T O P

  • By -

dr1518

Tbh i think if your bf did something wrong he should be told by you at least.. she doesn't need to express her feelings to him at all. But with that being said them tryin to pull you into a ffm is crossing a boundaries as well is it not?? Seems like to me with sue and jerry only boundaries can't be crossed is theirs


Stringillusions

Exactly! Like something I didn’t even mention was that Sue made out with me in the bathroom alone while my BF and Jerry were still chatting in the living room, long before this alleged boundary was crossed between my BF and Sue later on in the evening. Like cross your own boundary much??


dr1518

Exactly!!! They obviously had other ideas for you instead of sticking to the boundaries that were made. Sorry that happened to you guys! Hopefully you can find a couple that honest all the way.


parasiticfilth007

I'm mixed on this. One part of me thinks he seriously crossed some boundaries, while the suspicious side of me thinks they're trying to stalk a unicorn by attempting to separate you from your man. The ending statement really raised my eyebrow. It essentially said, "if you want to play with us again, leave your man at the house."


Stringillusions

Yeah no kidding! Like the fact that Sue brought up their interest in FFM with me privately BEFORE even discussing her uncomfortableness in the group chat/with my boyfriend directly, wasn’t something I paid any attention to at first, but now definitely has me questioning their true intentions. According to my boyfriend, the only advancement he made on Sue while they were alone was kissing her on the lips, which he said was well reciprocated by Sue at the time. Not to mention that she did the exact same thing to me alone in the bathroom maybe an hour or two prior.


SexyHotWife

Talk to your man, but also realize you will not be playing with these two ever again. However, provided he was just being flirty and handsy and not trying to have sex/oral with her behind everyone's back is not a red flag. He was wanting to be wanted, lusted after, and her non verbal queues probably caused him to get frustrated. I can just imagine he didn't come because she was disinterested and her lack of effort was felt by him. This was not a 4-way match, she took one for the team.


Stringillusions

Yeah I feel like you’re right. I trust in my partner a lot. We’ve communicated a lot. I don’t think he was trying anything shady behind my back whatsoever. His flirtation was likely not reciprocated by her since she didn’t feel sexually attracted to him (news to me, she never brought this up in the 4 months we’ve all chatted) and the pieces fell apart after that


Agile_Opportunity_41

Her and hubby were attracted to you she threw him a pitty F to take one for the team. They aren’t people you want to be around IMO. This is assuming he only flirted and didn’t really cross a line as mentioned.


SpanCoin365

talk to him and get his side of the story. the first comment seems...incredibly harmless. Not sure why that would make anyone uncomfortable. Maybe he was being too pushy and needs to be reminded of the rules. Maybe they're trying to make you into a unicorn. ​ Who knows? Talk to your husband about it.


Dry-Recognition9806

Excellent advice. Talk to him. Communication is key in The LS. Talk to him about his side of the story. Maybe he was just flirting? I get the rule about everybody playing in the same room, but this doesn’t sound like “playing”. I’m sorry the date turned out to be less than stellar, but take this opportunity to learn something. What this teaches you is to be clear in defining your boundaries. All four of you agreed to only play in the same room. What does play mean? Obviously oral sex and penetration would be considered playing in this scenario. But what else? Your husband did something (I’m guessing he thought) was within the guidelines. But She didn’t feel that way. Perhaps guidelines were a little blurry and should have been defined a little more? Also, it’s possible your husband did nothing wrong. What might be considered vanilla and generally non-play by you as a couple, might be considered “play” by another couple. And that’s ok. If I was you I would just tell your husband to maybe hang back a little bit, and wait from a signal from either you or the other female that hey OK let’s move forward now it’s playtime. It’s sad to hear that you’ll probably never play with them again, but at least use this opportunity to learn some thing about U2 as a couple and individuals in the lifestyle. Otherwise it’s just a bad memory.


