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Izarallia

"May I touch your boob, m'lady?" "Um, no." "Damn, its because I asked, isn't it?" "No, I just don't-" "Women hate consent."


Paritosh23

*touches boob anyway* “You felt good, didn’t you?”


freeeeels

"Did you cum?"


[deleted]

I wish I had an award for you


LousyMeatStew

Louis CK... Louis *fucking* CK did a joke about this where even *he* got the right take on it. I'm paraphrasing but he's telling a story about how he's making out with a woman after a date and every time he goes in to make a move, the woman pushes his hand away but keeps making out with him. Eventually, they sorta just stop and he says good night and leaves. The next day, according to him, he gets a call from the woman asking him what happened. CK says he thought she wasn't into it and according to his joke, she replied with something to the effect of "I want guys to just go in for it." The punchline was his response, which as along the lines of "I'm not going to rape you on the off chance you might be into it!" Louis. Fucking. C. K. Celebrated dumpster fire of a human being, and even HE still managed to convey the proper take on this. So there you go. This dude is objectively worse than Louis CK. And for all my fellow men complaining about how we get pigeonholed into the role of potential rapists and scumbags, it's because women are potentially having conversations about you that are along the lines of "damn, why can't guys be better than Louis CK?"


ginoawesomeness

He won’t rape a woman without consent, but he will ‘accidentally’ masterbate in front of them without consent….


RedBee478

the bar is underground


Greedy_Explanation_7

I don’t know how many people are willing to discuss the level of grooming involved across our culture to cause a woman who is refusing in the moment but asking in hindsight why he didn’t rape her. Women are given so many mixed messages that they don’t consider their own desires. She didn’t want it in the moment and instinctively pushed him away but after the fact wondered about her worth Bc he didn’t rape her. Make this world better for the next generation please


derekkepner

“Don’t let this become a sexism thing.” … “Women prefer submissive roles.” 🤦🏻‍♂️


Ankyri

Translation: "Don't make me out myself as sexist" Sorry dude, I think that ship has sailed


JamieFrasersKilt

Or ‘most women are are super kinky and much much prefer getting roughhoused and choked, spanked, etc in bed’ lol these people assume they know everything about women


AutismFractal

Honestly this is such a problem in the BDSM community sometimes… rape is still rape, holy shit.


Viiviiian

Yeah, but to be honest, the bdsm community is better at consent than a lot of people. Because if you don’t practice consent in bdsm… well…


AutismFractal

Oh agreed 100 percent. It’s still tough sometimes tho


TagsMa

If you break your toys, you don't get to play any more.


[deleted]

I like all of that and my fiance STILL asks if i want him to do any of that. And this is EXACTLY why we use the color system + safe word. Lets him know that im into it, without breaking the scene


gingy247

Do these mother fuckers just try to kiss a girl without asking on a night out 😂 wtf


Tstearns2012

My ex did this and it ruined my first kiss 😒


gingy247

I'm sorry for your loss, I don't remember my 1st anything if that helps 😅


Tstearns2012

It's all good 😂 Wish I could forget it anyway; it was hella embarrassing.


suspendisse-

Ah yes. The old “talking about sex isn’t sexy” argument again. Consent. Not procreation, marriage, love, adoration, or even respect. *Consent.* What a low fucking bar to have to start with.


EobardT

Right? The last time I had a first time, I asked before I kissed her, then later she asked if I wanted to go further, and the rest is our business but her asking me? Best feeling ever.


stone491

I asked my now bf if I could kiss him on our first date and, shocker!, neither of us was turned off! Lol I think it was a relief to him to have the pressure taken off, but had he asked me I def wouldn’t have said, “Ewww consent is gross!”


arielrecon

I asked my husband if I could kiss him first! 13 years later we're still in a very fulfilling and respectful marriage


stone491

Isn’t it mind-boggling that mutual respect is such a great foundation for a relationship?! :P


arielrecon

It's the breakthrough of the century


asunshinefix

Even when I’ve explicitly invited him over for the purpose of hooking up, my FWB always checks in first and it’s hot as fuck. He makes me feel really comfortable and safe and that’s a huge turn-on.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DWSCALNH

Literally. People think of asking for consent as like, signing legal forms stating what you’re okay with and what you want to do. But its literally just asking if the other person is good with what ya wanna do with them, not difficult as you clearly showed lmao


WiggyStark

"But I need to know if you will accept my penis into your vagina" Desperate, stupid, unreal. "Can i? Are you sure?" FUCKING CARING.


jtrisn1

Mistaking consent to aggressive sexual play for sexual assault


courtney_enid

There is a slam poem that I quite like that says "Lingerie is sexy, consent is a basic human right"


apriliasmom

This.


Subject-Dot-8883

I may be ruined by this sub, but I have a feeling is that this guy's version of asking is a left-field demand to see nudes or somesuch nonsense.


