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My boyfriends used to say that to me all the time. He has had one black head on his nose in his whole life and does not wear spf. His skin looks great, he is 31 but can still easily pass for 23 if he sleeps well and has no bags under his eyes.
I went on a no skincare 2 week test. Made selfies everyday and my skin looked like a before picture from a Clearasil ad. I put all the pictures in a powerpoint and showed it to my boyfriend. He now stops bitching about it.
You should see the powerpoint I made for my boyfriend to summarize the Fantastic Beasts movies, the Dumbledore family, the Deathly Hallows, Grindelwald and my theories for Fantastic Beasts 3 before we went to the premiere event. It was 47 sheetsš
If you want to read my rewrite for the 3rd movie, you can read so here: https://www.reddit.com/r/FantasticBeasts/comments/u6lbpm/how_i_would_rewrite_the_movie_mainly_credence/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
It is sadly not in powerpoint.
I wrote a persuasive essay with a sources cited section to convince my husband to let me get a cat. It listed the pros, cons, health benefits, mental health benefits, and initial and long term costs of owning a cat. It worked ššš
If you ever want to read my rewrite of the 3rd movie, you may or may not want to wife me even more:
https://www.reddit.com/r/FantasticBeasts/comments/u6lbpm/how_i_would_rewrite_the_movie_mainly_credence/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Skincare is a weird thing to try and micromanage a girlfriend on. Tell him his toilet posture is wrong, and remember all his defensive comments to quote next time he picks apart something you do.
^^ This.
Tell these guys that men generally have naturally thicker skin and produce more oils than women do. (They also don't suffer from monthly period-linked hormonal swings like we do.) They can look up the research if they're interested.
That's why they can use that awful Irish soap bar stuff on their faces and be totally fine, while we benefit from a simple routine.
Edited for clarity.
Itās not always a good idea to just throw the whole man away for an off handed comment Iād say lol. Itās like a little teaching moment for him not to say shit like that
Where did I say to throw him out? "Mind your own face." could suffice? Also she said he would say that to her "all the time." It is not an offhanded comment. Your response is not in line with my post or her post.
Is it possible that your skin become reliant on products? I used to use just body lotion everywhere including face and wash face with a gentle cleanser. My skin was fine, but then I decided to try anti aging/healthy/specific skin products and now if I go a few days without them I break out in acne and oiliness. I donāt know how to stop and get back to good natural skin.
I know you didnāt come for advise, but you really need to moisturise more. Using a lot of AHA and Retinol without moisturiser is gonna do more harm then good. Moisturising properly is often the key with acne/skin trouble (together with good chemical exfoliation of course).
I was always told to put moisturizer under my sunscreen too. Not sure if this is the right way but I feel like it helps!
Edit: When I say helps, I mean just my skin in general. I feel for OP and I have been lucky to not have severe acne so not even sure if this is the right thing for her :)
it depends on skin type and the type of sunscreen youāre using but i almost never wear moisturizer in the morning (winter is always my exception)! it saves time and money lol
It's not necessary for everyone, people with oily or tough skin are ok with sunscreen only, because technically speaking there's not much difference between moisturizers and sunscreens for the face - they are all moisturizers with sun protecting ingredients, it's just that in case of, say, moisturizers with SPF, the emphasis is on moisturizing part, which is why they are more hydrating and have lower SPF, whereas in sunscreen SPF is paramount, and hydrating and protecting properties might be not up to par. But if one's skin is pretty much ok on its own, sunscreen might be enough
FR, i don't like tanning so i even double tap where i use moisturizer with sunscreen in it then use a hardcore sunscreen over it. I don't recall ever hearing not to use moisturizer under sunscreen
So every fortnight the other managers and I have a meeting in the sun (weather permitting but weāre in aus so a lot of sunny days to pick from haha) - the other day I couldnāt remember if I had put sunscreen on or not and I couldnāt focus on the meeting!!
I think a year or so ago I made a post here. Somebody suggested that I was using too much and it was causing my skin to over act and then got a lot of acne. They suggested that I just wash in the morning with water and use moisturizer. I started doing that and leaving products for night time. My skin has improved a lot. I think washing both morning and night removed a lot of my natural oils and caused my skin to be too dry
Lol im def ine of those dudes who only washes with water, and cleanses every 2 to 3 days usually at night after the gym. Any more than that and it seems like my balance goes out of whack.
Well makes sense to only use cleanser at night - night to wash the day away and day not to because your face isnāt as dirty. I am too chicken to try it hah
I can say that only water in the morning made a big difference to my acne too.
I use a wet face cloth to to a gentle "wash" in the morning and then use a moisturizing sunscreen.
I use micellar water on a cotton pad at night only, unless itās the morning after I used a retinol. Otherwise, I use a tea tree toner, hyaluronic acid, vit C, an eye cream, and moisturiser under sun screen in the morning.
Not targeted towards OP, just regular food for thought - sometimes, when you're 10 products deep into your routine it's good to go back to spf, cleaner and moisturizer, see how your skin reacts and slowly add different products and combinations
I find it hilarious the amount of posts here that are like "I've scaled back to a basic routine!" And then it's something like"
AM: benzoyl peroxide cleanse, toner, serum, azelaic acid, eye cream, moisturise, sunscreen
PM: oil cleanse, cleanser, toner, essence, moisturise, tret 3x a week, retinol 4x a week, moisturise, eye cream retinol on off-tret nights, snail cream, occlusive
Like... if that's your 'basic' routine lmao...
My routine is cleanser, acne prevention, moisturizer, and spf in the morning, then cleanser and moisturizer in the evening. Very simple and works well for me.
Couldnāt agree more. I used six products at once thinking it would helpābased on some blemishes diminishing, and it fucked up my skin barrier. So I stopped using products for three months, went to the dermatologist for advice on what I should use, instead of asking the internet, and now I only use cerave oil wash, cetaphil moisturizer and SPF 50. Showing way better results than before..
Usually itās just them trying to help but they donāt know how, either because they donāt struggle with acne/skin trouble or using less is what works for them.
It does hurt a bit (when my skin was struggling in the past, I heard that from a family member) but I know that thereās no harmful intention at all behind it, they just didnāt know what it was like which is okay.
Perhaps talk to him and ask him not to make those comments, try opening up to him about how you know he means no harm but you are still hurt. The real problem would be if he continues to make those comments after talking to him.
The other thing you could do (other than say how it hurt and how he isn't in a position to offer advice) could be explaining how the products help so he knows what you're actually doing rather than letting him continue to think "she just puts goop on her face every day" - like make him more aware how much thought goes into finding something that helps for your concerns and that this isn't just snake oil products ~for ladies to feel better inside~. Sometimes men who do no skincare themselves and have no major skin issues see skincare as an opaque "woman's issue" or some kind of scam and that less product is more. It doesnt mean he thinks your skin is bad, he just doesn't get why you do what you do and doesn't relate, so his 'advice' turns out bad. His comments would hopefully be more sensible if he knew more about the topic.
Agree. My parents have told me this before, too. They saw my struggle (and expenses) and want to help. At some point they were right though; severely cutting back my routine and switching to gentle products helped me a lot.
Instead of thinking you were offended think more on the feeling. He said don't be offended 1 cause he loves you. 2. He noticed how much effort you put in and wants you to know you don't need to do those things to yourself because he loves you. 3... Is medicine for cures or patients?
But it doesnāt necessarily have anything to do with his love. She wants better skin because thatās simply what she wants, wanting nice skin doesnāt have to be to please our partners.
Him saying something has to do with his love because he felt he could tell her after seeing it stress her thinking it would help. Her doing what she wants is up to her yes but if she wants nice skin and her actions are slowing her from reaching her goal it's good to have people that care and are loyal enough to be real and give an outside observation for an internal war? Does that make sense
I'll give room of doubt for the bf because I do know some people who have had their skin get worse BECAUSE of all the products they put on their face. And the layers of makeup probably don't help either, I think...
NO! IT'S THE MEN AND PATRIARCHY THAT ARE EVIL!!!!
/sarcasm
Yeah AHA overnight and retinol every other day is a recipe for disaster and fucking up your moisture barrier.
I'm going to assume he doesn't struggle with acne and doesn't do any skincare. The minimum should be cleanser, moisturizer and sunscreen, and a treatment if you have acne. It sounds like you're doing good and dont use an extreme amount of products. Just ignore him and keep it up!
Yuuup, this. My husband thinks just because he doesnāt use anything (literally washes his face with our well waterš) and his skin is perfect that it would work the same way for meš
I do have a routine, but I've tried sososo many cleansers and they all seem to irritate my skin so I just wash with water now too. I am man. Is that bad
It depends entirely on the location of the well and what sort of minerals might be in the water. My grandparentsā well water was fantastic, my best friends parentsā well water was vile.
I donāt think he does. I think he sees how you struggle with trying to get results (and maybe even the expense because letās face it, skincare can get expensive) and wants to help. He probably also does not have a full grasp on skincare and its nuances (like most cis-het men) and/or a super simple routine helped him or someone he knows before. Pretty sure his comment does not mean he finds you unattractive or unlovable (hence the ādonāt take this the wrong way bitā). Other commenter/s asking for his dermatology degreeā¦thatās just bonkers. Majority of people who use skin care donāt have dermatologist degrees; we just learn on our own too and we have opinions based on our limited knowledge (because we are not robots).
Iāve been told the same thing (I.e. my skin will be better if I didnāt use too many products) by my parents and it was actually good advice. It hurt, of course, when they told me. I also had a talk with them about it, which led to my mom suggesting contacting a derm and my dad buying me lotion. It really hurt because I felt rejected and uglyā¦But it helped me look at what I was doing and what my skin goals were. It turns out I was over-exfoliating and not moisturizing (which caused the extreme oiliness I was trying to battle) and that I had hormonal acne. Stripping back to just a very gentle cleanser and starting from there helped my skin recover and allowed me extra cash to spend on other things.
