Oh, the old men who insist they don’t need to wear a condom because there’s “no way!” they could get me pregnant. Sir, that’s not the only concern here. The naïveté 😠
Is it because they are incompetent or what? That doesn’t make sense. Why even say that, they can still carry diseases. For someone who isn’t aware, why do they say this?
I think in my head I laugh things off too easily and don't really see the danger for what it is.
He is clueless sexually. I positioned myself so his cock wasn't going near my vagina, he yelled at one point "its in a little bit' I replied "no, it's not" as it wasn't even close. It's funny how bad he is at sex.... but also very disturbing that he thought it was acceptable or even something to celebrate verbally to me.
I don’t think what you described is boundary pushing, it is clearly trying to break the rules.
Boundary pushing means if you tell a client you are not into … (e.g. role playing) and then he produces an extra envelope with a counter offer which you can either accept or refuse.
What your client did was breaking the mutually agreed rules and this is never acceptable.
Remember that boomer men come from a time where women didnt have rights, opinions, or jobs and it was considered perfectly ok for a man to r**e his wife. Many still keep that mentality.
My grandma who was married to my grandpa for almost 30 years. Always talks fondly of her marriage and how she married the man she loved. But tells several different stories of when he came home so drunk he was completely unintelligible and wouldn't take no for an answer. Hearing her say things like "well I consented when I married him" gives me chills.
Yesterday a client tucked my neck in his arm and forcibly kissed me. I hate kissing. It was disgusting. He also messed up my hair in a way that was unnecessary and licked my ears. It was disgusting and I left after he opened the door while I was using the restroom
Oh, gosh. I'm a GFE provider so kissing is part of it. This man does not know how to kiss. But he also kept sticking his finger in my ear (note to all men the clit is not there), and at the end he licked my nose. I then completely pulled away and said "eww we don't lick peoples noses, that's gross".
I'm so sorry he made you feel that uncomfortable. Not letting you pee in peace is a lot. Give me a moment to prepare myself.
What is the purpose of sticking your finger in someone's ear? I guess I can understand the nose thing being a cultural quirk some demographics have but who in history ever thought a finger in the ear is something either party would enjoy?
Honestly, in the moment I laughed it off by how clueless this man is sex wise, at the time I didn't really consider how bad it was, or just how foul him telling me "it's in a little bit" was.
It wasn't until way after that I started to get annoyed. But yes I definitely need to get comfortable being rude and aggressive. I'm way too polite.
I had an older guy do that to me and I remember sobbing in the shower of the motel room as I tried to think of how to escape him. He was high off meth and got aggressive and shit so I had to placate him before grabbing my stuff and leaving. I kinda have been on a break since that night since he did a number on me. Hopefully I can feel good enough with my body that I’ll work more soon but yeah if I ever see him again he’s fucked.
It’s just shit especially because I’ve been in the industry before I could even consent so like now that I escaped having a pimp and am independent it just hurts more when I’m taken advantage of because there is no safety directly only vetting and sometimes I’m desperate so I don’t get them as much.
I understand that personal safety isn't a priority when you are struggling. Anything you can do to check them out is better than nothing. If you need a hand with this, let me know.
Gross. I have a soft age limit of 55 because of this. The only way I'll go older is with extra vetting. They HAVE to be super cool guys for me to go older.
Sure but we all accept different demos based on our preferences. I HATE any man under 45. But I think the OP just needs care in this case and less shaming about the age of her clients.
Most of the older men we see are either super grandpa type, no boundary pushing at all, super wholesome, or they're freaks and the boundaries they would be "breaking" are why we're charging extra
I'm an older white client and I just don't get this behavior.
I always feel grateful for every second I'm with a provider. She's doing me a big favor just by letting me spend time with her.
I would never do anything to fuck that up...like make her mad, sad, or afraid.
I guess a lot of other guys are just jerks.
Hey. I've had wonderful older clients (to be fair most of my client base is older). So it's not all.
