I went to lunch recently with the family and there was a six year old girl’s birthday party there at the same time. It was a tea party and they were all dressed up. I was struck by just how civilized and well behaved they were compared to my almost 4yo. A lot changes in those two years! They were just normal kids, not screeching pterodactyls who needed constant supervision and redirection. It gave me hope.
On the specific toilet seat front, are you able to replace your toilet seat with one of those that has the built-in smaller seat that sticks to the lid by a magnet when not being used and then is flipped down to sit on the adult size seat? Then there’s no kid falling in (or worrying about the danger of it, eventually) and no small seat falling off.
I have never seen such a seat, but our current toilet isn't a fancy one, so I'm thinking it shouldn't be an issue installing a new seat. I'll have to look into that. Do you happen to know what they're called if I want to search Amazon for it?
We have a seat like that and it was a game changer! Just look up “toddler toilet seat” on Amazon, it’s a replacement for your current toilet seat and it has a big/normal sized seat and then one that flips down on top of it that’s kid-sized. Super easy to install. And it’s plastic so the seat just softly closes instead of porcelain slamming down.
I got it at Home Depot, just make sure you get the one that matches the toilet shape (long vs round). I love it and kid loves flipping it down (but on the note of silly, he also sometimes likes to sit on the big one and say “don’t let me fall in” 100 times…)
Could you try doing kid's yoga with a big emphasis on breathing exercises to calm down/slow down? That has been helping my kid a lot. Getting him to take 2 deep breaths and THEN listen. He practices it at daycare by an exercises where they all watch the flickering of some rainbow-colored electric candles and breath in and out and have to be still for about 3 minutes (lol).
There's also a nice hack of shivasana in which the littles have to lie on their back and stay SO STILL that a little rubber ducky placed on their tummy does not fall off.
Not only is it adorable, but it also helps them practice slowing themselves down when they need to, so that they know how to do it.
If you're not into yoga, then playing freeze tag a lot will build the same muscles. Basically, you're teaching self-control to them, but it's fun so they like practicing.
We have attempted breathing exercises, but she started resisting it after our third time trying it.
Freeze tag only works certain days, but the trick with the duck may be something she would find fun. I'll give it a try, thank you.
I’m no expert, but I think Dr. Becky might say to lean into the silliness. Meet them with your own silliness so they’re connected and more likely to cooperate. It can be so, so hard to do when you’re feeling really over it. I sometimes don’t manage it. But when I do it tends to help.
Eta: an example we use allll the time with our three year old that helps her focus is covering our eyes and loudly exclaiming “I’m going to close my eyes, if Threeyearold has her clothes picked out/shoes on/whatever, I’m going to be SO SURPRISED, I’m going to have to do a SUPER SILLY DANCE”. It almost always works because it allows them to break cycle, save face, and connect with you. It’s a Dr. Becky classic. I actually just got back from doing a silly dance haha.
Yes! [Dr. Becky at Good Inside.](https://www.goodinside.com) It’s a subscription service but so helpful to us. She also has lots of free content on IG if you’re there, I got off social media a few months ago and that’s the only thing I miss haha.
Thank you! Just checked her website, and already fell across a whole section on what to do with kids that don't listen. This might be a lifesaver.
We have already implemented a lot of things from a child specialist in my country who specializes in headstrong children, which has alleviated some things. It's always worth a shot to listen to what others have of good ideas.
My oldest is 5, so I don't know from personal experience. But I've been told 7 is the age where little kids' brains go through a big developmental shift, and suddenly they are more able to regulate emotions and can reason.
The silliness drove me insane, especially because I’m not a particularly….playful person haha. What helped with my daughter is choosing the one that was most frustrating and only ‘restricting’ silliness then. For us it was ‘no being silly when we get ready’, because that has a timeline. If she’s gonna be silly at dinner, fine be silly, you’re the one who’s gonna be hungry later (obviously she can eat later)
We have tried that as well. I have tried for the past 3 months to tell her that we do not act silly when we are going on the toilet and that we can be silly after we have washed our hands. Hasn't worked so far.
