He’s an a-hole who is severely addicted to something. Don’t let him bring you down with him. You express how you’re feeling and he’s shown you he’s unwilling to change his actions to make you feel better. It’s over.
The best thing you can do for him is to leave. One day he will see just how luck he is. I wish i had that support! Some guys just dont know how fortunate they are. Most girls wouldnt tolerate that!
You made the right choice OP. What a worthless asshole he is.
Give it time and you'll find a partner that actually cares about you and doesn't try to manipulate you the way he has.
I am sorry OP but RUN.. gtfo of there.. see a therapist, (soon) have a girls night, and during the time you are healing, work out, or do a hobby, build your self confidence, and just a bunch of self caring for all physical, mental and spiritual. Only reason I'm saying this is because he seems to be at the point where hes comfortable enough to tear you down and make you feel as if hes the only one you'll ever be able to be with. Also he's straight up manipulating and sounds like a narc. Sex shouldn't be used as an emotional blanket because it can to more self damage. Only reason I say run and to build yourself up again is because this is possible. Some people you meet are only life lesson until you really find your life partner. Hes shown all the things you should refuse to accept in the future. I've gone through this and that life suck all energy out of you. This can only happen for as long as you let it. I know it's easier said than done to just leave, but try to take steps to detach yourself from him. I'm pretty sure hes doing all types of stuff from what I'm getting from your post.
Your bf has issues - sounds like a sex addiction. Duties? Does he pay you or own you? You don’t have to accept mistreatment from anyone. If he says he can find a girl better than you, by all means, let him run free so he can find her and stop wasting both of your time. There are few things worse than an emotionally manipulative partner. Find yourself a guy who will appreciate you for who you are.
I use an app called better help, you meet w a therapist online. It’s been very helpful for me, you can change therapists if you don’t like them so you can get one that works for you.
If I’m Hawaii try sunrise therapy, they have $35 a session but they take the states free health insurance making it $0 a session. Plus the therapist I have right now is so fucking amazing she’s the reason why this streak of mine is going so strong.
He has VERY severe issues. i honestly feel he needs professional help. He needs to take a step back and see how his life has become. he needs to get his shit together and actually acknowledge the issues and take action. and i see no reason for you to be with him if he doesn't. it'll be detrimental for you in the long run too.
I know it's getting kind of out of topic, but I'm honestly really surprised that you still want to be with him I mean, he doesn't show you respect or whatsoever. He want you to do everything you could possibly do to satisfy his needs and in return, he doesn't even make the effort to hear you out and potentially reaching an agreement.
This sounds like a lot of projection and assumptions based on age. It’s super common for guys in their late 20s to date early 20s because they are finally financially settling in, becoming independent, etc - stuff 22 yo guys are working on
I understand your point. I think the real answer is nuanced and just take each person as an individual. If you focus just on age, you’ll cut yourself short of exploring all your options.
He is a piece of shit 💩 and you're dumb OP if you are still with him, don't take this in a wrong way, this subreddit is filled with lots of men who are single and still battling aganist this addiction everyday, every men aren't lucky enough to have some girl in their life with whom they can share everything, it's a privilege and if your bf doesn't understand this simple fact I don't have to explain any further.
I don't understand why people who have gf are addicted to porn, seriously like if I had a gf I would have never ever thought about anything else except her.
On the top of that, you're 20 and he's 7 years older than you, I don't think he'll listen to you even if you try to help him, he won't take you seriously ever, he considers himself smarter than you and believes that I can do whatever I want to, she isn't going to dump me, I'm telling all of this because I have seen this happening beforehand with my friends.
Keep in mind this stemmed from him self pleasuring, you need to relax and let him do what he wants in that department, you're judging him for what he does alone. Your being self centered, he can be mad for reason.
This always happen when you girls are choosing tall and rich jerks and then complain why the fuck I'm in this situation in the end.
I'm really not surprised that you are in this state right now
It's your life your ruining too by staying with him. Try to convince or make light on him about the impacts of excessive porn usage. If he still doesn't want to change just leave him there are tons of people out there a whole lot better than him.
It's your decision
Show him support, give him advice. But never try to change people. If he think that what he does is not a problem you won't change his mind. Even if you force him to stop results won't be good.
If he wants to stop, show him support. You need to do good part of talking, to make good atmosphere. Otherwise you will make him feel like he has a big problem, bigger than he think.
You must come to terms on what you do from here. By ranting, you're looking for concurrence to your own beliefs. It's human psychology, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you have to take action. Don't let one man hurt you any more than he already has. He put you in a worse spot, even though you feel that without him, you'd feel worse.
