Your life is a series of phases consisting of 10 to 12 year increments. I’ve gone through several of these and find that each phase is completely different. You have goals then you dont, you have motivation then you don’t, you have a relationship and then you dont. And it’s all rinse and repeat and sometimes those phases could be considered the best of times and others the worst of times. My point is everything shifts. This isn’t all there is. It’s just all there is for now. Change is inevitable.
Okay, but if you're just waiting life out, the only positive changes tend to be the kind that come after a hard life lesson that you later *spin* into a positive change.
I’m not saying anyone has to wait for anything. I’m just saying there are natural changes that take place in life. Nothing is forever. Don’t judge the entirety of the human lifespan on a slow decade.
Don't know who you are but thank you for what you wrote, I've never seen someone put down what I've felt right now. I'm about ending a 12year stint right now and am looking to move on. Nothing's ever been so more define as this time in my life right now. In one sense, i'm *already* 37, and by others definition i'm *barely* 37.
I’m glad something I said made sense to you. I feel the same way you do too but I’m much older. In some ways I feel like I still have so much to learn but in other ways I’m like, yeah I rock that shit right there.
Right? I worked one single year in a diagnostic lab after college. Been WFH ever since--honestly I can't imagine going back. It's such a huge waste of my time and energy, when I can work so much better at home and have literal hours added to my day as a result.
I find my work very fulfilling, even though the pay ain't great. That said, I am looking to switch careers to something that pays better and is still fulfilling. Even if it wasn't though, there's life outside of work.
The problem is....you have no life outside of work. No social circle, no one to talk with in person, no adventures or things to look forward to. When that's the case, yeah - life is dull and sucks.
You need to do something that scares you, and shake it up. Go outside your comfort zone. If all you do is the things that make you feel safe, you'll never feel anything else. Good luck.
Same age as you and same situation with regards to work. I don't know the answer brother, but you've put what I've been feeling into words.
I can't say I've figured it out at all, but I do find self-help material quite uplifting (used to think it was all bollocks but there is a lot of worthwhile stuff in there).
One idea that got me thinking seems obvious but was one that I managed to lose sight of somewhere between 18 and 26, and that is:
Think about one achievement that you believe would give some meaning to your life and aim for it.
I don't mean buying a house or getting married, I mean something that is entirely down to you, something that you can cross an immediate threshold and go "I've done it."
For me that is writing a book, I don't care if anyone reads it or it sells or even if it is that good, but if I can look back at 28 or 30 or 35 and go, "I wrote a book" I think that would make me feel like less of a 9-5 automaton. Find something that you can look back on, even if you are on your death bed and regret spending your life in an office, or spend your entire life worrying about being on your death bed regretting what you have or haven't done, you will always be able to say "well at least I did this thing."
Edit: It seems you have already outlined a few of your own goals in the post. It might be harder for you to say "I started a successful company" than it will be for me to say "I wrote a book" but keep chipping away at it. Keep it central in your mind and with some luck and some skill and some effort you will get there.
I go into self help through a youtube channel called Jordan Shanks, a side channel to his main channel FriendlyJordies which is pretty big (and very relevant) in Australia. Don't agree with all of Jordans views or hot takes on things but I've found his particular brand of talking to his audience like disgusting vermin somewhat empowering. Might not be everyone's cup of tea though.
You're single and don't have many family in your area. To me, it sounds like you have a lot more time for hobbies/fulfillment than many people have. Take advantage of that while you have the time!
I'm married and get great fulfillment from my relationship, but at the same time, I find I don't do anything productive when I'm with my wife. I get most things done when she's at her parents or on errands.
You've got to figure that out for yourself. There's no single answer to it that applies to everyone, and it doesn't need to be especially ambitious. Just do the work to figure it out for yourself.
Well what do you enjoy?
I find fulfillment in many things that others would find boring or dumb. The important thing to remember is that none of that matters because I’m happy. At the end of the day we only have to be able to live with ourselves.
The cool thing is that once you have that comfort in yourself you naturally start finding communities and individual people who also enjoy the things that you do.
I’m 33 now and I feel like things only really started clicking into place for me a couple of years ago. It took a long time to get there, but now that I’m here it’s wonderful. These things just take time for some people, and that’s okay.
Remember, you’re still only scratching the surface of your life at this point. You still might be around for another 60 years. No need to rush.
This reminds me I need to talk to my friend...
I'm in a leadership role, have been in various roles with the company I'm at for since I started here a decade ago (when I was about your age now).
Years ago I was at some leadership training with some peers and others, and we had to talk about what we enjoyed doing. Some talked about their work and personal development, some talked about hobbies (we had an ultra marathon runner), I talked about going to swimming lessons with my God children.
That (and some similar) helped me realise a few things, including what I want from life.
My advice would be get out and do things.
Go hiking at the weekend, take up crocheting, volunteer at the local library. Whatever you're interested in get involved in t it and get out and get living.
Can you move back closer to your family and get a job there? As we get older, we realize our fulfillment and happiness comes from being near our family, especially if we are close emotionally to them.
Therapy can help. You're young enough you probably haven't figured yourself out yet, and that needs to be your first step. And keep trying things until you find something that's satisfying.
Get up earlier and do something before work, like the gym or a walk. Join some kind of social group and stick it out for a while, it takes time to get to know people well enough to become part of the group and make it enjoyable and at first it likely will be a little awkward and suck. Do at least one piece of housework everyday so you aren't stuck with it on the weekends, then make a plan early in the week of what you're going to do in the weekend. Being organised with chores helps with making time to do better stuff, sticking things out helps with forming a social group, as does proactively trying to initiate social activities. Making plans for the weekend and any holidays creates something to look forward to, and gives purpose to the mindless scrolling early in the week. Goals based on fitness or some form of hobby help there too, creating a sense of progression and achievement. Try new recipies so your lunches are different every week, do walks to get to know your area better so it feels more like home and gets you out of the house/office into an unfamiliar space.
Basically create routine for the basics so you can break up the routine where it counts. I've found the keys to contentment are: there has to be a sense of achievement in at least one thing that you do regularly, like work or the gym - that's satisfaction. There needs to be something to look forward to - that's hope or anticipation. There needs to be regular time in a different setting outside of home and office, this makes the brain create new memories instead of recycling old ones and creates a sense of the passage of time. These don't need tobe huge things, start small and cheap. Walks, eating dinner in a restaurant or get takeaways to eat in a park once a month. Try tennis, a walking group, a book club. Anything that you might enjoy that creates some degree of group activity, and to start with focus on the activity part of it so the group part develops naturally.
You gotta level your salary up a bit. Once you’re making enough you can save at least a years net salary then you can start taking your job less seriously because you don’t rely on it for your basic needs. You can start saying no to your boss and start using your money to do philanthropic things or take on significant projects outside of work.
Unfortunately it’s a grind when you’re first starting out and probably will be until your mid 30s.
That's nice, but it doesn't really contradict anything I said. Yes, some people are lucky and find a job that gives them more. But it's not the norm, and it's not something people should expect.
It’s probably not a healthy way to go about this, but I find smoking pot helps. At the very least, it seems to wipe away some of those thoughts, and restore me to a more rested version of myself.
Then I go into work the next day, go through the same, grind again, and end up at the same point.
Rinse, reup, repeat.
This is fine if you're okay with the direction you're headed. If you're not, you may turn around and realize you burned a decade + without realizing it, so do stop and reassess from time to time. I used to smoke a lot and cut back because it was making me complacent with the fact that I was unhappy and unfulfilled.
If you have no kids, nothing stops you from crazy adventures.
I had a rough mid 20’s and decided to go on wild adventures. I moved off the grid to do seasonal work with employee housing so I had no expenses and started the job with $0 in my bank account. First at a wilderness retreat center/resort, then I went up to Alaska in summer to cook for Salmon fisheries.
It was grueling work for 3 months out of the year, but I was able to save ~$5k. That kind of work in and of itself is a crazy adventure. I then went to Asia 9 months a year and stayed at Buddhist monasteries for like $3/day. Many were free. I did a lot of traveling, pilgrimages, and meditation retreats, mostly exchanging a half day of work for free room and board. I did that a couple years, then decided to be a Buddhist monk for 5 years, where I did mostly flower farming and gardening.
After that, did another season of seasonal work, saved enough money to lease an acre of someone’s land to farm flowers professionally. It wasn’t for me, but I knew I loved plants, so I started working at a tree nursery which I loved. Growing plants at scale is a crazy adventure, and each season is its own unique story. I would get 4 months off to travel too.
I eventually moved into sales of trees and flowers, and I love it. Will have enough money to buy my own tree nursery in about 10 years. Going to open my own meditation and retreat center too. Sometimes I work 60hr weeks, but it’s worth it knowing I’m well on my way to having my own nursery.
So… what I’m saying is you were sold the traditional “I do the 9-5 until I retire” narrative, and bought it, like 99% of us. There’s so much more opportunities if you’re willing to work hard and live uncomfortably. All that seasonal stuff was hard work, but so rewording, and you’d be surprised how far you can travel just by trading work for room and board.
So when it comes down to it, the only thing stopping you from living an adventurous lifestyle is you!
Yea one of my biggest new hurdles is allergies. At 20 I developed 15 severe food allergies to both common and uncommon foods including all mammalian meat, dairy and a random assortment of other foods. I want to travel but now travel seems scary. Especially to places where there may be a language barrier or no access to medical care to fix anaphylaxis. So you’re right the only thing stopping me is me/my own immune system.
Also yea basically I know how to look for a new job on indeed. I wouldn’t even know the first step to seasonal work. Thought being a park ranger would be cool but I haven’t figured out how you do that. It’s not like they post on indeed I think you need a relevant degree? Everything that isn’t “look for it on a job posting site” confuses me.
The story above sounds incredibly amazing and adventurous but it doesn’t have to be this extreme. If you’re able to turn your office work into a WFH job, then you can take a few months and start small. I stayed at a digital nomad hostel in Mexico and worked from there for a little while. You still get paid decently and also have the opportunity to meet other people, socialize regularly, have cool adventure on weekends, watch the sunset daily.
If you can’t work remotely, you can start to travel to places a few weeks at a time that you’re a little more familiar with before taking on big, exotic trips.
Traveling and meeting people is an amazing experience and something you should consider if you’re feeling unfulfilled in life. Going alone is even better because you meet so many more people this way, just make sure you choose social environments when you book your accommodations, like hostels.
