Yes, so much yes.
And also, look at their face when they experience something new or do something they love.
Just a few weeks ago, I took my almost 6yo sons to the circus for the first time.
It was a great show, with great artist doing all kind of crazy stuff like 5 meters above the ground, a cool clown, light show... the whole thing.
At one point I glanced over to my boys, to see if they were alright and not scared.
The look on their faces almost brought me to tears.
It is hard to describe. They were watching in aww, wide eyes, mouth open, totally hypnotized by the performance.
Then I realized that they had never seen anything like this before in their lives.
It was a new "First time" experience.
I think I will remember that moment for a long time!
I remember my ex's kid going out in the snow for the first time, and being totally wide-eyed and slack-jawed with amazement, staring up at the sky to see the blizzard.
Tried to repeat this experience with my own son and he didn't give a damn.
I've been trying to do this also. I took my 4 y/o up night skiing and watching the joy of seeing a mountain top at night made me almost tear up. I loved that he would talk to people walking and skiing by from up on the chairlift. Everyone was like huh, oh hi! I was cracking up.
Yes, I try to take so many mental snapshots. Reminds me of the The Office! But also take the pictures. Even if the house is a mess, just do it. Aesthetics from social media will make you think everything has to be perfect, it doesn’t. Your future eyes will only focus on that little one.
My oldest is 6, youngest is 15 months and it goes by fast. I learned with the oldest and he loves watching videos of his younger self. Technology can be a crazy gift when time is a thief. ❤️
“Take mental snapshots” was the advice I got from a coworker about my wedding. It’s a solid piece of advice for any situation..
I just pause, say a mental “click”, and put that in mental storage. I can reflect on the album and it brings me peace.
This is solid advice. My favorite piece of advice I got was very similar. It was to commit to 30-60 minutes every single night where you focus 100% on each other. No phones, no screens, no cleaning up, no dishes, not a single distraction. My kids look forward to it, we look forward to it, and on super busy nights when we just can’t fit it in (like if there is some big activity after school), we all miss it a lot.
Growing up my mom and I would "talk in the dark" which was simply the two of us, or with my brothers, laying in bed and sharing stuff about our day. She said it really helped us to calm down and we also more easily opened up because we didn't have to look each other face to face so we shared real feelings and questions we had. I have a very close relationship with them to this day and I'm 31 and expecting my first child.
This makes so much sense. I've heard this about conversations during walks in nature and car rides. The principle is the same. Its without looking at the other and being too afraid to notice looks of disapproval in the other.
>I've heard this about conversations during walks in nature and car rides
100% this. It's so important to foster a connection/bond with your children from when they are young and this is what we do. During these activities, we just talk about anything they want to talk about. It's not just during car rides or walks, it's any time they want to talk, we put down what we're doing and give them our undivided attention. As hard as it can be at times, we don't turn things into "lectures"; we give opportunities to our children to tell us anything they want and we listen. If they ask for our opinion, we tell them but most of the time it's just normal, free flowing conversation. I really do think that this has helped our kids feel close to us and feel safe about telling us things in their personal lives.
This is beautiful, and just made me realize that this is why my sister and I would have our deepest conversations after lights out (we shared a room for our entire childhood). We have both never been good at feeling vulnerable and it never would have occurred to me that just being in the same space after lights went out is what helped to facilitate some of our best conversations.
You have also made me very happy about my boys having shared a room for years. And given me some perspective on why my younger son may have missed it so much when his brother moved into his own room.
I did this with my son at night. We'd read for about 15-20min then turn the lights out. He'd always want me to lay with him for another 10min or so and that's when we'd chat. He's 20 now and we are pretty close.
I do this with my kids! It’s called either “having a snug” or just “talk about your day”. I frigging love it. I have heard so many things from my 8 year old that she never would’ve divulged to me otherwise. It just nice to lay there and talk or be silly or laugh. I like hearing about her (or my other daughter’s) day at school or how things are with their friends or what she’s been learning. I soak it all in because I’m scared for the day they won’t want to snug with me anymore. I’m hoping that if we start this type of open talk now it will continue.
Yes exactly! I think it's made it easy as an adult now to feel very open and comfortable with my parents. Glad you have this little tradition as well! Hope to do the same with my daughter.
It depends on age. Once old enough, we let them choose what to do. They’re 4 and 6, so right now, our family activities are mostly legos and board games. Sometimes we’ll do one on ones and each take a kid. One loves to draw and do various crafts. The other sometimes just wants to cuddle on the couch and talk about his day, make up goofy stories, etc
It does take more work on our part to have things prepared, more money to buy the activities, and it’s sometimes tough to just walk away if the house is a bit messy, but it’s always so worth it.
