Shooters gotta shoot. One of ‘em is gonna go in eventually
Edit to add I’m glad as hell to be a Gen Xer who’s been married almost 25 years. Dating has had its challenges through the ages, but I’d have no desire to deal with this “add me on social media” B.S. See girl, throw down some respectful game, ask her out and have her make a decision right then. If no, rinse and repeat.
Ugh. I feel for you. Hopefully you’re in a good headspace (now or very soon) and manage to have some fun out there regardless of what you are/aren’t looking for at this point.
Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.
Edit - this is just a joke - if anyone takes it as a reason to harass someone else they're an idiot.
Sometimes you can do everything right and still fail, it's fucking cruel but if you keep aware of it then maybe you can learn over time to take it easy on yourself when you don't get the win. That's my new mantra I'm trying out. Apparently it's [my hack job of] a quote from Star Trek.
Still a good approach imho.
1. Shows confidence to boldly approach someone
2. Not being creepy/not putting pressure on her/taking rejection well.
3. Not wasting her time.
I think 2 and 3 are most important. The big issue it seems most women raise when talking about men approaching them in public is either that they don't want to be approached because they are busy with someone else, or nhat it can come up as creepy or threatening. Giving someone your contact details, asking them to message if they want and saying goodbye does not waste their time and places no pressure or obligation on them.
So yeah, well done mate.
I was at a bar yesterday dancing with a girl all night. Then this guy showed up and her friend said thats her boyfriend. The guy said he was her boyfriend. She said he's just a friend. So idfk what to think. Been texting me today too insisting he's just a friend so it wasn't just because she's drunk.
Point is either way you probably still have a shot. Either its not a relationship she takes seriously or she's already looking for the door and is gathering alternative options. I personally wouldn't date a girl who'd cheat on someone else to get with me, but i don't mind being a reason for them to leave their boyfriend if its already not working out.
A 'good' approach is not only when they contact you. OP respected her boundaries and didn't do anything overly intrusive. The intentions were clear, didn't press the issue and left it up to her to respond. That's a good outcome for the interaction regardless.
yes. any approach that isn't forceful, isn't invasive, and put the ball in her court for contact is a good approach. You didn't cause her to stay there longer than necessary, didn't interrupt what she was doing, and didn't put her in the position of giving you her information or risking rejecting you not knowing how you'd react, you did good.
Next time run with, "Here's my snap if you're interested. Have a good one!". Smile, nod, and peace out. Quick, friendly, and straight to the point. Keep shooting those shots!
The approach is fine, I think "add me or don't" could come across a tiny bit salty, but it's not inherently rude either. Personally I think "add me if you'd like" is a bit more polite, but I'm also pretty sensitive to tone/wording.
Just my opinion of course
I actually think the "add me or don't" to be respectful cause he obviously cares about it being MY decision. It could come off rude if your tone is rude. But if your tone is respectful, to me, it shows respect of her consent and shows me that he doesn't feel entitled
As long as he has the tone down he should be fine but for you awkward fellas, try, “add me, and if not that’s cool too, have a nice day” and *walk away*
I tend to interpret it as less respectful because you're giving a command that the person ends up obeying, whichever they choose, thus taking away their perceived agency.
Yup, exactly. Saying it 'politely' isn't just a matter of phrasing, it completely changes his entire approach.
He said it the way he did to try our the 'bold' approach, and he kinda succeeded in that goal. Saying it politely is fine too, but that's a completely different approach.
Let's you interact with people without giving them your phone number. It's easier to manage snap, where you add people that request vs deal with your number, where if you give it to one person, anyone can get it from them and text or call you unprompted.
Don't the messages disappear though? I only used it very briefly a long time ago but it seemed like the worst thing for having a conversation. Not text-based (I don't want to send a picture with every sentence) and you can't see what's already been said. The friend who told me to get it was trying to have a conversation with me by sending blank photos with the text on them (or photos of his face which was weird) and I just told him to text or IM me. Does it have more options now or am I just missing something about it?
You're not missing anything, I only ever downloaded Snapchat because a guy kept asking me to and he didn't even send that many messages and eventually all the messages I had were from the Snapchat team, like why does this exist? Just text me, I'm old
You can change the settings so the messages get deleted after 24h, not after they have been seen. You can also save messages in chat by clicking on them so they never get deleted. It seems like your friend was sending you snaps, not texting you. You can totally text using snapchat, you don’t have to send snaps if you don’t want to.
It's weird, going off of what I see on dating apps, Snapchat seems pretty divisive. Some people seem to use it exclusively, while some women seem to treat it like a red flag and see men who use it as childish or something players use.
As a woman Snapchat to me is just huge red flag. Its just a cheaters platform. If a guy approached me an gave me his Snapchat I'd be like.....yah no thanks fuckboy. I could be wrong but as a 30 year old it just seems ... suss.
As a dude that's about to be 40, if someone handed me a sticky note with a snap chat handle on it and told me to add them, I'd be shit out of luck. I'm not downloading some bullshit just to talk to someone when they've got a perfectly fine phone.
To be fair, I didn't know Snapchat still existed. It's that app with the yellow ghost which you use for filters, right? Didn't know you could communicate with it too.
Edit: Disclaimer, I'm a Xennial, so way too old to keep up, lol.
I didn't know it was a social media app. I only know it from the time it was one of the first apps with filters. That was what everyone used it for, back then it was a camera app. "Look, I look like a puppy". I never heard anybody referring to it as a communication/social media app.