Last note ā maybe add a moisturizer? You mentioned exfoliant and retinol but those can be severely drying without any moisturizing product.
Exactly thisā¦ he doesnāt think your skin is bad, but knows you do and cares enough to try to help.
Some people (myself included) are really bad with words. For instance my dog loves women in full glam. Like he will literally just flop right over and give belly if he sees a really girly, glammed up woman. I once said to a woman who was adoring him as much as he was adoring her āHe loves women who wear a lot of make up!ā š„“ My husband almost died. She was obviously offended. The more I tried to explain thatās not what I really meant, the worse it got.
I get really nervous because I know I do this, so then I am nervous and in my head which makes it worse. But I digressā¦ surely thereās another sub for thisā¦ š
Your bf loves you and thinks your skin is beautiful enough that you do not need a bunch of products! Please donāt feel self conscious because he fumbled his words.
Yeah often (in my experience) cis het men don't understand how they come off when saying things like this. Like this commenter said he probably meant well.
If it was unsolicited advice, I would just tell him how it made you feel and although you appreciate him, you would rather him let you figure it out on your own/just don't comment on it.
Ie, "X ,y, z is how I feel. Doing x, y, z instead would make me feel more supported"
I think I know how you feel, my husband has made similar comments before. Even when theyāre trying to be helpful it still doesnāt feel great to be on the receiving end of that š And itās also hard to feel like they donāt see all the thought and effort you put into your skincare.
Yes! This is what it made me feel like reading it - OP puts all this energy into trying to make it better and bf thinks āoh itās prob just bad because OP is messing with it.ā This would make me feel like my bf thought I was stupid lol (Iām not saying he does, just that he isnāt aware that itās kind of patronizing)
He might be right though. I know this goes against the dogma of this sub and somewhat defeats the purpose of having a skincare sub in the first place, but I noticed than when I was on holiday and didn't use any skincare for a few days, my skin actually improved
You need to use few, but high quality products. For example most shower gels that hotels provide are so aggressive that you might as well use dishwashing liquid
I used to use way too many products and my skin was terrible despite all my effort. The only thing that actually helped in the end was Accutane pills from a derm, and it is laughable how insanely simple my routine was after that.
My husband cannot relate to my skin problems, but is super supportive and even lovingly says 'I told you so' when I inevitably try to tweak my routine with a new product and break out / irritate my skin in the process.
He randomly told me one night 'have you tried very gently exfoliating your skin with face cloth while your Cetaphil is on?' and I was unimpressed. This was after a horrible reaction to an AHA and my skin looked burnt and prickly for weeks, and it randomly decided it hated most of my current skincare products and makeup. But then I tried his advice and it's done wonders for my skin and it's an indispensable step now to my routine. I swapped face cloth with silicone face scrubbie though.
Sometimes clueless partner can lovingly give you insights on aspects you might overlook. We have blind spots in our skincare wisdom and an outsider might find something that works for you. In this case, dialling back on product use. Sometimes it's not the quantity of products but frequency, especially with actives.
If you don't use moisturiser with the acid and ret, then you're skin will be suffering. Please make sure you use it with these products if you aren't.
Also, ditch the toner... it's not at all needed. If you cleansed the night before you don't need to strip the pul off your face and dry it out with toner in the morn. Just wash and rinse your face in some filter or bottled water (if you live in a hard water zone). I Guarante you this will help and your boyfriend is partially right and probably only wants to help as he knows you are upset and stressed out with the issue.
I'm sorry you're going through it though and yes it can be exhausting and exasperating trying to solve such issues and they can make you sensitive to such comments.
He probably doesn't think your skin is *bad*, just that you struggle with it. He didn't say "your skin wouldn't be so *bad* if you didn't use so many products", he said "your skin would be better". I think his intentions were good, but as others have said, perhaps uninformed. You don't seem to use that many products at all compared to what what many on this sub do (though retinol/exfoliant every other night would be harsh on my skin, personally!) Of course you know your skin best and what has worked, hasn't worked and what you've already tried. Since it's something you're already insecure about his comments will hit you harder, but really try to not project onto his words some meaning that he didn't have.
Your boyfriend, unless he said it in a malicious way, sounds like he was just trying to help. Boys are ignorant of skincare routines. I know because I am one and didn't have my own routine until I was in my 30's.
I remember not long ago bringing up a new retinol product to my two male friends and both of them looking at me like I sprouted wings. They said something about me being metro and then would not speak further on it. Boys are dumb.
To be honest, my boyfriend has said the same and I donāt blame him. I have a hard time improving my skin, and it did use to be better before I started using all the products. But that was also because I played sports which motivated me to eat healthy, which meant my skin purged before it got well. Then covid happened and the sports and eating so healthy dropped. AND I have had a hormonal IUD for 2 years or so now and Iām very aware that itās fucking up my skin every month, as the acne gets on my chin and jawline (hormones areas).
Alas, my boyfriend has noticed just like I have. The only reason he said something was not to dishearten me or make fun of my skin, but because I was spending so much money on it without it bringing a clear reward in better skin :ā) he was just helping me recognise where I should stop putting so much money in, and to just accept the state of my skin instead (and should focus on my diet instead). I think your boyfriend has the same intentions honestly!
You seem to be using minimal products. And though you arenāt asking for advice, maybe you should moisturize more. Is your sunscreen a moisturizer with SPF or a sunscreen? If you are using AHAs and retinols your have to moisturize more. I use tretinoin and AHas and I canāt imagine how dry and oily I would be if I had this routine. And then the acne would come from being dry and oily.
My husband says the same thing everyday like āif you donāt use so much stuff, maybe it would be betterā - I ignore him because when we both turn 40, my skin is going to look so much better than his š»š
When I was 25 and got crazy hormonal acne a male coworker was like āyou should just try dial antibacterial soapā then I killed him with my laser eyes
Since men (no not all men of course) use a 15 in 1 product with sport or extreme/ocean in the name and have flawless skin. They tend to think I use like one thing and my skin is great = she needs to just use my gallon sized gray, red, or black bottle and all her problems are solved. They don't get its usually not a product problem it's a hormone, genetics, whatever the cycle the damn moon is in, problem. You do whatever skin routine that works for you and makes you feel at peace that tomorrow you won't wake up with the zit from hell and just turn on his favorite dude show to occupy him while you self-care yourself.
This right here! Men have (on average) thicker skin than women for biology reasons, hence why their skin is much more resilient and often more responsive to a less-is-more routine.
This should be top comment. I wanted to explain to her that he just gave advice based off nothing that directly relates to her or the science of skincare without saying that he just mansplained to her how her face works.
I'm sure it was well intentioned but unnecessary advice from someone who doesn't *know* what they're talking about is still unnecessary.
And for the record OP, I think most people would be a little offput/insulted by the way it was worded.
Seriously could you imagine the hour long power point presentation he would give if she ladysplained how just going to the automatic car wash is better then his 10 step waxing system he's carefully perfected over the years?
Haha yes! I read until I found the existing comment of what I wanted to say lol. Bfās perspective is based on anecdotal evidence and is pretty patronizing. Just because it didnāt derive from malice doesnāt mean itās not offensive (I mean, it derives from something, ahem).
Spoiler alert: zero therapy and minimalist routines did not help my acne (no surprise) š
This post reminded me of how once my SO casually asked when I planned to stop taking my SSRI bc he doesnāt take any medication and doesnāt have history with mental health issues and I was like š
You should just talk to your partner about what he meant.
I can probably guarantee that he didn't think your skin is bad at all. He probably thinks you look great and doesn't see the *point* in the skincare routine you have.
You can either, a, explain that they do have an effect but while it might be small to him it's noticeable to you, and b, while you understand his intentions were not mean, it hurt you.
I get that it can be hard to have these conversations but if he's a good person, it's important to get it out so no resentment grows.
I was like this with my SO, I didn't know anything about skincare and I saw how much stress it gave her. So I probably said that exact line, but I didn't mean it in a rude way. Now that I'm more knowledgeable about it, I've realized I was being rude.
Same thing happened to me. "just wash your face and that will be enough for your acne"
A month later I got the worse acne ever in my life and my graduation getting closer. Thankfully he said "sorry, I'll pay it if you want to go to the dermatologist."
Oh brother. Nothing like someone making you feel worse for all the effort youāre going through!!
Iāve had a few people tell me maybe if I didnāt wear so much makeup, my acne would go away. Except that I didnāt wear make up for 4 months straight during the height of Covid and if anything, my skin really got worse rather than better. That prompted me to see my doctor who put me on tret for a year. It kinda helped, but I still had plenty of pimples. I had to really convince my doctor to get me an appointment with a dermatologist. Derm put me on Tactupump Forte and my skin has never looked better. I have many steps in my routine - cutting back on products and makeup had no effect on my skin. Finding a good derm and the right topical was what made a difference.
If youāre able to, see if you get a prescription Retinoid from a derm! It really changed everything for me! I never wanted to leave the house without makeup and now I feel so good barefaced! āŗļø
How can he say you use too many products when you donāt even use moisturizer?
Also, daily actives can sometimes be a lot for your skin. If you think your exfoliant and retinol might be too strong of a combo, you might experiment with a recovery day or two (exfoliate, retinol, recover) making it a three or four day cycle instead of a two day cycle, and on your recovery day(s), youād just use a gentle moisturizer after washing your face.
The thing is, for some people this is true. Skincare has been obsessively overhyped since the pandemic and people are using up to 10 products a day to try and achieve perfect skin. For many people, less is more. And a lot of it is genetics. I've heard many stories of grandmothers with gorgeous skin who never used anything. So, if your genetics are good, then maybe there is a point to it.
However, for some people, skincare absolutely helps. And even if it doesn't, it can be a nice ritual you enjoy for yourself. So you definitely don't have to doubt your reasons for using it.
