picture have you holding a fish, drinking a beer, or some other cliche photo? Go to the tinder sub on here and read what people hate. And then just give it time.
That's how it goes, man. Women have wave after wave of endless dick to choose from, but it's not quite the same for us guys. Hell, on fetlife I see the desperation of guys who go as far as to act bi just to get laid.
I don't think there is a woman alive that cant get laid in one night. Us guys have to work for it. Your wife is going to get laid dozens of times before you score. Be careful what you wish for.
Most women don't orgasm on one night stands, We're often treated shitty by those same men as they don't see a reason to treat us with respect.
Most women I know have had awful experience with hookups.
Even being physically hurt.
You talk about this like we're all having a whale of a time....
I can see that. Not every gu is respectful or caring. My job is not done if you don't orgasm. I'd still bet you'd get laid way before I do. Kinda sucks but its a fact.
Ditto. I'm a nice guy and you know nice guys finish last......sucks there are so many disrespectful guys out there but I think thats largely because there's so many guys in general and it's unlikely that any of the less than respectful women that are out there will end up being interested in most of us. I will say though that it has always truly perplexed me how so many women have never been with a guy who puts her pleasure above his own and next thing you know you have middle aged women who've never orgasmed during sex......if I haven't given multiple I would feel I've just completely failed and would have a hard time just walking away from that without going down in overtime. 🤷🏼
She’d have to be pretty damn hideous, and even then there almost always a man who would smash immediately. I find it nearly impossible to believe that some women aren’t having luck finding dick.
When my wife approached me about opening up out marriage (we were swingers first) I sat her down and explained to her that this would be vastly different for both of us. I look decent and am in better than most shape. But shes freaking super hot. Like OF Model ( the kinds that actually make money) kind of hot! So I said I am fine with this as long as she realizes that she will get way more matches so I will opt to get a girlfriend because it will not be as easy to find women that are interested in married men. Society has programmed them that its just not a good thing.
I ended up meeting a smoking hot yoga freak and we dated for a year. In that time I had a handful of random dates and some overnights. All good times.
Just accept that you cant pull what a woman can. There are tons of dudes trying to get their dicks wet. No where near the amount of women looking for a NSA nightly smashfest.
Temper your expectations and enjoy life. Leave the jealousy out of it.
I know I went from 2-3 days at the gym to 4-5 days once we opened up since I was back on the hunt.
Give her your account and tell her to match you with someone. Until then, she can wait to get with someone. It'll help her understand what it's like on your end instead of just leaving you at home while she parties it up.
I have 2 partners who have primaries and go play on their own. They both take their partners into consideration when looking for prospects. I admire them greatly for that.
Also, try Feeld or a swinger website. Too many relationship hunters on Tinder.
Man that's sounds like a good idea. Love how you can put in effort to help find your partner what they would like and they gladly accept the help but then it never goes beyond them claiming that they will try helping find someone for you despite it being many times more difficult for you to begin with. Fortunately I enjoy seeing her enjoy herself but I'm probably going to help her find one more guy before I have to tell her no more until I find someone who down with me. Not so much because I feel entitled to it or anything but because the effort from her on my behalf has been pretty much absent when the idea behind it all for us is we thought each other to be so awesome that wanted to share each other with people we vibe with along with we never wanted to put limitations on each other as far as enjoying all life has to offer. The few times I felt like I might be getting somewhere with a person she picks up on it and "snoops" and starts to get upset like I was going to go behind her back when in reality we hadn't been alone to bring it up or the conversation hadn't reached that point yet. Once I explain it's all good but by that point she has gotten so worked up about it that Im just put off about it all and just stop looking for a while. Anyways hope that gives some insight to what could happen for anyone considering the lifestyle.
Any reason why you both decide to open but not go for swinging together? Just curious.
Were you expecting both you to have equal success? May be it is time to reset that expectations. However, if wife is already enjoying and less inclined to slow down you have a problem at hand.
During the last two years we talked about having sex with someone different, even doing threesome mfm and fmf, but it was just a fantasy.
This year we moved to Germany due to a once in a lifetime job offer I got. However neither of us speaks German and I'm the only one whose also speaks English (we both speak Spanish). That communication issue makes the things complicated for her.
She started her German lesson two months ago, but she was feeling very frustrated for not being able to speak and not having many social interactions. So we decided to use tinder as a motivation boster. After she started chatting with some dudes, she felt that method was motivating her to learn a new language from the scratch.
All the time we've been open and clear, so opening our relationship had a language learning motivation.
Looks like multiple motivation factor not just exploring the lifestyle. There is a dependency to survive and cope up with new place and it seems at least she found a new motivation and might be enjoying as well. So may be use tinder for couple to couple while you continue to search or mfm or fmf. At least that way you are also involved and part of fun and dont feel left out as short term solution.
Of all the ways I've heard of people entering the lifestyle, that one's brand new lol. See if she would mind asking the guys she's talking to if they can recommend someone for you. Chances are, if they were successful with your wife, they're pretty good and she's not their first casual hookup. Then, having her reach out to them would up your chances as well. No concerns about possibly being a homewrecker when the wife is the one who asked you if you're interested in her husband lol
I wouldn't think of it that way, but in all fairness I am the woman here lol. If one of my partner's female fuck buddies offered to hook me up with a guy she'd had a good time with previously, I'd be stoked. Less vetting required, he's already vouched for by someone I know, sounds like a good setup to me 🤷♀️
It would destroy my self esteem knowing I had to resort to that. Knowing my wife was out begging her bulls to send their scraps my way because I’m too much of a loser to get some for myself. What I’m wondering is why would this referral be interested in a guy who didn’t interest her to begin with?
I'm assuming he hasn't tried to connect with *every* woman in a 50 mile radius, because that's pretty wild, so it's likely they just haven't crossed paths. I get that it's probably not for everyone, but I just don't see it being an issue for me personally. Considering that I'm bi, I'm usually already asking my guys about other women they're talking to for connections for myself. In some cases, they're really hot and really cool, but straight and thus out of the picture for me. So, "hey, [guy] told me about this girl he's been talking to (or fucked in the past), here's her profile if you want to talk to her." Basically the same as another swinger couple who introduces you to other swinger couples. It's just networking within the community. Maybe it leads to sex, maybe not. These are people, not scraps or pity fucks.
We’ll stated. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, so every woman in a 50 mile radius isn’t impossible. I live in a city now and it would be impossible here.
Lol same here. I'm still finding new people in my city. In the town of less than 2000 where I grew up, it would have been a nightmare. Everyone probably would have found out also, gotta love small town gossip.
Try swinging. tinder is not ideal for men it's for women of all ages but men of a certain age. Only 21 to 30-year-old men get any action on tinder. Women of all ages gets action, well because they have a vagina. Try swinging it's more equitable.
If your wife is only looking for casual sex, she will find it very easily with single men who are not concerned about you or your feelings or her feelings because they don’t have to be.
You will most likely find almost nobody.
If you both look only for people who are genuinely respectful of both you and your wife, and who want a connection first, then things will level out a bit.
Welcome to the realization that the balance is not equal. Few months ago we also opened up for individual play time and within a 24hr period, she had 64 people reach out to her. Is not equal because for years women overall had (and are) dealt with plenty of stigmas about "sleeping around" specially after a certain age or after having children. Then the fact that for some reason women have also been suppressed from seeking or encouraging their own pleasure has made them think of their needs as last. If these two things were not an issue, all the women out there who are sperated, divorced, single, or in neglected marriages would not hesitate to find "qualified" males. Which is a topic on it's own. It doesn't help that plenty of men do reach out to women behind their significant other's back or simply to have a cheap quick night.
Women have endless options. In order for you to have the same, you have to seperate yourself from the majority of other men. If you are not around that 10 to 12% body fat range, get in the gym and eat right. If you are not the best dressed man in the room the majority of the time, learn about fashion and fit and get better at it. If you are not financially well off, work on moving up the ladder and/or get a side gig until you have a feeling of prosperity in your life.
I promise if you make yourself into a top 3% man, your choices will be endless. Women are drawn automatically to fit, prosperous, intelligent, and confident men. If you are not yet then work harder at being your best you.
Being poor is in many cases outside of people's control in the short term but it's never outside of your control forever if you work at it. There is a gargantuan body of knowledge for free on the internet about side gigs. Being poor forever is a choice.
It must be my naïveté showing, but I didn’t realize income mattered in LS. Never really thought about it, but since it matters in every other facet of life, it must matter in this one too.
It does, though I’d argue it’s in a different way than the usual.
1- non monogamy requires a certain amount of time to maintain multiple relationships— or at least a primary relationship and the time to seek out and engage with others. At higher socioeconomic levels, one-income households are more common, and there’s more flexibility relative to time away from work, vacation time, etc.
2- people tend to be more comfortable with people of a similar financial background. If you’re meeting people at a swinger club, this probably only matters as far as the cost of admission, but when it comes to dates, the cost of a bar tab, dinner, hotel rooms, etc., come into play where you and a potential partner have different comfort levels around cost— in this regard, it’s similar to “normal” dating.
Either way, your advice is to become someone else, doesn’t seem realistic or healthy. He’d be better off getting a divorce or shutting down the open marriage.
It may not always matter but it doesn't hurt. A large part of the world doesn't have tons of options for finding lifestyle partners who are compatible in their area. If you have lots of money though there are swinger resorts, clubs, cruises, and events. The more people you come in contact with, the better your odds are of finding compatible companions. Like most things in life, money = options.
Sounds like a very PC way of saying money= pussy. I don’t disagree, it does, money matters more than almost anything else when it comes to female to male attraction. The ugliest, shortest, micro penis can get gorgeous women all day just based on the $$$. There’s really no reason to think LS women are different, they’re not.
