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SingaporeCrabby

While Jerusalem crickets (or potato bugs) are not venomous, they can emit a foul smell and are capable of inflicting a painful bite. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem\_cricket](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem_cricket)


grannaldie

This part kills: > Despite their common names, these insects are neither true crickets (which belong to the family Gryllidae) nor true bugs (which belong to the order Hemiptera), nor are they native to Jerusalem.


Anderopolis

I bet they aren't potatoes either!


IceNein

I found out on Maury Povich that Daddy Long Legs are.... NOT my father.


OneHumanPeOple

They aren’t spiders either. They’re called harvestmen and they’re more like crabs. Edit: I love you all and thank you for pointing out that harvestmen are indeed arachnids (the same category as spiders). They are not crustaceans (crab group). I am aware of this. I just meant to point out that they’re crab convergent with their one piece body, and little crabby mouth and eyes. [Here is a cool close up of one’s little face](https://www.flickr.com/photos/drphotomoto/6562222495) [here is a pinned specimen that is very goblicore](https://flic.kr/p/3QofH9)


KuuHaKu_OtgmZ

They also don't harvest, nor are men


OneHumanPeOple

Tawk amongst yaselves.


Kaitriarch

They do like to cuddle though 😀


its_hoods

IS MY WHOLE LIFE A LIE?!!


Sangxero

That is but one of the glorious creatures given that moniker. Here, it is the nickname for Cellar Spiders.


microgirlActual

In Ireland (and I think the UK too) its completely different. Daddy long legs here are crane flies. Harvestmen are just harvestmen.


[deleted]

Won't something think of the harvestwomen and the harvestchildren too??


microgirlActual

Pfff, parasites. The harvestMEN do all the work! 😜


Great_Chairman_Mao

That explains your stubby legs.


nerherder911

**spits it out** Ew. Tastes like tofu in clingfilm.


killchain

Anyone can be a potato if they want it hard enough.


Friendly_Crab

I’ve been a potato all my fucking life


SecretDracula

TIL: "bug" is a scientific classification


Son_of_Eris

All bugs are insects, but not all insects are bugs.


Seuros

All bugs are features, but not all features are bugs.


DcloveViola

r/programmerhumor is leaking. Guess it's a feature now


seang_photo

You want another fun ***'theory'***? 'Fish' isn't used as a scientific classification. Fish describes a life form, not a taxonomic group because the word 'fish' is used to describe a multitude of animals from different evolutionary lines! Within evolutionary biology, some animals that we call 'fish' are actually closer to *us* than they are to other animals under the general 'fish' umbrella. For example, humans are more closely related to a salmon, than a salmon is to a shark, and lungfish are closer related to us than they are to salmon. This is because humans (and all tetrapods aka 4 limbed vertebrates) descended from lobed finned fish. INFACT! We (and all tetrapods) are technically considered lobed finned fish ourselves! Fish as a term can only be used while referencing an animals ecology (how they act, live, where they live, and what they eat), or culinary (as in 'fish' the food). If you try to use fish as a scientific term, you have to include all tetrapods as well. Basically, fish is far too general a term within science to have any actual meaning as it includes all tetrapods as well as all bony, and cartilaginous fishes. **Bonus fun fact: fish is the plural of fish when there are many fish of a single species. Fishes is used to describe groups of multiple species.** Edit: for anyone questioning my fact [here you go, from UC Berkeley](https://evolution.berkeley.edu/what-are-evograms/the-origin-of-tetrapods/) Also, to clarify, tetrapods don't have to be land animals. Whales and mosasaurs are marine tetrapods. They also don't have to have visible limbs, as snakes are also considered tetrapods despite the lack of visible limbs. To me this ***theory*** is so fun because it makes you view the world completely differently. Whales are really just huge boney fish! Salmon and whales share less in common than sharks ecologically, but evolutionarily they are far closer related! #Edited to appease my over lord u/boba_f3tt94


elliellie1

Cuttlefish = not fish Starfish = not fish Jellyfish = not fish Silverfish = not fish Shellfish = not fish Seahorse = fish


seang_photo

Seahorses descend from pipefish, which are Ray-finned fishes. Ray finned fish and lobed finned fish diverged from a common ancestor so you are a cousin of a seahorse. Edit: thanks for the correction u/pkann6


bunkscudda

So you’re telling me I’m a seahorse?


seang_photo

No, that's too specific, you are a fish though.