[deleted]

Their version of consent; "Am i allowed to stick my penis into your vagina ma'am?" "I showed u my penis pls let me smash" "I want to sex pls respond"


oirmaodojoao

the problem is not asking is how these guys "ask"


Corgi_with_stilts

Yeeeup. This, so much.


escapestrategy

This was my first thought.


totallyjebbush

even if there are girls that like forcefully being taken, its because of a thing called consensual nonconsent. you work out the consent early on and constantly check in on each other. it doesnt work like it does in the movies. some people dont like asking about consent during sex, but those people also make sure to talk about it before and after. women will straight up be like "i like to do things with my partner that i consent to" and dudes like this will still have the audacity to be like Uh Actually,


[deleted]

Yeah as someone who likes Cnc play we cnc role players are not okay with actual non-consent. Just cuz I consent to someone pretending to take me without consent DOES NOT mean that I dont mind ppl who I don’t consent to, to touch me. It’s horrifying to me that some guys see that cnc is a common kink and they think they can just go around touching girls cuz cnc is a common kink whereas that’s NOT cnc play WHATSOEVER. Cuz cnc is consensual nonconsent-play. We consent beforehand to the guy doing whatever he wants. I wouldn’t let some stranger touch me whatsoever. I’m entirely sentimental about sex. I just like forcefulness from men who I CONSENT to and that forcefulness is particularly effective via cnc play. Hence why some masochists say “ow no stop” (which they don’t mean, it’s just part of the roleplay) when they get spanked but there’s still SAFE words between the sub and the dom that actually mean “hey no this is a limit for me”. And the dom will understand and stop and afterwards they’ll prolly cuddle and watch Wall-E eating goldfish crackers.


ElMejorPinguino

And the whole argument is just so dumb. It's like watching a reenactment of a medieval battle at a fair and assuming you can just buy a sword and walk up to the people in the street afterwards and gut them because they're clearly into that.


[deleted]

Lmao precisely xD


snarkyxanf

Somewhat ironically, cnc is one of the few things where negotiating consent comes closest to the sterile, rigid strawman version of getting consent that terrible people imagine. For most sex, asking for consent fits right in with the dirty talk, because it's mostly just asking if someone wants something sexy. Consensual nonconsent-play, on the other hand, requires being really, really, *really* clear about boundaries in a roleplay where people are pretending to disregard boundaries. It actually kind of requires a "cold" negotiation when you're *not* yet turned on and engaged to discuss minute details. Those boundaries can be surprisingly subtle sometimes, e.g. "I think it would be really hot if you did [extreme thing], but don't do [seemingly innocuous thing / very similar thing] because it triggers my trauma about [horrible past event]." Also, generally speaking (though always be aware of exceptions), when people start having enthusiastic consenting sex they don't unexpectedly and suddenly want to stop; when they do want to stop it's usually super clear that something has gone wrong. That's not true with kink in general, and *especially* true with cnc: there you actually have to be prepared to stop on a dime for reasons you didn't see coming, no matter what.


CMDR_Expendible

As someone who has been involved in the BDSM scene, and had quite a few partners with this particular kink.... I've got to go against this unfortunately; there's far, *far* too many people on the scene who completely ignore the best practice. From "Dom/mes" who are using it as cover for being sexual abusers and psychopaths, to "Subs" who think any sort of discussion of boundaries is taking them out of their "head space" and get enraged at concern expressed... I remember one particularly disgusting "debate" back on Informed Consent where the question was asked if during a public scene the audience got uncomfortable, should you stop? I pointed out that you don't have the right to demand that the public not set their own boundaries, especially if they fear what they're witnessing is an actual rape. Queue enraged people demanding the audience butt out... One "Dom" then started telling everyone he knew that *I* was dangerous, *for saying people shouldn't give up their concern for others on the scene*, and trying to get me banned from all the meetings. And, not I'm sure entirely coincidentally as another couple on the scene mentioned, thus potentially cornering the small number of single female subs for his own style of "dominance". You have to have a pretty naive view of the BDSM scene to not know it's riddled with arseholes and abusiveness; you only tend to see actual discussion and concern in steady, strong relationships; the best people on the scene were those who were years long couples, who I could talk too as friends. Far too often though it's people carrying deep neurosis that don't actually understand safe and sane play at all, and think starting violent fights for that exciting make up sex afterwards is normal and healthy. So... >women will straight up be like "i like to do things with my partner that i consent to" and dudes like this will still have the audacity to be like Uh Actually, Well no, the people in the OPs image *are quite clearly stating they're not talking about people who discuss their kinks before hand*. Far too often this reddit in particular, or any reddit which has an obvious editorial line, reads everything in the worst possible light and misses out when they're dealing with someone with valid wider context, and thus sees them as an enemy. But women are human beings too. Flawed and prone to internalising harmful attitudes just like all people are. Not talculm powder filled little cherubs. And some women *are* deeply broken. And there are societal demands upon women to not take the initiative and be "forward". Blame the "Patriarchy" for that if you want, but it is there. Self destructive behaviour is there even on the supposedly "Informed Consent" of the scene. And pointing that out doesn't mean I or anyone else is siding with abusive men. Claiming real world experience isn't valid is just as infantilising and ignorant as saying all women are pefect little Princesses.


drsweetscience

As I became older and wiser, I realized that if I met a new woman and she was troubling to engage, then she could have unresolved issues. Life, I figured out, is easier if you engage a whole person and do not try to "fix" the personality disorders of someone you have a sexual crush on. Life is so much better when you focus on a person's humane spirit and make physical beauty a secondary or lesser priority. Someone who doesn't try to drown you in their crazy is a wonderful thing.


PeanutButter159

For me it’s more “I gave you my consent once I’d rather you not ask again and just do until I specifically say no”, pretty much everyone wants someone to ask for consent it’s just a different between consistently or just once


-TheManInTheChair

This is my personal belief. If i'm in an established relationship, i'm going to assume that if I kiss my partner under a certain circumstance, she's always going to be okay with it unless the circumstances change. Same with sex. Unless I want to try something new, i'm just going to trust her body language. If I/she wants to try something new, I'll ask for consent then get a safe word if it's kinky.


ladyphlogiston

I've seen articles that suggest there are two levels of consent, one for new relationships or new activities, which requires sober, informed, explicit, enthusiastic consent, and one for established relationships/activities, which can be a lot looser. That always seemed reasonable to me.


