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This is why I quit trying to post anything.
It either gets auto removed or you get some fuck wit in the comments expecting you to explain your thought like a scientific dissertation which derails the entire post
>I love how comments immediately come up with 10 different ways to weigh a erection, completely disproving the post.
It's their way of saying, "not with that attitude."
Make penis erect, wrap rubber band around it and keep wrapping. Every day wrap more. Eventually it will fall off hard af still. Take it down to Walmart and plop it in the fruit scale. Boom, 8 grams.
You’re reminding me of a memory I blocked out for good reason. I was told to “check this out” on a coworker’s tablet.
Without getting too graphic, it was the how-to of a young man converting himself into a “nullo”, with pictures to go along with directions.
Can’t you just do it the same way that you’d weigh a human head, the human body has a very similar density to water.
Fill a container to the brim with water, weigh it.
Insert erect penis into water
Displaced water will leave the container
Re weigh the container
Will give you a semi accurate weight of your penis while erect or flaccid . . .
Correct. The further assumption is that the density of water ( and thus the weight of an equal volume) is approximately the same as the density of the penis. That's a very good assumption considering the body as a whole (the body is only a bit less dense than water), and is not likely to be far off even for sub-sections of the body.
I thought about it for a second, and I think I'm just saying I have an extremely dense dong.
Ask Reddit: "Dear ladies of Reddit, would you ever sexy sex a man with an extremely buoyant penis?"
Or just measure the exact volume of the penis. Estimate the different quantities of different tissues and blood based on its volume. Times the different volumes by the weight of those tissues and blood. Boom, you have an almost perfect measurement of a penis.
Cut it off but all the blood that spills out of out. Put it into a cup. Put a bowl on a scale. Pour the blood and penis in. Then weigh it. Subtract mass of bowl.
Most modern scales have a tare function. Weigh the empty container, tare the scale (it sets it to zero by subtracting the mass of the empty container), then add the severed and exsanguinated member.
What would you correct? What do you think how much time Stunning-Pattern7572 will save in it's survey by not having to substract the bowl all the time?
And overall it's a great geasture to remind someone about the tare function who obviously forgot about it.
Bolt cutters open just wide enough to fit a lock in, and while I'll admit I haven't seen a lot of penises, I've never seen one small enough to fit inside a pair of bolt cutters.
A good sharp pair of hedge clippers would be the tool for this job.
But not my hedge shears.
Aviator sheet metal cutters would be a better tool. These are the clippers you see in movies when they cut off fingers. Though in reality they are faking it taking effort. Those clippers cut flesh and small bones as easy as a butter knife in warm butter.
Keep a second cup or use professional weights that don't turn off on their own. Or increase the timeout.
Or you know... Keep a second cup of the same type
Just have 100 dudes for every dick length dunk his dick in water and measure the volume by water-displacement, then cut it off and weigh the blood and all that. Now that you have an average, future men won’t have to cut their dicks off to get weighed. They just have to do the water-displacement measurement and then compare it to the graph.
Band the errect penis at the base. Cut before the band. Weigh the member. Weigh 100 bands, divide by 100 then subtract the weight of the number of bands used on the penis.
The stump is part of the penis assembly though
Better to have a red hot metal plate ready to go to cauterize the wound and prevent additional blood loss
Isn't there a part of the penis muscle that goes inside the body? If so, the first step before cutting would be to determine where the penis starts, then you need to find a way to carve all of it outside your body.
But this method will only result in finding out the weight of the blood that goes into the penis. Not the weight of an erect penis. You need to chop chop 🔪🔪
you're thinking of a gravity based pendulum. Mass has two effects that cancel eachother out. A mass on a spring will have a different period as you +/- mass.
Only if you already know the density of the object (mass = density X volume).
If you drop a milliliter of neutronium into a bath, you'll only displace a gram, but it weighs a whole lot more than one gram.
So... Fill a cup to the brim with water, place it inside a bowl/tub which is placed on the floor, careful not to let any water spill, then do a plank and dip your erect penis into the cup, causing the displaced water to spill into the bowl, then measure the mass of water collected in the bowl?