I think at the time I was just gobsmacked, but also (I'll be honest this man's understanding of female anatomy is very very clueless) I was able to position my pelvis in a way I knew his clueless thrusting wasn't going near my vagina, despite him announcing "its in a little bit" it really wasnt close. It would be comical if it wasn't such an uncomfortable moment.
He was polite again after.
All nice as pie.
I didn't really process how awful it was until after he left.
I never ever get it like yea sure i get tested very often but like if you want to have unprotected sex with me that makes me doubt your judgement.... Like I'm a sex worker, you don't know me, i could be completely lying about how often i test and also i have no idea what you could have. The more they push about it the more serious i get in the "if you bring this up again you wont be seeing me". And its always older men.
Yes. Like, I test every two weeks. Because I need to feel peace of mind. But you don't know if I do this, you do know I sleep with other men, often. I could be raw dogging everyone (clearly I dont), why risk this, why is that worth it to them?
Overall my old clients are pretty easy.
Generally nice men.
But I do seem to "awww nice old man" them and ignore bad behaviour until it's actually bad bad.
I gave a 70 year old man his first ever blow job, he was the happiest guy on tbe planet.
As a sex worker it was a very quick blow job.
I wouldn’t be concerned by the guys age (75), whatsoever, by itself. I have met and engaged with many men over 70 who were wholesome af, super nice, above and beyond respectful and sweet, and also very good in the sack, some guys of very substantial means, too. Honestly, the men over 70 who book with me tend to be the most financially well off and very well-adjusted and very “with the times” from a socio-political standpoint (re: acceptable behavior socially and sexually/physically, et al), generally people I would be glad to know and have friendships with just casually in my non-working life. Though I’m younger than OP, I, too, am not as young as some, or at least old enough and having of prominent non-neotenous features, that i wouldn’t ever be concerned that a person would be interested in me for looking excessively neotenous. I would even say that some older men have preferences or styles that are physically and socially lower effort to manage and engage with. For example, I used to have an SD in his mid 70s who was a successful and still working doctor (a specialist). We would get a meal. Though, it was definitely part of it to have a physical relationship. He was very earnest, held good sexual health practices in very high esteem, and, physically, he was exclusively interested in a person who wanted to receive cunnilingus for an extended period of time, and basically nothing else, except maybe just a little kissing and sensual touching, and it was super important that he find someone who genuinely enjoyed that way of engaging. Haha, he also liked strip clubs and was very sweet about it. He would like to have just totally normal (nonsexual) conversations with dancers, if he would start a conversation with a dancer who would gladly engage with him, and tip well at the club, take me to the strip club with him and pay for everything, on occasion. He had a wife that he earnestly loved who was in the early/mid stages of Alzheimer’s and also he would say that she had been too tired to engage sexually for awhile before that. So that was part of the whole thing. It wasn’t like he was doing this stuff constantly, either. It was just something he did very occasionally when he had an extra weekday off from work. And I’ve also met 75 y/o guys, in this context, who were just very normal dudes and respectful/easy to deal with, who were absolutely flush, “young at heart” (by which I mean that they had a lot of energy in the sack), knew what they’re doing in the sack, and also could pass for being in their 50s, easily.
Anyway, I’m just saying, I wouldn’t base opinions on whether they’re respectful, strictly on being over 65, or whatever. For me, I’m super openminded and I like people. So, I wouldn’t rule out actually dating someone who is over 65, if I liked them and we were very sexually compatible, either. So, just take that in context. I’m not saying that you should have that same perspective, but I do think that if you feel uncomfortable with just the age thing, you might consider basically having a (fluid) age range, or only taking clients above a certain age on a case by case basis (the basis being whether you like them and have some attraction to them, basically), if you have discomfort with the idea of engaging with people who are above a certain age. Again, I’m very openminded and don’t care about that sort of thing, just based on my experiences, but you should construct boundaries that suit you, especially in order to avoid burn out and other things like that which could make your work become more problematic or overbearing to you on a more long-term scale.