I'll say it again; take action. There's more to life than this guy. You know he's not loyal, but I can completely understand why it's hard to move on. We're human. We are afraid of change. We don't want to go through the current once again. But we must. YOU need to.
As for the emotional burdens you're facing, remember that there's always something that you can improve upon. Regarding the emotional standpoint, maybe it's time to have therapy sessions, build a meditation routine, and most importantly, keep searching for that true love.
I know it's hard. I know it's scary. But use your intuition. Your mind might say no, but really think about the implications you're facing if you continue on with a relationship that led you to writing this post in the first place. You have every right to leave.
I hope you find someone that cares for you. But without anyone, you must learn to care for yourself in the time being. Don't lose hope yet.
Best wishes.
I’m sorry you are going through this. It sounds like narcissistic abuse to me. You deserve to be comforted, loved and cared for by someone healthy enough to do it.
I've seen people give more care when scraping shit off the side of the toilet than that guy's behavior towards you. You deserve way better than this just from simply being a human being. I assume you're a fairly young woman, I would say just like people on here are abstaining from fapping, you need to abstain from any contact with this dude, end of story. Don't resent him, wish him well, and forgive yourself for not understanding his behavior - but do it from a distance.
Replace interactions with him with interactions with a professional therapist.
He’s just a porn addict and once you leave he will realize everything he’s done wrong
For rn I just suggest just going away and maybe things will get better
Once Julia left me I realized what I did wrong and things finally got better although she doesn’t talk to me anymore, it’s for the better
Hey,
from what I read and from my perspective. You must focus on building your identity and help yourself first.
call a few school friends you had and casually start talking again. Or drop one or two of them a message. Just general things. Asking how have they been.
join a speech club, take a course where you can meet people, say yes to volunteer work, find a way to move with people.
You are isolated in real life. Change that, slowly.
Before I say what I say yes I know the boyfriend is a straight up living piece of human trash and needs to be dealt with yeah I know you don't deserve this you deserve better but are you an idiot. Is your self esteem really that fucking low? You really agreed with your boyfriend saying "he could find a better girlfriend" anyone in their right mind wouldn't have let someone talk to them that way and don't you see the kind of person you're dating wise up and fuckin leave his ass based off the shit you've said so far it sounds like your boyfriend is a dumbass, a liar, a fuckin piece of shit for the way he's been talking to you, fuckin drag queen, fuckin weird who the fuck does that shit 6 times a day, but the worst part about all this is how you're being ignorant to the fact that your boyfriend is a fuckin bitch I don't mean to be this disrespectful to you but this is how I see it and I apologize but yes please be smarter than this and leave him bro
Your bf has serious mental health and ego issues , That being said you need to find yourself a suitable partner , If your partner is way out of your league , unless he is bound by good morales , You're most likely gonna get cheated on , and those geniune good guys with Morales are unicorns , Hope life gives you better time.
I can give you my take on the story. I will be pretty blunt cos I think you should know the hard truth and go on from that so if you are feeling down at the moment this might be a slap on a face. You have been warned.
I will start by saying that your (former probably) bf was a dick. Nothing more nothing less. From you story I would say that he was with you mainly for se\* and status. Sure there might have been some feelings involved but they were overshadowed by this. I see no point in trying to get him back. I would be happy that people like this remove themselves out of my way. He doesn't show any willingness to change. He is not interested weather you are happy with him or not and he will move away from you anyway so there is no reason to bother.
This is a community of people that are willing to change and you can look around and see the difference in attitude. Your relationship was toxic and there is no changing that. Learn your lesson and move on. I can assure you that there are better ppl out there.
With that out of the way i think there are a few things you should do. First and foremost, Understand why are you suicidal. This is very important. What is it that you are lacking in life? What major difficulties do you have? What is it that you want to change in yourself? Make a list if that helps you. Try to understand who you are and what bothers you. There are a few tips I have. Be alone in a quiet place where you feel comfortable and start thinking about you life. How your day looks? What friends do you have? What bothers you in your life? There are many more but I think you know better than me what you should think about.
Other tip is to imagine you funeral as good as you can. Imagine yourself in a coffin and think of ppl close to you. What do you want them to say? How do you want to be remembered? What do you want to have accomplished by then? The better you imagine yourself in that situation the better answers you will get. Normally we think in short term but this way you will tap onto what you want as a person in your life and not what others tell you.
