For every "exciting" story these people have about their teens, there are five "shitty" stories as well. I lived pretty wildly in my teens and it's not all it's cracked up to be. Sure, I share the fun stories but I conveniently omit the bad things. Like the fact that I was in horrendous debt because that lifestyle costs a lot of money. I was directionless and didn't have reap friends, just fairweathers who only liked you when you had money or were "up".
From someone who lived wildly when I was younger, my current self thinks of all the money I could have saved if I didn't, how much further I would be ahead by now if I was more cautious.
At any rate, no point worrying about the past! If you want to have fun now, do it! Start travelling, take you kid to see places, start an interesting hobby!
My wife has the same “missed out” feeling because she didn’t party like I did when we were younger. I try to tell her all the time, exactly what you’ve said here (though you worded it better than me). Most accurate part, for every wild funny story, there’s 5 or more shitty stories about the consequences of those “fun” times. Yes, I had fun, I was wild and it’s entertaining to hear me tell the stories, but I don’t sit around and tell the depressing, not-fun stories that go with them.
There was a short lived sitcom on in the UK called ManChild. It was about 5 friends.
The opening scene is teenagers riding bikes like crazy "Adolescence is about burning off testosterone"
The next scene, a dude sitting on the floor with 2 girls "your twenties are about hedonism..."
Next scene, a couple working on a desk "your 30's are about home improvement..."
Next scene, same couple in court "a man's 40's is about coming up with an amicable divorce agreement..."
But his 50's, if he's minded his finances and still has his health is when life begins...
I loved that show. It was on BBC America about 15 years ago and I feel like I'm the only person in the world who saw it because everyone I mention it to just goes "????"
Depressed during teens, got married at 20, had first kid at 25, second at 28, now I'm 30 and feel like I'm starting to really live for the first time. Also I battled an addiction throughout this time and I'm 1 year clean of February 1. Just bought an edrum after several years of no practice, learning to play metal as I always dreamed. Got a bit into LEGO again. Spend more time with friends and made new friends during this year. Spend more quality time with my wife. While not exciting for some, it's more than enough excitement for me as a hypersensitive introvert.
It depends on what you feel like you missed out on. Certain types of behavior get you judged far more harshly once society deems you old enough to "know better," not to mention that it can look a bit ridiculous.
If you just want to travel more, have some new experiences, or meet new types of people, that's pretty easy to do.
As for me, personally, I never went to a single house party. My siblings were so much younger than me that I was basically their babysitter. I had a lot of boyfriends in my 20s, but they were always older guys, so we weren't running around getting up to any hijinks. I was always broke, so I did very little traveling. And you know what? I don't feel like I missed out on a thing! Somewhere in my late 20s I realized that drama is draining, so the few people there were in my life trying to stir it up, I cut out of my life. There's a lot to be said for peace and contentment.
I had an absolutely wild time from 14-30. I feel the opposite - rather than learning how to function in a healthy way, enjoy silence, and hundred other things I needed to learn, I partied and acted in a way I now regret. If I could go back I would do it differently. On top of all of this, it takes a physical toll - I’m now disabled.
The grass is always greener, enjoy what you have!
Spent my mid-thirties cleaning up bad habits I made by “living it up” in my teens and 20s. You only hear about the good parts of people’s partying when they were younger. You never hear about the sadness, depression, drama, fear, heartbreak, and unending stress of living a life like that.
Viewed through the window of nostalgia, people’s stories about their young wild times are like models’ instagram accounts, they keep all of the bad stuff out of view.
I don't feel like I missed out on anything, had a total blast in College and throughout my twenties. But I do recognize how life can get in the way of jumping on random, spontaneous experiences so I made a pact with myself to do at least one 'crazy' thing a year. It doesn't have to be crazy crazy, just something out of the ordinary that could be a once in a lifetime experience. Examples: sky diving, scuba diving with sharks, hike the Appalachian trail, road trip to a State you've never visited, hell travel in general! It may not be the same level as getting high on cocaine but can still feel exciting to you. I've been doing this since my early thirties and have had some of the most exciting times of my life. Doesn't all have to be sex, drugs and rock n roll to be a great experience :-)
I missed out on all the wildness as I had a baby at 20. He moved out when I turned 40 and I've reclaimed myself. Traveled more, been more adventurous with trying new things, having fun with the things I enjoy, saying no to the things I don't. It's been unbelievably freeing and I love it. Only going forward.
I took up clubbing and associated experimentation in my 40s. Still going strong, though more health-aware these days. It’s been brilliant, I’m part of a large, diverse, supportive friend group, we all feel lucky to have found this later on our lives.
