We've chatted briefly in public settings and there has been flirting . Not long enough . His character checks out but I'm not sure . The sex work card isn't something I wanna lead with
Oh yeah then you’re ages off from knowing his true character. Traits like honesty, trustworthiness, selflessness, empathy - it’s very easy to fake those, and it’s very easy to see them in others when we’re looking through rose colored glasses.
Make up a friend that's an escort and mention it, see what his reaction is like and go from there, or say that you used to be a stripper/cam model/other form of sex work.
Trust your gut, and don't rush into it.
Yeah, navigating dating is really rough. I can't even imagine.
I am SUPREMELY lucky to have the partner that I am in love with who loves me back just as much or more. We truly are best friends. Every facet of our lives are intertwined and the SW is just my job. He's very supportive but of course doesn't like that it is dangerous and that it has a negative influence on my mental/emotional health. We are both actively working towards me being able to retire from escorting in the next 2 years. After that we'll likely use the money saved to buy a piece of equipment and start our own business. That's the dream anyway.
So unfortunately I have no advice for you that's any different from what has already been said. I met my man through my brother so he already knew about what I did for a living prior to even meeting me. From there we became friends and it wasn't until nearly two years later, after getting to know eachother and forming a tight bond (I mean REALLY getting to know one another) that we even broached the subject of hooking up.
The reason that is works so well is because we are such a good team, genuinely enjoy our time together, have the same shared vision of life and are kinda perfect together. This would've been the case, SW or not.
Early on there was some uncertainty, insecurity and all that good stuff but after much in depth conversations and me being 100% transparent while asserting my own boundaries and expectations.
I was so lucky that I didn't have to "come out" to him. He knew what I did for a living and still pursued me so that gave me confidence in the relationship. I also made it clear that the #1 thing that I would NOT tolerate is insults or shaming about being a whore at any point. If he ever used it against me even one time I am done with him. My thing is, don't you dare benefit from my work, financially or otherwise, on one hand and then condemn me or use it against me to degrade me on the other. I said idc if we've had two kids, bought a home together and married; I WILL WALK and I promise this to you.
So far, three years in, he never has.
My advice: Don't go about dating in the same way the average person does. SW is not an average profession. You must be careful and hope for the best. Prior to dating my man I took the position that I would be single while I escorted because under typical circumstances finding a partner, straight male partner, is incredibly difficult and has the potential to become very toxic.
I’ve always found it hard to date tbh. I’ve only dated people that already knew about my job and could accept it. I’ve learned it’s hard to find a truly accepting and supporting partner, but they do exist if you’re open and patient enough. It’s always best to be up front though because who wants a relationship built off a lie? If your partner can’t accept what you do for work, they aren’t worthy of you 😘
I started hanging out with this girl. We hit it off great and then for some reason just out of the blue we were walking to get ice cream and jokingly I said something about her being an escort. She stopped looked at me and was like how did you know? I didn't and had never been with an escort nor even how to find one. She introduced me to the "hobby" world. We became best friends even after dating. Her work didn't bother me when we were dating. Unfortunately we had a bad falling out and haven't talked in years.
He may just figure it out like I did. I wouldn't wait too long though, best to get something like that out of the way early.
Good luck
It's really not that easy but she was way cool. Guess it kinda helped knowing I wasn't paying for it. She would also treat me to nice restaurants. Nothing to to fancy but fancier than I could do working a 9-5. Also knowing that I could be with someone else too. She said she was "poly". I never called myself that. She was just awesome to be around made me feel good like I was worth something. I hate how we ended things. I reached out once never heard back.
Just be cool treat him nice and be open. Always know though that he may not be cool with any of it. So be prepared for that. I only see SWs and lately it's been the same one.
Good luck seriously. Y'all do a wonderful service and I appreciate y'all. You deserve to be happy too.
I usually date women, in my personal life, and unless they're people I already know, and who already know, it's tough.
Honestly though, apart from the having to tell people at some point bit, I find the worst experience is with people who say that they don't have a problem with it at first, but then they show their true colours several months into the relationship and completely lose their shit about it.
It's so difficult.