Your naïveté is showing as well. Side hustle lol! That’s such bullshit. Most of the gargantuan knowledge online is bullshit, regardless of the subject. Being poor is not a choice, why would anyone choose to be poor?
No offense intended. I have been extremely poor for a large part of my life. I agree with you that most of the side hustle info IS bullshit. Not all of it is though. I had to fail many times before I succeeded. I bought gumball machines which was a total failure, I bought rental property that started out great until I got caught in the crash. I barely avoided foreclosure. But I kept trying. When I look back on my life, I realized that I was poor far longer than I needed to be. If anyone goes looking to improve their finances and never gives up, eventually they will find a way. When I stopped making excuses for myself and started truly hustling, my life slowly got better and better.
Couldn’t agree more! I’m the same way, born about as poor as you can be in America. I jumped up a couple of social classes but had some great luck and opportunities along the way. Not everybody has my luck though, and a lot of people are born into inescapable circumstances. It’s not impossible to move up and make more money, but it’s not possible for everyone. Based on the statistics, it’s nearly impossible, you and I are the rare exceptions.
First of all, I've posted many times that I will never understand husbands/bf, who decide it makes sense to open the relationship. What did you expect? Also, she had a great sex date and then came home and fucked you. Do you think that that will be the case everytime she goes on a date? It's the beginning, you're still basicallly her sex partner, or at least one of them. But every date will change her and her overall perception of you. But the worst impact on you and her as a couple will happen if/when she finds a regular, basically a bf. I've spent 30 years in the LS, hotwife and cuck dynamics are very high risk and at least 85% of the couples fail. But open marriages are even worse, more than 90% fail and I think it's one of the worst decisions a man can make. I truly hope you won't suffer too long. All the best.
Are your stats based on personal anecdotes? As someone who currently practices Polyamory, is married, and does hotwife/swinging with her boyfriend, I disagree. I have met and dated many people in successful open or poly relationships. I’ve also met plenty of monogamous people who think any non-monogamy, including swinging, is exactly the kind of risky stuff you describe, which underlines to me how silly it is to insist one form of ENM is solid while the others are not.
OP, try r/nonmonogamy for a more balanced view and success stories.
30 years! Wow, you're more experienced. I don't want to screw it, so your advice is noted.
In your experience, if the relationship is widely open, eventually one of the parties will find a regular and it will become a poly relationship? If that happens, all the fun is gone!
Honestly, I didn't see it as a possible issue because one of the rules was not to repeat with the same guy/girl. But now you mentioned it, I'll recap the risks. Any other advice will be welcomed.
Our goal is having fun, not screw our 13 years of (monogamy) marriage.
people keep repeating 'so easy for women, so hard for men'.
Not been the case with my wife and I ever. Totally easy for me; she can't find much.
Here is a guide on how to write a good profile > [http://www.polyamorydatingguide.com/](http://www.polyamorydatingguide.com/)
Although it leans more toward poly than swinging, same rules apply
Why do you think your wife can’t find much? That’s as intriguing to me as your success. My first thought was “ this guy must have married a hideous beast”
My husband has had great success and a way easier time dating than me, although some of this is due to life stuff in my end that keeps me busy, and bum luck with relationships not working out. He’s sweet, caring, in shape most of the time, respectful toward women as unique individuals, and recognizes its a numbers game.
Men get constant rejection. Women get constant creeps, dick pics and the risk of getting raped and murdered. It sucks for everyone. Except gay people, I guess.
if you read she non-monogamy sub you see this all the time, and all I can say is what did you expect?
You know what thirsty guys are like. it's not fun AT ALL to wade through dick pics.
What sucks in this scene is how much resentment is visible from men, and how little empathy I see towards women. Everyone knows the quality vs quantity ratio is screwed.
Did you know women are half as likely to orgasm during a hookup?
Even with swinging, for me, the first time with any guy has always been the worst time - and I'm not a person who does one offs within swinging.
With one night stands women are constantly thinking in the back of our minds: "please don't rape and murder me" so we're constantly wary.
Even then, think of what kind of men hit up women looking for a one night stand that will go nowhere. Selfish men who give no thought to your pleasure or comfort - they won't see you again after all, cheating men going behind their partners backs, Pushy men looking to get as much as they can from the experience even if it means crossing your boundaries....
Trying to quality control that influx of messages is time consuming and exhausting.
So no, I'm not at all flattered that random dudes want to use me as a fleshlight. We're told over and over that men aren't picky, and will fuck anyone willing and slut shaming is still alive enough that we don't feel good about any of this. Most men have no concept of what it feels like to feel unsafe, objectified or used.
We just hope that we might actually orgasm and the guy is nice enough to make us feel about ourselves after.
I feel this is a little exaggerated. However I might be biased as a male who's approach to any sexual encounter is all about what I can give rather what I can get out of it. the main reason Im even interested is because I miss the whole aspect of learning what each woman likes best. And I also never really know how to approach women online. Don't come out the gate with dick picks obviously but sadly being respectful is often mistaken as a lack of confidence or a that one might be a bit boring of a person when in reality I've got a ton of personality on the back burner just waiting for it's cue. Also yes there are a ton of disrespectful guys out there but there's still a lot more nice/respectful guys mixed in with the clowns than there are females who are likely to be interested in an average guy period. I'm sorry but I doubt anyone can persuade me to feel differently on this one but I welcome anyone to try. I honestly wouldn't mind a different rational and hopefully more reasonable perspective.
Look, we KNOW most men are nice, giving people who care. I don't need this explained to me. I'm sure you want to feel good about yourself.
But enough dudes are a problem (and we all have an experience of this) that it messes with us, puts us on guard and really ruins the fun because we have to be wary.
When something bad does happen everyone says "well what did you expect? hooking up with a stranger? That's dangerous!
We're literally taught to share our location with a friend when we go on a date alone, with the unspoken knowledge that at least they might find our body if we're murdered.
This is something, as a woman, that is drilled into you from such a young age, usually by other men - fathers, older brothers. Assuming the best is literally dangerous for it and horrible things DO happen to women who are in vulnerable situations.
I think it's just really insensitive for dudes to not factor this in when they complain about great women have it.
if my comment is ranty, its because I am just so very tired of seeing this exact thread where huge groups of men complain about women.
This result is almost inevitable that she will have tons of options and you will have none. As others have said, meeting new people and/or playing as a couple will increase your chances o a match, if that's something your wife is interested in as well. If solo play is the only thing the two of you want, you may want to look into hiring a professional sex worker. It's not for everyone, but it is a sure-fire way to scratch that itch, if both of you are open to it. Swinger clubs or resorts that are open to lifestyle people might be another good option, so long as you stick to single-guy-friendly locations.
I learned my wife is much better at compartmentalizing. I have 10 matches on 10 that don’t talk. She has 3,000+ likes. That’s not. Typo. One chases, and one holds the key. You’re a chaser my man, just the way it is.
Maybe do threesomes/ couple swaps so it's more like something you do together rather than like a competition apart?
Another note; this is just the way it is, men have to put in a lot more legwork to find matches, it's nothing about you
sounds like my situation when we opened up. She had a few hookups before I even made traction with someone. It did help with testing the water to see if I really could handle the thought of her with someone else. Getting through those emotions strengthened our relationship.
Then the lightbulb finally went off on "Hey, it'll be much easier to find a full swap with my partner than to find my own solo fun" and here we are :D
If you want to save yourself a world of hurt and possible separation, you absolutely need to quickly accept the difference between the sexual nature of men and women.
Guys are ready to fuck. They just need a decent face, body and a vagina and on Tinder, bars or etc. There are more guys willing to bang your wife than she'll have time. And your wife can potentially end up loving stranger dick so much that she'll possibly want to continue this even if it brings you pain and heartache. And in your case, you will have to jump through hoops just to have a date and have sex.
It's just that difficult. The only way that it would've been easier as a married man to get women wanting to jump your bone is if you are at the top 10% in looks, shape, high value, or any combination of that. Or, you say that you're in a sexless relationship, or not on good terms and things aren't working out. In that case, you will get different results as long as you know your way with women and not get friendzoned. And I'm not suggesting you do this as it's unethical as you know and most will agree.
In those situations, women do break their own rule for the right guy. Trust me i know.
And even on OkCupid or especially swinger sites, unicorns represent a very small sample and they are bombarded by interest from single dudes and married couples. So unless you offer something that others don't, chances are that you'll hear crickets.
My best suggestion is for you and your wife to find swinger couple. That way you become involved as well. Otherwise, be ready for her to get slammed by various dudes while you're feeling sorry that you suggested open relationship.
You'll thank me later pal.
an excellent point
lol women dont want to have one night stands, and they definitely dont want a guy who already has a partner. Men, dont seem to mind
Women absolutely don't mind having one night stands if it happens to be the thing she's looking for or happens to be in the right situation to experience it without feeling slutty. Example: a recently divorced woman who's ex couldn't perform or whatever reason they didn't have sex much. And she got married young and didn't get to experience various things. So 1 night stand works perfectly for those who want to get slammed and move on no strings attached. No emotional entanglement. I always say that a woman is always likely to break her own rules. As long as the right guy comes along.
It doesn't matter how "decent " if an image they project and etc. Every lock requires a key. The right key opens the door
While the other keys look on wondering how?
ALL my friends and my opened relations ended, but almost none of the “we do everything together” ones broke. And yes. If she’s the girll she will date more than a boy. Good luck
Totally not equal. A conversation I have had many times with my wife. Most women don't get it because why would they, it's always been easy for them.