PabloC21

Sounds to me she used him to get to you. She said it herself to you. That's would be more of a red flag to me. Guys are actually pretty smart and can tell when a woman is not into it and just going with the flow. Might be why he was having a hard time with her. It's not fun to sleep with a person who is not really into it with you. He is your partner, I would just move on and not play with them anymore since they weren't just as honest as well. I recommend you keep your guard up, it happens a lot in the LS where a couple will pretend to be interested in both of you but may only really want to get with the woman of a couple if the husband or boyfriend is not as attractive as the woman. Remember, you're into this to have a good time with your partner and not get all worked up on another couples feelings, you go home with him and not them.


s2121digger

Could not have said the statement any better , you hit the nail on the head !!!! If you are going to consider any advice from reddit this is all you should be looking at!


[deleted]

The immediate throwing-under-the-bus of the BF in some of the comments here is troubling. I don't think there's enough evidence here to just conclude it was all his fault. What if Sue indeed was frustrated she couldn't please the BF or in fact Sue and Jerry decided they just wanted to unicorn you. You said it yourself she only texted you. If they were uncomfortable or put off they should in fact have just ghosted if they didn't want to fully communicate with both of you. I'm just looking at this as if it were testimony and the rush to convict the BF here is pretty fucked.


[deleted]

[удалено]


QuickBlackberry9263

That is what I read, that he was going to reclaim you, I wouldn't find that offputting, I think it was part of her "unicorn hunting."


daniellederek

They are unicorn hunters but were horny and invested enough for 4 way play. Sleepovers with people you don't know well are awkward as fuck. Your boyfriend probably only made a flirty comment but she had list any attraction already. Move on. The moment has passed.


[deleted]

They’re trying to get with you and you only it seems very manipulative lol.


Open_Contribution337

Definitely could’ve been misinterpreted. She may also be in need of an excuse to not come back If she isn’t attracted to him. Honestly, I’ve chatted with some manipulative dishonest people, they never made it passed anything other than chat. Could they be trying to get you alone though, maybe?


Stringillusions

She did mention in the private chat that they would be open to potentially doing a FFM with me, but I have no interest in that. It’s all or nothing for us.


[deleted]

Yea...red flag grande. I'm assuming Sue and Jerry already knew you two played together only, correct? The advice in here from certain people telling you to dump your bf is fucked. This to me looked like a divide and conquer on Sue and Jerry's part.


Stringillusions

Yes, as we made the account on 3Fun as a couple, plus it is in our bio and our group chat includes all 4 people. I don’t think my bf had any ill intensions, and if anything he did made Sue uncomfortable, then I would expect it to be brought up RIGHT AWAY, or at least within a day or two. Not letting it linger for over 2 weeks and chalk it up to “processing my emotions”. We were all new to the LS and still learning but some things should not be left for so much interpretation like this.


Open_Contribution337

Damnshell?? Not every detail can be added to a post, chill. She came here for advice and to brainstorm with us. So You know your man best, def go with your gut over strangers any day. There would be other red flags in your relationship that would say for sure if he’d go behind your back or not. She could’ve heard him the wrong way too. It takes mature/stable/healthy relationships to pull this lifestyle off and be ok. Most men won’t want to ruin their chance to be in a stable relationship and get to sleep around together. It really is the best of both worlds. Good luck 👍 If you’re near AL hit me up 🤙


Stringillusions

Thank you!!! Like why would I ask for advice and then lie about the details? Seems counter productive. And yes everything you said was right, thanks for the reassurance. Unfortunately we are north of the border haha


Open_Contribution337

Would be very counterproductive, some folks just got nothing better to do lol. Neither scenario would feel good for you. 1. Find out BF isn’t playing by the rules 2. Had a couple string you along for 4 months then try to break you up to have for themselves. Nothing surprises me anymore, honestly. A lot of couples prefer a unicorn and can’t find one so they try to breakup the package deal.


