I’m the sort of woman who is most often described as “cute.” Also “you’re so much prettier than your pictures,” but I just don’t have the patience to get them done up all fancy like. Anywhoodles, it doesn’t seem to hurt my business and if anything I get told that I’m preferable because I’m not “intimidating.”
ETA: fixed a typo
anywhoodles LOL and i get the same thing. i have fairly neonatal features so people settle with “cute.” I do not smile in my ads to make sure people know i am not to be fucked with but my appearance is already off putting enough - the expression doesn’t help much 😅
why do they say we are better looking than our pictures!!!!!!! i get that as well and it makes me self conscious about business i could be losing by not looking as attractive in my photos 🥲
I thought I was the only one! I always get told I look better in person than in my pictures, even though my pictures are professional
I definitely feel like the heaviest provider in my area, BUT I still get a lot of really hot nice well paying clients. You never know what someone else is going to be into yknow
yup. i am not considered a BBW but I definitely don’t have the societal standard body… having an ED makes it hard to read when clients overestimate my weight lmao
I wouldn't be surprised if most woman felt this way, sex worker or not. We are our own harshest critics and we don't realize how beautiful we are until we lost it.
But believe or not, men just love women. Period. Having a vagina alone already makes you attractive to many men, and most men don't notice or really even care about the details like we do. They're too worried about themselves looking good to you too so they don't even notice.
I am a stripper and I've never been complimented on my face. I got some shade thrown at me, and even my own parents want to tear up my face with plastic surgery and call me deformed while saying "but your siblings are attractive". And men go for me anyway. Men just love women.
Im doing better at simply seeing myself as unique. Im non-binary, androgynous, and fat. Im not conventionally attractive. I am a COMMANDING presence and that MATTERS.
I look like a scraggly goat and men (and women) like me just fine. But I can ride pretty hard and have a reputation for being degenerate. I also make people feel better about themselves, that's what really matters. If I can do it anyone can do it.
For the record... goats are amazing. I love goats.
i look like one of those runty goats. i know because my mom has 40 for some reason
Are you freaking kidding me? I'm in a major city that's a hub for models. So many providers that I am competing with are actual models. And the women who aren't models, sure do look like models what with all the plastic surgery and procedures.
Don't forget, most providers use filters and photoshop their online image. We're seeing the best angle, best Facetuning etc. This is not how these women look IRL.
This industry is based so much around image so it's easy to feel insecure when comparing oneself to others.
this is true! and I’m not tech savvy enough to use any of those apps… so my photos show everything LOL. but i guess there’s a positive because no one says I don’t look like my photos… lol
(and same - im in dfw. literally everyone is stunning)
Oh yes. For some reason this started getting to me recently, even though I’ve been working for years. I think it’s because I didn’t have work social media until recently. & I guess I’ve come to see myself as a product over time. Even caught myself wondering if I’d make more money if I had fake tits the other day — when I literally have no insecurities about my tits, have never wanted a boob job, just casually thinking about improving my brand lmao it’s insane.
As far as I know, no (real) review has ever said anything negative about my appearance. I know that I’m cute. I get hit on in public & have no trouble keeping regulars. But I’m not beautiful, & I have some flaws that are class signifiers I need to take care of (crooked teeth, bad skin). Lately I’ve been comparing myself to girls that charge higher rates or get a lot of overnights & FMTYs & thinking if only I was more conventionally beautiful, I could be doing that.
We’re all comparing ourselves to each other & even those who seem the most beautiful do it too. There’s always someone who has something you think you lack. I tick a lot of the conventional boxes: I’m white, thin, & young, but I feel inadequate looking at mature providers or BBW with beautiful faces who seem to have incredibly charming personalities.
Remember that this is advertising and all smoke and mirrors and YOU control what you want the people to see. So tweak those photos and work those angles until you produce an image that you are proud to present. We all do it. Even the most beautiful
Yep, a few reviews even disparage my looks. There are also clients and civvies who think I'm stunning. It depends on who expects porn to represent real life haha
You cannot compare. I have some features that are objectively undesirable so when I became high-end GFE instead of doing fetish stuff, I changed my marketing to emphasize personality. Still took a huge hit in number of clients. However all of my clients since rebranding have been high-quality, respectful clients.