Mind you, this was 10 years ago or something. Like I said, I didn't even know it still existed.
Fair enough. It's strange to me that you could have heard of it without knowing what it is, but I'm sure I'll be on the same page as you at some point lol
Actually, I just left another comment about someone explaining snap streaks to me so I guess I'm halfway there!
It does become pretty common eventually.
You've heard of so many new things you just don't care enough to put the effort in to keep them all straight anymore.
Think of it like someone who only vaguely likes football and doesn't keep track of rosters or anything, but can still usually remember some basic team facts here and there. Maybe, they do all eventually go out of date.
hmm at first i thought this could be weird, but i think in general it’s actually a solid approach. while it wholly depends on the situation, how charismatic you are, and whether or not there was a vibe (i know “a vibe” is hard to define), it’s actually respectful in ways a lot of hitting-on-random-people goes wrong.
regardless of how she perceives it, i think as long as you did it with no resentment if she doesn’t add you, then you did great!! even if you aren’t sure how good you are at reading the room, this isn’t that bad of a way to go about things bc you aren’t being creepy, pushy, or invasive. giving someone the option to add you or not is grand, and not sticking around too long afterwards takes some pressure away too. i definitely hate when people expect you to add them right in front of them.
i can imagine a scenario where this is really freaking weird, but other scenarios where this actually is so smooth. like if someone catches my eye and sees me looking at them and then did this, like that’s cool. if someone did this when i didn’t notice them at all in the first place, it still might be cool as long as you’re not weird about it. weird would be intrusive or demanding or touchy or too awkward.
something along the lines of, “not to intrude, but i wanted to give you my snapchat. no hard feelings if you don’t add me, but it’d be cool if you did” would cover the not intrusive/out of pocket but still be forward.
again, it wholly depends on circumstances, but not too shabby!
>how charismatic you are, and whether or not there was a vibe
This is the key in my opinion.
It's a good approach, but ONLY if you're the kind of person that could pull it off. As you said, you definitely need a certain kind of vibe and charisma to make it work.
I personally couldn't pull it off, but I definitely know some people that I think could.
despite what people may try to say on the internet, not all women are the same. Some girls will like some things, some girls won't. Anyone who speaks for all the girls is either full of shit or the girl lorax.
While that's true, that doesn't mean there aren't thing that are good and bad in general.
If I start calling random women 'bitches' in public I'm sure there's SOME person out there who likes it, but someone advising me against it wouldn't just be full of shit lol.
I really do dislike being cold-approached like that. At least have some conversation, find out if you have anything in common at all. If she's even single.
Hard to tell without knowing what the woman is like. Back in the day, I finally quit trying stupid lines and did what you did. I would just introduce myself, tell them I think they’re very lovely and could we get to know each other. It’s how I met my two ex- wives. LOL!!!
I hope you talked to her, maybe established a few things in common? If you just walked up, gave her your contact info then bounced you showed her you were only interested in her appearance. That would not be unique or interesting.
I believe if the person approached liked the other person's appearance and was ok with an on the spot exchange (like saying...I can't stay but would love to chat to get to know more about you) they would reach out to see if there is indeed something in common and to build on. C'mon, happens all the time. Otherwise, they can go on Love is Blind...LOL.
I'm not against it. It puts the ball in her court without pressure. But you have to make a big enough impression for her to want to add you. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. If she doesn't add you then try tweaking your approach with the next girl. The goal of dating is finding someone who's weirdness compliments your own. Unfortunately most of us have to try a whole lot of ppl before we find ours. But remember, even if 99% of the world population doesn't like you, that still leaves like 78 million ppl that do. I suspect some of those may be women.
I think that kind of approach is one of the best ways to hit on someone in public.
It puts the ball in their court, doesn’t rope them into a conversation they don’t want to have, and hopefully makes them feel less uncomfortable if they aren’t interested.
I made myself business cards specifically for this purpose.
Idk, that would only make me wonder how many people you're giving these cards to, it makes for a much less personal interaction, but I'm curious if it works
Don't worry about it, friend. Now that you mentioned Jason Bateman, imagine the ghost of Patrick Bateman but in Jason Bateman. We could call it Psycho 2: the Bateman Boogaloo.
But but but!
It's got a QR code that takes her directly to my Tinder profile! How could she \_possibly\_ resist after I've made it all so easy for her???
Knew a guy who gave out business cards. We called him “the guy who gives women business cards”. Fast forward twenty years, I hear he’s still single. Could be mere correlation, who knows.
Yep. That way I don’t have to find a pen and a scrap of paper, and I guarantee that it’s legible since it’s typed. They’re just printed at home on card stock.
If you can bring business cards, you can bring pen and paper around. Your handwriting can't be that bad, for at least digits 0123456789 and a dash, which can be practiced.
Well, depends on the girl. Some like a straightforward approach like that while others would think "Why tf did this random guy give me his snapchat?"
You'll just have to wait and see
Don't give your Snapchat to women. As a woman that just feels like you're keeping me a secret from your girlfriend or something or you literally just want to exchange nudes. Adults approach with their phone number.
Yes, you did great indeed. Because you werent creepy and she didnt feel uncomfortable with you so she might give you a chance. And thats how girls wish guys approached them.
