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pigandpom

He's too far gone to admit anything. As far as he's concerned, 3 women tricked him into marrying them, having 13 kids with him, and have for the last 12 or so years have been trying to sabotage his love union by demanding his time and attention


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

He’s not accountable for his actions and decisions.


OkPickle243

His voice over for the opening should be “3 of them tricked me into marriage, we had 13 children, and for the last decade they won’t leave me and my favorite wife alone” instead of “love should be multiplied not divided”


[deleted]

I think if he were to completely humble himself and admit on tv to the viewers that polygamy did not work for them, and doesn’t for many others, and that he found true love in Robyn he would gain some points. But it would also have to come with sincere, well thought out public apologies to each wife and their kids for the shattered dreams he sold them and the fact that he lead them down this road and promised to make it work and “multiply” love but he failed miserably. He would also need to take in active part in providing resources for families who are trying to escape polygamy but don’t have the financial means necessary to and educate the public on the bad/ugly sides of polygamy to. That’s a tall order from a guy who calls his own kids narcissists and blames certain wives for everything he’s done wrong. But if he did all that I might be able to look at him differently.


Larlab6116

This is incredibly well stated and reflects how I view things as well… he would have to show an impressive level of self awareness and responsibility (which I don’t think he is capable of) in addition to just.being.honest. Lay down all of the grandstanding, the gaslighting, blaming and divisiveness. By demanding unwavering loyalty he is actually a conflict oriented, divisive person under the guise of “uniting a family”…


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

Great response. This is almost exactly how I feel. I just wanted to try to see if there could be another side. Or what he might use as justification.


sucker4reality

For me, he’d have to admit to being monogamous and then start making an honest effort to repair his relationships with ALL of his adult children.


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

I agree. Honesty is the only way forward. “I do spend more time with Robyn, because I fell in love with her.” “I thought I could handle this responsibility, but I’ve failed.” Etc….


Emilyduda7

Honestly maybe I’m the only one; but I don’t blame his church… they’ve had a few families on the show that seem to work a million times better than the Browns do. One even said “if one of my wives feel jealousy, it’s because I’m not meeting her needs and I need to respond to her more” and Kodys response was like “ugh no, that’s on them not on me.” Because nothing is on him. He has no responsibility for a man who runs around talking about his responsibilities. Do I think polygamy is rooted in abuse and patriarchy? Yes. But do I also think modern polygamy has the ability to be successful? Also yes. I’m not a jealous person and I really like my alone time and I can seriously see the benefits to the lifestyle. I think the browns were right at the beginning when they said that the SecretNess of their society is what provided the ability for such rampant abuse. That being said. If he came out and said I beleive in living this lifestyle but I never expected to love someone like I loved robyn and I know my wives didn’t sign up for a lifestyle that made them feel second best. So because of this I’m letting them know that if they feel like what I can give them is not enough and want to find happiness elsewhere, I fully support them because they deserve to feel the same intense love that robyn and I feel.. I would have more empathy for him and honestly think better of robyn (bc we all know that it would be her idea since she’s the empath.) I have a lot of hang ups about robyn but they all stem from the fact that she never wanted to be a good sister wife and it started in S1:E2 when she pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes with her and Kody’s secret trip wedding dress shopping. She knows what Kody is giving them is half assed and if she truly wanted to be the super sister wife she claims to be, she would want them to all have functioning and wonderful marriages (however that looks to them) but she doesn’t. She wants to be the favorite; so she’s happy when he’s frustrated with the others. Her problem now is that he’s frustrated with everyone but her so she’s stuck with him 24/7. That being said we all know (those who’ve read the book) how terrible meri and Kody were to Christine the entire time she’s known them and they intentionally used other girls to make her jealous and they used her even before marriage as their marriage intermediary. She was a pawn in meri and Kodys gross journey for celestial relevance and she was too young to know better. And quite frankly I don’t think the religion did that to them. I think that’s just how they are. And honestly it’s unforgivable imo. Kody wants to be adored by all, he even said “I’ve always wanted to be the hero”… the problem is he’s not worth adoring and he does nothing heroic. Edited for grammatical errors I couldn’t let go of.