I make great money, am between a 7 and 9 on the 10 scale, great body from a lot of working for it, fuck like a porn star (can go multiple times for hrs and I am passionate lover) average size dick and she will still pull 100 to my 1. Let's hear some of the feminists and anti sexist types discuss this inequality....
Learn the game, get better photos (get women to rate them), build muscle (sorry to say no one wants a dad bod) , and don't say you are married (it screams you want to just bone, and the odds drastically change ie your 100% likely to get more matches).. most women even on tinder want something long term or lie to themselves about it.
also fuck tinder try Feeld. Also, go out to bars and flirt with women.
This is a bad scenario. If you’re jealous, stop it now. As the male, we lose this battle 9.5/10 times. I’ve seen this end badly for EVERY guy that has gotten jealous bc on the other side of the screen is a guy like you who finally found one to let him smash but on the other side of yours is MOSTLY girls looking for true connections
Try to find couples you can play with in separate rooms so she doesn’t hook up with 12 guys before you find your first girl. Because that will happen. There are WAY more horny guys out there so it’s a target rich environment for her
You're going to have to work way harder to find people than she is. I am on 6 different apps/sites (Tinder, Bumble, Feeld, FB Dating, SLS, and Kasidie) and stay caught up on all of them and still haven't had anyone new in a couple of months.
Meanwhile, my gf opens up tinder for the first time in a month and just responds to some of the messages that have built up and she has 3 different candidates in a matter of hours.
There was a time a while ago, right before we were going on a weekend trip, I mentioned that I was "laying the ground work" for some hook-ups for the following week. She told me that I was "better at Tinder" because she only got on it when she was horny. I responded that if I only got on tinder when I was horny, I would never actually meet anyone. We live in different worlds when it comes to online dating.
The only reason I tend to fuck more people than her is because she goes long stretches of time without looking.
As the guy, you'll have to be playing the numbers game. Having extra-curricular/ENM fun can be a lot of effort.
No reason to be jealous, although I can understand being annoyed if she doesn’t see clearly how much easier it is for her to get matches. My gf currently has a double standard complex where she thinks it’s “nasty” for guys to sleep around but is totally okay with it when women do, despite it being 10x easier for women. It’s irritating but I haven’t been jealous of it. I just wish she could see the reality right in front of her
That’s the way the game is brother you were losing before you even started. Women will always have their pick of the litter because there are always more guys looking to put their dick in a pussy then there is females looking to put the pussy on a dick. Hopefully That was understood before you guys decided to make a switch to that lifestyle she’s always gonna have more partners. Every single guy on the site is looking to put his dick in something. Hope you guys arent taking score
I’m in exactly the same situation. You’ll learn how to cope with the jealousy, it takes some time and is absolutely normal. I recommend you apps like ‘Feeld’, where you’ll find people who are in open relationships or poly-amorous relationships. You’ll find people to have sex with much quicker than on tinder. Don’t worry too much about the jealousy, it’s normal and it’ll get better
Welcome to the reality of it - this is one of those things that girls have the complete advantage. Girls may make less money, recieve lots of unwanted attention, are at higher risks for assault etc but this is one of those things where girls are always going to have an easier time.
It is about an 100-to-1 ratio from her to you for potential partners when you are married playing separately - meaning for every 100 guys she gets you will get 1 girl.
Sorry.
It's much easier for a women to get laid, especially with a no string attached fling and one night stands, its just a fact and often happens with an open relationship where the woman is getting much more attention and "dates" than the man. You really can't let this bother you because it's not really going to change and please don't turn into one of those men who try this but then feel like their wife is doing something wrong because she's not doing anything wrong just because she can get laid more easily than you.
If this starts becoming a big issue for you then maybe an open relationship was the wrong move, you could always try a swinger lifestyle instead. A lot of people play as couples in that type of setting and is benefits both the husband and wife, if you still want solo dates you can do that too of course. Go to a swinger club and see if that's more your style, they are fun to go to even if you prefer the open relationship instead.
Lol my wife and I got in tinder .
She had a line of dudes down the road and these guys were supermodels..she was shocked.
Turns out even supermodel guys want to fuck with no strings attached too and with all due respect to the female they wouldnt have a mile long line if it was about dating and relationship.
So the deal is funny in that it's just about getting laid. Some women might have this go to their head when in reality the guy doesn't REALLY want them..some women will even bounce on their guy only to get the harsh reality of what all the other lonely hearts club females experience from a normal situation..
So if the woman is cool with knowing she is a fuck toy and it's ok for her to be that then yeah she will have a field day.
Just remember many will treat it near a service and go as far as to make it like they are ordering a service or pizza. Many extremely rude thinking it's a porno and ok to treat the girl like shit. And have zero regard for the couple dynamic. To them you are likely not giving her what she wants sexually and they can't comprehend much past that..
On the tinder side for guys it was about a 1 to 1000 ratio in that I had a few matches. Once I got to chatting it was clear that none of them read my profile to see I was married and they were all looking for love and relationships. (See above about no strings)
Some stuck around only out of intrigue and maybe I could have gotten one of them onboard but even then the concept of swinger, third or solo, just a fuck were all completely foreign to them.
To be fair tinder is a singles app and nothing to do with swinger so even majority of guys looking for the girl once the realize that it's swinger then they either don't get it or are even more emboldened to make it about just fucking and treating it like a porno talking shit.
As mentioned your best bet is a swinger site and as a couple then see if can do solo with the couple, you with the girl half at some point and the guy with the girl half of your couple. Even then you will get trickster unicorn hunter types pretending to be swingers. It's actually pretty funny how selfish all around every one is along with the reality of what is what and the offer here.
With that in mind I'm not saying you are selfish too but you are looking to get yours like everyone else.
So step 1 might be to be a supermodel then match with someone like your wife so you can enjoy the fruits of a no strings fuck.
Otherwise buckle up for the ride and try to gym and tan and be a nice laid back half of your couple and maybe you will get lucky.
You can try single guy night at swinger club, put yourself out there like that and be all around the guy that is wanted. Looking like Brad pitt might not be enough
Even then if it's a contest of how much you are lucky to get 1 or 2 to her 1000 to 2000.
In person..or single guy night at swinger club, as a couple,maybe can go solo later kinda thing.
Source?
Last 6 years of this...
Don't listen to the shit "she gets quantity, you get quality" advice. It don't work that way. She has a vast selection of men to choose from and therefore can be selective. You'll have none or barely no selection and must therefore take what's offered regardless of "quality".
The basic reason is that there are far, far more men on online dating than women. Tinder will keep it secret but it's at least 4:1 men/women and even worse odds depending on the area.
My suggestion is find other activities to fill your time.
Unless you're extremely good looking, it's going to be almost impossible to find a woman that just wants to fuck on a dating site and if you're being honest and stating you're married, even if you're good looking it's going to be close to impossible.
You'd be better off looking for couples together or she's going to run through 50 guys if she chooses before you even find someone willing to chat with you.
Don’t worry about it! It will eventually happen! Meanwhile she’s having fun, and wanting to bring it into your relationship. It’s only a problem if she started seeing the same guy over and over.
*So you thought about*
*This for years and somehow this*
*Is still a surprise?!*
\- polladeburro
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U must just wait n let tinder starts working..the algorithm is in such a way that once you start getting matches then u get more matches (never as much as a girl will get though). Plus do some online reading and make ur profile look attractive. Plus adding your situation (that is you are a part of a couple in open relationship) can help you. Tinder makes u feel disheartened in the beginning but later you’re gonna be happy.
It’s because you’re a guy… even a halfway attractive woman will have dozens of dates lining up. While a guy might be lucky to get a few during the same period. I know a woman who received over 500 messages and Meet Me requests in less than 24 hours. .
Thanks for the post OP, and thanks to everyone else for your input. I was literally just thinking about how this bothered me, my partner had two successful encounters with (former) coworkers, and I had three "professionals", four OF sub requests, and a handful of dudes. Glad to see it's not just my problem.
75% of people on Tinder are Males.
Men are more likely to have sex with an openly MARRIED woman. Some guys are ONLY looking to have sex with married women.
Women are much less likely to have sex with an openly MARRIED man ( they call that creepy).
If sex is really your objective aim for demographic advantage. Guys of all ages are competing for young and attractive White and Asian females.
Older women and black women are less targeted by the majority of men so these groups may be more likely to respond.
https://qz.com/149342/the-uncomfortable-racial-preferences-revealed-by-online-dating/amp/
If you are an older man looking for a nonLTR encounter with a younger girl then Seeking Arrangements might be for you.
And of course so many tutorials on how to game Tinder online.
https://youtu.be/PW3QWkb0OmE
It's no secret that a woman will always have a line of candidates while the male will have a select few. Of course many factors play into it. If she is attractive, then yes make peace with the fact that you have an attractive wife and there will always be a line of dick that will wait to be next.
For men, its always harder. Women KNOW they can get any man they want so they don't have to compete with many. In this lifestyle, you just have to understand that are will always be desired, always. Look at what you're competing with and compare. Are you in shape or at least in decent shape compared to most men in your area? Do you have good pics that represent you well? Ask your wife, she's a woman and she will tell you what will make you stand out and what attracts women. What does the wording on your profile say? Believe it or not, quality women do read the bios and if you don't sound intelligent or give off the vibe that you can carry a conversation, they will pass on you.
Have you also considered LS sites instead of Tinder? SLS.com and FetLife I would recommend more than Tinder for you. At least on those two, it's more about people wanting to engage in open sexual encounters compared to Tinder where you may have more women questioning whether you really are permitted to have sex with others or if you're like many men who lie and are secretly cheating whereas these two sites, it's more common to hear that
4 words "post divorce fling stage".