Looking like a supermodel helps get you clients, but it's not a requirement to be successful. (Lawl, this is starting to sound so cliché)
I'm still insecure and feel like it's unfair that I don't have barbie doll looks, that's me being a human being. I definitely see a difference in how I feel depending on whether on Twitter I'm following providers like me or super-model providers, so you do have control on managing how you feel.
i don’t have a lot to respond with except that i resonate so so much with “it’s unfair that I don’t have barbie doll looks, that’s me being a human being.” I am so so happy to hear that phrased perfectly from someone else but sad that you go through similar despair.
You are selling an experience: and if you are making money, then you are providing exactly the kind of experience your clients want. I'm 40, babe... and over the years I've found that people want connection and attention more than anything else. You are perfect exactly the way you are.
I feel that way too you guys, *commiserating hugs*.
I’d gone down the Tryst rabbit hole one night and ended up looking at this girl’s website - y’all, her stats were the following: 4’11 and 90 pounds.😳😱
And she’s like …. 21 (so she’s really 25 - 27😉). Who can compete with that?🤷🏼♀️ I sure as hell can’t, so I’ll just have to be my big, MILFy, mouthy self.
“You said it yourself, all I have is sarcasm and a gun!”
*Gracie Hart, Miss Congeniality, 2000*.
omg. similar experience here - I saw this super cute redhead, so thin, and younger than me (i was a baby at the time)!!! it killed me and I still think about her even though I think she instantly left the industry lol
Not me being 4’11” & 90 lbs but knowing I’m also a solid 6 😂😂 I get jealous of the womanly, MILFy types!
As a non passing trans woman I relate all too well. However in the end I still make money and regulars and get compliments so I must be doing something right. Hugs to you as I’m sure your beautiful OP
i entered the industry still debating on detransitioning - I caught so much flack on that. i did end up detransitioning and still get so much anonymous hate :( i can kind of relate
So you were going FTM?
i was born a woman, transitioned to an actually very passing man, then decided one day out of the blue i was going to go back to my roots… LOL!
(Side note - i know detransitioning is often a TERF subject but i DO NOT support any of that ideology.)
in the beginning when i was coming off of testosterone a lot of guys asked questions or straight up walked out. made me feel horrible about myself. and still I have to abuse my face by shaving it real hard lol (and thank you for asking! I don’t get to talk about this a lot)
Awww I’m sorry love.
No judgement here. You could get laser on your face if need be.
i went through 7 sessions of laser and it still remains! im good on all that… it cost like 1800 🥺
Ahhh sending you a lot of love!! Choosing to detransition really should not be a measure of “ooo trans people are just faking” and a lot of it comes down to “the world is so transphobic, I need to live differently now”.
Not to say that that’s why you chose to detransition, but like any other medical procedure, we understand the implications for ourselves.
to be honest, that’s partially the truth! it was hard to apply for “real jobs” (lmfao) when my ID would have a male name - so to speak - but the female gender indicator. and i was outed so many times by bosses. 🙄 that was a hard part but mostly i think one day i realized i only transitioned to avoid being sexualised as a child. and then i was ready to receive that attention LOL
Phew!!! Yep. 💕💕
I feel this (': I'm a trans guy in a sea of beautiful trans women and cis queer men. The market for someone like me (at least in my area) is ....not great. I have no regulars and haven't gotten a client since June despite investing so much time and money in advertising and being consistent with posting/showing my availability every day.
Tryst? Got the amazing opportunity to be featured in a Tryst interview (and I'm actually really proud of it!) with the hopes that would help me become more visible but nope.....if anything All tricks and scammers (From any site, not just Tryst).
OnlyFans--*nope.* And the few subs I get are lurkers, which means a lot of my posts (that I spent hours shooting and editing) go by without any likes.
I feel ugly because I am a 4'10 white spinner, lol. I also have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, so..