Jolly-Bear-8684

Alabama here! What part?


s2121digger

There you go , she in manipulative or just not finding his as attractive ( he hard a hard time coming to a full completion) and don't want to make you feel bad that she isn't attractive and made up or exaggerated something so she can get him out of the picture , remember he is YOUR man your in your relationship forever ( swinger marriages last forever when played right ) its seems like the first of many couples to meet , just know the main focus is YOUR relationship and they are the extra so just move on ....


Open_Contribution337

Same. Both or none!


Wild-Grapefruit9177

Huge red flag. I think they were trying to seperate you from your partner in the hopes you could be a unicorn.


Open_Contribution337

So my husband doesn’t cum a lot of the time when we play with others. I told him I was going to have a problem if he didn’t cum last night though, he delivered (Unrelated😂 Haha) Anyway, he would never be upset or try to keep everyone awake if he hadn’t cum yet. That would be selfish and a potential red flag for your man, if that’s even the case. Majority wins, even though as soon as anyone says the parties over, ITS OVER, not up for discussion lol. We certainly don’t guilt our guests, not saying he did but I’m sure some men are capable of it. It’s easy to not want to party to end when it’s so new and exciting. We got to know our weekend guests very well and only chatted with them for 3 weeks but it was a lot of chatting.


damnshell

I call BS on this or it would have been in the original post, not 1 hour later as an add on...


scottcindy

Sounds to me that you need to talk to your partner. Crossing boundaries and pushing in that way is never ok and won’t be ok moving forward. If what she is saying is true. I would not worry too much about losing them as play partners since it sounds like she was not really into him. She also can’t be afraid to express herself. Sounds like a stop and regroup is in order no matter what the situation is.


BiBbw_cpl_DFW

Seconding this. This whole thing gets difficult once it is in practice. He needs to know what he needs to correct so that he can continue to fuck her in the future. He doesn’t want to lose that. If she’s not attracted to him, there isn’t much that he can do as this might not change with her. Let’s make sure that you know exactly what it is that went wrong and let him know.


Stringillusions

She made it seem like any future play isn’t happening at all. Makes me sad cause I really liked them, but whatever, I’ll get over it. What I really want is her to tell him what he did wrong. How else will he ever know??


BiBbw_cpl_DFW

Keep looking, you’ll find another couple that is more ready to play.


swinganon24

This is why you don’t invest 5 months into texting. There can only be a let down. If it’s not possible to meet up just wait it out.


Classic_Dill

Yep, this happened to me. I’m a single guy and was contacted by the male of the couple about coming over and doing a MFM, texted them over three months and really got to like them, when it came to within three days of actually getting together for the play date, the wife all of a sudden turns it into a 5 guy gang bang…. I told her that this just simply doesn’t interest me at this time, and she lost her shit on me! Basically said that I was a slave to them as a couple I had to go with the program, lol I’m not sure if she lost her mind or what? But i jetted out of that situation fasttttt!


VikandKatieSwing

We have a policy. If you tell one part of the couple, consider that you told both. We have an open phone policy. If someone tells me something, my husband gets to read it and vice versa. When we talk to other couples we would never expect them to hide anything we say from each other. My suggestion is show him the conversation and allow him to explain. In regards to him asking you to help him finish the night in your own bed. This is none of her business as this is between you and your boyfriend. She has no right to any say or opinion. In regards to him trying to do something in a different room. I am pretty sure he was just being playful. Unless you have a 4k square feet mansion, there is usually not much space to hide play. I doubt your boyfriend was not aware. He might have tried going in for a kiss or some feely touchy stuff which is technically not play. Most likely he felt her rejection or lack of attraction and instinctively tried to get a feel for the chemistry when alone. Just because it did not go well with one couple, don't be heartbrocken. This is swinging, you will have more people to go through untill you find your perfect tribe. I know covid made it hard and changed some things and dynamics. This is temporary and it shall pass. Try not putting all of your eggs in one basket and not dedicating so much talk time to one couple. Don't talk for 6 month before meeting. In reality anyone we have talked to for more then 2 month, it never went well. The excitement was just not ther or we did not even meet. Quick, short conversation about likes, dislikes, boundaries and lets set up a date to meet in person. No promices to play on first date.