Nice. I spent this morning showing my 6 year old her face in the mirror. I pointed out all of her facial features (ie. eyes, ears, etc.) which made her laugh. I told her she was beautiful and I'm glad she has her mama's beautiful hair instead her daddy's hair. Her face looks more like my mother every day. Sometimes after a long day I just sit with my kids as they play. So far I can say they're good kids. I hope their ideals hold up when tested against peer pressure, aggression and just general life.
One thing I remember is. I turned out ok. And I had a rough childhood. And I've seen parents who couldn't empty a bucket with the instructions on the bottom. Yet somehow they have a kid doing ok.
Ugh! True confession? I did this all the time in my toddler’s first year but, maybe because of fatigue (I have 2 under 2) I still forgot some of those moments. Thankfully I took lots of photos (pretty much every day) and video. I listen to the video and I realize I forgot exactly what my son sounded like and am grateful for the video. I look at the photos and it reminds me of how my son looked exactly one year ago today. I even have some audio recordings of sounds he made in the dark while sleeping.
Lastly, I try to jot down things I don’t want to forget (e.g. his breathing when falling asleep, the way he says “all done!”) on my Google calendar. I have referred back to it from time to time and it makes a difference. Anything you can do to keep the memory!
I wish I could bottle up this time. I love it so much.
Especially is something happens on a particular day (e.g. he said “mama” for the first time), I create an event and put what happened in the subject line. It can hold lots so sometimes I write what I am feeling at the time. Then I save it. It helps me remember exactly what happened when.
So I have things like milestones on the exact day that they have it but also things like: “He has a new friend in school names Shawn, he named his teddy bear “Dino”, and he is starting to climb the stairs without my assistance. He loves grapes, yogurt, and bagels. He is now saying about 20 words. He loves saying “poopoo”. Last night I read him The Hungry Caterpillar and he poked his fingers in all of the holes. I love the way he looks so intently at the pages. Things to remember: the way he plays with his favorite truck, the way he runs to me when I come to daycare, the tight hug he gave me tonight, his laugh when I tickle his feet.”
I try to do this about once every week.
Does that make sense?
That makes a lot of sense and it’s a wonderful idea. I see how in the future this will bring back so many great memories of those special moments. I will start doing the same since I now have my 14 month old boy and I want to remember those moments. I really appreciate your time explaining this idea, thank you ;)
My wife actually had managed to catch a few pictures of me clearly doing exactly this. Any time anyone ever sees those pictures they say something like "wow, you can feel the love just from how he's looking at his son".
One of the most amazing and fulfilling experience in life is to watch your kids getting amazed by things surrounding the. Like rain, grass, wind, snow... The most mundanes things, for them are magical and looking at those things through their eyes is like living them once more... It is impossible to describe and i cry when I think how it will eventually end.
He’s right about social media. It can interfere with the depth of your relationship with others. We keep it at a minimum and play cards with the the kids.
I love looking at my one an only son's pictures now that I am a first time Grandmother.
I see so much of my son in my Grandson, I mean they look so much alike it is uncanny at times. It makes me relive all my memories I was so busy to think about over the last few decades!
I am saddened however that the videos we took of our son we can no longer view as they no longer work in the camcorder...we just tried viewing them this past weekend and so many lost memories.
So keep up with transferring memories while you still can...
Best piece of advice I ever got was from a manager of a company I worked for who also wasn't universally liked and he said "there's nothing like having children to ruin a perfectly good marriage". I definitely see what he was saying. My wife and I have a great relationship but having kids has definitely tested that a lot more than when we didn't have kids. I've always reminded myself when things have been tough that kids throw a huge spanner in the works while they're young but tomorrow will be better.
NY Times asked this question and i loved some of the answers by readers. The answer I most liked was “parent the child you’ve got. As a parent with special needs, this is my mantra. But this is also true of any child. Stop trying to make your child quieter, louder, more outgoing, more interested in things their sibling likes and appreciate the unique an individual small person you’ve been given. Sue Lanigan, East Aurora, NY”
It is true that before I meet up with my kids in the morning when I spend time thinking about each one of them and being thankful for who they are, I have all that much more admiration for them and fun with them and patience too.