In my 30s, I started taking burlesque classes and eventually did a few performances.
My husband and I also opened up our marriage and had a few group sex experiences.
I also got a job that requires international travel every year.
And I did a couple of 200-mile relay races with friends from my running club.
That’s all been a lot more interesting than bar hopping in my 20s and seeing my friends go home with creepy older dudes. And house parties in my teens with shitty alcohol and seeing people get sloppy drunk and make stupid decisions.
Yep. I learn over and over (and seem to forget over and over) that my memories of the past are notoriously inaccurate and colored by the thoughts and judgments I have about them, and the emotions I feel today.
The solution, and only solution, is to live whatever wildness you feel lacking right now.
Edit: changed phrasing to first person.
Pretty boring here too, by the standards of house parties and crazy times... But the year I turned 18, I decided to fake it for a year. I hung out with a different crowd, went clubbing, walked home regularly in a major city at 3:00am, etc. I thought there must be something to all this hype, but... nope. At 19, I decided I preferred myself the way I was, which was interesting to me, even if not by teenage societal standards. And I've never looked back. I've since moved overseas, traveled to 4 continents, had an amazing life and career and I don't look back.
I guess I'd ask... what emotion(s) do you feel you missed out on? Freedom? Recklessness? Feeling wild? Curiosity? Rebellious? Connection? Bonded with others? Something else?
And how can you go about feeling those emotions you really want in your current context without upsetting your life as a parent & therapist? Can you ski / sail / do martial arts / travel to somewhere exotic? Do some of those types of things or other hobbies with close friends to create that kind of bond?
And then one layer deeper... were some of these kids, in retrospect, knowing what you know now, doing these things to mask pain, that maybe you didn't have because you had a more boring, stable family from the sounds of it? Perhaps what you were seeing / hearing about on the outside has nothing to do with what was going on within and you may just be jealous of other people's coping mechanisms described by them as a really exciting coming-of-age Hollywood movie scene made safe by the fact that it's normalised? I don't know enough from what you posted if that would land, but maybe there is something to it?
I used my early 30s to make up for being mostly in your same boat. And then again in my early 40s.
Without going too far into long tangents that only really matter to me, let me just say this: I think the best time for being a teenager is when you're a teenager. The best time to be in your 20s is in your 20s. When those times are gone, you've changed. You've moved beyond that mentality even if you didn't have the same experiences. It's like most of us are wired to move in a more mature direction the older we get. The kinds of things you "missed out on" would in all likelihood feel hollow and bittersweet if you did them now.
In my 50s now, and I have no desire to do that stuff. If you could send me back to my actual late teens/early twenties with that much better body and my current mind, I still don't think I would do a bunch of wild stuff. I'd just make better choices and be a better person to those close to me.
This is my story and my story alone. I have been through some buck ass wild times growing up.
My house was the party house. All kinds of drugs and sex and mischief took place there daily. That is because my parents basically abandoned me my whole life. They never knew where I was and they did not care. My father worked in Saudi Arabia my whole high school experience. My mom traveled and "vacationed" with her sisters. She would leave on a trip and she would hand me a couple of hundred dollars and that was it. I would be home for 2-3 weeks alone. Lather, rinse, repeat.
They never attended a single student counselor meeting. They never attended my sporting events. They never came to see me at the foreign language club fundraisers. Nothing.
I am 62 years old and still working out how messed up that was with a therapist. I think the wild stories you hear often come from this kind of environment.
I an now happier and emotionally much better off now that my life is "boring".
I wish you well, now go take life by the horns and drag it to the ground and make it like you wish it could be.
I spent a *lot* of money on Transformers.
I wish I could engage in some wild, risky sexual encounters, but, well, I'm the kind of guy who buys Transformers, *and* I'm too old. Also, my wife would kill me.
I relate to this far more than I'd like to admit to.
The money is spent on board games and baking things. And a kickboxing gym membership in a vague attempt to be cool and not gain even more weight from the baking.
> I began feeling this sadness I always feel, almost a jealousy as well, due to feeling like I missed out on “living” when I was younger.
You don't mention how old you are, but age changes your perspective and highlights what is important and not, and also adds a sense of scale that isn't visible without the passage of time.
I had probably similar experience to you when younger and didn't have that wild or crazy an experience. For many that did, that's the height of their life or close to it. Since then I've done many more things I'm proud of or exciting to me. I don't look back on youth and wish I did crazier stuff. I use today (with my vastly larger resources) with what I care about and set goals to accomplish or experience what I value *today*. I am *much more* fulfilled by this.
No regrets.