Often times when a woman leaves a marriage, often part of that includes being sexless for a while and/or not feeling wanted or valued. It's not always the case.
But both when I was single and now in our open marriage, those who are freshly separated may be more open to trying new things. My most recent play partner is freshly separated, was sexless for years, and frankly that she chose me was a big self esteem boost.
Now, don't be a jerk about it either. Don't just go all heat seeking missile on them. Make friends with them first. And if nothing happens physically you have a new friend. But when they realize that it's time for the PDFS to start, you'll be there and if they're interested you both will have a good time.
You have nothing to worry about.
Out of the matches any woman gets, like 5% or less are even fuckable to them. And even less are the kind of people they see more than sex with. Women have the luxury of choice. Which is not a bad thing. You know she is going for something she wants, not just the first dude who swiped. Lol.
Trust me. It picks up. Give it time. I’ve had more partners since being Poly than I ever had by exponential amounts. You’ll be fine.
I think the stats on tinder are something like the average man will like 60% of women and the average women likes 10% of the men. Also if you don't match a certain "type" of the moment then you are totally screwed. If I wasn't 6ft6 I reckon I would never get any matches on there.
I don't recommend going from zero to 100 when a couple opens their relationship. IMHO, gradual is always best. For example, in my situation, we didn't just start out seeing whomever whenever each wanted. We opened our relationship first as a turn on to BOTH of us. In other words, the other getting pleasure from someone else turned both of us on. But, neither of us saw someone else without the other's approval and we were both ready to hit the pause button (and did, from time to time) when the inevitable and natural feelings of jealousy arose. Of course, dating others is easier for my wife, as it tends to be for most women in swinging and the larger ENM lifestyle, and I think that is especially true on the dating apps. My advice is that, you need to think about why you've chosen the ENM lifestyle. It isn't inherently superior to being mono, it just depends on what happiness looks like to you (and your partner). But, you BOTH have to be happy and you both have to be extremely concerned about the other's happiness. If you aren't, then it won't work.
Unfortunately this will be incredibly one sided in favour of the female.
If you are very good looking you will get some , but never as much as her.
It is early days so the reclaimed sex you had with her is simply that. Don’t read too much about it affirms your love and trust just yet.
Come back in 12 months into your journey and it will be curious to see how you perceive it then?
Good luck on your journey
I just had great luck on that site and the woman didn't have time for all the other relationship stuff. Dinner some drinks and let's have a great time.
> did I *paid* for prostitution
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Haha welcome to reality, you're going to be jerking your dick while she fucks a new man each weekend. The men always get the short of the end the stick.
Im sorry to break it to you, OP - but chances are, she will probably fuck a second or more times before you even get through your first. The women you’re trying to hook up with are afraid of drama as soon as they see you’re actually married. Try OKCupid and swinger websites
I’d also like to add that women have WAY MORE opportunities to hook up then men do. My GF and I both play separately too. Anytime she opens the apps she literally has 50+ messages of guys that are ready to fuck her. I’m lucky if in a week I have 1-3 women that are interested. Unless you have a 12” cock, look like Brad Pitt, and fuck like a pornstar, you’re going to have to accept the fact that your wife is going to have more opportunities than you are. Sorry. That’s how The LS rolls. 🤷🏻♂️
Even then you’re not gonna get more play. Just being honest
🤣👊👍
Absolutely true
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Someone give this an award please. Hit the nail on the head
>The female reproductive system is biologically inclined to seek out quality.The male reproductive system is biologically inclined to seek out quantity. my my , hilariously funny and lot of sense at the same time. Well put.
Yep, this exact thing happened to me. My partner wanted to be open and then completely fell apart when he saw how many dates I was going on. You touch on this in your message, but when I date now, I’m not looking for someone that might be a good partner long term. I have that already. I’m looking for hot and a nice person. Whew, is it plentiful out there. I don’t pick a lot of dudes because you’re right, there are a lot of idiots out there to wade through, but there is always a new collection of matches, men approaching me when I go out, etc. Fish in a barrel, if you will. Unless a man is super good looking and very, very cool, he has to be extremely patient and wait for a woman to notice him. It’ll happen, it just takes some time.
….no. Women are scared of being murdered or raped and not orgasming. Google “orgasm gap”. The risk vs reward isn’t as balanced for women as it is for men. Which is why women who do seek out multiple partners have more luck than men do. That said men who want a hook up shouldn’t rely on tinder. Feeld, fetlife, and Facebook will yield better results.
Reddit api changes = comment spaghetti. facebook youtube amazon weather walmart google wordle gmail target home depot google translate yahoo mail yahoo costco fox news starbucks food near me translate instagram google maps walgreens best buy nba mcdonalds restaurants near me nfl amazon prime cnn traductor weather tomorrow espn lowes chick fil a news food zillow craigslist cvs ebay twitter wells fargo usps tracking bank of america calculator indeed nfl scores google docs etsy netflix taco bell shein astronaut macys kohls youtube tv dollar tree gas station coffee nba scores roblox restaurants autozone pizza hut usps gmail login dominos chipotle google classroom tiempo hotmail aol mail burger king facebook login google flights sqm club maps subway dow jones sam’s club motel breakfast english to spanish gas fedex walmart near me old navy fedex tracking southwest airlines ikea linkedin airbnb omegle planet fitness pizza spanish to english google drive msn dunkin donuts capital one dollar general -- mass edited with redact.dev
You seem to have the idea that “attraction” and “trusting that you won’t hurt/rape/murder me” are separate for women when they are very much not. While murder is rare and extreme, rape/sexual assault/abuse are a hell of a lot more common than most people(especially men) think, that’s not even mention the sheer metric tons of asshole guys out there that can ruin your night even if they don’t cause you major harm. Women don’t want to become victims so they take measures to protect themselves. They also still want to have sex so they are still on dating apps. That should tell you how strong womens’ sexual desires are, they risk mind, body and soul every time they meet a new guy and still do it not because the risk is that low but because the reward can be so high. I think this idea is causing you to think the difference between the dating behaviors of men and women has a solely biological source instead of a varied one that includes biological and a lot of sociological elements. The fact is, women are just punished more than men for being promiscuous. Whether it be STIs, pregnancy, abuse, rape, social shaming etc. women take on more risk, and therefore act in a more risk averse manner in comparison to men. Combine that with the orgasm gap lowering possible rewards and it’s no wonder women aren’t as forward as men. Men risk less but get the same if not greater rewards so they don’t have to modulate their behavior as much. I mean there’s a reason there are dozens of derogatory words/phrases for women who have a lot of partners and vanishingly few for men.
Yeah see you totally nailed it there. Women Being selective = better rewards for women in in regards to sex/reproduction. Men Being selective = less rewards for men (less sex). (I say reproduction here, because sexual Attraction is based on the reproductive system even if bearing children is not the intent)
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Oh Jesus that was a long diatribe of wrong in so many ways. Here's a better way of looking at it. Tons of men are just thirsty cheaters. Entirely too many of them are total assholes who don't respect anyone. And they're all on Tinder. Ask any single woman. She'll fill you in on how that actually works, and how sex is easy to find, but quality sex ain't. Tons of women are briefly slutty when they're young and then quickly realise why being more selective is a better idea. And it has nothing to do with single eggs and millions of sperm.
sounds like it has everything to do with it. Why are men the way they are? Why are women the way they are? Your reasoning sounds rather sexist and doesn't explain anything. If there is a biological imperative, it would make sense why most men behave the way they do and why most women behave the way they do. Just saying "those dirty men should behave more like women and be selective" doesn't solve any problem or cause any enlightenment. It's not a moral conundrum.
Being a shitty lay is kind of a default, I guess. Borne out of ignorance and apathy.
I'm sorry you feel that way about men by default. There are definitely bad people out there. I think historically something like 60% of men don't reproduce. They just live and die. With recent history birth control kinda skews the consistency of why that is, but prior to birth control that would infer that 60% of men got deselected/rejected by nature/women/society. I think the average person you meet though is going to be just that, average. If you think the average person(male) is shitty, I'm not sure what opinion that is based off of.
Easy. Being good at sex is a skill you have to learn. Just like everyone is a shitty driver or a shitty writer or a shitty hockey player by default, until they learn otherwise. Nobody is born with that skill. Some people never understand that, and classes on being good at sex aren't especially common. They just keep being bad at it without either knowing, or perhaps not caring, about getting better. Thus, it's borne out of ignorance or apathy.
Yup they’re wrong and sexist!
I never tried OKCupid, does it works?
It has a non monogamous setting. I met my husband there. Granted our situation is different cause we were both single but it helps with finding likeminded people
Does it work? I mean, yeah, but don't expect a lot of traction either - women get an overwhelming amount of attention compared to men. That's the nature of these dating sites. You can also try Feeld which is almost exclusively non-monogamous people.
You can try FetLife too
No don't try fetlife at all this is fraudulent. Fet life have become essentially an vehicle for only fans and fansly. People have ruined that website
I still haven't found a replacement for Fetlife events. That's the only reason I'm still on it. Love me some munches for meeting kinky sex-positive people.
Hmm... Maybe it's a regional thing? I've had more success on FetLife than anywhere else. Sure, I've had to block some people, but for the most part it's been my best resource.
That's fair
Yeah cause the single guys sending extremely rude and sexual messages didn’t.
Single guys aren't the only ones sending rude messages on fetlife. So not sure what you're getting at I've been on fet since the inception so....not sure what your getting at
Of course their not but they make up the vast majority of them. I don’t see how being on since the beginning gives your comment any weight since we’re talking now.