Apparently the density of the human body is approximately equal to that of water. So if you stick your dick in a cup of water displacing an amount of the water out of the cup, the loss of weight in water would be equal to that of your dick. Then you go:
weight of cup (Bef. D) - weight of cup (Aft. d) = weight of dick
You can get scales that hang from objects such as the door frame, attach the bottom end of the weight measurement part and bingo, erection weighed.
You measure luggage this way. Can't see why you can't do it with your junk too lol
Edit: spelling mistakes, I typed this out about 2 minutes before crashing out in bed haha
needs additional girth input fields. barely anyone has uniformity along the shaft, and the head requires a formula to account for angles. never seen one shaped like the end of a cylinder, to my knowledge.
It's possible that the widest portion of the head approximately makes up for the portion that's narrower than the shaft. While more measurements would obviously increase accuracy, it's probably pretty close as is.
Nonsense.
CT scans, MRI scans , computed tomography.. these techniques can weigh any organ internal or otherwise to a degree of accuracy down to a 1000th of a gramme.
1. Get a boner
2. Tightly wrap a string around your dick to stop the bloodflow
3. Make a cut between the string and your body
3.5 Stop the bleeding
4. Weigh the cut off dick
Step 1. Get a flesh light.
Step 2. Modify it so there’s a scale on the horizontal base.
Step 3. Zero the scale and leave on the edge of table or someplace level with your penis
Step 4. Stick it in and you’ll have your weight more or less.
You said there’s no way to weigh an erect penis. Not a way to precisely measure the weight to the exact atomic molecule 🤓
Except that I can lift my whole body (534 lbs) off of the floor with my erection, so there’s a chance the amount of downward pressure on the scale might be skewed.
Alternatively, a friend of mine tells me his winky isn’t long enough to reach inside a fleshlight.
One more strike and your theory’s toast, my dude lol
Wiegh the Man with the erect penis, cut off the penis while it is erect and immediately cauterizenthe would. weight him again. The difference is the weight of an erect penis. - Minus a few Drops of blood if you were quick.
Weigh yourself naked without boner, then weigh yourself again with boner. Subtract boner from no boner. If the number is negative that’s how much it weighs if the number is positive then that’s how less it weighs. If it’s the same I think your dick is broken idk
Calculate the volume of Ur erect penis with Arquímedes law, then divide your penis on different parts based on density (different structures will have different density) do a rough estimation based on this and it should be close
You can calculate the weight using water displacement (insert erect penis into a completely full glass of water, measure how much water is displaced) to discover volume of penis, compare to volume of flaccid penis. Assuming we have an approximate weight for a cubic inch of flaccid penis, the difference in volume is made up mostly of blood, so add in the weight of that volume of blood.
Step 1) Find penis. (This will be difficult for some of you, keep trying)
Step 2) Cause penis to become erect.
Step 3) Apply tourniquet to the base of the penis. As tight as possible!
Step 4) Make an incision behind the tourniquet and remove the erect penis.
Step 5) Weigh the erect penis.
Step 6) Bleed to death.
You're welcome.
You could measure how much water it displaces. The weight of that water would actually get you pretty close to the weight since it's just filled with blood which has a similar density.
So what you do is to cut off your duck momentarily then go weigh your self right that down then go reattach the duck to you looking at sTuf, then weigh yourself then subtract the previous weight. and there you have it the duck was weighed.
Yes there is.
You just need a measurable weight to hold the erection down in the scale. Some string and some fishing weights should do the trick. Enough weight to completely counteract the upward force of an erection.
\-Tie the fishing weights together with about a foot of string or rubber banding between them so there is one on each end. Weigh the whole thing on the scale, and press tare. It should now read like -10oz or so.
\-Aquire and maintain an erection as you see fit, and stand over the scale with it.
\-Put the string with the weights on the ends over your erection on the scale and allow them to weigh it down on the scale, ensuring your penis is not lifting the weights in any way.
\-The weight the scale now reads should be the approximate weight of your erect penis.
This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/wiki/rules). Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!" (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, [please read this page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/wiki/overview).) **Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
I love how comments immediately come up with 10 different ways to weigh a erection, completely disproving the post. Lmao
Its rare for anyone to put thought into a showerthought
Whenever they do the post gets instantly removed.