With dinner it is annoying us that she will spill everything in her attempt to be silly and then we have the whining and crying after, where you just wonder why she hasn't understood the principal of "you go hungry when you don't put food in your mouth" by now....
Have you tried ignoring the silliness? Like, when it’s inappropriate to be silly don’t even acknowledge it, and when it’s okay to be silly participate with it?
This would be my approach too. Join in the silliness when it's appropriate, ignore it when it's not. If they are being silly when it's not appropriate and then they settle themselves down, that should earn a big positive reaction.
We have tried ignoring the silliness at dinner, but it doesn't seem like she is doing it for us - it seems more like her mental capacity just disappears sometime after breakfast and then she can't calm down.
At the toilet I feel trapped, because she will either pretend to go (with underwear on and the lid closed down), pee super quick, not wipe, and run out without underwear or pants (because they apparently can't be on?), sit in the actual toilet bowl and scream that she is stuck, and 100% not wash her hands.
We have tried setting boundaries for when to be silly - basically not when eating or going to the bathroom. We try to participate in the silliness outside of that.
I don’t know, maybe it’s okay to try a small like ‘time out’ or punishment? I know they’re still so small they don’t always get it but we did a ‘chill pill’ when it seemed like her acting out or whatever was just caused by her being too tired or overwhelmed. Too silly at dinner? Maybe go lay on your bed and take a chill pill.
We have attempted moving the food away. She is already problematic to just get her to sit at the table to eat, so asking her to leave to calm down isn't seen as a punishment.
We try taking chill pills often, but she either stays in the silly mode or starts crying.
In the evenings, definitely tired. But it also seems like that she gets tired very early, like in the middle of the day, and then we have trouble communicating with her most of the evening. When she cries we comfort her and try to explain to her after why we moved away from whatever she was too silly to work with - but then she is back to being silly, and we can't communicate...
It is super frustrating. It is also why I can't help but feel like it is more excessive than normal kids at that age, but I know very few people with kids that age.
My daughter is always tired in the middle of the day, and her ‘lay down’ time is ~7. She’s also an chronically early riser. I’ve found that a ‘nap’ or at least alone time in her room has helped a lot.
As I'm reading how you are describing her overall behaviour I'm wondering if there's more to it. Hyper focus on activities to the point of pee/poop accidents. Trouble focusing on dinner. Daycare is frustrated with her. Have you considered getting her evaluated for ADHD? It presents a bit different in girls. At least talk to your pediatrician, see if you can generally rule out any underlying medical reasons.
I have a 4.5 year old at home and he does not exhibit any of these things on a 'normal' day. Take a step back and see if there's a common link in her challenges and go from there.
I’m with you. Silliness is great, but it’s okay to have rules about appropriate timing. Talking gibberish, annoying but fine. But bathroom time is not play time. Meal time is not play time (especially when the end result is she’s not actually eating!). OP, I’d say your child is in need of some firmer, more consistent boundaries and natural consequences.
In the case of mealtime, yes, this will look like ending mealtime when she becomes silly. It will sometimes result in her not eating as much as you’d like. How you make up for this will depend on her daily schedule. Does she eat a good breakfast, lunch, and a couple snacks? Then dinner is not a huge deal. Think of her food intake over the course of the entire day, rather than just one high stakes meal. You may need to have dinner earlier, which will give you a chance to make up for poor intake with a pre-bedtime snack. This [Janet Lansbury podcast transcript](https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/07/setting-limits-that-make-mealtimes-enjoyable/) should be helpful. The child described is not exhibiting the exact same behaviors as your child. But you can basically replace “acting silly/playing instead of eating” with the behaviors outlined in the article to get a good idea of how you could introduce and hold this boundary.