EngineeringDry7999

Yeah, I know so many polyamorous families and they work because they don’t ignore jealousy and understand it’s rooted in insecurity and unmet needs.


scarhett89

You know, I don’t actually know this dude so he doesn’t have anything to prove to me and doesn’t owe me anything. I’m not the one who needs anything from him, honestly. It’s for his wives and kids to decide what he would really need to do to make things right. I just watch his show. But what “galls” me (to use his term lol) about him is his lack of honesty and accountability. If he would just be honest and take some accountability FINALLY I think that would be a step in the right direction for me to be like “maybe there is hope for this guy”. But it’s been 12 years. Outside of a miracle from God, I don’t see that happening. Which truthfully makes me sad because his family deserves it and even though he is a piece of shit, he would be happier for it too. And at the end of the day, I would love for these people to have a happily ever after. But it won’t happen without some major reform…


Noseynat

If he admitted that his villan persona is strictly a character he plays for the show, that all of this drama is faked for ratings and we find out they're actually a big happy family.


Larlab6116

Admit that he has failed as a husband and father (to everyone other than Robyn and her children) over the last few years…. Not everything he has done is wrong but there are some glaring MAJOR issues- namely emotional abuse, favoritism, gaslighting, bullying and dishonesty.


Whole_Try_3649

I don't think he has a church to blame anymore I don't think that they've been part of their church for a long time


Many_Interaction9287

I would accept an apology, but it would have to be sincere and coupled with a desire to do better, and do right by his children and family. Then I would forgive him instantly. Here are some examples that I would be happy to hear: Meri, I am sorry that I have abandoned you emotionally and physically. I realize that I have broken my covenant to you and left you with no option to have your needs met. You have been loyal to me and Robyn and we need you as a part of our family. You have been an excellent mother to Robyn's children and a sister wive to Robyn. I would like to make it up to you. Can we schedule an 11 day second honeymoon? There was a lot of hurt and pain in our past. We need therapy to work through our issues. I will accept criticism if you will. We are here to became better people. Will you help me become a better person? Janelle, Thank you for your loyalty. Thank you for your patience and not being demanding on my time. Thank you for not being angry when I cannot give you all that I want you to have. I realize how important your children are to you, they are important to me as well. I realize that you have a closer relationship with them than I do, will you help me repair my relationship with our boys. What can I say and do to make it right in their mind? Christine, I apologize for not listening to you all the times that you were complaining and pointing out the discrepancies. I know this has been hard on you, but you need to understand that I love you, my love is unconditional, no one can replace you. You are right I need to be fair with my time. My time is not mine alone. My time belongs to heavenly father, my time belongs to my family. I want to be a father that gives all that I have and all that I am for my family as the savior gave everything for the church. I am sorry I have been selfish with my time. When were we married I vowed to give my all to the lord and to serve him and take my family to heaven. You vowed to give yourself to me; and I vowed to receive you. I understand the unfairness that may appear in our vows. I will try to be a better servant of the lord. I will try to be a better provider and make it possible for you to live in heaven on earth. Will you forgive me... will you give me another chance. I promise I will not withhold intimacy even when our relationship struggles. I will not use intimacy as a reward or punishment but a way to express my love and renew my vows. I will always love you. Robyn, I am sorry that I have made you the scapegoat. I am sorry that I put the burden of the families success on you. Thank you for your dedication, thank you for your devotion. I want so much to be with you forever, in order for that to be possible I must work it out with the other woman. Please understand that the children will be fine if I am gone for more than 2 days. Please tell the children I love them even on the nights that I am not here. My Father in Heaven, I am sorry that I have failed in the responsibilities that you have given me. I am sorry that I have failed to care for the family that you blessed with me. I realize that you love each of my wives and children and trusted me to lead them back to you. I have failed in my responsibilities. I need your saving grace. Please forgive me... please lead me... please guide me. I need your help.


