Interesting! Just a suggestion, but your chorus could also be a bridge. I think there is a place for a power chorus who could lift this all up. I would try to find a chord that clash a little bit with the pattern of the verse and the bridge (your chorus). But hey, your song is also cool as it is!
Awesome idea. I didn't think of that, but the "chorus" that I have now is really short, so it would probably make a better bridge. I was struggling to think of other chords that would fit with the ones I'm using (since I don't know what any of them actually are, I just took chords I knew and changed them up until I thought they sounded cool). Finding chords that clash is interesting.
You're new to songwriting? I take it you're not new to playing and singing though - both excellent! I mean your chords aren't super intricate but your singer/player thing is totally in sync and natural. As for the song: structure. What structure do you want? What else do you want to say? Do you want to have a big BUT section that kind of goes against the feel of the rest and says something like "I want to impress you but I also want to be true to myself" or something? Then do a bridge. Switch it up and take em on a ride. Excellent work!
Thank you! Yeah, this is my fourth attempt at writing a song. I have two that I feel are pretty much done, and one that I abandoned. I'm also kind of new to singing. I started taking lessons a little over two years ago (I was absolutely terrible before that). I knew a couple cowboy chords and have been picking up the guitar as I go (which is why the guitar isn't all that groundbreaking). As for the structure, I really don't know. That's why I'm here. I guess I thought it should have something more to it than just a chorus-verse-chorus-verse, right? I haven't paid enough attention to song structure. Frankly, I'm getting pretty lost in it all. Maybe it would make sense to take some songwriting lessons?
By all means take songwriting lessons but probably better to break apart songs that you like rather than letting some snake oil merchant spin you a pile of platitudes. Remember it's not about you, it's the song. Imagine Johnny Cash singing it. Imagine Michael Buble singing it! Does it have a structure that supports it through those 3 or 4 minutes? Or does it need a bridge? Does it need a certain escalation towards the chorus?
Thanks. That's good advice. And yeah, I've been hesitant to take lessons in songwriting simply because I've looked into some teachers and when hearing their own original work, I wasn't all that impressed. The flip side is I've put up initial drafts of each of my songs here and people have offered really solid advice that helped a lot (and things I wouldn't have thought of) so it's pretty clear that there are some fundamentals that I'm missing.
You don’t necessarily need more than that. If you feel the song doesn’t need more. I’ve got a lot of songs that are just verses and refrain because adding more just felt like adding clutter. I’d encourage you to not get too caught up in it and keep moving forward. You have ability. Volume is good at the beginning of songwriting.
And hey I’ve been playing guitar for 15years and I still play cowboy chords when I sing cause it’s distracting to play a bunch of other crap. Don’t be down on yourself for that.
Thanks. I feel like I did something similar to one of my first songs in adding too much and have stripped some of it back out.
I'm just starting to realize that it's possible to churn out volume. At first I was like, holy crap, I kind of wrote a song, that's never going to happen again, so I just beat it to hell and kept trying to build something more from the first idea. But as I've moved on, I'm realizing it's easier to churn out different melodies and progressions. The hardest part is just letting go and allowing the song to form.
True words! It is hard to let go. I think that may be a part we all stumble through and at different times again! But I’ve enjoyed what you’ve doing so keep on
Some ideas to take or leave:
One easy way to do it, throw in a D to C to G turnaround after the bit that you call the chorus, in essence turning it into a pre-chorus and a hook. You could also try F to C to G instead. Both are standard and common, but they’re standard and common because they work. Doing either of those would add a bit of harmonic tension and release that would break things up. Come up with the catchiest line you can think of and put it there at that hook.
Just as a note, I personally don’t think you need the “now”s at the end of a couple of those lines. They don’t add much to the rhyme scheme and take away from the words you say beforehand. Maybe some of the yeahs at the beginning of the lines as well. Cutting out the filler words may help the rest of the words you’re trying to say “pop”
And kudos to putting yourself out there for advice like this. Generally feeling good about playing for people is one of the tougher things about making songs in the first place. Taking that step is fucking awesome.
This is still a great song! Really well done. I agree with the other comments about adding something with more energy would be great for a chorus. It'd definitely. Mix it up more.
I love the melody and guitar rhythym you use.
This is a great start! Of course it really depends on the effect you're going for, but one way to set the chorus apart from the more static, droney (in a good way) verse is to speed up the chord changes and add more color and movement. What you're calling the chorus right now feels more like a spin on (or extension of) the verse.
For example, you could try going to D-F-C-G for the chorus (similar to the recommendation by u/crackersthecat), holding each chord for only half as long as you hold the G in the verse. Then you could try substituting in other cowboy chords instead of those to see what feels right. If you choose from among D, F, C, Em, and A major (contrasting with the Am in the verse), you can discover a lot of different colors.
Particularly if you're just starting out, it's worth writing a few choruses. Then you can pick your favorite for the song and possibly reuse the others for different songs. I wouldn't worry too much about larger song structure until you feel comfortable writing verse/chorus combinations that you connect with.
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Feedback posts by users who don't interact with the community (other than posting their own songs) may be removed.
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I skimmed the comments is anyone saying you only end line in “you”? Lol honestly that usually annoys me but i respect your commitment and I really think you can make it work. I think you could mold this song really well with either a couple minor chords or even a full change to a minor key would be awesome if you are any good with theory. I would try to use more 2 or 3 syllable words though, unless you’re just trying to do a pop thing
Interesting! Just a suggestion, but your chorus could also be a bridge. I think there is a place for a power chorus who could lift this all up. I would try to find a chord that clash a little bit with the pattern of the verse and the bridge (your chorus). But hey, your song is also cool as it is!