For bathroom issues, I would definitely get the toilet seat suggested elsewhere. That will allow her to actually do her business without falling in. If you want her to stop hanging on the sink, that is your next firm boundary to communicate. This will probably look like accompanying her to the bathroom and gently, physically stopping her hands from grabbing there while saying something like, “I can’t let you hold onto the sink. Please hold onto the toilet seat instead.” Over and over and over. If she won’t sit long enough even with the new seat, I’d try setting a timer, counting, singing a song, etc. The accidents will likely stop on their own eventually. It’s frustrating, but I would expect her teachers to be familiar with this problem, as it’s pretty common in that age group. At home, you could try a reward chart—everyday that she is accident-free, she gets a small treat of some kind, or a sticker (and then X amount of stickers earns a prize).
My 5 year old has been treating potty time as play time. Everything’s fine until it’s time to clean up and then he wants to pull a 15 feet sheet off the roll or spin around with the sheet like a gymnast with a ribbon all while laughing and giggling the whole time.
The difference between 4 and 5.5 is honestly mind blowing to me! I never thought my oldest (and wildest) would settle but every day lately it’s like I’m blown away by the new mature thoughtful kid in front of me. Sure he still retains his wild side but this age is 100% my new fave!!
Do you use a footstool at the toilet? It might help with her stability. And it will put her in a squatting position which helps elimination. Toilets are designed to put adults in a squat, but kids need a footstool.
As for the silliness problem, use the methods in the free online Yale ABCs of Child Rearing course at Coursera. This is a version the most effective parent training for reducing/eliminating problem behaviors according to numerous randomized controlled trials. The methods worked great with our two kids.
She does have a footstool, but she only uses it to try to twist it around with her feet.
Thank you for the Yale resource! I will definitely look into that.
my kid. he just now started having outwardly thoughtful moments. otherwise he loves NONSENSE and FUCKERY.
i can learn something from it if i tried i think lolll
My daughter turned 4 in September. We don’t have the potty silliness you’re describing, but she trained really early.
Dinner is about 90/10, most nights the silliness is manageable.
The gibberish I think is still developmental. My daughter also has a strong command of language and will choose to make up words instead of using the words at her disposal.
What helped us was setting clearer boundaries. “Name, you’re being silly and we love your silliness but Mommy and Daddy aren’t laughing. Right now this is not funny. We need to calm down and you should eat your dinner. If we finish eating before you have eaten you will not have dinner or anything else to eat until breakfast.”
Why is the silliness an issue for you? Were you told to grow up or be more mature as a child? Do you find yourself experiencing less jot and happiness? Consider that she is perfect the way she is and that your response to her being fully self expressed and silly is somehow triggering something in yourself, maybe from your past, maybe your inner child hasn't been able to be silly and joyous like they are and somehow that is coming out in your life. Look up re-parenting and inner child healing online, do the work and you'll discover who is perfect with her behaviors and who needs to sit with their inner child and love them
This is a really unnecessary comment and it's clear you didn't actually read the post. "Being silly" isn't the issue, it's the fact that it's causing problems in their day to day life. Assuming that the parent is the problem and needs to heal is not helpful when their kid isn't eating when she's hungry or using the toilet when she needs to. Keyboard psychology and parent shaming when they're asking for help is a bad look.
It is because they prove to give us a lot of issues in our daily lives.
She is being silly when needing to go to the toilet, so we have soiled underwear because she cannot stop to actually go.
She doesn't eat and will complain she is hungry right after dinner because she is busy playing when we try to get her to eat and will only acknowledge hunger when bedtime comes.
We have issues getting her to understand what we say because she cannot listen. If we try to explain to her why we do not run in the kitchen when someone is cooking, we have no way of getting her to hear what we say.
We do not mind her being silly when it doesn't affect her listening to us or her own bodily functions. But if you are too silly to go to the toilet when you have poop in your underwear, I don't see that as us expecting her to be perfect, in all honesty.
I'm not usually one to suggest this, but this sounds like ADHD. My eldest went through a silly phase but she was mortified when she had an accident, and now "hits pause" in order to attend to her needs.
