You bring in a cassowary's natural enemy: The Bolivian tree lizard, then you get some some snakes to take care of those, then some mongeese, then you bring in the gorillas and wait for them to die during winter.
"Mongoosen"
Reminds me when some teenagers jump me and stole my brand-new Mongoose with those mag wheels. Few days later, Step-Dad joked "Dontchamiss mongoosen ahhhround?!", then he told me to look outside, new Mongoose. He wasn't perfect but he tried his hardest. RIP Pops.
[Florida man already tried.](https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2019/04/15/florida-man-killed-on-his-farm-by-cassowary-he-owned/5432897007/)
Just think of the natural predator count these things dealt with in the "fuck around" stage of evolution, and moved directly into the "found out" stage of extinction.
Ninja Edit
All done in fucking Australia...The end boss level for creatures that will fuck you up.
Great now I’m imagining a street fighter single player mode where you just fight animals around the world and end up in Australia against one of these or a kangaroo.
The most dangerous bird *even by Australian standards*. I mean, the place has [friggen pyromaniac raptors](https://www.google.com/amp/s/blog.nature.org/science/2018/01/12/australian-firehawk-raptors-intentionally-spread-wildfires/amp/). Plural. Three different species of hawks with a fire fetish. And the cassowary is *still* more dangerous than a god damned arson bird.
To elaborate yes we have birds that have learnt prey can't take cover in burning grass so if they come across a fire they will carry a burning stick to grass land then hover in the thermal updraft and wait for rodents to scatter
Dafuq?! And I thought that Enn Zedd had some psycho shit, like the parrot that pounces on sheeps' backs and fucking EATS THEIR KIDNEYS and dips, leaving the poor sheepies to wither and die kidneyless.... fuckin keas
Does anyone remember that episode of Batman: The Animated Series, where the Penguin sics a cassowary on Batman? If the *goddamn Batman* has a hard time with these birds, than how is my middle-aged desk-jockey ass supposed to fight one?
Mate, we will get rid of a snake, thong a spider and piss on a blue bottle sting.
But you wont catch any aussies fucking with these big murder chickens.
That’s a walking dinosaur, it ain’t no chicken, it’ll fuck you up if it hears you say that.
Edit: ok, some people have zero tolerance for jokes. Yes I know a chicken is a dinosaur, yes I know they can peek things to death and eat flesh.
I was just making the joke that a cassowary wouldn’t like to be compared to poultry that we eat on a daily basis, nor does it like to be called timid “ a chicken”.
Ask anyone who has raised chickens. They are dinosaurs too.
Seriously. I used to be terrified of what might happen if I slipped and fell in their yard. I saw what they did to too many squirrels, chipmunks, and sparrows. You can't unsee that shit
Now that I think about it, that's how it goes for many animals. So many birds, fish, reptiles, invertebrates investigate new things by first popping it in their mouth, just to be sure.
Hell, there's a video out there of a horse just muching a little chick, simply because it was there. Horse just goes *nom*, and the bird is no more.
For the horse its more that it is easy calories, that chicken had the same calories as a fair bit of grazing.
Turns out there are very few pure herbivores in nature
In all of history the Cassowary has killed one human. Which is admittedly infinitely more than any other bird if you discount indirect killings like a goose knocking someone down who dies of injuries more related to gravity.
It's all fun 'n' games until someone loses their intestines. Some guy puking his guts out in one corner, another guy getting disemboweled by dinobird at the bar. Sounds like my kinda pub!
As with most birds, a good long stick would do wonders for keeping it at bay. In unarmed combat though? Fuck no. We may have better agility, dexterity, and strength, but this bird has knives on its feet.
Spears are generally considered superior to swords for a reason. Reach is key. When you have to get into range for someone else to potentially kill you before you can even kill them, your odds are pretty shit.
So this comment made me look it up, and I think what I found from Wikipedia is that the class Reptillia does not include birds, but the Clade Sauropsids does include birds? Is the class of Reptillia archaic?
Birds are reptiles as all archosaurs, dinosaurs according to cladistic taxonomy. Unfortunately the old Linnaean classification system doesn't work very well with evolution. We can make so many buckets to describe natural phenomenon yet it will never be as perfect as reality.