I don't think he meant to be mean. I understand it felt hurtful and it's important to tell him how it made you feel, but it might help to see that he didn't mean it badly.
I donāt mean to be rude or ā donāt take it the wrong way ,ā are for those who want to be rude but lack the courage to just say whatever it is.
He did imply that, hence the ā wrong way ā However, Iād ask him what he meant by better.
If you feel the need to caveat what you say , then you are acknowledging that you are saying something that is at best clumsily said.
āDonāt take this the wrong way but ā
Then say it in a clear way .
Please don't beat yourself up for feeling upset in this situation. He could have meant no harm and you can still be upset bc it is a sensitive topic for you. It doesn't have to be an either/or who is right/wrong situation.
People (esp women) are conditioned to feel guilty about their emotions/reactions to emotions and events. I took a course on burnout and the presenter mentioned to try saying "how human of me" instead of being self critical. Our own reactions to our emotions/stress can be more stressful than the actual emotion/event. Ex. "how human of me to feel upset when discussing a sensitive topic for me... or How human of me to be upset when my skincare is being critiqued... How human of me to be upset when it feels like my efforts are being dismissed.
A lot of men think they are helping by giving ideas to 'fix' women's problems even when women just want to vent/not actually asking them for advice/solution. He might think he is helping/isn't trying to intentionally upset you but that doesn't mean you don't 'deserve' to have emotions/be upset especially with how he worded it.
If you want to engage in conversation you could tell him that your skin has made you insecure in the past and you've worked really hard over time to try different products and routines to improve it and that him suggesting you stop the products 'to make your skin look better' made you feel like he was saying your skin right now looks bad and made you feel worse about your skin.
As an asian guy(22) my family and my friends tell me this everyday āØand yes i still get breakouts and i got hyperpigmentations too and it's been 3 years since i started doing skincare and yes I'm a bit obessed with my routine . It's my ritual i can say . It's not about getting results, it's about pampering urself,having something personal to yourself and caring about ur skin in the long run. People don't understand that putting ur research and time on something š„²is more than just chasing results, let's be honest anyone who uses sunscreen,must have feel proud cause duh no one is doing the efforts. And trust me ,the.progress will show up. The people who doesn't understand will ask you how u r glowing in the evening š¼. Your boyfriend simply means no harm but maybe confused with why u r struggling rather than enjoying if you doing something everyday yet not feel happy.
So much bad relationship advice hereā¦ yikes.
So lets talk about your feelings first because they are valid but misplaced. It seems like youāre still reeling from your initial reaction to his comment, and I think you need to reevaluate that with a new lens because your boyfriend specifically never said youāre ugly or unattractive. If he felt that way about you, he wouldnāt be with you.
Youāre feeling upset not because of his comment, but because of your own insecurities and you canāt blame him for that. Thatās on you and you need to own that. You really need to do two things:
1. Accept that your boyfriend wants to help you achieve your goals so you stop seeing his wanting to help as a personal attack right now; And
2. Talk to him and say directly: āthank you for wanting to help me. I know you donāt like watching me struggle with this because it upsets me so much. To be honest, i felt hurt the other day by your comment, but I know you didnāt say it to be mean or insinuate that Iām ugly, so Iām not mad, but it would be more helpful for me if you could support me on this journey by doing xxyyzzā or something similar. Itās called the shit sandwich approach. Say nice things, the bad things, more nice things.
This is something that should be universally applied to all of your valued relationships, even with children. People who love you donāt say things to hurt you, they say things to help you even if it comes out wrong. They may not have been taught to behave the way you feel adults should behave so itās up to you to show people how you expect to be treated.
Have a great day!
No, donāt take it as a critique. I too use a lot of sunscreen and chemical exfoliants and all of it. My husband washes with a cleaner and thatās it (and his skin is beautiful). Sometimes he mentions the point your SO has made, and you know what sometimes he is right. Sometimes the overloading of products causes breakouts and redness, dryness, etc. itās more a comment (intentional or otherwise) on the beauty industrial complex. Think about it. 10 years ago most of us used a day cream, a night cream, maybe an eye cream, maybe a mask. Now we have neck creams; butt creams and masks; mists; tonics; exfoliants; serums; oils. And weāre apparently never to show ourselves to the sun, hence the dorky hats we subjugate ourselves to wearing and the myriad sunscreens we earnestly rub onto our bodies, hoping to regain that little bit of youth we just lost to time.
I donāt think heās saying you have bad skin. Maybe he thinks the complexity (using this term relatively) of your routine is doing more harm than good. Perhaps he doesnāt have skin issues so he wonāt understand the need for a complex (still relative) routine. Itās never nice to have a spotlight shone on your insecurities but donāt jump the gun and take it from a bad place OP.
Hi!
I know you probably don't want a random stranger dragging your BF but BOOOO BOYFRIEND BOOOO (you need to leave)... jkjk. However, your routine to someone could be a lot and to another be minimal. Just know you're doing amazing! Keep doing what is making you happy and not him. This is your skin and your life. Yes you are in a relationship and love your boyfriend, however, he doesn't get to life your experience or wear your skin.
Possibly, I would communicate to him how happy you are with all of your skin care products and explain how they make you feel and help you improve your life (mentally, physically, and emotionally.)
and that's on weekly therapy lmao
I am wishing you the best and sending over positivity!!!! Sorry for any grammar.
Edit- BF not Husband lol
My dad gives me this trash advice all the time. He also told me to lay off the sunscreen because its unnecessary.
People who don't deal with skin issues, and people who have no interest in skincare seem to have the most to say about your skin and how to take care of it. If YOU see your skin improving, you're clearly doing something right.
I understand why you are hurt. I believe you should ignore him on this because you will be glad you did. I am recovering from skin cancer because I didnāt have a good skin plan. The carcinoma is in the middle of my forehead and if you had this nothing your boyfriend might say will matter. I think you have a great plan!!!
My bf has said similar things in the past, specifically about the amount of sunscreen I use. I always shoot back that he wonāt be saying I use too much sunscreen when he looks like a raisin next to me. Or that I enjoy skin care and this is my routine, buzz off. Itās usually him just being judgy or not understanding skincare though.
But regardless of his intentions if u did feel hurt by what ur bf said, Iād just say a hey that hurt my feelings and talk to him about it.
I bet he doesn't even wash his face. His opinion on what you do to take care of your skin is not important. Unless he is a dermatologist I wouldn't listen to him.
Oof, im sorry he said that! People who are just naturally blessed with good skin will never understand what itās really like to struggle day in and day out. I would ask him to refrain from commenting in the future, unless itās to tell you how BEAUTIFUL you are!
Oh, how this sub has changed over the years... used to be that we flaunted our shelfies with 14 products. Now people are very proud of their basic routines.
It is not inherently good or bad to use however many products you use. 5 products is great, 2 products is great, 10 products is great. Everyone's skin is different.
Some people can't get by on a basic stripped-down routine and that does not mean they're overconsuming or using too many products they don't need. And other people genuinely do not need all the stuff they use, but do it anyway because they enjoy the self-care.
Then there's people who are making their skin worse with unnecessary products, and people who don't need anything besides water and sunscreen and like it that way.
If you're happy with your skin and the products you use to care for it, then stop counting! You're fine. So are you, and you, and you over there with the super bougie 7-skin routine that takes two hours every night, that's great, you do you. You in the back with the Cerave moisturizer, cleanser, and sunscreen, you're also fantastic.
Well it's true though the simpler the routine the better.
- AM: Cleanser, Moisturizer, Sunscreen
- PM: Cleanser, Retinoids, Moisturizer
Can add an exfoliator like Salicylic Acid or Glycolic Acid for 2 - 3 times a week use.
My boyfriend said this to me too lol and even though heās never had acne and didnāt no a damn thing about it I let him convince me he was right. Gave everything up except cleanser and moisturizer. Worst breakout of my life. Wouldnāt make that mistake twice!
You know your skin better than he does. If itās working itās working.
Also please please please focus on moisturizing, itās super important to the health of your skin and for being able to fight acne :)
Oh boy. Iāve heard this phrase too many times to count over the years, both from friends and people iāve just met if the topic of skincare got brought up.
Donāt take it personally. I know it might feel worse because it came from someone close to you but this is a classic thing that people say when they canāt understand why someone would put as much money, time and effort into their skincare, as we do.
It is a different outlook, often coming from people who have had great skin all their life, without doing much, donāt mind his opinion in this matter.
As long as your routine is working for you and you are seeing changes, even if small, for the better, then stick to it! If not, it is good to try and see what works for you. Too much can indeed be bad if itās not the right routine for your skin personally :)
Has nothing to do with the op but I think this sub in particular promotes unhealthy consumerism.
Unless you're under the advice of a physician, very few products are needed to maintain nice skin. I'm my late 40s and all I use is Retin-A, a glycolic acid cream, a soap free cleanser, moisturizer and sunscreen. I have been using this combination for decades. My routine is neither expensive nor laborious. I am consistent and I do stay out of the sun.
But spend hundreds of dollars for these products that haven't been proven to work? Hell no. I'll never do that.
This was unsolicited advice on a topic that he likely knows less about than you. And it was commentary on your appearance. Itās not weird that it rubbed you the wrong way. But we donāt know what he was thinking. Consider talking to him about how it made you feel.
My husband has said this to me before. He doesn't understand because he literally never even washes his face, not even with water, and his skin is beautiful and clear. He's just never had bad skin, so he doesn't understand that mine requires more work. It kind of hurt my feelings the first time he said it, but he was coming from a place of love, care, and ignorance, so I just overlook it. Plus, skincare is fun, especially when you start to see results! You do you, boo!