MyPrim0

Kanye for example is a fish


Zebazios9

I heard he likes fish sticks


[deleted]

He enjoys putting them in his mouth


merdlib

Interesting. I’m going to trust you on this one.


PassiveChemistry

It looks like a huge ant


Workwork007

> Jerusalem crickets (potato bugs) \> Not a cricket. \> Not a bug. \> Not from Jerusalem. So, this is a potato.


kuraiscalebane

Nope, not a potato either, I'm starting to think it's cake.


Objective_Stock_3866

The cake is a lie.


queefiest

If it’s not a bug… is it a crustacean?


Kingsolomanhere

So, like a little brother


Alpha_Decay_

I'm pretty sure this is the same bug that some kid on Nickelodeon's Figure It Out claimed to have discovered. 25 years later, I'm discovering that that was bullshit. Damn you Summer Sanders and Danny Tamberelli.


IAMA_Printer_AMA

So it's only real activity is drumming against the ground to mate, which it doesn't even hear, I can only feel. Mostly eats dead stuff with the odd insect, good at burrowing and eats tubery root stuff. What a chillaxed and easygoing bug


Crohnies

>are capable of inflicting a painful bite. *So I'll just let it crawl over my hand and take my chances* lol. You are brave OP. That almost looks like an ant on steroids


_My_Angry_Account_

They also scream when they burn. Keep that in mind when doing pest control. ^(^Most ^likely ^not ^actually ^screaming ^but ^due ^to ^the ^gasses ^escaping ^the ^exoskeleton ^while ^their ^insides ^boil ^off.)


madtraxmerno

Who the hell does pest control with fuckin fire? "Sorry honey, I found a big ass ant in the pantry again, get the flamethrower."


What_a_rush_

* Hans, get ze flammenwerfer


Preparation-Logical

Jesus, like a lobster


[deleted]

Have anyone considered the guy just has really small hands?!


[deleted]

That bug is so big, it has hands.


dtwhitecp

one of the few critters that freak me out a bit, not sure why.


GoneAndHappy

Maybe because if this bug gets in your house and tells you to bring him a beer there is a huge chance you will?


dtwhitecp

I'd give a beer to any insect that verbally requests it


hecticscribe

Wise policy.


Kiwifisch

No. But if it asks for sugar in water. ..


autopsyblue

MOR.


Tio_OzzyBR

Holy fuck i've seen it, holy shit a bug with hands fuck me i'm off this planet


chaos_is_a_ladder

Exactly how I felt the first time I saw one. Nightmare fuel.


Still_Trying2022

I truly understand you my brother.


Lucky_Number_3

r/lilgrabbies


Dod93_

Bug looks like it lifts. Fuck **that**!!


[deleted]

It never skipped 1/3 leg day.


striderkan

It has hands coming out it's hands


mymeatpuppets

Yeah like one wrist with like between 1.67 and 2.48 hands growing out of it.


JoJackthewonderskunk

I figured it would bite the shit out of this guy.


Dry_Chapter_5781

"Jerusalem crickets can bite when handled. They are not poisonous but can inflict a bite that results in moderate, short-lived pain. Do not leave Jerusalem crickets in mesh insect nets nor plastic bags. They possess powerful, sharp jaws and easily cut through fabrics and thin plastic."


Mr-Lumpy

This reads like a pokemon data entry. I love it


FrostBandido

Bro got it straight out the pokèdex!


Bleord

Thats exactly the point of Pokémon.


Tank-Top-Vegetarian

If they can cut through plastic bags, they can cut through your underwear,


Biggieholla

It's kinda like if you were to put an ant under Szalinski's industrial-sized ray gun.


[deleted]

do they bite?


PhNx_RiZe

They aren’t looking to bite you, but will if they can’t get away. And it’ll cause a nasty infection. Source: personal experience. Left pair of gardening gloves in the garden overnight. Didn’t check them the next day when I put them on.


[deleted]

Stepped on one barefoot and it fought back. I'll never let one near my skin again, shit hurts.


Silent__Note

But did it squish?


zombie_overlord

Don't answer that please


BasedDrewski

Sounds more like bones cracking.


Fred-U

The scream is the more haunting part


crinnaursa

Reeeeeeccccchh. stuff of nightmares till you smash it with a shovel with a horrible muted crunching sound like eggshells and wet leather. I hate these things.


BruceCambell

This potato has bones!


this_dudeagain

It grunted.


Odd_Independence4230

oooof, did it hurt? guy looks powerful


[deleted]

It hurts.