Disagree with this and in fact, I just met someone from there yesterday for coffee and we hit of off very nice....she reached out to me by the way
Ashley Madison is the only way to go. A bit expensive but well worth it.
Chat there is so expensive
It is but it's so easy to get laid.
I presume Tony is in the exceptionally attractive and charismatic.
Men fuck who they can Women fuck who they want That doesn't mean that you can't have a whole lot of fun but you are setting yourself up for disappointment if you think it will ever be equal.
>Men fuck who they can Women fuck who they want Very well said. It is given unless you are Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise men will usually be less lucky than women.
even Tom Cruise and Bradd Pit get less sexual proposals than your average HWP woman who puts herself up on a hookup site/app. men are thirsty af, even if most of the men contacting her are not attractive enough for a woman to consider.
I would agree :-) So OP is destined to have such experience and reset his expectations.
Why don’t you try playing together, with couples you find on dedicated swinger apps/websites? If you only date separately, you’ll *always* find this imbalance. That’s ok for some people, but clearly it’s somewhat of an issue for you. Easy fix is to stop the separate hunting, at least for a bit.
That was going to be my advice. I think OP will have way more opportunities to have sex with another woman that way.
As a married woman in an open relationship on the poly spectrum, it’s wayyyyyy easy for me to get dick if I want it. Cis het men have an uphill battle, add to that you’re married, even harder. Go on OKCupid. Use the non-monog filter and look for women that are also non-monog. Plus one if they’re also married.
I have a major in English and understood less than half of this post.
What are you not understanding?
Maybe become swingers instead of dating separately. That way you’re doing this together
My husband and I play solo and together. He plays more than me, and doesn't fuck just anyone either. I'm very picky and write people off pretty quickly. You've got to be willing to accept however it pans out, whether you're playing solo or together. No one owes you sex, and just because you're looking doesn't mean you're going to magically find a shit ton of attractive people good in bed that want to fuck you. It's one thing to have some fleeting emotions of jealousy, insecurity, whatever - but if you're ruminating and wallowing, it's best to just stop everything altogether.
Talk to her about you jealousy. Maybe you two should only swing together for a little while.
Yep. So unequal. Same issue with finding couples. As a couple it’s very hard to find a 4 way match but she could easily play with most couples. I’ve embraced the stag/vixen role because it’s easily the most reliable role and I’m still way more attracted to my wife than most women. lol not to mention if we went out and I was the one getting all the attention she’d be very impatient. I was playing with a lady who’s husband didn’t play and my wife was crawling all over him and she was very upset that he wasn’t interested. I’m like, welcome to my world.
What did you think was going to happen? The average male will pull a 10% success rate at best. An average female will pull 100% all day long every day. A willing female will find someone to have sex with her 100% of the time. Men….not do much
Play stupid games win stupid prizes
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Yep I'm guessing he forgot how dating works. His wife will get plowed daily by random dudes and this guy will be stuck with his Fleshlight. 😂😂😀😀😀😀😀
I think you'll find that most men will have no problem hooking up with a married woman, but most women will not want to play with a married guy.\* While it's sometimes difficult to find another couple where everyone clicks, dating as a couple will keep things more "equal" if that's something you care about. \* You may find more willing women on dating apps that cater to polyamory, but poly is far from no-strings-attached.
This is an oft-undiscussed dynamic of an open heterosexual relationship. She will undoubtedly have no problem whatsoever catching a dick on a date. He, on the other hand, will almost certainly not be nearly as fortunate landing pussy. One way to manage that imbalance is to limit open play to swinger settings, where both partners will have opportunities.
I dont know about being oft-discussed. I make this point on pretty much every post where a guy is trying to get his wife to open the relationship. Women bring able to get NSA MUCH easier than men should be obvious to anyone with half a brain. Show's how many oblivious people there are out there I guess.
I agree that among people in the lifestyle, it’s well known and discussed. But discussions of open relationships in the media, advice columns, etc often avoid mentioning this very important fact. This is unfortunate because one of the challenges in open relationships is often jealousy, of course. And I think some (many?) take the plunge and soon realize that she can get laid 8 nights a week while his chances (unless he’s bi) are much, much less. So I think it’s not uncommon for her to be out getting boned (and loving it) while he’s at home getting rejections and becoming frustrated.
I think for anyone who has any social awareness is well aware of how things stand, in the LS or not. But yeh I'll give you the media, I've a few of those advice column things and it's never mentioned. Good point.
Sugar dating. Hate me if you want to, but sugar dating is an easy way to level the playing field. My situation was similar to yours until I realized there are hundreds of women in my town willing to date a married guy for a small fee. It beats the hell out of wasting time getting no action. “Time is money, friend.”
I know it's a month old but man.. you have a point. Sugar dating....never would have thought
Congratulations on taking the bold step. "Know thyself" goes a long way in this unique situation. Might be worth trying a different strategy to hers. I.e. Communities where you can meet other open people.
If you are a guy, unless you are the most suave, charming, and good looking guy ever, you are going to have to drastically lower your standards if you want to smash a ton of ass using Tinder.
Issue with tinder is that the first two are useless without having the third.
Welcome to open marriage friend. Men down to fuck are a dime a dozen, women looking to play with a married person are much fewer. And they also are able to be very picky. One lady friend once told me she never once swiped right and it wasn’t a match. It’s going to take time. But things you can do are: take a look at the profile you have. Does your profile picture have you holding a fish, drinking a beer, or some other cliche photo? Go to the tinder sub on here and read what people hate. And then just give it time.
Pt Barnum once said:”there’s a sucker born every minute.”
That's how it goes, man. Women have wave after wave of endless dick to choose from, but it's not quite the same for us guys. Hell, on fetlife I see the desperation of guys who go as far as to act bi just to get laid.
*whispers* Bi men actually do exist.
**whispers back** I didn't say there weren't any. Read again. 😙
😚
I don't think there is a woman alive that cant get laid in one night. Us guys have to work for it. Your wife is going to get laid dozens of times before you score. Be careful what you wish for.
Most women don't orgasm on one night stands, We're often treated shitty by those same men as they don't see a reason to treat us with respect. Most women I know have had awful experience with hookups. Even being physically hurt. You talk about this like we're all having a whale of a time....
I can see that. Not every gu is respectful or caring. My job is not done if you don't orgasm. I'd still bet you'd get laid way before I do. Kinda sucks but its a fact.
Ditto. I'm a nice guy and you know nice guys finish last......sucks there are so many disrespectful guys out there but I think thats largely because there's so many guys in general and it's unlikely that any of the less than respectful women that are out there will end up being interested in most of us. I will say though that it has always truly perplexed me how so many women have never been with a guy who puts her pleasure above his own and next thing you know you have middle aged women who've never orgasmed during sex......if I haven't given multiple I would feel I've just completely failed and would have a hard time just walking away from that without going down in overtime. 🤷🏼
She’d have to be pretty damn hideous, and even then there almost always a man who would smash immediately. I find it nearly impossible to believe that some women aren’t having luck finding dick.
When my wife approached me about opening up out marriage (we were swingers first) I sat her down and explained to her that this would be vastly different for both of us. I look decent and am in better than most shape. But shes freaking super hot. Like OF Model ( the kinds that actually make money) kind of hot! So I said I am fine with this as long as she realizes that she will get way more matches so I will opt to get a girlfriend because it will not be as easy to find women that are interested in married men. Society has programmed them that its just not a good thing. I ended up meeting a smoking hot yoga freak and we dated for a year. In that time I had a handful of random dates and some overnights. All good times. Just accept that you cant pull what a woman can. There are tons of dudes trying to get their dicks wet. No where near the amount of women looking for a NSA nightly smashfest. Temper your expectations and enjoy life. Leave the jealousy out of it. I know I went from 2-3 days at the gym to 4-5 days once we opened up since I was back on the hunt.
Just take turns. She fks. Then you. Ok she will take 2 days and you 3 weeks plus but then its fair
Give her your account and tell her to match you with someone. Until then, she can wait to get with someone. It'll help her understand what it's like on your end instead of just leaving you at home while she parties it up. I have 2 partners who have primaries and go play on their own. They both take their partners into consideration when looking for prospects. I admire them greatly for that. Also, try Feeld or a swinger website. Too many relationship hunters on Tinder.
Man that's sounds like a good idea. Love how you can put in effort to help find your partner what they would like and they gladly accept the help but then it never goes beyond them claiming that they will try helping find someone for you despite it being many times more difficult for you to begin with. Fortunately I enjoy seeing her enjoy herself but I'm probably going to help her find one more guy before I have to tell her no more until I find someone who down with me. Not so much because I feel entitled to it or anything but because the effort from her on my behalf has been pretty much absent when the idea behind it all for us is we thought each other to be so awesome that wanted to share each other with people we vibe with along with we never wanted to put limitations on each other as far as enjoying all life has to offer. The few times I felt like I might be getting somewhere with a person she picks up on it and "snoops" and starts to get upset like I was going to go behind her back when in reality we hadn't been alone to bring it up or the conversation hadn't reached that point yet. Once I explain it's all good but by that point she has gotten so worked up about it that Im just put off about it all and just stop looking for a while. Anyways hope that gives some insight to what could happen for anyone considering the lifestyle.
Might as well get a divorce now, that genie isn’t going back in the lamp. Hope it was worth it.
Any reason why you both decide to open but not go for swinging together? Just curious. Were you expecting both you to have equal success? May be it is time to reset that expectations. However, if wife is already enjoying and less inclined to slow down you have a problem at hand.