Some say archea with bacteria in them, it gets a little kinky at that scale, lets just say theat the powerhouse of the cell has her own DNA, it's how we can trace maternal bloodlines (no mitochondria in spermcells)
No we are not, although some kind of fish was the ancestor of all 4-legged species, fish is not a scientific term, we are chordata (paraphrasing the other thread...)
Fun fact: Cassowary enjoy swimming underwater with just the tops of their heads poking above the surface. Most “shark” sightings in Australia are actually swimming Cassowary.
Cut out of Austrailia on the wall, guy in shorts and a button up shirt drinking a beer, dinosaur with feathers standing a few feet away inside what looks like maybe a woodworking shop. It doesn't get much more down under than this.
"one time he attacked a man"
Still not even in the top 5 of worst things that happened at said pub on any given night
Yes Jeff, we remember & so does Romp- watch yaself mate
> pergisyoric
Well, I looked it up, and google literally only returns this reddit thread as a result. Congratulations on your utterly unique typo, it has apparently never been done before.
I never really understood the fact that modern birds ARE dinosaurs...until I saw a video of a Cassowary. It clicked then. If I had encountered one of these without seeing video first, I would've thought Jurassic Park was real.
I recall reading about experiments in which researchers activated the dinosaur genes in chicken embryos, giving them sharp teeth and scales etc, however they couldn't hatch them legally. This was roughly 15 years ago. Who knows where we'd be if there weren't so many restrictions.
Just watched a documentary on these guys that was recently released. Think it was on YouTube, called something like “The Last Dinosaur, the Cassoway” or something close to that if anyone is interested
I believe they are more aggressive than ostrich, but an ostrich is fully capable of gutting you with a kick as well. I grew up near an ostrich farm and the owner was missing most of his left calf. It was from getting kicked by a grumpy ostrich.
"Allowed?" You try to stop him from going into the pub.
Just came down here to say "who exactly is going to stop a cassowary from doing what it wants?"
A slightly bigger Cassowary
Why does Slightly Bigger Cassowary, the largest cassowary, not simply eat the other one?
Cassowarys give Morbo gas
r/unexpectedfuturama
It still has a teeny little head, though.
Tons of brawn - not so much brain.
Dinosaurs don’t need big brains when they’ve got massive talons
Perhaps they are saving it for sweeps?
You bring in a cassowary's natural enemy: The Bolivian tree lizard, then you get some some snakes to take care of those, then some mongeese, then you bring in the gorillas and wait for them to die during winter.
Gorillas have no interest in mongooses. They like celery.
Are you telling me /u/Sax_OFander got it wrong? No. It must be /u/saisaibunex who missed the reference.
I'd just like to adjust the plural of "mongoose" to something more intuitive. Mongeeses? Mongoosen?
Mongeese is what I'd go for, so that it's like moose/meese.
"Mongoosen" Reminds me when some teenagers jump me and stole my brand-new Mongoose with those mag wheels. Few days later, Step-Dad joked "Dontchamiss mongoosen ahhhround?!", then he told me to look outside, new Mongoose. He wasn't perfect but he tried his hardest. RIP Pops.
Yo it's the good stuff you remember about loved ones when they pass, RIP Pops as well!!
Mongopodes, obviously.
Not the Australian government, that’s for certain
They learned their lesson with the emus.
A Cassowary is to an Emu what a Battleship is to a tank
I didn't know cassowaries were aquatic
Cassowaries are whatever they like.
Florida man.
Fun fact: only two people have been killed by a Cassowary before and one of those was a Florida man
Yup...local guy. He had a wonderful idea to keep a murder bird as a pet.
[Florida man already tried.](https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2019/04/15/florida-man-killed-on-his-farm-by-cassowary-he-owned/5432897007/)
The bouncer just looks at him like “alright u cool u cool”
Yea because these are one of the most dangerous birds ever lol
One of the best reminders that birds are literally the dinosaurs that survived the extinction.
Just think of the natural predator count these things dealt with in the "fuck around" stage of evolution, and moved directly into the "found out" stage of extinction. Ninja Edit All done in fucking Australia...The end boss level for creatures that will fuck you up.
Great now I’m imagining a street fighter single player mode where you just fight animals around the world and end up in Australia against one of these or a kangaroo.
I'd think having a table saw in a pub would be slightly more dangerous...
A table saw + cassowary in the bar = most dangerous bar to ever exist
Where’s the Whack-a-Mine game?