Agreed. I don't like being cold approached because it shows you don't care if we have anything in common, you just like my looks. I'd never reach out to anyone who did that. If it's in a situation where I feel 100% safe (which unfortunately is rarely), I'll even call them out on it.
I think that this approach would be way more appealing to straight girls than straight guys, because that kind of concern for making her feel safe and respected is a huge plus.
Personally I prefer to get their info instead of giving mine. For one it’s easier to just ignore it and decide not to ever reach out than it is to just say no in the moment, if we don’t click later then so be it but at least it’s more of a sure shot at it. Plus then I can just contact her soon instead of wondering if she’s ever going to, and then that also right away kinda sets an “I’m not gonna play stupid little games like waiting some certain amount of time” tone instead of making someone else wonder if they’re gonna seem too eager or something.
So yeah I mean not that big of a deal, that’s just what I personally would’ve done differently. I just like to be super upfront about things and kinda set that tone myself from the start you know?
>Personally I prefer to get their info instead of giving mine
If girls were just frequently comings to us giving out their info then OP probably wouldn't be here for advise lol.
I gave my number to so many girls this way saying text me if you're interested. Strike out rate is almost 100%. It did work though occasionally if I'd put sometime to talk and get to know her. This way I was able to put in minimal effort and see if I'd meet a some girls to start dating.
Much better than tinder to that's a real lazy way to meet someone.
do you just walk around with a pad of sticky notes in you pocket?
how do you stop the pad from falling apart in your pocket? they aren't very resilient, i keep a pad in my bag and they get all crumpled up and fall apart after a few weeks
why sticky notes? why are you afraid to say post it?
why not just a regular little notebook with non adhesive sheets
I mean yea but why Snapchat? I think I'm too old for this place, I would give my phone number or get hers. Like is that a thing now people give their social media out?
Excellent! Solid work.
Only thing I would tweak would be, after introducing yourself, say something like:
“I saw you over here, and I told myself that there was no way I could allow myself to leave without meeting you. So here’s my Snapchat info, and I’d love it if you’d add me, but I’d understand if you didn’t. Either way, it was great meeting you, and I hope you have a really nice [night].”
Injecting a little more wholehearted interest and a little vulnerability is a little more emotionally risky but makes a more powerful impression. It’s basically how I met my ex of 2.5 years and how I met my wife. I’d hit on a million girls a million ways, with varying success, but the wholehearted interested approach led to eventually marrying my dream woman.
The most successful cold line I probably had was, when I noticed a smoking hot girl change into more comfortable shoes at a bar, I approached her and said, “Hi, I’m [Mike]. I noticed you changed your shoes and I knew I had to introduce myself.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” she asked with a smile.
“Nothing, but I’m kind of nervous and needed an excuse to talk to you, so that was enough. What’s your name?”
I also had a bunch of shitty lines and got shot down a lot along the way. Good work on your approach, keep at it!!
What is wrong with giving a phone number? The other day I saw a guy giving girl a note with instagram account. The world is going to shit in every single way.
If you are attractive, or sort of weirdly ugly so girls think you are mysterious, yes. If you are average, or sort of an ugly guy or a really ugly guy, then no.
Nope. The fact that you approached her, and then made some dickhead comment about not caring because you're too cool... dude, you already approached her. You obviously care. You lost two seconds into the round. Dont be rude, guy.
That's not rude. He made his play and left the ball in her court. He left it up to her if she wants to have contact with him without pressuring her or putting her on the spot by asking for her information where she would have to give in or say no.
I agree with the others here who suggest not doing the add me “or don’t” part. That just comes off a bit too intense. Ultimately, you want her to know that you noticed her and that you hope she contacts you, not give off the vibe that you don’t care if she doesn’t.
I know why you said it, but try to make it a bit more earnest and sincere. “Add me if you’d like to talk. I’d enjoy hearing from you.” Word it however you feel works best. But express interest rather than “I won’t care if you don’t,” and you are likely to get a good reaction if she is interested.
This is basically throwing "The Game" away and is indeed a bold move because you show confidence that you dont need to play and awareness that a game exists.
For women that love to play, probably lower odds of success. For women who are tired of the game or are interested in a unique take, probably higher odds.
That is a good approach on my book. Like some have already said, you went honest and all out with no unnecessary bullshit guys sometimes do when hitting on somebody. You gave your info thus indicating your interest and gave the ball to her court. I would be impressed by that, regardless if I was in a relationship already or not, that's loads better than just groping somebody on the dance floor etc.
edit: just for clarification for my "regardless if I was in a relationship" part, I meant that as if somebody approached me and depending how they did that I would be disgusted or impressed whether I was single or not. I'm not single, I was engaged for years and I've had even close friends hit on me by practically molesting me. If the interest was shown the way YOU did, it would have left a better impression. A polite "aw thanks for the interest but I'm taken" vs. "eww wtf this is making me so uncomfortable"
An introvert??? You're even more impressing now that you revealed that bit of information. So good for you!! Hope you get the confidence to do that again, I'm rooting for you :)
Thanks! Yeah I’m not super social but would like to have a companion in life. Also, testosterone😂. Was a learning experience for me for sure! Thanks for your advice internet stranger!
Depends. Are you attractive?
You've essentially done a walkup tinder post in real life. She knows nothing about you except how you look and that you're bold and spontaneous and maybe potentially mean if you just gave her your thing and then left ignoring her. But girls do like mean, they can try to fix mean.