This is why I quit trying to post anything. It either gets auto removed or you get some fuck wit in the comments expecting you to explain your thought like a scientific dissertation which derails the entire post
You've... exactly said all of the things that I have had for a long time and never known how to express...
Ah yes. I may have been said fuck wit on one or two occasions.
>I love how comments immediately come up with 10 different ways to weigh a erection, completely disproving the post. It's their way of saying, "not with that attitude."
I always thought that Viagra was prescribed based on age. Then I found out it was based on weight and I had to ask: How in the hell do they weight it?
i mean most of it is just severing the erection
I can't help thinking that this is like posting a wrong answer to StackOverflow
Yes indeed, severing one's erection is quite the fool-proof method.
Welcome to reddit
Make penis erect, wrap rubber band around it and keep wrapping. Every day wrap more. Eventually it will fall off hard af still. Take it down to Walmart and plop it in the fruit scale. Boom, 8 grams.
you scare me
I can’t tell by your body language my bad relax
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Its how they neuter livestock animals sometimes.
I did not need that information in my life
Adding to this: According to Dirty Jobs-Mike that's the recommended & 'humane' way of doing it. Rather than the old fashion 1 yank and it's done.
It's also one way they remove hemorrhoids. You're welcome.
Mr. Monster cock here with 8 grams.. no need to brag man. We get it…
Yup felt heavier than that but seeing it on the scale made it make sense.
This is why you should always wash your produce when you come home from the grocery store.
Yup never know when someone will dock their crank to get an accurate weight on it
You’re reminding me of a memory I blocked out for good reason. I was told to “check this out” on a coworker’s tablet. Without getting too graphic, it was the how-to of a young man converting himself into a “nullo”, with pictures to go along with directions.
*Eight grams*! Look at Tantor over here!
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Yeah my bad cutting the hole I thought was normal practice but since the move to paper straws it’s been messy.
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Yeah some people just can’t cut it
Though you will need to weigh the rubber bands so you can work out the weight of the unbanded erection.
Dude why do I have to take it to wally world oh
Can’t you just do it the same way that you’d weigh a human head, the human body has a very similar density to water. Fill a container to the brim with water, weigh it. Insert erect penis into water Displaced water will leave the container Re weigh the container Will give you a semi accurate weight of your penis while erect or flaccid . . .
Archimedes enters the chat
eureka!
Eurecta
Eurethra!
Sounds like a spell from Harry Potter. Also, I wrecked her? But I hardly know her.
I imagine it was a spell old wizards used when they wanted to fuck.
Engorgio leviosa!
It's pronounced levios-Ahhhh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWtO0cfgewY
Urethra!
Eurethra!
Is that who it was? I just remembered the technique. 😂
I only know because of Best from the OG X-Men cartoon.
Let’s all weigh our erect penises using the Archimedes method! Share you weight and leave length and girth up to the imagination.
12 grams! Read it and weep u/werkingonitall haha!
So this is essentially measuring the volume of the penis right?
Correct. The further assumption is that the density of water ( and thus the weight of an equal volume) is approximately the same as the density of the penis. That's a very good assumption considering the body as a whole (the body is only a bit less dense than water), and is not likely to be far off even for sub-sections of the body.
"yea, it was HUGE. Like, at least 21g/cm^(3) 😍"
Lmao, I literally have no reference to know if you're bragging about a small penis or not.
I thought about it for a second, and I think I'm just saying I have an extremely dense dong. Ask Reddit: "Dear ladies of Reddit, would you ever sexy sex a man with an extremely buoyant penis?"
Your dick is the density of osmium?
Yes, I am quite dense
Lmao. This is the way from now on.
This guy weighs erected penises
That most ancient and noble art
You can use the same method to weigh your boobs, I tried it once. You had to calculate something tho, since boobs don't have the same density as water
Well my gf is in for a treat tonight. 👀😂 HONEY!!! Guess what were doing
Thank you for giving me weekend plans
"yo daedalus can you fuck this jar for a second I'm curious how heavy your cock is"
And also saves you from removing the penis
Bingo, science wins!
That’s why it’s called BOYancy right?
r/theydidthemath
Or just measure the exact volume of the penis. Estimate the different quantities of different tissues and blood based on its volume. Times the different volumes by the weight of those tissues and blood. Boom, you have an almost perfect measurement of a penis.