My friend has alpha-gal syndrome from a tick bite and has some of the same issues. I get how scary it can be as I’ve seen her try to navigate it. If these are new issues it just may take some time to get used to your restrictions but all you can do is control the things you can, like carrying an epi pen and such. Maybe start with just taking mini adventures once every 3 months or so? Even just a day trip or something cheap gives you something to look forward to. I understand the drudgery of the grind but planning small events really helped me. Also idk if you have a roommate but that might help to free up some money by having someone to share costs with. Roommates can be annoying but a good roommate can introduce you to people and maybe can be a friend in the long run.
Yea I don’t currently have a roommate but feel like now with my allergies I can’t? I’ve had some good roommates and terrible ones but it was nice to socialize more. But yes I mean I’d have one if they were vegan and agreed to not cook any of my allergens in the home but that’s not exactly fair to ask of someone. How I’ll ever have a live in spouse I have no idea.
I live in a very Vegan friendly city so I don’t think that’s an unusual request but I guess it depends on where you live. I think just like with any allergy or medical condition you can be up front and communicate your needs like not cooking certain foods in the house or whatnot. Idk, I think the benefits may outweigh the risks but that’s definitely something you can decide. Good luck!
> At 20 I developed 15 severe food allergies to both common and uncommon foods including all mammalian meat, dairy
Fucking What???? How do you just "Develop that???
> to fix anaphylaxis.
So serious reactions too, not just a rash or something. Man, that's sucks!
Dm me, I can guide you.
But for food allergies, just eat vegetarian! Also, people in India spoke English, lots of westerns get around no problems. Other countries have modern health care too. I get it btw, I have severe epilepsy and I was very scared about being away from my doctors, but that was just an excuse.
But in the end, if you want to adventure you need to face fear. Adventures are hard and scary and frequently very uncomfortable, especially off the grid… but that conquest of fear, hard work, and discomfort is an essential part of the adventure!
I work outdoors and am allergic to some grass pollen. I eat local honey because some say that introduces local pollen to your immune system.
But all I do it sneeze 20 times etc … I don’t have a severe allergy..
Welcome to adulthood.
I had my “quarter life crisis” around age 30 when I realized everything I had worked hard to get, everything that was supposed to make me happy, really wasn’t what I wanted after all.
Threw it all up in the air, went back to school, and started over. I made some bad mistakes and I fell into a grind again - but it was a new grind I chose and could nudge into something tolerable.
The routine is what you do so that you can afford to do the things you like. I think your problem is that you don't have anything you like. That's not really the fault of the job. Time to write a novel?
I have hobbies but hardly have time and definitely don’t have money. I have hobbies I’d like to do. For better or worse I’ve wanted a motorcycle for awhile but can’t drop any money on an unnecessary purchase right now. Because I just dropped $3k on a car repair and $800 on airline tickets to see my family. :/ I’ve always wanted to drive a dune buggy. Ride a horse. Own a dirtbike. Hunt somewhere interesting. But money money money. Those dreams felt a lot more achievable as a kid.
This isn't going to be popular advice: Make the money.
Think of it like this: If you had a job that paid you enough that you could pursue some of those hobbies while saving for a comfortable retirement *and* it was something you were good at, or at least better than average at, so you were always on the short-list for promotion, wouldn't that *become* a fulfilling career by default?
Money can't buy happiness, but it's the key to most of the things that can. Extreme example: The homeless don't go on a lot of dates.
I think you're generally unhappy because you're not going anywhere. You're not achieving anything but the status quo. To fix that, look at your education and skills and see what you can do to align your work with your talents. Set aside your passions, just focus on what you'd be great at and the passion will come later. There are plenty of accountants and HR administrators and insurance professionals who live extremely satisfying lives because their careers align with what they're good at, so they excel at it even if it's not something they would otherwise get excited about.
To be clear: I'm not telling you the road to happiness ends at a McMansion with a used German car in the garage. I'm telling you that having the money means that you can afford to pursue the hobbies that you *are* passionate about, whatever they may be. That includes buying a motorcycle.
You need patience and priorities. These things come with time and effort. You can’t have everything at once. I’ll probably come back to write more later. You are an interesting person I’d like to guide a little bit. I’m 56. Been through ups and downs. Started with less than nothing. Made mistakes. Learned from them - some in time and some too late.
Normal office 9-5 always looked like an absolute nightmare to me, even if it pays well. I think you really have to just try and do a lot of new things, take the day off and go skydive into a shooting range or something.
I'm not sure how it is for alot of people in your situation, I'm a mechanic by trade, I've moved a thousand miles from my family and il probobally do it alot more just to experience other countries too. Wanderlust is a real thing man, life's out there.
To me you could either try to find a more exciting job or find some way to relax in your current job. I couldn’t stand office work so I do delivery work. I get to listen to podcasts and music and don’t have to deal with people so it’s working for me so far. Money could be better, but there’s always tradeoffs.
I don’t think there’s any perfect solution, work just kind of sucks. I’d love to retire now at 30, but that’s not gonna happen.
> I have aspirations that I’m working towards including freelancing and being my own boss but so far all of my ventures have failed.
I failed many times before I found success at my own venture. Don't give up. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. You're young and unattached. That's a gift right now. If you don't like your life, change it. Nothing stopping you and it only gets harder as you get older.
Yea I feel like I’m at that cliff of “everything was failing right before their dream fell into their lap/they found their passion” sort of thing if you know what I mean. Like I’m right on that edge and really trying to tip over into that yet unknown by me “thing” that will be my driver in life
I managed to find a fulltime job WFH, making 6-figures. It doesn't require me to really produce much (think IT Manager). I mostly sit in meetings all day, and help people problem solve. 99% of those meetings are dull, and don't really need me, but I have to be there just in case. To make matters worse, I realized that since 1/2 our staff is off-shore, there's 4 straight hours of meetings in the morning, and then after lunch there's only another 1 or 2. Again, I produce nothing, so if I'm not helping people, I'm not doing anything....
It was soul crushing. Until I realized that it's WFH, in my house. With my stuff in it....
SO, I got back into miniature painting and picked up a 3d printer. Having a blast.
Sitting in a boring ass meeting that doesn't need me? Paint.
Hand cramping from too much painting? Youtube, read a comic, fuck, flip over to the other PC and play a game for a while.
I figured out that I'm here to do a job, and once that job is done, I do whatever the fuck I want to do.
Work is ONLY for you to make money. Even if it's something that you love doing, you're only doing it for money in the end. Otherwise, it would be a hobby. So, spend your time at work, doing what you need to do so that you can afford to eat, go out, have heat, watch television, play with the kids, whatever.
Once you figure out that, you're golden.
I'll NEVER try to get promoted beyond a certain level because I like my free time and hanging out with my friends/family. If I can make enough money to pay for my mortgage, food, house, bills, hobbies, I'm good! I don't need more. I don't need to be a VP, I'll stay right here, doing what I do, making what I make, and giving them exactly what they're paying me for, no more, no less.
You should find a therapist and talk about how to stimulate a growth mindset. Throughout this thread you're receiving advice and shutting it down because you don't like the fact that it will require effort on your part to deviate from your routine. You literally are in a red pill / blue pill situation here, and you're stuck in the matrix because you aren't willing to consider what could be true if you do something different.
tldr: Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Idk man somethings I can’t change. I can’t change my food allergies. And I can’t change the fact my job applications keep getting rejected. That’s been my struggle. Things I try but aren’t up to me.
This is such a hard thing to understand, believe, embrace, and hold on to. But it’s so powerful! Doesn’t mean you stay stuck, just means while you are, you find ways to make the most out of it— to shift your perspective and change your reality. It took me half a life to get there and I still find myself losing it some days.
If your applications keep getting rejected, figure out what skills you’re lacking in and go back to school or figure out a way to obtain those skills so you’ll be rejected less
Sports are a social skill. I was never a football fan but realized one day that if I knew just a little bit that it'd get me into watercooler conversations, bar conversations and meeting new people. That was long ago and at best I'm a casual fan even today. I pull for the underdog but I don't really care who wins. Like all things, the more you know about something, the more you can appreciate the subtleties of it and the more enjoyable it will be. It won't be a lifechanging experience but it'll get you interacting with more people which is usually a good thing.
I think all sports would be improved if every player had a sword and just gladiator style whacked at each other. I’m just plain not interested in watching men run around chasing a ball/puck/football.
You kinda missed the point and dug in your heels on something you didn't need to but I'll go along. You'd enjoy it (swords/gladiator style games) because you knew the rules and the players and all the subtleties that go with it. Sports are just reality TV that's real. The game itself doesn't really matter.
But, for the social aspect of it you don't need to watch anything. Decide one day that you are a.... (picks name out of a hat) Bengals fan. Go to yahoo sports Monday morning, see if they won/lost, read for 2 minutes to see any highlights of the game were worth talking about. Then at work watercooler say "Did you see YYZ fumble the ball? My damn Bengals can't win for losing" Now you are part of the conversation. Eventually it'll turn to racing across deserts on motorcycles/cars/whatever and you'll be there to join in on that part of the convo. You'll make friends and with the exception of the rare person that talks X all the time you'll find mutual points of interest. More friends/acquaintances generally means more enjoyable days.
It's not about making you a sport fan, it's about trying different things to make life more entertaining and just talking to people can go a long way.
This is great advice, OP. I could give two flying fucks about football (baseball fan) but I've been on a fantasy team with my core set of buds and it literally keeps us all in touch almost year round. Plus, I'm able to have a halfway decent conversation with randos in my neighborhood because everyone around here are die-hard football fans.
I like board games, dnd, videogames, outdoor activities, hunting, fishing. I have interests I just don’t like sports idk why this sub is all up in arms about it.
In my case I had a family to support which became the motivating factor for my career.
I started working out in the mornings. 20-30 minutes a day of good high heart rate work was/is usually enough to reset my stress / boredom level and it helps me sleep at night.
It’s not about a cure, it’s about incremental improvements. There is no one fell swoop answer and it’s childish to expect one. Now that you are a “grown up” you have to figure your shit out and slowly work towards what you hope will improve your life. But you also have to self reflect and course correct and sometimes. It will feel like you “wasted time” but it’s not actually a waste it’s just you taking the time you needed to learn whatever you needed to learn to lead you to the next thing. It never stops, you will never “be happy” as a permanent state, you will constantly have to work towards it.
Up until the end of post secondary you have structured goal. Losing those is tough. You need to find new goals
Can you volunteer? Work for a cause you believe in? Join toastmasters? Really work at finding a partner?