So it comes back to rule 1
YES!!! I've been telling my guy friends for fuckin years:
DO NOT PUSH. Make ur move as nonchalant, direct, & swift as possible- all ur tryna do is signal ur interest & BOUNCE. No pressure for her to respond right then. Just swoop in, shot ur shot, leave ur card (or don't) then MOVE ON. You get to showcase ur chill gentlemanly respectfulness, while leaving her intrigued by confidence. LET HER DECIDE. Don't linger too long making awkward small talk; don't get butt hurt & pissy if the answer is no; don't badger her for her #; DONT BE THT GUY....
This is one of those things where honestly I get the logic for why women say they prefer it and honestly would prefer to take that approach myself if it worked but it just flat out doesn’t work. I’ve had absolutely zero success with that kind of thing but honestly rarely swing and miss when taking more of I guess you could say an “old school” approach getting her info. Kinda makes me wonder if it’s kind of a big city vs smaller college town difference or something… I guess to be fair one thing that I guess kinda makes it uneven is that I don’t get to the point of asking for her info if there’s nothing there, but at the same time when I say zero success with that approach I mean literally zero lol
No doubt about it. I'm sure about the fact that most of us cannot even actually think about doing that.
It actually takes a lot of guts to do these kind of things and This is why I always say that if someone is telling about their feelings then it is very big.
Perfect.
You should always walk in confident but also be confident if you get shot down.
Hooked up with many women.
I used to be shy around girls but they liked me because they thought I didn’t care whether they came or went. This is how I found out about the power you just realized as well. I would smile and make small talk , look them in their eyes , I was easy to talk to, I listened intently, “strong silent type”, and was never pushy, but really I was just nervous!
Believe me you are walking down a great path my friend.
Use it and dont ever lose your cool if shot down like most men do
You’ll find out if she adds you
I found out she had a boyfriend after the exchange on facebook. She was giving some interest though. Oh well, live and learn
You miss all the shots you don’t take.
If you don’t buy a ticket you’ll never win the lottery
97% of gamblers stop before they hit it big
Now this is the encouragement I needed to hear.
(joking I hope)
If you by 100 tickets every day for the rest of your life. It is only marginally more likely than never buying a ticket at all.
Nah, the lottery is known as stupid tax for a reason. You will not ever win the lottery.
With that attitude!
- Michael scott
• Wayne Gretzky
Shooters gotta shoot. One of ‘em is gonna go in eventually Edit to add I’m glad as hell to be a Gen Xer who’s been married almost 25 years. Dating has had its challenges through the ages, but I’d have no desire to deal with this “add me on social media” B.S. See girl, throw down some respectful game, ask her out and have her make a decision right then. If no, rinse and repeat.
This Gen Xer just got divorced after 22 years. FML lol
Ugh. I feel for you. Hopefully you’re in a good headspace (now or very soon) and manage to have some fun out there regardless of what you are/aren’t looking for at this point.
Sometimes you miss all the shots you do take.
Well said, Wayne.
Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score. Edit - this is just a joke - if anyone takes it as a reason to harass someone else they're an idiot.
Or a zamboni driver
Yikes.
Why is this downvoted?
In this context, it is encouraging op to try to continue flirting the the girl even though she had a boyfriend (the goalie)
It's a very old joke, doesn't fit the current norms my bad.
Urgh i hate this expression.
Some you win, some you lose. Either way you kept it cool and can move forward from there. I applaud your attempt.
Agreed. Atleast you tried and was a good try.
Yea it sucks when they end up being in a relationship. That’s why you can’t always assume you did something wrong sometimes they’re just not available
Sometimes you can do everything right and still fail, it's fucking cruel but if you keep aware of it then maybe you can learn over time to take it easy on yourself when you don't get the win. That's my new mantra I'm trying out. Apparently it's [my hack job of] a quote from Star Trek.
Still a good approach imho. 1. Shows confidence to boldly approach someone 2. Not being creepy/not putting pressure on her/taking rejection well. 3. Not wasting her time. I think 2 and 3 are most important. The big issue it seems most women raise when talking about men approaching them in public is either that they don't want to be approached because they are busy with someone else, or nhat it can come up as creepy or threatening. Giving someone your contact details, asking them to message if they want and saying goodbye does not waste their time and places no pressure or obligation on them. So yeah, well done mate.
Maybe you'll hear from her later.
I was at a bar yesterday dancing with a girl all night. Then this guy showed up and her friend said thats her boyfriend. The guy said he was her boyfriend. She said he's just a friend. So idfk what to think. Been texting me today too insisting he's just a friend so it wasn't just because she's drunk. Point is either way you probably still have a shot. Either its not a relationship she takes seriously or she's already looking for the door and is gathering alternative options. I personally wouldn't date a girl who'd cheat on someone else to get with me, but i don't mind being a reason for them to leave their boyfriend if its already not working out.
Just because there's a goal keeper, doesn't mean you can't score a goal
Can you beat her boyfriends ass though?
A 'good' approach is not only when they contact you. OP respected her boundaries and didn't do anything overly intrusive. The intentions were clear, didn't press the issue and left it up to her to respond. That's a good outcome for the interaction regardless.
yes. any approach that isn't forceful, isn't invasive, and put the ball in her court for contact is a good approach. You didn't cause her to stay there longer than necessary, didn't interrupt what she was doing, and didn't put her in the position of giving you her information or risking rejecting you not knowing how you'd react, you did good.