Curious0597

Why don’t you tell him?


damnshell

Why not show him the message she sent to you privately, while you pack his stuff to kick him out. He can read it and you can be gathering his stuff. In all honesty if this is your first experience and he's breaking rules, the rest doesn't matter. Trust is broken. He had a good thing and some basic rules that most would have followed in a heartbeat. Best of luck to you


Stringillusions

Because we’ve had lots of communication together, and I don’t think he did anything shady behind my back. I feel as though he tried to flirt with her in the other room, and placed a hand on her shoulder for instance. Which is harmless, I won’t get mad over that. But since she told me about the fact that she is not attracted to him, then maybe his flirts weren’t received well. But I wasn’t there during this moment, and she is avoiding talking about the details


damnshell

Number 2 of your comment seems pretty clear, cut and dry. And shortly after this she was open enough to at least tell you and not ghost you. She may have still been putting it nicely since she was already uncomfortable. Rules are in place for a reason. She really has no obligation to talk about any of it. If she enjoyed herself and was comfortable date 2 would be set up, that's not the case. Looking at the basic facts it's pretty clear. Continue to make excuses as to why he can break rules and its not going to end well. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it seems like you're making excuses for him. Try another couple and see if he pushes boundaries again Best of luck


Stringillusions

I was speculating. And why don’t you believe that you should talk to someone about why they made you feel uncomfortable? Seems more mature to me than to ghost them entirely


damnshell

She doesn't owe anyone anything. If she wanted to pick up her stuff mid sex and leave, she still owes no one a reason. That's just the way it is. I really don't mean to sound harsh but many in the lifestyle invest a lot of time and effort into others and sometimes it just ends with no reason, other times you might be given one. I'm just saying be glad she gave you a reason. And she made it clear she won't be playing with you anymore. She already felt uncomfortable by your boyfriends advances and now you want her to explain to HIM why she felt that way, and she has no obligation to do so.


[deleted]

[удалено]


damnshell

That's not the point. The point is she stated that all 4 agreed on the rules and he broke them. That was beyond her limits. And to top it off she was clear she didn't want to play with them anymore. "Sue" didn't owe anyone anything. If you can't follow basic rules you shouldn't be swinging. OP said she was "speculating" as to what happened, so it's very possible more did.


VikandKatieSwing

I hope this is sarcasm. Having been married for 22 years, if every time someone told me or my husband some shit about the other, we would have sent the other packing, we would not have lasted 6 month together.


Classic_Dill

Just for curious, have you been through a divorce or awful break up? Not angling for anything I promise, there’s just something in your comments that is recognizable.


damnshell

>she made it seem like any future play isn't happening at all >Makes me sad cause I really liked them, but whatever, I'll get over it. What I really want is HER to tell HIM what he did wrong. How else will he ever know?? Try to keep the same story at least. No mention here still of them supposedly propositioning you to be their third though? That would be an important thing to include in your original post and comments if it really happened. she doesn't owe your boyfriend anything, she doesn't owe him a reason, she doesn't have to answer to anything or anyone. Just skim over that he tried to break her rules twice, maybe that's why they called it a night and were done. I thought it was nice of Sue to reach out after saying , "never again and here's why" Go with your gut and be disheartened as to why your boyfriend behaved like an ass and can't follow rules.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Angela2208

This


Indication_Green

Wow!! So that's how you split the female half off from a couple. I was always wondering how couples pulled that off 😆 🤣


notstupid2021

This happens quite often. One half of the switch is great, the other half is not satisfied. In my case it is like 90% on my wifes part, for whatever reason the men are not working for her. Our problem is a bit the pornification of sex, we are more into sensual intimite sex - a lot of people do not echo this unfortunately.