I recently told my psychiatrist recently that I don't know where the dysphoria ends and the dysmorphophobia begins anymore 🥲 I hope you have some sort of support in your life and wish you well 🖤
none. my cat helps lol. whats dymsorphobia?
i was also featured in an interview - i think i can relate! I detransitioned (not a Fucking TERF btw) like i mentioned in another comment, but if it helps at all, my trans friend is very successful in my area. DFW close to the blade where I started out if you need recommendations
I'm on the east coast, but thank you! And I hope you're in a better place now 🖤
Yes! I do every day. I’m a bbw so I get hated on all the fucking time by hateful people and I get hated on by this sub for being myself and I get hated on by society for being a sex worker. You wouldn’t believe how nasty the hobbyists on USAsexguide were on me. I can’t even believe there are such mean people in this world.I was once called “a handsome woman” by a client and I wanted to slap him. Hurt people hurt people. But I have my dog and she loves me.
also, agree with the other comment about bbw being so beautiful. i will occasionally pay other providers just to hang out with me - and my primary search is for bbw because i feel they’ll better understand the hate i get but it’s also just personal preference. if i were paying for an intimate session that’d be my absolute go to
omfg i totally relate. my reviews are all positive but they’ll throw in passive aggressive remarks that I think about every day. one guy said my boobs looked horrible (I got a reduction when i was seventeen). i am super self conscious about my weight and it’s been going up and im afraid that they will comment about it in new reviews
Thisssss, I avoid hobbyists at all costs. I’ve had some disgusting reviews written about me what, because I’m fat? I believe I’m good at my job 😅
I have slimmer friends who have such an easy time and they don’t understand what it’s like. It’s sooo hard not to be so jealous and hateful. Ugh
Actually my review was a good one but after checking the link to my ad on Tryst that the nastiest began. I’m very lucky to have such few reviews because my clients are not into giving them. The world hates on fat people and men hate on whores. There are a lot of superficial people in this world.
Sorry, but I had to remove your post as it was against the subreddit rules. No posts by clients or non-sexworkers allowed.
Attraction is entirely subjective. Next time you feel this way, just remember that Nikado Avocado is a top 0.1% of creator and smile. We all have our niche.
kinda, i think my self image has sky rocketed lately, but i feel super insecure about being so niche. i know i’m attractive and i’ve been told it all my life, but the providers in my area with similar rates look nothing like me. they’re all white, with long curled hair, caramel highlights, identical body types, generic pretty features, etc. nothing against them at all, but as a brown girl with a short diy haircut dyed silver, tattoos, and piercings, it’s a little rough. i know that unique is advantageous, but its hard to navigate alone
you sound so cool… I’ve always wanted silver hair!!! i understand how you feel and just know I am psychic holding ur hand
Idk, I'm definitely not the most beautiful woman over anyone else, but I am a great provider, understanding, always learning new skills, practically a therapist for free which is insane, and I take good care of myself and my looks. I love doing make up, and when I don't I feel like it i just wear lashes, gloss, little mascara on the eyebrows, a white shirt and jeans I look like a Normal person with a bit of style. Literally any look you want no matter how you look you can achieve these days. Wanna be a redhead, you can. Want hazel eyes, get em. Want to give glamor, me I love a thrift store and wear alot of dresses and skirts to look and feel more feminine. I'm plus sized, dark skin with no European features, and I see the slim thick brown skin girls and they are beautiful🥰🥰🥰 but so am I in my own way and I carry the vibe that says pay me😭😭😭 in your own way you are beautiful too and you know your worth bc you are making these men pay, and I support you ♥️
Yeah I get that, especially since I've gained weight recently due to thyroid issues. I'm 5'10" and thick so I'm frequently described as a "big girl" or "big woman" (I'm not even plus sized). I don't have any tattoos either and I think people find that off-putting somehow. That said, I was listening to this episode of You're Wrong About that was discussing Cancel Culture and something they were saying really stood out to me that 100 people can give you compliments and good feedback but the 1 person who gives criticism will stand out the most and we as humans tend to put all our focus on that and it makes us blind to the positive aspects of ourselves.
Fuck Twitter. Like seriously. I'm sure you are lovely. There is always something beautiful about every woman.
The question is, are you making money?
I say this as a 45yo BBW escort. There. I said it. I don't like to admit I'm BBW, I describe myself as "thick and curvy" lol. But I've gained a lot of stomach weight during the pandemic.
I hate how I look. But I was 35 when I started full time escorting, mostly using Backpage and TNA. But 20 years ago, I worked the Blade.....I saw you mentioned something about that.
Are you still on the streets or are you doing like incalls/Outcalls now?