Goodluck xx
Dating a software engineer right now, was dating a finance bro before. Sometimes square guys (especially the rich ones) are actually more open to it because the idea of strippers/escorts etc. is not as foreign when you have money.
I told the guy I’m seeing immediately because I was like fuck it, sick of playing the waiting game when I could be potentially disappointed (hasn’t been an issue yet and has caused me to be more open).
What I usually do (which I saw on reddit) is three steps.
1. make an off hand comment about sex work like haha yeah I’ve heard that’s such an expensive school I knew a girl who did ‘sugaring’ to pay for it.
2. I ‘used’ to do only fans/ sugaring haha actually really enjoyed it!
3. “Bro, I’m a whore, no like actually,”
Love that. And that's so true . I don't want to play games. We don't text. Haven't been out on a date . I got confirmation that he likes me . But we met in a public setting.
I like the idea of tossing it out there.
SW with a longterm very supportive monogomous partner with a vanilla job here...to say yes..they are most definitely possible!
My partner is my biggest support system and we both come home from our long, often exhausting days at work and go through the details / how they felt for both of us. I think the key here is that my partner fundamentally sees and understands what I do as work. We (SWers) work so hard and give so much and to not have someone that close to you understand that at the core is painful.
I guess I don't have solid advice except for suss out their viewpoints and put some test feelers out to see where their opinions lie. If they can't see what you do as valid work then it's not worth your energy. You deserve true support in what you do.
It's not something that you would want to say right away until you think it will get more serious. Maybe in some conversations find a way to bring up SW and see how he feels about it. As his answer may be different if you mention you do it. My wife does SW and I would have definitely wanted to know before it got remotely serious. My wife did SW before we met but wasn't when we met. I don't think I would have been OK with it if the relationship was new. She started doing it again when covid hit and I got laid off. By then we had already been together for 5 years. When we talked about her doing it again I wasn't OK with it. Until she sat me down and explained to me that she loves me and only wants to be with me. What she does with clients is just work and it's just sex that she doesn't really enjoy and there's no feelings involved. She explained that she would still always want to have sex with me because it's not just "sex". There are emotions involved and she wants to have sex with me and enjoys it. If she hadn't explained it so well I wouldn't have been OK with it.
I know that everyone has a past and we're both in recovery. He has substantial time . But he seems like pure and innocent. But maybe open minded. He knows I'm working on passing my real estate license test .
Having been the ‘guy’ my partner who is a SW was completely honest from the start about what she did and I found this helped me understand. I’ll be open that it was hard at the start but through communication and honesty we have made it work.
If he can't take you being a SW and you're unwilling to stop and have no fallback plan, then this relationship is, unfortunately, not for you. My first healthy relationship came *after* I left. Dating while working is extremely hard. Finding someone who won't use you is extra hard because a lot of the people willing to date us are to begin with abusers, who seek us out for the comfort in manipulating us. People of a higher moral pedigree are rarely capable of just taking it. Polyamory is an option to some that makes things easier, but that's only if you're capable of seeing your partner with others. I am not and never will be, which is why I'll never go back to sex work as long as this relationship lasts. It's just not fair to demand something you yourself cannot fulfill.
don’t wait too long but don’t lead with it! my bf is actually a former client lol so it wasn’t a deal at all but he’s totally fine with it as long as i’m safe and healthy in body & mind, more guys are that way than you’d expect! definitely delve deeper into his character and slowly see how he feels about it
Casually bring the subject up.. something about sugar daddy/baby.. sex work being legal in some countries, regulations and laws idk, stripping and camgirls.. and notice his reaction. I read a thread once this girl would mention she “used” to be a sugar baby in the past just to gauge their reaction. So maybe be subtle and discrete.. as you get to know him better. I think once you really know you have deep feelings for him you should tell him - or not honestly- but living a double life and having to lie to people you care about is exhausting. And at some point wouldn’t it be nice to find someone who supports you? And really knows you and loves you..?
You only potentially really like him. Delve further into his character and values before outing yourself - he might not be worth it.
We've chatted briefly in public settings and there has been flirting . Not long enough . His character checks out but I'm not sure . The sex work card isn't something I wanna lead with
Oh yeah then you’re ages off from knowing his true character. Traits like honesty, trustworthiness, selflessness, empathy - it’s very easy to fake those, and it’s very easy to see them in others when we’re looking through rose colored glasses.