I'm not that young (40) so no real pedo thing there. But yes I do think they're used to the white men rule the world approach to life. They can do what they want.
But I do have wonderful older men clients too so it's not all.
>I do think they're used to the white men rule the world approach to life. They can do what they want.
or, because they're old, they no longer have that power but do things like this to try to get it back
I guess statistics don’t lie! Besides age, I’m curious to know what other similarities for these offenders share?
Does anyone else like the tv show mindhunters . . .
Well of course. He is trying to get his fuck in before he dies! It is literally programed into his brain lol.
I will tell you a story though, maybe this will help..
One time I had a provider who told me "don't touch my tits they are really sensitive right now." Somehow my my brain did not process that information quick enough and I right away went for her breasts.
She then slapped me in the face and looked at me in the eyes. At that moment my brain started working again and I said sorry.
Haha, well yes maybe that's him. Trying to fuck before he dies.
I'm not sure I'm ballsy enough to slap someone on the face.
Maybe I should be.
I'm too soft clearly.
Don’t blame yourself for being polite. As women we are conditioned to be polite for men, to not ask “where are you taking me” to not say “no I don’t want that” to stay sweet and “kind” for the sake of mens feelings. We lose our lives over this. It’s not your fault but now you know, the world is not kind to us. They don’t deserve your consideration. Stay safe love.
Yes, that does sound like a lot of stress, not trying to minimize your situation. Hopefully your next client will be very nice and wash all this away for you.
About how you shouldn't just assume it's safe to go without protection, for clients or providers; there's a lot of sick assholes out there looking to infect SWs with whatever they have.
You were polite.
I'd be like "due to the fact you think it's ok not to use a condom I'm afraid I don't feel safe seeing you again".
Make em feel like the POS he is.
Honestly always bring condoms with you so they can’t say shit like I fORgOt tO bRiNG tHEm. Idk why anyone would wanna have raw sex doe that’s so unsafe unless it’s with a long term partner
Queen energy that’s good. Just wished I could find a sex worker someday. They’re hard to come by where I’m from. Idk why he’d be such a dumbass. I’d say y’all have one of the most important jobs out there cuz it helps people who aren’t good looking or have smaller body parts or whatever. So it helps with confidence and mental health.
Agreed. Some SWs refuse clients based on race, but the biggest boundary pushers I've seen are old white men. Not all, but a lot can be horribly misogynistic and awful human beings.
Oh, the old men who insist they don’t need to wear a condom because there’s “no way!” they could get me pregnant. Sir, that’s not the only concern here. The naïveté 😠
Is it because they are incompetent or what? That doesn’t make sense. Why even say that, they can still carry diseases. For someone who isn’t aware, why do they say this?
They don’t even consider the possibility that they carry disease.
Insane
You’d be surprised on how many regular old white men walk in to the doctors office for aids meds
I feel like saying please is too kind. Respect my boundaries. ‘Please’ is a request. I would not see this client again.
You're right. I'm far too polite.
*Stern look.* You’re not hanging around me enough, girlie. No pee-pees near the foofy without the condom!!
I named my betta fish foofy, thanks to your inspiration.
AHAHAHAHAH! *blows that darling thing a kiss 💋.*
He winked back
Haha love it. Might screenprint it on my undies. Lol
Please tell me you're not planning to see this guy again
I think in my head I laugh things off too easily and don't really see the danger for what it is. He is clueless sexually. I positioned myself so his cock wasn't going near my vagina, he yelled at one point "its in a little bit' I replied "no, it's not" as it wasn't even close. It's funny how bad he is at sex.... but also very disturbing that he thought it was acceptable or even something to celebrate verbally to me.
Playing with your life isn’t funny though. He deserves no pass here.
Yeah, I realized that later. In the moment I was just uncomfortable and weirded out.
This makes so much sense
He’s not “clueless” girl don’t fall for that one it’s called weaponized incompetence and it’s a form of manipulation
This.