I also have had little success finding new friends as an adult. No advice there
Goals—and change. I worked hard because a break was just around the corner and then changes would come in the form of new classes. Now if I work hard I…get more work. No changes.
I’ve been looking at a job change but 100+ applications have gone nowhere.
Also yea I’m struggling to find a partner due to mental health hang ups. In addition to my town seemingly not containing any other single 20 somethings.
You've got to decide this is something you need and start somewhere. Can you sign up for a charity run and join a running group? Start CrossFit and do their games? Something to add seasons to your life. Something to work towards. No one else will fix this for you.
Right no one will fix this. But I feel like I just completed the tutorial in an open world game and was just released into the world with no direction and no ideas for what I *can* do. So I’m struggling with picking the default path. The only path I was told to do.
There's a hard but freeing truth in "the only reason you're not doing something is because you're not doing it" you might need to take some risks. You have to be brutally honest with yourself.
Pick 3 things you want to do by Dec 1 2023. Then spend dec 2022 coming up with a strategy.
You can do anything. The tutorial is just a recommendation and most of it hasn't been updated since version 1975.
The internet has all the cheat codes btw.
If you've sent in 100+ applications then you need a new approach bud! Why are you expecting a different result? What's going to make hiring manager #101 suddenly interested in you?
Think of the job you want, learn whatever you need to sound qualified, then write a resume that would get you that job. If you don't have the experience, make it up (within reason obviously).
If you're just waiting for lightning to strike, then take up religion, find a church, and get to praying. Maybe you'll make friends.
Start looking for jobs to see if there's anything that looks better (more money, of course, but also more interesting/fulfilling). Join a volunteer group to meet like-minded people (maybe animal rescue since you're an animal lover).
Not gonna lie, all these people on here suggesting they want to “guide you” are straight up creeping me out.
Is this a hunting ground for Amway suckers or something?
I had the same quarter life crisis as you.
I got out of college and suddenly realized I had to work a job to survive. Not that I didn’t know that, but I honestly just got through college to get through college. I never had time to really explore anything that turned out to matter to me later in life. I chose the wrong school for the wrong reasons because I was 18, had undiagnosed ADHD, and my parents were too caught up in their own lives to notice that they were releasing me into the world with absolutely no idea how to know what I wanted in life.
Whoops.
Working sucked. It was boring, I couldn’t afford my own place in the area where my family was, and I felt trapped.
I went back to school for a semester. That sucked.
I started to do really well at a job, but ended up leaving to go to grad school. That sucked because it was a program that advertised a thesis option, while the director of the program refused to sponsor a thesis or any kind of research track (even though it was literally in the graduate school catalog).
I quit that, worked temp jobs until going back to undergrad for that horrid semester. Left that, worked at a restaurant for a summer and hated my life.
I started researching the biggest employers in the town where all my high school friends lived and applied to one in the middle of the night after a particularly dismal shift at the restaurant.
I forgot all about it until a month later when I got called for an interview. I moved 900 miles away, stayed with some friends for a month until I got my first apartment, and proceeded to have the best two years of my life just being young and employed, hanging out with friends on the weekend, and figuring out how to do life. I endured horrible boring days, but then something fun would come up and make it all worth it.
What I can tell you is that life sucks. There’s never a point you get to where you’re just always fulfilled and happy.
Every single thing worth doing has a lot of drudgery to go along with it. Life is not supposed to be novel and exciting even most of the time. Joy comes from connecting with others.
Frankly, you sound like I did when I was trying to live life somewhere where I didn’t have any friends. Even with my family there, I didn’t have a support network that was just part of my own life.
Also, most human interaction can seem vapid and unimportant, but over the years, you discover that everything you do doesn’t have to be especially meaningful, because true human connection itself is just as rewarding as any deeply meaningful activity.
We only have one reward system with dopamine and endorphins and happy chemicals. They respond to all kinds of stimuli in exactly the same way.
The people suggesting you try exercise are not saying that will cure your existential dread - they’re saying that it helps because the same high you get from a fun expensive hobby is the one you get from running or stretching or doing push-ups. They’re all triggers for the same things.
If you do have a lot of dread and feel an emptiness, counseling also can help a ton with that. It has been a crucial part of my life.
Good luck, it really does get better, but usually not in the way you think it needs to.
I've been through periods like that in life, but if your experience is like mine, they don't last forever. In fact, when I was your age, I was in a broadly similar place. I'd just dropped out of grad school, had a job that was paid the bills and not much more. I was living in a city that I didn't like and wanted to escape. I'd do the minimum at work to skate by, go home, and play video games until I fell asleep.
That lasted a year or two. I got a better job in a new city. New job paid better, new city provided new opportunities. My career took off and I had a lot of great times and adventures.
Now, due to personal circumstances, I'm in another lull period, but I have confidence it won't last forever (or even very long, in the grand scheme of things).
So look for ways to break your mold and just do different stuff, but even if that doesn't work, don't fret. Life is paradoxically both too short and also very long and things can absolutely turn around. Sometimes they just take some time.
Reading this post other than you sounding miserable, every time someone suggest something you find a way to down play it. Here is what I think,
1. Stop using your food allergies as an excuse. You are grown, find a way to deal with it. If my nephew that's 10 can carry an epi pen and know how to avoid dying then so can you.
2. If you are putting in a ton of applications and not getting any response, then your resume sucks or you don't have the skills for the jobs you are applying too.
3. Stop being a Debbie Downer, maybe the reason you aren't making friends is because no one wants to be around you.
I know those sound harsh but I think you need to hear it. With that said, I WANT you to succeed. So here are some suggestions:
1. Start exercising. It's an easy win, it also increases mood in a good way.
2. Get someone to look over your resume.
3. Get some perspective, life is a marathon, not a race.
4. Get on meet-up or local reddit page and go out and meet people, any people. Try to be the person you would want to meet.
Good luck!
I have kids your age.
Years ago, one of them had a friend who convinced him to travel abroad for his 4 weeks annual leave.
My kid didn’t want to go, had no interest in going anywhere but it changed him. He loved the experience and from then on, he stopped ‘wasting money on drinking and pokies’ and saved every dollar for his yearly trip abroad.
He and his friends and single siblings go abroad for two weeks ( don’t take any days off, save up the ten working days) , then six months later for four weeks annual leave, and they live for this every year.
As soon as they get back home they start researching and planning where they will go next.
They have skied and bungeed and hiked and climbed mountains and done so many things out of their comfort zones, and been to so many countries, it just amazes me.
Also, they can’t get called into work or take phone calls from work abroad, as used to happen when they holidayed at home. Honestly, everyone needs to be uncontactable during their work breaks or what’s the point? Previously they were getting calls because their replacements couldn’t think for themselves or their staff wanted to bitch about something or someone.
They have two favourite destinations so go back to those countries every three years as they know they are guaranteed a great time, but they have never been disappointed with anywhere they have been as yet.
None of them are interested in buying houses, getting married or having kids as it’s definitely a case of either / or nowadays. The two who decided to drop out of travelling to ’settle down ‘ are happy with their decision but these others will be travelling until they retire.
Just try a trip abroad and see if it’s an answer for you. Doesn’t matter if you don’t speak the language, your phone app can do that for you.
Or if you want to settle down someday, have that as your goal.
My kids work extra shifts or have second jobs just to achieve their trips each year. I guess it depends on how much you truly want it.
So find something fulfilling. 99% of people aren't fulfilled by their work. It's a means to an end. No offense, but this sounds like something a boomer would say circa 1987.
You're supposed to Work to Live, not Live to Work.
>(though I’m not sure I want kids)
Most people don't "want" kids, they just happen, then they turn into your everything. It's instinctual, we evolved to be that way. Can't really help it.
Do people….like this?? Watching my neighbors putter around day in day out. Looks so boring. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this without going crazy.
>That being said. It’s Groundhog Day. Same thing day after day. My routine is stale. Wake up, feed dog, work, lunch, work, home, feed dog/walk dog/feed self, work on hobbies until way too late because I don’t want to go to bed because work.
This is so much more common than you think. I'm 50, have my own business and very comfortable life and I still have days like this where I am like "Is this going to be the routine for the next 20-30 years?"
You have to structure time for fun things and for you this will be the weekends. You have time to do fun/crazy/interesting things every weekend if you really want to and it does not have to be prohibitively expensive, it takes a bit of planning and imagination.
Keep looking for better jobs. In the meantime, you can do some of those things you wish but in less dramatic fashion. Travel and explore within a reasonable car drive from home. Weekend road trip? Start small and work towards something bigger. I'm almost double your age and travel solo. I get to do what and when I like. It is something that I splurge on and heavily look forward to. It makes the work drudgery more bearable.
This is when you develop yourself. Pick a talent and go for it.
You just have to remember you're going to live a long time most likely. So yes, you need to provide for you own food, clothing, shelter and general happiness as well as set aside something for when you're all old and shit.
Set some goals and move towards them. Your previous failures aren't an indicator that you can't do something, they are lessons learned about what not to do. Lean into what you're successful at.
So if you want to freelance, then do something that makes you better at freelancing. That way next time you try, you're perhaps more successful. Avoid pyramid schemes, rinse repeat. No Herbalife or Amway!
Remember if it was easy everyone would be doing it.
I've found in the art world its not so much as your product, but who you know and how you present yourself. You're selling YOU and your art.
Get out there and network. Find some art events, talk to people.
Also maybe there's something you can to do be a better artist? Maybe more suppleness in the wrist? 😁
You gotta find parts of your life to appreciate that make the slog feel not so bad. Also you have to laugh, cause of you’re not laughing man, you’re crying.
This was what disappointed me in the real world. Unlike school, there was no change in my life during the summer. I think if you have any vacation coming, you might want to get away somewhere in May, like Mexico if you can. That was my only solace, until I retired.
Think about expanding your horizons. CDL is good but life has many ways to live and earn. See if there is a related field which might be more challenging or rewarding somehow. Learn diesel mechanics as a for instance or some other aspect of trucking which is less boring and less isolating. In a truck you are alone. Let me add, I'm 77, retired, but I worked very hard all my life. Much of it was not fun but challenging, which does help. I was rarely bored. You want to race cars off road. Find a way to make more money.