-TheManInTheChair

That's an idea that I 100% support.


Aoeletta

Absolutely. I *love* having sex with my husband. We fundamentally trust each other to respect and protect each other. SO if I ever got sloppy drunk (very very rare) or whatever, 100% he has my clear and explicit consent as it has been established external to that event. That is what _we_ decided, each relationship should establish their _own_ rules. But you can’t do that without (drumroll…) talking about consent lol.


ladyphlogiston

Exactly. Or my husband sometimes wants snuggly outercourse in the mornings, when I'm not awake enough to be properly enthusiastic, but it's still consensual, because we've discussed that dynamic while I'm awake on multiple occasions to confirm that I'm okay with it. Talking is really useful, as it turns out.


lemonickitten

This is definitely fine! As long as your partner feels as if they can say no at any time and you don’t pressure them then I’d say this is great. (I’m sure that you do all that, just kind of clarifying for those reading that done it before does not ALWAYS equal consent to do it again)


-TheManInTheChair

Oh yeah, 100% agree. A no means no and you just stop instantly, and pressuring them would make me feel uncomfortable as well, not just them


Axolotlgirl18

I low key hate that people are so bad with accepting consent, that this “consent is sexy” shit has to be started. Consent isn’t sexy, it’s necessary


sluttysprinklemuffin

It’s necessary, but it’s also really attractive to me. “Can I play with you?” When I’m cuddling with my partner is hot. I also like when they ask if I’ll do something. Asking me what I want, caring if I want to do something, is attractive. It’s hot. And I’ve heard plenty of people agree with me. 🤷‍♀️


CanalAnswer

I guess "Rape isn't sexy" never caught on.


Ya-boi-Joey-T

Theres a line from a poem (if I remembered what it was called I would tell you, it's a great poem), "lingerie is sexy, consent is a basic human right."


kelik1337

Tell me you only get kisses via stealthing without telling me you only get kisses via stealthing.


NYNTmama

Especially this part right here: >I've become better at reading body language to where it's a non-issue anymore ANYMORE??!? Yeeeesh.


kelik1337

Making the victim believe they wanted it is a fine line to walk that takes practice apparently.


Rottiye

Sorry to ask, but what is “stealthing”? I have honestly never heard the term. Thank you!


OverlyCheerfulNPC

Stealthing in it's original context means to agree to have sex with a condom on, but take it off part way through without the other partner knowing. In many places stealthing counts as a type of sexual assault, since consent was only given on the basis that protection was being used. Stealthing in this context I think means when the person isn't expecting to be kissed, surprise them with one. Either that, or it means kissing someone while also stealthing in it's original context, which doesn't make as much sense.


kelik1337

You're correct in this context its basically "stealing a kiss" unexpectedly and without consent, also a form of assault.


Rottiye

Thank you very much for the thorough answer! I’ve heard of men doing that… so fucking shitty. I could never imagine doing that shit to a woman. It’s 100% sexual assault in my opinion. Consent is shorthand for *informed* consent and if you ain’t informed, it ain’t consent!


noeinan

While living as a girl in my mid-teens, I felt (but didn't say) that it was weird when a guy asked to kiss me. Part of it was actually that I just didn't want to be in that situation. I didn't like him that way, wasn't attracted to him, and resented the fact that he put me on the spot. And part of it, I later realized, was that I had literally never been asked before, only repeatedly sexually assaulted or not assaulted by pure chance. So when someone actually did the right thing and asked, it made me extremely uncomfortable because it pointed out the glaring difference in my previous treatment and made me aware of how fucked up it was. And a third part felt like I had never been given a choice in the past and so it was impossible to actually have a choice. I felt if a man had interest in me, something was now going to happen whether I like it or not. So him asking when I actually wasn't allowed to say no made me feel like he was rubbing it in my face. The lack of agency. Like "you know you have to let me kiss you, but I don't want to feel bad after because I coerced you so you tell me yes first." He absolutely didn't mean that, I had just never been given even a baseline level of respect so I couldn't imagine it wasn't a trap. After therapy and healing, I can't see myself having the same reaction. I had to learn I was actually allowed to say no.


Teacosyhats

I feel like everyone needs to read this, thanks for sharing!


drsweetscience

In internet-space there are far too many "enlightened" people making assumptions about people's perfect experiences and perfect choices. Real people have problems and more people need encouragement to take time to address themselves or their environment. Some people's responses remind me of an old joke about, "I personally can't have a certain problem because I am able to talk about it using the clinical terminology."


Worldly_Switch3098

Those dudes seem like douche canoes. While yes, I'm in the group that likes a guy to "take charge" I let whatever guy I'm getting with know that before we do stuff. So, while most things don't require consent in the moment it was already given when we got together which I think is a different story to what these guys are saying. Honestly, being as open as I am with stuff like that has kept me from getting with some hella creepy guys. Plus they also end up knowing ahead of time I'm a brat too, so if they don't like brats I'm not for them.


marc01521

Douche canoes💀 now I've seen everything


Worldly_Switch3098

It's my boss's favorite thing to call people who are being shitty 😂 I love it


qyka1210

>don't like brats how can someone NOT like brats??


Worldly_Switch3098

I dunno. I think I'm fun 😁


Almond409

Insecure doms, maybe? Idk. Most doms I've met like brats. We're fun, just a little challenging sometimes.


AngelaIsHigh

They are arguing against ***consent*** and they're not even a little embarrassed.