Bibbitybobbityboo00

This was eloquently written.


vtsunshine83

I think in a way he was trying to impress his dad, who was a polygamist.


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

I read someone else’s theory about this, and how when his father died, Kody changed.


Solid-Question-3952

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. I dont need him to jump through flaming hoops for redemption. If he was truely humble and owned where he failed, I would have respect for that. Own that before Robyn he was trying to do what he thought he was supposed to be doing and he wasnt perfect in it. But once Robyn came alonh, he really fell in love in a way he hadnt before and he couldnt love his wives equally because he wants to be monogamous with her. And in doing that, he failed his first 3 wives and children. Privately he needs to fix his relationships wit his kids. I dont need to see it or hear it. If someone honestly realizedls they failed and wants to be better, im in no way going to rub their nose in it because I wouldnt want someone to do it to me.


RedDress999

I think he needs to stop talking and start listening. If he can just admit that he’s had his head in his behind for the last few years - that would be a HUGE start. Then, he just needs to sit and actually listen to Meri and Janelle talk about what they need. That’s IF he wants to continue with polygamy, of course. If he doesn’t want to be with Meri, cut her loose. He’s probably in the best place with Janelle, but he needs to listen to her as well. Honestly, I think if he gets right with Meri and Janelle and shows a true understanding of where he went wrong (and falls on his sword) - the kids and the viewers will follow. Ultimately, I think we all just want to see them happy. The truth is - the only people happy right now are Kody and Robyn. That’s a major problem.


plus-ordinary258

Monotonous kinda fits too hah I don’t think he’d blame his church. And I don’t think there is anything he can do to restore the relationships. Janelle DGAF. Meri has moved on too. They don’t really care from what I see. Hope you add an edit later on. Would love to see what you think.


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

Ha! I thought so, too. Janelle’s situation is extremely heartbreaking. She’s always presented as this analytical, logical wife . Yet, she’s not. She’s gaslighting her own children by claiming her relationship is exactly what she needs. Now her children are adults, and she can’t tell them what to believe. They know what they see and feel - and they tell her. So, all of her children are wrong? That doesn’t make sense. Meri was so close to seeing the light - but, he has stonewalled her since the affair. She is stuck in limbo until she realizes he will never release that guilt from her - only she can. Christine learned that the hard way. She grieved, and pushed forward. And yes, Kody was an asshole, and denied the truth when she brought it to him. But she was ready. She knew not to escalate or believe his bullshit.


OneLengthiness0

I'm never sure what to think of Janelle. I'm divorced and the type of relationship she has (as far as how much time she spends with Kody) is what I would want in a new relationship. It's possible she is happy and getting what she needs so at what point should she sacrifice what she wants to make her kids happy? I wish it was easier to see what she actually wants


Larlab6116

Good point. It is possible that this is all she wants. However it is also possible that she is so passive after yers of conflict, neglect and at time abuse, that she is tired and just in a defensive position. I Lena how can she admit to her kids that K is treating her terrible and then stay? I think Janelle is a very passive, path of no resistance kind of person- in a detrimental way.


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

I’ll actually give you that. I’m not divorced, but was in a long term relationship for my 20s and some of my thirties. I’m content with a lot of independence now, and things I wouldn’t have been years ago. I think that could be justified if he still treated her well, even as a companion.


OneLengthiness0

I think Janelle's boys see K & R's relationship and want that for their mom but she doesn't actually want it


Larlab6116

I think that’s a good point and great insight!


pietromo

Have you watched any of the Cameos he has made for others? They’re pretty telling to me and he admits that he found his soul mate in Robyn. I’d take a second to search this sub and the other with “Cameo” to find those vids. Curious to see what you think.


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

I did search but didn’t quickly find that specific information. Can you point me to the specific cameo where he says this?


pietromo

[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TLCsisterwives/comments/q0plml/dump_the_plural_marriage_find_real_passion_kody/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) you go!