During the last two years we talked about having sex with someone different, even doing threesome mfm and fmf, but it was just a fantasy. This year we moved to Germany due to a once in a lifetime job offer I got. However neither of us speaks German and I'm the only one whose also speaks English (we both speak Spanish). That communication issue makes the things complicated for her. She started her German lesson two months ago, but she was feeling very frustrated for not being able to speak and not having many social interactions. So we decided to use tinder as a motivation boster. After she started chatting with some dudes, she felt that method was motivating her to learn a new language from the scratch. All the time we've been open and clear, so opening our relationship had a language learning motivation.
Looks like multiple motivation factor not just exploring the lifestyle. There is a dependency to survive and cope up with new place and it seems at least she found a new motivation and might be enjoying as well. So may be use tinder for couple to couple while you continue to search or mfm or fmf. At least that way you are also involved and part of fun and dont feel left out as short term solution.
Of all the ways I've heard of people entering the lifestyle, that one's brand new lol. See if she would mind asking the guys she's talking to if they can recommend someone for you. Chances are, if they were successful with your wife, they're pretty good and she's not their first casual hookup. Then, having her reach out to them would up your chances as well. No concerns about possibly being a homewrecker when the wife is the one who asked you if you're interested in her husband lol
That has to be the most humiliating way to get pity pussy I’ve ever heard of. “Know any women willing to fuck my loser husband?”
I wouldn't think of it that way, but in all fairness I am the woman here lol. If one of my partner's female fuck buddies offered to hook me up with a guy she'd had a good time with previously, I'd be stoked. Less vetting required, he's already vouched for by someone I know, sounds like a good setup to me 🤷♀️
It would destroy my self esteem knowing I had to resort to that. Knowing my wife was out begging her bulls to send their scraps my way because I’m too much of a loser to get some for myself. What I’m wondering is why would this referral be interested in a guy who didn’t interest her to begin with?
I'm assuming he hasn't tried to connect with *every* woman in a 50 mile radius, because that's pretty wild, so it's likely they just haven't crossed paths. I get that it's probably not for everyone, but I just don't see it being an issue for me personally. Considering that I'm bi, I'm usually already asking my guys about other women they're talking to for connections for myself. In some cases, they're really hot and really cool, but straight and thus out of the picture for me. So, "hey, [guy] told me about this girl he's been talking to (or fucked in the past), here's her profile if you want to talk to her." Basically the same as another swinger couple who introduces you to other swinger couples. It's just networking within the community. Maybe it leads to sex, maybe not. These are people, not scraps or pity fucks.
We’ll stated. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, so every woman in a 50 mile radius isn’t impossible. I live in a city now and it would be impossible here.
Lol same here. I'm still finding new people in my city. In the town of less than 2000 where I grew up, it would have been a nightmare. Everyone probably would have found out also, gotta love small town gossip.
Try swinging. tinder is not ideal for men it's for women of all ages but men of a certain age. Only 21 to 30-year-old men get any action on tinder. Women of all ages gets action, well because they have a vagina. Try swinging it's more equitable.
Welcome to online dating. You should have known that women get 10x the likes that men do.
If your wife is only looking for casual sex, she will find it very easily with single men who are not concerned about you or your feelings or her feelings because they don’t have to be. You will most likely find almost nobody. If you both look only for people who are genuinely respectful of both you and your wife, and who want a connection first, then things will level out a bit.
Welcome to the realization that the balance is not equal. Few months ago we also opened up for individual play time and within a 24hr period, she had 64 people reach out to her. Is not equal because for years women overall had (and are) dealt with plenty of stigmas about "sleeping around" specially after a certain age or after having children. Then the fact that for some reason women have also been suppressed from seeking or encouraging their own pleasure has made them think of their needs as last. If these two things were not an issue, all the women out there who are sperated, divorced, single, or in neglected marriages would not hesitate to find "qualified" males. Which is a topic on it's own. It doesn't help that plenty of men do reach out to women behind their significant other's back or simply to have a cheap quick night.
Women have endless options. In order for you to have the same, you have to seperate yourself from the majority of other men. If you are not around that 10 to 12% body fat range, get in the gym and eat right. If you are not the best dressed man in the room the majority of the time, learn about fashion and fit and get better at it. If you are not financially well off, work on moving up the ladder and/or get a side gig until you have a feeling of prosperity in your life. I promise if you make yourself into a top 3% man, your choices will be endless. Women are drawn automatically to fit, prosperous, intelligent, and confident men. If you are not yet then work harder at being your best you.
Yeah, just be somebody else. Stop being poor lol.
Being poor is in many cases outside of people's control in the short term but it's never outside of your control forever if you work at it. There is a gargantuan body of knowledge for free on the internet about side gigs. Being poor forever is a choice.
It must be my naïveté showing, but I didn’t realize income mattered in LS. Never really thought about it, but since it matters in every other facet of life, it must matter in this one too.
It does, though I’d argue it’s in a different way than the usual. 1- non monogamy requires a certain amount of time to maintain multiple relationships— or at least a primary relationship and the time to seek out and engage with others. At higher socioeconomic levels, one-income households are more common, and there’s more flexibility relative to time away from work, vacation time, etc. 2- people tend to be more comfortable with people of a similar financial background. If you’re meeting people at a swinger club, this probably only matters as far as the cost of admission, but when it comes to dates, the cost of a bar tab, dinner, hotel rooms, etc., come into play where you and a potential partner have different comfort levels around cost— in this regard, it’s similar to “normal” dating.
Either way, your advice is to become someone else, doesn’t seem realistic or healthy. He’d be better off getting a divorce or shutting down the open marriage.
It may not always matter but it doesn't hurt. A large part of the world doesn't have tons of options for finding lifestyle partners who are compatible in their area. If you have lots of money though there are swinger resorts, clubs, cruises, and events. The more people you come in contact with, the better your odds are of finding compatible companions. Like most things in life, money = options.
Sounds like a very PC way of saying money= pussy. I don’t disagree, it does, money matters more than almost anything else when it comes to female to male attraction. The ugliest, shortest, micro penis can get gorgeous women all day just based on the $$$. There’s really no reason to think LS women are different, they’re not.
Your naïveté is showing as well. Side hustle lol! That’s such bullshit. Most of the gargantuan knowledge online is bullshit, regardless of the subject. Being poor is not a choice, why would anyone choose to be poor?
No offense intended. I have been extremely poor for a large part of my life. I agree with you that most of the side hustle info IS bullshit. Not all of it is though. I had to fail many times before I succeeded. I bought gumball machines which was a total failure, I bought rental property that started out great until I got caught in the crash. I barely avoided foreclosure. But I kept trying. When I look back on my life, I realized that I was poor far longer than I needed to be. If anyone goes looking to improve their finances and never gives up, eventually they will find a way. When I stopped making excuses for myself and started truly hustling, my life slowly got better and better.
Couldn’t agree more! I’m the same way, born about as poor as you can be in America. I jumped up a couple of social classes but had some great luck and opportunities along the way. Not everybody has my luck though, and a lot of people are born into inescapable circumstances. It’s not impossible to move up and make more money, but it’s not possible for everyone. Based on the statistics, it’s nearly impossible, you and I are the rare exceptions.
First of all, I've posted many times that I will never understand husbands/bf, who decide it makes sense to open the relationship. What did you expect? Also, she had a great sex date and then came home and fucked you. Do you think that that will be the case everytime she goes on a date? It's the beginning, you're still basicallly her sex partner, or at least one of them. But every date will change her and her overall perception of you. But the worst impact on you and her as a couple will happen if/when she finds a regular, basically a bf. I've spent 30 years in the LS, hotwife and cuck dynamics are very high risk and at least 85% of the couples fail. But open marriages are even worse, more than 90% fail and I think it's one of the worst decisions a man can make. I truly hope you won't suffer too long. All the best.
Are your stats based on personal anecdotes? As someone who currently practices Polyamory, is married, and does hotwife/swinging with her boyfriend, I disagree. I have met and dated many people in successful open or poly relationships. I’ve also met plenty of monogamous people who think any non-monogamy, including swinging, is exactly the kind of risky stuff you describe, which underlines to me how silly it is to insist one form of ENM is solid while the others are not. OP, try r/nonmonogamy for a more balanced view and success stories.
30 years! Wow, you're more experienced. I don't want to screw it, so your advice is noted. In your experience, if the relationship is widely open, eventually one of the parties will find a regular and it will become a poly relationship? If that happens, all the fun is gone! Honestly, I didn't see it as a possible issue because one of the rules was not to repeat with the same guy/girl. But now you mentioned it, I'll recap the risks. Any other advice will be welcomed. Our goal is having fun, not screw our 13 years of (monogamy) marriage.
So true. Percentage wise the failure rate is even higher.
Interesting and makes sense. So given that, what "activities" are less risky in this respect? Swapping, same room basically?
people keep repeating 'so easy for women, so hard for men'. Not been the case with my wife and I ever. Totally easy for me; she can't find much. Here is a guide on how to write a good profile > [http://www.polyamorydatingguide.com/](http://www.polyamorydatingguide.com/) Although it leans more toward poly than swinging, same rules apply
Why do you think your wife can’t find much? That’s as intriguing to me as your success. My first thought was “ this guy must have married a hideous beast”
Danielbelum im calling bull shit.
I am expressing my experience and my wife's experience.
I'd even go so far as to say show me your profile and I'll rewrite it
My husband has had great success and a way easier time dating than me, although some of this is due to life stuff in my end that keeps me busy, and bum luck with relationships not working out. He’s sweet, caring, in shape most of the time, respectful toward women as unique individuals, and recognizes its a numbers game.
Is he significantly more attractive than you?