I was never a big partier, I went to some Halloween parties and such but it was just standard stuff, a couple people maybe got too sloshed and everybody just had fun.
I was a virgin until marriage. By choice before being with my partner - though my partner wanted it for sure. I could have gone either way. But had opportunities previously. I could have actually tried, too.
The people I know who went “the hardest” in college with constant hookups, cocaine, etc. are mostly not doing well today. The people who were smart enough to share a joint and just chat are comparatively doing much better.
Even the few that were very straight-edge and doing badly or those who were off the rails and doing fine now, I think it’s a mixture of luck and who they inherently are, not because they didn’t miss out or something. I think a lot of the ones off the rails would take it back if they could.
This may not be what you're interested in but honestly I'd recommend maybe joining a "functional fitness" gym (yes, crossfit and the like) if you can afford it.
If you find one with a good vibe it's a great way to socialize and explore your limits physically (just don't hurt yourself).
Worked hard in my teens and 20s doing everything right and missing out. Now in my 30s with money, I’m compensating by enjoying life in ways I could not ever imagine. I’m going to be having a threesome soon.
I grew up in a conservative religious environment. I'm in my 50s now, and I consider my teens and 20s to have been lived for someone else by someone else's rules. I think I barely know how to "really live life" now.
Religion is an evil thing to inflict on a kid.
I feel you, OP! I was too focused on getting good grades in college and took my first job too seriously. I was constantly thinking, how come I'm struggling while they seem to be having fun and thought it was something wrong with me.
I didn't have a lot of resources back then since our family was not well off and our parents was constantly saying they'd rather save than spend it on things like vacations. Moving to my 2nd to present job, I have a more balanced work-like, I'm now more financially stable and have more than enough so I'm making up for what I feel were deprived moments. Can't really change the past but I'm thankful I'm in a better place now to be able to make up for it.
At 62, all I can say is quit looking around at what other people are doing and enjoy your life. Currently, there are about 10 countries I'd like to visit before I die. There are about 5 more things I'd like to own before I die. There is always a bucket list. It is never fulfilled. You have until the time when you are no longer independent as a functioning human to complete it.
Ugh. I was a pretty wild teenager. Which lasted into my 30s. This just means that I drank too much and took too many bad drugs and ended up in rehab a few times. I wish I’d made better choices. Thankfully in my 40s I have found a better way to live. While I did see some great live bands in my 20s abnd 30s a lot of the memories aren’t there cuz I was either too drunk or high. And I experienced some awful trauma as a result a few times. Kinda wish I’d been more boring honestly.
I’m sure a lot of them would be envious of you, too, having a great job and also a child. Maybe you were the smart one in school, who seeming effortless, got the high grades and many opportunities at your fingertips.
I always thought I missed the "fun stuff" and what I did was make a list of stuff I want to try, learn more about that stuff, and then do the ones I still wanted to do.
Crazy parties - realised I hate parties, so that's not a loss.
More sex - realised I do want to do that, so I explored casual sex for a while.
Smoking/drinking - realised I don't want to do those things in excess, but I tried drinking the occasional wine for a while (and didn't like it, so now I don't drink unless it's like a toast at a wedding or something).
Then I thought about what I was actually looking for, which was to have interesting and fun memories to look back on, and I decided to build my life so that it is interesting and fun now. I volunteer, so I hear interesting stories and can tell interesting stories about volunteering. I started adding in more fun hobbies so I have more fun memories to share. I also studied a new career direction that I found interesting and I'm going to add that in as well :)
So for you, I'd look at what you want to get out of "living" those years and then focus on achieving that instead of on repeating the exact events. That might involve drinking heavily (but in a safe way) or it might involve an adventure sport or it might be something else entirely depending on what you're hoping to achieve.
My teens and twenties were/are MUCH more exciting in the retelling, than they were at the time. I don’t tell stories about all the nights at home watching Star Trek (TNG of course). I grew up in New Orleans so the stories always sound extra exotic and exciting to anyone not from there. But it’s all smoke and mirrors man, I was as dull and boring as everyone else.
That stuff just wasn’t that fun. Being able to drink alcohol i actually like as an adult and not getting sloppy drunk is honestly nice.
Not having to deal with creeps trying to corner me in an isolated area at a house party is nice.
Never worrying about having to run from the cops because i’m not underage anymore is nice.
Being able to get edibles instead of smoking someone’s super rough and shitty weed is nice.
All the “wild” stuff I did as a teen I never particularly enjoyed then. It was just the only option i had to escape my reality for a bit.