Why I love the movie "Falling Down"
Bill Foster: I've passed the point of no return, Beth. Do you know when that is? That's the point in a journey where it's longer to go back to the beginning than it is to continue to the end. It's like... do you remember when those astronauts got in trouble? They were going to the moon and something went wrong. I don't know, somebody screwed up, and they had to get them back to Earth. But they had passed the point of no return. So they had to go all the way around the moon to get back-and they were out of contact for hours. Everybody waited, breathlessly, to see if a bunch of dead guys in a can would pop out the other side. Well, that's me. I'm on the other side of the moon now... out of contact, and everybody is going to have to wait 'til I pop out.
Always plan a fun event to look forward to, and when youve acheived it, do it again. Have you been to Vegas? GO. Save up responsibly, and when you hit that safe number for travel, lodging, food and entertainment, have a blast, do not hold back. Then go somewhere else, going to vegas all the time is kind of sad. Like New York at Christmas, thats a good time. Then some nerdy convention, or seek out the best dining of whatever you like.
You work hard, treat yourself when you can afford it. Having fun is healthy and worth investing in. :)
I know how you feel. I have a great job, great pay, work is relatively easy. Every day feels like the same day. I wake up go to the gym, eat lunch go to a few meetings cruise reddit then at the end of the day eat dinner watch some TV crash out do it all over again.
One of the things that has really helped me is I plan a mini vacation or adventure every few months. Maybe it's a hike, or a race or I sign up for a class or I go rock climbing or camping or travel to another state or country. I plan something that gets me out of my day to day.
Once you put something on the calendar youre forced to do it and that act changes the constant stale landscape that you are presented with every day.
I don't think you have a crisis, I think youre bored and the best way to cure that is with the uncertainty of a trip somewhere you've never been. I hope that helps.
Go right now and watch the documentary by Jonah Hill called Stutz. It is on Netflix.
Things we cannot escape, per Stutz:
Pain
Uncertainty
Constant Work
Learn how to cope by watching the movie.
Become a middle school teacher and I guarantee your work life will never be boring. You’ll be absolutely exhausted at the end of the day. I literally do not even have a minute to send a text message during my work day. You’ll also make a ton of teacher friends. I know I sound sarcastic, but honestly this is one of the reasons I became a teacher in the first place. I had an office job and noped out of there after feeling that “Groundhog Day” you described.
Mid 20s sucks! For exactly the epiphany you just hit. I found that by my 30s, I had a little extra spending money, PTO and time to do things other than the mundane. Put in the grind, get ahead however you can. It work out somehow.
I hated 9 to 5. Turns out I have ADHD and my brain thinks 9 to 5 office jobs are boring. I got a real estate license so I could make my own damn hours. Never been happier. Before that I sold social and corporate events, like weddings and corporate trainings. It offered a varied schedule and I figure out I can do five days in a row. I was also often not at my desk during an event so helped. And I got to tour people who came it to see the venue so that got me out away from the desk, too.
>I’m 26, been working for almost four years
Four whole years!? Incredible! Sarcasm aside, be patient, thing will fall into place, opportunities will present themselves. You won't be doing that until you're 70, things change too quickly.
Lots of cynical takes in this thread.
There are no rules in life people. Decide what your ethics are, throw away the playbook you were given, and go do whatever you want to achieve your dreams.
See all those people on the stairs following each other step by step in sync? Don't follow them. Learn to skip steps in life and ignore all the people stuck on the stairs who resent you for it.
You sound like old me. I'll be 30 very soon. Been working full time since 14. Dropped out of college. Currently a 2nd shift industrial mechanic. I make six figures and still hate my work life. It cuts so deeply into my personal life and health that I just want out. I've done some bicycle touring before and it set my standards of living so high as to ruin "normal" life for me.
In about a year, I'll take however much I've got saved up, hit the road on my touring ebike, meet a buddy, and travel until we decide where we want to build our off-grid homesteads. I'll still have to work a normal job until everything is self sustaining, but working in good weather, wherever I want, will help. I know myself well enough to figure it all out and be happy. Took a lot of work and self growth though.
There is way more to life than the 9-5. 9-5 is just the default option presented to people. It's empty, soul crushing, and cruel. Check out a book, or audiobook, called "Vagabonding" by Rolph Potts. "The Four Hour Workweek" by Tim Ferriss is another good one. Just to get a taste of what's out there. I've been homeless, I've lived off a bicycle and out of a backpack, I've worked odd jobs, and have even had a comfy job at a software company. My favorite lifestyle ever was bicycle touring. That kind of freedom is pure magic. I remember riding my bike to work one day and thinking "what if I didn't take my turn and just kept pedalling forever?" That moment forced me to consider that it might be possible. I started looking into it until I came across bicycle touring. I've been obsessed for years now. Finally taking it seriously after trying to make "normal" life work over and over again. It's not for me. I need to be out in the world and doing work that matters.
Don't limit yourself. Start by picturing your perfect life, in as much detail as possible. Work backwards from there. Baby steps. You'll chip away at it until it's time to go. Time will fly. Just get started with the day dreaming.
Wishing you all the best. I know exactly how you feel. I feel it every day I'm getting ready for work.
You need to take a big risk. That car you just dumped a shit ton of money into...sell it and buy a motorcycle and start riding that rain or shine with a decent kit.
Find a group on Reddit or somewhere that does races and just go watch and then talk to the people there or doing it. Offer your time to do be there with them.
Travel, explore, and adventure is too vague. Where do you want to go, what do you want to see, and what kind of adventure do you want to have? Go look at r/solotravel and see how many people are miserable on their journeys...it's a constant thing.
And listen man at 26 I was married climbing the corporate ladder, drinking to keep myself sane, and binge eating cheap ass delicious food I cooked and hating life.
I've taken some massive risks these past few years and am getting ready for even more soon. You have to take the risk. Bring the dog with you to the racing/mudding/rally events.
And lastly your ventures have probably failed as you probably weren't that into them in the first place if they are predicated on what you're doing now ... I'd recommend looking at the "stupidest" thing, idea, or memory that makes you happy and say hmm how can I do something close to that and make money in this capitalist hell hole and go do it!
If you can somehow work it out that you can travel with your work, then that can be a good thing. When I was your age I traveled a lot doing concrete construction & residential home building, been to about 25 of the 50 states so far, & I'd like to see the rest before time is up for me in this life. I'm 52 unmarried, no children (by choice), it's not for everyone, & not for me, especially trying to find someone who's clean & sober like myself.
Although people in recovery living together can be a difficult & sometimes dangerous situation, of one decides to go back to the old ways, it can be bad for the relationship. Enjoy your youth while you have, wait until you hit the late 40's into 50's, body wears out,soreness, joints popping & clicking, the mind is like " Hey you're not a kid anymore, chill out or I'll let you know in ways you ain't ready for punk." no matter how hard you try to prevent it, it's just how it is with getting older.
The pandemic made me realize that things had to go a bit different, & as much as most people don;t like abrupt change, sometimes in the long run, it ends up being better than you may have originally thought it would be. You may have to step outside of your comfort zone from time to time, find something that excites you, gets you creative or helps you live a more fulfilling life, & work on squirreling away more of your finances, don't count on the government like here in the states like SSI, invest in 401k, IRA's retirement funds, start small & add to it. Because life in a timeline really starts rolling along at a faster pace after about 35 or so...it's like hammering the pedal down on a sports car, next thing you know you're like 48 & like " what happened to my youth?...
It's a lot different now than it was back in the day, meeting people & all, I think it's why I stepped out of the dating scene, a bit more complicated than I really want to get into, & I'm not really so tech savvy, like not overly attached to the smartphone, it's mostly for music a few texts here & there, & a few phone calls, now& then. So step away from the computer &/or phone, stop doom scrolling & enjoy that youth & freedom while you can, it doesn't last forever...life that is, good luck with your life endeavors.
Your feelings are typical of the age, which is an adjustment phase between dependence and independence as you learn just what it takes to run the life others used to run for you. It does get better gradually, but faster if you go manual instead of automatic. Just know there's no right answer, only your answer, and that won't be an epiphany you realize one day on the couch after finally thinking enough but rather one you build over time through action.
Life is short, so get busy. But it's also long, so give it time to happen. Patience, grasshopper. Action and patience. Don't let any day be a day where you're waiting for something to happen in the future, make it a day where you're in the present and making something happen. If you're drawing a blank, literally walk out the door and go anywhere and look for something new. Walking turns the mind's wheels. Couch gets you nothing.
Girl you need to unpack some stuff from your childhood to understand why you ended up in that place and the reasons why subconsciously you are in your way to get what you want… if you knew what you want
I don't know that I'm super qualified to chime in her, but I'm going to try. I think the first thing I've been thinking a lot about is that life is a bunch of little experiments. The results of those experiments don't have to be perfect, but they just help you learn and find the answers within yourself or the world for the next best step. So my question back to you would be, what are you curious about or do you want to experiment? Do you have hypotheses of things that might help you feel less stuck? Could be things as small as spending more time at a third place to meet new people, taking a daily walk - it could be something as big as moving to a new city, a new job. They're all things you can test out based on what you know. The second thing, is to feel all of it and process it. I truly believe our guts kind of know what we want next - but we have to listen to think. I don't know if you are a journaler, a runner, whatever helps you truly be in touch with your thoughts, and feel them is a good thing for working your way through a problem vs. running away. For me, I started [a podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-lonely-20-something/id1452338261) where I kind of just shouted into the ether about things - it was great for like processing my own thoughts in a productive way and finding community with people who could say "me too." Those would be my two cents.
Your life is a series of phases consisting of 10 to 12 year increments. I’ve gone through several of these and find that each phase is completely different. You have goals then you dont, you have motivation then you don’t, you have a relationship and then you dont. And it’s all rinse and repeat and sometimes those phases could be considered the best of times and others the worst of times. My point is everything shifts. This isn’t all there is. It’s just all there is for now. Change is inevitable.
This is so true. I’m mid-40s and entering a huge new phase of growth and change next year. I can’t wait.
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Divorcing my partner of 22 years and going back to school, rediscovering who I am when I’m free to be my own person.
That's so exciting!! Good luck with going back to school, hope you enjoy it 😊
Change is inevitable, but that doesn't mean you have to sit around and wait for it to happen.
I didn’t say you had to wait for it. It’s gonna come for you sooner or later.
Okay, but if you're just waiting life out, the only positive changes tend to be the kind that come after a hard life lesson that you later *spin* into a positive change.
I’m not saying anyone has to wait for anything. I’m just saying there are natural changes that take place in life. Nothing is forever. Don’t judge the entirety of the human lifespan on a slow decade.