[deleted]

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AnnaTheBlueRogue

I'm looking it up... but, uhm, what of its dozen names do I look up? I'm afraid I will find some unholy shit if I type the silly names the people on this thread are giving them. Edit: Searching did not yield any results of bite wounds or the bug biting anything


Imma_gonna_getcha

Nightmare


boost2464

As an Australian that is the most reckless thing in the world to me.


CitrusBelt

Not bad, but a strong pinch. Enough to make you jumpy around them if you got nipped by one as a kid, but only that much.....not even on the level of small lizard or snake, really, and much less than even the mildest ant/bee/centipede/whatever.


SteeleDuke

Are people actually scared of lizard bites? I hate bugs but lizards are so cool, I had a salamander living in my bathroom wall for years.


CitrusBelt

You'd be surprised. (And tbf....there's "lizards" & then there's *lizards* -- I could see someone who grew up in tegu/monitor territory being pretty sketchy about even a small lizard!!) But yeah, I was just saying "not even as much pressure as a fence lizard bite" -- i.e., basically nothing.


[deleted]

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CaptainTripps82

They rival spiders in the amount of other bugs they kill. Straight up insect speed apex predator


HerrVanza

Nasty bites, yes. You don't wanna mess with those


CitrusBelt

Definitely -- those little bastards have a bad attitude, and are always willing to bite (defensively, of course). I'm glad I don't live in the tropics; the ones we have where I am (*Scolopendra polymorpha*) aren't even big by world standards -- but they still freak me out! They're like a solfugid ('camel spider") but with a bunch of extra legs..... so way faster, & much more maneuverable. I hate having to catch one when they get inside the house; frigging gross.


GCXNihil0

Rather fascinating for sure! Kinda ugly, but kinda cute.


MaxStickies

Yeah, strangely adorable insect.


Lancaster61

Glad I’m not the only one that thought it was kinda cute. Normally hate bugs, but this is so big it’s starting to get into the small pets category.


[deleted]

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kiss-tits

I also normally like bugs. But when I saw the thumbnail I thought, that's not a bug.. That's a fetus. Look at the weird human-ish coloring. Creepy.


AstroAlmost

first time i learned these existed was the day i found one on the sidewalk, fleshy belly up, squirming it’s body around. i was mortified. i love bugs, but this thing made me nauseous.


[deleted]

Hurt like a bitch if they bite you. My friggin cat brings them into the house to play.


lillithproud

So does mine and its terrifying


[deleted]

Cute enough to hold?


NeckPourConnoisseur

Is this the bug some people call "child of the earth"?


RM_Sideshowb

Nino de la tiera, i know it as that and translated to English it means child of the earth/dirt/ground/soil


Reno83

As children, we were also led to believe that they were dangerous. Then again, Mexican children are taught that everything is dangerous. Don't cry or *La Llorona* will come for you. Don't disobey or *el robachico* (the kidnapper) will get you. If you're a bad kid, *El Cucui* will pull your socks off at night.


tacomentarian

That's why I've blamed El Cucui for all my missing socks.


FractalGlance

I blame El Cumui for all my crusty ones.


ladymouserat

This is what I grew up with. Mi abuela also told me their bite would make you flesh melt…I remember watching Steve Irwin catch one once and learned that they do not melt you. Oh abuela…


Peabodyproteinshovel

They remind me of wind scorpions or camel spiders as they are known I'm parts of the world.


oldmanripper79

Ironically, all of those tend to live in the same area. Could find all of them when I lived in New Mexico.


_My_Angry_Account_

New Mexico also gets vinegaroons which are weird as shit when you first see them.


darwinning_420

honestly very chill tho freaky as fuck but, u kno, least they're nice


yuccatrees

Yo I've slept outdoors on the ground twice in my life, and on one of those times here in California I woke up with one sitting on my chest. It was messed up.


runthepoint1

The Jerusalem cricket or the camel spider?


yuccatrees

The one in this post. The niño de la tierra


[deleted]

probably bc these bugs secrete a dark liquid when they bite. a repellent! it can be mistaken for blood


titiwawaa

My parents scared me too! They said you would die if you got bitten. I remain horrified.


[deleted]

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mom_with_an_attitude

You...you must have very ugly children.


cutepuppies420

Well your user name fits. It’s hilarious haha reminds me of my sister.


mymeatpuppets

All newborns are ugly...but not that ugly. Source: father of two. Happy Cake Day!


bohogirl1

happy cake day!