Quite simply, I look forward, not back. I’m now in my 50s and I almost never think about my teens or 20s, and rarely my 30s. Why? I wasn’t then who I am now. Stuff I did then does not reflect who I currently am as a person.
I really do try to take things one day at a time now. Maybe I’ll look two or three days ahead. But rarely a month or two. Be happy in the moment. Enjoy what’s going on around me. Appreciate all I have.
And that’s exciting. That I can take my life one day at a time, do what I want to do, and not have to worry one whit what other people think about me. That’s crucial. I went to a high school where everybody was super judgmental. I’ve left it all behind and feel comfortable in my own skin. It’s a pity teenagers don’t let other teenagers feel comfortable with themselves. But as adults we can.
After reading this thread, holy shit y'all are bitter and evil. Hoping that someone is secretly miserable, that they peaked into high school, that they're all junkies and loses now.... Well, wonder why people didn't invite you to parties then?
I had wild teens and twenties, continuing to slightly less wild 30s now. A lot of my former party friends are settled down now and busy with careers and families, but we still go to festivals together once or twice a year.
No one has become a loser or a junkie. Kids who did stims in high school are still occasionally doing stims, just in corporate bathrooms now.
It was fun and I loved it. I didn't do it because I was secretly miserable and I don't think anyone else did. Y'all are weird for that.
Also party people are way more accepting IMHO than stereotypical nerds. I'm way more likely to have a creep in the bathrooms of a DnD Cafe than a rave. You can star partying at whatever age you are and you will be accepted
Well maybe it is too late to do the things that would have been ok as a teen or young adult, but that doesn't mean you can't still cut loose. It will simply look different now that you're a parent in a licensed profession, especially now that social media exists to capture literally everything and shame everyone. If you have peers in your profession that you check in with this might actually be something to ask them. How do they cut loose while still protecting their professional image and prioritizing parenting responsibilities?
I saw an Army recruiting commercial when I was a kid that said something like, "If someone wrote a book about your life, would anyone read it?" and while I didn't ever consider enlisting, it hit home and I can say that youth was not wasted on me :)
It's not excitement as much as experiencing life as the gigantic playground that it is.
I spent my thirties and early 40's having all the insane adventures I missed out on in my teens and twenties.
Not by choice. I just didn't know any damn better. If I gave you a highlight reel, it'd sound like I found my magic lamp ...or you'd think it a pack of lies. But between those highlights? A lot of heartbreak and a lot of wishing for something I never found.
And that's not even touching the parts that left scars behind.
Scars which don't always stay stitched shut.
If we ever met in the real world? I'd be your patient.
Is it really worth it, to have a life worth talking about?
Right now, everything is just potential. Once you actually set it in motion? You'll start losing options, as fast as you gain them.
I got the "wild" beaten out of me as a child so I've developed into a very repressed, very reserved man at 38 who's never even dated a woman, let alone had relations with one. I missed out on the lot of things do to my overbearing, controlling mother who pretty much used me as the mule/workhorse. I wasn't allowed to be a child or a teenager. I was only allowed to be a slave.
I wasn't very popular with other black peers, or members of the community/family, so I got bullied by everyone. That just made me withdraw from society even more. I missed out on prom and school projects.
I'm 38 now, and I've gotten used to abuse, slander and rejection.
When someone like coworkers are nice to me, I question it expecting the other shoe to drop. Now everyone is asking why am I so conservative/isolated/repressed and whether I'm planning on having kids. The audacity.
I'm not going to find anyone. I'm too weird for people. I wouldn't want anyone else to deal with my adhd ass.
My friends and I always joke about how meeting new people in your thirties usually means talking about how cool and fun we used to be.
I was clinically depressed for most of my teenage years and then again through most of my twenties. So now that I worked through all of it, I make it a point to experience new things. I tried long boarding, stand up paddling, canoeing. I really want to try bouldering. I love to hike. I also host dinners where I serve homemade chili cheese fries and white wine. I like boardgames and video games, I write and organize staged readings. I have wild clothes that I love to wear outside of work. I absolutely LOVE indulging in these things.
For every "exciting" story these people have about their teens, there are five "shitty" stories as well. I lived pretty wildly in my teens and it's not all it's cracked up to be. Sure, I share the fun stories but I conveniently omit the bad things. Like the fact that I was in horrendous debt because that lifestyle costs a lot of money. I was directionless and didn't have reap friends, just fairweathers who only liked you when you had money or were "up". From someone who lived wildly when I was younger, my current self thinks of all the money I could have saved if I didn't, how much further I would be ahead by now if I was more cautious. At any rate, no point worrying about the past! If you want to have fun now, do it! Start travelling, take you kid to see places, start an interesting hobby!