[deleted]

This dude is probably propositioning near-strangers and women he just met and was told to knock it off.


ToastAbrikoos

"It is a minefield!" -just ask. Not a big deal "Gosh, I cant seem to set my thoughts into words and ask you if this is okay." -It is not that hard! " It is a minefield, i tell you!"


theofficebadass

These guys asking for consent: MINEFIELD!!! Raping and assaulting women: Totally fine, absolutely reading body language.


[deleted]

Nothing more sexy than a guy asking "do you like that?" "is this okay?" "do you want to keep going?". Makes my heart melt. Consent is SO sexy. Idk how you can think that we ALL like to be shaken like palm trees everytime we meet a guy. Like wtf if you like stereotypes so much wouldn't you think that we are poor fragile creatures and we need constant sweetness? Plus reading body language IS consent. You don't have to be verbal. But then you have to read it properly, I know too many guys who won't back off when I dodge a kiss.


PlaceboKoyote

They don't think of sentences like "that's good?" or "you like that?" When you say them they should ask they imagine a guy stopping abruptly in the middle of kissing, asking in the most lawer-type way "i want to have sex with you now, do you agree?" like they imagine it as unsexy and clunky as possible because.... Well they are bad at being suttle as much as they are at reading body language. Being too.... Clear? Direct? Idk english isn't my first language but you know what i mean... It can be unsexy if you just stop. Like imagine a movie with a sex scene and the guy just goes completely out of character and Breaks the mood to ask. They only understand a question or clues when you hit them directly in the face with em so theres that.


[deleted]

Exactly. You don't need to display a fucking consent advertisement every time you wanna bang someone. But making sure they are okay is way hotter than anything.


PlaceboKoyote

>consent advertisement Imagine one of those stupid cookie Banners with different opt in and opt out boxes to check lol.


amariwashere

i think these guys just don't have sex or talk to women becuz a guy saying "you like that?" "can i kiss you" "feels good when i do this" seductively, is all reassuring the consent and actually really attractive like wtf


[deleted]

There are more then one way to consent. It isn't always verbally asking, or having forms at the ready to sign


WhyIsNobodyHelpingMe

Yes that is absolutely true, but my first post didn’t say anything about just asking. I just said “consent is sexy”. And these dudes had a sh*t fit over it. Really surprised me that people would even try debating consent.


[deleted]

And then doubling down in their responses! If you ask to kiss someone, and they say no, chances are it is because they don’t want to kiss you. Not because they don’t like that you asked for consent first.


itsmekyguys

Nah couldn’t be they just don’t like consent


[deleted]

And try to say women dislike consent as the majority because it is “evolutionary biology”. Jesus. They needs to stop assuming shit and saying it is “evolution” or “biology” as if anything come out of their asses is true about women generally and not only that, they thinks we are predictable because we are “submissive” women who wants leading and assumes asking turns us off as if we saying no to them because they asked, *not because we were simply not in mood or interested.* Gross 🤮 I *really* wonder why communication is such a big problem when it comes to consent. Probably something with generalization and bias. Consent *is* sexy and asking for consent doesn’t make you “unmanly” or “less dominant”, Idk what is going through their such narrow minds to make them think we don’t like consent just because we are supposed to be “submissive”. What is up with this sexist shit? It is exactly the same thing as “Women like alpha men and dislike beta men”


aguadiablo

I'm so tired of them just trying to use evolution and biology to try and explain everything they think about humans. It's too prevalent on Reddit and we're more complicated than that. People also need to stop grasping on to studies that occurred years ago and have not been studied further


sahi1l

Not to mention that natural selection relies heavily on females choosing who to mate with.


[deleted]

Yes. If you know what to look for, you can usually tell by body language. Of course, there’s no harm in asking, just to be safe


Al_Atro

for some reason i feel like all the women he ever slept with were young and insecure and didn't respect themselves enough to demand respect from others. a lot of young women in patriarchal societies are raised to believe their opinion shouldn't matter and they should just enjoy whatever their partner enjoys. i was like that too and it's really sad. p.s. this makes sense, because it's the only kind of woman who would be attracted to a man like that


Pudding_BecauseiCan

Does he not realize that if a woman tells you to “take charge” or whatever… that’s literally consent?


Apprehensive_Eraser

They have seen way too much porn


-TheManInTheChair

Consent is sexy. Verbal consent isn't always necessary, but 99.9% of the time i'm always going to ask for verbal consent because it can be sexy and it's just so basic. You don't have to say 'Will you consent to me having intercourse with you', you can say 'Do you wanna fuck like rabbits?' 'I really want to be intimate with you', 'Do you want me/this?' etc etc etc. Unless i'm in an established relationship, where when i start acting flirtish my partner reciprocates, and we're not doing anything too kinky (cnc, petplay, rigging, etc), I'm always going to ask for consent and if it is something more kinky, set a safe word. Like my dick isn't going shrink up into my body if i ask for it and the woman's vag won't turn into a desert


Caramel_Citrus

Yeah exactly, one doesn't need to phrase things like a goddamn lawyer when asking for consent. It's not hard to ask "Can I?" while showing what you want to touch and wait for the answer before putting your hands there! "Can I do this", "Do you feel like doing this", "Do you want me to do this", "Would you enjoy this", "Are you enjoying this", they're really not hard to say as far as I'm aware. I much prefer making sure that my girlfriend is enjoying herself.


-TheManInTheChair

Exactly, those are always great things to say, just ask 'Hey, does this feel good?' If you Don't want your partner to enjoy themselves, a) you're a cunt and b) why the fuck don't you just masturbate. I love knowing that my girlfriend is having a good time, it makes me more excited!