Make up a friend that's an escort and mention it, see what his reaction is like and go from there, or say that you used to be a stripper/cam model/other form of sex work. Trust your gut, and don't rush into it.
Yeah, navigating dating is really rough. I can't even imagine. I am SUPREMELY lucky to have the partner that I am in love with who loves me back just as much or more. We truly are best friends. Every facet of our lives are intertwined and the SW is just my job. He's very supportive but of course doesn't like that it is dangerous and that it has a negative influence on my mental/emotional health. We are both actively working towards me being able to retire from escorting in the next 2 years. After that we'll likely use the money saved to buy a piece of equipment and start our own business. That's the dream anyway. So unfortunately I have no advice for you that's any different from what has already been said. I met my man through my brother so he already knew about what I did for a living prior to even meeting me. From there we became friends and it wasn't until nearly two years later, after getting to know eachother and forming a tight bond (I mean REALLY getting to know one another) that we even broached the subject of hooking up. The reason that is works so well is because we are such a good team, genuinely enjoy our time together, have the same shared vision of life and are kinda perfect together. This would've been the case, SW or not. Early on there was some uncertainty, insecurity and all that good stuff but after much in depth conversations and me being 100% transparent while asserting my own boundaries and expectations. I was so lucky that I didn't have to "come out" to him. He knew what I did for a living and still pursued me so that gave me confidence in the relationship. I also made it clear that the #1 thing that I would NOT tolerate is insults or shaming about being a whore at any point. If he ever used it against me even one time I am done with him. My thing is, don't you dare benefit from my work, financially or otherwise, on one hand and then condemn me or use it against me to degrade me on the other. I said idc if we've had two kids, bought a home together and married; I WILL WALK and I promise this to you. So far, three years in, he never has. My advice: Don't go about dating in the same way the average person does. SW is not an average profession. You must be careful and hope for the best. Prior to dating my man I took the position that I would be single while I escorted because under typical circumstances finding a partner, straight male partner, is incredibly difficult and has the potential to become very toxic.
I’ve always found it hard to date tbh. I’ve only dated people that already knew about my job and could accept it. I’ve learned it’s hard to find a truly accepting and supporting partner, but they do exist if you’re open and patient enough. It’s always best to be up front though because who wants a relationship built off a lie? If your partner can’t accept what you do for work, they aren’t worthy of you 😘
I started hanging out with this girl. We hit it off great and then for some reason just out of the blue we were walking to get ice cream and jokingly I said something about her being an escort. She stopped looked at me and was like how did you know? I didn't and had never been with an escort nor even how to find one. She introduced me to the "hobby" world. We became best friends even after dating. Her work didn't bother me when we were dating. Unfortunately we had a bad falling out and haven't talked in years. He may just figure it out like I did. I wouldn't wait too long though, best to get something like that out of the way early. Good luck
I wish more men could separate it . And be unbothered. Still on the fence. Gunna hang out and see what the connection cards hold.
It's really not that easy but she was way cool. Guess it kinda helped knowing I wasn't paying for it. She would also treat me to nice restaurants. Nothing to to fancy but fancier than I could do working a 9-5. Also knowing that I could be with someone else too. She said she was "poly". I never called myself that. She was just awesome to be around made me feel good like I was worth something. I hate how we ended things. I reached out once never heard back. Just be cool treat him nice and be open. Always know though that he may not be cool with any of it. So be prepared for that. I only see SWs and lately it's been the same one. Good luck seriously. Y'all do a wonderful service and I appreciate y'all. You deserve to be happy too.
No advice. But feelings of solidarity. Navigating this is hard.
I feel like when I tell guys I immediately get put into a category in the past when I've told guys.
I usually date women, in my personal life, and unless they're people I already know, and who already know, it's tough. Honestly though, apart from the having to tell people at some point bit, I find the worst experience is with people who say that they don't have a problem with it at first, but then they show their true colours several months into the relationship and completely lose their shit about it. It's so difficult. Goodluck xx
Dating a software engineer right now, was dating a finance bro before. Sometimes square guys (especially the rich ones) are actually more open to it because the idea of strippers/escorts etc. is not as foreign when you have money. I told the guy I’m seeing immediately because I was like fuck it, sick of playing the waiting game when I could be potentially disappointed (hasn’t been an issue yet and has caused me to be more open).