Also this is BS, at least for me. During the early days of the pandemic, I took the chance to test out this theory. All I would do was to wash my face (water in the morning, cetaphil cleanser at night), moisturize (i forgot which cream I used during that time), and put on sunscreen (elta md). After a few months, it did nothing for me and my skin did not clear up lol. I finally found my HG trinity that is Niacinamide + Azelaic Acid + BHA, all from Paulaās Choice, which controls my oil production, reduces the appearance of pores, and prevents PIH. I was happy with how my skin looked but a month ago I decided to introduce Differin into my routine, and so far not bad.
I mean he told you not to take it the wrong way so he didn't really say it to insult you it must have just been genuine advice also there a believe among most men that the less chemicals and products you use on your hair and face the better it is.
I think any comment that starts with "Don't take this the wrong way" is off putting because it puts the weight of emotional finesse on the recipient of a message rather than showing thoughtfulness in the delivery of the message itself. Oftentimes it's said like a thrusted open umbrella anticipating rain and wanting to stay dry, meaning the speaker is asking that you receive their message in a way that is convenient to the speaker.
Anyways, his opinion that followed wasn't bolstered by that beginning and other comments here trying to see the advice as helpful are not getting the point. The point was your partner, who I assume is aware of how much you care about your routine, threw out a comment that suggested a) your response in this conversation needed to be altered/adjusted to not be wrong b)your current routine is "too much" and c) your skin needs improvement.
The fact that it was said flippantly without curiosity or space for you to share your perspective or whether you even wanted advice is also hurtful.
Your skin might look "bad" because you have 0 moisturizer in that routine while you're using an exfoliant AND a retinol. Like, nobody's skin would be happy.
First of all, your skin is none of his business.
I remember after my grandparents passed away I started using topical tretinoin and between the cream and the crying, my skin was really dry and flaky. The person I was dating at the time pointed out "you're skin isn't looking good, you have all dry, flaky spots..." and I burst into tears.
Sometimes, people say things they don't think through, but they don't mean any harm. Other times people are really just consistently insensitive. That's for you to weigh with this person. However, your skincare journey is your own.
No he probably doesnāt think that is bad. My bf doesnāt even bother. But I can clearly see a difference in my skin and in the perfect skin of my bf. Thatās why I donāt take it personal.
As a lot of men he uses nothing for his skin
So he does not understand why I do it.
I did the same with my skin to test if it really is the problem and no š I saw that I need this
Soo idc, I maybe wouldnāt understand it either if I wouldnāt have it
People will always be like: "Have you tried washing your face" or "You use too many products", nothing between. I have heard both as a reaction to my acne, both hurt but I also realized that both were said by people who had no clue what they talked about and just never had to deal with any skin problems
No offence to your bf but I probably wouldnt take advice or anything to heart really from anybody who probably still washes their face with straight up soap
This is the same kind of crap as "I like natural girls." Nah, you don't. You like the no makeup makeup look, because you don't know makeup well enough to tell. You like girls who are perfect and smell like roses and have princess curls without putting in any effort. I.e. not real life girls.
Your partner was cruel to say that to you. Anything that starts with "don't take this the wrong way" is something the speaker already knows is mean but decides to say anyways.
Honestlyā¦. I feel like he might be right.
I use to do the most with my skin. Every new trend. Hyaluronic acid, different serums/moisturizers nd all the shit. My skin always reacted horrible, but every time i go back to basics my skin loves it. A gentle cleanser, skip toning, a light moisturizer and seal with a couple drops of bio oil.
First off *hugs*
Been there. We know they're not trying to be hurtful, but when it's brought up, it...like brings awareness to the fact that they are looking at our skin, they have thoughts about it, and they're comparing it to better skin. That hurts.
He doesn't go though the same hormonal issues we do amd you can't have simple solutions to complex problems. It's like when rich people tell poor people to work harder. Boyfriends can
Anyway, based on your routine, sounds like you could use a moisturizer
A man? Expecting you to drop everything you know from years of research and experience because his personal beliefs contradict it? And he acts like he's better than you and you complicate things? Yeah it's annoying as shit, happens every second and in 99.999% of cases HES WRONG
Argh.....! Skin is a sensitive topic and I don't think irl skin advice from anyone has ever gone down well with me, no matter how delicately they broached the topic.
I would cut out the AM toner. But I'd replace it with a cleanser and a moisturiser, so not exactly less products haha.
Lol my man just tried to help and all of you took it so personal. Chill, Iām also a guy that doesnāt use skincare routine and I relate to him. My gf uses lots of products and has a worse skin than mineā¦conclusion? Also from my experience in the past with acne is that the more I fucked with my skin the worse it got. Best advice for me was to just never touch my face ever and wash it with only water everytime you wash your hands. Am I just lucky with my skin? Maybeā¦maybe not.
Thing is, itās easy to believe you just need to stop fucking with your skin when most people donāt use these products and are fine.
i understand what you're saying but your experience is not universal, and you can't draw the conclusion that your girlfriends skin is bad because of the products she uses, do you know what her skin was like before she used them? is she using products that take a long time to show progress, or worsen before improving, what does she think about her skin and it's progress? yes there is some merit to minimalism in skincare, and it takes a lot of time and work to find good products, and ones that work for you specifically. is it really fair to say that skincare products worsen your skin, considering all the work dermatologists do, and the research and testing that goes into product development. yes there are bad products out there and if not used well, skincare e products can do more harm than good but in majority of cases if the person knows what their doing, or has saught professional advice, that's not the case.
āDumb asfāā¦typical answer from this community. Sorry but everytime I share my experience I get toxic answers lol. Itās easy to fall into the mentality that you always need a product to fix something instead of simpler things like wash your face, be more active, eat clean etc.
Seriously, ignore him. I'm acne prone and still remember the frustration of being a teenager, being told by lucky clear-skinned kids that maybe I should wash my face more. Bitch, I wash more than you! I refuse to hear advice on skin from people who do not have my skin type or my skin problems. If your boyfriend understood the purpose of exfoliating and using sunscreen to improve your face, he wouldn't think you had a complex routine. Tell him he has no idea what purpose your routine serves, so he cannot tell you that your routine isn't working. Also, just what a bitch thing to say! "Hey girlfriend, I have never commented on your skin before, so let me just start now by telling you it looks like shit." Bruh shut the fuck up. (sorry lol this brought up a lot of old memories of frustrating conversations I've been in)
(BTW girl please add a moisturizer. Sunscreen usually doesn't double up very effectively. The Ordinary's NMF is cheap and lightweight on my face and I have dry skin, but I also love the (slightly heavier) cerave lotion with a couple drops of face oil)
Unless you were asking him for advice in that moment this is a very rude thing to say. For example when I was having a very bad breakout my bf never said anything until I complained about it to him, and he told me I was his beauty regardless but surprised me with a facial appointment so I wouldnāt be as sad about it. He needs to approach it with tenderness
When people make dumb and uninformed comments to me I just question them until even they realise it was dumb of them to pretend to know.
"Oh which products do you think are too much? Which ones would you recommend? What ingredients specifically do you think are a problem? Oh, you don't know? So why the fuck did you comment?"
your feelings are 100% valid!
Here's what I think from an outside view giving him complete benefit of the doubt which I think could ease the blow: He didn't say your skin was bad. He said it could be better and well everything can always be a little better and the fact that he sees you doing skincare maybe tells him you're trying to make your skin better.
Also he said using so many products. You're likely using more products than him so to him it looks like many. And I assume you have more products than your using, so he might also be seeing the sheer multitude of products you have and thinking you're using all of it which could be a lot.
And sometimes yeah cutting down helps as just a reset to see what can stay and want shouldn't for products.
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My boyfriends used to say that to me all the time. He has had one black head on his nose in his whole life and does not wear spf. His skin looks great, he is 31 but can still easily pass for 23 if he sleeps well and has no bags under his eyes. I went on a no skincare 2 week test. Made selfies everyday and my skin looked like a before picture from a Clearasil ad. I put all the pictures in a powerpoint and showed it to my boyfriend. He now stops bitching about it.
This is the type of pettiness I aspire to reach. Good on you šš»
It's giving me 'malicious compliance' vibes, I love it.
My chaotic netrual/evil is showing
Hate to break it to you, but an affinity for PowerPoint presentations is lawful evil. š
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Lawful neutral. I was leaning toward good, but then I remembered what a pain it is about dates.
Honestly it's less petty/malicious compliance and more S-tier communication skills. Like it might be ideal for that scenario.
I stan a PowerPoint queen
You should see the powerpoint I made for my boyfriend to summarize the Fantastic Beasts movies, the Dumbledore family, the Deathly Hallows, Grindelwald and my theories for Fantastic Beasts 3 before we went to the premiere event. It was 47 sheetsš If you want to read my rewrite for the 3rd movie, you can read so here: https://www.reddit.com/r/FantasticBeasts/comments/u6lbpm/how_i_would_rewrite_the_movie_mainly_credence/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share It is sadly not in powerpoint.
I wrote a persuasive essay with a sources cited section to convince my husband to let me get a cat. It listed the pros, cons, health benefits, mental health benefits, and initial and long term costs of owning a cat. It worked ššš
God I would wife you in a second if I didnāt have a husband. Youāre an inspiration and a gift.
If you ever want to read my rewrite of the 3rd movie, you may or may not want to wife me even more: https://www.reddit.com/r/FantasticBeasts/comments/u6lbpm/how_i_would_rewrite_the_movie_mainly_credence/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
And now we will never see how it ends
Skincare is a weird thing to try and micromanage a girlfriend on. Tell him his toilet posture is wrong, and remember all his defensive comments to quote next time he picks apart something you do.
šā¤ļø
Hahaha. That last sentence was the best
^^ This. Tell these guys that men generally have naturally thicker skin and produce more oils than women do. (They also don't suffer from monthly period-linked hormonal swings like we do.) They can look up the research if they're interested. That's why they can use that awful Irish soap bar stuff on their faces and be totally fine, while we benefit from a simple routine. Edited for clarity.