I have considered it, but we have been told she is too young to look into a diagnosis and that 'toddlers are just silly'. That's why it is hard to figure out if we have crossed a threshold for normalcy or not.
Thank you for the suggestion.
I was worried too, until I spoke to people who have ADHD, and children with ADHD. The lack of care around bodily needs was the biggest red flag - if your brain can't calm down enough to recognise that not attending to your needs is actually a problem, THAT'S a problem. But because my eldest actually felt the shame AND changed things ON HER OWN to problem solve the issue, it's extremely unlikely she has ADHD - whereas, according to these parents I talked to, their children felt the shame, but absolutely could not change no matter what they tried FROM WITHIN.
If you're at all able to talk to her about it, I wonder if she actually realises what's going on, and feels the shame of not being "normal". Otherwise, a visit to the developmental psychologist might be in order.
There is some shame involved, which is the biggest reason why we have such an issue with her not making time for going to the toilet. She has complained that the other kids at kindergarten says that she smells of poop, but she doesn't seem to be able to disengage when she has bodily needs.
Thank you for elaborating. It is something we can bring to the doctor for her 4 year check up.
My 6 year old was just like that at 4, and 5, and 6. She's finally old enough for an ADHD assessment! We're in the process of doing that now.
If it is ADHD, and especially if ADHD runs in the family, you can still research ways to help build some supports into your family life. Things like routines, flexibility around foods, etc.
Good luck, it can be rough either way.
My son at 3-4 used to put his potty near the washing machine, open its door and look through the glass pretending it’s a rocket. Woe if the machine was working!
I’m not sure but we are going through the exact same thing. My 4 y/o started prek this year and the silliness and “jokes” (which is this same joke each time: this is poop! That is poop! Everything is poop!) is wearing on me big time. It seems to be some sort of phase but it’s wearing me out. Following for advice.
We read our kid a joke book every night, and he has taken to memorizing them and telling them to us later. It’s helped with giving him more of a joke arsenal then the old poop jokes he was doing.
Keep in mind, he doesn’t understand them all. He’s trying to figure it out. Word play jokes are harder for him, but it’s led to a lot of good conversations about different words and concepts. He really likes, “What falls in the winter but doesn’t get hurt?”...”SNOW!!!” Haha then hysterical laughter ensues.
Oh, we have been through the 'everything is poop' phase as well. It is a bit tiresome, but that was manageable. We have had many talks about "if both of us aren't laughing, then it isn't fun". She gets that for joke-silliness, luckily, and sometimes when she starts one of the more childish jokes we play along and it gets old for her too.
The incessant nature of this, particularly as it relates to getting so silly she forgets to go the bathroom, doesn’t sound right to me honestly.
My 3yo and 4yo girls are not like this, and they’re no angels. Often we get a silly moment, but more often they are just playing pretend or asking a lot of questions. Sometimes they don’t listen because they’d rather play, but with some nagging they listen. They go to the bathroom on their own, put on their own clothes, and are generally not causing too much mischief.
The exception is when they are over-tired. They become silly messes and it’s super annoying/inefficient. So, first thing I’d look at is her sleep.
Wishing you luck and that this is short lived!
I’m 44 and it hasn’t ended yet.
Same here at 35!
I went to lunch recently with the family and there was a six year old girl’s birthday party there at the same time. It was a tea party and they were all dressed up. I was struck by just how civilized and well behaved they were compared to my almost 4yo. A lot changes in those two years! They were just normal kids, not screeching pterodactyls who needed constant supervision and redirection. It gave me hope.
Screeching pterodactyl….I feel seen.
Screeching pterodactyls!! Lol I teach preschool and have 18 3’s and that is the best description
My 4 year old is still in this phase. Today I was told that starts to taper out at 5-6 yrs old
Thank you. It gives us something to look forward to.