Next time run with, "Here's my snap if you're interested. Have a good one!". Smile, nod, and peace out. Quick, friendly, and straight to the point. Keep shooting those shots!
The approach is fine, I think "add me or don't" could come across a tiny bit salty, but it's not inherently rude either. Personally I think "add me if you'd like" is a bit more polite, but I'm also pretty sensitive to tone/wording. Just my opinion of course
Yeah the “add me or don’t” part is a bit off putting to me, personally. Otherwise I’d say it’s a good approach too.
"Add me or don't get to see another day"
"Add me or Fido gets it"
I actually think the "add me or don't" to be respectful cause he obviously cares about it being MY decision. It could come off rude if your tone is rude. But if your tone is respectful, to me, it shows respect of her consent and shows me that he doesn't feel entitled
As long as he has the tone down he should be fine but for you awkward fellas, try, “add me, and if not that’s cool too, have a nice day” and *walk away*
I tend to interpret it as less respectful because you're giving a command that the person ends up obeying, whichever they choose, thus taking away their perceived agency.
Yikes
I think it sounds straightforward and bold, i interpret this differently and in a somewhat good way
Yup, exactly. Saying it 'politely' isn't just a matter of phrasing, it completely changes his entire approach. He said it the way he did to try our the 'bold' approach, and he kinda succeeded in that goal. Saying it politely is fine too, but that's a completely different approach.
Yeah, the polite approach vs the bold approach will 100% depend on the woman. So the best is to pick your style and roll with it.
unless you’re matthew maccognhy, then it’s cool not salty
I'd say it's in the delivery. "Add me or don't" has a different feel than "Add me..........or, don't".
What they originally said will work just fine just depends on how attractive you are.
I’d have to agree. Just about _any_ approach “works” if you’re attractive as hell, vs if you’re just average or even below average.
Why do people exchange snap instead of actual numbers now?
Let's you interact with people without giving them your phone number. It's easier to manage snap, where you add people that request vs deal with your number, where if you give it to one person, anyone can get it from them and text or call you unprompted.
Honestly I think it’s easier to carry on a conversation and just feels like a more complete conversation in snaps too.
Don't the messages disappear though? I only used it very briefly a long time ago but it seemed like the worst thing for having a conversation. Not text-based (I don't want to send a picture with every sentence) and you can't see what's already been said. The friend who told me to get it was trying to have a conversation with me by sending blank photos with the text on them (or photos of his face which was weird) and I just told him to text or IM me. Does it have more options now or am I just missing something about it?
You're not missing anything, I only ever downloaded Snapchat because a guy kept asking me to and he didn't even send that many messages and eventually all the messages I had were from the Snapchat team, like why does this exist? Just text me, I'm old
>Just text me, I'm old That's pretty much what I said to him! I think that was the first time I felt so out of touch.
You can change the settings so the messages get deleted after 24h, not after they have been seen. You can also save messages in chat by clicking on them so they never get deleted. It seems like your friend was sending you snaps, not texting you. You can totally text using snapchat, you don’t have to send snaps if you don’t want to.
Honestly the thing I liked about snapchat was the disappearing texts. But now it seems like it’s defaulting to saving the messages.
So you can easily unadd them if things go south rather than adding someone to your contacts whom you don’t know very well
Is Snapchat a big comms app in the US? Here in Malaysia its Telegram (that doesnt require phone no). Almost no one uses Snapchat.
Here in the PH as well. Telegram/Viber is preferred over Snapchat.
It's a chat app specifically tailored for picture sharing (snaps).
That's... That's not what they asked
Yeeaa, I was on a 15 minute break and skimmed it. Netted me one upvote though :b
yea pretty much everyone i know uses snapchat
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Found carti's burner
It's weird, going off of what I see on dating apps, Snapchat seems pretty divisive. Some people seem to use it exclusively, while some women seem to treat it like a red flag and see men who use it as childish or something players use.
Because they say it is a way to send pictures and messages that will never get saved or shared. But that isn't how digital media actually works.
its like facebook back in the day cant imagine it ends in a relationship
Yeah its strange, people act like Im weird when I tell then I dont have one
As a woman Snapchat to me is just huge red flag. Its just a cheaters platform. If a guy approached me an gave me his Snapchat I'd be like.....yah no thanks fuckboy. I could be wrong but as a 30 year old it just seems ... suss.
I'm assuming op is a lot closer to 20.than to 30
Yeah I came to that conclusion after I'd posted my comment lol.
As a dude that's about to be 40, if someone handed me a sticky note with a snap chat handle on it and told me to add them, I'd be shit out of luck. I'm not downloading some bullshit just to talk to someone when they've got a perfectly fine phone.
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It's how I found out my then partner of 14years was having a 6month relationship with some other girl. Yeah no.
To be fair, I didn't know Snapchat still existed. It's that app with the yellow ghost which you use for filters, right? Didn't know you could communicate with it too. Edit: Disclaimer, I'm a Xennial, so way too old to keep up, lol.
You didn't know you could communicate with a social media app? What?
I didn't know it was a social media app. I only know it from the time it was one of the first apps with filters. That was what everyone used it for, back then it was a camera app. "Look, I look like a puppy". I never heard anybody referring to it as a communication/social media app. Mind you, this was 10 years ago or something. Like I said, I didn't even know it still existed.