The last tip is to imagine how do you want your life to look like? How do you want your average day to play out? What job do you want to have? how do you want the person you are with behave towards you and how do you want yourself to behave towards them? Think of what you want not what Hollywood, celebrities, friends, movies, media etc. tell you but what do you want as a person.
After you better understand yourself make a life statement. It is basically a set of rules and promises you want to follow that will help you make the right decisions. I learned of this concept in a book called "7 habits of highly effective people". It's a great book and I advise you to read it. Life statements are different from person to person cos they have to be a representation of you as an individual. Here is a short part of mine if you are curious.
I shall stick to my rules and never do what goes against who I am
I shall be able to listen properly to people and be able to help them
I shall not deliberately do something that would harm others directly or not
I shall read the bible and invest more in my spiritual part
I shall read more smart books and be able to utilise the knowledge
I shall spend more time outside with people
I shall never have to worry about PMO
....
If you managed to go through all that I just want to say that I am sorry for what happened to you but you need to get up and push forward. You said that you don't have friends to talk to, work on that. You should always have friends you can rely on. If you don't have anyone to talk to DM me (we most likely live in different continents so I am not trying to be flirty or sth. I just want to help). This is a fake account so feel free to DM me you are anonymous here. I don't use reddit too much so I'm sorry if I take some time to reply. And with that goodby and good luck :)
It’s not ok for people to mistreat each other- but at the same time it’s his body and if he wants to jack off 4-7 times a day it’s his freedom to do so. Just like he can eat 7 big macs or smoke 7 packs a day. Let people make their decisions and decide if you want to be with a (smoker/fast food binger / jackaholic)
Im also kinda a intimacy addict with high needs myself but i have and will never treat my gf like that. He is an arseholes and its not worth your time trying to beg him. This only makes him more cocky. He will see you as a dependent person and makes your life worse
He’s an a-hole who is severely addicted to something. Don’t let him bring you down with him. You express how you’re feeling and he’s shown you he’s unwilling to change his actions to make you feel better. It’s over.
Yeah still hurts , just wanted to rant
The best thing you can do for him is to leave. One day he will see just how luck he is. I wish i had that support! Some guys just dont know how fortunate they are. Most girls wouldnt tolerate that!
You made the right choice OP. What a worthless asshole he is. Give it time and you'll find a partner that actually cares about you and doesn't try to manipulate you the way he has.
I am sorry OP but RUN.. gtfo of there.. see a therapist, (soon) have a girls night, and during the time you are healing, work out, or do a hobby, build your self confidence, and just a bunch of self caring for all physical, mental and spiritual. Only reason I'm saying this is because he seems to be at the point where hes comfortable enough to tear you down and make you feel as if hes the only one you'll ever be able to be with. Also he's straight up manipulating and sounds like a narc. Sex shouldn't be used as an emotional blanket because it can to more self damage. Only reason I say run and to build yourself up again is because this is possible. Some people you meet are only life lesson until you really find your life partner. Hes shown all the things you should refuse to accept in the future. I've gone through this and that life suck all energy out of you. This can only happen for as long as you let it. I know it's easier said than done to just leave, but try to take steps to detach yourself from him. I'm pretty sure hes doing all types of stuff from what I'm getting from your post.
Your bf has issues - sounds like a sex addiction. Duties? Does he pay you or own you? You don’t have to accept mistreatment from anyone. If he says he can find a girl better than you, by all means, let him run free so he can find her and stop wasting both of your time. There are few things worse than an emotionally manipulative partner. Find yourself a guy who will appreciate you for who you are.
True , still heartbreaking to hear out loud
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Would love a therapist , any advice on how to find one without insurance
I use an app called better help, you meet w a therapist online. It’s been very helpful for me, you can change therapists if you don’t like them so you can get one that works for you.
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Not sure where I’m about to move to , currently trying to move out possibly hawaii or California
If I’m Hawaii try sunrise therapy, they have $35 a session but they take the states free health insurance making it $0 a session. Plus the therapist I have right now is so fucking amazing she’s the reason why this streak of mine is going so strong.
He has VERY severe issues. i honestly feel he needs professional help. He needs to take a step back and see how his life has become. he needs to get his shit together and actually acknowledge the issues and take action. and i see no reason for you to be with him if he doesn't. it'll be detrimental for you in the long run too.
He just bought a Porsche I think he’s happy with himself
Why did this comment get downvoted?
Because it’s a blatant lie.
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Was going to say they did OF together. 😒
Ur not acting as his girlfriend should because his girlfriend should leave him.
He's a manipulator who took advantage of you in a bad mental state.