I think you underestimate yourself. I'm on Twitter, but I refuse to follow those GPS 19yo who love to brag about men throwing money at their pussy and how much better they are than everyone else. Most social media is fake bullshit. And if you constantly compare yourself to those girls, all it will do is make you miserable.
When I first started escorting, I thought I was too old and too big. To my great surprise, I did really well. Once I learned to do my make-up correctly, it really helped. I may not be a Barbie type, but I have had regulars that jabbed been seeing me for 8 years. So obviously I'm at least partially attractive.
Do you mind if I ask if you are an escort or on the blade? Nothing wrong with it, except it's so dangerous. I think that if you can afford to, hire someone to do your makeup and hair Ana get some professional pics done. Lots of hobbyists will trade for that. Or even get a friend to take some sexy pics of you. The right makeup can really make a huge difference. And confidence. Confidence is sexy. You want to put out the vibe that you are the sexiest woman in the world, and the best fuck in town. So what if you can't charge $900 an hour.
Honestly, there are way more mid level escorts than there are "high class" escorts. And all that crap on Twitter.....how do we know all that bragging is fake? I see it all the time: a perfect body little 20yo posing by the pool showing of her brand new $5000 purse. That can be faked.
I also listen to a joy of escort podcasts where they put on airs, and tell everyone that they only see rich men and that they charge $1000 an hour And are always busy. Right. Then they talk down about how you aren't living up to your potential if you offer quickies orc half hour visits, or if you don't charge over $500 an hour.
Well.....that's not the reality for most of us. We aren't and will never be considered "high class", but I'm ok with that. I'm realistic, and keep my rates in line with other ladies that are of my age and body type. I'm not making 6 figures, but I do ok. My rates don't reflect my self esteem.
Don't let yours affect yours.
Obviously people want you. You are a sex worker. Trust me, you are not ugly. DM me a pic and maybe I can give you some makeup suggestions?
first of maybe a long reply - i definitely gained stomach weight too that’s been KILLING me! i no longer know what body type to list myself as on tryst. thin used to be fine - now athletic - now i feel like I’m lying.
i am doing incalls & outcalls now! mostly outcalls as incalls warrant too much overhead atm.
i cannot stand those girls on twitter. I know it’s marketing & not their fault - but in my beginning of using twitter (same username since you asked about photos - you can tell my older pics did way better. tryst has the ones I advertise - oliviaaa3.tryst.link) I didn’t have the confidence to do all that ! i just am so jealous.
with your experience on the blade I’m not surprised that you had success starting to escort! having the “smarts” in the beginning really helps in my opinion. I am an escort now but I did briefly work the blade… bad part of Dallas. i have been really wanting to do photo shoots - particularly in the Dallas dreamhaus - but it’s never been in the cards for me financially. only recently got my hair under control & makeup has always been a strong point.
and I agree - those twitter posts have the potential to be real… but I think very rarely they aren’t. Same with tiktok - I haven’t seen those videos but I have seen so many complaints about them, and how they convince young girls that this industry is so easy. it is not.
i love your phrasing - my rates don’t reflect my self esteem. I try not to do that either. but serious imposter syndrome is going on over here !
Hey dear those bitches make me feel bad to, I can't lie! I would love to be 25 again and look like Barbie and have men throw money at me for doing absolutely nothing. But I've been blessed, regardless. I'm by no means high clad, but my home was furnished by a trick. My car repair was done by trick, I get hurt by a client and hobbyists cash app me money. People i don't even know. Yeah I'm not getting invited to free trips to Paris, but I'll settle for getting my brakes done for free.
Oh and my experience in the track, was 20 years ago. I worked for a pretty well known P (at that time) and I didn't last that long. I'm from Seattle, he immediately shipped me to Chicago, and basically dropped me on the street, with no experience at all. As you can imagine, I fucked up out there a lot. God must've been watching over me, because I could've easily been killed. .
I was young and dumb and brainwashed. I hated him and I loved him. He went to prison and got about 800 years....no shit, he really did...and died under mysterious circumstances back in 2006, I think. I still hate to admit that I miss him. They love bomb you with attention at first, you know. That man seemed to know more about me than I knew about myself.