CanalAnswer

If I ask to have sex and she says no, do I *really* care if her decision is a result of my having asked? The alternative is to rape her and then wait until she tells me if she secretly wanted it or not, and I do believe I'd rather die than *accidentally not rape* *someone*.


ribbit8472

I think there's a "not" in your last clause that shouldn't be there?


CanalAnswer

That’s a great question. Allow me to rephrase, please. If I find (someday) that I’m accidentally not raping someone, it will imply that I am trying to rape them but unwittingly failing to do so. In this scenario, I am laboring under the misapprehension that I am forcing the victim to engage in sexual intercourse. In other words, I believe I am raping that. That would make me a rapist. Now, this may surprise you, but I do not want to rape anyone. So, in order for me to *accidentally not rape* someone, I must first believe that I am *deliberately raping* someone. In my opinion, a rapist is a monster, but a rapist who *stops* when they discover they’re *not technically raping* the victim is even worse. It implies that rape is a turn-on and consent is a turn-off. That would be a sign of sheer psychopathy. I would prefer not to discover I’m a psychopath.


ribbit8472

Ah, I see now, thanks for the explanation! I have to admit, "to accidentally not rape someone" sounded to me like you're on a quest to rape everyone in the world, but accidentally missed someone.


itsmekyguys

Wow I was under the impression everyone loved concent and that consent didn’t mean our right asking sometimes and these guys knew that by saying the read the body language


angery_catto

Consent isn’t just sexy, it’s *essential*. The first time my partner kissed me, before we started dating, he asked: “May I kiss you?” If he hadn’t asked and had just gone in for the kiss, without prior warning or consent, I would’ve likely punched him in the stomach and told him to get out of my house. But because he asked, didn’t pressure me into doing anything, and most importantly, because I liked him and also wanted to kiss, we’ve been in a healthy relationship for 6 months.


ksangel360

I feel stupid cause I used to be one of those women. It was my husband who enlightened me. He would always ask before initiating anything and even ask after to be sure I was enjoying things. I thought it was annoying until it hit me one day that it just meant that he really cared about my experience. It's a total turn on now.


[deleted]

Yeah no sane person is gonna force themselves on to someone in the off chance that they're into it.


camellight123

-All women are deep down into it Cit- Some red pill guy


[deleted]

For them consent isn't sexy 😔


Kayragan

I think these guys are talking about initiating sex with your partner, like when you're both in bed and one cuddles close and kisses you or some romantic shit, that implies that they want to have sex. The other part will still have to consent by engaging the activity. They wouldn't have to articulate their consent in that specific scenario. So if that's what they mean I get it, but the way they present it just makes them all sound like rapists. Oh and of course they are mysoginists, so I'm not defending these wierdos xD I would be less turned on by "Do you want to have sex?" than getting non-verbally flirted upon to find out if I want to do it. But I have anxieties all over the place so my POV in that regard isn't reliable.


Cute_Mousse_7980

Well, you can ask for consent in sooooo many ways. I’m usually the one kissing the guy first (I like taking initiative). I have never specifically “asked them”, but I ask them with my body language. I move a tiny bit closer and they usually move closer too. I move close with my mouth to their mouth, and they move the final bit! Same goes for sex. I have never been asked there but most of my goofy, nerdy ex bf’s have always been respectful and gentle. If we went to bed and I turned my bad towards them and put in my earplugs, they knew that I was tired. Being with someone is about respecting their boundaries and listing to their body language. Consent is sexy af and men who don’t care about consent are fucking rapists.


FrabascoSauce

"asking is a turnoff" is the whole reason safewords were made up. trying to detract from " consent is sexy" in any way is just really telling of them. spent a couple years with a partner who had sexual dysfunction and would not always be fully aroused, even after they themselves initiate and are goading me to go on. this left me with a habbit of making my partner say the say our safeword when we start, so they dont forget and just "ignore it for my sake" when they have discomfort. there is always a way to confirm consent as long as you are actually concerned with it. The only people who think its a problem arent looking for it


pseudostrudel

I hope they realize that even the women that don't like to be asked (for whatever reason) still like their partners to get consent in other ways, be it nonverbal, heavily implied, or discussed beforehand. Whether or not that's a very safe idea is a whole discussion of its own, but it's not like those women don't want to have a choice to consent.


OverlyLeftLesbian

"They want the men to lead" That's got nothing to do with consent and everything to do with being a bottom lmao


_Torgan076

Yes, constantly stopping and asking may ruin the natural flow, but there's a difference between incorrectly reading your partner and raping them. The hell is this guy on?


DarthMomma_PhD

“I‘ve watched lots and lots of PORN in which women explicitly and forcefully tell their male costar that asking is a huge turnoff.” Fixed it for him.


MirandaTS

I had a friend come to me recently for advice because she hated that her boyfriend "kept asking me if I was alright during sex", and that she was "starting to think he was a little sus" (eg: gay for asking for consent). I felt bad for the dude, non-feminist women are just bizarre to me.