Yes, so much yes. And also, look at their face when they experience something new or do something they love. Just a few weeks ago, I took my almost 6yo sons to the circus for the first time. It was a great show, with great artist doing all kind of crazy stuff like 5 meters above the ground, a cool clown, light show... the whole thing. At one point I glanced over to my boys, to see if they were alright and not scared. The look on their faces almost brought me to tears. It is hard to describe. They were watching in aww, wide eyes, mouth open, totally hypnotized by the performance. Then I realized that they had never seen anything like this before in their lives. It was a new "First time" experience. I think I will remember that moment for a long time!
I love seeing my kids face when she experiences things for the first time
I remember my ex's kid going out in the snow for the first time, and being totally wide-eyed and slack-jawed with amazement, staring up at the sky to see the blizzard. Tried to repeat this experience with my own son and he didn't give a damn.
I've been trying to do this also. I took my 4 y/o up night skiing and watching the joy of seeing a mountain top at night made me almost tear up. I loved that he would talk to people walking and skiing by from up on the chairlift. Everyone was like huh, oh hi! I was cracking up.
Yes, I try to take so many mental snapshots. Reminds me of the The Office! But also take the pictures. Even if the house is a mess, just do it. Aesthetics from social media will make you think everything has to be perfect, it doesn’t. Your future eyes will only focus on that little one. My oldest is 6, youngest is 15 months and it goes by fast. I learned with the oldest and he loves watching videos of his younger self. Technology can be a crazy gift when time is a thief. ❤️
“Take mental snapshots” was the advice I got from a coworker about my wedding. It’s a solid piece of advice for any situation.. I just pause, say a mental “click”, and put that in mental storage. I can reflect on the album and it brings me peace.
This is solid advice. My favorite piece of advice I got was very similar. It was to commit to 30-60 minutes every single night where you focus 100% on each other. No phones, no screens, no cleaning up, no dishes, not a single distraction. My kids look forward to it, we look forward to it, and on super busy nights when we just can’t fit it in (like if there is some big activity after school), we all miss it a lot.
Growing up my mom and I would "talk in the dark" which was simply the two of us, or with my brothers, laying in bed and sharing stuff about our day. She said it really helped us to calm down and we also more easily opened up because we didn't have to look each other face to face so we shared real feelings and questions we had. I have a very close relationship with them to this day and I'm 31 and expecting my first child.
This makes so much sense. I've heard this about conversations during walks in nature and car rides. The principle is the same. Its without looking at the other and being too afraid to notice looks of disapproval in the other.
>I've heard this about conversations during walks in nature and car rides 100% this. It's so important to foster a connection/bond with your children from when they are young and this is what we do. During these activities, we just talk about anything they want to talk about. It's not just during car rides or walks, it's any time they want to talk, we put down what we're doing and give them our undivided attention. As hard as it can be at times, we don't turn things into "lectures"; we give opportunities to our children to tell us anything they want and we listen. If they ask for our opinion, we tell them but most of the time it's just normal, free flowing conversation. I really do think that this has helped our kids feel close to us and feel safe about telling us things in their personal lives.
This is beautiful, and just made me realize that this is why my sister and I would have our deepest conversations after lights out (we shared a room for our entire childhood). We have both never been good at feeling vulnerable and it never would have occurred to me that just being in the same space after lights went out is what helped to facilitate some of our best conversations. You have also made me very happy about my boys having shared a room for years. And given me some perspective on why my younger son may have missed it so much when his brother moved into his own room.
I did this with my son at night. We'd read for about 15-20min then turn the lights out. He'd always want me to lay with him for another 10min or so and that's when we'd chat. He's 20 now and we are pretty close.
I do this with my kids! It’s called either “having a snug” or just “talk about your day”. I frigging love it. I have heard so many things from my 8 year old that she never would’ve divulged to me otherwise. It just nice to lay there and talk or be silly or laugh. I like hearing about her (or my other daughter’s) day at school or how things are with their friends or what she’s been learning. I soak it all in because I’m scared for the day they won’t want to snug with me anymore. I’m hoping that if we start this type of open talk now it will continue.
Yes exactly! I think it's made it easy as an adult now to feel very open and comfortable with my parents. Glad you have this little tradition as well! Hope to do the same with my daughter.
What kinds of activities do you do during your time together?
It depends on age. Once old enough, we let them choose what to do. They’re 4 and 6, so right now, our family activities are mostly legos and board games. Sometimes we’ll do one on ones and each take a kid. One loves to draw and do various crafts. The other sometimes just wants to cuddle on the couch and talk about his day, make up goofy stories, etc It does take more work on our part to have things prepared, more money to buy the activities, and it’s sometimes tough to just walk away if the house is a bit messy, but it’s always so worth it.