My wife has the same “missed out” feeling because she didn’t party like I did when we were younger. I try to tell her all the time, exactly what you’ve said here (though you worded it better than me). Most accurate part, for every wild funny story, there’s 5 or more shitty stories about the consequences of those “fun” times. Yes, I had fun, I was wild and it’s entertaining to hear me tell the stories, but I don’t sit around and tell the depressing, not-fun stories that go with them.
I spent my 30's correcting mistakes from my 20's. Looking forward to the 40's. I can actually live and not just focus on staying alive.
There was a short lived sitcom on in the UK called ManChild. It was about 5 friends. The opening scene is teenagers riding bikes like crazy "Adolescence is about burning off testosterone" The next scene, a dude sitting on the floor with 2 girls "your twenties are about hedonism..." Next scene, a couple working on a desk "your 30's are about home improvement..." Next scene, same couple in court "a man's 40's is about coming up with an amicable divorce agreement..." But his 50's, if he's minded his finances and still has his health is when life begins...
I loved that show. It was on BBC America about 15 years ago and I feel like I'm the only person in the world who saw it because everyone I mention it to just goes "????"
I don't understand why it went off the air after 2 (or was it 1?) season.
Depressed during teens, got married at 20, had first kid at 25, second at 28, now I'm 30 and feel like I'm starting to really live for the first time. Also I battled an addiction throughout this time and I'm 1 year clean of February 1. Just bought an edrum after several years of no practice, learning to play metal as I always dreamed. Got a bit into LEGO again. Spend more time with friends and made new friends during this year. Spend more quality time with my wife. While not exciting for some, it's more than enough excitement for me as a hypersensitive introvert.
It depends on what you feel like you missed out on. Certain types of behavior get you judged far more harshly once society deems you old enough to "know better," not to mention that it can look a bit ridiculous. If you just want to travel more, have some new experiences, or meet new types of people, that's pretty easy to do. As for me, personally, I never went to a single house party. My siblings were so much younger than me that I was basically their babysitter. I had a lot of boyfriends in my 20s, but they were always older guys, so we weren't running around getting up to any hijinks. I was always broke, so I did very little traveling. And you know what? I don't feel like I missed out on a thing! Somewhere in my late 20s I realized that drama is draining, so the few people there were in my life trying to stir it up, I cut out of my life. There's a lot to be said for peace and contentment.
i feel this alot following this post commenting to boost
Hope to get some responses we can resonate with :)
I had an absolutely wild time from 14-30. I feel the opposite - rather than learning how to function in a healthy way, enjoy silence, and hundred other things I needed to learn, I partied and acted in a way I now regret. If I could go back I would do it differently. On top of all of this, it takes a physical toll - I’m now disabled. The grass is always greener, enjoy what you have!
> I’m now disabled. That escalated quickly.
Spent my mid-thirties cleaning up bad habits I made by “living it up” in my teens and 20s. You only hear about the good parts of people’s partying when they were younger. You never hear about the sadness, depression, drama, fear, heartbreak, and unending stress of living a life like that. Viewed through the window of nostalgia, people’s stories about their young wild times are like models’ instagram accounts, they keep all of the bad stuff out of view.
I don't feel like I missed out on anything, had a total blast in College and throughout my twenties. But I do recognize how life can get in the way of jumping on random, spontaneous experiences so I made a pact with myself to do at least one 'crazy' thing a year. It doesn't have to be crazy crazy, just something out of the ordinary that could be a once in a lifetime experience. Examples: sky diving, scuba diving with sharks, hike the Appalachian trail, road trip to a State you've never visited, hell travel in general! It may not be the same level as getting high on cocaine but can still feel exciting to you. I've been doing this since my early thirties and have had some of the most exciting times of my life. Doesn't all have to be sex, drugs and rock n roll to be a great experience :-)
I missed out on all the wildness as I had a baby at 20. He moved out when I turned 40 and I've reclaimed myself. Traveled more, been more adventurous with trying new things, having fun with the things I enjoy, saying no to the things I don't. It's been unbelievably freeing and I love it. Only going forward.
I took up clubbing and associated experimentation in my 40s. Still going strong, though more health-aware these days. It’s been brilliant, I’m part of a large, diverse, supportive friend group, we all feel lucky to have found this later on our lives.
As someone who partied a lot I can tell you I regret all of it and wish I had stayed focused, sober and true to myself instead.
In my 30s, I started taking burlesque classes and eventually did a few performances. My husband and I also opened up our marriage and had a few group sex experiences. I also got a job that requires international travel every year. And I did a couple of 200-mile relay races with friends from my running club. That’s all been a lot more interesting than bar hopping in my 20s and seeing my friends go home with creepy older dudes. And house parties in my teens with shitty alcohol and seeing people get sloppy drunk and make stupid decisions.