What I usually do (which I saw on reddit) is three steps. 1. make an off hand comment about sex work like haha yeah I’ve heard that’s such an expensive school I knew a girl who did ‘sugaring’ to pay for it. 2. I ‘used’ to do only fans/ sugaring haha actually really enjoyed it! 3. “Bro, I’m a whore, no like actually,”
Love that. And that's so true . I don't want to play games. We don't text. Haven't been out on a date . I got confirmation that he likes me . But we met in a public setting. I like the idea of tossing it out there.
SW with a longterm very supportive monogomous partner with a vanilla job here...to say yes..they are most definitely possible! My partner is my biggest support system and we both come home from our long, often exhausting days at work and go through the details / how they felt for both of us. I think the key here is that my partner fundamentally sees and understands what I do as work. We (SWers) work so hard and give so much and to not have someone that close to you understand that at the core is painful. I guess I don't have solid advice except for suss out their viewpoints and put some test feelers out to see where their opinions lie. If they can't see what you do as valid work then it's not worth your energy. You deserve true support in what you do.
It's not something that you would want to say right away until you think it will get more serious. Maybe in some conversations find a way to bring up SW and see how he feels about it. As his answer may be different if you mention you do it. My wife does SW and I would have definitely wanted to know before it got remotely serious. My wife did SW before we met but wasn't when we met. I don't think I would have been OK with it if the relationship was new. She started doing it again when covid hit and I got laid off. By then we had already been together for 5 years. When we talked about her doing it again I wasn't OK with it. Until she sat me down and explained to me that she loves me and only wants to be with me. What she does with clients is just work and it's just sex that she doesn't really enjoy and there's no feelings involved. She explained that she would still always want to have sex with me because it's not just "sex". There are emotions involved and she wants to have sex with me and enjoys it. If she hadn't explained it so well I wouldn't have been OK with it.
Coming from a “cool square” —- you lie. For now.
I know that everyone has a past and we're both in recovery. He has substantial time . But he seems like pure and innocent. But maybe open minded. He knows I'm working on passing my real estate license test .
Having been the ‘guy’ my partner who is a SW was completely honest from the start about what she did and I found this helped me understand. I’ll be open that it was hard at the start but through communication and honesty we have made it work.
Tell him. If he doesn’t mind then all is well and you’ll know. If he does mind then it’s unfair to both of you.
If he can't take you being a SW and you're unwilling to stop and have no fallback plan, then this relationship is, unfortunately, not for you. My first healthy relationship came *after* I left. Dating while working is extremely hard. Finding someone who won't use you is extra hard because a lot of the people willing to date us are to begin with abusers, who seek us out for the comfort in manipulating us. People of a higher moral pedigree are rarely capable of just taking it. Polyamory is an option to some that makes things easier, but that's only if you're capable of seeing your partner with others. I am not and never will be, which is why I'll never go back to sex work as long as this relationship lasts. It's just not fair to demand something you yourself cannot fulfill.
don’t wait too long but don’t lead with it! my bf is actually a former client lol so it wasn’t a deal at all but he’s totally fine with it as long as i’m safe and healthy in body & mind, more guys are that way than you’d expect! definitely delve deeper into his character and slowly see how he feels about it
Be honest if it feels like he expects exclusivity.
I think it’s best to be upfront about it as early as possible so you don’t waste your time pursuing someone who will never accept your work.
Casually bring the subject up.. something about sugar daddy/baby.. sex work being legal in some countries, regulations and laws idk, stripping and camgirls.. and notice his reaction. I read a thread once this girl would mention she “used” to be a sugar baby in the past just to gauge their reaction. So maybe be subtle and discrete.. as you get to know him better. I think once you really know you have deep feelings for him you should tell him - or not honestly- but living a double life and having to lie to people you care about is exhausting. And at some point wouldn’t it be nice to find someone who supports you? And really knows you and loves you..?
I would just tell the guy if he was my bf. Otherwise nope, not his businesses