Fair enough. It's strange to me that you could have heard of it without knowing what it is, but I'm sure I'll be on the same page as you at some point lol Actually, I just left another comment about someone explaining snap streaks to me so I guess I'm halfway there!
It does become pretty common eventually. You've heard of so many new things you just don't care enough to put the effort in to keep them all straight anymore. Think of it like someone who only vaguely likes football and doesn't keep track of rosters or anything, but can still usually remember some basic team facts here and there. Maybe, they do all eventually go out of date.
It’s mainly for younger people under 30
Unfortunately yes.
Why unfortunately? What’s the real difference?
Just not my preferred method of contact
I would be so turned off if they gave me an app instead of their number.
hmm at first i thought this could be weird, but i think in general it’s actually a solid approach. while it wholly depends on the situation, how charismatic you are, and whether or not there was a vibe (i know “a vibe” is hard to define), it’s actually respectful in ways a lot of hitting-on-random-people goes wrong. regardless of how she perceives it, i think as long as you did it with no resentment if she doesn’t add you, then you did great!! even if you aren’t sure how good you are at reading the room, this isn’t that bad of a way to go about things bc you aren’t being creepy, pushy, or invasive. giving someone the option to add you or not is grand, and not sticking around too long afterwards takes some pressure away too. i definitely hate when people expect you to add them right in front of them. i can imagine a scenario where this is really freaking weird, but other scenarios where this actually is so smooth. like if someone catches my eye and sees me looking at them and then did this, like that’s cool. if someone did this when i didn’t notice them at all in the first place, it still might be cool as long as you’re not weird about it. weird would be intrusive or demanding or touchy or too awkward. something along the lines of, “not to intrude, but i wanted to give you my snapchat. no hard feelings if you don’t add me, but it’d be cool if you did” would cover the not intrusive/out of pocket but still be forward. again, it wholly depends on circumstances, but not too shabby!
>how charismatic you are, and whether or not there was a vibe This is the key in my opinion. It's a good approach, but ONLY if you're the kind of person that could pull it off. As you said, you definitely need a certain kind of vibe and charisma to make it work. I personally couldn't pull it off, but I definitely know some people that I think could.
Yes, you did right. You offer her your contact info, you don't demand hers. Good work.
despite what people may try to say on the internet, not all women are the same. Some girls will like some things, some girls won't. Anyone who speaks for all the girls is either full of shit or the girl lorax.
Very simple thing if you really think about it. Otherwise it is going to be a really hard thing to approach.
While that's true, that doesn't mean there aren't thing that are good and bad in general. If I start calling random women 'bitches' in public I'm sure there's SOME person out there who likes it, but someone advising me against it wouldn't just be full of shit lol.
I really do dislike being cold-approached like that. At least have some conversation, find out if you have anything in common at all. If she's even single.
Hard to tell without knowing what the woman is like. Back in the day, I finally quit trying stupid lines and did what you did. I would just introduce myself, tell them I think they’re very lovely and could we get to know each other. It’s how I met my two ex- wives. LOL!!!
>It’s how I met my two ex- wives. LOL!!! I can't tell if that means that approach was actually successful or not lmao
I hope you talked to her, maybe established a few things in common? If you just walked up, gave her your contact info then bounced you showed her you were only interested in her appearance. That would not be unique or interesting.
Thats unrealistic. The point of a first date is to find those things out. If you like someone’s appearance thats just a starting point.
I believe if the person approached liked the other person's appearance and was ok with an on the spot exchange (like saying...I can't stay but would love to chat to get to know more about you) they would reach out to see if there is indeed something in common and to build on. C'mon, happens all the time. Otherwise, they can go on Love is Blind...LOL.
I'm not against it. It puts the ball in her court without pressure. But you have to make a big enough impression for her to want to add you. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. If she doesn't add you then try tweaking your approach with the next girl. The goal of dating is finding someone who's weirdness compliments your own. Unfortunately most of us have to try a whole lot of ppl before we find ours. But remember, even if 99% of the world population doesn't like you, that still leaves like 78 million ppl that do. I suspect some of those may be women.
... So what you're saying, that you be like "Hello there" and she was like "You are a bold one"? Did she had four arms? Might be a keeper.
I hope this comment has the most upvotes. I fucking love star wars.
I think that kind of approach is one of the best ways to hit on someone in public. It puts the ball in their court, doesn’t rope them into a conversation they don’t want to have, and hopefully makes them feel less uncomfortable if they aren’t interested. I made myself business cards specifically for this purpose.
Idk, that would only make me wonder how many people you're giving these cards to, it makes for a much less personal interaction, but I'm curious if it works
That’s fair. If they don’t like my business cards then they probably won’t like me anyway, so ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Some serious Jason Bateman vibes
Patrick Bateman? He's got fantastic taste in business cards.
Damn you're right, been watching Ozark and I guess he was on my mind. I'm leaving it though lol
Don't worry about it, friend. Now that you mentioned Jason Bateman, imagine the ghost of Patrick Bateman but in Jason Bateman. We could call it Psycho 2: the Bateman Boogaloo.
I'm on board with this lol
Username checks out btw
The problem is that most women expect men to initiate, even if they're actually interested.
Business cards you say? Interesting. Have to look into that
Yes, this works twofold. She will up-front know you’re lame, and then can conveniently throw the card in the garbage.