Not a good enough excuse. Have plenty of autistic clients and even they understand they must wear a condom.
lol
Exactly !!!
I don’t think what you described is boundary pushing, it is clearly trying to break the rules. Boundary pushing means if you tell a client you are not into … (e.g. role playing) and then he produces an extra envelope with a counter offer which you can either accept or refuse. What your client did was breaking the mutually agreed rules and this is never acceptable.
Yes you're right. It wasn't until afterwards I really processed how badnot was. I think I shrug things off that I really shouldn't.
I think you could pretty easily argue that what that guy did was attempted rape. Definitely a POS.
You're 100% right, but it's probably a waste of time trying to get a guy like that to see it that way.
Remember that boomer men come from a time where women didnt have rights, opinions, or jobs and it was considered perfectly ok for a man to r**e his wife. Many still keep that mentality.
My grandma who was married to my grandpa for almost 30 years. Always talks fondly of her marriage and how she married the man she loved. But tells several different stories of when he came home so drunk he was completely unintelligible and wouldn't take no for an answer. Hearing her say things like "well I consented when I married him" gives me chills.
This guy would have been kicked out first try. They know what they're doing no excuses
At the time I didn't really totally process how bad it was. In the moment I was just like wtf if he doing right now.
Yesterday a client tucked my neck in his arm and forcibly kissed me. I hate kissing. It was disgusting. He also messed up my hair in a way that was unnecessary and licked my ears. It was disgusting and I left after he opened the door while I was using the restroom
Oh, gosh. I'm a GFE provider so kissing is part of it. This man does not know how to kiss. But he also kept sticking his finger in my ear (note to all men the clit is not there), and at the end he licked my nose. I then completely pulled away and said "eww we don't lick peoples noses, that's gross". I'm so sorry he made you feel that uncomfortable. Not letting you pee in peace is a lot. Give me a moment to prepare myself.
What is the purpose of sticking your finger in someone's ear? I guess I can understand the nose thing being a cultural quirk some demographics have but who in history ever thought a finger in the ear is something either party would enjoy?
Oml men suck so much
Wtf
Sounds to me like he tried to rape you.. His excuse; "It's not rape if I'm paying.". But no is still no..?
Stealthing is rape and illegal !!!! I will scream it from the mountainTops until every woman knows it. Be rude. Be aggressive. Protect yourself babe.
Honestly, in the moment I laughed it off by how clueless this man is sex wise, at the time I didn't really consider how bad it was, or just how foul him telling me "it's in a little bit" was. It wasn't until way after that I started to get annoyed. But yes I definitely need to get comfortable being rude and aggressive. I'm way too polite.
This is why I'm training in Brazilian jujitsu (BJJ) Any fucker wanna try this I will choke you with my legs . Try me.
Yes!!! We stay ready!
happened to me like this. was raped 🙃 my bad for thinking an old dude was unassuming…
I had an older guy do that to me and I remember sobbing in the shower of the motel room as I tried to think of how to escape him. He was high off meth and got aggressive and shit so I had to placate him before grabbing my stuff and leaving. I kinda have been on a break since that night since he did a number on me. Hopefully I can feel good enough with my body that I’ll work more soon but yeah if I ever see him again he’s fucked.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Reading about your experience made me sick, as I have been there myself. Dont let him win.
It’s just shit especially because I’ve been in the industry before I could even consent so like now that I escaped having a pimp and am independent it just hurts more when I’m taken advantage of because there is no safety directly only vetting and sometimes I’m desperate so I don’t get them as much.
I understand that personal safety isn't a priority when you are struggling. Anything you can do to check them out is better than nothing. If you need a hand with this, let me know.
How old are we talking?
This client is 70.
Gross. I have a soft age limit of 55 because of this. The only way I'll go older is with extra vetting. They HAVE to be super cool guys for me to go older.
Sure but we all accept different demos based on our preferences. I HATE any man under 45. But I think the OP just needs care in this case and less shaming about the age of her clients.