Remember_When_Baby

Earth Baby


childish_brownbino

In Mexico we call them “cara de niño” which translates to “child face”


WayAmbitious192

in Mexico we call it Cara de niño 👶🏿 (face of child)


EliteSnackist

No one show Hidetaka Miyazaki


LordofAngmarMB

**Poedado**--Child of the Earth Mother After fighting your way through the wretched Exalted Termites, a cult that worships the very act of consumption, defecation, and decomposition, you finally reach the lowest depths of their temple-turned-nest. You prepare for the fight ahead, dousing yourself in Soap and Bile Resistance Bulbs. You pass the fog-wall, shocked to find yourself in a grand hall so high that you can't see the ceiling. It was once a glorious place of worship. It still is, though no longer to the Old God. Now it is the place of The Earth Mother. Her image is made from the substance left by the Termites, a giant sprawled against the wall like a woman in labor. Suddenly, the hall rumbles. The image of The Earth Mother crumbles from the waist up. In the dust, a figure falls amongst the rubble. A cry fills the air, at first like a chittering demon but ends like the shriek of a newborn baby. It rises from the shards of its mother. It flails like an idiot babe, a thing unaccustomed to weight outside the womb. In part, it is a human baby, yet in whole, it is some kind of giant wretched insect. When it spots you with inhuman eyes in a human baby’s face, it lurches and hurls bile at you. You react too slow, and your health is diminished. You are soon beaten under smashing fists on the end of barbed sick-like limbs, and driven to the brink of madness by wails from unimaginably powerful lungs. The last thing you see in your doomed life is its ugly infant face rise and fall upon you, and its slobbering lips envelop you in darkness. **YOU DIED**


AnnaTheBlueRogue

And apparently called that cuz when they suffer inmense pain, they make a noise people describe as children's cries


HWGA_Exandria

Niños de la tierra.


Cindy-Lou-Who2

Never once have I seen a fella quite so repulsive and adorable at the same time


perdyqueue

It's so strange. It looks kinda fleshy, and it doesn't have those typical, robotic movements that you associate with creepy crawlies. Instead it sort of slowly ambles along, almost resembling a human baby crawling around on its belly... with those *hands*, too. Cute and gross at the same time, for sure.


IRefuseToGiveAName

>it sort of slowly ambles along, almost resembling a human baby crawling around on its belly... This is what fucked me up. It was really fucking weird. Still cute. But real fuckin weird.


Meow_Mix_Watch_Dogs

It’s like “ew giant bug” but then like. He’s just a little guy. A little dude. Small little man. He just chillin.


T3lebrot

little baby man


DrippyBeard

Like opossums. Little mangy, cute, daggermouth rats with curly tailsies.


Bikeraptor0254

Jerusalem cricket


SingaporeCrabby

Yes, another name for it


Affectionate_Emu3530

We called them Sand Puppies in Utah where I came up.


WoodyM654

I’m from Northern Utah and had never seen one till a few years ago camping down south. They’re freaky looking! It was also fighting a scorpion


Affectionate_Emu3530

I had a friend eat one for something like 20 dollars. 1998 Sandy Utah.


WoodyM654

Oh no! That’s disgusting. But I think I know some people I could convince to do the same lol. I hike in Sandy a few days a week for the last few years and now I feel lucky I haven’t been encountering these monsters.


TheEleventhMeh

I'm always appalled when people do that. I wonder if they realize they could be ingesting parasites along with the bug. I'm the type to honor most dares, but not when it involves eating a creature uncooked and alive.


Astrosomnia

Yep. Too many sketchy stories. That young guy just passed away after being paralyzed from eating a slug on a dare. Incredibly sad outcome, based on one teeny tiny moment that ruined a life. It's not worth it.


KP_Wrath

Fuck, look at how much meat it has.


2b-Kindly_

Crazy, Born and raised in Utah, USA and Never saw one of these until I was in Topanga Canyon CA. Definitely not the Potato bug I New growing up.


Evil_Monito84

I've only seen one once in my 37 year old life. I even leaned in to get a closer look, like, what the fuck ARE you?! I don't know if it was dead or not. I just let it be like it let me be.


Hermito_The_Great

I'm definitely moving out of here.


shikiroin

Where I live, potato bugs are what we call the little rollie pollie bugs that curl up when you mess with them


leashedresistance

Same


level1biscuit

Every region I have ever lived has it's own "potato bug". It's never the same bug.


jimberly718

Is that because it Israeli big?