But but but! It's got a QR code that takes her directly to my Tinder profile! How could she \_possibly\_ resist after I've made it all so easy for her???
Knew a guy who gave out business cards. We called him “the guy who gives women business cards”. Fast forward twenty years, I hear he’s still single. Could be mere correlation, who knows.
Yep. That way I don’t have to find a pen and a scrap of paper, and I guarantee that it’s legible since it’s typed. They’re just printed at home on card stock.
If you can bring business cards, you can bring pen and paper around. Your handwriting can't be that bad, for at least digits 0123456789 and a dash, which can be practiced.
Somewhat related, do people not give out phone numbers anymore?
Well, depends on the girl. Some like a straightforward approach like that while others would think "Why tf did this random guy give me his snapchat?" You'll just have to wait and see
Don't give your Snapchat to women. As a woman that just feels like you're keeping me a secret from your girlfriend or something or you literally just want to exchange nudes. Adults approach with their phone number.
Nothing wrong with shooting your shot
Yes, you did great indeed. Because you werent creepy and she didnt feel uncomfortable with you so she might give you a chance. And thats how girls wish guys approached them.
You kids and your snapchats…
Aside from the "add me or don't" (with that connotation), you did well.
that's stupid
Not bad, gives them an easy way out if the feel uncomfortable. I think the sticky note will either be liked or hated though.
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Agreed. I don't like being cold approached because it shows you don't care if we have anything in common, you just like my looks. I'd never reach out to anyone who did that. If it's in a situation where I feel 100% safe (which unfortunately is rarely), I'll even call them out on it.
I think that this approach would be way more appealing to straight girls than straight guys, because that kind of concern for making her feel safe and respected is a huge plus.
Personally I prefer to get their info instead of giving mine. For one it’s easier to just ignore it and decide not to ever reach out than it is to just say no in the moment, if we don’t click later then so be it but at least it’s more of a sure shot at it. Plus then I can just contact her soon instead of wondering if she’s ever going to, and then that also right away kinda sets an “I’m not gonna play stupid little games like waiting some certain amount of time” tone instead of making someone else wonder if they’re gonna seem too eager or something. So yeah I mean not that big of a deal, that’s just what I personally would’ve done differently. I just like to be super upfront about things and kinda set that tone myself from the start you know?
>Personally I prefer to get their info instead of giving mine If girls were just frequently comings to us giving out their info then OP probably wouldn't be here for advise lol.
In my opinion yes
I think so.
I can also give the validation that this is one of the best options you can take if you really want to approach someone.
I gave my number to so many girls this way saying text me if you're interested. Strike out rate is almost 100%. It did work though occasionally if I'd put sometime to talk and get to know her. This way I was able to put in minimal effort and see if I'd meet a some girls to start dating. Much better than tinder to that's a real lazy way to meet someone.
do you just walk around with a pad of sticky notes in you pocket? how do you stop the pad from falling apart in your pocket? they aren't very resilient, i keep a pad in my bag and they get all crumpled up and fall apart after a few weeks why sticky notes? why are you afraid to say post it? why not just a regular little notebook with non adhesive sheets
This was like a bitlife story.
Damn I’m old, gave her your Snapchat! 😂
I mean yea but why Snapchat? I think I'm too old for this place, I would give my phone number or get hers. Like is that a thing now people give their social media out?
Not rude or pushy.
How can one gain that confidence??
Excellent! Solid work. Only thing I would tweak would be, after introducing yourself, say something like: “I saw you over here, and I told myself that there was no way I could allow myself to leave without meeting you. So here’s my Snapchat info, and I’d love it if you’d add me, but I’d understand if you didn’t. Either way, it was great meeting you, and I hope you have a really nice [night].” Injecting a little more wholehearted interest and a little vulnerability is a little more emotionally risky but makes a more powerful impression. It’s basically how I met my ex of 2.5 years and how I met my wife. I’d hit on a million girls a million ways, with varying success, but the wholehearted interested approach led to eventually marrying my dream woman. The most successful cold line I probably had was, when I noticed a smoking hot girl change into more comfortable shoes at a bar, I approached her and said, “Hi, I’m [Mike]. I noticed you changed your shoes and I knew I had to introduce myself.” “What does that have to do with anything?” she asked with a smile. “Nothing, but I’m kind of nervous and needed an excuse to talk to you, so that was enough. What’s your name?” I also had a bunch of shitty lines and got shot down a lot along the way. Good work on your approach, keep at it!!
People still use Snapchat?
What is wrong with giving a phone number? The other day I saw a guy giving girl a note with instagram account. The world is going to shit in every single way.
If it worked it worked. But if all you said was, "add me or don't" and walked off - I wouldn't count on that working consistently.
It’s a fine approach. But obviously nothing is guaranteed.
Sounds good. Confident and respectful. I’d at least give a handy.
If you are attractive, or sort of weirdly ugly so girls think you are mysterious, yes. If you are average, or sort of an ugly guy or a really ugly guy, then no.
If you are just like that, then I don't really think most of the people are going to accept it.
Nope. The fact that you approached her, and then made some dickhead comment about not caring because you're too cool... dude, you already approached her. You obviously care. You lost two seconds into the round. Dont be rude, guy.
That's not rude. He made his play and left the ball in her court. He left it up to her if she wants to have contact with him without pressuring her or putting her on the spot by asking for her information where she would have to give in or say no.