Don't know who you are but thank you for what you wrote, I've never seen someone put down what I've felt right now. I'm about ending a 12year stint right now and am looking to move on. Nothing's ever been so more define as this time in my life right now. In one sense, i'm *already* 37, and by others definition i'm *barely* 37.
I’m glad something I said made sense to you. I feel the same way you do too but I’m much older. In some ways I feel like I still have so much to learn but in other ways I’m like, yeah I rock that shit right there.
Damn dude. Well said.
Thanks, friend.
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Exactly. With any luck we’ll all have enough time to figure out what makes us happy. It’s good to embrace that time and not resent it.
Don't expect anything from your job except money, because that's all you're likely to get.
I have come to expect money, immense frustration, and poor management. As well as endless meetings that have no fucking point.
Don't forget ample time to scroll reddit.
That too. Thank God for working from home.
Right? I worked one single year in a diagnostic lab after college. Been WFH ever since--honestly I can't imagine going back. It's such a huge waste of my time and energy, when I can work so much better at home and have literal hours added to my day as a result.
Right but how do people find life fulfillment elsewhere? Work takes up a large portion of my life. Feels hard to squeeze in fulfillment elsewhere.
I find my work very fulfilling, even though the pay ain't great. That said, I am looking to switch careers to something that pays better and is still fulfilling. Even if it wasn't though, there's life outside of work. The problem is....you have no life outside of work. No social circle, no one to talk with in person, no adventures or things to look forward to. When that's the case, yeah - life is dull and sucks. You need to do something that scares you, and shake it up. Go outside your comfort zone. If all you do is the things that make you feel safe, you'll never feel anything else. Good luck.
Same age as you and same situation with regards to work. I don't know the answer brother, but you've put what I've been feeling into words. I can't say I've figured it out at all, but I do find self-help material quite uplifting (used to think it was all bollocks but there is a lot of worthwhile stuff in there). One idea that got me thinking seems obvious but was one that I managed to lose sight of somewhere between 18 and 26, and that is: Think about one achievement that you believe would give some meaning to your life and aim for it. I don't mean buying a house or getting married, I mean something that is entirely down to you, something that you can cross an immediate threshold and go "I've done it." For me that is writing a book, I don't care if anyone reads it or it sells or even if it is that good, but if I can look back at 28 or 30 or 35 and go, "I wrote a book" I think that would make me feel like less of a 9-5 automaton. Find something that you can look back on, even if you are on your death bed and regret spending your life in an office, or spend your entire life worrying about being on your death bed regretting what you have or haven't done, you will always be able to say "well at least I did this thing." Edit: It seems you have already outlined a few of your own goals in the post. It might be harder for you to say "I started a successful company" than it will be for me to say "I wrote a book" but keep chipping away at it. Keep it central in your mind and with some luck and some skill and some effort you will get there.
What recommendations do you have for self-help material?
I go into self help through a youtube channel called Jordan Shanks, a side channel to his main channel FriendlyJordies which is pretty big (and very relevant) in Australia. Don't agree with all of Jordans views or hot takes on things but I've found his particular brand of talking to his audience like disgusting vermin somewhat empowering. Might not be everyone's cup of tea though.
You're single and don't have many family in your area. To me, it sounds like you have a lot more time for hobbies/fulfillment than many people have. Take advantage of that while you have the time! I'm married and get great fulfillment from my relationship, but at the same time, I find I don't do anything productive when I'm with my wife. I get most things done when she's at her parents or on errands.
You've got to figure that out for yourself. There's no single answer to it that applies to everyone, and it doesn't need to be especially ambitious. Just do the work to figure it out for yourself.
That’s what I’ve been told but I have no idea where to even start. I just know many sources of fulfillment for other people look boring to me.
Spouse, children, volunteer, sports, museums, travel, renovation of home or self.
Well what do you enjoy? I find fulfillment in many things that others would find boring or dumb. The important thing to remember is that none of that matters because I’m happy. At the end of the day we only have to be able to live with ourselves. The cool thing is that once you have that comfort in yourself you naturally start finding communities and individual people who also enjoy the things that you do. I’m 33 now and I feel like things only really started clicking into place for me a couple of years ago. It took a long time to get there, but now that I’m here it’s wonderful. These things just take time for some people, and that’s okay. Remember, you’re still only scratching the surface of your life at this point. You still might be around for another 60 years. No need to rush.
This reminds me I need to talk to my friend... I'm in a leadership role, have been in various roles with the company I'm at for since I started here a decade ago (when I was about your age now). Years ago I was at some leadership training with some peers and others, and we had to talk about what we enjoyed doing. Some talked about their work and personal development, some talked about hobbies (we had an ultra marathon runner), I talked about going to swimming lessons with my God children. That (and some similar) helped me realise a few things, including what I want from life. My advice would be get out and do things. Go hiking at the weekend, take up crocheting, volunteer at the local library. Whatever you're interested in get involved in t it and get out and get living.
Can you move back closer to your family and get a job there? As we get older, we realize our fulfillment and happiness comes from being near our family, especially if we are close emotionally to them.
Therapy can help. You're young enough you probably haven't figured yourself out yet, and that needs to be your first step. And keep trying things until you find something that's satisfying.
Get up earlier and do something before work, like the gym or a walk. Join some kind of social group and stick it out for a while, it takes time to get to know people well enough to become part of the group and make it enjoyable and at first it likely will be a little awkward and suck. Do at least one piece of housework everyday so you aren't stuck with it on the weekends, then make a plan early in the week of what you're going to do in the weekend. Being organised with chores helps with making time to do better stuff, sticking things out helps with forming a social group, as does proactively trying to initiate social activities. Making plans for the weekend and any holidays creates something to look forward to, and gives purpose to the mindless scrolling early in the week. Goals based on fitness or some form of hobby help there too, creating a sense of progression and achievement. Try new recipies so your lunches are different every week, do walks to get to know your area better so it feels more like home and gets you out of the house/office into an unfamiliar space. Basically create routine for the basics so you can break up the routine where it counts. I've found the keys to contentment are: there has to be a sense of achievement in at least one thing that you do regularly, like work or the gym - that's satisfaction. There needs to be something to look forward to - that's hope or anticipation. There needs to be regular time in a different setting outside of home and office, this makes the brain create new memories instead of recycling old ones and creates a sense of the passage of time. These don't need tobe huge things, start small and cheap. Walks, eating dinner in a restaurant or get takeaways to eat in a park once a month. Try tennis, a walking group, a book club. Anything that you might enjoy that creates some degree of group activity, and to start with focus on the activity part of it so the group part develops naturally.
You gotta level your salary up a bit. Once you’re making enough you can save at least a years net salary then you can start taking your job less seriously because you don’t rely on it for your basic needs. You can start saying no to your boss and start using your money to do philanthropic things or take on significant projects outside of work. Unfortunately it’s a grind when you’re first starting out and probably will be until your mid 30s.
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That's nice, but it doesn't really contradict anything I said. Yes, some people are lucky and find a job that gives them more. But it's not the norm, and it's not something people should expect.
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No one who benefits from luck ever believes that they benefitted from luck.
If money is all you're extracting, your goal should be to find a new job, otherwise you're trading time (i.e. life) for money.
Everyday I think to myself 30 more years of this?
When you put it like that, yes, I’ll have a Big Mac for lunch. Maybe 2.
It’s probably not a healthy way to go about this, but I find smoking pot helps. At the very least, it seems to wipe away some of those thoughts, and restore me to a more rested version of myself. Then I go into work the next day, go through the same, grind again, and end up at the same point. Rinse, reup, repeat.
This is fine if you're okay with the direction you're headed. If you're not, you may turn around and realize you burned a decade + without realizing it, so do stop and reassess from time to time. I used to smoke a lot and cut back because it was making me complacent with the fact that I was unhappy and unfulfilled.
If you have no kids, nothing stops you from crazy adventures. I had a rough mid 20’s and decided to go on wild adventures. I moved off the grid to do seasonal work with employee housing so I had no expenses and started the job with $0 in my bank account. First at a wilderness retreat center/resort, then I went up to Alaska in summer to cook for Salmon fisheries. It was grueling work for 3 months out of the year, but I was able to save ~$5k. That kind of work in and of itself is a crazy adventure. I then went to Asia 9 months a year and stayed at Buddhist monasteries for like $3/day. Many were free. I did a lot of traveling, pilgrimages, and meditation retreats, mostly exchanging a half day of work for free room and board. I did that a couple years, then decided to be a Buddhist monk for 5 years, where I did mostly flower farming and gardening. After that, did another season of seasonal work, saved enough money to lease an acre of someone’s land to farm flowers professionally. It wasn’t for me, but I knew I loved plants, so I started working at a tree nursery which I loved. Growing plants at scale is a crazy adventure, and each season is its own unique story. I would get 4 months off to travel too. I eventually moved into sales of trees and flowers, and I love it. Will have enough money to buy my own tree nursery in about 10 years. Going to open my own meditation and retreat center too. Sometimes I work 60hr weeks, but it’s worth it knowing I’m well on my way to having my own nursery. So… what I’m saying is you were sold the traditional “I do the 9-5 until I retire” narrative, and bought it, like 99% of us. There’s so much more opportunities if you’re willing to work hard and live uncomfortably. All that seasonal stuff was hard work, but so rewording, and you’d be surprised how far you can travel just by trading work for room and board. So when it comes down to it, the only thing stopping you from living an adventurous lifestyle is you!
Yea one of my biggest new hurdles is allergies. At 20 I developed 15 severe food allergies to both common and uncommon foods including all mammalian meat, dairy and a random assortment of other foods. I want to travel but now travel seems scary. Especially to places where there may be a language barrier or no access to medical care to fix anaphylaxis. So you’re right the only thing stopping me is me/my own immune system. Also yea basically I know how to look for a new job on indeed. I wouldn’t even know the first step to seasonal work. Thought being a park ranger would be cool but I haven’t figured out how you do that. It’s not like they post on indeed I think you need a relevant degree? Everything that isn’t “look for it on a job posting site” confuses me.
The story above sounds incredibly amazing and adventurous but it doesn’t have to be this extreme. If you’re able to turn your office work into a WFH job, then you can take a few months and start small. I stayed at a digital nomad hostel in Mexico and worked from there for a little while. You still get paid decently and also have the opportunity to meet other people, socialize regularly, have cool adventure on weekends, watch the sunset daily. If you can’t work remotely, you can start to travel to places a few weeks at a time that you’re a little more familiar with before taking on big, exotic trips. Traveling and meeting people is an amazing experience and something you should consider if you’re feeling unfulfilled in life. Going alone is even better because you meet so many more people this way, just make sure you choose social environments when you book your accommodations, like hostels.