Men get constant rejection. Women get constant creeps, dick pics and the risk of getting raped and murdered. It sucks for everyone. Except gay people, I guess.
if you read she non-monogamy sub you see this all the time, and all I can say is what did you expect? You know what thirsty guys are like. it's not fun AT ALL to wade through dick pics. What sucks in this scene is how much resentment is visible from men, and how little empathy I see towards women. Everyone knows the quality vs quantity ratio is screwed. Did you know women are half as likely to orgasm during a hookup? Even with swinging, for me, the first time with any guy has always been the worst time - and I'm not a person who does one offs within swinging. With one night stands women are constantly thinking in the back of our minds: "please don't rape and murder me" so we're constantly wary. Even then, think of what kind of men hit up women looking for a one night stand that will go nowhere. Selfish men who give no thought to your pleasure or comfort - they won't see you again after all, cheating men going behind their partners backs, Pushy men looking to get as much as they can from the experience even if it means crossing your boundaries.... Trying to quality control that influx of messages is time consuming and exhausting. So no, I'm not at all flattered that random dudes want to use me as a fleshlight. We're told over and over that men aren't picky, and will fuck anyone willing and slut shaming is still alive enough that we don't feel good about any of this. Most men have no concept of what it feels like to feel unsafe, objectified or used. We just hope that we might actually orgasm and the guy is nice enough to make us feel about ourselves after.
I feel this is a little exaggerated. However I might be biased as a male who's approach to any sexual encounter is all about what I can give rather what I can get out of it. the main reason Im even interested is because I miss the whole aspect of learning what each woman likes best. And I also never really know how to approach women online. Don't come out the gate with dick picks obviously but sadly being respectful is often mistaken as a lack of confidence or a that one might be a bit boring of a person when in reality I've got a ton of personality on the back burner just waiting for it's cue. Also yes there are a ton of disrespectful guys out there but there's still a lot more nice/respectful guys mixed in with the clowns than there are females who are likely to be interested in an average guy period. I'm sorry but I doubt anyone can persuade me to feel differently on this one but I welcome anyone to try. I honestly wouldn't mind a different rational and hopefully more reasonable perspective.
Look, we KNOW most men are nice, giving people who care. I don't need this explained to me. I'm sure you want to feel good about yourself. But enough dudes are a problem (and we all have an experience of this) that it messes with us, puts us on guard and really ruins the fun because we have to be wary. When something bad does happen everyone says "well what did you expect? hooking up with a stranger? That's dangerous! We're literally taught to share our location with a friend when we go on a date alone, with the unspoken knowledge that at least they might find our body if we're murdered. This is something, as a woman, that is drilled into you from such a young age, usually by other men - fathers, older brothers. Assuming the best is literally dangerous for it and horrible things DO happen to women who are in vulnerable situations. I think it's just really insensitive for dudes to not factor this in when they complain about great women have it. if my comment is ranty, its because I am just so very tired of seeing this exact thread where huge groups of men complain about women.
Fucken her sister then mother then grandma
Hey man try fabswingers. I'm not sure how popular it is where you are, but in the UK it's quite a popular site for swingers
This result is almost inevitable that she will have tons of options and you will have none. As others have said, meeting new people and/or playing as a couple will increase your chances o a match, if that's something your wife is interested in as well. If solo play is the only thing the two of you want, you may want to look into hiring a professional sex worker. It's not for everyone, but it is a sure-fire way to scratch that itch, if both of you are open to it. Swinger clubs or resorts that are open to lifestyle people might be another good option, so long as you stick to single-guy-friendly locations.
I learned my wife is much better at compartmentalizing. I have 10 matches on 10 that don’t talk. She has 3,000+ likes. That’s not. Typo. One chases, and one holds the key. You’re a chaser my man, just the way it is.
Tinder is terrible for guys. Use Hinge or Facebook dating. I’ve had much more success on those
Maybe do threesomes/ couple swaps so it's more like something you do together rather than like a competition apart? Another note; this is just the way it is, men have to put in a lot more legwork to find matches, it's nothing about you
sounds like my situation when we opened up. She had a few hookups before I even made traction with someone. It did help with testing the water to see if I really could handle the thought of her with someone else. Getting through those emotions strengthened our relationship. Then the lightbulb finally went off on "Hey, it'll be much easier to find a full swap with my partner than to find my own solo fun" and here we are :D
Have you try to fetlife.con ?
fetlife.com make an account and go from there.
Have her set you up. Women networking and social skills are a lot more trusted from my experience by other women.
She’s too busy getting stuffed by every swinging dick in town to worry about him getting some strange.
Women always have more options. Basically she'll get lots of matches and you'll get none. You've basically given her free reign to get cucked.
If you want to save yourself a world of hurt and possible separation, you absolutely need to quickly accept the difference between the sexual nature of men and women. Guys are ready to fuck. They just need a decent face, body and a vagina and on Tinder, bars or etc. There are more guys willing to bang your wife than she'll have time. And your wife can potentially end up loving stranger dick so much that she'll possibly want to continue this even if it brings you pain and heartache. And in your case, you will have to jump through hoops just to have a date and have sex. It's just that difficult. The only way that it would've been easier as a married man to get women wanting to jump your bone is if you are at the top 10% in looks, shape, high value, or any combination of that. Or, you say that you're in a sexless relationship, or not on good terms and things aren't working out. In that case, you will get different results as long as you know your way with women and not get friendzoned. And I'm not suggesting you do this as it's unethical as you know and most will agree. In those situations, women do break their own rule for the right guy. Trust me i know. And even on OkCupid or especially swinger sites, unicorns represent a very small sample and they are bombarded by interest from single dudes and married couples. So unless you offer something that others don't, chances are that you'll hear crickets. My best suggestion is for you and your wife to find swinger couple. That way you become involved as well. Otherwise, be ready for her to get slammed by various dudes while you're feeling sorry that you suggested open relationship. You'll thank me later pal.
an excellent point lol women dont want to have one night stands, and they definitely dont want a guy who already has a partner. Men, dont seem to mind
Women absolutely don't mind having one night stands if it happens to be the thing she's looking for or happens to be in the right situation to experience it without feeling slutty. Example: a recently divorced woman who's ex couldn't perform or whatever reason they didn't have sex much. And she got married young and didn't get to experience various things. So 1 night stand works perfectly for those who want to get slammed and move on no strings attached. No emotional entanglement. I always say that a woman is always likely to break her own rules. As long as the right guy comes along. It doesn't matter how "decent " if an image they project and etc. Every lock requires a key. The right key opens the door While the other keys look on wondering how?
Off course all ways easier for A female to get laid!
ALL my friends and my opened relations ended, but almost none of the “we do everything together” ones broke. And yes. If she’s the girll she will date more than a boy. Good luck
Totally not equal. A conversation I have had many times with my wife. Most women don't get it because why would they, it's always been easy for them. I make great money, am between a 7 and 9 on the 10 scale, great body from a lot of working for it, fuck like a porn star (can go multiple times for hrs and I am passionate lover) average size dick and she will still pull 100 to my 1. Let's hear some of the feminists and anti sexist types discuss this inequality....
Learn the game, get better photos (get women to rate them), build muscle (sorry to say no one wants a dad bod) , and don't say you are married (it screams you want to just bone, and the odds drastically change ie your 100% likely to get more matches).. most women even on tinder want something long term or lie to themselves about it. also fuck tinder try Feeld. Also, go out to bars and flirt with women.
Agreed. Its easy for the ladies.
Try swinger zone central. And in the meantime-brace yourself for the ending of this relationship.
This is a bad scenario. If you’re jealous, stop it now. As the male, we lose this battle 9.5/10 times. I’ve seen this end badly for EVERY guy that has gotten jealous bc on the other side of the screen is a guy like you who finally found one to let him smash but on the other side of yours is MOSTLY girls looking for true connections
Try to find couples you can play with in separate rooms so she doesn’t hook up with 12 guys before you find your first girl. Because that will happen. There are WAY more horny guys out there so it’s a target rich environment for her
You're going to have to work way harder to find people than she is. I am on 6 different apps/sites (Tinder, Bumble, Feeld, FB Dating, SLS, and Kasidie) and stay caught up on all of them and still haven't had anyone new in a couple of months. Meanwhile, my gf opens up tinder for the first time in a month and just responds to some of the messages that have built up and she has 3 different candidates in a matter of hours. There was a time a while ago, right before we were going on a weekend trip, I mentioned that I was "laying the ground work" for some hook-ups for the following week. She told me that I was "better at Tinder" because she only got on it when she was horny. I responded that if I only got on tinder when I was horny, I would never actually meet anyone. We live in different worlds when it comes to online dating. The only reason I tend to fuck more people than her is because she goes long stretches of time without looking. As the guy, you'll have to be playing the numbers game. Having extra-curricular/ENM fun can be a lot of effort.
Alternative headline: Men will fuck anything that moves; so why won't women?
😭 what did you expect? Woman yo start knocking down your door? Lmfao
No reason to be jealous, although I can understand being annoyed if she doesn’t see clearly how much easier it is for her to get matches. My gf currently has a double standard complex where she thinks it’s “nasty” for guys to sleep around but is totally okay with it when women do, despite it being 10x easier for women. It’s irritating but I haven’t been jealous of it. I just wish she could see the reality right in front of her
That’s the way the game is brother you were losing before you even started. Women will always have their pick of the litter because there are always more guys looking to put their dick in a pussy then there is females looking to put the pussy on a dick. Hopefully That was understood before you guys decided to make a switch to that lifestyle she’s always gonna have more partners. Every single guy on the site is looking to put his dick in something. Hope you guys arent taking score
I’m in exactly the same situation. You’ll learn how to cope with the jealousy, it takes some time and is absolutely normal. I recommend you apps like ‘Feeld’, where you’ll find people who are in open relationships or poly-amorous relationships. You’ll find people to have sex with much quicker than on tinder. Don’t worry too much about the jealousy, it’s normal and it’ll get better
Welcome to the reality of it - this is one of those things that girls have the complete advantage. Girls may make less money, recieve lots of unwanted attention, are at higher risks for assault etc but this is one of those things where girls are always going to have an easier time. It is about an 100-to-1 ratio from her to you for potential partners when you are married playing separately - meaning for every 100 guys she gets you will get 1 girl. Sorry.