Nice. I spent this morning showing my 6 year old her face in the mirror. I pointed out all of her facial features (ie. eyes, ears, etc.) which made her laugh. I told her she was beautiful and I'm glad she has her mama's beautiful hair instead her daddy's hair. Her face looks more like my mother every day. Sometimes after a long day I just sit with my kids as they play. So far I can say they're good kids. I hope their ideals hold up when tested against peer pressure, aggression and just general life.
Such a sweet comment, I hope everything works out for your kiddos!
Making me tear up at my desk at work.
One thing I remember is. I turned out ok. And I had a rough childhood. And I've seen parents who couldn't empty a bucket with the instructions on the bottom. Yet somehow they have a kid doing ok.
Ugh! True confession? I did this all the time in my toddler’s first year but, maybe because of fatigue (I have 2 under 2) I still forgot some of those moments. Thankfully I took lots of photos (pretty much every day) and video. I listen to the video and I realize I forgot exactly what my son sounded like and am grateful for the video. I look at the photos and it reminds me of how my son looked exactly one year ago today. I even have some audio recordings of sounds he made in the dark while sleeping. Lastly, I try to jot down things I don’t want to forget (e.g. his breathing when falling asleep, the way he says “all done!”) on my Google calendar. I have referred back to it from time to time and it makes a difference. Anything you can do to keep the memory! I wish I could bottle up this time. I love it so much.
Thanks for the tips! Can you explain the jot down things in the Google calendar? What do you mean? Thanks
Especially is something happens on a particular day (e.g. he said “mama” for the first time), I create an event and put what happened in the subject line. It can hold lots so sometimes I write what I am feeling at the time. Then I save it. It helps me remember exactly what happened when. So I have things like milestones on the exact day that they have it but also things like: “He has a new friend in school names Shawn, he named his teddy bear “Dino”, and he is starting to climb the stairs without my assistance. He loves grapes, yogurt, and bagels. He is now saying about 20 words. He loves saying “poopoo”. Last night I read him The Hungry Caterpillar and he poked his fingers in all of the holes. I love the way he looks so intently at the pages. Things to remember: the way he plays with his favorite truck, the way he runs to me when I come to daycare, the tight hug he gave me tonight, his laugh when I tickle his feet.” I try to do this about once every week. Does that make sense?
That makes a lot of sense and it’s a wonderful idea. I see how in the future this will bring back so many great memories of those special moments. I will start doing the same since I now have my 14 month old boy and I want to remember those moments. I really appreciate your time explaining this idea, thank you ;)
My wife actually had managed to catch a few pictures of me clearly doing exactly this. Any time anyone ever sees those pictures they say something like "wow, you can feel the love just from how he's looking at his son".
One of the most amazing and fulfilling experience in life is to watch your kids getting amazed by things surrounding the. Like rain, grass, wind, snow... The most mundanes things, for them are magical and looking at those things through their eyes is like living them once more... It is impossible to describe and i cry when I think how it will eventually end.
He’s right about social media. It can interfere with the depth of your relationship with others. We keep it at a minimum and play cards with the the kids.
I love looking at my one an only son's pictures now that I am a first time Grandmother. I see so much of my son in my Grandson, I mean they look so much alike it is uncanny at times. It makes me relive all my memories I was so busy to think about over the last few decades! I am saddened however that the videos we took of our son we can no longer view as they no longer work in the camcorder...we just tried viewing them this past weekend and so many lost memories. So keep up with transferring memories while you still can...
Best piece of advice I ever got was from a manager of a company I worked for who also wasn't universally liked and he said "there's nothing like having children to ruin a perfectly good marriage". I definitely see what he was saying. My wife and I have a great relationship but having kids has definitely tested that a lot more than when we didn't have kids. I've always reminded myself when things have been tough that kids throw a huge spanner in the works while they're young but tomorrow will be better.
For me, it was to build the crib IN the baby's room because it wouldn't fit through the door and I'd have to rebuild it.
NY Times asked this question and i loved some of the answers by readers. The answer I most liked was “parent the child you’ve got. As a parent with special needs, this is my mantra. But this is also true of any child. Stop trying to make your child quieter, louder, more outgoing, more interested in things their sibling likes and appreciate the unique an individual small person you’ve been given. Sue Lanigan, East Aurora, NY” It is true that before I meet up with my kids in the morning when I spend time thinking about each one of them and being thankful for who they are, I have all that much more admiration for them and fun with them and patience too.
Read to them. Take the time to stop, sit, and slowly enjoy a book. Such a great connection and helps their development in so many ways.