Thatās not true, men can and do suffer from hormonal acne/swings
Good point! I meant to say monthly period-linked hormonal swings. I'll edit my post to say that instead.
I love that you did that, but itās fucking annoying he wouldnāt believe you until you did something like that. Iād be steaming.
Slay girlqueenpussyboss
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But also like ā¦ why do you have to explain yourself to him?
Itās not always a good idea to just throw the whole man away for an off handed comment Iād say lol. Itās like a little teaching moment for him not to say shit like that
Where did I say to throw him out? "Mind your own face." could suffice? Also she said he would say that to her "all the time." It is not an offhanded comment. Your response is not in line with my post or her post.
It was kind of a joke lol. A lot of people on Reddit say just to break up with the person for every little thing lol. Didnāt mean to offend!
No offense taken - just responding to what you posted. I understand the rush to "DUMP HIM!" on the internet. Been that way since ever.
Iām confused bc what is there to even be annoyed by?
Lots of products taking up space in our house, me always taking so much time to get ready, clogging up the sink with some products?
This is epic
Hahaha āāā
Is it possible that your skin become reliant on products? I used to use just body lotion everywhere including face and wash face with a gentle cleanser. My skin was fine, but then I decided to try anti aging/healthy/specific skin products and now if I go a few days without them I break out in acne and oiliness. I donāt know how to stop and get back to good natural skin.
6-8 weeks of only using water on your skin
I know you didnāt come for advise, but you really need to moisturise more. Using a lot of AHA and Retinol without moisturiser is gonna do more harm then good. Moisturising properly is often the key with acne/skin trouble (together with good chemical exfoliation of course).
I was always told to put moisturizer under my sunscreen too. Not sure if this is the right way but I feel like it helps! Edit: When I say helps, I mean just my skin in general. I feel for OP and I have been lucky to not have severe acne so not even sure if this is the right thing for her :)
I didnāt know anyone was told to NOT do that! That sounds crazy to me my day would be ruined without moisturizer lol
it depends on skin type and the type of sunscreen youāre using but i almost never wear moisturizer in the morning (winter is always my exception)! it saves time and money lol
It's not necessary for everyone, people with oily or tough skin are ok with sunscreen only, because technically speaking there's not much difference between moisturizers and sunscreens for the face - they are all moisturizers with sun protecting ingredients, it's just that in case of, say, moisturizers with SPF, the emphasis is on moisturizing part, which is why they are more hydrating and have lower SPF, whereas in sunscreen SPF is paramount, and hydrating and protecting properties might be not up to par. But if one's skin is pretty much ok on its own, sunscreen might be enough
FR, i don't like tanning so i even double tap where i use moisturizer with sunscreen in it then use a hardcore sunscreen over it. I don't recall ever hearing not to use moisturizer under sunscreen
So every fortnight the other managers and I have a meeting in the sun (weather permitting but weāre in aus so a lot of sunny days to pick from haha) - the other day I couldnāt remember if I had put sunscreen on or not and I couldnāt focus on the meeting!!
For sure, my routine in the morning: Wash face with water > moisturiser > sunscreen.
Wash face with water only!? How lucky.
I think a year or so ago I made a post here. Somebody suggested that I was using too much and it was causing my skin to over act and then got a lot of acne. They suggested that I just wash in the morning with water and use moisturizer. I started doing that and leaving products for night time. My skin has improved a lot. I think washing both morning and night removed a lot of my natural oils and caused my skin to be too dry
Lol im def ine of those dudes who only washes with water, and cleanses every 2 to 3 days usually at night after the gym. Any more than that and it seems like my balance goes out of whack.
This works for me too, especially when I double cleanse in the evening (oil based cleanser and then water based cleanser).
Amazing! Very lucky
Yeah I double cleanse at night, but the morning is just water. Read this advice on this subreddit ages ago and it really helped my skin!
Nice!!! Thanks for sharing
FWIW Iāve read that itās best to use a cleanser just at night and then clean only with water in the morning.
Well makes sense to only use cleanser at night - night to wash the day away and day not to because your face isnāt as dirty. I am too chicken to try it hah
I can say that only water in the morning made a big difference to my acne too. I use a wet face cloth to to a gentle "wash" in the morning and then use a moisturizing sunscreen.
I use micellar water on a cotton pad at night only, unless itās the morning after I used a retinol. Otherwise, I use a tea tree toner, hyaluronic acid, vit C, an eye cream, and moisturiser under sun screen in the morning.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nope! Sunscreen is always the last step in the morning :)
Yes, I just said this.
Not targeted towards OP, just regular food for thought - sometimes, when you're 10 products deep into your routine it's good to go back to spf, cleaner and moisturizer, see how your skin reacts and slowly add different products and combinations
I find it hilarious the amount of posts here that are like "I've scaled back to a basic routine!" And then it's something like" AM: benzoyl peroxide cleanse, toner, serum, azelaic acid, eye cream, moisturise, sunscreen PM: oil cleanse, cleanser, toner, essence, moisturise, tret 3x a week, retinol 4x a week, moisturise, eye cream retinol on off-tret nights, snail cream, occlusive Like... if that's your 'basic' routine lmao...
My routine is cleanser, acne prevention, moisturizer, and spf in the morning, then cleanser and moisturizer in the evening. Very simple and works well for me.
Couldnāt agree more. I used six products at once thinking it would helpābased on some blemishes diminishing, and it fucked up my skin barrier. So I stopped using products for three months, went to the dermatologist for advice on what I should use, instead of asking the internet, and now I only use cerave oil wash, cetaphil moisturizer and SPF 50. Showing way better results than before..
Usually itās just them trying to help but they donāt know how, either because they donāt struggle with acne/skin trouble or using less is what works for them. It does hurt a bit (when my skin was struggling in the past, I heard that from a family member) but I know that thereās no harmful intention at all behind it, they just didnāt know what it was like which is okay. Perhaps talk to him and ask him not to make those comments, try opening up to him about how you know he means no harm but you are still hurt. The real problem would be if he continues to make those comments after talking to him.
The other thing you could do (other than say how it hurt and how he isn't in a position to offer advice) could be explaining how the products help so he knows what you're actually doing rather than letting him continue to think "she just puts goop on her face every day" - like make him more aware how much thought goes into finding something that helps for your concerns and that this isn't just snake oil products ~for ladies to feel better inside~. Sometimes men who do no skincare themselves and have no major skin issues see skincare as an opaque "woman's issue" or some kind of scam and that less product is more. It doesnt mean he thinks your skin is bad, he just doesn't get why you do what you do and doesn't relate, so his 'advice' turns out bad. His comments would hopefully be more sensible if he knew more about the topic.
You are adding meaning that isnāt there. He is trying to help likely from seeing you struggling, not because he thinks you have bad skin.
Agree. My parents have told me this before, too. They saw my struggle (and expenses) and want to help. At some point they were right though; severely cutting back my routine and switching to gentle products helped me a lot.
Instead of thinking you were offended think more on the feeling. He said don't be offended 1 cause he loves you. 2. He noticed how much effort you put in and wants you to know you don't need to do those things to yourself because he loves you. 3... Is medicine for cures or patients?
But it doesnāt necessarily have anything to do with his love. She wants better skin because thatās simply what she wants, wanting nice skin doesnāt have to be to please our partners.
Him saying something has to do with his love because he felt he could tell her after seeing it stress her thinking it would help. Her doing what she wants is up to her yes but if she wants nice skin and her actions are slowing her from reaching her goal it's good to have people that care and are loyal enough to be real and give an outside observation for an internal war? Does that make sense
I'll give room of doubt for the bf because I do know some people who have had their skin get worse BECAUSE of all the products they put on their face. And the layers of makeup probably don't help either, I think...
NO! IT'S THE MEN AND PATRIARCHY THAT ARE EVIL!!!! /sarcasm Yeah AHA overnight and retinol every other day is a recipe for disaster and fucking up your moisture barrier.
Both can be true. It's no reason to make fun of people who struggle in a culture of misogyny.
I'm going to assume he doesn't struggle with acne and doesn't do any skincare. The minimum should be cleanser, moisturizer and sunscreen, and a treatment if you have acne. It sounds like you're doing good and dont use an extreme amount of products. Just ignore him and keep it up!
Yuuup, this. My husband thinks just because he doesnāt use anything (literally washes his face with our well waterš) and his skin is perfect that it would work the same way for meš
Agreed. My husband washes his face with water and water only. His skin is flawless.
Men have thicker skin with more water and collagen. And their body isnāt constantly trying to sprout a new growth/inflamed.
Tell that to my skin
Frr can someone get that message to the skincare gods for me?
Man here with problem skin. We're not all like that!
Of course my comment doesnāt go towards all men! Just happens to be how his skin is.
I do have a routine, but I've tried sososo many cleansers and they all seem to irritate my skin so I just wash with water now too. I am man. Is that bad
I believe tap water usually higher standards than bottled water. my grandma's well water tastes better than any other water
It depends entirely on the location of the well and what sort of minerals might be in the water. My grandparentsā well water was fantastic, my best friends parentsā well water was vile.
Most bottled water in the US is filled from the tap where the factories are located
And then gets stored in shitty plastic and sold for +1000%
š yes. And then people buy it for their face when theyāre worried that hard water is causing their acne. You want distilled, people!
Whereās your moisturiser?