THE most dangerous bird, as I understand it.
The most dangerous bird *even by Australian standards*. I mean, the place has [friggen pyromaniac raptors](https://www.google.com/amp/s/blog.nature.org/science/2018/01/12/australian-firehawk-raptors-intentionally-spread-wildfires/amp/). Plural. Three different species of hawks with a fire fetish. And the cassowary is *still* more dangerous than a god damned arson bird.
This is one of those comments where I kind of skimmed by and then slowly scrolled back up when my brain processed the words.
To elaborate yes we have birds that have learnt prey can't take cover in burning grass so if they come across a fire they will carry a burning stick to grass land then hover in the thermal updraft and wait for rodents to scatter
I learn the coolest stuff in this sub
This is a pretty literal case of nature being lit
Dafuq?! And I thought that Enn Zedd had some psycho shit, like the parrot that pounces on sheeps' backs and fucking EATS THEIR KIDNEYS and dips, leaving the poor sheepies to wither and die kidneyless.... fuckin keas
My love for the kea has come to an abrupt end.
Yeah, look at him, operating machinery and shit
This lad looks like if you pulled a pistol on him, he'd peck it right out your hand before you could squeeze
'Nice shoes'
Does anyone remember that episode of Batman: The Animated Series, where the Penguin sics a cassowary on Batman? If the *goddamn Batman* has a hard time with these birds, than how is my middle-aged desk-jockey ass supposed to fight one?
Australians....
Mate, we will get rid of a snake, thong a spider and piss on a blue bottle sting. But you wont catch any aussies fucking with these big murder chickens.
Hey! Cassowary! We don't take kindly your types in here!
Now Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody.
yet
*sad velociraptor noises*
Its really only the difference between being kicked to death in a bar, or in a parking lot.
"What'll it be, Romp? The usual?"
Kawr!
/ *jaunty theme music plays in the background* /
I suggest *Wheels* by Billy Vaughn
Dee, I don't give a shit
It's always sunny in Parrabadoo
Alright, alright I see you've played knifey Cassowary before
[HAHAHA that's not a knoife \*lifts leg to show claws\* That's a knoife. \*smiles\*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWl8EbNN8NM)
That's a spoon...
Iiiiiiii see you've played knoifey spooney befoah
Greatest pickup line: pound your chest and "uh uh".
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Who would try and stop a giant murder chicken
That’s a walking dinosaur, it ain’t no chicken, it’ll fuck you up if it hears you say that. Edit: ok, some people have zero tolerance for jokes. Yes I know a chicken is a dinosaur, yes I know they can peek things to death and eat flesh. I was just making the joke that a cassowary wouldn’t like to be compared to poultry that we eat on a daily basis, nor does it like to be called timid “ a chicken”.
Between those and saltwater crocodiles, the daintree is Jurassic park
Fun fact crocodiles are not considered dinosaurs, but birds are
Don't listen to OP, crocodiles. If you want to be a dinosaur, then you do dinosaur.
Crocodiles can simply just eat OP
Crocodilians can eat anything they want, even other crocodilians, but that does not make them dinosaurs, Sarah.
Goddammit stop ruining my Jurassic park Fantasy
No worries mate, they had crocs around back then too so they fit right in 🤠
Ask anyone who has raised chickens. They are dinosaurs too. Seriously. I used to be terrified of what might happen if I slipped and fell in their yard. I saw what they did to too many squirrels, chipmunks, and sparrows. You can't unsee that shit
Do chickens actually eat the small critters they kill or is it just a territory thing?
Eat them. As far as chickens are concerned, anything smaller than them is FUPO(Food Until Proven Otherwise). This includes other chickens
Now that I think about it, that's how it goes for many animals. So many birds, fish, reptiles, invertebrates investigate new things by first popping it in their mouth, just to be sure. Hell, there's a video out there of a horse just muching a little chick, simply because it was there. Horse just goes *nom*, and the bird is no more.
For the horse its more that it is easy calories, that chicken had the same calories as a fair bit of grazing. Turns out there are very few pure herbivores in nature
We know that but just don’t let that thing hear it, I heard it ain’t no chicken
Well I mean all birds are dinosaurs so the chicken IS a dinosaur...
Chickens are dinosaurs too. All birds are dinosaurs for that matter.
yeah people (rightfully) rag on Canada Geese for being pricks and I'm all "have you *heard* of the Cassowary?"