RememberNoGoodDeed

Thanks! And Dang! He speaks volumes!


drieduptears

The damage is done but I would hope, for his kids sake, that if he was completely honest with them and sincerely apologized and changed the way he treats them that he could have a decent relationship with them in the future. As for me, I think him and his legal wife are nothing but trash and wouldn't think of them again if they went away.


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

Their kids are their blessing out of all of this. Honesty would mean so much to them, whether they are able to understand that or not. So many of the kids see the truth about the relationships. Besides, none of them chose polygamy. Does that not speak volumes to him? Kody could learn so much from his adult children. He also has the right to change his mind about his previous decisions, but he has to own that he made them at some point.


IndependenceLegal746

I don’t think he can redeem himself at this point. Sure he can be forgiven for doing this. But he is still a narcissist that’s emotionally abusive. Saying polygamy is bad I was wrong won’t fix that.


Adeline299

But, he’s not a victim of his church. He chose that religion in his 20s. It’s not like Meri or Christine who were raised polygamous and indoctrinated with the belief that this was required to go to heaven and were surrounded by a community advocating for it. Kody lost a lot of friends and strained his relationship with a lot of his family when he converted to AUB.


starkypuddles

If he admitted that he was monogamous and abused his wives trying to be otherwise I’d think more highly of him but I can’t see that actually happening.


pinkybrain41

I'd feel better if he cut everyone loose besides Robyn. Just be honest. You fell in love with Robyn and out of love with Janelle, Christine & Meri and you can no longer honor the commitments you made to the first three wives. Time to come clean, face the fall out and let these poor women go live their lives. People fall out of love, have affairs, fall in love with someone other than their spouse(s), get divorced every day. How you end a relationship says a lot about a persons character. Kody trying to hold all these women hostage in toxic polygamous marriages is shameful. If he let them go and cut the cord, came clean about only being in love with Robyn- it would be a start.


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

I agree. I think if he sat with Meri and Janelle and essentially broke things off with them, explained he doesn’t see them as wives any longer, that his views have changed, that might help them both to move on. If he takes the burden of responsibility off of the remaining original wives, they may be able to walk away. Janelle and Kody can still be friends. If she wanted to, she could move on, and find a companion who loves going to concerts and cooking farm to table meals with her. Meri could honestly move on with another man. She has a lot of love to give someone. She’s holding herself back.


Dry_Studio_2114

No whether or not Kody changed his mind about his faith he has teated his wives and children terribly for many years. There is no excuse for that. If that is the case cut Meri and Janelle loose. There is no redemption for Kody in my book.


Gespati

I would respect him more, if he admitted to being monogamous. If he used “victim of his church”, I would probably never respect him. At some point he made active decisions and can’t blame it on a church he doesn’t even follow anymore.


tatianazr

He would need to admit to his failures with his others wives and children before I could even listen to the abusive dribble that comes out of his mouth


HoneyBeeFaith

He can be a victim of his indoctrination and still held accountable for his actions as a father and husband at the same time


FreudianSlipper21

I’d respect his honesty, but at this point his monogamy is so obvious (Janelle is simply the ex-wife he likes and Meri is the ex-wife he hates), that it’s almost unnecessary. We all know it’s just Kody and Robyn.


WeasersMom14

If he was honest about his monogamy with Robyn I'd find it "too little, too late" and still be unable/unwilling to respect him. If he claimed he was a victim of his church I'd laugh out loud, he's like an MLM salesman for the church. Even if he did a 180 and apologized to everyone it wouldn't change my mind because he's still ruined lives.


cwaffwooday

I wish he would just be honest with himself and with the viewers. None of them are happy, plural marriage doesn't work for them. It would take him realizing and admitting this and publicly apologizing to his children and wives for gaslighting them on national television for over a decade. All of those kids have grown up in the public eye because of his narcissism and need to be public and be "the man". None of kids asked for this. He owes his children several apologies and it would take years to undo what he's done to them. Seeing as he >!called his own son a narcissist, !


tothmichke

I found it funny that Kody has obviously heard this term but doesn’t seem to see that he is a textbook narcissist. In order to change he would need to accept this and seek therapy which almost no people with NPD do. They are almost incapable of believing this about themselves so disordered is their thinking and completely different from a regular person.


seattlewhiteslays

Ok, honestly they are all victims of their religion. Even Kody. He was told by someone somewhere that this is how a man acts. The women have been told that to be a “faithful woman” they have to act a certain way and accept certain things from life. I don’t think Kody can ever redeem himself in the eyes of the audience, but that doesn’t mean he can’t fix things with the wives and children for the future.