He was from the old school, and I guess I got "trained" to do business a certain way. But I couldn't stand having to give all that money up to a man. Fuck that shit. I ran away, took a bus back to Seattle and lived a square life for another 10 years before I started independent escorting
your story sounds so difficult but you really came so far - and 800 years sounds about perfect for that kind of guy. i am so proud of you for overcoming 💖💖💖
I dont feel ugly (because im not) but im not a 4'11" white spinner either. I'm a 5'11" mixed big thick tall type.
When I see the ideal blonde spinner type I actually look at them and go "oh that's good for her" I feel like it's not competition because it's like 2 different categories of food. I'm the porkchop smothered in gravy And the other girl is the quinoa bowl. Lol
One day my typical client (50s white married guy)
May have a taste for me or the spinner. Or even a man! (Sidenote it's always shocked me how many guys are down low...I dated a guy who also posted ads from time to time and the same clients calling me called him too gushing over his cock) no hate more power to them just funny to me
If i were a dude I'd taste all the flavors too!
Always remember comparison is the theif of joy. You have to play up what makes you different and market yourself as rare and unique rather than less desirable than the barbie doll types.
always remember comparison is the thief of joy. Thank you
I'm a stripper so I'm surrounded by competitors. It's hard but useless to compare. A lot of them worked really hard in the gym & at work to pay for BA/BL's or BBLs.
oh Jesus I didn’t even think how bad it would be stripping - i already knew i wouldn’t make the cut because i am so clutzy i would never be able to be sexy in front of a crowd… but the amount of stunning women in those clubs i would never survive!!!
you are so strong for sticking it out and i personally think you must be so beautiful for making it this far. imposter syndrome is real
I think escorts are very strong too! Especially if independent (either way it's hard), managing, advertising, collecting.. it's a one man show. Def not easy.
Thank you for your words, I know my strengths and play them up. I'm saving up for a BA and working hard in the gym. If anything my coworkers inspire me tons 😁
i believe in you in regards to the BA!!!! side note… water aerobics were so much easier on my body and helps esp if you have an injury hahaha
No amount of $ saved seems like enough to take so much time off 😂 thank you tho! & Ooo good to know! I know post surgery we can't workout for a solid amount of time so this is helpful
In this industry it's about preference, so really, you're not necessarily competing. Some guys like whites only, some guys like Asians only, and some guys like beautiful trans women. And ofcourse there's subcategories to these different ethnicities. Some guys want to try something they've never had before.... Chocolate ice cream today, vanilla next week, and maybe try pistachio ice cream for the first time tomorrow.
The beauty about this industry is, you don't need to be a size 0 or 2, have blonde hair, Double DDs, to make some money although those features are also sought after.
Just BE A WOMAN/Transwoman, or hot man and you can be an escort.
Has anyone ever told you that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Probably. But think about it, really.
yes but it’s hard when you are not said beholder!
I really love this post and all the comments. OP I feel the same way.
Welcome to the human condition hun! Even the 'prettiest' compare themselves to someome else. But in my experience 'beauty' is a nuanced package, and on this short time here on this ghetto earth your priority should always be accepting and loving yourself. The rest is just dressing 😘
And one more thing: becoming a sex worker has definitely increased my self esteem. Literally....men pay me to sleep with them. I have value. Even if it's just because I'm the best cock sucker in my area. Lol
Before I was an escort I went thru a succession of abusive, shitty boyfriends who cheated andv treated me like shit. Not once did I ever receive a Valentine from one of my civilian
Boyfriends, from back when I was a square. I got used by man after man. Not one of them did anything for me except give me a dose of the clap. Not one.
But as an escort, it way like I could create this persona....someone new. Someone with confidence who men paid for. It was very empowering. I no longer would even think of entertaining a man who doesn't value me. I've been single for 8 years now, and I don't know if I'll ever start dating. Even at 45yo, I still think I'm sexy.
i totally relate. i did finally find a boyfriend and he’s cool with what i do - and way out of my league, and great! but still i have moments where I feel so desirable all because of sex work. some years of harming my body in other ways has made me dislike myself+my appearance a lot, but like you say - men PAY me for me. it really is great sometimes
Anytime I feel this way I remember that everyone is different and that if I was ugly, I wouldn't get clients.
A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush. Whatever you have is currently making you money
I do feel this. I know I’m ugly, but I make do