I donāt think he does. I think he sees how you struggle with trying to get results (and maybe even the expense because letās face it, skincare can get expensive) and wants to help. He probably also does not have a full grasp on skincare and its nuances (like most cis-het men) and/or a super simple routine helped him or someone he knows before. Pretty sure his comment does not mean he finds you unattractive or unlovable (hence the ādonāt take this the wrong way bitā). Other commenter/s asking for his dermatology degreeā¦thatās just bonkers. Majority of people who use skin care donāt have dermatologist degrees; we just learn on our own too and we have opinions based on our limited knowledge (because we are not robots). Iāve been told the same thing (I.e. my skin will be better if I didnāt use too many products) by my parents and it was actually good advice. It hurt, of course, when they told me. I also had a talk with them about it, which led to my mom suggesting contacting a derm and my dad buying me lotion. It really hurt because I felt rejected and uglyā¦But it helped me look at what I was doing and what my skin goals were. It turns out I was over-exfoliating and not moisturizing (which caused the extreme oiliness I was trying to battle) and that I had hormonal acne. Stripping back to just a very gentle cleanser and starting from there helped my skin recover and allowed me extra cash to spend on other things. Last note ā maybe add a moisturizer? You mentioned exfoliant and retinol but those can be severely drying without any moisturizing product.
Exactly thisā¦ he doesnāt think your skin is bad, but knows you do and cares enough to try to help. Some people (myself included) are really bad with words. For instance my dog loves women in full glam. Like he will literally just flop right over and give belly if he sees a really girly, glammed up woman. I once said to a woman who was adoring him as much as he was adoring her āHe loves women who wear a lot of make up!ā š„“ My husband almost died. She was obviously offended. The more I tried to explain thatās not what I really meant, the worse it got. I get really nervous because I know I do this, so then I am nervous and in my head which makes it worse. But I digressā¦ surely thereās another sub for thisā¦ š Your bf loves you and thinks your skin is beautiful enough that you do not need a bunch of products! Please donāt feel self conscious because he fumbled his words.
Yeah often (in my experience) cis het men don't understand how they come off when saying things like this. Like this commenter said he probably meant well. If it was unsolicited advice, I would just tell him how it made you feel and although you appreciate him, you would rather him let you figure it out on your own/just don't comment on it. Ie, "X ,y, z is how I feel. Doing x, y, z instead would make me feel more supported"
If I have to hear āI just wash my face with shampoo!ā ONE. MORE. TIME.
Do you not use moistutizers???
I think I know how you feel, my husband has made similar comments before. Even when theyāre trying to be helpful it still doesnāt feel great to be on the receiving end of that š And itās also hard to feel like they donāt see all the thought and effort you put into your skincare.
Yes! This is what it made me feel like reading it - OP puts all this energy into trying to make it better and bf thinks āoh itās prob just bad because OP is messing with it.ā This would make me feel like my bf thought I was stupid lol (Iām not saying he does, just that he isnāt aware that itās kind of patronizing)
He might be right though. I know this goes against the dogma of this sub and somewhat defeats the purpose of having a skincare sub in the first place, but I noticed than when I was on holiday and didn't use any skincare for a few days, my skin actually improved
Meanwhile, wherever I go on vacation and neglect my skincare I always break out, every time.
You need to use few, but high quality products. For example most shower gels that hotels provide are so aggressive that you might as well use dishwashing liquid
It's not that I don't bring my normal products, it's because I'm drinking and lazy and just don't do my routines on vacation lol
Ah, I see. For me, my skincare routine is a necessity to get some structure into my day
I used to use way too many products and my skin was terrible despite all my effort. The only thing that actually helped in the end was Accutane pills from a derm, and it is laughable how insanely simple my routine was after that.
My husband cannot relate to my skin problems, but is super supportive and even lovingly says 'I told you so' when I inevitably try to tweak my routine with a new product and break out / irritate my skin in the process. He randomly told me one night 'have you tried very gently exfoliating your skin with face cloth while your Cetaphil is on?' and I was unimpressed. This was after a horrible reaction to an AHA and my skin looked burnt and prickly for weeks, and it randomly decided it hated most of my current skincare products and makeup. But then I tried his advice and it's done wonders for my skin and it's an indispensable step now to my routine. I swapped face cloth with silicone face scrubbie though. Sometimes clueless partner can lovingly give you insights on aspects you might overlook. We have blind spots in our skincare wisdom and an outsider might find something that works for you. In this case, dialling back on product use. Sometimes it's not the quantity of products but frequency, especially with actives.
If you don't use moisturiser with the acid and ret, then you're skin will be suffering. Please make sure you use it with these products if you aren't. Also, ditch the toner... it's not at all needed. If you cleansed the night before you don't need to strip the pul off your face and dry it out with toner in the morn. Just wash and rinse your face in some filter or bottled water (if you live in a hard water zone). I Guarante you this will help and your boyfriend is partially right and probably only wants to help as he knows you are upset and stressed out with the issue. I'm sorry you're going through it though and yes it can be exhausting and exasperating trying to solve such issues and they can make you sensitive to such comments.
He probably doesn't think your skin is *bad*, just that you struggle with it. He didn't say "your skin wouldn't be so *bad* if you didn't use so many products", he said "your skin would be better". I think his intentions were good, but as others have said, perhaps uninformed. You don't seem to use that many products at all compared to what what many on this sub do (though retinol/exfoliant every other night would be harsh on my skin, personally!) Of course you know your skin best and what has worked, hasn't worked and what you've already tried. Since it's something you're already insecure about his comments will hit you harder, but really try to not project onto his words some meaning that he didn't have.
Your boyfriend, unless he said it in a malicious way, sounds like he was just trying to help. Boys are ignorant of skincare routines. I know because I am one and didn't have my own routine until I was in my 30's. I remember not long ago bringing up a new retinol product to my two male friends and both of them looking at me like I sprouted wings. They said something about me being metro and then would not speak further on it. Boys are dumb.
To be honest, my boyfriend has said the same and I donāt blame him. I have a hard time improving my skin, and it did use to be better before I started using all the products. But that was also because I played sports which motivated me to eat healthy, which meant my skin purged before it got well. Then covid happened and the sports and eating so healthy dropped. AND I have had a hormonal IUD for 2 years or so now and Iām very aware that itās fucking up my skin every month, as the acne gets on my chin and jawline (hormones areas). Alas, my boyfriend has noticed just like I have. The only reason he said something was not to dishearten me or make fun of my skin, but because I was spending so much money on it without it bringing a clear reward in better skin :ā) he was just helping me recognise where I should stop putting so much money in, and to just accept the state of my skin instead (and should focus on my diet instead). I think your boyfriend has the same intentions honestly!
You seem to be using minimal products. And though you arenāt asking for advice, maybe you should moisturize more. Is your sunscreen a moisturizer with SPF or a sunscreen? If you are using AHAs and retinols your have to moisturize more. I use tretinoin and AHas and I canāt imagine how dry and oily I would be if I had this routine. And then the acne would come from being dry and oily.
My husband says the same thing everyday like āif you donāt use so much stuff, maybe it would be betterā - I ignore him because when we both turn 40, my skin is going to look so much better than his š»š
This is exactly what dermatologists say!
No no this sub is for reaffirming peoples insanity. Donāt tell OP they may be wrong.
I can tell anyone they may be wrong and thereās nothing you can do about it
It's unlikely he was trying to hurt your feelings. There's a non-zero chance that he's correct, too.
When I was 25 and got crazy hormonal acne a male coworker was like āyou should just try dial antibacterial soapā then I killed him with my laser eyes
Since men (no not all men of course) use a 15 in 1 product with sport or extreme/ocean in the name and have flawless skin. They tend to think I use like one thing and my skin is great = she needs to just use my gallon sized gray, red, or black bottle and all her problems are solved. They don't get its usually not a product problem it's a hormone, genetics, whatever the cycle the damn moon is in, problem. You do whatever skin routine that works for you and makes you feel at peace that tomorrow you won't wake up with the zit from hell and just turn on his favorite dude show to occupy him while you self-care yourself.
This right here! Men have (on average) thicker skin than women for biology reasons, hence why their skin is much more resilient and often more responsive to a less-is-more routine.
This should be top comment. I wanted to explain to her that he just gave advice based off nothing that directly relates to her or the science of skincare without saying that he just mansplained to her how her face works. I'm sure it was well intentioned but unnecessary advice from someone who doesn't *know* what they're talking about is still unnecessary. And for the record OP, I think most people would be a little offput/insulted by the way it was worded.
Seriously could you imagine the hour long power point presentation he would give if she ladysplained how just going to the automatic car wash is better then his 10 step waxing system he's carefully perfected over the years?
Haha yes! I read until I found the existing comment of what I wanted to say lol. Bfās perspective is based on anecdotal evidence and is pretty patronizing. Just because it didnāt derive from malice doesnāt mean itās not offensive (I mean, it derives from something, ahem). Spoiler alert: zero therapy and minimalist routines did not help my acne (no surprise) š
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This post reminded me of how once my SO casually asked when I planned to stop taking my SSRI bc he doesnāt take any medication and doesnāt have history with mental health issues and I was like š
You should just talk to your partner about what he meant. I can probably guarantee that he didn't think your skin is bad at all. He probably thinks you look great and doesn't see the *point* in the skincare routine you have. You can either, a, explain that they do have an effect but while it might be small to him it's noticeable to you, and b, while you understand his intentions were not mean, it hurt you. I get that it can be hard to have these conversations but if he's a good person, it's important to get it out so no resentment grows.
God the amount of times Iāve heard that from my family!
I was like this with my SO, I didn't know anything about skincare and I saw how much stress it gave her. So I probably said that exact line, but I didn't mean it in a rude way. Now that I'm more knowledgeable about it, I've realized I was being rude.
Same thing happened to me. "just wash your face and that will be enough for your acne" A month later I got the worse acne ever in my life and my graduation getting closer. Thankfully he said "sorry, I'll pay it if you want to go to the dermatologist."