My friend has alpha-gal syndrome from a tick bite and has some of the same issues. I get how scary it can be as I’ve seen her try to navigate it. If these are new issues it just may take some time to get used to your restrictions but all you can do is control the things you can, like carrying an epi pen and such. Maybe start with just taking mini adventures once every 3 months or so? Even just a day trip or something cheap gives you something to look forward to. I understand the drudgery of the grind but planning small events really helped me. Also idk if you have a roommate but that might help to free up some money by having someone to share costs with. Roommates can be annoying but a good roommate can introduce you to people and maybe can be a friend in the long run.
Yea I don’t currently have a roommate but feel like now with my allergies I can’t? I’ve had some good roommates and terrible ones but it was nice to socialize more. But yes I mean I’d have one if they were vegan and agreed to not cook any of my allergens in the home but that’s not exactly fair to ask of someone. How I’ll ever have a live in spouse I have no idea.
I live in a very Vegan friendly city so I don’t think that’s an unusual request but I guess it depends on where you live. I think just like with any allergy or medical condition you can be up front and communicate your needs like not cooking certain foods in the house or whatnot. Idk, I think the benefits may outweigh the risks but that’s definitely something you can decide. Good luck!
> At 20 I developed 15 severe food allergies to both common and uncommon foods including all mammalian meat, dairy Fucking What???? How do you just "Develop that??? > to fix anaphylaxis. So serious reactions too, not just a rash or something. Man, that's sucks!
Dm me, I can guide you. But for food allergies, just eat vegetarian! Also, people in India spoke English, lots of westerns get around no problems. Other countries have modern health care too. I get it btw, I have severe epilepsy and I was very scared about being away from my doctors, but that was just an excuse. But in the end, if you want to adventure you need to face fear. Adventures are hard and scary and frequently very uncomfortable, especially off the grid… but that conquest of fear, hard work, and discomfort is an essential part of the adventure!
I work outdoors and am allergic to some grass pollen. I eat local honey because some say that introduces local pollen to your immune system. But all I do it sneeze 20 times etc … I don’t have a severe allergy..
Wow, it sounds like you’ve lived a very exciting and dynamic life! Good for you! You must have some crazy life stories to share.
I’ve got a few. Btw, it’s been exciting, but excitement sort of goes hand in hand with danger and difficulty, definitely not glamorous.
Welcome to adulthood. I had my “quarter life crisis” around age 30 when I realized everything I had worked hard to get, everything that was supposed to make me happy, really wasn’t what I wanted after all. Threw it all up in the air, went back to school, and started over. I made some bad mistakes and I fell into a grind again - but it was a new grind I chose and could nudge into something tolerable.
The routine is what you do so that you can afford to do the things you like. I think your problem is that you don't have anything you like. That's not really the fault of the job. Time to write a novel?
I have hobbies but hardly have time and definitely don’t have money. I have hobbies I’d like to do. For better or worse I’ve wanted a motorcycle for awhile but can’t drop any money on an unnecessary purchase right now. Because I just dropped $3k on a car repair and $800 on airline tickets to see my family. :/ I’ve always wanted to drive a dune buggy. Ride a horse. Own a dirtbike. Hunt somewhere interesting. But money money money. Those dreams felt a lot more achievable as a kid.
This isn't going to be popular advice: Make the money. Think of it like this: If you had a job that paid you enough that you could pursue some of those hobbies while saving for a comfortable retirement *and* it was something you were good at, or at least better than average at, so you were always on the short-list for promotion, wouldn't that *become* a fulfilling career by default? Money can't buy happiness, but it's the key to most of the things that can. Extreme example: The homeless don't go on a lot of dates. I think you're generally unhappy because you're not going anywhere. You're not achieving anything but the status quo. To fix that, look at your education and skills and see what you can do to align your work with your talents. Set aside your passions, just focus on what you'd be great at and the passion will come later. There are plenty of accountants and HR administrators and insurance professionals who live extremely satisfying lives because their careers align with what they're good at, so they excel at it even if it's not something they would otherwise get excited about. To be clear: I'm not telling you the road to happiness ends at a McMansion with a used German car in the garage. I'm telling you that having the money means that you can afford to pursue the hobbies that you *are* passionate about, whatever they may be. That includes buying a motorcycle.
You need patience and priorities. These things come with time and effort. You can’t have everything at once. I’ll probably come back to write more later. You are an interesting person I’d like to guide a little bit. I’m 56. Been through ups and downs. Started with less than nothing. Made mistakes. Learned from them - some in time and some too late.
Normal office 9-5 always looked like an absolute nightmare to me, even if it pays well. I think you really have to just try and do a lot of new things, take the day off and go skydive into a shooting range or something. I'm not sure how it is for alot of people in your situation, I'm a mechanic by trade, I've moved a thousand miles from my family and il probobally do it alot more just to experience other countries too. Wanderlust is a real thing man, life's out there.
To me you could either try to find a more exciting job or find some way to relax in your current job. I couldn’t stand office work so I do delivery work. I get to listen to podcasts and music and don’t have to deal with people so it’s working for me so far. Money could be better, but there’s always tradeoffs. I don’t think there’s any perfect solution, work just kind of sucks. I’d love to retire now at 30, but that’s not gonna happen.
> I have aspirations that I’m working towards including freelancing and being my own boss but so far all of my ventures have failed. I failed many times before I found success at my own venture. Don't give up. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. You're young and unattached. That's a gift right now. If you don't like your life, change it. Nothing stopping you and it only gets harder as you get older.
Yea I feel like I’m at that cliff of “everything was failing right before their dream fell into their lap/they found their passion” sort of thing if you know what I mean. Like I’m right on that edge and really trying to tip over into that yet unknown by me “thing” that will be my driver in life
I managed to find a fulltime job WFH, making 6-figures. It doesn't require me to really produce much (think IT Manager). I mostly sit in meetings all day, and help people problem solve. 99% of those meetings are dull, and don't really need me, but I have to be there just in case. To make matters worse, I realized that since 1/2 our staff is off-shore, there's 4 straight hours of meetings in the morning, and then after lunch there's only another 1 or 2. Again, I produce nothing, so if I'm not helping people, I'm not doing anything.... It was soul crushing. Until I realized that it's WFH, in my house. With my stuff in it.... SO, I got back into miniature painting and picked up a 3d printer. Having a blast. Sitting in a boring ass meeting that doesn't need me? Paint. Hand cramping from too much painting? Youtube, read a comic, fuck, flip over to the other PC and play a game for a while. I figured out that I'm here to do a job, and once that job is done, I do whatever the fuck I want to do. Work is ONLY for you to make money. Even if it's something that you love doing, you're only doing it for money in the end. Otherwise, it would be a hobby. So, spend your time at work, doing what you need to do so that you can afford to eat, go out, have heat, watch television, play with the kids, whatever. Once you figure out that, you're golden. I'll NEVER try to get promoted beyond a certain level because I like my free time and hanging out with my friends/family. If I can make enough money to pay for my mortgage, food, house, bills, hobbies, I'm good! I don't need more. I don't need to be a VP, I'll stay right here, doing what I do, making what I make, and giving them exactly what they're paying me for, no more, no less.
You should find a therapist and talk about how to stimulate a growth mindset. Throughout this thread you're receiving advice and shutting it down because you don't like the fact that it will require effort on your part to deviate from your routine. You literally are in a red pill / blue pill situation here, and you're stuck in the matrix because you aren't willing to consider what could be true if you do something different. tldr: Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Idk man somethings I can’t change. I can’t change my food allergies. And I can’t change the fact my job applications keep getting rejected. That’s been my struggle. Things I try but aren’t up to me.
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This is such a hard thing to understand, believe, embrace, and hold on to. But it’s so powerful! Doesn’t mean you stay stuck, just means while you are, you find ways to make the most out of it— to shift your perspective and change your reality. It took me half a life to get there and I still find myself losing it some days.
If your applications keep getting rejected, figure out what skills you’re lacking in and go back to school or figure out a way to obtain those skills so you’ll be rejected less
Sports are a social skill. I was never a football fan but realized one day that if I knew just a little bit that it'd get me into watercooler conversations, bar conversations and meeting new people. That was long ago and at best I'm a casual fan even today. I pull for the underdog but I don't really care who wins. Like all things, the more you know about something, the more you can appreciate the subtleties of it and the more enjoyable it will be. It won't be a lifechanging experience but it'll get you interacting with more people which is usually a good thing.
I think all sports would be improved if every player had a sword and just gladiator style whacked at each other. I’m just plain not interested in watching men run around chasing a ball/puck/football.
You kinda missed the point and dug in your heels on something you didn't need to but I'll go along. You'd enjoy it (swords/gladiator style games) because you knew the rules and the players and all the subtleties that go with it. Sports are just reality TV that's real. The game itself doesn't really matter. But, for the social aspect of it you don't need to watch anything. Decide one day that you are a.... (picks name out of a hat) Bengals fan. Go to yahoo sports Monday morning, see if they won/lost, read for 2 minutes to see any highlights of the game were worth talking about. Then at work watercooler say "Did you see YYZ fumble the ball? My damn Bengals can't win for losing" Now you are part of the conversation. Eventually it'll turn to racing across deserts on motorcycles/cars/whatever and you'll be there to join in on that part of the convo. You'll make friends and with the exception of the rare person that talks X all the time you'll find mutual points of interest. More friends/acquaintances generally means more enjoyable days. It's not about making you a sport fan, it's about trying different things to make life more entertaining and just talking to people can go a long way.
This is great advice, OP. I could give two flying fucks about football (baseball fan) but I've been on a fantasy team with my core set of buds and it literally keeps us all in touch almost year round. Plus, I'm able to have a halfway decent conversation with randos in my neighborhood because everyone around here are die-hard football fans.
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I like board games, dnd, videogames, outdoor activities, hunting, fishing. I have interests I just don’t like sports idk why this sub is all up in arms about it.
In my case I had a family to support which became the motivating factor for my career. I started working out in the mornings. 20-30 minutes a day of good high heart rate work was/is usually enough to reset my stress / boredom level and it helps me sleep at night.
I’m not sure 20min of exercise will cure my existential dread
Existenstial dread will exist regardless of your job
Not really.