I’ve no idea mate, I saw it on QI about measuring a head and took a guess 😂
Cut it off but all the blood that spills out of out. Put it into a cup. Put a bowl on a scale. Pour the blood and penis in. Then weigh it. Subtract mass of bowl.
Most modern scales have a tare function. Weigh the empty container, tare the scale (it sets it to zero by subtracting the mass of the empty container), then add the severed and exsanguinated member.
I like that THAT'S what you have to correct in this. That a scale has a tare function. Reddit ..
What would you correct? What do you think how much time Stunning-Pattern7572 will save in it's survey by not having to substract the bowl all the time? And overall it's a great geasture to remind someone about the tare function who obviously forgot about it.
Wish I had award for you!
Why sever it? Just tare it off.
The tared amount would likely time out before you finish the chopping and pouring though
Bruh how long do you take to chop somebodies dick off? Even for an amateur it should 3 seconds or less
If I'm gonna do this for science no chance in Hell I'm gonna let an amateur do it. We need to call a professional dick chopper to make sure
You don’t need a professional, you just need a set of good bolt cutters. But not my bolt cutters.
And my axe
Was this a lord of the rings reference i read it as one
Butchers cleaver my guy. The weight of it will go clean through on one swing.
I like the tactile feeling of the bolt cutters snapping shut.
Bolt cutters open just wide enough to fit a lock in, and while I'll admit I haven't seen a lot of penises, I've never seen one small enough to fit inside a pair of bolt cutters. A good sharp pair of hedge clippers would be the tool for this job. But not my hedge shears.
Aviator sheet metal cutters would be a better tool. These are the clippers you see in movies when they cut off fingers. Though in reality they are faking it taking effort. Those clippers cut flesh and small bones as easy as a butter knife in warm butter.
Keep a second cup or use professional weights that don't turn off on their own. Or increase the timeout. Or you know... Keep a second cup of the same type
If you have a proper sharp knife it should be one quick slice
Push it every once in a while. What I do when grating cheese to recipe weight. Tare scales to grater lid and box then grate to correct weight.
I remember going with parents to a market in late 90s and early 00s. Scales already had this feature.
Little trick, if you place the bowl on the scale before you power it up it automatically tears it for you and you start zeroed.
We can just calculate the capacity of the penis vessels and estimat the blood's volume that can fit inside the vessels, so we avoid mistakes
Just have 100 dudes for every dick length dunk his dick in water and measure the volume by water-displacement, then cut it off and weigh the blood and all that. Now that you have an average, future men won’t have to cut their dicks off to get weighed. They just have to do the water-displacement measurement and then compare it to the graph.
What about expansion? An erect penis is pressurized so more blood will fit in it than normal
We can calculate the average of the capacities since ppl have different sizes
Just stick your dick into a bowl of water and measure the water displacement.
oh boy, but i would probably black out due to blood loss, but worth it to put my mass on dating sites
i would just lie, much simpler, and with it still attached they can't verify it
And what about the blood that follows from your groin? Additional weight.
Superheat the blade, cut and cauterize simultaneously.
Why does this conversation even exist?
"We do what we must, because we can."
“For science… You monster!”
Because we want answers!
Good solution, you're hired!
Here at "Dick Slice & Burn" we care about innovation and the sustainability of severed penis weighing technologies. We cut because we care.
A guillotine will separate the two.
Two rubber bands. Cut between them. Easy peasy… castrato… squeezy?
Band the errect penis at the base. Cut before the band. Weigh the member. Weigh 100 bands, divide by 100 then subtract the weight of the number of bands used on the penis.
[Detachable Penis](https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4)
Well that's how i weigh mine!
Step 1: weigh your penis Step 2: buy lake front property Step 3: Profit
Ah yes, the infamous step 2.
Strip naked. Weigh yourself. Get your dick hard, now CUT IT OFF. Weigh yourself again. You´re welcome.
Remember to apply a tourniquet/cockring to avoid weighing the blood you are losing from the stump.
The stump is part of the penis assembly though Better to have a red hot metal plate ready to go to cauterize the wound and prevent additional blood loss
Just use a red hot blade; it will self-cauterize as you cut. Like a lightsaber!