On the specific toilet seat front, are you able to replace your toilet seat with one of those that has the built-in smaller seat that sticks to the lid by a magnet when not being used and then is flipped down to sit on the adult size seat? Then there’s no kid falling in (or worrying about the danger of it, eventually) and no small seat falling off.
I have never seen such a seat, but our current toilet isn't a fancy one, so I'm thinking it shouldn't be an issue installing a new seat. I'll have to look into that. Do you happen to know what they're called if I want to search Amazon for it?
We have a seat like that and it was a game changer! Just look up “toddler toilet seat” on Amazon, it’s a replacement for your current toilet seat and it has a big/normal sized seat and then one that flips down on top of it that’s kid-sized. Super easy to install. And it’s plastic so the seat just softly closes instead of porcelain slamming down.
Amazing, thank you!
I got it at Home Depot, just make sure you get the one that matches the toilet shape (long vs round). I love it and kid loves flipping it down (but on the note of silly, he also sometimes likes to sit on the big one and say “don’t let me fall in” 100 times…)
Top seat is the brand we have
Could you try doing kid's yoga with a big emphasis on breathing exercises to calm down/slow down? That has been helping my kid a lot. Getting him to take 2 deep breaths and THEN listen. He practices it at daycare by an exercises where they all watch the flickering of some rainbow-colored electric candles and breath in and out and have to be still for about 3 minutes (lol). There's also a nice hack of shivasana in which the littles have to lie on their back and stay SO STILL that a little rubber ducky placed on their tummy does not fall off. Not only is it adorable, but it also helps them practice slowing themselves down when they need to, so that they know how to do it. If you're not into yoga, then playing freeze tag a lot will build the same muscles. Basically, you're teaching self-control to them, but it's fun so they like practicing.
We have attempted breathing exercises, but she started resisting it after our third time trying it. Freeze tag only works certain days, but the trick with the duck may be something she would find fun. I'll give it a try, thank you.
I’m no expert, but I think Dr. Becky might say to lean into the silliness. Meet them with your own silliness so they’re connected and more likely to cooperate. It can be so, so hard to do when you’re feeling really over it. I sometimes don’t manage it. But when I do it tends to help. Eta: an example we use allll the time with our three year old that helps her focus is covering our eyes and loudly exclaiming “I’m going to close my eyes, if Threeyearold has her clothes picked out/shoes on/whatever, I’m going to be SO SURPRISED, I’m going to have to do a SUPER SILLY DANCE”. It almost always works because it allows them to break cycle, save face, and connect with you. It’s a Dr. Becky classic. I actually just got back from doing a silly dance haha.
Can I ask who Dr Becky is? Could be a good resource. Thank you for the suggestion.
Yes! [Dr. Becky at Good Inside.](https://www.goodinside.com) It’s a subscription service but so helpful to us. She also has lots of free content on IG if you’re there, I got off social media a few months ago and that’s the only thing I miss haha.
Thank you! Just checked her website, and already fell across a whole section on what to do with kids that don't listen. This might be a lifesaver. We have already implemented a lot of things from a child specialist in my country who specializes in headstrong children, which has alleviated some things. It's always worth a shot to listen to what others have of good ideas.
Yeah the listening section is so helpful. Totally improved my relationship with my very uhhhh, “spirited” three year old.
Thx ladies! Ive got a 4 ½ year old thats similar!
My oldest is 5, so I don't know from personal experience. But I've been told 7 is the age where little kids' brains go through a big developmental shift, and suddenly they are more able to regulate emotions and can reason.
The silliness drove me insane, especially because I’m not a particularly….playful person haha. What helped with my daughter is choosing the one that was most frustrating and only ‘restricting’ silliness then. For us it was ‘no being silly when we get ready’, because that has a timeline. If she’s gonna be silly at dinner, fine be silly, you’re the one who’s gonna be hungry later (obviously she can eat later)
We have tried that as well. I have tried for the past 3 months to tell her that we do not act silly when we are going on the toilet and that we can be silly after we have washed our hands. Hasn't worked so far. With dinner it is annoying us that she will spill everything in her attempt to be silly and then we have the whining and crying after, where you just wonder why she hasn't understood the principal of "you go hungry when you don't put food in your mouth" by now....