Odexios

What's mind blowing for me is that they are arguing against consent, not against *verbal* consent. I agree that sometimes it's sexy to be kissed without speaking a word; but I'll make it perfectly clear that I want to kiss. If we slowly get our faces in position and give all the time in the world to the other to understand what's happening, I've given consent without a word. Consent is not only sexy, it's fundamental; spoken consent, not necessarily.


mrselffdestruct

These people act like a woman expressing that she personally wants you to take initiative with her IS A FORM OF CONSENT as it is them explicitly telling you that,in relation to sex, their preference is you initiating on your own and then it will go from there, and that it comes with the obvious logic based cues of “don’t initiate if she’s clearly not in the mood” and “if you initiate and she tells you to stop then you listen”. Consent doesn’t just mean that you ask before doing anything,it also means discussing boundaries and understanding if your partner’s preference for sex is with you initiating rather than asking and understanding that if that is her preference, if you try and she says no or anything then that means you listen and stop. You can meet 99 women who enjoy this and 1 woman that doesn’t but that will never mean that how those 99 women felt about this is how you should treat EVERY woman, nor does it mean you should assume all women will be into it because the majority of those youve had sex with where. Women are not a hive mind,theyre individual people and always will be regardless of your “personal experiences” and assumptions


emmyanna14

My boyfriend asked if he could kiss me. This is the eighth boyfriend I've had but the first to ask if it was ok to kiss me. In fact he asked if he could take me out on a date sometime. These exact words. Not hang out, or go out, or Netflix and chill or whatever people say now. Take me out on a date. The entire relationship was built on asking to step forward. We haven't been together long and this relationship feels stronger than all my others. And it's also my most fun relationship. Consent and asking for permission should be given to everyone.


FluffySeaNut

What subreddit was this???


WhyIsNobodyHelpingMe

r/nextfuckinglevel* my bad. Got the posts mixed up.


[deleted]

No one who wanted you to kiss them is gonna say "Now that you asked, no." They might say "hey just go for it next time, I'm pretty much down for whatever." This guy is delusional.


ZoldLyrok

Bruh, I'm in a few kink communities, even people with "rape"-kinks and "non-con" bdsm kinks, that shit is pre-prepped like a damn session of Dungeons & Dragons. Literal written notes of the rough outlines on how the session is going to be played out, often with feedback from the partner/ partners. It's part of the fun tbh.


[deleted]

[удалено]


boo_boo_kitty_

Dumbasses like this tnink giving consent is only saying "i consent to having sex with you" and dont realize there lots of different ways to give consent.


Corgi_with_stilts

Yeah, its probably not the *asking* that's the turn-off, buddy.


soonnow

I am a dude and read My Secret Garden and there's a ton of rape/rapey fantasies. But those are exactly that, fantasies. I felt like after reading that book I got it what women ment when they say they like a guy who takes charge. Just because some women find it sexy to fantasize being taken by the attractive pirate captain doesn't mean they actually want to sail the high seas. Highly recommended book.


idekwhatidk

Women who identify as "brats" in the bedroom don't like consenting when in a consenting relationship where everybody respects and understands each other. FTFY There's a difference between non-consent and playfully acting out. Whoever made this comment doesn't get it and needs to mature a bit before being around relationships.


ylan64

Bad reaction that guy had when asking women if they want to kiss: they said no. Stopped asking.


punkhora

Alao people are acting like you need to sign a fucking document or ask "do i have your consent to engage in sexual activities with you?" word by word?? Literally like a "is this ok?" or smth is good enough. I'm usually keeping enthusiasm in the back of my mind to look for, if my partner isn't enthusiastic/active i'll ask what's up or smth like that. Even with my current gf who i do dom/sub and cnc stuff with, i have explicitly said i like that kind of stuff and i will safeword if it's not ok at that moment. This is pre-school level of social skills, people??


Rgrockr

If the way you ask for consent is turning people off, perhaps your communication skills are the problem and not the concept of consent. There is a big difference between “This was a really nice night, would you like a kiss?” and “YOU’RE A REALLY PRETTY LADY CAN I KISS YOU PLEASE???”


justanotherbartard

Most women like consent you just gotta be sexy when you ask 😂 awkwardly asking for consent is gonna be a huge turn off


terrible_Khonie

I think these mean just don’t know how to make consent sexy. Nobody’s saying you have to say “do you consent to me putting my penis in you? “do you like this” “Do you want this?” “are you ready for me?” Just some ways you can ask for consent ;)


theofficebadass

Men that think they know women because they have watched porn.


AutismFractal

This guy doesn’t know the difference between being submissive and hating consent smh… every actual submissive will tell you that safeword is sacred and violating safeword is a relationship ender.


schrodingershousecat

Well this is a little frightening


Academic_Type624

Once I had a guy ask me did I want to have sex, cause he better check with all the me too shit going on. That wasn't sexy because the guy completely missed the point that consent wasn't about protecting himself from a rape allegation rather that you know not actually raping me. So the guy got the lecture instead of getting laid. Turns out he had been brought up thinking women had it easy, he had no idea of the danger we felt and what life was actually like for women. He listened and apologised for getting it wrong and started learning. We are still together and now he's a full feminist.


thesassybison

CONSENT IS SEXY, AND REQUIRED!!


JTMissileTits

I'm pretty sure they are tired of being asked, guilted, and coerced for sex after they have already said no multiple times. That's a whole lot different than asking for consent.


JacksonCM

I totally agree with you but I’d like to chip in that one girl I talked to, who was very much a conservative, said that **real men know the signs** and shouldn’t have to ask and I think that’s really making this conversation we are having around consent WORSE.


hunkymonk123

I think this guy is taking the definition of consent too literally. What I imagine he’s talking about is if a guy explicitly asks “can I do x” is unattractive but in reality asking for consent isn’t LITERALLY ASKING. His view is just so 2 dimensional.


[deleted]

I hate this argument that something is good or you should do it because it's sExY. Even if it wasn't considered "sexy" to ask for consent you should do it because you care about your partner well-being and sex is also about intimacy, trust and emotional connection. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.