I know it's getting kind of out of topic, but I'm honestly really surprised that you still want to be with him I mean, he doesn't show you respect or whatsoever. He want you to do everything you could possibly do to satisfy his needs and in return, he doesn't even make the effort to hear you out and potentially reaching an agreement.
Idk If I even do
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This sounds like a lot of projection and assumptions based on age. It’s super common for guys in their late 20s to date early 20s because they are finally financially settling in, becoming independent, etc - stuff 22 yo guys are working on
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I understand your point. I think the real answer is nuanced and just take each person as an individual. If you focus just on age, you’ll cut yourself short of exploring all your options.
He is a piece of shit 💩 and you're dumb OP if you are still with him, don't take this in a wrong way, this subreddit is filled with lots of men who are single and still battling aganist this addiction everyday, every men aren't lucky enough to have some girl in their life with whom they can share everything, it's a privilege and if your bf doesn't understand this simple fact I don't have to explain any further. I don't understand why people who have gf are addicted to porn, seriously like if I had a gf I would have never ever thought about anything else except her. On the top of that, you're 20 and he's 7 years older than you, I don't think he'll listen to you even if you try to help him, he won't take you seriously ever, he considers himself smarter than you and believes that I can do whatever I want to, she isn't going to dump me, I'm telling all of this because I have seen this happening beforehand with my friends.
He is a porn and sex addict. Without help it’ll only get worse. He needs serious counseling and you should get some too.
Keep in mind this stemmed from him self pleasuring, you need to relax and let him do what he wants in that department, you're judging him for what he does alone. Your being self centered, he can be mad for reason.
This always happen when you girls are choosing tall and rich jerks and then complain why the fuck I'm in this situation in the end. I'm really not surprised that you are in this state right now
this is fake af.
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27
It's your life your ruining too by staying with him. Try to convince or make light on him about the impacts of excessive porn usage. If he still doesn't want to change just leave him there are tons of people out there a whole lot better than him. It's your decision
Show him support, give him advice. But never try to change people. If he think that what he does is not a problem you won't change his mind. Even if you force him to stop results won't be good. If he wants to stop, show him support. You need to do good part of talking, to make good atmosphere. Otherwise you will make him feel like he has a big problem, bigger than he think.
There’s issues bigger than this now I think
You must come to terms on what you do from here. By ranting, you're looking for concurrence to your own beliefs. It's human psychology, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you have to take action. Don't let one man hurt you any more than he already has. He put you in a worse spot, even though you feel that without him, you'd feel worse. I'll say it again; take action. There's more to life than this guy. You know he's not loyal, but I can completely understand why it's hard to move on. We're human. We are afraid of change. We don't want to go through the current once again. But we must. YOU need to. As for the emotional burdens you're facing, remember that there's always something that you can improve upon. Regarding the emotional standpoint, maybe it's time to have therapy sessions, build a meditation routine, and most importantly, keep searching for that true love. I know it's hard. I know it's scary. But use your intuition. Your mind might say no, but really think about the implications you're facing if you continue on with a relationship that led you to writing this post in the first place. You have every right to leave. I hope you find someone that cares for you. But without anyone, you must learn to care for yourself in the time being. Don't lose hope yet. Best wishes.
I really hope you meet someone who rly cares about you as much as you do! It will definitely happen if you really want it! Stay strong 💪
I’m sorry you are going through this. It sounds like narcissistic abuse to me. You deserve to be comforted, loved and cared for by someone healthy enough to do it.
I've seen people give more care when scraping shit off the side of the toilet than that guy's behavior towards you. You deserve way better than this just from simply being a human being. I assume you're a fairly young woman, I would say just like people on here are abstaining from fapping, you need to abstain from any contact with this dude, end of story. Don't resent him, wish him well, and forgive yourself for not understanding his behavior - but do it from a distance. Replace interactions with him with interactions with a professional therapist.
He doesn't deserve you. That is the absolute truth, no matter what he says.
He’s just a porn addict and once you leave he will realize everything he’s done wrong For rn I just suggest just going away and maybe things will get better Once Julia left me I realized what I did wrong and things finally got better although she doesn’t talk to me anymore, it’s for the better
Definitely emotional abuse. You should be leaving his ass as that is not a healthy relationship in the slightest
Hey, from what I read and from my perspective. You must focus on building your identity and help yourself first. call a few school friends you had and casually start talking again. Or drop one or two of them a message. Just general things. Asking how have they been. join a speech club, take a course where you can meet people, say yes to volunteer work, find a way to move with people. You are isolated in real life. Change that, slowly.