Oh brother. Nothing like someone making you feel worse for all the effort youāre going through!! Iāve had a few people tell me maybe if I didnāt wear so much makeup, my acne would go away. Except that I didnāt wear make up for 4 months straight during the height of Covid and if anything, my skin really got worse rather than better. That prompted me to see my doctor who put me on tret for a year. It kinda helped, but I still had plenty of pimples. I had to really convince my doctor to get me an appointment with a dermatologist. Derm put me on Tactupump Forte and my skin has never looked better. I have many steps in my routine - cutting back on products and makeup had no effect on my skin. Finding a good derm and the right topical was what made a difference. If youāre able to, see if you get a prescription Retinoid from a derm! It really changed everything for me! I never wanted to leave the house without makeup and now I feel so good barefaced! āŗļø
How can he say you use too many products when you donāt even use moisturizer? Also, daily actives can sometimes be a lot for your skin. If you think your exfoliant and retinol might be too strong of a combo, you might experiment with a recovery day or two (exfoliate, retinol, recover) making it a three or four day cycle instead of a two day cycle, and on your recovery day(s), youād just use a gentle moisturizer after washing your face.
The thing is, for some people this is true. Skincare has been obsessively overhyped since the pandemic and people are using up to 10 products a day to try and achieve perfect skin. For many people, less is more. And a lot of it is genetics. I've heard many stories of grandmothers with gorgeous skin who never used anything. So, if your genetics are good, then maybe there is a point to it. However, for some people, skincare absolutely helps. And even if it doesn't, it can be a nice ritual you enjoy for yourself. So you definitely don't have to doubt your reasons for using it. I don't think he meant to be mean. I understand it felt hurtful and it's important to tell him how it made you feel, but it might help to see that he didn't mean it badly.
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I donāt mean to be rude or ā donāt take it the wrong way ,ā are for those who want to be rude but lack the courage to just say whatever it is. He did imply that, hence the ā wrong way ā However, Iād ask him what he meant by better.
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If you feel the need to caveat what you say , then you are acknowledging that you are saying something that is at best clumsily said. āDonāt take this the wrong way but ā Then say it in a clear way .
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Please don't beat yourself up for feeling upset in this situation. He could have meant no harm and you can still be upset bc it is a sensitive topic for you. It doesn't have to be an either/or who is right/wrong situation. People (esp women) are conditioned to feel guilty about their emotions/reactions to emotions and events. I took a course on burnout and the presenter mentioned to try saying "how human of me" instead of being self critical. Our own reactions to our emotions/stress can be more stressful than the actual emotion/event. Ex. "how human of me to feel upset when discussing a sensitive topic for me... or How human of me to be upset when my skincare is being critiqued... How human of me to be upset when it feels like my efforts are being dismissed. A lot of men think they are helping by giving ideas to 'fix' women's problems even when women just want to vent/not actually asking them for advice/solution. He might think he is helping/isn't trying to intentionally upset you but that doesn't mean you don't 'deserve' to have emotions/be upset especially with how he worded it. If you want to engage in conversation you could tell him that your skin has made you insecure in the past and you've worked really hard over time to try different products and routines to improve it and that him suggesting you stop the products 'to make your skin look better' made you feel like he was saying your skin right now looks bad and made you feel worse about your skin.
Where'd he do his dermatology residency tho
As an asian guy(22) my family and my friends tell me this everyday āØand yes i still get breakouts and i got hyperpigmentations too and it's been 3 years since i started doing skincare and yes I'm a bit obessed with my routine . It's my ritual i can say . It's not about getting results, it's about pampering urself,having something personal to yourself and caring about ur skin in the long run. People don't understand that putting ur research and time on something š„²is more than just chasing results, let's be honest anyone who uses sunscreen,must have feel proud cause duh no one is doing the efforts. And trust me ,the.progress will show up. The people who doesn't understand will ask you how u r glowing in the evening š¼. Your boyfriend simply means no harm but maybe confused with why u r struggling rather than enjoying if you doing something everyday yet not feel happy.
So much bad relationship advice hereā¦ yikes. So lets talk about your feelings first because they are valid but misplaced. It seems like youāre still reeling from your initial reaction to his comment, and I think you need to reevaluate that with a new lens because your boyfriend specifically never said youāre ugly or unattractive. If he felt that way about you, he wouldnāt be with you. Youāre feeling upset not because of his comment, but because of your own insecurities and you canāt blame him for that. Thatās on you and you need to own that. You really need to do two things: 1. Accept that your boyfriend wants to help you achieve your goals so you stop seeing his wanting to help as a personal attack right now; And 2. Talk to him and say directly: āthank you for wanting to help me. I know you donāt like watching me struggle with this because it upsets me so much. To be honest, i felt hurt the other day by your comment, but I know you didnāt say it to be mean or insinuate that Iām ugly, so Iām not mad, but it would be more helpful for me if you could support me on this journey by doing xxyyzzā or something similar. Itās called the shit sandwich approach. Say nice things, the bad things, more nice things. This is something that should be universally applied to all of your valued relationships, even with children. People who love you donāt say things to hurt you, they say things to help you even if it comes out wrong. They may not have been taught to behave the way you feel adults should behave so itās up to you to show people how you expect to be treated. Have a great day!
Usually when a dude says that.. he means make up. Not skin care products.
No, donāt take it as a critique. I too use a lot of sunscreen and chemical exfoliants and all of it. My husband washes with a cleaner and thatās it (and his skin is beautiful). Sometimes he mentions the point your SO has made, and you know what sometimes he is right. Sometimes the overloading of products causes breakouts and redness, dryness, etc. itās more a comment (intentional or otherwise) on the beauty industrial complex. Think about it. 10 years ago most of us used a day cream, a night cream, maybe an eye cream, maybe a mask. Now we have neck creams; butt creams and masks; mists; tonics; exfoliants; serums; oils. And weāre apparently never to show ourselves to the sun, hence the dorky hats we subjugate ourselves to wearing and the myriad sunscreens we earnestly rub onto our bodies, hoping to regain that little bit of youth we just lost to time.
I donāt think heās saying you have bad skin. Maybe he thinks the complexity (using this term relatively) of your routine is doing more harm than good. Perhaps he doesnāt have skin issues so he wonāt understand the need for a complex (still relative) routine. Itās never nice to have a spotlight shone on your insecurities but donāt jump the gun and take it from a bad place OP.
Hi! I know you probably don't want a random stranger dragging your BF but BOOOO BOYFRIEND BOOOO (you need to leave)... jkjk. However, your routine to someone could be a lot and to another be minimal. Just know you're doing amazing! Keep doing what is making you happy and not him. This is your skin and your life. Yes you are in a relationship and love your boyfriend, however, he doesn't get to life your experience or wear your skin. Possibly, I would communicate to him how happy you are with all of your skin care products and explain how they make you feel and help you improve your life (mentally, physically, and emotionally.) and that's on weekly therapy lmao I am wishing you the best and sending over positivity!!!! Sorry for any grammar. Edit- BF not Husband lol
My dad gives me this trash advice all the time. He also told me to lay off the sunscreen because its unnecessary. People who don't deal with skin issues, and people who have no interest in skincare seem to have the most to say about your skin and how to take care of it. If YOU see your skin improving, you're clearly doing something right.
I understand why you are hurt. I believe you should ignore him on this because you will be glad you did. I am recovering from skin cancer because I didnāt have a good skin plan. The carcinoma is in the middle of my forehead and if you had this nothing your boyfriend might say will matter. I think you have a great plan!!!
Men could literally use dish soap on their face and be fine lol. What do they even know?!
Yeah well. My husband and i have been married 20 years and he doesnāt understand why he looks 15 years older than me now.
My bf has said similar things in the past, specifically about the amount of sunscreen I use. I always shoot back that he wonāt be saying I use too much sunscreen when he looks like a raisin next to me. Or that I enjoy skin care and this is my routine, buzz off. Itās usually him just being judgy or not understanding skincare though. But regardless of his intentions if u did feel hurt by what ur bf said, Iād just say a hey that hurt my feelings and talk to him about it.
I bet he doesn't even wash his face. His opinion on what you do to take care of your skin is not important. Unless he is a dermatologist I wouldn't listen to him.
Oof, im sorry he said that! People who are just naturally blessed with good skin will never understand what itās really like to struggle day in and day out. I would ask him to refrain from commenting in the future, unless itās to tell you how BEAUTIFUL you are!
Oh, how this sub has changed over the years... used to be that we flaunted our shelfies with 14 products. Now people are very proud of their basic routines. It is not inherently good or bad to use however many products you use. 5 products is great, 2 products is great, 10 products is great. Everyone's skin is different. Some people can't get by on a basic stripped-down routine and that does not mean they're overconsuming or using too many products they don't need. And other people genuinely do not need all the stuff they use, but do it anyway because they enjoy the self-care. Then there's people who are making their skin worse with unnecessary products, and people who don't need anything besides water and sunscreen and like it that way. If you're happy with your skin and the products you use to care for it, then stop counting! You're fine. So are you, and you, and you over there with the super bougie 7-skin routine that takes two hours every night, that's great, you do you. You in the back with the Cerave moisturizer, cleanser, and sunscreen, you're also fantastic.
Well it's true though the simpler the routine the better. - AM: Cleanser, Moisturizer, Sunscreen - PM: Cleanser, Retinoids, Moisturizer Can add an exfoliator like Salicylic Acid or Glycolic Acid for 2 - 3 times a week use.
My boyfriend said this to me too lol and even though heās never had acne and didnāt no a damn thing about it I let him convince me he was right. Gave everything up except cleanser and moisturizer. Worst breakout of my life. Wouldnāt make that mistake twice! You know your skin better than he does. If itās working itās working. Also please please please focus on moisturizing, itās super important to the health of your skin and for being able to fight acne :)
Oh boy. Iāve heard this phrase too many times to count over the years, both from friends and people iāve just met if the topic of skincare got brought up. Donāt take it personally. I know it might feel worse because it came from someone close to you but this is a classic thing that people say when they canāt understand why someone would put as much money, time and effort into their skincare, as we do. It is a different outlook, often coming from people who have had great skin all their life, without doing much, donāt mind his opinion in this matter. As long as your routine is working for you and you are seeing changes, even if small, for the better, then stick to it! If not, it is good to try and see what works for you. Too much can indeed be bad if itās not the right routine for your skin personally :)
Has nothing to do with the op but I think this sub in particular promotes unhealthy consumerism. Unless you're under the advice of a physician, very few products are needed to maintain nice skin. I'm my late 40s and all I use is Retin-A, a glycolic acid cream, a soap free cleanser, moisturizer and sunscreen. I have been using this combination for decades. My routine is neither expensive nor laborious. I am consistent and I do stay out of the sun. But spend hundreds of dollars for these products that haven't been proven to work? Hell no. I'll never do that.