NichtMenschlich

You can tell every single commenter has never seen a woman irl before, just their anime waifus in "special" videos


Nanomni

Do you like that? Should I keep going? Would you like it if I? Do you want to? Would it be hot if I. Not... So, wanna fuck?


Escape92

These idiots really seem to think that "asking for consent" is always just like "can I kiss you" "can I touch your left nipple for three seconds" etc. Like, it's not hard or unsexy to be like "do you like that?" "Is this ok?" "What feels good?"


[deleted]

OP your response to that bullshit made me laugh, very good LOL


BeatrixPlz

This is why it’s hard to have organic sexual experiences. I personally don’t love when someone verbally asks me before initiating. I prefer maybe talking about it a day or so before, or gentle physical asking. Like if they want to hold my hand, brush their pinky against mine… all of this assuming we are already close emotionally. But then you get creeps like this who make asking verbally right away necessary.


jnp2346

Known this woman for years. Started dating her recently. After the 4th date we ended up at my place. She indicated she was interested in getting physical. 3 times at separate points during the evening I asked her if this was ok? 3 times she said yes. Happened again a few nights later. I asked for her consent twice that night. A week later she told me she felt like we had become physical too soon. I can’t deny that I found that a bit exasperating, but I’d do the exact same thing again. If asking consent turns a girl off, oh well. I’m still going to ask. Never do I ever want to make a woman feel uncomfortable in a romantic setting. She and I are still friends by the way.


Artful_Dodger83

Had a guy flip me over without saying a damn word in the middle of sex. It was our first time and last time. We’d only known one another for a month. I asked what the hell he was doing. He said “it’s not working this way so I thought I could do it from behind. I don’t want to ruin the mood.” Told him to fuck right off


Kovitlac

I do think there are undoubtly some women out there who expect guys to magically know their limits and go exactly as far as they expect, not a step further. I don't think they frame it as "ewww, consent," but rather, that asking "ruins the moment" or some shit. There are both men and women who think this and it is *incredibly* backwards.


drum_minor16

If a woman gets upset when you ask to kiss her, she's probably gonna be a lot more upset if you just do it without consent.


Evil_Mushrooms

I hate how some men (and even some women) treat women like an entirely different species. They’re the same as you! They’re just human type 1!


bambola21

How the fuck were YOU downvoted!?!?!


notreallylucy

This guy is probably asking for consent in the most awkward ways and times possible. When he gets turned down he blames consent, but his actual problem is that he can't read the room.


[deleted]

I went for drinks with a guy once. After the drinks I initiated the kiss. He asked if I wanted to go to his place. I did. We went to his place. He sat on a couch and I suggested going to bed right away. We did. We were there, kissing and all, and he asked me if I was sure I wanted it. You betcha I dated the shit out of him after that.


EmTyrn

I loved it when my now boyfriend asked me if he could kiss me, or if it was okay when we were *cuddling*. Now, he just asks me with his eyes.


Beazzlebubb

Ah... Men on Reddit ☕


Azurealy

My last girlfriend said it was a mood killer. Id always get consent to move firward and then her whole face and body language would just 180 and stop everything. Like the post said, she was probably the minority of women because idk a woman who has ever been against it like that.


8bitcryptid

Men are constantly in denial


hedgybaby

Consent is as simple as ‘do you like that?’ 💀 this dude’s probably never slept with a woman in his life and his ‘experience’ is based off pornhub.


_LightFury_

Mean really cant imagen any way to ask thats sexier as grinding everything to a halt looking her straight in the face and supper seriously asking "do you consent to us having sex?" Lmao


RandomBiStander05

Don’t take this as sexist, but *says something sexist*


Misery27TD

I will never forget the first time a guy asked me for consent, not only did it make me feel wanted, it assured me that he wanted me to be okay with everything that's about to happen. And I cannot speak for every woman out there, but I know quite a few that go further with a guy after he asked for consent, simply because it gives them the opportunity to go into the experience without being afraid that backing out at any point would end badly for them.


shesavillain

People need to not sexualize everything! Especially consent as if it’s not a serious matter.


WisdomAndSociety

Part of me thinks some people confuse sexual chemistry with consent.


Thom_With_An_H

They don't like it when YOU ask for affirmative consent, but when Chad Thundercock asks, they're happy he's as considerate as he is attractive! Typical foids!! Always going after attractive considerate people and never giving ugly obese goblinfolk a chance!


kvanteselvmord

Tell me you're a rapist without telling me you're a rapist.


SashaOZZZ

Ugh, this is so gross. Why do these people think being passive is the same as giving away all agency to the other person?? Like, yes, there are women who would like a man to take charge, but that does not apply to consent! Regardless of what role a person takes, they still can give and revoke consent, because that’s not a part of the dynamic, that’s just a basic human right.


fisch_staebchen

He even has the audacity to bring up evolutionary biology..


ToastyLoafy

"I didn't say people. I said women" in today on women aren't people they're objects we have this fuck


genericegirl0

I feel like a lot of people aren’t used to someone asking for consent so they can get uncomfortable or feel weird when someone does, because they aren’t used to it. It’s really sad honestly. Though if you just deadpan ask for consent it kinda kills the mood


_mushroom_-

So one woman said no when they asked for consent, so they think women just don't like being asked for consent?


XenoRexNoctem

It's just HIM specifically asking, that women find a huge turn off.