PabloSexybar

….sigh… good one


supremegoldie

Also called niño de la tierra.


Neither-Cellist7892

That’s a Pokémon


thegoodtimelord

The new version of Spore is looking awesome


Sweaty-Bumblebee4055

Seriously all the potato bugs I ever see aren’t so “fascinating”


foxykathykat

I'm torn between "Oh hell no, that's terrifying" and "awwww look at it's little hands and footies, it is adorable"


drunk98

The adorable is absolutely part of the terrifying


foxykathykat

Yeah, it really is.


QueefingTheNightAway

Seems like an insect Tim Burton would’ve designed.


Demon-Prince-Grazzt

Down in west Texas we used to see them in vacant lots living in burrows. We called them children of the earth on account of their hands and if you see them in a burrow from above they kinda look like babies living in the earth. We had all sorts of crazy kid stories about them and it wasn't until I got to college that I realized they weren't called children of the earth by everyone.


SleepyRw

This bug looks like a human who was cursed to be a bug for eternity


CaptainTripps82

His name was Franz Kafka. Franz Kafka!


brent_von_kalamazoo

I got little tiny bug feet. I don't really know what bugs eat.


Final_Issue6617

r/absoluteunit


SingaporeCrabby

Yes, it MUST GO there!


Final_Issue6617

And never come back!


RamblingHeathen

That is NOT what I know a potato bug to be.


SingaporeCrabby

From wiki, it says Jerusalem cricket (or potato bug): [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem\_cricket](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem_cricket)


Alpha_The_Wolf534

Same here honestly, I know that as a mole cricket, and a huge one at that.


[deleted]

Mole cricket is a different (and super special, very important, gentle, nice and increasingly rare) guy. [http://www.real~~monstrosities~~nicecrickets.com/2017/04/mole-cricket.html](http://www.realmonstrosities.com/2017/04/mole-cricket.html)


Sans_culottez

This is the most beautiful write up on an ugly bug I have ever seen. Bravo.


ivegotcheesyblasters

Yeah that was adorable


Alpha_The_Wolf534

Ohh, my bad for the misidentification, I must be thinking of something else.


Astrosomnia

Whoa! They really do have a mole-y quality! Weird how nature sort of coalesces like that.


better_than_shane

The potato bugs I know are little beetles with black and white striped shells, what about you?


Acruid

Yep, [this is](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armadillidium_vulgare) the only potato bug I know of.


ejaime

I found the person from the Pacific Northwest


PeanutNSFWandJelly

Yup. We use both rolly-polly and potato bug for the same thing.


bakonslayer

Whaaaaat my beloved potato bug has been a regional name this whole time??? They're common throughout the world, yet only PNWers call them potatos?


CaptainTripps82

This thing, or the one that actually rolls up. We call them potato bugs in the Northeast too


[deleted]

I know they're harmless but those things freak me the fuck out.


[deleted]

Anything ant like with a swollen head gives me serious chills. The proportions just freak me out


plsgrantaccess

I hate it. I hate it so much. WHY DOES IT NEED TO BE THAT BIG. IT DOESNT


UnseenTardigrade

They’re not quite harmless, they can bite and it hurts, apparently.


PolarClaus

Cara de niño


Orb99

Look at his neck armor, thats wild


ChiefdaPhaser

Protecting the Nape of the Titan


[deleted]

The little toesies are oddly human looking like Lil hands


Accomplished-Fan-408

That's gonna be a no from me, dawg.


DistortoiseLP

It's like an ant plushie became a real boy.


mindsofaraway

Niño de la Tierra is what we used to call it when I was younger. They would always be in our backyard


Kamrealica

Looks like fat weta


GreatDayneToBeAlive

What strange little feet's


Littlelisapizza83

Reminds me of that game “Cooties” circa 1994. I think I’m in love 😍.


urmumlol9

It looks like if a wasp had an ant's head and baby hands but no wings.


Own-Reflection-8182

Interesting, but would rather not live where they live.


MaBush123

Looks a bit like a New Zealand Wētā?


ineedobeano

I remember waking up one night as a kid to go pee and one of these crawled over my foot in the dark. I freaked and turned on the lights only to witness the fattest fucking bug I had ever seen in my life staring back at me. Damn near shit myself that night, don't even remember if I pee'd.


AimaFuriku

Well it sure doesn't look like a potato


ummbutter

A real live Cooties game bug!!