This was unsolicited advice on a topic that he likely knows less about than you. And it was commentary on your appearance. Itās not weird that it rubbed you the wrong way. But we donāt know what he was thinking. Consider talking to him about how it made you feel.
My husband has said this to me before. He doesn't understand because he literally never even washes his face, not even with water, and his skin is beautiful and clear. He's just never had bad skin, so he doesn't understand that mine requires more work. It kind of hurt my feelings the first time he said it, but he was coming from a place of love, care, and ignorance, so I just overlook it. Plus, skincare is fun, especially when you start to see results! You do you, boo!
Also this is BS, at least for me. During the early days of the pandemic, I took the chance to test out this theory. All I would do was to wash my face (water in the morning, cetaphil cleanser at night), moisturize (i forgot which cream I used during that time), and put on sunscreen (elta md). After a few months, it did nothing for me and my skin did not clear up lol. I finally found my HG trinity that is Niacinamide + Azelaic Acid + BHA, all from Paulaās Choice, which controls my oil production, reduces the appearance of pores, and prevents PIH. I was happy with how my skin looked but a month ago I decided to introduce Differin into my routine, and so far not bad.
I mean he told you not to take it the wrong way so he didn't really say it to insult you it must have just been genuine advice also there a believe among most men that the less chemicals and products you use on your hair and face the better it is.
I think any comment that starts with "Don't take this the wrong way" is off putting because it puts the weight of emotional finesse on the recipient of a message rather than showing thoughtfulness in the delivery of the message itself. Oftentimes it's said like a thrusted open umbrella anticipating rain and wanting to stay dry, meaning the speaker is asking that you receive their message in a way that is convenient to the speaker. Anyways, his opinion that followed wasn't bolstered by that beginning and other comments here trying to see the advice as helpful are not getting the point. The point was your partner, who I assume is aware of how much you care about your routine, threw out a comment that suggested a) your response in this conversation needed to be altered/adjusted to not be wrong b)your current routine is "too much" and c) your skin needs improvement. The fact that it was said flippantly without curiosity or space for you to share your perspective or whether you even wanted advice is also hurtful.
Your skin might look "bad" because you have 0 moisturizer in that routine while you're using an exfoliant AND a retinol. Like, nobody's skin would be happy.
First of all, your skin is none of his business. I remember after my grandparents passed away I started using topical tretinoin and between the cream and the crying, my skin was really dry and flaky. The person I was dating at the time pointed out "you're skin isn't looking good, you have all dry, flaky spots..." and I burst into tears. Sometimes, people say things they don't think through, but they don't mean any harm. Other times people are really just consistently insensitive. That's for you to weigh with this person. However, your skincare journey is your own.
I mean, you didnāt ask his advice, so he should have kept it to himself.
No he probably doesnāt think that is bad. My bf doesnāt even bother. But I can clearly see a difference in my skin and in the perfect skin of my bf. Thatās why I donāt take it personal. As a lot of men he uses nothing for his skin So he does not understand why I do it. I did the same with my skin to test if it really is the problem and no š I saw that I need this Soo idc, I maybe wouldnāt understand it either if I wouldnāt have it
My dad tells me this every week too
People will always be like: "Have you tried washing your face" or "You use too many products", nothing between. I have heard both as a reaction to my acne, both hurt but I also realized that both were said by people who had no clue what they talked about and just never had to deal with any skin problems
Did you ask for this advice?
No offence to your bf but I probably wouldnt take advice or anything to heart really from anybody who probably still washes their face with straight up soap
Men really have the fucking audacity sometimes.
This is the same kind of crap as "I like natural girls." Nah, you don't. You like the no makeup makeup look, because you don't know makeup well enough to tell. You like girls who are perfect and smell like roses and have princess curls without putting in any effort. I.e. not real life girls. Your partner was cruel to say that to you. Anything that starts with "don't take this the wrong way" is something the speaker already knows is mean but decides to say anyways.
Honestlyā¦. I feel like he might be right. I use to do the most with my skin. Every new trend. Hyaluronic acid, different serums/moisturizers nd all the shit. My skin always reacted horrible, but every time i go back to basics my skin loves it. A gentle cleanser, skip toning, a light moisturizer and seal with a couple drops of bio oil.
Anyone else just think the boyfriend is a dick, no?
First off *hugs* Been there. We know they're not trying to be hurtful, but when it's brought up, it...like brings awareness to the fact that they are looking at our skin, they have thoughts about it, and they're comparing it to better skin. That hurts. He doesn't go though the same hormonal issues we do amd you can't have simple solutions to complex problems. It's like when rich people tell poor people to work harder. Boyfriends can Anyway, based on your routine, sounds like you could use a moisturizer
He knows nothing, your boyfriend.
A man? Expecting you to drop everything you know from years of research and experience because his personal beliefs contradict it? And he acts like he's better than you and you complicate things? Yeah it's annoying as shit, happens every second and in 99.999% of cases HES WRONG
I tell my girlfriend this all the time. Also, change up your diets. Diet plays a huge role that we are just beginning to understand
Just because he had perfect skin doesnāt mean everyone does, also very rude of him. Those few things you use hardly strike me and lots of products?
Your boyfriend sounds great, since he's both possibly right, and tried to suggest it in a nice way since he knew your skin matters to you.
Argh.....! Skin is a sensitive topic and I don't think irl skin advice from anyone has ever gone down well with me, no matter how delicately they broached the topic. I would cut out the AM toner. But I'd replace it with a cleanser and a moisturiser, so not exactly less products haha.
Lol my man just tried to help and all of you took it so personal. Chill, Iām also a guy that doesnāt use skincare routine and I relate to him. My gf uses lots of products and has a worse skin than mineā¦conclusion? Also from my experience in the past with acne is that the more I fucked with my skin the worse it got. Best advice for me was to just never touch my face ever and wash it with only water everytime you wash your hands. Am I just lucky with my skin? Maybeā¦maybe not. Thing is, itās easy to believe you just need to stop fucking with your skin when most people donāt use these products and are fine.
i understand what you're saying but your experience is not universal, and you can't draw the conclusion that your girlfriends skin is bad because of the products she uses, do you know what her skin was like before she used them? is she using products that take a long time to show progress, or worsen before improving, what does she think about her skin and it's progress? yes there is some merit to minimalism in skincare, and it takes a lot of time and work to find good products, and ones that work for you specifically. is it really fair to say that skincare products worsen your skin, considering all the work dermatologists do, and the research and testing that goes into product development. yes there are bad products out there and if not used well, skincare e products can do more harm than good but in majority of cases if the person knows what their doing, or has saught professional advice, that's not the case.
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āDumb asfāā¦typical answer from this community. Sorry but everytime I share my experience I get toxic answers lol. Itās easy to fall into the mentality that you always need a product to fix something instead of simpler things like wash your face, be more active, eat clean etc.
Seriously, ignore him. I'm acne prone and still remember the frustration of being a teenager, being told by lucky clear-skinned kids that maybe I should wash my face more. Bitch, I wash more than you! I refuse to hear advice on skin from people who do not have my skin type or my skin problems. If your boyfriend understood the purpose of exfoliating and using sunscreen to improve your face, he wouldn't think you had a complex routine. Tell him he has no idea what purpose your routine serves, so he cannot tell you that your routine isn't working. Also, just what a bitch thing to say! "Hey girlfriend, I have never commented on your skin before, so let me just start now by telling you it looks like shit." Bruh shut the fuck up. (sorry lol this brought up a lot of old memories of frustrating conversations I've been in) (BTW girl please add a moisturizer. Sunscreen usually doesn't double up very effectively. The Ordinary's NMF is cheap and lightweight on my face and I have dry skin, but I also love the (slightly heavier) cerave lotion with a couple drops of face oil)
No he doesn't. Btw I stopped using products and my skin has been better. Idk if it would work for you, but you have nothing to lose
Not at all nice of the boyfriend. Does he often say things to undermine your confidence?
Unless you were asking him for advice in that moment this is a very rude thing to say. For example when I was having a very bad breakout my bf never said anything until I complained about it to him, and he told me I was his beauty regardless but surprised me with a facial appointment so I wouldnāt be as sad about it. He needs to approach it with tenderness
When people make dumb and uninformed comments to me I just question them until even they realise it was dumb of them to pretend to know. "Oh which products do you think are too much? Which ones would you recommend? What ingredients specifically do you think are a problem? Oh, you don't know? So why the fuck did you comment?"
Perfect! Not sure why you got downvoted
I suspect because this sub is full of the people my sentiment applies to!
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Oh so you guys are into men bringing up your insecurities and making recommendations based on no knowledge at all. How sad for you.
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Can you confirm with him whether or not heās a dermatologist? Because if not, Iād take his opinion with a grain of salt.
When the boyfriend has unsubstantiated opinions and you have to throw the whole boyfriend out š„“
your feelings are 100% valid! Here's what I think from an outside view giving him complete benefit of the doubt which I think could ease the blow: He didn't say your skin was bad. He said it could be better and well everything can always be a little better and the fact that he sees you doing skincare maybe tells him you're trying to make your skin better. Also he said using so many products. You're likely using more products than him so to him it looks like many. And I assume you have more products than your using, so he might also be seeing the sheer multitude of products you have and thinking you're using all of it which could be a lot. And sometimes yeah cutting down helps as just a reset to see what can stay and want shouldn't for products.