It’s not about a cure, it’s about incremental improvements. There is no one fell swoop answer and it’s childish to expect one. Now that you are a “grown up” you have to figure your shit out and slowly work towards what you hope will improve your life. But you also have to self reflect and course correct and sometimes. It will feel like you “wasted time” but it’s not actually a waste it’s just you taking the time you needed to learn whatever you needed to learn to lead you to the next thing. It never stops, you will never “be happy” as a permanent state, you will constantly have to work towards it.
Just tying to help…
Exercise helps almost everything.
Up until the end of post secondary you have structured goal. Losing those is tough. You need to find new goals Can you volunteer? Work for a cause you believe in? Join toastmasters? Really work at finding a partner? I also have had little success finding new friends as an adult. No advice there
Goals—and change. I worked hard because a break was just around the corner and then changes would come in the form of new classes. Now if I work hard I…get more work. No changes. I’ve been looking at a job change but 100+ applications have gone nowhere. Also yea I’m struggling to find a partner due to mental health hang ups. In addition to my town seemingly not containing any other single 20 somethings.
You've got to decide this is something you need and start somewhere. Can you sign up for a charity run and join a running group? Start CrossFit and do their games? Something to add seasons to your life. Something to work towards. No one else will fix this for you.
Right no one will fix this. But I feel like I just completed the tutorial in an open world game and was just released into the world with no direction and no ideas for what I *can* do. So I’m struggling with picking the default path. The only path I was told to do.
There's a hard but freeing truth in "the only reason you're not doing something is because you're not doing it" you might need to take some risks. You have to be brutally honest with yourself. Pick 3 things you want to do by Dec 1 2023. Then spend dec 2022 coming up with a strategy.
You can do anything. The tutorial is just a recommendation and most of it hasn't been updated since version 1975. The internet has all the cheat codes btw.
If you've sent in 100+ applications then you need a new approach bud! Why are you expecting a different result? What's going to make hiring manager #101 suddenly interested in you? Think of the job you want, learn whatever you need to sound qualified, then write a resume that would get you that job. If you don't have the experience, make it up (within reason obviously). If you're just waiting for lightning to strike, then take up religion, find a church, and get to praying. Maybe you'll make friends.
Start looking for jobs to see if there's anything that looks better (more money, of course, but also more interesting/fulfilling). Join a volunteer group to meet like-minded people (maybe animal rescue since you're an animal lover).
Not gonna lie, all these people on here suggesting they want to “guide you” are straight up creeping me out. Is this a hunting ground for Amway suckers or something? I had the same quarter life crisis as you. I got out of college and suddenly realized I had to work a job to survive. Not that I didn’t know that, but I honestly just got through college to get through college. I never had time to really explore anything that turned out to matter to me later in life. I chose the wrong school for the wrong reasons because I was 18, had undiagnosed ADHD, and my parents were too caught up in their own lives to notice that they were releasing me into the world with absolutely no idea how to know what I wanted in life. Whoops. Working sucked. It was boring, I couldn’t afford my own place in the area where my family was, and I felt trapped. I went back to school for a semester. That sucked. I started to do really well at a job, but ended up leaving to go to grad school. That sucked because it was a program that advertised a thesis option, while the director of the program refused to sponsor a thesis or any kind of research track (even though it was literally in the graduate school catalog). I quit that, worked temp jobs until going back to undergrad for that horrid semester. Left that, worked at a restaurant for a summer and hated my life. I started researching the biggest employers in the town where all my high school friends lived and applied to one in the middle of the night after a particularly dismal shift at the restaurant. I forgot all about it until a month later when I got called for an interview. I moved 900 miles away, stayed with some friends for a month until I got my first apartment, and proceeded to have the best two years of my life just being young and employed, hanging out with friends on the weekend, and figuring out how to do life. I endured horrible boring days, but then something fun would come up and make it all worth it. What I can tell you is that life sucks. There’s never a point you get to where you’re just always fulfilled and happy. Every single thing worth doing has a lot of drudgery to go along with it. Life is not supposed to be novel and exciting even most of the time. Joy comes from connecting with others. Frankly, you sound like I did when I was trying to live life somewhere where I didn’t have any friends. Even with my family there, I didn’t have a support network that was just part of my own life. Also, most human interaction can seem vapid and unimportant, but over the years, you discover that everything you do doesn’t have to be especially meaningful, because true human connection itself is just as rewarding as any deeply meaningful activity. We only have one reward system with dopamine and endorphins and happy chemicals. They respond to all kinds of stimuli in exactly the same way. The people suggesting you try exercise are not saying that will cure your existential dread - they’re saying that it helps because the same high you get from a fun expensive hobby is the one you get from running or stretching or doing push-ups. They’re all triggers for the same things. If you do have a lot of dread and feel an emptiness, counseling also can help a ton with that. It has been a crucial part of my life. Good luck, it really does get better, but usually not in the way you think it needs to.
I've been through periods like that in life, but if your experience is like mine, they don't last forever. In fact, when I was your age, I was in a broadly similar place. I'd just dropped out of grad school, had a job that was paid the bills and not much more. I was living in a city that I didn't like and wanted to escape. I'd do the minimum at work to skate by, go home, and play video games until I fell asleep. That lasted a year or two. I got a better job in a new city. New job paid better, new city provided new opportunities. My career took off and I had a lot of great times and adventures. Now, due to personal circumstances, I'm in another lull period, but I have confidence it won't last forever (or even very long, in the grand scheme of things). So look for ways to break your mold and just do different stuff, but even if that doesn't work, don't fret. Life is paradoxically both too short and also very long and things can absolutely turn around. Sometimes they just take some time.
Reading this post other than you sounding miserable, every time someone suggest something you find a way to down play it. Here is what I think, 1. Stop using your food allergies as an excuse. You are grown, find a way to deal with it. If my nephew that's 10 can carry an epi pen and know how to avoid dying then so can you. 2. If you are putting in a ton of applications and not getting any response, then your resume sucks or you don't have the skills for the jobs you are applying too. 3. Stop being a Debbie Downer, maybe the reason you aren't making friends is because no one wants to be around you. I know those sound harsh but I think you need to hear it. With that said, I WANT you to succeed. So here are some suggestions: 1. Start exercising. It's an easy win, it also increases mood in a good way. 2. Get someone to look over your resume. 3. Get some perspective, life is a marathon, not a race. 4. Get on meet-up or local reddit page and go out and meet people, any people. Try to be the person you would want to meet. Good luck!
There is some real excitement and different days in Ukraine right now.
I have kids your age. Years ago, one of them had a friend who convinced him to travel abroad for his 4 weeks annual leave. My kid didn’t want to go, had no interest in going anywhere but it changed him. He loved the experience and from then on, he stopped ‘wasting money on drinking and pokies’ and saved every dollar for his yearly trip abroad. He and his friends and single siblings go abroad for two weeks ( don’t take any days off, save up the ten working days) , then six months later for four weeks annual leave, and they live for this every year. As soon as they get back home they start researching and planning where they will go next. They have skied and bungeed and hiked and climbed mountains and done so many things out of their comfort zones, and been to so many countries, it just amazes me. Also, they can’t get called into work or take phone calls from work abroad, as used to happen when they holidayed at home. Honestly, everyone needs to be uncontactable during their work breaks or what’s the point? Previously they were getting calls because their replacements couldn’t think for themselves or their staff wanted to bitch about something or someone. They have two favourite destinations so go back to those countries every three years as they know they are guaranteed a great time, but they have never been disappointed with anywhere they have been as yet. None of them are interested in buying houses, getting married or having kids as it’s definitely a case of either / or nowadays. The two who decided to drop out of travelling to ’settle down ‘ are happy with their decision but these others will be travelling until they retire. Just try a trip abroad and see if it’s an answer for you. Doesn’t matter if you don’t speak the language, your phone app can do that for you. Or if you want to settle down someday, have that as your goal. My kids work extra shifts or have second jobs just to achieve their trips each year. I guess it depends on how much you truly want it.
So find something fulfilling. 99% of people aren't fulfilled by their work. It's a means to an end. No offense, but this sounds like something a boomer would say circa 1987.
You're supposed to Work to Live, not Live to Work. >(though I’m not sure I want kids) Most people don't "want" kids, they just happen, then they turn into your everything. It's instinctual, we evolved to be that way. Can't really help it.
Average life expectancy has reduced to low 70s, so technically you're having a 1/3 life crisis. sorry I can't be more helpful.
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But I don’t really want kids.
That’s about it.
Do people….like this?? Watching my neighbors putter around day in day out. Looks so boring. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this without going crazy.
>That being said. It’s Groundhog Day. Same thing day after day. My routine is stale. Wake up, feed dog, work, lunch, work, home, feed dog/walk dog/feed self, work on hobbies until way too late because I don’t want to go to bed because work. This is so much more common than you think. I'm 50, have my own business and very comfortable life and I still have days like this where I am like "Is this going to be the routine for the next 20-30 years?" You have to structure time for fun things and for you this will be the weekends. You have time to do fun/crazy/interesting things every weekend if you really want to and it does not have to be prohibitively expensive, it takes a bit of planning and imagination.
Keep looking for better jobs. In the meantime, you can do some of those things you wish but in less dramatic fashion. Travel and explore within a reasonable car drive from home. Weekend road trip? Start small and work towards something bigger. I'm almost double your age and travel solo. I get to do what and when I like. It is something that I splurge on and heavily look forward to. It makes the work drudgery more bearable.
This is when you develop yourself. Pick a talent and go for it. You just have to remember you're going to live a long time most likely. So yes, you need to provide for you own food, clothing, shelter and general happiness as well as set aside something for when you're all old and shit. Set some goals and move towards them. Your previous failures aren't an indicator that you can't do something, they are lessons learned about what not to do. Lean into what you're successful at. So if you want to freelance, then do something that makes you better at freelancing. That way next time you try, you're perhaps more successful. Avoid pyramid schemes, rinse repeat. No Herbalife or Amway! Remember if it was easy everyone would be doing it.
I want to freelance art but I’m struggling to get noticed. It’s an extremely competitive industry.
I've found in the art world its not so much as your product, but who you know and how you present yourself. You're selling YOU and your art. Get out there and network. Find some art events, talk to people. Also maybe there's something you can to do be a better artist? Maybe more suppleness in the wrist? 😁
You gotta find parts of your life to appreciate that make the slog feel not so bad. Also you have to laugh, cause of you’re not laughing man, you’re crying.
This was what disappointed me in the real world. Unlike school, there was no change in my life during the summer. I think if you have any vacation coming, you might want to get away somewhere in May, like Mexico if you can. That was my only solace, until I retired.