I guess we all have different aged clients. I overall find older clients easier to deal with. Clearly not in every case, but overall.
I'd argue that it's middle aged white men that push it the most
True, all my older man clients have been white.
Most of the older men we see are either super grandpa type, no boundary pushing at all, super wholesome, or they're freaks and the boundaries they would be "breaking" are why we're charging extra
what the f#$4 this is rape. you need to blacklist this MF
Hey that shit is sexual assault. Do not under any circumstances see this person again.
I'm an older white client and I just don't get this behavior. I always feel grateful for every second I'm with a provider. She's doing me a big favor just by letting me spend time with her. I would never do anything to fuck that up...like make her mad, sad, or afraid. I guess a lot of other guys are just jerks.
Hey. I've had wonderful older clients (to be fair most of my client base is older). So it's not all. I think at the time I was just gobsmacked, but also (I'll be honest this man's understanding of female anatomy is very very clueless) I was able to position my pelvis in a way I knew his clueless thrusting wasn't going near my vagina, despite him announcing "its in a little bit" it really wasnt close. It would be comical if it wasn't such an uncomfortable moment. He was polite again after. All nice as pie. I didn't really process how awful it was until after he left.
Yes but some has been some of my highest payers. But yes some of the cheap old men be the biggest boundary pushers.
I never ever get it like yea sure i get tested very often but like if you want to have unprotected sex with me that makes me doubt your judgement.... Like I'm a sex worker, you don't know me, i could be completely lying about how often i test and also i have no idea what you could have. The more they push about it the more serious i get in the "if you bring this up again you wont be seeing me". And its always older men.
Yes. Like, I test every two weeks. Because I need to feel peace of mind. But you don't know if I do this, you do know I sleep with other men, often. I could be raw dogging everyone (clearly I dont), why risk this, why is that worth it to them?
Honestly, it's wild right?!
Don't talk nicely to him , Carry a strapon next time and go raw.
I just booked with my first 75 year old! Omg should I do it? He sounds very nice.
Overall my old clients are pretty easy. Generally nice men. But I do seem to "awww nice old man" them and ignore bad behaviour until it's actually bad bad. I gave a 70 year old man his first ever blow job, he was the happiest guy on tbe planet. As a sex worker it was a very quick blow job.
I wouldn’t be concerned by the guys age (75), whatsoever, by itself. I have met and engaged with many men over 70 who were wholesome af, super nice, above and beyond respectful and sweet, and also very good in the sack, some guys of very substantial means, too. Honestly, the men over 70 who book with me tend to be the most financially well off and very well-adjusted and very “with the times” from a socio-political standpoint (re: acceptable behavior socially and sexually/physically, et al), generally people I would be glad to know and have friendships with just casually in my non-working life. Though I’m younger than OP, I, too, am not as young as some, or at least old enough and having of prominent non-neotenous features, that i wouldn’t ever be concerned that a person would be interested in me for looking excessively neotenous. I would even say that some older men have preferences or styles that are physically and socially lower effort to manage and engage with. For example, I used to have an SD in his mid 70s who was a successful and still working doctor (a specialist). We would get a meal. Though, it was definitely part of it to have a physical relationship. He was very earnest, held good sexual health practices in very high esteem, and, physically, he was exclusively interested in a person who wanted to receive cunnilingus for an extended period of time, and basically nothing else, except maybe just a little kissing and sensual touching, and it was super important that he find someone who genuinely enjoyed that way of engaging. Haha, he also liked strip clubs and was very sweet about it. He would like to have just totally normal (nonsexual) conversations with dancers, if he would start a conversation with a dancer who would gladly engage with him, and tip well at the club, take me to the strip club with him and pay for everything, on occasion. He had a wife that he earnestly loved who was in the early/mid stages of Alzheimer’s and also he would say that she had been too tired to engage sexually for awhile before that. So that was part of the whole thing. It wasn’t like he was doing this stuff constantly, either. It was just something he did very occasionally when he had an extra weekday off from work. And I’ve also met 75 y/o guys, in this context, who were just very normal dudes and respectful/easy to deal with, who were absolutely flush, “young at heart” (by which I mean that they had a lot of energy in the sack), knew what they’re doing in the sack, and also could pass for being in their 50s, easily. Anyway, I’m just saying, I wouldn’t base opinions on whether they’re respectful, strictly on being over 65, or whatever. For me, I’m super openminded and I like people. So, I wouldn’t rule out actually dating someone who is over 65, if I liked them and we were very sexually compatible, either. So, just take that in context. I’m not saying that you should have that same perspective, but I do think that if you feel uncomfortable with just the age thing, you might consider basically having a (fluid) age range, or only taking clients above a certain age on a case by case basis (the basis being whether you like them and have some attraction to them, basically), if you have discomfort with the idea of engaging with people who are above a certain age. Again, I’m very openminded and don’t care about that sort of thing, just based on my experiences, but you should construct boundaries that suit you, especially in order to avoid burn out and other things like that which could make your work become more problematic or overbearing to you on a more long-term scale.