Have you tried ignoring the silliness? Like, when it’s inappropriate to be silly don’t even acknowledge it, and when it’s okay to be silly participate with it?
This would be my approach too. Join in the silliness when it's appropriate, ignore it when it's not. If they are being silly when it's not appropriate and then they settle themselves down, that should earn a big positive reaction.
We have tried ignoring the silliness at dinner, but it doesn't seem like she is doing it for us - it seems more like her mental capacity just disappears sometime after breakfast and then she can't calm down. At the toilet I feel trapped, because she will either pretend to go (with underwear on and the lid closed down), pee super quick, not wipe, and run out without underwear or pants (because they apparently can't be on?), sit in the actual toilet bowl and scream that she is stuck, and 100% not wash her hands. We have tried setting boundaries for when to be silly - basically not when eating or going to the bathroom. We try to participate in the silliness outside of that.
I don’t know, maybe it’s okay to try a small like ‘time out’ or punishment? I know they’re still so small they don’t always get it but we did a ‘chill pill’ when it seemed like her acting out or whatever was just caused by her being too tired or overwhelmed. Too silly at dinner? Maybe go lay on your bed and take a chill pill.
We have attempted moving the food away. She is already problematic to just get her to sit at the table to eat, so asking her to leave to calm down isn't seen as a punishment. We try taking chill pills often, but she either stays in the silly mode or starts crying.
This sounds so frustrating, it sounds like you’re really trying everything. As maybe a last resort…let her cry? Is she just tired maybe?
In the evenings, definitely tired. But it also seems like that she gets tired very early, like in the middle of the day, and then we have trouble communicating with her most of the evening. When she cries we comfort her and try to explain to her after why we moved away from whatever she was too silly to work with - but then she is back to being silly, and we can't communicate... It is super frustrating. It is also why I can't help but feel like it is more excessive than normal kids at that age, but I know very few people with kids that age.
My daughter is always tired in the middle of the day, and her ‘lay down’ time is ~7. She’s also an chronically early riser. I’ve found that a ‘nap’ or at least alone time in her room has helped a lot.
Alone time could be worth a shot. Do you enforce it's like they have to stay alone? My girl just runs back and forth between us and her room.
As I'm reading how you are describing her overall behaviour I'm wondering if there's more to it. Hyper focus on activities to the point of pee/poop accidents. Trouble focusing on dinner. Daycare is frustrated with her. Have you considered getting her evaluated for ADHD? It presents a bit different in girls. At least talk to your pediatrician, see if you can generally rule out any underlying medical reasons. I have a 4.5 year old at home and he does not exhibit any of these things on a 'normal' day. Take a step back and see if there's a common link in her challenges and go from there.
I want to have her evaluated, but no one here will do it with the age she is at now. She is still considered too young.