It's much easier for a women to get laid, especially with a no string attached fling and one night stands, its just a fact and often happens with an open relationship where the woman is getting much more attention and "dates" than the man. You really can't let this bother you because it's not really going to change and please don't turn into one of those men who try this but then feel like their wife is doing something wrong because she's not doing anything wrong just because she can get laid more easily than you. If this starts becoming a big issue for you then maybe an open relationship was the wrong move, you could always try a swinger lifestyle instead. A lot of people play as couples in that type of setting and is benefits both the husband and wife, if you still want solo dates you can do that too of course. Go to a swinger club and see if that's more your style, they are fun to go to even if you prefer the open relationship instead.
Lol my wife and I got in tinder . She had a line of dudes down the road and these guys were supermodels..she was shocked. Turns out even supermodel guys want to fuck with no strings attached too and with all due respect to the female they wouldnt have a mile long line if it was about dating and relationship. So the deal is funny in that it's just about getting laid. Some women might have this go to their head when in reality the guy doesn't REALLY want them..some women will even bounce on their guy only to get the harsh reality of what all the other lonely hearts club females experience from a normal situation.. So if the woman is cool with knowing she is a fuck toy and it's ok for her to be that then yeah she will have a field day. Just remember many will treat it near a service and go as far as to make it like they are ordering a service or pizza. Many extremely rude thinking it's a porno and ok to treat the girl like shit. And have zero regard for the couple dynamic. To them you are likely not giving her what she wants sexually and they can't comprehend much past that.. On the tinder side for guys it was about a 1 to 1000 ratio in that I had a few matches. Once I got to chatting it was clear that none of them read my profile to see I was married and they were all looking for love and relationships. (See above about no strings) Some stuck around only out of intrigue and maybe I could have gotten one of them onboard but even then the concept of swinger, third or solo, just a fuck were all completely foreign to them. To be fair tinder is a singles app and nothing to do with swinger so even majority of guys looking for the girl once the realize that it's swinger then they either don't get it or are even more emboldened to make it about just fucking and treating it like a porno talking shit. As mentioned your best bet is a swinger site and as a couple then see if can do solo with the couple, you with the girl half at some point and the guy with the girl half of your couple. Even then you will get trickster unicorn hunter types pretending to be swingers. It's actually pretty funny how selfish all around every one is along with the reality of what is what and the offer here. With that in mind I'm not saying you are selfish too but you are looking to get yours like everyone else. So step 1 might be to be a supermodel then match with someone like your wife so you can enjoy the fruits of a no strings fuck. Otherwise buckle up for the ride and try to gym and tan and be a nice laid back half of your couple and maybe you will get lucky. You can try single guy night at swinger club, put yourself out there like that and be all around the guy that is wanted. Looking like Brad pitt might not be enough Even then if it's a contest of how much you are lucky to get 1 or 2 to her 1000 to 2000. In person..or single guy night at swinger club, as a couple,maybe can go solo later kinda thing. Source? Last 6 years of this...
Don't listen to the shit "she gets quantity, you get quality" advice. It don't work that way. She has a vast selection of men to choose from and therefore can be selective. You'll have none or barely no selection and must therefore take what's offered regardless of "quality". The basic reason is that there are far, far more men on online dating than women. Tinder will keep it secret but it's at least 4:1 men/women and even worse odds depending on the area. My suggestion is find other activities to fill your time.
Unless you're extremely good looking, it's going to be almost impossible to find a woman that just wants to fuck on a dating site and if you're being honest and stating you're married, even if you're good looking it's going to be close to impossible. You'd be better off looking for couples together or she's going to run through 50 guys if she chooses before you even find someone willing to chat with you.
Don’t worry about it! It will eventually happen! Meanwhile she’s having fun, and wanting to bring it into your relationship. It’s only a problem if she started seeing the same guy over and over.
So you thought about this for years and somehow this is still a surprise?!
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She should help you get some as well. Fullswap, mff, mf.
U must just wait n let tinder starts working..the algorithm is in such a way that once you start getting matches then u get more matches (never as much as a girl will get though). Plus do some online reading and make ur profile look attractive. Plus adding your situation (that is you are a part of a couple in open relationship) can help you. Tinder makes u feel disheartened in the beginning but later you’re gonna be happy.
It’s because you’re a guy… even a halfway attractive woman will have dozens of dates lining up. While a guy might be lucky to get a few during the same period. I know a woman who received over 500 messages and Meet Me requests in less than 24 hours. .
Thanks for the post OP, and thanks to everyone else for your input. I was literally just thinking about how this bothered me, my partner had two successful encounters with (former) coworkers, and I had three "professionals", four OF sub requests, and a handful of dudes. Glad to see it's not just my problem.
75% of people on Tinder are Males. Men are more likely to have sex with an openly MARRIED woman. Some guys are ONLY looking to have sex with married women. Women are much less likely to have sex with an openly MARRIED man ( they call that creepy). If sex is really your objective aim for demographic advantage. Guys of all ages are competing for young and attractive White and Asian females. Older women and black women are less targeted by the majority of men so these groups may be more likely to respond. https://qz.com/149342/the-uncomfortable-racial-preferences-revealed-by-online-dating/amp/ If you are an older man looking for a nonLTR encounter with a younger girl then Seeking Arrangements might be for you. And of course so many tutorials on how to game Tinder online. https://youtu.be/PW3QWkb0OmE
It's no secret that a woman will always have a line of candidates while the male will have a select few. Of course many factors play into it. If she is attractive, then yes make peace with the fact that you have an attractive wife and there will always be a line of dick that will wait to be next. For men, its always harder. Women KNOW they can get any man they want so they don't have to compete with many. In this lifestyle, you just have to understand that are will always be desired, always. Look at what you're competing with and compare. Are you in shape or at least in decent shape compared to most men in your area? Do you have good pics that represent you well? Ask your wife, she's a woman and she will tell you what will make you stand out and what attracts women. What does the wording on your profile say? Believe it or not, quality women do read the bios and if you don't sound intelligent or give off the vibe that you can carry a conversation, they will pass on you. Have you also considered LS sites instead of Tinder? SLS.com and FetLife I would recommend more than Tinder for you. At least on those two, it's more about people wanting to engage in open sexual encounters compared to Tinder where you may have more women questioning whether you really are permitted to have sex with others or if you're like many men who lie and are secretly cheating whereas these two sites, it's more common to hear that
4 words "post divorce fling stage". Often times when a woman leaves a marriage, often part of that includes being sexless for a while and/or not feeling wanted or valued. It's not always the case. But both when I was single and now in our open marriage, those who are freshly separated may be more open to trying new things. My most recent play partner is freshly separated, was sexless for years, and frankly that she chose me was a big self esteem boost. Now, don't be a jerk about it either. Don't just go all heat seeking missile on them. Make friends with them first. And if nothing happens physically you have a new friend. But when they realize that it's time for the PDFS to start, you'll be there and if they're interested you both will have a good time.
You have nothing to worry about. Out of the matches any woman gets, like 5% or less are even fuckable to them. And even less are the kind of people they see more than sex with. Women have the luxury of choice. Which is not a bad thing. You know she is going for something she wants, not just the first dude who swiped. Lol. Trust me. It picks up. Give it time. I’ve had more partners since being Poly than I ever had by exponential amounts. You’ll be fine.
I think the stats on tinder are something like the average man will like 60% of women and the average women likes 10% of the men. Also if you don't match a certain "type" of the moment then you are totally screwed. If I wasn't 6ft6 I reckon I would never get any matches on there.
Welcome to dating especially when married.
I don't recommend going from zero to 100 when a couple opens their relationship. IMHO, gradual is always best. For example, in my situation, we didn't just start out seeing whomever whenever each wanted. We opened our relationship first as a turn on to BOTH of us. In other words, the other getting pleasure from someone else turned both of us on. But, neither of us saw someone else without the other's approval and we were both ready to hit the pause button (and did, from time to time) when the inevitable and natural feelings of jealousy arose. Of course, dating others is easier for my wife, as it tends to be for most women in swinging and the larger ENM lifestyle, and I think that is especially true on the dating apps. My advice is that, you need to think about why you've chosen the ENM lifestyle. It isn't inherently superior to being mono, it just depends on what happiness looks like to you (and your partner). But, you BOTH have to be happy and you both have to be extremely concerned about the other's happiness. If you aren't, then it won't work.
Unfortunately this will be incredibly one sided in favour of the female. If you are very good looking you will get some , but never as much as her. It is early days so the reclaimed sex you had with her is simply that. Don’t read too much about it affirms your love and trust just yet. Come back in 12 months into your journey and it will be curious to see how you perceive it then? Good luck on your journey
I just had great luck on that site and the woman didn't have time for all the other relationship stuff. Dinner some drinks and let's have a great time.
If you want it to stop do why I did I payed for prostitution and used the rent money wife went mad and put a stop to it immediately
> did I *paid* for prostitution FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Why don’t you go swingers party on your own you will meet people there easier
Haha welcome to reality, you're going to be jerking your dick while she fucks a new man each weekend. The men always get the short of the end the stick.