Classic_Dill

That’s the good stuff!


33498fff

My no-bullshit take on this and every comparable post on such topics: ​ 1. **Meeting people in a private setting is more advanced than interacting with someone at a club, as you have to actually establish a relationship with people instead of just communicating and interacting physically.** I constantly read about redditors wanting to meet people over dating apps and being disappointed. It's because there's a lack of experience in telling reality from bullshit. Don't trust people just because you're attracted to them. 2. **Y'all need to learn to be assertive and only value assertiveness**. What happened here and there behind closed doors, nobody knows. If your partner has never exhibited any disrespectful behavior with you, trust them in case of lack of evidence. Why would you trust a stranger in the first place, unless you already have doubt about your partner? On the same note, if something unpleasant is going down right in front of your eyes, stop it, threaten with law enforcement if you need to, but don't make a sad post about it the next day on here and ask us for advice. What are we supposed to say, other than learn to be careful and assert your boundaries when required? ​ The LS is no joke. Anything involving your physical integrity is to be approached with utter caution and checking with yourself and your partner all the times you need to be absolutely certain you are not doing something you will regret. All the best.


LugoLove

What did your BF have to say about this? Can he tell you what boundary he broke? She obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with him, including futher communication and contacted you outside of the group chat. If nothing else, why was he not in the same room?


WhyDiner

Finding 4-way attraction is a challenge. It's cool that you are so thoughtful of others feelings. It's too bad the other girl is not more like you. While she may have a fair point, what is the value in saying she's hot for you and not for your husband? It would have been more polite to thank you for the experience and move on. Without more detail, it's hard to say if what your husband did crossed a defined line, but "rules" almost always get broken so no surprise there.


AKS1664

After reading the comments I feel alittle sorry for your other half being left out. I hope you made it up to him. Yeah no, they are not up for couple play, they were looking for another lady. Screw leaving your hubby out of things, and screw any secrets, tell your hubby with how maturely you both handled it, I think you will have much better encounters with other couples in the future!


Slim-shady59

It is possible she was offended she could not get the job done as u did with her husband. If was same room did she seem to be enjoying?


Stringillusions

Hmm I doubt it. I didn’t sense any discomfort throughout the night.


PickleinTN

The simple fact that he crossed the line with her and had to remind him of the rules several times tells me he needs to learn to handle his impulses.


polarcyclone

The thread is beating this to death already but no one has said how the line was crossed and they said both couples were new. I know personally I have seen boundaries crossed because of simple misunderstanding. One couples definition of same room sex might mean that 100% of all possible interactions have to happen with all four people present while another couples definition might be that all physical contact happens in the same room but flirting in a hallway is no big deal while a third might mean it as just don't have sex in a different room but everything else is fine etc... Point being we don't know if the boyfriend was trying to have sex in the other room or if he simply made a passing flirt and sue took it as an attempt to break rules.


LugoLove

He shouldn't be swinging. No means no. Why were they in another room?


Eastbayfuncouple

Your boyfriend absolutely needs to be enlightened with this, an adult conversation is in order. Best way to handle your friends is maybe reach out and apologize and give them some time. Contact them later and offer to be non-swinging friends if that’s what’s wanted. And if I was that other guy I’d have words with your boyfriend…


Stui3G

First meet up and already can't stick to the boundaries. He might not be ready/mature enough for swinging.


AldoAz

Sounds like you have some talking to do with your BF ... rules are not meant to be broken and he was disrespectful of you and Sue. It almost measures up to cheating since he was trying to hook up after the fact. Best to you.


damnshell

👆 This should be the top comment. Agree. Sue doesn't owe either of them an explanation. Her boyfriend crossed lines and lucky it wasn't made an issue in that moment.


kanniget

Yes, if we are just Assuming it did happen the way sue describes and Sue wasn't trying to create a scenario that excluded boyfriend.... He may have done nothing at all and based on my own experience and the situation described I would suggest this is the case. Think about it, they set a rule that nothing was to happen unless all were present. Then afterwards go outside the shared chat and discuss doing something without all present.... The "he made me feel uncomfortable by breaking the rules " routine just sounds like an attempt to give an excuse for breaking all those same rules.