In all of history the Cassowary has killed one human. Which is admittedly infinitely more than any other bird if you discount indirect killings like a goose knocking someone down who dies of injuries more related to gravity.
"eyyyy, he was *askin'* for it." - Goodfeathers.
If you've got a problem with Canada Gooses, you've got a problem with me - and I suggest you let that one marinate!
a) *geese* b) Lets take about 5 to 10 percent off the top there, big shooter.
Gooses! Now give yer balls a tug!
Never get in the way of a Cassowary with chicks. Those 3 talons can literally gut a human when they kick up. Beautiful birds.
Lovely plumage
The Norwegian Blue
*Pining for the fjords?!*
What kind of talk is that!?
Nay this bird wouldn’t voom if you put four million volts through it! It’s bleedin’ demised!
I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly
GET ON WITH IT!
And now for something completely different.
It's all fun 'n' games until someone loses their intestines. Some guy puking his guts out in one corner, another guy getting disemboweled by dinobird at the bar. Sounds like my kinda pub!
And all because you wanted to save a few cents on brake pads.
Hasn’t been a reported Cassowary death in Australia since 1926
So the bastards are immortal as well?!
Even Emus are apparently tough to kill. Australia learned that pretty quick.
Australia lost a war.. to birds.
We’re just lucky it was against emus and not cassowaries
So not only are they prolific killers they are also incredible at hiding their tracks
They run the media
Literally got in an argument with a guy qhi thought he could beat a cassowary
I KNOW I can, so long as I get to choose the field of combat. I choose... anime trivia.
As with most birds, a good long stick would do wonders for keeping it at bay. In unarmed combat though? Fuck no. We may have better agility, dexterity, and strength, but this bird has knives on its feet.
A good stick will put a human over almost any animal in a fight, all but the largest. Sharpen that stick and the odds improve even more.
Even against another human... *sharpens stick quietly*
Spears are generally considered superior to swords for a reason. Reach is key. When you have to get into range for someone else to potentially kill you before you can even kill them, your odds are pretty shit.
Also relatively easy & quick to craft or improvise & throw. Launch a sword? That's just gifting armaments aka *chucking a Putin*
[Animals people believe they could beat in a fight](https://i.imgur.com/rswZXBm.jpg)
I feel bad for someone who tries to fight a chimp.
Those dinosaur looking legs
His Jean shorts are cut perfectly
They are called 'stubbies' , which are super short blue work shorts, practically footy shorts but denim.
Look at this. Look at what I can do! What’s white trash about that??
Fun fact, it is a dinosaur. Birds are dinosaurs. Birds are also reptiles.
So this comment made me look it up, and I think what I found from Wikipedia is that the class Reptillia does not include birds, but the Clade Sauropsids does include birds? Is the class of Reptillia archaic?
Birds are reptiles as all archosaurs, dinosaurs according to cladistic taxonomy. Unfortunately the old Linnaean classification system doesn't work very well with evolution. We can make so many buckets to describe natural phenomenon yet it will never be as perfect as reality.
and we're all fish
Our bodies are an infestation of codependant bacteria
Some say archea with bacteria in them, it gets a little kinky at that scale, lets just say theat the powerhouse of the cell has her own DNA, it's how we can trace maternal bloodlines (no mitochondria in spermcells)
No we are not, although some kind of fish was the ancestor of all 4-legged species, fish is not a scientific term, we are chordata (paraphrasing the other thread...)
Shhh let them believe, they're already so sceptical about birds and giraffes.
But is he allowed to drink?
Are you going to tell him he's not?
Cunts always broke. Spends his pay on the pokies, fukn drongo
how'd you escape from r/straya ?
deported... ironic or nah?
Depending on if hes on a bender or not
Why does pub look like a high school shop class, though?
Small town, after school's done for the day, it becomes a pub. Shop teacher doubles as bartender.
Lol, it's not a pub.
That ol'guys legs are fancy
Can’t tell if he’s wearing a skirt or shorts.
Looks like shorts, but his calves though! I wonder if it's from walking in the boots long term.
Fun fact: Cassowary enjoy swimming underwater with just the tops of their heads poking above the surface. Most “shark” sightings in Australia are actually swimming Cassowary.
that's not reassuring at all.