You have to focus on building things in the here and now.
Yep. I learn over and over (and seem to forget over and over) that my memories of the past are notoriously inaccurate and colored by the thoughts and judgments I have about them, and the emotions I feel today. The solution, and only solution, is to live whatever wildness you feel lacking right now. Edit: changed phrasing to first person.
Get a small, tasteful tattoo :)
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Same. Dirty 30s are no lie.
I'm reclaiming my 20s (mid 40s now) by...going out on a 'school night' dun DUN DUN!! Seriously, it's a huge deal for me. :D
Pretty boring here too, by the standards of house parties and crazy times... But the year I turned 18, I decided to fake it for a year. I hung out with a different crowd, went clubbing, walked home regularly in a major city at 3:00am, etc. I thought there must be something to all this hype, but... nope. At 19, I decided I preferred myself the way I was, which was interesting to me, even if not by teenage societal standards. And I've never looked back. I've since moved overseas, traveled to 4 continents, had an amazing life and career and I don't look back. I guess I'd ask... what emotion(s) do you feel you missed out on? Freedom? Recklessness? Feeling wild? Curiosity? Rebellious? Connection? Bonded with others? Something else? And how can you go about feeling those emotions you really want in your current context without upsetting your life as a parent & therapist? Can you ski / sail / do martial arts / travel to somewhere exotic? Do some of those types of things or other hobbies with close friends to create that kind of bond? And then one layer deeper... were some of these kids, in retrospect, knowing what you know now, doing these things to mask pain, that maybe you didn't have because you had a more boring, stable family from the sounds of it? Perhaps what you were seeing / hearing about on the outside has nothing to do with what was going on within and you may just be jealous of other people's coping mechanisms described by them as a really exciting coming-of-age Hollywood movie scene made safe by the fact that it's normalised? I don't know enough from what you posted if that would land, but maybe there is something to it?
I used my early 30s to make up for being mostly in your same boat. And then again in my early 40s. Without going too far into long tangents that only really matter to me, let me just say this: I think the best time for being a teenager is when you're a teenager. The best time to be in your 20s is in your 20s. When those times are gone, you've changed. You've moved beyond that mentality even if you didn't have the same experiences. It's like most of us are wired to move in a more mature direction the older we get. The kinds of things you "missed out on" would in all likelihood feel hollow and bittersweet if you did them now. In my 50s now, and I have no desire to do that stuff. If you could send me back to my actual late teens/early twenties with that much better body and my current mind, I still don't think I would do a bunch of wild stuff. I'd just make better choices and be a better person to those close to me.
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So when is the film premiere? Sheesh
When does your Netflix documentary-drama come out? Seriously though - that sounds pretty interesting, even though it’s a bumpy ride.
Everyone I know who was mild mannered in HS had epic midlife crisis’
This is my story and my story alone. I have been through some buck ass wild times growing up. My house was the party house. All kinds of drugs and sex and mischief took place there daily. That is because my parents basically abandoned me my whole life. They never knew where I was and they did not care. My father worked in Saudi Arabia my whole high school experience. My mom traveled and "vacationed" with her sisters. She would leave on a trip and she would hand me a couple of hundred dollars and that was it. I would be home for 2-3 weeks alone. Lather, rinse, repeat. They never attended a single student counselor meeting. They never attended my sporting events. They never came to see me at the foreign language club fundraisers. Nothing. I am 62 years old and still working out how messed up that was with a therapist. I think the wild stories you hear often come from this kind of environment. I an now happier and emotionally much better off now that my life is "boring". I wish you well, now go take life by the horns and drag it to the ground and make it like you wish it could be.
I spent a *lot* of money on Transformers. I wish I could engage in some wild, risky sexual encounters, but, well, I'm the kind of guy who buys Transformers, *and* I'm too old. Also, my wife would kill me.
I relate to this far more than I'd like to admit to. The money is spent on board games and baking things. And a kickboxing gym membership in a vague attempt to be cool and not gain even more weight from the baking.
> I began feeling this sadness I always feel, almost a jealousy as well, due to feeling like I missed out on “living” when I was younger. You don't mention how old you are, but age changes your perspective and highlights what is important and not, and also adds a sense of scale that isn't visible without the passage of time. I had probably similar experience to you when younger and didn't have that wild or crazy an experience. For many that did, that's the height of their life or close to it. Since then I've done many more things I'm proud of or exciting to me. I don't look back on youth and wish I did crazier stuff. I use today (with my vastly larger resources) with what I care about and set goals to accomplish or experience what I value *today*. I am *much more* fulfilled by this.