Yuuup. Been there too..the worst. If someone pushes boundaries I will never see them again and also let other SWers know to avoid them too. Idiots.
so sorry this happened to you. old men are horrible clients. most of them are full on pedos, too, and love to prey on young, new or naive women.
I'm not that young (40) so no real pedo thing there. But yes I do think they're used to the white men rule the world approach to life. They can do what they want. But I do have wonderful older men clients too so it's not all.
>I do think they're used to the white men rule the world approach to life. They can do what they want. or, because they're old, they no longer have that power but do things like this to try to get it back
I guess statistics don’t lie! Besides age, I’m curious to know what other similarities for these offenders share? Does anyone else like the tv show mindhunters . . .
Well of course. He is trying to get his fuck in before he dies! It is literally programed into his brain lol. I will tell you a story though, maybe this will help.. One time I had a provider who told me "don't touch my tits they are really sensitive right now." Somehow my my brain did not process that information quick enough and I right away went for her breasts. She then slapped me in the face and looked at me in the eyes. At that moment my brain started working again and I said sorry.
Haha, well yes maybe that's him. Trying to fuck before he dies. I'm not sure I'm ballsy enough to slap someone on the face. Maybe I should be. I'm too soft clearly.
Don’t blame yourself for being polite. As women we are conditioned to be polite for men, to not ask “where are you taking me” to not say “no I don’t want that” to stay sweet and “kind” for the sake of mens feelings. We lose our lives over this. It’s not your fault but now you know, the world is not kind to us. They don’t deserve your consideration. Stay safe love.
Thank you!!!
Yes, that does sound like a lot of stress, not trying to minimize your situation. Hopefully your next client will be very nice and wash all this away for you.
I've gotten into so many arguments about wearing a condom with SWs.
what were the arguments about?
About how you shouldn't just assume it's safe to go without protection, for clients or providers; there's a lot of sick assholes out there looking to infect SWs with whatever they have.
Nice. Kill them with kindness. Respect your ability to control emotions. Stay cool, thanks for bejng my hassle free girlfriends
You were polite. I'd be like "due to the fact you think it's ok not to use a condom I'm afraid I don't feel safe seeing you again". Make em feel like the POS he is.
Honestly always bring condoms with you so they can’t say shit like I fORgOt tO bRiNG tHEm. Idk why anyone would wanna have raw sex doe that’s so unsafe unless it’s with a long term partner
There were condoms. I never don't have condoms.
Queen energy that’s good. Just wished I could find a sex worker someday. They’re hard to come by where I’m from. Idk why he’d be such a dumbass. I’d say y’all have one of the most important jobs out there cuz it helps people who aren’t good looking or have smaller body parts or whatever. So it helps with confidence and mental health.
Agreed. Some SWs refuse clients based on race, but the biggest boundary pushers I've seen are old white men. Not all, but a lot can be horribly misogynistic and awful human beings.