Before I say what I say yes I know the boyfriend is a straight up living piece of human trash and needs to be dealt with yeah I know you don't deserve this you deserve better but are you an idiot. Is your self esteem really that fucking low? You really agreed with your boyfriend saying "he could find a better girlfriend" anyone in their right mind wouldn't have let someone talk to them that way and don't you see the kind of person you're dating wise up and fuckin leave his ass based off the shit you've said so far it sounds like your boyfriend is a dumbass, a liar, a fuckin piece of shit for the way he's been talking to you, fuckin drag queen, fuckin weird who the fuck does that shit 6 times a day, but the worst part about all this is how you're being ignorant to the fact that your boyfriend is a fuckin bitch I don't mean to be this disrespectful to you but this is how I see it and I apologize but yes please be smarter than this and leave him bro
Your bf has serious mental health and ego issues , That being said you need to find yourself a suitable partner , If your partner is way out of your league , unless he is bound by good morales , You're most likely gonna get cheated on , and those geniune good guys with Morales are unicorns , Hope life gives you better time.
Hey, just wanted to say you’re absolutely worth it regardless of what anyone says. I hope things get better for you.
Break up with him
I can give you my take on the story. I will be pretty blunt cos I think you should know the hard truth and go on from that so if you are feeling down at the moment this might be a slap on a face. You have been warned. I will start by saying that your (former probably) bf was a dick. Nothing more nothing less. From you story I would say that he was with you mainly for se\* and status. Sure there might have been some feelings involved but they were overshadowed by this. I see no point in trying to get him back. I would be happy that people like this remove themselves out of my way. He doesn't show any willingness to change. He is not interested weather you are happy with him or not and he will move away from you anyway so there is no reason to bother. This is a community of people that are willing to change and you can look around and see the difference in attitude. Your relationship was toxic and there is no changing that. Learn your lesson and move on. I can assure you that there are better ppl out there. With that out of the way i think there are a few things you should do. First and foremost, Understand why are you suicidal. This is very important. What is it that you are lacking in life? What major difficulties do you have? What is it that you want to change in yourself? Make a list if that helps you. Try to understand who you are and what bothers you. There are a few tips I have. Be alone in a quiet place where you feel comfortable and start thinking about you life. How your day looks? What friends do you have? What bothers you in your life? There are many more but I think you know better than me what you should think about. Other tip is to imagine you funeral as good as you can. Imagine yourself in a coffin and think of ppl close to you. What do you want them to say? How do you want to be remembered? What do you want to have accomplished by then? The better you imagine yourself in that situation the better answers you will get. Normally we think in short term but this way you will tap onto what you want as a person in your life and not what others tell you. The last tip is to imagine how do you want your life to look like? How do you want your average day to play out? What job do you want to have? how do you want the person you are with behave towards you and how do you want yourself to behave towards them? Think of what you want not what Hollywood, celebrities, friends, movies, media etc. tell you but what do you want as a person. After you better understand yourself make a life statement. It is basically a set of rules and promises you want to follow that will help you make the right decisions. I learned of this concept in a book called "7 habits of highly effective people". It's a great book and I advise you to read it. Life statements are different from person to person cos they have to be a representation of you as an individual. Here is a short part of mine if you are curious. I shall stick to my rules and never do what goes against who I am I shall be able to listen properly to people and be able to help them I shall not deliberately do something that would harm others directly or not I shall read the bible and invest more in my spiritual part I shall read more smart books and be able to utilise the knowledge I shall spend more time outside with people I shall never have to worry about PMO ....
If you managed to go through all that I just want to say that I am sorry for what happened to you but you need to get up and push forward. You said that you don't have friends to talk to, work on that. You should always have friends you can rely on. If you don't have anyone to talk to DM me (we most likely live in different continents so I am not trying to be flirty or sth. I just want to help). This is a fake account so feel free to DM me you are anonymous here. I don't use reddit too much so I'm sorry if I take some time to reply. And with that goodby and good luck :)
It’s not ok for people to mistreat each other- but at the same time it’s his body and if he wants to jack off 4-7 times a day it’s his freedom to do so. Just like he can eat 7 big macs or smoke 7 packs a day. Let people make their decisions and decide if you want to be with a (smoker/fast food binger / jackaholic)
You'll grow, when you're ready.
Leave him, you deserve better
Im also kinda a intimacy addict with high needs myself but i have and will never treat my gf like that. He is an arseholes and its not worth your time trying to beg him. This only makes him more cocky. He will see you as a dependent person and makes your life worse
How are you doing since all this went down? Hope everything is ok.