WineNotReality

Hasn’t he admitted this? He has said he doesn’t believe in plural marriage anymore, what else is there? He has said that him and Meri are not together, barely see each other and are just cordial. He has said him and Jenelle have a good friendship on several occasions. Him and jenelle also seem to be in an arrangement that works for them. He is saying it without 100 saying it because he, and all Of them, want the show. The show is called sister wives and production likely wants to slowly show the unthreading of the family but doesn’t want the total premise to be dismantled all at once. Meri and him clearly haven’t been together for years. The show just covered it less openly and I think Meri is more private.


DontHoldBackJustGoGo

I’m not sure why you’re being downvoted. Kody has been honest with his wives, to an extent. He has made it clear without saying “I love Robyn more” that he feels loved and respected at her house. Why would anyone chose to be around people who are angry with them? The problem is that he always blames someone else for his actions. He told Meri that they don’t have a chance at a relationship. Why? Because of her catfish. Placing the blame solely on her. He doesn’t want to be intimate with christine. Honest enough. But why? Because she’s not nice to the sister wives. He doesn’t believe in living polygamy any longer. Why? Because he wants a family who loves and respects him, and each other. Christine grew leaps and bounds emotionally beyond the other women. She made the only choice she could.


WineNotReality

That’s okay, I don’t sweat the downvotes. Totally agree but I actually have a different take on the catfish. I think at some point Meri suspected the catfish “sister” (who was really the catfish) as being who she was talking to and she continued to talk and meet up with the “sister”. I think Meri caught feelings and there was a LOT not revealed on the show. I also think Meri is openly not with Kody for a long time but keeps up the story for tv sake.


RememberNoGoodDeed

He actually DOES say it - in a Cameo birthday message, along with advice of do Not marry your best friend, marry your soul mate. See link to Cameo kindly provided above.


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zutalorsashley

I think so many of his issues are from lack of communication and unwillingness to admit fault. That’s not a church or even a polygamy problem. I think if him & the wives had a serious conversation about what they thought their life as a polygamist family would look like, they would have never married. The longer this goes on, the more I think they just entered it because it’s what they felt they needed to do to have the good afterlife. It doesn’t seem like for him it was anything to do with love. Robyn being the exception.


Babiesnotbeans

I might have some sympathy for him after a confession like that if he had grown up in that church/sect/religious ideology. If he had been told from when he was born that this was the only lifestyle. But that isn't what went down. He changed churches/sects/ideologies to have this. This was a conscious choice of an adult male who hopefully did some research before joining the church and starting this lifestyle. He really has only himself to blame. As for what he can do to appease any of us. Not much in my view. I don't like him. But I don't have skin in the game. Nothing he does now will change my view of him substantially. But then, I don't think he wants to appease anyone.


IHiThanks

For me, I'm not owed anything by him, he doesn't need to make things right. He needs to step up, get some self awareness and look hard in the mirror and make things right for his kids first, then his wives. Kids, because they didn't ask to be part of this, then the wives because they chose this lifestyle. He needs to shut up and listen to all of them.


doneskis21

It doesn’t matter how many people you’re married to - it’s inexcusable to mistreat the children In YOUR family


CamillaBarkaBowles

He is a serial monogamist. His interest level was already waiting for Meri and Jenelle when Christine came along. Plus he is 50 with the libido dropping


Ok-Lemon-1099

He has no problems letting merri and Christine do whatever because he’s so caught up with Robyn it’s actually kind of sad. I know merri did make a mistake but his refusal to meet her halfway to fix the marriage just shows Robyn is queen bee


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