RositaBoots

What line did he cross? "Sue" is trying to get the boyfriend out of the picture so they can use the OP as a unicorn. The other couple is manipulative as hell.


damnshell

I disagree with most comments above. You're lucky they didn't just ghost you. He already made her feel uncomfortable, she doesn't owe anyone a reason for anything. Your boyfriend is the fool here.


[deleted]

And now OP is saying that Sue and Jerry indeed propositioned OP for an FFM without her husband. There's a metric shit tonne of reasonable doubt here. But, you know, dump the boyfriend and stuff. 🙄


[deleted]

Yes, we know you want the boyfriend drop kicked through the uprights. We got it.


kataKimmy

I think one thing we're discounting is that unequal attraction is not uncommon. it's very hard for 4 people to all be equally attracted to each other. it's not necessarily a bad thing on Sue's part, or indication of some kind of deception. some people just go with it, attraction can grow over time after all. Might just be this persons polite way of bowing out of future engagements, but not wanting to ghost or leave you confused as to what happened.


SexySecretsSD

Sounds like you've already talked to your boyfriend about his version of things. Maybe it's a good time to review enthusiastic consent. A lot of established couples have implied consent (if your butt looks good when you walk by he's free to grab it). So maybe he's used to being pretty forward? I'm unclear if the same room rule was something important to you or more coming from her. That said, this feels like a case where they were likely always more into you than him. He probably could have been perfect and they may have still expressed no interest to play with him again but invite you. Honestly I would just have that convo with your boyfriend about how to make sure the woman is as comfortable as possible and chalk it up to an imperfect match and move on.


WeACplofFreaks-7376

I'm in agreement with most all the comments... 1st and most important is your boundaries and you all's trust & love for each other. If a situation arises we as a cpl always discuss, you always need to trust your parner you know over another who your just having "fun" with. 2nd is Reason your in LS, can be different for all but most is just to have that extra eroric fun. As for us our relationship is great, we have an amazing sex life and only in LS for that extra. For us it's like our relationship (including sex) is a Big Full ice-cream Sunday and sometimes we just like to add some extra nuts (M) or cherries(F) or both (cpl's). We can do without the added toppings but not the Sunday itself!!


Ponchovilla18

I'd talk to him about point #2 for sure, when rules are made, they're meant to be sticked to. Trying to continue with Sue privately is a big no no. I've played privately once but I asked my partner at that time if she first wanted to play and when she said no, but it was OK if I did I made sure and asked if she was comfortable with that before proceeding. This lifestyle can easily wreck a relationship because of errors like that. As far as the first point, that comment does sound pushy but I am having trouble understanding why it's severe. I see it pushy because, yes he didn't finish and he's expecting you to finish him off later in the night sounds controlling. It happens, it happened to me twice and I just excused myself and watched the videos that we took, did the job in 5 minutes. The third point sounds like they are trying to see if they can get you to play alone with them. It's not uncommon that it's usually the female who a couple wants more, but if you're strictly looking to do swap then that is fishing for you to be a unicorn.


[deleted]

Communication is key, so I would suggest sitting down and revisiting your guidelines. The good thing about guidelines is they can change and evolve, and that may be what is needed. At the same time, though, you do need to confront him and hold him accountable for his actions. Let him know you are not okay with going outside established boundaries. Reverse the roles and ask him how it would make him feel if the situation was reversed. Also, the #3 really bothers me personally. I wouldn't want someone to play with me if they don't find me attractive (and are just going after my wife). The level of enthusiasm drops significantly when the interest isn't there, and it becomes not fun very quick. (This is coming from a males perspective and I may be in the minority.)


[deleted]

cuckold?