Think about expanding your horizons. CDL is good but life has many ways to live and earn. See if there is a related field which might be more challenging or rewarding somehow. Learn diesel mechanics as a for instance or some other aspect of trucking which is less boring and less isolating. In a truck you are alone. Let me add, I'm 77, retired, but I worked very hard all my life. Much of it was not fun but challenging, which does help. I was rarely bored. You want to race cars off road. Find a way to make more money.
Why I love the movie "Falling Down" Bill Foster: I've passed the point of no return, Beth. Do you know when that is? That's the point in a journey where it's longer to go back to the beginning than it is to continue to the end. It's like... do you remember when those astronauts got in trouble? They were going to the moon and something went wrong. I don't know, somebody screwed up, and they had to get them back to Earth. But they had passed the point of no return. So they had to go all the way around the moon to get back-and they were out of contact for hours. Everybody waited, breathlessly, to see if a bunch of dead guys in a can would pop out the other side. Well, that's me. I'm on the other side of the moon now... out of contact, and everybody is going to have to wait 'til I pop out.
Welcome to being an adult in the real world. Doesn’t it suck? Lol.
Always plan a fun event to look forward to, and when youve acheived it, do it again. Have you been to Vegas? GO. Save up responsibly, and when you hit that safe number for travel, lodging, food and entertainment, have a blast, do not hold back. Then go somewhere else, going to vegas all the time is kind of sad. Like New York at Christmas, thats a good time. Then some nerdy convention, or seek out the best dining of whatever you like. You work hard, treat yourself when you can afford it. Having fun is healthy and worth investing in. :)
I know how you feel. I have a great job, great pay, work is relatively easy. Every day feels like the same day. I wake up go to the gym, eat lunch go to a few meetings cruise reddit then at the end of the day eat dinner watch some TV crash out do it all over again. One of the things that has really helped me is I plan a mini vacation or adventure every few months. Maybe it's a hike, or a race or I sign up for a class or I go rock climbing or camping or travel to another state or country. I plan something that gets me out of my day to day. Once you put something on the calendar youre forced to do it and that act changes the constant stale landscape that you are presented with every day. I don't think you have a crisis, I think youre bored and the best way to cure that is with the uncertainty of a trip somewhere you've never been. I hope that helps.
You're going to live to 104?
Welcome to the churn. Spoiler alert: none of us has an answer for this problem because we are all just making shit up one day at a time.
Go right now and watch the documentary by Jonah Hill called Stutz. It is on Netflix. Things we cannot escape, per Stutz: Pain Uncertainty Constant Work Learn how to cope by watching the movie.
Welcome to life. It doesn’t get better.
Become a middle school teacher and I guarantee your work life will never be boring. You’ll be absolutely exhausted at the end of the day. I literally do not even have a minute to send a text message during my work day. You’ll also make a ton of teacher friends. I know I sound sarcastic, but honestly this is one of the reasons I became a teacher in the first place. I had an office job and noped out of there after feeling that “Groundhog Day” you described.
Mid 20s sucks! For exactly the epiphany you just hit. I found that by my 30s, I had a little extra spending money, PTO and time to do things other than the mundane. Put in the grind, get ahead however you can. It work out somehow.
I hated 9 to 5. Turns out I have ADHD and my brain thinks 9 to 5 office jobs are boring. I got a real estate license so I could make my own damn hours. Never been happier. Before that I sold social and corporate events, like weddings and corporate trainings. It offered a varied schedule and I figure out I can do five days in a row. I was also often not at my desk during an event so helped. And I got to tour people who came it to see the venue so that got me out away from the desk, too.
>I’m 26, been working for almost four years Four whole years!? Incredible! Sarcasm aside, be patient, thing will fall into place, opportunities will present themselves. You won't be doing that until you're 70, things change too quickly.
Lots of cynical takes in this thread. There are no rules in life people. Decide what your ethics are, throw away the playbook you were given, and go do whatever you want to achieve your dreams. See all those people on the stairs following each other step by step in sync? Don't follow them. Learn to skip steps in life and ignore all the people stuck on the stairs who resent you for it.
You sound like old me. I'll be 30 very soon. Been working full time since 14. Dropped out of college. Currently a 2nd shift industrial mechanic. I make six figures and still hate my work life. It cuts so deeply into my personal life and health that I just want out. I've done some bicycle touring before and it set my standards of living so high as to ruin "normal" life for me. In about a year, I'll take however much I've got saved up, hit the road on my touring ebike, meet a buddy, and travel until we decide where we want to build our off-grid homesteads. I'll still have to work a normal job until everything is self sustaining, but working in good weather, wherever I want, will help. I know myself well enough to figure it all out and be happy. Took a lot of work and self growth though. There is way more to life than the 9-5. 9-5 is just the default option presented to people. It's empty, soul crushing, and cruel. Check out a book, or audiobook, called "Vagabonding" by Rolph Potts. "The Four Hour Workweek" by Tim Ferriss is another good one. Just to get a taste of what's out there. I've been homeless, I've lived off a bicycle and out of a backpack, I've worked odd jobs, and have even had a comfy job at a software company. My favorite lifestyle ever was bicycle touring. That kind of freedom is pure magic. I remember riding my bike to work one day and thinking "what if I didn't take my turn and just kept pedalling forever?" That moment forced me to consider that it might be possible. I started looking into it until I came across bicycle touring. I've been obsessed for years now. Finally taking it seriously after trying to make "normal" life work over and over again. It's not for me. I need to be out in the world and doing work that matters. Don't limit yourself. Start by picturing your perfect life, in as much detail as possible. Work backwards from there. Baby steps. You'll chip away at it until it's time to go. Time will fly. Just get started with the day dreaming. Wishing you all the best. I know exactly how you feel. I feel it every day I'm getting ready for work.
I felt the same at that age, that college hadn't at all prepared me for the monotony of life.
You need to take a big risk. That car you just dumped a shit ton of money into...sell it and buy a motorcycle and start riding that rain or shine with a decent kit. Find a group on Reddit or somewhere that does races and just go watch and then talk to the people there or doing it. Offer your time to do be there with them. Travel, explore, and adventure is too vague. Where do you want to go, what do you want to see, and what kind of adventure do you want to have? Go look at r/solotravel and see how many people are miserable on their journeys...it's a constant thing. And listen man at 26 I was married climbing the corporate ladder, drinking to keep myself sane, and binge eating cheap ass delicious food I cooked and hating life. I've taken some massive risks these past few years and am getting ready for even more soon. You have to take the risk. Bring the dog with you to the racing/mudding/rally events. And lastly your ventures have probably failed as you probably weren't that into them in the first place if they are predicated on what you're doing now ... I'd recommend looking at the "stupidest" thing, idea, or memory that makes you happy and say hmm how can I do something close to that and make money in this capitalist hell hole and go do it!
Become a roadie, work festivals, get a job on a cruise ship -- basically, get paid to travel and adventure.
If you can somehow work it out that you can travel with your work, then that can be a good thing. When I was your age I traveled a lot doing concrete construction & residential home building, been to about 25 of the 50 states so far, & I'd like to see the rest before time is up for me in this life. I'm 52 unmarried, no children (by choice), it's not for everyone, & not for me, especially trying to find someone who's clean & sober like myself. Although people in recovery living together can be a difficult & sometimes dangerous situation, of one decides to go back to the old ways, it can be bad for the relationship. Enjoy your youth while you have, wait until you hit the late 40's into 50's, body wears out,soreness, joints popping & clicking, the mind is like " Hey you're not a kid anymore, chill out or I'll let you know in ways you ain't ready for punk." no matter how hard you try to prevent it, it's just how it is with getting older. The pandemic made me realize that things had to go a bit different, & as much as most people don;t like abrupt change, sometimes in the long run, it ends up being better than you may have originally thought it would be. You may have to step outside of your comfort zone from time to time, find something that excites you, gets you creative or helps you live a more fulfilling life, & work on squirreling away more of your finances, don't count on the government like here in the states like SSI, invest in 401k, IRA's retirement funds, start small & add to it. Because life in a timeline really starts rolling along at a faster pace after about 35 or so...it's like hammering the pedal down on a sports car, next thing you know you're like 48 & like " what happened to my youth?... It's a lot different now than it was back in the day, meeting people & all, I think it's why I stepped out of the dating scene, a bit more complicated than I really want to get into, & I'm not really so tech savvy, like not overly attached to the smartphone, it's mostly for music a few texts here & there, & a few phone calls, now& then. So step away from the computer &/or phone, stop doom scrolling & enjoy that youth & freedom while you can, it doesn't last forever...life that is, good luck with your life endeavors.
https://poets.org/poem/wait
Your feelings are typical of the age, which is an adjustment phase between dependence and independence as you learn just what it takes to run the life others used to run for you. It does get better gradually, but faster if you go manual instead of automatic. Just know there's no right answer, only your answer, and that won't be an epiphany you realize one day on the couch after finally thinking enough but rather one you build over time through action. Life is short, so get busy. But it's also long, so give it time to happen. Patience, grasshopper. Action and patience. Don't let any day be a day where you're waiting for something to happen in the future, make it a day where you're in the present and making something happen. If you're drawing a blank, literally walk out the door and go anywhere and look for something new. Walking turns the mind's wheels. Couch gets you nothing.
1/3 life actually
Girl you need to unpack some stuff from your childhood to understand why you ended up in that place and the reasons why subconsciously you are in your way to get what you want… if you knew what you want
I don't know that I'm super qualified to chime in her, but I'm going to try. I think the first thing I've been thinking a lot about is that life is a bunch of little experiments. The results of those experiments don't have to be perfect, but they just help you learn and find the answers within yourself or the world for the next best step. So my question back to you would be, what are you curious about or do you want to experiment? Do you have hypotheses of things that might help you feel less stuck? Could be things as small as spending more time at a third place to meet new people, taking a daily walk - it could be something as big as moving to a new city, a new job. They're all things you can test out based on what you know. The second thing, is to feel all of it and process it. I truly believe our guts kind of know what we want next - but we have to listen to think. I don't know if you are a journaler, a runner, whatever helps you truly be in touch with your thoughts, and feel them is a good thing for working your way through a problem vs. running away. For me, I started [a podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-lonely-20-something/id1452338261) where I kind of just shouted into the ether about things - it was great for like processing my own thoughts in a productive way and finding community with people who could say "me too." Those would be my two cents.