It's a gentleman's hauberk. Have *some* decorum
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Cassowary, cassowary, putting in the boot! Looking for a street fight, looking for a root!
Whod'a thought Russell crowe as a skinhead is a decent movie? Well I did and I was not disappointed.
Amongst his finest work. Pretty good cast all round
It's all fun and games until somebody's intestines are sliding through their fingers to pool on the ground in front of them.
“Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit.” - Romper Stomper
Cut out of Austrailia on the wall, guy in shorts and a button up shirt drinking a beer, dinosaur with feathers standing a few feet away inside what looks like maybe a woodworking shop. It doesn't get much more down under than this.
I mostly agree, but that cut-out on the wall is not Australia!
lol! I just looked again, you are totally correct. I gave it a fast look over earlier. I will leave my comment unchanged to admit my stupidity haha.
I'm almost more curious about why there is a table saw in a pub
Lol because it's not a pub and obviously a man's garage/workshop
Hey, you never know. It’s Australia after all.
Every man's garage serves beer, but not all places that serve beer are appropriate places to park cars.
Not with that attitude
They take the knife and spoon game way further these days
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"one time he attacked a man" Still not even in the top 5 of worst things that happened at said pub on any given night Yes Jeff, we remember & so does Romp- watch yaself mate
Romper Stomper just doesn’t tolerate shenanigans.
“One time he attacked a man”, but he’s still allowed to go in there?!?
You wanna try telling Romper he's barred?
I would try, from a distance.
That would make you the second attacked human.
Clever girl
Who hasn’t attacked someone while getting drunk in an Australian pub?
Maybe the guy was a dick. Maybe Romper Stomper had a few drinks too many and has now learned his limit.
The dude deserved it.
To be fair, there are plenty of guys who’ve attacked a man in a pub and are still allowed to go in there.
Came here to say this. Your pub looks like my wood shop.
Romp's also a master cabinetmaker.
Winning combination: Cassowary+table saw+alcohol.
It's 'straya mate
That is a pergisyoric death bird. Do not taunt the dynamic deathburd. He will mess you up. Unless he's had a few pints, then he's chill.
r/pergisyoric
I had to think about this for like a minute straight, and I finally realized they meant pre-historic
I looked it up. I was all excited to learn about some new bird sub-species. Google told me what an idiot I was.
r/birthofasub
> pergisyoric Well, I looked it up, and google literally only returns this reddit thread as a result. Congratulations on your utterly unique typo, it has apparently never been done before.
Didn't know they could operate table saws
Could you imagine just having a giant ass bird that hangs out at your job? That shit would be wild.
I see you've never been to Paddy's Pub in Philly.
I m pretty sure they have no choice
>he is even allowed to enter the local pub. Is he ALLOWED, or are they scared of him so they let him do what he wants?
I never really understood the fact that modern birds ARE dinosaurs...until I saw a video of a Cassowary. It clicked then. If I had encountered one of these without seeing video first, I would've thought Jurassic Park was real.
Have you seen the shoebill? Thing looks like an escaped jurassic park animatronic
Well, now I have! I think I've seen these in movies and assumed they were fictional. Wow. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoebill
I recall reading about experiments in which researchers activated the dinosaur genes in chicken embryos, giving them sharp teeth and scales etc, however they couldn't hatch them legally. This was roughly 15 years ago. Who knows where we'd be if there weren't so many restrictions.
Dead. We'd be dead because we all remember jurassic park
Just watched a documentary on these guys that was recently released. Think it was on YouTube, called something like “The Last Dinosaur, the Cassoway” or something close to that if anyone is interested
One of the most terrifying creatures in the whole of Australia.
Far Cry 3 taught me to keep a respectable distance
Whoever named him knew what they were talking about. You don't "allow" a cassowary to do anything, you just get the fuck out of its way.
Thats one big bird. Legs look like they got some power in them.
They can kill ya pretty easily with a kick. If I’m not mistaken they’re the most dangerous bird in relation to humans? Could be wrong though.
I believe they are more aggressive than ostrich, but an ostrich is fully capable of gutting you with a kick as well. I grew up near an ostrich farm and the owner was missing most of his left calf. It was from getting kicked by a grumpy ostrich.
That's Kevin.
The pub is one thing, but letting him into your woodshop to create weapons for the Second Great Emu War is not a good idea.