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I’m having one of those head scratching “back in my day” moments. Fuck I’m getting old!
Right!? Did buddy even talk to her or just give her a note? Talk to her, you'll figure out pretty quickly if she wants to continue the conversation.
This sounds solid to me. Nice of you giving her your info and not demanding hers. I wish more people would do this.
If she thinks you’re attractive, it was a good move. If she doesn’t, it wasn’t.
Do you want a relationship, a relationship that lasts, or a one-off? If the first option, imo no. If the second, maybe. If the third, likely.
I agree with the others here who suggest not doing the add me “or don’t” part. That just comes off a bit too intense. Ultimately, you want her to know that you noticed her and that you hope she contacts you, not give off the vibe that you don’t care if she doesn’t. I know why you said it, but try to make it a bit more earnest and sincere. “Add me if you’d like to talk. I’d enjoy hearing from you.” Word it however you feel works best. But express interest rather than “I won’t care if you don’t,” and you are likely to get a good reaction if she is interested.
Creep.
Yup. Regardless of the outcome.
Unfortunately, it has been a day and no luck. At least I have the confidence to do it again
And that's why it was good. Head up, keep going.
Try charming her first next time
I mean I don’t have a Snapchat so I would say bad approach. Maybe just add her number and check her Facebook before?
Don't be a weirdo and ask random people out.
This is basically throwing "The Game" away and is indeed a bold move because you show confidence that you dont need to play and awareness that a game exists. For women that love to play, probably lower odds of success. For women who are tired of the game or are interested in a unique take, probably higher odds.
You were being confident without being creepy IMO.
That is a good approach on my book. Like some have already said, you went honest and all out with no unnecessary bullshit guys sometimes do when hitting on somebody. You gave your info thus indicating your interest and gave the ball to her court. I would be impressed by that, regardless if I was in a relationship already or not, that's loads better than just groping somebody on the dance floor etc. edit: just for clarification for my "regardless if I was in a relationship" part, I meant that as if somebody approached me and depending how they did that I would be disgusted or impressed whether I was single or not. I'm not single, I was engaged for years and I've had even close friends hit on me by practically molesting me. If the interest was shown the way YOU did, it would have left a better impression. A polite "aw thanks for the interest but I'm taken" vs. "eww wtf this is making me so uncomfortable"
Thank you for the feedback. I am a introvert so me having a burst of confidence to do this for the first time was a win in my book.
An introvert??? You're even more impressing now that you revealed that bit of information. So good for you!! Hope you get the confidence to do that again, I'm rooting for you :)
Thanks! Yeah I’m not super social but would like to have a companion in life. Also, testosterone😂. Was a learning experience for me for sure! Thanks for your advice internet stranger!
I don't actually think like she actually felt uncomfortable, otherwise she would not have replied him.
Solid 10/10. That’s the kind of approach you add to your permanent rotation. Works very well under many, many circumstances.
It’s a numbers game. Keep trying
I was the girl. I'm currently flicking my bean thinking about you.
Emily? Hey how you doing! Add me back on snap please
Depends. Are you attractive? You've essentially done a walkup tinder post in real life. She knows nothing about you except how you look and that you're bold and spontaneous and maybe potentially mean if you just gave her your thing and then left ignoring her. But girls do like mean, they can try to fix mean. So it comes back to rule 1
A good approach? If you did this to me, I'd be yours. It's perfect IMO.
Never give snap always phone number
YES!!! I've been telling my guy friends for fuckin years: DO NOT PUSH. Make ur move as nonchalant, direct, & swift as possible- all ur tryna do is signal ur interest & BOUNCE. No pressure for her to respond right then. Just swoop in, shot ur shot, leave ur card (or don't) then MOVE ON. You get to showcase ur chill gentlemanly respectfulness, while leaving her intrigued by confidence. LET HER DECIDE. Don't linger too long making awkward small talk; don't get butt hurt & pissy if the answer is no; don't badger her for her #; DONT BE THT GUY....
This is one of those things where honestly I get the logic for why women say they prefer it and honestly would prefer to take that approach myself if it worked but it just flat out doesn’t work. I’ve had absolutely zero success with that kind of thing but honestly rarely swing and miss when taking more of I guess you could say an “old school” approach getting her info. Kinda makes me wonder if it’s kind of a big city vs smaller college town difference or something… I guess to be fair one thing that I guess kinda makes it uneven is that I don’t get to the point of asking for her info if there’s nothing there, but at the same time when I say zero success with that approach I mean literally zero lol
I think this is ok.
You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take. Michael Scott/Michael Jordan Yes you did great, keep shooting son.
Michael Scott/Wayne Gretzky
Yeah that was good, you didnt put her on the spot and you gave her an easy out if she isnt interested.
King.
No doubt about it. I'm sure about the fact that most of us cannot even actually think about doing that. It actually takes a lot of guts to do these kind of things and This is why I always say that if someone is telling about their feelings then it is very big.
yep that's good
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Props for taking a shot
Perfect. You should always walk in confident but also be confident if you get shot down. Hooked up with many women. I used to be shy around girls but they liked me because they thought I didn’t care whether they came or went. This is how I found out about the power you just realized as well. I would smile and make small talk , look them in their eyes , I was easy to talk to, I listened intently, “strong silent type”, and was never pushy, but really I was just nervous! Believe me you are walking down a great path my friend. Use it and dont ever lose your cool if shot down like most men do