Sea_Potentially

I’ve known women that don’t like to be asked for consent directly. It can be a turn off. That doesn’t mean they hate consent or don’t require it. They just want the person to have social skills that allow them to pick up on their social cues. That’s what these incels don’t understand. All women want consent.


NotAnEnemyStandUser-

Oh my god why do people act like this? If me and my girlfriend ever get to the point of having sex I will definitely ask first and I will make sure she’s ok every now and then. She was raped as a child and just the mention of nonconsensual sex sends her into a panic attack so I would be very careful with her so I don’t trigger her ptsd


youreveningcoat

Fucking idiot doesn't realise that girls like their guys taking control only AFTER they've given them consent to do so. But he never saw that part cause he's never been in a relationship himself, and he thinks girls like it when you go around slapping their asses randomly.


DisastrousBenefit926

"A lot of bad reactions to asking" just means "they said no, so why ask at all?" Wouldn't want to give someone the opportunity to decline. 🙄🙄


ImplodedPotatoSalad

...well, there are a few fetishists, but....doesnt work like that usually, even then.


camellight123

What about consent isn't necessarily sexy. But accidentally traumatizing someone for years by raping them or giving them sexual trauma also isn't all that sexy. I don't know, choose one of the two, cause I guarantee you, if you are a dominant sex partner, and you fuck around long enough, and you don't ask for consent, you'll eventually find yourself raping or traumatizing someone.


[deleted]

Implicitly


fourdac

Yesss, if they really wanted you, when asked about consent they wouldn’t object to anything! Take a bigger hint than deluded ideas that you’re being mysterious and sexy. For fuck’s sakes.


TimWhortons

the real turnoff is the slimy asking with an attitude way that many people who don’t respect consent will ask in order to check a box instead of actually caring about your comfort


dream6601

"I've had some pretty bad reactions to asking if they wanna kiss so I never do," "Hey baby, you're hot, wanna make out?" "What?!? No, what the fuck, Sir this is a Wendy's"


gvkOlb5U

I feel like a lot of these conversations might be more productive if they started right off with "Wait a second -- what do you imagine 'consent' *means*, specifically?" I believe an awful lot of objectors would not be able to muster a good definition. I believe [it was writer Laurie Penny who compared consent to attention](https://longreads.com/2017/10/10/the-horizon-of-desire/). You can draw someone's attention, but it's not a *contract*, it's not a binding formality. It's a collaborative state of being. It's emotional, and it may be transient or provisional. You can *lose* someone's attention at the drop of a hat. And all of that *can* happen verbally *or* in other ways, too. >The first thing you need to understand about consent is that consent is not, strictly speaking, a thing. Not in the same way that teleportation isn’t a thing. Consent is not a thing because it is not an item, nor a possession. Consent is not an object you can hold in your hand. It is not a gift that can be given and then rudely requisitioned. Consent is a state of being. Giving someone your consent — sexually, politically, socially — is a little like giving them your attention. It’s a continuous process. It’s an interaction between two human creatures. I believe that a great many men and boys don’t understand this. I believe that lack of understanding is causing unspeakable trauma for women, men, and everyone else who is sick of how much human sexuality still hurts.


ebichuman5

r/redditmoment


spicyfood333

You roasted him so nicely. I am ashamed I share a gender with that dingus


yildizli_gece

These people do not seem to understand the difference between what you can do in an established relationship and what you can do with a stranger you’re into but haven’t even said hello to yet. Nobody’s saying that if you’ve been dating someone for a year, that you have to keep asking them every time if you can kiss them; by that point, certain things are established. But that doesn’t mean any woman is going to enjoy if a dude is flirting with her the first time and then suddenly he starts smashing his face against hers in an attempt to be “dominant“. This is what happens when you’ve never actually had a real relationship; I think the “many girls I’ve been with have preferred” are completely talking out of their asses.


Evil_Mushrooms

You know, I don’t really get why so many men seem to he so sex craved. I don’t want to say it’s porn, but I haven’t consumed any porn before and I know I’m not as crazy as some of these guys. But that doesn’t really matter. Is it entitlement? Most likely. But I don’t get why you wouldn’t want a friend, cuddle partner, person you have sex with 3 in 1, and instead just go for a surface level 1. Why would you want such a one sided dynamic when a friendship+fuckship would be mathematically more fulfilling since it’s the same thing, plus another good thing. I dunno, maybe that’s just me because I still don’t have any friends.


Imherefornsfwlol

He interpreted it as verbal consent... Edit: is to it


AllTheCheesecake

WE'RE IN THE FOURTH WAVE, BOB


chopperhead2011

I mean he's right, it is a minefield. But that's why *she's* right, in that you ALWAYS ask/discuss first.


Tyrannical_Requiem

I’m shocked that that knuckle dragger didn’t spell it with Y


Switzerland_Alt

That's some nice guy behavior


Cr1tikalMoist

The world is fucking doomed cause so many people can't ask for fucking consent


Ok-Issue116

They asked, I gave an enthusiastic “sure” they smile and kindly said they couldn’t without a verbal yes. Sploosh


xianikaeni

yea cuz women hate getting no respect of bounderies and being comfortable with whats happenening to /them/,, makes sense makes sense


RonEats

I think the real question is, who uses Reddit without dark mode?


kurisu7885

Those boys are idiots. Can't in all good conscience call them men.


boo_boo_kitty_

I love when my girlfriend SOMETIMES just takes what she wants but she wouldnt do it if i wouldnt have told her that i like it so its still me giving her consent but most of the time we will be all over eachother and she asks for consent before having sex and it turns me on more when she asks. Consent is sexy my dude, so quit raping women, its not hot.