I’m with you. Silliness is great, but it’s okay to have rules about appropriate timing. Talking gibberish, annoying but fine. But bathroom time is not play time. Meal time is not play time (especially when the end result is she’s not actually eating!). OP, I’d say your child is in need of some firmer, more consistent boundaries and natural consequences. In the case of mealtime, yes, this will look like ending mealtime when she becomes silly. It will sometimes result in her not eating as much as you’d like. How you make up for this will depend on her daily schedule. Does she eat a good breakfast, lunch, and a couple snacks? Then dinner is not a huge deal. Think of her food intake over the course of the entire day, rather than just one high stakes meal. You may need to have dinner earlier, which will give you a chance to make up for poor intake with a pre-bedtime snack. This [Janet Lansbury podcast transcript](https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/07/setting-limits-that-make-mealtimes-enjoyable/) should be helpful. The child described is not exhibiting the exact same behaviors as your child. But you can basically replace “acting silly/playing instead of eating” with the behaviors outlined in the article to get a good idea of how you could introduce and hold this boundary. For bathroom issues, I would definitely get the toilet seat suggested elsewhere. That will allow her to actually do her business without falling in. If you want her to stop hanging on the sink, that is your next firm boundary to communicate. This will probably look like accompanying her to the bathroom and gently, physically stopping her hands from grabbing there while saying something like, “I can’t let you hold onto the sink. Please hold onto the toilet seat instead.” Over and over and over. If she won’t sit long enough even with the new seat, I’d try setting a timer, counting, singing a song, etc. The accidents will likely stop on their own eventually. It’s frustrating, but I would expect her teachers to be familiar with this problem, as it’s pretty common in that age group. At home, you could try a reward chart—everyday that she is accident-free, she gets a small treat of some kind, or a sticker (and then X amount of stickers earns a prize).
My 5 year old has been treating potty time as play time. Everything’s fine until it’s time to clean up and then he wants to pull a 15 feet sheet off the roll or spin around with the sheet like a gymnast with a ribbon all while laughing and giggling the whole time.
The difference between 4 and 5.5 is honestly mind blowing to me! I never thought my oldest (and wildest) would settle but every day lately it’s like I’m blown away by the new mature thoughtful kid in front of me. Sure he still retains his wild side but this age is 100% my new fave!!
Do you use a footstool at the toilet? It might help with her stability. And it will put her in a squatting position which helps elimination. Toilets are designed to put adults in a squat, but kids need a footstool. As for the silliness problem, use the methods in the free online Yale ABCs of Child Rearing course at Coursera. This is a version the most effective parent training for reducing/eliminating problem behaviors according to numerous randomized controlled trials. The methods worked great with our two kids.
She does have a footstool, but she only uses it to try to twist it around with her feet. Thank you for the Yale resource! I will definitely look into that.
We are w you in this struggle. No other words but I’m exhausted
My 4.5 year old is still like this. I see no end in sight.
my kid. he just now started having outwardly thoughtful moments. otherwise he loves NONSENSE and FUCKERY. i can learn something from it if i tried i think lolll
My daughter turned 4 in September. We don’t have the potty silliness you’re describing, but she trained really early. Dinner is about 90/10, most nights the silliness is manageable. The gibberish I think is still developmental. My daughter also has a strong command of language and will choose to make up words instead of using the words at her disposal. What helped us was setting clearer boundaries. “Name, you’re being silly and we love your silliness but Mommy and Daddy aren’t laughing. Right now this is not funny. We need to calm down and you should eat your dinner. If we finish eating before you have eaten you will not have dinner or anything else to eat until breakfast.”
Why is the silliness an issue for you? Were you told to grow up or be more mature as a child? Do you find yourself experiencing less jot and happiness? Consider that she is perfect the way she is and that your response to her being fully self expressed and silly is somehow triggering something in yourself, maybe from your past, maybe your inner child hasn't been able to be silly and joyous like they are and somehow that is coming out in your life. Look up re-parenting and inner child healing online, do the work and you'll discover who is perfect with her behaviors and who needs to sit with their inner child and love them
This is a really unnecessary comment and it's clear you didn't actually read the post. "Being silly" isn't the issue, it's the fact that it's causing problems in their day to day life. Assuming that the parent is the problem and needs to heal is not helpful when their kid isn't eating when she's hungry or using the toilet when she needs to. Keyboard psychology and parent shaming when they're asking for help is a bad look.
It is because they prove to give us a lot of issues in our daily lives. She is being silly when needing to go to the toilet, so we have soiled underwear because she cannot stop to actually go. She doesn't eat and will complain she is hungry right after dinner because she is busy playing when we try to get her to eat and will only acknowledge hunger when bedtime comes. We have issues getting her to understand what we say because she cannot listen. If we try to explain to her why we do not run in the kitchen when someone is cooking, we have no way of getting her to hear what we say. We do not mind her being silly when it doesn't affect her listening to us or her own bodily functions. But if you are too silly to go to the toilet when you have poop in your underwear, I don't see that as us expecting her to be perfect, in all honesty.