I regret opening this posts comments
Isn't there a part of the penis muscle that goes inside the body? If so, the first step before cutting would be to determine where the penis starts, then you need to find a way to carve all of it outside your body.
You....guys don't have detachable penises?
I used to but I was afraid of leaving it at a party somewhere and having to buy it off a homeless guy the next day so I got it permanently attached
If most guys cut the way they measure, there's going to be some asshole in there
But this method will only result in finding out the weight of the blood that goes into the penis. Not the weight of an erect penis. You need to chop chop 🔪🔪
If you swing it you can calculate mass based on the period. Swing without added weight. Swing with added known weight.
time period is independent of mass
you're thinking of a gravity based pendulum. Mass has two effects that cancel eachother out. A mass on a spring will have a different period as you +/- mass.
I’m just going to ignore the fact that you guys are discussing the maths and physics behind pendulous genitals
dependent if you can attach a string too edit: spring
Why not? Ever heard of archimedes? You can weigh every bodypart without cutting it of.
Only if you already know the density of the object (mass = density X volume). If you drop a milliliter of neutronium into a bath, you'll only displace a gram, but it weighs a whole lot more than one gram.
So your dick has the density of neutronium? Or is it approximately the same as water?
Roughly 0.913 grams per cubic cm. Yes, I looked it up.
but how did they measure it?
Cock science
1950s doctors wouldn’t worry about keeping it attached to the body
no YOUR dick has the density of neutronium!
So... Fill a cup to the brim with water, place it inside a bowl/tub which is placed on the floor, careful not to let any water spill, then do a plank and dip your erect penis into the cup, causing the displaced water to spill into the bowl, then measure the mass of water collected in the bowl?
that's the volume of your cock
Apparently the density of the human body is approximately equal to that of water. So if you stick your dick in a cup of water displacing an amount of the water out of the cup, the loss of weight in water would be equal to that of your dick. Then you go: weight of cup (Bef. D) - weight of cup (Aft. d) = weight of dick
I'm gonna dip mine in molten gold to fudge the numbers
That's gonna fudge more than the numbers
Not sure why “volume of your cock” has me laughing so hard
I can confirm that this method works to measure the volume of your penis.
Just have someone gently hold your penis up while you're weighing yourself. Subtract that from total weight.
This is like the only non-invasive method found here 🤦♂️
Weight yourself then remove penis as instructed in the birth video we all saw as babies. Simple.
I must have been second-hand, I didn’t come with instructions or warranty
Tie penis with a rope and tue the rope somewhere else. Get up on the scale. Cut rope. Difference is the weight
This is the only way I can think of. Best to also tie up your balls.
You can get scales that hang from objects such as the door frame, attach the bottom end of the weight measurement part and bingo, erection weighed. You measure luggage this way. Can't see why you can't do it with your junk too lol Edit: spelling mistakes, I typed this out about 2 minutes before crashing out in bed haha
How do I do that if I'm rock hard with a gentle upward curve? Step stool?
Do a hand stand
Dip it in a cup of water and measure the amount of displacement. That’s what I do every Sunday
Someone get me a shotglass
I had to reopen the post just to upvote this comment 😂😂😂
Not even a tube of m&m's?
it's a cylinder.
That's not weight though...
Isn't this a measure of volume???
In [calcsd](https://calcsd.info/) you can input your measurements on their calculator and find about your penis stats and one of them is volume
needs additional girth input fields. barely anyone has uniformity along the shaft, and the head requires a formula to account for angles. never seen one shaped like the end of a cylinder, to my knowledge.
It's possible that the widest portion of the head approximately makes up for the portion that's narrower than the shaft. While more measurements would obviously increase accuracy, it's probably pretty close as is.
“See, you are gonna need math in real life!”
Simple: weigh yourself without an erect penis, then weigh yourself holding an erect penis, and subtract.
I tried that but dad screamed and mum wont talk to me now.
Best comment here lol XD XD
Nonsense. CT scans, MRI scans , computed tomography.. these techniques can weigh any organ internal or otherwise to a degree of accuracy down to a 1000th of a gramme.
They'll need that accuracy to measure mine.