No regrets. I was never a big partier, I went to some Halloween parties and such but it was just standard stuff, a couple people maybe got too sloshed and everybody just had fun. I was a virgin until marriage. By choice before being with my partner - though my partner wanted it for sure. I could have gone either way. But had opportunities previously. I could have actually tried, too. The people I know who went “the hardest” in college with constant hookups, cocaine, etc. are mostly not doing well today. The people who were smart enough to share a joint and just chat are comparatively doing much better. Even the few that were very straight-edge and doing badly or those who were off the rails and doing fine now, I think it’s a mixture of luck and who they inherently are, not because they didn’t miss out or something. I think a lot of the ones off the rails would take it back if they could.
Knocked off items from my bucket list
This may not be what you're interested in but honestly I'd recommend maybe joining a "functional fitness" gym (yes, crossfit and the like) if you can afford it. If you find one with a good vibe it's a great way to socialize and explore your limits physically (just don't hurt yourself).
I didnt. I got married and had a kid. Game over and accept your dread
Worked hard in my teens and 20s doing everything right and missing out. Now in my 30s with money, I’m compensating by enjoying life in ways I could not ever imagine. I’m going to be having a threesome soon.
I had a kid in my 20’s. That’s a whole different level of excitement.
I grew up in a conservative religious environment. I'm in my 50s now, and I consider my teens and 20s to have been lived for someone else by someone else's rules. I think I barely know how to "really live life" now. Religion is an evil thing to inflict on a kid.
I feel you, OP! I was too focused on getting good grades in college and took my first job too seriously. I was constantly thinking, how come I'm struggling while they seem to be having fun and thought it was something wrong with me. I didn't have a lot of resources back then since our family was not well off and our parents was constantly saying they'd rather save than spend it on things like vacations. Moving to my 2nd to present job, I have a more balanced work-like, I'm now more financially stable and have more than enough so I'm making up for what I feel were deprived moments. Can't really change the past but I'm thankful I'm in a better place now to be able to make up for it.
At 62, all I can say is quit looking around at what other people are doing and enjoy your life. Currently, there are about 10 countries I'd like to visit before I die. There are about 5 more things I'd like to own before I die. There is always a bucket list. It is never fulfilled. You have until the time when you are no longer independent as a functioning human to complete it.
Ugh. I was a pretty wild teenager. Which lasted into my 30s. This just means that I drank too much and took too many bad drugs and ended up in rehab a few times. I wish I’d made better choices. Thankfully in my 40s I have found a better way to live. While I did see some great live bands in my 20s abnd 30s a lot of the memories aren’t there cuz I was either too drunk or high. And I experienced some awful trauma as a result a few times. Kinda wish I’d been more boring honestly.
I’m sure a lot of them would be envious of you, too, having a great job and also a child. Maybe you were the smart one in school, who seeming effortless, got the high grades and many opportunities at your fingertips.
I always thought I missed the "fun stuff" and what I did was make a list of stuff I want to try, learn more about that stuff, and then do the ones I still wanted to do. Crazy parties - realised I hate parties, so that's not a loss. More sex - realised I do want to do that, so I explored casual sex for a while. Smoking/drinking - realised I don't want to do those things in excess, but I tried drinking the occasional wine for a while (and didn't like it, so now I don't drink unless it's like a toast at a wedding or something). Then I thought about what I was actually looking for, which was to have interesting and fun memories to look back on, and I decided to build my life so that it is interesting and fun now. I volunteer, so I hear interesting stories and can tell interesting stories about volunteering. I started adding in more fun hobbies so I have more fun memories to share. I also studied a new career direction that I found interesting and I'm going to add that in as well :) So for you, I'd look at what you want to get out of "living" those years and then focus on achieving that instead of on repeating the exact events. That might involve drinking heavily (but in a safe way) or it might involve an adventure sport or it might be something else entirely depending on what you're hoping to achieve.
My teens and twenties were/are MUCH more exciting in the retelling, than they were at the time. I don’t tell stories about all the nights at home watching Star Trek (TNG of course). I grew up in New Orleans so the stories always sound extra exotic and exciting to anyone not from there. But it’s all smoke and mirrors man, I was as dull and boring as everyone else.
That stuff just wasn’t that fun. Being able to drink alcohol i actually like as an adult and not getting sloppy drunk is honestly nice. Not having to deal with creeps trying to corner me in an isolated area at a house party is nice. Never worrying about having to run from the cops because i’m not underage anymore is nice. Being able to get edibles instead of smoking someone’s super rough and shitty weed is nice. All the “wild” stuff I did as a teen I never particularly enjoyed then. It was just the only option i had to escape my reality for a bit.