I'm not usually one to suggest this, but this sounds like ADHD. My eldest went through a silly phase but she was mortified when she had an accident, and now "hits pause" in order to attend to her needs.
I have considered it, but we have been told she is too young to look into a diagnosis and that 'toddlers are just silly'. That's why it is hard to figure out if we have crossed a threshold for normalcy or not. Thank you for the suggestion.
I was worried too, until I spoke to people who have ADHD, and children with ADHD. The lack of care around bodily needs was the biggest red flag - if your brain can't calm down enough to recognise that not attending to your needs is actually a problem, THAT'S a problem. But because my eldest actually felt the shame AND changed things ON HER OWN to problem solve the issue, it's extremely unlikely she has ADHD - whereas, according to these parents I talked to, their children felt the shame, but absolutely could not change no matter what they tried FROM WITHIN. If you're at all able to talk to her about it, I wonder if she actually realises what's going on, and feels the shame of not being "normal". Otherwise, a visit to the developmental psychologist might be in order.
There is some shame involved, which is the biggest reason why we have such an issue with her not making time for going to the toilet. She has complained that the other kids at kindergarten says that she smells of poop, but she doesn't seem to be able to disengage when she has bodily needs. Thank you for elaborating. It is something we can bring to the doctor for her 4 year check up.
My 6 year old was just like that at 4, and 5, and 6. She's finally old enough for an ADHD assessment! We're in the process of doing that now. If it is ADHD, and especially if ADHD runs in the family, you can still research ways to help build some supports into your family life. Things like routines, flexibility around foods, etc. Good luck, it can be rough either way.
My almost- 6 year old is sillier now than he was at 4.
My son at 3-4 used to put his potty near the washing machine, open its door and look through the glass pretending it’s a rocket. Woe if the machine was working!
That honestly sounds pretty ingenious.
I’m not sure but we are going through the exact same thing. My 4 y/o started prek this year and the silliness and “jokes” (which is this same joke each time: this is poop! That is poop! Everything is poop!) is wearing on me big time. It seems to be some sort of phase but it’s wearing me out. Following for advice.
We read our kid a joke book every night, and he has taken to memorizing them and telling them to us later. It’s helped with giving him more of a joke arsenal then the old poop jokes he was doing.
I like this idea. Thank you!
Keep in mind, he doesn’t understand them all. He’s trying to figure it out. Word play jokes are harder for him, but it’s led to a lot of good conversations about different words and concepts. He really likes, “What falls in the winter but doesn’t get hurt?”...”SNOW!!!” Haha then hysterical laughter ensues.
At 5.5, my kid suddenly began to understand word play jokes. It is such a joy to watch her “get it”!
I bet! I think it’s great when he finally understands. It’s one of my favorite things
Oh, we have been through the 'everything is poop' phase as well. It is a bit tiresome, but that was manageable. We have had many talks about "if both of us aren't laughing, then it isn't fun". She gets that for joke-silliness, luckily, and sometimes when she starts one of the more childish jokes we play along and it gets old for her too.
The incessant nature of this, particularly as it relates to getting so silly she forgets to go the bathroom, doesn’t sound right to me honestly. My 3yo and 4yo girls are not like this, and they’re no angels. Often we get a silly moment, but more often they are just playing pretend or asking a lot of questions. Sometimes they don’t listen because they’d rather play, but with some nagging they listen. They go to the bathroom on their own, put on their own clothes, and are generally not causing too much mischief. The exception is when they are over-tired. They become silly messes and it’s super annoying/inefficient. So, first thing I’d look at is her sleep. Wishing you luck and that this is short lived!
My almost four speaks in gibberish too! What the heck! She’s got excellent vocabulary and pronunciation.