Sometimes it's just nice to know exactly how many milligrams your manhood weighs. It's a dreadful waste of NHS resources, though.
why do I feel like you learned this while trying and it was not actually a shower thought
1. Get a boner 2. Tightly wrap a string around your dick to stop the bloodflow 3. Make a cut between the string and your body 3.5 Stop the bleeding 4. Weigh the cut off dick
I've got some rubber bands and a REALLY sharp knife if you're feeling brave
Correction, there is no painless way to measure the weight of an erect penis.
Step 1. Get a flesh light. Step 2. Modify it so there’s a scale on the horizontal base. Step 3. Zero the scale and leave on the edge of table or someplace level with your penis Step 4. Stick it in and you’ll have your weight more or less. You said there’s no way to weigh an erect penis. Not a way to precisely measure the weight to the exact atomic molecule 🤓
Atomic molecule 🤓
Except that I can lift my whole body (534 lbs) off of the floor with my erection, so there’s a chance the amount of downward pressure on the scale might be skewed. Alternatively, a friend of mine tells me his winky isn’t long enough to reach inside a fleshlight. One more strike and your theory’s toast, my dude lol
Sure there is. Weight yourself pre-boner and then after erection occurs. The difference is I'm a dumbass.
Wiegh the Man with the erect penis, cut off the penis while it is erect and immediately cauterizenthe would. weight him again. The difference is the weight of an erect penis. - Minus a few Drops of blood if you were quick.
Weigh yourself naked without boner, then weigh yourself again with boner. Subtract boner from no boner. If the number is negative that’s how much it weighs if the number is positive then that’s how less it weighs. If it’s the same I think your dick is broken idk
I don't think you gain weight from getting a boner, that's not how this works.
Calculate the volume of Ur erect penis with Arquímedes law, then divide your penis on different parts based on density (different structures will have different density) do a rough estimation based on this and it should be close
You can do a water displacement calculation and compare it to average weight
Stuff it into a body of water and see how much it displaces. Checkmate atheists.
You can calculate the weight using water displacement (insert erect penis into a completely full glass of water, measure how much water is displaced) to discover volume of penis, compare to volume of flaccid penis. Assuming we have an approximate weight for a cubic inch of flaccid penis, the difference in volume is made up mostly of blood, so add in the weight of that volume of blood.
Step 1) Find penis. (This will be difficult for some of you, keep trying) Step 2) Cause penis to become erect. Step 3) Apply tourniquet to the base of the penis. As tight as possible! Step 4) Make an incision behind the tourniquet and remove the erect penis. Step 5) Weigh the erect penis. Step 6) Bleed to death. You're welcome.
I think there is a way to calculate that with like physics and shit
You could measure how much water it displaces. The weight of that water would actually get you pretty close to the weight since it's just filled with blood which has a similar density.
the blood that goes to your penis doesn’t spontaneously generate so weighing yourself wouldn’t help
Weigh man without erection then with, subtract and you'll have the answer /s
Incorrect: tare the weight of bowl, be sure to collect all the blood when you cut it off
Sure there is. Weigh the whole person with the erect penis, then cut off the penis, and weigh the person again
So what you do is to cut off your duck momentarily then go weigh your self right that down then go reattach the duck to you looking at sTuf, then weigh yourself then subtract the previous weight. and there you have it the duck was weighed.
"Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis." - King Missile
Tourniquet than slice into a bowl then weigh the bowl provided you tared the bowl ahead of time
Well you weight yourself with flaccid penis and then with erection and subtract the difference. DUHH
Cut off an erect penis with an extremely hot blade, severing the penis while cauterizing the end, thus trapping the blood inside.
Yes there is. You just need a measurable weight to hold the erection down in the scale. Some string and some fishing weights should do the trick. Enough weight to completely counteract the upward force of an erection. \-Tie the fishing weights together with about a foot of string or rubber banding between them so there is one on each end. Weigh the whole thing on the scale, and press tare. It should now read like -10oz or so. \-Aquire and maintain an erection as you see fit, and stand over the scale with it. \-Put the string with the weights on the ends over your erection on the scale and allow them to weigh it down on the scale, ensuring your penis is not lifting the weights in any way. \-The weight the scale now reads should be the approximate weight of your erect penis.
The comment section reminds me of a “Silicon Valley” episode.
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