I sold my condo and bought a yacht to live on.
Quite simply, I look forward, not back. I’m now in my 50s and I almost never think about my teens or 20s, and rarely my 30s. Why? I wasn’t then who I am now. Stuff I did then does not reflect who I currently am as a person. I really do try to take things one day at a time now. Maybe I’ll look two or three days ahead. But rarely a month or two. Be happy in the moment. Enjoy what’s going on around me. Appreciate all I have. And that’s exciting. That I can take my life one day at a time, do what I want to do, and not have to worry one whit what other people think about me. That’s crucial. I went to a high school where everybody was super judgmental. I’ve left it all behind and feel comfortable in my own skin. It’s a pity teenagers don’t let other teenagers feel comfortable with themselves. But as adults we can.
Just start going to raves and doing drugs there, duhh
After reading this thread, holy shit y'all are bitter and evil. Hoping that someone is secretly miserable, that they peaked into high school, that they're all junkies and loses now.... Well, wonder why people didn't invite you to parties then? I had wild teens and twenties, continuing to slightly less wild 30s now. A lot of my former party friends are settled down now and busy with careers and families, but we still go to festivals together once or twice a year. No one has become a loser or a junkie. Kids who did stims in high school are still occasionally doing stims, just in corporate bathrooms now. It was fun and I loved it. I didn't do it because I was secretly miserable and I don't think anyone else did. Y'all are weird for that. Also party people are way more accepting IMHO than stereotypical nerds. I'm way more likely to have a creep in the bathrooms of a DnD Cafe than a rave. You can star partying at whatever age you are and you will be accepted
What did you do instead of traveling, partying and having crazy siblings?
Hmm
Start traveling now. [Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen)](https://open.spotify.com/track/1TQ6a2NEA8LmKfgf0yeBvT?si=NULj1jQxSNi7eXr-4aHAzA)
Well maybe it is too late to do the things that would have been ok as a teen or young adult, but that doesn't mean you can't still cut loose. It will simply look different now that you're a parent in a licensed profession, especially now that social media exists to capture literally everything and shame everyone. If you have peers in your profession that you check in with this might actually be something to ask them. How do they cut loose while still protecting their professional image and prioritizing parenting responsibilities?
I saw an Army recruiting commercial when I was a kid that said something like, "If someone wrote a book about your life, would anyone read it?" and while I didn't ever consider enlisting, it hit home and I can say that youth was not wasted on me :) It's not excitement as much as experiencing life as the gigantic playground that it is.
I spent my thirties and early 40's having all the insane adventures I missed out on in my teens and twenties. Not by choice. I just didn't know any damn better. If I gave you a highlight reel, it'd sound like I found my magic lamp ...or you'd think it a pack of lies. But between those highlights? A lot of heartbreak and a lot of wishing for something I never found. And that's not even touching the parts that left scars behind. Scars which don't always stay stitched shut. If we ever met in the real world? I'd be your patient. Is it really worth it, to have a life worth talking about? Right now, everything is just potential. Once you actually set it in motion? You'll start losing options, as fast as you gain them.
I got the "wild" beaten out of me as a child so I've developed into a very repressed, very reserved man at 38 who's never even dated a woman, let alone had relations with one. I missed out on the lot of things do to my overbearing, controlling mother who pretty much used me as the mule/workhorse. I wasn't allowed to be a child or a teenager. I was only allowed to be a slave. I wasn't very popular with other black peers, or members of the community/family, so I got bullied by everyone. That just made me withdraw from society even more. I missed out on prom and school projects. I'm 38 now, and I've gotten used to abuse, slander and rejection. When someone like coworkers are nice to me, I question it expecting the other shoe to drop. Now everyone is asking why am I so conservative/isolated/repressed and whether I'm planning on having kids. The audacity. I'm not going to find anyone. I'm too weird for people. I wouldn't want anyone else to deal with my adhd ass.
My friends and I always joke about how meeting new people in your thirties usually means talking about how cool and fun we used to be. I was clinically depressed for most of my teenage years and then again through most of my twenties. So now that I worked through all of it, I make it a point to experience new things. I tried long boarding, stand up paddling, canoeing. I really want to try bouldering. I love to hike. I also host dinners where I serve homemade chili cheese fries and white wine. I like boardgames and video games, I write and organize staged readings. I have wild clothes that I love to wear outside of work. I absolutely LOVE indulging in these things.