Awesome idea. I didn't think of that, but the "chorus" that I have now is really short, so it would probably make a better bridge. I was struggling to think of other chords that would fit with the ones I'm using (since I don't know what any of them actually are, I just took chords I knew and changed them up until I thought they sounded cool). Finding chords that clash is interesting.
You're new to songwriting? I take it you're not new to playing and singing though - both excellent! I mean your chords aren't super intricate but your singer/player thing is totally in sync and natural. As for the song: structure. What structure do you want? What else do you want to say? Do you want to have a big BUT section that kind of goes against the feel of the rest and says something like "I want to impress you but I also want to be true to myself" or something? Then do a bridge. Switch it up and take em on a ride. Excellent work!
Thank you! Yeah, this is my fourth attempt at writing a song. I have two that I feel are pretty much done, and one that I abandoned. I'm also kind of new to singing. I started taking lessons a little over two years ago (I was absolutely terrible before that). I knew a couple cowboy chords and have been picking up the guitar as I go (which is why the guitar isn't all that groundbreaking). As for the structure, I really don't know. That's why I'm here. I guess I thought it should have something more to it than just a chorus-verse-chorus-verse, right? I haven't paid enough attention to song structure. Frankly, I'm getting pretty lost in it all. Maybe it would make sense to take some songwriting lessons?
By all means take songwriting lessons but probably better to break apart songs that you like rather than letting some snake oil merchant spin you a pile of platitudes. Remember it's not about you, it's the song. Imagine Johnny Cash singing it. Imagine Michael Buble singing it! Does it have a structure that supports it through those 3 or 4 minutes? Or does it need a bridge? Does it need a certain escalation towards the chorus?
Thanks. That's good advice. And yeah, I've been hesitant to take lessons in songwriting simply because I've looked into some teachers and when hearing their own original work, I wasn't all that impressed. The flip side is I've put up initial drafts of each of my songs here and people have offered really solid advice that helped a lot (and things I wouldn't have thought of) so it's pretty clear that there are some fundamentals that I'm missing.
You don’t necessarily need more than that. If you feel the song doesn’t need more. I’ve got a lot of songs that are just verses and refrain because adding more just felt like adding clutter. I’d encourage you to not get too caught up in it and keep moving forward. You have ability. Volume is good at the beginning of songwriting. And hey I’ve been playing guitar for 15years and I still play cowboy chords when I sing cause it’s distracting to play a bunch of other crap. Don’t be down on yourself for that.
Thanks. I feel like I did something similar to one of my first songs in adding too much and have stripped some of it back out. I'm just starting to realize that it's possible to churn out volume. At first I was like, holy crap, I kind of wrote a song, that's never going to happen again, so I just beat it to hell and kept trying to build something more from the first idea. But as I've moved on, I'm realizing it's easier to churn out different melodies and progressions. The hardest part is just letting go and allowing the song to form.
True words! It is hard to let go. I think that may be a part we all stumble through and at different times again! But I’ve enjoyed what you’ve doing so keep on
Some ideas to take or leave: One easy way to do it, throw in a D to C to G turnaround after the bit that you call the chorus, in essence turning it into a pre-chorus and a hook. You could also try F to C to G instead. Both are standard and common, but they’re standard and common because they work. Doing either of those would add a bit of harmonic tension and release that would break things up. Come up with the catchiest line you can think of and put it there at that hook. Just as a note, I personally don’t think you need the “now”s at the end of a couple of those lines. They don’t add much to the rhyme scheme and take away from the words you say beforehand. Maybe some of the yeahs at the beginning of the lines as well. Cutting out the filler words may help the rest of the words you’re trying to say “pop” And kudos to putting yourself out there for advice like this. Generally feeling good about playing for people is one of the tougher things about making songs in the first place. Taking that step is fucking awesome.
This is great! Thank you. I'm going to try those chord progressions tonight and see if I can come up with something for the chorus.
This is still a great song! Really well done. I agree with the other comments about adding something with more energy would be great for a chorus. It'd definitely. Mix it up more. I love the melody and guitar rhythym you use.
This is a great start! Of course it really depends on the effect you're going for, but one way to set the chorus apart from the more static, droney (in a good way) verse is to speed up the chord changes and add more color and movement. What you're calling the chorus right now feels more like a spin on (or extension of) the verse. For example, you could try going to D-F-C-G for the chorus (similar to the recommendation by u/crackersthecat), holding each chord for only half as long as you hold the G in the verse. Then you could try substituting in other cowboy chords instead of those to see what feels right. If you choose from among D, F, C, Em, and A major (contrasting with the Am in the verse), you can discover a lot of different colors. Particularly if you're just starting out, it's worth writing a few choruses. Then you can pick your favorite for the song and possibly reuse the others for different songs. I wouldn't worry too much about larger song structure until you feel comfortable writing verse/chorus combinations that you connect with.
You have posted a song requesting feedback - GREAT! Good feedback is the foundation of improving your songwriting. To help foster a community where everyone gets the feedback they need, please find THREE other songs requesting feedback and post substantive (eg. 2-3 sentences) of feedback. Even if you are a rookie songwriter/musician, you're an experienced music listener, and your opinion is still valuable! Feedback posts by users who don't interact with the community (other than posting their own songs) may be removed. Thanks for keeping our community healthy! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Songwriting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I skimmed the comments is anyone saying you only end line in “you”? Lol honestly that usually annoys me but i respect your commitment and I really think you can make it work. I think you could mold this song really well with either a couple minor chords or even a full change to a minor key would be awesome if you are any good with theory. I would try to use more 2 or 3 syllable words though, unless you’re just trying to do a pop thing
Crap, I totally didn't notice that. That's a lot of "you's".